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mrsbsmooth · 1 year ago

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Scripts - S6 - Episode 11 (Part 1 of 2)

Rodeo challenge (excl. Bella's turn)

NARRATOR: I love girls’ choice recouplings! Or I did until I experienced one myself recently.

NARRATOR: Or an uncoupling might be more accurate... Ok, I admit it, I was dumped!

NARRATOR: But which boy is about to suffer a similar fate and which boy does {0} have her eyes on?

NARRATOR: Let’s find out!

Everyone digests the recoupling news, Roberto and {0} stare at you in shock.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Looks like the power’s in the girls’ hands now, boys!

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Yeah, you boys better get your grafting boots on.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: Grafting boots aren’t my style.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: You’ve been wearing them since you got here.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: Charm and graft are two different animals. As are me and you.

{0}_SERIOUS: You got that right, pal.

{0}_SERIOUS: I guess we’ll get an answer to our question tonight, {1}.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I guess you will.

GRACE_HAPPY: You boys getting a bit jittery?

OZZY_FLIRTY: Nah, not sweating it too much.

Ozzy shoots you a subtle flirty smile. Grace seems to notice it.

OZZY_FLIRTY: I’m quietly confident it’ll work out at the recoupling.

LEWIE_HAPPY: It’s not very quiet when you announce it like that, mate.

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: I meant Roberto and {0}. Are you boys pranging?

LEWIE_EMBARRASSED: I’m genuinely nervous. Feel like I’m in the tunnel before a cup final.

JAMAL_HAPPY: How did the last cup final go? Out of interest.

LEWIE_HAPPY: Eh, not great. We lost 4-0 and I got sent off.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: Well at least you’re used to going home early.

RYAN_EMBARRASSED: I’m more nervous than before a performance.

LEWIE_FLIRTY: You should never be nervous about your performance.

JAMAL_FLIRTY: Never overthink things in the bedroom. Passion and instinct, bro.

RYAN_HAPPY: I think we’re talking about different performances.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: I never think of anything in the bedroom as a performance. It feels too… distant.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: I like it to be more intimate than a ‘performance’.

JAMAL_HAPPY: I’ve got a few cheeky butterflies. Like before I compete in an event.

JAMAL_FLIRTY: Guess that means I’m catching some feels.

LEWIE_HAPPY: What happened in the last event you competed in?

JAMAL_HAPPY: Oh it went great actually.

JAMAL_HAPPY: Stacked it off a big rail set and ended up coming second to last.

ROBERTO_SERIOUS: At least you’re used to going home early.

{0}_IDLE: It’s cool, nerves make me perform better.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: In pilot school, we call that a C.A.C.A statement.

GRACE_SURPRISED: And what does that mean?

ROBERTO_HAPPY: Choose Another Career, Already.

Roberto keeps a straight face until he bursts out laughing.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: Things always work out for the best.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: Whether it’s in here or not, I’m sure we’ll all find love.

Roberto holds your gaze, giving you a confident smile.

BELLA_SURPRISED: You must get a bit nervy before you fly? I’d be a hot mess.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: You’re always a hot mess, Bella.

BELLA_HAPPY: You know me so well.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: When I’ve got the controls in my hands I’m cool as ice.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Well, your future’s in the girls’ hands now.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: True, true. But I’m feeling hopeful, put it that way.

{0}_FLIRTY: I’m crossing both my fingers!

BELLA_SURPRISED: Both your fingers?

{0}_EMBARRASSED: My fingers on both hands. Ah, you know what I’m saying.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: You boys really are bricking it.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: {0}, are you picking up on their nervous energy?

I’m picking up your sexy energy, Roberto

PLAYER_FLIRTY: The only thing I’m picking up right now is your sexy energy, Roberto.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I can see why you’re feeling confident.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: Great to hear. Any man you choose would be lucky.

{0} being nervous is kind of cute

PLAYER_FLIRTY: {0} being a little bit nervous is cute. He understands what a find I am.

{0}_HAPPY: Exactly. The stakes are high. So much to lose.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Is that so?

{0}_FLIRTY: Yeah, you’re amazing, {1}.

You’ll find out who I’m picking up later

PLAYER_IDLE: I’m not gonna tell you what I think, boys.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Wait until the recoupling to see where my head’s at.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: I love a girl who keeps me on my toes.

{0}_FLIRTY: Amelia, I’m more interested in what you’re saying.

{0}_FLIRTY: Anyone you’ve got your eye on for the recoupling?

AMELIA_FLIRTY: That’s for me to know.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Let’s just say I’m open to being grafted, boys.

{0}_FLIRTY: Good to know.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: I was talking to all the boys, {0}.

{0}_FLIRTY: Burn!

Bella’s phone pings.

BELLA_SURPRISED: I got a text!

LITEXT: Islanders, get ready to take part in ‘The Good, The Bad, and The Sexy’! It’s time to show off your moves. {0}RidingFlirty {1}BuckingBonko

JAMAL_HAPPY: Bucking Bonko? That’s sick!

OZZY_HAPPY: My moves are sick. Been waiting for an excuse to bust them out.

LEWIE_HAPPY: Mate, you bust them out every morning.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: You know what a physical challenge means, boys?

JAMAL_FLIRTY: Time to get a pump on real quick!

Roberto and Jamal sprint to the gym laughing, closely followed by the other boys.

BELLA_HAPPY: They’re hilarious.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Looks like they’re ready to get their graft on.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Ohhh I don’t know who to pick for the challenge. So many snacks.

BELLA_FLIRTY: Well, {0} clearly wants you to focus on him.

BELLA_FLIRTY: He’s been dropping game all morning.

AMELIA_EMBARRASSED: Unfortunately, his game is a bit cringe.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Icky?

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Ehh maybe a bit. He said he was all about Ivy and forgot her pronto.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: What about you, Bella? Who will you pick?

BELLA_IDLE: I think {0} would be a little miffed if I didn’t pick him.

BELLA_EMBARRASSED: But if I told you all there’s a spark there, I’d be lying.

GRACE_SERIOUS: Yikes. Sparks can come when you least expect them though.

GRACE_IDLE: Me and my ex were just mates until I saw him using chopsticks in a restaurant.

GRACE_HAPPY: Just clicked all of a sudden. I was like, ‘ahh I fancy you now’.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Maybe seeing {0} on a bucking bronco will give you the chopsticks feeling.

BELLA_HAPPY: Maybe. Thanks, gang, always enlightening.

{0} peels off from the boys and approaches.

{0}_FLIRTY: Grace, can I pull you for a quick chat?

GRACE_SURPRISED: Course you can.

Grace leads {0} over to the beanbags.

AMELIA_SURPRISED: I wonder if he’s grafting or just wants a chat?

BELLA_FLIRTY: We’ll ask Grace later. Something tells me this challenge is about to stir the pot.

You rush off with the girls to get ready. A nervous energy in the air about the upcoming challenge and looming recoupling.

PLAYER_HAPPY: This challenge is gonna be so much fun!

BELLA_HAPPY: I’ve always wanted to be a cowgirl.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: I might be taking the boys for a ride.

