#But the followers are interesting to me because kindness ISNT the default because its the post apocalypse!!! The followers being helpful to

[surpriserose]

speaking of new vegas i dont think everyone talks about the followers of the apocalypse enough because they are literally the best and most interesting faction to me the arbiter of new vegas

[horde-princess]

jesus/adora meta pwease 👉👈😳

okayokay ive been thinking about this for a long time and the reason ive never written about it is because like. its so BIG. i like to think of adora’s character as a reflection of noelle’s experiences as a former christian, and there is still so much to dive into with that- however i do agree there’s another more abstract layer to adora’s story that challenges some bigger theological ideas. this is probably about to sound wild lksjljfdf i’ll try my best to explain my thought process just disclaimer that it will not make any sense 😌 when do my metas ever make sense tbh. U KNOW WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR WHEN YOU FOLLOWED ME BYE

Parallel 1: There’s at least one jesus/adora parallel that’s undeniable and that’s the whole ancient prophesied messiah thing. this wasn’t in the original motu lore so you know it was added for a reason.

Parallel 2: Adora was raised by shadow weaver and light hope to be a willing sacrificial lamb.. the isaac to their abrahams. her faith in god (aka her allegiance to the horde / first ones) demanded that she sacrifice herself to save the world.

i think these 2 parallels provide sufficient evidence to move on with this analysis but later i wanna mention some of the more specific details bc they are super interesting! but yeah for now--there was clearly some theme going on here about subverting the story of jesus... adora was given a divine destiny to save etheria, but save it from what? and why does it matter?

She-Ra criticizes the penal substitutionary atonement theory

what the fuck is that right lsdfdkj I WARNED YOU THIS WAS GONNA BE ABOUT THEOLOGY

ok basically. evangelical christians like to say that jesus died to save us from our sins, but what they actually believe is that jesus died in our place to save us from god’s wrath. that’s an important difference. let me uhh put it another way

god defined sin (as disobeying him), created humans to be inherently sinful, decided he would punish us for the way he made everything.. then sent jesus to save us (from his own unjust anger?? as if it’s an act of mercy lmao)

in a similar way, horde prime defined sin as disobedience, then decided he should kill everyone for it. but he is a 1D villain for the purposes of the show right so instead of prime sending adora as a savior, it’s light hope who sends her. a lil confusing but its all part of the same story light hope is just another metaphor for religion. so far adoras story = jesus.

AND THEN THIS IS THE GENIUS PART--as we know adora’s destiny was never light hope sending her to the world, that was all a lie... her true powers, her true “destiny” came from being chosen BY the world.

!!!!!!! THERE IS. so much here. the whole christian narrative is flipped. writing the next part in italics because its important lkdfjldj

in christianity, a good god sends a savior from heaven to redeem an evil world. in she-ra, it’s an inherently good world that chooses it’s own human hero to save it from an evil god.

which (finally) brings us back to how she-ra criticizes the evangelicals atonement theory. because humanity doesn’t deserve god’s wrath any more than the etherians deserved prime’s wrath. condemning people for disobeying arbitrary rules (e.g. “believe jesus is the only path to life”) makes no sense. however..... if disobedience is not a sin, that means there is no need for atonement. no need for atonement = no savior. no sacrifice. 

tl;dr she-ra compares jesus--a deity sent from heaven as a sacrifice--to adora, a human chosen by the world itself, who avoided that same sacrifice. to me this is a rejection of the idea that humanity needs a divine savior. and beyond that, a rejection of the specific evangelical theory that we needed him to die in our place because we are sinful.

Resurrection through love instead of faith

ok that was a lot lsdkjfld but.. to shift gears a little..... the fact that adora’s sacrifice was unnecessary isn’t as important as how the sacrifice was avoided.

i said before that god defined sin as disobedience but in practice that just means having any personal desire that exists outside of him. shadow weaver and light hope tell adora that in order to follow her destiny she has to “let go” of her friends... as if they’re mutually exclusive, her desires and faith cannot coincide, she must choose between them. its a reflection of the same kind of black & white ultimatums you hear in church. this is how the show was able to frame adora’s love for catra as sinful without explicitly stating it.

when adora ignores her mentors guidance and kisses catra..... first we all cried ldkfj but also. she is committing the ultimate “sin” !! she’s giving into her desires so, according to the dichotomy set up by sw and lh, she’s also rejecting her destiny/faith by default. 

but then... it’s this sin that actually saves adora’s life, whereas faith would’ve led to her death. wait hold on i [goes outside and screams]

so jesus and adora followed very similar destinies right. jesus spends his life rejecting his personal desires, dies for god, and god resurrects him for his obedience. but adora LIVES and its BECAUSE she embraces her earthly desires, leaving behind the religious idea that rejecting your desires leads to salvation.... which is once again the opposite of jesus. like jesus died to save an evil world from sin, but in contrast adora reclaimed her “sin” as something good and it saved her from death, it saved her from needing resurrection at all !!!!! at least, not from god. maybe catra’s kiss symbolizes a different kind of resurrection, one inspired by love instead of faith. new life that isnt earned through sacrifice but given freely (as christians like to claim god’s grace is).

