#C/ullen Rutherford

[tiisshu]

DA:I C/ullen/ Inquisitor (human, warrior) lyrium withdrawal fic.

This is just the setup chapter , so there is no real suffering yet. If you are sensitive to descriptions of d/rug cravings, maybe stop before chapter 3 and beyond as I don't want to upset/trigger.

I don't want C/ullen to suffer, I want him to be saved.

Also would like to add I don't know if the use of pulling rank is correct so just go with it lmao

1. Tastes like Boot

For a successful mission, this one had certainly gone bollocks up.

Things had been set with the missive for weeks on this one, with the determination that the best course of action was to split the forces sent with one detachment going to look for some of their troops that had been detained in the area..

That morning before the War party left however, The Commander delivered an alternative directive - essentially leaving the troops to fend for themselves in the meantime doubling the guard on The Inquisitor because of a rumor Red Templars had been seen in the area. A rumor their Spymaster couldn’t confirm.

The War party had set out, the directive secured, and what’s more a runner had arrived shortly after Noon with news the detained troops were spotted on the north road heading back to the keep.

The War council was fully aware of The Inquisitor’s - of Calliope’s ire that decision had invoked regardless.

When they’re in the field, in front of others, The Commander and the Inquisitor of the Inquisition maintain a very professional appearance - even if their inner circle knew what the two Warriors had going on behind closed doors.

Cullen decides this is the best decision they’ve made thus far in their relationship together because right now, across from him at the War Table, She looks ready to spit fire.

He closes the door to the War Room after everyone else enters and he leans back against it crossing his arms.His tone remains calm but has a stern undertone as his hazel eyes focus on Calliope.

“Inquisitor, I want to discuss what happened back there”.

She doesn’t immediately look up nor does she address him yet as She’s studying the Markers He had adjusted that morning.

He follows her gaze, noticing which ones have her attention. Taking a few steps towards the table, careful to maintain some distance. He speaks in an authoritative, clipped tone, when her silence spurns him.

“Look at me!”.

The air in the room suddenly feels like it’s charged with static, the rest of the council stunned into silence.

Cullen can see the way her jaw is working as she clenches and unclenches her jaw as she finally looks up into his face. Green eyes cold with fury look back at his own simple hazel with a look that can only be described as piercing.

He recrosses his arms and schools himself into his usual stoic expression trying to appear undeterred by the sharpness of her anger.

“You can be angry all you like, Inquisitor, you know I can’t standby and allow you to endanger yourself unnecessarily “. To his left, Cassandra winces slightly at his words.

Cullen notices the reaction, but he’s already got himself rolling with this and He’s just annoyed enough with this situation to lose his temper.

“You are The Inquisitor! You have a duty to fulfill and I won’t hear of you putting yourself in unnecessary, reckless danger!”.

He expects an instant rebuttal but The Inquisitor is not listening- Calliope is now looking at how stiffly Cassandra holds her posture.

Cullen glances at Cassandra, his eyes narrowing, knowing the secret they share. He understands the contradiction in his statement but continues, his voice firm.

“I understand that you want to get the job done, but you can’t compromise your safety in the process.

Calliope looks up then and speaks in a sharp tone she has never used before, it's tone even in this scarily measured way.

“ People’s lives are at stake. Time is not a luxury we have, and you reroute us so…what? You can spare me a hypothetical?”.

She begins to tap different markers with clipped angry movements.

“Tell me, Commander, How will you advise on the next mission - Western Approach? Can’t have the Inquisitor risking a sprained ankle running through sand dunes, better extend the mission by three days to walk the perimeter”.

She taps a marker in The Fallow Mire. “ Hmm, better hold off on this one too until the rainy season passes, better not risk “The Inquisitor” a head cold”.

Cullen takes in a deep breath, his jaw clenching as he struggles to keep his own frustration in check, “Yes, people’s lives are at stake, and that includes yours. I intervene to keep you safe”.

He gestures to the markers She tapped in her tirade.

“ I’m not asking you to just… sit around, I’m cautioning against needless danger and as The Commander, it is within my duty to adjust accordingly”, he explains as he shifts his posture to square his shoulders the way the title demands.

