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hearts-hunger · 8 months ago

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evergreen — part three

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Series Summary: Jake takes you on your first vacation to the cabin the gang stays at every year. When memories of past relationships loom heavy, will this vacation send cracks through the foundation of safety and trust you have in each other?

Chapter Summary: You try to take your friends' advice and talk to Jake, but it doesn't go the way you hope.

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Josh x Baby, Sam x Danny | Genre: angst, hurt/comfort | Word Count: 2.4k | Warnings: the devil's lettuce, arguing, non-graphic smut (minors begone!), hate sex? sort of?, uncertain feelings around sex, mentions of infidelity

A/N: Yes I posted the last chapter this morning no I am not upset that I have another chapter for you tonight. I hope you like it! There's a lot to unpack in here! ♡

Jake was replacing a string on his acoustic when you went back to the basement, tapping his foot to the beat of the song the guys were working on.

“Hey, Jake?”

He looked up. “Yes, my love.”

You gathered up your courage, remembering what Baby had said. “You want to take a walk? It’s nice out.”

“Sure. Let me finish this real quick.” He restrung the guitar and set it in its stand, happily taking your hand when you offered it. You told the guys you were leaving for a bit and started out on your walk, leaves crunching under your feet and birds flitting to and fro in the branches overhead.

“Where are we going?” he asked, swinging your joined hands between you.

“Nowhere in particular, I guess,” you said. “I just wanted to spend time with you.” And talk about your ex, you thought, but you couldn't say it out loud.

He smiled. “Okay. Suits me. I know somewhere we can go, if you want to do some tree climbing.”

“You know, I think I do,” you said dryly. “It’s always been my dream.”

He laughed. “We don't have to if you don't want to. But let me take you over there, and then we can decide.”

Conversation wandered aimlessly, comfortingly, as you walked together in the chilly woods. Jake spoke animatedly of a new song, thankfully not the love song he’d apparently given up on, and you watched his expression and loved the light of passion you saw in his beloved features.

You came to a group of three trees growing practically on top of each other; nestled in the branches was a platform of old wooden boards like the floor of an unfinished tree house. Nailed into the trunk of the trees was a makeshift ladder, and Jake stopped at the foot of it.

“Oh, Jake, you shouldn't have,” you teased.

He grinned. “I told you I knew a place. Come on.”

He helped you up to the platform, steadying you as you climbed a dozen feet off the ground. You were a little worried about the structural integrity of the platform, but Jake assured you it was sound, and you knew he wouldn't take you somewhere dangerous.

When you were satisfied that Jake has gotten rid of any immediate threat from spiders and other woodland critters, you lay on your backs and looked up at the bare branches overhead, watching the last of the amber leaves hang on valiantly in the breeze.

“Close your eyes for a minute,” he said.

You frowned, and he chuckled as he brushed his fingers over your cheek. “Trust me, sparrow. Close your eyes and listen.”

You did, breathing deeply of the cold, clean air, listening to the chatter of squirrels and birds as they wandered about the woods. A single, musical cricket played a lonesome serenade somewhere below you, chirping and trilling to find a companion.

“It’s music,” Jake said softly. “You hear it?”

A faint smile tipped the corners of your mouth. “I hear it.” You opened your eyes to see him propped up on his arm beside you, watching you with such affection you thought you could get lost in it forever and always be content.

“You like it out here?” he asked.

You nodded. “I love it.” You reached up and tucked his hair behind his ear, letting your touch linger. “Thanks for bringing me.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” He turned his head to kiss your wrist. “I found it last year, and I’ve decided it’s a good little love nest.”

You let your hand fall. A sharp, painful something twisted in your chest, and all of a sudden, you didn't care how oblivious he was — that one hurt.

“A love nest?” you said weakly, your voice coming out less sharply than it felt inside.

He smiled, and it made the hurt worse. “Yeah. For you, little sparrow. And I guess I can be a jaybird. Jake-bird. You see the vision.”

You sat up, wishing you could hear the silly jokes you usually loved as something other than inane chatter. He brushed the leaves out of your hair.

“No Jake-bird, then?” he asked.

You curled your hands into tight fists. “I need to talk to you about something.”

He sat up next to you. “Okay,” he said, still lighthearted. “Talk to me. You want to switch rooms again? Do a night in every bedroom?”