THAT IS SO LDKJFLDFJDDF and this entire time i havent even MENTIONED the fact that this is all in relation to LESBIAN love and LESBIAN desires which is obviously the point of the show and why these themes hit so hard. but even when you take away the lgbt aspect, she-ra still holds up as a fantastic criticism of evangelical theology.

........ 🙂 ok i think my brain is broken jdjdjsj why did i write this

[carcinized]

saw someone i follow listing little things they love in the world so i thought i'd make my own little list:

-the colour orange. its so lovely to look at

-how different people are drawn to different music for different reasons and they share the things they love about it and you can learn to love it too!!!

-lemons :]

-apple cider!!!

-hearing people's smiles in their inflections when they talk

-naming things and little animals!!! you get a name, you get a name, you get a name!!!

-the feel of sunshine on your skin when you sit in the sun and it isnt too hot

-clouds n rain :D

-the way humans just tell stories. we tell stories through all mediums, real and fake, and people listen to them and get interested in them and overanalyze them even though theyre not real but something about them is just inherently fascinating to us!!

-crabs

-inside jokes with friends that go on for years

-seeing someone throwing their head back and laughing. like a full laugh

-those people youre inexplicably drawn to and just think i need to be friends with you

-music!! and art!!! and writing!!! and all forms of art people create!!!

-watching someone who's really passionate about something talk about it and not really understanding but being happy because theyre happy

-people who do good blindly and as a default

-space and stars. its so big and we're here and we mean nothing to the rest of the universe so we get to choose the meanings of our lives and make them something that makes us happy

-going shopping for clothes with friends and finding something you feel nice in and being told you do look nice in it!!!

-playing with a friend's hand (or having a friend play with your hand!!)

-cats

-making the same joke over and over because it doesnt stop being funny and laughing for hours over it

-moments with siblings when youre just goofing off. the peak sibling energy we all speak of. its real

-just. the happy feeling loving someone gives!! i love you a lot and that makes me happy and i want to tell you how much i love you so you can be happy too!!

-finding people who make you feel truly comfortable and being yourself unapologetically around them to their delight

-getting a compliment or a kind deed from a stranger. being told someone likes your shirt, or having the door held open for you, or having someone give a genuine thank you for doing something for them or saying something nice

-the sea!! its pretty and sounds soothing and you can go tidepooling and see the loveliest wildlife and whether its cold or warm i always have to get into it and swim because i love the sea so much

-being in a crowd of people and cheering as a whole. doing a wave around a baseball stadium that goes around multiple times. teaching a stuck up crowd cheers so the players/performers feel more appreciated.

-those friends you have exlusively from that one place. choir friends. friends who you only ever talk to about the one band you both like. friends you see only at the coffee shop. etc.

-animals youre as close with as you could be with a human

-movies that you love so much you forget to cry

-hearing a song you dont know and dancing along anyways because it sounds so nice

-horns/brass in music

-trains!!!!!!

-smiling at a stranger and having them smile back

[readingaccountability]

snow crash - neal stephenson

my playlist (because of The Way That I Am)

final thoughts:

okay, im going to be honest right out of the gate- i cant decide whether this is a book id recommend or not. it was really fun for the most part, but personally there was a lot more exposition than id like. the early portions of the novel have exposition which feels completely fair, mostly things relating to worldbuilding. stephenson creates his own vision of future america, and some places online referred to it as cyberpunk, and some as post-cyberpunk. id be more in the latter camp, mostly due to the way he plays with tropes, leaving the reader unsure of which will be subverted and which wont.

the use of language was really fun, and i enjoyed the worldbuilding a lot. his vision of a futuristic capitalistic earth feels surreal in its immediacy and recognizability. the back jacket blurb ends with "a future america so bizarre, so outrageous, you'll recognize it immediately." which, yeah. a texan info-tech magnate? two competing corporations owning the highway system? suburban city-states? this was another enjoyable thing- everything was colorfully named, and names treated totally normally, which kind of poked fun at how we have everyday things named very ludicrously and for the most part we are totally blind to it.

one aspect i really enjoyed was that the author often doesn't make certain things clear to the audience, until he does, and then it becomes necessary to reassess the entire story and setting. this goes to underscore the theme of the importance of information and the ways we take it in and perceive the world based upon it. for example, we don't learn that y.t. is fifteen until maybe 75 pages in, at which point a lot makes sense in retrospect. the same thing occurs in the worldbuilding, as suddenly a detail is given in passing and the reader must incorporate it into the setting, which by default we assume to be similar in many ways to our idea of america. it keeps the reader on their toes as well as furthering the worldbuilding. for the most part, the tech stuff didnt feel outdated to me, despite being a future projected out from '92.

however, aspects of the book are definitely very 1992. id put these into two camps: the first, being that the book does at different times use slurs. the main character is black and asian, the n word is used a few times by racist side-character/antagonist types, as are a few other racial slurs. there was also the occasional usage of the r slur, within the narrative prose itself, rather than usage as an insult within dialogue.

