#But yeah I've gotten these too because there is always someone on the internet who thinks they are Right and Smart and that those things

[muffinlance]

I really do love your writing and Salvage gets me through when I am sad or depressed. However, I was wondering, how do you cope when someone who wrote a review didn’t like your writing? If you’ve had this before… I had one today and I am dejected. I’m working through my perfectionism and I keep telling myself, “my writing isn’t for everyone and it’s okay.” Any advice?

If it was unsolicited, especially on a fanfic? Delete it, block the person if you feel like, then go do your rage activity of choice before forgetting about it forever. That person is rude and doesn't deserve your time anymore than someone bumping into you on the street.

I've also found it useful to actively think of my fanfic as writing practice, and not even my brain expects perfection from writing practice. It also frees you do Try Cool Things.

Now take this digital blanket and cup of hot chocolate and go reread your nice comments.

[canonically47]

god i'm so used to being in fandom spaces with such a strong aroace presence like you that i've kinda gotten spoiled and now that i'm in a fandom with like.... no aroace presence it kinda just makes me want to scream.

like come on. you can't seriously think that this guy wants to kiss people. you can't look at this girl, who exists solely for the purpose of being objectified and not think about how much aroace energy she radiates. you can't seriously look at this guy, and think that he would have any interest in anything mildly romantic or sexual. you can't look at his mother and think wow, i can imagine a whole plotline revolving around her being aro. you can't seriously imagine those two, who have such great qpr potential and imagine them in love, like, romantically. yes they will cuddle and celebrate together and say that they love each other but it's not because they're romantically involved, it's because they perfect each other in a way that doesn't NEED romance to be one of, if not the, most important relationships they have. and yeah some characters will kiss. but not all of them will. just. why can't you imagine them NOT kissing. why can't you imagine them bonding over feeling like there was something wrong, something inside of them that was broken because they saw all these other people falling in love and wondering when that would happen to them, and staying up late at night to talk about it, and feeling like they aren't broken, just a pink crayon in a sea of blue crayons, and finally feeling like someone understands them, resonating with them on a level that they can't even begin to describe to someone else.

just. god i wish i didn't feel like i'm in a completely different fandom to everyone else.

oh anon i get this so much. first of all i’m glad i can be the (much needed) aro (& ace-ish) presence in the space of my fandoms, because so much is centered around romance, we need a breather from time to time. to have little to no presence in a fandom is absolutely heartbreaking because a fandom is more often than not one’s safe space on the internet, and to feel like you don’t belong in it is crushing.

but have no fear. people like us have always, and will always, existed and exist. we have much more presence now and we will continue to make ourselves seen and heard. we are not lonely pink crayons in a vast sea of blue crayons, for the sea turns pink sometimes too, or if it doesn’t, we shall make it turn ourselves.

[fishsticksloser]

I know this isn't a very normal thing for me, but... I have to talk about this.

So feel free to ignore. Or have a civilized discussion.

By civilized I mean, let's just talk. No accusations, yelling, anger, etc. If it becomes uncivilized, I won't answer :))

This is about tcest. This is your warning.

Twitter and Instagram are terrible for sharing anything. Cause it's like a hive mind. While I don't personally like April x any turtle, I'm not gonna tell someone not to create it.

But with tcest outright, yeah. No. Something has to be done. More than just "block the tag" cause it's gotten out of hand.

I just want something to be done. It just too much.

I'm tired of just, "it's not catered to you" yeah... You're right, but I feel like there's a deeper issue. Should we be scared for these people's families? Their sibling?

Or the "just block the tag" great, wonderful. So I have to potentially miss out on other creators because they say tcest dni and it gets blocked for me.

Cause guess what? I had the tag blocked for a while and it blocked some of my own posts and pretty much everything that says "tcest dni"

On top of that, the amount of times I've looked for screenshots from the show for bots and to see tcest is insane. It's not like it's a small handful of people, it's quite a large group anymore.

People can't draw/write siblings being siblings without it being called tcest is an issue. You can't create anything anymore without it being labeled as tcest. I'm so tired of it.

I know the Internet isn't catered to me specifically. But if you're just telling people to ignore incest... There's an issue. In the real world, something is always done about it, but online it's just "who cares 🤷‍♀️".

I never want to stop people from creating, but the fact that tcest is so normalized that if they hug you have to put "tcest dni" or "no tcest" .... It makes it feel like I — me personally idk about others — can't write them having sibling moments. Like they can be friendly, but they can't hug, they can't touch each other period.

Something actually needs to be done. Not harassment cause that's dangerous. But something.

Also... Like... Stop blaming people for letting you know about a tcester. It's not digging if they outright say it. 🤷‍♀️ Just my thoughts. This will probably be ignored and that's fine.

[drifloonz]

hellooo. Can I ask for some dad steven headcannons?

i've been ignoring too many of my requests SOOO yes!! you may :)

dad steven headcanons!!

these are long sorry. or not sorry. whichever works. smile

____

♡ ok first of all. if this man impregnates you or anyone uh. he'll either be really into the idea or really fucking scared. usually a mixture of both. nervous and very anxious excitement.

♡ like he's always wanted children but in the state he's in now, he has always seen it as something unachievable for him nowadays

♡ who's getting pregnant? YOU decide!!!!!

♡ alternatively adoption exists which yeah that works too

♡ presumably, if this is a scenario where he's dating someone either the reader or like someone else, then PRESUMABLY he's gotten his life at least a little back together enough to clean his house a bit and clean Himself up a bit and generally just take care of himself and his surroundings more to be liveable enough for him, you, and presumably a child.

♡ single father steven is also very good. either or. but if he's a single father and a baby just drops in front of his doorstep he would take it but panic really hard ( he may at the dead of night fly to some adoption center and hope to god they take this random child... but he's also deathly scared of bad things happening especially w. waves hands at his whole story. so he might be too overprotective already to do that. )

♡ either way into actual dad hcs

♡ he used to babysit a shitton when he was younger, mostly with red and blue, so he's got the skillset for it. and he's also used to wanting to be a good rolemodel! it's just that these skills are so tucked away after the Depression Spiral that it's hard to get him back, but he definitely tries - for his child.

♡ honest to god if you asked him to name his child he'd either make an entirely new name or, because he's unoriginal and had a whole spiral over it, would name her miki or something very similar if she's a girl.

♡ welcome to the world Cool Charizard ( legal name ) /j

♡ ... it'd also be funny if whenever he has a child its always Girl because . yea. yea. Narrative curse.

♡ either way they basically don't have access to the internet bc i don't think steven even has that shit because he's poor as hell. at most he has phone data somehow that he probably isn't paying for. somehow.

♡ maybe his rent gets paid for him bc he was champion once idfk /j

♡ i thnik people are just too scared to properly enter his house and tell him to pay taxes and or rent he just gets to keep his shitty bigass house for free

♡ also it would be weird considering i think that the entirety of kanto tried to sweep him and his whole situation under the rug BUT THATS UNRELATED. SO!!!

♡ basically his kid is not an ipad baby thank god.

♡ even if his partner has one he's going to be like. vaguely scared of technology and also thinks itd be a really bad idea ( it is ) to just raise their child on that shit. the baby gets one cocomelon video a week /j

♡ thank god he probably still has his tv's that somehow still work so he just will let them watch baby shows in the living room sometimes instead of fucking cocomelon . thatd be horrendous.

♡ sometimes watches kids shows with his kid in his lap or next to him. usually falls asleep pretty quick into doing that

♡ he DOES tuck them in goodnight.. sometimes tells them stories.