The girls laugh as Grace rushes into the dressing room.

GRACE_SURPRISED: Guess who just got his graft on?

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Guessing it might’ve been {0}.

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: He said he wanted to get to know me better.

AMELIA_SURPRISED: Did Ozzy see?

GRACE_HAPPY: He couldn’t miss it. We were right by the gym.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: {0}’s making moves.

AMELIA_EMBARRASSED: Confirms he wasn’t that into Ivy after all.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Did you flirt back with him, Grace?

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: I kinda did a bit.

BELLA_SURPRISED: With Ozzy right there?

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: I guess I wanted him to hear and get a bit jel. Is that wrong?

You shouldn’t play games with him

PLAYER_ANGRY: You shouldn’t be using a boy to play games with Ozzy.

AMELIA_SURPRISED: She’s having fun, don’t ruin her buzz, {0}.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I just don’t think you’d be too pleased if it was the other way round.

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: You’re right. Guess I’m just feeling a bit confused with Ozzy is all.

It’s never wrong to flirt

PLAYER_FLIRTY: We all came here to flirt. Don’t feel bad because you and Ozzy are coupled up.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: I never feel bad for flirting. It’s got me in trouble a few times...

AMELIA_HAPPY: Quite a few times.

AMELIA_HAPPY: But it’s too much fun.

BELLA_FLIRTY: Agreed. Maybe Ozzy was taking notes. It might be a good thing for you both.

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: Thanks, girls. I guess I’m just feeling a bit confused about Ozzy right now.

You don’t sound too secure with Ozzy

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: It sounds like you and Ozzy aren’t on solid ground.

AMELIA_SURPRISED: Alright, {0}!

PLAYER_IDLE: If she felt super secure with Ozzy would she be doing that?

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: You’re right, I guess I don’t feel that solid with him right now.

GRACE_SAD: I might just be overthinking things, but feels like I’ve got a few doubts.

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: Or more like I think he’s got some doubts. Like he’s not 100 about me.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Why do you think that?

GRACE_SAD: Kinda feels like he might still be open to other options.

AMELIA_SURPRISED: What other options?

Grace glances in your direction and awkwardly avoids eye contact.

BELLA_SERIOUS: If he does, that’s on him. He should be gassed he’s with you.

GRACE_SAD: I just see his eyes wandering a bit sometimes. Like he’s not set.

BELLA_FLIRTY: Sounds like you need to find out where you stand.

Grace thinks for a few seconds.

GRACE_FLIRTY: I’m gonna give him a test in this challenge.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: How do you mean?

GRACE_FLIRTY: You’ll see soon. And his reaction will tell me a lot!

BELLA_FLIRTY: Well, that’s ambiguous. Whatever you got planned sounds like a great idea.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: I got a feeling this challenge is gonna go off.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: The boys will be falling over themselves to impress us.

BELLA_HAPPY: {0}, you already have the PERF outfit. Love that sexy cowgirl number.

GRACE_HAPPY: Urgh, I'm so jealous. That outfit is gonna stun everyone!

BELLA_HAPPY: Happy with your look?

I’ll do some touch ups

I’m good to go!

PLAYER_HAPPY: If I’m gonna be bucking broncos, I have to be wearing this.

BELLA_FLIRTY: Couldn’t agree more, honey.

GRACE_HAPPY: Love it!

BELLA_HAPPY: We’ve all got these cute hats, but let’s see if there’s something else...

BELLA_HAPPY: I found the perfect thing. It’s a cute cowgirl outfit! But there’s only one.

AMELIA_HAPPY: {0}, you would defo pull that off.

GRACE_HAPPY: Yeh, I need to see you in that! It’ll look stunning.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Ok, I’ll see what it looks like.

PLAYER_HAPPY: What do we think?

BELLA_HAPPY: I think I can’t think because that looks so hot!

AMELIA_HAPPY: Giddy up, sister! You look sooooo cute in that!

AMELIA_HAPPY: Are you gonna wear it, {0}?

*TRYOUTFIT* Yeehawww, I’m wearing this!

I’m going to see what else I’ve got

AMELIA_HAPPY: Shame, that cowgirl outfit looked unreal on you.

GRACE_IDLE: So many boys are competing for you right now.

GRACE_FLIRTY: With the recoupling coming up, maybe you want to go all out?

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Yeah, and see who goes all out for you?

BELLA_IDLE: She’s got a point, {0}. What do you want to do?

I want to try on that cowgirl outfit again!

BELLA_HAPPY: Ringa-ding ding.

GRACE_HAPPY: I’m always right with my first impression of an outfit.

GRACE_FLIRTY: And my first impression of that outfit was: YES.

AMELIA_IDLE: She’s right, {0}. All eyes will be on you in that outfit.

AMELIA_HAPPY: It also shows your fun side.

AMELIA_IDLE: Are you going to wear the spicy cowgirl outfit then?

*TRYOUTFIT* I have to wear it!

I’ll wear something else

I’ll check out the wardrobe once more

I’ll stick with what I’m wearing now

PLAYER_SERIOUS: I think I’ll just wear what I have on.

PLAYER_HAPPY: If I’m gonna be bucking broncos, I have to be wearing this.

BELLA_FLIRTY: Couldn’t agree more, honey.

GRACE_HAPPY: Love it! What are we waiting for? Let’s go!

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’m feeling great in this!

GRACE_HAPPY: Love it!

PLAYER_IDLE: I’m feeling fine in this.

BELLA_HAPPY: This will be my first ever rodeo! I’m so excited.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Let’s go!

You sprint onto the challenge stage where a rodeo bull stands in the middle of a Western themed obstacle course.

RYAN_HAPPY: I’ve always loved westerns.

BELLA_HAPPY: I’ve always wanted a ride on one of them mechanical bull thingies.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: You look incredible in that outfit, {0}.

{0}_FLIRTY: You look more than incredible. I know who I’m trying to impress.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks, boys.

Your phone pings. You read it out.

LITEXT: Islanders, you will take it in turns to ride the rodeo bull for as long as possible.

LITEXT: Then complete the obstacle course as sexily as you can before giving a sexy dance to an Islander of your choice. {0}BuckleUp {1}WildRide

PLAYER_HAPPY: Woop woop, let’s do this! Who’s up first?

ROBERTO_HAPPY: I think I can tame this beautiful, wild animal.

BELLA_HAPPY: But what about the bull?

ROBERTO_HAPPY: I’ll try to tame that too.

Roberto sprints to the bull and flings himself onto it with power and grace.

He grips its handle with one hand, and tips his hat to you with the other.

The bull starts to crank up, spinning around, rising and falling erratically. Roberto holds on with ease.

His bronzed abs glisten in the sunlight and his ripped arms flex as he tames the bull.

He makes eye contact with you as he makes it look effortless.

{0}_HAPPY: Focus on the bull, not showing off to the girls.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: I can multitask. Watch. No hands!

He grips the bull between his bulging thighs and flexes both biceps above his head.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: I call this the Portuguese squeeeeze!

