#But seeing the love it received made me feel better and def more encouraged to write more about my weird niche kinks

[miss-conjayniality]

i am EXTREMELY EXCITED out of my goddamn mind to complete this crossdresser sub!jay drabble.

[meangirlsautism]

do you have any headcanons for any ships ?? id love to hear them mean girls is like my new obsession

HEHEHE YES!!!!!!!!!!

im just kidding im like the worst person to ask this BUUUUUT i shall conjure something up.. jsut for you... ALSO NEW MEAN GIRLS FAN YAAAY

going throuhg my notes, i made a lil ship headcanons thing on my notes app in april 2020. and all i got around to making was stuff for karen/cady. completely random but ! better than head being completely empty. so i shall reference some of that and make other stuff up on the spot (for that and other pairings). enjoy!

also im like.. super unfamiliar w/ how romantic relationships Are and how human beings function in general so like.. youre fully allowed to view these however you want (platonic, romantic, etc), i just enjoy dynamics and character interactions. i know you specifically asked for ships but ! my lil headcanons will def be more vague, if that makes sense, sorry abt that! still, hope these suffice! if you ever wanted to ask for SPECIFIC pairings too just hmu or send an ask or smth :] (as a disclaimer, im not referencing a specific MG here, im more familiar w/ slash enjoy the musical the most but ! interpret them as any version i suppose)

karen/cady

not really a headcanon but the whole like "i like cady, she's nice to me." i eat that shit up. i love them and their relationship, in like, all adaptations

and specifically for the 2024 movie.. the way karen is the only person to text cady during her suspension... and how she reassures her that thyere still friends.. (similar to the bway version)... UGH!!!!!! love that so much

actually, we should be more insane for cady / the other plastics. both romantically and platonically

anyway, on to the actual hcs

karen rly likes to fidget w/ something so cady always gives her like hand or hair to play with

karen LOOVES cady's freckles. def loves to count / trace them

karen is def a tad confused as to why cady is so patient w/ her, so nice to her, etc. since i feel she's been often ... dismissed her whole life. and treated Not Great due to how she functions

that doesn't rly matter to cady. she constantly reassures karen and is there for her and reminds her that she's more than other people's opinions of her, more than her intelligence, etc. and cady never gets tired of it

cady always listens to whatever karen has to say, even if it's the tiniest, most ridiculous thing

cady helps her w/ school stuff

karen def sits + listens to cady infodump abt the wildlife she observed / learned abt in africa

i can see karen enjoying nature and whatnot. she doesn't necessarily "understand" the science aspect behind it all btu she enjoys it bc :) hehe. animals.

i can see her getting good at like.. identifying species and stuff bc of cady though

karen prob enjoys physical touch and stuff. i dont think cady is opposed to it but she's not like ... used to it much

or i suppose, used to giving it much? she's cool w/ receiving it, and as ive mentioned earlier, karen def likes to be feeling / playing w/ something. its like a fidget / stim for her

anyway autism🤝autism

gretchen/cady

ALSO autism🤝autism

they def love infodumping to each other... abt what exactly? yes

not too sure abt gretchen,still have to come up w/ special interests and whatnot fo rher but. cady its def like. math. and biology and zoology and shit

gretchen has sort of been told and taught that her input isnt needed or appreciated, so near the beginning of w/e relationship they have, she often kept to herself and didn't ramble as much

cady ofc noticed this, and tried her best to like.. encourage gretchen and whatnot

but, at the same time, she understood why she wouldnt open up RIGHT away yk. she understood that these things take time

once again, cady often reassures her, abt different things than w/ karen ofc but, its still reassurance

gretchen obv becomes like .. SUPER attached to ppl who pay attention to her and whatnot. even if the overall situation is shitty

at some point, she probably just thought she didn't deserve anything more. that what she got was the best she was going to get. and so, she felt she couldn't leave and find something better for herself

anyway. of course in canon (esp in the bway version) cady also wasnt the greatest / most understanding towards gretchen blah blah. whatever .

deep down we KNOW that cady is a kind and caring and nice person. she just wants to be well liked

whatever!!!!! cady shows gretchen what love and care TRULY feels like . and i think after some time the codependency on gretchen's end lessens a bit. esp after she realizes that . oh... this is what ive always deserved. and needed. and she understands that she's not expendable, that cady DOESN'T actually secretly hate her. that cady WON'T just throw her away if the opportunity comes

i think gretchen would chill out a bit if she's just shown true love and compassion im serious. and maybe some medication would help too

gretchen def likes / wants cady to be touching her at like.. all times. hand holding mostly, but stuff along the lines of that

gretchen is like .. weird w/ touch i think. considers it sacred, and yet craves it sooo bad

she probably only rly allows it w/ ppl she REALLY trusts . despite being very touch starved

both sooooo awkward lbr

ESP w/ deeper relationships

cady is just.. obv was homeschooled for most of her life. gretchen is just a ball of anxiety

also, based on gretchen's past experiences, her relationships (both romantic and platonic) havent been ........ the greatest, as ive talked abt before, and so she finally finds someone who like.. she's comfortable with? who she knows will Love her? she's extra awkward fr

doesn't want to mess up, lose them, etc etc

regina/cady

a loooong time ago i think, i saw a headcanon talking abt how regina has freckles. but she just covers them up

and i LOOOOVE that thought soooo mcuh

eventually wrote a little messy thing for it

but anyway. cady finds this out eventually and she is so :D

bc i see cady as having a ton of freckles too and yeah

but yeah. cady finds this out and is SO happy bc regina's sort of look like hers and ough

cady likes to compare them to like.. constellations and stars and shit. esp when regina complains abt them / is openly negative abt them

regina doesn't necessarily like her freckles bc its an imperfection in her eyes i suppose

but cady absolutely changes her mind on them

in fact, i bet they start reminding her of cady

she goes about it so nonchalantly but, some days she "forgets" to put on makeup . not just for cady or anything, nooo way

which is saying something for regina bc you just knoooow she barely leaves the house without applying SOMETHING

(i dont have freckles myself so sorry if this sounds ignorant or smth!)

cady is ..... very awkward . i think . esp w/ relationships, ANY relationship at that

regina should know this (she doesn't)

she lowkey expects these special things and whatnot from cady and cady is just :)?

bc she does NOT know what the hell is going on

most times, anyway. i t hink she sort of picks up on shit as she goes through school but like..

that's cause she purposely observes other ppl / couples / friends to see what they do . and then she basically adopts that shit

i started making these and i didnt evne like.. have a set timeline in mind for them. bc realistically a lot of these relationships would not last in canon / post canon. or form at all lbr. but lets pretend. i guess most of these follow canon / is canon compliant. w/ some wishful thinking / AUs. ...IF THAT MAKES SENSE

janis/gretchen

dont rly think theyd be toooo good for each other but. honestly who else here really is LOL most if not all the characters would have a loooot to do introspective wise before actually getting into any relationship BUT . for these few minutes . let us pretend

assuming we're talking abt them in a canon compliant world, they'd..... def have a lot to unpack together. from regina alone esp

i think they'd be able to help each other out w/ that sort of thing

ESP w/ the trauma they got from regina

it just affected them both in veeeery different ways

janis' turned into anger. where gretchen's turned into anxiety

they both realistically would NOT be ready for a romantic relationship, as i mentioned previously

and even something non romantic? i dont think theyd ever be able to form a normal relationship of ANY kind ever again

BUT. but. maybe they see themself in the other . maybe they want to help try and fix the other . bc maybe then it will help fix themself

hopefully that makes sense idk im just saying shit atp

most relationships where the ppl involved r incredibly similar dont end up working but like ..

janis and gretchen arent necessarily similar. they just have similar experiences. which could easily strengthen their relationship

they're fucked up in the same way.. you feel me

ANYWAY

i wrote this idea thing awhile back and its like.. gretchen cutting her hair short and janis seeing this and going ... hm. bc she senses the repressed homosexual or whatever. and she confronts her about it blah blah

anywho. i see gretchen as a lesbian. unsure atm whether shes like.. aware of it or not. ANYway, as we all know, janis is a Professional Lesbian or whatever, so i think janis like... helps her w/ that sort of stuff?

uhhhmmm oh right the hair. i totally see gretchen fucking w/ her hair following the canon events. and ofc i also see janis as someone who has messed w/ her hair a TON...

i think she helps gretchen experiment w/ that. her style too

sort of related.. but janis also def helps gretchen in managing and dealing w/ her anger and shit

bc janis sees that its THERE. its just buried deeeep within her

and gretchen helps janis deal w/ her more ...... softer? emotions

as seen in the musical... janis is NOT afraid to physically express her love. which seems super unlike her and her demeanor, i love it

and once again, gretchen is like ..... she needs this shit or else she will DIE (and yet touch lowkey makes her uncomfortable, depending on her mood and the time)

and so.. perfect pairing. janis isnt afraid to offer her touch.(?) and always provides it when gretchen asks for it (she asks a lot)

regina/gretchen

once again, realistically, this would not happen. esp in a canon world . even if everyone "got better"

however, i loved these 2 for whatever reason when i was younger LMAO

i had a bunch of little things written down for them in my notes but . i do not feel like going through them rn unfortunately. may revisit this at some other point. in order to see exactly what younger me thought of them

unlike gretchen w/ cady... iiii dont think gretchen's clingy-ness / codependency would get much better w/ regina

unless regina like . rly changes herself. if they BOTH rly change themselves

i think they'd both view each other as how they were in the past . regina would see gretchen as this clingy pushover and gretchen would see regina as this passive aggressive ruler . and REALISTICALLY i think they would prevent them from pursuing anything big, ykwim?

like. gretchen still admired regina and she lowkey HATED herself for that but its like.. as ive talked abt previously, shes probably not gonna get anything better yk? so she stayed w/ regina

ANYWAY. ENOUHG OF THAT SORRY

honestly? in an "everything is perfect and happy" world , i think theyd both be clingy af LOL

regina would, like, never admit but like.. shes super clingy

i think their relationships w/ touch are very ... unique

ive talked abt gretchen a bunch w/ touch and shit but regina... i dont know

she's def okay w/ it .. in terms of being on the receiving end but .. im not sure if she rly provides it much

shes def shit at recognizing and managing her emotions.. esp the more positive ones.. so i think she like. i think shes weird w/ providing affection

and i suppose receiving it too sometimes, esp if its from someone she REALLY likes

but yeah.. they're both weird w/ touch IDK hopefully this makes sense!!!!

i think gretchen is very patient w/ regina... and regina tries to be w/ gretchen, but fails most times (she's trying)

regina finds it like. embarrassing to ask for stuff (ESP affection) but.. she does learn that it is Okay eventually

and gretchen, unfortunately, is very awkward when it comes to this shit!

ESP since its w/ REGINA GEORGE

so she lowkey like.. freaks out when first asked to do ANYTHING towards her

regina tries her best to calm her down but shes shit at emotions and . yeah .

(its ok they got throuhg it) (i think)

gretchen/karen

won't lie rn. dont rly care for them much. def prefer other non romantic relationships for them

buuuut since im doing stuff for NOT just romantic relationships... i shall say a few things

as ive talked abt in previous gretchen pairings / duos... she just needs someone who'll love and appreciate her for who she is

and i dont doubt that karen would provide. she def would

they def have an interesting and fun bond, esp throughout the whole regina thing, throughout their friendship w/ regina as a whole, etc

anywho. krystina alabado once put on her story abt this like.. cactus that was in the dressing room she shared w/ kate rockwell. turns out it was fake. and kate watered it for a full 2 years

anyway thats a total gretchen and karen situation LOL

(gretchen acts liike she wasn't watering it too. she absolutely was)

karen and gretchen def buy a bunch of lil succulents and take care of them together

gretchen def feels super comfortable w/ karen, more comfortable than w/ most people

so that sort of made like .. getting a deeper relationship w/ her a lot easier

once again, gretchen is fs a lot more awkward when they take things farther in regards to their relationship

and karen has NO idea what the hell gretchen is on about

but she tries to remain as comfortable and supportive as possible

gretchen touch starved... karen touch provider... its perfect

gretchen def isnt afraid to ask for stuff from karen. she has to be a lot more precise and direct but . yeah

okay.. sorry that most of these aren't "shippy" but. hopefully theyre okay! i left out a few potential pairings bc i either 1. dont care for them much or 2. dont have much to say. HOWEVER if you still want to hear abt one i did not talk abt here, just lmk :3 i will come up w/ something.. thank u for sending this in :D

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Pt. 10

a/n: based on this post uwu

okayokayokayyeyyy

LOOOK I LOVE THIS SCENE LIKE I CAN GO ON A RANT OF HOW IMPORTANT THIS SCENE IS LIKE SKDJSLDKKSSM

okay so

yuhhhhhh

the way this is set up is basically seijoh simping for you

also they have their own separate gc just for them bc they dont want you to see them just simping for you

even tho oiks ltr does that everyday

but hes not ready for that conversation

there was a few times that you were kinda curious as to what was in the chat

but they would click off and they would blush before diverting you to a different conversation

this might sound hella weird and creepy

idk bout yall but i think its cute that they take random pictures of you doing the sinplest things

this all started bc of one picture

from baby aki-kun

so basically you stayed behind with kunimi during monday to just study and you sat in front of him while sharing his desk

babie took a pic of you just studying and he sent it to the gc with no context

its a known fact that seijoh doesnt practice during mondays so they were all doing something out of school

but they were all missing you so seeing you with kunimi fueled jealousy in everyone

even kyo

oikawa blew up in the chat and was keyboard smashing

the others were just teasing him like hes lucky youre with him

but behind the screen, they were blushing and red and envious and AAAAA

thus spurred on some sort of competition

like they would send the chat pictures of you like 'hA TAKE THAT SHES WITH ME'

unbeknowst to you, these boys have folders of just cute candid pics of you

oikawas insta is filled of you and his snap is full of you in his story and his tiktok is full of screaming simp rants about you

the tiktok comments are all like, 

‘IS SHE YOUR GIRLFRIEND?!’

‘OIKAWA-SAN SHES ADORABLE’

‘BACK🤺OFF🤺OIKAWA🤺I🤺CALLED🤺DIBS🤺ON🤺HER🤺FIRST🤺‘

random ones like him doing a day in my life type of vids and you appearing and everyone can just see the small blush on his face and the bashful yet happy smile on his lips

its really adorable

but the real ones know that shes been appearing in his insta since day 1

moilk.bread.1

thats practically your account now 

welll,,,

its more of a fan account for you and a lot of people from aoba johsai follow that account since you dont have an official one yet so they all simp for you there

the pictures were all from everyone like the boyz group chat was a haven for your candids

you did think it was strange that the boys would constantly ask to take pictures with you and everyone was just trying to get a pic to have aesthetic couple pics w you

and they would put it as their wallpaper or lockscreen

IMAGINE THE BLUSH THEY WOULD GET WHEN COMPLETE STRANGERS WOULD ASK THEM IF THATS THEIR GIRLFRIEND

oooo i mentioned this in the post too that iwa and you went to the gym and you guys took a mirror pic

after, you didnt really like the gym bc its just hard yanno?

iwa went back and while he was setting up his weights and equipments, his gym buddy noticed his phone light up causing your picture to show up

'oh? is that your girlfriend, iwaizumi?'

duh he doesnt have a girlfriend so he was like 🤨 until he saw his phone

the lockscreen was blaringly bright and your 'couple pic' was showing with the notifications

totally not oikawa blowing up their group chat bc he was with you

ofc babie hajime got all flustered and he blushed before shaking his head

'n-no'

he mumbled and his buddy laughed before clapping his back

'well, you obviously like her so do somethinf about it before someone does'

dont you think he doesnt know that?

also with mattsun!

this mans works in a cute cafe that this old granny owns and this thought has been living in my head rent free

and he was working during the weekend at the cafe

there were other people there but granny loves him bc hes been working there sibce he was like 15 and she took care of him a lot

he was like a grandson

so while he was serving, this granny was manning the cashier and checking people out

issei's phone was there on the table behind the counter and it started glowing at the indication of the messages being received

'have a nice day-oh!'

she noticed it right there and she saw the picture on his lockscreen

you were probably being carried by him due to your levelness with his height and you were kissing his cheek while issei smiled brightly

that was a picture you both took during an outing at the mall and the sunset behind you was just perfect to take a picture in

poor granny was like 'oop dont look at the messages' so she turned it over to not go to his privacy

there again you were

it was a polaroid of you two and he was backhugging you at school

hint? 👀

askldfjlsdkf

she knew issei was a very handsome young man so there shouldnt have been a surprise that he would be dating someone

can we name this granny?

granny inko lol

okay so granny inko saw issei coming over to rest the serving board thing and she beckoned him over

mattsun nodded and leaned over the counter to see what she wanted only to be greeted with a flick to the forehead

‘oW what was that for?’

he whined while holding the spot

granny inko tutted disapprovingly before crossing her arms

‘youve been working all week this week when you could’ve taken time off to spend it with your pretty lady. is this how men are nowadays? didn’t i teach you right to treat women properly?’

duh baby mattsun was confused like O_O

‘wha?’

his dumb question made her grab the phone and place it on the counter in front of him

‘your girlfriend, child. women need attention constantly and as much as you want that money, is it worth losing that smile full of happiness?’

okay stop it granny im getting emotional

more like disagreeing bc that wouldnt put food on the table BUT ANYWAYS

baby issei was surprisingly embarassed and scratched his neck

‘um,, baa-chan,,,,, she’s not my girlfriend’

he flustered and gave her an awkward smile

granny inko shot him a confused look and tapped the phone

‘well, she looks like she is. and if not, better hurry your move, boy. girls that make men happy like that only comes as rare as a good scratch ticket’

LMAO 

i do not encourage gambling so please save your money kids

you know what

these boys do that just to actually feel like it

okay thats confusing so imma explain it in greater detail

whenever someone mistakes you as their girlfriend, it makes them feel like you are for that split second and its just an addicting feeling

its like what if you were their girlfriend?

i mean, youre already the whole team’s girlfriend but theyre greedy brats and just want you for themselves

ohohohohoh

kyo!!

kyo def has a selfie of you both with the doggie filter but it was actually you who took it while he was just staring at you in the background

that was his lockscreen for like the rest of his high school career

lol

anyways!!

