#Campain-a-Week

[dnalorthetroll]

Hexen, Dämonen und Flintrock-Fantasy – Viy

Anfang des Monats bin ich auf Youtube über ein interessantes Video gestolpert, in dem es um einen Einstieg in die sowjetische Welt der Märchen- und Fantasyverfilmungen ging. Ich, als Kind der 80ger und des Westens, überzeugter Kapitalist und im niederbayrischen Niederbayern dahoam, hatte bis in die 90ger wenig damit zu tun. In den 90gern kamen dann die ganzen Märchen ins Fernsehen, und über meine…

[scriptistired]

Still a wip of a much bigger thing but

Woman.

[guillaume-bo]

A few weeks ago in Florence for the new Mario Bemer 👞 campain. More on my Instagram @gui_bo

[chocosnowflake0]

im sorry but is that narinder's cloak thing sown onto corrupted bishop! lamb's outfit?

i don't know if it's cause i have had an emotional morning but genuinely trying to hold back tears right now fuckkk, aAAaa the implicATioNsss, trying to piece the story through the design and every detail is just making me wanna cry moree why does lamb have so many cat skulls is it like an in memory/trying to keep nari's memory close or or i fhujfesihr

your art design is absolutely gorgeous op, wonderful work and as always your style is so pretty, dunno why i always love how you draw lamb's snout if that makes sense

it's very shapes/pos

hello anooon And yes! thats Nari's cream cloak, the upper part of it at least. Their cat's gone and now its time for the Lamb to keep going by themselves which... didnt go well btw. I mentioned somewhere in a post some weeks ago that the Lamb would be kinda lost without Narinder by their side and imma holdin' onto that idea. Fluffy soft thing rolling into madness once they noticed they (for some reason) are not able ot revive Nari 👀

THEYCRYHEREHEREANON /PATSPATSINTENSIFIES tysm, honey! <3 Here to gib y'all some furry floofy lamb to enjoy Also,,, sum au sketches ; )

The Fox here to give terrible advises -> corrupted Lamb starting a whole cat genocide campain thanks to him. the cats skulls are just victims trophies since skulls arent the type of bones needed for rituals -

/dissapears sorry if my english slipped somewhere, its rusty af

[flodaya]

According to Ash&co he was in Boston to do campaining and promotion for Bero. 5 weeks=1 instagram story.

3 instagram stories (from the same night)!!! two including Z's face and one with her giggling behind the camera

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/771650841383960576/holy-shit-i-sent-you-an-ask-weeks-ago-which?source=share

It's best to leave them alone, yes. The biggest posibilities are:

a.) major mental breakdown (sympathy or assistance from a stranger is likely to backfire)

b.) temper tantrum (don't give them the attention)

c.) target of a dangerous stalker or serious harassment campain (the last thing they need is more contact attempts from names they don't recognize)

All posibilities suck for them personally and suck for the fandom they're active in socially, but all we can do is stand back and hope for the best. Close personal friends are the only people who are going to be able to help them out.

--

[catherinnn]

Thigh High Boots

request: @kellyxo1 asked "Idk if its weird it just popped into my head but maybe a eddie x reader where hes been busy with his campain and paying no attention to reader and she teases him with wearing thigh high boots and nothing else and she teases him and they make love"

warnings: SMUT +18, p in v, oral (f), fingering, orgasm denial, dirty talk, unprotected sex, cursing, not proofread sorry :)

words: 2k

masterlist

“Baby, I’m back!” you shout from the door closing it.

“Hey” he says without taking his eyes off the sheet of paper he’s writing and drawing on.

“You’re still with that?” you complain.

He has spent the entire afternoon writing the new campaign. He was having a hard time with his creativity and imagination lately. He couldn’t think of anything, nothing that was good enough. You were gone for a couple of hours to help Robin buy a new outfit to wear for a date she has —and you bought something for yourself too while you were there.