the protagonist, who is named, unfortunately, hiro protagonist, is a great character and felt very fleshed out to me, though at times he reminded me more of dirk strider than normally would be ideal. (its obvious that stephenson and andrew hussie are of a similar type of writer, and play with similar tropes, lmao.) hiro is a man of many worlds. he seems to shift between them easily, though never fully existing in any of them. this is reflected in his background, both in his biracial identity and in having been raised on a myriad of army bases. this is layered further in his fluidity in interacting with both reality and the metaverse, yet remaining slightly, consistently aloof. fascinatingly the first moment i sensed this drop was when we meet juanita- aka where his real and meta realities coincide. the description of them as the adam and eve of the metaverse is both insanely romantic and thematically key (good god i wish we had more than like, two conversations between them). juanita designed the facial component to metaverse avatars, doing the majority of this work when the two were together, and hiro can see echoes of both their facial tics in the face of every avatar in the metaverse. in a way, by having done this work juanita is positioned by the narrative as one of the gods of this digital realm. she is also hiro's call to action, being aware of the coming trouble and alerting him to it, as well as connecting him to the informational database he needs to prepare.

y.t., the secondary protagonist, fucking ruled. i loved that she was just a fifteen year old punkass kid whose mom doesnt know how crazy this part time job is. y.t. being worried about her mom was a great thread throughout, and a really good balance to how obviously independent y.t. is. i do wish there had been a chance to explain more about her background (she has a dad who left who is mentioned in a throwaway sentence, and a boyfriend who is mentioned near the beginning but never again.) i really enjoyed how obviously hyperaware y.t. was at all times about her own place within the insanities of the setting, while also consistently writing her as a teen maybe in way too deep who thinks about things in typically teenage ways. but like, that wasn't ever held against her? the narrative meets her where she is. it was honestly awesome. HOWEVER,

i absolutely hated the raven and y.t. scenes. how creepy!!! he basically statutory rapes her!!! we know hes at least late 20s early 30s, because hes the same age as hiro. if this sort of content is upsetting to read for you, i definitely do NOT recommend this book. (if you want to avoid reading these bits: ch 47 y.t. meets raven, ch 50 they are in a bar eating, ch 52 things happen that result in y.t.'s anti-assault device activating- she did not activate it on purpose, but forgot it was there- and raven is knocked out.)

please PLEASE dont take any of the following analysis as like, trying to be apologetic towards this scenes. because again they were awful and hard to get through and really gross. but im also cognizant that the author was obviously trying to convey something by making the choice, like the way it was written is obviously not condoning this sort of thing.

i think maybe what stephenson was trying to get at with that, was that we see hiro internally negate any potential for anything untoward with y.t. basically immediately, since he kind of senses that she might have a small crush on him (though this doesnt last more than a fleeting moment, especially from her perspective). vs raven, whose 'poor impulse control' warning tattoo eventually elicits a sarcastic remark from hiro after he finds out raven and y.t. were "a thing". i really dont think hiro knew how far it went? like it was just suuuper weird, but i figured it was meant narratively to 1. execute the chekovs gun of y.t.'s anti-assault device, 2. contrast hiro and raven (especially considering the bike-racing argument where theyre telling the story together, which is supposed to parallel them, while contrasting the differences in how they ended up?), and 3. just to get raven unconscious, i guess. but good god it was weird and i hated every second of it, why couldnt the device have like, activated way earlier?? gah. fucking upsetting. moving past that!

honestly i was really frustrated by how little screentime juanita got, because the way she was introduced was so fucking interesting and then shes mostly off doing her own thing. the bits of explanation she gives at the end about what she was up to on the raft are so sparse and im like damn, can we get a little bit of her pov in here? please? that would have ruled. additionally, shes supposed to be hiros love interest, but we see so little of them interacting outside her intro scenes. a huge portion of why hiro is getting into the sumerian mythology is literally framed as something that will help him understand juanita, but we dont get to see him talk to her about it barely at all.

the supporting characters were quite fun, i particularly liked the librarian. big surprise, i liked the overly literal ai information-dispensor, lmfao. watching him and hiro interact reminded me SO hard of geordi laforge having honest to god conversations with the computer where he tries to coax information out of it, aka one of my favorite little aspects of tng.

and lastly, the major plot themes themselves. i adore the way stephenson approached action, it was very entertaining. usually i cant really visualize action scenes written out, but his use of language was really really effective and engaging. the plot itself was absolutely fascinating, though i found the premise pretty contrived. which isnt bad in itself, i was fully suspending my disbelief until the last hundred pages or so. which for a 550+ page book, isnt too bad.

i did like the approach of linking the ancient to the modern, that is always really neat. and i think ultimately stephenson did it in an interesting way, not how i would have done it, but definitely interesting! creating these ideas about information infrastructures, and there being words that can access those and be used to control people, was wild. not sure if i agree about the equating of religion to a virus, though he did specifically establish that it was more the approach to religion, than religion itself. (maybe if juanita had been more goddamn present in the narrative that could have been elaborated on a little more. literally her perspective would have been perfect in balancing that out!!)

