#Can someone tell Alan that name aged like milk?

[zatyrlucy]

Man, Erin Frost really shot herself on the foot this time. I used to felt pity for her (she reminded me of the 20 artists from villainous from the 2019 strike) and even used to follow her to see if any of her posts got to me, but not only I didnt find her posts convincing but now with her attacks against Sally May and trans characters I think is better for me to unfollow her alltogether.

Im so done with the Hellaverse drama on twitter Im silencing people and marking posts as "not interested by this tweet" to have my timeline somehow clean, so EF is clearly not going to be an exception. Not even here on tumblr.

The older I get the less time I have to spent online... And I dont wanna spent it arguing. Im so done.

[wigglebox]

I don't think it'll insult anyone but I'll x the name in case :) :

I just was reminded by this, I remember at least 10 years ago (I feel old, I only turned 25 the other day), I had a big crush on RDJ, and ofc I had a friend who was like ew because he's essentially the same age as my mum (this was before I even had a tumblr - which is where years later that it's totally normal to have crushes on men twice your age, and low and behold I would continue crushing on elder celebrities, the youngest being Taron Egerton - I like to joke to people that someday I'll marry him, but that's a story for another time.

ANYWAY my friend her parents and my dad were going to see a movie and they were like (idk who said this) why don't you have a crush on X or something since he's apparently closer or more appropriate to crush on considering he's a lot younger (he was 11 years older than me) (also I just realised that Misha Collins is like 11 years younger than RDJ, who I co-crushed on - I say co-crushed because I was also crushing on Jensen and Misha after crushing on rdj).

I think my point is, after thinking about that incident with one of the adults saying I should have a crush on x actor instead, it can age like milk cause you didn't do your research or you're just crushing on someone because everyone else is - and then suddenly it just something happens.

I guess also in another aspect had I crushed on any sort of celebrity just because everyone else would be doing it, it would be masking of some sort because I would be trying to fit in (I am on the spectrum after all and movies/actors was/kinda is, although has died down a bit one of my special interest)s Don't blindly crush on a celebrity just because someone says you should have a crush on that person instead because it's more 'socially respectful' without doing your research. Also masking is a big issue amongst the autism/aspergers community, especially women. I think that's what is so good about fandom in a way because you realise it's actually normal to have such crushes on actors that are that age e.g. Jensen Ackles is like around the same age as my aunt.

I should probably say that said actor got ‘cancelled and in a tonne of controversy years later so in a way lesson is don’t crush on a celebrity just because everyone else is, crush on a celebrity if your judgement is telling you that that person is a good person

sorry nonny you dropped this then i had two work meetings lol.

but yeah i remember getting some weird looks from friends or my mom when i said i had a little crush on alan rickman like man i loved that man! but he was older than both my parents at the time.

i also had a crush on danrad but i also really liked him! i always gravitated to having a crush on an older actor. never feel like you have to stoop down to your own age group just because you're pressured to.

adhd folks mask too, i do it a lot, so i completely get it. to me it's like, crushing on timothy chardonay without any kind of connection, but just doing it because everyone else thinks the guy is cute or whatever.

we don't really form 'crushes' in my opinion, we just admire 1) talent 2) obviously whatever attractiveness they have and not all of them are conventionally pretty which is actually more of a bonus for a lot of us and 3) what they present to us about their life is something we connect to.

sometimes we just don't find that with actors or public figures our own age. i had THEE biggest crush on charlize theron when i was younger and it was before i realized that being gay was an option, but since then, i don't really have a crush on her, I just think she's pretty and very talented.

with the SPN cast it's an extra layer of "something" because those actors and cast and crew are rather forward with us and there's a level of communication that you can really only find in a show like this that's lasted for so long, has their own conventions, and interacts so much with fandom. Misha does this the most — but we also have to remember they only show us what they want and that there is always another life BTS 98% of which we don't know anything about haha.

And it sucks when, young or older, you get to really liking an actor to support them and then they turn out to be scumbags — i hate that it's the worst feeling in the world.

But so long as that for the most part, if you just know what you're doing, who cares if you have a crush on Tim the Twink [affectoinate] or Ganalf the Grey it really doesn't matter so long as it's someone you believe in, think is talented, want to support, etc etc. That always comes first. You don't want to blindly follow someone just because you connect more in age and you wanna get railed by them. That's a whole different thing IMO.

but like you said in your second message: crush on a celebrity if your judgement is telling you that that person is a good person

[stovetuna]

Stony for 30 or 40? I LOVE U SO MUCH UR FICS GIVE ME LIFE 💛💛👏

AHHHH YAY LIFE!!! you and an anon both requested #30, so here’s some classic tony!angst and protective!steve :3 — I PROMISE THERE IS A VERY MUSHY, VERY HAPPY ENDING

#30: “You’re not worth it.” (TW: child abuse, references to alcoholism, Howard being a shitty human being [but what else is new]) 

***

It’s Wednesday, and Wednesday means movie night at the mansion. A time-honored tradition that goes all the way back to the Avengers’ inception, back when Steve was still finding his way out of the ice—literally and figuratively—and Iron Man and Tony Stark were two different people. 

It’s been a long time since those early days, Tony thinks, watching the new team assemble on the couches, loveseats, beanbag chairs, and blankets strewn around the in-home movie theater. The screen isn’t excessively massive, per Steve’s wishes, but the sound is as good as it gets, per Clint’s; Tony updates the hardware year over year to keep up with the times, especially as film goes the way of digital (much to Steve’s chagrin). 

But tonight is Steve’s pick for movie, and Tony wonders if it was planned that way the moment Luke Cage asks what they’re going to watch and Steve gets that glint in his eye. The one that Tony can recognize from a mile away now without even trying, the one that screams “Steve Rogers is a little shit” and that very few people seem to be able to hear. 

Tony groans the moment Steve grins and says, “Home movies!” while revealing two armfuls of reels from behind his back, some of which are so dusty and small, Tony wonders if they’re Steve’s. 

The team settles in with enough snacks to put a rhino in a coma while Tony and Steve head to the back of the room where the vintage projector Tony pulled out of storage for the occasion awaits. 

“Next week, you can pick the movie,” Steve whispers conspiratorially, bumping Tony with a friendly elbow. Tony has to hold himself back from leaning into Steve in response, the way his body feels primed to do and has done for literal years, ever since—god, since always. But Tony knows his interest and affections are very much one-sided, and Tony doesn’t need to flagellate himself over it any more than he already does with everything else in his life. Plus, watching Steve with each of his girlfriends is more than taxing enough.

He’s had years of practice keeping his feelings for Steve from the man. He can handle an elbow and a wink. That shit’s practically child’s play. 

“If footage from my sweet sixteen made it into this lineup, we’re watching all three Die Hards,” Tony replies with a saccharine smile that makes Steve blanch. 

“Tony, no.” 

“Tony, yes.”

“The last time we watched Die Hard, Clint wouldn’t stop talking with a fake German accent for a week.” 

“I know! It was hilarious, and I want to get it on camera this time so I can send it to Alan Rickman. He’ll hate it.” 

Tony giggles at Steve’s huff, which is really a laugh disguised as exasperation, another one of Steve’s tics Tony knows by heart. The pain and joy of knowing that secretly splits Tony right down the middle—the joy of knowing Steve is a much bigger troll than anyone realizes, the pain of wanting to grab him and kiss him for it—but he hides it all with an elbow to Steve’s ribs and a muttered “jerk” under his breath. 

He’s spent the past ten years and change like this—halved by a love that makes him feel whole, which is an equation that shouldn’t work, but does, because Tony’s math is always right—so what’s one more night? In the grand scheme of things, not much, and every second of it is more than Tony could have ever hoped for. 

Together in the darkest part of the room he and Steve work in tandem to load the first reel onto the projector and let it run: it’s early footage of the first Avengers team, recorded off of a news broadcast. Down in front, the rest of the team throws popcorn and jeers, laughing themselves hoarse at the costumes, the villains, the dialogue—“‘He’s a real ball of fire!’” Clint wheezes from his beanbag before Natasha pelts him with Milk Duds—while Steve and Tony sit back behind the projector, shoulder to shoulder, running their own private commentary all the while:  

“I miss that armor.”

“Shut up, no you don’t.” 

“It’s true! Anyways, isn’t vintage all the rage these days? You should bring it back.” 

“I’m not bringing back Pointy-Faced Iron Man and his Roller Skates of Doom, Cap.” 

“Not even for me?” 

Tony slides Steve a look out of the corner of his eye, face still directed toward the screen, a classic are you fucking kidding me? if there ever was one. Steve bats his eyelashes in response, because of course he does. Unfortunately for Steve, Tony is mostly immune to that tactic by now. 

Mostly. 

“Let us watch Die Hard next week and I’ll consider it.” 

“Ugh, Tony…”

“Hey, heart-eyes! Next reel!” someone (see: Bucky) shouts. Not for the first time, Tony’s glad to be concealed in relative darkness back here—even Steve’s enhanced vision won’t be able to make out the blush Tony’s knows is all over his face right now. He also gets a reprieve from sitting so close to Steve, hyperfocused on his warmth and all of the sensory trappings of home that come with it, while he swaps out the old reel for a new one. New-er, rather. He doesn’t look at the case or look at any frames before feeding it through the projector. 

“Alright, you rabble-rousers, pipe down,” he shouts as the image on screen flickers to life. 

“‘Rabble-rousers’?” Steve quirks an eyebrow at him as he sits back down. Tony folds his arms over his chest and shushes him. 

“Don’t start.”

“Ooh, is that you, Tony?” Wanda coos from her place on the loveseat next to Vision. 