“Yeah, I had to start again” he quickly answers. It was the truth though, at first he started with something, but as he read it again, he realized it was too basic, he had definitely wrote something similar before. So he threw that away and forced himself to keep thinking until he got something good. He started with a new idea, but he still was having a hard time. He had to finish it though, the campaign was in three days.

“Eds, you’ve been with that all day” you complain again.

“Shh, wait, wait” he lift a hand making a stop sing so he could keep writing.

Your eyes widened at this attitude, you were clearly bothering him. He kept writing, completely ignoring you. You sigh and walk away thinking of what you could do.

More time passes, maybe half an hour, and he still didn’t even lift his head from the paper. You could see his frown or his stressed expression, cursing under his breath or mumbling something to then write it on the paper in front of him.

You sigh louder. Nothing.

You get into the bathroom with what you bought. Closing the door and opening the box inside the bag, you take out your new thigh high boots. Black, leather, shiny.

You have had your eye on them for a while, and when Robin asked you to come shopping with her you had your opportunity to finally purchase them. You came home exited to try them on and show them to your boyfriend whom you were a 100% sure would go crazy over them.

The problem was he’s ignoring you. But you have an idea.

You take your clothes off. Shirt, pants, shoes, underwear. You put the boots on and you feel powerful, sexy, confident.

You walk out of the bathroom with a smirk, feeling yourself. Eddie’s still clueless, eyes and attention completely taken by his work.

You walk over to him until you’re behind the chair he’s sitting on. You hug him from behind, slowly passing your hands from his shoulders to his arms and land on his torso.

He keeps erasing words on the paper and writing over them.

“Eds, can I get your attention for just one second?” you whisper on his ear.

“Mhm”

You walk a few steps to stand in front of him, still touching his arm with one hand.

His face changes so beautifully. From a stressed frown and faintly pursed lips, to a slightly open mouth, doe eyes going up and down your body, not deciding what to land on. Your pretty face, startling breasts, voluptuous hips, or black thigh high boots making him go week on the knees.

“I wanted to show you what I got today, do you like them?” you say innocently, like you’re not completely naked but the sinful pair of boots on you.

He whispers your name, almost whimpering.

You very slowly spin around to show him all sides of the boots on you, but the boots weren’t the only thing he was looking at. Gazing at your back and ass first.

“What do you think?” you tease.

“Baby” he definitely whimpers now. “Fuck”

“What? What do you want” you softly ask him.

“Want you” he simply says.

“Okay” you move the notebook and the pens on the table to a side, forgetting about them, and take a sit on the table right in front of him. You open your legs planting your covered feet on either side of him on the chair. His gaze goes straight to your pussy. “I think you know what to do now”

His face quickly shoves into your centre and you moan surprised. He starts making out with your pussy making you even more wet.

“Mmh, slowly baby” your hand stokes his hair and he slows down running his tongue through your folds. “Fuck”

Then he focuses on your clit, flicking it with the tip of his tongue, his hands grabbing your thighs that are on both sides of his head. “Eddie, you’re doing so good baby”

He moans at the praise and you keep talking to him, making his erection hurt. “Right there, what a good boy, so good for me baby” One of his hands leaves your thigh to start palming himself through his jeans.

“You better not be doing what I think you are” you say and his eyes open to watch you with guilt. “Are you touching yourself without asking me first?”

“Please, it hurts” he complains.

“Never told you to stop eating me out” you order and he goes back to your pussy. “You were doing so well, why do have to misbehave?” you say disappointed. “First you ignore me all day acting like I’m not here and paying more attention to your game than me, and now you’re not even grateful I’m not punishing you but also you touch without permission”

His tongue stops moving, he slowly pushes his head back and a smug smirk forms on his face.

“What are you doing?” you ask getting angry.

“You’re such a spoiled brat” he laughs pursing his lips. “Was that why you did all that fucking show for? Cause you needed attention?”