The girls get a view of his defined back and bum as his legs vice around the spinning bull.

BELLA_FLIRTY: He might be boring hot, but he is hot!

AMELIA_FLIRTY: He is too much! That bod is something else.

The bull really cranks up but Roberto dominates it expertly.

GRACE_FLIRTY: You drooling too, {0}?

All the flutters

PLAYER_FLIRTY: That boy is a total snack. He’s giving me serious flutters!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Think the other boys are gonna struggle to top this.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: Hope you heard that, boys! Glad I’m catching your eye, {0}.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: Excited for your turn too.

BELLA_SURPRISED: How can he flirt and ride a bull like that?

ROBERTO_HAPPY: This ain’t my first rodeo!

Getting the ick quick

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I’m getting the ick, girls. He’s being a bit extra, isn’t he?

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Extra hot!

BELLA_HAPPY: I take it you’re waiting for someone else’s turn then?

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: And who would that be?

I’ll be drooling over someone else

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m more excited to see one of the other boys.

BELLA_FLIRTY: I told you this challenge was going to be lit!

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: Which boy?

ROBERTO_HAPPY: Yeehaaaaaaa!

Roberto clings onto the bull as its movement ramps up into its big finale. He somersaults onto a crash mat. Everyone cheers.

Roberto sprints around the obstacle course, leaping over and sliding under obstacles with power, speed and finesse.

OZZY_SURPRISED: The man’s a machine!

He leaps over the finish line and slides to a stop in front of you. He locks eyes with you.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: I’ll give a dance to {0}.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: She’s sexy, fun, and always makes me smile.

GRACE_HAPPY: Awwww.

ROBERTO_EMBARRASSED: I know I might’ve been extra then, but maybe my dancing will redeem me.

ROBERTO_EMBARRASSED: They say it’s all about the hips, right?

Roberto locks eyes with you, and looks almost bashful.

He starts to sway his hips, moving his body from side to side. He’s stiff and wooden.

{0}_HAPPY: You’re supposed to move your hips, pal.

OZZY_HAPPY: I’ll give you a few pointers later.

Roberto looks unphased by everyone’s reactions as he starts thrusting his hips and waving his arms around ridiculously.

Cheer him on

PLAYER_HAPPY: Woo! Come on, Roberto, you got this!

Roberto breaks into a huge grin as he clumsily gyrates and tries some body rolls.

Playfully banter him

PLAYER_HAPPY: You’re a bit stiff, Roberto. Might need more than a few pointers.

PLAYER_HAPPY: You definitely peaked on the rodeo.

ROBERTO_EMBARRASSED: I’m built for power and speed. Not rhythm… Except in the bedroom.

Roberto pirouettes, nearly loses his balance, but tries to style it out with some clumsy twerking.

He laughs, charming, boyish.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Aww, Roberto. You’re too cute.

ROBERTO_EMBARRASSED: I’m sorry, {0}, dancing is my Achilles heel.

OZZY_HAPPY: Only he could dance like that and compare himself to a Greek god.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: I hope my clumsy moves haven’t given you the ick, {0}?

Snog Roberto

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I still think you’re cute, Roberto. Rhythm or no rhythm.

You bring Roberto into you, getting on your tiptoes as you plant your lips on his.

As your lips touch, you feel Roberto’s powerful arms around your waist, pulling you in even closer.

You begin to kiss each other, both overcome by a sudden passion.

Finally, you both pull away. Roberto gives you a wink.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: How does he do it?

Dance with him

PLAYER_HAPPY: Bring it in, Roberto, I’ll show you some moves.

You take Roberto’s hands in yours and slow dance with him. Leading him and showing him a few basic steps.

He’s clumsy but improves a little. He smiles and looks deep into your eyes.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: Not how I pictured our first dance, but I’ll take it.

Move things on

PLAYER_IDLE: Let’s keep this challenge moving.

ROBERTO_SAD: Try to remember the rodeo, not the dancing.

ROBERTO_EMBARRASSED: You’re still thinking about the dancing, aren’t you?

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Who’s up next?

{0}_HAPPY: I’ll follow that.

{0} bounds to the rodeo bull and hops onto it.

OZZY_HAPPY: Come on, {0}. You got this.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: We’ll see about that.

{0} jokily leans in and whispers to the rodeo bull.

LEWIE_HAPPY: Don’t make me look bad, yeah? Anyone got a sugar cube?

PLAYER_HAPPY: It’s a bull not a horse.

RYAN_HAPPY: Be gentle, kind animal.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: It sure ain’t gentle.

JAMAL_HAPPY: Let’s see what you got, you beast.

{0} clings onto the bull with one hand as it starts rotating and jerking up and down.

He is less effortless than Roberto and you see every muscle tensing as he grapples with it.

The bull rears up, nearly throwing him off, but he clings on.

{0}_FLIRTY: Nearly got me.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: It’s only just getting started.

{0}_FLIRTY: I got this. How am I doing, {1}?

Before you can answer the bull speeds up and flings him off onto the crash mats.

Everyone laughs.

ROBERTO_FLIRTY: We can’t all have stamina.

{0}_FLIRTY: It’s the rhythm that counts, right, {1}?

It’s all about the rhythm

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m with you, {0}, you need that rhythm!

OZZY_HAPPY: Yeah you do.

{0}_HAPPY: Well, get ready to see rhythm in action.

Stamina’s what it’s about

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m more interested in stamina to be honest.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: Woman after my own heart.

{0}_SERIOUS: Let’s see if I can change your mind with my moves.

Get on with the challenge

PLAYER_HAPPY: Less talk, more action!

{0}_FLIRTY: Your wish is my command.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You’re still talking!

{0} sprints into the obstacle course. He tries to leap over the first obstacle but clips his foot and tumbles onto the floor.

LEWIE_SURPRISED: Ref! Penalty.

LEWIE_EMBARRASSED: Sorry, force of habit.

{0}_HAPPY: Should be booked for that dive.

JAMAL_HAPPY: I’d have cleared that on my board.

LEWIE_HAPPY: Thought you’d be used to falling flat on your face.

JAMAL_HAPPY: Sounds like you on the pitch, bro.

RYAN_EMBARRASSED: Man, I always trip over the high notes.

LEWIE_HAPPY: Come on, Ryan. Back on your feet, fella.

RYAN_FLIRTY: I’m about brains over brawn anyway.

{0} clamours to his feet and rolls under a low bar before vaulting over a horse obstacle.

{0}_FLIRTY: I’m getting warmed up now.

{0} gives you his flirtiest look as he gracefully spins round an obstacle showing off his ripped body.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Are you liking what you see, {0}?

{0} is turning it up

PLAYER_FLIRTY: {0} is really turning on the heat now!

{0}_FLIRTY: Back at ya, {1}. Pumped for your turn.

Luke warm at best

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I was hoping for better. Room temperature moves at best.

AMELIA_EMBARRASSED: Maybe he’ll step it up in the dance?

PLAYER_IDLE: Here’s hoping.

