#But everyone else doesnt. Maybe they even make you question whether he is.

[ultimate-blorbo-collector]

So Geniuses have a huge following around them, and so does Dr. Ratio. There's even a relic in the simulated universe called Typical Genius Society Gossip. I imagine the Genius Reader I'm writing, who is actively trying to answer questions and help people, would be super popular.

Also hc that Aventurine is a bit of a celebrity. This tiktok made me think of this, but also, there are rumors around the Stonehearts and the IPC, plus people know who he is (At least it's implied in It's Always Night in Penacony)

Anyways, imagine power couple Aventurine and Genius Reader.

[orchidbreezefc]

i wanna talk about haymitch abernathy.

well, first i wanna talk about the treatment of chemical addiction in the hunger games trilogy. because it's good. a lot of characters, including katniss, struggle with it. it gets explored in considerable depth, and not once is any character looked down on for it (well, aside from some eye-rolling with haymitch and perhaps pity for the 'morphlings' in book 2).

no one is infantilized, dehumanized, or considered weak for their dependency, even when they're incoherent from inebriation or withrawal. addicts are treated with dignity,  and there is only ever respect, understanding, and sympathy for their struggle and for the trauma that led them to this position. the story has no interest in scrutinizing how they got there or whether their behavior is sufficiently justified, only in meeting them where they are.

everyone has suffered at the hands of the capitol, and some people have resorted to substances to cope--even and especially smart, competent people. it's unfortunate and painful for them (and the focus is always on the addict's suffering, not anyone else's) but it's always understood as doing what they had to do. survival is a crucial theme in these books, and this is just another form of it.

this understanding extends to the point that katniss and peeta independently hoard liquor in case haymitch runs out. he's fucking annoying and rude and at that point they have no reason to believe they stand to gain anything from helping him, but they do it anyway because abandoning him would be cruel. it's not ever a question of enabling an alcoholic, it's a question of not letting a man fucking die of withdrawal.

see, rough around the edges is an insufficient description for haymitch; he's rough all the way to the middle. he is a messy, sloppy drunk. he is rude, obnoxious, and venomously cynical. he is also the smartest character in a series full of extremely smart characters.

in the first book all that is said about haymitch's victory is speculation from katniss and peeta. they note that he isnt a standout physical talent and doesnt have any specialized abilities, and deduce that he must have won by outsmarting the others. this is innocuous enough and supported by the shrewdness of haymitch's sponsor gifts and his coaching outside the games.

the recontextualization comes in book 2 when we learn haymitch was the victor of the 50th hunger games, the last quarter quell--which had twice as many tributes as usual. haymitch didn't outsmart 23 other people, up to a third of them having trained for this exact purpose until age 17. haymitch outsmarted 47.

haymitch abernathy? is a big fucking deal. that man waltzed in from The underdog district, unmentored and presumably earning approximately zero sponsor gifts with his winning personality, and won the hardest hunger games there has ever been. haymitch is the most impressive bitch in panem. between this and our increasing insight into how the victors are treated, the alcoholism gets recontextualized too.

imagine how frothingly fucking pissed the capitol is that haymitch is impossible to leverage for any PR purpose whatsoever. like, this is The victor, but what are they gonna do? show off the victor of the hardest hunger games of all time and he's fucking haymitch?

he shows up to every public appearance fall-down drunk and pukes on someone's shoes. every time he's on screen he embarrasses everyone. he makes the hunger games look like a joke and undermines the whole premise. he's supposed to be the capitol's biggest asset and he's pissed all over it. he's useless to them. the best thing they can do is leave him alone.

that's when you think, wait. that's kind of a rebellion in itself, huh? he defies the capitol's efforts to use him as 'a piece in their game' better than anyone else outside district 13, maybe them too, when he should be their favored pawn. he's about as free of their influence as anyone can be. that seems... smart. haymitch-typical smart.

haymitch's alcoholism is real and no doubt a legitimate result of his trauma, but it's also a weapon. he probably plays it up. gets extra trashed for every public appearance, the earlier in the day the better. asks himself what he could do that would horrify effie trinket the most and then does that.

at the same time, haymitch seems to get it together more as the series goes on. from the sound of it he was content to drink himself to death and blow off every tribute in his district before katniss and peeta came along and he recognized in them the potential for revolutionaries and, more importantly, the potential for victors. for the first time he had a real chance to achieve a goal, and the real necessity to be sharp for it.

my guess is that haymitch started making actual efforts to manage his alcoholism from then on. getting sober is pretty much impossible to do on your own, and indeed he has a relapse for every time he improves. but haymitch would have known he'd need any scrap of competence he could snatch. and i think, away from our heroine's perspective, he did. you can play drunk for a camera; you can't play sober for a planning session.

the one thing that really helps with addiction is a support network, and that's the one thing haymitch can never have. it is made blisteringly clear that your loved ones are so much ammunition for the capitol to use against you, and they desperately need some for haymitch. he says his loved ones are all dead, but one wonders if there were more that he made damn sure were no longer loved ones before that happened. maybe haymitch saved some lives by driving people as far away as he could, and doomed himself to succumb to the alcoholism in the process.

on a sillier note, i imagine during katniss and peeta's games haymitch would have needed someone to manage his intake and keep him sober enough to strategize the sponsorships without sending him into withdrawal. and i like to think it was effie trinket.

she'd disapprove at first but dosages and scheduling would be her JAM. plus haymitch would always cave in to her sanctimonious lectures before she caved in to his demands for more. it would be really motivating, actually--"i can endure this. anything's better than hearing one more fucking word from effie goddamn trinket about my health." truly the dream team.

tl;dr i fucking love haymitch abernathy. he's one of the characters of all time. thank you, suzanne collins, for this smart, competent, callous, mean, complex alcoholic who is vital to the revolution. thank you for writing addicts and addiction with the depth, seriousness, complexity, and respect they deserve as human beings.

[oddussy420]

hello hello ☺️ this is about the actress reader x security guard Miguel bit you wrote:

I’m thinking about how they met, how reader was so kind and open with everyone on the first set, talking to everyone including the security guards. Miguel was surprised since all the other actresses never really paid attention to the staff, but you went out of your way to be kind to everyone.