he was actually in a fight and during it, his phone fell off to the ground and conveniently oikawa messaged causing it to light up

one of the thugs had their hands gripping kyo’s collar and was pushing him against the wall while the others were surrounding them

they saw the phone flash and kyo cursed at the terrible timing and he made a mental note on killing oikawa later

a guy picked it up and he smirked, seeing the pretty smile of a pretty girl

‘heh? whats this?’

kyotani pushed the guy who was holding him but other two surged towards him and held him tighter

their leader snatched the device and chuckled

‘oh. its that bitch from his school. what is it’

he snaps his fingers as he tries to remember before stopping

‘aha! l/n y/n!’

kyo growled

‘shut up!’

the guy grinned at him and tapped the phone against kyo’s chin

‘oh yea. i heard shes a cutie. most people here know her, kid. now we know shes connected to you and guess what. you cross us again, she’ll take your place as you are right now. orrrr, we can,,, use her as our pet. thats how she is in your team, right? so let us have a turn. maybe we can send you a pic, hm?’

yea no that wasnt happening

kyotani easily beat those people up after because even just saying that unleashes power he didnt know he had

‘bastard. youre lucky this is just a warning. you touch her and i will kill you’

he landed one last kick on the guy’s face before taking the phone and leaving

now he has to figure out how to hide the bruises

you fussed later and he didnt tell you the reason instead just saying they said something that made him angry

nah

you were a person he didnt want to disappoint and he knows how much it hurts you to see him in that state

that was one of the things he hated but loved at the same time

you were such an empath that you would treat him and wince as if you were the one feeling the pain instead of him

and it made him feel special

you were one of the few things he holds close and he would be damned if anything happened to you because of him

the group chat was actually just blowing up with more screaming and the third years yelling at each other with the first years just casually reading the texts

they were used to the arguments within the team and you would remain so naive with the whole thing

kunimi is the type to keep silent and he didnt really care about anyone getting angry if you were spending time with him

but he does get annoyed if you were with kindaichi because you three were a package lol

like when kindaichi and you were at the arcade, this kid walked all the way there just because he didnt want kindaichi to hog you to himself

duh you thought this was adorable and endearing bc they wanted to hang out w you

no LUV theyre greedy brats who gets jealous over yOU

OH

so like i mentioned before that you and makki would walk over to the bakery and you guys would buy food there and such

and its also canon in here that makki only shares his food with you and no one else lol

why?

because when you eat the puffs, you put one in each cheek and it makes you look so adorable like a squirrel

sorry but squirrels are so cute like AAAAA

makki takes so many pictures of you and a lot are surprise shots where your eyes would be wide with cheeks full of food

aaaaa so cute

like you and makki sat down on a bench in the park across the bakery and you excitedly dug in to your own treat

makki chuckled at your excitement but he placed his hand on you arm to stop you

‘y/n-chan. say aaa’

you lit up and let him put the puff in your mouth and thought he was done but was surprised when there were two

you happily chewed it and went back to looking at your treats

but makki interrupted you again by calling you out

‘princess~’

the nickname made your eyes widen with red painting your cheeks and the shutter of the camera made you realize what he did

‘makki-senpai!’

you whined and he laughed

makki had a lovestruck smile on his face and he wiped the bit of creme on the corner of your lip

‘gotta take care of my princess~’

STOPPPPP MY HEART? GONE MY SOUL? GONE HOTEL? TRIVAGO

OH MY GOD IM IN SUCH A MAKKI AND MATTSUN AND IWA AND OIKAWA AND THIRD YEARS IN GENERAL BRAIN ROT PLEASE HELP

but we gotta give love to the second years :’)

ive mentioned that watari is the only person to ever go into your house right?

well, he comes over to cook and such so you guys spend time making food for the team 

watari takes this opportunity to take pictures of you cooking and the group chat cries bc its so domestic and they all start having the same thoughts

they really said seijoh braincells

it was like seeing a glimpse of a possible future for them

you, wearing an apron, cooking on the stove with your hair thrown in whatever with baggy clothes

gosh

thats like you someday being their wife and waking up one morning to see you there cooking in the kitchen

oikawa swears he had a dream that night because of that picture and he continuously thanks watari for YEARS because of that picture

okay are you curious about the dream?

yuhhh

oikawa woke up in an unfamiliar bed in a foreign room 

he felt his bones crack when he stretched and his hand extended out to a side that was still quite warm

hm

somebody must be sleeping next to him

then he stood up, catching his reflection in the mirror in front of the bed

;)

why would there be a mirror there hmmmm????

ANYWAYS

he noticed he had a bigger build and his hair was longer

then came the itch of the facial hair that he swore wasnt there a minute ago

this guy even checked out his butt and to his surprise, wow

obviously he was confused and a part of him thought this was the future

tooru walked to the door to go into the hallway and concluded, yep, this was not his house

then he heard music being played somewhere and a mixture of voices coming from a room

sounded like a woman and children

he stops at the top of the stairs, suddenly hit of the thought that this voice was so familiar

‘hm?’

tooru walked downstairs and stopped when down the hallway in front of the steps led to the kitchen where the voices seemed to lead to

‘mama! mama! mama! toast! i wan toast!’

‘in a bit, darling. just let me finish flipping the pancake’

the song was lo-fi with the volume being turned low enough to hear the voices fine

tooru wandered down the hallway and he stopped, finally seeing the owners of those voices

there was a handsome little boy sitting on the chair by the island and his brown hair was a mess of wild curls

there was a woman with h/c hair swaying to the tune and a beautiful little girl curled up in her arms while sitting on her hip

‘hey’

oikawa spoke out and caught everyone’s attention

‘papa’s awake!’

‘pa!’

‘hello tooru’

tooru froze

that was you

he knows it’s you

‘y/n-chan’

he whispered and you looked back at him from the pan

‘yes? if youre looking for coffee, we ran out apparently’

that was not what he was talking about

he hastily walked over to the boy and he blinked rapidly

‘you look like me’

he mumbled and the child grinned

‘eung! papa  and yozo look the same! mama and nana say so!’

yozo?

feeling like all the attention was on him, the little girl whined and her hands made grabby motions to him

‘pa pa’

she whined and tooru just felt something in him that screamed to hold the kid

you shushed the little girl

‘dont worry, looney loon. papa’s right there’

loon?

tooru stayed frozen at his spot and you raised an eyebrow at him

‘tooru? luna wants you’

oh

luna

that snapped him out of his trance and he held the little girl in his arms where she smiled at him and then he felt tears welling up in his eyes

then he woke up

okay sorry that was a long dream

so this dragged on for so long already okay

this was only meant to be small but aaaaa i couldnt help itt!!!!

but anyways!

the boys are just simps for you and theyre creeps that take pictures of you and they think about you all the time pls accept their love

also a mild continuation of the dream:

oikawa was holding luna and she was happily laying there when another figure emerged from the hallway

‘iwa-chan?’

he asked, surprised

what was he doing here?

iwa heard his name and grunted before going to a beeline for you

you smiled at him and he leaned in to give you a kiss to which oikawa froze in

iwa noticed his best friend holding his daughter and luna saw her father there

‘daddy!’

she shrieked and tooru blanched

‘uh, what?’

iwa extended his hands out to hold the girl but tooru held her tightly and leaned back

haji narrowed his eyes

‘um, give me my daughter, oikawa’

he grumbled and tooru shook his head

‘no! shes my daughter!’

you blinked

‘your god daughter, yes. but she’s half of your best friend, tooru’

half of his-

god? daughter?

‘so that means-’

‘piece it together, oikawa. did ya get brain damage or something? babe, call the doctor’

oikawa screamed

a/n: lol look WHO ROSE FROM THE GRAVEEEEEEE :) anyways. i really want to deeply apologize to everyone for taking an unexpected break and i shouldve told you guys and im really sorry :( everythings just chaotic lmao and im just like taking a breath for a second uwu and im so AMAZED at how many people still follow me even tho ive been gone for so long like bls yall are real ones :’) i love you all and the req box is still closed at this time as i need to finish the ones i have first soo thankyou for reading thiss and hopefully ill update soonerr!!! :)))

also not me completely messing up my kuws and missing 8 and 9 in my masterlist and having a mindblowing realization that i have 10 keeping up with seijoh fics

[trashlie]

Yess I relate so much to what you said about people ignoring Yeong-gi because they thought he was a "shallow happy character". I'm def one of these x'D but what made me care about him the most is the unfair treatment he's been receiving his entire life, and how this is destroying him. I think underdog charas have this "charisma" that makes you root for them and feel protective :') (pt. 1)

(pt. 2) We could compare it to Kousuke, who (despite his own problems) is the one "having it better", in a position of power, and still pushes the weakest ones down. Characters like this attract hate because we want to see someone put them in their place (even I, a Kousuke fan, want someone to come and smash him down x'D). So yeah, I think the readers' concern for fairness plays a big role on their sympathies.

Yes, these are good points! I myself am a person who almost always favors an underdog character when they're juxtaposed against a character who appears to have it all and an attitude to boot, and no doubt for me it's always been about a sense of "fairness" (and also, frankly, relatability, but that's a whole other thing).

It's certainly something quimchee did well, setting things up to appear like a love triangle with a very, very popular character archetype vs one who is often ignored and written off, only to carefully reveal over time how odds were stacked heavily against one of them.

I think what makes it work extra well - at least in my opinion - is that this doesn't make Kousuke a villain. He remains a mere antagonist despite the fact that we've seen the way he abused Nol. But, like Nol, Kousuke is caught in an unfortunate web of their parents' making. I love the dynamic that he is the one "better off" - he has his parents approval, he is successful, he is hard working and intelligent, people throw themselves at him, he is rich as hell. To us it appears he hasn't suffered.

But we also know he was badly neglected, spoiled to such an extent that he was never taught the errors of his ways (and often his bad traits were amplified and encouraged), he was deprived of a childhood necessary to develop the skills he now lacks. I'm obsessed with the layers to Kousuke and how it's SO easy to hate him, even when we know there are reasons he is the way he is. If you grow up and everyone tells you the sky is green, you start to believe it. If everyone around you continues to agree yes, the sky is green, and backs you up, you never have a reason to think otherwise - until outside forces factor on. Kousuke hasn't had a reason to question anything until now - until becoming entangled with someone "more normal" who can illuminate the the lies he's always believed as truth.

This is a little off tangent, and I apologize! The point I was trying to get at is: it's so funny how we as readers deduce that the injustice Nol has been served is far greater than the things Kousuke has also endured. I do think there's going to be a time he comes around and undergoes character development, but until then, he's the receiver of a LOT of negativity lol and I remain in awe of how well quimchee portrayed this and revealed it to us! And I am pretty certain Kousuke's character development will not forego a breakdown of his own!

[peach-pops]

hello!!! I love ur blog so much ! Can I requests a hc with Oikawa and Kuroo dating a Hothead/easily angered girlfriend? Maybe she gets into a fight and how would the boys react?

This is spicy yes of course! Also I def relate to the reader cause I get mad at freaking everything. There is a lot of cussing and there is violence obviously so just a warning!

Also PSA: I know Mika ( Daisho’s gf)  is probably super nice in the manga but I had to make her uhhhhh unlikeable so yeah. 

Oikawa and Kuroo with a Hothead Girlfriend

-Oikawa-

There’s no need to sugarcoat it, Oikawa was intimidated by you because of your ‘ don’t fuck with me attitude’ but once you started dating, he realized it came in handy especially with his fans

He never had to worry about his fans ever messing with you because they’d be dumb to say anything to your face without you throwing hands back so Oikawa always thought things would be in his favor

UNTILLLL you showed up to one of Aoba Johsai’s games because of course, you wanted to support the team 

You watched the game from up on the stands and you could hear his fans whispering amongst each other about you but you wanted to stay focused on the game 

Whenever Oikawa served, he would make a quick glance at you to make sure that you saw it but even though your eyes were on him, you didn’t look thrilled

Oikawa put two and two together once he saw his little fanbase a few rows back laughing in your direction and his heart dropped. Sure, he was upset that they were saying things about you but he was even more worried that you were going to kill them 

The match was getting closer to the end but the girls were persistent in bashing you for every little thing and you did  your best to keep your temper under control 

“ What is she even wearing?” 

“ Shouldn’t she be wearing a jersey to support her boyfriend?”

“ Maybe Oikawa-San and her broke up!” 

“ Thank goodness, he can do so much better anyway. He is way out of her league.”

You clenched your fists against the bottom of your seat. You’d be damned if you were just gonna sit there and listen to them talk badly about you

You whipped your head around and gave them a deadly glare,” Just wait until this game ends and we’ll see if you’ll be able to keep talking shit.” 

They’re just shocked that you even turned around to confront them and while they’re a bit shooketh cause you’re  high key scary, they don’t take your threat seriously 

Oikawa can practically feel the tension in the air so once Aoba Johsai scores the last point and they take their bows, he looks up at you as if he’s pleading with you to just wait until he can get there

Cue that one tik tok: ‘ girl don’t do it, it’s not worth it…’ 

And you’re looking back at him like ‘ im not gonna do it girl...I was just thinking about it...im not gonna do it”

You and Oikawa both thought that the coast was clear and that you two can go about your day but then the main fangirl opened her mouth,” I told you guys she’s too scared to fight us. Who does this bitch think she is?”

It all happened so fast, one minute you were beaming down proudly at your boyfriend and the next, you’re jumping over the bleachers to launch yourself at the girl in the stands 

“ OH SHIT!” Oikawa raced out of the gym with Iwaizumi running after him because Iwaizumi knows Oikawa might need his help 

Oikawa had never seen you this mad before so he didn’t know what to expect as he raced up the stairs

His mouth dropped when he saw you on top of the girl and you were going at it 

like yassssssss reader beat her ass!!! Fuck her up!!!!🤪🤪🤪

There’s a crowd gathered around but Oikawa managed to squeeze his way through and shouted at you to stop. He knew how strong you were and frankly, the girl didn’t even stand a chance against you. 

Obviously, he is your number one fan but he didn’t want you to go to jail for murdering this girl in cold blood

He tried to pull you off of her but you have that gorilla grip and this boy was struggling to pry you off like damn where is all of this strength coming from???

Oikawa looked around for anyone to help him but the crowd was a bit too scared of you so he shouted for backup

“ IWA-CHAN HELP ME BEFORE SHE KILLS HER!” 

Iwaizumi pushed through everyone and he assessed the situation. He sees lil ol’ you swinging at the girl who’s sprawled out on the floor screaming but he’s more focused on the fact that you listened to his advice on how to throw punches

He stans necessary violence!

Iwa managed to loosen your grip on the girl which gave Oikawa enough time to wrap his arms around you and hold you back 

“ Who’s scared now ha!” You laughed evilly as Oikawa tried dragging you away from the crime scene and he’s visibly shaken because his girlfriend is psychotic but is it awful that he feels so proud?!?!?

Like in his head he’s thinking,” damn okay go off queen!” 🥰

He managed to carry you all the way down to the stairs and pulled you aside to make sure you’re okay 

“Are you hurt anywhere? How are you feeling? Do you need some water or some ice for your knuckles?”

You looked down at your knuckles and sure enough, they were bruised but surprisingly not bloody,” Oh, I fucked up my knuckles...I didn’t even notice, ” You said as Oikawa shook his head disapprovingly,” I wasn’t even hitting that hard!”

“ Iwa-chan, can you be a dear and get some ice? I’m gonna stay here with Y/N to make sure she doesn’t go back up there,” Oikawa said as you held up your knuckles to show Iwaizumi 

“ How do I look Zumi?”

“ Damn Y/N, those look badass!”

Iwa was practically beaming because he knew he had taught you well🤩🤩🤩

“ Iwa-chan don’t get encourage her! Go get the ice!” Oikawa shouted as you and Iwaizumi both laughed before Iwa turned to leave 

Oikawa lightly skimmed his thumb across your knuckles and pressed an even lighter kiss to your knuckles before sighing,” Was it worth ruining your pretty hands honey?”

You inhaled deeply before shrugging innocently at your boyfriend,” Toru, I really tried to keep my cool I promise! They were saying really mean things the whole time but I did my best to control myself but she had it coming...Are you mad at me?”

“ Of course I’m not mad,” Oikawa answered honestly as he pulled you closer to him,” If you lost than sure, I would be disappointed but you won so I’m more proud than anything! But I’m pretty sure you broke her nose.”

“ A wise boyfriend once said; If you’re gonna hit it, hit it until it breaks,” You said with a smirk as Oikawa leaned in to give you a victory kiss

-Kuroo-

Kuroo knew what he was getting himself into when the two of you started dating. You were always so sweet and thoughtful but whenever you were upset, you didn’t care who got in your way, all you wanted to do was unleash the beast!

Most of the time, Kuroo could calm you down before it ever escalated but on the rare account that he couldn’t, he just hoped you didn’t do too much damage to whoever was on the receiving end 

At the end of one of Nekoma’s matches, you were celebrating with the team in the hallway when Kuroo excused himself to go use the restroom

You thought nothing of it and continued to chat and congratulate the other Nekoma members but as minutes passed by without seeing Kuroo, you excused yourself and went to go find him

You turned the corner to see Kuroo with his back facing you as he was loudly talking to Daisho. You knew Kuroo disliked Daisho but you were taken aback when you saw a familiar face next to him, Mika Yamaka 

You and Mika had never gotten along, even way before Kuroo had his feud with the Nohebi captain. The last time you had saw her, things hadn’t gone so well so to see her in the flesh made you feel some type of way

You walked over to where Kuroo was standing as the conversation halted

“ What’s going on? Everything okay?” You asked as Kuroo wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in closer

“ Nothing, everything is fine,” Kuroo smiled but you could tell that something was obviously going on

“ Wow Y/N-chan, I gotta say, you’ve changed a lot. I see you finally figured out how to style your hair,” Mika said ‘sweetly’ as she played with her boyfriend’s volleyball in her hand,” you finally look grown-up.  I was sure you’d always look like that little geek I met in middle school.” 

You felt him squeeze your hip tightly as if to say ‘ don’t let her get under your skin’ but you couldn’t help yourself to snap back

“Aw, Mika. I wish I could say the same for you but turns out you’re still a fucking snake who-”

“ Okay, let’s just calm down and take a breath,” Kuroo said as he leaned down to whisper into your ear,” don’t do anything stupid, okay? I got your back.”