♡ steven is really really really really overprotective over his child/ ESPECIALLY if it's like. straight up his child with you or whatever. that was a labor of LOVE!!! this also means he loves them very much but he's very dodgy with them going outside and whatnot. at least without his supervision.

♡ he'll be silly for his child and his child only. he'll make funny faces for them to giggle at and things like that and try to do fun things w his lil baby. etc etc. it's very cute to look at but if you use it against him he's going to glare at you really hard and squint judgementally

♡ honest to god i've said this so often to my friends . steven is ABSOLUTELY the type of guy to accidentally drop his baby while trying to hold them or throw them into the air a little and go "Oh shit. Sorry". brad lisa the painfulcore type dad except like less morally neutral bc his situation isnt the same

♡ lets the baby nap in with him a lot. sometimes you can walk into his bedroom and see him with all of his long ass hair splayed out on the bed and the baby also splayed out on the bed ... stevens gotta get his beautysleep!!! so does his kid!!!

♡ stevens really not sure whether to keep miki ( the charizard ) a secret from his child or not. because he knows that like. miki wouldn't hurt his baby almost definitely but he's still kind of scared of the possibility of either of them hurting one another accidentally or not... so at least until theyre older miki's probably a thing he tries not to mention.

♡ in general he also tries to not talk about himself or his past at all to his kid. he doesn't want them to know the ugly sides of himself.

♡ he just pretends he's a normal guy. if they somehow find out otherwise he'll either sigh deeply and tell them the truth, likely as some sort of life lesson to them ( either on safety, cautiousness, boundaries and trust w the trading incident or 'Hey if this happens to you maybe don't do what i did' but im not sure if he's self-aware enough to think of him as in the wrong entirely in that situation ), or he'll just say "must be a different guy" ( they look exactly the same in photos other than how disgruntled steven is now ... )

♡ he absolutely has a baby carrier. i think he always has wanted to carry a baby like that bc he thinks its all cute and funny. he probably smiles at you when you look at him wearing that with your little googoo in it. it looks so odd on him that it's kind of funny

♡ steven is absolutely a dilf tbqh... imagine dadbod steven NOW.

♡ sorry for sidetracking so much. anyways, he's the type of dude who OVERprepares. like MONTHS in advance, he's already buying a shitton of baby clothes, food, bottles, various furniture, etc. how is he buying these? well. either with your money or he's stealing that shit. or he somehow actually has money now. he might've mugged the various people who try to sneak into his house and 'mysteriously' die. who knows. It's a living! Kind of..????

♡ due to his general aversion of society he's kind of torn over wanting to go to a hospital or just doing it in a tub or something if its a situation where he has a partner. i think ultimately he'd do it in a hospital, despite his fear of people, because he's really scared of something going wrong. he'll wait with like. bated breath. scared as hell.

♡ he will cry the second that baby is in his arms. 100%. trust me. like. silently, probably - at least for the first few seconds. but theres a lot of tears. and a smile.

♡ he hums little lullabies to his baby and will gently move them back and forth... while the babies probably chewing at his hair a little.

♡ also yes he lets the baby play with his hair... his hair is that childs stimtoy ( whatever this means )

♡ s!3v3n is also surprisingly calm and good to the baby. the baby would either be fucking terrified of s!3v3n's face or think its silly and laugh at it. s!3v3n particularly likes to make silly faces where his tongue sticks out real far ( he can just do that when hes like that dw abt it ) and he goes crosseyed

♡ =P =D => <- s!3v3n making silly faces for a baby ( pov )

♡ ok this has all mostly been pregnancy and baby hcs. actual kid hcs uhhh... he probably really wants to homeschool his kid bc hes very overprotective but if you talked him into it he'd reluctantly put them in Actual Public School so they can have like. a social life. lol. bc otherwise theyd be EXTREMELY fucking isolated considering stevens been vanquished to Pallet Town's Shadow Realm ( aka pallet town 'A little to the west guarded by rocks and past the forest' edition ) and steven really doesnt want them to be lonely bc it sucks and hes been isolating himself for most of his life at this point so he knows it sucks

♡ he gets more comfortable going outside. most of kanto has forgotten about him anyways - he just specifically avoids going out to pallet town. if his kid wants to go there and hes not a single dad he'll have his partner do it for him. but he likes to go take walks with them and go to playgrounds. plus, he doesn't even have to whip miki / M' out in the wild grass - pokemon avoid him anyways. lol.

♡ as bittersweet as it is, if his kid wanted to be a pokemon trainer he WOULD have the best tips and tricks on it... he was the undefeated champion and arguably the first ''pokemon master'', whatever that term even means. ( presumably ''trainer champion'' instead of ''probably appointed to be in that position for someone to fight'' champion. like lance. or The Other steven. or smth. )

♡ he'd probably find a way to get his kid a starter... he still lives in kanto and close to pallet town too, so he can pull a silver and like. steal a starter. or he could just send his kid on their way ""without supervision"" ( hes lurking in the forest keeping an eye out just in case ) to ask oak about it

♡ if they pick charmander it is 90x more bittersweet. amen. but i think bulbasaur would be cute too bc its the only starter not picked and not relevant in strangled red + my own personal bulbasaur bias.

♡ although stevens going to tell them not to trade pokemon for obvious reasons - either thru a ''spooky tale'' / urban legend ( that is just his story but he tells it much more vague. like. ''... well i heard sometimes pokemon don't come back out.'' ) or just straight up says some shit like ''yea don't trade pokemon. it's bad.'' without elaborating

♡ regardless. he's still being very overprotective and unless his kid doesnt budge on it hes preferably not letting them go explore the world on their own until theyre like... 13-16

♡ even then. hes usually kind of trailing behind without telling them bc he legitimately has nothing better to do.

♡ ... also if the kid doesnt have a rival , like, no one at school or no one who they meet in their journey, then steven might. like. sigh deeply. get a few pokeballs from god knows where. catch a new team comparable to their kids level range. and be their rival. who is also their dad of mid 20s to early 40s in age. for some reason. people question it but he doesnt care he just wants his kid to have fun

♡ funnier option that i dont think he'd do ( probably ) is he pulls a clavell ( or team rocket ) and acts like a totally different guy when all that changes is his fit and maybe his haircut. except he prob pulls it off well. he'd still be obviously steven but his cap is backwards and his hair is tied up and his little jacket or w/e is around his waist and thats all that changes. his shoes might be untied for the 'stupid kid / teenager' look but then he trips over his feet and ties them bc its not worth the image

♡ alternatively ; its just s!3v3n. thats kind of steven but different right ( JOKING. HE WOULD NOT DO TH

♡ this hypothetical would be way funnier if he regained his entire reputation somehow of being a cool and strong pokemon trainer that he had when he was actually a trainer bc ppl forgot abt champion steven. and hes just like. "Okay. It's a neverending cycle of torment huh." under his breath when his kid cannot hear

♡ if asked for his name in this state hes just like uhh. uhhhhaa,.f uh. uh. stephen... thhhheee. third.

♡ he's probably not doing the thing mike and or blue did where hes the last e4 fight who isnt even an e4 member but is your rival. thats a bit too bittersweet for him. this whole exercise is fun but he doesn't wanna FULLY relive his glory days a year before his awesome trauma spiral. he also may or may not even do the gym leaders for the same reason. hes just a guy who his kid fights sometimes that is classified as a rival by technicality

♡ also yes he still has miki. he always has miki. shes just probably tucked into a bag or smth so ppl dont ask about why he has a cracked fucked up pokeball. she only comes out if his kid is in serious danger and he needs an intimidation tactic, or at worse, a method to quickly harm or kill someone with

♡ eg if a serious evil team situation happened and genuinely harmed his kid or threatened to their asses are not leaving unscathed.

