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hellodropbear · 4 months ago

Text

take me back

alexia putellas x reader

angst

neither of you had anticipated a career-ending injury.

neither of you realised what it would mean

~~~~~~

Alexia Putellas is an expert.

An expert of football, of family, of friends. An expert of cooking, of driving, an expert of making people laugh.

An expert of having a girlfriend, of making you the happiest person in the world.

She is an expert and she prides herself on her unique ability to master anything that she sets her mind to.

You think that might be why she has taken this so hard. Why she can’t seem to come to terms with the reality no matter how hard you try to tell her that fighting this is futile.

But this is something that you pray she will never be able to master.

Because a career ending injury for you felt like the end of the world, but for her, for Alexia Putellas - the two time Ballon d’Or winner who had dedicated every minute of her life to this, her career, the end of her career would mean the end of her.

She lived for the chants of her name that echoed around camp nou, the three syllables sending uncontrollable shivers down her spine, her hands shaking and heart racing as she fought those emotions that threatened to explode out of her.

Running out onto that pitch with what felt like the world on her shoulders, those times where adrenaline kicked in and would be able to do anything she wanted.

When the ball struck the goal, rippling the net and sending the stadium into a frenzy, loud as she celebrated with her teammates, with the crowd.

Celebrating because in those moments everything made sense, it was worth everything she had ever sacrificed, everything she put in.

It was what she lived for, those moments on the field were irreplaceable.

The pride, happiness, excitement.

The sadness and longing as well, for times when she was the one cheering out her favourite players name as she sat in her fathers lap, their seats never vacant in the large stadium.

Football, for Alexia, is everything.

Her entire life. Her happiness and sadness, her excitement and fear. It makes her so incredibly carefree even when she feels like one wrong move would cause the colossal weight she carried around with her drop and crush her to the ground.

But she is an expert of walking that line between triumph and failure, aware that at any point she could be harshly shoved in either direction. But she is so determined that she will succeed, that her team will succeed.

It was something that connected her to her father, something that she could share with her friends and family who didn’t play. Playing football for Barcelona ran deep in her veins, a passion she can feel running through her all the time.

Even after the games, as the tiredness caught up with her, as she crashed from the overwhelming adrenaline that had been pumping through her for the past 90 minutes. After the games she could celebrate with her family, smile and laugh with them as they clapped her on the back, hugging her and kissing her, proud and content.

Because football was everything, to Alexia and to her family. They were connected by those powerful chants, the red, yellow and blue stripes that emblazoned their hearts.

But for you, football wasn’t everything.

Football was what made you happy, of course. It was what connected you with your teammates, with other players from around the world.

It was where you felt the most carefree, where you felt you could let loose and forget about all of your problems.

It was what gave you Alexia, the love of your life.

But that was all football really was for you.

There was no real connection, no family for you to celebrate with.

No expectations and no pride either.

There was no weight on your shoulders that told you that success was the only option, no trophies in your apartment that held your name on shiny plates.

It was just you and a football, your friends and your girlfriend.

It was where you were happiest, of course it was, but it wasn’t your entire being.

You could live without it.

At least that’s what you told yourself as the physios spoke, as they relayed the news that you had been waiting to hear for what felt like years.

It had only been a year since it all began to fall apart, but it had been so much longer since you had realised that maybe your career wouldn’t be all trophies and happiness, all those rainbows and sunshine that you had wished for as you kicked around a ball with the boys in the school yard.

~~~~~~

1 year earlier

The back pains were nothing new. It wasn’t a sudden aggravation that had you worried, it was a constant dull ache in the base of your back that you had gotten used to in your early teenage years. The aggravations and flare ups were just something you lived with.

You didn’t think it was related to the tingling in your legs or the weakness that would overcome you after training sometimes. You had thought those symptoms were just fatigue, overuse. Issues that could be managed and fixed with appropriate recovery.

But you have had back pains for as long as you can remember and you adjusted your life to keep them at bay back when you were a teenager. All the seats in your apartment were lined with cushions, your washing machine and dryer were both up on the wall so you don’t have to bend forward and load or unload your washing.

You had become a master of using your feet to open and close cupboards and drawers, often using your football techniques to pick objects up off the floor without having to bend forward.

You were a well oiled machine, the actions all in your subconscious as you tried to live your life free of pain.

But then one day you’d have to do weights in the gym and the pains would come flooding back, leaving you sore and stiff for the next few days, unable to even lie in bed without immense pain radiating through you.

You thought it was normal, that the back pains were just some muscle aches that came from bad technique in the gym.

You would tell yourself that you’d ask a trainer to check your technique. But you never did.

Part of you knew that it wasn’t nothing, that a pain that was nothing didn’t last this long. But it was scary, you didn’t want something to be wrong. You didn’t want anyone to know that there was anything wrong.

So you continued to live your life with your adjustments, ignoring the brief frown Alexia would shoot you as you performed yet another daily task in an adjusted way.

She would ask you about it, why you flinched when she pulled you towards her in bed. Why you picked everything up with your feet, always crouching down to the ground whenever you had to reach to the floor.

But you used the same response each time. It was a habit, all of it. You had moved like that all your life, there was no reason to change it.

Part of you wanted to believe that yourself, you’d try and tell yourself that nothing was wrong, it was all just a habit.

All just fatigue, overuse.

You never actually told yourself that there was something wrong because that was just like manifesting something you didn’t want into reality.

Doctors through your childhood had told you it was nothing, they told you it was growing pains and overuse, that if you iced your back and rested for a few weeks it would go away.

It never worked, but you would tell yourself you were fine and go back to football anyway.

Your parents wouldn’t even know, not when they were so busy with work.

~~~~~~

It had been a few weeks before the match that your back had been hurting more again. It was exhausting, the pain. Hiding the pain from Alexia, from your team. Pushing through the pain even when it felt like your back could simply collapse from all the pressure.

But you had done it before and you were sure you’d have to do it again. It was nothing new.

That thought didn’t help the hammering in your chest and the pulsating pain in your back as you sat in the locker room before the game.

It was like you knew something was going to go wrong, the way your hands shook as you tried to tie up your laces, accepting Alexia’s help as you struggled to tie your hair back.

“You feel so tense, my love. What’s going on in your head?”

She looked at you curiously, her facial expression soft.

“Just the usual nerves,” you had replied, your voice shaking.

She could hear in your voice that there was something wrong but knew better than to push further in the locker room, so exposed, so vulnerable. She would ask you later, she thought, instead just pulling you into a hug, holding you close to maintain pressure and trying to ease some of your nerves.

It had worked, you thought, your nerves calm as you walked out, breaths even as you lined up, as you posed for the photo and as you jogged over to your starting position.

It was an easy game against Seville, a constant flow of goals flying into the back of the neck.

But it was a gruelling one, with the increasingly frustrated opposition becoming more and more physical with every goal conceded.

You found yourself on the floor over and over again but you had been able to break your fall with your arms, easing yourself onto the ground to avoid the searing pains that would shoot up and down your back and legs if you aggravated it.

But this tackle had come out of nowhere, you hadn’t even seen them coming.

The ball was barely in your vicinity, but she barged into the side of you, easily knocking you off your fatigued and lethargic legs and onto the floor with a loud thump.

And as soon as you hit the floor, you felt it like you had never felt it before.

You were lying on your stomach so able to rest your face in the ground as you groaned in pain, whacking the floor with your hand and writhing in pain as you struggled to move your legs.

You could barely hear the commotion above you, you could barely feel Alexia’s soft hand on her cheek as she knelt beside you and tried to wipe away some of your tears.

“It’ll be alright, my love. You’re going to be ok.”

You could only wince, your breath hitching as physios began to poke and prod at you, eventually flipping you over and lying you down on the stretcher.

It was then that the pain became unbearable, it was then that you let out an ear piercing scream, agony radiating through your body. It was when you were in the back rooms that everything became too much, too overwhelming for your weakened body.

It was in the back rooms that everything turned dark.

~~~~~~

“What do you mean, long term?”

Alexia’s voice was harsh but you could hear how anxious she was. You could feel her hand on your arm, clammy and shaking as the doctors hesitated.

But your eyes opened before they could speak and she was immediately moving closer, cupping your face in her hand.

You could see the tears in her eyes, the fear in her face.

You had never seen her like this before.

“Ale.”

She smiled, placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Amor. Hey.”

She brushed your hair out of her face with her spare hand, closing her eyes and sighing quietly.

“They’re saying they think you’ve been in pain for a while. Long term.”

You nod. There was no point in trying to keep that brave face, not when the doctors were right there.

“It’s been a while.”

She frowns, subconsciously grabbing your arm and squeezing it.

“How long? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You shrug.

“It’s been a while, Ale. I just sort of forgot about it, I didn’t want anything to be wrong.”

She let out an uncontrolled exhale, shaking her head as if wishing this was all just a dream.

“I’m sorry, Ale.” You reached up to stroke her cheek with your hand. “I thought I was fine. I should have told you. I’m so sorry.”

She continued to shake her head.

“No, I should have known.”

One of the doctors took a step forward.

“We want to run some tests. We want to know if there’s anything else that’s been bothering you, if you’ve had any pain other than that in your back.”

You nod hesitantly, biting your lip.

“Sometimes, in my legs. I didn’t think it was related but sometimes they’ll go numb, or just really sore. They feel so heavy and tired when I walk and then I’ll get pins and needles, or shooting pains down my legs.”

I hear Alexia’s heavy breathing but I can’t bring myself to make eye contact with her, not after lying to her for all this time.

“And your back, what’s that pain like?”

You nod, taking a deep breath before answering.

“It’s always there, like a pulse. But sometimes if I go too hard in the gym it’ll flare up. Sometimes it’ll get worse if I just bend forward to pick something up. It’s been worse recently, I was going to tell someone.”

The doctor nods.

“We’ll take you for those tests. You’ll be fine, Miss. It’s good that we know now.”

~~~~~~

Severely herniated discs is what they told you. Only three of them, but apparently that was enough to damage your nerves that travelled all down your legs.

They had told you that if you ever wanted to play football again, surgery was necessary. They would have to remove portions of your vertebral discs and hope that it didn’t damage the pathology of your back.

They couldn’t promise anything.

All they said was it was a severe case.

You were silent as Alexia drove you home, she was silent too. You didn’t even notice you had pulled up in the car park until she had opened your door for you, right there in front of you and wiping away your tears.

“It’s going to be ok, my love. They’ll cut out some of your back and then you’ll go through rehab but you’ll be ok. You’ll be good.”

You nodded absentmindedly, taking her hand to ease yourself out of the car.

They had told you that they couldn’t be worsened by walking, by engaging in everyday activities like sitting and sleeping. But you felt like you could make it worse. It was like you had lost trust in your back, something so vital in allowing you to do anything, something so vital in your simple existence as a human being.

“Ale…”

She shook your head.

“You don’t have to apologise. I should have done something. I knew something… I saw you wincing all the time, I noticed you never bent forward. I never did anything, even when I noticed. I should have done something, I should have told someone.”

“No, Alexia. No.” You shook your head, grabbing her hands that rested on your face.

“It’s not your fault. I could have said something but I didn’t. Even if you said something, I wouldn’t have admitted it. I didn’t want anything to be wrong.”

She nods, her eyes watering.

“I just feel… so guilty. I’m sorry. I’m sorry this happened to you.”

You shake your head, chuckling dryly.

“You speak like I’m dying, Ale. You speak like I fell off the side of a cliff and you were the one who pushed me. It’s just a back. It can be fixed.”

You watch as she nods, dropping your hands to wipe at her eyes.

“I don’t like seeing you hurt. That’s all.”

~~~~~~

You spend the next few days in bed, laying on a mountain of cushions as Alexia waits on your hand and foot. She’s careful, all the time. Cautious not to jolt you, lying down motionless beside you, arms and legs by her side like she’s in a coffin.

She will take your hand sometimes, but you don’t know how to tell her that all you really want is her comfort. Something to take away the pain that radiates through you.

You just wanted her.

You wanted her to smile more, to stop walking around looking like the world was coming to an end.

But you realised, eventually, that if she was in your shoes, it would be her world coming to an end.

You and Alexia had been together for years. You had met after you moved to Barcelona from Menorca when you were 15, following your father’s work opportunities.

It worked out for you, finally given some opportunities to progress in the sport that you had discovered you were good at, able to trial for the prestigious La Masia, to play in front of scouts when you got in.

You didn’t board, yet you were new to Barcelona. You couldn’t speak a word of Catalan and fit in with the other day girls, yet you didn’t have the bonding experience in the dormitories with the other girls who were from elsewhere in Spain.

You were lonely, isolated. You spent your lunchtimes in the toilets, you sat alone at the back of your classes and alone on the bus between the school and the training campus.

But one day, you were assigned partners in a maths class and you were paired up with Alexia Putellas.

You were terrified, to put it simply. She was like the queen of the school, despite only being in the first year. She was popular, confident, talented. Not the sort of person to befriend the lonely girl from Menorca.

But you were partnered together and despite expecting the maths to be awkward and tense, you actually enjoyed it. You laughed with her like you hadn’t laughed with someone since moving across the country. She spoke in Spanish without a complaint, telling you that she would help you with your Catalan, that some people in your grade were just too snobby.

You always thought she was the ringleader of them, but as you got to know her, sat together in maths class, you realised she was quite the opposite to what you thought.

She was kind, funny. She always had a witty comeback at the ready, something to make you laugh. She wasn’t great at maths, but she didn’t let you pull her through it, insistent on learning the concepts, of mastering them like she did everything else.

She loved her friends, her family. You thought that maybe one day you would be real friends with her too, not just someone she sat with in maths class in that first year of La Masia.

But eventually she wondered why she never saw you in the cafeteria during lunch, why you were always by yourself at the front of the bus when everyone else was loud and rowdy with their friends.

It was a soft topic for you, self conscious of your severe lack of friends, especially in front of Alexia Putellas - likely the most popular and respected person in your year.

But she understood when you told her you didn’t really have a group and said that you were more than welcome to sit with her and her friends.

You smiled, thanking her, but you knew you would not accept her offer. It was one thing to have no friends, but another thing entirely to go over to the group of popular girls as Alexia Putellas’ charity case.

Another few weeks went by and she brought it up again, wondering why you were still sitting in the toilets. She made a joke about it, you blushed and the rest of the maths lesson was awkward, neither of you quite knowing what to say.

But at lunch time that day, you walked into the toilets and found them occupied, Alexia sat on the bench and munching on her lunch.

“This is so unhygienic,” she had remarked. “I promise, it’s so much nicer outside.”

It was the start of something that quickly became your whole life. Alexia Putellas became your whole world. You were inseparable, Eli became another mother, Jaume another father and Alba became the younger sister that you had wished for your whole life.

You were 13 when you met, 13 when you became friends.

You never stopped being friends, but somewhere along the way, sometime when the pair of you moved into the B team she had kissed you. It was short, experimental. It was both of your first kisses, and quite quickly you both realised that neither of you ever wanted to kiss anyone else.

You were 18 when she kissed you, 18 when she asked you to be her girlfriend.

Neither of you had ever looked back.

Even when you were sent away from each other on loans, you struggled through long distance together.

When Jaume died you both moved back to Barcelona, both grieving the death of the vivacious man.

You supported her throughout it all, you were her rock when she was so busy being the rock for her mother and for Alba.

She always said that she never could have gotten through that time without you, she wouldn’t be where she is today if you weren’t there with her all those years ago.

It might be why she feels so guilty now, because she didn’t think she was there for you like you were for her. Because if she was there, really there, you surely would have told her that something was wrong.

But she didn’t know that it had been a problem since before you’d met, since you lived in Menorca, not even aware of each other’s existences.

“Ale. Please.” You look over at her longingly as she once again eases herself onto your bed, settling uncomfortably on top of the sheets.

