#But its sometthing to think about yanno
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My tags got weirdly fucking deep because i guess this time of night is my weird introspection time
#i already take so many pills i do not need more#15mg of melatonin#2 things of ibuprofen#175mg of anxiety meds#adhd meds im not sure the dosage#50mg of allergens#Im like 99% medicine at this point#Its fine tho like#im very glad i have the resources to get my meds#And take unhealthy amounts of melatonin#I mean its not like its a thing I THINK anout but in the back of my head#I look at the little bottles and wonder how many i would have to take#And i mean#Its never gotten bad enough thats ive tried#But a lot of times its in the back of my mind yanno#Its not killing myself that scarss me its how easy it would be for me#I have knives and pills and i could drive and buy a gun#Sometimes i think im not scared enough of death#And sometimes im glad im not scarsd of death#yanno I guess i think about things weird#Ive self harmed before i have knife scars and i have never thought about that as hating myself#in a fucked up way scars are intersdtin to me#I kinda wanted to know what it felt like#and now i have lines on my arm#I dont think its that deep though#I dont think i self harm because i hate myself#I think i selfhsrm because i want to love myself#wait fuck thsts so deep#I guess im not sure#But its sometthing to think about yanno
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