#Can we stop calling it queerbaiting every 2-3 months? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lesbianlovelanguage · 4 years ago

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YOUTUBER AU I’m such a fucking sucker for those. It can be anything you want really. Maybe they are friends doing a challenge or something and they end up kissing (or more ;)) or they could meet each other at like a creator even and take a pic together and everyone starts to ship them... :)

HI! Anon I am so sorry, life has been *general handwaving* a MESS. But, I’ve finally gotten most of my shit together and look! A fic! Finally!!! I hope you enjoy two ridiculous boys being ridiculous.

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“You guys asked for it, and here it is. The explanation to Bendy and the Ink Machine! Now, I’ve watched a ton of playthroughs of this, especially The RatKing’s, as well as played through it myself, and I think I’ve got it.”

Such a simple statement, it made it through both of the editors as well as Steve and Dustin themselves without raising any red flags. But as with everything, once it had been released on the internet it became fuel for fans to break apart and over analyze.

The comments started pouring in, the standard mix of support and people trying to break apart his theory. But one comment in particular would stand out and begin something so much bigger than itself.

Twenty minutes after Steve had pressed upload, someone with the username Random Hoe posted a comment saying Awe! A collab between you and Billy would be totes amazing!! While an innocent comment in itself, it began to pick up steam as people ranted and demanded for the two popular youtubers to interact more. It turned from video ideas to outright shipping within two hours, and only five hours after the video had been up, people began tagging Steve on Twitter with everything from edited screen grabs to fanart and video edits, all about Steve and Billy’s secret yet undying love for each other.

Steve had almost quit Youtube as the fanbase for what had been dubbed “Stilly” steadily grew and became all the more ravenous. There were less and less comments and reactions to his theories, whether movie, video game, or even book related, and more and more comments about how he needed to do a collab with Billy ASAP, and how he’s queerbaiting, and how it’s okay to come out, it was 20Gayteen after all. He had tried to do damage control, but it only made things worse.

And then someone showed Billy, and Steve not only wanted to quit Youtube, but also crawl under a rock.

Billy’s only reaction to someone sending him a picture of Steve and Billy during a live stream was “Nice art, like the hair,” but Steve could have sworn his mouth twitched down in a grimace before Billy recovered his composure.

But Dustin had convinced Steve to keep going, and with two months of no recognition or new content, the frenzy of Stilly shipping died down. It never disappeared, but no one sent anymore art to Billy and stopped tagging Steve in all of their posts. That had been in February.

Vidcon was in June, and Stilly was the least of Steve’s worries. He’d been asked to host a panel on the new game show he and Dustin had begun hosting on Youtube TV about pop culture trivia, and then host a live episode with various Youtube guests as competitors. It promised to be relatively simple, a simple explanation of the origin and behind-the-scenes and a simple Q&A session followed by what he spent every Thursday doing for the past two months. And it was, him and Dustin breezing through the panel bouncing off of each other and the first round of Did You Know? You Don’t Say? flying by as the famed beauty guru aced almost every question. But once the second guest stepped on stage, Steve knew it was all going to go to shit.

Because Billy Hargrove, The Rat King himself, swaggered out on the stage in flip flops and an Everlast crop top and flopped into the contestant’s chair with a smirk. Steve froze, mouth suddenly drier than a desert.

Luckily, Dustin didn’t even stutter. “Ah! The next victim. Should we go easy on him?” He waggled his eyebrows as he asked the audience. The audience shouting brought Steve out of his daze, and with a shake of his head, he turned and spread his arms out wide.

“Well then, let’s begin. So, Billy, Do you know what the rarest MnM color is?”

The cocky smirk melted off of Billy’s face, replaced by one of thoughtful determination. He’s silent for only a moment before he looks up and says, “Brown, like your eyes, Pretty Boy.” Steve feels his pale skin flush with heat, but he coughs and tries to play it off.

“Quite the charmer there, Rat King. Luckily, your lines are actually true. One point! Let’s see it!” He calls out and then looks behind him to the television screen currently displaying the scoreboard. A large blocky 1 appears and the audience cheers.

“Alrighty then,” Dustin says after the crowd dies down. “Next question. Billy, Do you know the original name of Istanbul?” Billy chuckles, and shakes his head.

“Easy. Constantinople.”

Dustin fake pouts and looks over to Billy. “None of that Rat King charm for me?” The audience laughs, and Billy chuckles before throwing a wink at Dustin.

“Not quite old enough to ride this ride, bud.”

Dustin scoffs and shakes his head, making the curls bounce around wildly. “Whatever you say, old man. You did get it right by the way. Let me see another point!” Dustin mimics Steve and gestures towards the scoreboard which now shows a big, white 2.

“Your turn, Pretty Boy. Give me something hard.”

“Alright. Let’s see.” Steve pretends to look over his notes before seeing the perfect question. “So, Billy, Do you know which two American states don’t observe daylight savings time?” Billy stares blankly at Steve. This was the final question in their lineup, but he had asked for a hard question.

Luckily, Billy recovers quickly and clears his throat before giving another chuckle. “Damn, I know I said give me a hard one, but I wasn’t expecting that. I’m gonna go with Hawaii and Alaska?” Steve shakes his head and gives a small sigh.

Dustin gives a little cheer, and then runs over to a table off to the side of the stage where they have a cue card that the contestant has to read off of if they lose. It was Dustin’s idea, the You don’t say? part of the title. It’s his favorite part of the show, because they get to see their contestants say some ridiculous things.

“Well, unfortunately, that was incorrect,” Steve announces over the booing audience. “And, following the rules, you now have to read whatever is on this card.” Dustin hands Billy the cue card with a wicked grin.

Billy sighs and flips over the card. There’s a moment of silence as he reads over what the card says, and then he looks up at Steve and clears his throat.

“Would a Pretty Boy want to go out with me?” He says in a clear voice, gaze never leaving Steve’s.

Suddenly too many things for Steve to process happen at once. He feels the heat return to his cheeks and his mouth dry out again, the audience goes wild, and a buzzer sounds, signaling that they were out of time for Did You Know? You Don’t Say? Dustin comes through and pushes a frozen Steve off-stage, where Billy is waiting in the wings. With the audience’s weighty gaze gone, the feeling returns to Steve all at once.

“What the hell man? What was that out there?” He hissed at Billy. The man simply shrugs and gives another one of his trademark smirks.

“Just giving the people what they want, Princess. Try to keep up.” And then he turns around, and walks away. Simple as that. Nothing to it.

Steve wants to scream. Fortunately, he and Dustin have been friends for years, and he knows all of Steve’s tics by now. The stagehands shoo them from the wings, and he pulls Steve through one of the backdoors to outside the convention center. Somehow, he also procures a water bottle in the hustle, and hands it to Steve once they’re both sitting on the steps outside. Steve takes the water bottle gratefully and chugs half of it in one long gulp. He pulls it away and wipes at his face before sighing. He seems to deflate, like a balloon losing all of its helium at once, and Dustin puts an arm around him. It’s awkward because he’s shorter than Steve, but it’s still comforting nonetheless.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Dustin asks quietly.

“I- I’m so stupid. For just a second I thought it was real, but why would it be? What would someone like him see in someone like me?” Dustin lets out a huff before pulling away and turning towards Steve.

“Steve, buddy, pal o’ mine. You’re an idiot. If anything, he doesn’t deserve you. He’s a pompous ass for pulling a stunt like that. It’s bullshit.”

“He could have anyone. Between his paycheck and his pecs, he’s one of Youtube’s hottest content creators.”

“Yeah, sure. But for the sake of alliteration, he also lacks personality. The guy’s a huge dick! And he proved it today. He knew that you wouldn’t shut him down and bitch him out on stage, so he thought it would be funny to pull that shit.”

“Yeah, he is kind of just a publicity-seeking asshole, you’re right,” Steve admits, feeling a little better, and a lot angrier. “You know what, Dusty-Poo? I’m gonna find him, and give him a piece of my mind.” He stands up, itching for a fight and knowing who to go find for one.

“Tha-that’s not exactly what I meant but sure! Go knock him down a peg.” Dustin stands up as well and follows Steve back onto the main showfloor.

It takes about twenty minutes to find Billy amongst the crowd but Steve sees him, and locks in like a tiger stalking his prey. Or something cool like that. Thankfully, Steve doesn’t have to make a huge scene as he walks up to Billy and gets in his face.

