#Can you tell I love the muppets

[lilborealis]

I would watch this I’d be first in line just watch me

[squishosaur]

ryuseitai au where they're muppets (midori only likes them marginally better lol)

[styxbugg]

favorite boober fits :)

from “into the trash” and “night of the lights”

[adogandhispiano]

Special shout out to Rowlf in the Muppets Sherlock comic because omg-

[imintheairconditioning]

This came across my dash a 2nd time and sure it may be over

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MS PIGGY IS SO TRINA CODED PLSSS

[dist4nt-shores]

thinking about nick and button from mind blind (@mindblindbard), specifically with rainbow connection as nick's favourite song for the ringtone in chapter 3 and the possible memories attached to it!

nick singing rainbow connection to button when they were a baby/toddler to help them stop crying, his little kid voice earnest as he stood beside their crib and watched their bad mood begin to crumble. him doing a scarily accurate kermit impression and making them giggle. being able to hear their thoughts getting calmer, sense their mood getting happier as they realise everything's going to be okay.

hope and john videotaping it with an old camcorder, shaky and grainy but so full of love, the laughter of their youngest rising over the performance of their oldest.

the muppet movie being nick's favourite as a kid and it quickly becoming button's favourite too, curling up in the den to watch it together and never getting sick of it. putting it on when button has a particularly bad day at school, going back to watch this silly nostalgic childhood comfort movie and reciting the lines from heart, nick making button laugh (just like he did when they were kids), this time with his exaggerated version of miss piggy.

even years later, when they hear rainbow connection they think of each other, looking back on when everything was so much easier, so much simpler, but when the main constant in their lives was still each other.

[dothillvalley]

Here I am again! And I’m here with something some of you might know!

I thought it would be a good exercise to draw all of the wonderful Welcome home Characters! (Plus adding my own little spin to them!)

so here are all of them I have so far (color coded! Made it more pleasing to the eyes I feel)!

I feel I must mention that this is a WIP! They aren’t finished , they are still baking!

[sabertoothwalrus]

can we as a society make puppetry cool again. like lets make it trendy. Mainstream. more people should get into doing it and more people should appreciate it. puppetry requires craftsmanship and charisma and physical acting and vocal performance!! you can’t get that from ai. it has a charm to it that neither 2D nor cg animation has. Have you ever watched a puppetry performance and realized you were genuinely convinced that the puppet was getting into bed or eating something or giving a hug that you wholly forgot there was some guy’s arm in there.

isn’t it lovely. to make a funny little guy to tell stories with. is that not so human of us. it’s such a lovely art form. I love you puppets I love you muppets I love you marionettes I love you handmade sock puppets I love you paper bags with googley eyes I love you armatures I love you I love you I love you!!!!!

[wilwheaton]

In a long essay about the televised incident, Wheaton makes a lot of salient, emotionally vulnerable points about his reaction to David’s stunt, tying it in to memories of parental abuse he suffered as a kid—pointing out, among other things, that, within the agreed-upon fiction that we all adhere to pretty fervently around all things Muppet or Muppet-related, Elmo is a child. Writing, Wheaton notes that “Elmo is an avatar for children all over the world. Children who are too small to understand Elmo is a puppet will know that a man attacked someone they love for no reason, and that will frighten and confuse them.”

Wil Wheaton condemns Larry David for his Elmo-based violence

This story is a week old, and has blown up today. The right wing smoothbrains are out in force, doing their usual thing, until they get distracted by the existence of a successful woman somewhere in the world and have to go rage against that.

I don’t know why this is happening today. I don’t know why right wing clout chasing incels have decided to make this their Thing today. It’s all very confusing, especially a week after the fact.

But I want to put something here that I added to my post on Facebook, that those dudes (it’s always dudes whose entire personality is “MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS!”) need to hear but won’t understand:

A lot of us who had the same visceral reaction to a grown man putting his hands on a child (Elmo is 4 years old) in anger, without consent, and then laughing about it all share an experience that you should be grateful you don't share with us. And when you say your shitty little toxic and cruel thing, when you reduce the whole thing to a puppet and a joke, you're doing to us what the adults around us did when we were kids. And it hurts all over again. Are you really someone who wants to hurt another person simply because you can? Maybe take the impulse to be a jerk and redirect it into being grateful you have no idea why this is so upsetting to so many of us.

Larry David put his hands on another performer, without consent, in a segment he was not part of. That, alone, is not okay. It is not EVER okay. The fact that so many people don’t get that, or are deliberately choosing NOT to get that, is telling.

But as I said, Elmo is a child, and he is a friend to children, so all the kids whose parents were watching the Today Show with them, because Elmo was on to talk about sharing big feelings and caring for your mental health, got to watch this man storm into a set, and angrily attack Elmo.

That’s indefensible behavior, and calling me names doesn’t change that.

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

Hi! Can I request 4. Using each other’s phones without supervision with Lando? I think it would be really funny and cute 🧡

Crazy Ex ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

4. using each other's phones without supervision

↺ ln x reader ・❥・

↺ fluff + humour ・❥・

masterlist ☾☼

lando was on stream with max f and ginge. like he usually was. y/n had learned early on in their relationship that if lando was "busy", it either meant that he was on stream, or he was sleeping, or he was quite literally in his race car, ready to go out onto the track.

y/n's finals had just gotten over (thank fuck for that) and now she was catching up on all her unread books with a gin and tonic in her hand. she was dressed comfortably in lando's tshirt and a pair of shorts. he had cuddled her up in a fluffy blanket to make sure that she was comfortable, but she knew he didn't want to be disturbed, and the best way to keep her occupied was to drown her in blankets with a book (or books).

y/n had lost track of time as she read through the gripping, swoon-worthy romance. only when her stomach grumbled did she realise that it was well after eight. digging her phone out from the mess of blankets, y/n looked for their usual order. frowning when she couldn't see the past orders on the app, y/n sighed, leaving her cocoon as she stood up and entered lando's gaming room.

"why do i keep dying?" lando screamed at the screen. y/n held back a laugh, as she was sure his friends were as well.

she looked around the room for his phone. there weren't a lot of places where he could have kept it in the room, so she gently tapped lando on his shoulder and he abruptly stopped screaming as he turned to look at her.

"oh, hey, babe! whatcha doin' here?" lando asked with a huge smile on his face.

y/n smiled at his sudden mood shift and softly said, "i need your phone."