♡ sorry this specific 'fake rival who is also your dad who also used to be the undefeated and first trainer champion of kanto' scenario is extremely fucking funny to me + fun in general. but moving on

♡ type of guy to dress his kid when theyre like a baby who cant think for themself in the stupidest halloween costumes ever. big pumpkin costume. hes about to crack into laughter when he takes a picture of them in it . or a charmander costume . because its steven. ( yes hes in a giant charizard onesie and yes if you make fun of him or his kid hes going to kill you dead

♡ he does go trick or treating w them too. he like. feels normaler on halloween. it was probably one of his favorite holidays even if pallet town was small an he probably got 50% apples and shitty non name brand stuff and 50% actual candy from the neighborhood homes

♡ type of parent whos going to squeeze his kids hand real tight when they get a shot or anything like that

♡ semirelated. hes tall and his hands are big but hes still gunna hold his kids hand everywhere even when theyre older until his kid complains enough ab it being embarrassing.

♡ has to crouch to talk to his fucking kid on eyelevel a lot of the times that his back hurts. like. more than it usually does.

♡ solution; just pick them up and talk to them while they are lifted into the air if theyre ok with it

♡ piggyback rides for his kid. 100000%. hes a piggy back ride type of guy. along with other similar things. would it be called grumpiggyback riding because its pokemon... anyways

♡ i think when his kids older they probably have a lot of inside jokes and steven likes to banter with them a little. playfully. and also likes to make jokes with the most deadpan ass voice bc his kid finds it funny, probably.

♡ stevens never had parents, so being a parent to someone else is... foreign, but also not really? as mentioned he did constantly used to babysit blue and red. and he was overall the teenage childhood role model for many kids in pallet town... but he himself was mostly raised by mike. so. either way, he very much loves kids and taking care of them. so tldr. hes a really good dad.

♡ i have more ideas but if you want any specific dad steven hcs explored jusrt ask me bc i have thoughts on this.

[simmonsized]

🥑🌻🪐🥐☁️🎨 🧩 for Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

1. 🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

Probably the members of my Broblematic server (@outofstrings (bird and fae collectively, u may know of the Post-Cal ask blog), @future-geometries (Jess u are the first person I thought of) and definitely @alexharrier , who I think would probably hide me from the law even if I didn't explain the crime. I am not including beloved @chaton-katreal because I think she is too gentle, i would not want to muck up her life with murder!)

Or you know, my actual partner @notanotherdoodleblog probably LOL

All fantastic people, worth of hiding crimes.

2. 🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

Honestly most of my friends are pretty busy adulting 8( so we don't get to talk as much as I'd like to. @eggwyrt because our timezones are almost earth opposites. I love u!!!! I miss you!!

3. 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

- I've got two real life best friends that I get together with and have coffee every weekend together, and sometimes do other things, and this is significant to me because adulthood makes it hard to keep friends, let alone see them.

- I got into the marine ecology lab at my school that I have been pushing for entrance into, despite missing a pre-req. I get to be on a boat for eight hours next quarter! Woohoo!

- I got fanart for a fic I am very proud of but very rarely interact with anybody about, which has boosted my confidence and made me feel really good, and each comment I've gotten since they posted the art has made my heart sing extra loud!

4. 🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

Tbh I can't think of anything off the top of my head. My partner and I met through RVB, however, so we reference old seasons to each other fairly regularly, and I like to think we have a pretty good time c:

5. ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

(i do not even like Simmons that much but it's a solid username and now is part of my brand. also I am classically a blue team girly lol)

6. 🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

This is an impossible task. Insurmountable, even. There are several!! Many!!! How can I pick one?? So I will list a few:

A. Everything anyone has ever drawn for my fanfics at all ever.

B. SPECIFICALLY everything @alexharrier has drawn for me, ever. Especially specially specially these two gifs which actually make me fucking insane every time I see them.

Honestly, this had me making sounds so incoherent only dogs could hear them, years ago when I did not consider my fic would be special to anyone. I really really really treasure them.

Also both my birthday gifts, Bro at Disneyland, and Bro at Home Depot 💕

C. This artwork for RNG chapter 66, from @101-sve . It is also special to me, and it's been my wallpaper on my phone ever since c: the atmosphere, the warmth, the halo of their hair i just... Yeah!!!!

D. Recent, probably familiar still, this Holy Fucking Shit Beautiful Atmospheric work of art for metempsychosis!!!! by @askinsufferableprickmod . I really actually cannot stop looking at it. It's so gorgeous, and honestly even if it had nothing to do with me I would still be in love with it. The concept of the kids are Gods, as beings outside the mortal world they made for themselves, all that is visible here, and I really really love it!

* I know all of these are things people have drawn for me, for my content, but honestly that is why they are my favorites! It is touching to see someone put heart into something that is related to something you, yourself, also put heart into!!! I love it!!!! I love these talented artists!!!!!

ALSO: we all know Theater of Coolty, but it is so beloved to me, I can recite it in my sleep lol.

7. 🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately

On top of the other reasons I said I don't like things, you do actually have to convince me 6 times outta 10 if you want me to read a Homestuck fic in the third person. There is just something to the flavor of 2nd person that hits different. There is a reason different perspectives exist, and I think they can all be utilized well, but something about that classic, well-patterned "you, and then you" just gets me, you know?

[rubberduckyrye]

Someone followed my sprite blog who rbed a "DON'T DONATE TO AO3!!!!!1!!1!!1!!!!" Post that essentially boiled down to "They have too much money already!!! They have enough saved to run the website for 5 years without further donations!!!"

And I'm like..... "And????"

5 Years ain't that long of a time, hon. I know younger people think it is but damn have the years been racing by for me as I've gotten older.

Also, I'd rather Ao3 keep that surplus on hand and not have to dip into it unless for a financial emergency. Like if they start using their surplus now and then two years from now they get into financial hell for whatever reason, and all of that surplus saved up is gone, then Ao3 will be gone too.

Here's the thing--I get that people want to be like "DON'T DONATE TO AO3 DONATE TO X IMPORTANT CAUSE INSTEAD" and if you don't they tell you to off yourselves, and it's like. People with expendable money can and will donate to more than one thing. You do know that, right? You can donate to both. I know the argument is "YOU SHOULD PUT ALL OF YOUR MONEY IN THE BETTER CAUSE" but that kind of mentality leaves other important fundraising projects in the dust.

The preservation of fandom and fanfiction is an important cause, because preserving primarily queer literature is an important cause. It's not just because "Ooooh my favorite fanfics!!!!!1!!111!!", and it never has been. Fandom is primarily queer, and queer spaces are always in constant danger of being shut down at the smallest hint of a law break.

Which, on to the post's second point: Ao3 is not investing their surplus enough for a stable financial future.

I argue: Laws. Laws specifically for non-profit organizations and how much money they can get from investments before they go from "non-profit" to "profit."

I can't find any easy-to-read US law on the subject, but considering that Ao3 is a predominant queer space with lots of queer media that everyone with an internet has access to, that excessive scrutiny over OTW will be brutal if OTW isn't careful. Again, I am not sure how much money they can invest and make in investments, but due to the nature of the website and how queerphobic the US government has become/has always been, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason why investments aren't a viable option to OTW was simply because of how quickly things can go downhill if they start making too much money. Because I hope you people realize the moment Ao3 is deemed as a "for-profit" organization by homophobic governors who are clutching their pearls and chanting "think of the children!" at the horny gay furry porn on Ao3, that it will get utterly destroyed by copyright law and shut down within a year, at the longest.