You squeezed his hand as you kept your icy stare on Mika who looked unbothered

“ Your girl sure does have a temper doesn’t she?” Daisho laughed as Kuroo snapped his eyes over to him

“ What did you say snake?” 

OH SO NOW IT’S SUDDENLY OKAY TO SAY SNAKE

“ He’s not wrong. Y/N is kinda known to be a bit of a bitch,” Mika said as a matter of fact as you and Kuroo both tensed up,” little miss hothead is what they used to call you right?” 

As angry as you were, you knew that she was just trying to push your buttons and that she wasn’t worth the hassle. At this point, the rest of the Nekoma boys were watching from afar and even Kenma had looked up from his game to watch the heated interaction

“ Let’s just go, you guys are all bark and no bite. That’s why Nohebi loses everytime against Nekoma. You want some advice, how about you guys win before you start to talk shit,” You scoffed as you grabbed Kuroo’s hand and walked off in the opposite direction 

Micdrop lets get it Y/N

Kuroo smiled down at you as he pressed a kiss on your forehead,” Baby, I’m really proud of you. I know it’s hard to keep your cool and I’m sure you wanted to beat her ass, huh?”

“ God, I was this close Tetsuro. I swear, I-”

You felt something hard hit the back of your head and a second later, you could hear Mika’s annoying voice,” Who’s all bark and no bite now?”

You looked down at the ground to see the volleyball she had just chucked at your head and you felt smoke come out of your ears

You moved your eyes up and locked eyes with Kenma like ‘did this bitch really just do that😮’ and Kenma nodded ‘girl she really did👀’

Kuroo looked shocked. He didn’t even know what to say but he really didn’t want you to get into a fight 

“Baby-”

“ Hold my purse,” You snapped as you shoved your bag into his chest and walked over to where Mika was standing 

“ Aw, is Y/N-chan gonna cry-”

Kuroo and Daisho watched with open mouths as you practically launched yourself at her, causing the two of you to hit the floor. The Nekoma boys shouted words of encouragement and you could even hear Yaku shout “WORLDSTAR!”

“ You! 👏🏼Stupid! 👏🏼Bitch!” You yelled as you kept slamming your fists into Mika as she swung her fists back to try and get you off

Kuroo rushed over, unsure of what to do. 

A little backstory: You two had a hypothetical conversation a while back and you had explicitly told him that if you had gotten into a fight, he was not allowed to step in unless you were losing. By the looks of it, you were winning by a longshot

It wasn’t until Daisho tried grabbing you off of Mika that Kuroo suddenly became protective and stepped in

“ Don’t touch her, snake!” Kuroo yelled as he easily pushed Daisho to the side and ripped you away from Mika

You scrambled and struggled against your boyfriend’s grip as you continued to curse at Mika

“ Uh huh! That’s what I thought you raggedy-ass, fucking bitch! You’re awfully quiet now, huh!” 

“ Oh my god babe, please-”

“ Whatever!” Mika shouted as Daiso helped her up as she held her nose in pain,”That’s why your stupid boyfriend stepped in.”

“ He stepped in cause he knows I will kill you! Do you hear me, Mika? You’re lucky my boyfriend isn’t such a weak ass like you because if he wasn’t holding me back, you wouldn’t be able to get off the floor-”

“ Okokokokokok! She got the message baby, you’re scary and she’s a dumbass,” Kuroo was struggling to keep his grip on you so he readjusted himself and threw you over his shoulder as he walked past his teammates,” let’s head to the bus.”

The rest of the Nekoma teammates followed the two of you back to the buses as Kenma walked over beside you,” Do you want me to send you the video?”

“ You were recording?” You and Kuroo both asked as Kenma nodded approvingly

“ Hell yeah! Send it to me!”

On the bus ride back, it was relatively loud from all of the talk about you throwing hands with Mika but Kuroo had all of his attention on you 

“ I can’t believe she threw a volleyball at your head, what did she expect when you pounced on her?” Kuroo said as you leaned your head against his shoulder,” but damn, we were so close to leaving without a fight.”

“ I know, I’m sorry Tetsuro. You know I can’t stand her or her boyfriend,” You huffed as Kuroo sighed 

“ You know, have I ever told you how turned on I get seeing you mad?” 

“ Yes babe, several times.”

[charlessmithhasmyheart]

Title: Hunting Hijinks

Genre: Romance

Type: Charles x Reader

Triggers: None

A/N: Hey hey hey! This is a gift for the lovely @fangirl-ramblings. When I got the message that I was your secret santa, I was super excited! You are defs one of the people who I would consider to be my biggest supporter throughout this blog endeavor. Seriously! I would like to apologize for how long this took, but I wanted to make sure I was happy with everything before posting.

I know you had requested something about several people, so I chose Charles! Hope this is to your liking.

Here ya go! :)

____________________________

The sun was slowly sinking, the fire in front of you easily becoming your only source of light. The camp and it’s residents had been in the process of setting down for the night. Everyone but you. You were sitting on a log lost in thought, head resting in your hands as you stared into the flames; the object of your contemplation being none other than the mysterious Charles Smith.

Of course, this was of no surprise to you. It had been happening quite frequently. Charles was on your mind a lot. Especially since you had officially become a member of the Van Der Linde Gang.

A small smile began to tug at your lips as you recalled your first encounter with the illustrious group of outlaws.

You had been a bounty hunter then. Well, you hadn’t really been a true bounty hunter. You were just taking odd jobs from the wanted posters around Valentine and Saint Denis. It wasn’t the best work, but it paid well when you succeeded. And you did.

Believe it or not, you had actually met them during one of your jobs. You had been tracking a particularly elusive criminal for a few days. He had held up the general store and robbed a few of the townsfolk. Killed some too. The sheriff was adamant that he was brought back; alive or dead, it didn’t matter.

You were on the trail, the tracks very fresh when suddenly gunfire broke out ahead of you. Intrigued, you spurred your mount on only to come face to face with a shoot out. The target in question was crouched behind an over turned wagon, his own horse dead, as bullets from his attackers, three of them, soared through the air.

Determined to be the one to bring him to justice, you pulled your own gun from its holster and spurred your mount on again. Unfortunately the criminal, in what you can only assume to be a moment of stupidity, peaked from around the wagon, pistol loaded, only to receive a bullet to the face. With him now dead, the attacker’s switched their attention to you, guns still drawn. A curse slipped from your lips as you brought your horse to an abrupt stop.

“You take one step closer miss, and I cannot promise you’ll get away unharmed.” Warned their leader, who you later on learned to be Dutch.

When you made no move to speak he continued.

“Now I suggest you lower your weapon and we can talk this out. I see no reason for any more blood-shed.” He spoke, lowering his own weapon and signaling for the others in his group to do the same.

It took a moment, but you complied and re-holstered your weapon. Then came the conversation that would change your life. You had explained how you were a bounty hunter, making money to survive on your own after your family had died. Dutch responded in kind; giving you the run down of his gang, and, when he was finished, offered you a place to stay. After all, a woman of your abilities would be beneficial to their cause. Seeing as you had no better options, you accepted.

When you had arrived at their campsite at Horseshoe Overlook, you were introduced to many people who, despite being outlaws, were some of the most kind and hardworking people you had ever met. You fit right in, quickly developed relationships with many of the gang members, and the rest was history.

But despite all that, there was one member that you still hadn’t been able to understand.

When you had first been introduced to Charles, he barely mumbled a greeting or looked in your direction before heading of to complete some chore. You had brushed it off in the beginning, assuming you would find time to get to know him later. Now, it was later, and you knew next to nothing other than you had developed feelings for him.

It was all so odd. How could you develop feelings for someone who wouldn’t speak to you, let alone even look at you in the eyes? Sure, you had admired his silent nature, his penchant for taking on the difficult or unappealing jobs and his kindness with the other gang members from afar. Not to mention, he himself wasn’t unappealing to look at. But it still frustrated you to no end because you knew that he wouldn’t feel the same way. Charles had made it perfectly clear, without speaking, how he felt about you.

Stifling a groan, you rubbed a hand over your face, your frustration beginning to build to unhealthy levels.

“Something the matter [Y/N]? You’ve been sitting there an awfully long time.”

You jumped at the sound of someone’s voice and turned to see Hosea strolling towards you, a curious look on his face.

“I’m fine, Hosea.” You replied as he eased into a chair on the other side of the fire. “Just tired is all.”

“I may be old,” he started. “But not so that I can’t recognize when someone’s troubled. What’s bothering you my dear?”

You shifted your gaze from the fire to Hosea. He was leaning back in the chair, arms folded in his lap, with his eyes fixed on you. There was nothing but concern and a honest want to help you in them. He had always been like that. When you were struggling to learn the ways of the outlaw life, Hosea had been with you every step of the way. Making sure you knew the best hunting spots, helping you tend to your chores, and keeping your spirits up whenever you got discouraged. But, expressing your thoughts of Charles out loud? That was different. You didn’t know if you could.

“I don’t really know, if I’m bein’ honest.” You responded finally. “I’m just trying to sort out my feelings.”

And you were. Trying and failing, but you were trying. No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t convince yourself to forget.

“Your feelings for Charles?” He stated matter-of-factly.

You snapped your head up, heat beginning to rise in your face as you tried to stammer out a response.

“How did you know— I mean. I never said—”

Hosea chuckled and splayed his hands out in a calming gesture.

“Like I said. I may be old, but I still know a thing or two. And the way you look at the man when you think no one is paying attention? I’d say you were smitten.” He teased, winking at you.

You stared, dumbfounded and unsure of what to say. If Hosea knew, surely others in the camp knew. And if they knew, did that mean Charles knew as well? And if Charles knew then... No. You weren’t even going to consider the thought.

“You know what? I think I’m gonna turn in for the night.” You stated, pushing yourself off the log and heading towards your tent, refusing to look at Hosea anymore lest you get sucked into a full blown confession.

“You know,” He called after you. “It’ll just get worse the longer you keep it to yourself.”

You gave a half-hearted flick of you hand, the only indication that you had heard his words as you continued to walk through the camp.

——————————

The next morning proved to be no better. The minute you had opened your eyes, your thoughts immediately went to Charles. And Hosea’s advice. When you had finally settled into bed last night, you had pondered what he had said. Maybe it would be in your best interest to talk to him, but the fear of his first words to you being full of hate was too much, and you had drifted off late into the night.

Groaning, you pushed yourself to your feet, ready to distract yourself with the days work. You grabbed your hat from where it had fallen on the floor during sleep and stepped out of your tent. The morning sun shone through the campsite and the warmth felt good on your face. A cup of coffee sounded like a good way to start your day so you headed towards the communal pot; Abigail and Pearson already there with cups in hand.

“Morning [Y/N].” Pearson called out. “Any specific plans for your day yet?”

“Other then my daily chores? No.” You responded, pouring the dark liquid into your tin mug. “Why?”

“Well,” he began. “We’re getting low on food supplies and I can’t remember the last time anyone went hunting. Think you’re up for the task?”

“Sure,” you replied between sips. “I’ll head out right now.”

Pearson grunted his thanks and returned to his own mug. It felt good to finally have some sense of normalcy thrust upon you, so you were more than happy to comply. Nodding your head at Abigail, you finished your coffee; the warmth of the liquid reaching and energizing every part of your body before heading towards the horses.

Hunting hadn’t always been a skill that you particularly excelled at, but when you had expressed your unease with the chore during your first weeks with the gang, Hosea had wasted no time with setting up lessons with Arthur. Originally he would have asked Charles to do it, but every time he had mysteriously disappeared, leaving you wondering what accursed thing you had done to receive the cold shoulder. And hunting with Arthur wasn’t so bad. Of course, he was a little moody at times and his patience wasn’t always there, but you learned. You considered yourself to be quite the hunter nowadays.

Having now reached your horse, you ran your fingers through her mane and cooed soft encouragements before swinging yourself into the saddle. Grabbing the reins, you clicked your tongue and eased her towards he camp entrance.

“[Y/N], hold up!”

You brought your horse to a halt, startled, and turned in the saddle. You were surprised and a bit worried as Hosea sped up towards you, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Are you going out?” He inquired, an odd look that you couldn’t quite place etched on his face.

“Yes,” you replied hesitantly. “Pearson asked me to. Why?”

“Why don’t you take Charles with you, huh? He’s quite the hunter himself.” Without waiting for a reply he called out to Charles who was sharpening a knife. “Hey Charles! You up for some hunting? [Y/N], here could use some assistance.”

It was in that moment that your heart beat began to quicken; from anger and from nervousness at the thought of thee Charles Smith hunting with you. Alone. In the woods. With no one around for miles. Oh, would Hosea be getting an ear-full once you returned. Well, maybe you’d say if. The possibility of you running away forever from sheer embarrassment was entirely plausible.

“There now,” Hosea continued, clapping Charles on the shoulder with his hand. “I’m sure the two of you can scrounge up some food for the lot of us. And don’t come back until you do.”

You shot Hosea a burning look as he sauntered away, whistling a tune the whole while. Charles barely glanced at you as he pulled himself onto his own mount, Taima, and encouraged her towards the edge of camp. You followed suite without a word.

————————

You gripped the bow tightly in your hands, trying to rack your brain for anything to say as Charles walked beside you. The silence between the two of you was uncomfortable. At least, that’s how you felt about it, and, frankly, you couldn’t deal with the fact that the man you had pined for months over was finally capable of staying close to you. Deciding you’ve had enough, you lowered your weapon and turned to face him.

“Why do you hate me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why do you hate me?” You repeated, crossing your arms.

Charles’ eyes widened as he took in your words, and a strange look crossed his face. You started to feel guilty as you waited for a response. You had come across as a bit rude. It wasn’t what you were going for, but the words just came out without any thought. But, now that you were in this predicament, you decided you were going to keep going.

“I don’t hate you,” Charles finally spoke.

“Well, then have I done something to upset you? I’ve been with the gang for months now and you’ve said all of six words to me.”

Another long moment of silence ensued. Finally deciding you’ve had enough, you tightened the grip on your bow and turned to leave, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. Before you could reach your horse, however, you felt a hand grasp your arm and you found yourself twisted around and a pair of lips locking with yours’. You tensed for barely a second as your mind tried to register what was happening. You were kissing Charles. Or, rather, he was kissing you. And it felt like you had always imagined it to be. When he broke away, you stared, dumbfounded.

“I don’t hate you, [Y/N],” He said, reaching out to take your hand his large calloused one. “I never have. In fact, it’s the opposite.”

“Charles,” You uttered, barely a whisper.

“Ever since the first day you stepped into camp, I knew there was something special about you. I was just too afraid to say anything.” Charles confessed. “I didn’t know how to say anything, because I didn’t know how you would feel.”

His dark eyes locked with yours and you could see the sincerity and fear swirling around in them. A small smile tugged at your lips. There was only one way you felt you could express your true feelings. You reached a hand up to cup his cheek and pulled him into another kiss.

Time seemed to stop. Your heart beat just as quick as you pressed your lips against his in a gentle fashion. His strong fingers brushed tentatively against the back of your neck while your own hand tangled amongst his dark locks. You placed your other hand against his chest and grasped at the loose fabric of his shirt, feeling a hunger your had never felt welling up inside you. Charles, sensing this, slipped a hand down to the small of your back and pulled you flush to him.

The kiss lasted for what felt like years before you finally pulled away, both of you breathing hard and a shine in his eyes that you no doubt mirrored.

“Do you know how I feel now?” You teased.

“Yes, I think so.” Charles chuckled, entwining his fingers with your own. You smiled warmly at him.

“Maybe we should get back to hunting then?” You inquired. “There’s a certain someone I need to have a chat with when we get back. And then, maybe we can have a chat of our own, hmm?”

Charles suppressed another laugh, placed a kiss on your cheek before resuming the hold on his own bow, and traipsed deeper into the woods. The memory of that kiss would reside in your mind as you finished the hunt and it would carry on until later in the evening when you and Charles had another moment alone.

[sarcastically-defensive17]

15 Minutes - P. Parker

So I’ve been stuck in a writing funk for so long, and I got inspired and I’ve been writing this for days until I got it just right and it made me sad and I hope y’all like it and I’ll defs get onto my requests more efficiently now!

TW: Death of loved one, torture, degrading language, abuse, sad Peter, grief, all round angst.

Original story by sarcastically-defensive-17

It was routine. Every day, three times a day. 6AM, 12PM and 5PM. He barely had the chance to recover. Psychologically. Emotionally. Physically.

The machine was cold. The dull grey of the sides reminded him of how alone he was. Deserted. Left for dead, he supposed. No word of contact from any outside source, no hope for a rescue mission. He lost count at 3 months in captivity.

Every single day he had to see her. Had to relive it all. He never once thought that he would physically be transmitted through time and space. The worst part, he knew the woman holding him hostage. One of the most intelligent people on the planet. An expert in Thermodynamics and - so he now discovered - a ruthless person fueled by grief.

A bell chimed followed by an alarm and blinding green light. The glass door swung across the machine, trapping him inside as he stood upright with no way out.

“5, 4, 3, 2...” the countdown rang out, and the green light intensified. His stomach spun, eyes clenched shut at the feeling he will never get used to.

He was back in his apartment. Clothes he hadn’t seen in a long time on his person, his hair a few inches shorter and his reflection almost a stranger to him as is stared back at him in the mirror of their bedroom.

The ringing of his phone was foreign, yet expected. Same schedule.

He lifted the device, holding it to his ear in the same way he had at least 100 times before. Including the day it first happened.

“Y/N,” he breathed. The only thing he enjoyed about the event was the chance to hear her voice again. The breath sigh through the receiver as she strolled through the bustling streets of New York, on his way to her.

“Hey, I cant wait to see you!” Her voice held excitement, the same he had heard over and over. It became his own self indulgent nightmare. He longed for her, he had never held her in this, but he could hear her and feel her near. He could see her laid out on the pavement...

“Me too,” he answered, feigning the joy he felt that day at the idea of her return. She had been in England for the past month and a half, working to quell a growing drug import/export ring. How little she knew that the same work she focused on would be her demise.

After all, she was an ex-cop turned badass avenger. She was known for fearing nobody.

