#But if I really want to move to Oregon or possibly some other place outside the country I really need to start saving

[selvepnea]

I've been think about moving back in with my mom recently and thinking about things

[drummerjimmyblaze]

ꕀ ᐝ 𖠳   Dylan O’Brien, cis man, he/him 𖠳 ᐝ ꕀ  ‷ heads up ; if you hear Eyes Closed by State Champs blaring, it’s most likely James Blaese making their way down the shore ! they’re 30 years old and celebrate their birthday on February 9 - I knew they were an Aquarius! especially since they’re very Charismatic and Rebellious. they are from Portland, Oregon, staying in Bar Harbor, ME and are currently working as a Entrepeneur, drummer and bartender. They always did remind me of snapbacks, jeeps, and flannels

James, Jimmy, Blaze, JB…what is there to say? Other than he’s a complete goofball and loves to party with his friends and have a good time. He’s a golden retriever in a man’s body. He was born in Portland, Oregon on February 9, 1993, to Roger and Miriam Blaese. He is the 2nd of 3 children, and the only boy. Though he was born in Portland, he moved around a lot as a kid, since his father was in the army and his mother is a flight attendant. Both his parents had jobs where they worked long hours and didn’t stay in one place for long. His father is a typical military man, one who is overbearing and wanted his son to join the army at 18. Because of this Jimmy tends to hate authority and authority figures. His older sister is 3 years older than him and his younger sister is only 1 year younger than him. He is close to both sisters, especially since his parents always worked.

He moved around a lot as a kid, but he always considers Portland to be home. After graduating high school, he went to college across the country and the moved to Los Angeles, and never looked back. Though he did (and still does) keep in contact with his sisters, and occasionally his mother. He does not keep in contact with his father, though he is sure that his mother relays important information to him. After college, he wanted to settle down, and boy did he try. He got a good job and was rising up in the world. But he felt like he didn’t fit in. He felt that world was too uptight and too rigid and longed for a more relaxed way of life near the beach. That’s how he made it to Cape May. He quit his job 2 years ago, packed up his bags and moved from LA to NJ. The moved to Bar Harbor in Maine when a bunch of his closest friends made the move there.

Though he’s 30 years old, he still likes to party and have fun; some say he still acts like a frat boy in college. To him, life is about having as much fun as possible. On the outside he might seem like a fun-loving guy, but on the inside, he is full of insecurities and anxiety. Since he bounced around a lot as a kid, he always had to make new friends, which left him feeling like he had to be the life of the party in order to be liked.

He can be the life of the party but he could also be cynical and come off sarcastic, though he only does it if he is really comfortable around you, or he doesn’t trust you. Though you WILL definitely know which category you fit into. He can be aloof with strangers and it might take a while for him to truly trust you but once he does, you’ll be set for life. He is a ride or die kinda guy. 

[huntingforsatisfaction]

Pink Promise

Pairing: Dean Winchester X younger sibling reader(not in an incest way)

Summary: Dean is there to help his younger sibling after they have a nightmare 

Words: 2211

Warnings: fairly angsty, but still very very fluffy, a detailed nightmare, mentions of John Winchester’s parenting style, bad writing?, like one cuss word, a tiny tiny bit of gore

Note about characters: in the present scenes the reader is 16 and in the flashbacks they’re 6 and the reader and Dean have like a 13/14 year age gap so he’s like 19/20 in the flashbacks, there isn’t any gendered terms for the reader so it’s neutral(unless you count hair being braided as a gendered term, but boys can have braided hair cause gender isn’t real), and finally this takes place in season 5

Dean woke up, not for any purpose, just one of those weird moments where you randomly wake up in the middle of the night. He shook his head and began fluffing his pillow, stopping when he heard soft crying.

“(Y/N)?” He softly called out.

You were laying with your back facing out and your face squished into the musty cushions of the small motel room couch, a failed attempt at muffling your cries.

“Y-Yeah Dean? Something wrong?” You tried to play it off.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing. Were you crying?”

When you guys first got your room Dean cursed the streetlight right outside the window, but now he watched how it illuminated you as you dropped your head down.

“Nightmare?”

You looked up and made eye contact before slowly nodding a yes.

“Think you’re gonna be able to go back to sleep?”

You dropped your gaze again as your face screwed up and you could feel new tears form on your lash line.

“No.” You softly croaked out, barely audible over Sam’s snores.

                                                   ~Flashback~

You couldn’t breathe, too focused on staying quiet to risk opening your mouth. Once the sting in your eyes and the back of your throat calmed down you went back to sleep.

“Sammy?”

You screamed out running through an old grey house.

“No no no please no!” You heard him scream somewhere you couldn’t find.

“Sammy!” You huffed before taking off running down the hall you came from.

As you ran around the house you felt small and helpless, like when you got separated from your brothers in the corn maze at the pumpkin patch in Iowa, the one Dean took you to without your dad knowing.

“Dean?” You desperately called for your brother as your feet pounded against the floor. 

Completely unaware of your surroundings you ran, the only thing on your mind was finding your brother. Not paying attention to your surroundings you tripped, your heart raced knowing how your dad always got on you for that. You got up and looked down to see what sent you flying to the cracked floorboards.

“Dean!” You screamed

You woke up again, heart pounding in your head and toes. You stopped gasping for air when you felt your dad roll over next to you, holding it in again to stay quiet. Collecting your moose and your blanket, the one you got in Oregon when you were 3 and have refused to sleep without ever since, you slipped off of the bed as silently as possible. Your dad and Dean were fumigating a house in a fancy neighborhood so the only hotel available was a little nicer than your usual moldy motels. The vinyl floorboards stayed quiet as you snuck over to the door that joined your brothers’ room to you and your dad’s. You glanced at your brothers sleeping in their beds before moving their jackets off of the chair that sat in the corner. Dropping your blanket on the floor you traded it for the two flannels that were under their jackets and curled up into the chair. Once you were comfortable you finally let the tears flow, crying softly at first and burying your face into Mort the moose as your chest heaved more and more with the weight of your cries. 

 “(Y/N)?” You heard Dean call out in confusion as he shut the drawer of his nightstand. 

 “S-sorry for waking you up.” You tossed off the flannels and picked up your blanket, heading back to your proper room.

 “No, no, hey, hey, come here.” Dean moved over in his bed and opened his arms, lightly flicking his wrist to call you over to him. 

You gingerly padded over to his bed and with a little effort jumped up.

 “I’m gonna guess it wasn’t growing pains that woke you up.” Dean chuckled. 

 “Ok, I’m sorry, bad timing. Now come on peanut, stop giving me that face and come in closer.” He said shifting so he could comfortably open up his arms for you. 

You still continued to pout, but scooted into his embrace until your body felt lighter. 

“Sorry.” You quietly mumbled, it came out kind of funny because of how your cheek was squished against your brother’s chest. 

Dean pulled back and nudged your chin up, signaling you to make eye contact  with him before resting his hand on your shoulder. His comforting softness melted away as he turned dead serious. 

“Listen to me, do not ever and I mean ever apologize to someone because you’re upset. Ok?” He searched your eyes waiting for an answer, which you gave him with a nod. 

“Now tell me why someone broke into my room and stole my favorite flannel.” And just like that Dean pulled you back into him and your softy of a brother was back.

“Dad yells at me when I don’t sleep and when I cry and when I ask him questions, so I came in here to cry” Even your big brother’s arms couldn’t shield you from the sadness that entered your body.

“Well I’m not dad, neither is Mort the moose, and neither is Sammy.” Dean started.

“Sammy snores now, he’s old.” You shot Sam a dirty look even though he was dead asleep.

“Yeah Sammy is old now, he drools too.” Dean joined you in giving his younger brother the stink eye. “Now tell me, what has my peanut so upset?”

“Nightmare.” 

“Nightmare? Do you wanna talk about it?” Dean began playing with your hair as he awaited your response.

Staring up at your older brother’s face you thought about it. 

“No.” You wanted to say what happened, to get it out of your mind, but you didn’t want to tell him about how you saw his still body covered in blood with his stomach in shreds. 

“No? That’s okay.” 

You guys sat quietly listening to the traffic outside and Sam’s snores. After a while Dean assumed you had fallen asleep, but just as he shut his own eyes your little voice stirred him.

“D?”

“Mm, yeah (Y/N)?’

“Are monsters real?”

                                                       ~Present~

Dean watched you hang your head again before scooting to the side and opening up his covers.

“Wanna talk about it kid?”

Even in your sad and scared state a genuine smile broke out across your face, it was small, but still genuine. Without responding to your brother you kicked off the soft blanket that you had fought Sam for and walked over to Dean’s bed. Since motel beds are always oddly tall you had to do a little jump to get onto it, shooting a quick glare at Dean for being clearly amused at your struggle. Tentatively Dean opened up his arms to you and you awkwardly shuffled in until your head hit his shoulder and you instantly melted. The both of you sat there without a word, wondering what the other was thinking, unaware that you were both thinking the same thing. You thought about how long it had been since you two laid like this, both of you becoming aware of how long it had really been since you showed each other affection and comfort, and how after all of these years you two felt so natural. Neither of you took into account how the other’s muscles softened, how the past few years of Azazel, the door to Hell, your dad’s death, Sam’s death, Dean’s death, demons, vampires, and vengeful spirits all released from your guys’ bodies. For the first time in months neither of you cared about Lucifer or Michael or any other dick with wings. 

“Hey Dean.” You finally broke the near silence.

“Yeah?” Your ear being pressed to Dean’s chest made his voice sound deeper and you could feel his jaw move against the top of your head. 

“Do you remember when I was super young and we were staying at that nice hotel in Seattle and I had that really bad nightmare?” You slipped the comforter under your brother’s arm so you could fidget with it.

“Yeah I do actually, but how the hell do you remember it? You were like what, six? So that means it was ten whole years ago.” 

“I don’t think I would remember it if it wasn’t the start of the recurring nightmare I always have.” The first part was a lie. That night had been the first time you ever truly felt like you had a family, the first time you had felt comfort in your life. You could never forget that. 

“Oh.” Dean began to play with your hair, taking three small pieces and trying to see if he could still remember how to braid, something he learned because you hated how John would always cut your hair. 

“This dream,” you started, “it’s bad. It’s always the same house, this weird grey one with cracked floors and for some reason the walls are cement. It’s weird. But in the dream I can never find my way, it’s like a labyrinth and every time I get more and more lost the hallways get darker and darker. It always starts with me screaming for Sammy and he doesn’t respond, but I can hear him. I can hear him.”, Your voice begins to break, “I can hear him screaming no over and over again, like he’s getting attacked and then when I call out for him again he’s silent. So I’ll start running to find him, I guess I’ve always had a hunter's instinct. Then when I’m running around I trip and every time I trip I always get this feeling of fear about dad yelling at me for always being clumsy. But then when I. '' You stop, dropping your head and gaze so far down that all you can see is your own chest. Dean drops the chunk of hair he was twisting in his fingers and looks down at you.

“It’s okay.” He whispers, lightly squeezing your arm to ground you, something he always does when you’re upset. 

His encouragement only made things worse as tears began to fall again. Closing your eyes you take a quick deep breath.

“When I look down to see what I tripped over it’s you. You’re dead. Bloody with your stomach all ripped up, I never see the monster, but it must be something with claws. Then it just ends there. Tonight was kind of different though. Our ages are always different in the dream. Sammy’s voice always sounds like it did when he was 16 so I don’t think he changes, but sometimes I’m a kid and you’re a teenager like when I first had it or we’re both teenagers or we’re the ages we are now or sometimes I’m a kid and you’re an adult. But tonight, tonight I was 16 like I am now and you were a little kid.”

                                                      ~Flashback~

Dean didn’t know what to do, he felt like the deer that stopped in the headlights and actually got hit. He’d been through this before with Sam, but he had been older and wasn’t already upset when they had the conversation. He had felt guilty every time he lied to Sam about monsters and didn’t want to give you that same false hope, but he resented his dad for teaching him about monsters when he was this young. 

“I’m not sure of anything, (Y/N).” It technically wasn’t a lie, while Dean was sure that monsters existed he wasn’t sure of what to tell you.

“Well actually no, I am sure of one thing. Nothing and I mean nothing, no man, no woman, no animal, and sure as hell no monsters will ever hurt you because you are strong and I will kick their butt if they even try.” Dean meant that fully, he’s meant that since the day his dad sat him and Sam down to tell them they have a little sibling.

“Pink promise?” You said looking up at Dean.

“Pink promise?” He pulled back and questioned you.

“A pink promise.” You huffed, freeing your arm out from under Dean’s and extending your pinky finger.

“Oohh, a pinky promise.” Dean held up his arm and extended his own pinky.

“No, it’s pink promise.” You pulled your hand back.

“Ok, I pink promise that nothing will ever hurt you.” And to that you guys joined pinkies.

                                                     ~Present~

You begin to quietly sob into your brother’s chest. Dean put his hand at the nape of your neck and put his cheek on the top of your head and let you cry it out, as you calmed down he pulled back and kissed your forehead.

“Hey look, peanut. Sammy and I are not going anywhere, we will always be with you, ok. A lot is going on right now and it will all be okay, we’ve gotten out of so many situations that we shouldn’t have and this one will be no different. I pink promise.” Dean raised up his arm and extended his pinky.

“Oh fuck off.” You lightly hit his hand. 

Unfazed Dean kept his hand up and smugly smiled down at you. You sigh and extend your own pinky. As your fingers wrapped around each other your annoyed façade broke, your smile was joined by a few tears.

“Pink promise.”

A/N: So hey, your local forest wench here. This is definitely different from other stuff I post. I’ve never written a fanfiction before(so basically sorry if it’s not too good and please be patient with me), but I do read a lot of of it and maladaptive daydream a lot so I always have plenty of ideas. I came up with this idea this morning and really liked it, thought that maybe other people would like it and that it would be kind of greedy to keep it to myself. I’m actually really insanely proud of this ngl. If people like this and I feel comfortable, I might even write some more in the future.

[iamtrebleclefstories]

that same kind of joy

98 - “You scared the shit out of me.” 

Now, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about this fic when I first started writing it and I had no idea where it was gonna go, but I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. It’s not exactly what you might’ve had in mind, but I hope you enjoy! @andreagraham​

this takes place in a wonderful world where 16x16 never happened :)

She remembers a bang. It was loud and deafening to the point that when she comes to, there’s an incessant ringing in her ears. She wants to just lay there and sleep, but that’s probably just the mild concussion talking. Instead, she painstakingly cracks her eyes open just enough to get a good view of her surroundings.

Metal. Bright. Debris. Blood.

Blood.

It’s not her own. At least, Jo doesn’t think it belongs to her. It is a trail of blood that extends in front of her, leading in front of a woman with a swollen abdomen who is crying out in distress. Jo picks herself up from the ground long enough to realize what just happened.

She remembers getting on the train back to Seattle after a weekend medical conference in San Francisco with Carina Deluca. It had been a spur of the moment decision, something Alex had surprised her with when he presented her with a train ticket, booked hotel room, and a weekend off. She had been thrilled at the prospect of hearing Addison Montgomery speak as she considered a career switch to OB. It had been the perfect getaway, until about ten minutes ago.

Now, Jo stands in the remains of one of the train cars she’d been traveling in and looks around in horror to see multiple individuals in varying states of trauma. She quickly canvasses the area to determine who seemed okay and who looked as though they were in immediate need of assistance. After getting help from a nursing student, dental PA, and off-duty officer that happened to be riding in the same train car, Jo leaves the other passengers and makes her way over to the pregnant woman who was clearly in labor.

“Hey,” Jo crouches down in front of the woman. “My name is Jo Karev. I’m a surgeon at Grey Sloan Memorial in Seattle. I see that you’re having some contractions. Is it okay if I examine you?” Jo waits until the woman nods her consent before gently pressing her hands on the woman’s bump to determine position. “What’s your name?”

“Alyssa,” the young woman breathes out heavily. “My name is Alyssa Belmont.”

“Nice to meet you Alyssa. Can you tell me how far along you are?” Jo looks down at her watch to monitor the length and interval of the contractions.

“I'm only 35 weeks,” Alyssa’s voice betrays her anxiety. “It’s too early.”

“It’s okay, the ambulance is going to be here soon and we will be able to get you and your baby to a hospital safely where some really nice pediatrician will make sure that they’re just fine,” Jo takes the hand sanitizer from her purse and uses it to disinfect her hands and ruffles through her first aid kit to find a single pair of gloves. “Do you know what you’re having?”

“A boy,” Alyssa nods. “My fiancé is stationed overseas but is supposed to come home in two weeks. He was supposed to be here for the delivery. I’m not supposed to be doing this alone.”

“Hey, Alyssa. Listen to me. You are not alone. I’m right here with you and I promise I won’t leave your side until you are holding a healthy baby in your arms,” Jo locks eyes with the young woman in front of her. “I need to know some things if I’m going to better care for you. Did you get hurt when the train derailed? Did you feel a tearing or a sharp pain in your abdomen?”

“No,” Alyssa shakes her head. “Just the contractions. But I had already been feeling some sporadic contractions throughout the day and the past week if I’m being honest. That’s normal though, right? Like Braxton hicks?”

“Yes, it's completely normal to feel a couple contractions here and there once you’re nearing the end of your pregnancy. It’s your body trying to prepare itself for birth,” Jo takes off her jacket and drapes it over Alyssa’s lower abdomen and pelvis to maintain some semblance of modesty. “Okay Alyssa, I’m going to push up your dress and remove your leggings and underwear so that I can get a look at how much you’ve progressed.”

Prior to the surprise delivery she was pulled into a couple weeks ago where all she had to do was catch the baby, it had been a long time since Jo had delivered a baby that wasn’t a c-section. It had been years since she had to check for dilation and effacement and in that moment she found herself really wishing that Carina - who had opted to stay in San Francisco for a few days more with a friend - had been on this train instead of her.

“Okay, Alyssa. It looks like you're about eight centimeters dilated and I'd say somewhere around eighty to ninety percent effaced,” Jo informs.

“What does that mean?” Alyssa brushes her hair out of her face and winces as another contraction comes over her.

“That means that pretty soon it’ll be time to push,” Jo looks around to the surrounding passengers. “Does anyone have a clean towel or blankets in their bag? And water. I need an unopened water bottle.”

A few of the lesser injured passengers step forward after ruffling through their bags to present Jo with the items she requested, “Here are two bottles of water, one clean towel, and three blankets.”

Jo does her best to keep Alyssa comfortable and wait until the paramedics arrive. But within minutes, Alyssa is fully dilated, effaced, and ready to push. Jo looks down at Alyssa and keeps her face as calm as possible so as not to alert the young woman to the anxiety currently building up inside of her.

“Alright, Alyssa, once you feel your next contraction I need you to push. You’re going to push for ten seconds and then take a break. Do you understand?”

Alyssa grunts in response, “Yup.”

After what seems like an eternity, the train car fills with a sharp, loud cry. Jo feels some tears prickle at her eyes as she’s the first person to hold this little one as it enters the world, “Hey there, little man. You’ve got a set of lungs on you. That’s good. I was worried about your little lungs. Let’s get you cleaned up so your mama can hold you.” Jo uses the surrounding materials to clean and warm up the infant before placing him on Alyssa’s chest.

“Oh God,” Alyssa chokes out a quiet sob. “You’re here. Hi baby. I’m so sorry your daddy isn’t here but I know that he’ll be so happy to meet you.”

Jo wipes a straying tear from her eye on her arm, “I hate to intrude on the moment but we do have to cut the cord and deliver the placenta.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alyssa shakes her head. “Can I just hold him for one more second?”

“I don’t see why not,” Jo barely has time to get those words out of her mouth when paramedics come rushing through the train car. She breathes out a sigh of relief and flags one of them down. “Hi, I’m a surgeon at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle. This woman just gave birth to a premature infant at thirty five weeks. She and the baby need to go to the hospital immediately.”

The paramedic quickly calls her partner to assist her as they make quick work of getting Alyssa out of the train and into an ambulance. Just as Jo is about to turn around and head back inside to help in any way she can, Alyssa puts her hand on Jo’s arm, “Can you come with us? Please. You said you’d be there and I really don’t want to be alone.”

Looking up at the paramedic to make sure that it’s okay to ride along, Jo squeezes Alyssa’s hand gently, “Of course.”

+++

Jo shouldn’t have been all that surprised when she feels a familiar set of arms tighten around her, bringing her close to his chest. She sighs contently as she allows her husband to hold her tenderly. She whimpers in protest when Alex pulls away to get a good look at her.

“Jo,” he breathes out in relief. “You scared the shit out of me.” Alex presses a light kiss to her forehead. “When I saw the crash on the news I almost had a heart attack. I tried calling you and the hospitals but no one was saying anything. No one knew what was going on. All we knew was that the train derailed in the middle of nowhere Oregon and some of the cars detached and got flipped on their sides. What the hell happened?”

“I delivered a baby today,” Jo huffs a laugh. “After the crash knocked me out for a few minutes, I got up and there was a woman in premature labor. Her name is Alyssa. I-I delivered her baby. I was the first person in this entire world that got to hold him. The world was literally crashing down around us, but I got to deliver this beautiful baby boy with a surprisingly well developed set of lungs for how early he was born. I’ve been with her ever since it happened. They’re moving her up to a room right now. I’m supposed to meet her up there.”

“Baby, that’s incredible. But have you gotten checked out?” Alex asks quietly. “I need to know that you’re okay.”

“I’m okay, Alex,” Jo assures him. “I have a mild concussion and a couple of bruised ribs. Nothing that some ibuprofen and rest won’t fix.” Alex scowled unconvinced, causing Jo to laugh. “I’m fine. Really. Now do you want to come with me to see them?”