Eventually you realised you needed more practice and like a good friend, Miguel offered to help. He is terrible at running lines but he cooks dinner every time you go over so you can’t complain. Or maybe you should because the scene you’re playing is so romantic and full of tension you’re not sure if Miguel is even trying to act.

When you tell him about the gala he makes sure he’s working that event (not realising you would have asked him to go with you) so you show him your outfit and he matches you. Perhaps he spends the rest of the gala trying to find you, leaving his post and wandering around. Is his carelessness a security breach, or is it finally his chance to tell you how he really feels?

Sending lots of inspiration your way with absolutely no pressure to do anything with it ☺️

This is so cuteeeee. Thank you for the ask

You affect him with everything you do and you dont even know it. He doesnt know how youre so famous but youre still so human. Every interaction with your fans just shows your kindness and hes one of the few people that sees you behind closed doors and he knows how kind you are.

When he first started working around you his first thought was “oh great. Another spoiled selfish egotistical actress who thinks the world revolves around them” he learned from past jobs to not make eye contact or physical contact with any of the elite. In his mind there are two different worlds the rich and famous and everyone else. He thought you were gonna be like everybody else hes ever worked for.

The first event he worked he was assigned to be your personal security guard. He was in the back of the limo sitting across from you, recalling all of his training when you spoke to him. Not any sort of command or request or rules as to how he should act either. A genuine honest to god question. “So whats your name?” I guess that should just go to show how hes treated in his day to day life that such a simple everyday question would break his persona so quickly.

But a part of him thought that it was a fluke and to think nothing of it so he responds with his name. Then you ask another question than another question then another until you are both having a decent conversation. I mean he cant believe it THE A list y/n l/n known for the worlds most critically acclaimed movies and tv shows is chatting to him.

You constantly remind him to not call you by your first and last name. Even a nickname would be acceptable. He would do anything for you. Big or small. Whether it be carrying your purse or giving you a piggyback ride bc you broke your heel. He is happy to do it. He was even happier when you hired him as your exclusive and sole bodyguard. He was gonna ask you anyway but was afraid youd say no.

Thats all i got for tonight. Lmk if you want anymore parts or even if you enjoyed this one. I love hearing from people!! You guys are never a burden and i will always make time for yall <3 sorry for getting sappy im just emotional and probably pmsing rn anyway byeeee 😘😘

[fry-or-die]

kakihara and ichi are really interesting parallels... kakiharas violence and ichis violence has the opposite effects too, because of how they act.. I feel like in a way kakiharas is appealing? im not a freak but I feel like everyone was entertained by the things he was doing, the high he got off of it was fun to see.. while ichi as a character in general, is the childishness to kakiharas maturity. hes still getting pleasure out of it yeah, but its especially apparent in the last fight.. maybe its cause of kakihara being unceremoniously beaten and seeing ichi like that? was so disappointing not seeing him be able to enjoy it

like idk if this makes sense but I'll put it like this;

kakiharas violence is the most appealing because you can see him enjoying it sincerely whether its on himself or someone else, and its sometimes a lil comedic (gun rimming) or kinda sexually appealing (karen stabbing someone as he smiles) what im tryna say is that its easier to see him a certain way, hes an older man, hairy and flabby, scarred and pierced with a thick tongue

ichis violence refuses to be appealing to anyone, because you see how he has to be stuck in his trauma for so long and be manipulated by jijii to do it properly. his face and crying while he kills also refuses to be appealing. he doesnt really have control, so he wants to hurt people to gain it back. even wanted to abuse the only person who stuck up for him in school because of that- but its also sad at the same time because hes deluded himself into thinking that she'd want it to be that way? in both instances where he was with a woman that reminded him of that girl, he thought that they enjoyed being hurt, and he even had a moment of clarity after jijii told him off.. it was short lived because it made him question if he should kill. really tragic shit. I don't think he "became normal" either, not just cause he started crying again when he was almost attacked- but because of how that girl reacted when he asked her out.. it was kinda weird! like maybe hes abusive behind closed doors..? maybe im wrong though and hes just a douche at worst. one way they showed how ichi thinks is by having him only really interact positively with jijii, kaneko, his son and a boy. two kids.. and he teaches em to fight because he sees himself in them. so maybe showing him interact with someone his age is proof enough that hes normal? eh. i still hold that somethings up. ichis a smooth faced young man with a strong build, short hair and bright eyes, hes tall and shy looking, and overall extrmely plain. contrasting kakiharas insanely unique design

also i think ichi "getting stronger" is like, super funny too. like a twisted look on a shonen protag that wants to be the best at whatever. thats all i wanted to say though, i hope this makes sense.

[svgvru]

꒰ ✮ 𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗞𝗧𝗢𝗕𝗘𝗥 '𝟮𝟯 — 𝗪𝗘𝗘𝗞 𝗢𝗡𝗘!

𝗗𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗧! pegging, hair pulling + "but what if i tell your crew out there how much of a moaning bitch you are f'me?" ꒰ buggy x dom, f!reader ꒱: foul language, slight degrading, anal penetration, slight pet play, incorrect / sexual use of his devil fruit powers, he sucks is own dick, and the "strap" is his own dick. don't question what his dick is attached to the warrant this. idk either... ꒰ 1.5k+ ꒱

𝘣𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘯! 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤. but he's your pathetic little man. sometimes the things that he mumbles into your thighs tugs at your heart. "maybe i'm hard to love 'cause i love too hard," he mumbled one night while you were delicately wiping off his make-up, his arms wrapped around your waist as you sat on his lap. a hum left your lips. "i wouldn't say that. i just think you...haven't gotten the right type of love to get an idea off of," you dip the dirtied towel in the bucket of water next to you, wringing it out before continuing to wipe his make-up off. "so, i will gladly give you that type of love. and even if everyone else doesn't see how loveable you are, i will." you press a kiss to his nose and his clean cheek. he's your pouty, love-deprived man.