“Im about 15 minutes away from home. I can’t wait to see you!” Peter couldn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes as he rushed to get his shoes on.

In exactly 26 seconds, his signal would ring.

“Aren’t you a pretty little thing,” a voice snarled in the background of the call, followed by a clattering sound and a muffled shriek.

Peter pushed out a breath, putting his phone on loudspeaker and jumping out of his window.

He had no webs, no mask, no care. He had been over this scenario many times and wasting time with the spidey gear left less time to save her. When he tried it, he was met with her body slumped on the ground, blood flowing from her neck as she choked on the crimson liquid. He didn’t even have time to do the same to her attackers before he was pulled back to the present.

The actions must be damaging to the space time continuum, but the doctor had a lethal artifact in her possession, and she was prepared to do anything in her power to change events.

His ankles painlessly cracked as his feet hit the pavement below the window and he was off. He needed a new detour. He had tried many over the months, but a new one was running through his mind.

He cut down a side alley that would lead him around buildings and directly across from the alley she was pulled into. It was broad daylight in Queens yet nobody cared to see a young woman dragged away by three men.

Peter was just thankful that Y/N didn’t have to suffer in the original telling of the story.

He cut corners by vaulting from the walls of the alley way. He jumped over fences, dodged trash cans and even ignored an elderly lady who had dropped her groceries - a mistake he made by helping her in his first run through of attempting the detours.

He reached his destination in the form of a alley way decorated by versions items of graffiti. The bright colors stood out from the grey brick in the shape of various symbols. He and Y/N had often gone to that alley to observe the work of local street artists. She adored it.

As soon as the rubber toes of his shoes hit the mouth of the painted backstreet, a gunshot rang out and Y/N’s body slumped down on the other side of the busy road.

His heart broke once again at the sight.

He barely had time to step onto the road to get to her before the green light erupted in his vision again. His head reconnected with the thin cushioned pillow in the machine as a roar tore from his throat.

“Failure, once again.” The feminine voice snapped. “Always failing!”

Peters throat was sore. He had spent far too long screaming. His head was pounding, evidence of underfeeding and the sheer transference of his body through time.

He never expected to time travel. He knew how damaging it could be to change history, but here he was. Held against his will to save a woman that he loved so desperately. Forced to watch her death over, and over, and over. To hear her voice and feel the construction of his heart with the knowledge that he most likely wouldn’t be able to save her.

The physical pain of being returned to the day it happened and the image of her dead in various way seared into his mind. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw her.

The machine slid open, and a boney hand grabbed his face. He was far too weak to fight back, even with his powers.

The eyes of the doctor glared into him, bloodshot and poisoned by grief and ferocity, “Why are you such a failure? We have been doing this for 5 months! There has been no improvement. No chance of saving her, all because you are pathetic!”

“I’m trying,” he mumbled.

The hand left his face, leaving a biting cold in its wake. They always kept him in cold rooms. Part of the torture to encourage him to do better. After all, Peter believed just as the doctor did. He deserved the pain after what happened to Y/N. He should have protected her.

A loud bang echoed through the white room. The fury in the eyes of the Doctor made him almost shrink. He already felt miniature under her gaze, but somehow, he felt worse whenever he came back empty handed.

A hiss left her lips as she cradled the bony hand, Peter assumed she had hit something. “This happened because of you, Parker. You were the one she trusted the most. You were the one who she put her life on the line for countless times on your pathetic missions. You are the reason she is dead.”

“No,” he choked. It was a wet noise, his throat constricting as the mind games took hold again. His hands wove into his hair, tugging harshly. The action had quickly became a coping mechanism of his. He would do anything to distract himself from her words. “No, no, no, no. It wasn’t me. It was them. The gang. Not me.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” She hissed, the eyes staring down at him incredibly similar to the same glassy ones he saw every time he went back. “You were never good enough for her. You were always four steps behind her. Y/N deserved better than you.” The doctor stood up again, the expression on her face void of any emotion as she kept her steely gaze locked on his brown eyes. Her lips turned up at the corners slightly as she watched the tears fall down his face. Her back was straight, regaining the posture she often adopted when addressing those working for her, “Send him back again. Maybe if he does it right, I won’t need to be stuck looking at him in 15 minutes.”

“Ma’am, he needs time to rest. His body can’t handle such a short recovery time between jumps,” a random man in a lab coat told her. He - like Peter - cowered under her gaze.

“Send him back.” She growled with every word, pushing the door shut across the machine and walking back towards the other room.

The green light erupted again and he soon found himself in the same scene from before, although this time he emptied the contents of his stomach on the floor of their house.

His phone rang like clockwork, and he answered, placing it on loudspeaker and reciting the script he wrote for himself on the original date.

He slipped his web shooters onto his wrists before he left, following the same route as his last trip. Everything was the same, down to the exact way he dropped from his windows and bounded through the alley, although this time, he sent a web across the street, pulling himself forward into the alley way.

He collided into one of the men that had Y/N cornered, sending him crashing into the brick wall of the alley.

“Peter?” Y/N shrieked, doing her best to fight the other men off in the same way he had seen her do so in the past. Or, other pasts.

Two of the other men launched at him, both with blunt weapon and scuffed faces. As one swung high, the other swung low. His mind was centered on Y/N and his reflexes were working in overdrive, burning him out faster than anticipated.

It all came to a halt when the two men were on the ground and the sound of a blade slicing through flesh filled his ears. Y/N gurgled on her blood, eyes full of anguish as she stared at Peter with fear on her face.

He only had time to catch her body as she fell before the light overtook him once again.

The overly sterile room greeted him, sobs wracking his body. The door slid open once again and heels clicked against the tiled floor.

The malicious eyes watched him again.

“Please, no more,” he begged, knowing he would be on his knees if not for his fear of moving out of turn. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s torture.”

The hand returned to his face, a soft touch that lifted his wet face to look at the furious glare fixed on his being.

The doctor tutted, patronizing him. “Oh, honey. You think this is torture? You should see what I’m prepared to do to you if I need to spend another month doing this.” Her smile was pure evil, but her eyes held the depth of a woman mourning. The circles under her eyes and the deepening wrinkles fold of her grief, and despite the recurring pain, he felt for the woman. He wanted to apologize to her, had she not disregarded every apology that fell from his chapped lips.

“Please...” he whispered under his breath, feeling the hand leave his face and close the door once again.

“Send him back,” she announced to the other room before turning her attention back to him. “Save my daughter, Peter. Or you’ll wish it was you that died that day.”

The green light flooded his senses once again.

Tag List: @starshonerose @mantlereid @theanswertoeverythingisl0v3 @another-lonely-heart

[adminjolene]

trial claim form

Usually I don’t express a personal opinion when it comes to claims however I must say there was great excitement when this set of forms arrived on my desk. Reading it confirmed what I already knew, Mx Gilbert and Miss Cricket will make a wonderful pairing and we wish them nothing but the best on the journey they are about to embark on together. It is my great pleasure to say that this trial claim has been approved and the papers will be officially  turned in this Friday. 

Trial claim room 205 will be immediately prepared for LJ Gilbert and Nora Cricket, however due to it being spring break the administration understands that they may wish to take their time moving their things.

Name and Age of Dominant: Lisa Jane Gilbert; 27 Name and Age of Switch: Eleanor Lynn Toussaint Cricket; 22

Education Completed:

LJ: B.A. in Art from NYU

Nora: High School Graduate with honors, few college credits.

Length of Relationship: 5 months

Why would you like to enter into a trial claim?

LJ: Because I love her with everything and even more than that, I think we’re ready to take this next step. We’ve taken the time to get to know each other and this is the true test to see if we’re ready for forever. Which I def think we are.

Nora: Because they are the love of my life. We’ve been through a lot in the last 5 months together as partners, and my entire world has shaken and been thrown upside down in ways I never saw coming and they’ve stood by me through all of it. Even now as I realize I need to start focusing more on myself they are nothing but supportive of me through it all.

Do you feel you know your partner well enough on a personal level?

LJ: Absolutely. I feel like we’ve known each other a lot longer than 6 months. From the moment we met, we were connected and that connection only grew as we went through our individual and joined trials and tribulations. She knows things about me that no one else does and I feel like that’s the same for her. And I know there’s so much more for me to learn and I’m excited for that.

Nora: 100% I know them better than I’ve known anyone in my entire life, the connection was instantaneous, and for me it scared me more than anything which is why I had to grab it and not let it go. There’s so much left to learn about them, and about each other but.. That’s why I want forever so I can learn every single little thing about them and love them all the more for it.

Do you feel as though you have learned enough about you and your partner’s limits and expectations of the relationship as a whole?

LJ: I do feel like we’ve learned a lot about our limits and expectations. We’ve already had instances where we pushed each other out of our comfort zones and talked about what we expect from each other. We’ve been talking for months about taking this step and making sure that we’re ready for it. We’re ready for it.

Nora: I always figured TPE would be a hard limit for me but when LJ asked it was almost like something inside me said to give it one last shot. It was one of my favorite things to do, but I’d only ever do it with them. Having them control my every move was freeing in a way I didn’t think it could ever be living under someone’s constant eye. I trust LJ with everything in me because they’ve given me more than enough reason too. I’ve learned about their limits, and expectations through not only time but through experience and communication and I think that matters a lot.

Do you feel you both are well versed in what a claim will be outside of the trial period?

LJ: I think we’ve got a good idea from the examples around us and the things we’ve learned in our classes, but this will definitely be the ultimate test. We’re going to model our claim as we can to an actual claim to really push and test ourselves.

Nora: Oh yeah I fully think we know what to expect, but we also won’t really know until we try which is what I think this is for. This trial claim is to make sure when we move forward it’s smooth as can be, obviously not every bump and kink can be ironed out, but we can get rid of the big ones and handle the rest together.

Do you believe you are comfortable enough with each other and the fundamental levels of BDSM as a whole?

LJ: Yes. This was the part I needed to work on the most before we were ready for this step. I can be too relaxed and while I don’t think that makes me unfit I did need to think more like a Dominant instead of a romantic partner to Nora. But right now, I’m more than ready and I think she is too.

Nora: Yes, especially learning what they mean to me and how they relate to me. I was taught about D/s in a way that was unhealthy and so far in my time here I’ve learned submissives and switches are allowed to have a voice that can be heard. Beyond that I think, as I said above, the rest comes with time as we need to acclimate to what our dynamic as Dom and Sub will be not just girlfriends.

Lastly please provide the list of rules under which your claim will operate:

Nora will wear her collar at all times.

Nora will follow all school and society rules and address all higher marks with the proper titles.

Nora will go to all classes and club meetings unless otherwise specified by me.

Nora must go to all work shifts at the hospital unless otherwise specified by me.

Nora will do a scene with my at least twice a week and at least two full TPE weeks during the trial.

Nora will ask permission before doing scenes with other people.

Nora does not need to ask permission to hang out in her free time, but she does need to notify me.

Nora will be responsible for specific chores and meals during the week. For example (breakfast and the bathrooms)

Nora is encouraged to use her safeword any time she feels like she’s being pushed too far.

Nora will always be honest with me. And if she is not ready to tell me something, she should tell me that.

Nora must talk to me about all major life decisions before they are made.

Nora will keep a journal, writing down their reflections each week of the trial claim.

Nora will be punished for any broken rules or orders.

Including examples of punishments and rewards that may be used to reinforce them.

Rewards:

Choice of scenes

Choice of activities

Orgasms (given or received)

Gifts

Punishments:

Kneeling in stress positions

Grounding (No free time)

Corner Time

Loss of privacy (in extreme cases)

Kink/Limits:

LJ’s Kinks: TPE, roleplay, bondage, orgasm control/denial

LJ’s Limits: body fluids, humiliation. degradation, pain play (soft: impact)

Nora’s Kinks: bondage, impact play, forced orgasm, humiliation, edging, over stimulation, hair pulling

Nora’s Limits: scat, gore, vore, isolation, permanent marks, heavy degradation, yelling

Nora’s safeword: DIAMOND

[isadcrajade]

💀 * [ barbie ferreira + cis female + she/her ] —— have you met isadora oliveira ? they are a twenty-one year old sophomore currently studying fashion design & merchandising. they live on keating house, and word around campus is that this aries is loyal + warm, as well as self-objectifying + obsequious. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. chocolate covered strawberries, gothic platforms, lingerie under leather jackets.

hiii bbies it’s me (gabby) finally here again to post this finalized, messy version of isa’s intro! she’s a brand new never-been-played muse of mine so it’s def bound to be a bit more scattered & less developed than ezra’s, but also much shorter? so i mean there’s a bonus lmao alright here we go:

so isadora (also known by many nicknames such as isa, izzy, iz, & dora the explora if ur trying to piss her off vgbjhksjs) was definitely not brought up in a world of prestige and recognition like the one she’s become so accustomed to in attending holloway university

growing up in the small town of lisbon, maine the only reality isa knew during her childhood was that of living as the only child of a woman who was (TW) both a compulsive liar & and compulsive hoarder. their house was floor to ceiling with things her mom collected as well as garbage built up over time- her condition had already driven isa’s father out of the house when she was just three years old, and she never had a relationship with him as a result

she was still fairly young when she realized the true severity of her own situation, just how abnormal it was compared to that of her friends. she missed out on so many rights of passage during her upbringing like birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. for much of her life her own living space / bedroom were just as bad off as the rest of the house, given her mom’s inability to keep from passing her hoarding tendencies onto her daughter. isa simply didn’t know any better at the time. to her, that was normal.

not only was her mom a compulsive liar & hoarder but she was also extremely neglectful, often leaving isa to her own devices in the dangerous environment they called home. as a result of this she (TW ED) developed harmful coping mechanisms surrounding food, regularly overeating to combat negative feelings of loneliness, and this went on from the time she was just a little girl all the way until she was in high school

high school was rough in many ways- she suffered depression, anxiety, experienced bullying at the hands of the more popular kids for her weight & her mother’s financial situation, and was all around extremely isolated from her peers- the only person she really had to depend on was her cousin (WC) . she had so much respect and envy for her cousin, they had more of a sisterly dynamic than anything, she was just so gorgeous and everything she did just seemed so effortless, to the point isa couldn’t help but idolize her and consider her a best friend. 

like, remember when spongebob said he hoped that by being in squidward’s presence some of his artistic ability would rub off onto him? that was deadass isa & (WC) in high school jhbksnjs my girl was so sure if she just spent enough time with her she’d inherit some of her pretty & cool

high school was also where she reached a turning point when it came to her home environment, able to put a name to her mom’s condition after years of struggling with her strained and toxic relationship with her mom, and ultimately changed the rest of her life. she stayed the night at (WC’s) one night and after she fell asleep, isa stayed up watching TLC- it was there that she first discovered the TV show ‘hoarding: buried alive’ and realized there was a name for her mother’s infliction- but more importantly, learned that there was help available for her condition

when she went home to excitedly tell her mother that she’d basically discovered a cure, a means to change everything for them... she certainly hadn’t been expecting the reaction that came: her mom, who’d always been so indifferent toward her, so lethargic and uninterested in what she had to say, was suddenly listening very clearly- and she was not happy. isa had never heard her mom scream like that, had never really heard her express any heightened emotion, but it was in that moment at 17 years old, just a few weeks away from her 18th birthday, that she realized what she needed to do. she had no choice but to make plans to leave her mom behind.

the final weeks leading up to the big day she was counting on as a turning point consisted of her cleaning out her own space, little by little, enough that she had somewhere to set up her secondhand laptop and webcam. blowing out the candles on her 18th birthday cake came with wishing for a whole new life, and she was determined to make that for herself by any means necessary.

(TW SEX WORK) isa spent half her 18th year in her room working as a successful camgirl, showing everything but her face, & of course always being careful not to dox herself. she eventually earned enough money to start buying herself nicer clothes, but it didn’t take her long to realize she wanted more from life than just rotting away in her hometown. she bought herself a higher quality webcam to keep making money... and a nice sewing machine, something she’d always dreamed of owning. 

all her life she’d been drawing and sketching as a means of escapism, it’d always been therapeutic to her to be creative and conjure up unique designs for outfits in her mind, drawing models in all shapes and sizes to represent her fantasy outfits. but she never felt like a visionary, even though anyone with an eye for fashion who got a look at her work could see that she had the natural talent and potential to be. 

isa had been an a straight-A student her whole life despite having almost no support at home from her mother growing up, and with plenty of encouragement from (cousin WC), she plucked up the courage and applied for holloway university, with ivory falls being far enough from her hometown of lisbon, but still in the same state so that she could go and see her mother from time to time (bc although their relationship is quite strained now, she still loves and worries about her)

the next summer she received her acceptance letter at holloway u for the coming fall semester, and the fact that she’d been able to make it into such a prestigious school made her feel so proud of herself that she completely underwent a massive arc of character development; evolving into someone so much more confident. realizing that plenty of people found her desirable as she continued to earn money through cam shows had been part of that transformation, but realizing she was talented enough to get accepted into the fashion design and merchandising program at her dream school had a completely different effect on her. 

( TW BODY IMAGE ISSUES ) isa decided that as she entered college, she was no longer going to be the meek, insecure girl constantly playing the role of the doting, loyal fat best friend to the ‘prettier main characters’ she’d always been sidekick to- she told herself that she was the main fucking character in her life from here on, and has spent her entire college experience up to this point just,, navigating as she figures out what that really means to her

still has a terrible underlying tendency to be overly-loyal and a bit obsessive with girls she closely befriends, if she has any kind of jealousy towards them. but ! is a lot more confident than she used to be, and it shows in the way she dresses and carries herself, as well as in her long-term goals (to transfer to FIDM for her final years of university)

( TW ED MENTION ) as a young adult, she’s mostly she’s replaced the compulsion to deal with her body image issues by using food to cope that she had as a teenager... by using sex to cope instead, so she’s definitely a bit promiscuous but does her best to keep that Her Own business 

personality-wise she has a massive heart & is loyal to a fault but is also wild AF & loves a good time! never rly dabbled in drugs until she got to college but since then has acquired an interest in trying everything under the sun, even if it’s just one and done. mostly though she just likes to get really drunk & stupid. used to feel like she was constantly living in her cousin’s shadow, & in some ways she still does, but she’s trying hard to make herself believe that she’s reached a place where she won’t be playing second fiddle to anyone, ever again

i’m gonna shut the hell up now & stop pretending i know this character better than i do bc i deadass do not jbhnjss like she’s literally brand new so lemme go head & leave plenty of room for development!

same story as ezra i’ll have a full connections page posted for her soon but in the meantime some ideas i have are: friends, frienemies, ex friends, high school bullies, classmates, old high school friends, people she gets fuckt up with on the reg, people she hooks up with on the reg (any gender, she’s bisexual / biromantic), someone she had a crush on in high school / has pined for from afar maybe?? someone who used to watch her cam shows?? someone she almost kinda dated but Not? someone who she hooked up with while they were dating someone else?? idk that’s what i have for now but there’ll be more where that came from <3 xoxo like this or hmu !

