#Cana becoming resentful of her and erza becoming S-Class mages

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Metaphorical Dreams of a Broken Soul - Chapter 2

Gratsu Bingo 2019, Gratsu Week 2019 Prompt: Breath(e) AO3 | FF.Net | Ch 1

Metaphorical Dreams of a Broken Soul

Chapter 2

Gray's eyes opened to pitch darkness. His breathing was ragged, his heart beating so fast it pained his chest. He sat up slowly, cradling his face in the palm of his hand until he felt himself free of the nightmare's hold on him.

He allowed himself a few minutes to calm down before thinking about what had happened. He’d had that nightmare more times than he cared to remember and until today it had always been the same. Why the hell had Natsu shown up? It was bad enough to see Ur or his parents sacrifice themselves for him, but fucking Natsu? That was a nightmare in and of itself.

He could still see the cocky expression on the idiot’s face when he ran off to fight Deliora. It was just like him too, rushing in without a single thought in his head as to the consequences.

Even though Gray's breathing had evened out, he still couldn't get Natsu's final screams out of his head.

Fuck! He didn’t need this.

Gray wanted to get up and go check on Natsu, just to make sure he was okay even though he knew it was stupid. It was just a dream, it wasn’t real. But those screams wouldn’t stop echoing in his head.

Fuck!

He decided to go out for a walk, and if he happened to pass by Natsu's room, well, that was just a coincidence. It wasn't like he actually cared what happened to him. Once he was assured the idiot was fine, he exited the dorm and spent a few hours walking around Magnolia, trying to make himself tired enough to fall back asleep.

Xxx

Gray had told himself it was a one-time thing. A fluke caused by him following Natsu on his first solo job to make sure he was okay. That had been true for about a week, but now, Natsu had become a permanent fixture of his nightmare. And every time it happened, Gray had to watch Deliora kill his friend. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd woken up to the sound of Natsu's screams ringing in his ears after being forced to watch Natsu disintegrate.

He was having trouble sleeping, and it was making him irritable, especially against the one he held responsible for his misery. Gray knew he was being unfair, it wasn't like Natsu had placed himself there on purpose, but there were just so many times he could watch Natsu die before he had to admit that a part of him also died each time it happened. He loved Ur and his parents deeply, but they only existed in his memories, Natsu was someone he saw every day.

And that confused him. Why Natsu? Why not Erza or Cana? He'd known them longer, and frankly, they were much more pleasant.

No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't come up with a rational explanation. But all of these thoughts naturally made him more aware of Natsu. He started noticing little things that needed improving, stupid stuff like shaky stances and wild punches because whether he admitted it to himself or not, he'd now developed an actual fear that one day Natsu would no longer be there and just maybe it would be his fault.

Still, he told himself it had nothing to do with him being concerned about Natsu. No, it was just that Gray was better at these things, and it was his responsibility as a fellow guild member to correct these weaknesses.

Gray provoked fights as often as he could, pushing them both to become ever stronger. But of course, this only worked when Erza wasn’t around. She was determined they be friends even if she had to knock their heads together to accomplish it. While it had given them a healthy fear of Erza, it hadn’t really helped their own friendship any.

She would force them together at any opportunity, and Gray began to wonder if she was using them as an excuse to ease her own loneliness. The three of them couldn't be any more different. Probably the only things they had in common was a dark past and their love of fighting, and fight they did.

But they also played, as more and more kids joined the guild, Jiichan was determined to give them as regular of a childhood as he could provide them. Especially given their pasts. So in between jobs, there were trips to the beach and picnics during holidays or special events. There were parties for birthdays and to celebrate accomplishments. They became a family in every sense of the word, but still Gray kept Natsu at a distance.

He never invited Natsu to go on jobs with him, even though he knew how much Natsu preferred to go on missions with others. Even though he thought it might actually be fun for the two of them to fight together for a change. It was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.