ultimately what did me in was the very very very long winded MONOLOGUE where hiro re-explained the whole premise, in ways that didnt really neatly organize into a cohesive argument. a lot of the scenes where hiro talks to the librarian, which are interspersed throughout the book, are really exposition heavy, because stephenson is rooting his ideas in historical concepts that need to be explained to both hiro and the audience. and i thought all that was fine, because it was a conversation where hiro was grappling with the information, and he was figuring it out along with the reader, and most importantly it was a conversation between him and the librarian computer program.

howeverrr later on we get a full rehash of all that, where hiro makes clear some stuff that was just implied for the reader, and hes literally just telling these important men whats up in this big long monologue. utterly worthless. i kept reading it and going YEAH, we KNOW, we know this we know this. and the important men barely interjected. it added basically nothing to our understanding of the situation, other than reframing it. but everything added was already an implicit thing, and didnt really need to be said again.

the resolution to the book was stellar, the last 30-40 pages, once hiro is onto the raft, were great. ultimately after reading and giving some time to digest it, i think it was a solidly great book with a few big drawbacks near the end, but which dont carry through and sully the ending.

[shruggingcutely]

Random thoughts on 7th Dragon - the economy sucks

I assume nobody follows me for my video game opinions, but hey, I recently found out all the 7th Dragon games that weren’t released in the West (i.e. three out of four) had complete English fan translations, so I decided to go on a journey through the series. I’m about a third into the original 7th Dragon right now.

7th Dragon, if you don’t know, which isn’t too unlikely, is a series of RPGs that started on the NDS when the creator of Etrian Odyssey set out to take his modern take on Wizardry and apply it to the formula of Dragon Quest (which, incidentally, was also inspired by Wizardry – it was, as they say, big in Japan). The dragon apocalypse hits your fantasy world with adorable character designs by Mota, followed by two sequels on the PSP where you fight contemporary/sci-fi dragons not by Mota, and finally the last part of the series, on 3DS, gives you both settings and wraps up the whole thing and somehow was the only part that made it to the West.

The parallels to EO are immediately obvious, as you create a guild and a party of four, complete with front and back row, out of classes that seem a little familiar. The fighter has similar moves as EO’s landsknecht, same for the knight and EO’s protector, etc. Ailments are similar, but binds didn’t make it here. You quickly feel at home, even as it changes up the structure of the game and adds some new combat mechanics.

Fighting dragons is about as fun as you’d expect coming from EO… which is to say a lot, if you enjoyed EO at all. The game gives you so many tools to reduce incoming damage, heal damage, dish out damage, and one I find particularly interesting is the reactive skills. First off, there’s simple parry-style attacks. If your samurai uses the skill corresponding to the right kind of attack the enemy does, they will avoid all damage and retaliate. Then there are skills that trigger counter attacks for several rounds: let your mage put a shock veil on your knight and the enemy will eat lighting every time they dare attack them. Finally, the game’s React skills give you an additional turn when certain requirements are met in the next five rounds. Your healer gets a free turn when a party member dies? Yup. Your rogue gets one on successful counters? Yes. Your princess gets one if a party member gets a turn from their own React skill? Heck yeah. You can do some stuff that is both very gimmicky and very powerful with this, and supposedly the sequels explore these kinds of skills more, so I’m excited.

The game’s structure, however, introduces some problems, some of which are… odd. To accept a quest you have to find an NPC who has one, then accept it at the guild house’s quest board, talk to the NPC again to find out what they want, do the quest, talk to them again, and finally collect your reward at the quest board. These unnecessary steps seem just a little tedious at first, until you get to parts of the game where an NPC in a village without guild house requires your services and you get to go on a long trek to the next big city. And talking to the NPC is the only way to find out what they want, so you better not forget.

One of the game’s big conceits is its dragon counter. There are 666 dragons for you to kill, who, like EO’s infamous FOEs, are powerful enemies that walk around dungeons and join nearby battles, and they are bullies who spread deadly flowers all over the world. These flowers hurt your party as you walk over them and, to make matters worse, increase prices in stores significantly as they presumably cut off trade routes and endanger foragers. Add to this the high random encounter rate that interrupts you every couple of steps and slaying dragons to save humanity feels less like an adventure and more like a job. You do have to pitch your services to several governments. Even in your fantasy RPG, the gig economy.

As Aevee Bee says in her piece on pacing and level design in Bravely Default and Etrian Odyssey about the latter, “And you’re not bored yet, because you run out of resources before you can be, so you really, really want to take that step, explore more, see how much you can push yourself, even though maybe you shouldn’t…see how powerful it is to tempt players into making the wrong choice?” 7th Dragon likes you running out of resources very much. Every map of a dungeon contains 5+ dragons, who, unlike FOEs, aren’t always avoidable and often come in groups that will gang up on you. This means even if you immediately and successfully escape every single one of the numerous random encounters, you can’t take much more than a handful of dragons before you need to heal. Where do you heal? Towns, usually. And thus you make five trips in a row from the city to the dungeon to get rid of as many dragons as you can while getting interrupted by random encounters constantly. This is the first time in an RPG like this where I fled all the time and only fought the dragons I absolutely had to so I could progress. When your level is high enough they barely give any XP, either, which turns it into a high risk, low reward situation, so I kept them around for leveling weaker characters. It’s not like they’re bothering anyone like this anyway.