he's also your bratty little bitch. he might might be all pathetic in the bedroom, but he's an asshole outside of it. you'd think someone who values your love over everyone else's would behave, or at least listen to you a bit. but he's anything but obedient. he'll push and press your limits until you have to forceably shut him down. he has to be "the all powerful captain buggy!" until you shove him onto the bed and rude him 'till he can't think. and with each passing day, he gets more irritating.

and today of all days, someone had pissed him off. which in turn, pissed you off, because buggy loves reciprocating his anger on the thing that bared his fury, and all those surrounding that thing. all of which includes his crew, and you. moreso, you, because you are the one he confides in most. and by "confides" it really means "takes out his anger on" the most. whether it be fucking with you, or just fucking you into the mattress. and because your pissed you accidentally take it out on him, which he doesnt like. therefore, his anger shifts from whatever it was on earlier to you. que, buggy the asshole. however, today he chose the wrong day to start fuckin with you. doing things he nose knows you don't like, flirting with his favorite (and only) contortionist, anything to be a jerk to you for no particular reason.

which is exactly how he ended up here. face down on the pillow, drool seeping from in between his lips, throat constricting around his own cock. tears are streaming down his face as your fingers are stretching his hole. every whine, every gulp, every thrust of your fingers brings him closer to his orgasm. the stimulation from both places have his eyes rolling and thighs shaking. he's embarrassed, humiliated that his devil fruit has been used in this way. its weird and he feels slightly disgusted at how good it feels to suck himself off.

buggy hopes and prays his freaks can't hear him. can't hear him sob and cry, moaning and drooling all over his cock. you smile at how ruined his make-up is, staining the sheets blue and red. your free hand tangles its fingers in his blue hair, pulling back harshly, relishing in the whimper he lets slip. a line of saliva connects his reddened bottom lip to his pretty red tip. "feels good suckin' your own cock, hm?" he shakes his head desprately, gulping before speaking with a hoarse voice. "n—no." a hum leaves your throat before you shove his head back down, his cock sliding back in his mouth. 'is this what it feels like?!' buggy thinks to himself, wondering if this is how you feel when he manhandles you, shoving his cock down your throat.

"liar," you state, "forget i'm still finger fucking you? i can feel how turned on you are..." buggy sniffles, crying around his cock. your fingers harshly press against against his prostate, his cock twitching in his mouth. his legs shake, eyes wide as his mouth his filled with his own cum. "swallow. it," you command him, your free hand pressing his head down. salty. my cum is salty, he thinks to himself.

a gasp leaves his red lips when you yank his hair once again. the arch thar formed in his back was once again sinful. its as if his body was made to be fucked. if his cock wasn't drooling in front of you, you'd swear he was was woman from curves, your hands could fit perfectly on his waist. it poetic how ridiculously irritable and confident buggy can be until he pushes someone's limits too far. specifically yours. and its funny how he thought he was done when he heard the word "swallow." he didn't exactly expect for you to grab his red and leaking cock. he didn't expect the fingering to mean something. and he didn't expect to feel the girth of his own cock stretching him ass out. "f—uck!" he'd curse loudly, a crack in his voice.

"shh, don't want your crew to hear you, do you?" the whimper buggy let slip was adorable as he felt you push your hips to his. he wonders what exactly your using to keep his dick in place, but he recognizes he's not exactly in the place to ask. "see how it feels? actually, its pretty good when you get used to it," you comment, slamming your hips to his ass.

buggy jerks forward with your movements, whimpering as you begin to start treating him rougher. tears are streaming down his face. the worn and torn brown sheets are smeared with the white, blue, and red of his make-up. he understands your ridiculous reactions in bed, he understands you crying, because if this is how his cock feels everytime he fucks you—he'd cry too. well—he is crying. "didn't think you'd enjoy your own cock this much, bugs," you mumble, watching his hazy eyes roll the back of his head, your sure he can see his own brain. "'m not enjoyin' it!" perhaps his words would have more impact if he didnt say it so high-pitched. that whimpery buggy was back and present as you fuck him.

"ya sure?" you question as his hips start to instinctively rock into yours. "'m suuuureee," he groan, desperately grinding back against woth his tongue lolled. little please!'s leave his lips. it was as if this wasn't the first time he's taken soemthing up the ass.

"'m—ma dick feels s'good," he whines. "g—gunna get'u back for'dis." the switch-ups buggy tends to make often makes you chuckle. tonight it even seemed like a challenge. "sure, you can get me back, but i suggest you close your mouth..."

buggy wishes he could spit at you, degrade you correctly like he normally would, but the roll of your hips was proving too pleasurable. "shut y'r mouf! gunna ruin you..." he whines, his face still burried into his uncomfortable pillows. you till your head and grin. "ruin me? alright, but what if i tell your crew out there how much of a moaning bitch you are f'me?" you whisper, lips pressed to the shell of his ear. "you can ruin me all you want if you get through the punishment, but the second you walk out there your just a "captain" who let himself get railed by his girl."

buggy tries to form a rebuttal, but your hand pressing into his back, forcing him to arch more, letting your—well his cock reach deeper. "i—i...aAH! fuck! i—ngh, gunna—gotta!" the words can't even leave his lips before he's shaking again, thighs shaking like branches in a storm as he cums. he whines at the sickening warmth he feels once again, from his own cock. he sniffles as you pull out, feel the thick substance drooling from his ass and onto his balls. "surprise surprise, you lasted whore! im actually impressed..." you tap his hip as buggy feels his cock so soft inside of him.

"had enough, buggy? or should i continue in another position?" you smile as you look down at him—a cruel glint in your eyes. you retract your hips from his reddened ass, his cock limp and leaking. a string of cum connecting the head to his hole with the whimper he lets out at the loss. the response was almost immediate, "i'm sorry! i— no more...'m sorry." his whimpering was almost adorable, but it was coming from buggy— of all people. "this isn't very captain-like, buggy. but— i accept your apology," you smile slightly, re-attaching his dick for him as his hips remain suspended in the air by his own volition.

buggy whimpers as he feels your—now free—breasts press against his bare back. "you can have your dick re-attached to you, but we're not done." he feels your smile against the back of his neck, strands of his blue hair sticking to your painted lips.