So yeah. Idk, donate to whatever the fuck you want tbh? If you wanna donate to a fundraiser that is aiming to protect queer literature written for free by fans in fandom, then by all means, donate. It's not the soulless cause you think it is.

[kiddosaurus]

(hi im so sorry i wanted to just agree with a point you made and then wrote a full rant feel free to ignore me/delete this ask)

I definitely agree about the average age feeling like it's dropping (I also think that's just the Internet as a whole, coming from someone who literally got their first tumblr account at 11. also think it's because kids don't lie about their ages as much anymore, like I was lying until I was at least 15 and still vague about it until I turned 18) and part of me gets a little concerned by it? like yeah, I definitely showed interest in things like agere once I hit puberty age but most of my actual age regressing/dreaming I've only done since I was 16 when I had gotten past the initial wave of that

maybe it's the old age (I'm literally 18 lol) but I do worry when I see super young people in this community about the effects that regressing may have on them and their future development? or at least when I see 13-14 year olds post saying they're looking for cgs like I get so scared some weirdo is going to see it and use it as an opportunity to gain some power over them or gain their trust because the kid is too young to be able to realise what's happening

i hope it's alright for me to respond to this, just lmk if you want me to delete this reply

i feel a lot of what you're saying tbh. i still try to be understanding towards the super young folks, as i myself was super young when i first discovered the agere community, but idk. i was 12 at the time, but my situation was fairly odd compared to most folks (at that point i was already well into puberty, and there were times where i was involuntarily regressing from stress and trauma long before i knew what agere was, and finding the community helped me put a name to my experiences), so even then it's still hard to understand a lot of the youngest people in the community now, as the reasons for them getting into it are VASTLY different than any of my own. im only a couple months short of 18, and it never fails to shock me how old this stuff makes me feel :')

i DEFINITELY agree on the whole thing about worrying over possible issues with development and safety, though. i do feel like there's a (for lack of a better way to describe it) "honeymoon phase" for a lot of young teens discovering something like this that makes them happy and helps them cope, where they put a huge focus on it in a ton of aspects of their life, and that's something they just gotta get outta their system before they start to even things out. however, i definitely worry about development for kids who don't seem to learn how to balance agere with the rest of their life; any coping mechanism (including the healthy ones) can become unhealthy if it takes over your life in ways that cause repeated stress or harm, which seems to be the case for a lot of young folks discovering agere.

the whole cg safety thing is valid too. seeing so many 13-14 year olds giving out tons of personal info to strangers in hopes that they'll find a cg that they've never even talked to always makes me anxious. i don't think there's anything wrong with them wanting someone like that in their lives, and i think there are ways to kind of explore that while still staying safe, but the way people actually go about it is worrying. like... when i was young and discovering agere, at least there were plenty of adults in the community who made an effort to teach younger folks how to stay safe with stuff like this, but that doesn't seem to be as much of a thing anymore since the demographic has shifted to be so young as a whole and there are way more teens than adults. 2017-2018 was a very different time compared to 2023.

im sorry that this reply got so long, this whole thing has just been on my mind and it's nice hearing someone who at least understands part of what im saying

[unnerving-presence]

Rant time but trying to farm BP with wesker is SO HARD. I suck at killer to begin with so I bring distressing and beast of prey to at try and max 20k but,,, I've actually been trying to hook and down people for points w the cakes but survivors are SUCH SHITS. I try to hook everyone twice and only down them after that since I usually only go friendly, but god forbid I hook someone!!!!

These fuckers kill themselves on hook then have the audacity to call me sweaty and a tryhard like??? You killed yourself????

I've had FOUR matches where 2 or 3 survivors dc on first hook or down then no one gets points at all.

I wouldn't care but the messages are so nasty?? Like bro I have social anxiety even on the Internet this is not enjoyable just be nice ffs

yeah this community is a bunch of shitheads honestly. even worse during the event.

“oh you didn’t bring a terrormisu? time to dc/tunnel you bc i’m a whiny ass bitch!!” like GOD SHUT UP GEGRGGRGRRGR

i feel like it’s way harder to farm now than ever. i haven’t played killer but the games where i befriend a wesker i always sacrifice myself for him not because it’s my code but also because i feel super bad since they usually don’t get more than a kill or a couple hooks 😭

doesn’t help that most people don’t even like going against wesker in the first place. it’s understandable but there’s really no reason to dc over it if you’re still getting points

sorry about the messages too :(( i’ve gotten the most negative messages from survivors so it does hurt receiving them. but survivors are also whiny bitches who sob when they don’t get a flawless escape.

killer is hard to play. not only because it can be hard if you don’t play it, but it can also be hard if you have that social anxiety. i still get anxiety to this day even thinking about playing killer. i understand it can be hard but i know it’ll get better :) people just fucking suck sometimes

if you are getting sick of killer or want to farm bps another way, don’t be afraid to ask to play with me. i’m actual shit but at least i’m using terrormisus now to level my feng and carlos :)

anyways i wish all non-bitch ass killer players have a wonderful day getting bps

[anna-hawk]

🙋‍♀️💖🦅💞 and 🧠 for uhhh the Mute? (I have too many questions oops 😅)

Oh wow, thanks, Lucy for sending in so many 🤗🤗.

🙋‍♀️Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Oh yeah, definitely. I don't hide it. Most of the time I just say that I write but don't go into details because fanfiction isn't something commonly known around me. I will try to explain a bit more if people are curious about it, and the reactions are always funny. Especially when I tell them that I write smut 😆. Otherwise I have my sister and a very good friend who know stuff in details. Neither has ever read anything, though.

💖 What made you start writing?

That is actually a very good question. I started writing in my early teens. I just loved writing, holding a journal and stuff like that, imagine stuff. Fanfiction wise, what made me write (without knowing what fanfiction is because internet was pretty new where I'm from), was Hugh Jackman. My then best friend and I were huge Wolverine fans and I wrote her a couple of fics and she for me. Good times. I still have them on my laptop. Oh, the cringe of reading something of a 17yo me 😬😂.

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Depends of its length. If it's something short-ish, I go with the general idea. I'll add a couple notes if something comes to mind, but that's about it. If it's a chaptered fic then yeah, I definitely outline. Admittedly, the outline can be a bit vague at first. Most of the time, I get a better feel for it once I've written a whole chapter and gotten into the story and the characters. At least that was the case for my last 2 longer fics. I keep opening and closing the doc anytime I get a new idea and build up the plot.

💞 Who's your comfort character?

Always and forever Frank Castle. The character who got me from writing for myself to posting. I will always go back to him.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

The Mute, huh? Hmmm... My favorite headcanon is pretty simple and what many of us probably want. He survives the end and finds peace with someone, living in a small cottage and just living his life.

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

[bitchy-peachy]

Reason why I don't answer money asks:

I learned over time that a lot of these are bots and not verified

Not saying all asks are scams though but there's messed up people out there riding on the backs of real people to get easy money of a real tragedy. At this point I think there's more active scammers than people asking for help.

An acquaintance of mine told me of the internet connection issues over there so she was confused at the perpetual online spam like this. She's lucky to even get a text msg where she is so she voiced surprise at all this activity.

Okay I'm rambling, but what I'm saying is that when her and her family do have connectivity and are safe they do everything they can during that time frame rather than being active all the time. Don't know if it's like that for everyone over there but that's what she says about communications in her area. It can be even dangerous to look for a good signal.