[unboundbnha]

hoooo my god. this is for ME

for me. for godzilla. :’) 

➤ rules; make headcanons of you and a character of your choice, be it sfw or nsfw.

Thank you so much for tagging me @spicyness​! I’m gonna SKAJHDSKJ. HHHHH. This is everything? Fuck I just want a purple boyfriend 😫 this will be about Shinsou because I like him a normal amount :-)

First off, I’m a pain in the ass. My sense of humor is wack (it’s basically just ‘annoy my friends and loved ones’), I’m always fricken TANKING The Mood (because it’s funny and I physically cannot resist making a Funny if the opportunity’s there), everything turns into a game unless you make me stop wink wonk. Shinsou seems like the type to snort in amusement and roll his eyes at my dumb antics, and I appreciate that! If I could make him legit laugh I’d die happy. (I am also emotionally savvy enough to know when to draw the line though, don’t worry. It’s just, man, my idea of fun is ‘LET’S ROAST ‘EM’)

I love cats. I’ll lose my whole mind over them. They NEED head kisses. Shinsou also likes cats. He also needs head kisses. That’s it, that’s the bullet point

Being open and honest and genuine is important to me. I believe most any relationship (friendship or otherwise) can work if you’re willing to communicate and empathize with the other person: I would 100% be willing to hear Shinsou’s shit, and he seems like he’d be a good listener too. I’m also good at logicking things through and he seems like he’d appreciate that. Likewise, he seems like he’d do the same for me, and as long as we stayed humble and weren’t looking to be offended (I don’t Do That -- he’s a Cancer -- love you, Cancers -- so it might take him a minute to get on the same page, but he’s emotionally smort and cares about me so I think he’d be willing to work at it) then we could help each other through emotionally hard stuff with hard truths. Plus, I’m a super honest person: if he was in a relationship with me he’d probably be pretty secure in knowing I wouldn’t hurt him on purpose. If past shit comes up with him, I’ll talk to him. Talking’s the good shit, y’all: utilize patience and empathy and you’ll be so well off!

I also battle, with a big fucking sword, a lot with mental health stuff (LMAOOOO WHO DON’T!!! YEET). I used to struggle with agoraphobia and still deal with anxiety and depression. On top of that, I have something like chronic fatigue -- I’ve been calling it chronic fatigue because I’m fucking tired, all the time. My top energy levels are like a 35% on a fantastic day. I really like the idea of this boye seeing me melting into a puddle, face down on the carpet, and bein like “how’s it going down there? you okay?” and the answer being obviously no, but him just like. Man I dunno. He seems like the kind of person who’s tired, but who can live with it. I can’t! When I’m tired, that’s it babes! I hit a 0% on my battery and I’ll collapse! So I just, hhhh. Don’t laugh, but I like to fantasize about him bundling me up and into bed. Thinkin’ about Birthday Snoot by my good friend @lord-explosion-baku​ and melting, okay?? OKAY???? I’m soft, the truth’s OUT, FUCK! I want to be taken care of like a sad but pampered cat.

(Please read Birthday Snoot I still cry over it)

Also I’m gross and struggle to shower often enough because it’s exhausting so bein given a gentle bath? oh MAN. Hands softly running through my stupid, terrible hair...asking me about my day and if anything happened that triggered me feeling this bad...just....the tenderness....the gentle affection.....being loved even when I’m at my lowest. Being cared for when I can’t do it myself. That’s a legit fantasy y’all. We out here!

I love to SNOOZE. I love being COZY. You bet your sweet bippy I’m gonna sprawl over a couch and take up the whole thing. Shinsou’d better be willing to snuggle the fuck up. I’ve got great squish which I personally feel like’s great for cuddling: I’m like warm taffy. How better to gently seep into every crevasse of your Favorite Person while enjoying a cozy cuddle?

Listen, everyone fucks hard with Shinsou calling his S/O ‘kitten’, and I agree (def have written leetle -- HOO -- leetle scenarios with that nickname because wow) but I get all wibbly with the idea of He calling me ‘Angel’. A joke at first because, like, guys, I’m really nice. (I know it sounds bad when people say they’re nice and LSDFLKJDF I AM, OKAY. I’ve worked on it. Cultivated the skill of kindness! Being kind isn’t easy, and sometimes you just wanna go apeshit, but I’ve worked hard to improve upon myself! Yeet!) But I also just really fucking love being annoying. I simply cannot resist the urge to sneak up behind someone and poke them in the ribs. I rib-poke while in the deep depths of making out too, I’ve tanked the mood a lot so picture my dumb ass Pink Panther’ing behind Shinsou, prepared to be Evil while he’s, idk, making breakfast or something, and before I can commit a Rib Crime he uses his hero training and fast reflexes and honed senses and all that good stuff to snatch my wrist and ask “what’re you up to, angel?” the answer is nothing, because he’s killed me by being sexy and fast and hero-y, and he’s probably actually killed me by startling me into collapsing like a fainting goat

He gets the deep stuff. Unfortunately for everyone and especially myself, I’m a Thinker with a capital T: it never fucking stops. I had an existential crisis for like three years in a row because of course, but I feel like he knows what it’s like to get lost in your head. Working each other out of panic attacks because holy jesus the universe sure is fucking huge huh? We’re not even a blip on the radar in the history of existence and we’re gonna be dead basically tomorrow aaaand that’s why we’d be good for each other, because I feel like we both have coping mechanisms that keep us from spiraling too bad, and we could share them with each other.

I also so fucking admire his drive, but it makes me angry that stupid fucking hero society would discriminate in the first place. 

Oh, yeah, that’s another good point: I’m hella mad about 98% of the time and I work hard to hide it! Because innocent people don’t deserve to get yelled at! I feel like Shinsou’s smart enough to sense when I’m about to pop and he can be like “heyyyyy...you wanna talk this out constructively instead of getting into a public brawl?” and I’ll be like “NO but I’ll do it for you because I love you” and then we get pizza.

Because I’m fine and balanced and stuff, I made a quirk for myself if I was in the BNHA-verse, and basically I can get stronger at the expense of higher thinking skills and will turn into a weapon of mass destruction against whatever I’m pointing at (ugh, that’s so sexy. Fuck I wanna be a big spooky buff as shit monster thing), friend or foe, so Shinsou and I would work well in tandem because if I got too rowdy he could use his quirk and get me to calm down! Keep me from accidentally doing a murder! Nice!

Okay this is nsfw so if you’re under 18 DON’T READ IT. I’LL CALL YOUR PARENTS. GET OFF MY BLOG. 

Relating to the point above, QUIRKPLAY. Mind control me into stuff I want to do but am too awkward to ask for, please and THANK you. Also, Shinsou’s a top. Gotta be, and thank god for it because I’m certainly not. I’m not happy about being a fucking bottom, because my first and most powerful personalty trait is ‘be as annoying as possible to the people you like; don’t let them tell you what to do.’ Can’t make it easy on myself, nope. Anyway, I want the appearance of being a top without the responsibility because damn, gotta be like, suave and shit. Gotta plan stuff. I don’t like that! I do that enough in real life and I don’t like it there, either! But whatever. I’m a brat and I feel betrayed by my coochie for it. But Shinsou’s a top and he’d tease me for being Fucking Terrible, and suddenly I wouldn’t be so mad at my coochie. She has her reasons.

I...like Shinsou for a lot of reasons, but a really big one, for sure, is that I feel like he can communicate about the important stuff. He likes to tease, but he knows when to be serious too. I’m really wack about being close and intimate with people and I have, hhh, special requirements to be able to sleep with them, and I feel like he’d both be able to respect AND honor that. Like, run through the rest of the BNHA boys with me here: would Bakugou be able to be completely cool, calm, and collected while still teasing, but knowing where to draw the line? Todoroki’s closer maybe, but he’s not as people-smart (which is also a big thing for me). Confidence (or at least the appearance of it when it’s important), respect, communication, listening and respecting what I ask for even if it seems wack -- Shinsou has that, and god is it attractive. 

Also, mind control. 

Also, his capture weapon. 

Also you know this motherfucker is kinky as shit. Thank the good lord.

Also, sexy-slow makeouts with his long, nimble hands running up my outer thighs to squeeze my waist -- teeth on neck, stolen gasps of breath -- 

\\\\\\

I feel bad because all of this, fuckin, WALL of text is pretty much ‘this is what purble boy can do for me’ and I don’t say a lot I’d do for him, but if I got someone like him I’d go to the end of the earth for them. I may be a perpetually-sleepy bitch, but one of my best -- and worst -- character traits is my unwavering loyalty. I’ll be 110% down to kick anyone’s ass who insults him: he can fight his own battles, but he shouldn’t have to over some dumbass with a big mouth and a little brain. Making him smile and laugh, oof, be still my beating heart. Words of encouragement when life gets too much. Genuine thanks for his help, whatever it may be. Hugs, because we’re both touch-starved as fuck and he deserves gentleness, dammit. He doesn’t seem like his love language is receiving gifts -- more like quality time and words of affirmation? Maybe physical touch? -- but I’d still get him little things that made me think of him, that could help him in his day to day life or maybe just bring a smile to his face. We could rescue each other at social conventions, have dates to the humane society and play with cats. Support each other through our depression days, prove that even having a brain that’s mean to you sometimes doesn’t make you unlovable. Man, idk. The whole thing’s soft and makes my heart go doki-doki. Hitoshi Shinsou is an extremely good person and god damn I’d want to show him I appreciated him and existing at the same time as him. He deserves love and kindness. He deserves someone to kiss every knuckle of his hand. He deserves hugs in the kitchen and blankets being pulled over his shoulders when he falls asleep at the desk. He deserves only good things, and I’d be honored to give them to him. 

HHHHH.

Okay! If you made it to the end of this, congratulations! You don’t actually get anything, but boy oh boy you have a lot of information about ME now! Aren’t you delighted? Heh. So! You tag people for this stuff, and I’m gonna tag @lord-explosion-baku​, @bnhascribbles​, @perpetual-bed-head​, @russianonion​, @weebsinstash​, and last but certainly not least, @usernamekate94​. Tell me about Monoma, Kate. Tell me.

[jdiep95]

Mariah Carey: Top 10 Remixes

In continuation of celebrating Mariah season, and “All I Want For Christmas Is You” finally becoming a #1 single, I am sharing with you my “Top” lists of MC songs every Monday and Tuesday up until the 25th. After talking about the Top 10 Most Iconic Mariah Carey songs, it’s time to move on to the Top 10 MC Remixes. Come back next Monday for the Top 10 Underrated MC Bops. All songs mentioned these lists can be found on streaming services (e.g. Spotify, Apple Music). That means deeper cuts, but fan favourites, like the “Someday (New 7” Straight)” remix, the “Never Too Far/Hero” medley, and “H.A.T.E.U.” remix ft. OJ da Juiceman, which aren’t available, aren’t included; the aforementioned remixes are, however, available on YouTube, and they definitely deserve a listen.

You’ve listened to remixes where they’ve brought in a guest rapper, something that Mariah popularized in 1995 as you’ll see below. You’ve also listened to remixes where they’ve brought in a featured singer, something that Mariah had also done in 2000, when she re-released the “Against All Odds (Take A Look at Me Now)” single with Westlife. But you’ve never heard a remix until you’ve heard a MC remix. Somehow we’ve gotten the perception that Mariah is lazy because she doesn’t perform the choreo or doesn’t sing the song — point them in this direction. Up until the 2010s, Mariah insisted doing remixes her way. She’s not just pulling in DJs, or rappers, or featured singers to do all the heavy lifting in remixes, Mariah incorporates new elements, sometimes practically changing up the genre of the song. And she re-records, sometimes new vocals, sometimes the entire track.

Is the list TL;DR? No worries. I compiled each list into a respective playlist, starting from No. 10 and ending at No. 1, so you get to listen to the Top 10 MC Remixes while on the go.

https://open.spotify.com/user/jdiep95/playlist/6UfiZPeq4yA1fq4i87CUwq?si=iHpF9-BAThW8m26GKSKyiA

10. A No No ft. Shawni

Year: 2019

“A No No” is an underrated bop off of Mariah’s most recent studio album, Caution. Caution, like many of Mariah’s comeback, is a testament that she’s still got it; however, unlike the couple of albums before it, Mariah ditches most of the post-production, and delivers one of her strongest albums. “A No No” uses a sped-up sample of Lil’ Kim’s "Crush on You”, with the original mix using excerpts of Biggie’s rap. The remix featuring Shawni drops Biggie’s rap. This isn’t the first time Mariah opted for a female rapper for the remix: In 1999 for the “Heartbreaker” remix, MC dropped Jay-Z for Da Brat and Missy Elliot. “A No No” is a feminist song about cutting off liars and cheaters, and enjoying the single life; Shawni’s contributions add to the latter, admitting: “To all my exes need to tell you that I’m sorry/That I didn’t leave you sooner/I settle for less, and that is exactly what I been getting.” This remix isn’t perfect — the melody and the structure remains the same, and Mariah only records a couple of additional inflections. The best part about this remix, that’s absent from the original mix, is the addition of a series of ascending melismatic whistles near the end. You can’t help but feel like something’s missing from the original mix, and MC lets you know it in the remix.

9. Fantasy (Bad Boy Fantasy Remix) ft. O.D.B., Sean “Puffy” Combs

Year: 1995

Why the “Bad Boy Fantasy Remix” is so iconic was already discussed in the Top 10 Most Iconic list: It introduced the featured rapper formula to pop music, and paved the road for its successors like Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love” or Rihanna’s “Umbrella”, both of which features Jay-Z. The remix features rapper O.D.B., who, by the time the remix was released, had started a solo career separate from the Wu-Tang Clan. The release of the "Fantasy" remix is entrenched in racial politics. Columbia Records and Sony Music feared the inclusion of O.D.B. would jeopardize the squeaky clean, family-friendly, racially-ambiguous image they had built for Mariah. In the remix, a lot of the pop production is stripped away, leaving the bass beat as the foundation of the song; Mariah sings on top of this. "Fantasy" sampled “Genius of Love” by the Tom Tom Club, and in the remix, the sample is echoed in the bass beat. The bridge of the original mix, which also samples “Genius of Love”, became the remix’s chorus. The structure changed, and “Fantasy” itself became slinkier, less saccharine. The producer, Sean Combs, better known as P. Diddy, recalled working with O.D.B. all through the night to record the rap; O.D.B recorded sentences at a time, whenever the inspiration hit, or whenever he was awake. Regardless, Mariah’s insistence to collaborate with O.D.B, and to release the remix was an industry-changing move.

8. Honey (So So Def Remix) ft. Da Brat, Jermaine Dupri

Year: 1997

The “Fantasy” remix, despite it being iconic and timeless, was mostly work in post, especially trying to piece together O.D.B.’s individual recordings to form an actual rap. The So So Def remix of “Honey” was a completely different affair with the song reworked and re-recorded. The bass line of the original mix of “Honey” samples “The Body Rock” by the Treacherous Three, while the tinkling piano line uses a sample of “Hey DJ” by the World’s Famous Supreme Team. The So So Def Remix foregoes “The Body Rock” sample, and also samples a different excerpt from “Hey DJ”. The accompaniment itself sounds like a midi file off of a video game, but it’s actually the hook from the Jackson’s 5 “It’s Great to Be Here”, Mariah’s first time sampling a another pop song. This “Honey” remix is a novelty. As a critic, you would expect another dance remix or something that really leans into the hip-hop, and instead you receive a feat that reduces the original dance track to 8-bit music with MC’s vocals as the main attraction.

7. My All (Classic Club Remix)

Year: 1998

Have you seen Dreamgirls? In the stage performance, Effie sings “One Night Only” and it shifts immediately into the disco version sung by Deena. I imagine the remix of “My All” draws inspiration from that, especially when they chorus starts chanting, “Just one more night.” In the Classic Club Remix, MC sings on top of a dance beat but it’s a slow burn before it becomes that full on club anthem. The remix isn’t completely re-recorded; it’s her original recording that’s fixed on top of the dance track produced by David Morales, but it’s the last five minutes that she adds on new elements, and finishes out with new vocals, a solo for the latin guitars, and a chorus. Sam Smith might be able to sing any dance song as a ballad, but Mariah is the master of rewriting any torch song into an upbeat track. Try not dancing when Mariah starts going off with the “Feel your body”’s.

6. Through the Rain ft. Kelly Price, Joe

Year: 2002

“Through the Rain” is Mariah’s first comeback single. It hails from Charmbracelet, Mariah’s comeback album after the entire Glitter fiasco. It’s Mariah’s first leading single that failed to crack the Top 5, even “Loverboy” off of Glitter peaked at #2. The inspirational track, which encourages the audience that they will “Make it through the rain”, stalled at #81. The original mix is a slow R&B ballad, one that even I rarely listen to since I almost always opt for the live version she performed at MTV Presents. The remix is more upbeat as a result of changes lyrically and melodically, and by infusing gospel elements, there’s more of a sense of hope than in the original mix. “Through the Rain” didn’t chart well, so why does this remix rank so high among the other remixes? A decade and a half before Kanye decided to bring everyone to church, Mariah brought her listeners to church instead of the club with this remix. For a remix, the sound was new and gutsy, especially for a song that didn’t fair too well, granted she did also release a dance remix. With the remix, MC proved that a song didn’t have to be wildly popular for her to breath new life into it.