Belatedly, Cullen has a moment to realize he’s made some grave error before he notices a muscle jump in her cheek and he’s looking into startled, affronted green eyes.

“..are…are you pulling rank on me?”

The others in the room are staring at the edges of the War Table now as if idly wondering what kind of wood it's made from.

There is an imperceptible hint of regret that flickers across his face, realizing that perhaps pulling rank wasn’t the best choice, but she’s being flippant with his concerns and He was getting a headache for all his trouble.

“Yes. I.. am”.

He holds her gaze, unflinching, despite the tense atmosphere in the room.

“As Commander, it is my responsibility to ensure the safety of our forces and that includes you. It's done, I won’t speak on it any further ”.

Calliope stands there with her jaw clenched, looking like there is a wealth of things She wants to say to him, before she promptly slips on her more detached, impartial “Inquisitor” mask and gives him a curt, “Commander” and leaves the room.

Cullen watches her leave, with fresh frustration etched on his face. The others in the room exchange glances, the tension thick in the air.

He lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Maker’s breath…

He shakes his head and turns to the rest of the council, his voice laced with resignation.

“Let’s…continue with the other matters at hand…”

...

No one moves to speak first.

Cullen notices the differing reactions from the others.

He can feel the disapproval from Cassandra, Josephine’s unease, and Leliana’s practiced neutrality.

He straightens his stance, trying to maintain his composure. He resists the urge to rub the back of his neck again and decides he better address this…

“I know you don’t approve of my decision, but I … -The Inquisition can't risk losing her”.

Cassandra turns to Lelianna and Josephine and in an even tone says, “Leave us”.

Once they’ve both made their retreats Cassandra crosses her arms across her chest and demands, “ What, in the Maker, was that, Commander?”.

[naya-nel]

[bold-house-trevelyan]

why cullen is a great character and you guys are just mean.

some of this is pulled from his wiki - so, credit where credit is due

from a young age, cullen had a strong desire to enter a profession that helped people, and he refused to be swayed from the path he had chosen. he didn’t join the templars to be a dick, he went in with pure intentions. he wanted to protect and help people.

he was nineteen, maybe twenty during the events of dragon age origins - he watched his friends get slaughtered by mages, he’d seen what mages can become, and because he was so young, it stuck with him. an event as as awful as this is inevitably going to cause ptsd. 

ah, yes, let’s not gloss over the fact that he was mentally tortured by uldred. are you gonna walk away from something like this without have issues? no. no you’re not, so, why do you expect him to?

when you first encounter him in dragon age two - he’s still battling his own demons, something tells me there’s not a lot of mental health advocacy among the templars. 

however, as the story progresses, cullen actually will tell hawke that meredith is leading the kirkwall templar order he does not support.

if hawke supports the templars and ask cullen for his opinion, he questions the necessity of annulling the Kirkwall Circle

during the final confrontation with meredith, Cullen orders her to step down when she says hawke has to be executed - they only agreeded to arrest the champion. cullen will fight alongside hawke.

and in the end, he allows hawke to leave the city peacefully

in inquisition, he’s open and honest about his past feelings and mistakes regarding mages, and says it’s ‘unworthy of him’ and he’ll do better in the future. 

during inquisition, you see him do his best to overcome past bias, and yeah, he struggles a bit - this has been ingrained into him, he knows his distrust and distaste and actively works to correct his internal bias. even better if you romance him as a mage - he sees that they’re not all bad and i’d argue, even begins to understand their side of things.

oh, and let’s not forget, through all of this, he’s battling his addiction with lyrium. despite the risk, he’s doing all he can to put as much distance between himself and the order.

all in all, cullen stanton rutherford isn’t a bad character, you guys are just mean. 

