#But it has all my rough ideas for all future chapters so I dont forget/can fiddle around with them there instead of getting stuck in

[flurry-of-stars]

︵‿︵‿୨✩୧‿︵‿︵

*taps microphone* New chapter for These Hollow Halls coming soon--

[princesspuddle]

im.nervous about tomorrow, i feel sick and sad and idk what to say tomorrow :(( no body to tell, ask, brainstorm or anything, i wish i could tell people but it just feels pointless and like weight on people. While im happy to keep it to myself im also unhappy to. I read back my old letter today and in the note section about who to go to when i need help was a name i can no longer go to help/talk to for and it made me laugh a bit, i also told them if im ever in a crisis he is the only one they can contact that i trust. And this was less that 6 months ago.. im just trying to think of my future self and that what im feelikg right now, going through and healing is all so i can be completely finenin the future.

The only times it crosses my mind is the small things id be doing in the day where id probably message him what im up to.. other than that i feel like nothings changed.. its almost more sad this way because im trying to think of how the relationship was actuallu adding anything different to my life..

Im struggling with getting tasks done right now.. the same as in the relationship

Im not getting physical attention.. i wasnt in the relationship either..

Im not inspired to be healthier in my food/excersise.. i wasnt in the relationship either

Im not super encouraged to attain personal and futute goals.. i wasnt in the relationship either.. or it felt more like that was a cursed topic.

I dont feel majorly unwanted because i didnt feel super wanted in the relationship either.. if anything, this is more uspetting me writting this right now. What has changed? I feel the same, better, most days. Now i am just having to be self reliant, like i always was. But with less depressive feelings of being in a co-partnership and not being equal supported.

It was hard and draining.. i feel like i was always giving and giving and it was being taken and taken at no consideration of my expense. Im proud of myseld because i did ALL of that and still was strong enough to push myself as well. I felt like a duplicated mother and not a girlfriend, bringing meals to his lap, asking if hes saved money, planning what we do...there wasnt much in it for me, just being taken from all the time and for the most part didnt get appreciation either.., i feel like i was the one to tell him everything, he never asked about my finances, savings together for holidays or life, even working on my website, he never asked to see, only when i completed it and showed him. My uni grades, mental state, if im eating fruit.. i get it if i was too much sometimes, but at least you had me there for you in all capacities of your life, i was truly trying to look out for you everywhere, to help everywhere, personal progress, physical health, mental health, finance, living, future plans, dates, long distance dates, calls, texts, plans when in person, fixing your forgetfulness, fixing your lateness, EVERYTHING

Im angry because if i had recieved equal and mutual support, i feel like i would have been more amazing than what ive tried already, but even now im still only dipping my toes in things, and im.imagining the feeling of being inspired by a partner, the boost in life it would give me, not having everyhting be so serious, laughing at mistakes together, taking a plunge together, and the feeling of that person trying their hardest to get themselves to a situation where they could access me easier, both of us.. even after saying you were hopeful for our future and i mentioned how id need to live close to someone, you kicked off at me and wouldnt dare consider looking outside of the city.. it hurt because i wasnt TELLING you what to do. I hoped that you would understand ina relationship you would wwnt to be close to the person.

I felt like you were just waiting for me to do everything.. i didnt feel like you were even considering the thought of living with me after my 3rd year because it would be easier for you to wait until ive figured it out and plan it. I kept thinking as soon as i finish id be the one looking for flats and trying to scramble it together so we can be close, while he sits and just lets me do 90% of the work. That vision used to make me so upset that i just wanted to grab onto any thread of feeling he would give me that he wants to live with me soon, more than a 'yes i do'.. but everytime i wanted to talk about it there came a sigh, a hastle, a tone of voice that made it sound like such a huge dent in the evening, that it was always a 'Yess YESS I GET IT' and always put off.. the time was coming really soon and i was so thinly holding onto the idea that living with me would make him see life with me differently, and it took so much for me to emotionally bear with the fact that this person could barely show an interest in any aspect of a mature life together. This person that would say they love me and truly feel connected with me and in every card would write how we would always be together.. sighed and left the conversation everytime i wanted to chat about it. I was ready to move onto the next chapter of my life with you, and while.i know you were having it rough and going through things and wanted to figure things out. I didnt see you wanting to make effort for you or me, i was in limbo on my future, i was ready to adjust and put things aside and compromise for a relationship as you should. But i was so scared of these compromises i was making at the expense of myself, for someone who wasnt making any for me.. i dont know when this started happening... i dont know if this just is your personality and i was invested in what i thought would fit for me, but it feels like all of this is because of university. That the year you left, it all went downhill, innmy eyes became severely depressed, addicted to videogames and numb to a lot of the world including me. Events happened in your life after that and it piled on top until yoi just shut off everything. I wanted to support you throigh it and im so sorry these things happened.. i know i could have dome better for you but i had to keep myself up too and i was so prepared to do that for a long while to see you get better, i was still ready until the night we split. I have spent time thinking if he finished uni would it all be different? Would he be in a job he loves? Would he have gone straight into moving out getting a car and us being happier straight away? Im confused as to if all this time i was just tryint to squeeze you into someone who would be a suitable match for me, or if you really were just having a rough time and will be happy and everything i could have wanted once you feel better and are no longer suffering?