“You. Me. Conference Room 3. Now,” Steve says, poking a finger in the middle of Billy’s chest to emphasize his point. Billy chuckles, but still follows along as they walk into the empty conference room. Once they clear the doors and Steve hears them swing shut behind them, he turns to Billy.

“Explain. What the fuck was the point of that little,” he wavs his hand around, “stunt you pulled during the game show?”

Billy raises an eyebrow. “Told you Pretty Boy. I gave the people what they wanted.

“So that’s it? It was a publicity stunt?”

“You tell me. You’re the one who started the whole thing,” Billy shoots back, still holding on to an air of nonchalance, but Steve can his patience waning.

“You- you mean the stuff from February? When I happened to mention you in one video? You think I meant for that shitstorm to start, for fun and publicity?”

Billy only shrugs again.

“Okay. Nope. Again, I mentioned your channel one time, as a source. Gave credit where credit was due. I do it for all the channels I watch! I’ve mentioned Nancy’s channel like 8 times, and Jonathan’s too. Never had this shit started with them.”

“They’re married, Steve. Like super married. Of course it wouldn’t. We’re both single, queer youtubers. Of course shit’s gonna stop. Didn’t your agent or whoever look over your video?”

Steve huffs. “Oh yeah, let me just go hire an agent, cause I have such a need for someone to monitor my every move,” Steve snarked. Billy just looked at him like he had failed to add 2 and 3.

“You’re telling me you, part of one of the biggest channels on Youtube, don’t have an agent?”

“We’re not one of the biggest channels, and we’ve never needed one! We’ve got our team of editors and assistants, no need for some agent.”

“Steve,” Billy says patiently, like he was explaining something to a child, “You have over 4 million subscribers. That’s a big channel.”

“We’re still not one of the biggest channels, dipshit.”

“Oh, I'm the dipshit? I didn’t start a fucking fandom frenzy apparently by accident. Because I was smart and got a fucking agent.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Whatever you say Princess.”

“Stop fucking calling me a princess!” Steve screams, voice booming in the silent conference room. “Why do you do that? Pretty Boy, Princess, Stevie? Just- just stop with the fucking nicknames. It’s not fair.” The second part of his outburst comes out as a whisper, sounding almost desperate.

Billy was at a loss for words, but then again, he had always been more of a man of action.

So he says nothing, only gives a seconds’ thought of what he was going to do, before lunging forward and doing it.

Steve’s next words are muffled as Billy crashes their lips together with absolutely no finesse, teeth clacking. It probably constituted as the worst kiss Billy has ever had, but as he moves back, Steve grabs a fist full of blond locks and pulls him forward. Their

second kiss is far better. By no means is it soft, but that was just par for the course with them wasn’t it?

The kiss comes to a natural ending as they both pull back to breath, before Steve starts to giggle.

“You really need to work on your pick-up lines, Rat King.”

A soft gasp from the doorway cuts off Billy’s retort, and they both turn to see a girl decked out in Youtube merch, including a jacket with the Upside Down Theories logo on it. She had dropped her backpack, and was open-mouthed gaping at the two. Her eyes are as wide as dinner plates as she frantically gathers up her backpack and shoots out of the conference room.

“Chances that this blows up online by tomorrow?” Steve asks, turning to the blond next to him.

“I’m betting in the next two hours, Pretty Boy,” Billy replies.

A wicked smirk creeps onto Steve’s lips as he shrugs and says, “Oops. What was that about getting an agent to help with this stuff?”

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Aside from this taking FOREVER, I hope you guys enjoy this! It was tons of fun to write.

tag team: @lostnoise @gideongrace @stevefuckingharrington @a-magey @catharrington @trashycatarcade @myboyfriendsteve @thesummerof84 @lightsupinthenorth @smashmouth-hargrove (lmk if you would like to be added/removed from the list!)

#tay writes #AGAIN FINALLY #harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #youtuber au #anon asks #tons of fun to write!!!

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interdimensionalspaceworm · 4 years ago

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this isn’t a malicious ask, but i’m just genuinely curious what your take on crankiplier is when you take into consideration that

1) ethan has given his fans explicit permission to ship him with people and write fanfiction as long as they don’t harass him with it

2) mark has reblogged a piece of crankiplier fanart

3) they’ve flirted or interacted in a way suggesting they’re attracted to each other purposefully for the fandom’s response,

exhibit a) when they called one of their bits “queerbaiting for charity” (mark petting ethan + calling him a good boy + feeding him fruit snacks + eskimo kissing for donations on a charity stream)

exhibit b) mark saying he thought about kissing ethan onstage during tour (i assume because the fangirls would’ve gone nuts)

exhibit c) in general, knowing that jokes about getting married, dating, implying a sexual relationship, etc. would cause fan speculation but proceeding to include them in videos regardless

i’m not big on shipping real people either, and we should all certainly do our best to keep that part of the fandom low-key, but like. the circumstances here are much different than septiplier. i wouldn’t shame anyone for this one

Ok so as I said, I’ll try to address each of your points. Thank you for being willing to talk with me, I hope you’ll take into consideration the points I’m going to make.

1) I’ve seen those posts, and while it is true that Ethan has said these things, it was (correct me if I’m wrong) a while ago and his position on this may have changed since then. I know that isn’t a real convincing point, but you also have to agree that Ethan in particular is generally very permissive towards his fandom. But his permissiveness should not be taken as a free pass to ship him whenever you want. If a parent says you can go out with friends, that doesn’t mean you can go to Junkie Jimmy’s house party. Just because you have been given permission to do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, or that you should.

2) Again, correct me if I’m wrong (because I haven’t seen the post), but a lot of ship fanart (especially controversial ship fanart) tends to be pretty ambiguous due to the nature of shipping. Unless said fanart was undeniably ship art, it’s very possible that Mark simply saw a cool piece of fanart and decided to reblog it without checking the context of it. If anyone knows what post this is, please tell me so I can figure out if that might have been the case.

3) This is probably the biggest point I’m going to make here, so I’m going to put it in bold. It’s never ok to ‘speculate’ on real people’s lives with regard to their interpersonal relationships. Ever. Full stop. It is not the job of content creators to tailor their content to leave out parts that would ‘cause fan speculation’. They’re real people, not characters whose every interaction is available for debate. They’re not ‘suggesting’ anything. They’re just people who live their lives and are comfortable in their friendship with each other. People do that. And it’s not the job of anyone who doesn’t know them to decide their relationship. You don’t know them. None of the shippers here or anywhere else know them. And using them for your own fulfillment, sexualizing them into lovey-dovey caricatures of themselves, is truly and simply morally repugnant.

Your points rely on suggesting that Mark and Ethan are purposely ‘riling up’ the fanbase by making content that ‘suggests’ crankiplier, but the truth is that either a. it’s a joke between friends (your own friends probably mess around with each other in the same way. I know mine sure do) or b. the shippers are reading way too far into simple interaction.

I’m not trying to be a stickler about these things, but when it comes to real people shipping, it’s not about saying ‘ohh you can’t ship that’ just because you can. I’m not saying it just to ruin anyone’s fun, or to be ableist towards people with hyperfixations (I have ADHD. I know neurodivergent people can still be ableist, but that’s beside the point), or anything like that. I’m against crankiplier, and all rpf ships, because they rely on sexualizing and purposely misconstruing interactions between people. Real people, with lives, and thoughts, and relationships with their loved ones. Real people with boundaries that must be respected.

And it’s no coincidence that most of these ships tend to be mlm. It’s a symptom of toxic masculinity that people can look at a healthy friendship between two men and say ‘they can’t be that close without being gay’. It’s not your place to interpret that.

So here’s my message to rpf shippers: leave them alone. Ironically, by being gross about their relationships, you only drive these people farther apart because they begin to believe that anything they do will be sexualized by shippers. I saw it happen 4 years ago. It can, and will, happen again.

To those with hyperfixations: I hear you. I was there, once. I learned to change my trajectory a little bit to focus only on fictional characters (by zealously reading YA novels about dragons. If it works, it works.). I know that’s waaaay easier said than done, but if you make a real commitment to yourself, you can find a way. And maybe, in a few months, your old ships won’t be so enticing anymore.