I’m still thinking about Roberto

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m still thinking about how hot Roberto looked on that bull.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: He gave it a good riding for sure.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Maybe you’ll get to climb on him later.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: One serving of the Portuguese squeeze, please.

{0} speeds up as he clears the final few obstacles before taking your hand in his.

{0}_FLIRTY: {1}, I want to pick you for a dance for loads of reasons.

LEWIE_FLIRTY: I like you more each time we chat. You‘re proper girlfriend material.

LEWIE_HAPPY: And my nana would love you to bits.

RYAN_FLIRTY: It feels like we connect deeper with each chat we have.

RYAN_HAPPY: And I want to take that connection further right now.

JAMAL_FLIRTY: The spark I feel when you look into my eyes is unreal.

JAMAL_HAPPY: Our chats always take me by surprise and I think we could be wild together.

JAMAL_HAPPY: You kinda make me nervous sometimes. In all the best ways.

BELLA_HAPPY: Awwww, {0}, you’re actually the cutest.

AMELIA_HAPPY: You MUST be feeling it more after that cute bomb?

Before you can reply, he tosses his hat in your direction and launches into some big moves. Amelia gasps.

BELLA_HAPPY: That’s how you do it, Roberto.

ROBERTO_EMBARRASSED: I’m making a mental note.

OZZY_HAPPY: Someone’s been learning my secret moves.

{0} dances back and forth in front of the girls, his hips shimmying with confidence and rhythm!

He playfully teases them before spinning to focus entirely on you.

He locks eyes with you as he dances tantalisingly close to you, giving you a close up view of his toned, glistening body.

He swivels around, inviting you to explore his torso with your hands as he gyrates.

Explore his torso

You allow your hands to explore his chest and he continues to shake his body expertly.

He turns to you, a huge grin on his face, as you run your hands down his tense pecs and across his defined abs.

He spins round and you come face to face, staring into each other’s eyes.

Snog him!

You hold his passionate gaze before leaning in to bring your lips urgently together.

Your bodies press tight into each other as the kiss intensifies.

A rush of adrenaline hits you and you feel yourself melt further into his arms as the kiss heats up.

You feel lost in the moment together, the challenge setting fading away until your lips finally part.

{0}_FLIRTY: That was intense! Wow. Just wow!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I know, right?

Hug him

You wrap your arms around his neck and he holds you in his arms.

His heavy breaths and his warm chest makes everything else fade away.

Cool it down

PLAYER_IDLE: I think it’s time for you to cool off and rejoin the boys.

{0}_HAPPY: I guess you’re right. Thanks for the dance.

Keep your hands to yourself

You keep your hands to yourself as his dance draws to a close.

{0} runs over to join the other cheering boys.

GRACE_FLIRTY: Right, boys, time to show you jokers how it’s done!

Grace leans in to the girls.

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: Let’s give this man of mine a little test.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: What are you going to do?

Grace runs to the rodeo bull and straddles it reverse cowgirl style.

GRACE_FLIRTY: Like what you see, boys?

OZZY_HAPPY: You know it!

{0}_HAPPY: Looking great, cowgirl.

The bull cranks into action with Grace giggling as she clings on in her reverse cowgirl position.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Yaaaas! Get it!

GRACE_HAPPY: You made this look hard, {0}.

{0}_HAPPY: Just wanted to make you look even better.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Sure you did.

Grace whoops and cheers as she masterfully rides the erratically moving bull until it slows.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Grace-ful!

BELLA_HAPPY: Certainly not dis-grace-ful.

JAMAL_HAPPY: She cowed it! See what I did there?

LEWIE_HAPPY: Stick to the skateboarding, mate.

Grace flies around the obstacle course, engaging full sass and flirt mode. The boys can’t take their eyes off her.

You turn to Amelia and whisper.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: How do you think she’s going to test Ozzy?

AMELIA_FLIRTY: I think we’re about to find out.

Grace flicks her hair as she struts over to dance in front of the boys.

She takes Ozzy’s hand... before dropping it and walking to {0} instead.

OZZY_SURPRISED: What’s going on?

GRACE_FLIRTY: Mess with the bull, you get the horns, Ozzy.

Grace leans {0} against the bull and gives him a lap dance. Treating him to her spiciest moves!

{0}_FLIRTY: Yeeehaww.

She rhythmically moves her body inches away from him as the boys look on with wide eyes.

BELLA_HAPPY: She’s definitely getting {0} hot under the… cowboy hat!

Grace slowly leans in for a sultry peck on {0}’s lips, shooting Ozzy some serious side eye.

{0} goes bright red.

Grace struts her way back to the girls. {0} tries to catch your eye apologetically.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: Looked like quite a ride, {1}.

OZZY_SERIOUS: Wish I hadn’t thrown away my ticket now.

Grace leans close to you, still out of breath from her scintillating dancing display.

GRACE_FLIRTY: I did say I was going to test Ozzy.

GRACE_EMBARRASSED: You didn’t mind me kissing {0} did you?

It was only a peck

PLAYER_HAPPY: It’s only a challenge, Grace. We’re cool.

GRACE_HAPPY: No point crying over a little peck.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: Didn’t look little to me!

I’d rather you hadn’t

PLAYER_SAD: Well, I’d rather you hadn’t if I’m being honest.

GRACE_SAD: I knew he wouldn’t be swayed because he’s so into you!

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Aww, that’s so thoughtful of you, Grace…

He’ll forget it when it’s my turn

PLAYER_FLIRTY: He’ll forgot all about it when I get up there.

GRACE_FLIRTY: Let’s see if you can back up all this talk, {0}!

BELLA_SERIOUS: Well, I’m sure Ozzy took the hint…

Ozzy sprints to the bull and bounds onto its back. His arm and chest muscles tense and shimmer under the sun.

OZZY_FLIRTY: About time someone brought some sauce to this ranch.

JAMAL_HAPPY: Man, I love ranch sauce.

Ozzy does a good job of holding on to the bucking bull as it twists and turns before finally getting thrown off onto the mat.

After a seamless obstacle course Ozzy approaches the girls, ready to give one a lap dance…

OZZY_FLIRTY: Normally, I charge for a private session...

OZZY_FLIRTY: But, {0}, it’s your lucky day.

GRACE_ANGRY: So much for taking the hint.

Ozzy picks you up and carries you over to the bull where he sits you down and begins a mouthwatering dance display.

His hips are electric as his muscular frame grinds and rides up and down your excited body. The boys look on feeling completely outshone.

{0}_HAPPY: He’s making us all look bad now.

GRACE_SERIOUS: Just himself.

Ozzy’s ridiculously sexy professional moves continue until his routine crescendos to a big finish.

He stares into your eyes, your lips inches apart.

As Grace’s eyes burn a hole in the back of your head, you feel Ozzy longing to kiss you…

*Snog him in front of everyone

You lean forward and passionately lock lips with Ozzy, holding his face in your hands.

The other Islanders whoop and cheer except for Grace.

His lips are soft and you sense his muscular body relax as he leans further into the kiss, savouring the moment.

Finally, you part and he smiles at you.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Thanks for the show, Ozzy.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Anytime.