“Okay, fine.”

They make their way up to Alyssa’s room and Jo introduces Alex and Alyssa to each other. They spoke softly for a few moments until Alyssa’s doctor showed up outside the room.

“Sorry to interrupt,” the doctor smiles sheepishly at the group. “But you can go ahead and see your baby Miss Belmont. I can get one of the nurses to take you up to the NICU.”

“That’s okay, we can take her,” Jo and Alex help Alyssa out of the bed and into a wheelchair, carefully bringing her to stop beside her son’s warmer. “There he is.”

Alex looks up at the monitors as he listens to a resident list off the results of the studies they’d been conducting over the past few hours, “His SATs and his APGAR look great, all things considered. He’ll probably spend a week or two here before he’s sent home. He’s a strong and resilient little guy.” Alyssa and the resident both look at him in question. “I’m a peds surgeon.”

The hours go by quickly and before anyone knows it, night has fallen. Alex nudges Jo slightly, “Hey, I think we should get going. You need some rest. I got us a hotel room for the night.”

Jo nods in agreement and goes to move when Alyssa places a hand on her shoulder, “Wait. You can’t leave without knowing what the baby’s name is. I finally decided on a name.”

“What is it?” Jo asks expectantly.

“His name is Joseph Benjamin Harold. Joey for short,” Alyssa reveals. “It’s only fitting that he be named after the person who helped bring him into this world.”

“Are you serious?” Jo’s face breaks out into a wide grin. “I-I feel honored.”

“Thank you, Jo. For everything. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Those words stick with Jo all the way back to the hotel. As they’re getting into bed that night, Jo cuddles up to Alex and sighs dreamily.

“What was that for?” Alex’s face turns up into a half smile as he glances down at his wife.

“I’m just so happy right now,” Jo shakes her head. “I know I shouldn’t be. Today was a horrible day for a lot of people. There was a tragic accident. But in the midst of all of that, I helped bring a baby into the world and I feel so much joy because of it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Alex pulls her closer. “A big part of why I love peds is because of the joy you feel every time you’re able to save a kid and give them hope for a future. And I’ve assisted on quite a few deliveries and it’s pretty incredible.”

“I think I wanna switch. I wanna make the switch to OB,” Jo exhales. “I love surgery, don’t get me wrong. And maybe one day I’ll venture into maternal-fetal surgery, but I want to be an OB, Alex. I want to deliver babies and feel that same kind of joy every single day.”

“Okay. So as soon as we get back to the hospital, we’re going to talk to Bailey and see about getting a letter of recommendation to the OB program so that you can switch specialties without repeating an intern year,” Alex rubs circles on Jo’s back.

“Are you sure? I know this is a big decision. I’ll be a resident again. I’ll have longer hours and be making resident money again,” Jo eyes widen at Alex’s simple response to her desire to make the change.

“Jo, I make plenty of money for the both of us. We’re married, we have a joint bank account. You don’t need to worry about the money. We dated throughout your entire surgical residency and everything was just fine. I want to support you however I can, and if what you want is to be a part of the vagina squad then I’m going to support you in that. I’m going to be there for you every step of the way,” Alex’s lips curve into a smirk. “Besides, I think you’ll look really hot in pink scrubs.”

“Shut up,” Jo laughs and shoves him lightly.

“What? It’s the truth. But then again, I think you look hot in everything.”

“You’re so good to me,” Jo’s eyes shine with happiness. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

[eminems-skittles]

wedding bells [spencer reid x reader]

spencer reid x fem!reader part three of family game night and lazy days warnings: none word count: 3.5k

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

"Oh, Y/N! You look absolutely stunning!" Emily cooed when she saw Y/N in the white dress she was trying on. It was a slim dress with lace details on the ends of the sleeves. It didn't have a puffy skirt and it fit Y/N perfectly.

"Like a goddess sent to Earth," Penelope said in awe when Y/N did a small spin. Y/N walked in front of the mirror, her eyes scanning the dress. She let out a sigh of disappointment, Penelope's smiling face faltered. "What's wrong, sweet cheeks?"

"I really wanted this dress to be the one," Y/N sighed. She smoothed the dress down with her hands. She loved the dress but something in her told her it wasn't the one for her. Y/N bit her lip in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. She didn't even know why she was so upset about this. It was just a dumb dress. "I don't know if it is."

"Well, that's okay, Y/N/N," JJ said, coming over to stand next to Y/N. She rested a hand on her back, rubbing it gently. "There's so many dresses you still can try on. It's alright if this isn't the one."

"You're right. You're right," Y/N said as she leaned against her best friend. "I'm just so stressed about this whole thing. The wedding is only two months away and I'm just now getting a dress."

"I know, sweetie," JJ cooed. "But luckily you have most of the planning done and can just relax after this. And you have a kick-ass bridal party who will do anything and everything to make sure the day goes smoothly."

Emily and Penelope walked over to Y/N and JJ, joining them in front of the mirror. Emily gently grabbed Y/N's hand, squeezing it. "Y/N/N, it's all going to be okay."

Suddenly, Penelope gasped before running over to a dress that was hanging on a rack next to the mirror. She grabbed the dress, which Y/N had still not seen clearly, before thrusting it into Y/N's arms. "Oh! You have to try this one on! Look how gorgeous it is."

Y/N peered down at the dress and felt a tingle in her heart. She quickly excused herself from her bridesmaids before hurrying into her reserved dressing room. As quickly as she could, with the help of one of the saleswomen, she changed out of the first dress and into the one Penelope had handed her.

"Wow, sweetie, you look absolutely stunning," The saleswoman said when she finished helping Y/N.

"Thank you," Y/N said, taking a deep breath. She turned around and looked in the mirror for the first time. Tears sprung to her eyes as she looked at herself in the gorgeous dress. It was a long dress with a skirt that had small lace flowers on it. The sleeves were made of sheer tulle and stopped just above her elbows.The wait line had a white ribbon as a belt and the chest was decorated the same way the skirt was.

She stepped out of the dressing room and walked into the small sitting room where Penelope, JJ, and Emily were chatting. They were silenced by the subtle click-clack of the shoes Y/N was wearing. When their eyes fell upon the soon-to-be bride, gasps left each of their mouths.

"You're stunning!"

"This is the one!"

"You look amazing!" They all complimented at once.

"Do you like it?" JJ questioned.

"I love it," Y/N said through a watery smile. "This is it. This is the one."

T W O W E E K S B E F O R E T H E W E D D I N G

"Okay so if we put him here and my mom over here, then we should be okay," Y/N mumbled, moving around a small paper with her mom's name on it. The wedding was in two weeks and she was just now getting to the seating chart. It wasn't like she was putting off finishing the planning, but when a serial killer is on the loose, a seating chart is the least of her worries. "Ugh but wait, he can't sit next to him otherwise there will be fighting."

"How's it going darling?" Spencer asked, setting down a cup of coffee and pressing a kiss to Y/N's cheek. She hummed when he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I don't know. There's too many people who have tension. And a few people are bringing dates but I don't think we'll have enough seats unless we want to extend the seating area. But then some people will be outside and there's always the possibility of rain since it's Oregon in October," Y/N said without taking a breath. "I don't know what to do."

"Hey, hey, take a deep breath," Spencer said, as he moved to stand in front of her. "We will figure it out, my love. There's no need to stress."

Spencer helped Y/N stand up before taking a seat in the chair she was previously occupying. He pulled her into his lap and held her tight. Y/N sighed, leaning against his chest. "There's just no way it will all work. Ew, what's that smell?"

"The coffee?" Spencer asked, confused. Y/N nodded, before pushing the coffee as far from her as she could. Spencer grabbed it, sniffing the coffee before setting it back down on the table. "What's wrong with the coffee?"

"I don't know the smell is just bothering me," the same tone of confusion in her voice.

"Hm, okay," Spencer said, brushing off her strange behavior. He readjusted the two of them so he could look at the seating chart. "Let's see... What if instead of the two of us sitting at the front by ourselves, we have the whole bridal party sit in the front with us? The venue said that that was an option and it wouldn't cost more to add it."

"I forgot about that option," Y/N said, mumbling.

"See, it's not hopeless," Spencer said, hugging her closer to him. "So if we just move these guys up here, that opens up a whole table. Now we don't have to worry about anyone getting rained on. I'll call the planner first thing tomorrow to let her know we want it changed."

"What would I do without you?" Y/N said, leaning up to kiss Spencer's cheek. She looked back down at her left hand, her shiny ruby engagement ring catching her eye. "Two more weeks, and I'll be Mrs. Spencer Reid."

"I can't wait," Spencer said, interlocking his hand with hers. "How busy are we going to be in the next couple weeks?"

"Well," Y/N pulled out her phone to check her calendar. Luckily, Hotch gave the two of them the two weeks before the wedding off so they didn't have to worry about being on the other side of the country when they had to finalize details for the biggest day of their lives. "Tomorrow I have the final fitting for my dress and then we leave for Oregon the day after and meet with the DJ the day after. Explore Oregon Monday and Tuesday. Then the team and our families should all be flying in that night. JJ is picking my dress up before they go to the airport. Rehearsal dinner and final preparations on Friday, so that gives us a few days with everyone before the chaos begins. Saturday is the wedding and then Sunday, we have brunch with everyone. And on Monday we leave for the honeymoon."

"Wow...I don't think I've ever been busier," Spencer laughed. He pressed a kiss to the top of Y/N's head as she snuggled closer to him.

T H E N E X T D A Y

"Alright, Miss Y/L/N, we're going to have you try the dress on one last time to make sure it fits." The saleswoman, Allison, from the fitting said. "So when's the big day?"

"Next Saturday," Y/N said smiling, as she put the dress on.

"Aww how sweet," Allison replied. "How does the dress fit?"

"It fits really well, except for like right here," Y/N said, motioning across her stomach. "It's just a little bit tight."

"Oh, well that's an easy fix! I probably just wrote down the wrong number when I measured with you. Let me just get the correct measurements," Allison said, pulling out a pink measuring tape. She pulled the measuring tape around Y/N's midsection. "Oh that's the issue. I wrote down a four where a nine should be. Sorry about that, sweetie!"

"Oh, it's no problem!" Y/N said, flashing a small smile at Allison. "So will the dress be ready by next Tuesday?"

"Yep! Like I said, it's an easy fix," Allison beamed.

F O U R D A Y S B E F O R E T H E W E D D I N G

"Y/N!" JJ said, engulfing her in a hug. Everyone had just arrived at the small inn where the wedding is going to take place. "How are you doing?"

"A little nervous, but excited," Y/N said. She looked around the room to see where Spencer was. He was animatedly talking to Rossi about some unknown subject. If she had to guess, they were probably talking about the architecture of the cute inn, since Spencer kept gesturing to the ceiling and stairs in the small sitting room. She lowered her voice and leaned closer. "Hey, Jayje. I need your help with something."

"What is it? Everything okay?" JJ asked, concerned.

"Yeah, everything is great. I was just wondering if you could run to the store with me to grab something. I realized I left some stuff at home that I need for this weekend." Y/N explained.

"Oh, yeah of course! We can go right now if you want?"

"The sooner the better," Y/N laughed. "Oh, one more thing. Throughout the day, can you secretly switch out the champagne for sparkling cider?"

"Uh, sure," JJ said, confused. "Why?"

"Just want to make sure I remember the whole day, you know?"

T H E D A Y O F T H E W E D D I N G

JJ, Emily, Penelope and Y/N were currently gathered in the bridal suite of the inn. Like Y/N predicted two weeks prior, it was raining. Not that she minded, the orange leaves on the trees stood out against the dark gloomy sky. She'd be lying if she said this wasn't how she pictured her wedding day. The rain was softly tapping against the glass as the four of them got ready for the big day ahead of them.

Like they had discussed, JJ had managed to sneakily switch out Y/N's champagne for a glass of sparkling apple cider and no one had noticed.

"So, Y/N, are you and Spencer gonna," Emily paused, wiggling her eyebrows, "seal the deal."

"Oh come one, Em! Grow up," JJ giggled from across the room where she was getting her makeup done.

"We all know that they have hot and steamy-" Penelope was cut off by a sock being thrown at her.

"Hey! That's enough," Y/N all but shouted as a blush settled across her face.

"What? It's just a fact," Penelope giggled.

"Whatever, let's just continue getting ready, shall we?" Y/N said, taking a big sip of her apple cider.

After a few hours of getting ready and taking pictures it was finally time for the ceremony to begin. The ballroom where the ceremony was being held was decorated perfectly. Warm lights lined the walls and small details of orange lined the seats and the altar. White and orange pumpkins lined the aisle, along with small candles in glass lanterns. The room had a wall entirely made of glass and the orange of the trees brightened the orange details in the ballroom. Rain still tapped lightly on the glass and on the ceiling, but it the most serene way.

"Oh wow, this is something straight out of a fairytale," Derek muttered when he and Spencer walked inside.

"I know," Spencer breathed out, a large smile on his face. "I can't wait to see her."

"I know, pretty boy," Morgan said, laughing. That was easily the millionth time since the night before that Spencer had told him. "I have super secret intel from a certain tech analyst that says your soon to be wife looks breathtaking."

"She always looks breathtaking, Derek," Spencer said. "Have you, uh, have you noticed her acting weird?"

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow at Spencer.

"I don't know, never mind," Spencer stammered.

"Mr. Reid, we're starting now," One of the ushers told him.

In a whirlwind of flowers, fabric, and faces, everyone hurried to their places as they awaited the beginning of the ceremony. Y/N's little cousins led the way down the aisle, tossing dried white rose petals at peoples feet. Spencer went out next, taking his spot at the altar. Next down the aisle were Emily and Penelope, who waved enthusiastically at Rossi and Hotch. Their orange and red dresses flowed elegantly behind them as they marched to their place. Following the two, Derek, Spencer's best man, and JJ, Y/N's maid of honor, walked down the aisle their arms linked together. JJ's soft orange jumpsuit fit her perfectly and matched the orange tie that Derek was wearing. Everyone held their breath as they anticipated Y/N's arrival.

Music swelled as the doors opened, revealing Y/N in her gorgeous dress. Her hair was pulled into a half up half down bun that was adorned with small gold butterfly clips. She wore a gold necklace that Spencer had given her for an anniversary and several gold bangle bracelets.

As soon as Spencer saw her, his eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over. His heart burst at the sight and for a second he forgot that she was human. He always believed she was a goddess from the heavens above but now he was sure of it. There was no way any other human being could ever rival her beauty. As soon as she got to the altar (Spencer could have swore she floated down the aisle), Spencer pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek and took her hands. "You look so very beautiful, angel."

"You look very handsome, as well, my love," Y/N beamed. And he did. He was wearing a simple black suit with a flower on his lapel that matched the dark red roses Y/N had handed off to JJ. His hair was short yet still held the same fluffiness that it always had. When she looked in his eyes, he was the only person in the room, in the world, who mattered.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of these two beautiful souls," The officiant began. Y/N barely paid attention as her attention was on the groom in front of her. "Y/N, did you prepare your vows?"

"I did," Y/N replied. She kept her gaze on Spencer as her grip on his hands tightened. "Spencer, you have been my rock, my love, and my best friend for more years than I can count on one hand. I knew from our first date that you would be the person I spent the rest of my life with. I think we both knew then that we would end up here. On our fourth date, I mentioned you proposing and you weren't scared off or upset. You wanted to talk about it as much as I did. I knew then that you were in this relationship for the long haul. I promise to love you like you have loved me for the rest of my life. I promise to care for you on your good days and your bad days. Spencer Reid, I love you with my whole being, forever and always."

Spencer removed his hand from Y/N's grasp to wipe away fallen tears. The officiant turned to Spencer, "Have you prepared your vows?"

"I have," Spencer said nodding, before turning his attention back to the beautiful bride in front of him. "Y/F/N, you are the light of my day, of my life, if I'm being honest. You're the only person who can manage to turn a terrible day into an exceedingly amazing day. You are my one true love and I have never doubted for a second that you wouldn't be. I want to spend every second of my day with you for the rest of my life. I want to take care of you on your good days, and especially your bad days. I want to raise a family and grow old with you. I want to love you for the rest of my life. I love you forever and always, Y/F/N."

"That was very beautiful," The officiant remarked. "Do you, Y/F/N, take Spencer Reid as your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"Hell yeah, I do," Y/N said, earning a few laughs from the bridal party. Spencer beamed at her, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Do you, Spencer Reid, take Y/F/N as your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"I do," Spencer said, squeezing Y/N's hands in his.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Oregon, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," The officiant said. As if his life depended on it, Spencer cupped Y/N's face with his hand and smashed his lips onto hers. Their tears mixed together as they kissed for what felt like an eternity. When they broke apart, their foreheads resting on each other, they were greeted with applause and cheers from their family and friends. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Doctor and Mrs. Spencer Reid!"

"We're married," Y/N whispered against Spencer's lips before he kissed her again.

"That we are, Mrs. Reid," He said after breaking away from the kiss.

T H E R E C E P T I O N

Everyone stared in awe at the gorgeous decorations in the ballroom. After the ceremony ended, the ballroom was quickly converted to have a dance floor surrounded by several round tables. Warm yellow string lights hung from various spots on the ceiling. The tables were decorated with small pumpkins and white candles. Spencer and Y/N were currently talking to their teammates as people were slowly filing into the reception.

"Y/N, you look amazing, caro," Rossi said, hugging Y/N. "Congratulations, you two. The ceremony was so beautiful."

"He cried," JJ said as she was walking by with Will.

"I did not," Rossi said, earning a playful glare from Y/N. "Okay, fine, maybe I did."

"I cried too," Penelope said, wiping her nose. She was, in fact, still crying.

"We know, babygirl, we know," Derek said laughing.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Rossi said, raising his glass. He turned to where Y/N and Spencer were standing. Y/N had her back against Spencer's chest and Spencer had wrapped his arms around Y/N's midsection. They were both holding glasses filled with champagne, or so Spencer thought. "To the newly weds. May life bring you happiness and fortune."

"And to becoming a badass married couple who takes down serial killers," Emily said, laughing loudly.

"Cheers!" All of them said at once.

After everyone had begun eating, it was time for Spencer and Y/N's first dance.

"Everyone may I have you attention," the DJ's voice filled the room. "I'd like you all to help me welcome the couple of the evening, Spencer and Y/N, onto the dance floor for their first dance."

Their friends and family started clapping and cheering as Spencer and Y/N walked to the center of the floor. 'The Way You Look Tonight' by Frank Sinatra played through the speakers. Spencer placed a hand on Y/N's waist and took her hand in his other hand and Y/N looped her free arm around his neck.

"I can't believe we're married," Spencer said, looking in her eyes as he twirled them across the dance floor.

"Me neither," Y/N said, smiling back at him. "I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together."

"Me too, my love," Spencer laughed softly before kissing her cheek.

Y/N pecked his lips before laying her head on his shoulder, letting him know she just wanted to stay in one spot. They swayed to the song, quietly conversing.

"Spence?" Y/N questioned, her breath tickling his neck.

"Yes, my love?" Spencer replied.

"I'm pregnant."

[yikesharringrove]

Show Pony

Chapter 4: Summertime

Read on ao3

-

“See and this is my girl Patsy. She’s the smallest of the three, but she’s strong as all get out.” 

Steve gestured to the horse, brushing his hand down her long nose. She was a beautiful dark brown, her coat sleek and obviously well-kept. Steve said he washed and brushed his horses each night, keeping them free of flies and dirt. 

Steve’s three horses were together in the little paddock, grazing on the sparse grass. There was a large oil drum filled with water in the paddock for them, and a trough filled with hay and horse feed. 

Steve had brought a bag with them out to the paddock, and he whistled through his teeth, all three horses gathering around him at the fence. June used her nose to bump Steve on the side of the head. 

He smiled at her, one a’ those real sunshiney ones he had, and kissed her between the eyes.

He dug through the bag, pulling out a few apples, a pocket knife, and a Tupperware container filled with various pills. 

Billy simply watched as he cut one of the apples in half, digging out small pockets in the meat of the apple and meticulously inserting the pills. He repeated the exact same procedure with the other half of the apple and offered the first half to June. 

She crunched it happily, the second half of the apple going to Loretta, a beautiful dappled horse with a dark-colored nose. 

Each horse got three apple halves with the correct combination of pills. 

“They each get supplements twice a day. We get the hay locally every place we stop, and depending on where the hay is grown, it can lack nutrition they need. Plus, traveling horses can get digestive problems from working hard and not having a lot of grazing opportunities. I wanna keep my girls healthy, you know?”

Loretta had wandered away after Steve set the bag on the ground, huffing as she realized apple time was over. June stayed with Steve, softly knocking her nose into his head and shoulder, making Steve laugh brightly and pet her neck. 

Patsy stayed in front of Billy, and he felt like she could see into his fucking soul. Her brown eyes were huge as she appraised him, almost as if she was trying to suss out if he was good enough for her Steve. 

“You can pet her, if you like. All my girls have been raised with us since they were foals, so they’re real touchy. Loretta pretends she’s too cool for it.” Loretta, as if hearing Steve say her name, gave another huff from the other side of the paddock. “Yeah! I’m talkin’ ‘bout you, Letty. We all know you’re a softy!” Steve grinned at Billy after calling out towards her, like they were sharing a joke. 

Billy couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from pulling up. 

He smiled a lot around Steve. 

He looked back towards Patsy and mimicked the way Steve pet June, keeping his hands gentle and soft as he brushed down the length of her nose. 

