#But though swords are pretty fast they're best when you have some space

[kaluawoo]

While I agree that giant swords are super cool, they're also kinda shitty weapons for a ninja

[veebs-hates-video-games]

So I finally got around to Final Fantasy VII Remake. The short version is it's the game that convinced me to never play another Final Fantasy game again. It's less dramatic than it sounds though because that decision was based on a lot more than just my experience with this one game, and I don't even think it's a bad game or anything.

I'm someone who played the original forever ago, before FF8 was even out, who overall didn't really like the remake. Yeah, I know, there are tons of people like that. Unlike what seems like the vast majority of them I think almost everything the remake changed made it better.

I only ever thought the original was pretty good, and it was never one of my favorite games ever. I've always been kind of surprised that so many people were so superlative about it and kept demanding more spinoff games and media and an entire remake and going on about how it was one of the best games ever made. Like sure, I had a good time with it, and it was hugely influential, but really? I suppose I have weird taste sometimes.

Anyway pretty much all the changes to the story and writing improved things as far as I'm concerned, although some of that's probably because the translation of the original was pretty rough. A lot of it is because they fleshed stuff out so much more though. There's a lot more backstory and worldbuilding and explanation of people's motivations, so it's much easier to tell who's doing what and why and what their goals are, which helps the story a lot.

Even more than that though is how much better the characters are developed. Some of that is because they stretched it out into three games and have more time to spend with everyone, but a lot of it is just that the writing is better and the characters have more personality. Aerith is so much more of a gremlin than back when she was still Aeris, and it's great. Jessie and Biggs and Wedge being actual characters adds so much too. I feel like they got better development in this than most of the main party members did in the original, and I care more about their stories in this than I did about most of the main cast before.

Unfortunately dragging it out across three games also means it does a fair amount of Hobbiting, although that's mostly on the gameplay side. The story/character additions are mostly good, but the gameplay ones are...well, they just really aren't. Some of the areas really start to drag for a while, and the pacing suffers for it, just running around huge spaces fighting a bunch of random crap just to pass the time so they can justify this being three $70 games instead of the story ending after 20 hours.

And speaking of the gameplay, I don't love it. It's not terrible, and it's at least a step in the right direction after FF15, but it's still a pretty mediocre action game. I may be a little biased coming off stuff like Astral Chain a little while before this one, but come on. I don't even need it to be on that level. Trials of Mana felt much better to me, so someone at Squenix knows how to do it.

I think my biggest problem is just that a lot of animations feel way too long, so nothing's as responsive as I want it to be. It's particularly egregious running around in the world having to wait like two seconds for Cloud to smash boxes and put his sword away afterward before I can move normally again, or the 5-12 second cutscenes squeezing through tight spaces, but it affects the combat to some degree too.

And you know what? The people who made the game apparently agree with me, because Yuffie's animations for all that stuff in Episode INTERmission are all like twice as fast and feel so much better. She's absolutely delightful to play as compared to the base game, whether it's running around the world or fighting stuff. She's also just delightful in general, which definitely helps.

Anyway, the thing most "they changed it, now it sucks" people seem to hate the most is the story changes, and I'm pretty sure they're wrong because that's the best thing about it. Well, the idea behind what they were trying to do is the best thing about it. I kind of love that they took a remake people had been demanding for years and putting really high expectations on and made it into a metacommentary on retelling stories people already know and the expectations they have for it. Finally a JRPG where instead of defeating god you defeat the concept of your ability to tell a story being constrained by your audience's demands.

But as much as I like it conceptually the execution was kind of hit or miss for me. In hindsight that's to be expected, because that's happened with literally every Nomura/Nojima game I've ever played, with zero exceptions. They're great at creating characters I like (both in terms of design and personality), interesting worlds, and fascinating premises, and then at some point the story inevitably falls apart and just doesn't really do it for me overall.

In conclusion, I've instituted a new policy: I am no longer allowed to play Final Fantasy games or other things made by Nomura/Nojima, at least not if they have significant creative control (so Nomura designing a few characters in XC2 is fine, but that's about the limit of it). It'll probably be healthier for everyone in the long run because I'll get to do stuff I like more instead, and everyone else will have to suffer through less of my bitching as I try to force myself through it.

