#COOL COOL I'M SO UNWELL
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@hellishvxbes cont from here.
It wasn’t a fair question to ask in the first place, and Blitz knew that. But he couldn’t help himself ; it’s something he’d been wondering for fifteen years. In the darkest, deepest nights, when grief and sorrow threatened to overwhelm him entirely — only then would Blitz allow himself those fantasies. In his head, he did everything differently. He worked up the nerve to try to reconnect. He fought his dad to get to Fizz’s side. He didn’t turn away outside the tent, he walked right past his dad and told Fizz how he felt. And it changed everything.
Sometimes the fantasies hurt even worse than the truth, but that was okay with him.
This was worse still : this admission, this hope. The pained softness to Fizz’s tone. It tore something open within his chest and before Blitz could stop them the tears were welling up in his eyes, swift and reckless as a flood, and he had to blink and look away as they spilled down his cheeks. One hand came up to his eyes, wiping at them and pinching the bridge of his nose as if he could stop the flow, teeth gritting. A barely restrained sob sat in his throat, desperately held back.
❝ Fuck, Fizz, I’m just . . . I’m just so fucking sorry. ❞ He still didn't turn back, his eyes trained on the ground. Blitz hated how his voice wavered and tears still pricked the corners of his eyes. ❝ I thought you were right to hate me. I mean, everyone else blamed me — they should have, it was my fault. I just thought that if you hated me too . . . after what I’d done, the least I could do was stay away. ❞
He saw now what a fucking idiot he’d been, that same regret was written all over Fizzarolli’s face. Of course his dad had lied, he’d always been a fucking liar, it wasn’t like the man needed another reason to hate his son’s guts. He should have seen through his bullshit, he should have trusted Fizz. They could have had each other. All this time. He didn’t have to be alone.
Blitz inhaled a deep, shaking breath, looking up and blinking back the tears, then exhaled long and slow. He rubbed an eye with his fist, gesticulating with the other hand.
❝ I’m sorry that I wasn’t there I . . . I should have fought harder for you. I should have tried harder to see you I just . . . I was a coward. ❞ Blitz sighed again, glancing back to Fizz with a look that barely contained his heartbreak. ❝ I couldn’t bear to have you look at me the way everyone else did. ❞
#( the ø is silent asshole ) ch#hellishvxbes ( fizz )#COOL COOL I'M SO UNWELL#supercut by lorde plays in the distance
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Recognition
#I worked on this for too long and now I can't really be satisfied with it but I can accept the fact that it is 3am and I should sleep#Okay time to ramble about monsterhaul. So obviously its something of an atypical form which means it isn't included in fan content too much#but when it is usually Nemoto's (for lack of a more eloquent term) fusion gets the spotlight which is fair and cool I love it too#However there is definitely something to be explored in the fact that Rikiya represents the violation of abstinence from err. contact#Which makes him interesting to be mushed together with the very literally and symbolically touch-averse character that is Chisaki.#And when placed before Kurono there's appeal in putting two characters normally so laden with inhibitions into a#situation where those are somewhat repealed by existing inherent filth and the dispositions of a third party.#Good concept. Anyways there's also the secondary factor I got caught up thinking about in this piece pertaining to#the escalation of Chisaki's severity in action and Hari's continued support in spite of the other's ever-decreasing resemblance to#the kid he met years ago as Chisaki abandons internal and external standards#In short I'm unwell#Going to ignore this for a while now so I don't scold myself for the anatomy#chronohaul#kurono hari#hari kurono#kai chisaki#chisaki kai#orb draws#mha#bnha#my hero academia
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how have I never thought about how Hawks' favorite hero was Endeavor, when he himself acknowledges that his quirk's greatest weakness is fire and Shigaraki's favorite hero was Eraserhead, the one hero who could take his quirk away
#i am unwell about the parallels between these two at all times but this hit me like a truck#something something the appeal of no longer bearing the responsibility of the thing people have been using you for almost all your life#or something#i've had emotions before about the whole 'you really are so cool eraserhead' thing but like i'm thinking about how technically#afo could have taken shigaraki's quirk away at any time#and shigaraki knew that#he could probably have even taken it and given it back to learn how better to teach him#kind of like what aizawa wanted monoma to do for eri#like. another layer to this for me to rotate in my brain#and also. both hawks' and shigaraki's quirks are so integral to the purpose they've been raised for be that to save or to destroy#me when i do basic reading comprehension: 😮#takami keigo#shigaraki tomura#liza blather#doing the theres no good tricks but old ones dvd commentary and i just stop and stare into the middle distance for a bit
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6.08 | Punch Card
#I'm unwell - that lil forehead tap 🫠#But also I'm so here for Lucy being a TO (legit she'd be better at this than Nolan)#And Grey being a mentor to her#Not Tim trying to play it cool and casual (didn't he learn anything from last episode?) 😭#He still looked proud#right? RIGHT?#But good for Lucy to stand her ground!#the rookie#chenford#lucy chen#tim bradford#wade grey#6.08