"oh sure, baby, one sec," he said, as he looked around his table and found his table from under the pile of food packets and energy drinks cans.

"there you go, love," he said, as he handed her the phone and then turned back to the game.

y/n pressed a kiss on lando's head before exiting the room. she was already unlocking his phone and opening the delivery app. scrolling through, she found their past orders and quickly ordered food for the two of them.

settling back into her pile of blankets, she had lost the motivation to read further. the only thing going on in her head was food, so instead, she opted to scroll on tiktok. unlocking lando's phone again, she quickly found the app and began scrolling. her food was going to take thirty minutes, and she knew doom scrolling was the best way to pass the time.

max f's texts were ruining her doom scrolling, though. he texted every few seconds, and after she read the first message that only said "muppet", she knew it was going to be about something stupid. she was not bothered enough to move or let lando know. he was on stream anyways.

an hour later, y/n had eaten her dinner, watching a show on lando's phone, and was just beginning to settle into her book again when lando's voice rang through the apartment.

"babe? can you come here please?"

sighing, y/n picked up her tiramisu and walked towards his gaming room. lando smiled and extended his hand towards her, which she gratefully took. pulling her towards him, she settled on his lap, sitting sideways.

lando's hands were gripping her thighs and her waist, making sure that she wouldn't fall.

"what's up?" she asked.

"has max been calling me?" lando asked. he looked amused.

y/n took a bite of her tiramisu. "i think so? he started texting you like a crazy ex partner, and then i started watching a show so your phone switched to dnd,"

"yeah, but my calls would have gone through if his phone was on dnd, y/n!" max's said from the stream.

y/n clicked her tongue, feeding lando a bite of her tiramisu, "no, it didn't. if it had, i would've picked up, max,"

"so, you're telling me that i'm not in lando's list of callers when he's on dnd?" max asked, shocked.

ginge was laughing in the background.

"wait, you can do that?" lando asked.

"lan, you set it up yourself. your parents, your siblings, carlos, oscar, daniel, max verstappen, andrea, will, zak, and i are in that list. you added it yourself." you said, still too focused on your almost finished tiramisu.

max was screaming, and lando was laughing. you hadn't said anything wrong. it was the truth. you were there when lando had set it up.

lando was giving excuses to max, and max was refusing to acknowledge any of them.

"hold on, hold on, guys," ginge said, shutting the two up.

"what?" max was still mad.

"y/n, you had his phone with you for an hour and you didn't do anything?" ginge asked.

"i doom scrolled on tiktok and then watched a show on netflix." you said.

"you know, most girlfriends, when they have their boyfriend's phone unsupervised, they would read through their chats to see if there's a crazy ex or something," max said.

y/n nodded, "he does have a crazy ex. you, max. you blew up his phone more than i ever have. you were already in the stream, why blow up his phone?"

lando laughed, his shrieking laugh that you loved so much. "oh, i love you,"

"i know,"

"i got locked out of the house and i needed lando to get me the spare set of keys!" max exclaimed, laughing.

"keep a rock outside your door with the key. that'll help." she said, deadpanned.

the three boys erupted in laughter again. the chat was going crazy. but, all y/n could think was that her tiramisu was over and she still wanted more.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

hey! im so sorry it took me so much time to write this! my mid semester exams are going on! i hope you like this! i am also drinking a gin and tonic right now, and i also miss my tiramisu. i've also got a link for my taglist and requests that you can find here!

[beloveds-embrace]

More roomate!au thoughts because, again, my brain never stops. When you move in with them, dont expect to be able to do anything by yourself ever again (unless its housework and their away), your car needs fuel? Dont worry Simon will go with you and fill it up for you and dont even think about trying to pay for it yourself, you tried once and Simon just glared at you so you tucked your card back into your purse. You need to go get a few supplies for college, Price and Gaz are joining you and giving their opinions about the best laptop to get or the best stationary (they fill out enough paperwork that they know the best ones). You're cooking them dinner, Johnnys right by your side following your every order and helping to wash up while you go relax on the sofa waiting for whatevers in the oven. And you will want for nothing, you see a pair of shoes you want while out shopping but their outside of your price range, they arrive at your door a week later just after the boys deploy, you see a pretty necklace on TV and comment on it, Johnnys there behind you fastening it just before your next night out. You lament that your mattess and bed are uncomfortable, a new one arrives the next and it just so happens to be big enough to fit all 5 of you on it.

Yeah, the boys would 1000% give you princess treatment

My mind is still on that drabble so i absolutely love this so so so very much god yes….

Original post

It doesn’t end there, of course. God, they do so, so much for you.

It’s Simon who stands right outside the bathroom door when you get sick late at night, trying to be quiet and not bother anyone yet when you tell him he should go to sleep, you’ll be fine, he doesn’t even let you finish your sentence.

“Don’t need sleep,” he grunts, pulling you against his body. Despite your protests, his warmth alone makes you melt. “Jus’ tell me what you need.”

It’s Gaz who gifts you with a surprise spa day kit after he notices how exhausted you look during your exams, gently pushing aside your laptop. “You look knackered, lovie,” he murmurs. “Let me take care of you, alright? You always spoil us when we return anyways, this the least we can do.”

It’s Johnny who immediately knows your day has been shit just from listening the way you shuffle in, shoulders slumped and head downcast.

“Someone steal yer sunshine, hen?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it, Johnny,” you mumble tiredly, yet you have no energy to refuse when he leads you to the couch. “Bad day. I’ll just go to my room-“

“Nah, none o’ that,” he shakes his head, taking your bag. “Sit down, aye? I’ll fix you up something warm.” Though he makes sure to drap a blanket over yours shoulders before he goes into the kitchen, muttering about food.

It’s Price who goes hand in hand with your safety. All of them do make you feel safe but John is just- a bit different.

Once, you were being followed after you finished shopping and like an idiot, you’d forgotten your usual pepper spray you carried. You knew you were being followed because you could feel the eyes constantly on you and you circled the same area several times. Your hands are shaking when you text him, praying to every god-

- john

- Yes, love?

You are too afraid to even crack a smile at his serious punctuation.

- someones following me idk what to d

You don’t wait for him to reply. Just nervously, with too many typos, you tell him where you are and if please can he come or any of the men-

When John appears by your side in no less than five minutes, he just pulls you close to his side.