It's a shame though, because I really did like what they did with Aerith and Yuffie a lot and wouldn't mind spending more time with them. The main game struggled to keep me as engaged when Aerith wasn't around because she was so good for the group dynamic, and the side story was at its best when it was all Yuffie all the time instead of trying to tie back into the main story too directly.

Ah heck, I forgot to be a hater about a couple things. Episode INTERmission really fell apart at the end for me. I have zero investment in Dirge of Cerberus/Crisis Core, and the drastic change in tone for the last like 15% of it really ruined things for me. I was genuinely having a pretty good time up until that point for the most part, but that left me feeling much more negatively overall.

Also I have never, ever understood why Sephiroth is so popular and people have been so excited about him whenever he shows up anywhere in anything, and this did nothing to change that for me. Quite possibly the biggest gulf ever between how hyped a character is vs how uninteresting I find them. I'm absolutely baffled by people who say Jin from XC2 is bad because he's just discount Sephiroth. Yeah, he looks vaguely similar because he was designed by the same person, but I actually like Jin's design more, and I find him much more interesting as a character, especially after the Adventures of Tomboy and Sadboy DLC.

Ok I'll shut up now. I think I've gotten my very mixed feelings on Final Fantasy from the past 30 years since I first played one out of my system.

Edit: Oops, forgot one thing. The motorcycle segments are my new least favorite thing in any FF game. The first one was mildly annoying, but they had to include it because it was in the original. The second one sucked enough that if it had gone on for a minute or two longer I was ready to just force quit and uninstall the game right then and there. Chocobo breeding and racing in the original is definitely worse, but it's also completely optional, while this is required for story progression so it's more offensive to me. I was pleasantly surprised by Fort Condor being the least worst minigame in the game though, when I expected it to be the actual worst.

[infinitethree]

WasTaken family, what worlds do you like going to best?

Unlike the last time a question was directed towards the entire family, this time they're split into groups.

Theo, Perce, and Lee are once again in the arena, though they’re joined by three of the Council members–Aster, Aleph, and Khons.

Lee sits attentively in the stands with Khons and Perce, attention zeroed in on the other three. They're having some sort of three-way spar and it's...fast. Very, very fast; so fast it's easy to miss the identical, feral grins that Theo and Aster have. Aleph doesn't seem as blatantly enthused, nor quite as speedy, but seems to be enjoying himself and holding his own just fine.

Especially when Theo falters for a fraction of a second and gets a sword through his chest for it.

Almost immediately he starts shouting, darting back into the arena from the respawn room. "That didn't fuckin' count! Interference!" The other two disengage, glance at each other, and then over to Theo. "...Are you sure you aren't just being a sore loser? There wasn't anything that I saw," The piglin hybrid's mostly monotone voice carries a bit of amusement, even if he knows damn well what's going on. All of the Council members do, actually.

Observers are present and almost certainly have asked something.

Theo scowls at him. "Fuckin' question popped up! S' still weird as shit!"

Aster, still catching his breath, squints at him. "...How is it any different from the Fates? Isn't it just one more voice?" The warrior rolls his eyes, flopping down near his brothers in the stands. "No, n’ it's hard to explain why it's not the same," he grumbles, “It just is.” Aleph and Aster both take seats nearby, since there wasn't much point in continuing without him. They had plenty of time to spar just the two of them.

Perce speaks up from his place next to Khons. "As funny as it would be if Theo was just making excuses for fucking up," he says, ignoring the indignant squawk from said brother, "I got it, too. I'm sort of surprised, though–and a little confused about how much they all know. Theo and Dad are the ones in the family who travel a lot--the rest of us only occasionally go elsewhere. For me, it's less of a 'kind' and more a specific one. I like visiting my original world. It's nice meeting up with my friends and seeing how things have been. I don’t regret moving here, but...I still miss them sometimes."