She gives you a look, confused and uncertain.

“What do you need?”

You sigh.

“I need you.”

She frowns, biting her lip as if assessing her options. She can either stay where she is, not moving you at all but likely disappointing you or she can move into your space, pleasing you but potentially aggravating your back

But before she can make her own decision, you do it for her, reaching out and pulling her towards you, into your arms. She rests her head gingerly on your chest and you feel her exhale, tension quickly leaving her body as your arms wrap around her.

“You can breathe now, Ale. I’m alright. I just need you to be alright too.”

She nods, her eyes closed. She inhales a deep breath, releasing it out onto you.

“I love you. I just want you to be ok.”

You nod, feeling her becoming more stressed again.

“I will be. It’ll be one surgery and then rehab. I’ll be back out there before you know it. Can’t let you get that much better than me, can I?”

She chuckles dryly, shaking her head.

“No, never.”

She hesitates and a comfortable silence settles upon you. It’s easy to read her, after knowing her for so long. You know when she’s sad, happy, angry. You can read the deeper emotions too and you can easily tell when she’s hiding behind those more superficial ones.

And right now you can tell she has more to say, which is why you aren’t surprised when she breaks the silence.

“I will be here for you, every single day.”

It’s a reassurance you didn’t need. You knew she would always be here for you.

“And I’m going to be the person you talk to, the person you cry to and the person you yell at. There may be times where you don’t want to do it any more, when it’s just all so hard that you want to give up… I won’t let you and you will hate me for it. I just want you to always remember that I am going to help you because I love you. I love you more than anything in this world.”

You wipe away the tears that slipped down her cheeks, smiling softly and planting a kiss on her head.

“I know. I know it all comes from that big heart of yours. And I love you too, of course. Even if I tell you I don’t, I do. Even when I’m yelling, begging you to let me stop, I love you.”

She nods, another silence falling upon you.

It was necessary that night. A new territory that you entered when she tore her ACL, but not one that’s ever been this way round.

You’d never even had a serious injury before.

~~~~~~

The year passed and you were good. You went through rehab, you made your comeback in a full stadium for the last 5 minutes of a champions league quarter final.

Your back was pain free and you had been thriving. Better than ever, completely happy.

But then you felt a twinge. A small twinge but one that was overwhelmingly and terrifyingly familiar.

For a couple of days, you pretended that it wasn’t there. You fought off its existence, praying that it was nothing big, praying that it was a… phantom pain or something.

Your surgeons had told you that there was a small chance that the remaining parts of the discs they cut up could do the same thing, would herniate again. It was unlikely, but there was a possibility that you’d have to go through the whole thing again.

They had stressed how unlikely that was, put so much emphasis on how the surgery was a success and they expected you to have a full recovery.

But as you sat at home, waiting for Alexia to return, you knew that wasn’t the case.

The injury was something you were familiar with and you knew you wouldn’t be able to ignore it for any longer. You had herniated discs again, or something, and you knew they couldn’t keep doing the same thing - they couldn’t take out more of your discs like last time.

You allowed the tears to fall freely, a complete feeling of helplessness washing over you. You had done everything right, you were sure, yet it came back.

It wasn’t fair.

Alexia found you like that, in tears on the sofa and she was quick to rush to your side as soon as she opened the door.

“It’s back, Ale.”

You had broken down then, sobbing into her chest as her arms wrapped around you, holding you tight.

You could tell by the way that she tensed that she knew what you meant. You could tell by the shaking of her voice that she was just as scared as you were.

“What’s back, my love?”

You looked up at her, tears in your eyes and a look passed between you. One of understanding, of care. She knew what you meant, she just needed to hear it from you to really believe it.

“The pain.”

~~~~~~

This time was different to last time. Instead of waiting until the pain was so unbearable that you had to be carried off a pitch in a stretcher, you were waiting in the physios office two weeks later, Alexia beside you. You’d visited them already and they told you to go to the hospital. You had scans, MRIs. Massages too. But they didn’t give you the results, instead sending them straight back to the club.

The physios at the club knew you best, they knew what you could and couldn’t do and they knew exactly what you needed to be able to continue at this level.

They could tell you that it was completely fine. Or they could tell you that it is the end of your career.

Alexia knew that, which explained why her hands were shaking more than yours, why you had to put in headphones to block out the sound of her foot tapping on the cold and hard floor. Her nerves were more superficial than yours, easier to identify.

Yours were hidden deep within you, as if they had been pinched and were being held back by your false display of confidence.

But Alexia could read you and she didn’t have to look twice to understand that you were anxious. That the next ten minutes could either change the trajectory of your life or mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Neither of you were naive, you both were aware that this injury wasn’t something to be played through, your nerves and spinal cord were not something you could mess around with now and worry about once your career had finished.

But all she could really do was squeeze your hand reassuringly when it fell into hers, leading you blindly into the office as the physios told you they were ready for you.

As they spoke, you realised that you’d spent the last year preparing yourself for this moment, for the words that were spilling out of their mouths.

Alexia’s hand tensed around yours, her breathing hitching as they finished.

But you were frozen in your spot.

“They can chop up your back over and over again but eventually they’ll run out of things to cut out. It’s in your best interest to stop now, to stop while you're ahead.”

“So she has to retire?”

They discussed other options, therapies that could ease your pain. Surgeries that would take out different parts of your spine, trying to relieve it from the pressure that the herniated discs were putting on it.

But they weren’t confident, not like last time. Last time they would tell you it was just a bump in the road, but this appointment feels like you’ve already reached the very end. Their lack of confidence, the frowns that are carried by the creases in their foreheads, it tells you all you need to know.

Your realisation was immediate. You realised that you’ll be alright because even though this could very well be the end of your road at Barcelona, it’s not the end of everything. It’s not the end of you.

Alexia is close to tears as you leave, her hand gripping yours so tight that you’d be surprised if there was still blood circulating in your fingers by the time you reached the car.

“They mentioned therapies, you can try it. And the laminectomy? It’s completely different to the discectomy that you had last year. You’ll be alright, my love, you’ll be back on the pitch. It’s not the end, I promise.”

You smile, eyes watering. Surprisingly, it’s not because you’re upset about the potential retirement, but more because of Alexia’s clear distress.

“It’s alright, Ale. I just need to have a think about it all, think about what the best options are moving forward.”

She frowns, but you can tell she’s biting her tongue.

You can understand why as well, because if Alexia was in your shoes it wouldn’t be something she’d have to think about. She’d put her body through anything if it meant she could play.

It didn’t matter what consequences it could have on the future, it didn’t matter how brutal recovery could be.

Anything to be part of something so much bigger than herself, anything to experience that pure bliss, to feel on top of the world.

She would do it, no questions asked and no thoughts needed.

The end of her road at Barcelona would be the end of her.

But you’re different to Alexia, in more ways than one. You’re a defender, she’s a midfielder.

You are more approachable, but she is better at bonding with younger players.

She’s funnier, but you are more kind.

You don’t have the confidence that the most popular girl in school would, but she does because she was the most popular girl in school.

You don’t carry that same passion as her, you wouldn’t die for your sport like she would.

You love football, of course you do. Right now a world with football seems so meaningless, like the one thing that you love is being stolen from you.

But unlike Alexia, you know you will be able to move on from that. You will find a new career, you may study to become something different.

Alexia would never be anything other than a footballer. It’s in her DNA, her entire identity. It’s what gets her out of bed in the mornings, what forces her to eat, to charge her body and to put herself through so much pain and so much strain.

It’s who she is.

It’s who she thinks you are too because for her, football is everything.

It’s when you get back home that she speaks, her words even and clearly thought out. A script, of sorts, one that you are sure she had been planning since the moment you told her you needed to think.

“It’s not the end, my love. You heard them, they told you there are surgeries, different ones. There are different therapies that can make it hurt less, maybe to even fix it. You can’t let those stupid vertebral discs win this fight. You can come back, I know you and I know you can do this. Because you’re the strongest person I have ever met, you can do anything.”

She takes a deep breath and you shake your head. She doesn’t let you speak though, not yet.

“I know it’s hard, it’s not what you wanted to hear. It doesn’t feel like something you can fix either, not when you tried less than a year ago and it’s already bad again. I know that. I know how it feels because I had the same thing with my knee. But I had the second surgery, I got better and I trained, I rehabbed and I put in so many hours. It was all worth it though because now I get to run out every week and play the sport I love. I get to run out onto the pitch every week with the girl I love right by my side. You have to give this a go, please. If not for yourself, give it a go for me.”

You sigh, biting your lip as she finishes.

“Ale… it’s not the same. It’s a spinal cord injury, it’s not something that I can play around with. I don’t want to do this now and then by the time I’m 40 have crippling arthritis in my back or have chronic pain that’s worse than when it all started. I know they said therapies, I know they suggested surgeries but I don’t want any more surgeons poking around in my back. I don’t want them to chop off half of the bones in my back because even then they can’t promise I’d ever be match fit again.”

“But you would be! I’m sure of it! You would get better, you would be able to fight against it.”

You shake your head, reaching out and letting your hand rest on your shoulder.

“I can’t do it, Alexia, I can’t. We’re different, you and me. I don’t want to mess up my body forever for football. I’ve had a brilliant career, it’s alright if it’s ove-”

“Stop! Don’t say that!” Her eyes began to water, shaking your hand off her and standing up. “You can’t just… quit! It’s not who you are, it’s not what you do. You’re not a quitter, amor! You’re a fighter, stronger than me. You have to fight for what you love. There’s a chance that you’ll be fine and if you don’t even try you’ll spend your life not knowing whether you should have given it a go or not.”

“I’d rather that than spend my life regretting having the surgery, in pain and stuck in a broken body.”

“I don’t want to say something I regret.”

She shakes her head, walking away.

You know what she wanted to say. You know how desperate she was to yell, to tell you that you should try. That giving up now was the worst thing you could possibly choose to do. She wanted to tell you that your life would mean nothing without football, that you would have nothing left.

Because for her, that is true. It is what she believes.

Her passion is something you admire, but sometimes, it is like poison.

It’s when she shuts the door behind her that you let the tears spill out. Because of course you’re upset, of course you don’t want it to be the end.

You would much rather keep playing, stay where you are with your friends, with your girlfriend.

But sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes you have to learn to say goodbye to the things you love.

You make your decision two weeks later, taking it upon yourself to talk to the club, only mentioning to Alexia that you’re not going to have the surgery.

She doesn’t take it well when you tell her you’re going to announce your retirement in the coming days, collapsing into tears but refusing your comfort.

“You don’t understand what I’m thinking, mi amor. If you did, you wouldn’t have chosen this.”

You want to tell her that you do understand, that you know exactly what she’s thinking. You want to tell her that you’re not choosing anything, that you’re completely devastated that this is the end.

But she doesn’t stay to listen, instead escaping and driving away again, you assume to Eli’s. She went to see Alba last time but she had quickly sent her sister back, scolding her for being so naive.

Alexia had no idea what her younger sister was talking about.

A week after telling Alexia, you head into the club. They told everyone it was a mandatory film session to prepare them for the upcoming game. You were the only one who knew the true reason for the random session, although upon arriving you realise Alexia also knows.

There’s no way she’d miss a film session so important.

It’s alright for her to miss you announcing your retirement.

But you think everyone sort of can understand where the meeting is going as soon as you stand out the front, biting your lip with a soft smile on your face.

You knew not to beat around the bush, you knew that if you started by telling them what was wrong you would likely break down into tears and become unable to say what you wanted to.

You refused to admit to yourself how upset you really were, unable to deal with all the sadness that would come with the end of your career.

You refused to reminisce on the past, on joining La Masia, debuting for your club. The euphoria that came with finally signing that piece of paper, the pride that came with finally being called up for the senior national team.

It had all felt so surreal then, just a little girl from Menorca, taking the big stage and representing your country.

Sometimes you still felt like that little girl from Menorca, so naive, so innocent.

But you couldn’t think about any of that now, not without breaking down in front of all of your teammates. Ex teammates.

So you were straightforward, maybe even a little harsh.

“You’re not here for a film session today. You’re here because I’ve made the decision to retire from professional football. I didn’t want to have to make this decision, but there comes a time where you have to look at your priorities. I will miss you all so much and I am so grateful to each and every one of you for shaping my time here. You’re all so important and I can’t wait to see you smash it in the future.”

The room was silent. People’s mouths had fallen open, Mapi was clearly biting back tears.

There was surprise written over all of their faces, anticipation as if waiting for you to tell them that this was some harsh joke, that you’d sit down and Pere would be able to press play on the film.

But that wasn’t the case so you instead endured the hugs, the pats on the back and the reassurances that you wouldn’t be alone, that they’d always be there for you.

You hadn’t ever doubted that, but it wasn’t them that you wanted.

It was Alexia, more than anyone. But she was the only one who wasn’t there.

~~~~~~

She returned home a day later, her eyes puffy and bloodshot, her posture defeated.

“Amor…”

She took a deep breath, staring at the back of your head. You couldn’t see her but you knew what she would look like, you knew how deep her breath was.

“I spoke to Mami. She said I was acting like a child. I agree with her.”

You close your eyes, unaware if she’s moving or if she’s just stood by the door.

“I am here for you. I am supposed to support you through your decisions, to tell you that the things you want are the right things.”

You nod and take a deep breath.

“I know we’re different, Ale.” You know she has heard the tears in your voice by the way she is quickly moving towards you, her presence immediately warming you up.

“I know you would have made a different decision than what I did. But football isn’t everything to me like it is to you. I love it a lot, but I can live without it.”

She wraps an arm around you, pulling you into her embrace.

“You are passionate, Alexia. You are so determined and football is almost your entire being. You love it more than anything else in this world and I understand that, I appreciate it and it’s one of the many things I love about you. I know what your decision would be, but I need you to know that we are different. My decision is different to yours. I can live without it. I can live with myself knowing that I chose this, knowing that I’m doing this to save myself from pain, from endless surgeries and rehab.”

You can feel her nod, carding a hand through your hair.

“I am so confident about this. It’s the right thing. I know it is and nothing anyone says will convince me otherwise. I’ve had a great career. I’ve won the champions league, the world cup. I’ve achieved all my goals for myself and now I just get to watch you achieve yours. As long as you’re by my side, I’ll be happy.”

She inhales shakily.

“I was wrong, to tell you that you had to have the surgery. I was manipulative, telling you that you would be quitting. Because you’re not. It’s not quitting. I’m proud that you made this decision, really. I’m proud that you could stop yourself while you were ahead, that you could put aside what you really want to what is best for you. I am so sorry that I told you otherwise.”

Her words were exactly what you needed to hear. She knew you better than anyone, you realise. She knows exactly what you need, exactly how to make you feel better.

Because you collapse into sobs, mourning what you have lost.

But you’re certain that she knows that while you’re sad now, you’ll be alright soon. It will take some getting used to, but you will find your new normal. You’ll find what you need.

“And you’re wrong, my love.”

Between cries, you look up at her, your eyebrows furrowed.

“Football isn’t what I love more than anything in this world. It’s you.”

~~~~~~

3 years later…

It was pure luck that your placement was in the area that you were hoping to work in.

They could have sent you anywhere, geriatrics, paediatrics. You could have gone to the psych ward in the hospital, you could have been sent to the clinic down the road.

But you had been put on a sports physio placement, in the workplace that you were hoping to work in once you graduated that year.

The Barcelona physio team were a familiar group, people you had worked with before, people who knew everything about you, why you had decided to study physio after such a successful career in football.

It was an added bonus that you were able to watch your wife play, your friends alongside her.

It was weird, being on the other side of the fence. Being on the staff bus, surrounded by people you were so familiar with yet in a completely unfamiliar role, a completely unfamiliar setting.

But you loved it, like you had loved every minute of your course so far.