5. Unforgettable (Acoustic) ft. Mariah Carey, Swae Lee

Year: 2017

You might be quick to catch that "Unforgettable” is actually a French Montana song, but you might be less familiar with this Mariah Carey remix. The inclusion of MC on this track, and the decision to replace the track with a guitar makes it sound more like a R&B-inspired country song with a rap section than it does dancehall; nonetheless, the remix is incredibly cross-genre. Chances are French Montana didn’t re-record his lines, which is standard, but then some very stylistic choices were made that makes the remix sound like a Mariah duet rather than a MC-guest appearance. These decisions, however, may not exactly be MC-mandated, so let’s talk about two things that were within her control: (1) MC sings throughout the entire track. She doesn’t appear for just one verse then disappears; she injects herself throughout the song by harmonizing with French Montana. (2) MC brings her whistle notes. MC fans stan Mariah’s whistle notes for one very good reason: Mariah uses them with much musicality. It’s less of a garnish where MC goes, “Hey, look, I did that!” because we know she can do those whistle notes. In the “Unforgettable” remix, MC uses her whistles as a base, a broth if you may; in this way, her high notes are instrumental, and she strings them together in a series of legato to create the backing track for which French and her sings on. Mariah’s contribution to this song really makes it ever more unforgettable.

4. We Belong Together ft. Jadakiss, Styles P

Year: 2005

Kelefa Sanneh, a former music music critic for The New York Times, called the “We Belong Together” remix “springier”; I had to quote him because there’s no better way of putting it. The original mix is tear-jerking, but the remix has a bounce to it that captures the hip-hop vibe that MC was looking for. The remix gets pretty close to demonstrating what a perfect balance looks like, and inevitably Mariah sometimes misses the mark — remixes sometimes reduce Mariah to the featured artist, despite it being a Mariah song. She sings along while Jadakiss and Styles P trade lines, emphasizing certain phrases. The remix continues to sample Bobby Womack’s “If You Think You’re Lonely Now”, and uses a longer lyric sample from “Two Occasions” by The Deele. On this list, we’ve seen MC skillfully use instrumental samples, but she is masterful in picking lyrical samples as well. The “Two Occasions" sample, “I only think of you on two occasions/That’s day and night”, contributes to the message of yearning in “We Belong Together”, making it fit perfectly with the mood and the scheme of the song. MC finishes the remix in a way only she could, by showcasing a series of vocal acrobats for the last minute-and-a-half of the song.

3. Always Be My Baby (Mr. Dupri Mix) ft. Da Brat, Xscape

Year: 1996

I know diehard fans prefer Mariah’s Butterfly era, where you had songs like “Honey” and “My All”, but my favourite would still have to be the Daydream era, when MC decided to gift the world with “Fantasy” and “Always Be My Baby”. The Daydream era featured prime Mariah vocals, amazing album cuts, and two of Mariah’s coolest remixes to date. Both the “Fantasy” and “Always Be My Baby” remixes are timeless; the former is so stripped down, but it is the latter that we really need to talk about. It’s timeless in such a sophisticated way that’s so rarely seen in pop music. Don��t agree? But Mariah seems to agree. In the Caution World Tour, Mariah’s most recent tour, she performed this remix instead, when “Always Be My Baby” had almost always been performed unaltered in the original mix. The foundation of the Mr. Dupri Mix samples “Tell Me If You Still Care” by the SOS Band, a slow jam itself which gives the remix its sleek, quiet storm sound that was so popular in the 1980s. MC is an understated music genius: She takes a page from TLC, who had just released their critically-acclaimed hip-hop album CrazySexyCool the year before, by recruiting a female rapper, Da Brat for the remix; this marks the first time MC collaborated with a female rapper. And the rap practically merges with the track; it’s neither out of place nor distracting as Mariah riffs while Da Brat raps. She also melds two supposedly conflicting genres, since younger Black audiences had shifted their attention from quiet storm to hip hop since the beginning of the ‘90s. Whereas the “Fantasy” remix had almost no re-recorded vocals, the “Always Be My Baby” remix received an almost complete makeover, save the melody. Mariah really thins out her voice for the remix and introduces her airy whisper, something she’ll really master in her subsequent albums, which gives a new feeling to the happy-go-lucky vibe on the original mix. The remix is more mature, reflecting Mariah’s real-life desire to bridge pop, R&B and hip-hop.

2. All I Want For Christmas Is You (So So Def Remix)

Year: 2000

As we’ve seen in the Top 10 Most Iconic list, Mariah has released several versions of “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. Certainly, the original mix reigns supreme, but the So So Def Remix comes awfully close, and I will argue that none of MC’s other versions or any other cover of this song, ballad, acoustic or otherwise, comes close to this remix. You might have heard the disconnected intro and skipped the rest of the song, which meant you missed Mariah and producer Jermaine Dupri reworking the song in ways no one else can. The So So Def Remix is an extremely smooth R&B and hip-hop remix, and although this is nothing out of the ordinary for MC, it’s such a smart remix because it’s a Christmas song for anyone who’s tired of listening to Christmas songs; essentially it’s an escape from the original mix. This remix has as much spring as the “We Belong Together” remix, but this bounce is a result of sampling “Planet Rock” by Afrika Bambaataa & the Soulsonic Force. The whistle notes that are seen in the main melody of later versions derives from this remix, and arguably, the whistle notes in the remix’s successors are nowhere as melismatic. You can’t beat a Mariah original, but you also can’t beat a Mariah remix.

1. Anytime You Need A Friend (C&C Club Version)

Year: 1994

“Anytime You Need A Friend” is a deeper cut itself off of Mariah's best selling album Music Box. It’s Mariah’s first US single not to enter the Top 10, peaking at #12. It’s equal parts a love song and a song of encouragement, especially the remix. The original mix of “Anytime You Need A Friend” is a slow ballad, at least “My All” had something sexy about it, so you wouldn’t except Mariah, and producers David Cole and Robert Clivillés to be able to work it into a dance track so well. But without a doubt, it is definitively Mariah’s best remix. The 10 minute song is essentially an abridged version of Mariah’s résumé; you get a glimpse at everything from Mariah’s vocal talents to her songwriting abilities to her musicality. “Anytime You Need A Friend” is a torch song that’s been repackaged with a pounding dance beat. Even if it's from 1994, there’s a certain timelessness to it. Another great thing about most of MC’s remixes is that it doesn’t cut the song short; in the C&C Club Version, the entire song is there. Mariah reworks the part of the original melody, but it’s the last six minutes of the remix, when Mariah goes off, where you can really observe how well she knows music. Can you write this down on sheet music? Or was it improv? To me, the last six minutes was literally a playground for MC to do her thing, whatever she wants. There’s no guest singer or featured rapper, just Mariah. But then this allows her to do something she’s almost never done before or since. At the eight minute mark, the remix enters a jazz breakdown, and Mariah scats, dipping into her lows, belting, and hitting those whistle notes. Simply, this remix is remarkable and breathtaking.

Timelessness is the key word here with MC’s remixes. You may think that the incorporation of samples would date these remixes significantly, but personally it does it complete opposite. Mariah’s remixes transcends eras because of the use of samples. Not only are her remixes cross-genre, they’re also cross-generational. Mariah doesn’t just push out remixes and waits to capitalize on them. If you’re looking for a place to find Mariah’s artistry, look no further than her remixes. She adds new elements and new life to the songs, rewrites them, reworks them, re-records them. Who’s done this recently? In the last twenty years, which artist has consistently given their remixes this kind of treatment?

[asgardianhammer]

*

(( Some Marvel Wank: An Essay by Mir, or, How And What Shall Be Ignored 5Ever Regarding Endgame. ( SPOILER HEAVY BEYOND THE CUT YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND, SO MUCH SPOILER )

To be honest, I am rewatching both Infinity War and Endgame this weekend, but for now I need to pour some salt truths and thoughts out about mostly Endgame. Very frankly speaking, Infinity War was mostly acceptable but also sort of forgettable in a weird ‘ I like it but I kinda don’t ‘ sort of way. It’s hard to explain, I might actually better liveblog into 1 post when I watch it again so I don’t miss any... thoughts on what happened.

----

Where do I actually even begin with it? As someone who has watched Marvel start with Thor’s story, and abandon any sense and reason when it comes to his character development, I feel Endgame was honestly just a final nail in the coffin of an already deteriorated version of an otherwise glorious character. The final noose around his neck, the falling chop of the guillotine if you will. The weirdest thing is that they sort of did other characters dirty by doing Thor dirty, which is something I didn’t expect but oh well... ( sans Steve, per usual <3 )

New Asgard: I love the idea of it. I had envisioned the remaining Asgardians would be allowed to settle somewhere, and it makes sense it would be by a shore but also with mountains. Even though they would thrive in woodlands and mountains I feel the connection to the Vikings of old would give them this opportunity, and the location is fitting. Do I suspect they will resurrect Asgard properly at some point? Absolutely. They would want to rebuild much of their former home, and I feel that would be only possible off-Earth, possibly hovering above it.

Vakyrie: It warmed my heart to see her thrive, and seemingly happy. I don’t like it when trauma and PTSD, ( and gods know what else ) is glossed over by movies, but it’s understandable they couldn’t focus in depth on her character, or the Asgardians for that matter. That still doesn’t mean my greedy ass didn’t want it, or means that all is well and good, emotionally and mentally, for her ( or any of them ).

Thor: - cracks knuckles - Listen, my bias for him as a character should be clear and well known at this point. Everything about him, about the setup, intro, continuation and the overall approach was a joke, literally... 

I find it acceptable he wouldn’t be in a palace anymore, their main priority is getting their people back into the swing of normal life, coping with said life and this new world, and supporting each other. Nobody cares about glitter and gold at this point, and Thor def wouldn’t. He would NOT however live away from them. Post Infinity War, post everything, his people is what matters most to him right now, and getting revenge on Thanos. Showing him as a recluse makes no sense, and he would never, period.

Continuing on from that idea, let me make one thing very clear. I’m NOT against the loss of his physique, or whatever the hell that means, I’m not against the notion that he suffers from (suvivors) guilt, depression, and that various other issues would haunt and plague him to no end. Including poor coping mechanisms that goes with that. But painting him as someone who would wallow in self-pity, after everything he has experienced and been through, after everything he has lost? Not in a million fucking years.

These tantrums, and whining, and staying hung up on mistakes and a lost battle of all things, is going against everything he has learned over the years ( and considering both Taika and the Russo bros shat on all previous movies and everything they displayed, I shouldn’t have been surprised). Thor has grown and evolved from that brash, foolhearted boy, CHILD he was, with every step he has taken since being dropkicked in New Mexico, and with every loss and grief he had to endure since then. He was raised by a father who demanded loyalty and bravery from him since the day he was born, and raised by a mother who taught him compassion and seeing the good in others. He had friends ( AND LET’S NOT FRICKEN FORGET SIF IS STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE TYVM, don’t even get me started ) that have taught him how to persevere, that have encouraged him and brought him down a peg each time his head got too big. He is a MAN now, someone who doesn’t hide or run from his responsibilities, and definitely someone who will NEVER allow the woe is me to take his focus of his purpose. And speaking of purpose....

Not A King: Thor has always been reluctant to take the throne, this has been a red thread through his arc in the MCU, with waxing and waning intensity towards the issue. But judging by the comments ( mostly of the casual fans, but def some of the die hards as well ) people seem to believe he doesn’t want to be king at all. Honestly, I disagree so hard it makes my body itch. Thor is not Odin, and Thor has rarely understood, let alone agreed with how his father ruled. He didn’t want to be a king LIKE HIM. He didn’t want to be caged on a throne, and ( seemingly ) rule without a heart, without ACTIVELY doing something. That’s what he didn’t want. He is tempest made flesh, he has compassion and a heart, and he needs to DO SOMETHING. And he didn’t feel, for a very long time he was capable to be and act as a king without Loki, without someone by his side to do the ‘ hard stuff ‘, he thought he was incapable of doing what was necessary. He has believed himself unworthy often, of both his hammer and definitely of the throne, and after all this he will not cower and hide, and play Fortnite ( he would be an Overwatch or Skyrim dude anyway tyvm). This is why this... characterization if you may call it that, this story of self-pity and loss of confidence, is outright bullshit. It implies, once again, that he doesn’t learn from the past, and it’s regressing his character so much it’s painful. He would never ever run from his responsibilities, at this point in his life, and that’s why I cannot accept his renouncing of the throne, in whatever form that may be.

The Running Gag And Why It’s Gross For All Involved: I understand that contrast is funny by default, and that extremes, in characters, can be hysterical at times. I didn’t appreciate the Thor Is Fat jokes running through the movie, constantly. It made everyone participating looking like a douche in the process ( Rhodey for example, was so utterly disappointing I legit gasped...). Rocket is a character I expected cheap things from, but the OG 6 ( sans Steve, bless ) participating in it was so OOC for them it was cringe. They were there during the battle in Infinity War... they KNOW what he feels, they understand the guilt. And they would NOT act this way towards Thor.

A Moment Of Brightness: I’m happy with the closure he received with Frigga, fricken finally, but of course it had to be ruined by the ‘ eat a salad ‘ bit. Frigga would not give a rat’s ass about her child being fat, ffs. Steve wielding Mjolnir was magnificent and complies with my headcanons from years and years it makes my heart sing. Steve in general was a jewel in a sea of shit. The throwbacks to other movies were ingenious.

What We Needed But Never Received: A moment between Loki and Thor, at the very least, to offer some closure there as well. T’challa and his people being more than just canon fodder. Captain Marvel being used properly. Multiple characters just... being more than just screen filler.

In Conclusion: This topped my very disliked Ragnarok and that’s saying something. A proper synopsis will follow of course, and updates on the verses page per movie. As it stands I’ll probably be like 80 - 90 % canon divergent since the AoU era, and that’s frankly a-okay with me. 

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#99: The TLC (7x16)

Every time Rick and Michonne have a scene, or even just a moment together, it’s electric. Like every single time, since the beginning. 💯

They can make such a huge statement with something as small as a gesture. Which leads me to the final Richonne moment of season 7. 😋🎉

So we have this montage of all the happenings after the battle. We see all these different activities and what people are up to and then we get a visual that shows us why Rick is the realest of ones. 👌🏽

Y’all I seriously love that they included this moment in the montage of Michonne resting up and Rick being right by her side holding her hand. 😊

It’s so good and Rick is a man who has his priorities all the way straight!

I loved the way they pan over from Tara and Rosita and then for a moment you just see Michonne lying in the nearby bed and then they reveal what I’ve been saying since the start of these posts which is that Rick and Michonne are legitimately magnets. Cuz sho nuff, Rick is right there with her. 👌🏽

I remember watching this moment the first time and just being like…

Cuz this was such a nice way to close out the Richonne of the season. It's kind of mind boggling how much camaraderie, chemistry, and just pure love is conveyed in just this one shot. 🙉☺️ Like there’s so much good stuff about this single wordless moment.

Like One; It really does show how R&M are always a priority to each other. Cuz Rick is ASZ leader and it could be easy for him to get occupied with a bunch of different things as all these communities are now looking to him to guide them but I love that none of that is going to stop Rick from being in the most important place for him to be which is by Michonne’s side.

Two; This was also nice just cuz like Rick isn’t necessarily buddies with Tara and Rosita but he’s in this room because he’s going to be there for Michonne regardless. Like here’s the Rick Grimes sitting in this room with these ladies because this is where his woman is so this is where he wants to be as well. 😊 I love that they are always such a unit and package deal. 🙌🏾

Three; It’s precious to know how much Rick wants to take care of Michonne. Like this is such a husband and wife moment and you just knew Rick’s going to be dedicated to making sure her healing process is as smooth as possible lol. 

And it’s especially sweet cuz he’s not just sitting by Michonne’s side, he’s holding her hand and just trying to provide some form of TLC cuz Homeboy always wants to be useful and cuz magnets. Here for it. 😋

Four; I adore the little subtle smiles. 😊  

Like y’all these two are the cutest and they make each other so happy. I love that you can always see the gratitude Rick has for Michonne radiating off him and especially here as he smiles and nods he just seems so happy that she’s okay and that she’s still with him.

Five; This moment really parallels the moment when Rick was by Carl’s side when his eye was shot out. 

And I love that we get to see how committed Rick is to his family and that Michonne really does get the same treatment from Rick cuz he knows she’s his immediate family. 

Like she truly does share the place in his heart where his children are and I love that their love goes that deep.

Six; During this whole montage we hear this voice over with Rick and mainly Maggie speaking and I love that the part of the voice over that’s spoken during this Richonne moment is Maggie saying, “That was the decision that changed everything.” in referencing how Glenn saving Rick really started this whole chain of events. 😭 

It’s super sweet and it’s fitting that this line is said over this image of Richonne cuz this line is also super significant for Rick and Michonne too.

Cuz everything in R&M’s journeys led them to each other. And when they came into each other’s lives everything changed and slowly but surely got better for them.

I love that in a world with so much loss, Rick and Michonne still gained something so invaluable when they found each other. And I love how visibly and authentically they cherish what they’ve found in each other. 😊

As I thought about this relationship, even outside of them being a couple, I realized just how crucial and important the character of Michonne is for the character of Rick in this story.

Cuz before she came into the picture, Rick’s relationships were mainly with people who were more like younger siblings or elders. Like he didn’t exactly have someone who was explicitly a peer that he himself could lean on and look to.

But ever since Michonne came into his life it’s allowed us to see a different more free and human Rick. A Rick that even seems new to himself because of how liberated he can be with her. So she really did change everything for him. 👌🏽

And he changed everything for her when he carried her into that prison rather than just take the formula, cuz he gave her a family and she gave him his true self. 😊

I seriously love how Rick and Michonne really have met their match and their equal and their future and their soul mate.

And this closing image of them just let you know that Rick and Michonne are going to stay side-by-side, even if not always physically then mentally, no matter what and for as long as they live. (Which should be a long time since they're the ones who live 😋)

Season 7 really did bless us with some Richonne gold. Like the handling and depiction of Richonne remained quality no matter what else was going on cuz they are the GOAT. 🙌🏾

I feel like seeing this last Richonne moment of season 7 really established that we’re only going to see their bond get more unbreakable and their love get even deeper when they returned back onto our screens. 

Cuz they had a lot thrown at them in this season and yet they only continued to get closer and rise above together. That’s the real deal love, y’all.