“I’m being serious, Jake. And I don’t want to fight,” you added, trying to preempt any argument, feeling like it might already be a losing battle. “I just need you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening to you, sparrow.” Though you couldn't see his face, you could picture the mix of confusion and concern in his expression. “When do I not listen to you?”

Part of you knew it was unfair to accuse him of not listening to you on this trip, seeing as you'd never actually said anything about it, but you couldn't get past the desire for him to know without you having to tell him.

He leaned closer. “Sparrow. What could we possibly have to fight about?”

“No, I said I didn't want to fight.”

“Yeah, I know. I don't want to either, so I’m not sure why you’d even bring it up.”

You took a deep breath. “I need to talk to you about Izzy.”

You felt him stiffen beside you. He didn't say anything for a moment, absently picking up a few acorns and tossing them over the edge of the platform.

“What about her?” he finally asked, and his voice was flat.

You looked over at him.

“You brought her the last time you came to the cabin,” you said.

He nodded. “Yeah. Still not sure what there is to say about that, though. She was my girlfriend at the time. I took her on the trip where everybody brings their partners. So what?”

You swallowed. “So, you picked the same room for us that you stayed in with her.”

He frowned, like that hadn’t ever occurred to him. “I guess.” He met your eyes, and the understanding you needed to see there was nowhere to be found. “Is that why you were so all-fired to switch rooms?”

You couldn't believe this wasn't clicking for him. Maybe he was being intentionally dense, and that thought made you mad.

“Yes!” you said fervently. “Jake, are you serious? I don't want to stay in the room you slept in with her.”

His expression was guarded, defensive. “Well, we switched, so I'm not sure what the problem is.”

Before you could say anything else, he started to climb down from the platform, and you had the distinct, infuriating sense of being dismissed. You followed him down and caught up with him, walking with him back to the cabin.

“We stayed in there last night,” you said, unwilling to let him end your conversation when he decided he wanted it to be over. “And then you tried to get in my pants this morning, but you had no clue why I didn't want you to.”

He grimaced. “Don’t say it like that. ‘Get in your pants’. I hate that. Makes me sound like a creep.”

“Fine,” you said waspishly, feeling that this talk that was supposed to be so easy was quickly devolving into what you’d feared it would. “You wanted to make love to me, whatever you want to call it. Doesn't change the fact that it was in the same bed you've done that with someone else.”

“Okay, so, it wasn't the most intelligent move on my part,” he said, the admission made lackluster by his frustrated tone. “But you could have said something if you were uncomfortable. I'm not a mind reader, sparrow.”

That was a salient point, one he’d had to make frequently in your previous arguments, and it chafed you raw now just as much as it had every other time he’d made it. You chose to ignore it in favor of letting your jealousy and anger run wild.

“And then you went on and on about how great she is at things I'm bad at,” you said, “and — ”

“No I didn't,” he protested, angry now. “Don’t make shit up. I said she was good at Pac-Man. If that makes you jealous, that's on you.”

“And then,” you said, pointedly ignoring that too, “you took me to your love nest you found with her. How am I supposed to interpret that one, Jake?”

“I don't know!” He threw his hands up, exasperated. “I’m an idiot. But you're twisting this to make it seem like I’ve been hurting you on purpose, when you know damn well that’s not true.” His gaze was hard and angry when he looked over at you. “You could have said something, but instead, you chose to get more and more upset with me until you started this shit. You always do.”

The truth of it only made you angrier, with yourself for doing it and with him for pointing it out.

“I shouldn't have to say that I don't want to sleep with you in the bed you fucked your ex in,” you said venomously.

His expression changed to one of incredulity and disgust. “What the hell did you say it like that for?” he demanded. You were nearing the cabin, and part of you worried about your friends overhearing, but the stronger part of you just wanted to keep fighting.

“You never talk like that,” he said. “Why are you throwing that in my face and making it sound like — ”

“You did, didn't you?” you spat. Your self control was completely unraveled. “You fucked her in that bed, didn't you?”

“Yes!” he burst out. He stopped on the porch to look your straight in the face. “Yes, okay? I fucked her good and hard in that bed, and I intentionally picked that room so I could make you feel like shit. Is that what you want to hear?”