[thornyhearts]

i'm currently working on some stuff, but please feel free to send memes. the muses that i want to get some action / more action on are h*elga h*ufflepuff [ recently added ], c*ullen r*utherford [ recently added, need to knock the dust off of him ], d*raco m*alfoy [ he’s still being tested ], r*ichie k*irsch [ tester ], o*tis d*riftwood [ trying to wake his grouchy ass up, may put him on a sideblog if i can get him to cooperate ], niamh cousland [ non-warden origins noble ], and ariana amell [ warden mage ]. i also have two ladies on sideblogs that i’d love to get some good action going on. rose / the dread pirate roberts: @ofpiracy and lilah rutherford: @licnflower

[hcuntedhcuse]

closed starter for cullen rutherford [@mischiefmuses !! ]

she's never given much thought to the government, really. a group of people in power who never give much thought to the people below them, always working to help themselves and themselves only. it's frustrating and ridiculous to believe so many people so high up could fill the needs of millions underneath them.

she passes by the white house, large and looming overhead, and forces herself not to sigh and roll her eyes. the steel fences and gates only hold people out, it's horrendous. it takes a few moments to completely pass by the building, and she has to bustle through a crowd of people staring in its awe.

" excuse me, if i could just get through, please. " she mumbles at observers, bumping into every one of them. just another frustrating part of living in the capital. someone steps aside just a little too soon and pushes her around, she stumbles back just so slightly to smack right into a suitclad man. " goodness, i'm so sorry. "

[darpbloglist]

Dragon Age RP Masterlist

Entries with a single asterisk (*) after them denote that the muse is part of a multimuse blog.

Entries with two asterisks (**) after them denote that the muse is a crossover character with a Dragon Age AU

To be added to the list, please refer to this post and follow the directions there.