My starting party didn’t exactly help matters, though. I quickly decided to go with the princess and knight combo, because I love the princess’ role as a buffer with ailments and heals. This is the class I take in every EO game. The knight not only reduces damage to the party a lot, they also deal good damage and have a hard synergy combo with the princess: the skill that declares an enemy wanted does nothing at all, unless you have a knight with the skill that attacks wanted enemies for high damage. The princess’ downside as main healer is twofold: she has no skills to remove ailments from the party and as every EO player knows ailments are very deadly, and she has no revive. Both of these can be compensated for with items, but because these aren’t available early on, I decided to pick a healer as well, which let me focus less on making either of them a pure healer. Result: ehhh, they often end up with turns where they can do nothing of consequence, so I decided to train up either a samurai or a fighter to switch in. With my fourth party member being a mage with three elements, this party suddenly has very good damage. I still haven’t found revive items in shops, though, so my… fighter, most likely, still has some dragons to eat before that. We’ll see how that goes.

By the way, changing your party? Only possible in a single one of the towns. Hope you enjoy traveling.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Car Seats, Leftovers, Medical Insurance, Budget Brands, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Early or late retirement contributions? 2. Purchases for infrequent use 3. Used car seats? 4. Excessive leftovers 5. Friends want me to spend 6. Value of one bag living 7. Buying a house on $35K 8. How to avoid drive-thrus 9. Medical insurance difficulties 10. Budget brands? 11. Starting career advice 12. Thoughts on taekwondo One of the most enjoyable parts of writing this mailbag column is the wide variety of comments and questions I get from readers. I usually try to keep the stuff I choose for the mailbag at least somewhat within the realm of personal finance, maybe slipping in one or two questions or comments a week that arent related to the topic, but I get quite a lot of great stuff from readers that covers completely different topics that I just cant reasonably fit into the mailbag. For example, just in the last week or two, Ive received the following notes from readers: A reader wrote in to talk about the joys of playing Magic: the Gathering with her son and how they were building Commander decks together. A reader wrote in to encourage me to pick up some of the writings of the philosopher Byung-Chul Han, particularly his essays Psychopolitics and The Scent of Time (which Im currently reading). A reader has been trying to get me to debate him concerning a number of hot button political issues. A reader has been writing to me consistently for weeks asking for step-by-step help in getting a batch of homemade kombucha to work. A reader invited me to his dynasty fantasy football league. Thats just over the last several days. Honestly, I love this kind of thing, because it represents human connection. Theres a sharing of ideas and interests and a sharing of concern behind all of it that goes way past merely writing about financial issues, and it means a lot to me, even if its not fodder for the mailbag. Speaking of the mailbag, here are this weeks questions. Q1: Early or late retirement contributions? Is it better to contribute to a Roth IRA early in the year or as late as possible? I have money set aside for my 2019 Roth contribution but I dont know if I should do it now or wait. Brian Unless theres some specific reason thats unique to your situation that points to waiting, you should put those savings in there as soon as possible. The longer the money is invested, the more time you have for compound interest to work in your favor. Having said that, investment markets are unpredictable. Theres always a chance that right after you put your money in, the markets dip. Remember that this could happen no matter when you put your money in there. You could put your money in now and immediately see a dip, or you could wait until next February to put it in and immediately see a dip. The difference is that, on average, its much more likely that the investment youre putting your money into will go up in value over that period. If you wait, its very likely that youre going to miss out on growth. Put your retirement money away in retirement accounts as soon as you can. Dont sit around holding them, because youre usually doing nothing more than missing out on growth if you do that. Q2: Purchases for infrequent use Im considering purchasing a pair of bowling shoes. I only bowl once or twice a year, but it seems like its a wise investment since I could get a pair of perfectly good bowling shoes for around $25 instead of paying $3 or so each time to rent them. How do you view rarely used purchases like this that, while adding to the stuff you own, will eventually pay for themselves? Adam My philosophy on purchases like these is similar to yours. I try to look at the total cost of ownership of the item over an extended but still reasonable period of time, like five years, and I figure out which is going to cost less. I also consider how frequently Ill actually use the item, and it basically has to be annually at the very least and preferably much more frequent than that. That type of thinking requires full honesty to be valuable. So, in your situation, is it cheaper to rent shoes for $3 a pop twice a year for five years or buy a pair of shoes for $25 once? Well, the cost for rental over that period is $30, so Id probably swing toward buying a pair, assuming that Im bowling twice a year. If you assume that its actually going to be much less than twice a year, youre going to be better off renting. I usually use a five year measure for calculations like this, because I figure its pretty hard to predict accurately what my life will be like beyond that time threshold and its also probably a reasonable guess as to the wear and tear that an item can take. Usually, with a five year calculation, its obvious whether its a good move or not. Again, in this situation, those bowling shoes arent going to be worn out after ten wears, so its likely you will be able to continue wearing them at that point or theyll have some minor secondhand value. This pushes the pendulum even more toward buying them. Q3: Used car seats? I am expecting in November. My husband and I are starting to pick up baby items from FB Marketplace and Craigslist. Whenever a carseat is listed on Marketplace someone always comments that you shouldnt buy used carseats because theyre not safe. How are used carseats not safe? Amy A carseat is one of the few baby