And that’s the way things would have continued if the universe weren’t set against him. But it was. How much more evidence did he need? All it took was one job to change everything.

Erza showed up one day carting a ridiculous horn, and to everyone's shock asked Natsu and Gray to help her out on a job. That had quite simply never happened before, and even though they both tried to get out of it, there was no real way they could say no to Erza.

Despite all of Gray's attempts at keeping his distance from Natsu, they'd ended up being on a team together.

Gray had had a bad feeling about the job from the start. It didn’t help that he’d had that stupid nightmare the night before or that the new girl, Lucy, had tagged along. He didn’t know much about her, but he felt a slight resentment towards her for taking up so much of Natsu’s time. Time that Natsu would have otherwise spent fighting with him.

Erza had sent the two of them after the leader of a dark guild, and they'd decided to split up to be able to cover more ground. It was the right decision, but as Gray looked at Natsu's retreating back, he found himself whispering, "Don't die on me" like some lovesick girl.

He found he didn't care, watching Natsu walk away from him had been hard. The genuine fear that something would happen to the Fire Dragon Slayer just for being on a mission with him was an old one and not one he could quickly dispel. His mind immediately going to the last few seconds of his dream. It didn't help that ultimately the villain they'd had to fight was another Demon of Zeref.

But Gray was older now and stronger. Between him, Natsu and Erza they'd been able to defeat the demon made out of Living Magic with ease. And that was a turning point for him.

It took him a while to get used to the idea, but it turned out that unlike what he'd feared initially, being able to keep an eye on Natsu helped calm his anxiety. It also allowed him to do something he never thought he'd want to do. Observe Natsu outside of the guild.

To his amazement, there was a lot more to Natsu than he'd ever given him credit for. Sure he was an annoying cocky asshole, who whined if he didn't get his way, and was utterly useless in a vehicle, but he was also surprisingly kind.

Natsu considered everyone a friend unless they proved themselves otherwise. He was also very forgiving, and when he wasn't afflicted with excess energy or motion sickness, he could be a lot of fun to hang out with. He was incredibly creative as a fighter, able to think his way through difficult opponents and find ways to turn his perceived weaknesses into strengths, and that was something that Gray admired, even if he was loath to admit it.

A more troubling development to Gray was that he found himself admiring Natsu more than was considered normal between friends. Because of the dreaded dream, he'd not only turned Natsu into the most important person in his life for the last seven years but somewhere along the way he'd begun to care for him as well. To want to keep him close, and to do other things he was afraid to acknowledge, not liking what it might say about him.

But Gray was not one to lie to himself, and he'd certainly never felt that way about any of the girls in the guild. In fact, Gray had the nagging suspicion he might be gay.

He was slowly coming to terms with the idea. He hadn't talked to anyone about it, although he had a feeling that Erza had her suspicions. And of course, he had no idea which way Natsu swung, which made everything even more complicated. What did it mean when Lucy hung all over Natsu, and he didn't respond?

With Erza gone on a mission, Gray decided to step back from team jobs until she returned and do some soul searching, figure out what the hell he was feeling and what if anything he wanted to do about it.

He wasn’t troubled when Natsu and Lucy were absent from the guild when he arrived. He figured they’d have gone on a job to make some rent money for Lucy.

He sat in his usual spot at the bar, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. He was actually relaxing when Mira noticed an S-Class mission was missing. And then Laxus mentioned he'd seen Happy flying out the window of the forbidden second floor with a piece of paper.

Makarov asked Laxus to go fetch them before they got in over their heads and when the S-Class Mage refused Gray volunteered to go in his stead, hiding his rage so Makarov wouldn’t have a reason to deny his request.

Gray rushed to the port city of Hargeon, knowing they'd have to hire a boat to get to the island that had put in the job request. Finding them without much effort, he tried to convince them to come back before they were expelled, or even worse, Erza came looking for them.