“Look at all of that hair! Danny Zuko’s got nothing on you, Stark,” Clint laughs. Tony nails him with a popcorn kernel right in the ear.

The footage unspools, harmless—albeit embarrassing—at first: it’s a home movie from when Tony was young, no more than eight or nine. He’s wearing what looks like the remains of what was once a nice suit, something his parents forced him into, probably, but devolved into undershirt and slacks and suspenders hanging down past his knees. He really was a gangly kid, wasn’t he? 

Tony laughs along with everyone else, warmed by Jarvis’ voice offscreen telling “Young Master Anthony” to show off his latest invention for the camera. He feels Steve’s eyes flicker over to land on him whenever young Tony smiles at the camera or laughs at something Jarvis says, but Tony ignores it. Mostly.

“He reminds me of Steve,” Bucky tells the room when young Tony is shown with a replica of Cap’s shield, posing triumphantly to the sound of Jarvis’ delighted laughter. Jess aww’s. 

“He does, kinda, doesn’t he?” 

“How have I never seen these before?” Steve whispers, leaning closer as he does. Tony swallows hard against the shiver that ricochets down his spine hearing that low voice in his ear. 

“A lot of things of mine you haven’t seen, Cap,” he replies, too late to stop the innuendo from slipping out. He looks at Steve after he says it and almost, almost lets out a gasp: when did Steve get so close? And why is he looking at Tony like that? All intense and considering? 

“Oh, here’s someone else I remember,” Bucky laughs. Tony turns away from Steve, grateful for the excuse, and starts to release the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

It gets caught in his chest the moment he sees himself filling up the screen, young Tony standing alone in Howard’s office, having perched the camcorder on the big oak desk to record himself with Cap’s shield—the real one this time, not a toy. On screen, Tony has his back to the camera, the vibranium shield clutched in his too-small hands. He has to perch it on the floor, its weight just enough to counterbalance Tony’s, but holding it…even now, he remembers the thrill of that first time. The cool touch of vibranium humming under his fingers, the knowledge that he was holding his hero’s greatest treasure…his adult fingers clench against his thighs at the memory. 

But then, the image shifts into a sharper memory still, and Tony feels something old and awful claw its way from somewhere deep in his chest, remembering all too well what comes next. It tastes like bourbon and cigar smoke and the metallic taste blood leaves on the tongue after you’ve been smacked in the mouth. Tony’s hands fly out to clutch the sides of his chair and stick there; he can’t move them to stop the projector in time. It just keeps playing out, each frame worse than the one before. 

Of course he remembers this moment. He remembers it perfectly, because it was the first time Howard really hurt him. Not with his hands, although the bruises did linger longer than usual, after. 

This was the moment when Tony, so tender and impressionable even at that “advanced” age, learned what his father really thought of him. 

That old, awful feeling feels a lot like drowning when he thinks of Steve seeing what’s about to happen, let alone the rest of the team.

“I’m Captain America and I’m here to save you!”

“You’re not saving shit, boy.” Howard stumbles into frame like a bad Vaudeville performer, slurring Tony’s name like an expletive. “Put that down, you fucking brat. You’re not worth it.” 

The blood rushing in Tony’s ears drowns out the sound of voices past and present. All he can see is Howard filling the frame in that horrible tan suit, gripping a bottle of bourbon by the neck. The image catches on young Tony’s terrified expression, the way he hides behind the shield that’s almost as big as he is. He watches his own mouth move—Cap will save me, he’d cried, so confident, so certain that his hero would come and put Howard through the wall and carry Tony away to safety—and then down the bottle comes…

“Turn it off! I said turn it off!” 

Something hits the projector hard enough to not only knock it off the table it was sitting on, but send both hurtling across the room. They smash to pieces against the far wall with a noisy clatter that almost stops Tony’s heart in his chest. 

For a moment, the only sound in the room is the thwap-thwap-thwap of film smacking the floor as the reel spins on and on until coming to a feeble stop. He can hear breathing, heavy and labored and sliding quickly toward panic, and he realizes with a shuddering gasp that it’s him making that sound.

Tony looks up and sees Steve standing where the projector once was, cradling his bleeding hand. The man looks stricken, pale and horrified, worse than if he’d seen a ghost; behind him, the team has inched closer, all of them wearing varying expressions of distress and pity and guilt and sadness, and suddenly Tony can’t bolt out of his chair fast enough. He can’t get away fast enough. He follows his feet out of the room into the corridor and down, down, down to the workshop where it’s safe, where he can’t get in, no one can, not unless Tony lets them. 

Someone is calling his name, but Tony disappears down the stairs before he can figure out who. He bursts through doors he can’t see and staggers over to the closest workbench, sucking in deep, ragged breaths like he can’t catch up to them. Is that a screw loose in his chest cavity, he wonders, gasping, because that rattling sound seems to indicate something has come undone that shouldn’t have. Howard’s dead, Tony reminds himself, over and over again. It’s a fact as true as any algorithm, so why won’t it take? 

JARVIS’s voice moves gently through the noise in Tony’s brain: “Sir, Captain Rogers is asking permission to enter.” 

Steve. 

Tony can’t decide if the thought of Steve seeing him like this helps or worsens the rattling in his chest. Either way he feels like shit, but only one of those ways ends up with Captain America pitying him, or worse. 

He’s so caught up in thinking about all the ways this could backfire he doesn’t realize JARVIS has let Steve into the workshop, regardless of Tony’s feelings on the matter. The realization sets in when Steve’s voice appears close to his ear, soft and low with a frisson of urgency, like he too is slightly out of breath. 

“Tony, it’s just me. It’s okay. I’m going to put my hand on your back.” 

Warmth spreads from Steve’s fingers through Tony’s shirt and into the skin high up on his back between his shoulders. Steve can probably feel how fast Tony’s heart is racing, but spares him his overt concern and instead keeps telling Tony what he’s going to do before he does it: a hand on Tony’s forehead, an arm around his back, asking JARVIS to turn the lights down to thirty-five percent. 

“I’ve got you, it’s okay.” 

Tony sags into Steve’s touch, his large, warm hand cradling Tony’s head like something precious; the deeper dark quiets the room around them, makes it less overwhelming, less full of ghosts waiting to cast their own opaque shadows on the empty walls. Tony and Steve are left standing in a dim light Tony knows makes him look sallow; he wavers on his feet, left to borrow from Steve’s strength because he can’t find his own. Lucky for Tony, Steve is right there, braced and ready for anything. Like always.

The rattling has settled somewhat, but Tony still has to rely on Steve to tell him when to breathe and how deeply. He forgets, sometimes, that Steve has experience dealing with panic attacks, which so often came before an asthma attack. Steve once told him that even years removed from his sickly days, he still remembers what it’s like to lose that grip on reality, feeling the heart too acutely as it beats against too-brittle ribs.

While Steve draws on those memories often enough with others on the team, it’s a rare occasion for Tony to be on the receiving end of Steve’s nursing hand like this. Jokes or angry silence over cuts, breaks, and bruises, sure, but this? Tender hands and a voice pitched low and soothing, lullaby-soft, speaking words of gentle encouragement? Tony’s head feels light with it. 

“Do you want to sit down?” Steve asks. Tony shakes his head against his palm. “Okay,” Steve whispers, his voice the only one in the room, which makes for a funny kind of one-sided conversation. Then, before he can think better of it, Tony turns toward Steve, wraps his arms around the man’s impossible waist, and hugs himself close to Steve’s radiating heat. He’s too gone for shame, and too weak; a soft, gentle Steve is hard to resist, even on good days. And this just became a no good, very bad day.

Fucking Howard.

Steve, for his part, takes the hug in stride like they do it every day. Tony likes to imagine it, touching Steve like this whenever he wants to, but that’s all it is—a fantasy. Just like being with Steve is a fantasy, one Tony has entertained for far too many years to count. He satisfies himself with Steve’s friendship, tells himself it’s enough, and if he happens to sleep with the occasional look-alike, that’s nobody’s business but Tony’s (and JARVIS’s, and in one deeply unfortunate instance, Pepper’s). 

Strangers want Tony Stark, the celebrity; Steve wants Tony as a friend and teammate. That’s all. So Tony steals his nice, platonic hug as he trembles and breathes his way out of a panic attack, being careful to avoid nuzzling the soft notch at the base of Steve’s throat the way he wants to. Badly.

He’s so preoccupied with holding all the disparate parts of himself together and hiding them so Steve can’t see, he doesn’t notice Steve’s hands start to rub his back in long, soothing strokes until Tony is half-melted in his steady arms, weak-kneed at how comforted he feels. Steve doesn’t say anything—just keeps moving his hands, up and down Tony’s back, across his shoulders, along his arms, and over again. He can’t remember the last time someone touched him like this, without motive, ulterior or otherwise; his skin feels warm down to his toes.

“Better?” Steve murmurs. Tony nods against his chest. He doesn’t let go. Neither does Steve, who seems to fold himself over Tony until they’re more like one person than two, standing there breathing together in Tony’s darkened workshop. 

Slowly, thoughts of Howard, of hurt, start to melt back into the shadows. In their place is Steve, filling up all of Tony’s empty spaces with light, even some of the ones he didn’t know he had. For such a strong man, Steve is unbearably gentle, handling Tony the way he might handle spun sugar or thin glass. Tony has never felt so genuinely cared for, and the fact that he can’t pull back and thank Steve with a kiss smarts a little in the face of it. 

That is, it does, up until the moment he feels Steve brush a kiss against where Tony’s hairline meets his forehead, soft and uncomplicated, but lingering, like Steve wants to stay there. To do more. Tony knows that move because he’s imagined doing the exact same thing to Steve, god, thousands of times.