And to those who choose to harass and send death threats, on either side of the argument: stop. You’re not helping anyone. One day, the fandom will come together and say that there is no place for rpf shipping here. But every aggressive comment pushes us farther apart.

I know this sounds ironic, coming from me, but I don’t have any hate towards those who rpf ship. You are not a bad person. What you are participating in, however, is ethically wrong. You must know that. The only people in this entire circumstance that I harbor any ill will towards are the people who continue to insist that rpf shipping is right. That somehow they, as fans, get to ‘speculate’ on the relationships between others. They who continue to show disrespect towards the very content creators they claim to support so much. And I refuse to support that.

Thank you for sending this ask and allowing me to elaborate on my stance on these things. I know this is unlikely to change anyone’s minds about it, but it’s all worth it if even one person can realize that they’re supporting something they shouldn’t be supporting. And to those people: it’s ok. Trust me, we’ve all been there.

#qwerty talks #rant #rpf tw

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mrswhozeewhatsis · 6 years ago

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21 Supernatural Questions

Thanks to @sammit-janet for helping me procrastinate tonight!

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

Early December, 2014. I’d been sick for a month, already, and had run out of other shows I wanted to watch. I decided to watch that show that Misha Collins was on that my goddaughters used to watch. I got through 9.5 seasons by Christmas. That first hellatus was awful, and it’s how I got into the fandom. I needed more, found con videos, then fan fiction, and the rest is history!

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

It depends on the day. I usually say I’m Winchester-sexual, angel-curious!

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

Ugh. I don’t dislike any of them (though I miss BAMF early-seasons Cas who didn’t bleed much and could do things regular hunters couldn’t like see demons’ faces). If I had to rank them, I probably obsess over Cas the least.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.

You’d ask me who my favorite children were, too, wouldn’t you? Not falling for that!

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

You’re killing me. You’re really killing me. I CAN’T PICK. Chuck? Donna? Jody? Rowena? I love John and Mary, but I don’t get squishy when I watch them on the show. Charlie? I literally squealed and frightened my husband when we saw AU!Charlie the first time. Ellen? There are too many and you can’t make me pick!!

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Donna. She kicks ass and calls it butt.

7. John or Mary?

Gonna quote @sammit-janet directly, cuz she said it well: “Both. I know people hate one or the other, but you cannot look at these parents with real-world glasses. John had the mother of his children burned on the ceiling and he had no fucking clue about the Supernatural until then. Once he did, he was on a mission to find whatever killed his wife.

“Mary made a deal to save the man she loved. She would have stopped Azazel that night in the nursery too, but Michael erased her memory. Now that she’s come back, well, don’t you think it’s a little disorienting to spend 32 years in heavenly bliss and then get thrust back down to earth and find out her children are living the exact life she didn’t want them to?

“Also, don’t forget, EVERYTHING was stacked against them. Heaven made 100% sure that they got together just so Sam and Dean could be born and play out the apocalypse.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Sam: Tall, but the hair, and he’s a baby, I feel like a pedophile.

Dean: Older, still tall, wiseass, heart of gold, if he loves pie, I’m a goner!

Cas: HOLY FUCK.

Jack: If he’s good, I will hold him and love him and squeeze him and call him George. If he’s evil, I will cut him down with the flames of a thousand burning suns.

9. What’s your favorite season?

I really don’t have one. I have seasons I love more, and seasons I love less, but none are my favorites. The writing in the beginning was tighter, and felt like there was an end coming, which made it more electric. But I really love watching the boys grow and change and make better, smarter decisions, or make stupid decisions for bigger, better reasons. I dislike the degradation of angel powers, though. I mean, remember when Cas could smite an entire diner of monsters or demons with just a bright light, but this season he was beaten to pulp by a demon gang? And now that Heaven’s gates are all open, can Cas fly, again? I mean, they couldn’t fly because the closed gates cut them off from Heaven, but now the gates are open, so LET CAS FLY, DAMMIT.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Season 7, although that season does have an inordinate amount of things I like about it, so it makes no sense. Story-wise, I get it. They had to systematically take away everything the boys valued in order to leave Sam the destroyed mess he was when Dean and Cas disappeared. I don’t like it when my boys hurt, but I understand why they did it. On the other hand, season 7 gave us Charlie, and Frank, and Garth, and Kevin, and numerous dick jokes, and Sam tied to a bed, and Cas naked on Dean’s car covered in bees. So torn, but when I rewatch the series, I take a deep breath when I start season 7. (During my most recent rewatch, I also took a breath when Toni Bevell came onto my screen, so I guess I now put 12 in with 7.)

11. Opinions on Destiel?

Canon - Dean is straight. He’s said multiple times he doesn’t swing that way. I wouldn’t object if the writers decided to change that, but I respect Jensen and the writers in their decision not to go that way. There are more and more diverse characters on our screen every year, and I’m okay with letting Dean be a cis het white male who loves women of all kinds. I would love if they did a Human!Impala episode and the Impala turned out to be John Barrowman, though. On the other hand, Cas is completely unconcerned with gender and sexuality, so I wouldn’t mind seeing him have a romantic thing with a guy. Pretty sure that would break the fandom, though, so not holding my breath.

Fanon - Holy cheeseballs, that boy swings harder than an old-time saloon door, and I love reading about him being so open to everyone. Give me all the guys banging Dean like a screen door in a hurricane. Dean is all the door metaphors and memes, including the memes about Cas loving to destroy doors. Show me these two idiots falling in love any way you got it. They were roommates, you say? YES. There was only one bed, you say? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. Dean’s a fireman and Cas is a nurse? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME??? BRING IT.

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

Not intentionally, or maliciously, but I can see why some folks might think that, sometimes. It’s a fine line the show writers have to balance on when it comes to scenes with Dean and Cas because of the fandom’s obsession with Destiel. They want to show the love between the two characters as brothers, but it can’t be too much love. (However, I sometimes wonder about certain things. I would love to sit down with Jensen, Jerry Wanek, and Robbie Thompson, show them certain moments, and ask why certain decisions were made regarding framing, editing, props, and such. If they weren’t thinking Destiel, what were they thinking??)

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

You’re asking me to pick my kids, again. 1-7 is Kripke writing, 8-11 is Robbie Thompson writing, NO NO NO YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DECIDE.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

Crowley

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

YES. I’m cool with watching Nick progress into a big bad, but keep Lucifer in The Empty. (I just had a wild thought about The Empty, Lucifer, and The Shadow coming for Jack. Lord, I hope I’m wrong.)

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

Quoting Sammit again: “Sam. He found out he had demon blood in him, was one of Azazel’s “chosen”, died by being stabbed in the back, went to hell for 100 years, lost his soul, was driven mad by Lucifer, almost died doing the trials, was possessed by Gadreel…did i leave anything out?”

Dean and Cas have also had their share, but if you want to quantify it, I think Sam has had more.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

Baby, Dog Dean Afternoon, Don’t Call Me Shurley, most of the other episodes writing by Robbie Thompson, too.

18. Do you like case episodes?

They are a nice breather in between the episodes where I can’t sit back for moment.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

I switch back and forth between Dean and Sam. I relate to Sam wanting to go to college to get away from his family, I relate to Dean’s eating habits, I understand why Sam’s done all the stupid shit he’s done, and I understand Dean not wanting to delve into things because it’s hard. Oh, and I say awesome almost as much as Dean. Cas, though, is a mystery to me. The only time I relate to him is when he’s confused by pop culture references.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

The characters. They’re just so fucking interesting, you know? And (with some notable exceptions) the writers have managed to keep them from getting too far away from who they were in the pilot, while showing them growing and changing and improving. I love the world, I love the fantasy, and I love how universal they all are. I mean, if you took characters from another show and put them in a Beach AU, I wouldn’t be able to see it like I can with these characters. They’re awesome.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

Keep Lucifer dead, bring back Frank. I also want to see more of Linda Tran. Or Ellen, though I don’t know what they’d do with her with Mary around. I’d say Crowley, but I know that will never happen, and I understand why, so I’m letting him go.

Tag yourselves!