“Come on, sweetheart.” He ushers you along. “Bloke’s been dealt with. Give me your backs, yeah? Next time tell me or any of the muppets to join you.”

Too late you notice the blood splatters on his knuckles.

Also, remember when I said the original ad had been because they wanted someone to keep the place tidy when they are away? That doesn’t apply when they are home. If they see you cleaning or cooking, they are helping- nu uh, no complaints allowed, they are not about to let you slave away when you have four very capable men at your beck and call.

Hell, once it was Johnny who saw you scrubbing the kitchen floors and he just picked you up and placed you on the counter, tsking at you.

In a few hours, John returned to find all of them cleaning the kitchen; Soap was now dusting, Gaz vaccuming, and Simon wiping the counters.

And you were bundled in the couch corner, cozy and cute.

“What’s all this?” He asked, an eyebrow raised, and you shrug.

“She was tryin’ to clean.” Johnny grumbled from the corner.

“And you didn’t stop her sooner?”

“Bloody stubborn bird,” Ghost was the one who replied this time, not even looking up.

You opened your mouth to argue, but the look John fixed you with made you shut your mouth with a click.

“Good girl.”

The warmth on your cheeks was definitely not from overworking, at least.

You mention needing new clothes? You wake up to Simon’s credit card on your nightstand with a note ordering you to use it. “Strangely”, you can’t find neither your own card nor your wallet.

You also can’t find him, but Kyle’s there and oh wow! He has nothing to do so he will in fact be joining you (and making you model the dresses and outfits and send pictures to the others so you can be drowned in compliments)!

Also i like to hc that john(s) are both huge coffee lovers and they do in fact have those huge, fancy coffee machines yk? They are insulted when they see you drink the cheap, shitty, tasteless instant coffee you are surviving on and from then on, you will wake up every day to warm, fresh coffee made for you <33

Anyways gods i love them sm can you tell 😩😩

[hollyrogerbay]

one thing i love about portal 2 is the distinct difference in physicality between wheatley and glados. in the core transfer scene, glados, as she does, moves fluently, smoothly; seductively is a good word to describe it. you know how she is. then after wheatley takes over, despite using the same body, noticeably shifts from "I suggest you take a deep breath. And hold it." to "HARR HARR HARR I'M BLOODY FOCKEN MASSIVE INNIT" and i just love that so much. glados smoothly rotates around like a serpent and wheatley starts spinning circles and bouncing up and down it's just great

additionally:

[ID: Reply from user clareironbrook that reads: "Credit where it's due to Karen Prell - best known for her work with the Muppets, lead animator for Wheatley. /End ID]

i had NO idea! credit where it is ABSOLUTELY due, i didn't even mention Wheatley's facial animation as well but it is beautifully done. all he has is a rotating eye, eyelids, a pupil that can expand or contract and some little handles at the top and bottom of his face, but his animation is still impressively emotive. it's really half of the charm of his dialogue honestly, puppeteering is already such a cool skill and it's even more impressive to do it digitally on this little fuck

ADDITIONAL addition: @meow-moment you're a PART of this post now you are FUCKING Correct

[ID: Reblog from @meow-moment that reads "i love in the scene where he tells you you have "a very minor case of serious brain damage" when his eye pops out a little and his handles flare out and it somehow looks like he's adjusting his glasses nervously]

there are a good few additions to this post I'd love to add to it but this one is like. NECESSARY. that is PRECISELY what that conveys and it's fucking magic how well it works. hats OFF karen prell

[httpsserene]

𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 - 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐬 & 𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢

summary: you know a thing or two about baking, because you’ve baked a thing or two.

pairing: lando norris & oscar piastri x fem!black/poc!reader (in my head? there’s no physical description of reader.)

content warning: fluff. attempt at banter. dialogue heavy. c0vid lockdown mentioned. baking soda vs powder plagiarized from reddit; thank you redditor fowler311.

˖♡ - ̗̀ ⇢ qatar, you were magnificent until you weren't. this post alone is me putting good energy in the atmosphere for the boys in abu dhabi. is this platonic or not? idk, it's up to you—i just happened to write it. (college semester is over !!! i will be so active you'll wish i never came back xxx) no part two requests, pls 🥺 enjoy reading, loves < 3

⌕ join taglist | upcoming chapters | table of contents ↻

you grocery shop on saturday night because no one else living in monaco would consider doing the same. usually.

as you’ve been grabbing items off the shelves, you occasionally stumble across two young men—they’re the only other customers in the store with you this evening. 

the first time you shared an aisle with them, you offered a polite smile before redirecting your gaze to the various shapes and brands of pasta. the second time, you shyly murmured an “excusez-moi” and they apologized immediately while stepping out of the way, allowing you to grab a pack of chocolate chips. the third time, your polite smile widened in amusement, as you watched the man drowning in an oversized hoodie shadow-box his friend, who remained unfazed at the whooshing fists as he inspected a carton for any cracked eggs.

the fourth time, you realize that the two men are lando norris and oscar piastri—the driver lineup of the mclaren formula one team. and, they’re arguing about the difference between baking powder and baking soda, very loudly. in a carrefour. in aisle three. at eight in the evening. on a saturday night.

surely, these two have more interesting plans for their weekend besides grocery shopping.

“they can’t be that different, can they?”

“hmm. once is soda, and the other is powder. that’s quite different, i reckon.”

“yeah, but, they both start with ‘baking,’ so, i figure they’re more similar.”

“if they’re similar, why would they make two different products?”

“greed? consumption—oh, no, wait—consummate? no.”

“consumerism?”

“consumerism! that’s it.”

“i would agree, but i don’t think that’s the case with these two.”

“well, think harder. it’s freezing in here, osc.”

“i think you’re iron deficient.”

“what?”

“never mind—look, mate, this is your fault, really.”

“woo-oooow, i can’t believe this! so, you’re blaming me now?”

“you wrote the list, lando! how is your handwriting so terrible that i can’t tell if you wrote ‘baking soda’ or ‘baking powder’?”

“first of all, you told me to write the list! nobody writes grocery lists anymore, grandpa! secondly, why would you make the dyslexic kid write the list? it’s cruel and unusual—you know i can’t spell for shit.”