It was something so different, learning so much about how the body works. Learning about how people are impacted by it, physically and mentally. You had learnt so much in what felt like such a short amount of time but realised just how rewarding it was.

To help people who feel like they have hit rock bottom. Reassuring them that their lives won’t be altered forever, that they would be able to move on from their injuries, to find something that suits them.

It was good for you, you had realised. Because you were in that position not long ago. You could relate, you knew how hard it could be.

“I knew you wouldn’t stay away from football.”

Alexia chuckled, her voice slightly muffled over the phone line.

“I wouldn’t have been able to, Ale. Not in a million years.”

But you also knew that there was always an answer. That you always had your people in your corner, no matter what.

~~~~~~ i don't know if i've ever said this on here but i have herniated discs in my back! it meant i had to quit football and dance but because i was nowhere near elite i didn't need any interventions. i know about this stuff because it was discussed at length :)

anyway let me know what you think and what you want to see!

unless i get any very good requests for part 2 this will very likely just be a oneshot :)

#woso #woso fanfics #barca femeni #alexia putellas #alexia putellas x reader #woso one shot #woso x reader #woso community

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ceesimz · 4 months ago

Text

the love you have is better spent in some other place

knowing love and accepting love are two different things.

despite the menacing title+summary, it's not all doom and gloom :)

The funny thing about Alexia Putellas is that she's the version of herself she always imagined to be when she was younger. Yet, at the same time, she's nothing like she thought she would be.

She's as good at football as she knew she could be. All the titles one could want, she has them under her belt. There are all kinds of awards scattered around her apartment, as well as her family home in the care of her mother. Stadiums chant her name in the same way she witnessed at Camp Nou with her father's hand in hers as a young girl. The combination of her name and number is spotted on the back of nearly every Barcelona shirt around the world, treasured near and dear to millions of hearts in the same way she cherished her Xavi shirt.

Her wildest dreams had come true when it came to her career. But in her personal life, things weren't quite the same.

Alexia had known from a younger age than most that she would end up marrying a woman rather than a man. That she would be the best spouse she could possibly be for her own wife. And when that opportunity seemed to arise, having a partner to love who is at her side throughout everything, it came at the most inconvenient time for her.

She acknowledged that, but failed to be the greatest version of herself for the woman of her dreams. Just as she was back from her injury, after winning the most notorious trophy of them all with her country and feeling like the world was hers, it all came falling down. The timing of it was exceptionally awful.

Football wasn't quite the same for her. Something was off. Her knee felt heavy, and it was evident in the way she played. Every game, it got worse and worse. With that came the anxiety, the doubt, the shame that she wasn't who she once was. And maybe she never would be that version of herself again.

That's when you came in. A saving grace, almost. Just one day in November weeks before her arthroscopy, the last attempt to recover and reinstate her name into the sport she loved, you and all you were walked in and flicked the lights in her desolate heart back on. You were a reminder of who she could be, you gave her a reason to change her ways, and if she never returned to football again, at least you never knew that part of her. She could take the fresh opportunity with you and grow into it, without having to face the embarrassment of no longer being the dominant figure of European football.

But she couldn't change her ways. Despite the fact that she didn't have to shy away from who she was, despite the fact she recovered and the surgery was as successful as it could be, she couldn't change her ways.

If Alexia had known about the deep-rooted problems she had surrounding love, she wouldn’t have put you through those first few months of your relationship. That time of her life was a dark one, where she hated the world just as much as herself, until you came along. Like the light at the end of the tunnel, she headed towards it, but with each step she took, the light never got any closer. It stretched on, slipping between her fingertips like water. The affection you gave her was there, but she never quite accepted it for herself. And it ate her up inside, gave her even more reason to loathe what her life had become.

In no way was it your fault, she knew from the moment she left you the night of your first date that there was so much wrong with her. Instead of working on those things, she chose to be selfish. She wanted you, despite the fact she didn’t want herself, and sure, maybe it did work out in the long run. But if time travel became a thing, it wouldn’t take her longer than a second to decide to go back and change her whole approach to falling in love with you. For her, that period of time was tarnished by her internal torment, when she should have given in to the desire to fall into your arms with no second thought rather than ruminate on all the wrong-doings she had been through.

Something had to change, she had to change, to ensure that didn't happen. She just didn't know how. How does one fix something that's been broken for years? Where does she even start?

Love was something everybody chased, whether that be platonically or romantically, and it was a bizarre concept, really. Was it a universal thing, or just something that occurred in this world only? What happened on the other planets? If there is life out there, what do they chase? Love, or something else?

Alexia began to think it was the latter, and that there was something so deeply wrong with her for her to reject such a beautiful idea when it was all anybody longed for. Almost as if her problems were alien to everyone else, because even her friends and family looked at her in utter confusion when she first stated she didn’t intend to go on a second date with you. Underneath the facade, there was nothing she wanted more than to chase the love you had to offer. She needed it, like food, like water, like oxygen. Why couldn’t she accept it for herself? It was something she wasn’t able to understand, and it felt unnatural to reach out and tell you how much she enjoyed the evening with you when her skin crawled at the hands of the devil on her shoulder, spewing all kinds of hate and insecurities in her ear.

She did it anyway, and it had worked itself out eventually. That’s how she had got here, months later, laying on her sofa with your arms around her and her head on your chest, finally at a place where she could accept your love with no second thoughts. However, the guilt still ripped through her whilst you were none the wiser (or so she thought), and she wanted that to change. That filled her with fear, approaching a topic she could barely stomach thinking about, but you had stuck around all this time and if it scared you away now, she was the only one to blame that she couldn’t have relished in your love longer.

—

The first time that you noticed something might be amiss with Alexia was after the third date. You’d known each other for a number of weeks now, and spoke near enough everyday. It was hard for the footballer to find time in her schedule to fully dedicate her time to you, which is how you ended up texting each other almost all day every day. But on the fourth date, when she joined you for breakfast one morning, she walked in like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Each time you had seen her, there was a look in her eye that drew the image of a dark cloud following her wherever she went, but as soon as she settled into your company, it went away. She smiled, she laughed, her eyes creased with unfiltered joy when she was with you. Yet, when it was time for you to go your separate ways, that cloud loomed again. It weighed so heavily upon her, it was almost as if you could feel it too. Still, that didn’t deter you from falling in love with her.

There was something different about her though, on that fourth date. It was hard for you to not feel a little anxious when she sat down and that cloud didn't drift away like it usually did. The thought consumed you; maybe she was growing tired of you, since you didn't seem to have the same effect on her anymore. As it turned out, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Just as you were about to leave for work, she reached out to take your hand as you bid each other goodbye outside of the café, and she leaned down to kiss you. It wasn’t the first kiss you had shared, but for some reason it felt like the last. There were too many emotions tied into it, and instead of getting that fluttery, lovesick feeling you got when you kissed her, all you felt was dread.

However, before you could ruminate on that thought, she saved you the anguish and pushed through the mental roadblock that tried to stop her from being honest, and told you what was on her mind. She went against her instinct and opened up, for your sake.

“I am having surgery after Christmas. It’ll be some time before I can go on a date like this with you again and I don’t expect you to wait for me. So… I am giving you an out.”

The look in her eyes had darkened, a facade built to temporarily shield her from the pain of hearing you agree and watching as you walk down the street, out of her life. Because how could you be with someone that was putting their weakness on show? How could you want to stay with someone that’s admitting there is something wrong with them? It went deeper than just a medical procedure, this surgery, it ran so much deeper and Alexia knew that you understood that, it didn't take a genius to piece the puzzle together of what was weighing her down. That’s why she was giving you an out.

You didn’t want an out. You wanted to stay. And you would go to the ends of the earth and back to make sure Alexia knew that.

“No. I don’t want an out. I want you to let me in, to let me stay.” You told her definitively, taking a step closer and looking up at her with concern etched all over your face. If the way she leaned into the hand that rested on her cheek after that was anything to go by, you knew she was fighting tooth and nail to keep her emotions at bay. “I don’t want to go. I want you, Alexia, and all that comes with having you. And most of all, I want you to believe me when I say that.”

Everything in her body told Alexia to refute that, to shake her head and to walk away for you. She knew she couldn’t be the partner she wanted to be, with all that came with having surgery, and she adored you too much to sit there and watch you shrink into yourself as a result of her own fatalistic miserableness.

However, she went against her instincts once more, and simply nodded once as her lower lip quivered. That gave her away; her whole demeanour cracked then, as you wrapped her up in your arms and hugged her tightly. It didn’t last long, Alexia wouldn’t allow that for herself, but it was enough for you. You’d take it for now.

Even despite the confirmation from you, Alexia didn’t believe you would stay. That wasn’t a problem because of you, it was because of her. The blonde thought the world of you, but not for herself. She had been labelled the best in the world countless times, but the events of the past eighteen months had caused her to strip herself of that title. In her mind, she wasn't worthy of your time and care, you deserved better than the grumpy version of her that she would be until she heard back about her surgery results.

And to no one’s surprise, it was her insecurities that underestimated you. Because you showed up the day after her surgery with open arms and love in your heart.

Alba had somehow gotten your number whilst Alexia was in the operating room, and had formed a plan with you. The younger Putellas had heard about you very briefly from her sister over the last weeks, and though she couldn’t pull more information from her sister no matter how hard she tried, it was unfortunately a gene in the Putellas-Segura family that everyone held their true feelings in their eyes. It just didn't help that Alexia wore her heart on her sleeve too.

Alba thought of herself as somewhat of a professional when it came to reading Alexia, and she could see it in Alexia’s eyes how much she adored you. That point was further backed up by how Alexia, under the influence of some strong pain medication, spoke about you so lovingly as tears trailed down her cheeks. She spoke quietly, because even when she wasn’t sober, her subconscious knew what a sensitive topic it was for her, despite how the doubtful voices had been silenced.

And it was then that Alba had snuck out of the hospital room and called you, forming a plan for you to visit Alexia and inject some light back into her life as she recovered. It would be some time before the results of her arthroscopy were clear, and Alexia was anything but patient especially when it came to football. Everyone close to her knew she would be miserable, stuck at home on the couch or in bed, and there was hope that you would cheer her up.

You did. Though it took some time to extract that truth from her, you did cheer her up from the moment you walked in. Alba greeted you when you first arrived, speaking in a hushed voice for a few moments outside the front door to update you and ask how you were, before she left the two of you alone.

“Hey Ale.” You smiled, slowly making your way over to where she was sat up on the sofa with her leg resting and bandaged.

“What are you doing here?” Alexia asked in a slight grumble, though that same dreamy look in her eyes made an appearance for just a second. You caught it and instantly felt reassured by that one small notion, a little more confident.

“I thought I would come and surprise you. Cheer you up a little bit.” You told her, sitting down beside her but being mindful of leaving a space so as to not overload her.

“But it is Christmas. You should be with your family.” You just shook your head at that.

“The woman I'm falling in love with just had surgery. I wanted to come and check on her.” A glimpse of a smile appeared then as you shuffled closer and gently took one of her hands.

“Falling in love, huh?” Alexia teased after a quiet moment with a smirk, dropping your joined hands into your lap and squeezing yours.

“You're not? I think you would be leading me on then.” You grinned shyly, giggling as she rolled her eyes and tutted.

“I… I am. You do not need to worry about that.”

You could live off of that admission forever. The little moments like that, the small gestures, you quickly learnt that they were how she showed her adoration. That was her being vulnerable, as much as she could, and you could handle that then. When some might have been deterred by it, you gave her a chance. You had a near infinite amount of patience for this woman, because she deserved the world and more. Your goal was to help her understand that.

She had her reasons for having her walls so high, for struggling to let people in, but you had gotten this far already and you'd be foolish to give up on her.

During that day, you were able to identify something about Alexia. And as the hours went on, it only became clearer and clearer. Even though she was the one hurting, mentally and physically, she would only have it so that she was the one holding you. If you tried to reverse the positions, she didn't let it happen. She would wordlessly reject the idea and carefully move you back to how you were, with no explanation. No matter how many times you tried, she just didn't let it happen.

Even when you tried to make dinner for her, she urged you to sit back down as she tried getting up and cooking instead. That was your final straw. You had patience, sure, but you weren't perfect.

“Alexia, let me take care of you, okay? Let me help, let me be there for you. I'm not above begging, so just let me be a good partner, please?” You sighed in exasperation. A flash of hurt consumed her eyes, but like always, she disguised it in an instant. But it struck your heart like a dagger, knowing you had accidentally targeted her most insecure spot. You couldn't tell if she realised it came from a place of love or not.

“Sorry. I'm sorry.” The blonde muttered under her breath before clearing her throat, her eyes dropped to her hands on her lap.

Exactly what you were trying to stop, you had made worse.

“Ale.” You murmured softly, placing both hands on her face to get her to look at you. Yet, she still found a way to keep her eyes averted. “Ale, look at me.”

“Do not apologise. You don’t need to.” One of her hands came up to rest on your forearm as her voice cracked and trembled. She sounded so dejected, it tore your heart in two. “I am difficult, I know that. So please… do not apologise. I do not deserve it.”

“What?” You whispered uncertainly, taking a moment to process what she had said. When it clicked, you frowned as you stroked your thumbs over the lines of her cheekbones. “Why would you say that?”

“The way I am, it… it is making you doubt what a good partner you are. But you’re not good, you’re the best I could ask for. And I am pushing you away.” Alexia fretted so quietly her words were almost intelligible. Key word almost.

“No, you are not pushing me away. I am right here, aren’t I? I told you, I’m here to stay.” You paused for a second, a silent moment that caused Alexia’s anxiety to spike. Your next words didn’t exactly help either. “I’m going to ask you a question, okay? Let me ask you something.”

“Okay.” Alexia nodded dutifully, hoping you didn’t see the nervous gulp that followed.

“I want to be your girlfriend. Will you let me be your girlfriend?”

You gazed at her, eyes full of hope that this would be the moment she let you in. It wouldn't be smooth-sailing from here, you were more than aware of that, but this could be the start of something that would improve both your lives for the better. The start of a life together that could make you better people.

“Sí. Sí, quiero que seas mi novia. I would love nothing more.” Her reaction was better than you could have wished for.

In an instant, she melted into you; her forehead dropped against yours and tension you didn't even know was there in the first place left her shoulders. You offered your arms out and she leaned forward into you with no second thought. You hoped that was a sign of things to come.

As you expected, though, it wasn’t always that simple. Some days, she was still distant. Not in her affection or attitude, it was just that she was stuck in her own mind more often than you had expected.. Being able to spend more time with her as her girlfriend meant you came to spot the signs, and despite the fact that you didn’t yet live together, things were even more noticeable than before.

Like, for example, when she was especially struggling, but she tried with all her might to hide it. Sometimes, when she was going through a tough week, you could see in her eyes of course the turmoil that dragged her down more everyday. It wasn’t all doom and gloom, there were countless occasions where she was smiling up into her eyes and the two of you were happy together, but for the footballer, joy wasn’t a permanent thing. It wasn’t her average mood.