#incoherent babbling by mrswhozeewhatsis

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uhhhhhhokay · 6 years ago

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My Unpopular Opinions of 2018

This is messy, a bit mean, and full of my mad/irritated feelings. You’ve been warned. No slipping into my asks as an anon to fight with me because I’ve posted this on my account. These are my opinions and I’ve already said that they aren’t that nice to some shows

1) Charmed and Black Lightning are the only good CW shows and it has the best lesbian rep of 2018 (and Rosa from b99 would be the best bisexual rep)

2) Melanie Scrofano/Wynonna Earp is the best part of Wynonna Earp. Honestly lately the rest of the characters for me have either awful or boring or funny but given nothing to do

3) Also even though she’s the main actress, Melanie is somehow the most underrated actress/character in the show. She’s disregarded by so many fans, either in favor of Wayhaught or Doc, and the show treats her like shit by constantly putting her with Doc

4) Descendants fans who pit Dove Cameron and China Anne McClain against each other in the hopes of making the other seem superior are doing absolutely nothing for their careers and are contributing to the unnecessary comparison between successful women

5) Also I don’t care if you don’t like Dove Cameron, but hating her for that Mal/Harry comment she made months ago is so fucking ridiculous. She’s a girl in love who also loves her character, god forbid she make her own headcanons for it, and it wasn’t like she was asking for it to happen (and no she wasn’t disregarding Mal’s current relationship Ben because she was talking about Mal and Harry being exes god damnit)

6) I can’t believe i have to say this in 2018 BUT STOP WITH THE INCEST STORYLINES! IT AIN’T CREATIVE OR SURPRISING BITCHES JUST GROSS

7) ALSO STOP SHIPPING INCEST GOD PLEASE STOP

8) Timothee Chamalet or whatever his name is, isn’t that great. Like he’s fine I guess but like....Have you seen other actors? I mean, there’s Fady Elsayed, Jack Black, Jordan Renzo, Greg Austin (rip Class), and so many more actors that are, in my opinon, significantly more talented

9) Letterkenny and Galavant are the best comedies out there

10) Riverdale is shit for erasing Jughead’s asexuality and queerbaiting fans at the beginning with Beronica

11) I’ve said this before, but people disliking Cole Sprouse because of the abuse allegation against him is incredibly valid.

12) Mike Flanagan, Jordan Peele, and Kate Siegel are the only people I trust to write some bone chilling horror stories

13) The Haunting of Hill House is better than American Horror Story and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrine combined

Now it’s time to get serious.....

14) I have no respect and cannot get along with people who talk about how ugly people are

15) The hellsite is shit for so many reasons but some of its worst qualities are when people take a situation and make it black and white, have zero sympathy or empathy for other people, and twist peoples words and put in meanings that were never there

16) I also hate how how people only care about mental illness when it doesn’t come to their jokes or memes. For example, mental health has been talked about a lot in regards to Ariana Grande, which is good, but once her engagement with Pete Davidson ended, no one hesitated to attack him in almost every way possible even though the man has been very outspoken about his depression. I don’t know shit about Pete Davidson but I’ve seen him relentlessly be attacked and have his depression and suicidal thoughts be joked about.

17) Stanning is a fucked up culture that we need to leave behind in 2018. There are some celebrities who have a lot of projects that I love and I admire their talent, but the concept of stanning either includes an unhealthy amount of devotion to a celebrity or it erases them as a human being and reduces them down to objects. In some cases, both of these are true. It’s a sick thing for both fans and the celebrities. If a celebrity does something wrong, call them out, and if they don’t listen, well forget it or move on. Cancelling them as if they can be thrown in the garbage and disposed of promotes negativity and hatred, which is doesn’t solve anything, and it can inhibit any growth from that celebrity. They are human and will inevitably fuck up. It’s the only way to learn and grow.

18) This is about Wynonna Earp but it’s a serious post. I’ve made my thoughts about this show abundantly clear but there is one thing I haven’t talked about at all and that’s the racism in the show and in the fanbase. Disclaimer: I am white. This show hasn’t treated any of their poc or black characters well. The latest example would be the treatment of Dolls and Kate. The last two seasons Doc has had two women of color as his love interests, and both of these characters have been treated as objects to make Wynonna jealous. There is also the lack of story and villainization of these women. There is also the major lack of story with Dolls, which most likely led to Shamier Anderson’s decision to leave. I won’t get into anymore, this is how I’ve always viewed these poor storylines, but I will say this: white fans of Wynonna Earp, we do not get a say on how black viewers should feel about any of these storylines. White lesbians, you would be livid is Waverly or Nicole were killed, and rightfully so. Black people or people of color probably felt the rage you would’ve felt if you lost one of those characters when Dolls was killed off. Telling people to get over it is cruel. If people want to stop watching, that is their right. We have no place in telling them how they should feel about the treatment of their representation.

19) I made this post a while ago but it holds true: https://uhhhhhhokay.tumblr.com/post/179314393735/shows-with-good-lgbt-rep

20) Everyone needs a break from social media. I know that for some people, it really helps because we have friends on here that we can talk to, but it also has so many negative effects. The real world is nothing like this toxic website. You should take breaks from it every once in a while. You need to get hobbies. You need some other past time than this website. The majority of people on this site aren’t good and everyone should take a breather from it. I take breaks from this site on a regular basis and when I do it feels so fucking good.

21) Random but The Lodgers is the worst movie ever and it’s an even worse horror movie. Would not recommend. Unless you feel like roasting something for an hour and a half. The only good part about watching that movie was that I watched it with my roommate who I am good friends with and we laughed our asses off and made fun of it so much. It is truly awful. Even though I had a blast roasting it, I will never get that time of my life back.

22) The Last Jedi does not deserve that 91% on rotten tomatoes. Just like how The Lodgers deserves far less than 56%.

23) Time to get serious again. I get that a lot of us wished that the shows we loved were real, but they aren’t. That’s a fact that everyone needs to realize and accept. To me, hating an actor for their character’s actions is just as fucked up as stanning. They aren’t their character. They are not responsible for the shit their characters pull. They are carrying out the story written for them. As for writers, sometimes the writers do not support their characters actions either. Just because the character is evil or mean or whatever does not always mean that the people who work behind the curtain support that.

24) Shipping real people and harassing them is sooo inappropriate and messed up. I shouldn’t really have to explain this one but too many people on this site don’t seem to grasp it. I mean, didn’t Harry Styles say a while ago that all the smutty fanfics, tweets, and fanarts about him and his bandmates effect his friendships with him? Him reacting that way is not homophobic, btw. It is him reacting naturally to people fetishizing and sexualizing him and his friends. These are real people. Their relationship, sexuality, and god just so much of their lives is none of our business. They don’t owe us any information about their personal lives. We don’t own them. They are their own people, which also means that they make their own mistakes.

25) Random again, but original Charmed fans put their show too high of a pedestal. I never got really into show. I tried it, think I watched half of the first season, and I did a little research on it and I was in the fanbase for a hot sec but it was very short. From my research, it seems to me, that for a feminist show, the cast (except Shannon Doherty) was the opposite behind the scenes. I know you can’t help who you don’t like but you can control how you talk about someone, especially to the public, and from what I’ve seen there’s been more negative comments from them about their castmates than positive. I don’t think anyone will know the whole story but to me the feud between the og’s leading ladies has always very catty to me, and it’s gotten even worse with the remake. You can be protective of your show without being rude. You don’t have to support the remake, and you can do that without being rude either. By the way, this is more directed towards Holly Marie Combs, who I believe has been the most outspoken about being against it. Three young actresses are doing the job they love and they were given a chance to be the new charmed ones for a new generation. There is no reason to be so negative about it. It looks even more immature when you see the cast of the original Sabrina who gleefully gave their support to the new cast.

26) Adults please stop thinking every show is for you. it’s not. Some shows are for kids, some shows are for teenagers, and some shows are for you. If you enjoy the show that’s directed towards a younger audience then that’s great. If you don’t enjoy it, then that’s fine too. What is not fine is you acting like that show was meant for you and tearing it apart and bullying people of that directed age group online. I can’t believe the amount of times I’ve seen some 19-40 year old dipshit on the internet go and bully a 15 year old only because they said they loved a show. That is not only sick and immature but it’s uncalled for.

27) Also 15 year olds or younger, do not use your age as an excuse to be mean either. You might be young and you will definitely make huge mistakes, but there’s is nothing to justify you telling someone to kill themselves or insulting them just because they don’t like your favorite character or something. You might not be as experienced as some adults, but you’re old enough to know what the fuck you’re doing and how wrong it is. Don’t be cruel and blame it on you being young and stupid. You maybe young and all of us will always be a bit stupid, but that does not excuse your behavior. And @ older people who do that shit too, your older age and power does not excuse your cruelty either. Nothing excuses telling someone to kill themselves. Ever. Especially if it’s over a goddamn tv show.