Lee grins, elbowing him. "I was too adorable to not move here for, right?" Perce laughs, reaching over to ruffle his younger brother's hair. "Of course. You'll only be tiny for so long. Plus I thought it would be good to give the rest of them more space. I'm not even the admin any more--and before I get asked, I was...different, from how Dad and Dream Prime. I just kept things running smoothly, no world-talking or link to it like they have. Had, in Dad’s case. From what everyone back on my original world has told me, Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo are doing a great job. I figured they would–wouldn’t have given them control otherwise– but…it’s still nice to be proven right."

There's a grin from the eldest brother at that. He extends a fist towards Aster as he says, "Tommys are just fuckin' pog like that." The Sword bumps his fist back, smiling a little. "We're pretty capable, given the right motivation."

"Best world is Opinionated Ranboo's. Cookie Dream n’ the rest of the cookie team are awesome! Even Ranboo is funny, if a little...likely to give me a headache. The cookies are worth it though! Nothing beats getting one right out of the oven," Lee declares, earning a few smiles. "Capitalist Tommy is another very pog one of us,” Theo comments, “Pretty fuckin’ sure we’d end up signing our souls over if he, Tommy Prime, n’ Caper ever went into business together. We’re just real fuckin’ lucky that Capitalist Tommy is more focused on his own world.”

Khons adds mildly, “And that Caper is more focused on the Prank Guild. Most Tommys are…pretty scary, when they want to be.” Really, though, Khons had his own opinion of who the most terrifying Tommy was. It took a special kind of person to quietly create an entire organization with a secret council at the helm, hide all evidence of said council’s existence from someone who could be shown anything that happened in the world and seamlessly lie to countless people for three years. It took an even more special person to do that for the defense of an admittedly already very safe child, and to then thrive on the deception.

There were a lot of things about Daz that were baffling. Most of them tied back to whatever the hell his original world had been like. A lot of the details of that were withheld even from the other Council members. Though, to be fair, the rest of them weren't exactly open books about their own first worlds either.

“And you, Theo? Favorite kind of world?” It only takes a few moments after Perce looks to his eldest brother before the answer comes. “Probably peaceful-weird ones. Y’know, where shit’s fuckin’ strange but there’s not any real danger. Or, if there is, s’ more like we need to bring people back ‘cause the world is fucked, but not in an insta-death way. More like, uh…there was one with fuckin’--Dream on a little island, n’ the world had flooded, right? But he refused to go unless his friend–fuckin’ merman Quackity, which was wild for a few fuckin’ reasons–could go with him. S’ you might be able to guess, was sorta hard to bring a person who doesn’t have legs n’ can’t breathe air through a portal with us!”

Perce’s eyes narrow slightly. “...Wasn’t that the one where Vio reverse engineered a water breathing potion out of spite? Even though he has basically a magic allergy?” Theo laughs cheerfully, “Yeah! Fucker scared the shit out of the two we were fuckin’ there to help, ‘cause he flat out didn’t sleep for about four days. Dream asked at one point what was up with him, and Dad fuckin’ said that Vio has a personal grudge against water. Fucker then shouted back that water had a personal grudge against him, n’ I think I laughed so hard I blacked out for a few seconds.”

“Sounds about right,” Aleph says, smiling faintly. “He was…interesting. In the world Moons and I came from, he decided to leave a message for the group we were running from that time.” Khons has stilled, an uneasy expression on his face. Aleph carefully leans against him ever so slightly, a gentle reminder of his presence. Theo watches them for a moment, then says helpfully, “So, yeah–that kind of place. Or just…ones without all the real fucked up shit. I’m real fuckin’ sick of finding another fuckin’ Protege Tommy world. No offense, Aster, but–”

A shrug meets the apology. Aster says mildly, “None taken. It’s depressing to see how common they are, anyway. Granted, a lot of them do end up in the Swords and Shields because…well. Lee is a sweet kid and one of the least threatening Dreams we have.” He looks at the kid in question, whose smile falters a bit. “...Would be nice if nobody was hurt at all, but…if they end up here, bad stuff happened to them or their world. I didn’t really…deal with any of that. Or, at least–I don’t remember it. I’ve gotten a lot of kindness from everyone here. It’s sort of…the least I can do, to try to make the really messed up people feel a little safer.”