Her hair was so soft, and she felt like warm velvet underneath his hand. 

“I’ve never been this close to a horse before,” Billy said softly, not taking his eyes off Patsy and the way his hands brushed down her strong neck. 

“I love horses. Always have.” Steve had wrapped his arms around June’s thick neck, his cheek smushed to her as he looked at Billy. It was cute. Everything Steve did was cute. “Not to sound like a horse girl in a Lifetime movie, but they’re just so great. Sometimes it seems like they know everything.”

“Yeah, they’re real human.” Billy thinks it was all in the eyes. The huge, deep brown eyes. 

Billy had really come to appreciate brown eyes in the last two weeks. 

“June was born when I was nearly six. I’ve been riding her since I was seven or so. There weren’t a lot of kids around so she was kinda my best friend. Which. Sounds totally lame.” Steve’s cheeks went pink, and he hugged June tighter. 

“How long have you had the others?”

“I’ve had Patsy for seven years. Loretta’s the newest. I just started training her for the event last summer, although I’ve had her for a while. Horses are considered fully grown when they’re five, so we don’t make them do events before then. It can be bad for their backs if you start riding them too young.” Steve absentmindedly stroked down June’s neck. “I try to keep my girls healthy and safe. If you really take care of them, they can live to be about forty, although they shouldn’t do rodeo events past fifteen-ish.”

Billy did quick math in his head. 

“So, what do you think you’ll do with June when she retires?” 

Steve looked out past June over to Loretta when she was trotting about the paddock. 

“I always kinda had this dream. Like when I get tired of all this, of opening a ranch for old rodeo horses. Ones that are too old or sick to do events. I would take care of them and give them good food and exercise and stuff so they could have a happy retirement. Some rodeo horses are sold to people for, like, personal riding use, but they’re event trained, and usually aren’t great for, like, leisure riding, and people get mad. So, yeah. Retirement village for horses.” He buried his face into June’s neck, and Billy could see the tips of his ears were flaming in embarrassment. 

“I think that’s sweet.” He really did. “Hell, you said a well taken care of horse can live for twenty years past retirement, might as well treat ‘em right.” 

Steve pulled his face out of June’s neck and beamed at Billy. 

Billy’s hand trembled slightly and stuttered over Patsy’s neck. 

“I take each girl out for some exercise every day, you wanna help me? We can just walk ‘em.” He looked so hopeful, like all he really wanted was for Billy to hang out with his horses for the rest of the day. 

And lucky for him, Billy had already called out of work for the evening, and didn’t tell his dad about it. 

“Let’s do it.”

 Billy stood back as Steve got June ready, smoothly slipping a halter over her face, attaching a soft rope lead to the ring on the left side of her nose. 

He opened the paddock, raising one hand towards Patsy to keep her where she stood while he gently led June out, wrapping the rope lead once around his hand and holding it tightly. 

Billy walked next to Steve, June on Steve’s other side as they began making their way to the edge of the fairgrounds, passing the large spread of campers and R.V.s. 

The fairground was out in the boonies, outside of the San Diego city limits, and there was a significant amount of sprawling flatlands and hills, covered in emerald grass. 

June trotted happily along, tossing her head and bumping into Steve’s shoulder, making him giggle and throw Billy gleeful looks at her behavior. 

“Tell me something,” Steve said as they began moving downhill, guiding June on a long walk around the area.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Something about you. Something I don’t know.” 

Billy cast around in his brain. 

There’s a lot Steve didn’t know about him. 

And for good reason, too. 

He didn’t want Steve to know about that shit. 

About the way his father hates him for no other reason than who he is. 

The way his mother only calls him twice a year and posts on Facebook every other day about her new husband and their twin toddlers and their perfect life in Oregon. 

���When I was, like, eight or nine, I watched Almost Famous, and I just fucking loved everything about it. It made me wanna be in a band so bad. I mean, they’re like a family, all going on tour. It’s so idyllic to me. That’s, like, my retirement horse dream. Make it in a band. We don’t gotta be that famous, or anything, just, like, make it .”

Steve gave him one of those soft smiles of his, and slipped his hand so naturally into Billy’s.

“I’ve never seen that movie.”

Billy gasped dramatically, swinging their hands between them.

“Oh, Stevie, we gotta see it. I don’t even care, I’m gonna make you fuckin’ love it. You’re just like Penny Lane, actually. Kind of a wanderer. Free spirit.”

Steve’s eyes were bright, and they looked gold in the late afternoon sun. 

“Is that your favorite movie? Almost Famous ?”

“Yeah. Probably.” It definitely was, but he could let himself geek out over it later. He’s resolved to make Steve watch it with him, and he could be a little lame nerd kid over it then. “What’s your favorite movie? And if you say Black Beauty, I’m running away from you.”

Steve looked at him sheepishly.

“It’s not Black Beauty, but, I mean, it’s Spirit.”

“That animated one?” Billy thinks he’s seen it once or twice when he was a kid. He remembers his dad calling it propaganda. 

“Yeah. I mean, I just thought it was really beautifully done. It’s kinda hypocritical, since it’s about, like, freedom and stuff, and a rodeo is totally the opposite of that, but. I don’t know. I just like it.”

“We’ll watch that one, too, then. Favorite movie double feature.”

“I would like that,” Steve said softly, taking his gaze from Billy back over to June. Steve never made much eye contact, and constantly dragged his sight somewhere else when he was embarrassed. 

“Maybe I could come to your place. Hang out with you.”

Billy’s whole body went cold. 

It was like the temperature had dropped forty degrees, freezing and shattering the perfect warm bubble around them. Like the soft winds stopped making the grass and sparse trees whisper in its wake. Like Billy was trapped in a freezing block of his own panic. 

“No.” 

Steve stopped in his tracks, and Billy clutched his hand to stop him from slipping it out of his grip. 

“Sorry, I, that was really rude.” He stared at June’s front left hoof. “My dad. He doesn’t like. He hates that I. He’s a homophobe. If I-if he even thought that you, that we were, he would-”

“Hey, Bill, it’s okay. I’m, I understand.” Steve pulled their hands up to press them against his chest, brushing his thumb over Billy’s hand. “You don’t have to explain, if you don’t want. I’m sorry for suggesting it.”

“You didn’t know,” Billy said gruffly.

“And I’m not upset. Promise.”

Billy chanced a look up at Steve’s face. 

He was giving him a tiny smile, his chin tilted slightly down to give Billy the most sincere look he could possibly manage with those big earnest horse eyes of his. 

Billy leaned forward, pressing the softest of little kisses to that tiny smile. It was the only way he could think to let Steve know he was alright. No hard feelings. 

They kept walking June mostly in silence, bringing her on a big loop of the lush field. 

“My dad doesn’t really like that I’m bi,” Steve spoke unprompted, but it was clear he meant it as a response to their last conversation. “He told me when I came out to him that I’m just young and trying to be rebellious and acting out sexually and I’ll settle down with a nice girl once I’ve gotten it out of my system. I got so mad. I was fourteen. I once heard him and my mom talking about therapy. Like, you know. Therapy .”

Conversion therapy. 

Fuck. 

“Did they ever go through with it?”

“Nah. My mom told him that was fucked up and that whatever’s going on with me will work itself out. Now we just don’t talk about it.”

“She kinda had your back, that’s pretty cool.”

Billy told his mom he liked guys about two months before she left. She just told him not to tell his dad. 

“Yeah. Ignoring it is better than the alternative, I guess.”

Billy chewed on the inside of his cheek. 

They were still holding hands, despite their palms getting sweaty from being pressed together in this heat.

It was kinda gross. 

Billy never wanted to let go.

“I never even told my dad. He’s so clear about his feelings about. Stuff like that. He’s ex-military, and all that comes with it. Super conservative. Religious conservative, even. So he’s pretty much against everything.”

“So, that’s why you wanna move out so soon? Not to pry, or whatever.”

“Yeah. It sucks having to hide fundamental pieces of who you are from your family. The people that are supposed to love you, but instead tell you to change your shirt before you leave the house because you look like a queer.”

He left out the parts about the backhand slap and the much more aggressive wording that actually spelled out that interaction a few days ago. 

Billy had left his house feeling all kindsa cut up and pissed off and fucked Steve as hard as he could on the small table in the airstream, making the whole trailer shake and creak, just barely covering the sounds of Steve’s moans and cries. 

It was a good way to work out all that rage. 

There was something nice about stickin’ it to his dad by stickin’ it in Steve. 

They began the climb up the slight hill back to the paddock. 

“I’m sorry, Bill. I know I don’t get it, but I’m just. I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

He wasn’t sorry for his father’s behavior. 

He was sorry for how his father has shaped him. 

How sometimes he was selfish and angry and closed-off. 

How he could get mean and snarl and attack before asking questions. 

But most of all, he was sorry that he was scared. 

Too scared to follow Steve to the ends of the Earth, like he was absolutely fuckin’ dying to. To live in these perfect few weeks together forever. 

Too scared to let go of their time together. So terrified that when their moments are finished, he’ll miss this happiness and peace so much he’ll wither into nothing. 

So terrified that this is the last time he’ll ever feel like this. Feel like there’s something good and worthwhile and beautiful inside of him. 

So terrified that the rage will eat away at that beautiful thing until there’s nothing left. 

Steve pulled his hands out of Billy’s when they reached the paddock, and he gave Billy a gentle smile, his eyes catching the sun in a way that made every warm summer afternoon wiggle its way into Billy’s heart. The cascade of fearful thoughts stopped in Billy’s brain, and he let himself watch as Steve pet June softly, removing her halter when she was safely in the paddock once again.

Steve placed a different one on Loretta, bringing her out of the paddock next. 

Loretta kept them walking a little faster, kicking her hooves up and making Billy laugh in the way she seemed to prance through the grass. 

She took off in a gallop, Steve jogging along next to her, the lead wrapped once around his hand again, and Billy could hear his laughter on the summer air. 

Loretta was full of energy, whinnying and braying all the time as she and Steve looped around the soft grasses. 

Billy cut up the hill, moving closer towards the fairgrounds and taking a seat on the ground. He crossed his legs in front of him, leaning to rest his elbows on his thighs, propping his chin up with his hand.

The grass was impossibly soft underneath him, and Steve was smiling so wide, pretending to swing dance with Loretta, using the lead as if it was the arm of his partner, spinning himself underneath it. 

There was a fat bumblebee buzzing around near Billy’s knee, landing on the tiny wildflowers sprinkled in the grass, wiggling itself in the pollen. 

It was fucking. 

Idyllic. 

Like something from one a’ those horse girl movies Steve no doubt loved more than anything. 

The sun was moving slowly through the sky.

He could just barely hear the announcer’s voice, echoing from the speakers in the event arena. 

And he wished, for some time, that this was his life. Traveling with Steve. Spending warm summer days sitting in the grass while Steve exercised his beloved horses. Nothing weighing on him but what they should do for dinner that night. Whether or not Max and her little rodeo friend Elle needed some extra cash for food. 

He let himself flop back in the grass, spreading his arms and legs out and watching the clouds roll by, sparse as they were. 

He hates to say it. He really does. But this is the happiest he thinks he’s ever been. 

Which is just. Sad. And dangerous. And not what he needs in this time-stamped little fling with someone he barely knows, despite how much he feels like their souls may be connected, or other shit the old poetry books stashed under his bed might wax and wane about. 

He tried to memorize everything about this moment. How Steve squinted in the bright light, the corners of his eyes crinkling just like they did when he smiled. The way the sun warmed his skin, almost as much as Steve’s touch warmed him up. 

Everything about these two weeks has been so perfect, it’s genuinely heartbreaking. 

All Billy wants is to cling onto Steve, and cling onto the month for-fucking-ever. 

He barely noticed the sound of hooves approaching him, and he grinned at Steve when he dropped to his knees next to Billy’s chest, his face tinged red, his brow slightly sweaty. 

Loretta leaned her head down to sniff at Billy’s forehead, and Billy made Steve laugh when he went cross-eyed to watch her dark nose twitch.

His laugh made something inside Billy keel over and die. 

Time is ticking down on how long he’ll get to hear that perfect sound. That lovely music of Steve’s happiness. 

“You ready for Patsy?” 

Loretta bumped Billy once on the head and moved to graze some of the grass next to Steve’s hip. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

He meant I’ll miss this too much when it’s gone.

[corona-extra-newsletter]

3/15/20 corona extra: cracking open cold covid facts

Announcements & Thank Yous

“About This Newsletter” has been moved to the bottom so it’s easier to skip if you’ve seen the other ones.

Some institutions do not update on Sundays. I have included the date of everything that is in question. That is also why this update is early :)

Thank you to @hysterical-random-things for letting me know about the first death in NYC and where to find that news, to @nanook2000 for information and links about KY’s response, and to @akashicsage for all of the good deets on San Diego county. If you have reliable information from a good source that I don’t seem to have, please shoot me a message/ask/pigeon!

Places now included in the newsletter are: Utah, Oregon, Washington, the Netherlands, Minnesota, Kentucky, Georgia, Nebraska, the UK, and possibly some others I missed here but included in the newsletter. Please send an ask or a message if you would like a place included!

A word on mortality rates: they look very high in some places in the US right now because testing is limited to the sickest patients. People who have mild illness and are well enough to go or stay home may not have been tested until very recently when several states started mass testing/drive through testing. Testing is still limited in a lot of states, so this will be a rolling increase situation, I anticipate.

A word on case numbers: due to the aforementioned expansion of testing capacity in the US (thank fuck), case numbers are gonna grow in a really, really scary-looking way this week. This is not actually as scary as it seems, because it means we are catching more of the cases that would have gone unnoticed and have better information to help more people.

Just The Numbers

Case numbers

Total cases: 153,517 (10,982 new)

Total deaths: 5,735 (343 new)

China: 81,048 cases (27 new!!), 3204 deaths (10 new)

This gives us a mortality rate of ~3.95%

Excluding China: 72,469 cases (10,955 new), 2531 deaths (333 new)

143 countries/territories reporting cases, 9 are new today including:

Kazakhstan: 6 cases

Curacao: 2 cases

Namibia: 2 cases

Central African Republic: 1 case

Congo: 1 case

Equatorial Guinea: 1 case

Eswatini: 1 case

Mauritania: 1 case

Mayotte: 1 case

Italy is reporting over 20,000 cases with over 1400 deaths

Iran is reporting over 10,000 cases with over 700 deaths

South Korea, Spain, and Germany are reporting over 5,000 cases

SK reports 75 deaths

Spain reports 289 deaths

Germany reports 11 deaths

International/General News

Many places experiencing a worsening epidemic are following the lead of countries including South Korea and instituting drive-through testing and high-throughput testing. Some tests (like the ones being used in Vietnam) can have a result in as soon as an hour, enabling people to be quickly cleared or quarantined. (This is super cool science! Yay, science!)

Johns Hopkins University is putting on a webinar on Tuesday, 3/17. If you are interested, you can sign up/check it out here: https://www.jhsph.edu/events/2020/covid-19/

South Korea’s epidemic is currently being driven by a fringe religious group, which represents approximately 60% of all cases.

Italy’s health system is overwhelmed, which is likely why their case-fatality rate is so high. Doctors, nurses, respiratory techs, first responders, lab personnel, and everyone else involved in hospitals/health care are working their butts off and doing some frankly heroic shit to help people.

Singapore has instituted strict travel restrictions on visitors/transiting people from European countries, including Italy, France, Spain, and Germany; this is in addition to restrictions on visitors from Iran, China, and South Korea.

Some doctors from Washington state, USA (the ones seeing the most cases) are noticing that myocarditis (viral infection & inflammation of the heart) seems to be what kills patients, not the ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome) that requires ventilation. This is obviously in early stages and more research is ongoing.

The World Health Organization is setting up three hospitals with advanced respiratory care capabilities in Erbil, Baghdad, and Basra, Iraq.

Virology Corner

Today’s topic: where did SARS-CoV-2 come from?

SARS-CoV-2 is what’s known as a zoonotic virus. This means that it spread from animals to humans, and then gained the ability (through mutations) to pass from human to human.

We think that SARS-CoV-2 came from bats (Rhinopholus) or pangolins- which doesn’t mean we need to blame bats or pangolins for this, they’re innocent bystanders in the game of cat-and-mouse viruses and animals are constantly playing over evolutionary timescales. Also they’re pretty ding dang cute.

(Not to get much more depressing, but here goes, as humans encroach on more and more land and as climate change progresses, more zoonoses will affect humans. Sorry to be a mega-bummer.)

Question Tuesday

Today’s question comes from @adventurecalls! They ask (paraphrased because the ask got eaten): “If I do get sick, how do I know when it’s ok to go back to doing stuff?”

This is a really good question, and one that’s rapidly being worked out by public health people as we speak (whoa)!

In general, the thought is that once you’re totally recovered you’re not able to spread the virus, but there’s not concrete data on this. The best we have is this recent study in the Lancet (https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)30566-3/fulltext) which indicates that people who recover shed virus for 20 days from symptom onset, whereas those who die shed virus continuously until their death, a maximum course of 37 days.

I obviously can’t give individual medical advice, which this is not, but the guidance from the WHO is excellent in general, and I will keep readers posted when there’s more information.

If you have questions, ask them and they’ll appear here in the next issue of corona extra!

Regional News (if you want somewhere added just let me know. Don’t be shy!! I highly recommend you just skip to your area if you don’t wanna be overwhelmed.)

Canada: last updated 9:00 AM EST 3/15/20

Total cases: 249 confirmed (+5), 4 presumed (-1), 1 death (3/9/20, no change)

All current cases had symptoms starting between 1/17/20 and 3/9/20

One of these cases is the PM’s wife (mild case); the couple are in quarantine for 14 days now. This is not expected to affect Canada’s management, but is definitely a reminder that being a political leader does not grant one immunity to COVID-19.

12% of cases have required hospitalization

79% of cases are in travellers, and a further 8% in their close contacts

Affected provinces include (both confirmed and presumptive cases): BC (73, +0), Alberta (39, -2), Saskatchewan (2, +0), Manitoba (4, +0), Ontario (103, +2), Quebec (24, +3), Newfoundland and Labrador (1) New Brunswick (2, +0), and PEI (1).

Newly affected provinces include: Newfoundland and Labrador

4 cases in repatriated travellers

The Netherlands

I do not speak Dutch so please correct me if I’ve fucked something up royally

1135 confirmed cases, 20 deaths

176 new cases, 8 new deaths

Provinces (?) affected include: Drenthe (15), Flevoland (19), Friesland (10), Gelderland (100), Groningen (9), Limburg (129), North Brabant (446), North Holland (90), Overijssel (28), Utrecht (109), South Holland (110), and Zeeland (12).

I think this is all of them based on a quick Wikipedia investigation?

Interestingly they tested a bunch of people who work in a hospital and found a pretty high (4%) rate of asymptomatic infection. This seems like bad news (are these people spreading, etc) but it’s actually pretty good news because it means the mortality rate is lower than we think. I’ll update here as I find out more, which is hampered by my inability to speak Dutch.

New Zealand

8 confirmed cases, 2 probable cases

2 new cases, one of which was diagnosed in Australia

Both patients were on international flights and there is extensive contact tracing underway

2 patients have required hospitalization but both have been discharged

6700 people have completed self-isolation, 3015 people continue to be isolated

These people all deserve a medal, thank you for protecting your communities!

Golden Princess cruise berthed in Akaroa has one confirmed and two potential cases. The ship is quarantined now.

Norway 

1077 cases, 166 of which are new

I still don’t speak Norwegian so if I screwed up lemme know

Only 1 confirmed death, possibly one more to be confirmed 3/16 but only official numbers go here

Also possible that it’s been confirmed and I don’t know because I don’t speak Norwegian

287 cases are due to community transmission, 710 acquired outside of Norway, the rest are undetermined

Locations where people became infected include Austria (491), Italy (144), Switzerland (14), UK (12), Spain (9), France (8), USA (7), Iran (5), China (1), Hong Kong (1), other countries with more than 3 cases (80), and other countries with less than 3 cases (20).

Breakdown of cases by area: Agder (55, +3), Innlandet (72, +16), Møre og Romsdal (20, +4), Nordland (8, +0), Oslo (281, +59), Rogaland (127, +9), Troms og Finnmark (20, +4), Trøndelag (50, +4), Vestfold og Telemark (48, +9), Vestland (118, +9), and Viken (278, +47)

Good job Nordland! No new cases today! :D

United Kingdom in general: this is pretty rough because apparently the public health strategy coming from Boris is “herd immunity” aka let everyone get sick and then they’ll all be immune, since the only other way to get herd immunity is a vaccine that…..we don’t have yet. Boris does not understand how to medicine. 

Fuck you, Boris.

1372 total cases (+20%), 232 are new today

35 total deaths, 14 new today

England

1099 total cases

Affected NHS regions are as follows: London (407), South East (175), Midlands (94), North East and Yorkshire (91), North West (76), East of England (71), and South West (61).

Deaths are not being reported by the PHS but I will do my best to split these out in the next few editions using news reports etc

Scotland

153 cases total and 1 death

Affected health boards are as follows: Ayrshire and Arran (6), Borders (7), Fife (7), Forth Valley (10), Grampian (12), Greater Glasgow and Clyde (39), Highland (2), Lanarkshire (16), Lothian (28), Shetland (11), and Tayside (15).

I don’t know if this is all of the health  boards in Scotland but it sure is the ones that have confirmed covid19.