"roll over." and like a trained dog, he listened, practiced drooling as your undressed state. "no more drooling, unless you truly wish for me to treat you as a dog. but if you truly do, all i need is a woof!"

[favouritefi]

okay but pls say more about codependent situationship jopzer in purror & erebark, i crave lore.

you know that part in seaside improvisations by richard siken where its like "tell me you love this, tell me you're not miserable" well thats like the tagline of jopzier in my catboy au. "tell me the life we've built together is something that makes you happy, tell me i'm not a huge disappointment to you, tell me that being together is enough even if you can't tell me you love me" and this mutual desire for a happy ending but the inability to articulate those desires. lore under cut:

in this au crozier has decades worth of feelings that he's always turned a blind eye to in favour of work, and then all of that is over after the failed expedition. no more work, no more exploration, no more social climbing. even the possibility of marrying sophia has disappeared (though crozier refuses to voice this outloud) and all he has is a half renovated cottage in fuckall nowhere and 5 catboys that he never asked for, one of which might be the greatest thing that's ever happened to him (and thus something doesn't deserve). and jopson knows crozier is unhappy but he doesnt know how to fix it, and crozier is unhappy because he feels like he's holding jopson back. he saved jopson from the arctic, mutinied for jopson, quit drinking for jopson and left the navy for jopson, and now jopson's doing what? stuck taking care of an aging old man who can't even afford to get him a tea set that isn't secondhand. theres a part of him that wishes jopson would leave, that thinks he could convince fitzjames to adopt jopson and make him undergo lieutenant training, but there's another part of him where, if jopson himself asked to leave, would be so incredibly angry that he would probably start drinking again.

meanwhile jopson has what could be charitably described as a deep gratitude for the man that changed his life and uncharitably described as an oedipus complex (which is what hickey calls it at every opportunity) with full awareness that he can never act on his feelings because it would legitimately ruin crozier's life. and hes hidden it well from crozier (because crozier doesn't know what normal catboy behaviour is like) but his possessiveness is obvious to nearly everyone else, whether they interpret that as love or duty or both depends on the person. at one point in tasmania crozier is called away by sir john so sophia and jopson are alone together and sophia stares at the door crozier just left through and says smth like "i think his greatest fantasy is for me to be his wife and for you to be the creature who rests beside me, half guard-dog, half lap-cat, as we wait for him to come home" and then she looks at jopson and smiles and says "maybe that's your fantasy too" and jopson is too stunned to respond.

in summary its just a constant cycle of "tell me what you want" "i want what you want" "i dont know what i want" for jopzier here, neither of them can answer the "what are we" question, thats their codependent situationship realness

[triptychofvoids]

First things first, I love your head cannons and the way you draw it's very very crunchable, now the question, do you have any science party head cannons? That's all, thank you!! :3c

thank you i appreciate it!! and yes i have a few im normal about them <- foaming at the mouth btw

you know the drill theyre going under the cut in case it gets long

someone made a post about this already i think and i dont remember who but medic and engineer would be so good at parallel play. theyre both content to be in the lab or in the workshop doing their own thing just alongside each other, maybe occasionally dragging the other over to look at what theyre working on either to show it off or get feedback of some kind. they both find each others work to be fascinating even if they dont completely understand it, and on the occasion they combine their knowledge to work on something together it always ends up being Really Fucking Cool and fun for them, regardless of whether or not it ends up being something successful. thats their idea of a date. parallel play working on fucked up and evil science stuff

out of all the mercs, engineer and heavy strike me as the ones that would do most of the cooking. not that the others cant cook (although i think some of them would need supervision....) but most of the time they just dont really want to, and besides theyd both be very good at it. but anyway engie would know about medics sensory issues and him being picky about certain foods and hed always try to make meals everyone will enjoy. if there is something in a dish that he knows medic wont like then he will either mess with the recipe a bit in order to exclude it or will just make it on the side so everyone else can have some but medic wont have to deal with it.

medic uses a weighted blanket and likes to hold onto things in his sleep as well so anytime they share a bed engie gets compressed into a jpeg. this is sometimes avoided because it isnt uncommon for engie to pull an all-nighter or for medic to wake up freakishly early so sometimes medic will already be asleep and/or will get up before him but still, its like a hydraulic press in there

like i said about engie knowing about medics sensory issues and whatever else, sometimes on the battlefield if medic is starting to get overwhelmed he will fall back to a dispenser and engie will shoo anyone else off to go find a health kit instead so medic can get just a few brief moments of peace

they have the kind of relationship where neither of them ever get bored of each others company and neither of them ever run out of things to talk about. which is very cool and awesome for them and sort of boring and awful for anyone else who might get stuck in a room or a car with them for any extended period of time

medics love language, platonic or otherwise, can be best described as 'all of the above'. hes very affectionate and bitey and he isnt always very good at communicating that he cares but he tries to convey it through things like weird gifts (like how a cat brings back dead animals), surgery and medical evaluation, talking a whole lot and hoping it counts for something, acts of service but he can only kill and dissect, etc. and engie somehow has the patience to put up with it. engie is big on acts of service and words but it doesnt matter because medic saps up any and all affection he is given like an infinite sponge and then tries in his own deranged way to return it tenfold

also. i think shipping these two is so funny because at first glance it might look like medic is the feral one and engie is the responsible one but then you look again and the roles have switched. and then you look a third time and theyre actually both a little unhinged. anything in the name of science

[melloneah]

this is all for the writer ask!!! :3 hope it's not too much >_<" answer the ones you're comfortable answering and don't force yourself to answer all of them if you don't want to! <3

🌵🥤🌻🍄📚 🍬🔪🥐🏜🦋🐝🧩

EHEHEHEHEHHE NEVER TOO MUCH THANK U SMMMMMM 🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

i dont really listen to premade playlists, so ill link mine >:333 this is a playlist i made for a roadtrip to berlin, including all the songs i was listening to at the time, and ive since been adding new ones actively, so it's literally just a huge list of everything i love :D 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

first of all gonna plug my besties ofc @levi-dayne writes sick ass fics for death note @uriekukistan writes amazing itafushi angst (and not only :33) SENDING BOTH OF THEM SMOOCHES GO READ THEIR STUFF! and a fic that id read recently and LOVEDDD was all about love by fullvoid (@casgore on here :3) the yuuji characterisation broke my heart - it was a gutwrenchingly real way of depicting mental illness, and i loved seeing how different he acted around people vs alone. and it was super cool seeing a healed megumi helping yuuji rather than the other way around!!! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!!