options I wouldnt buy used. The reason is simple: a big part of whats protecting that baby when theyre in the carseat is plastic, and you dont know how that plastic has been treated. Theres some chance that the plastic has become brittle and could easily crack or break in a severe impact, just when you need it the most. This can happen, for example, if a carseat has been left in the sun too much over the course of years. Its not an issue of negligence its an issue of you not knowing the history of that carseat. It may have had years of sunlight exposure, rendering the protection that it offers your child much weaker. Most baby items are fine to buy used clothes and baby monitors and things like that. Those arent things that will cause calamity if they fail and its usually obvious if theyre doing their job or not. A car seat, though, is something you should invest in. 99.9% of the time, it wont matter, but 0.1% of the time, it matters more than anything else and youll never, ever want to skimp on that situation. Q4: Excessive leftovers On any given night we will have 2-7 people at our house for dinner. By default we cook for 7 but that means that many nights we have a ton of leftovers. We eat leftovers for lunch every day but they still get tossed a lot. We cant give them to the food pantry either. Ideas? Andy My first suggestion would be to simply have a leftover buffet night for dinner twice a week or so. On, say, Wednesdays and Saturdays, just pull out all leftovers, put them on the table, and let people assemble their own plates of leftovers and heat them up (or heat up the hot items before putting them on the buffet). That way, the leftovers get consumed directly and you have a free dinner. Another suggestion is to frequently make meals and side dishes that are easy to remix into another meal if you have a low turnout. For example, if you make a bunch of spaghetti, you can save it for two nights and then mix in a few additional spices, put it in a greased 9 by 13 pan, put a couple cups of mozzarella and provolone shredded cheese on top, and bake it for 30-45 minutes, covered for the first half, to make a nice spaghetti bake. We also often have plain vegetables as a side dish and save the leftovers to make quick soups later on, for example. A final suggestion is that on nights where you have a low turnout, simply prep leftover plates for the next night and have the same thing for dinner again, or prepare a different dinner the next night for just the two who ate the night before. I dont think you need to feel obligated to have a fresh meal on the table for whoever happens to show up each night. Q5: Friends want me to spend Im 23 and got a nice job out of college paying $45K per year. Several of my friends from college are in the same area and have jobs as well so its fun to hang out with them, but it feels like they want to blow their income as fast as possible. They go out drinking and to clubs constantly, upgrade their phones all the time, ride around in Ubers when they have cars, and throw money at stupid stuff. I want to get rid of my student loan debt and start saving for a house and Im already contributing to retirement so I can get out of this as young as possible. Its not like Im avoiding fun but theres a ton of stuff to do that doesnt cost $50 or $100 for an evening. When I suggest anything else other than clubs or an expensive restaurant, I get ignored. Do you have any suggestions? Amy Find new friends? I mean, that sounds fairly cold, but it sounds like your values are diverging from the values that your friends hold, or perhaps they were always divergent and the income just exposed it. While I dont mind being acquaintances with people with drastically different lifestyles than my own, I have found its far more pleasant and easier to have close friends who have similar values and lifestyles to my own. That way, Im not pushed to overspend constantly just to spend time with my friends. I have been in situations where it felt like I had to pay some kind of admission fee (in the form of going out when I didnt want to) just to hang out with a friend and if I wasnt willing to do that, that person wouldnt hang out with me. That just isnt worth it. Id suggest digging into activities that you feel internally interested in doing. Find groups in your community that match up well with that by using things like Meetup and there youll find people who are also interested in what you happen to be internally interested in. Get involved in those groups. Youll find its not too hard to build friendships that way. Q6: Value of one bag living I found your post on one bag living to be interesting but not practical. Its not like more than maybe 0.001% of your readers will actually ever do it. What is the practical value of such an article? Ollie The practical value of it is that it really shows you how few items you actually need to have a happy and comfortable life, and when you realize that, you begin to realize how much extra unnecessary stuff you have and how much that stuff is costing you, both in terms of the stuff itself and the space youre paying for to store all of that stuff. Lets say, for example, that you decided to try it for a month. You packed a big duffel bag full of stuff and aimed to live solely out of that bag for that month. During the month, almost everything you use comes out of that bag other than maybe a few kitchen items, you really dont use anything else in your home. At the end of the month, youre left asking yourself what the point of all of that other stuff is. Why have any of it if youre able to have a great life without touching it? Why have shelves full of books and DVDs you never touch? Why have a television if you have a good life not watching it? This is likely to lead you to start downsizing your possessions, recouping some money along the way, and its also likely to lead you to question almost all of your physical purchases. If you keep going in that direction, youll find that you likely have excessive living space and can easily be satisfied with a smaller home or apartment, and if you downsize that, then youre on the way to some serious financial improvement in your life, as youre losing far less money to utilities, insurance, property taxes, and so on. Q7: Buying a house on $35K I am a single woman with a four year old child from a previous marriage; the father is not involved and avoids paying child support. We live in a small apartment in [a large city with a moderate cost of living]. I make $35K per year. My mom lives about five miles away and takes care of my son when Im working and hes not in preschool as she has a pension thats enough for her to live on because my father died in the workplace. I would like to be able to afford a small house for us and get out of this apartment building