“If that’s the truth!” you shot back. You felt the sting of angry, hurt tears and hated it.

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said, fed up with you. “I hate talking to you when you're like this, sparrow. You drive me fucking crazy.”

“This is your fault, Jake,” you said. “I can't ever get through to you. Every time I try, you overreact.”

“Me?” he all but yelled. “You’re the one making a big fucking deal out of nothing, just because you can't be honest about how you feel! How is that my fault?”

He went inside before you had a chance to yell anything back at him. You came in right on his heels, so angry with him you could have screamed. Baby and the guys were playing a card game at the table, and their laughter and conversation died a quick death at your entrance.

You knew they must have heard you and Jake fighting on the porch, but you didn't have time to feel embarrassed as you followed Jake down to the your new room. He sat on the edge of the bed, drumming his hands against his knees, obviously agitated. His jaw worked as he looked up at you, and for some utterly incomprehensible reason, you found it maddeningly attractive.

“You sure you want to keep fighting?” he asked, all attitude now. “You know I used to fight with Izzy too. Wouldn’t want us doing anything I’ve already done with her.”

“God, you're so infuriating!” you said. “I just didn't want to get fucked in the same bed as her!”

He stood and closed the distance between you, slamming the door and bracketing you against it.

“What about this bed, huh?” His breath fanned hot over your skin, his eyes blazing. “How about you get fucked in this bed and shut the hell up about all this shit with Izzy? Is that good enough for you?”

Heat raced through you, feeding on your anger and the need for an outlet. It had been a long time since Jake had gotten you this worked up, and you were reminded of something he’d said that weekend at the wedding last winter — I'm the only one who could ever get you riled up like this, and you've always liked it. You hadn't admitted it then, and you damn sure weren't going to admit it now, but that didn't make it any less true.

“Fine.” You kissed him, hard, and he responded to you with furious passion. You lost yourselves in the heat, the want, the hunger — it was sweat and bruises and testing the limits, both of you, angry and rough and needful.

After, when you lay with your hair plastered to your face, trying to catch your breath, Jake opened the window above your bed and lit a joint. He handed it to you after a moment, blowing a thin stream of smoke in the vague direction of the window.

You took a long drag and watched the smoke drift up towards the ceiling. It was raining outside, cold and grey and lonely. When you touched a hand to your cheek, you felt tears.

Jake kissed you and exhaled smoke into your mouth. “Don’t cry, sparrow. Breaks my heart when you cry.”

You sigh was shaky. “Tell me you love me.”

“Sparrow.” He kissed gently all over your face. “I love you, my girl. Tell me you know that.”

You swallowed around the tightness in your throat. “I know.”

You lay in silence until the joint was spent, listening to the rain fall. You remembered something else from the wedding, some realization that you and Jake were so easily careless with each other, the promise you’d made not to treat each other that way any more. You felt dreamy and sad, wondering if you’d broken that promise, tears tracking down your face even after he’d told you not to cry.

“Jake.”

He brushed your hair back from your face. “I’m right here, sparrow.”

You pressed your face to his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him. You moved closer until you were all tangled up together, warm and safe and surrounded by each other in every way two people could be.

“I don’t know if I liked that,” you said, very softly.

He sighed. “I don't know if I liked it either. But we don't have to talk about it right now. Try to sleep, sparrow.”

You nodded, your breathing choppy and tired. “Okay, Jake.”

He held you, and in your new bed with the rain drumming gently on the windowsill, you listened to the steady beat of his heart and tried to think of some way to tell him how sorry you were.

taglist: @viagvf @allieisacrybaby @itsafullmoon @spark-my-nature @anthemheatwave @xserenax-13 @musicspeaks @mountain-in-springtime @stardustsecret @alwaysonthemend @madneedshelp @josh-iamyour-mama @dannythedog

and some cabin fever besties who were excited for this one :) @shutupdevvie @gold-mines-melting @earthlysorrows @brooke-gvf

join my taglist here!

#okayyyy this one's a little different for me but i liked it. would recommend listening to cigarettes after sex to set the vibe :)#jake kiszka angst #jake kiszka fanfiction #greta van fleet fanfiction #gvf fanfiction #cabin fever fics #evergreen fic #maddie writes stuff!

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