Wales

94 cases, 34 new

Welsh authorities are now recommending that anyone who develops a persistent cough and/or fever self-isolate, and only call 111 if they are unable to cope with their symptoms at home

Affected areas include: Blaenau Gwent County (3, +2), Bridgend County (1, +0), Caerphilly County (11, +4), Carmarthenshire County (7, +3), City & County of Swansea (18, +4), City of Cardiff (8, +3), Conwy County (1, +0), Flintshire County (1, +0), Isle of Anglesey (1, +0), Monmouthshire County (5, +1), Neath Port Talbot (11, +0), Newport City (5, +3), Pembrokeshire (2, +0), Powys County (5, +0), and Wrexham County (1, +0).

Newly affected areas include: Ceredigion County (1), Rhondda Cynon Taf County (2), Torfaen County (2), and Vale of Glamorgan (1).

Northern Ireland

45 cases, 11 new

This is all the data I have, sorry

This may actually be a thing that makes northern/southern Ireland cooperate, which is a small spark of hope in the raging dumpster fire that is this pandemic (I hyperbolize, but only slightly)

US in general: All this info is from the state & county health departments unless I say otherwise. The national response is a trash fire (but maybe hopefully improving this week??) CDC information is updated weekdays; total US cases are from 3/13 at 4 PM

1629 total cases, 41 deaths (2.5% mortality rate), with 46 states and DC reporting cases.

CDC is now recommending all in person gatherings with more than 50 people be canceled for the next 8 weeks. This sucks for me personally and probably a lot of you all too. Hang in there.

California: updated around 10 AM PST, 3/15/20

The state dept of health is not providing a ton of info right now, so all of this is coming from county health departments, which are doing really excellent work btw. Love local public health departments <3

My official take is that the higher level government orgs in the US are muzzled from above and therefore totally shitting the bed and the county-level public health officials are really stepping up to the plate

Total cases not including the ones at Miramar (discussed below): 363, with 4 total deaths

Affected counties include: Alameda (7), Calaveras (2), Contra Costa (29), Fresno (2), Humboldt (1 - recovered), Imperial (2), Los Angeles (53, +11), Madera (1), Marin (5), Orange (14), Placer (8), Riverside (10), Sacramento (29) San Benito (3 - 2 recovered), San Diego (8), San Francisco (28), San Joaquin (8), San Luis Obispo (1), San Mateo (32), Santa Clara (91), Santa Cruz (7), Shasta (1), Solano (6), Sonoma (4), Stanislaus (2), Tulare (2), Ventura (5), Yolo (2)

San Diego: My numbers are not gonna include the federal quarantine situations at Miramar (for repatriated people and the Diamond Princess passengers) because that’s what makes sense right now regarding community transmission. If this changes I will say so.

Unaffected counties include: Alpine, Amador, Butte, Colusa, Del Norte, El Dorado, Glenn, Inyo, Kern, Kings, Lake, Lassen, Mariposa, Mendocino, Merced, Modoc, Mono, Monterey, Napa, Nevada, Plumas, San Bernardino, Santa Barbara, Sierra, Siskiyou, Sutter, Tehama, Trinity, Tuolumne, Yuba

Counties with confirmed community transmission include: Los Angeles, Marin, Orange, Riverside, San Joaquin, Santa Clara, Sonoma

Newly affected counties include San Luis Obispo (3/14)

Colorado - last updated 3/14 at 3 PM

Colorado Springs Bridge Center is under an advisory for possible exposure

Drive-up testing is available now, in Denver and Lowry and possibly other places

1 death, 3/13/20, in El Paso County, a female in her 80s

Community spread has been confirmed

101 confirmed cases, 1 death

Affected counties include: Adams (6), Arapahoe (10), Denver (20), Douglas (4), Eagle (18), El Paso (3), Gunnison (6), Jefferson (9), Larimer (1), Mesa (1), Pitkin (2), Pueblo (1), Summit (2), Weld (3)

Out of state visitors who have tested positive are tallied separately. They are located in the following counties: Pitkin (9), Eagle (2), Routt (1), Denver (1), unknown (2 - wtf??)

Florida - last updated 145 AM EST 3/15/20

115 (+45) cases and 4 deaths (+0)

Florida has not yet confirmed community transmission but it’s almost certainly happening. I’m no longer separating counties with and without confirmed community transmission because of that.

Also, the numbers by county do not add up to the same total because locations are updated less frequently by FLDPH than the total number of cases.

Affected counties  include: Alachua (1, +0), Broward (36, +16), Charlotte (1, +0), Clay (3, +2), Collier (5, +2), Duval (4, +3), Hillsborough (4, +2), Lee (5, +1), Manatee (4, +0), Miami-Dade (13, +5), Nassau (1, +0) Okaloosa (1, +0), Orange (2, +1), Osceola (1), Palm Beach (5, +0), Pasco (2, +1) Pinellas (2, +0), Santa Rosa (1, +0), Sarasota (1, +0) Seminole (1, +0), Volusia (5, +1)

Newly affected counties include: Citrus (1), St. John’s (1)

Port Everglades is under an advisory due to several cases connected to a cruise company based there.

Georgia: last updated 3/15 at 11:43 AM

Y’ALL THEY MADE A HASHTAG. I am NOT making this up. It’s #covid19ga if you want to use that, I guess???

99 cases, 1 death

Affected counties include: Bartow (9), Charlton (1), Cherokee (6), Clayton (2), Clarke (2), Cobb (19), Coweta (2), Dekalb (10), Dougherty (6), Fayette (5), Floyd (4), Fulton (20), Gordon (2), Gwinnett (4), Henry (1), Lowndes (2), Lee (2), Newton (1), and Polk (1).

Illinois: last updated 3/14/20

64 confirmed cases, 16 new, with confirmed community spread

New cases: Chicago (7), Cook not Chicago (4), Kane (1), Lake (1)

195 pending persons under investigation

Affected counties include Cook, Kane, McHenry

Newly affected counties include: Woodford (1), Cumberland (1), St. Clair (2), DuPage (1, first long-term care facility case)

Iowa: last updated 3/14/20

Total cases: 18, 1 new 3/14

Affected counties include: Carroll (1), Dallas (1), Harrison (1), Johnson (14), and Pottawattamie (1)

Community spread confirmed on 3/14/2020

Kansas: last updated 3/14/20

8 confirmed cases

Affected counties include: Johnson (5), Wyandotte (1), Butler (1), Franklin (1)

Kentucky: last updated 3/14 at 6 pm local time

18 confirmed cases

2 new cases, both in Fayette County

One patient in Nelson County tested positive but left the hospital and refused to quarantine himself. Don’t be like this guy. Please. I’m expecting a lot more cases to pop up in Nelson county over the next couple weeks all connected to this one patient.

Apparently there’s now a bunch of cops sitting outside his house to make sure he stays there. Ffs.

Affected counties include: Harrison (6), Fayette (7), Jefferson (3 or 4, possible repeat test), Bourbon (1), Nelson (1), and Montgomery (1)

Governor is recommending hospitals stop elective procedures and childcare centers plan for closure by 3/17/20. Also put in place a bunch of important protections for people who don’t have insurance and stuff. Good job, KY!

First patient has fully recovered! Yay!

Louisiana: last updated 9:30 am 3/15/20

91 cases reported, 14 new

2 deaths, 1 new

Parishes affected:  Jefferson (12, +1), Lafourche (1, +0), Orleans (65, +12), St. Charles (2, +0), St. John the Baptist (1, +0), St. Tammany (4, +2), and Terrebonne (2, +1)

New parishes affected: Bossier (1), Caddo (1), St. Bernard (1)

Massachusetts: last updated 4 pm 3/14/20

138 cases (19 lab confirmed, 119 presumptive positives)

1 new lab confirmed case, 14 new presumptive positives

1083 people in quarantine

Affected counties include: Berkshire (9, 0% change), Essex (5, +150%), Middlesex (65, +8%), Norfolk (28, +16%), Suffolk (27, +3%), and Worcester (2, 0% change)

Newly affected counties include: Barnstable (1) and Bristol (1)

5 cases travel related, 104 (+10%) in one community transmission cluster, others unknown

11 hospitalized, 105 not hospitalized, the rest pending (22)

1 new hospitalization

Michigan: last updated 3/14/20 in the evening

33 cases, 8 new, 0 deaths

Affected counties include: Bay (1), Charlevoix (1), Ingham (1), Kent (3), Macomb (2), Monroe (1), Montcalm (1), Oakland (9), St. Clair (1), Wayne (8), and Washtenaw (4)

Likely community transmission

Minnesota: last updated 3/15

35 cases, community transmission confirmed

Affected counties include: Anoka, Carver, Dakota, Hennepin, Olmstead, Ramsey, Renville, Stearns, Waseca, Washington, and Wright

County numbers are not currently being provided by MN dept of health, just ranges. Hennepin and Ramsey counties have 6-20 cases each.

Hopefully they’ll pull an Ohio and help a girl out soon

Drive through testing available in Olivia

Nebraska: last updated 3/15

Community transmission confirmed: many locations in Douglas County are potential places where transmission has occurred; if you live or have traveled to Douglas County (Omaha), please check the Douglas County COVID-19 monitoring site.

There were also two exposures in Knox County on March 5, at basketball games at Lincoln Southwest HS and North Star HS.

17 cases, no deaths

Affected counties include: Cass (1), Douglas (15) and Knox (1)

New Jersey : last updated 3/14 at 2 pm

69 cases (+38%), 1 death (none new)

Affected counties include: Bergen (25, +47%), Burlington (3, no change), Camden (2, +1), Essex (7, +1), Hudson (5, +2), Middlesex (10, +6), Monmouth (8, +1), Morris (3, no change), Ocean (1, no change), Passaic (2, -1 apparently?), Somerset (1, no change), and Union (1, no change)

Newly affected counties include: Mercer (1)

I dread updating NJ just because the website sucks so bad

Thank you to the commenter who noted that the help line apparently rules and they’ve been advertising it heavily, that’s awesome public health work by NJ!

So that’s a bright spot, eh?

New York: last updated 3/14 at 8 PM

613 cases, 192 new, 1 new death

Affected counties include: Westchester (178, +12%), Nassau (79, +54%), Suffolk (41, +13), Rockland (12, +3), Ulster (5, +0), Dutchess (4, +1), Orange (6, +3), Saratoga (3), Albany (5, +3), Broom (1, +0), Delaware (1, +0), Herkimer (1, +0), Monroe (2, +1), and Schenectady (1, +0).

NYC has 269 cases (+75%) as of 3/15 at noon

Newly affected counties include: Erie (3), Tioga (1), and Tompkins (1)

Drive through testing in New Rochelle and Long Island

All public places are closed in New Rochelle through March 25.

Ohio: last updated 3/15 at 2 pm

36 confirmed cases, 10 new

350 people under investigation

Affected counties include: Belmont (2), Butler (6), Cuyahoga (14), Franklin (3), Lorain (2), Lucas (1), Medina (1), Stark (2), Summit (2), Trumbull (2), Tuscarawas (1)

THEY STARTED GIVING COUNTY BY COUNTY INFO, PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Oregon: last updated 3/14 at 11:00 AM

36 cases, 13 hospitalized at time of positive test, 1 death (3/14)

The following counties are affected: Clackamas (1), Deschutes (3), Douglas (1), Jackson (2), Klamath (1), Linn (9), Marion (2), Multnomah (1), Polk (1), Umatilla (2), and Washington (13).

Pennsylvania: last updated 3/15 at noon

Gritty is now loose and is singlehandedly responsible for all cases in Philadelphia, if you see the orange monster, RUN

63 total cases, 16 new today

No deaths, Gritty is thankfully failing in his mission to murder

Counties affected include: Allegheny (3, +1) Bucks (4, +1), Chester (2, +0), Cumberland (5, +2), Delaware (7, +1), Monroe (6, +3), Montgomery (24, +4), Northampton (1, +0), Philadelphia (6, +2), Pike (1, +0), Washington (1, +0), Wayne (1, +0)

Newly affected counties include: Lehigh (1) and Luzerne (1)

446 people under investigation pending test results

Rhode Island: last updated 3/13/20

~500 people in quarantine for close contact situations

57 pending people under investigation

20 confirmed cases, no deaths

Next expected update 3/16 in the AM

South Dakota: last updated 3/15

9 confirmed cases, no new cases since 3/14

6 pending cases under investigation

Affected counties include: Beadle (1), Bon Homme (1), Charles Mix (1), Davison (1), McCook (1), Minnehaha (3), and Pennington (1)

No community transmission

Texas: last updated 3/15

56 total cases, 5 new.

Highly likely that there has been community transmission, unconfirmed currently

Affected counties include: Bell (1, +0), Bexar (3, +2), Brazoria (2, +0), Collin (6, +1), Dallas (8, +0), El Paso (1, +0), Fort Bend (9, +0), Galveston (1, +0), Gregg (1, +0), Harris (10, +0), Hays (1, +0), Lavaca (1, +0), Montgomery (3, +0), Smith (4, +1), Tarrant (3, +0), and Travis (1, +0)

Newly affected counties include: Matagorda (1)

The Texas DPH has corrected a tabulation error that affected Gregg and Travis counties.

Utah: last updated 3/15

21 total cases, 14 cases in Utah residents

Affected health districts include: Davis County (3), Salt Lake county (14), Southwest Utah (1), Summit County (2), and Weber-Morgan (1)

The Utah Jazz managed to get more testing than the rest of the country for awhile there, so that’s great for them

Whoever does your graphic design, *greatjob* (the little virus instead of the UDPH logo is CHOICE)

Also, the website is super useful and readable, 10/10 good job Utah

First case of community spread identified on 3/14/20, in Summit County

Schools and universities are closed starting 3/16/20, Mormonism is closed until further notice, and skiing is canceled in Park City and Cottonwood Canyon for a minimum of a week. If you are interested in skiing in Utah, check Ski Utah for a list of closures.

Virginia: last updated 3/15

45 cases total, 4 new

Affected counties/cities include: Arlington (8, +1), Chesterfield (1, +0), Fairfax (10, +0) James City (8, +1), Loudoun (5, +0), Virginia Beach City (4, +1), Prince William (3, +1), Spotsylvania (1, +0), Prince Edward (1, +0), Hanover (1, +0), Harrisonburg City (1, +0), and Alexandria City (1, +0)

No newly affected areas today.

Washington: last updated 3/14 at 2:45 PM

Godspeed, y’all are having a real rough time right now. Yipes. Washington is really hard hit right now, especially King County. Look to Washington State and how they’re coping for a preview of how things are gonna go as the cases develop elsewhere.

642 total cases, 40 deaths (6.2% mortality)

Affected counties include: Clark (3), Columbia (1), Grant (2), Grays Harbor (1), Island (6), Jefferson (1), King (387), Kitsap (3), Kittitas (3), Pierce (26), Skagit (4), Snohomish (154), Spokane (3), Thurston (3), Whatcom (2), and Yakima (4).

39 cases are currently unassigned to a county. These are expected to resolve in the coming days, hopefully.

Deaths have occurred in the following counties: Grant (1), King (35), Snohomish (4),

Wisconsin: last updated 3/15 at 2 PM

33 total cases (6 new), 1 recovered, 0 deaths

Affected counties include: Dane (6, +0), Fond du Lac (11, +5), Milwaukee (7, +1), Pierce (1, +0), Racine (1, +0), Sheboygan (3, +0), Waukesha (3, +0), and Winnebago (1, +0)

Today’s Hot Tips

Make sure you have ibuprofen and tylenol/acetaminophen/APAP/paracetamol at home before you get sick. This isn’t just covid advice, this is life advice in general. (Obvs, ask your doctor about what’s safe to take if you have chronic health conditions etc but this is a general recommendation, not medical advice. As I said, life advice.)

As far as I know, ibuprofen and tylenol are ok, but research may change this. Current research indicates that steroids, which are used in other severe respiratory conditions, may make COVID-19 associated acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS) worse. More on this later.

It still can’t hurt to have some tylenol around, though, ya know?

Hand Washing Song of the Day

If you hate singing happy birthday while you wash your hands, I certainly do, try Good as Hell by Lizzo instead!

Sing from “I do my hair toss” to “If he don’t love you anymore” at minimum (if you’re like me and can’t leave a lyric unfinished, go ahead and dry your hands while making your brain happy.) to follow CDC handwashing guidelines! Use soap and water for maximum virus-murdering.

Chill Cat  Otter Corner

https://gfycat.com/pastjovialalligatorgar-otter

Please watch these otters sproing and chase!

About this newsletter

I’m Emily, I’m a 4th year med student w/ a degree in molecular biology. I wrote this because I’m an infectious disease and epidemiology nerd and also all my friends have questions & anxiety. Hi internet!

All this info is sourced from regional & national public health organizations, plus the WHO. It’s as up to date as humanly possible. I’ve been beaming information about this outbreak directly into my brain 24/7 but I still miss stuff. Please let me know if I miss something!

Most public health departments stop updating their information around 4-5 PM local time on weekdays. That means that the earliest this will come out is around 6 PM Pacific time on weekdays going forward. On weekends things update more sporadically and earlier, so who knows what I’ll do then, but I’ll do my best.

Thank you to @marywhal for the excellent title!

For More Information

JHU COVID-19 data center: https://gisanddata.maps.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6

List of peer-reviewed publications: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/publications.html

WHO daily sitrep: https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/situation-reports/20200315-sitrep-55-covid-19.pdf?sfvrsn=33daa5cb_6

WHO FAQ: https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/q-a-coronaviruses

CDC cases in the US (take w/ a grain of salt due to Political Garbage, as detailed above): https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/cases-in-us.html, this also has links to each state’s health dept which may or may not be more up to date than the CDC

[chaos-writes]

The Lost Boys: Road Trip

Based on one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had. Word count: 2,255. Implied romance with the boys and Star. Tw: none.

“I’ve always wanted to travel and go sight-seeing without any real objective, like moving,” said Lucy, in a dream-like tone. I chimed in, “I’ve had a cross-country road trip planned out for quite a while, but I’ve never had anyone to do it with.” “Oh really?” Lucy asked, “Where to?” “Well, it’ll be a round trip with touring both going and coming back. I'm hoping to go through Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Kentucky, then we’ll go north, through Ohio, and Michigan, then come back home through Wisconsin, Minnesota, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Oregon, then through the top of California all the way back home.” “Oh my goodness! That sounds like a dream, but also a lot of gas money,” Lucy exclaimed. We laughed.

 

“It really would be, but I have the money saved up in a debit account, so hopefully it'll cover it. There’s also hotels, toll bridges, food, water, all that fun stuff,” I giggled. “But it would be worth it, I have tons of film for my instax camera, and a couple journals to write down my experiences.”

I gestured to her, “I have a couple extras for people that want to tag along,” Lucy smiled but quickly frowned, “Oh, I would love to go, I really would, but I have to work and look after the boys and their grandfather,” she mused. I chimed in, “It doesn't just have to be you, you know, I’ve got quite a few people in mind who could benefit from traveling.” “Well, I'll have to check with my boys and my boss. I’ll let you know if I can or can’t as soon as possible,” lucy said, with a look of disappointment in her eyes. I nodded in understanding and smiled, “Well, whenever you do let me know, I wouldn’t be upset if it was a no. I would be sure to share every detail with you, though.” “Oh, thank you for understanding, it means a lot to me!” “No problem. Well, I guess I'll be on my way then,” I said as I opened the front door.

We said our goodbyes and I headed out on my motorcycle to go and see the boys. It’s getting dark enough out where they should be slowly getting up by now. I wonder if Laddie and Star are there, too. They usually are, but sometimes they’re out and about, since they can handle sunlight a bit better than the rest. I park my bike and I can hear distant yawning and mumbling from where I'm standing at the cave entrance. They all start to float out and stretch one by one, Dwayne being first, Marko being second, David being third, and Paul being last. Of course Paul is last, he’s the heaviest sleeper. This road trip would be nothing to him, if they all agreed, that is. I just have to do some convincing.

Marko slipped his jacket and boots on, and the rest followed suit. They’re all quiet when they first wake, that’s why I don't ‘show up’ until I start hearing conversation and laughing. However, I’ve got to wait for the perfect time to come in, when they’ve been talking for a while and can actually think. “I wonder what Michael’s been doin’” I hear Paul say. “I don’t know Paul,” David sighed. “Maybe he’s been avoiding us…” He paused for a minute, then said, “Anyone hungry yet?” a wave of “not me’s” and “mm-mm’s” spread across the cave. I hear Dwayne grab a torch, light it, and begin lighting the cans all around the cave. The -now illuminated- boys begin bantering about who they should target next and what they plan to do for the day- well, night.

As a result, I put on my big-kid pants and stepped into the cave. They all turned to me, Marko exclaimed, “Hey! There you are!” “Hey guys,” I said, waving. Laddie ran up to me and hugged me from the side. I patted his back and ruffled his hair. Star smiled at me as she greeted me with a wave. I smiled back. Marko and Paul ran to me and squished me in their arms.

“I have something to share with you guys. An idea, really,” I said. All the boys looked at me in curiosity until David spoke up, “Well, what is this… idea of yours?” I beamed at all of them and said, “You all know how much I like going on adventures…” they looked even more puzzled now. “So, how about I take everyone on a really big adventure? A road trip!” They looked contemplative, as if they were considering going or not. “I could go alone…” Paul's and Marko's eyes widened, “But I much prefer having company with me, especially on trips like these.” Dwayne piped up, “So... where would we be going?” I smiled and pulled out a map, “How about I show you guys?”

