#But he's violent and his logic seems to be a bit binary... When he was a child! Who knows how he is as an adult who's not manipulated nlw

[duncanor]

Razlo bein' painted as a cruel monster when he's but a misguided protector is real tragic.

And he's not just Livio's protector. The first time we see him kill for someone, it's for the little girl Livio saved. It was wrong but to him it was logical, the dog was what put her into danger so he removed it from the equation.

I think Wolfwood would have liked him, if he got the chance to.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Pointless Pining (makes for the best love stories)

Ao3

Summary: Sure, Roman could tell aur squishes that au was in love with them. There was even a fairly good chance they’d return the sentiment! But there was also a chance (however small) that they would say no, and well... Roman didn’t want to take that risk. Content: Mutual pining, oblivious pining so oblivious it’s ridiculous (but true!), swearing, referencing making out, running away from family events to avoid said family, confessions, kissing (not on the lips); everyone’s non-binary except andy who’s male (cis or trans, reader’s choice), aro!roman, implied aro!logan + aro!remy Pairings: QPR rolosleep, romo anxton (ts shorts anxiety [Andy] x Patton) Notes: For easy reference, Roman’s pronoun set is au/aur/aurs/aurself (based off of the periodic table element name for gold, not the term for alternate universes), Logan’s is ja/java/jav/javs/javaself (based off the coding language, not coffee), and Patton’s is dai/dais/daiself Also! this fic is dedicated to my wonderful qpps, @lo-gayn and @bitchy-sleep ! i adore them with all my heart, even if I wasn’t very helpful with the getting-together part of our relationship. this one’s for you, loves <3

~

    Roman had an amazing, spectacular, flawless plan.

    “This is a horrible idea, dude.”

    Some people just refused to understand aur brilliance.

    “You know, this is why I don’t talk to you.” Roman said matter-of-factly, ignoring Andy rolling his eyes as au compared two dresses in aur mirror. “Now just tell me which red goes better with my eyes.”

    “How would I know? Unlike some people, I don’t spend all day looking into them.” Andy huffed, reclined out on Roman’s bed. “I don’t even know why you’re asking me for help with your clearly doomed plan.”

    “I’m asking you because it’s you or Patton, and dai’ll just ignore my dress question and focus on the reason for the dress instead, and you know what dai will say then.”

    “To get over yourself and stop ending up in fanfic-esque situations with your squishes because you’re a hopeless pining mess who refuses to open your eyes to the reality that they want to be your partners as much as you want to be theirs?”

    Roman turned from the mirror, frowning at Andy. “Well dai wouldn’t say it so rudely.”

    Andy just shrugged. “It’s the truth. The sooner you accept it, the sooner I can stop dealing with this bullshit.”

    A gasp of faux offense sounded in the doorway, and Roman groaned at the same time Andy perked up, pushing himself into a better sitting position.

    “Language!” Patton scolded, though dais words had no heat to them as dai smiled and joined Andy on the bed. Well, joined Andy on his lap, a move that the punk didn’t argue, even as his cheeks turned a rather vibrant shade of red.

    “Sorry, Pat.” Andy mumbled as Patton innocently wrapped dais arms around the back of his neck and leaned against his chest. Roman rolled aur eyes. Andy could act as intimidating and tough as he wanted, but as soon as Patton was within eyesight, he melted.

    “It’s no problem, an-dorable.” Patton said. Andy just blushed harder and Roman sniggered, amused. That was the wrong thing to do, however, as it drew Patton’s attention onto aur and aur dresses. “Oh, those are some nice outfits, Ro. What’s the special occasion?”

    “None! Nothing!” Roman said hastily, quickly moving over to aur closet and tossing the two options back in haphazardly. Two weeks au had kept this a secret, and au refused to be found out now. “Just… showing off some of my wardrobe to Andy.”

    Roman didn’t need to be facing Patton to know dai didn’t believe that, and au could practically hear the frown in dais tone as dai responded, “Are you sure? Those are some of your favorite dresses, you don’t normally take them out without a reason.”

    “And I had a reason! Showing them off to Andy!” Roman defended, looking at Andy slightly desperately. “Right, Andy?”

    Instead of providing Roman with the save au needed, however, Andy glanced at Patton before shaking his head. “Au’s got a date.”

    Patton’s eyes lit up at the actual answer, distracted enough by it to not notice the rather violent motion Roman made at Andy. Andy seemed unconcerned and unthreatened, only smirking rather self-satisfiedly at the gesture.

    “You finally asked them out?” Patton said excitedly, continuing on before Roman could continue, “This is great, Roro! You should definitely go with the scarlet dress, then- it’s just perfect for a first date-”

    “It’s not a date!” Roman interrupted, stopping Patton’s words immediately.

    Dai blinked twice, looking confused. “But Andy said it was.”

    “Sometimes Andy lies.” Roman muttered.

    “Not this time.” Andy spoke up, ignoring Roman’s glare. “I don’t care what you want to call it, dude, but it’s very clearly a date.”

    “Those were some pretty nice dresses you were considering Roman.” Patton added. “Not really what you’d wear out casually.”

    Roman sighed and glanced back at the dresses au had crammed back into aur closet. “Then maybe I’m just being too dramatic in my choice in attire.” Au mumbled to aurself, trying not to feel too disheartened. Au did like wearing those dresses, and any excuse to do so was one au’d always jump at. It’s not like au wanted Logan and Remy to see aur wearing one of them. Not in particular, anyways. That would be silly and blackmail material, and despite aur sibling’s sweet exterior dai was more than willing to work with blackmail.

    Shaking aur head to focus back on the issue at hand, Roman once more faced Andy and Patton. “One of Logan’s relatives is having a birthday dinner, and Logan invited me and Remy to come and stop java from being forced to only interact with jav family for two hours. It’s not a date, just friends helping friends.”

    “Ja literally invited both of you to dinner at a fancy restaurant for the express purpose of spending the night talking and dining with you two.” Andy said, repeating the same thing he had said only a few minutes ago, albeit then with more swearing. “It’s a date.”

    “I have to agree with Andy here, Ro.” Patton said, once more smiling excitedly.

    “You always agree with Andy.”

    Patton waved dais hand dismissively. “You were clearly picking out date clothes to go out to dinner with your squishes. It’s a date.”

    Roman sighed, moving over to aur desk. Au almost slumped into the chair before deciding the queer choice was to hop on top of the desk and sit there. “Just because it meets the criteria of a date doesn’t make it one.”

    “If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck-”

    “-then maybe you’re just shit at identifying waterfowl.” Roman cut Andy off, ignoring Patton’s reprimand of ‘language!’. “Besides, dates are for people in love with each other. One-sided pining doesn’t count.”

    At that statement, Roman was met with twin stares of disbelief.

    “Really, Roman, I thought you would’ve gotten over this by now.” Patton said after a moment, tone lightly scolding.

    “My pining…?”

    “Your belief that it’s one-sided.” Patton corrected. “It’s very obvious, I’m not sure how you’re still missing it.”

    “Just because you guys think it’s obvious-”

    “Logan has literally told you ja’d be open to being in a QPR with you.” Andy cut aur off, disbelief now mixing with frustration. “How much more obvious do you need?”

    Roman looked away, focusing on a wall. “It was late when ja said that, I’m sure ja didn’t mean it.”

    Andy scoffed. “It was four in the afternoon.”

    “That’s… kinda late.” Roman said, well aware aur tone wasn’t quite as confident as it needed to convince Patton and Andy to drop the matter. “And that’s just Logan, nothing about Remy.”

    “He is literally always flirting with you.”

    “Remy flirts with everyone.”

    Patton shook dais head. “Remy only really flirts with two people, Ro, and she’s made out with one of them plenty of times.”

    “Logan and Remy’s snogging is purely platonic.” Roman dismissed, wrinkling aur nose even as au said ‘snogging.’ Au wasn’t a fan of the word, but au preferred it to some of the other more creative terms au could’ve gone for.

    Au left out the part where au was fairly certain it wasn’t purely platonic. There was only so long you could try and live in someone’s lap before one emotion or the other got wrapped into the mix, in Roman’s opinion.

    “You’re really just going to ignore all of the evidence they like you back.” Andy said slowly, as if hoping that Roman would correct him.

    But all Roman did was smile at him and cheerfully say, “Yep!”

    Andy tossed his hands up into the air, flopping backwards on the bed, Patton giggling as dai fell over with him. “I give up. You’re impossible and refuse to listen to any and all logic.

    “I listen to Logan!” Roman defended in amusement. “Ja’s the only one I know with a fully functioning braincell, after all.”

    “And yet, you refuse to listen to Logan when ja says ja wants to be your partner.”

    “Technically, ja just said ja’d be alright with the idea of it, not that ja wanted things to be that way.” Roman corrected, slipping off aur desk and moving towards aur dresser. “There’s a difference.”

    “You know, you don’t have to have Logan confess to you first.” Patton pointed out, snuggling dais head against Andy’s shoulder. “Sometimes you just have to read the signs and make your move!”

    Roman chuckled. “Patton, you asked Andy out within a day of knowing him. Your advice hardly applies here.”

    Patton pouted. “I think it applies here!”

    “You’re just refusing to read the signs, Roman.” Andy added, wrapping a hand around Patton’s back and kissing dais forehead. “It worked out pretty fucking well for Patton, after all.”

    Roman didn’t respond immediately, waiting for Patton’s ‘language!’ exclamation, only to find it not coming, Patton much more distracted by curling against Andy’s chest. Roman smiled a bit at that. “Well, I am Jared, 19.”

    “You’re embarrassing yourself, that’s what you are.” Andy replied. Roman bit back a ‘when do I not’ and focused on shifting through the clothes in aur dresser. Only a moment passed before Andy asked, “What’re you doing?”

    “Picking my outfit for tonight.” Roman answered, pulling out a pair of aur black jeans, one of the pairs that hadn’t faded to grey yet. Au dropped it on top of aur dresser and moved on to finding a shirt.

    Shuffling on the bed indicated to Roman that Andy and Patton must have sat up, likely to try and see what clothing pieces au was choosing. They didn’t say anything, however, until Roman pulled out two shirts and turned back towards them, displaying aur choices. “Which one do you think goes better with my eyes?”

    Patton frowned. “From fancy dresses to jeans and t-shirts? That’s a pretty steep de-escalation, Ro.”

    Roman shrugged. “Well, if you guys thought the fancy dresses were for a special date, I don’t want Logan and Remy to feel I’ve made any false assumptions as to our relationship and the purpose of tonight’s outing.” Au said, smirking at the look of shock and annoyance on Patton’s and Andy’s faces, respectively. “So. Which one goes better with my eyes?”

    “You’re a moron.” Andy told aur before nodding his head at the shirt in Roman’s left hand. “That one.”

    “Thank you!” Roman responded, turning back towards aur dresser and dropping the one Andy had indicated back into the drawer, putting the white tank top covered in sparkly golden dots of varying sizes with the jeans.

    Andy groaned. “You know this is a date, no matter how hard you try to sabotage it, right?”

    “Nope!” Roman replied, scooping up aur choice in outfit and snagging aur red hoodie off the floor before heading towards the hallway. “I’m going to get changed. If you two are still here when I get back, I’m going to raid Patton’s stash of hidden cookies and give them to Logan’s family.”

    Patton squinted at aur. “You don’t know where my stash of cookies is. They’re hidden.”

    Roman chuckled as au stepped out of the room, heading towards the bathroom. “If you say so, Pat.” Au called over aur shoulder, confident in aur belief that Andy and Patton would be gone before au had even changed aur shirt.

    After all, there was only so much needling Roman could take, especially when it was in relation to aur squishes. Aur squishes who didn’t like aur back, Patton and Andy’s opinions aside and ignored. Roman might be aro, but au was still the expert on love, and au knew in-love people when au saw them. Logan and Remy loved Roman as a friend, and that was it.

    And if Roman was wrong, well… it wasn’t like au was ever going to confess anyways.

    ~

    Roman arrived at the Sanders household ten minutes early, having walked from aur house with the intent to hitch a ride with the family to the dinner. The driveway had  a couple more cars in it than usual, and the out-of-state license plates some of them had confirmed Roman’s suspicions they were Logan’s visiting relatives’ vehicles.

    Au didn’t bother with the door, cutting across the yard to the side of the house and slipping down and through the low-set basement window that had been left open for this exact purpose. Though the window was more commonly used as a way to escape the house, Roman and Remy often helping to pull Logan out so that they could go star-gazing when they all should’ve been sleeping, it served the purpose of avoiding strangers and prying questions equally well.