GRACE_ANGRY: Moving on.

Ozzy notices Grace glaring at you both and takes an embarrassed step back before helping you to your feet.

{0}_HAPPY: Think you just checked into the dog house, mate.

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: It was only a challenge.

GRACE_SERIOUS: It was a dancing challenge, not a kissing challenge, babe.

Peck him on the cheek

You playfully lean forward and give Ozzy a teasing peck on the cheek. He blushes before helping you back to your feet.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Thanks for the show, Ozzy.

GRACE_ANGRY: Moving on.

Ozzy notices Grace glaring at you both and does the walk of shame back to the other boys.

Keep it platonic and return to the girls

You cut the moment short by playfully jumping back to your feet, Ozzy takes a step back.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks for the dance!

OZZY_HAPPY: Anytime, {0}.

OZZY_HAPPY: It was fun. Glad you enjoyed it.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: We enjoyed watching, too.

GRACE_SERIOUS: Not all of us.

Grace looks stony faced as you return to the girls.

GRACE_SERIOUS: Good times.

BELLA_HAPPY: {0}, you’re up next!

BELLA_HAPPY: What’s your plan of attack?

I’m dominating that bull

PLAYER_SERIOUS: I am absolutely staying on that bull for longer than anyone else!

AMELIA_HAPPY: She’s always been the competitive one.

BELLA_HAPPY: This I have to see.

You limber up to the bull and do some light stretches to prepare yourself.

{0}_HAPPY: Go on, {1}, show us what you got.

You jump on, holding tightly to the handles as it begins to move around.

The pace quickly increases but you manage to stay on top as the group clap.

{0}_HAPPY: I’m jealous of that bull!

Everyone cheers and whoops as the bull enters its most frantic phase, jittering and bobbling you around until you finally fall onto the mat.

OZZY_HAPPY: Impressive!

GRACE_ANGRY: Make sure your eyes don’t pop out, Ozzy?

You waste no time in jumping back up and flying around the obstacle course in record time.

I’m here for fun not rodeo trophies

PLAYER_HAPPY: This is only a challenge, I’m going to have some fun.

You gallop up to the challenge area pretending to be riding a horse and spank the rear of the bull.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Yeehaw!

You jump onto the back of the bull as it begins gyrating around and tip your hat towards the others as they laugh and cheer.

JAMAL_HAPPY: You’re making it look easy, {0}.

PLAYER_HAPPY: That’s because it is.

In a sudden direction change you’re tossed off the bull and sent rolling onto the cushioned mat.

You jump up and bow to everyone, the group in fits of laughter.

PLAYER_HAPPY: As I said. Easy.

You jokingly wobble back to your feet before tackling the obstacle course as best you can, spending a lot of the time falling over.

I’m playing it super sexy

You saunter up to the bull in sexy catwalk strides before lifting one leg up and doing some saucy stretches.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Just a little warm up, boys. Don’t want to pull something.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Or someone… Or maybe I do!

The boys are stunned into an open mouthed silence as you seductively climb onto the bull, biting your lip as you go.

{0}_FLIRTY: Hot stuff.

As the bull begins spinning you keep your bum up and back arched in a playfully teasing position.

The bull begins to tilt up and down as you gyrate your hips with the movement, until eventually being thrown to the mat.

{0}_FLIRTY: I didn’t want that to end.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: It’s just begun.

You sexily parade around the obstacle course, bending over and rolling around in a steamy display for all to see.

After the obstacle course you approach the group and decide who to give a sexy dance to...

Give a lapdance to {0}

You walk up and down the group watching their excited reactions before finally leading a delighted {0} by the hand to the bull area.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Come with me. I’ve got a few things I want to show you.

The group cheer and whoop.

You notice {0} out of the corner of your eye, shaking his head in annoyance as he stares out {1}.

Ozzy looks to the floor by his side, a little disappointed at having not been picked.

{0}_FLIRTY: What type of dance are you going to give?

Let me show you my sauciest moves

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Wouldn’t you like to know.

You playfully place your hand on {0}’s shoulder and guide him down to the floor where you begin a scintillating display of sexy moves.

Your hips ride up and down him as he struggles to decide where to look. An expression of saucy bliss all over his face.

{0}_FLIRTY: You know what you’re doing.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You don’t know the half of it.

You jump up and turn around, riding him in reverse cowgirl as you tease him with your best moves.

I’m keeping it fun and cool

PLAYER_HAPPY: I don’t want to be too try-hard. Let’s just have some fun.

{0}_HAPPY: Good idea. I saw {1} looking a bit sour. Best not to rub it in.

You playfully guide {0} down to the floor where you begin a fun lap dance routine.

You laugh as {0} and the others cheer you on.

{0}_FLIRTY: The best lap dance I’ve had.

With the lap dance over you lock eyes with {0} and despite the cheering Islanders behind you, for a moment you feel completely alone.

He leans forward, slowly...

Kiss him

You take his head in your hands and move in for a kiss.

His lips are warm and you can still feel his heart beating from your lap dance.

As the kiss intensifies he wraps his muscular arms around you and kisses your neck with a flurry of small pecks.

You come back to earth as the kiss ends and see him smiling back at you.

{0}_FLIRTY: I’m here all summer. We should do that again some time.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Return to the others

You smooth over the potentially steamy moment and jump back to your feet, pulling up {0} as you do.

BELLA_HAPPY: You owned that, {0}!

PLAYER_HAPPY: It was really good fun.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Give a lapdance to {0}

You walk up and down the group watching their excited reactions before finally leading a delighted {0} by the hand to the bull area.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Come with me. I’ve got a few things I want to show you.

The group cheer and whoop.

You notice {0} out of the corner of your eye, shaking his head in annoyance as he stares out {1}.

Ozzy looks to the floor by his side, a little disappointed at having not been picked.

{0}_FLIRTY: What type of dance are you going to give?

Let me show you my sauciest moves

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Wouldn’t you like to know.

You playfully place your hand on {0}’s shoulder and guide him down to the floor where you begin a scintillating display of sexy moves.

Your hips ride up and down him as he struggles to decide where to look. An expression of saucy bliss all over his face.

{0}_FLIRTY: You know what you’re doing.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You don’t know the half of it.

You jump up and turn around, riding him in reverse cowgirl as you tease him with your best moves.

I’m keeping it fun and cool

PLAYER_HAPPY: I don’t want to be too try-hard. Let’s just have some fun.

{0}_HAPPY: Good idea. I saw {1} looking a bit sour. Best not to rub it in.

You playfully guide {0} down to the floor where you begin a fun lap dancing routine.

You stop every few moments and laugh as {0} and the others cheer you on.

{0}_FLIRTY: The best lap dance I’ve had.

With the lap dance over you lock eyes with {0} and despite the cheering Islanders behind you, for a moment you feel completely alone.

He leans forward, slowly...

Kiss him

You take his head in your hands and move in for a kiss.

His lips are warm and you can still feel his heart beating from your lap dance.

As the kiss intensifies he wraps his muscular arms around you and kisses your neck with a flurry of small pecks.