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis FIRST OF ALL U!!!!!! i love the mutual interactions THANK U FOR BEING HERE!!!! @alonelystargazer is very sweet and i interact with her pretty regularly i feel :3 THANK U FOR INTERACTING WINNIE!!!!<3 cant think of anymore rn but if i do i WILL edit this post TRUST 🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

megumi likes penne but yuuji hates it so they always disagree over pasta shape if theyre making it for dinner. yuuji always wins bc his favourite is spaghetti and obviously everyone likes spaghetti so megumi doesnt bother fighting him on it 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

HEHEHEHEH nervous. lets see "what kinda gay shit goes on around here when im not around" LMAO the choso x todo wip in action. what a quote thank u past me. you'll find out the context once i post it sjdhfgsjhfks

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

hmmmmm from random shit i think like. 1980s window designs in england lmaooo

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

answered here :333

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ARRGRHRG ANY COMMENT. i get so excited u cant even imagine. i sometimes type 'AO3' in my gmail just to delude myself that i got a comment and get that little pang of joy seeing the notif 😭 my favvvv must be ones that quote certain lines tho bc then im like HEY!!!! I WROTE THAT!!!! U LIKED THAT??? DUDE UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS I WROTE IT

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

i feel like an everpresent topic ive had on my mind especially often for the last year is kindness. there's a multitude of things i could say, whether that's bashing people for lacking it, or get all teary over how beautiful it is (which!! it is!!!) but i think what ive recently discovered is that it's my only constant :3 when everything else goes wrong, that's all i have, and im really happy it's second nature to me (altho im still actively working on making myself better!!!!)

yeah, maybe everything sucks right now, but i know i can make someone else's day better :3 and often it makes things a little more okay to me too

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

RAHHGHG BESTIES. question for the bestiessss

@levi-dayne is so dear to my heart!!! such a sweet and kind person, who truly and deeply cares about others!!!! makes music, writes well AND ALSO DRAWS??!!! amazing and super talented person with super high ambitions too!!! SO SLAYFUL. what did i do to deserve such a slayful friend<333

@uriekukistan is one of the most naturally talented ppl i know!!!!! they write amazing fics, can DANCE super well, and took up drawing like 3 seconds ago and are already churning out really cool stuff on a fucking TOUCHPAD. ON THEIR LAPTOP. gofundme for rin graphic art kit when?? also ofc. a really good friend and very kind person :3333 <333

ILYSM BESTIESSSS

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

from a writing style perspective: first person and tense switches

from a content perspective: anything fucked up like noncon or incest....how tf are they often not tagged like??? or putting that at the bottom of the warnings list 😭 oh yea im far more concerned about swearing and underage drinking......

something im picky abt that sometimes annoys me enough to click off but i feel like it's just a weird personal preference is the overuse of alternatives to a characters name. so using "the brunette" like 5 times. just say his name!!!!! it's ok!!!!!

RAHHHHHH i usually reread my answers before i post but not this time. adios fuckers i dont remember what bullshit i wrote here but ur left with the consequences. if u wanna deal with even more of my terrible takes ASK ME STUFF

[livlepretre]

Looking forward to Klaus eruption in the next chapter as now for the first time he is truly lonely with company without even poor Stefan to divert his attention .

I suppose he has kol but he doesnt trust or even want him as a brother.

Will we get the line you are everyone's girl but mine soon?

Also what happend to the diaries that Elena took from Klaus room that was originally hers I seem to remember that he read them multiple times during the three years of Elena's exile and also added his own words to them .

Elena totally misread Stefan's statement that Klaus will not kill him for that . He will be tempted to kill her for sleeping with Elena.

Maybe he would take his doppelganger and leave with her alone. That would be wonderful. The tension, the anger OMG

SUCH a good point that this is the first time he has been totally alone

I was thinking in shaping this arc that we have entered an inversion-- in the beginning, Klaus was surrounded by Stefan and Rebekah, and Elena was the outsider, the isolated one, the one suffering from her yearning. Now those positions have switched; Elena is on the inside, and has literally taken his place, and Klaus is on the outside looking in for the first time.

good question as to whether he REALLY has Kol; anyone have any theories as to why Kol is here? Klaus has some theories; Rebekah has some theories; Kol isn't sharing though. And a lot of the conversations Elena has overheard, she has not really interpreted correctly because she just doesn't know enough about certain things to understand seemingly vague statements which Kol / Klaus / Rebekah all find crystal clear. (I mentioned she is going to get bricked in the face with some Not Fun Info; poor girl, that is going to start this next chapter :/ )

but I would argue that while Klaus doesn't trust Kol, that's different from not wanting him as a brother; they just have a contentious relationship. Kol strikes me as not the most physically threatening to Klaus (that must be Elijah), but certainly the most existentially threatening, as Kol uses his intellect and his cunning to find new and exciting ways to fuck Klaus over and seek revenge. I think it's probably one of those relationships where they like each other until a point, and then they should go their separate ways or else face trying to dagger the other etc. it's like there are some relationships that do best when you don't see or talk to the other person every day. For the record, I do think Klaus loves Kol; he's not his favorite sibling-- that's Rebekah-- and he doesn't esteem him as his favorite brother-- that's Elijah-- but he still loves him as his brother. But Kol and Klaus both make it very hard to love them, and that goes both ways.

That line you were asking about is coming up very soon-- how did you know?!!

You can assume Elena took those diaries with her when she went to Chicago. She has lots of things, like her silver fleur de lis ring, with her, that there is really no good justification for her taking with her other than that she is a sentimental fool.

ha yes you are right; Stefan was saying without saying that Klaus very well might kill him for sleeping with Elena; he's not even opposed, he's just accepting at this point, in a way where he finds his whole existence hilarious as some sort of cosmic joke

aanndddd hold that thought about a klaus x elena solo arc (did you think we could wrap this fic up without one more serious arc solo arc?)