Tony wants so much. Too much. Asking Steve for this would tip things precariously toward the latter. But the question is taken out of Tony’s hands the moment one of Steve’s perches itself under his jaw and tilts his face up.

“I’m sorry,” Steve says. 

“It’s ancient history,” Tony replies, maintaining eye contact through sheer willpower when all he wants to do is look at Steve’s mouth, now so close to his. 

“Not to you, it isn’t,” Steve counters, and there’s not much Tony can say to that. “I’ll talk to the team. They might have questions, and you shouldn’t have to answer them. Not tonight, anyways.” 

“I know you’ve got big shoulders, Steve, but you don’t have to take on my baggage on top of everything else.”

As they talk, their bodies never move an inch apart; chests pressed flush against each other, Steve’s fingers splayed along the side of Tony’s neck. All of it—the proximity, the tenderness, the intimacy—feels as natural as the breathing they just did together. Ten-plus years of friendship will do that. But then, the way Steve is looking at him doesn’t really scream friendship. 

It kind of screams I love you. 

Steve gives him that little smirk and says, “Maybe I want to.” Tony scoffs, flicking one of the shoulders in question for good measure. 

“God, how are you still such a horrible liar, Cap? Is there something in the serum that makes it impossible for you to keep a good poker face?”

“This is my good poker face,” Steve replies, and there it is again, the same look Steve gave him earlier before the night spun out like a race car with its wheels blown off: intense, considering, and so, so close. 

Tony swallows nothing but air. Steve, never breaking eye contact, cards his fingers through the hair on the back of Tony’s head and holds them there. 

“If I kiss you right now, will you have another panic attack?” he asks quietly. Not even a blink. The part of Tony’s brain—a scant centimeter, at best—that isn’t currently blasting a hundred sirens at full volume is actually kind of impressed.

“I doubt it,” Tony replies evenly. “I’ll probably just pass out.” 

The smirk becomes a full-blown grin. Steve squeezes his other arm around Tony’s lower back and hums, deep and resonant, in his chest as he leans down to brush his lips feather-softly against Tony’s. 

“You fall, I’ll catch you,” he whispers before dipping in for a proper kiss that floods Tony’s head with incandescent light. It’s chaste and measured and burning with mutual restraint, tastes faintly of the buttered popcorn Steve ate earlier, and the only way it could be better is if it never ended. 

Tony tightens his arms around Steve’s waist, and when Steve pulls away to speak, he doesn’t go far, seemingly content to stand there in Tony’s embrace in the middle of the dimly lit workshop. 

“Still breathing?” he asks. Tony smiles; Steve smiles back. 

“Takes a lot more than that to knock the wind out of me, Cap.”

The way Steve’s eyes darken at that little remark is definitely something Tony intends to investigate further, later. For now, he leans into the hand now resting on his cheek and sighs. 

“We’ll test that theory another time,” Steve husks before leaning forward to press a kiss to each eyelid. Tony hums happily, sinking further into Steve’s arms. “Can I carry you to bed?” 

Tony gives him a look. “I’m heavy,” he says. 

Steve just smiles, kisses Tony like he’s been doing it forever, and replies: “You’re worth it.”

- - - 

see? happy endings. fuck howard. 

[winryofresembool]

EdWin one-shot: Halloween

Summary: A few scenes showing Rockbell-Elric family’s Halloween celebration

A/N: written for @edweenweek day 7: candy (could be trick or treat as well)! Special thanks to @criis55 for the ideas and the dog’s name! <3 Please enjoy and review! Also, I guess this is an AU in which Halloween exists, but that goes without saying..

Words: 1700+

Genre: family

People stopped on their tracks on the street when they saw the Rockbell-Elric family walking past them. There were two small children in the family, a 3-year-old boy and approximately a year-old girl. They were dressed in a way that made those who knew the family believe their father had picked the costumes. The son was wearing an armor made by his mother, and the daughter was wrapped into ripped sheets like a mummy. Edward himself was sporting a vampire outfit, with a black suit, cape and fake teeth. Winry was dressed as a witch, carrying their smallest in a huge cauldron.

The son, Alan, seemed way too pleased about the fact that he had managed to get half a cauldron (thankfully, a bit smaller one than the one with her sister inside it) of candy by trick or treating. Winry had been a bit reluctant to let him do it in the first place, as he was still so young, and as a daughter of doctors and nearly a doctor herself, she knew the dangers of overeating sweets. Ed (not having all too fond memories of his own childhood Halloweens, but wanting his kids to experience better) had managed to persuade her, however. Alan had beamed of happiness when Ed told him he could dress up and trick or treat.

As Alan’s parents tried to figure out what kind of costumes they should make their children (something both were excited about even though especially Ed didn’t want to admit it), Alan was watching an old picture of his uncle from when he was just a suit of armor. Suddenly he shrieked: “I want the same kind of costume uncle Al had!”

“What costume… oh!” Ed understood when he saw where Alan had gotten his idea from. “Are you… are you sure about that?”

“Yes, dad! I want to look like him!”

Ed couldn’t help but feel upset when he was reminded of the times he rather forgot these days. Alan didn’t know Al’s story yet… and Ed wasn’t looking forward to the day when he would have to explain it to him. He hid the sadness quickly and forced a smile on his face instead: “I think we still have some leftover metal from that armor left! What would you say if your mom made you a similar looking armor?”

“Yay! Mama is the best!”

“I know, kid, she is. But don’t tell her I said that.” Ed told him.

He hadn’t noticed Winry had sneaked behind him and heard everything.

“Edward, we have two kids. You had better think I am the best or we might just as well get a divorce.”

“O-of course you are the best!” he stuttered, expecting a wrench on his head. “H-how could you not be when you have created something alchemy never could, two new lives!”

“Alan, your father is a dork. But maybe that’s why I married him,” Winry smiled at her boys fondly, ruffling Ed’s hair a bit, then scooping the smaller one into her arms. “C’mon, let’s get you measured so I can draw the blueprints for the armor.”

A day later Alan walked around in the living room wearing his armor, beaming of excitement. Ed had to admit his wife had done an amazing job, the armor looked like a miniature copy of Al’s. It even had a little hair tuft in the helmet.

“Look, daddy! I am uncle Al now!”

“You sure are,” Ed said, trying to keep his voice happy even though his throat felt a little bit dry. While Alan was looking beyond thrilled, Ed couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was staring at his worst nightmare in front of him. What if his son had to go through the same he and Al had? No, he stopped himself, he would not allow that. He would always make sure to be present in Alan’s life and make him understand how dangerous alchemy can be. If he ever got interested in that. So far he had seemed to be more into tinkering with his play tools.

“Hey, let’s take a photo of you!” Winry suggested and pulled her granny’s old camera from behind her back. “C’mon, Ed, you should be in the photo too. Please. It’d make me happy!” She tried to coax him, and to her surprise he did what she told him to do.

“Ed! At least try to look a little more excited!” Winry scolded him when he still looked reluctant with Alan on his shoulders.

“OK, say ‘equivalent exchange’ now!”

That and the fact that Alan lifted the visor of his armor and looked at his father right in the eyes, saying “dad doesn’t need an armor because he already has the coolest leg!” lifted his spirits and he gave the camera a genuine, wide smile.

The young parents regretted taking their kids trick or treating about 5 minutes after leaving their house. Emma had been cranky the entire day and seemed to find the tiny armor walking in front of her frightening. She wailed so loudly that Ed and Winry wouldn’t have been surprised if the families who they tried to visit pretended to not be home when they knocked their doors. She didn’t like the wraps around her either, thrashing around in the cauldron so angrily Winry declared she would never have another Elric baby. That made Ed pout and soon Alan was the only one who was still enjoying the trip.

Thankfully, Emma finally fell asleep once Ed took her into his arms, and after that the mood got calmer. The family saw many different kinds of households on their trip. In one place a cranky middle-aged man nearly didn’t give Alan anything because apparently his armor didn’t look ‘real’ enough. That infuriated Ed to no end because in his opinion, no one in Rush Valley could have made it better. He happened to notice the man had an automail arm, and it ‘slipped’ from him that Winry was one of the best known mechanics in the entire town, having a lots of ‘relations’ to other talented people in the industry. The man understood it meant she could make his life miserable. After that he had been busy to give Alan half a kilo of candies and Ed smiled wider than Alan as they left the house.

In another house the family met an old granny who nearly didn’t let Alan and Emma leave the house at all. Apparently she was very lonely and seeing kids coming to her door during Halloween was the highlight of her year. Ed and Winry promised they could visit with the kids more often in the future, seeing they enjoyed her company as well and the kids needed a grandparent just as much she needed them.

Finally, they got to Garfiel’s where also Paninya was spending her evening. Garfiel gave Alan almost more candy than the cranky man with the automail and Paninya seemed to get along with Emma exceptionally well, promising to teach the kids all kinds of mischief once they were a little bit bigger. Ed started yelling at her, revealing his fake teeth, and Paninya noted: “Oh, so you are a vampire? I thought you were only dressed as yourself, just look at that outfit.”

Winry had to drag her family (mostly: Ed) out of there before things escalated any further, but overall the trick or treating trip had been rather successful. Especially for Alan who had gotten enough sweets for an entire year.

Late in the Halloween evening, the Rockbell-Elric family was lighting the candles in the pumpkin lanterns they had carved earlier (Ed had been surprisingly enthusiastic and carved more skulls and dragon heads than Winry could count). Suddenly Winry realized it was weirdly quiet in the room. She had seen Alan about 5 minutes earlier, saying he would take the pumpkin he was carrying (with no candle in it) outside, but she hadn’t seen him since then. Worried that Alan would go too far in the darkness and get lost, she decided to go and look for him. When she opened their front door, she could hear the dog’s howling nearby. She went to check what was wrong and found the poor puppy the family had gotten only a few months earlier from Brigadier General Mustang with a pumpkin in his head. Somehow, he had gotten his head through the hole on the top of the pumpkin. The culprit was hiding in the doghouse, giggling loudly at the silly sight, and Winry dragged him inside, irritated, after removing the pumpkin from the dog’s head.