“lando. the word ‘powder’ has two more letters than ‘soda.’ i know that you know that. how did you make—whatever the hell that says—look like it could be either one?”

“osc, you’re hurting my feelings. are—are you saying i’m stupid?”

“i literally never said that. the word ‘stupid’ didn’t even come out of my mouth, you muppet—“

you bang the front of your cart into the end-cap of the aisle, sending a few rolls of bagels to the floor. your cheeks warm as their banter halts and heads snap over to look at you awkwardly rushing around to pick up the floor bagels. the last package rolled unbelievably far to knock against lando norris’s shoe. aren’t you just lucky?

you see lando press his lips together to avoid laughing (you appreciate the effort), and he dismisses your apologies as he scoops the bagels off the floor and moves to help place them back on the shelf.

“uh, t-thank you,” you stutter, as oscar piastri walks over just in time to catch a roll that was eagerly looking to return to the supermarket floor. the two men offer smiles in return—lando’s wide and gap-toothed, oscar’s boxy and toothless.

“soda spreads and powder puffs,” you blurt out, because you left you brain-to-mouth filter at home. maybe they sell replacements here. in the aisle furthest away from the two formula one drivers, preferably.

“what?” lando questions, a matching look of confusion plastered on his teammates face.

“sorry, i overheard your conversation,” you shrug, trying for nonchalance, “baking soda influences spread and browning, whereas baking powder provides puffiness and lift. they’re both leavening agents but, baking soda is sodium bicarbonate and baking powder is a mixture of sodium bicarbonate and an acid. soda needs and an acid to activate but powder needs moisture and heat. so—i guess which one you need depends on what your trying to make.”

you think you failed to portray nonchalance, if the perplexed expressions the two stare at you with are any telling.

oscar blinks, “…we’re trying to make chocolate chip cookies. i tried to convince him to buy cookie dough but he wanted to make them from scratch, even though neither of us can bake.”

“it’s more fun if we do it from scratch,” lando crosses his arms huffily, “you didn’t have to tell her that we’re absolutely hopeless in the kitchen, though.”

“i reckon she already knew that from overhearing our lack of knowledge about baking ingredients, lando,” the australian chuckles quietly, shifting the shopping basket from one arm to the other.

“do you have the recipe on you?” you ask kindly.

oscar hands the scorned grocery list over without complaint, “it’s my mum’s recipe. sorry if it’s hard to read—you’ll have to blame him for that.”

lando scoffs in indignation, “you’re exaggerating, oscar. my handwriting isn’t that bad, is it?”

you feel them watching as you decipher the hieroglyphics that are lando’s letters. you bring a finger up to trace underneath the scrawl, eyes squinting to force the words into focus—oscar snorts and lando sighs in played-up dejection.

“i can understand what you’ve wrote just fine,” you smile at lando, “i’ve seen worse. you know, my younger cousin’s handwritting is miles more dreadful than this.”

the brit knocks his shoulder against oscar’s teasingly, “hah! maybe you just can’t read, osc. have you thought about that?”

you tap your finger against your chin in thought, “—but my cousin is like, five-years-old, with terrible fine motor skills. so, i wouldn’t say that’s a fair comparison.”

the two are caught by surprise, laughing delightedly at your ribbing. the sound of their amusement is contagious enough for you to crease with your own giggles.

“i didn’t expect to be bullied in a carrefour’s on a saturday night by a stranger,” lando says with a grin, after he’s calmed down.

“sorry,” you shake your head playfully, properly introducing yourself before continuing, “i forgot you usually spend your time here arguing about baking soda. which—by the way, your mum’s recipe calls for both baking powder and soda, oscar. which is very smart and unique! in most cookie recipes, most people usually opt for baking soda alone, for the spread of the batter. but, your mum must’ve liked her cookies puffier and fluffier as well! anyways, that explains why it looks like lando could’ve written either word here—because he meant to write both.”

they thank you profusely for helping them overcome the challenge of lando’s handwriting, oscar returning to the aisle to place each ingredient in his basket.

“sorry, could you grab me one of the baking soda, as well?” you ask, “that’s the last thing off of my list tonight.”

“we’re all done, too,” the australian walks over with your box, hesitating briefly before you gesture for him to drop it in your filled cart.

the duo walks towards the registers with you, lando asking, “are you a baker?”

“no,” you chuckle, “i had a phase during lockdown.”

“ah, i should’ve known,” he teases, “i mean, that’s how you know that baking powder is sodium carbon-fiber—“, oscar echoes his teammates ‘sodium carbon-fiber’ with a soft smile, “—just a baking phase, right. makes sense.”

“oh, come on, lando norris,” you scold him jokingly, “baking powder is sodium carbon-fiber and an acid. keep up—we’ve been over this already.”

you separate from the two as you near the registers, unloading your cart onto the conveyor belt and exchanging polite conversation with the cashier as you hand over your stack of reusable bags. you don’t realize that they’ve waited for you until you start to think about the logistic of carrying all of your groceries home.

“uh,” lando pushes oscar forward with a firm hand on his back, the tips of the australian’s ears are reddening, “would you like help with those? we don’t mind holding a few.”

“would you mind?” your shoulders sag in relief, “i do this in one trip routinely but i don’t think that’s happening tonight. i only live about four blocks over—my doorman will help me get them all up to my flat, so i won’t be keeping you longer than necessary.”

that’s how you find yourself walking home, on a saturday night, with two formula one drivers holding the bulk of your groceries in their arms. you’re going to the casino directly after you put the groceries away because your luck is too good to miss out on right now. your doorman heads inside to grab a cart as soon as he catches sight of you. your two helpers exchange a glance in your peripheral vision as you come to stop in front of your building.

“well, this is me,” you start, pausing to thank your doorman, gabriel, as the boys carefully unload the bags onto the cart, “thank you for the assistance, you are both too kind.”

“mr. norris and mr. piastri are always kind,” hums gabriel, winking at the two men, before rolling the cart inside.

“wait, what? you live in the same building as me?” you’re flummoxed. you knew the rent was too expensive, but you didn’t think it was formula-one-driver-expensive.

“i live here,” lando reveals, holding the door as he lets you and oscar walk inside, “osc doesn’t. i feel like i would remember your face if i’ve seen you here before. what floor are you on?”

“i don’t know if i should tell you that,” you side-eye them flippantly, “i fear for my safety.”