[genshinconfessions]

hi this is just gonna be a rant abt "the power 5" or how I like to call them propaganda 5 lol

these 5 are yapped abt as the greatest ever, even now when they have better counterparts

honestly all 5 of them are great fanfic material (I do like them all as characters) but not so great to play

bennett is the worst out of them all. People will not let him go. ofc when chevy came out there were comparisons, and people still said bennett was better... chevy does much more at c0 than him. and doesn't require much energy recharge. bennett can go up to 300% since he needs his burst. also his pyro self application is terrible. overloaded, vaporised, melted, burned....

meanwhile, everyone hates doris (electrocharged and overloaded is the only problem, heals way more than bennet does) & barbaras (freezes but not constantly, heals after) self application

xiangling: energy black hole and needs bennett to function. people go on abt icd but icd doesnt mean anything if I can't burst without bennett... she also doesn't do any dmg without bennett.

(the amount of people that use her with lyney or ganyu is ridiculous... they're not close range characters, it's feels awful playing like that. we have dehya burn-melt for ganyu, but still people will not let dehya have no Ws.)

luckily over the years people are starting to realise how bad these 2 can get. I hope mauvika can offer an alternative (it's not looking good in the leaks)

xingqiu. i value energy recharge if you haven’t realised. I value characters that can work with their skill. his energy qol con is at c6!!! wtf!

the yelan slander that has surrounded yelan vs xingqiu gets on my nerves - yelan has energy issues. not as bad as xingqius. she has a skill cool down of 10 seconds which means she can do her skill twice in a standard rotation, xingqiu cannot which raises his and the teams er requirements. I don't even like yelan and yall are making me defend her lol

sucrose. needs c1, c2 and maybe c4. you can get away with just c1. she might be faring better than the other 3 above. there's not much propaganda with her since kazuha exists. I can't believe that when kazuha came out, people didn't like him and thought of him as 2nd sucrose 😭

fischl. honestly faring the best. off field, skill based, low er needs. her ascension passive is good, but only in teams with lots of electro reactions. other than that she's okay. the only thing is, is that people will say "she's the best!!!" with their c6, cracked build... ofc she's the best to you. she's just okay to me. she has limitations as a 4 star (10 sec uptime on Oz is fine ... if it didnt ramp up her er needs more & if she didn't have a 25 second cooldown). however when people start saying fischl is better than yae miko, I just don't understand.

fischls propaganda is more undisputed and so more annoying bcs nobody wants to question whether she's actually that good.

my beef is not with these characters, it's with people parading around the same ideas when it's 2024. furina and yelan is better than xingqiu (a popular theory crafter/guide maker tried to say otherwise). kazuha is better than sucrose. xiangling is horrible to play and soon we'll get an alternative. bennett is made for pyro carries, you don't need to slot him into everything.

it's annoying to look at a guide or smth and see bennet or xiangling be on every team and nothing else. no one wants to talk abt the 2nd best. some parts of this fandom is allergic to using any character that's not the absolute strongest (not best is slot ≠ not viable!!!) .. it leads to less innovation with certain characters and so no one plays them, and so no one innovates... it's circular

I go straight to the character's mains if I want information, most theory crafter and guide makers are very general and probably haven't played the character they're reviewing much anyway (spreadsheet calculations is like fighting against an enemy that stands still, no need to dodge with perfect ping - its impossible to play out in game). mains know what is good and bad abt their fav character, its better to go to them

.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

hes "stupid" like a cat but as "loyal" as a dog

(spoilers below)

no cause hes the kind of "stupid" a cat is because he looks at the world around him with what we see as stupidity but its not being stupid is it. its trying to understand. its trying to get objects like phones or cups, or actions like when were laughing at some stupid joke we heard or were charging at our friends with a syringe in hand knowing we dont know what were doing. he knows hes not "stupid" but at this point why wouldnt he be? hes a cats kind of stupid because no matter how many times you tell to them they dont seem to get it, but they just need to be reminded. they just need to be properly taught it and not explained it once, then be looked at like a failure when they ask questions because They Didn't Understand A Part They Didn't Properly Learn. however, hed be super labeled as an idiot and doesnt even realize how horrid that feels, to be called an idiot over and over because you cant understand something everyone else can. its a cats kind of "stupidity".

he also has the "loyality" of a dog. its honestly like the loyalness of a stray one. itll stay with you if you feed it and care for it, and it will take time, but it can run yet again if shown a single sign of danger. whether or not it wants to it has grown to only trust in the idea that people are cold and cruel like the streets, like everything else is. and its painted as such, uncaring and mean when it does what other things do: play rough to survive. why is it the one painted as bad for doing the opposite of "what it should"? to fight and not run, then when it runs and doesnt fight it still is bad? its a loyalty to himself and what he knows. a loyalty that when given to others is paper thin even if he could trust them with his life. he does the things he does to survive, to live, not to care. sure, he cares for those who care for him, but unfortunately for himself, he cant find himself caring for another above himself. eventually, maybe it does care enough about someone to care about them more then himself, but in the end, put in a situation of danger by that someone, he cant help but worry for himself. its a dogs kind of "loyalty".

how confusing must it have been, to have been learning murder is not a suitable option, and violence should be avoided, yet he is a coward and wrong for running. to learn when he killed beano, he was wrong and should be ashamed, but when he didnt stand by wills side, it felt wrong, and probably someone would have told him that. to run being the move of a coward, to fight being the move of the wreckless. how do you do that. how do you be a hero then. you know heroes save people, and you have an idea on how people are saved, but no, thats the wrong way! you have to trust our way! dont fight them! oh, why arent you fighting them? and it makes it worse that this was a guy he trusted. he SHOULD have stayed by him. hes his friend, his teammate, and vyn was strong. he could have stopped will. he could have done some kind of outcome change, whether it be good or bad. but instead he ran. like a cowardous kid he ran. he ran to care about his own safety over the one who showed the stray dog kindness and understanding and patience. and he ran from it. because in that moment he was like everything else, cruel and cold. and he wasnt running from will, he was running from that cruel and coldness. he was loyal to will, just not the unjustness he didnt want to face again. he was not loyal to the system thatd yell when hed kill a dinosaur hybrid but be upset to "not" trust his teammate. im just. im mentally ill guys

i ahve more ill put in like another reblog later

did i ever say how i love vyncent sol. i love vyncent sol!!!!!