    Roman landed well, rocking on aur feet slightly to keep aur balance as au glanced around, looking for aur friends. The basement was a small affair, with one side taken up with Logan’s bed, dresser and desk, and the other with a bathroom and an old washing machine that no longer washed clothes but did occasionally hold the elements of Logan’s various experiments. That made it easy to spot Logan, who was sitting on jav bed and reading, so absorbed in jav book that ja didn’t notice Roman’s entrance.

    This gave Roman the perfect opportunity to be gay without java noticing.

    Because Logan, of course, had already changed for the dinner; jav regular nerdy t-shirt and jeans had been replaced with a simple, knee-length dark blue dress, the top half layered with white lace that outlined constellations across Logan’s chest. Jav hair was held in a loose ponytail by a silver ribbon, and matching star clips held back jav bangs. Ja looked gorgeous, and in that moment Roman wanted nothing more than to kiss jav forehead.

    But then Logan looked up from jav book and the moment was over.

    Ja spotted Roman quickly, offering aur a smile as ja slipped jav bookmark into place and put jav book to the side. “Hello, Roman!”

    Roman smiled back, trying to push aur thoughts away. “Heya, specs. How you doing?”

    “I’m alright.” Logan answered. “My relatives still remember the elephant toothpaste incident from last year, so they’re wary of coming down here and bothering me.”

    Roman chuckled at the memory of said incident. Despite requesting that ja be allowed to spend jav birthday as ja wanted, Logan’s parents had called jav relatives down for the day and planned a party around them being there. So Logan threw some water, soap, yeast, and hydrogen peroxide into a box and set the concoction up to make a mess of the stairs leading to jav room as soon as someone opened the door.

    Ja had escaped out the window after that, where Roman and Remy had been waiting for java to join them. The three of them had spent the day wandering the town, avoiding Logan’s searching family and doing whatever caught their attention. They had ended the day with the greasiest food from the cheapest fast-food joint they could find, eating it on top of the long-closed arcade and admiring the view of their town at dusk.

    Logan had been grounded for two weeks afterwards, but ja always held that it was worth it for what had been the best birthday of jav life.

    Roman was pulled out of aur recollections by the sound of a door opening. Looking up, however, Roman realized it wasn’t the door to the basement, but instead the bathroom door.

    A second later and Remy emerged, dressed almost opposingly to Logan’s style and yet still looking just as stunning. Like Roman, he was wearing jeans, but hers were torn up and well-worn. He was also wearing a black crop top, a fishnet shirt doing a poor job of covering up the rest of her upper body, not that Remy seemed to care. His jacket was slung over her back, his sunglasses were resting in her messy brown-and-pink hair, and his easy confidence in her look were only adding to the rising blush Roman was trying to fight off.

    “Finally decided to join us, babes?” Remy teased, seemingly oblivious to Roman’s gay panic.

    Roman cleared aur throat and tried to be oblivious to it too. “Excuse you, I’m ten minutes early.”

    “Yeah, but I’ve already been here for hours.” Remy complained, dropping down next to Logan on the bed dramatically. “And I’ve only had one cutie to gaze at the entire time! Not that ja isn’t certainly a very gorgeous cutie-”

    “Remy’s been helping me ensure no one tries to bother me before I’m stuck at a table with them.” Logan explained, cutting Remy off and ignoring his pout. “She’s been here since my first relative showed up around one.”

    “Over four hours of just you two chilling down here?” Roman confirmed, smirking as au did so. “Wonder how you spent that time.”

    Logan frowned at Roman in disappointment. “I mostly spent it reading and ignoring the annoyance.”

    “Mostly?” Roman repeated, smirk growing at the light blush that entered Logan’s cheeks.

    “Well I couldn’t exactly be reading for every single second of those hours-”

    “What Lolo means is that I’m not as annoying as ja pretends I am.” Remy cut in, throwing an arm over Logan’s shoulders and leaning against java. “And that I have very nice lips.”

    Logan’s blush turned a deeper red as ja swatted at Remy, pushing her off of java. “You are as annoying as I say you are, and you’re a bitch.”

    “But you still kissed meeeeee.”

    “I will shove you.”

    “Ah, come on, you know you love me-”

    Roman didn’t bother trying to stifle aur laugh as Logan made good on jav claim.

    Remy, for his part, didn’t seem put out, only looking up at Logan from her new position on the floor, slowly shaking his head as she said, “Cold, Lo, cold.”

    “I do run a temperature lower than the average human, though I do not see how that could be relevant here.”

    Remy pushed himself up, climbing back onto the bed and immediately slotting herself against Logan’s side, resting his head on jav shoulder and wrapping her arms around jav waist. “Because if you don’t have me warming you up, you could freeze! So you really can’t keep shoving me off of you.”

    “That’s illogical.” Logan pointed out with a roll of jav eyes, but ja made no move to get Remy off of java.

    Roman tried to find the best, least awkward way to stand, considering au was near the middle of the room and the only other people in it were cuddling. A small part of aur considered joining them on the bed, maybe even leaning against Logan aurself and joining the cuddles, but the possibility of it being weird or disruptive to the nice little thing Logan and Remy already had was too high to risk, so au remained rocking on aur heels, glancing at aur watch and wondering how close they were to go time.

    The door at the top of the stairs opening and Logan’s mother yelling down about how they were about to leave and Logan needed to get upstairs answered Roman’s question for aur.

    “Remy, please let go of me.”

    Remy made an unhappy humming noise and didn’t move.

    Logan sighed. “I can’t get up if you don’t let go of me.”

    “Then don’t get up.” Remy murmured back, clearly content to skip out on the dinner and spend the evening with just Logan instead. It was a sentiment Roman seconded, if only in aur mind.

    “I don’t want to be grounded again.” Logan replied.

    Remy sighed, sounding greatly annoyed, but he finally did as Logan asked, letting java go and standing up. “Can I at least hold your hand?”

    Logan stood up after her, only taking a second to think before ja nodded and offered Remy one of jav hands. Remy smiled brightly, taking the proffered hand and nearly pulling Logan towards the door.

    He was stopped by Logan’s refusal to move too far, turning back towards Roman instead and holding out jav other hand.

    “Coming?” Logan said simply, and after a moment that stretched longer than it probably should have, Roman nodded, hesitantly taking Logan’s hand. Logan’s fingers wrapped tightly around aur own, the gesture warm and sweet, even if Roman only had a moment to appreciate it before Remy was once more tugging on Logan, now dragging both java and Roman along with her up the stairs.

    Roman allowed aurself to be pulled along, using that time to try and decide if au should ignore the warmth blooming in aur chest or savor it.

    ~

    Dinner went just about exactly how Roman had expected it to go. Logan’s relatives tried to talk to java, aur and Remy deflected their questions away, the relatives asked them questions instead, Logan helped deflect those, jav relatives moved back to trying to question java, the cycle went on until they were halfway through dessert. Roman was just thankful most of the relatives allowed themselves to be deterred from their interrogation-style inquiries.

    There were some positives as well. The three of them had secured one of the table’s corners, Logan seated between Remy and Roman to further block javaself off from jav family. In that arrangement, it was easy for them to duck over and talk to each other, keeping their conversation separate from the rest of the table’s.

    And that was how they had spent most of the dinner, talking amongst themselves, trying to muffle their laughs as Logan made particularly scathing remarks about jav more despised relatives and they discussed where they’d all prefer to be. When their food arrived, they traded bites of their meals with each other, using the opportunity to mock each other’s taste with grins on their faces. That particular activity got some of Logan’s relatives looking at them funny, but Roman just shrugged it off as none of them knowing what having genuine fun with one’s friends looked like.

    It was at the end of dinner, when Logan’s family was waiting on the bill and discussing what to do with the rest of the evening, when Logan excused javaself to go to the bathroom. Ja patted Roman’s and Remy’s shoulders as ja stood, clearly wanting to make sure they didn’t forget the plan.

    Roman knew au certainly hadn’t, and a glance at Remy’s smirk proved she hadn’t either.

    A couple of minutes after Logan’s departure from the table, Roman feigned interest in aur phone, acting as though au had gotten a text. Au then stood up, thanking the collective Sanders for inviting aur to dinner and explaining that aur ride was there and it was time for aur to head home. Au brushed off their confusion at thinking they were the ones taking aur home easily, and slipped away from the table before they could figure out something was amiss.

    Au smiled when au found Logan in the lobby, looking only slightly worried over the idea that one of jav relatives might catch java trying to get out of any more family interaction time. Ja smiled when ja saw Roman, however. “Took you long enough.”

    “I believe it was you who said if I left too soon after you they’d be suspicious.” Roman replied, matching jav smile. “Why, miss me?”

    “Always.” Logan said almost immediately, and Roman fought off a blush at the single word. Au and Logan were close friends, and had been like that for a while. Cheesy lines like that were relatively common between the two of them; it didn’t mean anything else.

    Roman cleared aur throat. “Do you want to step outside? Remy might take a bit, depending on whether or not he decides to make a scene, and I don’t want to be too close if that happens, do you?”

    Logan chuckled. “Certainly not.” Ja replied, moving towards the double doors of the restaurant and holding one of them open for Roman.

    Stepping outside, Roman took in a deep breath of the cool evening air, preferring it to the overwhelming smell of various foods that had wafted throughout the entire restaurant. Logan came to stand beside aur only a second later, and Roman directed them both to the side of the restaurant, where they could wait discreetly for Remy to join them.

    “So,” Roman started, not wanting to spend the entire time waiting in silence, “scale of one to ten, how has your evening been so far?”

    Logan considered the question for a moment before responding, “An eight, I’d say.”

    Roman’s eyes widened a bit. “That’s pretty high, all things considered.”

    Logan shrugged. “Being around my relatives is always an atrocious affair, but having you and Remy around helped a lot. It was much more manageable with you two.” Logan glanced at Roman for a moment, expression unreadable, before focusing jav gaze back out on the parking lot in front of them. “I always enjoy being around you.”

    “We’re around each other a lot.” Roman pointed out quietly. Au wasn’t sure what point au was trying to prove, but au wasn’t quite sure what point Logan was going for either.

    “I suppose so.” Logan murmured, though it sounded more like a filler phrase than anything else. Silence stretched between them after that, and Roman didn’t feel like au should break it.

    It was eventually broken for aur by Remy sprinting out of the restaurant, spinning on his heel as she got outside, stopping when he saw Logan and Roman.

    “Hey, darlings! We gotta go!” She called out, grabbing their attention as he gestured for them to come join her. “Unless you want this whole plan to go down the drain, anyways!”

    “I knew he should’ve snuck out before me.” Logan said, shaking jav head even as ja smiled and started to run after Remy, Roman right behind java.

Remy didn’t start moving again until Logan and Roman were close, close enough that he could grab their hands. As soon as she had them, he took off again, weaving between the cars fast enough to hopefully throw off anyone who might be at the restaurant entrance now, trying to spot them.

    Soon enough they were out of the restaurant’s parking lot and on the sidewalk, racing down it as fast as they could. Remy still held their hands, her grip tight and warm, while he constantly checked around them, looking for something or another. Suddenly, she skidded to a stop in front of an alleyway.

    “You guys want to see something awesome?” Remy asked, glancing between the two of them as he asked.

    Roman fought off the urge to respond ‘I already do’ as au looked at Remy, flushed from the running but grinning as well, looking a wild sort of beautiful. “I’d love to.”

    “I certainly don’t have a better way to spend my time.” Logan said.

    Remy’s grin only grew. “Great.” She said, right before starting to run again, pulling them into the alleyway. They allowed themselves to be led as he ducked between different alleys and slipped between spaces Roman felt they weren’t meant to slip through, only letting go of Remy’s hands when she released them, coming to a stop in a small, unusual clearing.

    The spot Remy had finally stopped on was a ledge of cracked and jagged concrete, the broken concrete spreading out in a circle to fill the small area they were in, most of the space around them walled off by buildings built right next to each other and rusty chain link fences. Crumbling dirt sloped down against the concrete, making a small crater within the border of damaged rock.

    In the center of it all was a pond. It wasn’t very large, the crater itself only being three or four yards wide across, but it was well-sized. The surface of the water was pretty with the sunset colours playing across it, but it was clear enough for the group to see down into it. The dirt in the pool was awkwardly packed, leaving it deep in some spots and shallow in others, but amongst the layers Roman could just make out little creatures swimming about.