“Eddie-“

“No. Get off the table and turn around” he orders now. You move slowly still doubting. “Quicker baby” he mocks your tone from before.

You stand facing the table with him now stood up behind you, no longer sat down. He pushes you down so your front is pressed against the table. You moan surprised. His hands run through your back, your ass and your legs covered by the boots.

“I love these new boots by the way, you look absolutely sinful with them” he says. His hands go back up to your ass, groping it, and smacking it once. One hand lowers to your core, running his fingers through it and slowly pushing two in, you moan. “Such an attention whore” he goes quicker, you can hear the squelching from how wet you are.

His thumb starts working on your clit and you try to hold onto something but all you find is the endless table. You don't even try to be quiet while his fingers work inside of you, he curls them touching just the right spots.

You clench around his fingers and he notices. “You’re gonna cum baby?” He asks and you nod. “Answer me, use your words”

“Yes, Eddie!” you moan. And just when you’re about to release, just when you were feeling the pleasure build up in your belly, it suddenly stops, he took his hand out. A whine comes out of your mouth before you could even think about it, a sign of complaint.

“You think you can act the way you did and still cum anytime you want?” he asks sarcastically. “Such a slut, coming out naked wearing only these fucking boots, just for me to look at you for a bit. Was it too long of day without my attention on you? I don't know how you did it before me, princess"

If he was hoping for an answer he didn't get one. I don't think the right expression for your state right now could be 'fucked out' because you didn't even get to cum. Maybe it was because of that, your mind could only think of his fingers, arms, torso, tattoos, neck, lips. His dick. Basically just Eddie.

Eddie Eddie Eddie.

Who, speaking of, lifts your upper body so you're standing up against him. "You okay, princess?" he softly asks, no longer teasing or rhetorically asking.

You nod you head. "Just want you, please, Eds"

"Want you too, baby" He confesses, you can tell he's softer now. He takes his shirt off and lowers his pants along with his boxers. He takes a sit on the chair behind him and helps you turn around so you can sit on his lap. "Are you comfy there?"

"Mhm, very" you bite your lip and give a smile.

He starts kissing you, bringing your body even closer to his, chest to chest. His hands run all of your back, to your ass and thighs. Your hands tug at his hair which makes him groan against your mouth.

It's a heated kiss, to show how much you need each other right now. He positions the head of his cock on your entrance and you understand what he wants. You push it in, slowly, until it's all in. He groans louder, you moan higher.

You start going up and down with his help, he's holding your hips and guiding your moves. Up and down, side to side, front to back. Moves that just make it feel amazing.

You keep kissing, swallowing each other's moans that are louder and louder each time. He kisses your neck, or more like attacks it with kisses, licks and bites that leave marks behind.

"Fuck, Eddie!" that's all you can say, a variation of profanities and his name. But he loves it and drives him crazier than anything else.

He grabs your hips harder holding you in place and starts bucking his thrusts upwards hitting your spot even harder.

"Eddie! Oh, fuck!"

"Princess, fuck, you make me go feral. I fucking love you so -mghh" his voice is groaning and he the only thing he can think of is harder, faster.

You start playing with your clit and he's mesmerized by the sight. Your pussy swallowing him and taking every inch of his fat cock, your puffy and wet clit being played with by your tiny and delicate fingers. He moans louder.

You watch his pretty face, he's checks are red and a slight layer of sweat is making his skin shiny, his mouth is opened in a rounded position, and his eyes are fighting to stay open just so he could watch you.

"Yes baby, play with your clit, fuck you're so wet you're dripping onto my lap, so fucking tight"

Your other hand placed on his shoulder starts grabbing harder pushing your nails into his skin. Your moans are incontrollable.

"'m cuming!" you manage to say.