“well, i shouldn’t have told you that i live here,” lando sniffs.

“gabriel blew your cover, mate,” oscar rolls his eyes, “also, she would’ve found out anyways. we would’ve had to follow her in to make the cookies in your apartment.”

your doorman squeezes into the first elevator with your groceries, while you and the boys opt for the second. oscar’s hand hovers over the button while he waits for you to clue him in, pressing lando’s afterwards.

lando clears his throat as the elevator begins to rise. “seeing as your thrilling saturday night activity of grocery shopping is over, what are the rest of your plans for tonight?”

scratching at the nape of your neck, you say, “don’t judge me anymore than you have tonight…i was thinking about watching the entire how to train your dragon trilogy.”

oscar gasps quietly, his eyes bright, “i love those movies.”

“would you like to come up to my flat and make chocolate chip cookies from scratch with us? and watch the movies, too?” lando’s question is sweet, and his eyes are earnest.

“i feel like it would be very dumb of me to visit the apartment of a man i just met in the grocery—formula one driver or not.”

“sorry, i can see how it’s weird. better safe than sorry, i know. i promise we’re not like going to try anything, or we’re not, like, serial killers or anything. oscar’s too polite for that, and i’m too squeamish. seriously, it would be just for the cookies. we didn’t have a baking phase in lockdown like you did, so we’re lost on a lot more than the different between baking soda and powder. sodium carbon-fiber and acid, or not. if it’s uncomfortable for you, that’s fine. maybe we can plan for another day when you know us better.”

“yep,” oscar offers in support of lando’s statement.

you smile, “you remembered about the acid this time.”

the elevator dings before softly jerking to a stop on your floor. the doors begin to slide open, “honestly? i think i’m more afraid about you guys possibly burning our building down rather than killing me in cold blood.”

you step out of the elevator, seeing gabriel waiting by your door with the cart.

turning back to face the two men, you survey them with a serious gaze before breaking into a grin, “don’t turn on the oven without me. that part requires adult supervision. let me put my groceries away and then i’ll be right up.”

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[tpwk-formula1]

Heyy<3 I'd like a Pizza with Sicilian Crust,RedSauce ,Salami, Basil, Spinach, Broccoli, Roasted Artichokes ,Prosciutto and with that a Dr Pepper,Diet Coke and a littel Dessert

scenario: Lando and reader are dating and just having fun. But Lando wants to try something new and asks reader if he can film them. <3

Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu

sicilian dating red sauce rough sex salami "Such a little cum slut" basil "I love to watch my cum leak from your pretty pussy" spinach "Awe I love to know I stretched you out just enough to take all my cock" broccoli "Made just for me huh?" roasted artichokes “im gonna put a baby in you” prosciutto "I love making this pretty pussy squirt" dr pepper dirty talk diet coke recording dessert yes served by Lando Norris

AN - OKAY! So I went a bit insane with this one and totally did something completely different and I really hope you like it! Any of the words in italics are a part of the scene and if it is regular that means it is either plot or current time!

Lando x gf! reader

TW - rough sex, sweet sex, oral (m & f receiving), squirting, multiple orgasms, face fucking, breath play, creampie, THERES A LOT GOING ON, MDNI 18+

WC 3300+

Y/N POV

"So I was thinking about something I think would be fun to try," Lando tells me softly making me perk my head up.

"You do that?" I question softly making Lando stare at me a bit confused.

"Do what?" He questions back after a few seconds of not understanding.

"Think. You think?" I joke making Lando instantly scoff and roll his eyes at my antics.

"You muppet," Lando groans before busting out into a little fit of giggles with me.

"Anyways, I was thinking maybe one of these times in the future I could maybe film us? I totally understand if you aren't comfortable I just would love to have a film of us together," Lando tells me softly making my face grow slightly hot at the thought of being filmed.

"Well like, would someone else have to film us? Will anyone see it? I just have a few questions," I tell Lando softly not shooting down his idea but not agreeing without clarification.

"No one would need to film us, we can hold the camera or get a tripod and I would never let anyone see it," Lando tells me softly making me nod my head letting him know I understand.

"Can I have some time to think about it?" I ask not fully sure I am comfortable with the idea just yet.

"Of course love! Whenever you know or think you're ready to do it we can rediscuss," Lando tells me softly while pulling me into his lap and placing a few soft kisses on my lips.

It has been a couple weeks since Lando had asked me if he could film us and with 2 back to back triple headers coming up I figured this break would be the best time to film some content so the both of us can have it while Lando is out traveling, especially since I'll only be able to go to a couple of his last races.

"Love, I have an idea," I tell Lando softly crawling into his lap and making him raise a brow for me to continue.

"Go on," Lando urges while I bite my lips letting the nerves get to me.

"You know how you wanted to film us having sex, I was thinking since we were gonna be traveling a bunch this next month while you're on break we could film little scenes and snippets in different places and then I can edit it all together so instead of it just being one time we have sex it's like I don't know how many, we have a lot of sex," I ramble making Lando smile at my last comment.

"Are you sure?" Lando asks me making me nod my head.

"Ya, I think it would be nice to have when you're away," I admit softly while my cheeks heat up realizing that I just admitted to touching myself when he was away.

"Oh my god, my once innocent girlfriend is admitting to touching herself when I'm away," Lando says with a smirk making my face heat up even further.

"Lando," I say while swatting at his chest softly.

"Do you get into our toys too?" Lando with an even more menacing look in his eyes.

"Don't act like I have noticed things go missing when you're away," I tell him softly with a raised brow. We both start laughing lightly. We had definitely sent enough pictures and videos throughout the year of us dating to know damn well we both touched ourselves when he was away but it was truly the first time we had talked about it.

"Can I make a request?" Lando asks softly.

"Ya of course, love," I reply making Lando's face heat in embarrassment just thinking about what he's about to ask.

"I kinda want a video of you touching yourself in the edit," Lando tells me softly making my face heat just thinking about touching myself in front of Lando.

"I'll film one of myself too and you don't have to do it in front of me. I actually would love for it to be a surprise," Lando continues making me relax slightly.

"Okay, I'll film is when you least expect it and it can be a surprise for you," I agree making Lando's face heat up at the thought.

"I think we have time to make our first film," Lando says with a smirk making me laugh lightly be quickly agree.