One hand goes to touch the brooch worn over his heart. “...I just want everyone to be safe and happy. They deserve that much.” The quiet words linger for only a moment, and then he feels a hand settle gently on his head. When he looks up, Aster is smiling softly at him. “You’ve got a big heart. It’s what made all of us decide to stick by your side–we don’t want you to stop being that kind.”

The sheer weight of that draws a tiny frown from Lee. “I know, I know. It’s…” he trails off, struggling to put the feeling into words. After a few moments Khons gently offers, “It feels like you’re being given too much, right? Like you haven’t done enough to earn that sort of loyalty?” Lee nods a little. “Mhm. That’s how we all felt, you know. What had we done, to make us worthy of being taken back here? What had we done, to merit the kindness and empathy we’d been given? What made it okay for us to finally be safe?”

The rhetorical questions make Lee look a little offended. Feathers puffing in outrage, he protests, “Nobody has to earn–” “We know that, now. But at first…it’s hard to believe that. It’s easier to accept flower crowns and scrawled drawings and disarmingly sweet compliments from a little kid than it is to believe that the world really is safe. ‘Leph and I would probably never have gotten as involved in things if you hadn’t opened that door. It might not have been your intention to start anything bigger…but you did. We’re glad for it.”

Aleph inclines his head a little. “All of the Swords and Shields are behind you because of that. You didn’t say anything about Khons’ wool or my fur–you just said that his eyes are kind and that I looked like a good friend. It’s still not what we’re used to; a lot of new people will make comments about what we look like.”

Silence falls over them for a few moments, Lee clearly considering all of it. “...Okay,” he says with quiet reluctance. “Baby brother, just accept that you’re pog. S’ just a fact. Can’t turn the sky green or the fuckin’ grass blue, can’t change that you’re the best tiny brother I’ve ever had. None of the others fuckin’ compare,” Theo declares. Perce rolls his eyes, and elbows his elder brother. “Don’t rank us; I’ll tell Dad.” “Don’t be a sore loser, Perce. I can still kick your ass,” Theo retorts.

Perce grins at him, a toothiness to it that spoke of mischief and the innate competitive drive he had. “That really depends on what we’re going against each other in, but sure. Tell yourself you’re the best–if you say it enough times it might become true.” There’s a scoff from the elder brother, who ruffles his wings a little. “I can come out on top in anything–” “Manhunts, trivia nights, ability to keep my fucking mouth shut for more than five seconds–” “Fuck you! I could beat you if I wanted to–”

It quickly devolves into petty bickering, though there’s still that ever-present affectionate edge to it. Then Lee jumps into the verbal fray, which drags the two Swords and the Shield with him, and…it’s unlikely that the sparring will resume any time soon.

=================

Over in the flower fields next to Summer Hills, the second eldest of the family barely has to stop and think about the question. “Best worlds to visit are any of the peaceful ones with big societies and a lot of advanced tech. New things to take apart, new media, new internet to dive into. There’s always something unique in those worlds and I fucking love them.”

The two with him–Raine and Tubbo Prime–both stare at him. The other Tubbo looks confused. “Uh…Dee, who are you…oh.” He stops, realization dawning. “Did you get another question?” “Mm. Wanted to know the family’s favorite kind of world to visit,” Dee says, idly watching as bees float by them.

“...The whole…question thing unsettles me,” Raine admits quietly. “Yeah, shit’s weird. It’s just one more to add to the pile, though, and we can’t do much about it. Better to answer than be stubborn and piss whatever or whoever is asking off, right? Unless they’re assholes. In which case, I’ll meet that assholery in spades.”

Tubbo Prime grins a little. “Oh, definitely. Vee was pretty annoyed about the first few–last time I saw him go all eye twitchy like that was when he heard the names of Boo’s picks. Which was fair, because he’s been stabbed for those.” Raine’s expression turns deadpan. “His axe is bad, too. Not as bad as some of the other names I’ve heard, but…” “It’s okay,” Dee says earnestly, though with a mischievous grin. Putting a hand on his shoulder he continues, “This is a safe place. You can tell us how terrible Dream Prime’s equipment names are. We understand. We feel your pain.”