Player Characters

Hawke

@ebonyhellebore - Davyna Hawke - Selective *

@hemorrhaging - Astor Hawke - Semi-Private

@hoodedhawke - Adam Hawke - Selective

@nxthero - Avveria Hawke - Semi-Selective

@pxperhearts - Kaitlyn Hawke - Private * 

@sardcniiic - Aella Hawke - Semi-Selective

@stars-and-satina - Elia Hawke - Semi-Selective *

@trivialsinsrps - Atreus Hawke - Semi-Selective * 

@toliiberate - Marian Hawke - Private

@unityhawkk - Marian “Wayu” Hawke - Semi-Selective/Private

Inquisitor

Adaar

@adaar-the-vashoth - Amalthea Adaar - Semi-Selective

@ebonyhellebore - Esmeray Adaar - Selective * 

@kaaras-adaar - Kaaras Adaar - Semi-Selective

Cadash

@toliiberate - Nohemi Cadash - Private *

Lavellan

@ebonyhellebore - Nesira Lavellan - Selective * 

@ellanasha-lavellan - Ellanasha Lavellan - Semi-Selective

@banalvhen - Rhiall Lavellan - Selective

@blindly-leading - Samriel Lavellan - Semi-Selective

@dalishflame - Atreion Lavellan - Selective

@dalathin -  Séaghdha Lavellan - Private

@fadedreamed - Nerine Lavellan - Selective * 

@fadetogrey - Jarien Lavellan - Selective/Private * 

@inquisition-bound - Forst Lavellan - Semi-Selective * 

@inquisition-bound - Roam Lavellan - Semi-Selective * 

@luto-lavellan - Luto Lavellan - Semi-Selective

@lxvellxn - Eleyana Lavellan - Semi-Selective

@maniacollision - Reece Lavellan - Selective * 

@maniacollision - Teren Lavellan - Selective * 

@ulavellan - Narya Lavellan - Selective *

Trevelyan

@boldxinxdeed - Aden Trevelyan - Selective

@closedrifts - Alara Trevelyan - Partially Selective/Private

@devilishlyclever - Owen Trevelyan - Semi-Selective

@fadedreamed - Rosalind Trevelyan - Selective * 

@hailtheascendant - Giselle-Sophia Trevelyan - Open

@hailtheascendant - Clarice Trevelyan - Open

@immcrtalised - Emrys Trevelyan - Semi-Selective

@inquisitionteam - Gigi Trevelyan - Semi-Selective *

@whitelioncss - Evelyn Trevelyan - Semi-Selective

OC Inquisitor 

@andrastes-herald - Quynn Bri’lai Varalasan - Semi-Selective

@ass--sass--sin - Talon - Semi-Selective

@bloodriven - Velari - Selective/Private

@maniacollision - Talia Motierre - Selective * 

@stars-and-satina - Samael Pewitt - Semi-Selective * 

Warden

Aeducan

Amell

@avrorean - Nanna Amell - Highly Selective

@fadetogrey - Declan Amell - Selective/Private * 

Brosca

@stars-and-satina - Tornta Brosca - Semi-Selective * 

Cousland

@daggersandpoison - Kayli Cousland - Selective/Private

@ebonyhellebore - Andraste Cousland - Selective * 

@fadedreamed - Lucretia Cousland - Selective * 

@herofate - Athelstan Cousland - Selective/Private

@inquisitionteam - Nellie Cousland - Semi-Selective *

@vvartorn - Audrina Cousland - Semi-Selective

Mahariel

@eluvian-touched - Eitan Mahariel - Semi-Selective 

Surana

@bloodlotusmagic - Nedra Surana - Semi-Selective

@shift-shaping - Eirwen Surana - Selective

Tabris

@ascxndant - Eirlana Tabris - Selective *

OC Wardens 

@valorcorrupt - Inara Panthin - Semi-Selective

Canon Characters

A

Abelas 

Anders

@potionsandkittens - Selective

@trivialsinsrps - Semi-Selective *

Aveline

@trivialsinsrps - Semi-Selective *

B

Bethany

@circlesunshine - Independant/Private

Bodhran

C

Carver

@eycsss - Selective/Private

Cole 

@nugkisses - Semi-Selective * 

Cremisius Aclassi

@aclassikrem - Semi-Selective

Cullen 

@ebonyhellebore -  Selective/Mutual * 

@iendured​ - Semi-Selective

D

Dorian 

@inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective * 

E

F

Felassan

@asomniari - Semi-Selective

Fenris

@lyriummarkcd - Semi-Selective

@maniacollision - Selective/Non-Exclusive *

@trivialsinsrps - Semi-Selective *

G

H

I

Iron Bull 

@implementofdestruction - Semi-Selective

Isabela

@ebonyhellebore - Private * 

@trivialsinsrps - Semi-Selective *

J

Josephine 

K

L

Leandra

Leliana 

@ebonyhellebore -  Selective/Mutual * 

M

Maric Theirin

@ebonyhellebore - Selective/Mutual * 

Mia Rutherford

@lionessofhonnleath - Semi-Selective

Merrill

@wilddeoren - Private/Selective

N

O

Orana

P

Q

R

Rasaan

@qunchosen - Selective

Roland Gilmore

@pxperhearts - Private *

S

Sandal

Sebastian

@fadedtogrey - Selective/Private *

@falconsarrow - Selective 

Solas

@arsuledin - Semi-Selective

@fadewalking​ - Highly Selective

@hailtheascendant - Open to Non-Mutuals

@rbelwlfgd​ - Selective, 21+

Solivitus

@trivialsinsrps - Semi-Selective *

T

U

V

Varric

W

X

Y

Z

Zevran

@nugkisses​ - Semi-Selective  * 

Original Characters

A

Ainsley Allban

@stars-and-satina - Messenger - Semi-Selective  * 