"Yes please, cum for me, cum on my cock, make a bigger mess baby" he begs and it makes you cum right there with a scream. He keeps fucking into you. "I'm almost there, sweetheart, oh fuck I'm-"

He groans against the skin of your shoulder, grabbing your hips even harder, leaving the marks of his fingerprints. He stops moving once all of his cum is inside of you.

After a few minutes of catching your breath, Eddie helps you to the couch and takes care of cleaning you up.

“Now every time you wear those boots, I’m gonna get hard” you laugh at his joke.

“I’m gonna wear them often, then” you joke now.

“I’m sorry for being a dick today, I shouldn’t have ignored you like I did” he states. “It’s just I’m running out of ideas and I have the campaign is in three days and I feel like everything I have so far is shit”

“It’s fine Eds, I’m just worried about you, I don’t want you to overexert yourself” you explain. “I know you’re against postponing the campaigns but maybe you should consider it. They would understand… and if they don’t I’m gonna have a talk with them”

In the end, Eddie did postpone it for next week. Gareth and Mike were the only ones who got mad, but after Dustin had talked to them, they finally understood.

Dustin had been worried about Eddie too, noticing how stressed he got every time the campaign was mentioned, and was the first one to defend his dungeon master before you even had the chance.

You helped Eddie write the campaign. You read what he had so far and realized you were right from the start, he was overthinking it. But you helped him change the things he didn’t like and helped him with the ending. Finally the campaign was held on Monday, so didn’t waste any more time.

[warriormale]

hadeelmekki

hadeelmekki asked:

Hi 👋

I hope you are well 🤗

I'm writing to you and have full confidence in your urgent support and assistance to me.

My family is in great danger due to the war, and I'm create a GoFundMe campaign to save them.

Could you reblog the post about my campain, please? You will find out on my profile

Every reblog can make a difference in my family's life 🙏

Thank you for your kindness support ❤️☺️

isra-elazaiza asked:

Hello, my name is Israa, and I am from Gaza.

I am reaching out to you today to ask for your support in reaching my campaign goal. Every single share and donation makes a difference in helping my family stay safe.

I am trying to evacuate my family from Gaza, where people are dying of starvation and disease. Gaza is facing an unprecedented humanitarian crisis that is only getting worse.

I have been unable to find any page that can support me, so I am sharing my campaign here in the hopes that you will be able to help.

My campaign is progressing slowly, and I have not yet achieved my goal.

I would be grateful for any support, no matter how small.

A small donation could make a big difference for my family.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

malakabed

malakabed asked:

I am Malak, a medical student from North Gaza. Our home has been destroyed, and we have been displaced more than 20 times seeking safety, but danger is everywhere💔. During this journey filled with suffering, I lost my brother Moataz, who was martyred while trying to fetch water for us😢.

I want to escape this hell to save my family and continue my medical studies. I have created a donation campaign, and any contribution, whether by donating or sharing the story, means a lot to me. Your support could be the light in this dark tunnel🍉🙏.

ashraf-family2

ashraf-family2 asked:

Hello, I hope you and your family are well. Can you please help me recycle the post on my account? 🌺 And help rescue my family from the war in Gaza? 🙏 Thank you.

Therse are the messages that I received this week from desperate individuals in Gaza seeking help to survive. If you are able to help, please consider it.

WarriorMale

[platypusnoise]

yellowjackets is better without juliette lewis sorry

season two wasn't great and a lot of it was they reall blew threw so many characters in the present in season one that season two had such a bloated ensemble. you also could tell there were a lot of notes and perhaps more producer/studio influence (ditch taissa's political campain/family, ditch the hostage situation, focus on the mysteries, etc). so far, to me, season three is embracing the weirder, lynchian elements of season one that had me so engaged.

i reeeeally dug the cave expedition (weird vague phrasing is intentional to avoid spoilers) in 303 this week. i feel it's the first concrete thing we've seen to confirm that things are not what they seem and that there is a lot of unreliable narration happening. especially coming from shauna. i will admit i am sort of on the team that theorizes that next week's episode will mark a shift in the visuals of the season (again being vague to avoid spoiling folks who haven't seen 303 yet) in a major, major way. it'll be fairly devastating if it is what i think.

that said

is taissa really never going to talk about her CHILD or (ex?) wife again???

here's a theory i have that isn't a spoiler: i'm thinking coach scott survives everything and is the one who's after the girls in the present timeline. it makes me sad tho.