He thought he’d been angry when he’d learned about Natsu’s recklessness. That was nothing compared to how he felt now that he’d come to in a boat after the moron had knocked him out and tied him up, determined to continue his mission no matter what.

And Gray could feel himself getting sucked into that smile, and those eyes and the unspoken challenge.

Xxx

"It's impossible!" Gray's voice came out in a whisper. They'd fallen into a cave that lay underneath some ancient ruins they'd found while exploring the island, looking for anything that might help them break the curse the island seemed to be under. Not surprisingly, Natsu's recklessness had caused the fall.

Gray still couldn't believe what he was looking at, and he couldn't stop staring. The creature from his nightmares, the one he'd thought had been moved to a glacier somewhere off the Northern Continent was in front of him, its features still in a hideous snarl. Just what had Natsu gotten them into? And Gods, why was Natsu here?

The logical part of his brain understood that Deliora was locked away and in no position to hurt Natsu or anyone, but the panicked part of him that had watched Natsu die more times than he cared to count was freaking out.

“How?”

Just how did Deliora even get to this small island? While he was filled with the familiar dread, he found he almost wanted to touch that ice. To feel his Master, who had given her life to seal his darkness. She'd been forced to cast Iced Shell, turning her body and will into a prison of unmeltable ice.

It had been the only way to defeat the demon, Gray knew that. But it had hurt, and it still haunted him. So much had changed for him since that day, but the guilt he felt at causing his Master's death had never gone away.

“You know what that is?” Lucy asked, her voice full of curiosity.

Gray nodded, not trusting himself to answer yet, his brain jumbled as all his thoughts and fears fought each other for control.

“Are you okay?” Natsu’s concerned gaze warmed Gray’s heart until he realized there was no reason for it.

Why was Natsu looking at him like that? The only person in the guild that knew anything about what happened to him was Jiichan, and Gray knew he'd never tell anyone. There was something else, having watched Natsu so closely all these years he could easily recognize when Natsu was feeling guilty about something.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Gray responded, feeling puzzled and already trying to think of reasons why Natsu might be feeling guilty. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Uhm, no reason,” Natsu looked away and stared at the monster in the ice and then back at Gray again, and now Lucy and Happy were also looking at the Fire Dragon Slayer strangely.

“Flame Brain?”

Natsu ignored him and asked in what passed as quietly for him, “What is that thing?”

Gray stared at him for a moment longer, still trying to make sense of what was going on. It would have to wait though, figuring out why Deliora was here was more important.

"Its name is Deliora. Ten years ago it went around the Northern Continent, destroying everything in its path. No one knew where it came from or how to stop it." Gray's voice sounded flat as he attempted to distance himself from the events that had changed his life so completely.

“My Master, Ur, gave her life to trap it in a prison of unmeltable ice. I don’t understand, it should be hundreds of miles from here.” Gray looked at his friends, his brow furrowed as he tried to work out the problem in front of them.

“We should keep exploring, “ Lucy suggested, “Maybe we can find something that can help explain this.”

“You guys can go explore if you want,” Gray revealed, “I’m going to stay here until the moon comes out. The villagers said the curse had something to do with the moon. It can’t be a coincidence.”

Natsu, Lucy, and Happy began to argue about what to do but having already made his decision, Gray tuned them out.

He sat across from the large block of ice and stared at it with hatred. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn't want to take his eyes off the demon. Just as he was beginning to travel through his memories, he felt someone sit next to him. He assumed it would be Lucy wanting to ask a lot of questions, but to his surprise, it was Natsu.

"Okay, that's it," Gray snapped, happy to redirect his frustration to something else. "You're acting strange as hell. What's going on in that pea-sized brain of yours?"

"Nothing, can't a guy just offer support to his friend?" Natsu attempted to look offended at the question but failed miserably.

“Natsu?” Gray pressed, “I can’t help but notice that you were the only one who didn’t look surprised by what I said.”