I dont think you ever told me what you want.. i feel like from the beginning you always knew i was adventurous and a big dreamer, but you never opposed to those things or made it seem like its not the life you want, but if in fact you only dream of having a decent job, not living far from home with a few holiday a year, a small family and a homey wife then why wouldnt you make thay clear to me sooner? You never said that either so how would i know if i was pushing you too far.. even to this day i dont know what he wants.. my biggest dilemma is "hes unhappy right now and thats why he is the way he is about us, or its just the way he is and hes unhappy because im pushing my vision of us too far"

The biggest thing that hurt was the feeling of how much of a struggle it felt like to talk about living together.. thay our dream since we started dating was to be with eachoyher fulley one day.. and we got so close and i no longer felt you wanted that.. it just felt like we had been building up to this moment, part reason i came 5 hrs away from home yo uni was so i could be at one closer to you, but the uninterested tone in your voice when regards to you moving slightly out of your comfort zone to be with me hurt so weirdly like id never expect... it hurt because i keep wondering how you were going to move and live in japan for the most part of a year, but with me a bit further than your city.. its too much.. :((

[madisonrooney]

well it was fun while it lasted

and so ends the year where i was constantly aware of when id next see dove

early 2016-mid 2017 i ALWAYS knew when i’d next see her, and i got a little too used to the feeling. i first met her in summer 2015 and i considered myself lucky to have that chance at all, even getting in that wasnt easy, and i didnt really think about every getting to meet her again cuz i just...didnt think i could. i moved out to california a couple weeks later and began to learn about all the opportunities it had for me. once liv and maddie got renewed for season 4, my friend and i are like lets just go to every taping and im like yah theres...no reason we cant? so i expected to get to see her p much every week for a number of months and i was ecstatic. then most of the tapings got cancelled one by one (or two by two at most) and every couple weeks id get my hopes up only for them to be torn down again. (also the tickets may have been free but getting them was not easy! you had to refresh the website for like 2 hours!) it hurt me every time but it taught me to not get my hopes up too high in the future. ofc, i still treasured every time i had with her, but i did even more so after going through that.

after mamma mia in summer 2017, i had no idea when id see her again and for that and some other reasons i had a major relapse the night after. i was def posting about it on here. that was miserable and the coming days, weeks, months, were rough too.

i got a random chance to meet her at the end of that year, then another early in 2018. these, ofc, lifted my spirits a lot and gave me more hope of the fact that random encounters with her can happen. and when i say random i mean RANDOM both of these were announced like a week in advance.

clueless put me back on the path id been on in years past. shortly before it, i got tix for light in the piazza in london, so i knew even after clueless, id see her again in 7 months, plus that gave me a LONG time to look forward to seeing her. disney channel fan fest ended up happening in between those to make it even better, and then shortly before london, i got my tix to see the show in LA, extending the period four more months.

but now its over. light in the piazza is behind me. i knew this day was coming and ive been through it before so its easier to deal with than it used to be but its still hard. especially because after mamma mia, even tho d3 wasnt confirmed, it was still likely, so i had hope that that would lead to more events and encounters soon enough. now i dont have anything like that to lean on.

the more that i think of it, this period has technically lasted longer than a year. d3 being announced in february 2018 basically signified id see her again soon. it didnt confirm it but it made it more likely. so its more like....the last almost TWO years of my life are over. yeesh.