The three of them all crack up, Raine being the first to break. He wheezes out, “I still can’t believe he went from naming everything Nightmare to–whatever the fuck his current ones are–” Dee scowls, gesturing with his hands as he talks. “Dad knows what they mean. He refuses to explain beyond saying that they’re melodramatic and dumb as hell. I keep trying to get him to fucking crack, but…he’s him. So, you know, he’s a stubborn asshole who refuses to let me have any fun–”

Tubbo Prime shakes his head sympathetically. “Truly, he’s the head of the Fun Police.” “Yeah, but he’s pretty alright. And…a little scary,” Raine says as he lays back against the grass. “Oh yeah, no, you didn’t see him fight a fucking god with Theo, Techno, and Vee. He’s weird, but good weird. Like everyone else from that world!”

Dee makes a face. “No, there were assholes. There were a lot of assholes, actually. Hell, Vio used to be one of them. Still is, a little bit! I could start listing them off, but that’s fucking depressing. I’d rather watch the bees.” “Bees are superior to most things,” Tubbo Prime agrees, watching two of them drift by.

=================

Day sighs softly at the sound of a question. He’s in his living room with both Atlas and Orpheus, all three involved in their own projects. Day is in a chair and knitting a sweater in dark green, white, and light blue yarn. Atlas is positioned sideways on the couch with some sort of odd-looking board that he’s deftly knotting thin wire and beads onto in a complex pattern. Orpheus is…well. He’s got a ton of papers with notes and music on them spread out across the floor, his com propped up off to one side, a guitar halfway in his lap, and is chewing on a pencil.

“You two get that one, too?” “Yup,” Atlas says, not looking up from his project. Orph makes a noise of distracted agreement, eyes narrowed as he stares down at one of the pieces of paper like it personally offended him.

“Any of them I can go see musicals in,” Orph mutters after a moment. Atlas nods in agreement. “Yeah, those ones usually have good stuff for jewelry. It’s a pain to put away our wings, but worth it to just…go have a day of fun.”

“I keep getting mistaken for their brother. It’s funny,” Day cheerfully adds. Orpheus makes a face, finally looking up at him. “You get smug about it. It’s not their fault immortality isn’t a thing for most people–” “He gets so smug,” Atlas groans, glaring at their dad.

Day is entirely unrepentant. “Yes, well…it’s still very funny.” Orph points his pencil at him. “Hypocrite!” “Mmm, special Dad privileges. I’ve earned being a chaotic asshole from time to time,” Day says with a little shrug.

Orph starts intoning, “Every day spent here is a nightmare–” “No, that’s an axe. And a set of armor. And a sword–” Day’s interruption makes his son make an infuriated noise and hiss, “You know what I meant!”

That only makes Day raise his eyebrows slightly. “Of course I did. I also know that you’re a terrible gremlin child and deserve every single terrible dad joke I make. All of you do. I’m getting belated revenge for the raccoons, Orpheus.” Day shifts his attention to Atlas, who laughs nervously. “So, uh–your favorite kind of world, Dad?”

Day shrugs. “Anywhere that’s peaceful. It’s nice to not have to immediately deal with some horrible, nightmarish crisis involving pain, suffering, and death. The solution in those cases is usually more death. Or making everyone talk. Either way, I don’t like those. Ones that are just…silly, or lighthearted, or just generally aren’t deeply depressing. Or…hurt my head. We’ve had a few of those.”

“...Wilbur being married to XD was weird to hear about,” Atlas says, and all three of them make similar faces. Orpheus’s voice is slightly higher pitched as he rants, “How do you think it felt for me?! I had to hear about an alternate self that was married to a god who my Dad created here!”

“I had to meet a version of someone I fought a war against and another of whom is my son who married a god that is, for me, little more than an admin program I created. I had to have a little scream into a pillow after that one, because it was so baffling. We didn’t even do anything; we were just there to see it existed!” Day’s voice goes from oddly flat to somewhat frustrated as he speaks. He takes a moment to set his knitting down and stare blankly up at the ceiling. “I feel like the butt of a cosmic joke sometimes.”

“Nah,” Atlas offers mildly, looking back at his project, “that would be Dream Prime.”