I stick to certain blogs and speak to certain people personally about vetted fundraisers (and dont answer money asks) for very good reasons.

Yes, I might come off as twatty as hell but I want the help to get to those who need it. I don't like pressure, pushiness etc cos it just looks rude and selfish as hell.

I've talked and helped people with genuine need and I can feel it. The ones trying to cut in line, ignoring my boundaries don't give me the same vibe as the suffering people I've come to associate with in these past months.

The spamming and hounding people online in large groups via asks is counterproductive and it actually angers me because I know of the very urgent need of funds for real people. I've been getting around 9 asks per day. Some repetitive, at all hours of day and night. I estimate that the grand ask total I've gotten is 53 asks in a period of 4 to 5 days.

I'm so sorry for snapping at anyone innocent but just let me do things my way since it gets overwhelming. I figured out the best way was only openly supporting thoroughly vetted fundraisers verified by blogs that my acquaintance told me helped her. So far those accounts seem legit and show the whole vetting process and also exposes the real scammers.

Both my husband and I donate and spread news. (He's on Insta while I'm here)

Unfortunately we had to get refunds from gfm due to finding out 3 people that were donated to were actual scammers (my husband was devastated because he's always been into charity for his church. He was raised Episcopelian so giving to others is like breathing to him. He's too good for this mean world so yeah, I was understandably pissed when I found out about the scamming and his feelings getting hurt and decided to just not answer such asks and stick to how I do things now.

Just to make sure that people that actually need to get the money get it as they should and so I won't see my husband that upset again.

Hopefully someday these unscrupulous greedy people won't be hurting a process meant to help people.

Trying to avoid using too much profanity in this post, lol. But my blood still boils at the fact that there's such evil people out there that would lie to take money from those who desperate need it.

I ain't a nice person. Like at all. But when I want to help someone I'll feel their pain as my very own and I help them.

I don't want to lose the last bit of goodness in me due to greedy scammers. I've had too many disappointments.

[wisepidgeon]

Its hard to have self respect

Well it's like I said it's hard to have self respect when you want someone so badly you'd do anything for then no matter how you had to suffer

I havent gotten over my ex red she is still the world to me and I honestly think if I don't stop now I'd give her everything

And if she would be mine and me hers I'd do it even if it took a couple 6 or 9 months even but she said no that she will get back with me buy only under the circumstance that she doesn't have to care about my emotions and my emotional needs that only hers are met that she has the right to sleep with other people and she doesn't deal with my needs or wants she wants me but only until she has to feel anything about it

She said I look desperate and she is right I am desperate I just want someone to accept me and acknowledge my effort my progress

And yeah I know that I hurt you but you ended it you gave up never me I never did no matter how close I got no matter how little I had to give I never gave up. And you did. You where always the one who said you'd never leave! You always told me I'll be yours no matter what! And I promised you the same damn thing! YOU BROKE THAT PROMISE FIRST YOU DID! YOU FUCKING SELFISH QUITER! "NEVER WAS ENOUGH AND THE WORLD IS WHAT I GAVE TO YOU!"

Now I quit because you did it first because you won't try again because your tired and you don't want to commit to anything you just wanna relax. And hey I get that I do I also want to relax I want to stop hurting I want to do things that make me happy. Thing is I want you more! I was only ever enough in bed I never could tell if you cared because I wasn't able to heal from the damage you caused at the beginning of our relationship.

So I quit I have to walk away now because I will never be worth it in your eyes and I'll never be good enough.

So I have to learn to be good enough on my own for myself I wish I could be good enough for you and I gave it everything I had except the breath in my lungs I gave my home I gave my trust I gave my self respect I gave more effort than I've ever given to anyone. And it was never enough.

One day I'll meet someone who I can talk to someone who I can communicate with someone who can love me and respect me and help me. I just wish that person was you.

I'm not crying your crying you fucking babys I know this is different than the normal thing but sometimes ranting and getting difficult emotions on page is useful to me and having who ever reads this read it and care makes me happy even if no one will see it one day when internet archeological expeditions are a funded topic they might see in and who knows it might help them. But that's never gonna happen so yeah

Last thing red I still want you I just want that to matter too I want you to care the way I care or at all really. Thanks for the memories even if they aren't so great.

I do realize that those last words are of fall out boy but its also exactly how I feel.

[vvatchword]

Realizing that you have become polarizing for literally no reason is one of the oddest experiences in the known universe. Most of my life, I've had to work on my own sense of self-importance.

"u ain't shit," I'd say to myself. "U are just like any other goofy human being. Learn a little fucking humility."

It helped that life itself joined in and started curb-stomping me. Yeah u ain't shit let me show you what you look like on the inside bitch

But after this experience i went to my best friend and said, "I have just realized i am a motherfucking genius."

"now i think you are, too," she said.

You know why learning to read is important? Because it's how we organize and collate our thoughts. And it is horrifying how very, very badly that these people read. Hell, I'm not sure I was read at all! I'm pretty sure i was added to a long and sprawling blacklist and that there are return visitors to my blog activity to harass supporters.

This whole thing has also been a learning experience. How many times have i been guilty of abandoning OP's context to ramble off on some side track that's way outside their scope? Kinda rude honestly, especially if i held them accountable for not hitting my extremely specific new direction. There's a difference between adding to a concept and yanking it into a full 180. There's also a difference between judging someone harshly for an omission or mistake and being able to look at the rest of their work and realize it was just a bobble, something they would gladly correct or modify with a spot of discussion.

There is no optimism in essayism. Or on the internet, for that matter.

I will say that it's wild how someone can just say something without any proof and bam: that is the truth now. Because it's easy to consume, because the person disagreeing with me is who people want to believe, whereas i wrote a very long and complicated and unpleasant thing in support of media already lying firmly beneath the heel of a devoted hate machine. And who wants the trouble of dealing with a harassment campaign? Don't blame people for not reblogging or commenting. No, not at all.

It also makes me think about some of my favorite essayists, all of whom have been the targets of focused harassment attempts. Man, i will miss Lindsay Ellis until the end of fucking time and i will always resent the dumb fucking bullshit that drove her away. And for what? If anything, her treatment and the general handling of the situation proves the only way to win is not to play. Nobody wanted her to win and she was never going to be given the credit of a doubt as an adult human being with a working brain.

The control of the flow of ideas: controlling who sees whose work, probably with a single sentence of unsubstantiated bullshit. I'm looking at everything differently now: why do i feel the ways i do? Where and why did i consume bullshit, hook, line, and sinker?

The only thing I would change about the BioShock essay is responding to the Lakota blogger at all. Take the one correction that mattered and go on. Because there was nothing there to debate--what they were bringing up, the reasons they said what they said, and the ways they said them was for a very good reason: it involved family and their unjust murders. So i should have granted grace in that case: should have understood that a deep and violent hatred was fucking guaranteed, and that an intelligent debate was never, ever going to happen--not because the blogger was not intelligent, but because they were furious. What's more, if said blogger were truly Lakota, i could've gotten more cultural context. If that person ever shows up around here again, I'd extend an apology for not thinking about that.

But c'est la vie. Time to take that correction into the future.