before hes too old because theres kind of a rough culture of teenage boys here. I would like to be in a house in four years. I have no debts and am saving about $200 a month for emergencies. Carrie First of all, Id contact a lawyer and do what you can to get child support. The cost of supporting your child should not be borne solely by you and hes legally obligated to provide financial help here even if hes uninvolved. Second of all, $200 a month in savings thats also used as an emergency fund isnt adequate to get to where you want to go in four years. I looked into your area and a small starter home is going to run you in the $300K range now and will probably be closer to $350K by the time you want to buy. 20% of $350K is $70K. If youre saving $200 a month, youll get to about $10K in four years if there are no emergencies. To get to $70K in four years, you need to be saving around $1,500 a month and have no emergencies that tap that money. Considering that youre making about $3,000 a month before taxes, thats an extremely difficult proposition. Thus, to make it to your target, youre going to have to do some radical things. The first thing I would do is sit down with your mother and discuss the option of cohabitation for a few years, with you splitting up the housing costs. If she could move into your apartment or you two could move into her dwelling and its a tenable situation for a few years, youll both save a mint. If youre paying $1,000 a month in rent and it suddenly drops to $500 a month, theres $500 a month toward savings, and probably more than that because youll have lower utility bills and you can more easily share food costs. You may find that after you buy that starter home, it may make sense to have your mother continue to live with you to keep costs manageable going forward, at least for a while. If you can swing something like that, use a lot of smart frugal tactics like sticking with store brand items when shopping, get on that child support issue, and keep working at your career to move toward a better salary, you can make this work. Without those kinds of big changes, this probably isnt a realistic goal. Q8: How to avoid drive-thrus How do you stop relying on the convenience of drive-thrus? I understand that its way cheaper to make meals at home but when I can just go to a drive-thru and get a quick meal and have it eaten before I even get home or eat it right when I walk in the door and theres no cleanup because I just toss the wrappers, its hard to convince myself to make a big mess making a meal at home. Leon There are a few good strategies for solving this problem that work well for different people. I suggest trying one for at least 30 days, see if it clicks with you or merely causes frustration, and either stick with it if it works or move on to another if it doesnt. First, try simply packing a meal for yourself at home before you leave in a small cooler. Make something simple that you like a sandwich and some baby carrots and a drink or whatever. Pack the individual items in reusable containers and put them in something insulated with an ice pack to keep it cool. Take that meal with you when you go out and save it at your desk or in a work fridge until youre ready to leave, then eat that on the way home. You can do the meal prep the night before while watching a television show and if you use reusable containers, cleanup is really just a matter of popping stuff in the dishwasher and wiping off the table (which youd need to do anyway). If you want, you can designate Fridays as eat out days and keep it as a treat for yourself for getting through the week. Another thing I strongly suggest is to simply get better at cooking at home. Cooking seems very difficult at first and even easy things like scrambled eggs feel like a giant mess and a big time and energy investment, but once you get more practiced, it stops feeling so challenging. Start by making really simple meals that you like grilled cheese sandwiches or scrambled eggs or spaghetti. Another strategy is to cook things in advance, make individual meals out of them in reusable containers, and keep them in the fridge. For example, you could make a huge batch of spaghetti one night and pack three or four individual meals of spaghetti with a breadstick in resealable containers in the fridge. Then, you can take them to work with you and youll also know that one is just waiting for you when you get home. Yet another strategy is to use a slow cooker. Start a simple dump meal before you leave (a dump meal means you just dump several ingredients in there and turn it on low) and youll have a hot home-cooked meal waiting for you when you get home. Slow cookers are great for stews, chili, soups, and simple casseroles; it can also make a mean pot roast. The goal of all of these things is to either put something in your hands directly so that youre not tempted to stop or have something at home waiting for you so youre not tempted to stop. Q9: Medical insurance difficulties I am covered by [a major medical insurer] through my workplace. A few months ago, I had a procedure done that my doctors office informed me would be fully covered by my insurance. They filed this with the insurance and the insurance company came back saying that the procedure wasnt medically necessary and wouldnt cover it, so my doctor is now billing me for it at the tune of $30K. I dont even know where to start. Should I contact a lawyer? Petra Without seeing the bills and documentation, I cant give you full advice on what to do. However, my first step would be to document every single detail that you can recall about this entire process, including dates and what you were told by both your doctors office and insurance. If you have any supporting documents, such as receipts and printed information about the procedure or about the costs, thats all valuable here. Then, I would go through the process of appealing this claim with your insurer, providing a copy of all of that documentation. An appeal should definitely be your first action. If you find that your appeal is denied, you should then discuss the matter with your doctor and attempt to get their bill reduced. If youre still finding that youre paying an excessive amount, then I would take all of this documentation to a lawyer and get legal help. It very much sounds like you were given inaccurate guidance from a doctors office and a lawyer can usually help here. Q10: Budget brands? Are there any budget brands you trust for making high quality stuff? Meaning brands that are cheap in price but the quality of their stuff is good? Darren The store brands at most department stores and grocery store chains fit that bill. For the vast majority of product types, the store brand is as good as most of the name brand options. They might not beat