Her physical fitness could take her up the highest mountains, but over the years her mental stamina had been stamped on, it had reached its limits, and it couldn't quite break out of the confines of her insecurities. They had no boundaries, they showed up when they wanted and silently tore through her. Those eyes you adored, more often than not, were weighed down by burdens that you probably didn’t even know half the truth about.

There was one evening, a while after her surgery when she was flying through rehab, that everything reached its peak for her. You decided to surprise her by being at her flat when she got home one day that week – what you were met with was far worse than you could have predicted.

Your excitement at the sound of the door opening and shutting was swiftly replaced by overwhelming concern at the sound of sniffles that followed. You left the kitchen where you had just ordered Alexia’s favourite takeaway and headed in the direction of your girlfriend’s footsteps that went straight towards the bedroom. Seemingly she hadn't heard you, a curiosity instantly proven true by the sounds of choked cries coming from the figure that was slumped over, her fists leaning on the bed as her chin was to her chest whilst she cried.

Not for a second did you hesitate rushing over, coming to stand by her side and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She startled, unsurprisingly, and moved to hastily wipe the tears away in an attempt to mask the emotions coursing through her nervous system at that moment in time. It was too late, she knew that, but it didn’t stop her.

“Q-qué haces aquí?” Alexia asked, her voice stuttering and shaking as she spoke. Your arm stayed around her, your other hand wiping her tears with a tenderness too soft for her, she thought. “No, por favor.”

“Ale, talk to me. What’s the matter? Please let me in, please don’t shut me out when you’re like this.” The pleas fell from your mouth before you could properly think of what you were saying. It wasn’t the best thing to say, adding guilt to the list of things she was struggling with wasn’t your smartest idea.

“I can’t do this, amor.”

The statement shocked you, the ease of which it left her mouth was unusual. But the shock wore off quick, making way for the worry that sprung to your mind because that short sentence was enough to signify just how terribly she was feeling.

Her voice was uncomfortably rough as she spoke too, despite her only saying five words, you could tell that she had spent the drive home forcing back her cries. It takes a lot of energy to break down and release everything in sharp sobs, but it takes even more to hold back all that emotion. Forcing back tears hurt, and it wasn’t a surprise that her voice was hoarse and hardly there at all.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” You weren’t sure if something specific had happened that day or if this was a build-up of everything, but no matter what it was, you urged her into a tight hug, ensuring she was engulfed in the love you held for her. “You will be okay, Ale, I promise.”

It took some time for her to calm down enough to talk, but whilst she did, you moved the pair of you onto the bed so you could hold her properly. She didn’t even put up a fight when you urged her to lay on top of you, your arms wrapped securely around her back as she hid her face in your neck. All she did was cry out the mass of emotions that were consuming her, and you just prayed that being there for her as she did so was enough to ease it, even if it was only a miniscule amount.

Feeling concerned for her wasn’t a new experience for you – feeling downright devastated and grief-stricken for the woman sobbing in your arms was new. Never before had you seen her like this, and it scared you to death. All the possibilities that could be making her feel like this seemed insurmountable, like they were too big a challenge to tackle.

That didn’t matter to you. You would try for her, always.

“Do you feel like you could try to talk to me? Getting some of it off your chest might help.” You said softly, one of your hands slipping under her shirt to trail your fingertips up and down her back, something you knew soothed her. She gave a minute nod, which you felt more than you saw, and it gave you a brief feeling of relief. “Okay. In your own time, Ale.”

A few quiet minutes passed by, the footballer on top of you allowing herself some time to relish in the infrequent position she found herself in. She loved it. And it only gave the insecure voice in her head more ammunition to use against her; why can’t she allow her girlfriend to do this? She can never bring herself to accept it, but the day’s exertion had battered her defiance and left a hollow shell of her persona. If she looked in a mirror, she would probably be unrecognisable to herself.

Sometimes, in her weakest moments, she thought you were better off without her. Better off not being dragged down by her miserable nature. You, the definition of beauty and light, with someone that exudes negativity and weakness. Someone that is the embodiment of imperfection with a person that is priceless. It didn’t make sense to her still, she wasn't sure it ever would.

“Every… everything is just so hard.” She spoke, letting out a shaky breath into the skin of your neck. You hummed sympathetically, giving her the space to elaborate whilst acknowledging what she had said. “Rehab is so tiring and I do not know why. I am not being given the space I need by the team to recover, they still expect so much from me and there is so much pressure. People online, the media and the fans, are talking about me a lot more than usual, which I do not understand because I am not even on the pitch. Some things that are being said are bad. And… I think I am not what you need, or deserve.”

Her face stayed hidden in your neck whilst she spoke, and you let her do that. Being vulnerable and open like that was hard, you didn’t underestimate that, and you would take it in any form because it was progress. You weren’t happy with what she had said because it broke your heart, but it was the first step of her opening herself up to help.

“Alexia, it is okay to feel overwhelmed. That sounds a lot like what you are feeling right now.” You started, your hand still slowly trailing up and down her back. “I’m so glad you told me, but I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. There’s things that can be put in place to help you.”

You plant the seed, subtly, that she can get help. But really, all you can focus on is the fact they are all things you can help with. With the majority of her admission, they are things that can be changed to lessen the load of her newfound daily life after her second surgery. The last part, you know you can help with indefinitely. It won’t be quick, nor will it be easy, but reminding her of how much you value her is something you planned to do for the rest of your life anyway. Perhaps you just had to do it a bit more than you initially thought.

“You can talk to the team, tell them exactly what you need. They’re sensible, you know that, they’ll do whatever you need them to do. You just need to have the bravery to ask for help, which is a difficult step in itself, but I know you can do it. You’ve told me what’s on your mind and that’s something I’m not taking for granted because I understand it doesn’t come easy to you, and for that I’m so proud of you. So proud. And if you want me to help you come up with a plan of what you need or what you will say to the club, I can help you with that.”

“You will help me?” She murmured, lifting her head up to look down at you with red, tired eyes and tear streaks down her cheeks. You smiled up at her and nodded, unwinding an arm from around her to brush the damp tracks away.

“With anything. Anything at all, I promise.” You told her, hoping the mixture of your words and the sincerity in your voice conveyed all that you wanted her to understand. “I also think you would benefit from a break from social media and most things online. Why don’t you ask someone on your team to run your accounts for you for a little while? Or ask your agent to hire someone to do that? I think it will be good to step away from that so you can focus on the important things.”

“I have thought about it before.” Alexia revealed a moment later. “I will do that. I should have done it a long time ago. I am thinking about going to see the psychologist for some… help. I will book a session with her tomorrow.”

She seemed to be doing better than she was when you first walked in on her. Her voice wasn’t so rough, it no longer sounded like it was taking every ounce of energy to get her words out, and her breathing was a lot more even than it was a few minutes beforehand. Accepting help didn’t seem so terrifying when the words were coming out of your mouth.

Where before, she was deterred by the idea of reaching out, too focused on her shame to find a way out of her turmoil, now she didn’t feel so scared by it. For so long, the world seemed like a tunnel with no end, but now there’s a crack, however small, giving her a glimpse of what life she could live without being restricted by her burdens. The idea that help is available felt foreign to her, and though she might still be uncertain about the path that had been offered to her, in your arms comforted by the thought of having someone to guide her down it, she found that she could breathe a little easier. There’s a sense of possibility, of no longer having to walk alone.

Hope was beginning to brew inside of her, and she felt compelled to reach out and grasp it with both hands. There was a quiet flicker of warmth that took the place of the cold numbness that once lived on inside her. Neither of you had all the answers in that moment, change doesn’t happen overnight and you both know that, and because of that there is a delicate balance of fear and relief that settled between you.

It’s the first time since Alexia can remember that she felt like maybe things could change for the better.

“Good. Both those things will be so good for you. I’m so proud of you.” You said, turning to kiss her forehead.

“It’s not up to you to decide what I need or deserve. I do need you, and I do deserve you. You’re the only one I could ever want, now that I’ve met you I know I could never be with anyone else again. You are struggling, and that’s okay. I’ll be here at your lowest, I’ll be here at your highest, and I know you would do the same for me. You know I love you, right?”

At your declaration, especially the last part which she had heard a few times now, her heart clenched as she squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted to sob again, but out of pure happiness, because regardless of how many times you would say it to her over your lives, it would still be the most important statement to her. Hearing it at that very moment was so important.

“I do. I really do, amor. I just… sometimes I do not understand why.”

You pursed your lips at her response, wondering why the world had to treat her so poorly that her self-worth had been reduced to something so unimportant to her. You know for a fact there’s probably millions of people out there that idolise her, think of her as a hero, the perfect role model, but you also know that the insecurities she had weren’t on Alexia Putellas’ behalf. They were on Ale’s behalf. There were two versions of her, and the powerful woman that adorned the armband day-in and day-out for the club she’s committed her life to wasn’t the one combatting all these issues. It was just Ale, your girlfriend, her mother’s daughter, her sister’s older sibling, her aunt and uncle's niece, the ever-reliant and trustworthy companion of her friends.

Alexia knew that, and you did too. You couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult that must be to juggle for Alexia, leading two extraordinarily different lives in one lifetime. You hope, with the right help, she can learn to allow them to co-exist together and not be so far away from each other. She had expressed similar thoughts to you before, how difficult she finds it switching between the two everyday, though you knew she probably hadn’t even scratched the surface about how much it affected her.

You were content with not being fully clued in, because there were some things that people preferred to keep private, and for Alexia one of those things was her thoughts. Your mission was to help her deal with those healthily, unlike how she had for the past god knows how long. Whatever worked for her, worked for you.

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’m secure in my love for you, and that’s enough. I know you love me too. That’s all we need.”

After that day, it was as if a switch had been flicked. There was a distinct difference in her, in all aspects of her life, and she seemed truly happy. You had come to understand that you couldn’t wholly fix her, especially not just with words. All you could do was love her, which you would do for as long as she would let you.

So you met her defiance with kindness, her feigned confidence with support, and her insecurities with reassurance. And slowly, you began to see the progress in her. Truthfully, it might be one of the most beautiful things you'd ever had the privilege to witness. Allowing yourself to feel every ounce of your joy made it easier for Alexia to grow and settle into that prospect of living too.

Not only did the counselling help her mental health, it made her better at communication, understanding, and just about every other thing that you didn’t even think needed improving in the first place. Each day, you adored her more and more. It takes a lot to accept help, but it’s an entirely different thing to wake up every morning and get out of bed, knowing what lies ahead was unexplainably difficult to overcome but facing it head on anyway.

However, the biggest evident difference came when she was cleared to play football again. With each milestone, came a newer, happier version. First it was being substituted on, stepping foot in a game after months of waiting, and straight after, it was her first goal back. The rain couldn’t dampen her spirits that day, nothing could, because thought past-Alexia would be disappointed with how scrappy the goal was, the new version of her was just happy to have a ball at her feet and making a difference for her team. Maybe past-Alexia would be angry with that fact too, at how overjoyed she was with a goal like that, but she didn’t dwell on that for too long. She was trying to change and she was making better progress than she could have dreamed of, she wasn’t going to stop that.

Her hard work was clear to see in the ache in her cheeks from the amount of time she spent smiling, something she didn’t even realise she had missed. Months down the line and she was in the best place mentally than she had been all her life. With that realisation, came the understanding that sometimes things have to fall down before they can be rebuilt again. She had that moment where she broke, in your arms, and since then she had rebuilt her life. The bad goes in hand with the good, and the highs are undoubtedly worth the lows.

Though, she still wasn’t perfect, no matter how badly that irritated her. Every part of her had improved, apart from the one thing she did it all for. It did happen less often, but she still doubted her capabilities as a girlfriend. She still worried she wasn’t good enough for you. The cloudy days of anxiety were nowhere near as frequent as they used to be, but they didn’t magically stop. That was still something she had to come to terms with.

—

A particularly harsh bout of anxiety hit one day, something that filled her unease because she thought these kinds of days weren’t supposed to happen anymore. Yet, here she was, lay in your arms as the toxic cycle of doubt circled endlessly in her mind. She tried, with all her might, to shove the thoughts to the side, to rebuke them and not let them ruin her evening, but they came thick and fast and there was simply no stopping them.

Something her psychologist had told her was that sometimes she just has to sit and let those feelings be. Thinking about how much she loathed them wouldn’t help, that would probably just make them worse. And taking the doubts and fuelling them by ruminating wouldn’t help either. But sitting there and letting them consume her as she did nothing to stop didn’t feel useful. So she let them come, and she took each knot of insecurity and made them bigger.

Nearly every moment of the last few months was tainted by the regret she felt. She really would give anything, she'd sacrifice it all, to go back and show her affection and appreciation more. From the moment she saw you, she knew you were special. She felt like she did a terrible job to show that, to the point where she wondered how she even found herself here right now with you.

Alexia had never really experienced impostor syndrome before, and she wasn't exactly sure that was the right term for the cloud of anxiety she was experiencing. She didn't doubt her love for you, in fact she was sure she had never loved a human as much as she loved you. It's just that, even after all this time, she still didn't think she deserved to be on the receiving end of such an idyllic thing, especially at your hands.

Her biggest fear, after all this time still, was losing you. Out of all the emotions that she had experienced in the past months, there was one that reigned superior throughout: disappointment.

Disappointment that was aimed entirely at herself. Disappointment that had so many things tied into it, she could hardly keep up. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, when she dumbed it down it all led to that same disappointment she just couldn’t get rid of.

She knows where she’s gone wrong all this time, she sort of knows why now thanks to her psychologist, but she has no idea how to stop that pattern of thinking, that she doesn’t deserve you. And because of that, a certain feeling of distaste for herself had grown over time, and it sat nestled in the back of her mind. It’s there, always, and it’s not afraid to make itself known. In the most unsuspecting moments, it comes seeping through the cracks of her mind, weaving its way into each and every aspect of her life, whether that be her memories or the present. Another fear of hers was that this disdain wouldn’t ever leave, even with hours spent in counselling and working on herself.

Like now. Even when she’s in your embrace, all she could think about is the guilt she had harboured for so long now, that at this point it felt like a tumour she had ignored for too long, one that had grown so big that it was now impossible to remove without causing more damage than good.

“Ale? You okay?” Your voice brought her back into the room, adding another crack to the fragile glass box Alexia kept her thoughts inside. The blonde felt like that box could shatter again anytime soon, and that would mean all of them could come spilling straight out. And that would be the end of it all, for good this time. Not like the other occasion where you welcomed her with open arms. Surely you would finally recognise you were sick of her when she inevitably falls apart once more.

“Hm? Sí, bien.” She smiled, a tight-lipped one that didn't even come close to reaching her eyes.

You knew what that was a sign of.

“Ale.” You said softly, hoping you didn’t have to fight her for her to admit there was something wrong.

“I’m okay, mi amor. I’m just going to go to the bathroom, I will be back soon.” She rose to her arms, surging forward to leave a kiss to your lips before you could protest. Then, she was gone, rounding the corner of the lounge into the apartment corridor, leaving you confused.