The boys, Laddie, and Star crowd around behind me as I point around a U.S. map and explain where we’re going and what I'm planning on doing. I point all over the map and across the northern states. "We can add on a couple more destinations if you'd like… this is just more of the baseline plan." "Are we going to any big cities?" Marko asked. "Hell yea! And we're gonna go touring at night and see all the pretty lights and stuff. It'll be so fun!" "I'm down!" Paul says. "Me too!" Dwayne chimed in. "I wanna go!" Laddie exclaimed. Star smiled, and turned to David. The rest of us followed suit. This… is it.

I smiled at David and asked, "So, leader of the pack, are you in?" He paused. We cautiously awaited his answer. Laddie's eyes met David’s as he silently pleaded to go. David finally broke, smiled, and said, "alright. When are we leaving?" The cave uproared in a fit of whooping and hollering, mainly thanks to Marko and Paul, and Star picked Laddie up and twirled him around. "You won't regret this!" I said to David over the noise. "Well, I'm actually looking forward to it." He said. 

We left to go grab a bite to eat, the boys did their thing and I took Laddie and Star to a little Italian place on the boardwalk to eat. I told the boys to meet us there when they were done. “You sure about all this?” Star asked. “Absolutely! I like having an adventure crew. I'll admit though, it's gonna be a little different with a youngin' on board,” I laughed.

After a while, Lucy finally agreed to go with our party and told her boys to look after one another. We all packed our clothes and bought some more for the boys. They needed clothes that were fit for the amount of walking. I also couldn’t let anyone see my boys in blood-stained clothes in public, we’ll look like we got in some freak accident. I rode my motorcycle and directed the boys to my place, where we have a big Volkswagen bus parked out front, fit for a party of eight. Lucy is already there after a phone call telling us she would meet us at my place. We packed our bags into the trunk, all 4 boys could fit their bags into one suitcase with vacuum seal bags, Star and Laddie share a backpack, Lucy has her own suitcase and I have my own backpack. There's a box of toiletries for us all, except for Lucy, who decided on keeping everything of hers separate from the others, which is fair enough. 

It was 9pm, and we made sure everyone went to the bathroom and was all taken care of before we took off. The first drive is twelve-and-a-half hours, from Santa Carla to Salt Lake City, Utah. We toured the entire city on foot for a few hours, and decided on the next driver to take us to our next destination. Before we left Salt Lake, I put all the pictures I took into a scrapbook and wrote down the notes of what happened that day. “Hey, guys? If you want a journal to write anything down about the trip, I have a few extras here! And we can go over everyone’s journals and keep them in a safe space after the trip!” I said, as we all piled into the bus. David, sitting in the same row as me, turned to me and said, “I’d like to document what i’m experiencing. It’s a good idea, considering we’ve got a lot of…time left” he paused. I gave an understanding nod and handed him a journal. Star, from the third row, said, “i’ll take one!” 

We continued across the country and journaled, and took as many pictures as possible. I will never forget how genuinely happy all the boys were, they were so used to the boardwalk and now they get to go places. Laddie would bounce around happily when we toured around on foot. Star and Lucy spent their time quietly admiring land and cityscapes. The boys would get rowdy and restless at night, desperate to get in a fight or two. I've had to intervene more than I want to admit. But overall, they were well-behaved and did great throughout the trip.

The most precious memory to me, though, is when Dwayne, Paul, and Laddie grabbed me to go for a walk. At this point we were in Cincinnati, we checked in a hotel for a couple days, just on the water. A few of us wanted to go walk on the Purple People Bridge before we left. It was getting dark out, so we held close together. We walked across the bridge, Dwayne carried Laddie piggyback style and Paul and I were walking close by. We got down far enough on the bridge that we were close to the water. The sound of the river was calming, less rapid than the water outside the cave. I pointed out all the boats on the water to Laddie and we watched the water and the city in front of us.

What the boys didn't know was there was an event going on in the city. Some sort of charity event, I was never really sure about that part, but what I did know was the boys were really gonna like it.

"Hey, let's stay here for a bit. We're not in a hurry!" I said. "Umm… alright then," Dwayne said. Paul looked at me in confusion, but didn't say anything. Laddie was falling asleep on Dwayne's back, but Dwayne didn't seem to mind.

Soon, lights flicker on, one by one, lighting the whole city in blue. "Look Laddie!" I said while tapping his arm. He hopped off of Dwayne's back and stared at the illuminated city. All of Cincinnati was now an icy blue, and I will never forget the look of wonder in Laddie's eyes. Paul and Dwayne shared the same look as well. We were all starstruck as the night sky before us lit up in a beautiful blue. Paul's smile slowly grew and he giggled. I looked at him with a questioning look.

He turned to me, and said,"Thank you. This is… was, amazing. I don't think you know how much I appreciate you. This…" I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist. We held each other close as the city behind us twinkled and glowed. Footsteps came alongside us, the rest of the party decided to try and find us. "Looks like you and Paul are having fun," David said. I wasn't even mad at the joke this time. "We really are, why don't you join us?" I asked. David smiled and ran his fingers through my hair. He wrapped his arms around me from behind as I was hugging Paul, so I was sandwiched between them. Marko stood beside us all. David saw and invited him into the middle with me. I turned around and squeezed Marko as the others adjusted.

Laddie was excitedly pointing out every detail to Star, Dwayne and Lucy and bouncing in pure joy. "Laddie seems to be enjoying this the most. I'm so happy I get to show him these beautiful places." I said. "I will never forget the look on his face for as long as I live."

The rest of the trip went smoothly. We stopped in big cities, small towns, natural parks, and got to see part of Canada from the upper peninsula of Michigan. I wrote down two journals' worth of notes and had to buy another scrapbook to fit all the pictures I took. 

Surprisingly, the whole party responded well to the really long drives we did. When we made it home and said our goodbyes to Lucy as she drove to her own home, it was like this weight was lifted off of us as we stepped into the cave. No more stress of travel, a place to stretch your legs, a place to just be... in peace. Laddie hugged me as Dwayne went around and lit the cave up. "Thank you so much," he said. "You're welcome, little dude!" I said. "Yeah, thank you!" Marko and Paul chimed in. Star walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "Thank you for doing all of that for us," she said. "You really didn't have to." "I know, but I love you guys. The least I can do for you is take you on one of my adventures." 

[raisedinerebor]

I See Fire

Paring: N/a

Song: I see fire - Ed Sheeran

Warnings: I know a lot of us are going through the fires going through Oregon, California and Washington right know and it’s probably the last thing you want to read about right now. So im just letting you all know that this is what this story is about.

An: Speaking of which, this is one long vent of a story. I’m in one of those states currenlty on fire. And i’ve been nothing but an anxitey filled mess for the last week. This is just my way of trying to calm down. I’m considering myself lucky. The fires haven’t quite reached where im at. They’re insanly close though and every so often keep on getting pushed back. But it’s driving me insane. I seriously cannot see the mountain right across where I live. It’s compleatly shrouded in smoke. I’m safe. My family is safe. And i’m thankfull for that. 

I hope all of you stay as safe as you possibly can.

Tags: @fizzyxcustard​

Ash fell from the sky like snow. Blanketing the world around us in a sea of grey. Smoke filtered through trees and hung high in the air. Smothering us with each aching breathe. It’s all we could smell anymore. Smoke. It clung to us like a promise made to be broken. 

The only thing we could see as well. It obscured towering mountains and once green trees. It made the sky cry red. Like some sick joke. As if we already weren’t in a living hell. It filled our lungs with ash and laughed when we choked.

Our days were filled with fear and trepidation. The promise of fire just around the corner. Our livelyhoods hung in a delicate balance. Any moment we could be forced away from our homes with whatever we could carry. With nothing more than memories of past lives.

We could only hope and pray that we wouldn’t end up like everyone else.

That our last memories of home won’t be that of dancing flames swallowing our houses. Of our lives.

.

.

.

My body shook as I jolted awake. My hands trembling as I place them over my pounding heart. I breathe in deeply. Cool mountain air filling my lungs. I almost cried then.  It wasn’t that long ago that I was there. Home. In a world of never ending smoke.

None of the Company knew that. All they knew was I was just some kid that was tagging along. I don’t know what magic brought me but I know I will make it send me back. As long as my family is stil there I will not stop fighting. Each day has been filled with anxiety and worry. I’m scared for them. It’s not fair that i’m safe here. Well. Relativly safe. As much as I can be with the impending doom of Orcs and other beasts that make thier home in this world.

I sit up and draw my blanket tightly over my shoulders. Wiping away a few tears that slipped past as I breathe in deeply once more. The only thing I have been thankful for since coming here. Fresh air. Free from smoke and ash.

“Y/n?” I glance up as Bilbo sits in front of me. I take the cup he offeres to me. It’s some type of tea. Sweet on my tongue with a minty aftertaste.

“Ya?” I take another drink.

“Are you okay, my dear?” He tilts his head to the side. Blonde curls fall softly and catch in the early morning light. I smile. Or at least try to.

“I’m fine Bilbo. Just thinking.” He reaches out with a hankerchief. Softly, as if though he were scared to hurt me, he brushed away tears I hadn’t known had fallen. He shakes his head.

“Something tells me that it’s quite the opposite.” He sits to the side of me and pats my knee. “You can talk to me. The others are sleeping and whatever you say will stay between us. That much I can promise.” He takes a drink of his own tea. “Me an you are quite the outsiders here and I think we should stick together. Don’t you think?”

I clear my throat and take a drink.  “I don’t think you want to hear about my troubles and woes, Mr. Baggins. And the last thing I wish to do is burden others with my troubles.” He shakes his head.

“Quite the opposite. Know. Please, tell me. Maybe I can help.” I jump as a few of the dwarves around us stir. Thorin going as far as to turn and pull his blanket further over his head.  He had the last of the night watch and probably wasn’t too keen on being woken anytime soon.

“My homes burning.” Bilbo looks at me. Eyes blown so wide I caught hint’s of green in his hazel eyes. “Before I came here. To this place. The states around me are on fire. And the one I live in.” I hug myself.

“And i’m one of he lucky ones. We are only on what they call, level one evacuation. We not so close that we can see flames but. Fuck. It’s so close that ash is raining from the sky.” I swallow thickly. “All around us is nothing but smoke and ash. People wondering where they’ll go if and when their homes burn. We’ve already backed up things we will need if we have to leave but.” My eyes burn as I blink away tears. 

“I’m scared Mr. Baggins. I’m so fucking scared that i’ll lose everything I have ever known. I’ve grown up in the same house my entire life. All those memories. All my family. I’m scared for them. Even if it’s not all that close to us yet. It’s all I worry about. All I could smell or taste is smoke and ash. It’s etched itself into every article of clothing and I can’t seem to wash it from my hair.” I wipe away the tears falling. “It’s so terrifying to watch the whole world bath itself in red. And i’m so scared. It’s not fair that i’m here and my family is still there.”

I look up, afraid that he’ll leave me where I am now. Open an vunerable and very much a scared little kid. But, instead, he pulls me in close. 

“We’ll get you back my dear. No matter what it takes. Gandalf has a plan. I know he does. And when it’s all done an over with just know, no matter what, you’ll have a home with me. That’s the only consolation I can give you now my dear. I hope that it will be enough.” I sniffle and nod my head. It’s not. Not really. But i’m not going to tell im that. I won’t be fine until i’m home again. But it does help. Even if its just a bit.

He pulls away all to soon.

“I have to get breakfast going my dear. You just rest a little longer. Okay?” I nod my head as he turns to leave. Only to jump a mile high as I catch Thorin sitting upright and staring right at me. Blue eyes pericing into my very soul. How much of that did he hear?

Shit.

I get up and make a beline to the tree line. The blanket falling from my shoulders and landing in a heap behind me. I walk along the small deer trail Gloin found the other day. It leads to a rather small stream but its enough to help wash away any signs that I had been crying.

The cold water stings as I splash it against my face. Sitting back on my heels I use the edge of my shirt to dry my face off. I grab a few pebbles and toss them into the water. I could hear The Company coming to life. FIli and Kili’s joivel shouts the loudest of them all. I don’t want to go back to camp. Not quite yet at any rate.

I stand up and grab a few smooth-ish looking rocks. They only skip across the water a couple of times. I try a few more times before deciding to give up. I jump back as a rock skips all the way to the other side. Leaving small ripples on its path.

“You have to flick your wrist a little more, Lass.” It’s Thorin. Damn. I kick at the pebbled shore before turning to look back to the other side of the stream and to the mountains towering above us.

“What’s going on? Are we leaving early today?” It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve done that. Thorin desprate to cover more ground before the next downpour.

“No. Not today. I’ve decided we need a much needed rest.” He takes a few steps closer to me and places his hand on my shoulder. Fingers brushing away a few strands of hair resting there. “And me an you have much to discuss. Come.” I swallow thickly as he guide me towards an old fallen log. His hand never leaving my shoulder even as we sit. 

I fiddle with the rings on my fingers. Anxiety filling me as silence surrounds us. Thorin takes my hand into his and brushes his thumb along my knuckles. My hands were shaking. He clears his throat and looks up and off into the distance.

“I heard you speaking with Master Baggins.” He looks at me. Blue eyes distant and soft. If I had know any better I would have said he look upset. Sorrowful even. He brings my hand up and presses a chaste kiss to it.  “Lass, if I had known I would have moved us non-stop to Rivendale. Even as much as I do not wish to go there, im sadden to admit they would be able to help you far more than I could. They could get you home more quickly. For if magic is what brought you hear, surley they have the means to get you back the same way.” Once again i’m brought to tears.

“No one should have to watch their world succumb to flames. Much less at such a slow and steady pace.” He bows his head and gips the key around his neck with his free hand. “I have seen what fire can do. I know the feeling of heat licking at your skin and ash in your lungs. And have seen the charred remains it leave behind.”

I don’t think before I move. My arms seem to wrap around him of their own free will. My face burrying into the crook of his neck as sobs shake my body.

“I know of that fear you speak of, Y/n. And I mourn the fact that you have to live through that. I swear to Malhal that we’ll get you back home as quickly as possible. Your nightmares don’t need to be bathed in red.” He pulls back and rests his forhead on mine. One hand on the side of my face and the other rests at my hip. Callosed fingers tracing circles onto exposed skin.

“We will get you home.”

[the-delta-42]

Foundation

Foundation

Optimus had just finished explaining the status of the Forge of Solus Prime, when a jet that looked like some stealth bomber landed outside. Everyone gathered at the doors, while Optimus, Ultra Magnus and Prowl approached the bomber. As its parts suddenly shift, a bot slightly shorter than Ultra Magnus stood before the Autobots.

“Blaster?” Asked Prowl, frowning, “I take it you followed the energy surge as well?”

“Nope, we just woke up from Stasis,” Said Blaster, his battle mask retracting, “Some humans saw us, Warpath is currently leading efforts in awakening the rest of the crew.

“And the crew are?” Ultra Magnus spoke, raising an eyebrow.

“Myself, Warpath, Jetfire, Afterburner, a few others and Commander Elita One.” Said Blaster, grinning, “I promised to return to them, I think the Humans said it was called something like Griffin Rock.”

Everyone was stunned, “Funny enough,” said Heatwave, approaching Blaster, “My team and I need to get back there too.”

“Prime!” Called Fowler, bursting out of his office, “Turn on the news.”

Optimus frowned, before looking at Blaster, “Can you tap into their broadcasting services?”

Blaster nodded, before his Autobot symbol lit up and started projecting the news, which featured Megatron.

“Your leaders have lied to you, kept our presence secret,” Said Megatron, his face curled into a snarl, “but know this, this planet and everything on it, now belongs to Megatron! The Lord and Commander of the Decepticons! We have already laid waste to Jasper, Nevada and Griffin Rock, Maine for harbouring Autobot Rebels and we will do the same to any city, state, country or continent that continues to do so. As an example of such an incident,” Megatron gestured behind him, when Starscream dragged another Cybertronian forward, Optimus recognised Bluestreak on sight, “has been found in China. Optimus, if you’re watching, know that I don’t have to do this, I just want to.” Megatron levelled his fusion cannon with Bluestreak’s head and fired a single shot into it. Everyone flinched as Bluestreak’s head exploded, while Megatron just grinned sadistically, “Let that serve as a warning to all those who think they can stand against me.”

“Well,” Said Smokescreen, after a moment, “I guess the secrets out.”

“The top brass is trying to mask it as a hoax.” Said Fowler, before Optimus spoke.

“Tell them not to bother,” Said Optimus, his gaze on Megatron’s frozen face, “There will be those who will investigate such claims and, if Megatron feels that his warning has not been heeded, it may provoke a greater attack that could lead to the mass loss of lives.”

“But that would mean your cover has been blown.” Said Jack, from his place next to Arcee’s leg.

“Perhaps, but we cannot allow humanity to live in the dark while our war damages your world, Jack.” Said Optimus, looking down at the human, before turning to Ultra Magnus, “Commander, take as many transports as you can and collect the residents of Griffin Rock, I will contact High Tide, Salvage and Blurr and have then render assistance in any possible way they can.”

“Wait, there are more Autobots on Earth?” Asked Arcee, frowning.

“Salvage and Blurr are from before the war,” Said Optimus, looking at the motorcycle, “High Tide is a Titan Master.”

“A what?” Asked Miko, from Bulkhead’s shoulder.

“A Titan Master,” Said Bulkhead, “basically it’s a Cybertronian with three modes, Bots, vehicle and head. The head combines with a larger transforming frame and forms a Bot so big that it would put our old base to shame.”

“Almost all the Titan Masters were killed in the War for Cybertron, kid,” Said Wheeljack, “we all thought Fortress Maximus was the last one.”

“Until High Tide, apparently.” Remarked Arcee, before noticing the looks on Optimus, Ultra Magnus and Ratchet’s faces, “Wait, what’s with the look?”

“High Tide knew Optimus, before he was Optimus.” Said Ratchet, shifting slightly.

Optimus coughed, “While there is much to discuss, you all have your missions and it is imperative that we get to the humans, and Autobots, before Megatron detects them.”

Almost immediately everyone jumped into action, with most of Team Prime going with Ultra Magnus. The Rescue Bots went to follow, before Optimus, addressed Boulder.

“Boulder, if you have a moment.” Said Optimus, making the bulldozer stop.

“Yes, sir.” Said Boulder, facing Optimus.

“High Tide is working on building a city for Autobots and Humans in Oregon,” Said Optimus, looking down at Boulder, “I want you and Graham to aid him in the contruction. I intend of having the refugees from both Griffin Rock and Jasper moved there as soon as it is habitable.”

“Yes, Sir.” Boulder Saluted Optimus and raced off after his team.

Optimus made his way over to the Iron Will, boarding it and accessing the comm system, “Quickshadow, come in.”

The screen flickered into life, revealing a femme with a slight smirk on her face, “Optimus, it’s certainly been a while.”

“I need you to head to Griffin Rock and rendezvous with the Autobot forces heading there.” Said Optimus, making Quickshadow’s smirk widen.

“Reclaiming it from the Decepticons?” Questioned the spy.

“No, we are evacuating the humans there,” Explained Optimus, “There is a family that I want you to protect, the Greenes.”

“Any particular way I can find them?” Asked Quickshadow, frowning.

“Speak with Prowl, he will guide you to them.” Said Optimus, his tone serious, “Good luck, Soldier.”

Optimus cut the transmission and departed the ship.

F

Quickshadow internally grumbled, the salt from he under water walk was causing havoc for her axels. She pulled to a stop at a red light, only for a massive convoy of assorted vehicles to drive past. Quickshadow spotted the Autobot crest on the side of a blue semi, before running the red light and sidling up to Ultra Magnus, “Commander.”

“Quickshadow,” Said Ultra Magnus, not bothering with a greeting, “I see that Optimus wasted no time in contacting you.”

“Ooh, so harsh,” Flirted Quickshadow, “I do love a mech in uniform and I’ve been a bad, bad girl.”

Ultra Magnus suddenly swerved, as Quickshadow cackled.

“We agreed to never speak of the night, Soldier.” Reprimanded Ultra Magnus, not noticing Arcee pulling up between them.

“Now you’ve got me interested.” Said Arcee, alerting them to her presence.

“That is none of your concern.” Snapped Ultra Magnus, speeding up.

“He does know that we can out pace him, right?” Asked Quickshadow, as Prowl passed her.

“He does, he just doesn’t like anyone.” Said Prowl, before turning his sirens on and speeding past them. Chase and Heatwave followed suit and took off after Prowl.

“Ooh, the good boy are bad boys.” Snarked Quickshadow, as Boulder crept past her.

“No, we just have family where we’re going.” Said Boulder, sounded exhausted, “I really need to re-scan.”

“Speed isn’t everything, Boulder.” Said Arcee, turning her attention to the bulldozer, “Just ask Blades.”

“I can hear you; you know.” Complained the helicopter, as Bumblebee shot past the femmes, “Okay, that’s not cool!”

Blades sped up, while Blaster flew above them, “You three do know that you’ve been slowing down for the past twenty nano-cycles, right?”

Arcee suddenly became aware of Bulkhead passing her, “Thanks Arcee, I’ll be enjoying that energon.” Arcee shot off, “Ah, scrap.”

“Hey, Bulk,” Said Wheeljack, keeping pace with his fellow Wrecker and ignoring Smokescreen shoot past, “What’s Miko got going on with that human Prime kid?”

“What, Jack?” Asked Bulkhead, keeping pace with Boulder, “They’re just friends the last I heard. Why?”

“The Doc was grumbling about something called ‘kahoo ties’, said he heard it from Raf after Jack smashed his face into Miko’s.” Responded Wheeljack, laughing as Bulkhead suddenly fell behind.

“Jack kissed Miko?” Screeched Bulkhead, catching back up with Wheeljack.