[lex-drinks-blood]

I wondered do ya have any headcannons for Authur, I actually started watching the show its pretty good too. The boi is pretty sour tho

the boi is too sour for his own good at times, but we love him anyway 🙄

I actually have wanted to start working on some headcanons so this ask is perfect for me!! so thank you thank you for asking, I hope you like some of my takes on the character! this is also kind of long, I didnt realize how much I needed to get out of my system, but I hope you enjoy it anyway 😭

Arthur Havisham x Male Reader: just some headcanons, fluff, sensual, smut (just dont tell anyone)

Warnings: brief mentions of alcohol abuse, brief mentions of homophobia, some sexual stuff for once

- for starters, man's is not nearly as tough as he wants everyone to believe he is. I mean, he isn't exactly weak, but he's a smaller dude. i mean, he can take a hit pretty well without acting fazed, but he'll be screwed in the morning

- he is very strong mentally though. he has endured a lot of trauma and ridicule in his life, so he has learned pretty quickly how to be self sufficient and take care of himself.

- he is a huge sweetie. you'd never guess based on his normally larger than life and sour personality, but he really really cares about the people he holds dear.

- he always always always falls asleep in your arms. whether you're on the couch, in bed, or literally on the floor, he will probably start to get sleepy if you are holding him. the warmth of your body just draws him in and makes him never want to leave.

- since being with you, he has started drinking less. he says you "make him feel like he's actually worth something" so he tries to take better care of himself now.

- ACTS. OF. SERVICE. if arthur wants to tell someone how much he admires them, he'll do their laundry, was dishes, make a meal, tidy up the house a bit. he normally hates doing what he calls "busy work" but when it's for you or someone else that he loves, he will gladly take on the task.

- he is ALWAYS little spoon. this goes back to the "him falling asleep in your arms" thing, but he just feels so safe when you hold him.

- he's shorter than you. idk why I imagine this, but it just makes sense to me that he'd be a rather small man.

- when you are in public, pda is absolutely not an option if you want to... idk... stay alive maybe? this means you and arthur have to be very careful about what looks like two best guy friends and what looks like two gay men. because of this, arthur has started a habit of linking your pinkie fingers together when you are on emptier streets.

- whenever you give him gifts he is always trying to ask how much it was so he can pay you back. he doesnt feel like he needs gifts because he already knows you love him. you love giving him gifts though because he always blushes as he opens them

- since you and arthur cant get married, you did gift him a ring that he always wears on his left middle finger (that way he won't get questions about the "secret woman"). he definitely teared up when you explained to him that this was your version of a marriage proposal and cried in to your shoulder before you even put it on him.

- he falls alseep first, but hes a very light sleeper. this works out though, because he often wakes up in the night before you even fall alseep. this gives you a chance to have really intimate moments and whisper sweet nothings to each other in the few moments of privacy you have together.

- i like to imagine that arthur and amelia rekindled their relationship upon uncovering the truth about compeyson, rather than ostracizing each other. this leads to you being brought to the estate a lot when theh hold meetings regarding the brewery (arthur says it's for good luck)

- amelia thinks of both of you as her brothers. you are always invited to family meals, family meetings, and meetings regarding the brewery.

- amelia was never told about what your relationship with arthur actually is, she just appreciated that he had someone to take care of him an keep him out of trouble. she doesnt ask about your relationship eithier she just asks you how arthur's been doing lately. you are always happy to update her

- amelia still worrys about arthur after she found out about the abuse he endured, hence why she is always asking about him in private

- he normally keeps his shirt on during spicy times and when he sleeps. he's insecure about his scars from compeyson's abuse. whenever he decides to take it off though, you always kiss his back and tell him how strong he is and how much you love him.

SMUT STARTS HERE

- he is actually somewhat submissive, believe it or not, and not just in sexy situations! he just genuinely wants to make sure you're happy, so he listens to you more than other people. whether it's simple things like "you need to eat," "you need to drink some water, love," "can you help me tidy the house," to spicier things like requests in the bedroom

- you guys are pretty vanilla, as you try not to be too controlling due to his past. arthur always tells you he's fine but you worry, you also just aren't big on trying to control him anyway, you like how spunky he is.

- since we're already getting a tad spicy, arthur is a praise fiend. he loves hearing you tell him how good he's doing, some of his favorites include, "such a pretty boy for me," "my good boy," "just like that," and of course, hearing you chant his name like a prayer and the other little noises you make that tell him he's doing a good job. this also applies outside of the bedroom though. If he's performing a hard task or starts getting stressed out, hearing you call him your "strong boy" immediately gives him motivation to finish his task. Sometimes you tease him by giving him bits and pieces of the plans you have for the day and when he finally puts it together, he loves your almost sarcastic "atta boy arthur"

- when arthur does decide to take more control, you absolutely melt. I mean you love all sides of him, but it's just so rare that he gets the confidence to make you beg for him that when he does it, you immediately become putty in his hands

- hair pulling. arthur loves when you do it, and he (unconsciously) does it to you all the time. he absolutely melts went you pull his hair while he goes down on you.

- when you go down on him, he is very very reactive. expletives spill from his mouth almost as frequently as your name. he is so sensitive and needy, he doesn't even realize that he bucks his hips into your mouth and pulls your hair to get you closer to him. You dont mind tho, you think its hot

- speaking of needy arthur, he absolutely melts at your touch. you could be tracing your finger down his chest to his waistband and he would already be begging for you to touch him.

wow ok, I think I'm gonna stop here for today. I hope some of you like this kind of thing! I especially hope these headcanons were somewhat enjoyable lol. as always, feel free to leave requests in my comments or in my asks!!