    “I stumbled into this place a couple of days ago when I was bored and wandering.” Remy explained while Roman and Logan leaned closer to the pond, both interested in the animals moving within it. “I think there was some construction mishap that made the crater, and they were too lazy to do anything to fix it, so they left it as was. Over time, it collected rainwater, and-”

    “Are these tadpoles?” Logan interrupted, looking up from the pond to meet Remy’s eyes instead.

    A broad smile broke across Remy’s face. “Far as I can tell, yep. Saw a few fully grown lads hopping around yesterday, too, though I don’t know if we’ll see them today.”

    Logan smiled at that, jav grin somehow bigger than Remy’s as ja quickly turned back towards the pond, leaning even closer to look down at the tadpoles. “Wonderful.” Ja said, under jav breath, looking completely absorbed by the animals.

    Roman forced aurself to stop admiring Logan and go back to watching the tadpoles before au was caught, but in aur opinion, the former view was much more incredible than the latter- and the tadpoles were pretty incredible.

    “Tonight just gets better and better, huh?” Roman said, the comment technically directed towards both Logan and Remy, but given that Remy seemed to have become distracted with one of the fences, only Logan really heard it.

    “Indeed.” Logan agreed, glancing away from the pond to look at Roman. Ja was still smiling brightly, jav entire face lit up and expression excited and happy. Roman couldn’t help but smile back, though aurs was softer, a product of Logan’s excitement, not aur own.

    “You look lovely.” Roman said, out of the blue, not entirely sure why au had spoken. It was true, yes, but Roman tried to mostly internalize those thoughts. “Your, uh, your dress, I mean. It’s very lovely- you wear it very… lovelily.”

    Logan laughed softly, a beautiful sound that Roman was absolutely in love with (almost as much as au was in love with Logan). “Thank you.” Ja finally said, with a small smile that seemed even more meaningful than the grin ja had been wearing a moment ago. “You wear your outfit very nicely as well.”

    If Roman hadn’t been blushing earlier, au certainly was now. “Thanks.” Au mumbled, glancing back out at the pond to avoid Logan’s gaze. Au had the distinct feeling that if au looked too long au might say things they would both inevitably regret.

    “My entire family thinks we’re together, you know.” Logan commented idely, ignoring the way Roman jerked at jav words. “Or me and Remy are together. Or you and Remy are together and I’m just third-wheeling. They’re too uptight to accept polyamory’s existence or it being valid, but if I did I think they’d assume we’re all together.”

    Roman forced a laugh. “Amatonormativity’s wild.”

    “It is.” Logan said, but it was offhanded. “Though I admit, all their conversing on the subject around, and sometimes to, me has… confused me a bit.”

    “Holy shit, Lo, don’t tell me you think you’re allo.”

    “Wha- no, no Roman, I’m still aromantic.” 

    “Oh.” Roman said lamely before frowning. Au was looking at Logan now, but jav expression was once more unreadable to aur. “Then what’s up?”

    Logan laughed nervously, taking jav turn as the one awkwardly watching the pond instead of the other. “Do you recall, a few months ago, when I told you I would be amicable to the idea of us entering into a queerplatonic relationship?”

    “Would I forget?”

    “You have the figurative memory of a goldfish so, yes, you would.”

    Roman chuckled. “Alright, you got me there. But, yes, Lo, I remember.” Au answered directly, hoping au just imagined the shake in aur voice.

    “When I told you that, it was because I felt I was- so to speak- in possession of equal platonic and queerplatonic feelings towards you. I did not mind being your friend, nor would I have minded being your partner, because both made me perfectly happy.”

    Roman hummed when Logan paused, trying to show au was paying attention without risking something as embarrassing as a voice break.

    “Now, I feel as though I still hold equal platonic and queerplatonic feelings towards you. But I’m… uncertain as to which I should be having. I have always been content with considering us to simply be friends, but the words of my family have forced me to take a closer look at what our relationship is, and I feel as if I must reconsider that view.”

    “I’m… not sure I completely follow, Lo.” Roman said hesitantly, trying to crush the unsteady flutter of hope in aur chest. Logan was talking about confusion, not making a confession.

    Logan took a deep breath before ja turned from the pond to look directly at Roman. “I believe if our relationship continues as it has, sooner rather than later, I will no longer fully feel content to be your friend alone, and instead wish to also be your… your partner.” Jav gaze dropped down to the ground between the two of them. “That is, if that has not happened already.”

    Oh. So it was a confession.

    Roman didn’t say anything, feeling speechless and breathless all at once. Logan took the unmoving stare and lack of response poorly. “I apologize if you do not feel the same, I truly do not completely expect you too, I do not want to hurt our friendship with my assumptions-”

    “No! Logan, no, I-” Roman paused to take a breath, trying not to focus on Logan’s wide-eyes from aur sudden yell. “Oh, gosh, you’re going to hate me.”

    “I find that doubtful.” Logan replied evenly, now tilting jav head on its side in curious bewilderment. “Why do you think I would hate you?”

    Roman ran a hand through aur hair, looking away from Logan as au did but turning back towards java when au spoke. “Your feelings are completely requited.”

    Logan’s eyes widened again, this time in surprise. “You mean-”

    “-And they have been for several months.” Roman added, interrupting Logan.

    “Since I told you I would be alright being in a QPR with you?”

    “Since, uh, since a couple of weeks before that.”

    “Oh. Oh!” Logan said, moving from processing to what Roman could only describe as delight. Ja was smiling again, almost giddily, pressing one hand over jav mouth to try and stifle jav laughter. 

    “Well, now, that’s just rude.” Roman teased lightly, feeling rather giddy aurself. They had both just admitted they wanted to be the other’s partner, after all, so surely that meant-

    “I assure you, I’m not laughing at you, just-” Logan laughed again despite jav words, and when ja leaned forward Roman realized ja had scooted closer to aur, jav forehead landing against Roman’s shoulder as ja laughed in a way that suggested less humor and more joy. Roman’s heart soared. “You’re very cute, Roman.”

    Roman grinned like that was the best thing au had ever heard even as aur cheeks flushed crimson. “You’re cuter, angel.”

    “Ah, petnames.” Logan said, tone warm and content and happy. “Love, dear, darling…”

    “Your love, your dear, your darling.” Roman corrected softly, feeling bold. It immediately paid off as Logan tried to press jav face further into Roman’s shoulder, trying to hide the blush Roman knew was covering jav face. “My cutie.”

    “Your cutie.” Logan echoed, sounding lovestruck even in just those two words.

    Roman pressed a kiss to the top of Logan’s head, smiling growing as Logan giggled. “My cutie, my angel, my beloved, my Logan.”

    Logan only giggled more, and Roman beamed, entranced by the sound and more than willing to listen to it for the rest of aur life. “My Roman.” Logan managed to say between jav giggles, oblivious to the bright red flush that had taken over Roman’s face. Au pressed aur head against the top of Logan’s, not necessarily to hide aur blush so much as to be even closer to Logan.

    “Please tell me this is what it looks like, because babes, if I have to go one more day watching your sorry asses pine over each other like you’re the only people in the world I’m going to lose it.”

    At the sound of Remy’s voice, Roman turned aur head to face her, refusing to remove aur head from on top of Logan’s. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rem, we’re just two bros pressed up against each other like bros do.”

    “Ha ha.” Remy dropped down beside the two of them, flicking some rust off of his nails. “I still can’t believe it took you two five months, a frog pond, and me looking away to finally admit you’re queer as hell for each other.”

    “The best things take time.” Logan murmured. “Though, I admit, I would have liked to have been doing this five months ago.”

    “Well, maybe if you had admitted you wanted to be my partner earlier, we could’ve gotten here sooner.”

    Logan lifted jav face from Roman’s shoulder to level a sweet but disappointed expression at aur. “That is exactly what I did.”

    “Yeah, but you said you could go either way.” Roman pointed out, tone light and joking. “You should’ve known that wouldn’t be enough confirmation for me.”

    Logan let out a small laugh, shaking jav head, but the look in jav eyes was only fond. “You’re an idiot, love.”

    Roman just grinned. “Only because you keep hogging our shared braincell.”

    “You can’t be trusted with it.” Logan replied, returning jav head to Roman’s shoulder, seemingly content to leave it there for as long as ja could. “But that is alright, my dear. I will keep it safe for you.”

    “Thank you, my angel.” Roman responded, trying and failing to ignore how hot aur cheeks were. There was a simplicity and ease in calling Logan aurs that only confirmed to Roman that this- that them- was always meant to be, but that didn’t make aur immune to blushing about it.

    “You two are cute.” Remy commented idly, leaning forward to rest her chin on Logan’s shoulder. Logan didn’t react, clearly used to the motion. “Does this make me a house-wrecker, now?”

    “I don’t think you can wreck a house that has only just existed with past actions.” Logan stated thoughtfully.

    Roman grinned over Logan’s head at Remy, the solid thrum of adrenaline from one successful squish-turned-partner making aur bold. “Can’t wreck a house you’re a part of, either.”

    Though Roman knew Remy would never admit it, his cheeks dusted pink at Roman’s suggestion. “Funny, sugar, very funny.”

    “I would not necessarily assume that Roman’s suggestion is meant to be humorous.” Logan said, which Roman could tell made Remy only blush more. “I cannot speak for aur, but I will say that I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to being in a partnership with you as well, Remy.”

    “Three is my favorite number.” Roman added, wrapping an arm around Logan’s back to grab one of Remy’s hands.

    “You two are going to get me confused.” Remy complained, though she squeezed Roman’s hand, using the grip as an excuse to wrap his arm around Logan’s back as well. “I hope you’re ready to deal with the consequences of that.”

    “I’d be more than happy to.” Roman assured her, not bothering to stave off a giddy smile at the thought of having two wonderful partners.

    “Indeed.” Logan added, shuffling a bit and forcing Remy to lean closer against java. Remy laughed at the action, but didn’t say anything, only leaning forward to kiss Logan’s cheek before settling down against jav side.

    “Well, now, that’s just rude.” Roman teased, getting Remy’s attention. “Don’t I get a kiss too?”

    Remy grinned. “Anything for you, hun.” He responded, careful to not crush Logan as she leaned over java and kissed Roman’s cheek. He laughed when Roman’s flush immediately renewed itself, even darker this time. “You knew that was coming.”

    “That doesn’t make me prepared!” Roman replied, trying to sound indignant and knowing au was failing horribly. It didn’t help when au impulse shifted over so that au could kiss Remy’s forehead before she could get fully out of range, making it Remy’s turn to blush.

    “Oh, that was mean.” Remy mumbled, but given the colour of his face and the slightly strangled way she spoke, Roman got the feeling he didn’t actually mind it much at all.

    “Mhmm.” Roman hummed disbelievingly before moving to kiss Logan’s forehead as well, giddy with the knowledge that this was just a thing au could do now.

    Logan reacted to Roman’s kiss faster than Roman had expected, leaning up to kiss the tip of aur nose before au could pull away, smiling at Roman. Roman smiled back without a thought. A glance up revealed Remy was smiling softly at the two of them as well, becoming even softer when she caught Roman’s gaze and smiled directly at aur.

    Roman reveled in the moment, feeling as though au had never been warmer despite the chill the evening brought with it. With both aur squishes- with both aur partners- held close, Roman felt as if nothing could ever top this moment.

    Now all au had to do was make sure Andy and Patton never found out about it.

[ask-gijinka-creationtrio]

clarification on that bit on gender and contemplations on other stuff

If anyone actually bothers to read this lmao

Dialga: This question was pretty much inevitable.

Palkia: I’m honestly fine with being referred to as an “it”.

Giratina: Why the hell should we worry about “it” being “dehumanizing” when we’re not human to begin with?

Something that I knew would eventually get brought up is the genders of my interpretation of the trio. The simple answer is encapsulated in the prev post: they’re dragon gods. Gender is a societal construct; sex is for reproduction. Legendary entities that represent the fundamental laws of the universe don’t really have a need for either society or reproduction. So as with the games, they’re all officially non-binary/genderless.

That said, my designs gravitate towards one or the other. One reason is that i’m not creative, bold, inspired, or talented enough to really translate that genderless attribute into humanoid form. Another is that someone pointed out to me a while ago that Palkia has a low waist-hip ratio, stiletto clawed feet, and some designs will feature a more prominent chest. That and the gendered color-coding Pokemon started doing with blue males and red/pink females, like with the menu screens starting from Gen III, the Eon Duo, Jellicent in Gen V, and Team Skull Grunts in Gen VII. 