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Hey so I'm late but. Here's a little rushed fanart for @scout-enthusiast 's AU as I promised :) Blu light in the fog!! It's so interesting and I'm obsessed with it and yeah. Go check it out right NOW
I don't do coloring so sorry if I fucked up your design 😭
#my art 🎭#team fortress 2#fanart#tf2 fanart#scout tf2#spy tf2#tf2 au#tf2#uhhh idk#i just love horror and creepy shit okay#and I'm so unwell about this au#hey Ivan i know I'm late but i hope you like it#I KNOW HE HAS AN EYE PATCH BUT LISTEN#creepy eye that sees the dead is so freakin cool I wanted to make it glow and shi#please i am a weak man
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was going to send a really snarky reply to somebody having a Bad Take on Izzy hands (obv i'm being somewhat facetious here) (like i do think their reasoning was bad but it's fine to just not like a character) (their reasoning was bad tho imo) and then decided not to do that and instead vaguepost about it here. peace and love on planet earth ❤️
#lmaster37 posts#izzy hands#i'm sorry but i remain unwell about him#and it is simply buckwild to mean when people read him as not-queer?? did we watch the same season 2#i have. many complaints about season 2#but calypso's birthday was really fun#and the kraken-era interactions between edizzy?? how barren and sanitized your media landscape must be#if you think there's a non-queer explanation for kraken-era edizzy#(again. joking kinda. in that media readings can often be subjective. but also i am desperately curious#how that dynamic would ever read as like. platonic? professional?)#personally i also disliked other aspects of the finale#like i'm trying not to be ridiculously nitpicky here but i wish they hadn't gotten rid of the polyam stuff we had in S1#and yeah! i think killing off izzy WAS ableist tyvm! i think it's cool to have a major character with a major arc revolving around#disability. and i also think they fumbled that HARD with the season finale#but w/e. so unbelievably cool and chill about it literally not even upset (<- lying)#ofmd critical
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Made another chart, this time my observation on the Johns
#hamish linklater#pushing daisies#john joseph jacobs#tell me your secrets#john tyler#midnight mass#john pruitt#paul hill#papas mistakeria special#*what I meant by damage to the head is the damage we see them take on screen#like- JJJ got a horse teapot thrown to his head. John Tyler got shot in the head. John Pruitt also shot in the head#Also yeah JJJ and JT have animal motifs. I was gonna include JP but the writers never really specified (ignoring Hamish's kitty comment)#Something I think is very cool about both JJJ and JT have to be the writers utilizing their size difference with the other characters#JJJ and JT's mommy issues are just JT and JP's sister issues but different fonts#Actually I was supposed to write 'loves their absent sisters' for JT and JP but brain wasn't braining so I just wrote sister issues lmao#I'm so mentally unwell about these guys im going insane-
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In the intro to night vale it's said that you can listen in no specific order and just the chosen episodes but honestly? I'm enjoying the ride from the beginning so much?? Catching all the little references to the past, gradually getting to know more characters and their stories, and consistently falling in love with everything. Idk if I'd enjoy listening as much if i skipped or didn't go chronologically, i love this podcast so much, please give it a try it's so worth it
#welcome to night vale#wtnv#cecil palmer#cecilos#i love them so much they're weird but so darn wholesome#and koshehk <3#the coolest ladies there like hello?? dana? tamika??? icons#and live shows omg they're so cool and fun#I'm around ep 70+ plz no spoilers#shh yzz#edit: I'm at ep 111 i am so unwell about this podcast
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hello
i'm like 99% sure when stone flips through outfits for robotnik one of them is called the redmamba-nik with leather and a super high collar
is this a niche reference to megamind ? please say yes
#maid outfit this maid outfit that#AGENT STONE LIKES MEGAMIND BECUASE HE THINKS TECHNICAL GENIUSES WITH EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY ARE COOL SEND TWEET#megamind robotnik parallels helpp#i'm obviously very popular in school.#oh moyo what did you do this weekend#i thought about bald pansexual supervillains#i thought about them#and i thought about agent stone.#i'm ALWAYS thinking about agent stone#hi hello i'm a sonic fan because of the animated show(s)#then they dropped movies#and made the robot man gay and gave me a fun gay side character#who became a important gay character#and they confirmed black BLACK african ass knuckles#i love black people and i HATE the gays#yes i am both yes i hate myself#dr robotnik#sonic movie#i am unwell#because this means stone watched megamind and was like ''that is literally a blue version of my husband oh my god DOCTOR-''#because that's literally a less evil version of my boy ivo#ivo robotnik#agent stone#my beloved agent stone#never forgetting that idris keeps the gloves on for the role I LOVE KNUCKLES ARGGAGAGAG#megamind#I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH BTW I USED THE DVD TILL IT BROKE WHEN I WAS LITTLE#AND NOW ITS ON HBO IM UNWELL
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i rememorized how to solve a rubik's cube!