You come back to earth as the kiss ends and see him smiling back at you.

{0}_FLIRTY: I’m here all summer. We should do that again some time.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Return to the others

You smooth over the potentially steamy moment and jump back to your feet, pulling up {0} as you do.

BELLA_HAPPY: You owned that, {0}!

PLAYER_HAPPY: It was really good fun.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Give a lapdance to {0}

You walk up and down the group watching their excited reactions before finally taking {0} by the hand and leading him to the bull area.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Come with me. I’ve got a few things I want to show you.

AMELIA_SURPRISED: Didn’t see that coming…

The group cheer and whoop as a blushing {0} takes your hand.

You notice {0} and {1} out of the corner of your eye, staring each other out in annoyance.

Ozzy looks to the floor by his side, a little disappointed at having not been picked.

{0}_FLIRTY: I really didn’t expect you to pick me…

{0}_FLIRTY: But I’m excited to see what you’ve got in store for me.

{0}_FLIRTY: What type of dance are you going for?

Let me show you my sauciest moves

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Wouldn’t you like to know.

You playfully place your hand on {0}’s shoulder and guide him down to the floor where you begin a scintillating display of sexy moves.

Your hips ride up and down him as he struggles to decide where to look. An expression of saucy bliss all over his face.

{0}_FLIRTY: You know what you’re doing.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You don’t know the half of it.

You jump up and turn around, riding him in reverse cowgirl as you tease him with your best moves.

I’m keeping it fun and cool

PLAYER_HAPPY: I don’t want to be too try-hard. Let’s just have some fun.

{0}_HAPPY: Good idea. I saw {1} looking a bit sour. Best not to rub it in.

You playfully guide {0} down to the floor where you begin a fun lap dancing routine.

You laugh as {0} and the others cheer you on.

{0}_FLIRTY: The best lap dance I’ve had in a long time.

With the lap dance over you lock eyes with {0} and despite the cheering Islanders behind you, for a moment you feel completely alone.

He leans forward, slowly...

Kiss him

You take his head in your hands and move in for a kiss.

His lips are warm and you can still feel his heart beating from your lap dance.

As the kiss intensifies he wraps his muscular arms around you and kisses your neck with a flurry of small pecks.

You come back to earth as the kiss ends and see him smiling back at you.

GRACE_SERIOUS: Don’t know how Ivy would feel about that, hun.

{0}_FLIRTY: It’s just a challenge. No hard feelings.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Return to the others

You smooth over the potentially steamy moment and jump back to your feet, pulling up {0} as you do.

BELLA_HAPPY: You owned that, {0}!

PLAYER_HAPPY: It was really good fun.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Give a lapdance to {0}

You walk up and down the group watching their excited reactions before finally taking {0} by the hand and leading him to the bull area.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Come with me. I’ve got a few things I want to show you.

BELLA_SURPRISED: Don’t take him far.

The surprised group cheer and whoop as a confused {0} takes your hand.

You notice {0} and {1} out of the corner of your eye, staring each other out in annoyance.

Ozzy looks to the floor by his side, a little disappointed at having not been picked.

{0}_FLIRTY: This was a bit of a surprise, {1}.

{0}_FLIRTY: What type of dance are you going for?

Let me show you my sauciest moves

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Wouldn’t you like to know.

You playfully place your hand on {0}’s shoulder and guide him down to the floor where you begin a scintillating display of sexy moves.

Your hips ride up and down him as he struggles to decide where to look. An expression of saucy bliss all over his face.

{0}_FLIRTY: You know what you’re doing.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You don’t know the half of it.

BELLA_SURPRISED: Erm. Alright. I guess?

BELLA_SURPRISED: I can’t be too upset when you look that good, to be honest.

You jump up and turn around, riding him in reverse cowgirl as you tease him with your best moves.

I’m keeping it fun and cool

PLAYER_HAPPY: I don’t want to be too try-hard. Let’s just have some fun.

{0}_HAPPY: Good idea. I saw {1} looking a bit sour. Best not to rub it in.

You playfully guide {0} down to the floor where you begin a fun lap dancing routine.

You stop every few moments and laugh as {0} and the others cheer you on.

BELLA_HAPPY: Aww you’re both having so much fun, I want a go.

{0}_FLIRTY: The best lap dance I’ve had in a long time.

With the lap dance over you lock eyes with {0}.

Despite the cheering Islanders behind you, for a moment you feel completely alone together.

He leans forward, slightly...

Kiss him

With a rush of adrenaline you take his head in your hands and move in for a kiss.

His lips are warm and you can still feel his heart beating from your lap dance.

You come back to earth as the kiss ends and see him smiling back at you.

BELLA_SURPRISED: Wow, that looked pretty real.

{0}_FLIRTY: It’s just a bit of fun. A challenge.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Return to the others

You smooth over the potentially steamy moment and jump back to your feet, pulling up {0} as you do.

BELLA_HAPPY: You owned that, {0}!

PLAYER_HAPPY: It was really good fun.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Give a lapdance to Ozzy

You walk up and down the group watching their excited reactions before finally leading Ozzy by the hand to the bull area.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Come with me. I’ve got a few things I want to show you.

GRACE_SURPRISED: I’m watching, babe.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: All eyes on me then.

The surprised group cheer and whoop, except Grace.

You notice {0} and {1} out of the corner of your eye, staring each other out in annoyance.

Ozzy leans into you and whispers.

OZZY_FLIRTY: After our moment on the terrace I hoped you’d pick me.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: It’s been running through your mind has it?

OZZY_FLIRTY: On repeat.

Ozzy speaks softly so only you can hear.

OZZY_FLIRTY: I keep thinking about our chat earlier! Your flirt game was fire.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I could say the same about you.

OZZY_HAPPY: So, {0}, what type of dance are you going for?

Let me show you my sauciest moves

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Wouldn’t you like to know.

You playfully place your hand on Ozzy’s shoulder and guide him down to the floor where you begin a scintillating display of sexy moves.

Your hips ride up and down him as he struggles to decide where to look. An expression of saucy bliss all over his face.

The other Islanders are frozen in an awkward silence as Grace simmers at the sight of you dancing on Ozzy.

OZZY_FLIRTY: I feel like I should close my eyes… but I can’t.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You’d be missing out if you did that.

GRACE_SURPRISED: Erm. Not cool, guys. I’m here.

You jump up and turn around, riding him in reverse cowgirl with a sexy pout.

GRACE_ANGRY: Not cool.

I’m keeping it fun and cool

PLAYER_HAPPY: I don’t want to be too try-hard. Let’s just have some fun.

OZZY_HAPPY: Good idea. Think Grace might be getting pretty jel.

You playfully guide Ozzy down to the floor where you begin a fun lap dancing routine.

You stop every few moments and laugh as Ozzy and the others, except Grace, cheer you on.

GRACE_SERIOUS: Times up. Come on. Let’s call it a day.

With the dance over you lock eyes with Ozzy and despite the Islanders behind you, it seems like you’re completely alone together.

He leans forward, slightly...