“I was, I mean what happened in Isvan was terrible, I just process stuff differently,” Natsu sputtered.

“Funny, I never said anything about Isvan,” Gray’s eyes narrowed as he took in his friend’s discomfort.

“Uhm you didn’t?” Natsu laughed nervously as his fingers played with the fringes of his scarf in a gesture that Gray recognized all too well. “Pretty sure you did.”

"That's it!" Gray grabbed Natsu by his beloved scarf and pulled him closer to him, his other hand already shaped into a fist. "We've got hours to wait, and I'd love nothing better than to beat you into a pulp for getting us into this mess. So spill or else!"

“Guys, come on, we’re in the middle of a job,” Lucy tried to calm the situation down, “ Isn’t this reckless even for you?”

“Stay out of it!” Natsu and Gray yelled in unison.

“They wouldn’t be so high and mighty if Erza were here,” Lucy muttered to Happy making the cat snort in agreement.

Gray stared into Natsu’s eyes, catching the way they flickered away from him nervously before he was shoved away forcefully. “Fine, I’ll tell you.”

Natsu gazed down at his hands as he spoke, “I went into one of your dreams.”

“What are you talking about?” Gray was panicking, which dream had Natsu seen? “How is that even possible?”

“Look, don’t get mad, okay?” Natsu pleaded, “It was a spell I learned from a book. It was supposed to be a prank. I just wanted to challenge you to a fight when you weren’t expecting it. I thought it would be funny.” Natsu looked miserable.

“But it wasn’t, it was terrible, and I -- I saw some of what happened back then,” Natsu admitted, “You probably don’t remember…”

“You think I don’t remember?” Gray retorted, his voice glacial as he tried to keep himself from pouncing at Natsu and beating the ever-living shit out of him for the blatant invasion of his privacy.

“I never did it again, I swear,” Natsu was quick to reassure him, “I don’t even remember how to do it anymore!”

“You asshole!” Gray seethed, and this time he did punch the moron in the jaw as hard as he could, and he felt no remorse whatsoever. “Do you have any idea what you did?”

Natsu rubbed his jaw, “Okay, I probably deserved that. What are you talking about?”

“Your stupid spell, it somehow changed my dream. For the last seven years, I’ve watched you give up your life for me. My nightmare turned into Deliora killing you!”

Natsu gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing like a fish until words finally came out, “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

"I was ten, I just thought it'd be funny. I wasn't expecting… and I felt bad about it ever since." Gray could hear the regret in Natsu's words, and he slowly began to calm down. He looked behind them to see Lucy and Happy staring at them in shock, neither seeming capable of saying anything.

“Can you guys give us a minute?”

“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,” Lucy started before Natsu interrupted her.

"We'll be fine, just see if you can find anything more in the ruins, Happy can fly you back to us if you get into any trouble." Natsu smiled at her reassuringly, and Gray could feel the rumblings of jealousy in his stomach, but he ignored it.

They waited for Lucy and Happy to get far enough away before saying anything more, each needing the extra time to figure out how to proceed.

“If you felt so badly, why didn’t you tell me before?” Gray demanded angrily.

“How could I?” Natsu pointed out, “You’re so fucking private, it’s impossible to have that type of conversation with you. Besides, soon after that, you were only interested in using me as a punching bag.”

Gray sighed, knowing Natsu was telling the truth. He'd made it his personal mission to both make Natsu stronger and push him away. It was the only way he knew to keep him safe. "Fine, but just for the record, it would have been nice to know."

“Can I ask you something about the dream?” Natsu entreated, olive eyes pleading with Gray.

Gray thought about it and decided it couldn't hurt, with what he'd seen in the dream Natsu already knew more about his past than anyone else in the guild, barring Jiichan. There were some things he wanted to know too, and he wasn't sure they would get another chance to talk about it.

He nodded his head slowly waiting for Natsu’s question.

“There was one thing I never understood,” Natsu puzzled, “The blood on your hands that appeared out of nowhere. What was that about?”