#unfortunately i accomplished this at 3am last night ;-;#i stayed up late for hw again and then needed a break#i love my stellar class sm bc the prof is such a down to earth and silly guy#who really prioritizes student lesrning over grades#and i love that so so so very much#and the content in class is cool!!!#the hw just takes me forever#and with everything else i have to do it piles up and i keeping staying up late to do it ;-;#and then after doing that + staring at a screen/coding for so many hours in a row i need a break before i go to bed#and then i stay up later#and by that time it's too late for melatonin#so i end up staying up later bc even though i'm exhausted i can't fall asleep bc i'm anxious#about the fact that it's late + how little sleep i'm going to get + whether or not i'll sleep through my alarms#+ the parts of the hw i still have left + the one million tasks i've put off and still need to do#tldr: i got like 4 hours of sleep and woke up 30 mins before class and rushed to campus (i didn't get to shower)#and i barely ate anything and i feel like shit#i'm about to eat lunch but i am shaky and unwell#i keep telling myself i can't keep living like this but i can't figure out how to not be in this situations ;-;#<- oh wow that's a lot of tags o.o#if you got to the end of them pls know i love + appreciate you sm for listening to me <3#i will be okay. just having a rough time rn#zip quips
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I will say that I am extremely sorry for bringing my discussion of this situation to my blog where I'm aware that none of my followers (save for like... 4 friends who I already talk about how much I hate Dream) really want to see, but I do just want to rant about how purely disgusting this man has been as of late.
We all become aware of yet another victim of his, an underaged fan that he was acting sexually towards (a 16-17 year old whilst he was 20), someone who has contacted the proper authorities and after contacting them, posted video proof that Dream had sent the victim a SnapChat video of him moaning and saying that he wants to "fill (them) up", and says previously that Dream was in possession of CSEM, and he calls the person calling him out an "not mentally stable individual" and that "it's from a person who hates (his) guts" because 1) of course he would default to saying "oh she's crazy don't believe her" that every perpetrator loves to say, and 2) of course the kid you were acting sexual towards hates your guts. Of course a friend of someone whom you sexted when they were 16-17 and you 20 would hate your guts. That is typical behaviour of a friend — my friends hate my sexual abusers' guts. I would be upset if they didn't.
He actually confirms that he had contact with this teen, says that they "were in an awkward and weird relationship with (his) ex-girlfriend" — who is known for... also grooming his underaged fans to get sexual material from them — and still tries to paint himself as the victim. He says, verbatim, "I made the mistake of being intimate with with this completely above age friend years ago, and haven't talked to them in years", however the individual is currently 20. A few years ago, when he still had contact with his ex, the victim would have been 16-17. He doesn't deny that this happened, does not write it off, and yet still says that it is only being brought up to "kick him while (he's) down". He is a truly despicable individual, and it's sickening that he still has millions of fans whom will stay defending him, and whom still actively defend him even now. He said that the middleman (the person who made the burner account/talking publicly about it) screen recorded the video yesterday, however the victim had these videos back in 2019, when they would have been underaged.
He makes "jokes" about he, himself, liking minors, even with all this being known. The first time someone came forward, he said that it was the individual hating him. The second time, it was accusing them of defamation. This time, it's "they want to kick me while I'm down". He is vile. And this is not even counting everything else we already know about him.
#matt.txt#dream situation#i do apologise because i know that i do not tend to even hate this guy publicly or on this account#i just get upset at how many people will blame the victims and excuse his actions and claim that the victims are lying for attention-#or for the sake of lying#it really hits a nerve with me as someone who was preyed on by multiple older people and adults for almost 10 years of my life and SA'd.#i dont like seeing people vivisecting victims' accounts of their abuse to accuse them of lying or just wanting attention#lmk if i need to tag this i'm counting on tumblr's filters to catch specific words but just let me know#i've felt extremely unwell for about a week and i'm also sick so i also apologise if anything is confusing or incomprehensible#and of course apologise for putting my “cool guy who is unaffected by things” persona aside to make this post#will go back to being your average matt voetballers mutual now
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harbour
There are still places to seek solace in, even in wartime London. For Sherlock Holmes, that place is the Diogenes Club.