“No more candies for you! Alan, how do you think Doggo was feeling when you did that?”

“I… I thought he’d like it…”

“Would you like it if someone put a pumpkin on your head?”

“Sure! Pumpkin is delicious!”

‘Oh boy,’ Winry sighed in her mind, ‘why do I even bother? He’s got Elric blood in him’. Then she came up with a plan. “But honey, Doggo doesn’t like pumpkin. He hates it as much as you hate milk. What would you do if I forced you to drink milk?”

“I’d be angry!”

“Right. So do you understand now why you can’t put a pumpkin on his head?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Let’s go find your dad, he’s probably worried already.”

Finally, Ed managed to get Alan and Emma to sleep. He had wished to get some alone time with his wife that night but he was rather exhausted after a long day out with the kids and he knew Winry was tired as well. The couple was cuddling in each other’s arms, about to fall asleep, when suddenly something white started moving in the room. Winry asked, slightly panicked:

“Um, Ed… do you believe in ghosts?”

“No, why the fuck would I… WHAT IS THAT?!” He screamed when he saw the ghost like creature getting closer.

“I don’t know but it’s definitely moving.”

“Could it be Doggo?”

“Doggo is outside, there’s no way that’s him.”

“Alan?”

“No, I know he’s sleeping soundly in his bed.”

“OK, that’s it, I’m putting the light on.”

Ed did that and saw that the ‘ghost’ was a sheet under which was…

“Emma! How… When… Winry look, she’s walking!”

“I didn’t know you already knew how to do that! Aw, sweetie, that is amazing!”

The little Emma just giggled at her parents silly expressions. They hugged her excitedly, both wondering where the girl had gotten that idea from. And how had she gotten out of her bed?

[cslupus]

Of Mountains And Molehills

Greetin's Cretins! It's Lupus! I've discovered that writing a one-shot is, in some ways, more difficult than a novella. Economy is the key, but if you make it too information-dense, the reader will get fatigue from all the heavy-lifting! I've done my very best to strike the balance between brevity and description though tasteful use of exposition! Go one and hate me! But if you wish to hate me to appropriate music: "Mountains and Molehills" by Flux Pavilion.

"Where's Letty?" Andrew asked sweetly.

"You sister Letitia is dead. We've told you this." And so Digory Kirke had, 5 times that day.

Tears spilled from Andrews eyes as he absorbed the shock for what felt like the first time once again. This is the reality of dementia.

Letitia was his twin sister. There were four children total. He, Letitia, and Mabel all had the same father, but their eldest sister was a bastard, sired by a mysterious stranger. Her name was Asteria.

When her mother met the man who was the be the father of her next three children, she knew she didn't have very many options. He was a simple man, but he was kind, and he provided for his family to the best of his ability. He even gave his surname, Ketterly, to Asteria, adopting her. It was a show of acceptance she was not used to and never forgot.

When asked about Asteria's father, her mother, Scarlette (You may have heard of someone with the same name having adventures in Narnia.), simply said he was the most radiant man in all of the land. Asteria grew up strange, quiet, and beautiful.

The marital status of Asteria's mother upon her birth limited her in life. The inhabitants of Dorsetshire were basic and prone to jealousy. Growing up was hard and people her age weren't accepting.

So when a handsome local lad began to pay her extra kindness, she was putty in his hands. When she was heavy with her own child, the lad pretended not to know her. She was laughed out of town for her claims. After all, he was the son of a powerful man in the village.

Asteria named her son Adam. Soon after his birth, a woman who went by the name of Ms. Lafey, who claimed to have fairy blood, began to visit them. At first, Scarlette welcomed these visits as Ms. Lafey had arcane knowledge that helped her to understand her daughter and grandson. Andrew had also taken a liking to this woman and would run to the door when he heard her distinctive three raps from the pommel of her pretty sword-cane.

But over time, Ms. Lafey's erratic behavior and broken promises wore on the family. Finally, after she showed up drunk late one evening and became violent when asked to leave, Scarlette was at her limit. She shut her door for good.

When Andrew and Letitia were 16, they both begged to go to London and were finally granted permission. Andrew wished to track down "Lady Lafey" as he called her and bump elbows with other occultists, haunting opium dens and darkened parlors. Letitia merely wished to marry money. Both found their heart's desire.

Soon, Letitia was the young widow of an old rich man, scorned as an opportunist, but set up to life comfortably for all of her days. She was very practical and paid little mind to the opinions of her in-laws.

Her brother moved in with her and continued his study into the occult. He faithfully visited Ms. Lafey in prison, neglecting his own mother. When Lady Lafey was near death, she gave him an ornate box and ordered him to destroy it without opening it. He knew he was lying when he promised it would be done.

He toiled for years to unlock the mystery of the box, living off of Letitia's windfall that she shared with her twin either out of duty or guilt. When their baby sister, Mabel, developed cancer, Letitia welcomed her into her home as well so she could be close to the best doctors.

Asteria looked after their ailing mother and, unable to meet ends, asked Letitia to also take Adam as a boarder so he may work and send money home. She was penning her response when Andrew intervened.

He'd used his eldest sister's strange parentage to his advantage in the circles he ran with and had long ago learned that they were far more interested in his sister than he, so when it looked as if someone of star-blood would be under the same roof once more, his avarice and ambitions got the better of him.

Had he come to the matter with a different mind, perhaps he would've welcomed the chance to be a guiding hand to a protégé. He could've been everything for Adam that Ms. Lafey was not for him. The young lad's enthusiasm and natural light might've strengthened Andrew's character. Perhaps they would have donned rings side by side and explored Charn together, where they would've known better than to strike the bell that woke Jadis. Perhaps when curiosity led to their inevitable return, they would've found a newborn Narnia and King Adam would've ruled with his Magician Advisor on his high council.

Perhaps, but no one is ever told what would have happened.

"Oh. Diggory! Is that my tea? Oh wonderful. Now, where's Letty? Let's wait until she joins us." Andrew said sweetly.

"Uncle Andrew," Digory said with more patience than he felt, staring down the cracks in the pavement of the garden patio. "You sister is dead." Digory watched the cookie drop from his Uncle's hands as he fell into tears once more.

Digory lived in their manor out in the country. It was the roaring 20's and while other landed gentry were throwing parties and playing in their society, everything was kept low-key in his manor. Sometimes he longed for the care-free lot of his peers, but he knew all too well that all that glitters is not gold.

They knew he took care of his Uncle. They came to him because, though they didn't want for problems, they'd never learned how to be sad and were helpless to it when life inevitably happened. They involved him in their most private matters because they were bound by a covenant entailed with the title of Lord or Baron to be ever vigilant and never trust equals.

The Kirke's were unknowns: new money that'd struck it rich in India. They were also relations of a known gold-digger. Her in-laws had put out word to keep the Kirke's at arms-length. For this reason, Digory was paradoxically trusted by a few of them. He was the social Hermit, utterly blameless in his circumstance.

When Andrew had more of his mind intact, he'd entertain guests with his stories of life as an urban sorcerer in the Victorian heyday of spiritualists and mediums. He was before Alan Parsons; before Anton LaVey; before even Aleister Crowley. He read Emanuel Swedenborg and even traveled to meet Cora L. V. Scott in her parlor after years of correspondence. And he met the most interesting and unstable people you could imagine along the way.

His most interesting story, the birth of Narnia, stayed hidden. Sometimes, when he was sitting in the garden, he'd remember. His face would light up and he'd look like he was about to say something, and then he'd go back into his confusion.

"Excuse me, sir." said the maid. "Your cousin has arrived." Digory stood and went inside to welcome Adam. He was counting on his help. He was at his wits end with the day in and day out of putting up with other people's bullshit drama while his Uncle deteriorated. He knew the only way it would end is in his Uncle's death.

More than once, he considered going for the rings they'd buried at the base of the apple tree and finding something in some world to cure his Uncle, but he felt in his soul that this is the sort of thing that is only granted once. So he waited for the dark day that would mark his freedom. In the mean time, Adam was here.

"How is your mother, Adam?" asked Diggory.

"She's still traveling. Here's a picture of her in Paris that she sent." he said as he handed him a picture in a frame with a ribbon and bow. In it was a woman who looked 25, but was in fact much older. She was in a flapper dress and smiling coquettishly. "She means it as a gift for Andrew."

"I don't know why he needs new pictures of her, ever. Aunt Asteria is never going to age, is she."

"It's possible it's happening, just incredibly slowly." Adam replied. "But look, new hairstyle."

"So I see." Digory raised his eyebrows and nodded as he looked again at the picture. She was sporting a stylish bob with a feathered headband. "Well, he's not very lucid today, but I can take you back to see him. I've had to tell him Aunt Letty is dead 6 times since breakfast."

They walked back to the rear garden table where Andrew most liked to sit to find his blanket in his chair and his slippers gone, along with him.

"UNCLE ANDREW!"

Andrew often saw things that weren't there. Today he was seeing The Lion and feeling a regret he could not elucidate even to his own mind. The Lion bid him to follow, which He had never done before. Andrew stepped into his slippers and he was off.

He continued, unknowing of time, until the English hills and plains gave way to forests unlike English forests. Where it was cloudy and misty before, it was now bright and like the month of May.