Gray sucked in his breath, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. Damn instinctual lizard!

“I have a lot of blood on my hands, “ Gray tried to explain, “My mother and my father both died trying to protect me from that thing.”

Gray's voice oozed with hatred as he glared at the frozen demon, "And you've already seen what happened to my Master."

"And then I went and did the same thing," Natsu guessed, frowning as Gray confirmed it with a nod, "I'm so sorry Ice Block. You have to believe I never meant for this to happen."

Gray managed to chuckle, “I know, Pinky. You’re not smart enough to pull off something like this on purpose.”

“Hey!” Natsu grumbled, even though he knew the ice mage was right. He let the insult pass, not wanting to break the tentative truce they’d reached.

“My turn, why did you do it? You knew you were in a dream, it wasn’t real to you.”

“It was plenty real, seeing how you were acting made it real to me,” Natsu explained slowly making it seem to Gray like he was reliving the experience, the pain in his voice only reinforced that thought. “I couldn’t let it kill you, I had to protect you, just like you had been trying to protect me throughout the dream. I guess maybe we’re not all that different, huh?”

“I guess not.”

“Wait! Is the dream why you were such an asshole to me?”

“Partly. I wanted to make sure you were as strong as you could be,” Gray suddenly laughed mischievously, “ but you’re also annoying as fuck.”

Natsu grumbled, but Gray could see an amused smile on his lips, even as he muttered, "You're one to talk."

“Natsu, promise me that if we have to fight this thing, you won’t do what you did in the dream.”

“How about this?” Natsu hedged, “How about we try to do the one thing we didn’t try then?”

“You mean to fight it together?”

“Yeah, I mean we did pretty well against Lullaby,”

"Lullaby was weaker, and we had Erza with us," Gray pointed out, "Nothing against her, but I don't think any of Lucy's spirits are going to be strong enough to help if it came down to it."

Natsu snorted, “You really don’t think Erza will show up soon? They sent you to come get me, and we haven’t returned. Who do you think is going to be next?”

Gray thought about it and realized Natsu was right, odds were that Erza would get there soon and that could change many things, but only if she got there in time.

“I can’t watch you die again, Natsu,” Gray said honestly, “Not like that.”

“Stop looking at me like that,” Natsu complained.

“Like what?”

“Like you already think I’m going to die, I was ten back then. I’m a lot stronger now, so are you!” Natsu reminded him, “If this thing somehow comes back to life we’ll take it out, and whoever is behind this. We’re Fairy Tail, it’s what we do!”

They both grinned at that, feeling reassured by the familiar phrase. Natsu and Gray both sat down, keeping watch over Deliora together.

“Can I ask you one last thing?”

“Are you sure we can handle any more touchy-feely crap?” Gray snorted.

“You’re probably right,” Natsu agreed and went back to staring at the demon.

“Ugh, just ask. Now I’m curious.”

"Uhm okay, it's just that lately I've noticed you staring at me oddly, and your scent changes when you do. When I asked Erza about it, she said I should just ask you, but it never seemed like a good time."

Gray had been expecting all sorts of questions but not that one, and he could feel his cheeks flush with embarrassment at being caught ogling his friend. Shit! What was he supposed to say? This wasn't exactly the best time to confess his feelings, or was it? Deliora might kill them, and then he'd never know if his feelings might have been returned.

Natsu peered at him, looking confused once again as he sniffed the air.

“What is wrong with you? You look like Happy does when I catch him sneaking a fish…”

“Level with me, how far away are Lucy and Happy?”

Natsu lifted an eyebrow but did as Gray asked, sniffing the air some more, “Pretty far away, I can barely make out their scents.”

This was insanity, Gray knew it, but fortune favored the bold and all that bs that Jiichan loved to spout at them.

“Look, that dream messed me up, I spent a lot of time worrying about you, and then thinking about you and somewhere along the way I started to like you.”