But for everything and everyone else:

[spiral2005]

#vent under the cut. sorry for the mental illness but i've gotten TOO much of it i need to voice my pain to the internet now

so these past two or so weeks my cookie game fixation came back. kind of. i don't play the games anymore (i did actually try and pick them back up recently but 1. i get bored of mobile games really fast and 2. i don't really want to support the company anymore. because they're lame), but an irl friend started talking to me about it and specifically wanted to like draw some of the characters and i was like "yeah i'll tag along." so i did draw some of those characters. and it made my mental health worse LOL

i lot of the issues i have with cookie game don't really come from the game itself, really? it definitely has it's problems and again i don't actively engage with the games anymore but a lot of the character designs are genuinely really good. i've tried stealing some of them and putting them into their own stories multiple times but i've always given up mainly because of the reason i'm going to get into

my main issue is that the cookie game fandom is lame. like big time. and i don't really know how to put it into exact words and i don't really like admitting it but it definitely fucked me up a little mentally. it was the first online fandom i joined when i became old enough to actually do things online, plus i joined it during the lockdown so i was at home for a significantly longer time than usual and was able to be active in the fandom more. i had joined a server with a group of decently notable people in it who were friendly towards me and it made me feel genuinely really nice, as someone who was treated poorly by a lot of people who i considered myself to be "close" to before.

but also, like i said, it was the first time i was really interacting with strangers on the internet, so i didn't really have the proper, like, "online etiquette" instilled in my brain yet. so i started to act really irrational and passive aggressive towards this group of people once i started to believe they "didn't really like me anymore." it got bad to the point where the group of people stopped talking to me altogether. and, like, i don't have a problem with that in it of itself; i do look back at how i acted towards that group and recognize "yeah. i was being a dick." but also at the time it felt extremely sudden. i believe one of the people in this group tried to tell me what i was doing wrong beforehand but it was in a really vauge and awkward way that i couldn't really understand. and a lot of the "problematic" things i was doing were also like, me genuinely trying to get along with them? like i would watch this group of people make jokingly teasing remarks about each other constantly and when i would try and do the same i guess it failed and came off as genuine rudeness a lot of the time. i was trying really hard to get this group of people who i were friends with to "like me again" but i was young and it came off as rude and selfish instead.

i think at this point that i've grown as a person from my days as a young cookie game fan. i try to be compassionate to people online and try not to overstep my boundaries and things of the like. but me fucking up my first ever attempt still kind of haunts me to this day. even with people i'm close with in real life, i am constantly wondering whether or not i'm coming off as too mean and i'm secretly hurting the people around me. even at the smallest hint of dissatisfaction towards me, i immediately start worrying about what i might have done wrong, and if said person is going to completely block me out of their life the next day without me knowing what i did in the first place. i have a lot of people in my life right now who i know care about me, and i'm genuinely really thankful for that, but i know that i have the capacity in me to change someone's mind about that, and that's scary to me.

i got to a point where i wasn't being reminded of this as often, but now that cookie game has been a thing i've been thinking about my old "friend group" is also eventually going to come up. in all honestly, i don't really want closure from any of them. a lot of the (rightfully) do not care about cookie game anymore, and the ones that do make me a little uncomfortable for other reasons, but nonetheless, i still feel bad that i made a group of people older than me hate me by being too #entitledminorcore around them. there's a lot of other intricacies to my current mental state that tie back to my old fandom days in some shape or form, but i don't want to share too much on the internet. i just want to share a little. so i hopefully stop thinking about it.

[deepdarkbrain]

I've said just about everything to my therapist.

TW: all of them

Hi, my name is Ryn (they/them) and I've said just about everything to my therapist. Before I get into too much here, be forewarned, I don't want to pull any punches on this blog. I want to be able to share (just about) everything that I would share with my therapist. This blog is going to include posts about dark and difficult subjects ranging from basic mental health to suicide, self harm, substance abuse, etc. I'm 100% going to swear and say what could be considered terrible things. What I will promise though, is that I will always include trigger warnings at the beginnings of my posts and there is a permanent content warning at the top of my blog.

I want to be open and honest about these kinds of dark, intimate subjects not to romanticize them or to encourage others to follow me down what will sometimes be the wrong path. But to share my experiences in the hopes that it'll help someone else feel like, "Oh yeah, I'm not alone on this dumb planet." Having grown through pre-internet times to now, one incredibly helpful thing I've found the younger generations using is the internet to break mental health taboos. Being honest and talking about it, even with a little levity sometimes (I'm looking at you memes), can help.

I've been seeing the same therapist for many, many years now. We've worked through so many things; childhood traumas, hospitalizations, relationships, work struggles, and everything in between. We've had discussions about how shit the American health care system is and also shared wins.

They've had a couple kids. I've started to accept I'm not broken, I'm just really fucking neurodivergent. Not exactly equivalent to some, but to me, hell yeah. I'm killing it.

Here's a little background on me. I am in my early 30s and I've been dealing with mental illness (major depressive disorder mostly, plus anxiety, ADHD, and autism) for the entirety of my life. You'll notice I specifically say "dealing with" and not "suffering from," which is the more common phrasing. This is something I work really hard to do. For me personally, speaking about my MIs in a semi-light way and using specific language really helps me accept and advocate for myself. A psychologist I had in a group therapy session once told us,

Honestly that one statement changed everything for me. One of my biggest pet peeves around how people treat those of us with MIs is the age old trope, "Just think positively!" It drives me batshit insane. For one it implies that I enjoy feeling like garbage at random and destroying relationships with people I care about for no reason. And for another it implies that who I am and how I live my life is inherently wrong.

Something I'm going to tell you, probably over and over again as I write this blog, is that if you deal with any kind of MI, YOU ARE NOT WRONG. I even have to remind myself of this, pretty regularly to be honest. There is something that's going on in your life, in your brain, in your physiology that is causing this to happen and it sucks and we all wish it would just go away, but at the very baseline, it's not wrong. You're not broken. You're just different, and different is okay.

More about me, I am wildly queer and I will fight you about it. Not really, because confrontation is extremely triggering for me, but I do feel really strongly about my LGBTQ+ community. I truly believe they are one of the most welcoming, accepting communities on the planet. Personally I identify as pansexual/asexual/aromantic (pan/ace/aro) because sexuality is a spectrum and I love everyone and no one at the same time, and I am non-binary because gender norms are dead. Use whatever pronouns you want for me, this is an internet blog, who's to say I'm even a real human?

Something I've gotten into recently with my therapist is called "Internal Family Systems Therapy." So I'll probably bring it up a lot. As I am a mere mortal and not an authority on literally anything, please follow the link to read more educated material about this subject. Otherwise, here's my very, very broken down, idiot, tl;dr.

IFST is a type of therapy that centers around the idea that within every person's mind, there are separate parts with separate purposes, usually to protect the base part. Recently in therapy I equated it to, "a close cousin of Dissociative Identity Disorder," in that you think of these separate parts as different versions or personalities of yourself. For example, in my situation I feel that within my mind there are at least five separate "me's" that are all Ryn but also each their own Ryn.

Of course, firstly there is me. The very essence of who I am. Funny, smart, loving, and able to think clearly and rationally. This is the part of me that has been me from birth and will only ever change for the better. It is the base, the original. This is the part of me that wants to stand up for itself but most often gets overtaken by the other parts. Base me gets frustrated when people use MI terms flippantly (ie. "Oh I'm so OCD!" "I'm goth so I'm also depressed." "You're like totally schizophrenic!"). Drives me bananas. Just don't do it.

Next there is depression. This is the part of me that experiences deep sadness, mental anguish, self hatred, and many other nasty, no good things. Usually the depression part of me is equivalent to someone I like to call Floor Ryn. People who know me well, know if I tell them I have become Floor Ryn, it means I've gotten so low that the only thing I'm able to do is lay down on my kitchen floor and exist. It is not comfortable, it does not make me feel better, but I simply cannot do anything else. I'm nigh on catatonic. Though at other times depression is sobbing for hours and being unable to listen to music with lyrics for fear that I will start sobbing.