[enkisstories]

The households of Black Spire Valley, 39 ABY (the three-letter abbreviations behind everyone's name are explained at the end of the post)

The Damerons

Kes Dameron, R-NR (Homesteader)

Poe Sloane-Dameron, R-NR (Aerial defense General)

Finn Sloane-Dameron, R-FO (Supreme Leader of the First Order)

Jared Sloane-Dameron, R

BB-8, R (Astromechanics and counter-esionage specialist)

The Supreme Leader living on a homestead comes as a surprise to many. But then again Rae, Kylo, Pryde and Hux only had suites on a star destroyer, so having a house is an upgrade.

The Ticos.

Isbrand Tico (for some reason called "Armi" by his friends), R-FO (Civic designer/Architect)

Rose Tico, R-NR (Political leader of the Resistance - I let her campaign for Chancellor of the New Republic when she reaches level 10 of the politics career.)

Rae Tico, R

Timmain (Vulptex adjacent species of fox)

An easy to overlook detail is Armi wearing the same cut of jacket as Archex starting this spring - there has been some mutual shouting at, a couple of bruises and a sort of reconciliation in the past two years. This particular shade of green is Rose's favorite color.

The Drees.

Gavin Dree, R-FO (Freelance journalist/columnist)

Daniel Dree, FO (Stay at home dad, part time caterer)

Jin Dree, R-FO

Argus

Not pictured: something like a million ornamental fish (for Daniel and Jin). I bet Gav had hoped I'd forget that he needs glasses starting in his 40s.

The Sonderans.

Amilyn Holdo, R-NR (Military leader of the Resistance)

Hank Sonderan, FO (Governor of the First Order's half of Batuu)

Connor Sonderan, NJO (Knight of the New Jedi Order)

Sumo the puppy

Both Amilyn and Hank leave most of the day to day work to their subordinates, living semi-retired. When they appear on the scene that means shit has hit the fan real bad (and noses are about to get broken).

And the Skywalkers (living on one of Batuu's moons, but visiting the valley often)

Rey Skywalker, NJO (Knight of the New Jedi Order)

Ben Skywalker, FO (Moisture farmer, technically still a POW of the Resistance)

Jacen and Jaina Skywalker, NJO

Ben was reluctant to re-assume his birth-name, both because he loathes his legacy and because he is ashamed of his actions as Kylo. Rey likewise wasn't too eager to go by "Palpatine". Then Luke's ghost came up with the suggestion to pass down the Skywalker name. Rey liked that and after throwing a tantrum and vanishing for a week, Ben, too, agreed.

---

The abbreviations denote everyone's official nationality: FO=First Order, NR=New Republic, R=Resistance (fully recognized by the FO, recognized by the NR only as dual nationality combined with either NR or FO - this is what allows Rose to run for chancellor and achieve the golden ending for this campain) NJO - New Jedi Order (the only group that irritates the Republic even more than the Resistance does)

[dnalorthetroll]

Campaign-a-Week 2 - Kampagnen, die ich geleitet habe

In diesem, verspäteten, Beitrag möchte ich Rückschau halten auf Kampagnen, die ich in meiner Rollenspielerkariere schon leiten durfte, du meinen Senft dazu geben. Wie ja kein Geheimnis sein dürfte, bin ich DSAler. DSA ist mein Heimatsystem, darin fühle ich mich wohl, damit habe ich begonnen, das hab ich am längsten gespielt und geleitet. Natürlich habe ich auch die Borbaradkampagne geleitet.…

[bananasofthorns]

banana's oc masterpost

I am very fond of my little guys and you should be, too. so here's the rundown on all of them, plus links to learn more! feel free to send me asks about any of them I will love you forever if you do

(I was two or three ttrpg PCs in when I realized I had accidentally named them all with something starting with the letter A. after that, I decided to commit to the bit. so here we are)

picrews/art for everyone will be beneath the cut!