“You... like me?” Natsu repeated the words slowly, like someone who was trying to understand a difficult passage in a book. His face scrunched in disbelief as he peered over at Gray.

Gray nodded, and he could feel his face changing colors once again, making him wish he hadn’t said anything because he had no idea what Natsu’s response meant.

“Well, aren’t you going to make fun of me?” Gray snapped when the minutes passed without Natsu saying anything.

“Why would I make fun of you for that?” Natsu stared at Gray with a perplexed expression, “I’m just trying to wrap my head around it, I mean you have to admit you act like you barely tolerate my existence most of the time.”

Gray scratched the back of his head, “This is… confusing for me. I’ve never thought of another guy this way, or girl really, so I’ve been kind of fighting it.”

"You shouldn't fight your feelings. You are what you are, and nothing will change that. Igneel used to say that to me all the time, and now I'm saying it to you." Natsu smiled at Gray, his tone encouraging but his gaze sad as he mentioned his long lost father.

"That sounds wise for an overgrown lizard," Gray retorted, trying desperately to lighten the tone of their conversation. They were already surrounded by his past, and now Natsu was bringing up his. "What else did he have to say?"

“He said that when I fell in love, I should fall in love with the person, regardless of the body they were in.”

“Didn’t realize dragons were so liberal.” Gray smiled.

“I still miss him, you know,” Natsu said with a sigh.

“I know,” Gray said simply, “I miss my parents and Ur too, but hey at least you might see him again someday.”

“You think so?”

"I know so, you're too stubborn to ever give up," Gray smirked as he took a chance and ruffled Natsu's hair roughly, trying to get a rise out of him, "It's one of the things I like about you."

"How did you know you liked me?" Natsu asked seriously.

"I, uhm, think about you a lot, and I worry about you being safe, and sometimes just thinking about some of the things you do brings a smile to my face," Gray answered, feeling incredibly embarrassed but sensing that Natsu was trying to sort through something. "I want to feel closer to you and do things like hug you when you're upset. Uhm, and finding you attractive was sort of a big hint too."

“Is that what that is?” Natsu looked at him with amazement.

Gray nodded, expecting Natsu to realize that’s how he felt about Lucy. He looked back to Deliora, not wanting to see the moment Natsu realized he liked someone else.

“I guess I like you too then,” Natsu surprised Gray by wrapping him up in a fiery embrace.

“All those things you said, I feel them too.” Natsu let go of Gray before the ice mage even had a chance to register what was happening. He grinned cheerfully as he asked, “So, does this mean you’re mine?”

Gray was still feeling embarrassed by the whole exchange, but he was able to nod in agreement.

"I haven't had someone of my very own since Igneel left," Natsu said happily, and Gray's heart melted at his innocence. He wanted to kiss him then but was stopped from doing so by a sword being pointed at his neck.

“You were supposed to bring the idiots back, not go with them,” Erza growled in displeasure, “I had to hijack a pirate ship to get here.”

Natsu and Gray turned to see Lucy and Happy bound and gagged behind a fuming Erza.

With the appearance of Erza, Gray found himself releasing a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He wasn't sure how the rest of this quest would pan out, but he did know that if it came down to it the three of them would be able to defeat Deliora like they had Lullaby. He would trust his friends to help him overcome his demons, instead of pushing them away like he'd done before.

And when all was said and done, he and Natsu would embark on their own adventure. Gray felt himself growing excited about his future for the first time since he was a child and looking at the ice that covered the demon he knew that wherever Ur was, she was glad.

A/N: I finished it, I’m not entirely thrilled with it but I know it’s the best I can do for now. Perhaps I’ll revisit it at a later time. Thank you to everyone who left me messages of encouragement. My husband has his first interview tomorrow, so hopefully, something will pan out soon. This is my last entry for Gratsu Week as my bonus day entry has already been posted. Thank you so much for reading!