28) Can Ryan Murphy please just make one tv show and stick with it until it ends? He has so many great concepts but because he wants to do all of them at once they all go downhill after one season.

29) On the same but different note, fuck Ryan Murphy for having Violet and Tate get back together. My girl deserves better than a serial killer/rapist that also got her mom killed because he impregnated her with the anti christ. Fuck that.

I never intended this to be so long lol no one will read this

30) The Hormone Monster is literally a metaphor for hormones. Stop twisting it into pedophilia. That show is so sex positive and is so much better than most of the sex ed that we got.

31) Let’s leave monster fucking behind please

32) Puzzles are a treat to do

33) Funko pops are cute but they make a lot of dumbass decisions regarding which ones to make (like I saw pops of that new nutcracker movie a while before it was released like maybe wait and see how it does first????)

34) Also lets stop thinking of ships/shows as a way to up yourself as more progressive or whatever. We all have our trash shows and ships, stop acting like a saint. Just because someone has a trash ship, does not mean they are lesser than you.

35) Fanbases are usually always trash. This didn’t change at all in 2018.

36) Class’s first season was significantly better than Torchwoods first season. You guys are just mean.

37) While I adore Class, Patrick Ness’s dialogue was really YIKES sometimes (the Charlie April deleted scene nearly killed me). Overall it was good though because it was the closest depiction of how teens speak.

38) Also any teen drama show that has a teen speak seriously in a hashtag should burn in hell (if a hashtag is used in dialogue as joke then it’s fine because it’s funny)

39) An actor being on a show you don’t like does not warrant hate

40) It’s been two years since Class but still, fuck the dw fans who were/are so mean to the class actors, especially Vivian Oparah and Sophie Hopkins.

I think that’s it.

#40 points long #bbc class

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a-magpie-witchling-sideblog · 7 years ago

Note

mrsdevorak obsessively bad mouths asra and nadia on every post they come across while woobifying the only white people in the game. they’re clearly being racist; stop making excuses for them.

I never once made excuses for this person, who by the way I told to go fuck themselves and blocked the second I saw said racism.What I did was:1) Say that Nadia deserves better screen time portrayal, because so far we've got a terrible gap between what Nadia does on screen and what she's supposed to be doing off screen. This is FALSE REPRESENTATION and it happens all the fucking time to women in media, especially women of color, and even more with queer women of color. So people have the canonical resources to go: LOOK AT NADIA BEING LAZY AND NOT CARING ABOUT HER PEOPLE. SHE HAS THE MEMORIES AND HAS THE POWER BUT SHE'S JUST SITTING THERE DOING NOTHING AND TAKING VACATIONS. When theoretically we know this can't be true. However how much screen time has been given to *show* Nadia actually ruling Vesuvia? Nadia deserves to be portrayed as the wise sovereign we all know she is. I give The Arcana the benefit of the doubt because the game's just starting. But this is an issue that's real and that's as dangerous as queerbaiting. Representation is meaningless if the characters are there in theory but not on screen. I can give you a list of 20 movies from the top of my head where I can show you these "strong female characters" being well overqualified and then not actually *doing* anything with those qualifications. This isn't representation. I saw a post that mentioned this and I used it to speak up about what a shitty portrayal we're being given of a character that's so very good in the script and off screen, but shown only in her down time if not every single time at least the vast majority of it when the camera has focused on her in the flashbacks.2) I did point out that letting all hell break loose for an easily made vocabulary mistake is not fair and that if you're gonna get pissed at someone for being racist, that's not the thing to take a hold of. Cross cultural translation mistakes literally start wars, and if we preach tolerance, maybe raging when a foreigner makes an honest mistake isn't cool. This person was being racist through and through. I made it very clear I wasn't defending them, both publicly and privately to them. But that one particular thing was not the one to get rightfully pissed about.I'm a tour guide and I juggle groups of sometimes 15 different nationalities at the same time. This is something I've seen happen in real life and it got really ugly really quickly.I have had to come in as a mediator yelling "IT GOT LOST IN TRANSLATION. THEY DIDN'T MEAN WHAT YOU JUST HEARD. IT'S AN IDIOM IN x LANGUAGE" at least a dozen times in my years of profession. It doesn't help that in some places in the world the N word and things like fatty mean "sweetie" or "darling", or that very grievous insults like the F slur or "son of a bitch" are used between perfect strangers in informal contexts as terms of endearment when literally in the NEIGHBORING country it's LEGAL to KILL someone that called you that.In certain contexts, people (ESPECIALLY American young people or other young people who are Americanized from their near constant contact with the liberal or non-conservative American people) forget that sometimes there's a cultural barrier. There's an honest cultural barrier that sometimes people don't *see*. In my country it's perfectly acceptable to call someone by the N word. Hell, my 1st grade teacher called us that. Once I saw someone CRY because they knew Mexican Spanish, if I'm not mistaken, but not that one particular social rule here, so when they got called that they were understandably upset. There was screaming and there was crying and doors were slammed. All hell broke loose for a term of endearment that got lost in translation. Yesterday when I pointed this out someone told me to learn the language, that if I wanted to know I would already know. And that's just not fair. I've been on Tumblr for less than 3 months. The racial slur in question isn't one I had heard until a year ago, playing a video game. Recently I found out it was a racial slur when people call me Paisa.Guys I had been a professional translator for 4 years when I learned to say the word FORK. It's not about wanting to learn sometimes, but about actually ever getting in contact with the terminology. Let's be fair when a person's English is clearly not native and we see one word that is harmful being used. In English you have a weird amount of racial slurs (something pretty telling there) so you can't automatically crucify a foreigner for accidentally saying one. With people who don't speak English as a first language you have to learn to be more lenient. It's not the case here, as I said, screw this person, but I'm sure that a lot of the people that were sending hate towards them only needed to read the one racial slur to get really angry. You guys knew this person. You had seen them be a racist prick before. I hadn't. And I don't regret giving them the benefit of the doubt that maybe this is an honest mistake. It turned out it was, the rest of their racism wasn't. Sometimes when I've seen this happen IRL I've given people the benefit of the doubt and we quickly found it was a cultural barrier thing that goes beyond common sense.Come over to my country and speak broken Spanish and I assure you a lot of people who aren't used to dealing with tourists will get fucking pissed because they'll think you're mocking them. I find it especially offensive when English speakers try to say my name with their broken accents that sound absolutely nothing like my actual name when I just gave them a nickname they can pronounce. And that's something that Americans try to do out of respect here. I have to be tolerant of these mistakes because there's no ill intent. It's really just an accident.Cross cultural discourse, especially on serious matters such as this one, should be treated analyzing all factors, else you could be incurring in xenophobia or racism yourself. Telling someone to learn the language is just downright unfair because you could be having the conversation in their native language, given that the internet has the resources for you to learn it.But what do I know. I have been told I should just shut up, that I'm a dipshit, that I'm not valid, I was removed from a discord server without any kind of foreword, blocked for "writing too much", people now refuse to talk to me from both sides, nobody is willing to read anything I say and are filling my mouth with someone else's words when from the get go I was very clearly not defending this person.And you know what? That's just downright unfair. But also I'm used to it, because, guess what, every POC's voice is worthy of being heard unless you're Latino. If you're a Latina woman you just don't exist. So every single time I try to speak up for what I believe there's a half white person (it's ALWAYS a half white person) telling me to shut up.I still stand for everything I said, because I tried to be careful when expressing it, even if nobody is willing to listen.

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kuckie · 8 years ago

Text

(Long post)

I’ve watched a lot of series through my life...

...like, seriously, a ton of series, from beginning to end, some of them. I think the first series I followed, like, actually waiting for the next episode, were anime series.