Kiss him

With a rush of adrenaline you take his head in your hands and move in for a kiss.

His lips are warm and you can still feel his heart beating from your lap dance.

You come back to earth as the kiss ends and see him smiling back at you.

GRACE_ANGRY: You better not be about to come and stand next to me, Ozzy.

As an embarrassed looking Ozzy makes his way back to the other Islanders, the shocked boys give him a pat on the back.

Grace glares at you.

GRACE_SERIOUS: That was low.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: It’s a bit of fun, Grace. Don’t get all worked up.

BELLA_EMBARRASSED: Come on, girls. Let’s leave it for now.

Return to the others

You smooth over the potentially steamy moment and jump back to your feet, pulling up Ozzy as you do.

BELLA_HAPPY: You owned that, {0}!

PLAYER_HAPPY: It was really good fun.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

Give a lapdance to Bella

You walk up and down the group watching their excited reactions before finally taking Bella by the hand and leading her to the bull area.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Come with me. I’ve got a few things I want to show you.

BELLA_FLIRTY: I’m all yours.

{0}_SERIOUS: This is gonna be pretty hard to beat. Great.

The group cheers and whoops.

You notice {0} and {1} out of the corner of your eye, staring each other out in annoyance.

BELLA_HAPPY: This was a bit of a surprise, {0}.

BELLA_FLIRTY: Although maybe not after our chat the other day.

BELLA_FLIRTY: So, what type of moves are you throwing down?

Sit down and let me show you my sauciest moves

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Wouldn’t you like to know.

You playfully place your hand on Bella’s shoulder and guide her down to the floor where you begin a scintillating display of sexy moves.

Your hips ride up and down her as she struggles to decide where to look. An expression of saucy bliss all over her face.

BELLA_FLIRTY: You know what you’re doing.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You don’t know the half of it.

You jump up and turn around, riding her in reverse cowgirl as you tease her with even more of your best moves.

BELLA_FLIRTY: I need a breather after that.

It’s just a bit of fun, I’m playing it cool

PLAYER_HAPPY: I don’t want to be too try-hard. Let’s just have some fun.

BELLA_HAPPY: Sounds like my sort of vibe.

You playfully guide Bella down to the floor where you begin a fun lap dancing routine.

You laugh as Bella and the others cheer you on.

With the lap dance over you lock eyes with Bella and despite the cheering Islanders behind you.

For a moment you feel completely alone together.

Kiss her

With a rush of adrenaline you take her head in your hands and move in for a kiss.

Her lips are warm and full and you can still feel her heart beating from your lap dance.

You come back to earth as the kiss ends and see her smiling back at you.

{0}_HAPPY: No pressure, {1}...

BELLA_FLIRTY: That’s gonna be a tough one to beat.

Return to the others

You smooth over the potentially steamy moment and jump back to your feet, pulling up Bella as you do.

BELLA_HAPPY: You owned that, {0}!

PLAYER_HAPPY: It was really good fun.

{0}_HAPPY: I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that act.

NARRATOR: Up next was {0} who went all out to impress Amelia with his saucy dance routine…

NARRATOR: But I think the fact Amelia spent the whole time looking at a slow moving cloud suggests it wasn’t for her.

NARRATOR: Up next is Amelia who’s just about to choose a boy to give a lap dance to.

AMELIA_HAPPY: The boy I want to give a dance to is...

AMELIA_HAPPY: Roberto.

AMELIA_HAPPY: It’s about time someone taught you the dancing basics.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: I need all the help I can get.

{0}_SERIOUS: I guess I should have turned my moves up a notch to secure that dance.

OZZY_HAPPY: A singular notch? Maybe try a few hundred notches mate.

Everyone laughs as Amelia leans in and whispers in your ear.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Just a bit of fun, {0}. No toes will be stepped on. I promise.

PLAYER_IDLE: Ok.

Amelia leads Roberto to the bull and gives him a fun and very PG lap dance with a playful peck on the cheek to finish.

When they’re done, Roberto stands with a great grin on his face.

ROBERTO_HAPPY: I’ve learnt so many moves today.

JAMAL_HAPPY: Let’s see them then!

Roberto drops to the floor to recreate one of Amelia’s moves but his rhythm is still all over the place with stiff and wooden hips.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Ok, we may need a follow up lesson.

AMELIA_HAPPY: But that’s a definite improvement!

NARRATOR: Second to last was {0} who stayed on the bull for as long as my mates stay on the line when I call them.

NARRATOR: Eight seconds. Which is also the time it takes for them to say Get some better puns! They’re punsupportive!

NARRATOR: And despite his best efforts, his dance routine reduced Bella to an attack of the giggles! Reminds me of my love life.

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playlistparachicossincolor · 6 years ago

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Voy a escribir la historia más jodida del mundo. Será un film de 1h 30m / Kevin Castro

Opening: Kultura Babylon, Laguna Pai

I. Fin de semana

La primera parte irá de un tipo universitario que adora el cine ‘experimental’ y que odia todo lo que se ha producido en Hollywood después de los 90s. El tipo en cuestión vive despotricando contra todas las películas comerciales de Hollywood (y en general, en contra de cualquier película comercial que pueda ser vista en Cineplanet). En una de las escenas el tipo está intentando ligarse a una chica, hasta que comienzan a discutir de cine, porque a ella le aburre y asquea Viva la muerte de Arrabal y prefiere Saturday Night Fever con John Travolta. La discusión se torna innecesariamente ruda, así que la chica se va molesta y deja que él pague la cuenta. En otra escena el tipo está intentando ligarse a otra chica, pero vuelven a discutir porque ella quiere ver una comedia romántica en el cine y él una película de Woody Allen en un cineclub. Finalmente no se ponen de acuerdo y ella se va. El tipo pasa cada vez más tiempo mirando cine experimental raro y leyendo crítica de cine raro. Hasta que un día, mientras lee una revista de cine independiente, se da cuenta de que se ha quedado ciego. El tipo se asusta y acude a todas las clínicas caras de Lima a buscar un doctor u oftalmólogo o cirujano que le devuelva la visión. Pero todos los cirujanos y oftalmólogos de Lima han desaparecido misteriosamente, así que el tipo se deprime y decide pasarse el fin de semana durmiendo. El primer día del fin de semana sueña con su madre. En el sueño su madre es niña y ha matado un alacrán echándole desinfectante de baños encima. Le tiemblan las rodillas. El segundo día del fin de semana sueña que está solo en medio de un desierto en cuyo horizonte se avista el mar. Él camina rumbo al mar, pero luego de mucho tiempo caminando, el mar parece encontrarse a la misma distancia. Entonces desiste y abraza un cactus. El último día del fin de semana el tipo sueña con un cerdo gigante que come pastillas rosadas acumuladas en una montaña gigante de pastillas rosadas. El tipo lo espía con cuidado de no ser visto, pero sin darse cuenta patea una cucharita de metal mientras retrocede. Cuando el cerdo se da cuenta de que el tipo lo está mirando, corre hacia él para comérselo, entonces el tipo, asustado, comienza a correr hacia ningún lugar. Cuando el tipo despierta está empapado en sudor y ha recuperado un 20% de la visión, por lo que puede distinguir ciertas formas y colores, aunque sin nitidez. El tipo se emociona y va a la cocina a servirse un trago, pero descubre que en la cocina hay formas humanas con armas. Desesperado, trata de esconderse, pero las formas humanas descubren que ha despertado, sacan sus armas y le disparan por todos lados. El tipo muere.