Alan Ar Zara O Bearhold 

 @inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective  * 

Alexander Primus

@orlesianvirtuoso - Tevinter Human Mage - NonSelective  * 

Antonio Addario 

@orlesianvirtuoso - Antivian Human Businessman - NonSelective  * 

Arlette Moreau 

@orlesianvirtuoso - Orlesian Noble Human - NonSelective  * 

Ash

@jadedknives - Semi-Selective

Ashalanna Alerion

    @inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective  * 

B

Bastet

@ebonyhellebore​ - Avaar Thane - Selective/Mutual */**

Bella of House Lupus 

@inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective  * 

Belstante Astier

@thousandscribed - Human Rogue - Selective

Bittie

@toliiberate​ - Dalish Companion - Private/Mutuals Only * 

C

Camille O’Connell  

@ebonyhellebore​ - Dalish Elf with Old elven god Soul - Selective/Mutual */** 

D

Diana Prince 

@ebonyhellebore​ - Queen of Rivain - Selective/Mutual */**

Dwyron Jarva

@stars-and-satina - Bard - Semi-Selective  * 

E

Edda Pureheart 

@ofgelmorra - Human Possessed Apostate - Private/Selective ** 

Elena Martalis 

@lysandi - Tevinter Blood Mage Companion - Selective/Private

Enour Cadash

@stars-and-satina - Agent - Semi-Selective  * 

F

Fayli Deakat 

@stars-and-satina - Adult Toymaker - Semi-Selective * 

Finn Ghilain

@finn-ghilain - Dalish Elf - Semi-Selective

G

Giovenco Grimani 

@orlesianvirtuoso - Circus Performer Human - NonSelective  * 

H

Hampus Luck

@oneluckyshot - Semi-Selective 

I

Icarus

@toliiberate - Kyr Companion - Private/Mutuals-Only */** 

Isaam Katari 

@katariisaam​ - Qunari - Semi-Selective

J

Jaques De Calco 

@nugkisses - Companion - Semi-Selective * 

Jean-Paul De Rosso 

@hartoforlais - Warden - Semi-Selective

Jodie Holmes  

   @maniacollision -  Mage - Selective/Nonexclusive */** 

Jord

@trivialsinsrps -  Warrior - Selective  * 

Junko Clérisseau

@praesiidio - OC: Chevalier Companion - Selective/Private

K

Kaeyonari 

@crowbound​ - Companion - Mutual Exclusive

Kias Jarvat 

@stars-and-satina -  Optometrist - Semi-Selective * 

Kona of Briarthorne

@iikranay - Chasind - selective/private - Note: Trigger Heavy

L

Lerith Eth'aravasha 

@thequiethealer - Semi-Selective

Lilliana Groves     

@maniacollision​ -  Selective/Nonexclusive */**

Lily Speare 

@stars-and-satina -  Healer - Semi-Selective  * 

Litriel Lavellan 

 @ulavellan - Companion - Selective  * 

Livia Primus 

@orlesianvirtuoso - Tevinter Human Venatori - NonSelective  * 

M

Maleficent Draconis IV 

@antiiihero -Teviter Mage - Selective/Private **

Marcus of House Lupus 

 @inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective  * 

Maretus Varovelo

@molioanimatra - Tevinter Soporati - Selective

Mercer Renault 

 @thricefools - Companion - Selective/Private  * 

Meris

@trivialsinsrps -  Rogue - Selective  *

Merlyn Lavellan 

 @ulavellan - Companion - Selective  * 

N

Narcissa Bla​ck

@fleurfoncee - Human Mage - Semi-Selective **

O

P

Paien Lassalle 

 @orlesianvirtuoso - Orlesian Mage Virtuoso Human - NonSelective * 

Pride 

@maniacollision - Demon - Selective/Nonexclusive */** 

Q

Quin LaTur

@vivalafromage - Selective

R

Remio Moretti 

 @thricefools - Companion - Selective/Private  * 

Reyna Le Bail 

 @inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective     * 

Rin

@maniacollision - Mage disguised as rogue - Selective/Nonexclusive */**

Rozalia Addario 

@orlesianvirtuoso - Antivian Human Alchemist - NonSelective  * 

Rufus Trevelyan 

 @inquisitionteam - Inquisition Companion - Semi-Selective  * 

S

Sara Lance 

@canariism​ Human Templar - Semi-Selective **

Saramus Aravendas 

@theredconqueror - NonSelective ** 

 Sherbourne Le Guyader 

@inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective  * 

Sigriss Mitheleneil 

@isene​ - Dalish - Selective 

T

Talan-ash

@talan-ash  - Tal-Vashoth  - Semi-Selective

Thomas 

@trivialsinsrps -  Warrior - Selective  * 

Tristan Wulff 

@stars-and-satina -  Noble/Scholar - Semi-Selective  * 

U

V

Valerie An Zara O Bearhold 

@inquisitionteam - Semi-Selective  * 

Valkoinen 

@orlesianvirtuoso - Tevinter Elf - NonSelective  * 

Varian Falaval 

 @orlesianvirtuoso - Ex-Dalish Mage - NonSelective *  

Vivianne 

@ebonyhellebore​ - Dalish Slave - Selective/Mutual * 

W

Wren Fowler 

 @thricefools - Companion - Selective/Private *

X

Y

Z

[coco-sebulitis]

I was tagged by @plasticbaggy1 to spread some love this Valentine’s Day with her little challenge.  So here goes.