Because depression is what I deal with the most and what comes up for me the most, there's a lot to it. Depression isn't just emptiness, it can also be cruel. To myself and to others. It's the part that has been hospitalized for attempting suicide. It's the part that created the hundreds of scars that live on my body. It's the part that has told friends I hate them when really I don't. It doesn't care about the exciting plans the me part of me made for next week, it just wants to cry and rage and feel miserable.

Next there is anxiety, and this is the second of my more prominent parts. This part overthinks, panics, has meltdowns/temper tantrums, and tries to fix everything. It's neurotic and selfish. It's the part that picks at my nail beds. It's also both blind and hyperaware of everything around me. It's that toddler at the mall beating their tiny, fat fists on the floor while you're thinking their parent should be doing a better job parenting. This part is also surprisingly rational; it can be bargained with. It can be given evidence and shown that everything is okay. I find anxiety to be easy to manage on a daily basis. But I do have meds for emergencies.

Next is ADHD, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. This one is somewhat new to me. I've probably always had it, but haven't been diagnosed until adulthood. This part always has at least five projects going at once (I'm an artist and just a creator in general). ADHD can't pay attention in lectures, can't stay still, is terrible at exams, needs to multitask, and constantly wants to go off on tangents. It's hyper, impulsive, and generally content, if not good-spirited. It makes me question occasionally if I inherited my dad's bi-polar disorder. I haven't; I've been told many times by many practitioners. But the thought's still there (hello, anxiety).

Finally autism, and again this one is new to me. This is the part that feels like an alien because I can't understand why you feel the way you're feeling or fathom what you're thinking. It's the part I think that is the most ace/aro. It's the part that doesn't care about dating or sex and doesn't understand how you can't live without your partner for two days. Also it's the part that can't look you in the eye when we're talking and says shitty things sometimes because it forgets that yeah, it is actually human and has to follow human social rules.

All of these personalities of me coexist at once but can also present themselves more individually. They're each trying to do something for me. Depression is, to use another therapist's words (Kati Morton), "pulling the ripcord" to yank me away from a situation it deems triggering. Anxiety is working to repair and investigate to find a solution to the problem at hand. As for ADHD and autism, I think mostly they're just along for the ride. ADHD is kind of a bro, a Gryffindor (big Harry Potter nerd here). But they have their uses, I suppose.

Am I perfect? No, absolutely not. Do I want to be perfect? Not really, no, sounds hard and depression isn't up for the challenge. In thinking about perfection, I like to think of the Japanese aesthetic of wabi-sabi, which essentially means to embrace the beauty of imperfection. As an artist, I've heard of it mostly in the context of kintsugi ceramics where pieces of pottery that have broken -- whether on purpose or accidental -- are repaired using something that will emphasize that it was once broken. I've often seen it where the shards are attached back together with gold so that the cracks are almost more beautiful than the original piece.

So, to try to find a conclusion to this post, I am mentally ill. I have been for a long time and I will be for a long time more. I am not broken. I am not wrong. I am not perfect. And all of these things are okay. I want to improve myself, sure, but I think everyone should strive to do that, MI or not. All I want to do with this blog is share my experiences and the sometimes comical ways I twist my deep, dark brain to ease the pain a little in the hopes that someone else might feel comfortable sharing those things, too.

Because you know I totally want to hear the ridiculous and stupid shit you've said to your therapist before, no matter how cynical and morose. Seriously, so I can share it with mine next week.

[starryoong]

|— ୨|୧ [ get to know me tag ] ୨|୧ —|

tagged by @bbyquokka (thank you !!) ‹3

1. Birthday?

October 16th!

2. Favorite color?

green and brown, especially sage/olive shades and a good earthy brown... mmm yes

3. How tall are you?

164cm (again, shut up snowy, I will jump up and bite your ass.)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

hmm, three? a pair of trainers, a pair of winter ish boots and my trusty pair of slippers.

5. Favorite song?

I always answer these with my current one, so Treacherous (Taylor's version) by Taylor Swift! One of my two favourites by her.

6. Favorite movie?

I honestly don't know? I haven't watched a movie in so long because my attention span goes feral.

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who would challenge me, but still be a comfort place. I'm gonna be real sappy and say that Binnie would fit the role..

8. Do you want children?

nope, I've never wanted them ever since I was a wee kindergartener. It's just never been something I've wanted?

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

nope.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

grey wool socks with little black moose on them hihi

11. Favorite type of music?

My favourites are definitely indie (especially scottish indie, take Vansleep for example, my beloved) and generally I find myself leaning more into anything that has solid rhythm sections, especially bass lines. There's just something about a bangin bass line, man..

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Usually one, but since I tend to move a lot, I fold it so it's double if it's not the right™️ height haha.

13. What position do you sleep in?

99% of the time I end up on my stomach with one of my legs up in some angle. Yes, I am aware that I'm very attractive.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

I get so fucking stressed if there's movement or blinking lights around me when I'm trying to relax.

15. Have you tried archery?

no, but I wish!

16. Favorite fruit?

peaches <3

17. Are you a good liar?

depends? I don't like lying, but I also don't get the point in being brutally honest all the time if it's a taste thing and it doesn't really matter? Idk

18. What’s your personality type?

INFJ-T (twinning with bestie Aragorn hihi)

19. Innie or outie?

innie

20. Left or right handed?

right

21. Favorite food?

I like sushi and taco a completely normal amount. I vibe with food as long as it's not too spicy or hot (temperature-wise) and the textures are right™️

22. Favorite foreign food?

Sushi and taco, hehe

23. Are you clean or messy?

Usually? A very clean person. I love cleaning and tidying as it calms my anxiety, but when I hit my depressive episodes? Yeah, you can easily spot it from the state of my apartment.

24. Most used phrase?

slay

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

usually like 5-15 minutes?

26. Do you talk to yourself?

not really? not unless I'm really scared and have to physically remind myself of my checklists etc

27. Do you sing to yourself?

all the time.

28. Are you a good singer?

idk? I used to sing in choirs and weekly one-on-one training from 4/5 to 16, but I'm pretty rusty these days. I have a goal to join a choir again this year 🤞🏻

29. Biggest fear?

two potentially very triggering topics that I'm not gonna air out on the internet. oh and also eels. cannot stand the fuckers.

30. Are you a gossip?

oh god, I hate gossip culture so much. I come from a town where everybody knows everybody and I hate it.

31. Long or short hair?

short

32. Favorite school subject?

norwegian, english and psychology

33. Extrovert or introvert?

a massive introvert ;-;

34. What make you nervous?

anything involving people. the fact that I am an adult supposedly able to take care of myself when I feel like a traumatised eight-year-old still.

35. Who was your first crush?

I didn't really do crushes, but I remember wanting to be paul waaktaar-savoy so bad

36. How many piercings do you have?

none right now! I've had my nostrill, septum, vertical medusa, medusa, smiley and earlobes pierced before, but I took them all out to heal last year. I wanna start fresh this year, bridge and some ear piercings are on the list.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

I've genuinely lost count.. A lot <3

38. How fast can you run?

very slowly.

39. What color is your hair?

a weird mix of semi-blonde, brown and my natural brown-blonde-grey ish colour.. idk man.