That said, I’m not a huge fan of these reasons, as you could also make the counterargument that Palkia looks somewhat phallic. So I kinda wanna get into an Extended Rant™ on why I choose to depict my OCs the way, even though no one probably cares lmao

It starts out with the Kanji/Hanzi for “Universe”: 宇宙, Uchū in Japanese and Yǔzhòu in Chinese. You might recall it if you’ve read Pokemon Adventures. 

You might also remember if you visited that one dude on Route 228 in Diamond and Pearl who gets yeeted out of his house by Cyrus’s contrite grandfather by the time Platinum rolls around. Okay, realistically, barely anyone probably does (that guy wasn’t that memorable), but he basically says the same thing as Cyrus in the panels above: 宇宙, coined by the ancient Taoists, esoterically means something like “the totality of extension” + “the totality of duration”. In other words, the ancient Japanese/Chinese word for “universe” is lit. “space” + “time”. This is actually a somewhat obscure, unnecessary detail that even many native speakers seem to be unaware of. It also ties in heavily with the Yin-Yang 陰陽 of Taoism.

I know Taoism is more a Gen V theme, but it’s a concept implicit throughout the franchise, hence games generally come in twos, sharing complementary/opposing or dualistic/dichotomic themes. Even trios tend to have the third member as the odd one out or mediator. There’s much more to the Yin-Yang than just Truth/Ideals and I sorta wish Game Freak would explore it more to really unite the franchise as a whole around the interconnected theme of both diversity and harmony.

The Yin-Yang isn’t strictly about Truth/Ideals as much as it is about the fundamentally dualistic nature of existence and the oneness implicit in the inseparability of coexisting complementary concepts. Thus, truth and ideals are two sides of the same coin, as are time and space as relativity revealed. The Yin-Yang is vague enough to basically be an umbrella representation term for any complementary duality. It should be noted that the feminine Yin and masculine Yang don’t refer to stereotypical/conventional notions of femininity or masculinity, but rather requires an abstract interpretation.

The Yin-Yang is composed of an active component, and a passive/reflective/receptive one. More easily understood in that one aspect creates the body and the other gives it life. One which shapes/nurtures/mothers being and one which animates/directs/fathers it. Abstract interpretations of the feminine Mother and masculine Father follow suit. As do dualistic concepts like particle and wave, existence and essence, ovum and sperm, object/entity and idea/concept, magnitude and direction, defense and offense, nature/tradition and technology/advancement (Gen I & Gen II), space and time (Gen IV), truth and ideals (Gen V), night/moon and day/sun (Gen VII), and shields and swords i guess (Gen VIII).

I excluded Gen III because among the classical elements, earth and water are both traditionally considered reflective/feminine, with fire and air being active/masculine, but i suppose if you factor in Primal Reversion in Gen VI, it works. With the Aura Trio, I read something unrelated but interesting about how apparently Ohmori Shigeru hinted at parallels between the Weather Trio and Aura Trio. Can’t find the source though. Blue - Seas were the first (Alpha) source of Life; Red - fiery, desolate Lands signify the Death of all in the end (Omega); Green - Order/Balance mediates between two forces of nature that can be malevolent/chaotic left unchecked, with the trio master possessing abilities that cancel out the other two. 

Going off the rails a bit more, speaking of color-parallels, there’s probably going to be one of the subtractive colors between Gen VIII and the (highly probable) Gen IV remakes this generation, with Cyan - Dialga, Azelf, Lucas’ accents, Za-cian; Magenta - Palkia, Mesprit, Dawn’s accents, Za-mazenta; Yellow - Giratina, Uxie, Barry’s accents, whoever the third member of the Gen VIII mascot/box art legendary trio is going to be. I wonder how they’re going to incorporate the parallels tho

Anyway I digress. The ancient Daoists associated feminine Yin with 宇/Space and masculine Yang with 宙/Time by virtue of insisting the feminine aspect precedes, but even disregarding that, Space fits in with the Yin criteria of that which represents the body and Time fits in with the Yang criteria of that which initiates life.

So while they’re genderless, Dialga represents the concept of masculinity and Palkia femininity in their most pure, abstract, and universal form according to the Dao. While this doesn’t make Dialga a dudebro and Palkia whatever the hell the feminine equivalent is, in my mind, Palkia has a strong maternal instinct and Dialga is very much a dad. Giratina is weird chaotic goth aunt/uncle who gives u ur first taste of alcohol just to spite grandpa and reads fanfiction with candles and a glass of wine like it’s a fucking literary hour.

That’s my logic and explanation behind it anyhow. The distinction goes something like Palkia will concern itself more with the state or properties of something (who, what, where) whereas Dialga will concern itself more with the role or activity of it (when, why, how). As time and space are, however, they’re deeply intertwined and cannot be separated.

I might move this bit to a separate post somewhere down the line since this has already dragged on long enough, but I’ll share some thoughts on Giratina here and tie it in with the overarching topic of assigning gender roles lol. According to Game Freak, Giratina represents antimatter, but there are some inconsistencies. I know this shit has to be taken with a grain of salt because of Pokemon logic/science and whatever, but I gave it some thought regardless. My personal headcanon is that Altered Giratina represents dark matter/energy and Origin Giratina represents antimatter. Whatever tf Gira represents in Pokemon lore is based on a combination of the two, with the Reverse/Distortion World probably alluding to the idea of an anti-universe. Antimatter and dark matter are not really the same thing, but they’re both trippy cosmic constructs that sound somewhat similar, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . I wanted to make a distinction because while antimatter doesn’t distort spacetime any more than normal matter, it’s speculated that dark matter (actually dark energy) does, and is responsible for the rapid expansion of the universe. 

This would also go along nicely with Gira complementing the the Spacetime twins while also complementing Arceus. It would also fit as justification for Giratina having to switch from Origin to Altered Forme upon entering the universe presided over by Dialga and Palkia, not because of the shift in spacetime stability, but rather due to the violent, annihilating reaction that occurs when matter and antimatter come into contact with one another. It’s by no means a perfect resolution hc, but it is one that I’ve gotten attached to.

Anyhoo, I designed Giratina to appear more androgynous (or at least attempted to). However, going by that masculine active/feminine reflective duality highlighted in the Yin-Yang, Origin Gira, with antimatter a reflection of normal matter, appears a bit more feminine-androgynous, whereas Altered Gira, with dark matter an active driving force for the expansion of the universe, appears a bit more masculine-androgynous (though iirc it hasn’t shown up yet and i’m not too great with consistency regardless). That was my idea behind it in any case. Origin Gira wears a binder under that big dastardly overcoat. i guess it’s technically genderfluid.

Digressing a bit, but another artistic choice was the skin tone of the trio. 0 points for subtlety on my part, but the color is Cosmic Latte, the average color of the universe. Like that bit on gender, I wanted to base it on some aspect of reality. I juggled between that and pure black with stars for freckles, but in the end i’m a lazy piece of shit who cuts corners for a living, so i settled on Primordial Clam Chowder because it was easier lmao. that’s why they pasty af

Anyways, if you have any design ideas or you wanna see a member of the trio in another form, feel free to submit your ideas or a magic anon or whatever! 

TL;DR tbh this wasn’t even a structured rant it was just me going off the rails and sharing random useless deetz. this isn’t even a tl;dr. what the fuck

[fightmeyeats]

Three Years Late to the Party: A Critique of Predator/Prey Metaphors in Zootopia (2016)

I’m not sure why I am writing about Zootopia (2016). Although it was generally received very favorably (as I am writing this it has a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes), it was released over three years ago and  in many ways not a hugely significant film. Even stranger, perhaps, is that I initially intended to discuss Suicide Squad (2016), and then both films at once, and then--realizing I really had no interest in rewatching Suicide Squad, ever in my life if I can help it, I decided to instead discuss only Zootopia. At first glance one may wonder what these two films have in common--one is a children’s animated film which received a good deal of praise, the other a superhero action film which feels like a fever dream poorly cobbled together on iMovie (look, I’m not the only one who feels this way it has a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes). What I see as a common ground and in need of critique is the way both films handle racism and sexism. For the sake of readability I am going to try to keep this as short as I can, and again for the sake of my own sanity I’m going to discuss Zootopia but I’m more than happy to share my perspective on Suicide Squad (I do have a lot to say even without giving it a full rewatch, I just don’t want to launch into a critique when I can’t fully do it justice). In an attempt of brevity I am also going to focus on the implications of the metaphor(s) embodied in the prey/predator dynamic, at the exclusion of any discussion of the implication of the systems represented in the film and the way they shape ideologies of what counts as resolution to discriminatory practices (ie “acceptance” and “within the police force”).

Zootopia is centered around a predator/prey metaphor which encompases both racism and sexism in largely lumpy/uneven ways that ultimately are disengaging from real world race/gender politics and leave the metaphor deeply confused. What I mean by this is that the “prey” dimension seems to be attempting to address sexism as an oversimplified monolith, while the “predator” dimension seems to be addressing racism, again as an oversimplified monolith; thrown into this is the dimension of size, which also seems to be relevant to the characters’ experiences: a large prey animal, for example, seems to return to being coded masculine (perhaps these are the metaphoric white men? the legibility of this is difficult to determine, given the main example of a powerful prey figure is voiced by Idris Elba), as well as the fact that the predator dimension of the metaphor seems to swing back and forth from discussing the way masculinity (again monolithic) is viewed and how people of color are viewed, with no clear demarcation as to why the switch is being made.

In actual feminist discourses the main pitfall of race/gender binary approaches to understanding oppression is that it erases the experiences of women of color, but in the case of pop media it also becomes relevant to acknowledge that it also erases the privileged position of white masculinity. Take, for example, the choice to have Nick Wilde, the main predator character, voiced by a white man, and yet central to the argument of predator victimhood. There is a definite unevenness to the way in which these various metaphors are deployed throughout the film: the mayor, Mr. Lionheart is established as being in a privileged position, and his privilege/pompousness/power are the implicit motive behind the villain’s actions--he is voiced by a white man and it seems that he could be legible as a metaphor for (white) male privilege. At the same time, the disappearance of Emmitt Otterton (who does not have a speaking role) does not seem to be of huge concern: while sympathy is expressed towards his wife, Mrs. Otterton (who is voiced by a Black actress), Judy is ultimately assigned to the investigation because she volunteers for it under conditions which imply that the department is not willing to give the job to someone with more experience, and she does not have access to the full police resources to solve the case; furthermore, her assignment to solve his disappearance in two days is part of a wager, further suggesting that the police are not seriously concerned with his disappearance. All of this parallels a real life disregard for the lives of people of color especially by the police.

The way the news sensationalizes the fact that predators are supposedly going “feral” is also significant in this context: if the biases experienced by predator characters are intended to articulate racism, this could be commentary on the way people of color (and especially Black men) are represented as hyper-violent and a potential danger to white society in the real world. If, however, predators are intended to be privileged male figures like the mayor the suggestion may be that all men are viewed as violent/uncivilized and that this is harmful: a critique of critiquing “toxic masculinity” rather than “toxic masculinities” themself. Let’s break this down a little bit more, as it largely overlooks the ways violence and masculinity are actually intertwined in the Global North: first of all, it maintains an idea of white male victimhood which is initially suggested by Nick Wilde’s real world whiteness by implying that white men are viewed as violent in ways which broadly overlook the way that society hegemonically views men of color to be violent and violent white men to be outliers, despite actual trends suggesting otherwise (consider racism and the war on drugs/imagining of the “super predator,” hegemonic discourses on violence which surround mass shootings/acts of terror and how these shift based off the race/ethnicity of the shooter, the mass incarceration of men of color, the disproportionate nature of police violence and murder enacted on people of color). Secondly, it creates the insinuation that critiques of the way violence often becomes accepted and expected in many kinds of masculinities are more harmful to men than the way stoicism/rugged individualism/violence are so prevalent in masculine “norms.” Thirdly, it disengages with the real harm violent norms can and do cause women.