Then, I watched House MD and at the same time, Torchwood. The time between a season and the next one, were 6 months approx. for both of them. So I watched series like Law and Order, CSI (all of them) which you can watch and stop watching because most of the time the episodes’ stories start and end within the episode. The background story is only interesting for some, but it is not the centre of the series (at least, first seasons)

House was like this and at the same time I couldn’t just focus on the case on the episode, I loved the background story. The same with Torchwood (although the effects turn me off sometimes). I watch other series in between seasons, I read fanfiction, I wrote some, and changed ships in House when the character development and chemistry between characters changed. First seasons I was a Houseron/Hameron shipper because the vibes where suggested by characters’ interactions, plotlines and chemistry between the actors/characters. Then, I started shipping Huddy, because the characters’ interactions, plotlines and chemistry between the actors/characters guided me to think in that direction. Finally, I was a Huddy/Wilse shipper because even though one of the characters have left the series (Cuddy), I felt in House interactions with other characters that he was suppose to keep feeling attached to her. And Wilse, because the characters’ interactions, plotlines and chemistry between the actors/characters subtext and text implied the possibility. Even though through the whole series they were mostly shown as heterosexual men, behaviour and evolution of their relationship, together with dependency in a very "special” and toxic friendship (but that’s topic for another post) allowed the ambiguity. AND THEN THAT FINAL EPISODE. Maybe it was friendship, maybe it was more of a romantic/sexual relationship, maybe it was not. But the series allowed the ambiguity with the plot.

Torchwood has a very special place in my heart. There was this gay actor (John Barrowman), playing an omnisexual character (as a pansexual who only recently-ish discovered the term, he was the first character that show me it was not bad to love everybody/every body). There were aliens, kick ass women who had personalities, that loved and were loved back, that show me unrequited love was not that bad (Toshiko loving Owen was not the centre of Toshiko’s character also) and you could live with it. A woman being the one that cheated on her boyfriend with co-workers (not that is good, but it is normalized for guys), a male receptionist/coffee boy (Ianto was so much more, just, normally, there are women on those jobs)... I shipped every ship on these series, because the characters’ interactions, characters’ personalities, plotlines and chemistry between the actors/characters showed that everybody could end having a relationship with anybody. My favorite ship, and the one I read and wrote/write about is Janto, because it was sexy (which was/is not common for gay couples in no gay centred series (Queer as Folk was gay centred and sexy at the time, for example)), it change the interactions between characters accordingly, but not all the show. A character who had a gf then had a male lover/partner (they weren’t boyfriends, they said they were together very weirdly) explained that HIS FEELINGS (not just physical attraction or sex) were confusing but that he knew he felt something for this man. HE SPOKE OPENLY about it. Shy-like, but openly. Then when (SPOILER ALERT) Ianto was killed (among other characters) and everything changed I couldn’t keep watching the series much longer because it hurt too much. Because they were going somewhere with it before. But I was not angry against the writers, because it was foreseen, it was not just a killing for the drama, it was what happen to characters on the series (because at the end of the day, they had a dangerous job).

Why, you may think, am I writing about this.

I write about this, because I want to explain something about Sherlock. I ship pairings on those series because I thought canonically on the series they would make sense. I wanted them to become canon because the chemistry between them was suggested by the writers/actors actions. I had ships like Foreman/Chase on my writings because they help me get other ships on my stories, but I never thought they would become canon, because in the show THEY ALMOST HATED EACH OTHER. I shipped Jack and Ianto before they were a thing because they spend a lot of time together and had conversations other characters on Torchwood didn’t have (also, we didn’t know about the gf for a while). I thought they might end together, but if they didn’t (before they started developing their feelings) I understood it was because there was also chemistry between Jack and Gwen, for example.

Now, Sherlock. I watched the first season in 2011, so I had a year or so to get into the fandom, analyse the series, propose ideas as to how they escaped from the swimming pool before we got series 2. At the very beginning, I got into more than just the cases. I very much liked/like the background story. It was never about the cases really.

I didn’t ship Johnlock immediately thinking about it becoming canon. I shipped it because I thought it was nice that Sherlock/Ben C face glowed when instead of being called a freak for his deductions, he was “amazing, brilliant”. Because they went to live together and they were asked if they will need two bedrooms as something casual, not a decisive point of them renting the place. Because the brother of the main character suggested it (at the moment I thought that confirmed Sherlock liked men). Because there is a scene where both the main characters said that loving people of the same gender is fine, one saying GFs are not his area (which made me think it was implicitly acknowledging he did not liked women).

But I didn’t thought at that point it will be Canon. I thought, they are playing with the gay innuendos. I thought, John Watson is straight as fuck, look, he has date after date. He want to date every frigging women on the show but Molly.

I liked Molly a lot too, so I thought maybe they will pair her with Sherlock because she is obviously interested. Maybe they will pair them with John, as a Mary Morstan adaptation. I thought Molly and John could work when she said “Sorry, I don’t know your name”, because I thought “yeah, they may start seeing each other more now and it will be a good meeting by chance, through a friend”.

However, season 2 happened and season 3... Irene Adler, John GFs and Sherlock death happened and ... the characters’ interactions, plotlines and chemistry between the actors/characters made me BELIEVE it was definitely going to be canon Johnlock. The writers cannot lead in any other direction, I mean, you mourn over a friend, but you keep going. You don’t ask a friend for a miracle of them not being dead, you are not angry with a friend because they weren’t dead and didn’t tell you, you are relieved. You on the other hand, can be angry with someone that is more than a friend, because they owed you more. They should have trusted you.

I stop shipping Molly with John when she was obviously still thinking about Sherlock (Christmas party) and began shipping her with Greg, although because of some fanfiction, I was very much into Mystrade. I never thought Mystrade would be Canon (which kinda subtlety happened-ish, but then in season 4 Lady Smallwood and WTF Mycroft) but I thought maybe Lestrolly/Molstrade (because, again the characters’ interactions, plotlines and chemistry between the actors/characters suggested it)

Then, Season 4 happened and for 2 episodes I thought it was definitely no queerbaiting when they married John, they will make history.They will make him openly bisexual. There’s no other reason to kill Mary. Without the heartbroken-pushed-to-limits-former-soldier John, he would never open his heart. Nor would Sherlock.

Then episode 3 happened and 1st, I thought it was a tribute to The Ring (Ringu). I watched it and regretted watching the episode. I thought about Molly being so sad answering the phone, not eager to answer, when in the previous episode she was there because Sherlock asked her to 3 weeks earlier. No suggested communication in between. Maybe the checking up on the ambulance would made her angry. WHo knows, plotholes, whatever.

My point is... Johnlockers don’t ship Johnlock because we are gay fetishists, because we hate Molly (we like Molly as a character for seasons, we hate what they did to her (plot device, cough cough), I’m personally sad that Lou feel attacked because we think the I love you part was awful for the character and misleading as a VERY IMPORTANT part of the series). Johnlockers had explain quite extensively why Johnlock was the only shipping possibility. And the ambiguity of everything is just awful.

On House MD you could accept the House/Wilson ship not being canon, because it was sensible as a friendship due to very well developed relationships through all the series with other characters.

On Torchwood you could understand the death of a main character because most of the characters died in related-to-job activities, not because killing the gay character was groundbreaking (which is not now, neither was nor will be ever) or a plot twist or the character was used as a plot device. Also, the actors and writers were very sympathetic to the fans who felt this as a devastating moment for the fandom.

On Sherlock you cannot accept the writers’ queerbaiting. There’s this amazing chemistry going, character developing, kick ass women... and you ignore all and make the plot developed in 4 seasons shatter on the floor killing one of the kick ass women for no reason but to strained/get back together other characters as friends, going back to your characters’ personalities from season 1 and addressing some LGBT+ issues within your own series jokingly knowing the fandom is very serious about it.

That’s why I hope there are more episodes to come on Sherlock. More series. Anything. No because I want two men kissing or fucking on my screen, but because I think the characters deserved it. Molly deserves it, because she could have been more than sad Molly. Mycroft deserves a deeper explanation of his character after what we discovered. Sherlock deserves to show how human he can be, that he deserves love, being loved, being in love. That we discover the not-so-perfect John loving, being loved back without lies and actually raising Rosie up.

#Long post #rants after being on twitter 2 minutes #Sherlock #sherlock bbc #queerbaiting #HOUSE MD #torchwood #Johnlock #Janto #Wilse

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thefarlefchronicles · 7 years ago

Text

Farlef Chronicles Episode 4 - The Farlefhymenning

This chapter is dedicated to Spotify and its creation of the exclusive Farlef Chronicles Playlist.

https://open.spotify.com/user/227f24h5jhnr6y6v6zhnfudsy/playlist/22y0Yqx1Ruj22k9TdJItbF

Previously on The Farlef Chronicles, HOLY FUCK WHAT THE FUCK, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS HOLY SHIT FUCK BALLS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK EVERYONE'S DEAD FUCK ME. FIRE.