but now that both lam and descendants are behind us, the future is so uncertain. album signings? concerts? more musicals? no one really knows. i wanna hope for the best and especially hope for more random encounters like in 2017/18, but i dont wanna rely on that and get disappointed if it doesnt happen.

i hate sounding like im entitled to any of this because i know how fortunate i am and that not everyone gets these opportunities. like i said, meeting her for the first time was beyond my wildest dreams. but for one thing, i just dont know what to look forward to now. to add on to it, ive been MAJORLY bored and lonely. ill have days upon days with no plans. i just sleep, dont leave the house, and have no social interaction. i dont like it that way and i try to make plans but it isnt always that easy. ever since i was little, ive thrived on having some big thing to look forward to. thats whats pushed me forward, but now i dont really have one. not dove or otherwise. i have some things im looking forward to, but only so big and only so soon. (my mom reminds me to remember that were going to NYC soon but it feels so far away. i need my Boys to heal me lol)

for another thing, and im probably worrying too much about this, i worry that if too much time passes between us seeing each other our relationship may fade away/she may forget me. ive been proven wrong about this before. weve gone like...8 months without seeing each other and not only does she remember me but she can spot me in a crowd/remember details about me/etc. but i always worry regardless, especially since its already been almost 6 months since we last interacted. and who knows how many more months it will be.

and lastly, the pain of the tapings getting cancelled still really hasn’t gone away. think about it, i STILL haven’t reached the amount of times i would have met her by summer 2016 had none of the tapings been cancelled or been overbooked. and its been THREE YEARS! the way it was organized was so shoddy and never felt fair to me. i get it, things get cancelled sometimes, but this was just out of control.

not only do i not know when ill see her next we dont even know when were getting any new content out of her. thats what ive been living on for 5 years. i had LAM and even after it ended i had descendants. now i dont know what i have. and all of that has become such a big part of who i am that i feel almost lost.

ill be starting work at the beginning of next year so at least i have a new chapter in my life to look forward to, one with significantly fewer boring days and plenty more social interaction. but the time between then and now is dragging on, and it’s only going to get harder now.

[mindovermilitante]

Taking back my life. Chapter 1...

Hi All,

My name is Nathan Militante. Approximately 4 months ago i thought i had it all figured out on what i wanted to do and where i wanted to go in this world. Im here today September 13th 2018 to tell my past self and the other who stumble upon this blog that it hasn't been what i expected. If anything its been the complete opposite of hat Ive wanted. But its funny when i look back on the things i wanted for the future i could never put an actual object to it. I think its always been somewhat of a feeling to obtain. The feeling-of accomplishment, or having done something important in your life, or even knowing that you're on the right path. Also sorry for this whole blog its going to be out of order, I feel its best to just type and let the words flow out, but okay back to the story at hand. 

Its the middle of May. Im dressed in my graduation outfit getting ready to proceed through the ceremony. Millions of thoughts racing through my head. Where will i go from here, what will my education look like from this point on, who will i settle down with, will i trip on my way to getting my diploma? As i tried to understand what this day meant i think i started to formulate a plan of action. I think in my mind the idea of a plan always gave me an idea of a direction i wanted to go. And so the day went by and so did the expectation that my plan would develop. But as stated earlier, it didn't...or so i thought.

Speed up to today and I am currently working for Washoe County Health district as a health educator and disease investigator, I am currently living with 3 other of my best pals including my brother, continuing on with my photography, and in love with a girl i get to all my girlfriend. But yet through all that i still feel empty. Why? 

You see my whole life has been a “Why”. 

Why cant i just afford it

Why cant i just get this right 

Why cant this just be easy 

Why cant life just catch me a break. 

In saying why all the time i realized how much i had yet to accomplish in my life. but why (see i told you) is it that i’m only 23 and stressing about all of this. It feels as if my life up to this point hasn't been much to celebrate about. 

Sure college was hard but it wasn't that hard when your going full time and you have friends in college who are there to push you through it? 

Sure rent is expensive elsewhere but our house is falling apart sometimes and my roommates drive me crazy. 

Sure I can say i love my job but there are those days when i ponder if its all worth the cause. 

Sure i love my girlfriend but at times we dont agree with each other and theres things that we dont get along with. 