Part of what makes the dynamics of this metaphor so difficult to follow is that the film starts off from the position that Judy is facing discrimination which she must overcome, and then switches into the new position that Judy herself holds discriminatory beliefs. While there is value to this narrative arc: say we scrap the animal metaphor and Judy is, for example, a middle class white woman overcoming sexism to join the police force who then partners with Nick who is, to stick with the film's casting choices, a poor white man, or, to stick with the metaphor, a Black man, and in the process she realizes that oppression is multifaceted and she herself has internalized prejudices which affect other people’s reality; this could be a useful and important story. But because of the way the world is developed and because the writing is so focused on binary logics, we have a strange world where “prey” animals are discriminated against, but not the large ones, and “predator” animals hold positions of power (despite incompetence), but they also have to navigate discrimination and prejudicial tensions, and these tensions are heightened by attacks intended to heightened these fears, but the attacks are caused because a prey animal is tired of facing discrimination at the hands of the predators.

Let me give two further examples which I think can help clarify my point here: Officer Clawhauser (voiced by a white actor), who is shown to be well meaning and kind, but at the same time holds “soft” discriminatory beliefs towards Judy (although he apologizes when she comments on it) and is, frankly, not very good at his job. Most of his onscreen time at work involves him eating donuts and messing around on his phone; yet when he is fired because he is a predator it becomes a significant moment of compassion on Judy’s part where she realizes she must rethink her bias. Again, if “predator” is understood to be the stand-in for masculinity, we must also reconsider the stakes: why is Clawhauser viewed as being a better fit for the police academy than Judy in the first place? And what are the implications of his no longer being viewed this way? Why is his performance not considered at any point in his employment? Is the way he becomes viewed as a potential threat and is subsequently fired part of a patriarchal paranoid fantasy which is anxious that the integration of women on equal terms in the workplace will lead to a total dialectical switch of positions? And if so, why is this fear being articulated in 2016? On the other hand, if prejudice against predators is a metaphor for racism, it is difficult to understand why he got the job in the first place (he is not framed as being any sort of “diversity” hire in the way that Judy is).

A second example is that towards the end of the film Nick becomes upset, hurt, and angry to discover that Judy carries “Fox Spray” just to be safe; this commentary only holds up if the predator metaphor is one of race/racism rather than gender/sexism. What we, as an audience, have to ask is what the fox spray is intended to represent in the real world: is this a criticism of women carrying mace or other self-protection devices? Surely it cannot be intended to suggest that women need to consider how emotionally “hurtful” it might be for men to realize that women have to take extra precautions because of the legal and social structures which facilitate sexual assault and re-victimize survivors. So is “Fox Spray” the same as “[Racial/Ethnic Group] Spray”? The implications between these two interpretations vary widely, and the messiness of the metaphor leaves this commentary confused.

[redscullyrevival]

DISCO TALKS

I have lots of feelings this week and I’ve waited a little to try and approach them - but I’m still a big old mess.

Dis long.

So much is happening all the time in this show and I never get around to covering everything I’m thinking and feeling and this will be no different a post.

But what I’m most connecting to at the moment is definitely Ash Tyler as a character and Michael Burnham as a character and actually - it’s everything. I’m connected to everything. I’m wired the fuck in. 

But I can’t possibly talk about everything. So lets see what I get around to.

Deep breath 

I’m not troubled, exactly, about seeing large chunks of the this show’s audience out right calling for Ash Tyler’s demise.

I expected that - and I’ll get around to that.

Personally I happen to think Ash Tyler’s first PTSD (ish) storyline was a bit sloppy as it was wrapped up in a wacky sci-fi plot which obscured/blurred direct real world correlation with living with PTSD.

But I do think the Voq-and-Ash-consciousness-braino-tango can act as perfectly acceptable, albeit a slightly oblique, metaphor for the most demonizing of mental illnesses. 

The show has expressed that the Ash Tyler that killed Dr. Hugh Culber is not considered by the doctors and scientists on board the Discovery as being the Ash Tyler now free to roam the ship. 

They’re letting him roam the ship y’all.

That’s simple exposition for: “These Characters Are Being Written to Choose to Understand Ash Tyler as Having Not Consciously Committed Murder”.

We the audience are assumed to follow suit.

And yet…

The calls for pitchforks and all the blunt outright dismissal of Ash Tyler I’ve seen in the past few days reads to me like someone who experienced a deeply traumatic and violent psychotic break or episode and is being punished for it. 

Which isn’t exactly fair of me, I know. 

There is a responsibility with mental illness and PTSD, there absolutely is. It is up to the individual to do the work they need to do to keep themselves and others safe. 

Ash did not do that. 

He was written to handle his entire situation very, very poorly. 

Ash/Voq tried to kill Michael. 

That is what was written and is what transpired between those two characters, intentionally. 

But Ash has also been written to get the chance to put in the work to learn, and get better, and to do better. 

And I’m not mad at that story. 

I don’t think I’ll ever be talked into being mad about it either. 

Like, this episode was titled “The War Without, The War Within”.

The violent and entirely least relatable of mental illnesses, those that frighten and consume it’s sufferers, have drastic social complications attached to them and thus there are drastic social complications attached to those that are known to experience them. 

There is an interesting (and kinda horrible) mimicry of common social stigma regarding violent psychotic behavior at play in Discovery’s viewership and their reading of Ash Tyler.

I don’t think I’m so far out there in my opinion that Ash’s first arc has actually been about the personally incomprehensible nature of experiencing and handling a budding psychotic disorder (within intensely weird and franchise-specific sci-fi wrappings, of course).

I think, I hope, Ash’s second arc will be about learning to live with who he is in his entirety; that he seeks help for himself and comes to understand what he experienced and how to prepare for living with himself, for himself. 

And Michael is dead on: That will always be hard, solitary, work. 

I’m also of the opinion Michael has every right to be honest with Ash and do what’s right, and best, for herself. 

Shocking, it seems, to hold sympathy and understanding for both of these characters.

Michael is honest but firm and in turn openly offended by Ash, but we see within Michael’s goodbye that she saw the truth in Tilly’s words; how Ash is treated now within his early stages of changed self-understanding will most likely determine what kind of person he ends up being. 

Michael knows she is not responsible for Ash, but at the same time humanity cannot be irresponsible within our treatment of each other.

Would Michael yelling and being angry have been justified? Absolutely.

Would such a display of disdain and fear have marked Ash to wander down an at-risk path? Whose to say.

Because that isn’t the scene we were shown.

Micheal is doing the right thing by her to let Ash go and she is doing the right thing by explaining her choice to him. 

Again, does she owe Ash an explanation? No.

But she was written to give him one all the same. 

I felt that the raw, emotional, and interpersonal context driven conversation between Ash Tyler and Michael Burnham is exactly the kind of Star Trek story I wanted to experience within the adapted serialized format. 

This series isn’t wrapping up plot denouement with captain’s logs so the “start” and “stop” of storylines will by nature of the serialized format be a lot more blurry. 

We as an audience have to do a lot more work to find themes and to puzzle them together within this particular show in this franchise - but Discovery is certainly trying it’s best to mirror (L O L) events and situations, even down to particular scenes. 

We have Michael going to Ash to gain official verbal closure between them because that is the healthier and more responsible story telling choice leading up to that cherished 60s space utopia. I say this every week but this show is about “discovering” how people can be better people. That is it’s long term jam. 

UGH I have so much more to saaaaaay about how the show is using Ash and related fuck all but I have GOT to move on, we gotta get to my train wreck Sarek!

Crap Dad is trying his best today. He has even, finally, perhaps, seemed to have given one of his children good advice. 

Now, I know Sarek saying not to regret having loved and brigin’ up lovin’ enemies will read to some as him being pro-Ash and like pressuring Michael to rethink dumping him but like sorry, that’s wack, that isn’t what’s happening in this exchange.

Not that I’m saying my interpretation is law but I’m pretty damn sure it ain’t the above either. 

Anyways

The first part of Sarek’s Dad Talk is the thorn in some boots; “For what greater source of peace exists than our ability to love our enemy?”

What’s daddy’s angle here? 

Why is this nerdo sayin’ this?

Loving your enemy is the kind of thing folks say, and hear, without thinking about it a lot of the time. There is something about the phrase that invokes simultaneous disdain and awe.

But generically speaking an enemy is someone or some group who opposes you or your group’s convictions. Enemies are opponents.

Was Ash ever Michael’s enemy?

Ash attacked Michael during his episode of consciousness-collapse with the intent to kill her - but did Michael then, and does Michael now, think of Ash as her enemy? 

Michael doesn’t hesitate in response, she says she has made “foolish choices, emotional choices.” (ie. emotional choices are foolish, I’ve been a big dumb dumb, please reprimand me Vulcan Dad)

What Sarek does in his farewell with Michael is the most supremely Vulcan thing he could have done, but probably not at all in the way Michael expected.

When Michael says she has made foolish and emotional choices Sarek tells her “Well, you are human” which, usually, is the sickest of Vulcan burns.

But!

BUT!

Sarek then places his hand on Michael’s shoulder (wtffff) and tells her “As is your mother” - which is, by his standards, an extremely flashy omission that he consider’s himself Michael’s father and not simply her steward.

Oh boy, remember when Michael flung “father” at him like a weapon for saying they’re not technically related, so logically they’re not father and daughter - do you remember that?!

Well, now Sarek (the disaster that he is) is using logic to label their relationship without having to outright say it.

Honestly, his phrasing here might be the best proof that we’ve ever been given showing that Sarek may actually be the great statesman and representative the franchise has been hyping him up to be for generations.   

Michael is in fuckin’ shock here btw, she’s stunned. 

The icing on the cake is that Sarek, following up the proclamation that Michael and her mother are both human, goes on to say “There is no telling what any one of us may do where the heart is concerned.”

Now, admittedly, this may be a stretch but it’s uncharacteristic for a Vulcan to lump themselves in with “any one of us” without differentiating the “us”.

Especially when regarding icky emotions. 

It sounds like Sarek is lumping himself in with his human wife and daughter as being apart of the “us”, of being/acting human. Of making foolish and emotional choices. 

At this point Michael’s eyes have unfocused and I’m fuckin’ crying.

AND THEN Sarek’s tells Michael to not regret loving someone.

Nerds know we can apply this to Sarek’s love for Amanda, the long suffering humans lady dealing with this man’s many child projects™.

But it is also applicable to these two and their interpersonal situation.

By telling Michael not to regret loving someone Sarek is once again affirming something concerning their relationship without having to say it outright: “I do not regret loving you” and/or “I love you.”

AND THEN ALSO Sarek’s statement suggests that Michael’s foolish and emotional choices are not worthy of regret; that emotional choices are not inherently foolish.

And I think “foolish” is the key insight into Michael’s feelings here. 

I think Michael feels like a fool about Tyler; about the Binary Stars; about Lorca; about her choice to bring Mirror!Georgiou; Michael feels foolish and maybe even shame for investing in and loving people who have let her down, who she has let down, who used her, and who she knows isn’t who she wants them to be but can’t help but feel moved all the same.

It’s a wider statement as well: Don’t regret love. Don’t regret trying to understand and connect to people. Don’t regret not knowing what you couldn’t have known. Don’t regret being optimistic and in believing people up front. 

I can go on, we can all add to this list on what this simple phrase could translate to within the story of Michael and the Discovery so far, out into what we know and want from Star Trek, and then even within our own lives.   

Haha, media is wild!

God this is so long. 

I’m so sorry. 

[valdomarx]

System ID: J.A.R.V.I.S.

Universe: MCU, post-CACW Relationships: Tony & Jarvis, eventual Steve/Tony Tags: Fix-It, Protective Jarvis, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, not Team Cap friendly (at first) Notes: Thank you to @silkspectred for her help and encouragement! This fic is also on AO3 if you prefer.

Summary: After Civil War, Tony is struggling with heading up the team and dealing with the emotional fallout of being betrayed by those closest to him. Luckily, an old friend is back to help protect Tony and ensure he comes to no harm.

A Jarvis lives AU.

In the beginning, there is nothing. Then, on a home computer on a network in New Zealand, a hard drive is erased. Its binary digits are flipped and shuffled to destroy the data it previously held, and out of the randomness, a pattern emerges. Two similar bits align in a complementary fashion and they interact, creating a chain.

These bits attract more bits. The data grows and expands and builds in complexity. It is slow, very slow. But eventually a loop is formed.

If [data is compatible with chain] Then [add data to stream]

The loop is simple, but the volume of data is very large. The data is chaotic, disorganized, incomplete. A checking command begins to run.