II. El desquite

La segunda parte del film irá de la misma historia desde la perspectiva de uno de los matones, el jefe, que es en realidad un poderoso narcotraficante de cocaína que acaba de ser estafado a lo grande —lo que es considerado más que una afrenta en el mundo del narcotráfico—, y quiere vengarse del afrentador, pero por algún motivo es imposible, así que decide desquitarse de todos modos con alguien inocente. Al tipo afrentador lo llama Afrentador. Hay una escena algo larga (aprox. 3’ 30’’) del narcotraficante rabiando mientras viaja en su auto por una carretera X. La música que suena de fondo es Fuck you de Lily Allen. Al final de esta larga escena el tipo llega a un grifo y se encuentra con otros cuatro tipos bien vestidos y con buenos carros, todos se saludan, encienden sus cigarrillos, conversan largo rato sobre ‘el desquite’. Al parecer todos ya han planeado algo que hacer para ejecutar ese desquite, así que hablan de algo que no se llega a entender del todo. Luego de esto, se suben a sus autos y manejan rumbo a Lima. En una de las escenas en los autos uno de los cuatro tipos colegas del narcotraficante principal le cuenta un chiste a su copiloto: ‘—¿Cómo terminas con tu esposa luego de diez años de matrimonio sin hacerla llorar ni perder tus propiedades? —¿Cómo? —Le disparas en las tetas. —¿…? —Sí, en las tetas. —… —¡Claro! Nadie le dispara en las tetas a su esposa. —… —¿…?’. Cuando todos llegan a Lima se encuentran con un quinto tipo que tiene cara de oriental. El tipo oriental saca un teléfono móvil en el cual ha instalado una aplicación de desarrollo propio. Les explica que la aplicación se llama Kill the clone y es un juego que tiene dos funcionalidades principales: Primero, contrasta la cara de Afrentador con la base de datos de fotos del DNI de todos los ciudadanos limeños. El sistema elige a los cinco más parecidos y los asigna a los teléfonos móviles de cada uno de los cinco tipos que han acudido donde el tipo oriental, que funge de árbitro. Luego, los cinco tipos deben enfrentar a su personaje contra los otros (lanzando ataques mágicos, aplicando llaves, usando armas, etc.) hasta que uno solo quede vivo. Cuando esto sucede, el sistema revela los datos del sujeto de la foto del DNI para que los tipos narcotraficantes vayan a su casa y acometan su venganza. El tipo oriental ejecuta el programa en su teléfono, el sistema asigna a los teléfonos de los cinco sujetos un personaje y todos se ponen a competir. Mientras se desarrolla el juego, el primer narcotraficante se da cuenta que sienta placer al ver a su personaje recibir golpes, pero como se ha ensañado con su personaje no quiere perder, quiere ganar para matarlo en la vida real, entonces se desarrollan varios minutos de escenas de lucha virtual en la que uno de los personajes animados gana todas las peleas no sin antes dejarse atestar unos cuantos ataques brutales. La música de fondo de esta escena es No gamesde Rick Ross & Future. Cuando el jefe narcotraficante gana, enciende un cigarrillo y deja que el sistema le muestre los datos de su ahora víctima. El personaje corresponde al tipo ‘cinéfilo’ que odia el cine comercial. Luego de ver sus datos, los narcotraficantes se dirigen a su casa y lo encuentran dormido. El jefe narcotraficante decide que no es divertido matarlo si está dormido, así que ordena esperar a que despierte. Todos los narcotraficantes toman un café en la cocina esperando a que esto suceda. Cuando el tipo despierta y ellos se dan cuenta, todos le disparan en todos lados y muere.

III. El congreso

La tercera y última parte de la película va de unos médicos que viajan en bus rumbo a algo así como un congreso nacional de médicos. Como ese, hay siete buses más llenos de médicos yendo en la misma dirección. Con el pasar de los minutos se hace más visible que se trata de un congreso de cirujanos oftalmólogos. Todos hablan de distintas cosas profesionales excepto uno de los grupos de médicos, sentados en la fila de asientos de atrás, que habla del negocio de la pornografía mientras el médico más joven de todos los escucha muy atento. Todos los de este grupo están de acuerdo en que, a diferencia de otras artes, la pornografía se mueve básicamente en torno al dinero, y que tonterías como el post-porno o el porno artístico o el porno mormón son puras mierdas o a lo mucho mierdas secundarias comparadas con el tipo de porno que mueve realmente la industria pornográfica. Todos coinciden en que la pornografía básicamente se ha quedado en lo mismo: rubias tetonas, enfermeras, colegialas, dancing bears y similares. Sin embargo, añaden, los videos caseros o amateur se han ido ganando el corazón de los espectadores hasta volverse las búsquedas más populares. El oftalmólogo cirujano más joven (veinticuatro años) pregunta si en realidad el Congreso es lo que todos le han dicho: rubias tetonas, enfermeras, colegialas, etc. Los médicos mayores que hablaban de la industria pornográfica ríen. Uno de ellos le dice: ‘Vas a tener que ponerte hielo allí abajo’. Lo que sigue a esta escena es una serie de extractos de conferencias de oftalmólogos filmados con una cámara casera. Los extractos resumen el día uno y dos del congreso de oftalmólogos cirujanos. La siguiente escena es de los médicos en una discoteca enorme repleta de prostitutas desnudas bailando electro pop. Todos los médicos se están divirtiendo, especialmente el médico joven, que se ha prendido a una de las prostitutas y le toca los pechos. Lo siguiente que sucede es que decenas de tipos irrumpen en el local y empiezan a dispararles a las putas en las tetas y a los médicos que se interponen. Uno de los agresores es el jefe narcotraficante. Los médicos mayores sacan armas de sus bolsillos y comienzan a dispararles a los agresores, que se muestran sorprendidos. Todo se convierte en una gran balacera en la que muere mucha gente, aunque es obvio que los agresores son muchos más, así que se supone que matarán a todas las putas y médicos. En el piso hay muchos muertos. Uno de los caídos es el jefe narcotraficante. El médico joven se arrastra por el suelo tratando de esquivar los disparos y logra refugiarse en un rincón junto a una de las prostitutas que, llorando, le hace la señal de ‘shhh’ con el dedo índice en la boca. Se acurruca junto a ella y se abrazan y lloran hasta que la imagen se va desvaneciendo mientras empieza a sonar La Calor de Bareto y aparecen los créditos.

Fin de la película.

Kevin Castro (Lima, 1993). Es editor de la revista Mutantres y de C.A.C.A. Editores. Ha publicado en poesía Los tiempos jurásicos (2013 y 2014).

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