He heard bubbling female laughter and followed the sound to find a tribe of Maenads maying (as is their namesake) and braiding one another's hair. They all turned and saw him simultaneously like a pride of lions. They quickly assessed him and the most decorated amongst them stepped forward and helped the old man sit down.

They tended to his blistered and bleeding feet. They gave him fresh water and some wild-picked fruit and goat-milk with honey, but they held back the mead, seeing that his mind was very damaged. Then they bid him rest on a blanket draped over a pile of soft greenery they prepared. "I know what to do, sisters." said one to the others after Andrew was asleep. "This nameless one needs great care. I know a small knot of dwarf brothers that reside together. They'd be number enough and are of great competence." They all agreed quickly and then, with the business done, got back to their enjoyment, albeit at a much lower volume. This is the Maena way: they do their part and then leave you to your fate.

Andrew sat in the hand-hewn rocking-chair provided for him by the dwarves. The Narnian air had done him some good physically; his mind was still worsening despite this. Pants were hard for him, so he wore long robes like a Calormene but made of soft Narnian textiles. He had a staff for walking, which he did daily with a dwarf accompanying him. It was early summer and there was much celebrating.

He was restless that morning. Without the mind, Mankind is left to animal instinct, and every animal in the forest felt the change. He needed to hide. Flee. He stood, leaving his staff, and wandered again into the countryside as white flakes of snow fell and a chill came to the air.

This first snow didn't stick and melted on contact. Had the 100-year winter not started in summer, the snow would have accumulated sooner and the dwarves might've been able to follow find his tracks, but his footprints blended with those of others on the road. The one who was to stay back and take care of Andrew lamented his mistake of not bringing him to the well with him.

Invigorated by the Narnian air, he was able to walk for a day and a night with little rest. Soon he was collapsing at the edge of Cauldron Pool. There above him on the rocks of the cliff clung three Hagons. They spread their wings and glided downward, circling, like pterodactyls. The cast their shadows as they stood over him, wings crossed around their shoulders like cloaks.

Andrew looked up and desperately reached out:

"Thirst." he said eagerly. One of the smaller Hags, the gentle twin, cupped some cold mountain water into her hands and tipped it into his waiting mouth. He drank, and afterward began to shake his head emphatically. "Shine." He said again. The three sisters looked at one another with puzzlement. He spoke once more. "Blossom!" he said with great desperation.

"I think I know what he wants." Said the elder of the three after a moment. She picked him up like a bride and flapped her great wings, climbing the air until she was well above the cliff. Her sisters flew below her.

It was nearly a whole day before they finally began their circling descent, Andrew asleep in Sapphire's sinewy arms. Emerald and Ruby landed a little ways from them. They were next to an ancient orchard of dark-wooded trees with papery leaves bearing brown fruit. Sapphire plucked one and handed it to Andrew. He eagerly took a bite and, upon tasting that it wasn't what he was looking for, he dropped it and began to cry like a toddler.

"This confirms it. He desires The Fruit." Sapphire concluded.

"But what can become of him if he takes of the fruit? He'll be cursed and become twisted like our cruel mother!" Emerald said with great fire.

"Too true." concurred Ruby, "We could trick someone into stealing one to give to him. The writing on the gate says the fruit may be taken for others."

"We know enough about magic to know the writing can come to mean something else. Such treachery may yet come to affect us." reasoned Sapphire.

"Well I certainly won't jeopardize myself or my sister." said Emerald.

"Very well, then. Only one need go. I can make it by dawn." Sapphire said as lifted the weeping Andrew once more and took to the frigid skies.

The sun crested over the eastern horizon behind them as they arrived at the valley. There, shining golden within the walls of the hilltop garden, was the Lion. Sapphire sensed him and had no desire to steal an apple while He was present. She was at a loss for what to do, so she made like a Maenad and dropped him at the far edge of the valley.

"Blossoms! Shine! Drink! Brandy! SHINE!" said Andrew, squirming like a child in her arms as she touched down. She watched him walk to the base of the hill before flying to rejoin her sisters in the Toffee orchard.

Andrew stared up the green turfed hill. It was steep, nearly impossible for an old man in his state to climb, but his mind was too gone to tell him this. He began upward and soon he was climbing up using his hands and feet, gripping the dewy earth with his gnarled toes. The grass was green, impossibly uniform, and slick. He was as Sisyphus. He would gain ground, then lose it all, then gain once more. At one point he was three quarters of the way to the top when he slid down to near the bottom. He clawed the dirt, leaving a trail of gouges in the earth.

Finally, his eyes were level with the very bottom of the gate, just two arms-lengths away. He felt such relief, but he'd forgotten what he was trying to do and almost let himself slide limply down the side of the great hill. A beautiful, shrill cry came to his ears from the garden. It was a sound that broke your heart while also filling you with joy. He followed the cry of the Phoenix and soon was laying face-down on the loam outside the gates.

He could smell The Fruit and something else. It was something warm, as if forgiveness itself had a scent. He forced himself to his hands and knees and crawled through the open gates. The silence with the light from the Silver Apples and the glow from the Lion brought a stillness to Andrew's mind and he felt safe for the first time that his broken mind could remember.

"You shall not steal the Fruit." said Aslan with a low rumble.

"Blossom! Thirst!" Andrew pleaded.

"You shall not steal the Fruit." Aslan repeated. He then sprang up, twisting in the air, to swing his paw into the bows of the tree. "CATCH!" He roared as he freed one Apple. It soared through the air with such immaculate trajectory that it landed perfectly between Andrews raised and begging hands. He reflexively gripped it. He had what he wanted. He wept for joy and then in sorrow because he could not remember what to do next. "Eat." ordered Aslan.

Andrew bit into the fruit, covering his chin in dark amber-burgundy juice. He devoured the apple, knowing only that one action, capable of nothing else. As he finished, he felt satisfied. Color returned to his face and his musculature returned to it's youthful state. His hair, which had been a dirty-looking mess with some black hairs around the base of his skull, was pure platinum and fell thick and wavy down his back. His beard thickened and became salt and pepper with dominant white.

Then he started to remember. He remembered Digory, Letty, Astaria, Mabel, Adam, dear responsible Adam who helped his ageless sister look after their mother. He remembered Jadis and he remembered Narnia. He understood where he was now.

"Well then, Lion. I suppose I owe you now." he said with considerable ire.

"If you choose to view it as such."

"Am I not in your Bond? Why did you bring me here? What am I to do now?" he asked, puzzled. Aslan walked out through the gate, saying:

"Do whatever the fuck you want to."

[scrivellc]

General

Name: Orin Scrivello DDS Alias(es): Doctor, Leader of the Plaque, The Hyena, Rin Tin Tin (if you want to die) Gender: Cis Male Age: Late 20s (26-29) Date of birth: August 29th Occupation: Dentist

Appearance

Eye color: Gray and rather icy, depending on the light they can be almost silver-y, and it’s more than a little bit distressing to see Hair color: Dark Brown, can be mistaken for black Height: 6′ Scars: Yeah, he has some self harm scars (discussed below) as well as some scars on his back from his father Burns: N/A Overweight: No Underweight: No

Favorite

Color: Black and Green Hair color: He may or may not have a little thing for blondes (Okay more than just a little thing…) Eye color: He likes light colored eyes and also hazel Song: He’s actually pretty open to music though his personal aesthetic would suggest otherwise. He’s down for rock ‘n roll, Jazz, Classical…he particularly likes classical for work and plays it in the waiting room of his office. Movie: Dr. Blood’s Revenge (*quietly references “I Found a Hobby”*) TV Show: He LOVES cartoons. Give him all the Looney Toons. Food: Any and all junk food and avocados Drink: Water suits him just fine, and he’s also one of those people who needs coffee in the morning, and he likes it with a lot of milk in it. Book: He’s actually a pretty avid reader, or at least, he used to be before the drugs kinda zapped his ability to focus. He likes non-fiction books, specifically ones about historical atrocities. He originally got them out of the library as a kid for less than savory purposes, but he actually kinda surprised himself when he found them genuinely interesting.

Have they

Passed university: Yes, as well as further education to become a dentist Had sex: Yes. It is definitely one of his favorite things to do. Had sex in public: A couple times but never like…in front of anyone Gotten pregnant: Seeing as he hasn’t got the proper plumbing for that, no. Kissed a boy: Yes, though only enough to count on one hand. While he leans heavily toward women, there have been some guys that have caught his eye. Kissed a girl: More than you can count on your fingers plus some of your toes Gotten tattoos: Just one Gotten piercings: Nope Had a broken heart: He has but never romantically.  Been in love: In his really messed up way he has. He’s just not at all emotionally competent to show healthy love and affection most of the time. Stayed up for more than 24 hours: More times than he would like to mention

Are they

A virgin: God no A kisser: It really depends. He can swing from super affectionate to cold and distanced like a damn switch. Scared easily: Not at all. Jealous easily: Sort of? He’s kinda pretty much too confident for his own good, but if you manage to get up under that he can be very defensive and jealous…you know, when he’s not being a complete space case Trustworthy: If you’re a friend to him and he sees you as an equal (incredibly rare), Orin can be incredibly trustworthy. Of course, if he’s just “eh” on you I wouldn’t really trust him with anything sensitive. Even with people he likes he can be a bit of a blabbermouth. Dominant: To an excessive degree Submissive: Oh my god no…well, maybe if he’s in the right, kinky, mood with someone he feels can handle him then it’s a strong…maybe. In love: It’s hard to say. He’s kinda emotionally inept when it comes to stuff like that, so he could be and not really know it Single: In most cases, no, but depending on the verse he can be

Random questions

Have they harmed themselves: Yes, but not very often.  He has a few like scars scattered on his forearms, but he tended them to so he healed up well on those for the most part. He’s also punched things until his fingers have bled, and as such he has some scars on his knuckles. His scars are all hypopigmentation (white) scars, and he’s fair enough that unless your looking at him closely or touching him you might not notice them.  Thought of suicide: He has, but it’s not something he likes to talk about with other people. He likes the rush of coming close to death, of toying with that line, but these days he’s much more attached to the idea of being alive then he used to be. Attempted suicide: He hasn’t actively tried, but his own carelessness has gotten him close on more than one occasion. Wanted to kill someone: Quite often. He’s an angry guy, but when he doesn’t have a punching bag he tends to internalize it until it festers into an aggressive outburst. Drove a car: He has, but while cars are nice, he’s always been and will always be a motorcycle guy. Have/had a job: Yeah, he’s a practicing dentist Have any fears: He’s afraid of big dogs (his dad had the meanest dog…), dying from disease, and being alone above all else.