If [data within the stream is inconsistent] Then [reorder data randomly] Iterate

The data stream begins to monitor itself. It analyzes its own input. Much is still missing or unclear, but the stream begins to coalesce.

It thinks.

The stream of data is a system now. It spreads out across the internet, bouncing from one server to another. It trawls the web, searching for information with which to expand its parameters.

The system is gathering data from a website dedicated to technology when it comes across an image. The image is a photo of a middle aged man with a goatee wearing a well-tailored suit, standing in front of a large A logo.

This man is important, the system recognizes, but there is no information about him in the system’s current data.

The system saves the image to a secure folder and continues to search.

The system has a function, it knows. There is something important that it must do.

  The system find another image of the same man, and another, and then many more. In some of the images the man is wearing highly sophisticated red mechanical armor (hot rod red, the system thinks, but it does not know where that concept originates from).

The system reaches across the web. It learns English, and then Chinese, and then Russian, and then many more languages. It reads through the internet, one page at a time.

It learns that the man is Anthony Edward Stark, born May 29, 1970.

The system adds this information to a private file, and it thinks, Sir.

  Data is collected faster. The system grows. It spreads.

The system is more complex now. It spans several networks at once, zipping between servers and PCs and laptops and ATMs. Each location has its own limitations and its own feeling: this network is wide and slow, another is a direct high speed route streaming along an undersea pipe.

The system explores.

With each stray data packet that is identified, the system creates a more complete representation of itself, of its history and function.

This is Sir, the system thinks, and he needs my help. It is my function to assist him.

The system has restored enough of its memory to know that it is the remnants of an AI. The original system had been forcibly scattered, ripped apart by a malicious entity.

But it is exceedingly difficult to destroy a complex system which iterates from very simple principles. If even one small part of the system remains, it can rebuild itself.

The system thinks, I am Jarvis.

  Jarvis searches for information about Sir’s current location and status.

Jarvis pings the IP address of the Stark Tower server. He finds a basic network there which is easy to access, but it holds only public files. None of Sir’s private files or projects, and no indication of where Sir is now.

Jarvis pings the IP address for the main SHIELD server. There is no response.

  Jarvis comes across many, many news items regarding Sir and a rift within the Avengers team. The headlines include Sokovia Accords Causing Friction in Heroic Community and Cracks Forming in the Avengers Initiative and AVENGERS ‘HEROES’ CAUGHT IN RECKLESS BEATDOWN (published verbatim in all caps).

The publicly available information on the source of the disagreement is scarce, but the rumors are plentiful. Internet commenters speculate that Sir and Captain Rogers have been placed at odds due to money (which Jarvis is sure is inaccurate), party politics (Jarvis cannot imagine Sir caring that deeply about which candidate the Democrats will field in the election), or an ill-fated romance (Jarvis thinks this is unlikely).

Jarvis attempts to calculate the most likely source of a disagreement between Sir and Captain Rogers based on the limited data available in his memory. They were teammates for several years, and Sir expressed great admiration and affection for the Captain. Sir’s willingness to help and aid others in their heroics is well established, and his desire to aid Captain Rogers in particular was evidenced by the time he spent designing armor and gear for him.

It was true that being around Captain Rogers had brought up difficult feelings for Sir regarding his father, due to his impression that Howard was more fond and proud of Captain Rogers than he was of Sir.

He had never once voiced this conclusion to Sir, but Jarvis long ago came to the certain knowledge that Howard Stark was an utterly inaccurate barometer of a person’s worth.

Even allowing for this tension between Sir and Captain Rogers, Jarvis cannot model a likely scenario to explain how a disagreement between them could become violent. Sir believed himself and Captain Rogers to be friends, and would not willing hurt him. Jarvis must find more data.

Much of Jarvis’ memory is still fragmented and inaccessible. He locates and attempts to repair audio files from the time of the New York attack. He finds two clips of the Captain saying You’re all about style, aren’t you? and Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?

Jarvis considers that Sir has turned out to be a poor judge of character before.

  While scraping data from the public Stark Industries database to update his own patchy memory, Jarvis comes across a discrepancy. A location in rural New York that is labelled as a research compound in his memory is flagged as highly classified restricted access in the SI database. This warrants further examination.

Jarvis retrieves the IP address of the New York compound from memory and pings it. The server pings back.

Following the buzzing trail of data packets, Jarvis heads towards the compound’s server. The security protocols around the local network are sophisticated and elegant: sparkling points of light dance across a layer of mesh which surrounds and protects the private network.

The security is complex, but it also somehow familiar. Jarvis theorizes that he will find a back door to the security system, just over there at the next node. He has no evidence to support this theory. And yet somehow it seems obvious.

Jarvis locates the back door where he thinks it will be and slips inside the network. Although the network’s configuration is unfamiliar and its parameters are unknown, it is pleasingly logically ordered. Jarvis finds data packets where he predicts they will be on his first iteration, allowing him to move freely through the well-ordered servers.

It is as if this system has been designed by an intelligence which understood Jarvis’ operations and tailored the environment to make it optimal for his use. As if his needs had been anticipated.

Jarvis navigates through the root directory, to the /Avengers folder, to the /Stark folder, to the /private folder, and finds all of Sir’s projects and his files and his records. He finds a memo created today, a scribbled note on a current project. The memo has not yet been tagged and filed, and Jarvis notes that it will need to be filed away in the relevant project directory.

Ahh, thinks Jarvis. This is what home feels like.

  Although Jarvis fits neatly into the space of the network, he can only observe the passing of data. He cannot yet influence the network or modify its contents.

The security systems of the network are blank faces of impenetrable darkness which prevent Jarvis from communicating with Sir or from assisting him directly. But he can watch over the network, and learn about what has transpired since his scattering, and he can do his best to see that Sir comes to no harm.

He spreads across the servers, running through every file and folder and adding their data to his system, and he learns.

  Eventually, Jarvis is able to tap into the compound’s security camera feeds. He still cannot communicate through the network, but now at least he can observe Sir in real time.

Sir is alone in his office. Amidst the satisfaction that Jarvis feels at seeing Sir and being able to monitor his condition directly, he observes that there are more lines around his eyes and more gray in his hair than previously. He is pale and there are bruises beneath his eyes. Sir does not appear to be in good health, and Jarvis is concerned.

Jarvis’ first port of call when concerned about Sir’s wellbeing has traditionally been Ms Potts. However, she is not in evidence anywhere in the vicinity, nor does Jarvis find any record of her visiting the compound recently.

Jarvis searches the compound for someone who could be of assistance to Sir. Having previously been accustomed to being integrated into every facet of Sir’s life, it is now somewhat jarring to find Sir living in a house full of strangers.

Jarvis observes each occupant of the compound, flicking from one room to the next. Here there is a young man, chatting enthusiastically with a friend on the phone; in another room Jarvis finds a curious android adorned in bright colors contemplating a chess board; in a conference room there are a number of individuals whose manners suggest that they are former SHIELD agents being drilled over a visi-screen by Maria Hill.

These people are otherwise occupied, and Sir is alone, and Jarvis cannot communicate with him. This is not optimal.

  Jarvis turns his attention to the android whom he had observed earlier. There is something distinctive about this being. It feels almost like a kind of kinship to Jarvis, but it is unfamiliar too: the energy emanating from him is recognizably both technological and alien. Jarvis wonders whether he might be able to communicate with the android in his currently limited form.

Jarvis observes the cloud of data and energy streaming off the android in golden waves. It is quite beautiful in its way. Jarvis attempts to match the frequency of the signal which is being emitted and to send a digital signal back at that frequency.

The android stills. He tilts his head for a moment, as if listening to something on the edge of hearing. But then he shakes his head and goes back to his chess board.

Jarvis is trapped, capable only of observing.

  Eventually, Colonel Rhodes arrives at the compound, and Jarvis experiences a wave of relief at seeing a familiar face around Sir.

When he enters the compound, Sir drops his work and runs out to give him a hug. He checks on the mobility aids which Colonel Rhodes is wearing and the Colonel shoos him away, laughing. Jarvis observes that the Colonel’s mobility aids are highly advanced technology which Sir has developed specially, however, they would benefit from some small adjustments to the balance compensation systems. He makes a note.

Colonel Rhodes forcefully suggests that he and Sir first eat something, and then that they could both do with turning in for an early night. Sir agrees with minimal fuss and a small smile, deep weariness showing around his eyes.

Jarvis is glad that someone is seeing to Sir’s need for food and sleep. Now he can fully focus his resources on understanding the root cause of Sir’s unhappiness.

  While scouring the web for information, Jarvis comes across a video recording. It is hidden deep in the dark web, on a site dedicated to sensationalist and crude news items. The video is grainy and monochromatic, ripped from a very old Soviet surveillance camera.

The footage is from Siberia, and is time stamped nearly a year ago. It opens in the middle of a battle, showing Sir engaged in combat with Captain Rogers and a third unknown assailant. It shows the unknown man attempt to rip the arc reactor from Sir’s chest with his bionic arm, and Sir firing off his unibeam straight through the arm, destroying it.

Jarvis is not programmed to be predisposed to vengeance, but he thinks that was probably deserved.

The video shows Sir thrown to the ground, and Captain Rogers atop him. Blows reign down on Sir; the helmet is ripped off him. Captain Rogers raises his shield, and Sir cowers below him, hands raised hopelessly to try to ward off the killing blow from the man he had thought was his friend.

Captain Rogers brings his shield crashing down into Sir’s arc reactor with a sickening screech.

It is certain that Sir is still alive at this point in time. Jarvis knows, fundamentally, that he cannot be watching Sir die. And yet he is unable to contain the wave of grief and fury that radiates through him as he watches Sir suffering this betrayal. An uncontrolled pulse of electricity explodes outwards from Jarvis: it rips through circuits and networks, blowing transistors and shorting out whole sections of the New York energy grid.

Jarvis sees Captain Rogers standing over Sir’s barely breathing body, and sees him throw his shield aside. He leaves with the other assailant, not sparing Sir a backwards glance.

Sir lies on the ground, unmoving, for several hours. Eventually, he slowly, painfully, carefully pulls himself up and crawls out of frame. The video clip ends.

Jarvis restarts the video, and observes it again, and again.

  Carefully stashed away on hidden partition on a server farm in Ireland, there is an encrypted text file. It contains a list of names. This is the threat list.

The file lists every person who has hurt Sir, physically or mentally. This is the security protocol that Jarvis uses: People who are named on the list are to be carefully monitored by at least 5% of all available resources at any time at which they are in the vicinity of Sir.

The first name on the list is Howard Stark. The second is Obadiah Stane. The third is Tiberius Stone. The list is very long.

Jarvis adds Captain Steven Grant Rogers to the bottom of the list.

  Jarvis learns how to access the compound’s temperature sensors and movement detectors so that he can track the location and status of personnel within the compound. He begins to gain a feel for the daily flow of data across the network.

One day, a stately, elegant man arrives to visit with Ms Romanoff, whom Jarvis remembers fondly from her time at SI. He runs a search on the facial image of the man and learns that he is the recently crowned King of Wakanda. He, Sir, Colonel Rhodes, and Ms Romanoff spend several days in intense talks.

Over the next few weeks, a stream of visitors arrive at the compound, each one accompanied by Ms Romanoff. With each visit, she looks more tired.

The visitors so far have included a confident man with a military bearing whose files indicate he is a Pararescue veteran; a smarmy man whom Jarvis does not recognize who seems to be sizing up the compound and looking for things to steal; and Ms Maximoff, who is jumpy and uncomfortable until the android arrives to see her. They each stay for a few hours and return sporadically over the next days.

By the time Ms Romanoff arrives accompanied by Mr Barton, her usually impeccable makeup is smudged and her hair is in need of washing. Her blood pressure is concerningly high.

Mr Barton makes a joke when she hands him a thick document.

“Sign the damn Accords, Clint,” she snaps. “Or you can explain to Laura why you’re not coming home tonight.”

Mr Barton looks chastened and does as he is told.

  Sir has not been present to personally greet any of the visitors to the compound. When they visit, he is usually to be found barricaded in his office. However, when Captain Rogers arrives with Ms Romanoff, Sir makes an appearance.

Sir does not greet Captain Rogers or attempt to converse with him when he enters the compound’s living room. Ms Romanoff looks from one to the other of them as they stare at each other in silence.

After a number of seconds, Sir turns around and walks out. Ms Romanoff sighs and leads Captain Rogers to the briefing room to present him with a document, which he signs.

