#But then i just feel bad bc they clearly aren't interested whatsoever or care or just don't like it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ko-eko-ev-go-ms · 4 years

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tfw you’re still like lowgrade depressed, but you’re also lowkey in a semi productive mood/plan to be productive/have productive stuff lined up and/or easy access to. So like you want to do a bunch of things but you also don’t want to do anything, but also don’t know if you have time to properly enjoy whatever you would do bc you have stuff lined up for later that is also good/need to do.

Also unrelated, but went back into a talkative mood again which is lowkey bad bc no one likes me when i’m like that, and i’m super annoying, but i’m also extra impulsive/reckless when i’m like that so less filter bc i want to talk about all the things. But also still in a semi-isolation mood so its like confusing, bc like a call or something is too much (but also i sometimes want to??) but its also like i wanna do other stuff. But then also with being talkative/wanting to talk its just going to eventually send me back into a depressed/sad/lonely mood, bc no one who i’m comfortable talking to about literally anything lmao.

#thoughts #oni talks #oni vents #doesn't mean i don't still annoy them by trying to talk to them about random stuff lol #But then i just feel bad bc they clearly aren't interested whatsoever or care or just don't like it #Or they don't have the appropriate level of engagement/to listening ratio that my mind just arbitrarily sets up to troll me #Also its this kind of mood where i just like info dump and am just too rude and suck at conversation #Or doing whatever other thing i'm supposed to be doing or reciprocating like in a good social relationship #like listening to the other person or doing what they want to do #But then I just end up forcing myself to because i feel bad about it and that's the like proper thing to do #but then i just get even more lonely/resentful bc no one ever wants to do the same thing as me or talk about it/listen to it lol #Also its not like i can't tell when someone is disinterested or is just listening to be polite #so i just already know i'm annoying them but for whatever reason can't seem to stop a lot of the time #Or i just go in the other extreme and shut up about everything and don't talk to anyone about anything or say anything whatsoever #idk man i'm trolled bc my brain is filled with too many things rn #Like i want to do art bc art supplies just got in the mail and i wanna test them #But i also want to maybe continue filling out the therapy sheet bc therapy is tomorrow #But also even though i have food i can't seem to bring myself to eat it bc no interest whatsoever #Or just want to do so many other things #Like i both plan to work out and take a bath today but i don't really know exactly how that will work out scheduling wise #and i also know i'm probably going to just get depressed again today so feel like i should factor that in too #like i already have negative plans for bath time (Nothing serious don't worry)#Idk man i'm just all over the place and want to do too many things like animal crossing or watching youtube but also not at the same time #Also need to refill all the water bowls and probably check mail box bc another package and idk if my mom will

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