#the 'watson is away and holmes is so unwell about it he goes to his big brother for comfort' fic#but it's rathbone holmes cuz rathbone holmes deserves a cool mycroft#and i'm never not making this bitch suffer#sherlock holmes#mycroft holmes#john watson#rathbone holmes#wartime husbands#fanfiction#ao3
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this was like what the kitchen looked like in the psychward lol
#mentally tired#sick and tired#ana is my friend#i'm so fucking tired#ana miaa#tw mia#actually mentally ill#tw m14#m14#actually psychotic#psychosis art#anti psychotics#psychosis positivity#psych ward#mental hospital#mental health matters#mentally unwell#psychosis#mental illness is not cool#mental illness art#bpd safe#bpd vent#vent art#drawings#artwork#art#psychiatric hospital
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5 Happy Things
Dec 28, 2024
it's been a while since i did this so the fact that i remembered and wanted to do it is nice <3 also bonus it makes me think of my friends who do it too
my family is so wonderful and kind and i have been granted such goodness and fortune
my friends are so cool and brilliant and i have been granted such goodness and fortune
bf got me this nougat-like dessert from china and it is so good y'all
found out fb messenger has an ocean background that has a whale as the default emoji
#5 happy things#i was talking to me mum this morning and she was like 'i'm sorry your body is so bad :((' (in a nicer way LOL)#and i was like. tbh. my specific bad body is such a small thing bc i'm not like in chronic pain or anything and it's not severe#but to experience and know the care that others have for me while i'm unwell is to know a greater love than i would've otherwise#so i think i would rather suffer illness and pain and have known how grand the love my mom has had for me#than to have lived a perfectly healthy life not knowing to appreciate and care for her as she has for me all along#my body isn't even that bad BTW. do not let my tags give you the wrong idea#in other news i've been doing this 60 day bible reading plan with some of my friends and it is SO fun#it's the kind of insane where it's like who cares if you're behind? who cares if you're failing a bit? let's all fail a bit together!#but it's also just really cool to fly through the bible like this#and it's a joy that i didn't realize i could have to share this with friends#which sounds so dumb but i've never had any christian friends before so hbgweisdjol#btw my nonchristian friends are equally awesome and loveable and cool. JSYK.
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🧍♂️🧍♂️🧍♂️
#this is so incredibly stupid#but i've just spent such a long time worrying about my physical health and everything going on with that#(and there's still so much weirdness and uncertainty and scariness going on with my physical health)#but it just somehow never occured to me that i'm also depressed.#like. i had BAD depression as a teenager but i've been mostly mentally okay in the last 5 years. my issues have mostly been physical.#and then these last few months since all this scary health stuff started happening i've been so lethergic and unmotivated#and have been isolating myself from my friends#and struggling to find fun in any of the things that i love#i've been sad and stressed and empty but somehow. SOMEHOW. i did not consider that i was suffering from some Mental Unwellness dfkjfdjkdjkf#i just thought i was being pathetic#🫠🫠🫠#it sounds so stupid but now i realise i actually feel a bit better?#like oh. OH! depression! i hate you but i know what you are!#i'm not just a bad friend and an embarrassingly pathetic creature. there's a reason!!!!!#and there are ways to deal with it!!!#cool!!!#but also like it makes sense?! i'm incredibly sick and in a lot of pain and spending so much time getting tests and worrying#of course that's going to affect my mental health lol.#okay. anyway. yeah#tbd
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once I inevitably get diagnosed with some form of clinical insomnia in 5 years before they medicate me they're going to refuse me any prescription until allowed a legal warrant into my home to confiscate this drumset and lock it away after 9PM every night like a screen time lock for small youth
#goober.txt#every waking moment since I finally got this instrument has been either one of blind euphoria or mortifying embarrassment. I feel Unwell.#this is embarrassing I SHOULD hypothetically be able to think about something else. I am unfortunately obsessed.#not even GOOD at it yet it's just ALL I can think about until I'm doing it again. like so excited I'm gonna throw up#like I WISH I was joking or trying to sound cool when I say I am losing time. as in I am legitimately blacking out for hours with these#there have been multiple 4-6 hour blocks of Non-stop Playing The Music Object For Fun. I've been waiting 7 years to own this#so sorry this is all my poor mutuals will be hearing about. it will be like this for five weeks more. minimum
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