It's been almost a month since we came up with the plan and Lando leaves for Austin tomorrow which means tonight I give Lando our movie we created.

"Lan, come to the room when you have the rest of the night to yourself," I tell Lando softly peaking into the sim room where he was streaming with Max Fewtrell.

"Okay, do you need me right now? I can get off!" Lando tells me quickly making me laugh when I can hear Max telling Lando he was too damn wipped.

"No, it can wait! Enjoy your stream," I tell him softly.

"I'll be on no more than an hour," Lando tells me making me smile and retreat back into our room where I went into the bathroom and started getting ready.

I did my makeup and hair before I changed into a new lingerie set I knew Lando would love. Once I was all ready Lando was knocking on the bathroom door and asking if I was in there.

"Ya, just give me a minute," I tell him softly while taking a pic in the mirror and saving it for when Lando is away before typing my black silk robe around my body and heading out of the bathroom.

"Where are you going? I thought we were gonna be hanging out," Lando tells me softly making me laugh and shake my head.

"We are, just was bored while you were streaming," I lie softly knowing damn well I just wanted to look good for this moment.

"So I finished editing the video and its kinda long but I wanted to watch it with you," I tell him softly watching his face light up.

"I really hope you like it," I tell him softly making him pull me into his lap so I was stratting him.

"I'm gonna love it! You're the star of the film, nothing better than that," Lando tells me with a smile before pulling me in for a kiss and then letting me turn around so I was sat between his legs letting my back rest against my chest while I load up the 45-minute video of some of our sex adventures the last few weeks.

Scene 1 - Taken right after they agreed to make the video

"Oh fuck Lan," I moan looking right into the camera that Lando was holding and angling it to make sure to get all of my upper body in the shot.

"Fuck, it's like you were made just for me huh? always taking ym cock so well," Lando grunts in reply making me moan out louder.

"Lan I might cum again," I moan out making Lando's thrusting speed up while he brings one of his hands down to my clit where he teases it while I fall over the edge all around his cock.

That's where the video ended and a new scene was in front of us.

Scene 2 - Taken later that night right before we left for dinner. Quicky in the bathroom mirror

"Fucking hell, so goddamn tight," Lando grunts making me throw my head back with my eyes closed.

"No, fucking watch us," Lando says aggressively while he takes ahold of my hair and makes me watch Lando fuck into me from behind.

I was doing my best to hold the camera steady but I was failing miserably so Lando takes it from my hand and continues to fuck into my pussy from behind making sure to focus the camera on my face and the way my tits are bouncing around with each thrust.

"Fuck Lan," I moan loudly when I start cumming all over Lando's cock. He quickly pulls out of my soaked pussy and angles the camera to show him painting my ass with his cum.

We hadn't planned to fuck before dinner but with the idea of making a movie for each other, we were like little teenagers again fucking any chance we could.

Scene 3 - On a yacht off the Meddeteraian coast.

"Lando!" I scream feeling myself fall over the edge again squirting my pleasure all over Lando and the expensive couch we currently were on.

Lando had propped the camera up on the couch making sure to get his and my lower half in the frame of the camera.

"I love making this pretty pussy squirt," Lando groans after watching me squirt for the third time in a row.

"I want you to cum for me again," Lando groans against my lips.

"It's too much," I whine but Lando only speeds his actions up taking me over the edge rather quickly.

"Fuck squirting so much you could fill the sea," Lando teases.

That last comment had both Lando and I laughing lightly.

"Can't believe you kept that in. So embarrassing," Lando whispers into my ear while squeezing my waist a bit tighter.

"I thought it was a good comedic relief. I edited out most of the silly comments you say," I tell him making him groan realizing his post-nut clarity most of the time turns him into a comedian.

Scene 4 - In Y/N's childhood bedroom after visiting family.

"Fuck watching you with your niece is gonna make you a mother," Lando groans while pumping into my tight pussy.

"Fuck Lan," I moan once the words sink in.

"You want that? You want me to give you my babies," Lando grunts through staggered moans letting the pleasure get to him.

"Yes please," I gasp out trying to keep my volume down not wanting my parents to hear us.

"Fuck, I'm close. Please cum with me," Lando grunts out while bringing 2 fingers down to my clit and giving it a rub in small circles bringing the both of us over the edge. As we are cumming Lando grabs the camera from the little stand it was on and brings it to show my face as I'm cumming.

“I'm gonna put a baby in you,” Lando grunts as he continues to fuck my pussy through both of our orgasms.

"Fuck, you look so pretty like that," Lando grunts sending one last thrust deep into my pussy before slowly slipping out and putting the camera close to my core so the camera can pick up his cum slowly leaking from my pussy.

"I love to watch my cum leak from your pretty pussy," Lando grunts before the video is cut off.

"That was some of the best sex we've had," Lando groans out making me smile.

"Ya it was," I reply softly leaning back farther making Lando grunt out. I wiggle aroung for a second and that's when I feel it. Lando was hard. I just smirk wiggling around another second before Lando is gripping my hips to stop my movement.

"Don't act up," Lando roughly whispers into my ear.

Scene 5 - Lando's apartment after playing paddle with Max Verstappen

"Why the fuck would you do that," Lando says towering over me kneeling on the floor in front of him.

"Lando, I didn't do anything! I was just talking to Max," I reply looking straight up at him.

Lando set up the tripod at the end of the bed and it was currently angled down so it could catch me on my knees on the floor.

"You didn't do anything? Cause from what I seen was you getting all up and close with Max when I went to the bathroom," Lando's voice booms out into the room making me whimper at his anger.

"Lando he was showing me something on his phone," I argue back only making Lando roughly slap my tit.

"No more talking," Lando says before roughly shoving his cock into my mouth making me gag instantly around his cock.

I could feel Lando's hip starting to shift a little trying to grind into my back.

"Of all things you using me is what's getting you to dry hump me like a hormonal teenager," I say shifting my head slightly looking at Lando as his face flushes red and instantly stop his actions.

"Oh you can continue. Be a good boy and keep grinding," I say confidently making Lando groan and start bucking again.

"You'll pay for your little comment later," Lando grunts into my ear and I giggle lightly.

Scene 5 Cont.

"Awe I love to know I stretched you out just enough to take all my cock," Lando grunts as he continues to fuck my face making tears run down my cheeks.