Rules: List all the ABCs and type one thing you love under each letter. Then tag 14 people (or as many as you’d like!)

Art Bamboo tablet Cullen Rutherford (No shame) Dragons Expo (mainly anime expos) Final fantasy Green tea Holidays Imagination  Jackie (my cousin) Kiera (my sis I guess lol) Laptop Mami Tomoe Night Olympus (in myths not that would want to go that) Prompto Argentum(no shame again) Quotes Radioactive- imagine Dragons Ships Tumblr Universe  Video games Wizards X’s &O’s Yarn Zoos

tagging: @mionbirblady @theycallmekaibara @twistoffateee @animegelly13 @ascarredspecterofsharptemper @asleepysiren @acebokuto @tlefighter and anyone else who wants to do it

[farcille]

Salty asks 5, 7, and 22

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

HMMMM probably s/oriel back when undertale first came out? i didn’t really have a problem with it in the game but just, eugh

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

fjdhhjfghdjfhjg snk....although that was partially because of the fans and partially because it turned out to be created by some imperialist dude lmao

22. Popular character you hate?

im sure everyone whos been following me for a while already knows this but. i hate c/ullen rutherford with every fiber of my being

[tiisshu]

DA:I C/ullen/ Inquisitor (human, warrior) lyrium withdrawal fic - Part 2

Sorry it's taken a bit to get the second part out, we've suffered a tragic loss in our family and I haven't had as much time to edit as I need.

Here is the second part to my angsty C/ullen /Inquisitor sickfic... thing. Warning, there is the beginnings of descriptions of withdrawal symptoms. Please, if you are sensitive to such descriptions, unfortunately from here on out I would suggest skipping this.

Anyway, here you go...

2. Advice

Commander Cullen braces himself, knowing this conversation has the potential to be more heated than the last.

He takes a deep breath and looks at Cassandra firmly.

 “I did what I had to do to ensure her safety. As her Commander, it is my duty to protect her”.

“Just as her commander, huh?”. Cassandra’s face dares him to contradict her.

Cullen’s expression remains stoic but he recognizes the challenge in the Seeker’s tone. He straightens his stance and looks her straight in the eye.

“My personal feelings aside, my duty comes first, and I need not remind you of how stubborn She can be”.

Cassandra makes an emphatic noise of frustration. 

“Not the mission, Commander! It got done, and there were no losses- a clear victory”.

“But what I just heard…” .Cassandra gestures to where Cullen and the Inquisitor had been arguing.

“Such hypocrisy! I wouldn’t have expected that from you”.

Cullen’s jaw clenches, feeling the sting of Cassandra’s words. His voice remains stern but there is a hint of defensiveness to it now.

“You think I don’t know how it sounded? I know exactly how it looked”.

He takes a step forward to close the gap between them. 

“...when it comes to her… when it comes to her safety, I can't afford to stop and think clearly”.

“... Thinking clearly is the only thing you can afford right now, Commander. And soon, that too will waver- you still haven’t told her, have you?”.

He hesitates for a brief moment, his eyes darting away from Cassandra’s gaze. He takes a moment to choose his words carefully before speaking.

“... no, I.. I haven’t”.

He lets out a sigh, running his hand through his hair once more, frustration etched on his face.

“..You know why I can’t”.

Cassandra heaves a heavy sigh and gives him a look that he can only describe as disappointment. She comes around the war table to stand beside him. 

“You can’t keep putting yourself in unnecessary, reckless danger”, She quotes him.

Cullen stands there processing Cassandra’s words. He knows She’s right, the hypocrisy in his own actions. He lets out a sigh, feeling the weight of the situation press down on him.

Maker’s breath…

Cassandra gives his shoulder a squeeze and then excuses herself from his presence.

As She leaves, He’s left alone in the war room with his thoughts, the sound of the door closing echoing in the room.

His mind is a whirlwind. The argument with Calliope, The conversation with Cassandra, his own conflicted feelings on the matter.

He rubs the back of his neck, frustrated and on edge. After a few moments, he lets out a sigh, still trying to corral his thoughts when his blood begins its insidious call for the Lyrium.

It’s a familiar sensation, the urge to give in to the craving.