Aphim

My PC for @/herethereverywhere's life series campaign! He is a Watcher currently in the game to prove himself and maintain his Watcher status. He is also the worst. (We're using the monster of the week playbook - his class is "the divine")

posts I've made about him | posts I've vibe checked him with | writing | campaign tag

Aster

My PC for @/superioritycomplexes's post-empires season 1 campain! He's a tiefling inquisitive rogue. He has a few identity issues and a lot of daddy issues, both of which have recently come to light. It's very awkward when you steal from an empire's most prestigious/powerful Church using your father's name as an alias only to return to said empire five years later and run in to said father. Oops.

posts I've made about him | posts I've vibe checked him with | writing

Avery Teck

My PC for a Supernatural-inspired monster of the week campaign one of my irls is going to run! Currently, he's a night shift gas station attendant in a tiny, rural Kansas town. He's also sharing a head with a demon, but this is actually not that big of a deal for him, because he's the host of a system (even if his other headmates haven't fronted in a while) (in their defense, last time they fronted they fucked around and found out with a cult, so they're chilling for a while) (the cult is, in fact, why Avery is now minorly possessed).

posts I've made about him | posts I've vibe checked him with | writing [none yet]

Aphim - picrew by caramael

Aster - picrew by crowsen

Avery - the one on the left is how he normally looks; the one on the right is from The Demoning (aka when he got sacrificed by a cult but, instead of dying, got possessed by the demon they were trying to summon. picrew by makowka, art by @/acentrics

[helpfulbug]

asking everyone who's able to match my donation of 25$ on this campain!

vetted here

their goal to make the trip next week. it is especially urgent because they have sick child.

please Share and help out if you can!!

[rdrsapphicships]

Hi are you still running sapphic week?

Hello, unfortunately I am not. The last one was in 2021 I think? There are a few reasons why this event discontinued.

Firstly, there used to be drama in the RDR fandom and some people didn't like a ship that I did, so there was this whole secret anti-campain against sapphic week.

Secondly, not many people in total joined, I guess wlw ships weren't/aren't that popular in RDR. So it was a bit disheartening seeing how nobody really cared about this thing.

And lastly, I naturally moved on from this fandom and didn't feel passionate enough nor had the time to continue. And there wasn't anyone else who would take this blog and event after me...

So that's it. But I must say I really enjoyed planning it all out and I appreciate everyone who helped me and joined :). Maybe there'll be something similar to this someday, or there already is, I don't know anything about the state of the fandom right now.

[laterleonie]

Aside from the very obvious qiestionable aspects of "office siren" (i.e. why would you want to seduce your coworkers during the work day and why would you want to fashion your appearance according to how you can maximize your seduction & fuckability in the workplace) it also seems like a bottom-up strategy by corporations to get people back into the office.

romantisize your work day with 90s nostalgia and the promise of a forbidden office affair like youre the uncomfortably forward side character in a quirky law firm comedy series. maybe then corporations can finally be let off the hook for shitty in-office working condidtions and the additional stress that commuting puts on workers. maybe the poor poor landlords of office buildings can finally go on vacation if you only preoccupy yourself enough with the office fantasy instead of campaining for better condidtions.

and even if you disagree and say "it's just an aesthetic, it's not that deep" let me ask you this - the mythical being of the siren is overtly seduction-coded. the outfits/photos shown as part of the office siren aesthetic are fall into one of 3 categories:

1) unbuttoned blouses, a hint of bra showing, a pen or nail loosely clamped between glossy lips while eyes with smokey make up level a seductive stare at you over the rim of thick-rim prop glasses - basically what porn thinks a secretary or professor looks like. the cartoonishness of it all is almost an aesthetic in itself.