Five minutes passed by and you let her be, giving her her privacy. But then five minutes turned to ten, and ten to fifteen, and you couldn’t hold off any longer. Just as you expected, when you passed the main bathroom, the door was open and the light was off. It was then, when you looked to your left, you saw Alexia through the crack left by the ajar bedroom door, sat on the edge of the bed facing away. Her shoulders were slightly slumped, her elbows were on her knees, and she was looking out of the window across from her. The only positive was that you couldn’t hear sniffling coming from her this time.

The door creaked as you lightly pushed it open, but the blonde didn’t acknowledge it. At that, you stepped in and kneeled on the bed, making your way to sit behind Alexia and wrap your arms around her as your legs fell either side of hers whilst your cheek came to rest in between her shoulders.

Neither of you spoke; you didn’t want to pressure her into speaking just yet, and Alexia was building up the courage to finally get the last plaguing insecurity off her chest. It’s late evening, the sun growing ever-closer to the horizon, and the only light in the room was the orange haze of the sky, softening every feature of your girlfriend’s face with a golden touch. The light added to her vulnerability, acting as a lamp that displayed the most beautiful artwork you could imagine in a gallery.

For some time, there’s no movement within the room. Alexia doesn’t tear her eyes away from the sunset before her, though the look that’s embedded in the hazel and amber there is distant, lost in a maze of her own mind that she desperately tried to escape from so she could give you the answers you’re hoping for. The only movement you make is the sporadic kisses you dot over her back, as well as the soft, comforting movements of your thumb over her ribs where your hands sit.

The silence was weighted, though not with awkwardness or impatience, but with understanding – a silent invitation to speak without any pressure or expectations. In the quiet space you've provided, no words are needed, only the steady warmth of your body against hers that offers a subtle, grounding reminder that Alexia is not alone, and she never will be. You would always be there to give that to her.

“I love you.” Alexia broke the silence but not the bubble of serenity, producing a sentence that was far more layered than anyone outside of this room would ever understand.

“I know.” You reminded her, hugging her tighter back against you.

“I wish I could go back and redo it all.” She stated, a heaviness to it that had you smiling sadly.

“Redo what?”

“Our relationship.” The footballer didn’t miss the way you tensed ever so slightly, nor did she miss how you lifted your head up from its place on her back. “I am so happy I met you. I feel so lucky that you love me, that you chose me, even when I have been a mess. I would only change how I acted, because I feel like I have not properly shown you how much I love you. How special you are. I wish you had got the love you deserved rather than the coldness I showed because… I don’t think I have been a very good partner to you.”

Some time ago, you had guessed this was a part of Alexia’s anxiety, and that point had been proven when she admitted a few months back that she felt you deserved better. But you didn’t know that it troubled her to this extent. She believed the doubtful voice in the back of her mind so much that she truly thought she wasn’t worthy enough of this relationship. That killed you, because she had been nothing but perfect, despite her personal struggles, from the moment you met her.

“You were not cold, Alexia.” You started, kissing the back of her neck before continuing. “You were the opposite. You were warm and kind-hearted. You were compassionate and honest. I look back on those days so fondly because of how you made me feel. From the very first date, you allowed me to be myself and that was something that meant so much to me. And since then, you still surprise me all the time with how amazing you are. To put it simply, Ale, I wouldn't be here if you were cold or a bad partner. There is nobody else for me, it's only you and it'll always be you.”

Maybe this was the one inadequacy you could fix with your words.

“You really think of me like that?” Alexia asked in a sheepish whisper, turning her head slightly to look at you over her shoulder. You smiled brightly, nodded, and shuffled to sit beside her. One hand came up to rest on her cheek as you leaned forward and kissed her, soft and tentative, to convey all you could never find the words to tell her.

“I do think of you like that.” You whispered against her lips, foreheads together as your thumb lightly brushed over her lower lip. “And I hope one day you can look back and not see your flaws, but instead see the woman I fell in love with.”

She nodded because quite frankly she was speechless. And then there were tears filling her eyes that neither of you expected, which had you moving again as you slotted yourself into her lap. Her head fell to your chest, pulling you against her in a tight embrace. Your arms came around her neck, one laying across her shoulders and the other resting on the back of her head.

Your words slowly began to sunk in, finally, which was a weirdly cathartic feeling for Alexia. She wasn't sure why it was this specific moment that something snapped inside of her, but it did. What was once a topic that consumed her, took over her every thought and switched it with a venomous onslaught of overthinking suddenly started forming into a thing of the past.

All along, Alexia had no idea just how deep your understanding ran about her insecurity with the love she has to offer. She thought you weren't aware of the guilt she felt and the struggles she experienced, but you were. That, and more. She could never repay you for that. All she could do was love you for a lifetime and hope that was enough.

Half a year ago, you were just two people getting to know each other. You liked her and she liked you. You looked into each other’s eyes and saw a future together. Then, you both took that hope, nurtured it, and made a life for yourselves, together.

To anyone on the outside, this wouldn't seem like such a huge milestone. But to you and Alexia, this was a major turning point, for the better. Something like this wasn't expected when you first met, but that's the thing about love, isn't it? Nothing good comes easy, a part of life that Alexia had come to accept. Because it was so, so worth it in the end.

—

this fic was a little different but i hope it was good. first one that i have posted in the midst of my writing anxiety so i may or may not be terrified of posting this but well it's out now anyway. hope you enjoyed it <3

#alexia putellas x reader #woso x reader #alexia putellas #woso #woso community #woso fic #woso imagine #alexia putellas imagine

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b14augrana · 7 months ago

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Ad Astra Per Aspera

Your story goes deeper than what meets Alexia’s eye

Alexia Putellas x teen!reader

pt. 2 masterlist

Warnings: this story contains depictions of alcoholism, adultery, and familial issues. read at your own discretion. aditionally, alexia is pretty mean in this and there wont be a happy ending for a few parts 😬

A/N: massive thank you to this request for the amazing idea 🫶🏼. r is 18 y/o but still going under teen!reader. this is going to be multiple parts because theres so much i could do for this request that i find impossible to fit into one part and write to a good standard, so here you go!

The Stands

Football unites the world. It brings people, cities, and countries together, like nothing else.

You’ve seen it happen in your beautiful hometown of Barcelona — all you can see during the hours leading up to any match set to be played in the Camp Nou is red and blue in the sky. Blaugrana painted the streets below, and the entire city came alive with the commotion from the stadium.

You spent your entire childhood being part of the roaring atmosphere, waving your Barça flag proudly in the air alongside every other flag and wearing the infamous colours across your chest.

Most of all, you prayed with every bit of faith in you, that one day you’d be on the pitch, playing for the club of your dreams.

Everyone in the crowd had their own individual life. There could be a single mother, a lawyer who used up his last days of leave to attend the match, a young boy with his father, an elderly person on an outing with his wife, someone from abroad who’s spent thousands and travelled for hours to watch their favourite player in real life.

11 players could bring together almost 100,000 people just to watch them kick a ball around, and you wanted to have the same effect. You wanted to be so good at football and have the ability to transform a simple sport about kicking a ball around into 90 minutes of entertainment, performance, art. You wanted to do it with Barcelona.

You trained meticulously for months. You passed your small, worn out ball against the same fence in your backyard, you practiced your touch by juggling until the frustration made you storm away in tears and you learned new skills and used your own shoes as cones to pose as defenders and dribble around.

When you went to the Camp Nou to trial for the renowned La Masia academy, you were little and clutching your FC Barcelona backpack for support. The stadium already looked so big when you were up in the stands, but when it was empty and you were actually on the pitch, it was even bigger. You were stood on the same grass as your idols that once had the same dream as you, and that was unbelievable.

The start of your journey as a player at FC Barcelona had begun.

Day after day, you woke up early for training. Your siblings were never awake at that time, so the rare moment of peaceful alone time with your mother was something you looked forward to every morning.

She drove you to the La Masia facilities and then picked you up at sunset. Sometimes, when she had to work late, you and some of your teammates would go to the park and play with the other local kids until your parents came.

Those were the same teammates that you got promoted to the B team with, and the evening 5-a-side games in the park never stopped. They were your best friends — you all shared a common dream of getting to the first team and playing in big tournaments and winning titles, and even though you realistically wouldn’t all be able to do that, no one ever stopped believing that one day it would happen.

As you grew up and your career just started to take off, things started to change. Not just in football, but your life off the pitch too. All at the age of thirteen.

Your father started coming home late. As if your mother was stupid, he’d waltz into the house in the middle of the night, claiming he had to stay a little late because a last minute meeting was called or he lost track of the time. The mild arguments started, and when the late arrivals became more frequent, your mother’s suspicions grew stronger.

One night, it came to a halt. Just when you stopped expecting it, he came home at his regular time; half past six. The only difference was, he didn’t look happy to be home at all. A frown tainted his face ans there was something off-putting about his demeanour. Soon, it all made sense.

You watched from around the corner, your head barely peeking out. Your dad shrugged his blazer off, and you noticed the way his mouth twitched as if hesitating to say something. Once he spoke, a big part of you wished he hesitated a bit more and realised down the line that he was making a bad decision, but it was too late.

The reason he was working late, the secrecy, the floral smells that lingered on his shirts; he was never working overtime, the floral smells were not from the diffuser in the office, and he did have something to hide.

It was called infidelity.

Your siblings emerged from their rooms as soon as the cacophonous yelling started, and you were quick to usher them away from the arguing.

The reality of how bad the situation really was hadn’t yet settled in, but you knew the outcome wasn’t going to be good.

Your youngest brother complained about his rumbling stomach, and the other two were quick to jump on the hunger train. For a moment you were stumped, because you didn’t want to go into the kitchen where the argument was taking place and get dragged into it, so your solution was grabbing a €50 bill and sneaking out to the nearest restaurant.

You were the oldest of four kids. After you was one of two boys, Lorenzo, and then the twins, Magdalene and Dani. They shared the same passion for football as you, and your fondest memories consisted on being in the stands of Camp Nou with them.

All of you snagged a table in a cozy restaurant, one you were familiar with due to going there multiple times with the rest of your family.

The hour you spent in that restaurant with your siblings turned out to be the last hour of a carefree life you’d get to indulge in.

The Pitch

You turned 18 last week, but you got promoted to the first team last month. The headlines painted you as an emblem of success for Barça’s youth programme, the future captain of the first team, and there were all these opinions flying around about you as a player. The opinion that mattered most, though, was that of your captain.

You and Alexia Putellas didn’t get along. Her opinion on you was nothing short of disapproving, and she let you know of that as you arrived at practice.

“(Y/N),” the woman said, her voice holding notes of irritation as she approached you. You looked at her, preparing yourself for the inevitable lecture.

“You’re late again. You might be young, but over here you’re the same as all of us no matter your age, which means getting to training at the same time as us,” she berated you, her hands set on her hips and her eyebrows furled in annoyance.

“Look, captain, I had to–” you started, but your explanation was cut short by Alexia.

“I don’t have time for your excuses. Do better next time, or you’re sitting out of practice entirely. Go run your laps,” she snarled, dismissing you with a wave of her hand.

You could only watch in anger as she stormed away while the others looked at you sympathetically, and you bit your tongue as you walked to the locker room and dumped your bag in your cubby.

She belittled you in every interaction you two had, which was a shame because you really liked her beforehand. In fact, you looked up to her, and you looked forward to being captained by her, but now it was hell on earth every time you entered the gates and met her scrutinising gaze.

Training was nothing special. It was the same old passing drills, small-sided games, shooting and free kick practice, and then before you knew it, home time.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and left before Alexia could stop you and give you yet another lecture. After stopping at the primary school to pick up Magdalene and Dani, you three drove to the middle school to pick up Lorenzo. Barcelona rush hour was rife around the time you picked up your siblings, so you spent another half an hour stuck in traffic until you finally got home.

All you wanted was your bed, and a nap. Still, you dragged yourself to the kitchen to make something quick for dinner so it was ready for your siblings when they were hungry, and then you tidied up in the living room.

Ever since your dad left, your mother was a wreck, leaving you as the successor to her caretaking duties of the kids. She was never a drinker, but after he left, she found herself depending on alcohol for a quick escape.

It was nice for a little bit; a short break from the world that always ended too soon. She kept chasing and chasing that relief until she was in too deep, and it was never enough. The bottles multiplied, the cans lined the rubbish bins, the stench polluted the air that once smelled of a fresh vanilla essence, and she became latched onto it.

You blamed your father for it all, because it was his unchastity that motivated every drink. Your mother was a beautiful woman who loved her family more than herself.

That was what ruined her.

“Hermana, hermana,” Magdalene spoke, tugging on the sleeve of your shirt. You looked down just as you turned off the stove, and she rubbed her stomach, “I’m hungry.”

“Okay hermanita, ask the boys if they’re hungry, please,” you replied, smiling at her. She nodded and ran to their bedrooms, and soon they all emerged from around the corner.

After scooping generous amounts of macaroni and cheese onto their plates, you put some onto your plate and sat down with your siblings to eat. Together, you all talked about your busy days and they listened to you tell them all about your training. They loved hearing your stories about Barça, and every time, Magdalene and Dani would ask you to continue your stories until they fell asleep.

Tonight was no different as you tiptoed out of the twins’ bedroom, gently shutting the door behind you. As much as you loved sleeping after a long day, part of you also dreaded it, because it meant starting a new day and facing Alexia.

When you woke up, it was to gentle knocking on your bedroom door. You were awake enough to comprehend the quiet pattering of footsteps across your hardwood floors, and when tiny hands grazed your skin, you jolted awake. “Hermana, time to wake up! School time!” Magdalene chimed.

So your morning routine began.

With one sock and half your jacket over your head, you made three lunches for the kids right after making their breakfast. Your mother slowly slumped out of her bedroom, wrapping her robe tight around her.

“Bon día,” she mumbled, a smile on her face. With a glance over your shoulder, you acknowledged her before going back to slicing two oranges.

“Morning, mamá,” your siblings responded quietly, shoving food into their mouths to avoid speaking any further. She sat on the couch, sighing deeply.

As she walked past you, you could immediately recognise the stench of alcohol — no surprises there. Years ago, she would’ve smelled like warm musky perfume, not the pungent smell of chemicals.

“Can you make me something, hija? ‘M very hungry,” she said to you, looking your way. You kept your head down, sealing the lunchboxes and cleaning up the counter.

“No, ma, I have things to do. Make your own breakfast,” you responded coldly, “Hermanita, pequeños, bring your dishes here.”

Your siblings scrambled from the table with their empty plates, giving them a quick wash before retreating to their rooms to get their uniform on. On the couch, your mother was still begging for food.

“Hija.. I’m hungry,” the woman slurred.

“Mamá, I have to get your kids to school and go to my own job, which my captain is already angry at me for being late because I have to drive them all around Barna,” you hissed.

“Then I have to come home and make dinner after cleaning your mess. You can make your own breakfast, for once!”

You always felt bad for yelling at your mum, but your life was hard enough with trying to get to work and drop off your three siblings in time while worrying about making your mum a meal.

You had a chance at life. You had a chance to succeed, and you weren’t going to waste it. You weren’t going to rely on a man to look after you in the future until he turns around and wants to look after another woman, leaving you damned.

“Bye, mamá,” you grumbled, grabbing your keys from the bench and swooping your boot bag up from the floor.

It was Dani’s turn to pick which song to play on the radio on the drive to school. He chose a very popular song within your siblings; ‘Me Gustas Tu’. The song had been broadcasted on the radio one day, and everyone seemed to love it. Their favourite part of car rides to school was winding the windows down and singing as loud as they’d like.

Somehow, amongst your father leaving and your mother’s new habits, your siblings were always happy, and that’s what you admired most about them. Maybe they were unaware of the harsh reality, but they were still naïve and unscathed by everything that happened.