“So that’s what it’s called.” Said Wheeljack, as Quickshadow suddenly stopped. The two Wrecker transformed and skidded to a halt, “What’s the hold up?”

“No road.” Said Quickshadow, frowning, “Where’d the Rescue Bots go?”

Bulkhead spotted a human walking towards them, he was wearing a suit like Fowler’s, but he was wearing glasses and looked like he was in a bad mood, “The ships are still an hour out, apparently getting a few ferries is beyond the abilities of the US Navy.”

“I’m sure they can wait a little longer,” Said Wheeljack, crossing his arms, “Blaster didn’t say they were in trouble.”

The agent shook his head and walked away, leaving the Autobots nonchalantly standing waiting for the ships. Once the ships arrived, the Autobots and transports boarded and continued their journey to Griffin Rock Sanctuary.

“They should be in here,” Said Blaster, as he led the humans to the cave, “Unless they’ve all gone into the Axalon.”

A large white Cybertronian stepped out and paused when he saw the Humans, “Warpath, it looks like more humans have arrived!”

“They’re here to evacuate the Island, Jetfire.” Said Blaster, as Warpath, adorned with small, giggling children, came out.

“About time, too.” Grumbled Warpath, as Prowl brushed past him.

“Cody?” Called Prowl, looking around for his charge.

“Over here.” Said Cody, covered in dirt, “We tried excavating the ship.”

“Turns out too much of it buckled when we landed.” Said Afterburner, ripping a piece of metal out of the rock, “It’s a minor miracle that no one was killed.”

“We’ve come to collect everyone,” Said Prowl, kneeling in front of Cody, “The Islanders are going to be put in with the Jasper evacuees, at least until we finish fixing the damage.”

Cody gave a small smile, as the people were led out by the military, each of the Burnses were reunited with their partners, Frankie and her family being placed with an Autobot called Quickshadow. Before long, everyone was on a ship taking them to refuge area that housed other people that had their homes taken by the Decepticons.

“The secrets out.” Said Prowl, standing next to Cody, as the ship rocked, “Humanity as a whole now know that we exist and, subsequently, are demanding to hear from Optimus Prime.”

“What happens now?” Asked Cody, as Quickshadow walked over to him and Prowl, Frankie not far behind.

“Optimus has plans for a joint Human-Autobot community,” Said Prowl, frowning, “he had hoped Griffin Rock would be that community, but obviously that didn’t pan out.”

“In a way,” Said Frankie, stopping next to Cody, “It did, the Autobots that we found in the Sanctuary were able to get help from Humans and vice-versa.”

“Even the mayor warmed up to them.” Laughed Cody, remembering how Kup and thrown a ‘cy-gar’ at the mayor.

“I think that was because he was scared of what Kup would do to him.” Said Frankie, as Jetfire, Afterburner and Blaster flew above them, performing arial displays to keep them entertained.

“Boulder and his human have already started designing the architecture for the community.” Said Quickshadow, as the silence lapsed, “I believe they plan on calling it ‘Autobot City’.”

“Let me guess, they’re going to have Metroplex act as the base for it?” Was Prowl’s sarcastic response.

“I didn’t ask.” Said Quickshadow, “But, it would provide homes for everyone that was affected by Decepticon attacks, past, current and future.”

“Your family could be the responders for that city too.” Said Frankie, giving Cody a nudge.

“I can’t wait to hear what Raf thinks of this.” Smiled Cody, as the ships made it to port.

“You’re going to be seeing him soon,” Said Prowl, transforming, “so, you don’t have to wait long.”

“Can I go with them?” Asked Frankie, looking up at Quickshadow.

Quickshadow shrugged, “It’s Prowl, so you’ll be safe.”

Frankie grinned and climbed into the seat next to Cody, “This is so cool.”

“I believe you’ll get along with Miko.” Said Prowl, driving off the ship.

“This is amazing, Boulder.” Said Graham, looking over the schematics of the City Optimus was building.

“Yeah, Optimus already has Blurr and Salvage helping High Tide with its construction, with the added Bot power coming their way, the City itself should be finished in the next couple of years, especially once Fortress Maximus makes his way over from China.”

“Who?” Asked Graham, confused.

“Sorry,” Apologised Boulder, “Fortress Maximus is like High Tide, except he transforms into a city. He’s one of few Titans left after the War for Cybertron.”

Graham frowned, “How many of the Titans are left?”

“Not including Trypticon, jut Fortress Maximus and High Tide,” Said Boulder, carefully watching the road, “Metroplex sacrificed his spark getting the Ark off of Cybertron and any of the other that left Cybertron are likely to have gone offline from energon depletion.”

“So, Fortress Maximus and High Tide are the last of their kind?” Asked Graham, as Boulder slowed a little.

Boulder’s silence spoke volumes.

F

Miko sat and spoke with her host parents, as the trucks began to drive into the City that Optimus was having built.

“Whoa,” Gasped her host mother, “it’s massive.”

“Probably so the Autobots can fit inside the buildings.” Dismissed Miko, before spotting a group of Autobots scanning vehicles. A red one with two giant cannons on his arms scanned a GMC Topkick, while one the size of Bulkhead scanned a 4X4, “Ooh, there are Brawn and Ironhide.”

Her host parents looked over and saw the pair of Autobots transform into their alts and join the procession going into the City. The truck they were in came to a halt.

“Alright, kids,” Said Hound, getting their attention, “You have reached your destination, thank you for choosing Autobot Bus service as your method of travel.” Then, without warning, Hound Transformed and looked over the city, “Eh, could use a few drinking places.”

Miko laughed, before spotting a blond-haired boy the same age as Raf.

“Cody!” Yelled Miko, running towards him.

Hound watched Miko run off, when Ironhide threw a pipe at him, “Give us a hand with this, ya ungrateful slacker.”

“Why? Fortress Maximus is going to be here soon.” Muttered Hound, recoiling at Ironhide’s glare.

“I heard that.” Grumbled Ironhide, as he stomped away.

“What crawled up his aft and died?” Asked Hound, looking at Brawn.

“I don’t know, ask Kup.” Grunted Brawn, lifting a piece of metal and walking off with it.

F

“Is he here yet?” Asked Cody, climbing on top of the wall.

“Fortress Maximus is still an hour out,” Said Prowl, picking Cody up and placing him on his shoulder, “Don’t worry, you’re not going to miss his arrival.”

“It’s a shame that Frankie couldn’t be here for this.” Said Cody, getting comfortable on Prowl.

“He’s early.” Said Blades, suddenly.

Cody and Prowl watched at a fortress on wheels slowly moved towards the City.

“You see that links?” Asked Prowl, pointing to crevices in the city, “That’s where he’s going to be, he’ll serve as our new base of operations and ‘council building’.”

“Noble.” Gasped Cody in awe.

The crowd of Humans and Autobots watched as the fortress guided itself into the holes and locked itself into place. The fortress started transforming, before settling on a series of skyscrapers that where all fused together with the Autobot crest proudly emblazoned on the side.

“Fortress Maximus is online.” Boomed a deep, robotic voice.

A panel dropped down, revealing a group of Autobots, a silver one taking a single step forwards and falling to the ground. There were some screams as his head rolled off. A foul looking Autobot glared at the head, before a smaller bot ran forwards, picked up the head and yelled, “Head lob!”

As if by magic, the headless Autobot jumped up and started chasing the smaller bot.

“I want to feel sorry for Cogman, but seriously, he shouldn’t do that in front of Glyph.” Said Prowl, shaking his head.

“How’s he able to do that?” Asked Cody, looking at his guardian.

“They’re headmasters,” Explained Prowl, “You know High Tide is a Titan Master? A Headmaster is more or less the same thing, except its small robot and head, no extra mode.”

Cody grinned, Ratchet had joined in the chase, no doubt trying to get a tool back from a Mini-Con, “Do you think Bumblebee and his team will join in the celebrations tonight?”

Prowl looked at the fifteen-year-old, “I’m sure they’re already getting ready for it.”

Cody grinned, gripping tightly as Prowl started walking.

F

Frankie grinned at the sight of the finished Autobot City, a large number to Autobots were already there, most likely the crew of the Axalon, along with Team Prime and the Wreckers. Everywhere was built for Humans and Cybertronians, schools, hospitals, even police stations. Some of the Autobots had left Earth after defeating Megatron, restoring the core of Cybertron and starting to rebuild the formerly dead world.

The Rescue Bots, the crew of the Axalon and some members of Team Prime had opted to remain on Earth. Frankie jumped out of Quickshadow, running inside the new Firehouse, giving a quick greeting to the Rescue Bots, and running to the Command Centre.

Quickshadow waited for Doctor Greene, his wife and youngest daughter to get out before transforming. The spy smirked, “I must say, it’s really shaped up around here.”

“Nice to see you too, Quickshadow.” Said Prowl, nodding at her and going back to his work.

Quickshadow started chuckling, before a loud klaxon sounded throughout the City. Prowl froze, before swearing and yelling, “Autobots, Mobilise! Get all the Humans to the safe zones, The Decepticons are attacking!”

[bazwillendinflames]

Gravity Falls/LIS2 AU

The last place Sean wants to spend his Summer is in a weird town in the middle of no where, Oregon, reconnecting with a Mother who hadn’t wanted to see them in years in her weird tourist trap. But Daniel is determined to go and his Dad gives Sean little choice but to babysit him.

But soon it becomes clear there is more to Beaver Creek than meets the eye and the strangeness of the town soon unlocks some family secrets and strange abilities. Maybe their Summer won’t be so boring after all.

AO3 

“Lyla, I will die of boredom.” 

“It can’t be that bad,” she replied, her voice a little tinny still. The bad reception was just one of many reasons that Sean was having an awful time. (In the week and a half since they had arrived, he’d already made a list.) 

“Nope, it is exactly as bad as I’m saying.” 

“I mean, come on, you’re Mom’s there. What’s that like that?” 

Sean scowled. “Number one on reasons this place sucks. All she talks to us about is all this weird mystic stuff she likes. Her store is so weird, it’s all crystals and bad poetry.” 

Lyla snorted. “Really?” 

“Yep. Not to mention this is the whitest town ever.” He glanced out the window, where Karen was smoking, notebook in hand and ducked his head before she could spot him. “There are no cool people.” 

“Come on, you have Danny.” 

“I get enough babysitting at home thanks.” He glanced outside again, wondering exactly how long he could bitch on the phone for and call it a break. “Anyway, this place is just making Daniel weirder. He’s convinced this place is magic or something.” 

“That’s sweet. Hey, we used to play witches when we were kids, remember?”

“Hey, you were the witch, I was a manly wizard.” 

That time Lyla actually laughed. “Sure dude. I’ll believe it when I see it.” 

“Anyway, we were into the Harry Potter books, you know before terf-face ruined them. Daniel is into the ancient runes and fake spell cards Mo- Karen sells.” 

“That’s adorable.” 

“Ugh, only you could find him adorable. That’s only because Daniel doesn’t kick you in your sleep-” 

“Did Lyla call me adorable?” 

Sean sighed as Daniel barged in. Not much had changed since home tehre at least, apart from the fact they now shared Karen’s attic room. (Bunk beds, making the being kicked in the shin at night thing even more annoying.) 

“Hey, I’m kinda on the-” 

Daniel yanked the phone and rolled on the bed. “Hiiiiii Lyla. Do you miss us?” 

“Give me that back.” 

He wiggled out of his grap. “Did you know Sean talks in his sleep, it’s so weird-” 

“You would know about weird,” he grumbled, snatching his phone back, only to find the shitty signal had finally cut out on Lyla. “Dude.” 

“Sorry.” Daniel grinned at him. “Hey, I’m helping Mom restock, can you help me reach the top shelves?” 

He checked the time on his phone. He had almost managed a whole brother-free hour. 

“Guess I should I get back to work.” 

“Cool.” Daniel followed him downstairs, bouncing with energy. “Hey, Sean what does terf-face mean?” 

  Sean was stuck behind the register, although the store was still empty. He wasn’t sure why Karen insisted on such early opening hours when no one else showed up. 

He rubbed his eyes, the early start not helped by the fact Daniel had been reading with a torch all night. He had picked up a weird book from the store or something. Of course he would pick up a late night reading habit once they were sharing a room. 

“I brought you guys some toast.” Karen balanced the plate on the top of some unsold art books. (Her organization was as great as her parenting.) 

“Thanks Mom!” 

Sean poked at a black spot under a thick layer of peanut butter. “Yeah, thanks.” 

“I gotta do some inventory but I’ll be back up for lunch.” 

“Can we go to the cool diner? Chris says the milkshakes are great.” 

Karen smiled. “Yeah. Does that sound good Sean?” 

He grunted in response and her grin flickered. 

“Right, work. You boys got this.” 

“We’re not your boys,” Sean muttered, although she didn’t hear. 

“Why are you so mean to Mom?” Daniel asked, his mouth full of toast. “She’s always nice.” 

“Right, she’s been real nice the first nine years of your life.” 

Daniel looked up at him with big eyes. “Sean…” 

“Fine, I’ll try. Put those eyes away Bambi.” 

He smiled. “So, I was thinking the strawberry milkshakes are Chris’ favourite but I like chocolate more so you could get one and we could share?” 

“Huh, yeah, sure.” Sean had only been half listening, distracted by the newest customer. Waking up early suddenly had its appeal. The girl had matted purple hair, an arm full of tattoos and a guitar strapped to her back. She caught him looking and winked. 

“Are you okay Sean? You just went really red and-” 

“What? No. Shut up.” Sean moved into a more casual position, his eyes still fixed on the pretty girl. His elbow knocked the tip jar and it fell off the edge. “Shit-” 

“Here.” Daniel put it back. “Woah…” 

“Good catch Enano.” 

“Yeah. Catch! I totally caught it.” Daniel smiled a little suspiciously. “Hey, you said a swear, you owe me a dollar.” 

“A dollar? It’s only a quarter at home.” 

“Now we’re away from Dad, you’re supposed to be a good influence.” 

“You get a quarter.” Sean dropped the coin in his hand. “Be cool.” 

“What?” 

“Hey boys.” The purple-haired girl leaned against the other end of the counter, an easy smile on her face. Her voice had a faint Southern tang. “So, I come to this town every Summer and I don’t recognise either of you cuties.” 

“I- we- um-” 

His brother beat him to it. “I’m Daniel.” 

Cursing his stammering, he finally managed to introduce himself. “I’m Sean.” 

“Why hello. I’m Cassidy.” 

“Hi. Um, cool guitar. You play?” (Internally, Sean cringed: You play? Why else would she have a guitar?) 

“Yeah, funnily enough. I’m actually here to hand out flyers for my band’s show. Could you hang it up?” 

“Yeah.” Sean took the flyer. “Your show is this Friday?” 

“And every other Friday. You wanna come?” 

“I’m invited?” 

Cassidy laughed. “Yeah sure. It is a concert. You’re lucky you’re cute, City Boy.” 

“City boy?” 

“It’s on your sweatshirt idiot,” Daniel whispered. Seattle Track Meet, 2015. He was frowning in the general direction of Cassidy. “We’re busy Friday so-” 

“No. Nope, I’m not busy. Ignore him.” Sean flattened his hair. “I’ll be there Friday.” 

“I’ll look out for you City Boy. Nice to meet you.” 

Sean waited until Cassidy had left before pumping his fist. “Yes! She called me cute Dan!” 

“You’re the worst.” 

“What?” 

Daniel pouted. “You promised you’d take me camping in the woods Friday. I already brought us marshmallows and walkie-talkies.” 

“Hey, there is plenty of time to camp in those freaky woods. But I only have one chance with a girl like Cassidy.” 

“Wrong, you have zero chances with any girl.” Daniel stomped off to the corner of the store. “You’re the worst.” 

“Dan- come on.” His brother went back to ignoring him. Sean crossed his arms. “Fine. Be like that!” 

There was the only sound of a raspberry in response. 

  “Nope, I’m totally with Danny. That was a jerk move.” 

“What? Lyla, you’re supposed to be my hype man- er woman. You’re always trying to set me up on dates.” 

“Dude, three weeks ago you were so into Jenn.” 

He sighed. “And Jenn was into Derek Anderson. We had ice cream and everything.” 

“Dude, don’t fuck up your relationship with Danny over a dumb Summer romance.” 

Sean buried his head in his pillow. “You sound like my Dad.” 

“Go to this hippy girl’s show next time. You Danny will do the face.” 

“The Bambi face?” Sean groaned. “I have been facing the Bambi face all week.” 

Lyla scoffed. “Is there anything else to add?” 

“Fine. I’ll go camping. But only for the s’mores.” 

“Okay, brother of the year.” 

“Thanks jerk.” 

Lyla blew him an exaggerated kiss. “Aw, love you too.”

Sean grabbed his backpack, moving to shove in his hoodie and torch. Daniel had already shoved one of the walkie-talkies inside. 

“Calling little wolf, we are back on for camping.” 

There was nothing but static on the other end. Sean pocketed the walkie-talkie and headed downstairs, calling his brother’s name. There was no one in the kitchen and only Karen sitting in the living room, chewing on the edge of a pen. 

“Hey, have you seen Daniel?” 

Karen looked up. “Oh, I thought you already left? Daniel passed by twenty minutes ago with the sleeping bags.” 

“That little-” Sean wasn’t panicking, but he was maybe sweating a little more than he had been before. “Um, right. I just forget a…” he scanned the room and grabbed Daniel’s weird book, “scary story. Classic camping right?” 

“Oh. Have a nice time then.” Karen hesitated. “I know you’re not thrilled to be here. But I hope by the end of the Summer we can understand each other better. 

“Me too.” Sean tried to look as un-guilty as possible. “See you tomorrow Karen.” 

  “Daniel!” He yelled, running head first into the spooky mass of woodlands beyond their store. “Dan, I’m sorry okay. Quit hiding!” 

No answer. Sean went digging for the walkie-talkie, now glowing an eerie blue. 

“Dan?” 

The walkie-talkie crackled again- “Sean?” 

“Dan.” He let out a shaky breath. “Hey, I’m sorry I ditched you-” 

“Sean, help!” 

He was clutching the walkie-talkie so hard his knuckles went white. “What’s wrong? I’m coming okay. What’s happening?” 

“Creature- help- monster- ahh!” 

Sean scanned the trees around him, suddenly aware he was lost too. Daniel had been the one eager to explore the woods but he had said it was too creepy and now it seemed he was being proven right. 

“Sean- book- monster-” 

He dug around to find the weird book Daniel had been carrying around all week. He had assumed it was from one of Karen’s displays but now he was looking at it, the journal seemed too real to go with the modern witchcraft bullshit she was trying to sell. The cover was dark blue and the pages thick with drawings and polaroids. 

“Dan, I have the book, what do I need to look for? What is this thing?” 

“Page- tree- monster-” Daniel was breathing heavily. “Hear?” 

“I can hear you,” he said comfortingly, “I’m coming.” 

He held the torch in his teeth, flicking through pages until he came across a few marked with Daniel’s doodles and writing. He seemed to be studying telekinetic powers, complete with a superhero sketch: SUPER /DUDE DAN/ WOLF? ask Sean for name ideas

He finally came across the page that looked like a bush drawn with yellow eyes. 

Dangerous 

camouflage shape shifters 

Hard to photograph shush ma-

Likes dark 

Under the original writing Daniel had added his own note: babies in woods. 

“Hey,” Sean held up the walkie-talkie, “is it these moss creatures? What well?” 

“Sean!” This time Daniel’s voice was clearer, his voice steadier. 

“Dan. What happened? Please tell me you had a good reason to go into the woods alone without telling me or Karen.” 

“Come on, that’s it? Can you yell at me when I’m not being chased?” 

“Okay. I’m coming, where are you?” 

“Where are you?” 

“By some trees. There’s a sign for a lake?” 

“Go to the lake, I’ll meet you there.” Daniel was cut off by some more static. “Hey, stop chewing that Mushroom!” 

Sean followed the signs, hoping Daniel at least would know a way out. How did he know the woods so well already? Was Sean that much of a shitty brother he hadn’t noticed him running off into these haunted-ass woods? 

The lake slowly came into the view but it was empty. 

“Daniel? Dan?” 

The lake was weirdly normal, just muddy water and a few droopy looking frogs. Still, Sean was still on edge, swinging the heavy torch from hand to hand. The faster they got home, the better. 

His relative peace was interrupted by the rustling of tree branches and heavy footsteps. Daniel came barging through the trees, a small bundle of something wrapped in his checked shirt. Something was chasing him and fast- Sean barely had time to move out the way as Daniel crashed into him. Something big and fast ran past. 

“Sean!” Daniel threw himself into his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t yell at me.” 

“I’m not mad. But you did scare the shit out of me.” 

“Sean-” 

“Fine, you get a dollar, let’s just go-” 

“No, look.” 

Sean turned slowly, met with amber eyes and a large face of bark and weeds. The creature sniffed at him curiously. 

“Um-” 

Daniel hid behind him. “Any ideas?” 

“You have the stupid haunted book!” The creature snorted, blowing hot air in his face. “Wait, the book said-” Sean slowly moved for his pocket, finding Dad’s lighter. 

“Dan, on three, we run.” 

“One-” he reached for a branch, “two-” he flicked the lighter on, “three!” Sean held the flaming branch up the creature’s face, dragging Daniel out the way as it squirmed. “What, the light should have scared it off.” 

“Remember when you said you weren’t going to get mad?” 

Sean turned to him, as Daniel revealed the squirming mass of moss in his arms. 

“You stole it’s kid?” 

“I always wanted a puppy! She’s called Mushroom-” 

Seeing it’s child, the larger creature started inching slowly towards Daniel. 

“Put it down! We can’t keep this weird monster-baby!” 