2) outfits that are simply not office attire but rather what a fashion week runway fouls sell as business casual (crop tops + low rise skirs, a button down with no pants, tennis skirts + knee-highs, etc.)

3) regular office attire, perhaps leaning more classic 90s in cut and colour. nothing seductive or siren-esque about it. just women looking good in their business clothes. which is concerning to me bc a woman existing and looking good should not equal seduction or sex appeal.

Anyway.

maybe i do think too much into it. all we have now in the trend landscape are aesthetics with no culture behind it. maybe trying to give depth to a superficial trend whose fashion victims refuse to acknowledge anything beyond that surface, is wasted energy.

[airbrushfather]

50 and 76 ❕

asks from this post!! thank you c!!

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

oh boy i've been waiting for an opportunity to publicise this story because it's so insane. me and my friend go for breakfast every friday and one week i had no plans afterwards so we were just hanging out in town for a bit, and we passed the market which was at that time only two stalls: one selling flowers, and one selling fish. now, we live in a very small town next to several other very small towns, so if you frequent this market you know the people who run each stall. usually, it's two men who run the fish stall, but on this day, it was two women. my friend (t) very loudly and very happily says "oh!! fish women!". the women smile. i comment about how this seems like a strange word for mermaid and t politely informs me (in the making-up-bullshit way you do to your friends) that the fish women is actually a group of activists. naturally, i prod her on this. what are they campaining for? i don't know, says t, we are just women for fish. oh, not fish for women? no. women for fish. has someone... hurt the fish? yes, says t, the government. oh? i say, tell me more. we get to the bus stop. t sits on the curb with me and tells me about the women for fish movement, which as it turns out, is something they're doing because the british government is putting bleach in the water in the seaside town she is from (this is not true, but sometimes when you're friends with people like i'm friends with, you begin method acting. i think it's good training for my hopeful upcoming scare acting gig.) i'm prodding about this town and it turns out that everyone who lives there is either a woman, or married to a woman. i think this is a little unfair on gay men or single people or widowers. t shrugs and says, feminism. as it transpires, as we get on the bus and later go to t's house, none of the women can read or write and the seaside town (whose name changed every time someone said it, but was always somewhere close to fishton-upon-ribblesley) has no internet, no cars, and no healthcare. i (naturally) assume the character of the first tourist this town has had for years and am curious to know more. my name is jemima puddleduck, and i've come here to find my long lost family. as it turns out, fishley-by-the-sea is a microstate of england, and its own independent enclave, not even governed by british parliment. their system of government, instead, is based on fifteen increasingly ridiculous rules (which included, from memory, all of the rules from the song 'new rules' by dua lipa, and the fact that you have to train to be a blacksmith) and the first rule is that anyone who wants to be an elected official must be sent out to sea and return safely. you'd think, for a seaside town, that everyone would be at least somewhat skilled in seafaring, but no -- every single elected official they have sent out to sea has not returned, so they've not elected any new officials in years. the only one to ever come back is a man whose government name is grandad puddleduck. first name grandad. last name puddleduck.