But thats just it...

In one fell swoop if already named of only a fraction of the things i have neglected to be thankful for... but yet i ask why. 

Today is September 13th 2018 and im enjoying a nice lunch of grilled chicken, one banana, and a couple raspberries. Did i mention im drinking this gnarly concoction of garlic, lemon, and water to alleviate my blood pressure? 1 day ago I got the news that my depression and anxiety had come back and in turn raised by blood pressure. 6 hours ago i woke up with the idea that my life would never be the same with this diagnosis, 3 hours ago i was taking a walk instead of my usual run hating my life. and 30 minutes ago i was alone in my house pondering that ever so question i have been asking all my life...

Why? 

It was only until our house dog looked at me in a way that made me look at myself. Kind of like that thing you do when you're drunk, high, or on cloud 9 in the bathroom and your thinking to yourself how did you get here and will this ever end. Instead the person in the mirror told me to type. type it all type it out and type until there is nothing left to type. And so Im here now typing and wondering where this will lead me. Its weird the idea of typing is actually somewhat exciting and relaxing. Of course i am also listening to the wonderful styings of Joey Pecarro. But as i type all of this out i begin to see what ive been missing or what has been missing for me to understand what i have. I love my life and where its gone so far. I love the process its given me, the challenges its set out in front of me, and the idea thats its only beginning. In doing so its also shown me how much i have to be thankful for.

First off my wonderful girlfriend. This beautiful courageous funny and loving person has been there for me ever since the beginning. Funny story i actually ghosted here pretty badly a couple moths after we had met. I thing the whole thing was because i was scared of what she would think of me. But she pulled me back into our relationship and time and time again she's pulled me back into the place that i belong. I love her immensely and i truly believe that most of my success wouldn't have occurred without her doing. I owe her a-lot and i hope to show even just a fraction of what she has done for me. 

Second my friends. Wow dont talk to me unless you find some friends like mine! Ever since i could remember ive always been the type of person to move from group to group. it wasn't to say i didn't like anyone, i just couldn't find that right fit. And then freshmen year of college came along and in that hustle and bustle of university life... i found them. It isn't safe to say that they dont bug me sometimes but its also safe to say that they have saved me and molded me into the person i am today. I never once in a million years would've thought i would end up with these guys but im thankful for them each and every day. 

Thirdly (i dont even know if thats a word, sorry not sorry)  my family. It cheesy and a platitude to say everyone should be thankful for their own family, but my journey to liking them was somewhat of a rough road. To begin m parents are divorced so having that strain on the family really distanced me from accepting who they were. Another point to establish is that my family is very tradition on how success needs to be measured. Its “you're going to be a doctor” or “why cant you be like the other kids” and even “in life you need to accomplish things by this age.” Hearing those things really put in a position believing that they didn't care much about me. Only the life i was living. But as the years went by they understood me more and the success i wanted to reach the more they supported me and changed their ways. Today i owe a great deal of thanks to them and the foundational skills of hard work they have given me. 

Now of course im thankful for so much more but dont want to bore you with that list. Ill just do it another day (haha). But i think to end this story i want to talk a little about what got me to writing this. Again I am terribly sorry about the horrible typos, organization, and all around messiness this passage has to offer but bear with me. tomorrow will be better. 

Just as the title says “Taking back my life, chapter 1″, i really do want to take back my life. I suffer from serious bouts of depression and anxiety and for most of my life its been right there in the passenger seat ordering me where to go. But today ive decided to change that. I think today its not about asking why is this happening to me but rather saying to myself “its going to be okay”. Because at the end of the day it will be. But only if its done on my terms and my time. I know things take time and i know il probably have my days where it wont be perfect, but thats okay. i have to start living my life according to me, and not some mental disease. Im scared, stressed, terrified, and sick of what will happen now but those things keep me alive. Its by feeling those things that i know im moving on in the world. Forget a plan and forget trying to understand why something happens. Its time to take back my life and living it day by day with the ones I love. As for this blog i hope to keep updating it about my journey and the things i want to accomplish, the dreams i have, and the memories i make. 

Seneccca said 

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it.”

Lastly, Im probably the last person someone with depression should talk to, but if you're out there and reading this and going through something. always know there is always something to be grateful for, someone to always know has your back, something you can always fall in love doing, and something to always look forward to. And if you cant think of anything I will always be there for you. 