It was almost 9:30 in the morning when you started making your way to the training pitch. Mentally, you were preparing yourself for the big lecture you were about to get from Alexia and seriously didn’t need, but physically, you looked unbothered if not a bit tense in the shoulders.

You almost tripped on your way out of the car as you rushed around to get your gear. Walking into training everyday just to get yelled at by Alexia was never nice, but you were used to it. Unfortunately.

That wasn’t the sort of relationship a captain should have with one of her players. It was almost like she despised you, and if she had her way, you probably would’ve been off the team within the first week.

Sure enough, when you appeared on the pitch, the first thing you heard was the low whispers beside you.

“…She’s irresponsible and doesn’t belong on the first team. Being late once, I understand, but multiple times? Her excuses are not good enough–”

“Excuses? Ale, you’ve never let her explain herself.”

“There shouldn’t be any need for excuses anyways, because she shouldn’t be late at all. If she wants to take her time and be let off easy like a child, send her back to the B team. Look, she isn’t even here yet.”

“She is, though. Look behind you.”

The woman turned around, her glare settling on you and being as cold as ever. She spun her whole body around and folded her arms across her chest, her frown heavy.

You sighed, looking down to your feet. It made you feel even worse that you couldn’t help it, and you couldn’t explain it to her either, because that action had potential to get your siblings taken away.

“Drop your bag, get comfortable. You’re not training today,” she snapped.

Your heart sunk. You fought to fend off any tears from forming on your waterline as you nodded, raising your head slightly.

“Listen, (Y/N). This team is everything to me. I have lots of respect for the people who coach us and come here to be coached. You, showing up late? That shows a lack of respect for those people. You’re lazy, unorganised, irresponsible–”

Irresponsible was untrue. If anything, you were the most responsible person you’ve ever known, but Alexia didn’t know that because she didn’t care to know you.

“…I can’t expect you to represent our club and our city on big stages if you can’t even come to training on time. You aren’t FC Barcelona material, and unless things change, you never will be.”

Your lip quivered as your body aligned to bolt for the locker room as soon as she left you alone, away from the watchful eyes that surveyed you in pity when had you arrived. Alexia turned on her heel and stormed away past Mapi, whom she was talking to previously.

She left you in her wake, crestfallen and misunderstood, defeated by circumstances beyond your control.

#fc barcelona femeni #fc barcelona #fcb femení #woso #woso community #woso imagines #woso x reader #woso fanfics #fcb femení x reader #fc barcelona x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia x reader #alexia putellas #fcb femeni #woso angst #fcbfemeni #futfem #ad astra per aspera

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matthewtkachuk · 5 months ago

Text

somehow still stuck on you

navigating the realities of your post break up friendship with quinn is exacerbated by how much you’re not over him

pairing: quinn hughes x reader

warnings: a bit of exes to lovers angst

word count: 2.4k

a/n: hi @boqvistsbabe i’m your fic exchange writer, i’m sorry for the wait but i hope you enjoy!! i was feeling mad regret over not signing up for the fic exchange so when @wyattjohnston asked if i wanted to step in as a pinch hitter i said duhhhhh. this is as much a love letter to vancouver in late july as it is a quinn fic

Quinn’s back in Vancouver.

It’s not exactly revolutionary given the millions of dollars and the capital C handed to him by the Vancouver Canucks, but it is noteworthy given the timing.

Training camp doesn’t start for another month, which makes it highly strange for Quinn to be back in the city already. Last you heard he was having a Brat Summer in Michigan.

Not that you were keeping tabs on your ex-boyfriend-turned-just-friend, of course. It’s not a crime to click through the first five Insta stories when you open the app, even when it showcases how much fun he’s having without you.

Although it might have felt like it when you were dating, the sun and moon didn’t rise and fall at the behest of Quinn Hughes. It was just easier to remember that fact when you weren’t faced with him—quite literally faced with a giant banner of his likeness leaving the Stadium-Chinatown SkyTrain station. The start of the regular season would be bad enough with his name on every one of your coworkers' lips.

All this to say you thought you had more time before he re-entered a position at the center of your universe.

Summer had been kind to you, giving you the time and space needed to move on and heal. Even with the colder than usual June, you’d managed to sneak away to Osoyoos a couple weekends with the girls. Your skin? Glowing. Your hair? Shining. Your thoughts? Totally devoid of one Quinn Hughes.

Until you’d been swiping through the aforementioned stories and spotted one of your favorite walking spots in his story. Very much downtown Vancouver and very much not Michigan.

It wasn’t a terrible break up and you’d been friends long before ever getting together, so it’s not unreasonable to receive an invitation to get the gang together for drinks and dinner in Gastown to celebrate the return of Quinn and others in your friend group to your city.

The time and place all but guarantees you have no way of getting out of it, and truly you are happy to get together with everyone, so you have no choice but to react to the “thumbs up if you’re coming” message.

All the healing and the positive thinking in the world can’t stop you from dressing a little better than you ordinarily would for a casual hang or spending a little more time on your hair.

You’re glad for the extra effort when you stroll in right on time. Everyone is loitering around the entrance, clearly waiting on an open table. It kind of foils your plan to slip into an empty chair, thereby avoiding the initial how are you hug train. Before you can even think of another way out of it, you find yourself being passed along from one friend to another until you reach Quinn, fumbling into a quick and stilted hug.

“Awkward,” Sienna hisses but all you can do is shrug pathetically.

You’re saved from much more embarrassment by the hostess informing your group the table is ready and you’re so grateful you could almost kiss her. The long table means you’re not sat immediately beside Quinn which is a blessing because you’re not sure you could take any more close contact. Conversation flows easily around you, the usual topics of work, families, and shitty roommates.

Everything is going well until the conversation turns to Quinn’s summer in Michigan. The distance between the two of you isn’t large enough for you to miss the way Quinn’s eyes flicker over to you when someone asks him if he’s seeing anyone.

It’s not fair the way your vision briefly turns to black, your heart constricting in your chest. The feeling of almost betrayal that floods your veins isn’t fair either—it’s been months since you broke up and you’ve been on your own fair share of dates. Failed dates to be fair, but dates all the same.

Sienna is your saving grace in the form of a clenched hand around your forearm, hauling you to the bathroom with some fake excuse you don’t hear.

“Are you okay?” she asks outside of the table’s listening distance

You can only shrug pathetically, all words failing you now.

She waits a solid three minutes before leading you back.

“Crisis averted!” she declares when you both return, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

The conversation has turned away from romantic endeavors, circling back to someone’s work drama.

You get the sense that Quinn is trying to meet your eyes, but you don’t dare look in that direction until it’s time to leave. Your exit is hasty, the excuse of needing to catch the sky train in the next eight minutes excusing you from any further contact. In the sea of goodbyes, Quinn’s is the clearest.

It’s not technically avoiding if your workload has you so busy you barely see your roommate, let alone your friend group, right?

There’s a major deadline coming at work and it feels as though you’re wasting money on rent when all of your time is spent at the office. Wake up, work, eat, sleep, repeat.

It’s easier to just mute the group chat, rather than be bothered by the buzzing of your phone.

Easier until Sienna ends up bursting through your door after work using the key you’d given her for emergencies only.

“This is an emergency,” she says before you can speak—caught red handed knee deep in an episode of Love Island UK and a tub of ice cream.

Neither of you speak as she grabs a spoon from your drawer and burrows into the couch beside your pathetic cocoon. It’s born of burnout rather than heartbreak, but you’re aware of the optics of it all.

“You’ve been avoiding us,” she says while some hot blonde cries in the confessional on TV.

“Have not,” you rebut, unceremoniously pulling the tub of ice cream away from her so that she scoops up air instead. “I’ve just been so busy with work. I haven’t even had the time or energy to go grocery shopping, hence the ice cream for dinner.”

Her eyes flicker down to the tub in your hands but she doesn’t say what you’re both thinking. That there’s more to the unconventional supper than just laziness.

“Come to fireworks this weekend,” she says instead, her motives for the impromptu visit finally becoming clear. “You missed last weekend and yesterday. I’m asking in person so you can’t ignore the group chat message like the last two times.”

“If I say yes will you be quiet and let me watch my show?” you ask. She nods emphatically, apparently proving that she can in fact be silent. Truthfully the festival of lights is a highlight of your summer, and watching the last two shows through other people’s stories isn’t your favorite way to view them.

“Fine.”

She squeals and throws her arms around you. You want to ask if Quinn will be there, and the look on her face says she’s waiting for you to, but you don’t.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if he’s going to be there or not. Exes or not, he was one of your best friends and will always be a major part of your friend group. There’s no separating the two and the sooner you get over it and everything returns to the way it was before you started dating the better.

She doesn’t push any further, content to sit alongside you and soak in someone else’s love drama on screen rather than your own.

“Remember a sweater!” are her parting words to you, notorious for always neglecting one.

You forgot a sweater.

It’s not until you’re sitting down on the 99 beside an old lady that you realize. You’re already running a little behind schedule and it would double your transit time to head back, so you settle into your seat and hope it doesn’t get too cold later.

By the time you reach the beach the group is already together, sitting on a couple beach blankets lined up end to end. You spot Quinn’s unruly dark hair before you even realize you’re looking for him.

“Look who finally showed!” someone says, and you roll your eyes as you drop down on the only spot available, right next to Quinn.

“I’m at the mercy of Vancouver transit, we all know this.” You’d rather rake your naked body over hot coals and then confess your lingering feelings for the boy beside you in front of everyone you know than waste time in traffic and pay the outrageous inflated parking price on a night of fireworks.

Quinn doesn’t tease you like the rest of your friends, and you wonder if he’s thinking about how the last time you saw fireworks together he’d driven. Or how he kissed you for the first time after driving you home from a different fireworks show.

The late afternoon passes by with an impromptu game of frisbee that you don’t partake in—there’s way too many people at the beach for it to be enjoyable and you’re more content to people watch and gossip while picking at the charcuterie spread someone else brought. The active rest of the group seems to reach the same conclusion you had and someone breaks out Uno.

By the time the sun sets, you’ve considered murdering both your friend to your left and your ex-boyfriend to your right. It’s bad enough you’re walking around with a still broken heart, now they’re ganging up on you with draw four cards and Uno reverses. The group is spared by the darkness making it too hard to play.

If circumstances were different, Quinn likely would be teasing you about being a sore loser, offering to kiss it better until someone inevitably fake gagged and told you to get a room.

Instead he’s silent as you turn your back to him in order to face the direction of the show about to start. The sea breeze hits and you can’t hold back your shudder.

“Did you seriously forget a sweater?” Sienna asks. “I told you.”

You spin around. “Yeah yeah yeah.”

Quinn is quick to pull off his hoodie, offering it to you with an outstretched hand. “Here.”

It feels too personal, too heavy, too full of implications and so you start to shake your head. “Oh, that’s okay.”

“You’re literally shivering,” he says. “Take it.”

It’s warm and soft and smells just like him. As you pull it over your head you’re taken back by just how right it feels. Like if you closed your eyes, you could almost pretend things were different.

The train of thought is broken by the first firework, and you spin back to watch.

The fireworks are beautiful and you sit in awe, ‘ooh’ing and ‘ahh’ing along with the crowd around you.

Someone up ahead stands up to take a photo and Sienna has no problem heckling him. “Sit down!”

They do and you just shake your head at her antics.

It turns out that sitting on the sand on a blanket isn’t the most comfortable position to be in. Mid way through the show, you find yourself shifting and leaning back to find a better way to situate yourself. In the process you brush your hand against Quinn’s, quickly pulling it back like you’d been burned.

“Sorry,” you murmur over your shoulder, unsure if the blush coating his cheeks is just your imagination.

When it’s over, you help everyone pack up and follow the group through the beach, quietly bitching about the sand getting into your sandals.

Everyone starts splitting up when the sand gives way to pavement. Sienna lives close, within walking distance and she gives you a tight hug and heads off in the direction of her house.

You’re turning away to start towards the bus stop when Quinn grabs your arm.

Thinking he wants his sweater back, you begin to pull at the hem but his words have you freezing in place.

“Do you want a ride home?”

Your place isn’t the exact opposite of his, but it’s also certainly not on his way home. Call it masochism, call it a desire to return to the way things were before you loved and lost, you agree with a quiet ‘yes.’

The walk to his car is quiet, and you resist the urge to ask him how much he paid for parking tonight, not sure you want to break the silence first.

That silence continues in his car, at least between the two of you. Something soft and acoustic plays through the car speaker as the lights of Kits turn into downtown.

When you get home, he offers to walk you to your door. Once, it was his way of making sure you got in safe. Then, it was his way of trying to prevent the night from ending.

Now, you’re not sure of his reasoning.

You get to the door, and he doesn’t say much more as you unlock it and step in.

“Do you want to come in?” you find yourself asking despite yourself.

He hesitates, hands in the pocket of his shorts. It kind of looks like he’s contemplating between stepping inside and running away.

It makes you angry, that bitter edge of hurt you haven’t quite gotten over yet surfacing.

“What do you want? You need to use your words, Quinn. Because your actions are confusing me!”

You have a very formulated argument prepared, full of evidence and conflicting actions—the result of hundreds of mini one sided arguments playing in your head since he’s been gone and since he’s been back. Arguments that don’t come to fruition because the look on his face is dangerous.

He cups your face in his hands and presses his lips solidly to yours. You don’t even have enough time to fall into the kiss before he’s pulling apart. “How’s that for confusing?”

There’s no answer from you, not verbally at least. Just the momentum of you throwing yourself at him, crushing your lips to his.

Words can wait.

#nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl fanfiction #nhl x reader #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes fanfiction #quinn hughes x reader #shelb writes

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mysunshinetemptress · 7 months ago

Text

Rápido

Alexia Putellas x Jenni Hermoso x child!reader

Warnings: none except more shitty writing sorry

You’re still only small, still wobbly on your little legs, and still along way off being able to express your feelings opting to often at times throw tantrums.

You’ve spent more time on football fields than in playgrounds, more time in locker rooms, training rooms, and even physio rooms than a nursery, interacting with children your own age. But that’s to be expected when your Mama and Mamaí are world-class athletes playing for one of the best teams in the world. Surely the experiences they give you during your globetrotting are way better than the silly little nursery, your classmates are also professional athletes who know how to walk, talk and write, is that not better for you than some other snot-nosed two-year-olds who cry when they can’t reach a colour to draw on paper with.

But while all of these experiences are great, you’ve never really learned to share, you haven’t had to, your Mamaí’s are yours, your Tia’s and Grandparents are too. They have to be, they don’t spend any time with any other little kids like they do you. Your their baby, the teams baby they remind you as such when you start to kick off at the sight of them holding other kids hands as they walk out on to the pitch while your stuck with your Tia Alba and Abuela.

It was routine at this stage frustration would bubble in your tiny chest like a deflated soccer ball. You would stomp your foot, a wobbly attempt that would send you teetering before Tia Alba swooped you up, whispering words you didn't quite understand in order to calm you down.

Today is different though, you don't arrive at the stadium with Tia Alba and Abuela, in fact, you don't even get dropped off at Abuela's house, maybe your Mamai's forgot but you don't dare let out a sound in case they remember.

A grin stretched ear to ear on your face as Mama hoisted you out of the car seat. The familiar scent of freshly cut grass and popcorn mingled in the air, a symphony that announced you'd arrived at your favourite place – Camp Nou, Barcelona's legendary stadium. But today, something felt different. It was just you and Mamai's. Mama was here, her strong arms scooping you up and burying your face in the familiar scent of sweat and something sweet that must be Mamaí's perfume. While your Mamí retrieves everyone's bags from the back of the car before coming over and smiling down at you.

"Hola, Rápido," Mamí chuckled, her voice warm against your ear. "Excited for the big game?." You nod happily "Si, Mamí."

Suddenly, there's a loud shout from behind you and your Mamaí’s turn to see Mapi running straight for you all.