“We bonded!” The larger creature nudged its nose towards the smaller one, poking his chest with a spikey horn. “Okay, I’ll give her back.” 

Daniel held out his arms, placing the small creature on the floor. It wiggled a loose vine that could almost be a tail and followed its parents into the woods. 

Sean punched him in the arm. “That’s for trying to adopt an actual monster.” 

Daniel rubbed his arm. “Ouch.” 

Sean pulled him into a hug. “And that’s for scaring the shit out of me. I’m glad you’re okay though.” 

“Me too.” Daniel smiled. “Hey, now you owe me two dollars!” 

  After all the excitement, the brothers’ settled on camping in Karen’s yard. 

“So, you found that spooky book in a tree and didn’t think to tell me?” 

“You were being the worst!” 

Sean laughed. “Okay, I deserve that. But, next time you find a weird monster thing, tell me. We’re in this together.” 

“Okay promise.” Daniel threw another marshmallow at him. “Sorry I made you miss your concert. I guess Cassidy wasn’t that bad.” 

“Hey, I saved your butt, that’s more important.” Sean took a bite out a s’more. “Hey, there isn’t anything else you’re not telling me right?” 

“Actually,” Daniel held out his hand, a marshmallow hoovering a few inches above his palm. “Surprise?” 

(A boring Summer suddenly looked so much more appealing.)

[writerwrites]

Had Spoke, Had Woke

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x named!Reader

Summary: You’re a new waitress at a famous restaurant in New York City and you’re still trying to get your footing. Little do you know, when the hostess seats a single male patron in your section of tables it’s a bit of hazing. Notorious lothario, Ransom Drysdale, is a regular. Will you end up as another notch on his bedpost?

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Sexy flirting if you squint, but no written sex scene. Mentions of boss’ voyeurism kink and implies Ransom might have an exhibition kink... again, that’s not written in here. Language. Cliffhanger?

A/N: *THIS IS A ONE SHOT* This is the Week 2 prompt to the Optimistic Captain Donut Challenge created by @captainchrisbaby​ @captain-a-rogerss​​​ , @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho​​​ , and @donutloverxo​​​ … The Week 2 Prompt will be in bold in the story. PS. Jammies!

Getting a job at the hot new Italian restaurant in Boston felt like pure luck. Aaliyah had no experience, few recommendations, and an odd availability because, in her senior year of college, she had an internship on top of her classes. Her life was a delicate balance of maintaining high grades to appease the donors of her scholarships, presenting well at her internship in hopes of a foot in the door, and working as often as possible to keep a roof over her head after graduation. That plucky attitude worked well, quickly getting Aaliyah into the position of a waitress, but the attention had consequences.

When the tall, broad shouldered blonde came in for the third Thursday night in a row, she’d picked up the hint that all of the staff had an opinion about the guy. Assuming that he hadn’t been placed in her section because the manager didn’t want a regular having a meal spilled on him, Aaliyah went about her own business, no time to engage in the whispers every time he came in. The decision to keep out of the restaurant gossip made her few friends and in a lush restaurant social climbing was a key focus of the menu. With confident strides, Aaliyah maneuvered through the bustling restaurant taking orders and slinging them back. Then her gaze landed on the only table left in her section, a booth that could have sat four, now occupied by the attractive blonde that never seemed to be in short supply of cable knit sweaters.

Chewing her lip, she swallowed down her options. First, she could go back to the floor manager and verify it wasn’t a mistake. Not the best choice but the man could make it out unscathed with a more experienced waitress. Second, she could play it off to the best of her ability and show the managers and staff that she was determined to do her job well. It didn’t seem like much of a choice and when his eyes landed on hers, an impatient squint demanding her to cross the room and assist him, her feet were already making their way to him. “Good evening, I’m --”

Her words were cut off, “I know who you are, Honey.”

The pet name rolled off his tongue like melted butter and Aaliyah shivered. Just as she picked her mouth off the floor and went for her pen to take his order, the man carried on again. “I’ll have the pan-seared halibut.”

Unfazed by the cutoff it was the pet name that bit and the waitress bit back. “Then you must have mistaken me for the midnight cocktail waitress in the underground. It’s Aaliyah, actually. You have the choice of two sides. I recommend the braised fingerling potatoes with garlic shallots and fresh herbs.”

The man was processing the cheek and Aaliyah’s mouth went dry as he watched her through long lashes, teeth nipping his own tongue. “Fine. Any drink recommendations, since you’re feeling so complimentary.”

She was no sommelier, but she didn’t miss a beat. “We have a sauvignon blanc from New Zealand if you would prefer a fruit note to the herby dinner, or a sauvignon blanc from France that stays with the theme of the meal you’ve chosen.” Aaliyah smiled, proud of herself, like a well studied student at an exam.

“I’ll have it with the Oregon Pinot Gris.” His tone was surprisingly amused, making the young waitress all the more unsettled by his unblinking gaze.

“Yes, Sir.” It was his turn to squirm, though she didn’t notice the way he moved his legs to adjust himself under the table.

Aaliyah turned on her heel and walked away, all too aware of the pair of deep blue eyes still on her. He unashamedly carried on that way through the entire meal, summoning her back now and then for more wine and then a glass of her recommended sauvignon blanc after a couple of bites of his halibut. She didn’t move when she brought it, stubbornly waiting for him to admit he was wrong. A few coworkers stared at her shocked with her behavior. When he brought the wine to his lips she stared at the lingering droplet and his gaze was back on her, tongue lapping it up, some unspoken incantation that it wasn’t just the food he found satisfying. “Sir.” Aaliyah purred with smug confidence and left him to finish his entrée.

When the manager pulled her from the floor by the wrist into the office she thought she was in for it. Instead, he dropped a key into her palm. “Mr. Drysdale will ask you for dessert, Chef will make it, the staff will clean and leave. He’ll take his time and pay in cash. You’ll need to clean up his mess and lock up so that we don’t have to wait on you tonight.”

“You just let him do that?” She scoffed.

“There are few patrons that tip as well as Mr. Drysdale and his family could tear down this block with one bad review. No stunts, just give him what he wants, clean up, and send him on his way. It’ll be a long week for you to know whether you cost us our best customer or not, so don’t.”

It wasn’t harsh, a clean cut and matter of fact plan no different in presentation than the specials on a chalkboard outside the restaurant, but it left Aaliyah with more questions than answers. Her eyes fell to the key, tucking it in her pocket before heading back to the floor to wrap up her other patrons and check on her sweatered guest. “Would you like a dessert tonight, Sir?”

The plate of halibut and vegetables was clean, his wine glass low. “That depends on whether you would like to join me with more of the sauvignon blanc.”

“I’ll bring you the bottle and the tarte aux fraises for dessert?” Her tongue twirled over the French with ease, this time noticing how his hips picked up briefly out of the seat. “If that pairing sounds satisfactory, of course, Sir.”

He gave a nod and Aaliyah walked away with confidence that she had survived the ordeal of having this patron in her section. She came back with the wine, pouring him a glass and leaving the bottle on the table, letting him know that she would be back with his dessert and to wave her down while she helped the other waiters. But, as soon as she was in the back of the building, the hostess caught her eye from the staff locker room. Aaliyah slipped in, opening her own locker to put the key in her bag. It wasn’t until her back was turned and other waiters came in that she heard their bets. While she may not have made out every detail she knew whatever was going to happen wasn’t over.

The second the last whispering voice walked out and the patron’s dessert set gently in front of him, he asked her an unexpected question, “Care to join me?”

Aaliyah had to wonder if this was what the whispering was about, whether or not she’d sit with the guy, share a drink, share dessert, settling on the nagging question: What else did he expect? Careful not to show any sign of weakness or overt interest, she sat across from him, pulling off her apron and busying herself with folding it onto her lap. “I apologize your weekly entertainment has been left to me, Sir. The other waitresses were a bit upset to see the favorite regular placed in the new girl’s section.”

His fork cut through the tarte, popping a bite into his mouth as he watched her and he didn’t speak until he’d washed it down with the wine, pushing the then emptied glass to her. Aaliyah poured and he spoke. “They do this every once in a while. Think about it as… pulling out the weak ones by the root.”

She watched him twirl the fork in the air as he explained his view on the hostess’ decision. There was something wicked in the way he spoke about people, like everyone in service was just a hair above a stray dog in his eyes. Still, as she looked at him, really watching his eyes, she found herself drawn into him. Aaliyah found herself determined though, to do as her boss had asked, to appease him, but she was no stray dog. If anything, she was a feral cat, more likely to take what she wanted than to put up with anyone’s antics. Maybe that’s why she knew how this was going to go. “You weed out the weak ones every Thursday?”

Ransom looked up from his wine glass, but not to Aaliyah. Her eyes left his throat to where his icy blue gaze had moved. She hadn’t really thought about it before, the cameras all around the place. He didn’t speak again for a few more minutes, washing down the last of his dessert. “I’m friends with your boss, we went to college together. I know that he’s probably watching this little dinner in his bed on his laptop.”

Aaliyah poured the rest of his wine into his glass, surprised to not see her hand shaking despite her racing heartbeat, “Do you tell this to all your little weeds?”

“Sure, I’m not a monster. Though I’m sure anyone with more than two brain cells knows there are cameras in here. It’s logical to assume that a waitress that mistreats a customer when their boss isn’t looking should assume the boss is going to look at the cameras to see what really happened.”

“As much as I want to assume everyone I work with is logical…”

The corner of his mouth turning up into a sinister little smirk told Aaliyah more than enough about the man she was entertaining and what he knew about what he was doing. Ransom seemed to be done with the chit chat, throwing back the last of his wine. “The question is are you…”

Aaliyah cut him off, resting her hand on top of his. “You’re going to pay your bill and cross the street so that the camera for outside seating isn’t going to catch me leaving this place with you. While you wait for me to clean up these plates, you can decide: your place or mine. I’m sure if you like the thought of someone watching you fuck a waitress on a restaurant table gets you off then there’s plenty more we can do outside of this place.” She could see the gears turning, his lips pressing into a thin line. “Spank me later for being so bossy, Sir.”

She watched his tongue ghost across his lips and, for a moment, she wondered if she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. That was the problem with feral cats, no one could own them but they still liked their back scratched once in a while. Slipping out of the booth he got up too. His long, broad frame casting a shadow over her and the table. The proximity took Aaliyah’s breath away and she looked up at him, thinking she’d been outplayed, her thoughts already on him taking her on the table, plate and glass smashing onto the floor. Instead he slipped the money into her pocket, a wicked grin on his lips as a whimper passed her lips from the smallest amount of physical contact. “I don’t like to be kept waiting.”

“Then don’t make me take longer than I need to.” Aaliyah nodded to the door and he draped his coat over his arm. The second the door clicked behind him a string of curse words passed her lips as she picked up the table and took it to the kitchen, cleaning everything and setting it to dry. A decision had to be made, her dark eyes moving from the front exit to the emergency exit out back. His voice rang in her head and a knot in her stomach told her the repercussions would be severe, be it for standing him up or keeping him waiting. The thought alone told her she wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. Pressing the restaurant key into her palm she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and took the anxious first steps toward her long evening, she’d endure the consequences tomorrow… Fuck it.

[mazzy-moon]

A Lone Butterfly - Chapter 7

Title of Chapter: Be Good

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings/Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Age Difference, Slow Burn, Fluff, Angst and Feels, Mutual Pining, References to Depression, Brief mention of rape/kidnapping

Pairing: Javier Peña (Narcos) x Isabel Cotrille (OFC)

Summary:  Tension grows between Javier and Isabel just as her time in Columbia is running out. Trapped between her desire to stay with Javier and her need for healing, she contemplates her next step.

Notes: Thank you to those of you invested in this story, I appreciate you so much. Keep in my mind this is not the end of Javier and Isabel’s journey. The *best* is just beginning.

If anyone is interested, comment or message me and I will add you to a tag list each time I update.

Here’s a link to read it on ao3.

The next day, Javier and I head down to his work building. He wants me to tell them what I told him about the man from the cartel. There isn't much to tell, but I will do what I can to help them.

I am sitting in a chair in the office of the man I just met, Officer Santiago. He's in charge of the case, Javier being second in command.

"So, Peña says you have some information that could help us?"

The man has a domineering presence, which probably comes in handy in some situations, but makes me slightly nervous.

"Just tell him what you told me, Isabel," Javier says, his voice soft and reassuring.

I swallow. "Okay. Well... when I escaped the room the cartel had me in, I saw one of the men there. He tried to stop me from escaping. He looked like he may have been in charge, I don't know. I stabbed him in the eye. Anyway, last night I remembered what his name was."

I tell him the name and he immediately asks for more details. Was anyone with him? What did he look like?

"He had dark, curly hair. He was tall, and had a scar on his right cheek." I struggle to remember any other tiny detail but nothing comes to me. "That-that's all. I didn't get a good look at him. I was too panicked."

Santiago digests what I've said and seems satisfied.

"Thank you for your time, Ms. Cotrille. We've been trying to get a name on this guy for months."

Javier guides me out of the man's office and into the open area just outside it. At least a dozen desks fill the room, all close together. My eyes catch on one of them. It's filled with heartfelt notes, flowers, and photographs. I see a face I recognize on one of them and a rush of guilt sweeps over me. Eric.

I had forgotten about the man who died trying to save me. A few stares are directed at me as I stop in my tracks. Javier realizes I'm no longer following him and looks back. He doesn't say anything, just places a hand on my back and quickly ushers me outside. I'm thankful. I don't really want to break down in front of everyone at the office.

We walk a little off the main entrance, hidden from view.

"Did you know him?" I ask Javier.

"Yes," he replies solemnly. "He had just been transferred here a few months ago. He was a good guy."

I see his Eric's face again in my head, picturing him as he was that night.

"He was so young," I remark, talking to myself.

"Twenty four, I think."

That's barely a life. Why did I decide to drive off that day? If I hadn't, I would've never been taken, there would've been no rescue operation, and Eric would still be alive.

"He tried to save me." I can't conceal the regret that's evident in my voice.

"It wasn't your fault, Isabel. He was inexperienced. I shouldn't have let him on the mission in the first place. The only reason I did was because he insisted and wouldn't let it go. If anyone is to blame it's me."

I'm not looking at Javier. I hear his words, but only half of me believes them. Javier forces my attention, grabbing my shoulders.  

"Are you listening to me, Isabel? Don't do this to yourself. You couldn't have prevented what happened." It's the sternest he's ever gotten with me.

He lowers his voice slightly. "Okay?" he says.

I nod. He convinces me with a look.

The next few days pass slowly. I'm brought back to the headquarters to give the sketch artist a description of Matías's face. Later, when my mother's funeral took place, only a handful of people were there. My mother was mostly a recluse, and we kept to ourselves after my father passed away. Javier stood next to me for the entire thing. After we got back to the hotel I drowned myself in unrelenting tears and slept for what seemed like a hundred years. I woke up to a massive headache, still in my black dress and with swollen cheeks.

Today was the day. The flight back to Oregon was booked, and as I stood underneath the shower I contemplated what going back to my life there would look like. A worry crosses my mind that I hadn't contemplated before.

What if things can't go back to normal? How will my friends react to the situation I was now in? Will they still treat me the same? I think of Melody, my closest childhood friend. I try to imagine what her reaction would be to knowing I had been kidnapped and...raped. I can't.

I hated thinking of myself as a victim. I'm still the same person I was before all of this happened, but as much as I try to deny it, I've lost something of myself. I'm not quite the shell of a person I was right after, though. No, Javier helped to ease that darkness. But I'm... emptier somehow. The thought brings me a melancholy I didn't know existed. Is it possible to miss yourself?

I stay in the hot shower until my skin is pink. I tie my damp hair back in a bun at the base of my neck and tug an oversized sweater over my jeans.

Javier waits for me in the hall. He takes my luggage- some personal items retrieved from my mother's house- and we walk in silence until we're outside. I expect him to say something, but he doesn't. The car ride to the airport is painfully silent. From the corner of my eye, I watch the way his forearm flexes as he steers the car. Without being overtly obvious, I take a deep breath in. His smoky, pine scent fills me and I savor it. I will miss his presence. The safeness I feel when I'm around him. Suddenly, I don't want to leave.

When we're at the gates, he finally speaks.

"Take care of your self for me, Isabel."

"I'll do my best."

I frown at the awkward tension between us. Despite our nearness, I feel too far away from him already.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will."

"I mean it. I'm big deal here, I can book a flight at a moment's notice," he jokes.

"So I hear."

I smile for a moment up at him. The space between us grows colder as the intercom informs me it's time for me to go. I panic. I expected more time. Without thinking I close the distance and throw my arms around Javier. He's surprised at first, but quickly reciprocates. I bask in the feeling of his arms wrapped around me. He holds my head under his chin with one hand as I cling to him.

"Thank you, Javi." I whisper into his chest. Tears fall from my eyes as I look up at him. His mouth meets my cheek, just next to my mouth. I realize what I want then and act without thinking. I turn my head and lock my lips on his. As his mouth moves against mine for a brief moment, my heart breaks a little at how good it feels. He pulls back, his thumb wiping away the tears from my face. We speak without words. Somehow, I know he doesn't want me to leave either.

I summon strength from someplace within me and pull myself from him.

"Goodbye, Javier. I'll miss you," my honesty surprises me.

"Me, too."

He goes in for another quick embrace right before I finally leave.

"Be good," he says in that husky voice of his I already miss.

I don't look back as I board the plane, but I feel Javier watching me the whole way.

This is going to be a long flight.

[pagingevilspawn]

You Said You’d Grow Old With Me

again, another one-shot that i never posted on tumblr, only the link, so yeah! im also pretty sure this fic makes no sense, but my 4 am brain wrote it so...

____

"thought we had the time, had our lives, now you'll never get older, older"

~*~

TW// major character death

takes place some time after 16x15, before 16x16.

____

Jo was laying in her bed. Their bed. The bed that felt too cold. The bed that felt too empty. The bed that felt too big. After crying she felt better, having Link comfort her while she broke down. She wanted him back. She wanted him to answer her calls. She needed to know if he was okay. If he left her like she thought he did she at least needed to know if he was okay. One call. One text. Thats all she was asking for.

Except she wouldn't be satisfied with that. The five different positive pregnancy tests to the side of her were an example. She was pregnant. They were pregnant. How the hell did that happen? She was just pranking him about having a baby a two months ago, and now she really was going to have one? And at the best of times too. Right when her husband decides to go MIA.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there for, staring blankly into the distance, her body incapable of feeling anything. Numb. Thats how she felt. She felt like she was bathing in a tub of ice and all her sense and nerves had just shut down. Numb.

She'd only been numb once before, after seeing Paul for the first time in five years. Bu this was worse, oh this was so much worse. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't talk. She couldn't do anything, she was just numb.

She wishes she could say she was startled by the sound of knocking her door, but she wasn't. She'd gotten used to Meredith and Link coming over at random hours of the day. Sometimes to rant about anything, or sometimes to just talk with her.

Maybe it's Alex, she thinks, and with that thought she gets up from the too big bed and makes her way to the loft's wooden door.

Please be you please be you.

The door opens and the sight she sees is one she wishes she didn't.

In one second she knew that her whole world was about to crumble under her feet. Oh god, how badly she wished she stayed in bed, how badly she wished she was at the hospital.

"Ma'am is this the home of Alexander Karev?" the officer asks, looking up from his notepad, his partner standing next to him dutifully.

Jo gulps visibly, already feeling the tears burning in her eyes. "Y-yes, he's my husband, i'm his wife."

The two officer share a sympathetic glance. "We're afraid there's been an accident.

____

After a short phone call with Meredith and one plane ride to some place in Oregon, Jo is standing outside some hospital she's never heard of, Meredith right by her side, holding her hand so tightly, like it was a life-line. Because it was. They knew nothing. All they knew was that Alex was involved in a ca accident that involved a drunk driver, and they hadn't been able to identify him for the past two weeks. They didn't know anything. Was he alive? Was he dead? Had they simply only contacted her so they would know what to do with his body? Was he seriously just okay and he was in a medically induced coma? Did he have amnesia? Did he not remember who he was?

For two weeks her husband had been just another John Doe. One that they see in the pit nearly every day.

He wasn't Doctor Alex. He was even a doctor. He wasn't her husband. He wasn't a best friend, a companion, a lover. He wasn't a surgeon who saved the lives of tiny humans. He wasn't a guy who made little kids less scared of the hospital. He was just another meaningless John Doe, taking up space in the ICU.

But oh, she felt guilty. So guilty. She was worried that he was having some kind of secret affair while he was really just in the hospital.

Meredith squeezes her hand, "You ready?" she croaks out, her red rimmed eyes string up at the hospital in front of her. Meredith wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for what stood behind those doors. She wasn't ready.

"No." Jo shakes her head, a few stray tears already coming down her cheek. She hadn't gotten them to stop. She physically couldn't get them to stop. Ever since those six dreadful words came out of the officer mouth.

Meredith sighs in understanding, "I know." she says, stepping forward and taking the first steps, Jo following behind her robotically.

No, not robotically. Numbly.

How naive she was, thinking that what she felt earlier was numbness, this was a whole new level. This was paralyzing. This was frightening. This was feeling her body start to disintegrate piece by piece.

Without knowing it she was standing on the sixth floor, the ICU. Meredith leans over the nurses station, asking for the room number for Alex Karev.

Jo doesn't see the sad, sympathetic smile the nurse gives the two, but Meredith does. And that's when she knew that things weren't going to be alright. Nothing was going to be bright and shiny and happy with unicorns and rainbows.