Cullen closes his eyes and takes a slow, deep breath. He grits his teeth, fighting against the pull of the withdrawal. It takes considerable effort, but he manages to push the craving to the back of his mind, burying it beneath his discipline and determination.

“I won’t”, he says aloud to himself. A reassurance.

The intensity of his raised emotions from the argument only seems to further intensify the symptoms of his withdrawal.

He can feel a headache starting to form, a sense of weakness creeping in. His muscles tense as he fights against the physical and mental fatigue.

All of a sudden he desires nothing more than to retreat to his office, to wait out the symptoms and try and think.

With a new sense of determination, Cullen pushes himself off the table, forcing his body to move despite its growing fatigue. He heads out the door and through the hall, a bit unsteady as he tries to maintain his composure.

He’s almost to the main hall when Josephine spots him. 

“Oh, Commander! Do you have a moment?”

Cullen stops, turning to face Josephine. His expression is stoic, masking the ongoing struggle within him. He draws in a measured breath, trying to maintain his usual professional demeanor.

 “Of course, Lady Ambassador. What do you need?”.

“We have some visiting Dignitaries next week, I’ve been informed they would like to tour the ramparts, talk to the soldiers and the like. Are you amenable to this request?”

Cullen takes a moment to consider. The influx of visitors during a time of turmoil is less than ideal, but he understands the importance of diplomacy even if he detests politics.

He nods, his voice firm and steady, “ Yes, I think that can be arranged. We’ll ensure the ramparts are secured and the soldiers briefed on proper protocol for receiving dignataries”.

“Excellent, Commander. And… if I may be so bold as to add..”, She says hesitantly.

Cullen raises an eyebrow, curious what else Josephine has to say. He nods, signaling for her to continue.

“Speak your mind, Lady Josephine”.

The ambassador's face softens, “ Give her time, commander. Give both of you some”, she advises.

Cullen stiffens slightly, caught off guard by Josephine’s unexpected words. He had been expecting a comment about the dignitaries, but this was different.

He nods slowly, understanding her implication.

“I...see. Thank you for your advice, Lady Josephine”.

His thoughts are in disarray, the withdrawal and the current emotional turmoil warring within him.

Josephine gives him a friendly nod and goes back to her work, leaving him to his thoughts.

Cullen stands in silence for a few moments, trying to process his thoughts and feelings. The conversation with Josephine has only added to the complexity of his situation.

He rubs the back of his neck, sighing in resignation. He needs to clear his head, to collect his thoughts into some semblance of order.

He turns and begins to head to his office, to find solitude.

[tiisshu]

Ebb & Flow

Forgot I didn't update the title of my current Da:i lyrium withdrawal fic. Anyway, here is chapter 3. C/ullen/ Female inquisitor (Non-mage) , descriptions of withdrawal cravings ahead.

3. To-and-Fro

He closes the door behind him as he steps into the sanctity of his office, the familiar surroundings providing a sense of peace. He leans back against the cool stone wall, closing his eyes for a few moments.

The withdrawal symptoms still linger, the headache now turned into a sharp throb. He can feel the tension in his muscles, the fatigue weighing heavily now. Maker… give me strength, He thinks, opening his eyes and looking around the office. It’s just as he had left it, the only difference being a few more reports on his desk. He looks over at the pile, but his eye is drawn to the wooden box on the shelf just beyond it, and for a brief moment, the cravings for Lyrium resurfaces. The urge to open the box, to give in to the familiar relief is strong, but he forces himself to look away. He clenches his jaw, his teeth creaking with the force, fighting against the temptation. “No”, He mutters, shaking his head as he tries to focus on anything but the box. With a deep breath, he forces himself to shift focus, turning his attention to the reports piled on his desk. He picks up a few, skimming through them in an attempt to get his mind off the box to his right. Though his focus is painfully split, he does his best to concentrate on the contents of the pages before him. He holds the report in his hands, his eyes scanning the written words. Suddenly he becomes aware of the slight trembling in his hands. The shaking is subtle, but it’s enough to give him pause. Maker…

He grips the report tighter in an attempt to control the tremors. Despite his best efforts, the shaking persists, a visible sign of the toll this day had taken on his body and mind. 