[empiregalaxy]

Been thinking alot about how fandom really focuses on Sansa and ‘lying’. To me, it is very overstated and overfocused considering Sansa never lies with malicious intent to hurt people. Sure, how she shapes and interprets reality in A Game Of Thrones especially with the Trident Incident is important (where she falsely recalls Mycah hitting Joffrey) is important, but it’s not the be end all of the character. How Sansa grows and changes is also vital. Here, I’ll try to make clear that lying is not one of Sansa’s ‘flaws’, she is human and is not perfect but holding her lies against her doesn’t really work.

I don’t mind discussion about how lying impacts on Sansa, and the role in plays within her story- my problem is when people use that as a reason to be against her character.

If anything, Sansa is someone who wants “the truth” out, and for everyone to know what is going on. Like her sister, Arya (who also campaigns for the truth) Sansa does call out liars.

Sansa felt as though her heart had lodged in her throat. The Queen of Thorns was so close she could smell the old woman's sour breath. Her gaunt thin fingers were pinching her wrist. To her other side, Margaery was listening as well. A shiver went through her. "A monster," she whispered, so tremulously she could scarcely hear her own voice. "Joffrey is a monster. He lied about the butcher's boy and made Father kill my wolf. When I displease him, he has the Kingsguard beat me. He's evil and cruel, my lady, it's so. And the queen as well." (A Storm Of Swords, Chapter Six)

As well as

His words made Tyrion feel absurdly grateful, and helped to mollify him as Galyeon sang endless verses about the valor of the boy king and his mother, the golden queen. "She never did that," Sansa blurted out suddenly. (A Storm Of Swords, Chapter Sixty)

And

Sansa pulled away from his touch. "You said I must wear the hair net. The silver net with . . . what sort of stones are those?" "Amethysts. Black amethysts from Asshai, my lady." "They're no amethysts. Are they? Are they? You lied." "Black amethysts," he swore. "There was magic in them." "There was murder in them!" (A Storm Of Swords, Chapter Sixty-One)

And it’s also clear that lying makes her wildly uncomfortable

"Is it all lies, forever and ever, everyone and everything?" (A Storm Of Swords, Chapter Sixty-One)

And the concept of lying is relatively new to her

A light rain was falling on the remains of the feast, but the air smelled fresh and clean. The memory of her own wedding night with Tyrion was much with her. In the dark, I am the Knight of Flowers, he had said. I could be good to you. But that was only another Lannister lie. A dog can smell a lie, you know, the Hound had told her once. She could almost hear the rough rasp of his voice. Look around you, and take a good whiff. They're all liars here, and every one better than you. (A Storm Of Swords, Chapter 68)

So Sansa’s arc, alot of it is about detecting lies and seeing through them. To be frank, she has no choice but to lie and be Alayne. Not doing so would mean a fate at Cersei’s hands. Lying is a theme in her arc, but what I struggle with is when people interpret that to mean Sansa is a vindictive liar. Her ‘lies’ that are deemed unforgivable by many readers include:

The Trident incident

Her constant adoration of Joffrey and Cersei

Framing Marillion

The thing about Sansa, especially circa A Game Of Thrones is that she has strong ideas about how things should be, or how things could be that she often forgets how things actually are. That makes her rather idealistic and not fully understanding of the ramifications. If her ‘lies’ are going to be brought up, so should her age. She’s 11 and still maturing.

As when we reach A Feast For Crows- Sansa is pretty much forced to lie for her own survival, and is manipulated by Petyr Baelish. And, she struggles with it.

"All you need do is tell Lord Nestor the same tale that you told Lord Robert," Petyr went on. Robert is only a sick little boy, she thought, Lord Nestor is a man grown, stern and suspicious. Robert was not strong and had to be protected, even from the truth. "Some lies are love," Petyr had assured her. She reminded him of that. "When we lied to Lord Robert, that was just to spare him," she said. (A Feast For Crows, Chapter 10)

To certain characters, she is a ‘liar’ and that includes

Arya

"I don't know," she said tearfully, looking as though she wanted to bolt. "I don't remember. Everything happened so fast, I didn't see . . . " "You rotten!" Arya shrieked. She flew at her sister like an arrow, knocking Sansa down to the ground, pummeling her. "Liar, liar, liar, liar." (A Game Of Thrones, Chapter 16)