Somehow, they end up on the other side of the Alex's room, but Jo had yet to look up from her gaze on the floor. She's never noticed how white the linoleum of hospital floor were. They were shiny too. So shiny that she could see her reflection.

It was when Meredith lets out a soft sob that she finally decides to look up, not at all prepared for the sight in front of her.

The sight of her husband, the love of her life, lying in a bed, tubes sticking out of every possible place in his body.

It was then she felt her whole world crash down. Crash down and burn. A gut wrenching sob escapes her throat, a hand coming up to cover her mouth as the tears come down her face. They come down so fast she cant even wipe them away until her face is soaked again.

"Mer I-i," she chokes out, feeling her breathing start to pick up as she tries and fails to form her words.

Meredith nods, "Go in." she whispers brokenly, watching as a doctor makes his way towards.

The doctor holds out his palm to the blonde, "Hi i'm Doctor Kelsey, i'm the neurosurgeon on Mr. Karev's case-"

"It's doctor." she interrupts him. "Doctor Karev. Doctor Alex Karev." she says slowly.

The man nods, "Okay, Dr. Karev has been here for fifteen days now. There was an MVC on the 45 with a drunk driver and he ended up getting very severely injured-"

She cuts him off again, "I'm sorry, let me introduce myself. I'm Dr. Meredith Grey."

She watches as the man's eyes widen in surprise. He was standing in front of Meredith Grey? The Meredith Grey? Catherine Fox Award Meredith Grey? Daughter of two time Catherine Fox recipient Ellis Grey?

"W-wow. I-its an honor to meet you Doctor Grey, i'm a big fan." he says, smiling brightly.

Meredith jolts back in shock, eyes narrowing at the man who was about ten years older than her. "It's an honor to meet me?" she hisses, watching as the fellow surgeon's smile falls as quickly as it appeared.

"I-its an honor to meet me? That's what you have to say? You have the audacity to say that, as i stand here, outside of the room of my best friend, who is alive because of tubes and vents? It's an honor to meet me, when the only reason i'm here if because my best friend, my person, is lying there, unable to move or breathe, or talk? It's an honor to meet me?" Meredith yells , tears escaping her eyes, earning the attention from the others in the ICU, but she didn't care.

The man nods furiously, "O-of course, i'm so sorry Doctor Grey, that was very disrespectful of me." he says, going on to explain the extent of Alex's injuries.

___

Jo stumbles into the room lifelessly, seeing the unmoving body of her husband lying on the bed.

The sight causes a whole new round of tears to spring into her eyes and down her cheeks, "Oh Alex," she chokes out, grabbing ahold of his left hand, clasping it firmly in her palm.

it was cold. Way too cold. Normally his hands were warm. Not sweaty or clammy, they were just warm and soothing, perfect for her's to slip into at any time of the day.

She feels the cold band of his wedding ring touch her fingers and that's when she lets the sobs take over.

The gut wrenching, heart breaking, deep sobs as she collapses on the side of his bed and onto her knees, completely ignoring the chair next to her.

She couldn't hold herself up. its like her legs could not longer support her, like they had turned into helpless piles of water, "Alex please." she begs, lips trembling as she places kiss over kiss on his hand.

She wasn't stupid, she was a doctor. She knew what all the tuning and the wires and the ventilators meant.

"Please tell me this is just some joke. Some really mean, really awful joke. Please Alex. Please." she cries.

"Please tell me this is just a nightmare, an awful, awful nightmare. Please tell me this isn't real Alex. Please." she begs, holding his hand so tight as her body shakes with sobs.

She shakes her head, laughing softly at first, then louder and louder, "Oh god." she sobs, her laughter coming to a halt. "This is real." she whispers, feeling as her tears drop from her eyes to the floor.

"No Alex. you don't get to die on me alright? Because, because i cant live without you okay? You-you need to know that. If you, if you die, i die." she says, taking both of her palms and clasping her tiny hands around his big one.

She shakes her head, "No Alex. You don't get to do this to me. You don't get to leave me. We-we meed to grow old a and grey, and we need to have kids. So many kids. We need to have at least three kids. We need to get a dog a-and travel the world. We still need to do that Alex."

Jo sniffles, "But it's not only you that needs me Alex, this baby needs you too." she sobs, standing up and sitting down on the bed, taking Alex's hand and placing it over her stomach, hoping that this would be enough. That this would be enough for him to wake up, to defy all medical standards and wake the hell up.

"Please Alex, this baby needs you." Jo sobs, "Because, i sure as hell can't do this without you. Y-you're the peds surgeon Alex, you were practically born to be a dad." she wipes her tears to no avail, since they just kept coming. "You need to hold this baby in your arms, you need to be there with me to tell them about how we had sex in a shed next to a corpse on our wedding on their wedding day. You-you need to see them grow up and graduate Alex."

"Y-you need to be there Alex. I need you, Mer needs. Zola and Bailey and Ellis, they need you. The tiny children that you save all the time need you. They need Doctor Alex. I need Doctor Alex."

"I-i need you to get so overprotective if it's a girl when she has her first boyfriend. I need to watch you teach our baby how to wrestle if he's a boy. Or a girl, i'm not judging." she chuckles soft'y, holding his palm against her still flat abdomen.

She lays down beside him, laying there in silence for a long time. She lets the thoughts roam in her mind.

Jo sighs, "I hated you at first." she starts, absentmindedly threading her fingers though his hair like she had done so many time before. 'Like seriously, you were one of the biggest assholes I ever met." she chuckles softly.

"And then there was the teen mom who was just going to abandon her baby that i went al crazy on, rightfully so by the way." she smiles slightly, knowing that if he could somehow hear her he was probably rolling his eyes. "And then suddenly, i told you my whole life story, just like that. I'd never done that with anyone before." she sighs, glancing back down to her stomach, where she had her hand clasped in his in a hold over her stomach. "I'd never opened up to someone so easily before. It was like... my heart knew I could trust you before any other part of me could."

"I know i know, you're laughing at me. I sound like something out of a cheesy lifetime movie." she smiles softly. "And then came Ben and Bailey's wedding, and then, before i knew it, you were my best friend."

She starts to trace his fingers, something she always did to calm her down, "And then, one day, i was drinking a beer at Joe's with Jason, and all i could think was that i would rather be with you, on the couch that I bought, and watching action movies with you. That's when i realized i was i love with you." she whispers, some new tears building in her eyes.

"And then we wen through crap. So much crap Alex. That's why this can't be the end. Thats why this can't be the end of us okay? Because we've been through too much crap to let a drunk driver end us."

"Please Alex, i'm begging you, come back." she sobs, starting to pound her fists on his chest.

"Come back! Come back you son of a bitch! Come back!" Jo cries, unable to atop the steady flow of water coming down her face.

"Please Alex." Jo begs, her eyes so red and puffy that they looked like she had been crying for years. "You-you have my whole heart Alex. And i-if you die, you will crush it, and I wont make it. I cant live without you okay? You hear me? I need you Alex. I- i cant breathe. I cant breathe, ii cant exist in a world without you in it, okay?" she sobs, hyperventilating as she trues to get her words out, which only came out in barely audible sobs.

Somewhere along the way she cries herself to sleep, waking up a nearly a whole day later to a view of Meredith, Amelia, Tom, Jackson, Arizona, Callie, Link, Cristina, Bailey, and Richard standing outside the ICU.

And for one second, before she opens her eyes, she forgets everything, simply snuggling into the body and the scent she missed so much, a combination of aftershave and spearmint.

And then she remembers.

And oh god, she just wants to die.

She feels like a knife is being driven through her heart, stabbing her again and again and again, with absolutely no intention to stop.

Eventually Meredith breaks her out of her trance by knocking on the door, in which Jo responds by a head nod, letting her know that it was okay to come in.

The blonde enters, flowed by Amelia and Tom. "I called them. I wanted them here to consult, look at all his scans, everything." Meredith mutters, her voice hoarse and broken from trying to hold in her tears.

Jo looks up at the two, a small glimmer of hope shining in her eyes, "P-please." she stutters out, her voice high pitched and squeaky, sounding more broken than they'd ever heard her before, "tell me you guys can do something."

Amelia takes a deep breath, letting a few drops of water pool in her eyes, "Jo-"

"No," she sobs, shaking her head. "It took me twenty-seven years to find him, longer to realize i loved him, and even longer to be able to marry him." she starts to shake, trying to take in every detail of his face.

His overgrown stubble.

The soft creases around his eyes.

The slight wrinkles etched into his forehead.

"Jo, we can't bring him back. I'm so sorry." Tom says, trying to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, which she shakes off.

She slowly nods, unconsciously mumbling something about how she was going to let everyone say their goodbyes before she said hers.

So thats what she did. One by one the said their tearful, heartbroken goodbyes, still i denial that the man they loved would soon be gone.

Jo goes in one last time, lying down next to him, holding his figure in her arms. "I love you." she sobs.

"I haven't said that enough. I love you Alex. God, I love you so much jerkface. I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as i love you." she cried, her tears an endless flow into a river. "I love you, i love you, i love you."

"And, please, please love me enough to come back." she begs him, still holding onto that tiny bit of hope.

"You said we'd be together forever Alex. You and me. Please, please let there be forever." she pleads with him one last time, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek.

With one deep breath she gives a nod to the nurse, who slowly begins to remove the ventilator. Then she unplugs him from all the machine.

She lays her head on his heart, feeling as he breathes one last time under her.

And then, she places a kiss on his lips, one last time

and all of a sudden,

he was gone.

"we had plans, we had visions, now i cant see ahead. We were one, were golden, forever you said."

"didn't say goodbye now I'm frozen in time getting colder, colder. "

"One last word. One last moment. To ask you why, you left me here behind."

"You said you'd grow old with me."

[newstfionline]

Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Canada Battles More Than 180 Wildfires With Hundreds Dead In Heat Wave (NPR) Emergency responders in Canada are currently battling more than 180 wildfires in British Columbia amid an intense heat wave that has left hundreds dead in the Pacific Northwest. About 70% of the active fires were likely caused by lightning strikes, according to the British Columbia Wildfire Service’s dashboard. Chris Vagasky, a meteorologist with the company Vaisala, says a lightning detection network uncovered more than 700,000 lightning strikes in the area between June 30 and July 1. The fires come amid a massive heat wave for the region.

Canada, US are easing pandemic border-crossing restrictions (AP) Pandemic restrictions on travel between Canada and the U.S. began to loosen Monday for some Canadians, and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said plans to totally reopen the border would be announced over the next few weeks. Canadian citizens and permanent residents who have had a full dose of a coronavirus vaccine approved for use in Canada can skip a 14-day quarantine that has been a requirement since March 2020. Eligible air travelers also no longer have to spend their first three days in the country at a government-approved hotel. Restrictions barring all non-essential trips between Canada and the United States, including tourism, will remain in place until at least July 21.

Summer swelter trend: West gets hotter days, East hot nights (AP) As outlandish as the killer heat wave that struck the Pacific Northwest was, it fits into a decades-long pattern of uneven summer warming across the United States. The West is getting roasted by hotter summer days while the East Coast is getting swamped by hotter and stickier summer nights, an analysis of decades of U.S. summer weather data by The Associated Press shows. State-by-state average temperature trends from 1990 to 2020 show America’s summer swelter is increasing more in some of the places that just got baked with extreme heat over the past week: California, Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah, Oregon and Colorado. The West is the fastest-warming region in the country during June, July and August, up 3 degrees on average since 1990. The Northwest has warmed nearly twice as much in the past 30 years as it has in the Southeast.

Collapsed Florida condo demolished ahead of storm (Reuters) The partially collapsed Miami-area condo where 24 people are confirmed dead was demolished on Sunday night, ahead of the possible arrival of Tropical Storm Elsa. Search-and-rescue efforts for 121 people missing have been suspended. Miami-Dade County Mayor Daniella Levine Cava told reporters earlier on Sunday that rescue efforts would resume after the demolition, noting it was 11 days since the collapse.

Loved and decried, El Salvador’s populist leader is defiant (AP) In the narrow, gang-controlled alleys of the Las Palmas neighborhood, struggling Salvadorans are untroubled by actions of their president that so infuriate his critics. They are not bothered by Nayib Bukele’s dictatorial maneuvers—sending armed troops into congress to coerce a vote, or ousting independent judges from the country’s highest court, paving the way to control all branches of government. They praise his relentless attacks on the politicians who governed El Salvador for nearly 30 years before him, and the elites who benefited from their rule. In this neighborhood they are grateful for the boxes of food staples they’ve received from Bukele’s government during the pandemic. Adults proudly pat their shoulders and say they got both doses of the COVID-19 vaccine long before most other people in Central America. For all the observers and critics who condemn a dangerous concentration of power by a charismatic leader who sports down-home blue jeans and leather jackets, Bukele enjoys an approval rating of more than 90% among people who saw three of four previous presidents jailed or exiled for corruption. “They talk about democracy... I don’t know what else,” said Julio César López, 60, a street artist in Las Palmas. “It makes me really happy that they’re kicking out that class of people.”

Fraud Claims, Unproved, Delay Peru’s Election Result and Energize the Right (NYT) They showed up for the rally by the thousands in red and white, the colors of their right-wing movement, swapping conspiracy theories and speaking ominously of civil war. On the stage, their leader, the presidential candidate Keiko Fujimori, let loose on her headline issue: election fraud. Though electoral officials say her opponent, the leftist union leader Pedro Castillo, leads by more than 40,000 votes with all the ballots counted, they have yet to declare a victor a month after the polls closed, as they consider Ms. Fujimori’s demand that tens of thousands of ballots be thrown out. No one has come forward, even weeks later, to corroborate Ms. Fujimori’s claims of fraud; international observers have found no evidence of major irregularities; and both the United States and the European Union have praised the electoral process. But Ms. Fujimori’s claims have not only delayed the certification of a victor, they have also radicalized elements of the Peruvian right in a way that analysts say could threaten the country’s fragile democracy.

Britain plans to end legal mandates for masks and social distancing on July 19, Boris Johnson says (Washington Post) Boris Johnson on Monday announced that Britain was set to soon end virtually all government mandates to control the spread of the coronavirus, telling people that in two weeks it would likely be completely up to them whether to wear a face mask or socially distance. At an evening news conference, the British prime minister said England was ready to move beyond one of longest, most restrictive series of lockdowns on the planet, turning away from legally binding rules to personal responsibility. He cautioned that the pandemic was not over, but it was time for restrictions to end soon. If the current trends hold, and Johnson suggested they would, then he expected the full reopening for July 19.

Lobsters’ feelings loom large as British Parliament debates animal welfare bill (Washington Post) How does a lobster feel when it’s dropped into the boiling pot? The British Parliament wants to know. Is an octopus sad, sometimes? Does the squid learn its lessons? The bee feel joy? The earthworm anxiety? The peers in the House of Lords are currently debating the matter. These questions arise because Prime Minister Boris Johnson is trying to make good on his electoral pledge to enshrine into law the idea that animals are “sentient beings,” meaning the government would be obligated to not only safeguard creatures’ physical well-being but also take into account their feelings—of pleasure, pain and more. The Animal Welfare (Sentience) Bill is a potentially sweeping piece of legislation that could require all arms of government—not just the agriculture ministry—to consider animal sentience when forming policy and writing regulations. The implications could be moral and profound, supporters hope—or cumbersome and bureaucratic, critics say, with some seeing a power play by vegan activists and animal rights radicals.

Indian dowries still common despite being illegal (BBC) A new World Bank study has found that dowry payments in India’s villages have not decreased over the past few decades even though the practice was made illegal in 1961. The researchers found that in 95% of the 40,000 marriages that took place in rural India between 1960 and 2008, dowry was still paid. Paying and accepting dowry is a centuries-old tradition in South Asia where the bride’s parents gift cash, clothes and jewellery to the groom’s family.

80 people feared missing in deadly ‘tsunami’ mudslide in central japan (CNN) Japanese rescue workers continued to search for survivors Monday, two days after a devastating “tsunami” of mud swept through a coastal city, killing at least three people and leaving 80 feared missing. Of the people currently unaccounted for, it’s possible that some may not have been in the city at the time of the mudslide, a city official said.

Malaysians suffering amid lockdown fly white flag for help (AP) When Mohamad Nor Abdullah put a white flag outside his window late at night, he didn’t expect the swift outpouring of support. By morning, dozens of strangers knocked on his door, offering food, cash and encouragement. Malaysia’s nationwide lockdown to curb a coronavirus surge was tightened further on Saturday, banning people in certain areas from leaving their homes except to buy food and necessities. It lurched Mohamad Nor into desperation. He ekes out a living by selling packed nasi lemak, a popular dish of coconut milk rice with condiments, at a roadside stall every morning, but that income has vanished and government aid was insufficient. The white flag campaign that emerged on social media last week aims to help people like Mohamad Nor, who is 29 and was born without arms. By chance, he saw the campaign on Facebook and decided to try to seek help. “It was so unexpected. So many people reached out to help, support and also encouraged me,” Mohamad Nor said, sitting in his dingy room amid boxes of biscuits, rice, cooking oil and water that were swiftly donated to him. He said kind Samaritans offered to help pay his room rental and that the assistance should be enough to tide him through the next few months.

New Zealand records warmest-ever June as ski fields struggle (AP) New Zealand has recorded its warmest June since recordkeeping began, as ski fields struggle to open and experts predict shorter southern winters in the future. A range of factors led to the record, including more winds coming from the milder north rather than the Antarctic south, and unusually warm ocean temperatures, said Gregor Macara, a climate scientist at the government-owned National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research. He said the vagaries of weather will change from month to month. “But the underlying trend is of increasing temperatures and overall warming,” Macara said.

Nigerian Baptist Students Kidnapped in Kaduna (CT) More than 100 students at a Christian boarding school in Nigeria’s northern state of Kaduna were kidnapped early Monday morning. Shooting wildly, armed assailants breached the walls of Bethel Baptist High School in Maraban Rido on the outskirts of the state capital, Kaduna, at about 2 a.m. on July 5 and took students in the school hostel away at gunpoint, area residents told Morning Star News (MSN). Efforts were still underway to determine exactly how many students were abducted. A Bethel teacher told Agence France-Presse (AFP) that 140 students were kidnapped while 25 students escaped, but area residents living close to the school told MSN that 179 children were abducted of which only 15 escaped. The attack was the fourth mass school kidnapping in Kaduna state since December, according to AFP.

[spectral-apparitions]

Could you create a crossover between Code Lyoko and Gravity Falls?

I know exactly who sent this and you know I’ve been letting it sit in my inbox.

You also know that I’m only on season 1 of Code Lyoko and I still need to watch the last few episodes of Gravity Falls.

Buuut here’s my thoughts currently!

Anybody who has spoiler free ideas they would like to share with me please go ahead. And anybody who wants to take these ideas and run with them on their own AU ideas, go for it. Though maybe show me because I’d be interested in your takes? I want to see your ideas too

Bill and XANA alliance. Either

1) Bill is trapped in Lyoko and works with XANA to influence the outside world. 2) Bill is able to travel into Lyoko and helps XANA carry out schemes in the real world and has some influence over the virtual world as well.

And perhaps,,these two eventually turning on each other.

The kids from CL and Gravity Falls meeting each other.

 If we’re moving around geographic regions (GF is in Oregon, I don’t recall the school of CL having an official location but the cartoon is produced in France), the two locations being close to each other. Enough that eventually while there’s some strange happenings, the kids all run into each other investigating.

Or if we’re saying CL school is in Piedmont or nearby, the Pines twins attending school there. When weird things happen around school, they think it could be something paranormal like in Gravity Falls. They consult the journal for possible explanations and sneak out at night and between classes to investigate. 

The twins eventually discover one of the secret paths to the factory. There might be several instances where they find it but later forget due to the time reversals. But eventually, they find one, and find the factory. They don’t know how to get to the Lyoko lab, but Dipper knows something is weird about this place and keeps going back. Soon after they run into the others and ugh, fine, here, you can see what’s up, just don’t tell anybody.

Or if we’re keeping true locations, the CL crew visiting Gravity Falls over the summer. Every time something weird happens, they suspect XANA. Odd is first to suggest anything truly paranormal. When they find out that there really are unusual things in Gravity Falls, they’re incredibly curious! All four of them are naturally curious about it and want to learn more, but Jeremie in particular wants to understand how these things exist. If Dipper shows them the Journal, Jeremie will want to spend extra time going through it with Dipper.

In any case, they all get along quickly.  Mabel tries to be friends with everybody (and in the case they visit the school, even Sissi she tries to befriend. But she finds she likes hanging out with the main characters the most). She spends time particularly with Yumi. Or visiting Odd and Kiwi. Dipper and Jeremie get along pretty well, playing chess and other nerd games together. Or just infodumping at each other.

I’m not sure what the situation would be to get both XANA attacks and Gravity Falls weirdness happening at once. Maybe if the two locations are close to each other. Or if paranormal activity happens outside of GF as well. Or we could change the factory situation somehow, so that the crew doesn’t have to go to that specific location. In any case, I think it would be interesting if the Lyoko crew could get into Lyoko while there is also the possibility of non-XANA weirdness.

Or XANA controlling monsters and anomalies.

A situation where the Pines investigate the worldy happenings, looking for ways to combat whatever is happening in the real world. Something to pacify the threat. Meanwhile, the Lyoko squad faces any influence by XANA by going into Lyoko and helping Aelita deactivate towers. 

Dipper helping Jeremie figure out how to materialize Aelita. And Dipper taking notes on Lyoko and XANA.

Mabel wishing she could go into Lyoko and have a cool outfit and powers.

Waddles and Kiwi :) friends