Current - December 25, 2016 2:21 A.M. at Farlef and John's Apartment in Spokane

After riding all night along US-395 N southbound they finally made it to Spokane, the upper echelon of Deer Park,Washington. As Farlef, his wheelchair bound dad, his brother John and his brother's girlfriend Sarah rode in silence wondering what they just witnessed and why it happened, they were all waiting for Farlef's Dad to finally get out of his own personal flashback after he declared it all started in 1941. In his blank daze all they could do was now stare at their Christopher Reeve acting father and wonder what images danced in his head. It couldn't of been of sugar plums dancing in his head cause he called them the fruit of the faggot and banished him from his home every Christmas. No what was going on through Farlef's Dad's head was much more barbaric and erotic.

As John was driving towards his apartment in his Bitchin Brubaker Box he decided to address everyone in the car.

"Farlef, this seems like the type of shit you and dad deal with, I never in the past wanted to know what you two did, I figured I let Bigones be bygones

but now that Sarah is involved I am too. Whatever you two need, you can count on me."

"John I really don't give a shit, don't involve me in this" Sarah declared as she wondered what was on tv to watch.

Farlef was shocked that his brother was willing to join them in whatever came next. He had heard tales of John's time down in the Congo as a member of the Peace Corps and how it turned bad. No one heard from his group for 4 months then one day on a small raft made of human bodies, not corpses, actual living bodies sewed together to make a raft he reappeared. He said nothing of the experience and no one asked any questions.

"Glad to count on you bro, I have no idea what is about to happen but if they willing to burn down our town, try to kill us and somehow involve Justine in all this it seems like a bigger conspiracy then either of us could of imagined."

John pulled his Bitchin Brubaker Box into the parking lot that was outside his apartment.

"When Dad wakes up from his stupor, our lives will probably change. Not for the better, its never for the better when he goes on his rants but either way we are in this together. Now get Dad off the roof and I will see you inside" John said as he ran inside to avoid the rain.

As Farlef was dragging his father up the stairs the back of his wheelchair popped open revealing a secret compartment in his wheelchair. The back had a false backing and inside was many moose tranquilizers, moose pheromones, a selfie with a bear and a scroll that was thousands of years old written in menstrual deer blood on human skin named 'Ponere cervis auritosque Mailman et nuntiavit autem custos arrhabonem'. As he tried to say the words a loud his father woke from his stupor

"THE STAG, THE MAILMAN AND THE KEEPER OF THE PAWN" Farlef's died cried out startling Farlef.

"Dad are you ok, you been passed out for over 3 hours since we fled Deer Park" Farlef exclaimed.

“What are you going on about, got too much gay in your ears, this entire time I was explaining the deep rooted history of the war with the moose, how it happened, why it happened, fuck don't you two cock mongrels listen to anything. Always on your fancy pocket porn doohickeys and jerking off to Asian Bestiality Necrophilia porn. Fucking weirdos, back in my day we sneak into the forest during mating season and watch bears fuck to get our jolly's off. Sure it was risky, a bear in heat will fuck anything. If I had known that once that bear penetrated me and snapped my spin in two that I would never walk again I would have had the decency to go to the Deer Park Sperm Bank and made a deposit and hope to one day spread my seed again in hopes of getting a masculine son that was straight cause at the moment I can't feel any pain except the pain of knowing my sons are homosexuals." He bellowed out as Farlef brought him into John's apartment while Sarah came out of their bathroom and went to the bedroom she and john shared heterosexually pretending she heard nothing as usual.

"Dad you literally were about to explain what happened, said it all started in 1941, then went into some weird coma so we tied you to the roof of John's bitchin Brubaker Box and got the fuck out of Dodge”

"Why where we in Dodge? We were in Deer Park, our precious holy land, burned to the ground"

"Getting out of Dodge is just an expression and it turns out Deer Park was not burned down. The Moose used CGI to fake everything except our house burning down, that was real. They are sophisticated mother fuckers" "You mean my antique collection of pharaoh pubic hairs are gone. I don't have a reason to live" Exclaimed Farlef's father.

Unbeknownst to Farlef and his brother, while their father had his 47th life crisis, they where going through his things and found charts and maps explaining the centuries long feud between Deer and Moose.

"I’ll be right back I need to Back the bus out of the garage " Farlef said.

"What?" John replied.

"I need to Balance The Budget"

"?"

"I need to bomb the porcelain sea"

"Seriously what are you going on about"

" I need to chop some butt wood, go colon bowlin', Dispense some soft serve, Drop Anchor, Fertilize the Ferns, Give back that Corn, Got to put one on the Radar, Ignite a Rectal Rocket, Log into the toilet and make a huge download, Pinch a Stink Pickle, Release the Chocolate Hostages, ya know Montezuma's Revenge"

"Farlef I have no idea what the fuck your rambling about"”

"I NEED TO SHIT JOHN, I WAS TRYING TO BE DISCRETE"

"Oh why didn't you say something, you could of just said you needed to get a Stranglehold on a Darkie"

"Hot peppers have killed all that I love And what I loved was an asshole that didn't burn like the great fire of chicago" Farlef declared as he left the bathroom.

He felt like Johnny Cash cause his asshole was a Burning Ring of Fire. After thoroughly destroying yet another bathroom, a record 13 he walked into a sight he had no words to describe.

"I was gone for 15 minutes reading a nice article bout bay window decor in Good Housekeeping and this is what I return to. First off Dad, what in the fuck are you doing"

"I AIN'T GOT A REASON TO LIVE BOY, I COULD ONLY DEAL WITH YOU NANCY BOYS WITH MY VINTAGE PHARAOH PUBIC HAIRS. PAPI MADE THE PAWN OF A LIFETIME FOR THEM. I GOT NOTHING" he yelled as he swung there, his neck too fat to choke himself.

And John, what the fuck is happening here"

"ITS ALL CONNECTED FARLEF, IT ALL MAKES SENSE. DAD IS A RAVING HOMOPHOBIC, RACIST, PARAPLEGIC, CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING IN HIS LEGS BUT THE FEELING OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE TRIES EVEN THROWING HIMSELF DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS TO ELICIT A REACTION OF PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL OF A MAN BUT HE IS RIGHT. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MOOSE. ONE SPECIFIC MOOSE, PEPE SILVIA" he exclaimed as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"In the name of the Mailman, The Papi and the Holy Stag" Farlef prayed to himself.

His brother was right, so was his RAVING HOMOPHOBIC, RACIST, PARAPLEGIC, CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING IN HIS LEGS BUT THE FEELING OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE TRIES EVEN THROWING HIMSELF DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS TO ELICIT A REACTION OF PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL OF A MAN SO HE STABS HIMSELF IN THE LEG WITH A KNIFE TO FEEL ANY PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NOW HE HAS A KNIFE STICKING OUT OF HIS LEG THAT HE DOESN'T FEEL ANY PAIN IN EXCEPT THE PAIN OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL SO HE TAKES ANOTHER KNIFE TO JIMMY THE FIRST KNIFE OUT OF HIS LEG BUT YET HE STILL FEELS NO PAIN EXCEPT THE PAIN OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL, NOW WITH TWO KNIVES STUCK IN HIS LEGS HE CAN'T FEEL father. The moose where behind everything.

"Dad you need to tell us everything, how this began, why its happening, we need answers"

"I TOLD YOU ON THE RIDE UP HERE, CLEAN YOUR EARS OUT AND STOP THINKING BOUT CHANNING TATUM FOR 2 GOD DAMNED MINUTES." He yelled still swaying from the ceiling.

As both brothers stood their in a daze thinking bout Channing Tatum and his luscious body, his father went on to tell the tale of the greatest story never told except when he is drinking and on the drive up and to a young girl the one year he played Santa Claus at Reindeer Festival in '98 where they sawed reindeer horns shorter so they looked like regular deer.

"Do you unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit want to know the full story or just the cliff notes cause I don't got all fucking day. Now you slimy little communist shit twinkle toed cock-suckers cut me down, I gotta restock the pond with brown trout" Not even 2 minutes after cutting their father down and watching him struggle to roll to the bathroom they heard a loud crash.