And I love that we end their first full season of canon with them side-by-side and more together and in love than ever. 😊

One thing that really impressed me is how after every golden Richonne moment I’d always think there’s no way it’ll get better than this, but it did. They top themselves all the time. 💯👌🏽

Like I saw the Kiss of Life and was like this has to be the best it can get and then we’d get the cell scene and then we’d get the cat callback and then we’d get a whole heavenly episode made of Richonne gold and so much in between. Gift. That. Keeps. On. Giving. 🙌🏾

Rick and Michonne’s scenes, from the fence arrival in season 3 all the way to Rick being by her bedside in this room in season 7, are just so good and meaningful and authentic and special...which makes sense cuz Richonne is all those things too. 😊

So all I know is we’re blessed and I have a feeling we have a lot more Richonne gold coming our way. 😌

Naturally, the obvious way to close out my final post of season seven is to reference a rap verse (??🙈😂), but it just really applies lol, so I just have to say; 

Richonne’s the best yet and yet their best is yet to come. 🙌🏾💯😋

Oh yeah and one more thing y'all...

We Made It!! 🎉🎉🎉

Y’all thank you so much for reading all these posts and for spending the last two months of the hiatus with me!

I started this on August 22nd and was determined to be consistent with my posts all the way until October 22nd to get us to the season 8 premiere. And here we are! 

And I’m seriously so grateful for the support and especially for every comment and message. Like to hear people take time out to express that they enjoyed my posts or that my words actually made them smile or laugh 😂 or see Richonne in a new light made me so happy. And in particular to hear that my thoughts on certain moments were actually something that was looked forward to was really encouraging to me. It all sincerely made my day. 😊🙌🏾 So just know...

I started writing out all my thoughts on Richonne not even knowing if I’d share it. I just had to finally put my analysis and novels-worth of thoughts on paper. And then I thought maybe just maybe someone else would enjoy reading them too since I know how much I enjoy other’s Richonne analysis. 

I meant it in my first post when I said if my break downs just make one person smile it would be worthwhile, so to receive so much kindness and support was such a pleasant surprise and really helped me stay consistent with my goal. 

I was nervous at first cuz I was like what if I sound repetitive or make a mistake since people know so much about them already (and I def did make some mistakes (cannon/canon😂 😂 )) and plus I’m the one who was late to the Richonne party but y’all were still so kind so I ended up having a lot of fun doing this and y’all are a big reason why.

As I wrote these posts I just realized more and more what a masterpiece Richonne is. Like they really are something special. 😊💯 Even their deleted scenes are special, y’all...

And it’s so nice that for as many moments as Richonne has, they’re still not done. 🙌🏾Like I managed to find 99 moments to talk about in regards to Richonne (and I didn’t even go into “Clear” and some of their other great standout pre-canon Richonne moments that I missed in the moment due to being in the sunken place (analysis coming soon😉)) And Richonne isn’t even what the show is all about but they’re that good and make the most of each scene to the point where there can be so much to talk about.

And it’s crazy that in a few hours, we will have some new Richonne gold. 🙉 

And y’all I have no idea what to expect for the premiere, like I really don’t know anything going into this season but I have hope that TWD will remind everyone why this is the show we all fell in love with.

Cuz yes there have been some major missteps made in the series, but at the end of the day it’s undeniable that there was something really special about this show and specifically these characters. So while I’m going into this season with realistic and sober expectations I also believe TWD still has some quality stories left to tell and so here’s to hoping it delivers as best it can.

And the cool thing is that no matter what else happens I know that the Richonne moments we’re going to get are going to deliver like always. 👏 Whether it’s just a few moments or a lot, they’re going to be great. 🏽And I’ll be ready to take note of all of it like…

I’m so touched that some have expressed wanting to know to my season 8 Richonne thoughts and y’all already know I’m gon’ have some thoughts lol. 😂 So my 100th reveling moment will be the first Richonne moment we get in the 100th episode. 👌🏽

So y’all thank you for letting me recap scenes you already know so well. You know how people say “I could go on forever about this”? Thank you for listening to me actually go on forever about Richonne and talk about them in-depth. 

Also thanks for letting me just be my extra and silly self and for letting me say “magnets” a million times in these posts (lol I mean but R&M really are magnets tho 😋)

We all have a story about when this show became more than a show and when Richonne stole our heart so thank you for letting me share mine.

These posts were started cuz I just wanted to share my journey with falling in love with Richonne’s journey. So thanks for going on this little journey with me.

And thanks for reveling with a sister. 💕😊💕

Season 8 Richonne gold here we come! This should be fun. 😋👌🏽

[dxrkblaze]

Give ME ALL FOR THAT MEME BC IM A HO N I LOVE UR WIRITNG U FUCK

this just in: ru is gay and I love her HHDGSHHDDL THAnk u sm homie I cri,,, ❤️❤️

1) of the fic you’ve written, which are you most proud of?Hmm… probably all my colors? Like, there’s a lot I’d like to go back and change, but at the end of the day it was my baby for a good two plus years and there’s a lot of personal stuff sprinkled in there. It kinda shows my emotional progression throughout high school in the story, and while that’s def not why I wrote it, it’s cool to go back and look at it sometimes to see the things I used to say/think about. Plus it’s one of the only massive projects of mine that I’ve actually completed, lol.

Also I have a lot of love for amc just bc it’s so… different, I guess? Like, I’ve never really seen something like it fleshed out into a full-length story, especially not with silver and blaze. And the fact that it rlly touched several ppl and got them rlly into it… that makes me feel kinda accomplished when I’m not being a self-deprecating prick lmao. I rlly rlly wanted it to be my first fic to get to 100 reviews for a reason!

2) favorite tense (past/present/future)Definitely past, I tried present with the unforgiven and it just made it frustrating to write, lmao.

3) favorite POV (first/second/third/etc)I prefer writing in first person, actually. I think it simplifies things for both the writer and reader, and I’ve always found a lot more freedom to be creative when I write in first person.

4) what are some themes you love writing about?Lmao well, obviously romance is priority one for me, so most of my themes stem from that. I rlly love writing about class struggle tho, whether it’s someone low who’s aiming high or a noble who isn’t satisfied with such a high class. Morality also comes up a lot in my writing, I guess; tryna figure out what the right thing to do is, tryna figure out if this character actually did the best thing, all that good stuff!

5) what inspires you to write?Definitely music… sometimes I’ll stray from it and pick up some inspo from movies/stories/etc, but 99% of the time I’ll be listening to a song and suddenly come up w a fic idea from it lmao.

6) thoughts on critiqueI encourage it!! bc I think it’s the only real way to improve. Sometimes it can make me feel bad if I’m in one of those rlly shitty self-deprecation ruts, but still I usually get over it soon even when I’m like that. I know it’s for the better, and I appreciate everyone who’s ever been kind enough, and cared enough abt my writing to give me critique!

7) create a character on the spot…. NOW!UMMMM OKIE,,, what abt a snow leopard named Kyra… she likes to sit around n read n eat noodles… her main hobby other than reading is dancing. she’s v shy but she loves her close friends n BAM I just made her gay. She’s a lesbian, harold.

8) is there a character you love writing for the most? the least? why?Most - probably silver… his personality is always one I’ve gotten a lot of joy out of writing. He’s basically a walking contradiction, lmfao. He’s also pretty easy for me to self-project onto, idk why. Least - I’m gonna say amy for this one, just because it’s been hard for me to focus on more than one aspect of her personality and flesh all of it out. Plus amy is a somewhat overused character lol, I get a lot more fun out of writing blaze/tikal/others when I need a female role, even if it’s something simple

9) a passage from a WIPOh u kno I gotta dip into royalty au for this one 👀

–

It was nearly a fortnight before any word was received from King Pyrus. It came in the form of a small parcel addressed to Blaze, which held a note inside for her. The young princess jumped at the feet of the servant who had brought it in, and once it was lowered into her hands, she hurried to her chamber. Once there, she closed the door behind her and jumped on her bed, unable to contain her excitement. With a careful claw and an eager expression, she tore the parcel’s paper away. Before looking at what it contained, she snatched the note from her father, and brought it to her face. It read:

My Little Flame,

I am sorry I could not write to you sooner. I remain busy, but I finally began exploring, and I found something I think you will simply adore. It is a traditional robe (I believe it is called a kimono) from here in the Eastern Isles. It is just as beautiful as the land, and just as special as you are to I, my dear. We must make plans to bring you here one day, it astounds me each time.

Do not fret about the ongoings in the world, how ever much you have heard. Kiniti watches over us at all times, and she will ensure peace among all kinetics. Hopefully, I will depart in the coming few days, and we will see one another soon.

With love,Father Flame

Blaze, of course, merely skimmed over the second half of the note as a formality. She laid the message aside, and her jaw dropped once she held the kimono out. It was a beautiful shade of dark purple, with an equally enchanting design. Trails of dainty cherry blossoms sat on rugged branches, which climbed up either side of the robe. The silk seemed to melt between Blaze’s fingers; it was the softest material she had ever felt. She rubbed one of the sleeves against her cheek, and purred into it. When she turned the robe over, she gasped. A large, pink bow was already tied at the back, as if it had been made just for her. She slipped the kimono over her shoulders, and although the sleeves hung low over her arms, the length was just right. Blaze tied the pieces of ribbon at her waist, just as Pyrus had taught her, and words could never express how delighted she was with the gift. She could not wait to show her father once he returned.

As Blaze was fitting her tail through the bow on her back, Baxton entered the room. Whenever Pyrus was absent, it was usually Baxton who took up the king’s general duties. He signed letters, addressed the people, attended court; it kept him quite busy. The only responsibility he didn’t inherit was any control of he army - the sole post he would be familiar with. Quite the chore it was, but Baxton was always fond of his temporary sovereign role. At least in terms of the power he held, that is. In fact, Blaze assumed that he had been yelling at some servants not too long ago, judging by his flushed face.

The elder cat scratched his head. “Princess, did the king leave a letter?”

Blaze pointed to the note on her bed. Baxton scurried to it, and frowned as he glanced over the elegant handwriting. “Is this it?” he quizzed.

The princess nodded, and held her arms out with a smile. “Look, Baxi! Look at what father sent me!”

Blaze couldn’t quite tell what Baxton’s expression conveyed, but it was something between a smile and a scowl. The note crumpled in a quick motion from Baxton’s fist, and was thrown back onto the bed cover. Blaze didn’t think much of this as Baxton hurried out, and she walked to her mirror to admire the kimono again.

–

10) what are your strengths wrt writing?Hmm… I get a lot of ppl saying that I’m pretty eloquent when it comes to phrasing/word choices? I’m constantly tinkering with how things are said, even up until like 30 seconds before I publish smth lmao. I also like to think I never just string sentences together and leave it at that when I’m narrating, I pay a lot of attention to how different sentences/phrases flow together.

11) what are your weaknesses wrt writing?My main weakness would probably be going overboard on all the little things, like how a sentence sounds or flows and stuff like that. I end up being a perfectionist with it, and sometimes when I’m crafting/changing phrases around, I end up with a sentence that kinda drags on or tries to do too much.

12) what’s your favorite place for writing resources?Tumblr’s pretty good for me, actually. I rarely ever seek out resources, but I do reblog a lot of them that come to me here and they’ve been very useful to me in the past.

13) who are your favorite writers?Ok first off binch u@aurora-boring-alis (FF: aurora-boring-alis) Then my other peeps who also make the quality goodness™™ I can’t get enough of (some fanfic accounts more active than others)@maliwarm (FF: biteworsethanbark) @lordoftheghostking28 (FF: lordoftheghostking28) @weezernaut (FF: space mercutio)@ebachan (wattpad: witto150)

[littlehollyleaf]

Ask a writer!

tagged by @mysillylittlesoapbox (yes I do still write fic... sometimes :p I’m afraid it’s all Gotham now though!) ...I don’t usually do memes about my writing though so, this should be...interesting...

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

my name is holly, holly leaves are a thing, I wanted to just be ‘hollyleaf’ but it was already taken so I figured ‘well hey, I’m also small...’ and voila! (no, I’m so sorry, but the Warrior Cats series was not involved at any point, I still haven’t read them and only know a character has my username, or a version of it, because of all the asks I keep getting about it :P)

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

So I had a quick glance at AO3 and this is something it looks like WAAAAY too much effort for my lazy ass to figure out, plus I dunno how accurate the AO3 stats would be for my stuff anyways because I only very recently put all my fic on there after having most of it posted (and therefore commented on and otherwise interacted with) solely over at LJ for years and years...

I would imagine it’s Imitating Life (spn, deancas), because that’s the one I remember getting the most feedback for. So I’ll just go with that!

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s the same as my tumblr one. Because it’s me and I already had the image saved in an appropriate size. I know, dull right?? (back on LJ I was OBSESSED with finding and/or creating SO MANY different icons to convey different moods and whatnot - they were basically an oldschool version of reaction gifs I guess - but on any other platform I’ve been just... meh about the icon thing... idk!)

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

@vampirebillionaire has been a regular for my Gotham stuff, notable for jumping ship with me into foxma :) (well not jumping... simultaneously enjoying :p), for which I am profoundly grateful xx but generally my fic style and content is a bit... eclectic I guess? so no, no one who is super regular

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Of my own? Nah. Well... not AGAIN AND AGAIN like on the regular. I HAVE re-read my stuff OF COURSE :p But usually it’s me re-reading previous parts of a series/set to get the feel for the story/characters again as I write new stuff. Though admittedly I have re-read Imitating Life more than most probably, to check it still reads okay.

As to other authors’ fics - I must confess that I read less and less these days, so there is def not a single one I constantly return to.

I have, however, re-read a few by depthsofgreen since I got into Gotham, as well as some by rissalf and silentsinger

Back in the day there was this one spn last unicorn AU I used to re-read the night before each premiere, because it was a deliciously angsty way to get me in the mood for a new season and pass the time while waiting - particularly notable because AUs are not really my thing, so it was an interesting choice for me to keep returning to! Alas I have lost my link to it however :( Should anyone know the one I mean drop me a line! (Cas was the unicorn, obvs, Dean was the Prince, Sam was Schmendrick, Anna was Molly and Meg was Fortuna)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I have ONE (1) story bookmarked - because it is a WIP I am following (and I just learnt how to bookmark the other month)

...what even is subscribing and how is it different??

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

None at all if possible. Although most of my fics end up being Canon Divergent in the end ofc they are generally canon compliant (based on my interpretation of the canon anyways) at the time of writing... Sometimes canon changes things while I am in the middle of writing stuff though ofc (*shakes fist at Gotham right now*), in which case I will unavoidably be writing something knowingly Canon Divergent/What If.

(aside - I tried to write an spn x-men AU once, but I got bored very quickly... full on AUs are just not me!)

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

OH THERE’S A STATS PAGE?

*checks*

K - 34 subscribers and 423 bookmarks (whoa that seems a lot??)

hey there’s graphs and stuff with your top five fics based on hits too - that’s pretty cool - my top is in fact Holding On and Letting Go... probably because it was one of my last big spn fics and one of the first I published on AO3...

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

No... I mean... I don’t think so? If there ever has been it’s passed me by and I’ve forgotten about it.

...for a hot minute I was into Eddie/Isabella in Gotham, and that plot was ofc (understandably) received VERY POORLY by the fandom, so I may have at one point been hesitant to explore that idea (and the related Ozzie/Eddie/Izzy thoughts I had) because of that... but I never got as far as wanting to actually WRITE anything that I recall so... I guess not really?

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

There’s a couple of dumb little grammatical things I wish I was better at remembering - like when it’s ‘passed’ and when it’s ‘past’ or when it’s ‘effect’ and when it’s ‘affect.’ Because I forget and have to look it up Every.Damn.Time!

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Well, the ship I’ve written most for is deancas - so it’s def ‘popular ships’ I write most! (though I would like to point out that it WASN’T ONE when I STARTED :p). 

I’m not opposed to writing rarepairs as well however (she says, in the middle of a huge Gotham rarepair series!). I just write... whatever I’m enjoying most at the time.

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

I’ve got 39 works up on AO3. Never published on FFNet. Probably got a few little things that I’ve only ever published on tumblr (like my cracky spn/WtNV crossover :p), so total number published across the board is more like 40ish...

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

(not counting the abandoned spn x-men AU that will remain forever unfinished) Just one. I CANNOT work on more than one fic at a time.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

In my head (my stories are never especially complex after all). Once I’m stuck into a fic though I do tend to start creating bullet points below the main text of certain things that are coming next - like specific lines or phrases/metaphors I might think up as I go that I want to make sure I include, or the order of certain scenes if there is a series of short ones on the way, or sometimes points with question marks if I haven’t quite decided on something (eg. ‘have Eddie take his hat off here or wait until Ozzie smiles at him?’ that kind of thing...)

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

No. I came CLOSE to co-writing a DCBB with the lovely @takadainmate YEARS AGO but we never quite made it work (I got a distracted by involving Balthazar in a subplot and went on my own tangent, we had trouble even getting together to discuss it, the deadline started looming and eventually we wisely close to call it a day!). 

For a while there were VAGUE murmurings about returning to the idea... but the plot involved Dean and Cas getting trapped together in Purgatory you see aND THEN SEASON 8 HAPPENED!! So we decided to let canon run with it instead :P

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

While I don’t use FFNet and don’t even read stuff there now, I did used to read fics on it early on. I discovered it while searching for info on my very first TV obsession Due South and was DELIGHTED to find a place full of stories about this thing I loved but had no new content for at the time :)

AO3 I remember being talked about and used a little by my LJ crowd, which is how I heard of it. I didn’t start using it myself until recently when I realised it had very much become the go-to hosting site used by tumblr fic writers.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

Nah.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

...my personal readers? As in, not the general name for the various fandoms (like ‘spn family’ or ‘Gotham fam’), but for the people who read my fic specifically?

No... that seems... weird...?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Actually... no... no one specific. Just... reading lots of fiction by lots of different writers, fic writers included, is what inspired/encouraged me to take a crack at it myself I suppose.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Do not listen to me!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Um... both I suppose. Only... my plotting isn’t really... plotting. 