40. What color are your eyes?

blue/grey

41. What makes you angry?

mostly societal injustice. atm, I'm fucking fuming at the national healthcare system in my own country for refusing to offer non-binary folks help because we're not "trans enough".

42. Do you like your name?

I feel disconnected from both my deadname and my new name. Slowly unpacking that with my therapist. Starry feels more like a safe space though.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

I don't want children, but if I were to have one - it would honestly not matter. I would try to treat them as genderlessly as I could until they could choose for themselves, so it genuinely doesn't matter.

44. What are your strengths?

right now, I don't feel like I have any tbh. but normally, I think I try my best to make people feel seen and heard?

45. What are your weaknesses?

we're not gonna open that door right now

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

white with brown/red lines

47. What’s the color of your room?

where I am now, white. in my apartment, light grey.

I'm too tired to tag anyone right now, but feel free to say I tagged you if you want to do this! 🫶🏻

[humanityinahandbag]

I also want to add that Steve really does know his audience, even if he wasn't aware how large they actually were. He assumes from the get go that there might just be kids who were like him when he was young.

And so he tells them things he wishes he'd gotten to hear.

"You know," he tells his phone, "I know what a lot of you have probably gone through. And it sucks. But don't let it make you jaded or mean or shit like that. It's not worth it. Be kind to who you can, and take care of yourselves, even if other people aren't doing that for you." He'd pause, purse his lips in thought, and then add; "and besides, who the hell needs validation from people who don't matter? I'm here to say that I'm proud of you, and I think you're doing great. So keep it up."

He doesn't realize how many people need to hear that.

People flock to his channel because they truly adore feeling as if they've got a parental figure. Steve is honest, and he's blunt, but he's kind about it all.

They also watch in droves to see the way he speaks to kids who feel like they're... different.

"You know," he'd say one day, sitting in the kitchen. Behind him Eddie had his back to the camera, too shy to turn around but desperate for the girl scout cookies hidden in the pantry. "My husband used to get called a freak in school, and I'm pretty sure I was one of the people who said it."

Behind him, Eddie would go still. It's easy to notice. His hand above his head, frozen in a reach for the thin mints.

"He was called that for lots of reasons I guess. He was different, you know? Liked that nerd shit. Had long hair. Listened to stupid music."

Eddie's shoulders shuddered in a trembling, sad laugh.

"But one of the big reasons was because people didn't like who he loved. Including me? I mean, it took me time to figure myself out, but I had to work through some pretty serious shit first." He'd nod, thinking before he spoke again. "I've been on both sides of this. I've ben the fucking bully, but I also got to be really happy. And that's not easy, because I still feel guilty about it all sometimes."

Eddie's turned around behind him, clutching the thin mints to his chest. His eyes shone, mouth in a tight, wobbly line.

"I can't turn back time," Steve says, "but I can at least try and be better, and make sure that he knows he's loved and accepted and all that good fucking stuff. And that's what I want you to know, too. That I'm proud of you, and you should keep going. Let your freak flag fly. Don't take shit from guys who were like me. Find people who make you happy and make sure they know how much you-"

He's cut off by a thin mint being offered over his shoulder, Eddie leaning against his back. His phone stops recording just as Eddie leans in, lips to Steve's temple, a thank you spoken soft as a song.

Eddie is rarely in Steve's videos. He has his own channel where he teaches kids guitar and talks about D&D and metal music and what it's like to come from an abusive home only to land in the best one with his Uncle Wayne (someone who has appeared only once in his videos but was an immediate crowd pleaser).

But when he does appear in Steve's videos, people watch until the view count rockets well into the millions.

Because there's something truly lovely for so many lost, scared teenagers about watching these two parental figures reach out and claim half the internet's children as their own.

"Don't worry," says Steve, grinning into the camera as Eddie sits smiling quietly beside him. "We're your parents now!"

"I'll get the adoption papers," agrees Eddie. "Steve always wanted a big family anyway."

"Oh yeah," said Steve, looking back towards his phone. "Road trips are going to be a blast."

Steddie Modern AU: TikTok

Steve would absolutely be that guy who would not understand TikTok. He and Eddie are older by the time it comes out, and most of the content there is of young kids going completely buck wild. Steve of course disapproves, hands on his hips, huffing about no supervision these days even though he was absolutely a terror in high school.

Eddie, rock star that he is, gets it to an extent. "They're expressing themselves!" he'd say.

Steve would only shake his phone around and point aggressively to a video playing on loop of a young man dancing along to some new trendy song, trying his hardest to seem cool and popular. "This isn't expression," he'd say, mother hen voice at top volume. "This is them trying to peacock to the world!"

"You did that once, too, Stevie."

"Yeah, and I was a little shit!"

And so Steve, in an effort to curb the young teenage population and keep them from making his mistakes (mostly due to parental neglect and hopeless, crushing self deprivation), would start his own TikTok channel.

"Hey there," he says into the camera, because for all the pride around his good looks, he has zero clue how to record a video of himself. "My names Steve, and I've been noticing a bunch of you on here who are out of control! Listen to me, alright? You need to dial it back. All that shit in high school is completely null and void when you're an adult. Trust me. From a former popular asshole, there's better shit you could be doing. Now let me show you how to scramble an egg."

His videos mostly consist of simple lessons. Giving out little pieces of advice. Teaching them basic life skills he had to learn on his own. How to cook. How to clean. How to iron a polo shirt. How to style your hair. How to do laundry. How to do basic first aid.

He often becomes transparent, telling them about his own childhood.

Sometimes he brings Eddie into his videos.

"This is my husband's favorite," he says, by way of explanation as he shows TikTok how to make pasta sauce from scratch. "He used to eat spaghetti out of a can. A fucking can!"

Despite his posturing on stage, Eddie becomes shy whenever a camera is in his face, and ducks his head away, smiling quietly towards the camera. "It's not that bad," he says.

"Not that- The sodium in that could kill an elephant!" Steve laughs.

"Yeah, well... I don't want you doing too much for me."

"I like doing things for you."

Eddie flushes and ducks his head, hiding his face away behind a curtain of curls.

Steve leans over a kisses his temple, pushing him gently out of frame where he'll be more comfortable, before turning back to the camera. "Anyway, this recipe is great if you're on your own for long periods of time. Especially because you can freeze some for later. Now the trick here is garlic. Let me show you how to peel it without making a huge mess!"

It's a month later where Dustin shows up at their door and shoves his phone into Steve's face. "Why the fuck," he'd snap, "are you trending?"

It turns out, the tiny community that Steve had been lecturing to wasn't as small as he originally thought.

There are so many kids out there desperate for parental affection, and they look to Steve, feeding off his pride, his kindness, his stories, his advice. Not only that but the fact that they get to see a former bully, a former popular kid, a man who grew up from neglect, become someone happy and married?

That's just... so wonderful.

"I've been on TikTok from the beginning and I only have, like, two thousand followers."

"So what? I don't have that many."

"You've got three million, Steve," said Dustin. Steve was not expecting that, squinting at the phone screen in his face. "Three fucking million! People are stitching your videos saying you guys are their new dads," Dustin squawked. "How did you not know you were this popular!?"

"I didn't know how to check my follower count!" Steve said, sincerely. It wasn't like he actually checked the thing! He just enjoyed making videos.

"You're so old."

"Hey," said Eddie from the kitchen, "don't talk about your mother that way."

"Yeah!" agreed Steve. "Don't talk to me that way! Now get into my next video so I can introduce you to your three million siblings."

And that is why I firmly believe that, if given the chance, Steve (and subsequently, Eddie) would absolutely become the internet's favorite parental figure(s).