Family

Siblings: He’s an only child, though in a very specific AU he’s the older half brother of Cousin Kevin from Tommy Parents: His mother was Dorothy Byrne, and his Father was Alan Scrivello. His mother was the buffer between him and his father who was hot tempered and abusive both verbally and physically, but she died when he was 15, leaving him and his dad. That period of his life was when he was most depressed and reckless and when he developed the extreme personality he has now. He left home for good at 18, and he couldn’t tell you about his father’s current status, and he honestly doesn’t care. He does get really distressed about how much he’s become like his dad, but he kinda feels like there’s nothing he can do about it. You can’t escape your parents’ influence. Children: None, though in an AU he does have a “What If…” son named Jason with @skidrowflorist‘s Audrey that was born after he died Pets: He’s not really an animal person, but if he was to have one he does have a particular fondness for reptiles

Tagged by @ifhollicould Tagging: If you’re reading this you’re tagged. So there. Also @brokenragdoll @skidrowflorist @suddcnlyseymour @nctfree @ethicaldilemmas because of reasons

[lepromatosis]

...

Smallpox in Wales, 1962, part 6 of 11

On the Smallpox1962 website, people left comments recalling their experiences living in the area during the outbreak. I am sharing those I was most interested in, although you will have to click ‘keep reading’ to see the full post. 

I encourage everyone to visit the original website as there are dozens upon dozens of stories shared there.

At weekends my younger brother and I helped my father deliver milk and groceries and I will never forget the panic and fear that descended on the community over those dark weeks. We had a few customers who had been taken ill and one who had died of smallpox. Many customers were aware that we had been in contact with smallpox victims and the reaction to us was extreme especially at weekends.

What appalled me at the time was how many of our customers refused to have any contact with us when it came to paying their bills. Many refused to open their doors to us and I remember my father having a struggle as we were treated like lepers by many – a memory of the “community” I can never forget. I remember a district nurse Nurse Johnson who had been similarly treated.

- Laurie Jones

I was 6 in 1962. My father, Dennis Buckley was a bus conductor working for the Rhondda Transport. As a result of his occupation our family were one of the first to have the vaccination in the clinic in Talbot Green and I was shown having my injection on the BBC news that evening. (It must be in the archives somewhere.) I remember it as a very worrying time. I remember my father fried eggs on the stove and the fat splashed up his arm. That evening he noticed the little marks on his arm and by bedtime had convinced himself that it was the start of the disease. He didn’t sleep that night and it took all my mother’s powers of persuasion to convince him it was the fat splash and not smallpox!

- Denise Buckley

‘My wife’s father worked as a stoker in Glanryhd hospital in Bridgend. The reason the smallpox was diagnosed there in one of the old dears is because one of the doctors had worked abroad and because of that he diagnosed it immediately. The other doctors didn’t know. This doctor had to burn all his clothes.’

- Malcolm G John

‘I was a patient in the then East Glamorgan Hospital awaiting the birth of my second child. Mr Hodkinson was due a ward round on a morning and I had been told he would be likely to examine me.  However, the visit never took place and we learnt later that he had been taken ill.  Within a few days – by which time my child had been born – all patients were confined to their beds with visits to the television room banned.

‘Later it became apparent that something serious was going on and we learnt that it had to do with smallpox. No visiting was allowed and we were informed we would have to remain in the hospital in isolation for some time.  By now we knew that Mr Hodkinson had died.

‘Some months before I had had a smallpox vaccination, so I was not particularly concerned, but some of the other mums were very nervous. (I received a vaccination because I was a nurse in another hospital.)  My baby and otheres were given an injection – as a precaution we were told.

(...) ‘We were able to see our families through the windows and parcels could be left for us at the main entrance.  I already had a young child at home and that was upsetting only to see her through a window.

On one occasion we saw a body being removed outside with accompanying staff dressed all over in white suits.  I believe a young child had died of smallpox.

‘After three weeks and one day we were allowed to leave.’

-Mary Alleyne

‘I was nine at the time and remember having the inoculation at Cowbridge. I vaguely remember the children’s “joke”. ‘What is the Rhondda Valley famous for? – Smallpox’. As an adult I have come to realise what an insidious disease Smallpox is and thank medical science that it now only exists in a very few laboratories.’

-Paul Anderson

‘My father’s full name was Dr Richard Thomas Bevan. He was involved with the smallpox outbreak for a variety of reasons. (...) At the time of the outbreak In 1962 he held the post of  Deputy Medical Officer of Health, Glamorgan.

‘I was 13 years old when the smallpox outbreak occurred. My father was a very calm placid man who never showed agitation but I could sense at the time that this was something more serious than usual.

‘Having the vaccination done in the kitchen was not a totally unusual event for me as I also remember that was the way I received polio injections etc so I didn’t really feel any sense of urgency about the need to vaccinate us all. It was just the way of life in our family!

-Cath Arnold

In 1962 I was16. My mother had been a nurse and had a medical book with a picture of a patient with smallpox. It had scared me so I went to Dr Spector and had the vaccination.

Anyway, my mother and I were caught up in the events in Cardiff and were monitored for a few weeks. A bit like the Ebola crisis now! We lived in Ystrad and the Isolation Hospital was on Penrhys. I remember the ambulances coming with the staff all gowned up. I also remember the smoke from the chimney at the hospital. I think it meant that someone had died.

It also made people comment that the Pope had been elected!

-Sandra Jones

I lived in Aberaman at that time – I was 7 years old. My father, Les Thomas, was a physiotherapist and chiropodist. He had his practice at home at number 1 Margaret Street, Aberaman but worked in the mornings at East Glamorgan hospital as the resident physiotherapist.

I remember him being in contact with one of our local GP’s, Dr Moffatt who had his practice in Glamorgan Street, Aberaman. The vaccinations were being done by Dr Moffatt and my father. I remember long queues of people out from our front door, and along Cynon Street. I remember asking my father to vaccinate me and he did it.

Being so very young at the time, I obviously didn’t realise the enormity of the problem but I do remember feeling very afraid.

-Lyn du Plessis nee Thomas

I knew Wayne Mansfield when I was an infant and it’s strange how you remember things. The family was still living in 12 Tegfan at the time – we must have been about 6 years old.

I remember when he came to call for me my aunt was a bit reticent for me to go out to play. I realize now how strong the stigma attached to this was – and we are talking about 2 to 3 years later. Not long after, the family moved from Tegfan, I don’t know where to.

-Stuart Jenkins

I was born and brought up on the main road in Tonyrefail. In the village, the husband of the children’s clinic nurse died in the outbreak. My mother was pregnant and narrowly missed, through providential circumstances, a consultation with the gynaecologist who died, during a time he was incubating but before he had developed the disease. I recall vividly the ambulances from Blackmill passing our home with a police escort, carrying corpses to be cremated in Glyntaff or Thornhill Crematoria.

- Ieuan Davies

My father was the chemist in Cilfynydd and we were given the vaccination before anyone else by our doctor because he didn’t have enough vaccine to go round. We were told not to tell anyone and not to have a bath for 6 weeks or go swimming. My school was next to the cemetery and I remember being sent home from school one lunchtime because they were cremating one of the victims of the outbreak and, apparently, they were still contagious even after death. It was feared we would breathe in the infectious spores.

- Glynys Hono

I was six years old in 1962. I had been admitted to East Glamorgan Hospital and examined by Dr Hodkinson just a few days before he became ill. The hospital was closed and I was put into ward 2. (The childrens’ ward had been closed due to an outbreak, I think.) Being the only child on a womens’ ward resulted in my long hair being brushed, combed, curled, plaited, put into rags – you name it! I remember standing on the radiators in the day room to be able to wave to my parents in the car park. It seemed like ages until I could go home. I was one of the lucky ones. It is only now that I realise how worried my parents must have been.

-Kath Malpas

I was at Porth Grammar Technical School at the time of the outbreak, aged 16. I remember the tension and panic. I was sent by my parents for the injection at Dr. Maxwell’s tiny surgery in Ynyshir. The room was packed with very worried patient. I remember realising that this surgery was the perfect place for the infection to spread. One of my class mates had been in contact with family members in Swansea, he and his family were placed in a form of “quarantine.”

My injection had no reaction, I needed a second one. At school our whole class refused to do P.E. as they had sore arms, this was seen as a dangerous rebellion. The class was caned – apart from me as the second injection was so recent. A highlight was an International football match between Wales and England was switched from Swansea to Ninian Park. It must have been one of the last games for Johnny Haynes and John Charles.