hold on, i say, my last name is puddleduck. is he my grandad? it turns out yes, and i have to go and meet him because i was not raised in fisherdale-upon-hammersmith and have never known my family. it turns out i have a sister here too, whose name i can't remember, but she has a husband named gavin and two alive children, many, many dead ones. gavin is a bird. my poor old grandad is sick to bastard death of being elected official, especially since i imagine his business in town is mostly just sending people to die at sea. i tell him, i will become the new elected official so you can live out your old age by the sea peacefully, and maybe then i'll make some changes to this godforsaken place. like teaching the women to read. okay, says grandad, who is played by t, but you'll have to follow all the rules. the first rule is that all elected officials must be sent out to sea and come back whole, as you know. i decide to befriend the local fishermen and see if one of them will take me out in his boat. (is that against the rules? grandad says there's nothing in the book about it, so it's probably okay.) the first man i meet is named michael spearman (which i, the real me, danny, not jemima) genuinely just pulled out of my brain and did not know who it was attached to. i knew he was someone, but i couldn't really remember who at this time. i had a lot on my brain, such as the other fourteen fucking rules i would have to follow in order to become elected. it's appropriate, though, because he spears the fish. we affectionately name him fishermichael. fishermichael agrees to take me out in his boat, and it's a lovely little trip out into the ocean. however, as i learn the hard way, fishermike has a terrible condition wherein he will collapse if he hears a profanity. what fishermichael deems to be a profanity varies wildly based on how t (who is also playing fishermichael) is feeling. several times, i swear and fishermike is knocked out cold, and i have to go and do a side quest in order to kill time before he wakes up. eventually, we go out to sea, and for the first time, a prospective elected official begins rule 2.

what is rule 2, you ask? i can't fucking remember. this shit was taking hours. however, somewhere along the way i do indeed learn to be a blacksmith, and it turns out the blacksmith family thinks i am horrible. this will not fare me well in the election.

i also meet a character called archaeological dave. he runs the archaeology society, which he runs out of a shack which he built around a large statue he unearthed of a bald man holding a huge pickaxe, engraved with the phrase 'me when i go digging'. i will attach a picture for reference of what this statue may have looked like. an approximate recreation made by the greatest minds of our archaeological generation. archaeological dave drinks lots of coffee, which i soon come to learn is laced with cocaine. tons of cocaine.

he helps me complete some more of the tasks i need to do. i honestly don't remember most of them. once all fifteen rules have been completed, the town holds a very big celebration on the beach, including a maypole dance, a wreath making contest, afternoon tea, and a choir led by my brother in law the bird. as it turns out, poor old fishermike has another unfortunate condition where hearing music makes him turn into a table. this proves very frustrating when i have to ask him if he would vote for me and he can only speak in table wobbles.

my final task as elected official to be is to go around and 'hold the election', which involves asking every character i have met if they would like to elect me. almost everyone says yes, except for the blacksmith, who is just a wanker for some reason. i think grandad puddleduck once accidentally broke into his workshop and smithed something and he wasn't a big fan of that. but, cmon, blacksmith, i'm two generations removed from that and i'm new in town. give me a break. his wife and children say yes anyway, so i'm not that bothered.

after my flurry of yesses (and t forgetting how to do most of the voices), i am finally there. ready to become elected official of fishwick-upon-fishwick and bring literacy to it's women and install a proper healthcare system. but there's one problem.

remember when i said all women in fishborough-southwest-of-lumbago are married?

jemima is not married.

i have to frantically run around and find an unmarried man (who isn't also a child or my relative) but it's proving very difficult. hope is fading. i will have to abandon this small, small, small country and leave it's poor female populus without the joy of ever reading 'this is just to say' by william carol williams, or writing 'woz ere' on a toilet door. how will i ever live with myself?

but then. oh, then.

out of the darkness comes my shining light. his wife is dead. she's buried in the garden. he's on so much fucking cocaine.

archaeological dave.

(by this point, it's like 3pm. me and t left breakfast at about 10. this has been going on for fucking hours. and, to answer the question, we've been laughing our asses off the whole time)

i propose to archaeological dave and we become engaged. that's kind of the end, it fizzles out around here, because t and i are just in hysterics. what the fuck have we just done for the last approximately five hours? we've been in her garden, playing a roleplaying game like children. my phone is full of people asking where the fuck i've gone. t's mum is inside and has heard the whole thing through the open kitchen window.

my stomach muscles hurt for the next three days.

so, probably that.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

anyway. it's mash tater.