“Fucking weak fucking ceiling can't even hold a fucking grown man's weight and his fucking wheelchair, good for nothing spic labor, Trump was right, build the fucking wall and make them pay for it. Sad part is they probably make it as shitty as your ceiling and first breeze rolls in the wetbacks would watch it fall over and then just get across" Farlef's dad muttered from the floor.

"Ok queerbait and friend, story time, gather round the campfire" Farlef's dad said as he started a campfire in John's living room.

"You want the whole story or the short version for your ADHD riddled minds" he asked.

"The beginning dad" they both said.

"Ok I remember emerging from darkness, light blinding me. I was scared. I had emerged from nothing into this new world. A man in white was holding me and your grandmother and grandfather were there. I was naked and covered in blood"

"What the fuck you going on about" John yelled.

"You said from the beginning, I am starting with my birth, where was I? Ah yes I was crying for deer life, not knowing where I was or whence I came but every sight, sound, smell was new and exotic"

"Jesus fucking christ Dad tell us about the war, oh my God" Farlef said with disgust and mild intrigue.

"Fine for fucks sake, I asked if you wanted the long or short version ok, here we go……. We went on vacation to Moose Lake, Wisconsin, fucked shit up and now they hate us" Farlef's dad said as he took a puff of his deer shape pipe.

"OH MY GOD YOU HANDICAPPED OLD FUCK, ALL YOUR STORIES ARE LIKE THIS, EITHER WAY TO DETAILED OR YOU JUST MUTTER OFF A SENTENCE. FUCK. JUST TELL US THE STORY OF WHAT YOU DID AND WITH WHO TO PISS OFF THE MOOSE THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS THEY WANT YOU DEAD."

"Fine" he said as his eyes started glassing over, getting ready for another flashback.

It was the summer of 1969. I was a young man, strong, smart, handsome, single with the legs of a Kenyan sprinter. Beautiful Adonis like legs, sculpted from marble. Hips that could crack a cinderblock between them and thighs that when they rubbed together started forest fires. If I wore shorts, panties hit the floor so hard it cracked concrete. My legs were so magnificent that it caused young men to hit puberty and women to ovulate. The population of Deer Park skyrocketed that summer when I came around.

Next was my brother from another Italian gangster mother, Sam. God Sam was a beautiful man. He was part James Dean, part Burt Reynolds and all sex. His nipples were the size of quarters, perfect. His ass was two handfuls of glory and his crotch was so astounding that he had to have custom cloths made to accommodate his Italian Stallion. I still remember when I could still walk we would go skinny dipping together and he would arise from the water, shinning in the moonlight, with a giant catfish on his crotch and he laugh it off saying he caught us dinner.

Last but not least the third member of our rat pack, our Deer Drove. Papi. This is the sickest mother fucker I ever met. I met him one day while perusing a local mom and pop shop for some pop and a milkshake. As I was about to pay a brown hand stopped me. I was about to undo my pants and show him my legs, that usually did the trick when anyone fucked with me, but I looked into his eyes and saw myself. The past, present and future. I saw all possibilities and no possibilities. Time and space stood still in this man's eyes and I realized we were now imprinted for life. He then proceeded to throw a Molotov cocktail at the waitress and we fled with a free coke and a shake. We been best friends ever since.

The three of us where hanging out, getting ready for the Bi-Annual Running of the Farlef. It was a hot August 9th and it was an especially important year, it was the Bi-centennial of the founding of Deer Park. It was a momentous occasion, after Derby Deer Races, Deer BBQ, the tormenting of the Moose and the popular Running of the Farlef, the great Deer Shaman was going to come down from the mountains and bestow his wisdom on the town.

It was nighttime when the mighty shaman came and told his tale, the true meaning of Deer Park.

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in moose blood, and dedicated to the proposition that all deer are created equal.Now we emerged victorious in a great civil war, testing whether that deer or moose are the horniest and so dedicated, can long endure. We met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their antlers so that Deer Park might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this and of course fuck with the shitty moose. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave Deer, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this Deer Park, under Farlef, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that Deer Park of the deer, by the deer, for the deer, shall not perish from the earth. Amen."

Grown men brought to tears at the great Shaman's speech. Women were so distraught they could not be consoled. Sam, Papi and I though swelled with great pride listening to this one of a kind speech from the elder Deer Shaman. A great pride in being a Deer Parkian and an even greater pride in being heterosexual apex predators of the Cervinae Animal Kingdom. It was that majestic moonlit night we decided to take a pilgrimage of 1,383 miles to the town of Moose Lake, Missouri, bypassing 18 construction zones to do what our forefathers had done for a millennia, FUCK WITH MOOSEKIND.

After 21 hours, 13 bathroom stops, 2 glory holes and pawn of a lifetime in North Dakota, we made it to Moose Lake. In our time in the car we thought up the most vile, fucked up things to do to this town.

First we found the first Moose we could and dragged it into their lake and poured liquid nitrogen on it freezing it in place.

Then we found another Moose in that same lake trying to swim away and we decided to surf him.

Once we put back on our clothes and dried each other off it was time to raze some hell in the name of Deer Park in their town.

Papi and Sam decided to fuck with the local economy by firebombing their local pawn shop and Post Office respectively. I decided to defile their prized moose statue in the middle of town.

I think it was some of my best work yet. Once we finished razing the town we decided to pollute their great lake, not realizing what we were doing would upset the peace treaty between our great families. To fuck with each others town was one thing but in the holy treaty it is stated "The Park and The Lake are off limits." Our ancestors were men of few words. Once we arrived back at the lake we unleashed our secret weapon. BEAVERS. Three thousand angry beavers. They ravaged the local fauna, cutting down every tree and making a giant dam ruining Moose Lake for years to come.

By Papi's best estimate, in 31 years, with their main water supply cut off from the river that feeds into Moosehead Lake, the town would wither and die. Papi was into the long con and it suited me and Sam just fine. Once we were finished we got the hell out of Moose Lake and returned to a simpler life.

"Little did we know that by cutting off the supply to Moosehead lake we awoke their shaman, a mighty beast by the name of Pete Silvia. He was the one who once awoken, to gather his strength created the APSAA to take down Papi, he rose through the ranks of the Post Office to become Postmaster General and made Sam never able to retire, made his routes longer and switched his mail order bride with a moose spy that poisoned him once they realized old age wouldn't kill him. And of course you know what they did to me. They brainwashed my young son during a wrestling match and turned him gay. They where behind all of it boys. Tonight was their final assault, they want to end this once and for all. So now I ask, are you with me, ready to take up arms against these Moose Mother Fuckers, defend our town and our rights to arm bears and drive these fucks back to their shitty lake or will you turn your back on your heritage, your history, your own livelihoods and sit their on your asses browsing Deer Parkr for some Antler. SO WHO IS WITH ME" Farlef's dad let out with a mighty roar, showing signs of a young Buck in heat once again.

Farlef and John were too busy watching the latest episode of My Hero Academia to notice what their dad was rambling about. When he was about to tell his story of what happened his eyes fogged over and he went comatose again so they turned on the tv.

"GOD DAMN CARTOON WATCHING FUCKBOIS, I JUST TOLD YOU THE STORIED HISTORY OF WHAT HAPPENED, WHY OUR HOME IS GONE, SAM OUR BELOVED MAILMAN IS DEAD AND PAPI HAS BEEN CAPTURED AND TORTURED FOR THESE PAST 7 YEARS AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS WATCH SOME FAIRY SHOW BOUT GOOKS WITH SUPERPOWERS?" All Farlef heard was Papi was still alive. He owed everything to that man and no new episode of his favorite hit anime My Hero Academia or Boku no Hero Academia ,for our Japanese readers out there, was going to stop him.

"Dad as usual I have no idea what is going on or what you just said but I am in" Farlef replied, steel determination in his eyes.

"I'm in too dad, I swore I would never raise a hand in violence again after my time in the Congo but this reckoning is a long time coming" John said.

"Get the fuck out" Sarah replied as she turned the tv volume louder.

"All boys, its us Evans men against the world. Just the way we like it"

As the three of them got into John's bitching Brubaker Box one thing was known for certain.

HOUSE EVANS WAS ON THE WARPATH.

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