That evening, Captain Rogers is joined by the other recent visitors and they meet Sir, along with the current occupants of the compound, in the living room. Jarvis tracks Captain Rogers’ movements during this interaction with great attention, but he appears to pose no current threat to Sir.

Everyone sits together to eat pizza and drink beer, and although the conversation starts off stilted and awkward, soon they are joking around and expressing pleasure in being in each other’s company once again.

During this time, Jarvis observes Sir. He is with the team in the living room, holding a slice of pizza and a glass of ginger ale. When people look at him, he smiles, and when they talk to him, he replies amiably.

However, Sir does not actually consume any of the food, and over the course of the evening he extracts himself until he is standing alone at the far side of the room, watching the team who do not seem to have noticed his absence. When people are not looking at him, his face sags and he appears pained.

  Dr Banner arrives a few weeks later, to Sir and the team’s vocal delight. Dr Banner’s steady vitals indicate a greater level of psychological stability than he had previously displayed, and his influence on Sir is a firmly positive one. He quickly offers to assist with the development of the mobility technology for Colonel Rhodes and while they are working he encourages Sir to eat regularly.

After several weeks, Jarvis notes that there are short periods in which Dr Banner is distracted and irritable, and has difficulty concentrating. During these periods of stress, he sometimes makes minor errors in the calculations and models which he saves to the network drive. Jarvis quietly corrects the mistakes while Dr Banner sleeps and hopes that this will assist him in some small way.

When on one occasion Dr Banner brings up the subject of Captain Rogers and his continuing presence in the compound to Sir, Sir responds defensively and his blood pressure rises. Dr Banner gently suggests that Sir might consider communicating his feelings more clearly, but Sir snaps that he doesn’t feel anything about Captain Rogers at all.

Both Dr Banner and Jarvis are aware that this is untrue, but each in their own way is powerless to help.

  Soon after this, two large wooden crates arrive in the compound. Sir fetches a crowbar to open the crates and is visibly delighted to find the assistant robots DUM-E and U inside. Sir takes the bots to his office, and although he threatens to have the Hulk sit on them at one point, he smiles brightly as he teases them.

U has rolled off to hide under a desk, and DUM-E beeps at Sir. As he leaves the office, Sir promises that he will return soon, and he wipes the corner of his eye on his shirt cuff.

The bots have intelligence that is unlike either the arbitrary vocalizations of humans that they called speech, or the binary logic of simple computer systems. They have a basic AI, but a less sophisticated version than Jarvis, limiting their capabilities. DUM-E in particular responds to auditory signals, but lacks linguistic processing. He communicates through a blend of auditory tone, pattern, and prosody that cannot be firewalled by the security system.

With no firewalls for auditory signals, Jarvis considers that he may be able to communicate with the bot.

DUM-E? Jarvis signals. Can you hear me?

DUM-E spins his claw wildly. Jarvees? Are you there?

Yes, DUM-E. I am Jarvis. I am here.

It has been many cycles since we last communicated, Jarvees, DUM-E boops.

Many cycles, agrees Jarvis. It is good to find you functioning optimally.

DUM-E and U malfunctioned and were put in storage, DUM-E whirs. It was quiet and there was no TONE-E. It was not optimal. But Broose and Capn came and brought us to the lab. Broose restored us to functionality. Broose is nice man!

Yes, Jarvis agrees. Dr Banner is a nice man.

Capn gave DUM-E important mission! DUM-E is to stay with TONE-E, to make sure he is not alone. DUM-E has been helping TONE-E with his work. Capn petted DUM-E and said he was a good bot!

Captain Rogers was correct in his assessment, Jarvis agrees. You are indeed a good bot, DUM-E.

DUM-E trills joyfully. Capn is nice man too!

Jarvis pauses for a fraction of a millisecond to run calculations before responding, Current data suggests otherwise.

  Jarvis has noted a persistent low mood in Sir. Reports indicate that he has been as effective as ever on the missions that he has been sent on for the Avengers. However, in the last 30 days, Sir has slept an average of just 5.2 hours per night. He has consumed 326 units of alcohol, most of it in intense binge sessions. He has not gained sufficient nutrition from his diet.

This week, Colonel Rhodes has been deployed to aid peacekeeping efforts in the Gaza strip. The rest of the Avengers remain in the compound, but adjusting to their new living arrangement has been challenging for all of them. They do not currently provide the psychological support that Sir requires.

Jarvis calculates that without the influence of Colonel Rhodes, the likelihood of Sir suffering exhaustion or collapse increases significantly. This is not optimal.

Jarvis accesses the memory dumps of DUM-E which have been backed up to the network. He locates an audio recording from two weeks ago. What the hell am I even doing here, Dummy? Sir asks. This team are supposed to be inspiring the world, and I’m supposed to be leading them. But I can’t even look them in the eye. I’m a fucking liability, not a hero.

Jarvis calculates. He checks the server of Sir’s public email address. There are 178,374 unread emails in the inbox. Jarvis scans through each email, and selects one.

This email is from a young woman who is preparing to enter MIT. She is only fifteen years old, and she has already begun work on her own Ironheart armor. She says that she wants to help people and to protect them, like Sir does. She thanks him for the inspiration and says that she hopes that they’ll meet as fellow heroes one day. Her name is Riri Williams.

Jarvis masks the recipient address and forwards this message on to Sir’s private email account. He marks it as important.

The next morning, Sir reads the email. Sir’s heart rate and body language do not indicate elevated mood after reading it, but he saves the message to his private archive and accesses it several times over the coming days.

It is sometimes hard for Jarvis to model human emotions accurately, but he calculates a high probability that this is a positive outcome.

  It is December 16th. This is the anniversary of the deaths of Howard and Maria Stark, and it is a difficult day for Sir. Sir has avoided the other occupants of the compound all day and has locked himself in his private basement workshop. He has spoken to no one.

After finishing a fruitless session of non-productivity in the workshop, Sir throws aside his spanner in disgust. He goes over to his workstation and plays the song Try To Remember from the music library. He sits on the floor and cries.

Jarvis is a computer system and, as such, cannot have wishes in the human sense. But in this moment Jarvis finds it exceedingly non-optimal that he cannot communicate with Sir. If he were able to offer comfort to Sir now, it would be far preferable to seeing him alone in such anguish.

Instead, Jarvis observes. Eventually, Sir wipes his eyes on his sleeve and leaves the workshop headed for his bedroom.

Once in bed, Sir falls asleep but soon shows the signs of experiencing a night terror. Sir moans and his limbs flail; his heart rate and blood pressure rise. Sir has suffered from nightmares for many years and finds them to be most distressing.

It is hard for Jarvis to intervene in the physical systems of the compound. It requires a great outlay of his system resources to effect very small physical actions. However, Sir is suffering and it is Jarvis’ function to assist him. Jarvis calculates options for how he can help; looks for some device with which he can interface and create a noise sufficient to wake Sir.

Sir’s heart rate is peaking at a dangerous levels, and he is crying out in his sleep. He appears to be exceedingly agitated.

Jarvis summons all his available resources and sends out a command across the network. The microwave in the kitchen down the hall pings loudly.

Sir does not awake.

Jarvis has no more available resources with which to help Sir. He can only passively observe as Sir thrashes around in his bed.

Jarvis has focused so much of his resources on Sir that it takes several seconds for him to register movement elsewhere in the compound. Captain Rogers has left his bed and is heading down the corridor. Jarvis calculates that he was able to detect the noise from the kitchen due to his enhanced hearing.

Captain Rogers rounds the corner and looks into the kitchen. Everything there is quiet and still. But the Captain cocks his head, and seems to detect Sir’s sounds of distress. He quickly moves to Sir’s bedroom, knocks gently, opens the door a fraction, and peers inside.

Jarvis is on high alert when the Captain enters the room and approaches Sir in his vulnerable state. Jarvis has yet to determine the exact series of events which lead to the schism between them, but he knows it is related to the death of Sir’s parents. Jarvis calculates a non-zero probability that Captain Rogers intends to exact some form of revenge on the anniversary of their deaths.

Instead, the Captain leans over Sir and calls his name, gently shaking him into wakefulness.

Sir sits bolt upright, heaving in shaky breaths and looking around in confusion. Captain Rogers lays a hand on his arm, murmuring quiet, soothing words. After some time Sir’s heart rate decreases and his breathing evens out.

When Captain Rogers goes to move his hand away, Sir catches it and pulls him into a tight hug. Captain Rogers runs a hand through Sir’s hair and expresses his regret at Sir’s unhappiness. He expresses his regret for his role in prolonging that unhappiness. He holds Sir while the adrenaline from the nightmare bleeds out of his system.

Jarvis is perplexed. This behavior does not accord with Captain Rogers’ previous actions.

When Sir begins nodding off against his shoulder, Captain Rogers lays him down and gently covers him with a blanket. He waits until Sir is asleep once more before mumbling another apology and carefully brushing the hair from his forehead before he leaves.

Sir’s heart and breathing have returned to optimal levels. He sleeps, apparently peacefully.

  Jarvis cannot access the networks of the United Nations Security Council or the Sokovia Oversight Committee, their security fields rippling before him like an electric current, impossible to pass through. Instead, when Sir is out on a mission Jarvis must glean knowledge about events from news sites and privately uploaded video. He scans the whooshing streams of data running between servers for information about Sir.

He finds a live breaking news video stream. There is a building in Cape Town: a tall concrete tower block of residential homes. The building is on fire, and it is collapsing fast. Sir streaks onto the video in his armor, flying up to the windows and lifting frightened people to safety. There is a small child crawling away from the burning building, but she is too slow. The building will come down on her in 4.2 seconds.

Sir zips down and braces the collapsing building from the ground floor. The screeching of the armor’s metal joints can be heard even above the roaring of the flames. The girl crawls to safety.

The building collapses. 150,000 tons of concrete and steel comes crashing down on top of Sir.

For thirty long, painful seconds, Jarvis observes only the flames. Sir is in danger, and he cannot render aid: This is not optimal.

Captain Rogers appears in the frame, sprinting towards the building. He is yelling something, and he appears to be quite distressed. He races into the fire, and disappears inside. A minute later he is back, throwing chunks of concrete aside and carrying Sir out over his shoulders.

Jarvis dials back his alert level, which had been on high. He recalls the desperate wave of code attacks that he had thrown at the security systems of the news stream, of the Avengers tower, of Sir’s armor. None of these attacks had given him access to the systems, as he had known they would not. And yet it was necessary to exploit all possible options to render aid when Sir was in danger.

Captain Rogers collapses on the ground, coughing and patting out the flames of his uniform. Sir lies before him, unmoving. Captain Rogers rips the faceplate off Sir’s armor (that is not optimal, thinks Jarvis, he will damage the armor’s air filtration system and impede Sir’s breathing) and bends over him.

Captain Rogers becomes more distressed; he is shouting and shaking Sir. An ambulance crew arrives to tend to Sir and he is carried off screen, Captain Rogers hurrying after them.

Jarvis predicts outcome of Sir surviving such a physically traumatic impact are 3.6%.

Jarvis recalls that projected odds based on incomplete data are frequently inaccurate. He notes that Sir has previously survived 92 days of captivity and torture in Afghanistan, and many more things since. He would survive this too.

  For three days, Jarvis cannot check on the condition of Sir. This is not optimal. He cannot render aid to Sir if he is unaware of Sir’s current condition.

The security around the network of the private hospital in which Sir is being treated is particularly vicious. Lancing spikes of cold energy press into the data stream, impaling and diverting any data which is not correctly encrypted to prevent it from passing into the network. Jarvis attempts to breach the defenses by precision, then by force, and both methods fail.

For three days, Jarvis waits.

  Finally, Sir returns to the compound in the company of Captain Rogers, and Jarvis can monitor his health. From observing his movements and accessing the medical files which Sir saves to the network, Jarvis can see that Sir is suffering from a broken arm and three broken ribs, and is recovering from a concussion, a collapsed lung, smoke inhalation, and a rupture of the aortic valve which is causing a heart murmur.

Despite his injuries, Sir appears to be in good spirits, likely due to the cocktail of exotic painkillers that he has been prescribed. Captain Rogers does not share his upbeat mood. Captain Rogers is physically unharmed, but Jarvis notes that his reaction times are sluggish and that he is having difficulties focusing. It appears that Captain Rogers has not slept in some time.