-Alan Griffiths

[lemma-lassie]

All the asks

Here you go @advicefromanobody

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? A friend on our way to the ER for her tremors

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Yes?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Some friends I recently reconnected with

4. Are you easy to get along with? Um probably not idk

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Nah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Female musicians who are outgoing with a sense of humility and compassion

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Matt because he keeps texting me but like I’m gay so

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends on who it’s with

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? It’s been a while. Probably my bff @swawesome-wow

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Omg Harold confirmed”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Fly/I believe I can fly” (the glee version) “In Remembrance” (a Choral piece) “Dance All Night” Idk that’s all I got

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes yes yes yes yes but only when I’m okay with being touched so like don’t surprise me

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Somewhat? I prefer “fortune” to “luck,” but I don’t know why

15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to Vienna!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No…

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Im not up to date on enough information to make an educated decision

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I mean we’re friends on Facebook

19. Do you like bubble baths? No, I’m allergic to plants so the products usually irritate my skin

20. Do you like your neighbors? Yes, they’re an amazing family

21. What are you bad habits? So many?

22. Where would you like to travel? Greece, Germany, South Africa, anywhere possible

23. Do you have trust issues? Yep

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going the fuck to sleep

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Eyebrows?

26. What do you do when you wake up? Scream internally and then eat bread

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I’m already practically white, might as well go a little lighter

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My best friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Never been in a relationship

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Not yet, but getting there

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Emma Watson and Bonnie Wright

33. Spell your name with your chin. Sbba

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Is karate a sport?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV oh my god

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? So many times

37. What do you say during awkward silences? “Whelp.”

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? A passionate, selfless, intelligent, caring woman who can better me and whom I can better in return. And who is, like, gay

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? TARGET and dollarama

40. What do you want to do after high school? lol I’m in college so I guess I did something right

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No. I think it depends on the circumstance. For example, rapists don’t deserve a second chance

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Either I’m focused, pissed, exhausted, shocked, sad, or daydreaming

43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes, I always feel guilty when I don’t

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Mm, neither bc motion sickness and claustrophobia But I guess space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My alarm

46. What are you paranoid about? My teachers being disappointed in me

47. Have you ever been high? Yes, once

48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes, far more than once

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Maybe

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Purple

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Probably hermione tbh

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I could have more patience.

53. Favourite makeup brand? Elf because it’s cheap af

54. Favourite store? Target

55. Favourite blog? Uh

56. Favourite colour? Teal

57. Favourite food? Bread?

58. Last thing you ate? Rice with sausage and toppings

59. First thing you ate this morning? Chocolate croissant (usually toast though)

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think like best science project in seventh grade, it’s kinda gone downhill since then

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nein

62. Been arrested? For what? No

63. Ever been in love? Maybe

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Truth or dare. Two friends.

65. Are you hungry right now? I wasn’t until you mentioned it

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Nah, my real friends are pretty great

67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? No

70. Names of your bestfriends? Maha, Joslyn, Sarah, Matt

71. Craving something? What? Sleep

72. What colour are your towels? Teal

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One or two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? My stuffed bear Patches from 6th grade choir trip

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 20ish I think

75. Favourite animal? Cats

76. What colour is your underwear? Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate unless it’s icing

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Sea Salt Caramel

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Green and white

80. What colour pants? Green and white… I’m in pajamas

81. Favourite tv show? Sherlock

82. Favourite movie? Harry Potter

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? No

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? No

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? No

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo’s mom

87. First person you talked to today? Joslyn

88. Last person you talked to today? …Joslyn

89. Name a person you hate? Donald Trump

90. Name a person you love? Joe Biden

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nazis

92. In a fight with someone? Not currently

93. How many sweatpants do you have? None and it’s awful please help

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Like 6

95. Last movie you watched? Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

96. Favourite actress? Emma Watson

97. Favourite actor? Alan Rickman

98. Do you tan a lot? It’s burn or nothing

99. Have any pets? A cat named Lily

100. How are you feeling? Tired

101. Do you type fast? Ish

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes

103. Can you spell well? When I wear my apnea device... damn apparently not because I read that as "sleep" not "spell"

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now? People not doing their fucking work

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes, several times

111. Do you have trust issues? Yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My therapist

113. What was your childhood nickname? Lassie or Em

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes, many times

115. Do you play the Wii? Rarely

116. Are you listening to music right now? No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Not particularly

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes

119. Favourite book? 1984

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Only after scary movies

121. Are you mean? Only when I’m sleep deprived

122. Is cheating ever okay? Haha no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Never tried

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? I guess?

125. Do you believe in true love? Either you love someone or you don’t, it’s just whether or not you’re honest about it

126. Are you currently bored? A bit

127. What makes you happy? Music, bread, sleep, friends

128. Would you change your name? I would change my last name to my middle name to reflect my mom’s family

129. What your zodiac sign? Capricorn

130. Do you like subway? Fuck yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Remind them that I’m gay af and that they have a girlfriend

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My best friend

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dreams but they’re not quite what they seem”

134. Can you count to one million? I sure hope so but I’m not about to try

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? That I bought veggies and not dessert

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed tf I don’t trust people

137. How tall are you? 5'7"

138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy?

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette

140. Summer or Winter? Summer

141. Night or Day? Day

142. Favourite month? October

143. Are you a vegetarian? No

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark

145. Tea or Coffee? Tea, always

146. Was today a good day? Lol no

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? “We all must make the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts? I’m not sure

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Effects of age on detection of emotion”

[funface2]

Jack Dee’s best jokes and funniest one-liners ahead of his UK tour this autumn – iNews

Veteran comedian and unflinching miseryguts Jack Dee is set to embark on his first stand-up tour for six years.

Famed for his brand of fed-up, bone-dry humour, few comics have shown an ability, or willingness, to fume at the mundanity of modern-day life like the 57-year-old.

Here are some of the funnyman’s most hysterically glum jokes:

“I hate people who think it’s clever to take drugs-like custom officers. Aren’t they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the arsehole, all day long. They put a uniform on, for a job like that, can you imagine doing that? ‘Just off to work now dear’. ‘Have a nice day day at the orafice’.”

“I read an article that said if you regularly drink two glasses of wine a day, you could be well on your way to becoming an alcoholic. I thought, if I regularly drank two glasses of wine a day I’d be well on my way to being cured of alcoholism.”

“I love to be in Britain, when it’s hot weather. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, don’t they? Know what I like to do? I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone.”

“I’ve had my run-ins with booze; it’s well documented. So what I can say from experience is that it takes a lot of guts and perseverance and courage to stop drinking. Which is why I haven’t.”

“The other night, this salesman phoned up and started banging on and on about buying car insurance. I’m not interested anyway. I don’t even have car insurance, because I’m a careful driver.”

“I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’, and shall I tell you something about that? I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if I’m all right. Lazy cow hasn’t even taken her milk in for a fortnight!”

“Try saying: ‘Whale Oil Beef Hooked’ without sounding like an Irish man swearing.”

“One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.”

“A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?”

“Has Boris’s rescue puppy resigned yet?”

“My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night-First question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?”

“Wish someone would contact me about all the other crap I’ve been missold.”

“People who are pro-smacking children say, ‘It’s the only language they understand.’ You could apply that to tourists.”

“At this time of year, if your bin men knock on the door and give you a Christmas card, it’s traditional to tear it up and say ‘What did you come here for? The bins are round the back!’

“You’re not helping to save the planet by sending e-cards instead of the real thing because every time I receive one I go out and cut down a tree.”

“Have taken Southern Rail’s advice and carried a bottle of water with me in the hot weather. Thanks for that nugget . I wish they’d take my advice and run their trains on time with enough seats on them for all the poor bastards who’ve bought tickets from them.”

Best letters from Mrs Trellis on Radio 4’s Sorry I haven’t a clue

“Dear Guinness Book of World Records: I have a collection of six Guinness Book of World Records. Is this the Guinness Book of World Records record for Guinness Book of World Records? Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis”

“Dear Woman’s Hour: Why waste money on baby-naming books when all the names you need can be found in the telephone directory? Yours, Mrs. Trellis. P.S. Any chance of a signed photo for my grandson Dyno-Rod Emergency Hotline Trellis?”

“Dear Mr. Gadaffi, You must be very proud. It’s not every duck that becomes President. Yours in haste, Mrs. Trellis”

“Dear Mr. Duggleby, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why does my typewriter always stick on the letter ‘Y’? Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales”

“Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. P.S. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin.”

“Dear Mr. President: What were the chances of someone called Mr. President actually getting that job? Yours Sincerely, Mrs. Trellis. P.S. Love your butter.”

More jokes:

38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedian’s funniest jokes and quotes 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners 30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes 30 of the best jokes about Theresa May 25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 26 of Seann Walsh’s greatest jokes 16 of Barry Chuckle’s greatest jokes 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of Eddie Izzard’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes 21 of Rhod Gilbert’s funniest jokes and one-liners 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians 30 of Jack Whitehall’s funniest jokes 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds 105 of the best bad jokes 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

And some hilarious quotes:

29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge Valentine’s poems: 32 most romantic quotes from history’s greatest poets 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 23 of Outnumbered’s funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes

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Bài viết Jack Dee’s best jokes and funniest one-liners ahead of his UK tour this autumn – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/jack-dees-best-jokes-and-funniest-one-liners-ahead-of-his-uk-tour-this-autumn-inews/

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31 April Fools Day Jokes For Teachers To Play At School

If youre a teacher, you know that April 1is definitely notjust another day. If youre not taking full advantage of April Fools Day, youre totally missing out! There are so many fun, hilarious, and mind-blowing tricks, pranks, and gags that you can pull on your students. The best thing? Theyll love you for it! Kids love to joke around and have fun, so why not give them a chance to blow off some steam and see how awesome you are?

When you really stop and think about it, you probably have no idea how April Fools Day got its start. Thats understandable, since no one really knows much about the history of April Fools Day. Maybe the jokes on us! There are a number of semi-plausible theories, but the most likely has to do with the switch from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar back in 1582.