Feeling the need to escape, even just for a few moments, Cullen sets the report back down and leaves his office through the south door. He steps out into the now-quiet rampart, the cool evening breeze providing a welcome change from the stuffy confines of the tower. The fresh air seems to help a bit, calming his nerves, but the familiar ache caused by the withdrawal still lingers like a bad headache. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly, his mind swirling with all that has happened that day. He finds himself pacing along the rampart, his footsteps taking him back and forth in front of the door to his office.

The sky darkened considerably, the moon casting long shadows across the stonework. Cullen’s mind is a storm of thoughts and emotions, a whirlwind of conflicted things like pieces of glass in his head. He continues to pace, his strides slow and purposeful, trying to focus on the physical act instead of the chaos within him.

As time wears on, his muscles begin to protest with every step, the effects of his withdrawal adding to his fatigue, but he continues to walk back and forth, the rhythm of his steps almost soothing in its monotony. Finally, after a few more minutes, he comes to a stop, his back pressed against the cold wall of the tower. He tilts his head back, looking up at the night sky, the stars sparkling faintly against the dark canvas. Cullen lets out a long exhausted sigh. The solitude of the night coupled with the cool breeze is almost calming. Almost. His thoughts wander back to the events of the day, the argument with Calliope, the conversation with Cassandra, the urge to give into the Lyrium, to the box sitting on his shelf… just a few short steps away. He closes his eyes tightly, his head starting to pound again with each beat of his heart. He pushes away from the wall and starts pacing again, the movement helping to keep his mind distracted a bit.

As he walks, he mutters to himself, trying to find some semblance of sanity and control of the swirling dark cloud inside his head.

  “Keep that up, Commander, and you’ll wear a hole through the stone”, comes an all-too familiar teasing tone. Cullen’s shoulders tense as he’s startled by Dorian’s sudden appearance at the top of the rampart steps to his right. He lets out a sigh before responding. 

“You could have announced yourself, Dorian, instead of sneaking up on me like that”, he says in an even tone, trying to mask the tension in his voice.

Dorian tilts his head to the side minutely, curious, “ I assure you, Commander, I didn’t exactly tip-toe up here. I called out to you, did you not hear me?”.

Cullen rubs his forehead, the pain of the headache a constant reminder of his current struggle. “I… must have been preoccupied”, He says finally, his eyes not meeting Dorian’s gaze. “... with… testing the effects of wear over time on the stonework?”, Dorian asks, his usual teasing tone returning.

Cullen lets out a huff of frustration, his patience starting to wear thin. “No, Dorian. I was thinking”. He doesn’t elaborate, hoping Dorian will leave it at that, but the Tevinter mage is not so easily deterred.  

“ My, you certainly are a sour puss this evening, Commander. I heard the mission was a success…?”Dorian comments, one eyebrow raised in mild confusion as to what could be troubling his friend. Cullen bristles a moment before sighing, his shoulders slumping slightly. “Yes, it… the mission was successful”.

“... and yet, you don’t look pleased. Is this… a Fereldan thing I don’t get? why you’re making that face when you should be celebrating with the others in the tavern?”.

Cullen clenches his jaw, breathing out a measured controlled breath to keep himself from snapping. “No, it’s… a personal matter”, He says after choosing his words carefully.

Dorian opens his mouth to comment further when Cullen’s patience slips. “ Maker, I don’t have the energy for this tonight, Dorian. I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and… and I simply don’t have the patience to explain myself to you right now!”.

Dorian takes a step back, his hands raised in surrender. “Alright, Alright! Get some sleep, Commander. You’re a real bear when you’re tired, you know that?”. Then the mage gives Cullen a nod as he leaves him to his troubled thoughts, heading down to the tavern in search of more pleasant company.

Cullen watches as he leaves, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. He lets out a weary sigh, the mage’s departure leaving him without distraction from his inner turmoil. Maker’s breath… He’s even snapping at Dorian now. 

With a resigned sigh, he closes his eyes and tries to settle his breathing and gather his composure. His body is tense, the muscles in his back and shoulders knotting together. He should try and sleep, as uncomfortable as an idea as that is. 

He forces his eyes open and with resignation, heads back towards his office.