"There's my favourite niece!" she exclaimed, reaching out her hands. You giggled at the energetic defender reaching towards her, wanting to be passed off. Your Mama laughs happily giving you over "Hola to you too Mapi." Mapi waves your Mama off as she starts talking to you excitedly and begins to walk inside, Ingrid pulls your Mama into a hug "Hola Ale, Jenni how is Rápido today?." Your Mamaí’s begin to walk in with the younger Norwegian as they smile at the sound of your giggles. "She is good, she still doesn't know about the surprise yet." Ingrid smiled watching your interaction with Mapi as they made their way into the changing room "I think she'll love it."

Your eyes widened as you entered the locker room, hand clutched tightly in Mapi's. It wasn't just the usual pre-game buzz. Today, colourful balloons were tied to every locker, and a giant banner adorned the wall that read: "Welcome to the Team, Rápido!"

A gasp escaped your tiny lips. All your Tia's, your Mamaí's teammates, were gathered around, beaming at you. Cata, the gentle giant of a goalkeeper, knelt down, her arms outstretched. you were, usually shy around so many people, but you ran towards her, a shy smile forming on your face. Cata scooped you up, showering you with tickles, making you erupt in a fit of giggles.

Suddenly, a booming voice filled the room. "Rápido!" It was your Mama, holding a tiny Barcelona jersey with the number "10" emblazoned on the back. It was small just like you, the number your Mamí always wore. Your eyes welled up with a mixture of confusion and excitement.

Mama explained, "This is your jersey, Rápido. You're officially part of the team now!"

Unable to word how grateful you were you ran straight for your Mama, who didn't hesitate to pick you up and hold you close and squeeze her as tight as your little arms could "Gracias Mama." Your Mamí lets out a gasp pretending you had hurt her feelings after not coming over to her. You wiggled out of your Mama's arms as she put you down before running over to your Mamí " Wow so fast Rápido." You nodded happily before trying to squeeze her just like you did your Mama "I'm wearing you." Mamí laughs "Yeah you are wearing my number."

The locker room erupted in cheers and whistles. Mapi hoisted you high in the air, your tiny "10" jersey flapping in the excitement.

Ingrid ruffled your hair playfully. "Looks like we have a new teammate, and she's already stealing the spotlight from Alexia!"

Your Mama, playfully nudged Ingrid with a grin. "Don't worry," she winked, "I think Rápido has plenty of time to learn from the best."

Cata, still beaming, handed you a miniature soccer ball. It was soft and squishy, perfect for your tiny grasp. You bounced it clumsily on the floor, sending giggles rippling through the room. You lay the football down stepping back from the ball and looking at Cata before kicking the ball as hard as you could, Cata softly fell to the right as your ball rolled left past the goalkeeper. The locker room erupted into cheers as the door opened and Jonatan walked in.

"Ladies we have a game to get ready for vamos." The room let out a small apology as your Mamí picked you up putting you on her bench before getting changed into her own kit.

"So you're going to walk out with Mama doesn't that sound fun." You nodded "And you." Mamí shakes her head "No remember I have to hold another little kid's hand." You looked at her confused "Why."

The confusion etched on your face tugged at your Mamí's heartstrings.

"Because today," Mamí explained, kneeling next to you, "we get to share the walkout with other special little kids. Just like you get to today."

Your brow furrowed, the gears turning in your tiny mind. The idea of sharing wasn't entirely foreign, but it usually involved toys, not something as special as walking out onto the pitch at Camp Nou.

That same frustration bubbled in your tiny chest like a deflated soccer ball only this time it felt ten times worse.

You shook your head confused as to why you couldn't walk with both of your parents like you normally do happily in the middle "but why."

Suddenly, the locker room door opened "Ok ladies to the tunnel." Your Mama comes over taking your hand "Ready Rápido?." You shook your head "No Mamí." Your Mama looked at you her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion "Mamí is right there."

You turn your head just in time to see your Mamí take the hand of a random little girl.

A pang of jealousy shot through your heart as you watched Mamí clasp hands with the unfamiliar girl. Her smile, usually reserved for you and Mama, was directed at this stranger. You mumbled, a tiny voice barely a squeak, "But that's not me, Mamí."

Your Mama's brow furrowed. She crouched down, her warm brown eyes filled with concern. "What's wrong, Rápido?"

You struggled to find the words, your lower lip trembling slightly. Finally, it tumbled out, a garbled mess of emotions, "Walk out... with you... and Mamí ... in the middle..."

Your Mama tries but fails to stop your tears and before she can even talk to your Mamí about it the referees in front are walking towards the pitch.

Your Mama tries to walk out after them but your feet are planted firmly to the ground and you are really crying now Alexia knows you are boarding on a tantrum and the Camp Nou tunnel is not it the place for it so she scoops you up Instead, pulling your head into her neck as you continue to cry.

The cheers of the crowd outside the tunnel were a distant roar compared to the storm raging inside you. The hope of walking out with both your parents, a tiny hand held firmly in each of theirs, felt stolen, replaced by an unfamiliar girl who had somehow usurped your special place.

Mama, ever perceptive, felt her frustration even through the tears. "Shh, Rápido," she whispered, "It's okay to feel sad."

Pulling back slightly, she wiped your tear-streaked face with a gentle thumb. "Remember what I told you? Sharing your Mamí and I doesn't mean we you any less. This a chance to share the magic of the game with other little fans, just like you."

You sniffled, trying to process this. Sharing toys was okay, even sharing snacks with you Tia's sometimes. But this felt different. This was your little family.

Sensing your hesitation, Mama smiled. "Why don't we make a deal? Right now, your Mamí walks out with the other little girl and holds her hand. Later, all three of us to walk together and Mamí and I will swing you, would you like that?"

At this point your standing in line every other mascot in front of a Barcelona player except you as your Mama still tries to bribe you.

A tiny spark of hope flickered in your eyes. The thought of playing the swing game might just be enough for you to settle.

Your Mamí looks over to you and Mama worries etched across her face but Alexia just shakes her head and so Jenni turns back to the front.

You only begin to calm down after your Mama has pinky promised to swing you after the match, only then are you happy to go off and sit with Abuela and Tia Alba telling them happily about scoring on Cata and how Mama and Mamí are going to swing you.

Later, as the stadium erupted in cheers, Mamí found you by Abuela and Tia Alba. you were, still buzzing from the match rattling off all your favourite moments as Mamí listened patiently. At a pause in your ramble Mamí held up her pinky finger with a wink.

"Swing time, Rápido,?" she asked.

You squealed with delight, launching yourself into Mamí's arms for a tight hug. As you walked towards your Mama, the tantrum and jealousy from earlier had completely disappeared.

Grabbing your Mama's hand you let out a scream as they swung you high into the air laughing at your little giggles. You still have a long way to go with sharing but for now, it's just you and Your Mama and Mamí.

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chaotic-toasters · 7 months ago

Text

Tunnel Vision

Arsenal Women x Teen! Reader

Thanks to @scribblesofagoonerr for helping me on this every time I got stuck (I got stuck a lot 💀)

TW: Graphic descriptions of injury and blood, allusion to a panic attack

----------------------

"Hi, Foxy!" you chirped, hugging the older American from behind. "Are you ready to kick Aston Villa's butt?"

"Hey, kid," she smiled fondly, squeezing you tightly. "I'm always ready. That reminds me, are you all packed for US camp next week?"

"Yeah," you responded with a grin. "I'm excited to see everybody."

Emily released you, ruffling your hair as everyone began lining up in the tunnel. "They're all excited to see you too, but let's focus on the match right now."

"Okay, Foxy." Just before you slipped into your match mindset, somebody else tapped you on the shoulder.

"Oi," the new voice whispered. "No hello for your old roommate?"

"Jordan!" you beamed, tackling the older girl in a hug. "I missed you!"

The Brit's smile was blinding. "I've missed you too, kid. We'll talk more after the game, okay?"

You nodded, hugging her again before stepping into line behind Frida. It was always nice seeing old teammates, but you had no problem beating them in matches.

With the score at 4-1 in favor of Arsenal, the gunners should have been having a great time. For some reason, though, your teammates wanted more. They were hungry for a bigger gap in the scoresheet, and it was messing with some of their heads. Steph was pushed up even farther than usual, Leah's tackles were unreasonably harsh, and Stina's shots were so powerful, it was almost like she was angry. The most noticeable change in behavior, though, was Alessia's.

The Englishwoman's challenges and touches to other players were far more fierce than they should have been, and some of the Aston Villa players were making a conscious effort to stay away from her.

You, on the other hand, didn't think the forward's aggression applied to you. That was why you didn't blink twice when Alessia sprinted towards you in the box, trying to open herself up for a pass.

It was unfortunate, to say the least. Most of the players on the field were crowded into the 18-yard box, so when Alessia accidentally slammed into your side, none of the players or officials saw it. Alessia herself didn't even notice, too focused on the ball and too high on adrenaline to feel just how hard she'd hit someone.

Play continued on as you went flying headfirst into the advertising boards, colliding with the signs with a sickening crunch, players too busy yelling and trying to push each other out of the way to hear or see. Not that you could tell. To you, the world was completely devoid of sound. The nearly sold-out Emirates Stadium was silent and dark, things around you terribly blurry and dim. You tried to pull yourself to your feet, but your hand merely shook on your chest as blood started creeping down your forehead. It was strange, you thought, how you could be bleeding like this, but not feel any pain. While debating whether it was a good or bad thing, you passed out.

It was Beth's scream of terror that caused play to die down. She'd taken up space on the wing, looking for a pass, but when she glanced up at the goal, her eyes instead zeroed in on your limp form laying in the broken pieces of the advertising board. The Englishwoman's guttural cry of fear had rung out over the roar of the crowd and instantly caught the attention of everyone on the field, and they'd all followed her gaze only to be met with the sight of you, a curtain of crimson slowly oozing down to your cheeks.

"What- what happened?" Emily's voice was weirdly high-pitched as Lotte tried to lead her away. "She- she was fine just a minute ago!"

"Don't look," the Lioness murmured, gently guiding the other defender away by the shoulders. "You'll just worry yourself more if you look."

But she couldn't. Your only American teammate at Arsenal couldn't help but stare as paramedics ran onto the field, surrounding you, talking quietly but quickly amongst themselves. She wanted to look away, she really did, but fear gripped at not only her heart, but her head. It forced her to watch on, to watch as you suffered and didn't respond to the paramedics. The fear was stronger than anything she'd ever felt before, and she was certain that it would be the strongest thing she would ever feel.

The gunners were evenly split. Half couldn't tear their eyes away from where the paramedics were lifting you onto a stretcher, and the other half were trying to get their shock-ridden teammates to look elsewhere.

Most of the players apart of the second half were successful in getting the others to direct their attention away from you, but there was one player who was stood inside the box, firmly rooted onto the pitch where she'd stood when the whistle was blown sharply.

Alessia. She'd realized what had happened as soon as she saw you. She may have only felt herself collide with you subconsciously, but she could still remember it. She could remember sprinting as fast as she could, tunnel-visioned on the ball but hitting you in the process, and it was as if she'd been tased with the terrible realization of it all.

She had been the one to push you. She had been the one to send you flying into the advertising boards. She had been the one to cause whatever horrific injury you had just sustained.

She'd been so focused on the game that she'd sent one of the sweetest and most innocent people on the team to A&E.

And for it to be you? You were only sixteen. You were always so happy and and positive, and now you were in bad condition because Alessia was too busy being greedy and wasn't paying attention to anything other than scoring.

As the paramedics carried you away on a stretcher, Alessia's legs gave out beneath her. Her breathing was rapid, guilt taking over every fiber of her being as she gripped at the grass beneath her. Some of her England teammates crouched next to her, speaking quietly, but she was too spaced out to notice.

What was supposed to be a simple match day had turned into a horror show. And there was no one to blame but her.

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #arsenal women x reader #alessia russo #lotte wubben moy #emily fox #leah williamson #steph catley

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cherryxbooo · 15 days ago

Text

Most important part of my life

Summary: Pedri's secret relationship is tested by rumors with a new media colleague, leading him to publicly declare his love.

Reader x Pedri

Genre: fluff/angst

Being in love with Pedri González felt like cradling a secret so luminous, so extraordinary, that unveiling it to the world might scatter its magic like dandelion seeds caught in the wind.

It wasn’t just the fact that he was one of the most recognizable footballers in the world, gracing the pitch at Camp Nou with effortless grace.

It was the way he looked at me when we were alone, the quiet strength of his love, and the unspoken promise in his touch.

Our relationship grew like wildflowers in the shadows, away from the glaring lights of stadiums, the endless buzz of fans, and the relentless click of cameras desperate for a glimpse of his personal life.

When we first started dating, the decision to keep things private was mutual, though it came with layers of complexity.

Pedri had been upfront from the beginning.

"I want you to feel safe with me," he said one evening, his brown eyes searching mine for reassurance.

He wasn’t just asking for patience, he was offering me trust, a sanctuary in a world that rarely afforded him the same.

The privacy was liberating in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

We could wander hand-in-hand through unfamiliar streets in cities where Pedri’s face wasn’t plastered on billboards.

We could spend entire evenings tangled up on the couch watching old movies, his laughter filling the room as I teased him about his terrible popcorn-making skills.

In those quiet, unguarded moments, I discovered who he truly was, not just Pedri the footballer, but Pedri the person I fell in love with.

Still, keeping our love a secret wasn’t without its sacrifices.

There were nights when I longed to post a picture of us on social media, to scream to the world how much he meant to me.

But I knew the cost of such exposure.

Pedri’s life was a constant whirlwind of matches, media obligations, and the ceaseless adoration of fans who believed they knew him intimately.

I’d seen the toll it took on him, how even the smallest misstep could spark a wildfire of speculation.

Sometimes, being in love with him felt like standing at the edge of an untamed sea. His life was the tide, vast and unstoppable, threatening to pull me under if I wasn’t careful.

I remember one particularly tough evening when he was away on a grueling road trip, the distance between us amplified by the silence of my apartment.

I stared at my phone, scrolling through a sea of articles about him, wondering if I’d ever fit into his world.

But Pedri always had a way of grounding me.

He called late that night, his voice warm despite the exhaustion that laced his words.

"I miss you," he said simply. "You’re my calm, mi amor. Don’t forget that."

It wasn’t a grand declaration, it didn’t need to be.

It was enough to pull me back, to remind me that what we had wasn’t just a fleeting romance but something deeper, something worth navigating the storms for.

We had our own rituals, ways of carving out space for us amid the chaos.

Pedri loved to write little notes for me, tucking them in places he knew I’d find later: a pocket in my coat, the inside of a book I was reading.

Once, I found one on my bathroom mirror that simply said, "You’re my favorite part of every day."

It was these small acts of love, these intimate gestures, that made me feel like the luckiest person alive.

Who would've thought that footballers could be so romantic.

And yet, there were challenges I couldn’t ignore.

Being with Pedri meant learning to share him, not just with the fans who adored him, but with the game that consumed so much of his time and energy.

There were moments when I felt like a spectator, watching him shine while I stood in the shadows.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting sometimes, but then he’d find ways to remind me that I wasn’t an afterthought.

One evening, after a particularly intense match, we sat on his balcony overlooking the city.

The air was cool, the distant hum of Barcelona serving as our soundtrack.

Pedri reached for my hand and pulled me close.

"You know," he said softly, "everything I do out there, it’s for us. For this."

His words settled over me like a warm blanket, and in that moment, I knew that no amount of distance, scrutiny, or secrecy could diminish what we shared.

But that feeling didn't last for long...

It all began when FC Barcelona announced their newest hire, Valentina.

She was young, vibrant, and clearly eager to make her mark as the team’s new media coordinator.

Her job was to handle interviews, create social media content, and give fans a closer look at the players they adored.

At first, I didn’t think much of it.

Pedri had mentioned her in passing, a new addition to the team, someone he was helping adjust to the job.

I’d nodded, smiled, and asked a few polite questions, not giving it another thought.

But then the content started appearing.

At first, I convinced myself it didn’t matter.

Pedri was just being himself, kind, warm, and approachable.

It was part of what made him so magnetic, not just to me but to everyone around him.

This was the man I fell in love with, after all.

How could I fault him for being the very person who stole my heart?

But as the days turned into weeks and the “shipping” online intensified, I felt my confidence begin to waver.

It started subtly, like a shadow creeping into the edges of an otherwise sunny day.

A fan edit of Pedri and Valentina laughing during an interview would pop up on my feed, the caption declaring,

“The chemistry is undeniable!”

I’d roll my eyes and scroll past, telling myself it was harmless.