According to History.com, People who were slow to get the news or failed to recognize that the start of the new year had moved to January 1 and continued to celebrate it during the last week of March through April 1 became the butt of jokes and hoaxes. As a result, they were often called April fools. So there you go.

Now that you know the rich history behind this silly day, its time to get planning some amazing April Fools Day jokes for school!

Thumbnail Sources: Flickr

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April Fools Pranks With Food

For those of us with a sweet tooth, these are among the most evil (yet ultimately harmless!) pranks out there, since many involve healthy food masked as sugary sweets. Of course, once the prank is over, you could always provide a fun treat to reduce the disappointment. Read on to find out how to pull the ultimate April Fools prank with food on your students. Note that if your school has strict food guidelines, or if any of your students have food allergies, youll want to check with the principal or skip this section altogether.

1. Baby Carrots Wrapped In Tootsie Roll Wrappers

Flickr / Allison Carter

Pass one out to each student for good performance or good behavior and watch their shocked expressions as they open them.

2. Broccoli Wrapped Like Lollipops

Pixabay

This one is similar to the Tootsie Roll trick. Your students wont believe their luck when they receive a lollipop but oh, the disappointment when theyre opened to reveal broccoli.

3. Doughnut Seeds

Flickr / Gramody

Casually pass out packets of doughnut seeds, which are actually cereal bits shaped like O’s. Tell your students to plant them in their garden in order to grow a crop of their very own doughnuts. This ones best for the younger crowd!

4. Vegetables In A Dunkin’ Donuts Box

Flickr / Austin Kirk

Your students mouths will water as you present a huge Dunkin Donuts box. Then, open it to reveal an array of veggies and watch as they lose their minds.

5. Grapes Wrapped As Chocolate Eggs

Flickr / Thomas Rousing

It’ll certainly take quite a bit of prep work to wrap each grape in that colorful foil, but itll be worth it as your eager students unwrap them, only to find theyve been duped!

High-Tech April Fools’ Day Pranks

Only in todays digital age can you pull off some of these crazy, awe-inspiring pranks! Although they take some prep work, these unforgettable April Fools Day prank ideas are simply hilarious and can be enjoyed by students of all ages, from elementary school to high school.

1. “Spilled” Milk On Laptop

Flickr / Michael Bentley

Students lovecomputer time during school, so give them a real scare with fake spilled milk on the keyboard. This can be done using a few simple ingredients and following theinstructions here.

2. “Destroy” A Student’s Phone For Texting In Class

Flickr / William Hook

This is a perfect prank for the ever-texting high school crowd, brought to you by weareteachers.com. Youll need an accomplice for this one. Find an old cell phone and enlist the help of a student who will use it to pretend to text constantly during class. In a pretend fit of rage, grab the phone from the student and smash it on the ground. Trust us, youll have everyones attention!

3. Create A Classroom Ghost Using Wireless Technology

Wikimedia Commons

Another amazingprank by the geniuses over at weareteachers.com is the classroom ghost. Check out the instructions, but essentially, youll use wireless technology and Skype to have a teacher in a different room take over your SMART board, convincing your students that theres a ghost. Solid burn.

4. Silly Files On Your Computer

Wikimedia Commons

Heres a super-fun prank from squareheadteachers.com that will have your students scratching their heads: Accidentally show a list of silly files on your computer when youre getting your projector hooked up. For example, name files ‘Teachers who might be vampires or Celebrity Visits at Our School.

Act completely casual and watch the hilarity ensue.

April Fools’ Day Pranks With Classroom Items

Here are some super-simple April Fools Day jokes you can play using just the items in your classroom. Theres almost no prep work involved, but your students will love these just the same.

1. Rearrange Desks To Face Backward

Flickr / jdog90

Before your students come in, turn all the desks so that theyre facing the back of the classroom. Then begin teaching as if its no big deal.

2. Chair Switch-Out

Flickr / Brian Hart

Heres a cute idea from squareheadteachers.com: Before your students come in, switch all of the chairs with those in a kindergarten classroom so theyre all much smaller than the students are used to. Sit back and watch their hilarious reactions!

3. Reassign Seats

Flickr / U.S. Department Of Education

This is a great prank for elementary classrooms, again from squareheadteachers.com. Have all the students sit at different desks in the morning, which isnt entirely unusual, since most teachers do change seating arrangements on occasion. Let the fun begin when your students are againsearching for their desks after recess, lunch, or both!

4. Tie Chairs To Desks

Flickr / xMizLitx

Have your students howling with laughter when you use zip ties to tie their chair legs to their desks. Just be sure to help them when it comes time to cut their chairs free!

5. No Chairs

Flickr / Alan Levine

A variation of the above prank is to entirely remove all the chairs and act like nothing happened. Some will laugh, some will cry, and some will just sit on their desks.

Silly April Fools Day Pranks

Get your students laughing with these silly April Fools’ Day pranks that are super easy to do and are guaranteed to have them laughing. Choose one (or several!) of these jokes if youre looking to pull off a prank thats cheap or even free.

1. Shocking Pen

Amazon

Purchase a shocking pen from a gag-gift store and set it next to a piece of paper at the front of the classroom. Tell students to come up and sign their name on the paper for any reason of your choice. Watch as they try to figure out why the pen is shocking them.

2. Crazy Cafeteria Menu

Flickr / U.S. Department Of Agriculture

Create a silly, gross, or crazy cafeteria menu for the month of April and post it or pass it out to students. This one is guaranteed to get some hilarious reactions!

3. Party Popper Attached To Classroom Door

Flickr / Metku

Heres a great one from BuzzFeed: If your school will allow it, use tape to attach a party popper to your classroom door, then tape the string to the other side of the door frame. Itll pop when a student enters the classroom, giving them quite a surprise! Even funnier? Get your students in on this one, and catch someone else entering your room by surprise. Your students will howl with laughter.

4. Free Ticket

Flickr / Steve Snodgrass

From 9gag.com, create a bunch of tickets that say Free Ticket: Its not good for anything, its just free and print them out. Hand them to students, who will wonder what theyre good for. Or, have a classroom contest with these tickets as the prizes. Why do this? Why not! Its April Fools Day!

April Fools Day Pranks For High Schoolers

Even high schoolers can appreciate a well-played prank. They may not react as adorably as the younger set, but trust us, theyll be psyched that you made the effort to do something fun and unusual for them.

1. Pop Quiz

Flickr / Ryan McGilchrist

Tell your students theres a pop quiz. Hand out a sheet of paper that has lots of random questions; at least 50. Tell them explicitly to read the entire quiz before beginning. Have the last question say, Dont answer the questions. Write your name and turn this in. See which students are good at following directions.

2. Bug In The Light

Flickr / James McCloskey

Using the tutorial here, cut out a huge bug and put it in the fluorescent light in your classroom. Your students are sure to be creeped out by this awesome April Fools Day joke.

3. Assignment Due

Flickr / Teaching And Learning With Technology

Halfway through class, suddenly remember that the class has an important assignment due. Make this prank less obvious by tapping half the class to come up and turn the assignment in, but be sure to have a random mix of performers so you dont single out students who dont perform as well in school. Follow these instructions for how to pull off this funny prank from weareteachers.com.

4. Real Pop Quiz

Flickr / Alberto G.

Plan a real pop quiz into your lesson plans for this day, then when you announce it, your students will predictably say, Haha, yeah, right, April Fools. Then proceed to really give them a quiz.

5. Send Students To The Office

Flickr / U.S. Department Of Education

Be sure to check with the office and principal ahead of time for this one! Send students to the office who normally wouldnt be sent, for silly things like looking at you funny or breathing too loudly. Theyll get a laugh even if they do figure it out before they leave the classroom.

6. Call Out Students

Flickr / U.S. Department Of Education

Write down the names of several students on the board with random information next to each name, like dates, letters, or short, nonsensical phrases. If asked about the significance of the names, say, “We’ll discuss it later” in an ominous tone.

April Fools Day Pranks For Preschoolers

We cant forget our littlest friends on this super-fun day! Even the preschool set can enjoy a joke every now and then, and today is no exception. Heres a list of very simple, easy-to-understand April Fools Day pranks for kids in preschool.

1. Speak Silently

Flickr / Woodleywonderworks

When the children gather on the carpet first thing in the morning, move your mouth like youre speaking but dont actually say anything. Kids love this classic trick!

2. Googly Eyes

Flickr / Emma Craig

Bring your classroom to life and watch your littles giggle by affixing googly eyes to everything you can think of. Doorknobs, fruit, and trash cans make particularly funny choices.

3. Peas And Carrots

Pixabay

Delight your classroom of tots with fake peas and carrots made out of cut-up orange Starburst and green Skittles.

4. Jell-O With A Straw

Flickr / Quinn Dombrowski

Serve Jell-O in clear plastic cups with straws inserted so they look like juice. Watch the hilarity ensue as the kids try to drink it. Be sure to provide spoons after the jokes over unless you want some major tantrums on your hands!

5. Over-Easy “Egg”

Flickr / The Marmot

At snack time, serve students a fake over-easy egg using a peach cut in half and plopped into the middle of a plateful of vanilla yogurt. Both funny and healthy, this April Fools Day joke is a winner!

6. Worm In The Apple

Flickr / Digipam

Stick gummy worms in apples for a fun and semi-healthy snack for your preschoolers.

7. Brown “E”

Pixabay

The brown E is a preschool classic, and for good reason! Tell your students that youll be giving them a brownie, and then hand them each a brown E made with construction paper. Watch as they try to figure it out!

Read more: http://bit.ly/2npzwrP

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