Lando roughly shoves his cock deep into my throat and holds his hips completely cutting off all of my airflow. I count the seconds in my head and once I reach 12 seconds Lando yanks his cock out making me gag and start coughing.

"Fuck," I cough out trying to get as much air as possible.

"We're going again," Lando grunts tangling his hand in my hair again before shoving his cock back in.

Lando roughly fucks my throat making me continnously gag and cry around his cock. My face has become a complete mess ruining any speck of makeup I had on.

I was a true and proper whore for Lando in this moment and I loved every second of it.

"Fuck, I'm cumming," Lando grunts before he shoves his cock all the way into my throat and unleashes a massive load down my throat. I swallow as best I can with Lando so deep. Once he pulls out of my mouth I make sure to collect as much cum off his cock before opening my mouth and showing him the cum pooling in my mouth.

I watch as Lando gathers a large wad of spit in his mouth before leaning down and slowly spitting it into my mouth mixing his spit with his cum.

"Hm, you're such a little cum slut. Swallow," Lando finally says making me close my mouth and swallow his cum and spit mixure.

"I think that's the sluttiest thing I've ever done," I admit softly when the scene in front of us ends. Lando had stopped his grinding as soon as he saw himself shove his cock all the way in my mouth cutting my airflow off. I think when you're in the moment everything seems so normal but then watching it back you realize how rough it really is.

"Do I do that often," Lando asks softly making me shift my body to face him realizing he needed a serious moment.

"Cut my air flow off? Not often but love, it is not something you have to change. If it was I would have asked you to stop. We have safe words and safe actions to get us out of every scene we ever do, I haven't used it for a reason," I tell Lando softly while stroking his cheek. I can tell he's not convinced but he's become more relaxed.

"I didn't realize that was what you looked like when you were struggling for air," Lando admits making me smile softly.

"Pretty slutty huh?" I joke I try lightening the mood while also pulling him in for a kiss trying to show him that I was really okay with it.

"Promise, you don't mind it?" Lando asks softly.

"Promise!" I reply back with a smile turning back around to face the laptop once again.

Scene 6 - Home alone while visiting Lando's parents

"Lan! They might come home," I whisper against Lando's lips as he pulls my body even closer to his.

We were in the pool enjoying the sun when Lando set up the camera right on the poolside clearly showing his intentions.

"They won't I promise," Lando replies while lifting my body out of the water and onto the edge of the pool. Lando changes the camera angle to make sure to get his next actions in the frame.

"We'll be quick if you're worried," Lando replied while pulling off the bottoms to my bikini leaving my lower half completely bare. Lando instantly brings his mouth down to my clit giving it a strong suck and making me whine.

"Fuck," I moan softly when I feel Lando shift his hands to the front of my robe teasing me over my lingerie. Lando's mind finally registers that he's feeling lingerie instead of my regular thong so he's pulling the front of my robe open to see his gift under.

"I'm surprised it took you this long," I reply with a smirk when he's opened the robe to see a specially made lingerie set to have similar accents to his Hungarian GP helmet.

It was a pretty light blue set with little hand-sewn embellishments to look like the hand-painted flowers that littered the helmet.

"Fuck baby, how did you even get this?" Lando asks softly when he realizes it is more than a light blue set.

"Made just for you," I reply with a smirk making him groan and throw his head back.

"You're the best. One of the most thoughtful things ever," Lando replies back softly as he brings his hand back down to my pussy and starts teasing me over my panties.

"Already soaked for me," I feel Lando smirk against my ear.

Cont scene 6

"Lan, feel so good," I gasp when I feel Lando softly push 2 fingers into my busy making me gasp at the feeling.

"I want you to cum," Lando grunts into my pussy sending a whole new wave of pleasure coursing through my body.

"Oh god," I cry out when Lando speeds up his actions bringing me closer to my orgasm.

"Cum for me," Lando roughly tells me sending me straight into a squirting orgasm.

"Fuck," I scream out as I watch my pleasure spray all over Lando and into the pool soaking him with more than just the pool water.

"Good fucking girl," Lando says while riding my orgasm out before he's slipping his fingers out and slipping them into his mouth to clean them off.

"Fuck, I can't take it anymore," Lando says roughly while slipping his fingers out of my lingerie and turning me around so I can face Lando.

I pull him in for a kiss while I feel him pulling his boxers and sweats down to reveal his leaking cock.

I'm instantly climbing fully into his lap with my lingerie pulled to the side so I can sink down taking all of Lando's cock deep into my pussy.

"Fuck I don't think I'm gonna last long," Lando grunts when I start bouncing on his cock clearly pent up from watching some of our sex over the past month.

"Me either," I moan loudly bouncing faster while Lando brings a hand between our bodies and starts teasing my clit knowing that will throw me over the edge far faster than anything else.

"Fuck Lando," I cry out as I feel my orgasm start to build at an embarrassing rate.

"I'm gonna cum," Lando grunts bucking his hips up to meet my thrusts trying to bring the both of us over the edge quicker.

"Oh fuck," I scream out as I start cumming all over Lando's cock pulling him with me and making him bury his cock deep in my pussy and filling it up with his cum.

"Fuck," Lando grunts making me sigh in contentment.

"The rest of the video can be a surprise. I wanna spend my last night between these thighs," Lando tells me softly still fully seated on his cock.

"Deal," I reply softly pulling him in for a kiss while we relax until the next round.

True to Lando's words we did go at it almost all night not stopping until we saw the first light of the sun rising.

[ofbatsandballads]

darling, won’t you take me home?

jason todd x fem!reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: reader has a mild cold, but nothing much else (lmk if I missed anything)

a/n: this is just a lighthearted sick fic that got real prose-y at the end bc I was listening to my Jason playlist and got all in my feelings while drowsy off cold medicine. again, i give thee my wares.

divider credit: saradika-graphics

You wake to soft light filtering in through the white curtains of your bedroom and the warm weight of your lover’s arm across your waist. The quiet snores echoing in the air and the soothing rise and fall of his chest against your back would usually be enough to lull you into a gentle morning sleep. But usually you can breathe out of both sides of your nose. And you usually don’t feel like there’s sandpaper in your throat. And your body doesn’t usually feel this heavy.

Goddamn it–you’re sick.