But the comments below were relentless.

"They’d be such a cute couple!""Honestly, Valentina and Pedri give me life!""Look at the way he’s smiling at her, come on, that’s love."

I’d catch myself staring at my screen, rereading the same comments as if the sting would lessen with repetition.

It didn’t.

Instead, it gnawed at me, a quiet whisper in the back of my mind that grew louder with every passing day.

The first time Pedri showed me one of the videos, I forced a smile, feigning indifference.

“Look at this,” he chuckled, holding up his phone.

“They’re making compilations of every time I’ve talked to the new media girl. Fans are wild.” (brother can't be this clueless omd)

I leaned over, barely glancing at the screen, and shrugged.

“Yeah, wild,” I muttered, keeping my tone neutral.

“You okay?” he asked, tilting his head to look at me.

“Of course,” I lied, standing up abruptly.

“I just remembered I need to finish something. Be right back.”

I didn’t meet his eyes as I left the room.

How could he not see the true intentions behind those edits? (ugh men smh)

The little things began piling up.

Each new fan theory, each edited clip, felt like a pebble being dropped into an already overflowing jar.

I told myself it was silly, irrational even, to feel this way.

After all, I knew the truth. Pedri loved me, not her.

But logic and emotions rarely danced in harmony.

It wasn’t just online, either.

At a recent game, a group of fans behind me had spent the entire first half discussing Valentina and Pedri.

“They’d be perfect together, don’t you think?” “She’s got that bubbly personality, and he’s so down-to-earth. Total power couple vibes.”

I gripped the edge of my seat tightly, my nails digging into the fabric. I wanted to turn around and scream,

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

Instead, I stayed quiet, plastering on a strained smile for the rest of the match.

Back home, my silence began to speak louder than my words.

“Hey, how was your day?” Pedri asked one evening as we sat at the dinner table.

“Fine,” I replied, not looking up from my plate.

“Anything interesting happen?” he pressed, his tone light but curious.

“Not really,” I mumbled, shoving a forkful of pasta into my mouth to avoid elaborating.

Pedri frowned, setting down his fork.

“You’ve been quiet lately. Is something bothering you?”

I shook my head, forcing a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.

“Just tired. Long day.”

He nodded slowly, clearly unconvinced, but he didn’t push further.

Instead, he reached across the table to take my hand.

For a split second, I felt the warmth of his touch, the comfort it usually brought me.

But then I pulled away under the pretense of needing my water glass.

The hurt that flickered across his face was brief, but I saw it.

My chest tightened with guilt, but I couldn’t bring myself to explain.

One evening, the tension between us became unbearable.

We were sitting on the couch, a movie playing on the TV, but neither of us was paying attention.

Pedri’s hand rested on his thigh, close enough to mine that the absence of contact felt glaring.

Without warning, he paused the movie and turned to me.

“Alright, what’s going on?” he asked, his voice soft but insistent.

I stiffened, my heart pounding. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been distant,” he said, his brows knitting together.

“You barely talk to me, you pull away when I touch you… something’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing,”

I replied too quickly, the tightness in my throat betraying me.

“It’s not nothing,” he countered, leaning closer.

“I know you, amor. Something’s bothering you, and I want to help. But I can’t if you won’t talk to me.”

I looked away, my gaze fixed on the coffee table.

“It’s stupid,” I whispered, my voice barely audible.

“Then let me decide that,” he urged gently.

“Please.”

I hesitated, the words caught in my throat.

How could I explain something that felt so petty?

How could I tell him that seeing him with Valentina, innocent as it was, was eating away at me?

“I’m just tired,” I said finally, standing up before he could press further.

“I’m going to bed.”

“Wait—”

But I was already walking away, leaving him sitting there, confused and worried.

In the quiet of my room, I replayed the moment in my mind, hating myself for the walls I was building.

But as I scrolled through my phone later that night, another video of Pedri and Valentina popped up.

The comments filled with speculation and admiration for their supposed connection.

I turned off my phone, buried my face in my hands, and let the tears fall.

Not knowing it was about to become worse.

The next evening,

It started like any other evening.

I was curled up on the couch, scrolling through my phone, half-distracted and trying not to think too much about the growing distance between Pedri and me.

But then the headline caught my eye, bold and damning:

“Are Pedri and Valentina More Than Colleagues? Here’s What We Know.”

My thumb hesitated above the screen, my heart already sinking, but I couldn’t stop myself.

I clicked.

The page loaded, and my stomach twisted with every word I read. The article was a masterclass in speculation.

Blurry photos of Pedri and Valentina laughing together accompanied captions like,

“Too much chemistry to be just friends?”

A still from a video of her hand casually resting on his arm had the writer waxing poetic about

“intimate body language” and “the undeniable proof of a budding romance.”

Every word felt like a small dagger, but it was the comments that truly gutted me.

"I knew it! They’re perfect together!""Pedri deserves someone like her. She’s stunning and sweet!""Finally, the couple we’ve all been waiting for. #Pedritina"

My hands trembled as I set my phone down, but the damage was done.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

It didn’t matter that I knew the truth.

It didn’t matter that Pedri had never given me a reason to doubt him.

The narrative was there, glaring and insistent, and it felt like it was pulling him away from me, like I was losing him to a story that wasn’t even real.

That night, I couldn’t bear to look at him.

The weight of my emotions was too heavy, threatening to spill over if I let him get too close.

“Hey,” he greeted me warmly as he walked into the kitchen, where I was furiously scrubbing an already-clean countertop.

“What are you up to?”

“Just cleaning,” I said curtly, not turning to face him.

Pedri leaned against the counter, his eyes following my frantic movements.

“It’s nine at night,” he said with a soft laugh.

“The kitchen’s spotless mi amor. Come sit with me.”

“I’ll be there in a bit,” I replied, my voice clipped.

He frowned slightly, stepping closer.

“You’ve been… acting different lately. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lied, still not meeting his gaze.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice gentler now.

He reached out to touch my arm, but I stepped away, pretending to grab a dish towel.

“I’m sure,” I said firmly, my tone leaving no room for further questions.

Pedri watched me for a long moment, his brow furrowing in concern.

“Alright,” he said quietly, though his voice carried a hint of defeat.

“I’m here if you want to talk.”

I nodded but didn’t respond, and he left the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the unbearable ache in my chest.

I threw myself into meaningless tasks for the rest of the evening.

Folding laundry, reorganizing the spice cabinet, rearranging the books on the shelf, anything to keep my mind and hands busy.

But no matter what I did, the article and its comments haunted me, looping endlessly in my mind.

What made it worse was how vividly I could picture it all.

Pedri’s laughter as Valentina joked with him, the way he always leaned in when someone spoke, giving them his undivided attention.

I knew it was innocent.

I knew it was just who he was.

But knowing didn’t stop the jealousy and insecurity from creeping in, filling the cracks in my resolve.

By the time Pedri came to bed, I pretended to be asleep, my back turned to him.

He sighed softly as he slipped under the covers, and for a moment, I thought he might say something.

But he didn’t.

Instead, the room fell into silence, broken only by the sound of his breathing as he drifted off.

I stayed awake long after, staring at the wall, tears slipping silently down my face.

For the first time in our relationship, I felt like I was losing him.

And the worst part? I didn’t know how to stop it.

The next day,

Meanwhile, Pedri was wrestling with his own frustrations.

The training session had wrapped up, but instead of heading to the showers with the others, he lingered in the locker room, sitting on the bench with his phone in hand.

His thumb hovered over the screen, but his mind was elsewhere, replaying the strange tension between you two over the past few weeks.

Every clipped response, every missed kiss, every moment you pulled away lingered in his thoughts, gnawing at him.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Yo, Pedri,” Ferran’s voice broke through the quiet, light and teasing as always.

He strolled in, a towel slung casually over his shoulder.

“Why do you look like someone stole your boots? You alright?”

Pedri looked up, his frown deepening.

“Not really,” he admitted, tossing his phone onto the bench beside him.

“It’s… Y/n. She’s been acting different. Distant.” He shook his head, as though trying to shake off the confusion.

“I don’t know what’s going on with her. I’ve tried asking, but she keeps saying she’s fine.”

Ferran raised a brow, a knowing look spreading across his face.

“Different how?”

“She barely talks to me anymore,” Pedri said, frustration clear in his voice.

“When we’re together, it’s like she’s somewhere else. I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

Ferran leaned against the locker, crossing his arms.

“You sure it’s something you did?”

“I don’t know,” Pedri muttered.

“Maybe? She’s never been like this before.”

Ferran hummed thoughtfully before his eyes lit up as if a lightbulb had gone off.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and began typing something.

“What are you doing?” Pedri asked, sitting up straighter.

Ferran didn’t answer immediately, his focus on his screen.

Then he turned the phone around, holding it out for Pedri to see.

“You seen this yet?” Ferran asked, his tone cautious but pointed.

Pedri frowned and leaned closer, his gaze locking onto the screen.

It was an article, the bold headline instantly grabbing his attention:

“Are Pedri and Valentina More Than Colleagues? Here’s What We Know.”

“What is this?” Pedri asked, his tone sharp.

“Just read it,” Ferran said, handing him the phone.

Pedri swiped through the article, his jaw tightening with every word.

The photos, blurry snapshots of him and Valentina during team interviews and moments caught on video, accompanied captions that painted an entirely false narrative.

Phrases like “unspoken chemistry” and “undeniable connection” jumped out at him, making his blood boil.

“This is…” Pedri trailed off, shaking his head in disbelief.

“This is ridiculous.”

“You think that’s bad?” Ferran said, leaning over to scroll down.

“Check the comments.”

Pedri’s frown deepened as he skimmed the comment section, where fans had enthusiastically declared their support for the supposed couple.

"They’re so cute together!""I ship them so hard!""Finally, Pedri’s found someone who matches his energy!"

Pedri tossed the phone back to Ferran, his frustration palpable.

“None of this is true,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair again.

“Yeah, well,” Ferran said, pocketing his phone,

“if Y/n saw this, it might explain why she’s acting weird. Can’t blame her, man. This article’s painting a pretty convincing picture.”

Pedri exhaled deeply, leaning back against the bench.

“She didn’t say anything about it.”

Ferran shrugged.

“Would you, if the shoe was on the other foot? Imagine reading something like that about her. You wouldn’t even need to believe it to feel like crap.”

Pedri rubbed his face with his hands, guilt beginning to creep in.

“I didn’t think this could be bothering her. I didn’t even know about this until now.”

“Well,” Ferran said, giving him a pointed look,

“now you do. So what are you going to do about it?”

Pedri didn’t hesitate.

“I need to fix this,” he said firmly, determination sparking in his eyes.

Ferran gave him a pat on the back.

“Good. Go home, talk to her. Don’t let this article ruin things.”

As Ferran walked away, Pedri stayed seated for a moment longer, his thoughts racing.

Now it all made sense, your distance, the way you avoided his touch, the sadness in your eyes.

He couldn’t stand the thought of you hurting, especially because of something so far from the truth.

He stood abruptly, his mind made up.

He had to make things right.

When Pedri came home that evening,

I was sitting on the couch, my laptop open in front of me, but my mind was far away, drifting aimlessly through thoughts I couldn’t quite organize.

The quiet hum of the apartment felt heavy, like it was pressing down on me, and I couldn’t escape it.

I had been trying to keep myself busy, just so I wouldn’t think too much about the distance that had been growing between Pedri and me.

But it didn’t help.

The more I tried to ignore it, the more the emptiness crept in.

The quiet space between us had only grown, and every little thing felt like a reminder of how lost I had become in my own insecurities.

I couldn’t keep pretending.

Every time I saw him laughing with Valentina, or when I came across fan edits of them together, the nagging feeling in my chest had gotten harder to ignore.

The worst part wasn’t even what people online were saying. It was how much I had started to doubt myself.

Doubt us.

When Pedri stepped into the living room, I felt the change in the air.

His presence filled the space, but something about his posture, his eyes, told me he had noticed something was off.

His gaze locked onto mine instantly, and I felt my stomach tighten in anticipation.

He didn’t say anything at first, just stood there for a moment, as if weighing whether he should bring it up.

His expression softened, but I could see the concern brewing beneath the calm.

“We need to talk,” he said, his voice calm but carrying an undercurrent of determination.

My heart skipped a beat.

“About what?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

He sighed, the frustration and worry clear on his face as he walked toward me.

He sat down beside me, his body close but not quite touching.

It was like he was giving me the space to open up, but I wasn’t sure I could.

He reached for my hand, and for a brief second, I considered pulling away.

The distance between us was still too fresh, the hurt too real.

But I didn’t.

I let him take my hand, his fingers threading through mine in the most familiar, comforting way.

But I could feel the weight in his touch, the uncertainty that had settled in his chest too.

"Why have you been pulling away from me?" he asked gently, his voice carrying a soft sadness that made my heart ache.

I glanced at him, feeling a lump form in my throat.

I had been trying to bury everything inside, trying to make it through without having to confront it.

But now, here we were, facing the truth of what had been building for weeks.

I swallowed hard.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

I had to look away from him, unable to bear the rawness in his gaze.

“It’s just... everything that’s been happening with you and Valentina... I can’t help but feel like I’m losing you. I don’t know if I even matter anymore.”

The words left me in a rush, tumbling out before I could stop them.

The weight of them felt like a confession, a cry for help.

Pedri’s eyes softened as he took a deep breath, and I could feel the tension in his shoulders as he gently cupped my cheek with his hand.

“Cariño,” he whispered, his thumb brushing away a stray tear I hadn’t even realized had fallen.

“You matter more to me than anything in this world. I hate that this has made you feel like you don’t.”

His words wrapped around me like a lifeline, but they didn’t take away the pain.

I had watched, day after day, as the rumors built up.

The comments. The speculation.

The way people thought they knew something about us that we hadn’t even shared.

“It just hurts,” I whispered, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall again.

“Seeing those pictures. Reading the comments. Watching them ship you with someone who isn’t me... It’s like you’re slipping away, and I can’t do anything to stop it.”

Pedri’s thumb brushed against my cheek again, wiping away the tear that had fallen this time.

“I never wanted you to feel like this. I never wanted you to feel invisible,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

He moved a little closer, pressing his forehead against mine.

“I’m so sorry you’ve felt like you had to hide, or that you weren’t enough. You’re everything to me, Y/n. Please don’t ever doubt that.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, just taking in his words.

They were exactly what I needed to hear, and yet... something was still missing.

There was so much more I wanted to say, but the fear of making it worse held me back.

I took a shaky breath and looked up at him.

“It’s not about not being enough. It’s just... this whole situation. The rumors. The fans. They have this image of us, Pedri. And it’s like I’m not even in the picture.”

Pedri’s eyes darkened with frustration, and I could see the anger brewing beneath the surface.

But it wasn’t directed at me.

It was directed at everything else, the media, the fans, the narrative that had been spun around us without our consent.

“You’re not invisible,” he said fiercely, his voice unwavering.

“You’re not on the sidelines, Y/n. You’re the most important part of my life."

"I can’t stand seeing you hurt because of something that’s not even true.”

I let out a shaky breath, my heart starting to settle just a little, even though the ache hadn’t completely gone.

“But what are we supposed to do? How do we fix this?”

Pedri looked at me with such intensity that I felt like I was being pulled into his world, where nothing else mattered except us.

“I’m done hiding, cariño,” he said, his voice steady and filled with conviction.

“I want the world to know about us. I want everyone to see who you really are to me. You’re not a secret, and I’m not going to let the media or anyone else make you feel like you are.”

My breath caught in my throat.

I could hardly process what he was saying. It was so big, so bold, yet it felt like the most natural thing in the world coming from him.

He wasn’t just speaking out of anger or frustration; he was speaking out of love, and it made everything in me feel like it was finally falling into place.

“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

“This is... this is a huge step, Pedri. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

His eyes softened again, and he reached out to touch my cheek, his thumb tracing gentle circles against my skin.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” he said.

“I don’t care about what the fans think. I care about you. About us. And I’m done hiding us.”

I felt tears well up again, but this time, they weren’t from hurt.

They were from relief, from the overwhelming love that suddenly felt so certain, so real.

“I love you,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

“I love you too,” Pedri replied, his voice full of warmth and sincerity.

He leaned forward, pressing his lips softly against mine.

For the first time in weeks, I felt like we were finally back on the same page, ready to face everything together.

pedri posted on Instagram!