some of the really high end premium versions of those products, but the store brand is usually as good as 80% of similar items on the shelf. For things like charging cables and basic electronics like computer mice or keyboards, Ive found that Amazons generic brand, Amazon Basics, is really good for the price. For many different kinds of smaller electronic items, like external batteries for charging devices on the go or headphones or things of that nature, I strongly trust Anker. If theres an Anker option for a small electronic device, youre probably getting great bang for the buck with it. Those are the ones that immediately come to mind as brands that I strongly trust that consistently provide good bang for the buck across a wide variety of products. Q11: Starting career advice My oldest son is about to graduate from college with a degree in electrical engineering. I am collecting career advice from some people I respect to pass along to him. What advice would you give to a fresh college graduate in a technical field today? Robert First of all, treat the first decade of your career as an opportunity to build skills and relationships above chasing salary. A killer resume ten years from now will be worth a lot more than earning an extra $5K or $10K right out of the gate. If one job pays a little more but feels like a dead end, while the other job pays a little less but feels like its overflowing with opportunities and ways to build relationships, take the latter job in the first decade of your career. Second, if your workplace offers a 401(k) plan, take advantage of it immediately and contribute as much as you can stand. You will never regret this. Just do this and then start off with smaller take-home checks theyll still be a lot more than what you had in college. Pay yourself first. Third, no matter how tough a situation is, dont burn bridges, even if it would feel good. If youre moving on from a position, do it as gently as possible and be as positive and flexible as you can on your way out. Finally, eat healthy, get some exercise, get plenty of sleep, and dont work too many hours. If you dont do those things, youll be far less productive during your work time, the quality of work you produce will be lower, and youll have a harder time picking up new skills. If your workplace is obsessed with 80 hour workweeks, carve out as much of that 80 hours toward self care and rest that you can reasonably get away with. Q12: Thoughts on taekwondo I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on taekwondo from the perspective of both a parent of a student and as a participant with an eye toward cost. Is it worth it? Do your kids get value out of it? How about yourself? Brenda I attend a local taekwondo school with the rest of my family. It was an activity that my two oldest children wanted to try and the family plan isnt much more expensive than just the two of them participating, so when our family schedule lined up and our youngest was old enough, we all joined. In effect, our third family member was half price and the rest of us are effectively going for free, and the price has actually gone down as some family members have reached black belt rank (and those who havent are at a belt rank approaching black). First of all, if youre new to martial arts of any kind, its something you should shop around for. Any city of any size likely has a few martial arts schools; a larger city likely has some dedicated taekwondo schools with branches in various locations. Different schools offer different prices and different philosophies. Taekwondo is a martial art thats focused on fast, high kicking. That means that it really works hard on agility and balance. Theres also an emphasis on forms, which are sequences of kicks and other movements that are memorized and done from memory, which challenges a persons memory while physically exerting themselves. Our familys interest in martial arts lies much more in the realm of self improvement, character building, self defense, and fitness rather than training to fight. There are definitely martial arts schools that are very focused on simply training to fight, preparing people for things like mixed martial arts. Theres nothing wrong with that, but its not what Sarah or I were looking for in a school. We wanted a school where the merit wasnt in whether you defeat someone in a fight, but whether youre working hard and genuinely improving yourself so that youre better at the techniques, better in all around fitness, and better in character than you were the day before. Again, I have nothing against a school focused on fight-focused training, but its just not what Im looking for or what I would direct my children toward until theyre old enough to make those kinds of choices for themselves. Perhaps someday theyll take what theyve learned and move in that direction, and Im fine with that. When my oldest son and daughter began expressing a genuine interest in taekwondo, we shopped around for local schools that offered dedicated youth programs and were focused on a self-improvement type of martial art philosophy, and we found one that we liked that had classes near us, and over time, we all joined up. I think it has genuinely helped our children improve their ability to focus, their ability to overcome challenges, their character, and most definitely their ability to defend themselves and get out of a threatening situation. As a parent, Im thrilled with the impact taekwondo has had on them. As for myself, I joined because I agree in a deep philosophical way with the goals and direction of the school, as well as the fact that I was looking for a fitness program for myself and an opportunity to mutually encourage my family to be more fit. This hits all of those marks and with family rates, its pretty inexpensive. If you divide our session fees by five, theres absolutely no way any of us could be in a sport or a fitness program at these rates. If someone is interested in taekwondo or martial arts in general, Id start by figuring out why you want to do it. What are you hoping to get out of it, or what do you want your child to get out of it? Self-discipline? Fitness? Self-defense? Character? What are the one or two things you want most for yourself or for your child that you hope martial arts can provide? Start from there and shop around at a lot of schools in your area. Theyll all have different philosophies and centers of focus some of them will line up well with your own goals and philosophies, while others will go in a different direction (not wrong or bad, just different). Find some that match what you want, price compare them, and give one a try for a session and see if its right for you. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-car-seats-leftovers-medical-insurance-budget-brands-and-more/