Lysa

Sansa took a step backward. "That's not true." "Where are you going? Are you afraid? Such wanton behavior must be punished, but I will not be hard on you. We keep a whipping boy for Robert, as is the custom in the Free Cities. His health is too delicate for him to bear the rod himself. I shall find some common girl to take your whipping, but first you must own up to what you've done. I cannot abide a liar, Alayne." (A Storm Of Swords, Chapter 80)

So, as she is called in text a liar it is kind of understandable. But in the instance of Lysa- she is not lying. Petyr kissed her, not the other way round (what Lysa is saying is incredibly gross and victim blaming). I really don’t want to get into the Trident incident (because that never ends well in fandom discussion) but it should be clear that she was pretty much forced to testify and she didn’t want to be there. She was put in a difficult position. I’m not saying Sansa did the right thing, I’m just saying being compassionate to an eleven year old is not a bad thing.

Most of Sansa’s ‘lies’ can be understood as the following:

trying to survive

trying to cope

trying to get out of a situation

None of those things are malicious. Do they impact on Sansa’s mental wellbeing? Certainly. But her moral standing? Not really. 

How Sansa reacts to lies is interesting. 

He is serving me lies as well, Sansa realized. They were comforting lies, though, and she thought them kindly meant. A lie is not so bad if it is kindly meant. If only she believed them . . . (A Feast For Crows, Chapter 10)

This quote is not about how Sansa herself lies, but how people lie to Sansa. If anything, this quote reads about how someone who has been abused survives. The ‘liars’ in Sansa’s life- Petyr, Cersei, Joffrey have caused alot of harm to her. Sansa, for the most part is someone who has been lied to, not the inital liar. It would be nice if fandom focused on the people who put her in situations where she has to lie than shaming how Sansa chooses to survive.

So what is Sansa’s flaw when she administrates a higher dose of sweetsleep to Robert Arryn, and later comments 

He does have pretty hair.  If the gods are good and he lives long enough to wed, his wife will admire his hair, surely.  That much she will love about him. (The Winds Of Winter, Alayne Sample Chapter)

Well, my conclusion is that Sansa struggles with ramifications. That she can dismiss things. But this is the type of flaw that is completely human- after all, she can learn from it. She is not aware of the reality of what she is doing, because this is kind of new for her. Lying, to me has never been Sansa’s problem. I don’t even think Sansa has a ‘problem’ to speak of, but a flaw that can easily be exaggerated. 

I also think fandom confuses basic flattery (the compliments Sansa gives to say, Loras) with malicious fraud and lying. They are seperate. 

The Winds Of Winter sample chapter is interesting, because she is actively seeing who is a liar and who isn’t. 

Say something, she urged herself.  You will never make Ser Harry love you if you dont have the courage to talk him.  Should she tell him what a good dancer he was?  No, hes probably heard that a dozen times tonight.  Besides, Petyr said that I should not seem eager.  Instead she said, “I have heard that you are about to be a father.”  It was not something most girls would say to their almost-betrothed, but she wanted to see if Ser Harrold would lie.

“For the second time. My daughter Alys is two years old.”

    Your bastard daughter Alys, Alayne thought, but what she said was, That one had a different mother, though.

Sansa’s arc does not read as someone who is a liar, but become more aware of liars and their impact on society. Yes, Sansa has lied, but so has countless of characters in ASOIAF. To quote Sandor Clegane ‘we’re all liars here’. What matters is why you are lying. If, like Cersei you are lying to hurt people- then there is a problem. If you are lying to gain money, then there is a problem. If you are lying for survival like Sansa is- you deserve compassion and understanding, not scorn.

So what would I call Sansa? Secretive. For a damn good reason, but she internalizes things strongly. I hope to discuss that in a future meta, I just feel as if that’s a better word to describe her than ‘liar’. 

In conclusion, lies plays a role in Sansa’s arc. But calling her a ‘fraud’ with a ‘history of lying�� doesn’t do any favours and misreads the ‘why’ Sansa does what she does. She is someone who has been hurt by lies, is forced to live a lie. She inquires, asks questions- which suggests someone who wants the truth. And that makes her the opposite of malice.