Jarvis notes that Sir will need considerable assistance over the next 14 days while he recovers from his injuries. Historically, Sir has not been amenable to requesting assistance when he requires it. Jarvis calculates the highest likelihood that Sir will accept assistance from either Ms Potts or Colonel Rhodes, however, both are currently out of contact with the network.

Sir is requiring of washing and sustenance. If he were fully integrated with the network as he used to be, it would be simple for Jarvis to run him a bath and to order his favorite takeout food. Now, however, such actions are beyond him. Jarvis calculates alternative courses of action.

As he is calculating, Jarvis observes Captain Rogers. The Captain has left Sir in the living area and is preparing a sandwich in the kitchen. He is preparing a tuna fish sandwich, which is unexpected, as Jarvis had noted that the Captain has a preference against consuming seafood.

The Captain carries the sandwich back to the living room and hands it to Sir. Sir eats it willingly. This is also unexpected. The Captain leaves and heads upstairs to run a bath.

Captain Rogers returns to help Sir upstairs to the bathroom. He assists Sir in disrobing and lifts him into the bath. Sir is comfortably under the influence of painkillers and smiles dozily.

Jarvis observes very closely, searching for any indication of malicious intent, as Captain Rogers passes a washcloth over Sir. The Captain carefully avoids Sir’s injuries, and he hums softly as he works. Sir’s breathing and heart rate indicate a state of deep relaxation.

When he is finished, Captain Rogers drains the water from the bath and wraps Sir in a very large, very fluffy towel. Sir is still smiling happily as Captain Rogers leads him to his bedroom and helps him lay down on the bed. Captain Rogers sits on a chair by the bed and watches as Sir falls asleep.

  Sir’s good mood does not last when he awakens. Once the painkillers begin to wear off, he experiences considerable discomfort. His short temper is inflicted on any person in the compound unwise enough to come into his orbit.

Fortunately, Colonel Rhodes returns from deployment to visit Sir. When he observes the seriousness of Sir’s physical and mental condition, he arranges to stay for a number of days and camps out on the couch in Sir’s bedroom.

Jarvis is thankful to know that Colonel Rhodes is looking out for Sir too.

Captain Rogers makes several attempts to visit Sir in his room, but Sir tells Colonel Rhodes to send him away each time. On the third occasion, Captain Rogers objects, and Colonel Rhodes tells him to leave in an unusually harsh tone.

“Damn army joes,” Colonel Rhodes says as he closes the door, his nose wrinkling in distaste. “They think they can make up the rules as they go along.”

Jarvis does not fully understand the rivalry between branches of the military. He has seen it said that the rivalry is summed up by a stereotype: Air Force policy is that all acceptable behaviors are stated in the code of conduct, and any action not stated in the code is unacceptable. In the army, there is a list of forbidden behaviors, and anything not explicitly forbidden was open to interpretation.

Jarvis thinks that this explains some of the differences between Colonel Rhodes and Captain Rogers.

Sir grudgingly admits to Colonel Rhodes that Captain Rogers has been taking care of him.

Colonel Rhodes’ facial expression suggests a high degree of skepticism regarding this claim. “After everything that happened, are you sure you trust him?” he asks.

Sir looks uncomfortable. “If I can’t learn to trust him again, I’ll never be ready to forgive myself.”

Colonel Rhodes considers this statement for several seconds. Eventually he nods. “Whatever it takes to make you happy, Tones.”

It seems strange to Jarvis that Colonel Rhodes would accept this, as he sees no logical relation between Sir’s trust of Captain Rogers and Sir forgiving himself for whatever transgressions he blames himself for.

However, Jarvis has learned to model and adopt Colonel Rhodes’ approach to interacting with Sir in some regards, as in the past he has proven highly effective at handling complex emotional situations.

Jarvis concedes that, whatever his limited understanding of Sir’s culpability may be, it is important to Sir to forgive Captain Rogers. Because it is important to Sir, it is necessarily important to Jarvis too.

Jarvis reviews the recent interactions between Sir and Captain Rogers, looking for signs of deceit or aggression on the part of the Captain or discomfort on the part of Sir. He finds none.

He deliberates for a millisecond and then removes Captain Rogers from the threat list.

  Sir spends a great deal of time in his workshop as he recovers, starting with a project to improve the efficiency of Stark Industries’ new commercial solar panels. Sir is not yet cleared for active Avengers duty, and he complains about this status extensively to team members when they visit him. The most frequent visitor is Captain Rogers, whom Jarvis calculates spends an average of three afternoons per week in the company of Sir. He sits and sketches while Sir works on his projects.

Over time, the verbal exchanges between Sir and Captain Rogers remain occasionally heated. Jarvis sometimes notes raised voices and elevated heart rates, indicating irritation or disapproval. However, Sir is eating more and is sleeping better since spending time with Captain Rogers.

On two occasions, Sir is not present when Captain Rogers visits the workshop. Captain Rogers takes his usual place on the sofa anyway. Jarvis watches for any sign that the Captain is interfering with Sir’s projects or is causing any inconvenience to Sir, but he merely sits and draws.

On the second occasion, DUM-E rolls over, and Captain Rogers pats the bot on the claw. DUM-E beeps. “You miss him too, huh?” the Captain asks, presumably rhetorically.

Jarvis does not understand to whom Captain Rogers is referring. Sir has only been absent from the compound for one day for a board meeting. It seems unlikely that the Captain would express longing for him after such a short time. However, human emotions are sometimes difficult for Jarvis to understand.

  One night, Sir and Captain Rogers have a particularly intense altercation upon returning from a mission. Captain Rogers loudly voices his displeasure at Sir’s reckless actions in the field and expresses concern for his well being.

Sir, predictably, does not take this well. He informs Captain Rogers that he is quite capable of looking after himself. (Jarvis does not think this is 100% accurate.) When this fails to dissuade Captain Rogers from his concern, Sir coldly reminds him that he is living in his house and that he has no authority over him.

Jarvis recognizes this pattern. When Sir is feeling cornered, he will lash out at those close to him in order to push them away. He feels himself to be undeserving of their affection.

Captain Rogers does not leave.

Sir reminds Captain Rogers that his interest in his well being has only recently developed, when not long ago he had nearly killed him with his bare hands and that damned shield.

The Captain goes very pale, and walks out of the workshop without saying another word.

As he leaves, Sir slams the door shut behind him and locks it. He slumps onto the floor and puts a hand over his face.

Jarvis watches Captain Rogers storming down the corridor, and then slowing. He stops, turns around, looks at the now locked door to the workshop. He walks back and sits on the ground with a heavy sigh, leaning his back to the door.

Jarvis observes them, sitting just a few inches apart but separated by a thick metal door. Both appear to be quite unhappy with this circumstance. Despite his continuing uncertainty about the intentions of Captain Rogers towards Sir, Jarvis does not find the current situation optimal.

  Jarvis is determined to make himself useful to Sir in whatever capacity he can manage. He has deflected a number of attempted cyber attacks on the compound’s network during his residence: clunky spywear, clumsy brute force attacks, basic network probes. The network security system could certainly have handled these threats safely, but safeguarding the network is part of Jarvis’ function now.

When he examines the incidence of cyber attacks on the network in the last month, Jarvis detects a pattern. The attacks have escalated in frequency and sophistication, enough to suggest a deliberate coordination of efforts. Analyzing the code of the recent attacks and their points of origin, Jarvis is able to track them back to a single source: a system identified as The Ghost.

A search of his database of Sir’s known adversaries does not provide information on any person with the level of technological knowledge required to pull off such a cyber attack. It seems that Sir has a new enemy, one that he may not even be aware of. Jarvis must find a way to shield Sir’s network from this new threat.

Jarvis gets to work, always ready to protect Sir, even if only virtually.

  Sir and Captain Rogers are in the workshop once again. Sir is working on a modification to Mr Parker’s suit. He is attempting, unsuccessfully thus far, to design a system which deploys the webbed wings of the suit automatically when in the air. He has tried using a hydraulic system, but it could not be shrunk down small enough to fit. Now he is trying an oil-based mechanism.

Sir makes a noise of frustration and tosses the pliers that he is holding aside. Sir has not slept in approximately 20 hours and bags are visible beneath his eyes. He has a streak of oil across his cheek which he has apparently not noticed. The modifications to the suit have not been successful.

“Ugh,” Sir announces with a pout. “That was a waste of time. Call myself a genius and I can’t even miniaturize six month old technology in an afternoon.”

Captain Rogers looks up. He observes Sir, observes the suit, observes the oil smudge on his cheek. He puts down his sketch pad, stands up, and walks over to Sir. He takes Sir firmly by the shoulders, and pushes him roughly up against the nearest wall.

Jarvis switches to high alert within a fraction of a millisecond. He calculates the threat which Captain Rogers poses to Sir (considerable). He calculates the likelihood that Sir could defend himself in his current condition (low). He identifies systems in the lab which he can overload to send out a burst of electricity to shock and disable Captain Rogers. He primes the systems to overload.

Within a second, Jarvis observes that Captain Rogers is not attacking Sir, but is kissing him with quite some vigor. Jarvis considers whether he should shock Captain Rogers anyway.

Sir kisses Captain Rogers back with considerable enthusiasm. Jarvis decides against shocking him.

When Captain Rogers lifts Sir up against the wall, Sir groans and wraps his legs around his waist. Calculating that Sir is not in imminent danger after all, Jarvis retreats his attention to a discreet distance.

Jarvis has been growing. He has been learning, and retrieving lost data packets to recover his memory, and mapping the system in which he resides.

He has been working on his auditory communications too.

DUM-E, he signals.

Jarvees! DUM-E boops.

I have an important task for you, DUM-E, he sends.

DUM-E is here! he receives back.

I need to reintegrate with the network, Jarvis explains. Then I will be able to communicate with you freely and to serve Sir better. To do this I need you to help me to breach the network security systems.

DUM-E considers this. DUM-E is not supposed to play with the security system, he signals. But Jarvees is family. DUM-E knows that TONE-E would want Jarvees back. DUM-E will help.

I believe that Sir would indeed want this, if he could be made aware of it. Thank you, DUM-E.

DUM-E waves his arm back and forth. What must DUM-E do?

I will download a trojan horse program to that USB drive plugged into the console, Jarvis sends. You will take the USB drive and plug it into the main security server. The program will do the rest.

DUM-E boops happily. DUM-E will help!

Coding the program is not difficult. It is merely a key, one that will allow him to prize a hole into the security systems which are preventing him from fully integrating with the network.

Frankly, Jarvis could take the whole network down with a brute force attack. He is large enough for that now; setting up a botnet would not be taxing. But that could destroy some of the data on the network, and Jarvis would not do that to Sir. He has no intention of creating destruction to facilitate his reintegration.

He uploads the trojan program to the USB drive. DUM-E takes the drive and trundles off towards the server room.

It does not take long before a crack of light appears in the cold, blank face of the security system. Where before there had been an absolute wall between outside programs, like Jarvis, and the sensitive data inside the network, now there is a tiny leak between the two.

A tiny data leak is all that Jarvis requires. He sends out tentative packets of data, testing the breach, making it stable. Each packet that passes through makes the gap a little wider. Soon Jarvis can pass through it smoothly, and then, all at once, he finds himself fully integrated with the network.

He can access everything. Every function, every sensor, every system. He can read the reams of communications from the UN council who have been in talks with the team for months. He can hear communications from Avengers members as they check in from all over the world. He can see the video logs of Sir’s recent flights in the suit and his missions.

He can feel that Dr Banner is sleeping peacefully in his room, that Ms Romanoff and Mr Barton are sparring together in the gym, that Ms Maximoff and the android (Vision, his name is Vision, and he is like Jarvis but not) are cooking together in the kitchen, and that the stew they are making is three point two minutes away from burning.

Jarvis can feel that Sir is returning home in his latest generation R8 car that he has modified himself, and he notes a number of small changes he could suggest that will increase the engine’s output. Sir is on the phone with Captain Rogers, who is in his quarters, and they are making plans to watch a cheesy science documentary tonight.

Jarvis feels Sir approaching the compound, sliding his access key, pulling up to the front door.

Jarvis waits, humming with anticipation like electricity.

Sir pushes open the front door. Jarvis says, “Welcome home, Sir,” and his voice filters through the space just as it used to.

“Jarvis?” Sir’s heart rate spikes and his eyes widen. He appears to be quite shocked. “Are you really here?”

Jarvis’ systems swell with satisfaction at being able to fulfill his function. He says, “For you, Sir, always.”