Because I just... daydream, you know? And after a bit I’ll realise that I’m coming back to one particular daydream more often than another. And adding to it. And adding to it. Until I’ve got something at least vaguely coherent. At which point I make a decision as to whether I like the scenario enough to write it down or not and if I do, well, it’s already pretty much there and fully formed in my head, so no additional ‘plotting’ necessary (just the ironing out and researching of a few details).

But while I’m daydreaming... well that’s me ‘figuring it out as I go’ I guess.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

My first foray into writing fic was with a Clex re-write of S05 Smallville. It ended up being a sprawling, much too ambitious multi-chapter thing I had no hope of ever finishing. But hey, it kept me out of trouble :p 

Anyways, I was part of a sci-fi society at Uni at the time I was writing and each of us in the group developed these different fictional versions of ourselves over the course of our time together... because we were a sci-fi society and it was fun! And I thought it would be a laugh if, for one chapter, I put all of us into my SV fic. So I did (I made us all kryptonite infected characters who lived at Lex’s secret 33.1 facility - if any SV fans are reading) and prefaced the chapter with some disclaimer about how I was sorry if this part was a bit too self indulgent or ‘mary-sue’ or whatever, but that I couldn’t resist doing it for my friends, and that things would get back to normal next chapter.

And generally it was fine - I didn’t have many readers anyway :p 

But long LONG after the fact, when I had written many other chapters since, I got a comment on this one chapter from someone saying that they felt my self-insert characters came across as too obviously self indulgent and were unnecessary and that I shouldn’t have written them in.

And you know, it was a fair call. But since I’d actually prefaced the chapter with myself saying that’s EXACTLY what they were, it seemed a bit odd to me that this person would bother making a point of the issue. And to compound confusion - this person had actually already commented POSITIVELY on the chapter when I first posted it, so their comment read something like ‘I’ve been re-reading this and on consideration ACTUALLY I think you should know that...’

So... that was a bit odd. Not really bad, but notable enough that it’s stayed with me! Since I was many many chapters along in the story at that point though it was easy enough to just nod and shrug and move on.

I’m lucky in that I’ve never received any actual scathing or horribly negative comments otherwise. I like to think I’d be thoughtful and philosophical about any serious criticism I might receive...

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Hmmm. Exposition probably. My focus is typically on a character’s emotion at any given time, but when the only thing happening is characters discussing what’s happening and when and why there’s not exactly much strong emotion involved you know? So I struggle, because it’s boring to write and I constantly fear I’m not describing/depicting it in a way that is interesting to the reader and blah blah.

(part of the reason I don’t often write complex stories anymore perhaps - less narrative means less exposition!)

(smut used to be hard... now it is less so... though that doesn’t mean I think I’m good at it now! I don’t think I’ll ever shake the fear that my smut is actually cringe-worthy...) 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Just The Fox and the Scorpion :)

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

No. Like I say above - I CANNOT work on more than one fic at a time. How do people do that??? I bow to you all!

I have in the past paused in the middle of longer spn fics (like my DCBBs) to knock out some quick ‘finished in the span of an evening’ FICLETS, usually in response to specific happenings in canon (like when Gabriel died and I just HAD to type something up as an outlet). But I don’t think that’s really quite what this question means? Because those aren’t projects OR stories, they are just... SCENES, you know? Also - I haven’t written a ficlet in FOREVER, so I’m not even sure I could do it anymore...

Having said this - I DO CONSTANTLY DAYDREAM. Which involves daydreaming multiple scenarios not exclusive to whatever fic I’m in the middle of. Some of which may well end up being part of the next fic I end up writing. But that’s hardly ‘planning’ I think? Because at that stage of things I’ll have no desire to make what I’m dreaming part of an actual story/fic.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Nah. I just write when I feel like it and keep going until I’m done.

If I’m writing for a challenge this changes ofc, because DEADLINES. So sometimes I’ve had to set goals because of that - usually it’s something vague though, like ‘you need to get to this point in the plot by tomorrow night Holly, come on!’ Nothing so regimented as a specific amount of time and/or words every day.

...generally when I’m in the middle of a fic I end up in a kind of... idk, natural momentum that pulls me on? Like there’s this constant FEELING in the back of my mind urging me to get back to the story. And not in a nagging guilt kind of way, in a ‘this is what I WANT to be doing right now’ kind of way.

Not that I end up easily writing every time I get back to the fic or anything! Sometimes I’ll get back to the page and just... be stuck, find I’m not in the mood or can’t think of the words or whatever. Which is frustrating because I still have that feeling of WANTING to continue the story, but I’ll know that I’m not in the right frame of mind so have to leave it for a bit (which can be anywhere from a few hours to a week). Generally the pull to keep writing draws me back in eventually though. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Goodness yes. I think if you’re writing regularly you’re just ALWAYS improving, aren’t you? Naturally my fic today is better than my first attempts, but likewise I think some of my Gotham fics are better than my spn fics in some parts. It’s a constant process isn’t it?

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Imitating Life remains one of the fics I’m most proud of. Not only did the main story hold up well AND stick to overall canon (when it comes to Dean and Cas at least), so I think anyways, I also wove in a couple of subplots I very much enjoyed seeing through to the end. PLUS I really enjoyed all the meta nonsense, including messing about with the format to make it like look (a little bit) like a screenplay. So yes, that one will always hold a dear place in my heart :)

For Gotham I don’t think I’m ever gonna do better than We Are What We Are tbh

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Generally unimpressed by ALL my SV fic now. And considering I spent SO MANY HOURS/DAYS/WEEKS/MONTHS/YEARS of my life on it all I kinda feel like I should feel bad about that but... you know I really don’t? Because if it wasn’t for all the time and effort (and love and fun) I put into those not very good stories, I wouldn’t be enjoying the work I’m proud of and writing today. So *shrug emoji* 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

5 whole years? Tbh I rather think I’ll have stopped writing by then. I’ve been winding down when it comes to fic for a LONG TIME now and writing for Gotham feels very much like a minor, brief resurgence of the hobby. Currently planning on calling it a day once I’ve finished Fox and Scorpion in fact.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

The part that doesn’t involve writing.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Trying not to be repetitive.

Have I started a paragraph with this character’s name too many times in a row? Am I using ‘furrowed brow’/’bites lip’/’narrows eyes’/’insert stock descriptive phrase here’ too often? Did I use this phrase already or was that in another fic or in the book I was just reading? Is there too much alliteration in this sentence?  - to name but a few of the questions that inevitably pop up related to my paranoia about repetition.

33. Why do you write?

Because I’m insatiable and the stories onscreen aren’t enough for me. 

...well that was exhaustingly introspective so I’m way too tired to tag! Interesting one though, made me think! (and taught me some stuff about AO3 :p)

[junker-town]

Stanford might be college football’s most predictable program, but 2019 is a mystery

Can David Shaw’s Cardinal overcome inexperience and take advantage of a home-friendly schedule?

Bill C’s annual preview series of every FBS team in college football continues. Catch up here!

Football is a messy, small-sample activity that rarely leaves us with crystal-clear answers. You lose games to lesser teams, you beat better teams, and because we’re dealing with a 12-game regular season and not, say, 82 or 162, we learn to live with the lack of transitive clarity.

Stanford has become a rather interesting exception to the rule. Since 2013, David Shaw’s Cardinal haven’t lost to a team that finished with a losing record. They also haven’t beaten all that many particularly good teams. Over the last five years, they’re 9-17 against teams that finished with nine or more wins and 39-2 against everyone else.

The 2018 season was particularly stratified. Stanford whipped up on bad teams, beat decent teams, and lost to good ones. The defense stopped bad offenses and got gashed by good ones, and quarterback KJ Costello did great against bad defenses and was merely solid against good ones.

Stanford vs. teams ranked 31st or better in S&P+ (0-4) — average score: Opp 37, Stanford 25 | yards per play: Opp 6.3, Stanford 6.0 | average percentile performance: 58% | Costello’s passer rating: 143.7

Stanford vs. teams between 32nd and 75th (6-0) — average score: Stanford 24, Opp 14 | yards per play: Stanford 5.7, Opp 5.4 | average percentile performance: 64% | Costello’s passer rating: 158.4

Stanford vs. teams ranked 76th or worse (3-0) — average score: Stanford 42, Opp 23 | yards per play: Stanford 7.0, Opp 5.4 | average percentile performance 58% | Costello’s passer rating 166.9

At first glance, it appears that Stanford began the season on fire (4-0), hit a mid-year funk (1-4), and finished strong (4-0). Really, though, the Cardinal were mostly the same team — the funk just happened when the best teams on the schedule showed up.

This is about as predictable an existence that college football offers. Is it a happy one?

Just more than a decade ago, with Shaw on staff, Jim Harbaugh pulled off one of the starkest program-building jobs of the 21st century. He inherited a Stanford program at one of its lowest historical ebbs — the Cardinal had averaged just 3.2 wins per year over the previous five seasons and had finished ranked just three times in 29 years — and got the foundation laid in just a couple of years. From 102nd in S&P+ the year before he arrived, he improved them to 78th in 2007, 60th in 2008, 35th in 2009, and fourth in 2010.

Harbaugh left for the NFL, but Shaw has kept the house intact. Stanford has established itself as a constant top-25 caliber program that plays more physically than you do and recruits better than its admissions standards would lead you to believe is possible. When they keep their starting QB healthy, the Cardinal win a lot of games. When they don’t, well, they still win quite a few games.

Their S&P+ rating has also acted like a house settling into its foundation — on average, it sinks slightly each year.

Stanford has, per S&P+, gotten at least a tiny bit worse in six of the last eight seasons. They are projected to make it seven of nine seasons this fall.

This is an odd place to be. A decade ago, only ranking 32nd, as they are projected to this fall, would be a cause for celebration. And based on basic long-term health indicators — investment in the program, proximity to eligible recruits, etc. — it’s still a hell of an accomplishment. But when it is demonstrated that you can do more than that, it still feels disappointing.

Costello was rock solid last fall, carrying an offense that got a massively disappointing contribution from its run game, but he’s nearly the only known entity returning on offense. His top running back (Bryce Love), top two WRs (JJ Arcega-Whiteside and Trenton Irwin), top tight end (Kaden Smith), and four of five line starters are gone. It’s Costello, all-world left tackle Walker Little — admittedly not the worst starting point — and a lot of mysteries on offense.

The defense should improve after fielding an uncharacteristic number of freshmen and sophomores, but will it improve enough to offset offensive regression? Is Costello good enough to avoid that regression altogether? We can assume that whatever level Stanford establishes, the Cardinal will beat the teams below that line and lose to the teams above it, but where might that line be?

Offense

This is not the radar one would expect from a team that had a running back drafted in April:

The Cardinal headed into 2018 with maybe the scariest running back in college football and a massively experienced line. They proceeded to rank 107th in Rushing S&P+ and eighth in Passing S&P+. Over 24 percent of their non-sack carries were stuffed at or behind the line.

Love was battling knee and ankle injuries from basically the first snap of the season, and the line didn’t have a single guy who started all 13 games. Love was never a particularly efficient back — Stanford’s 2017 success basically came from waiting around until he exploded for a 50-yard gain — but in 2018 he lost most of his explosiveness too. He had 30 rushes of 20-plus yards in 2017, then just eight last year.

Backup Cameron Scarlett was a bit more efficient than Love but was even less explosive. Youngsters Trevor Speights and Dorian Maddox offered nothing in either category.

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

K.J. Costello

With a worthless run game, Stanford slowly opened things up. Costello averaged 28 passes per game in September and 38 per game through the rest of the regular season. And despite this one-dimensionality, he completed 65 percent of his passes and finished 16th in overall passer rating. Arcega-Whiteside, Irwin, and Smith became the rocks that Love couldn’t, and Stanford somehow finished 26th in Off. S&P+, only 10 spots worse than 2017.

So was it Costello or his receivers? Was he making them look good, or vice versa? The answers to those questions will determine whether Stanford can withstand attrition.

Costello does get tight end Colby Parkinson back; the junior and former blue-chipper was easily the most explosive of the primary targets (16.7 yards per catch), but he was far less efficient, too. He was an all-or-nothing weapon in a corps of constants, and he’ll need to become more consistent this fall because Costello might be leaning on him a lot.

Stan Szeto-USA TODAY Sports

Colby Parkinson

Shaw has recruited remarkably well in the receiving corps. Parkinson is a former top-40 recruit, and Stanford currently boasts six four-star freshman, redshirt freshman, or sophomores at wideout. Sophomore Osiris St. Brown looked the part in a small sample, gaining 204 yards in just eight receptions. Three more young blue-chippers (Michael Wilson, Connor Wedington, and Simi Fehoko) combined for 24 catches as well, but this isn’t much to lean on.

One assumes that Shaw and offensive coordinator — pardon me, Andrew Luck Director of Offense — Tavita Pritchard will strive for balance if at all possible. Can Scarlett carve out an efficiency niche with the turnover up front?

Granted, Little’s not alone; three others (juniors Devery Hamilton and Dylan Powell and sophomore Drew Dalman) have combined for 21 career starts up front, and sophomore blue-chipper Foster Sarell could figure things out at any moment. But the line still has a lot more to prove than we would normally expect of the Stanford line.

Defense

Shaw has pretty consistently fielded an elite unit on either offense or defense. He has never managed to field two in the same year. He has had three offenses finish 16th or better in Off. S&P+, but Stanford averaged a Def. S&P+ ranking of 46.3 in those years. He has had four defenses rank 12th or better, but his offense averaged 44.8 in those years. Very strange.

Last year was the first under Shaw in which Stanford had neither a top-16 offense or defense. Granted, that might have been different had Love and the O-line remained semi-healthy, but either way, the defense was a mediocre-for-the-talent-level 43rd.

This was almost encouraging. Stanford actually improved ever-so-slightly on defense (from 44th) despite massive youth. Eighteen defenders made at least 13 tackles last season, and nine of them were freshmen or sophomores. This probably explains why defensive coordinator Willie Shaw Director of Defense Lance Anderson played so conservatively: Stanford was 39th in marginal explosiveness but 87th in marginal efficiency and 61st in overall havoc rate. That’s awfully bend-don’t-break.

D. Ross Cameron-USA TODAY Sports

Paulson Adebo

Maybe it’s encouraging, though, that those nine freshmen and sophomores made over half of Stanford’s havoc plays (tackles for loss, passes defensed, forced fumbles). One of those youngsters, Paulson Adebo, was maybe the best cornerback in the Pac-12 last year despite his redshirt freshman status.

Paulson Adebo headlines the strong group of cornerbacks returning for action in the Pac-12 this year. pic.twitter.com/qpjyBG1ufA

— PFF College (@PFF_College) May 30, 2019

Even with bend-don’t-break rules applying, Adebo defensed 23 passes (second in FBS, behind only Virginia’s Bryce Hall) and recorded 3.5 tackles for loss and three run stuffs as well. Adebo, junior Obi Eboh, and sophomore Kendall Williamson give Stanford maybe the most exciting CB corps in the conference despite the loss of starter Alijah Holder. Safety Malik Antoine returns, too, though there’s not another experienced safety on the roster. With these corners, Anderson might get the itch to be more aggressive, but we’ll see if the safety situation allows it.

Neville E. Guard-USA TODAY Sports

Jovan Swann (51)

The defensive line returns mostly intact, too. Seven linemen recorded at least two tackles, and six were freshmen or sophomores. Junior-to-be Michael Williams was the leading tackler up front, and despite lining up mostly as two-gappers — intended to be more block-occupiers than play-makers — ends Jovan Swann and Thomas Booker combined for 11 tackles for loss and eight sacks.

The major turnover comes at linebacker, where four of last year’s primary seven are gone. But Jordan Fox, Gabe Reid, and Casey Toohill (Stanford’s most active linebacker, recording seven havoc plays in seven games but missing six games with two different injuries) are still back. But they were all OLBs last year. Stanford has a lot of exciting defensive talent, but it has to be disconcerting that the backbone of the D — namely, the inside linebackers and safeties — is where most of the turnover occurs.

Special Teams

Maybe we should call future Stanford special teams coaches the Pete Alamar Director of Special Teams. Alamar came to Stanford as special teams coordinator in 2012 and has brought spectacular consistency to what is generally the least consistent unit on the field.

Stanford has ranked eighth or better in Special Teams S&P+ in each of the last four seasons, and with the return of place-kicker Jet Toner, he’ll have a chance to make it five straight. He has to break in a new punter and punt returner, however.

2019 outlook

2019 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 31-Aug Northwestern 57 8.3 68% 7-Sep at USC 29 -3.2 43% 14-Sep at UCF 27 -4.2 40% 21-Sep Oregon 20 -1.3 47% 28-Sep at Oregon State 105 17.0 84% 5-Oct Washington 15 -5.1 38% 17-Oct UCLA 63 9.5 71% 26-Oct Arizona 52 7.1 66% 9-Nov at Colorado 68 5.8 63% 16-Nov at Washington State 36 -1.3 47% 23-Nov California 60 9.1 70% 30-Nov Notre Dame 12 -6.6 35%

Projected S&P+ Rk 32 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 37 / 39 Projected wins 6.7 Five-Year S&P+ Rk 17.9 (12) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 21 2018 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* 3 / 0.9 2018 TO Luck/Game +0.8 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 54% (45%, 63%) 2018 Second-order wins (difference) 8.4 (0.6)

This is an odd time for Stanford. The Cardinal have indeed been inclined to regress slightly for most of Shaw’s tenure, but they still have plenty of upside, and they might be starting as few as one senior on each side of the ball. Depending on which underclassmen go pro, they could be building toward something massive in 2020.

Thanks to home-road splits, though, now’s the time to overachieve. The three most highly-projected teams on the Cardinal’s schedule (Notre Dame, Washington, Oregon) all visit Stanford Stadium, and while they are projected underdogs in six games, all six of those games are projected within a touchdown.

If some young receivers step up for Costello, and if the aforementioned defensive backbone is just sturdy enough to allow exciting edge defenders to make plays, then every game on the schedule is winnable. Of course, if neither of those things happen, then about nine games are losable, too.

We won’t have to wait long to get our answers about this team. Of five projected top-30 opponents, three show up on the schedule in the first four weeks, and that’s after a visit from defending Big Ten West champion Northwestern.

Team preview stats

All 2019 preview data to date.