You feel a sneeze coming on and try to stifle it, to keep it locked tight in your lungs so you won’t wake the love of your life from the rare bit of peace and quiet he gets. You make no noise, but the shaking of your body stirs him anyway. Damn vigilantes and their preternatural awareness. He hums lazily as he pulls you further into his chest. You think he might be able to doze back off and you’re glad for it. Then your hopes are dashed. One, two, three sneezes wrack your body in succession and you are finally forced to admit defeat.

“Are you sneezing?” Jason asks, groggy but inquiring.

“…no.”

You don’t even know why you tried to lie to him. You’re a bad liar in most cases, and an absolutely abysmal liar when it comes to Jason. He simply sighs and you’d bet twenty dollars that he’s rolling those pretty seafoam eyes of his. He easily turns you in his arms so that you’re facing him. Great, now you really won’t be able to lie to him.

“I told ya that you were gettin’ sick,” he scolds gently.

“‘M not sick!”

He did. And you are.

“Then why do you sound like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets?”

“Oh, fuck you!”

He tries to keep his face serious, but soon the facade cracks and he lets out a deep belly laugh as you glare at him. You push yourself out of his arms and make it as far as the edge of the bed before he’s pulling you back to him again.

“Aw, c’mon, ma. Don’t be mad. You are sick. Just admit it,” he says, voice kind as he runs his hand up and down your spine.

“Okay. Fine. Whatever,” you mumble, your words trailing off unintelligibly.

Jason doesn’t miss it. He never does. Fucking vigilantes and their fine tuned hearing.

“What was that?” he smirks.

You whisper it again, quiet as a mouse. He shakes his head. You smack him in the chest.

“Ah ah, I wanna hear it,” he laughs.

“I said you were right! There! You happy now?” you pout, burying your head in his chest.

You can feel the giggles travel through his body and find it impossible to fight the smile it brings to your face, even if your head feels foggier than Gotham after a heavy rain. You squeeze him tight, a sudden aggressive love for him that you just need to let out. It does nothing to his strong frame. He just squeezes you back, then manhandles your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. He rises from your bed like you weigh nothing to him, hefting you into the air so that you’re better positioned.

“C’mon, we’re makin’ soup.”

One thing about Jason Todd is that he’s an amazing cook. He didn’t cook much for himself before he met you. He’s told you he didn’t see any point when cheap takeout would fuel his body just fine for whatever fight was inevitably coming for him. But now he has both the reason and the time to care. And he cares. So much.

You can see it in the way he sets the chicken to bake while he tells you about the new book he got from the bookstore down the block. You can see it in the way his skilled hands, calloused and bruised, slice the carrots razor thin because he knows you hate the crunch of them. You can see it in the barely noticeable look of pride on his face as all the ingredients simmer in the big metal pot, giving your shared home a warm aroma of comfort. You can see it in the fact that everything he needed for this was already in your kitchen, in the fact that none of it was there when you fell asleep last night while he was on patrol. Jason cares. He cares from the tip of the stubborn curl that sticks up on the top of his head to the soles of his feet that guide you in a slow waltz around the kitchen.

“I know you probably aren’t too hungry, but I need you to try to eat at least one bowl for me,” he says in his gentlest negotiation voice as he puts a bowl of chicken noodle soup on the counter.

You nod your head that’s tucked against his chest, sniffling as you feel your nose start to run. Without missing a beat, Jason pulls a tissue from the pocket of his pajama pants and hands it to you.

“And you’re takin’ cold medicine the second you get some food in you.”

He’s not asking anymore, just stating facts.

“Gonna stay up all night watching me too?” you ask teasingly.

“I might,” he retorts.

“I love you too, Jay.”

He goes rigid momentarily before he relaxes against you. Then a soft smile breaks out on his face. He chuckles and shakes his head, turning his face away from you. But you can be observant too. You don’t miss the way pink dusts his cheeks and, oh, he looks so pretty like this. You tell him as much just to watch the soft pink turn to vibrant red.

“Shut up and eat your soup.”

One bowl of soup and a disgusting shot of cold medicine later, you find yourself wrapped in the arms of your lover as you both lounge on the couch. Jason reads the new book he was telling you about as you listen to music, dozing in and out of consciousness. It’s not your fault he makes such a great pillow; his large body is warm and soft as he lies relaxed on your sofa. Every now and then, especially when he thinks you’ve fallen into a light sleep, he’ll place a featherlight kiss on the top of your head.

You may not be a vigilante or The World’s Greatest Detective, but you can put all the pieces of the day together well enough. Carrying you out of bed, making you soup, letting you rest on him, the soft kisses and touches he flutters over your skin; it’s all his way of saying he loves you when the words themselves are simply too much or not enough. But the words are enough for you. You swear that you’ll go to your grave finding all the prettiest ways to tell him just how much you love him. Because you do.

And maybe it’s the homemade soup settled in your belly, or the afternoon sunlight shining through the window, or the warmth of the man you love beneath you, but you soon find yourself lulled into a peaceful sleep that feels just like home.

[vaspider]

Tell me about a turn of phrase that introduced you to the power of language, especially if it comes from a source that most people disregard.

I'll start: one of the first times I really fell in love with a line from a song was when I heard "I'd Really Love To See You Tonight" on the radio.

The chorus goes:

I'm not talking about moving in

And I don't want to change your life

But there's a warm wind blowing the stars around

And I'd really love to see you tonight

I have been obsessed with the line "there's a warm wind blowing the stars around" since I was something like 6 years old. It's so beautifully economic in its word use, isn't it? You know that the night is clear and beautiful, it's windy but warm, it's a perfect night for being outside and looking at the sky. In eight words, even as a small child, I had a perfect mental image of what that night looks like.

The other one that always comes to mind is the Muppet Christmas Carol song "It Feels Like Christmas," for one line only:

It is the summer of the soul in December

The "s" sound in summer, soul, and December all fall on the beat. It is a perfect example of using consonance (as opposed to alliteration, which would require those sounds to all be at the start of the word) in lyrics or poetry, and is one of the first times I really remember that concept sticking in my mind. (I use consonance very heavily in my poetry, so that's, like, formative.)

Tell me about the language that showed you what language can do - and for my sanity, please make it cool stuff and not like "and that's how I learned how shitty propaganda works," bc while that is in fact part of how language works, this is Tunglr dot com and I'd prefer to have a nice time today. Thanks.