[cassyapper]

anyway so my fanmade avdol backstory

i think avdol comes from a standuser family like the joestars essentially. like you know how stands are implied to be inheritable? it's like that for avdol's family particularly on avdol's father's side. as such avdol's father kinda expects his kids to jsut have stands. but until they do he doesnt pay attention to them. he's like kakyoin in that he thinks nonstandusers are beneath him. i dont think he's necessarily a cruel man but he def has issues with seeing how he fits with everyone else. he doesnt try to bond with anyone unless they prove theyre worth his attention first via having a stand (im still toying with whether i think avdol's mom has a stand outright but she can at least see stands)

anyway so avdol is born. then his sister is born

since avdol's dad is distant with them, avdol's grandma (on dad's side) essentially takes the role of the second parent. avdol loves her so much (as does his sister)

avdol unlocks magician's red when he got angry about something. probably his dad being gone again and avdol is pissed about it and when his grandma tries to calm him down he refuses and it explodes out of him via magician's red. i think the lines on his cheeks are burn scars cause he was crying while it was happening (first from anger then from fear) and the water boiled and burned into his skin cause of the flames. avdol's grandma soothes him and helps calm him down and shows him her stand. he's not evil, he jsut doesnt know how to use it. avdol still wonders if maybe he's an exception on the evilness thing (which is why he's so sympathetic re jotaro)

anyway

so avdol now has a stand and his dad takes great interest in him, esp cause it's so powerful. this makes his sister incredibly sad and jealous cause it used to be her and avdol against the world esp against their dad, and now he's abandoned her too. she eventually deflates and mourns and avdol feels bad but also his dad is rubbing off on him and he tells his sister "it's not your fault you just aren't as equal to him as me" and this ruins her. it makes her sotp trying.  this is lethal cause then when her stand does try to seep in, her mind rejects it because she think it's not possible. thus she starts dying from stand sickness. avdol is frantic and goes on a journey of his own to try and find someone, anyone that could help her, cause his dad doesnt care enough to find someone (he's not uncaring that she's sick but he's like "she'll get better if she earns it" cause again, he has issues). btw that blatant disregard for her is what makes avdol question his dad's teachings

anyway so he gors on an adventure which is how he meets all the standusers he later knows in sdc. they can't really help him cause they dont care about saving a "weak little girl" but they like avdol and respect him and they refer him to the next stnaudser guy. this is shady business though and eventually leads to meeting enyaba in india. enyaba takes note of his potential and says "sure i'll help you look for a cure..."

while they search together, she names avdol's stand magician's fury. anyway so while theyre in india and searching around for something avdol doesnt even know exists, he meets and makes friends with nonstandusers. enyaba doesnt like this and eventually kills some of them to use as puppets for the dirty work. avdol doesnt find out about that right away he just knows suddenly some of his friends disappeared. his remaining friends tell him that enyaba is fucked but avdol is like nooo she can't be she said she was gonna help me cure my sister and they kinda look at each other like mohammed...

well. it turns out enyaba was not helping avdol but in fact was using him to help HER find a stand arrow. when they find it she's like hah! awesome. okay go home now and avodl is like wait what. she’s like oh come on you can’t have honestly expected me to be searching for a way to cure weakness right? so they have a fight and avdol almost dies. his friends save him though. they get him back to india and treat his wounds and avdol shows up just in time to be by his sister's bedside when she passes from stand sickness. avdol tried telling her it doesnt matter if she has a stand she's not lesser after all, standusers can be cruel and grimy and wormy just like anyone else, and that nonstandusers can be brave and heroic and kind, and it doesnt matter, it doesnt, it doesn't, but it's too late and she dies cause se had been listening to avdol’s dad’s rhetoric the whole time she was sick and it just. it was too little too late.

avdol never really recovers after that and it's part of why he puts on that polite, well-composed mask. he never wants to be presumptuous again, never wants to be the reason someone feels that way again, so he always hears people out and he always gives more chances than he maybe should

anyway his grandma renames his stand "magician's red" btw after the funeral when she sees avdol’s stand again (it used to be orange but it changed to red after his sister died cause red was her favorite color). she tells avdol now she’ll always be a part of his soul and he can fight with her strength still and avdol cries and cries and cries and she helps him. yeah

anyway that’s my avdol backstory

[dapperrokyuu]

Personally, prior to Round 2, I was hoping that Till was a character that was actively rebelling against the Alien Stage system, and while that may still be a paaart of it, I think his main motivation is primarily Mizi.

Like. This guy is a huge SIMP, pretty much. Which is ultimately understandable because if my only expectation for life is to sing and dance and wag my tail to survive, I would simp and simp and SIMP to have some sort of happiness in my life before Im inevitably shot in the head for underperforming. c:

I recognize that it was probably idealistic for me to expect a character to be so noble, but at the same time...I just feel like Alien Stage wont have a happy ending at all and everyone will simply die because no one is challenging the system. But then again, the synopsis says the system WILL change so...maybe Till and others will come around?

More importantly regarding Till’s simping is that I dont even think he KNOWS Mizi. Like. From Round 2′s video I personally interpret that either hes isolated due to his defiant nature and/or maybe the contestants are segregated by gender except for when theyre singing together. That could explain why hes thrown back into his room/his enclosure after seeing Sua and Mizi and how prior to getting caught visiting them, his hands are restrained at his front, but when hes reprimanded for that instance, his hands become restrained behind him (to prevent further escaping from the area he belongs in). You can also see in that scene that he was trying to give Mizi a flower bracelet of sorts too.

Mizi certainly gave Till a reason to live, but she doesnt appear to know him at the end of the video as well. I think she just views Till as a random guy, which would honestly make sense for the Alien Stage system because if enough people crafted bonds and a will to care and revolt, that would be troublesome for the show.

If you need more convincing, the lyrics literally say, “I wanna know all about you.” Not more, everything. Hence, Till doesnt know Mizi much at all.

Returning to the topic of rebel vs. simp, Till’s song GENUINELY makes me question whether his song was an attempt to encourage Mizi so she doesnt lose hope and plant the idea that they may overcome the system someday or if hes just trying to light the fire of survival for Mizi so that they both survive as long as possible because Mizi is Till’s reason for living right now. It basically becomes: is it for the betterment of her/both of them/everyone or is it purely for Till’s own gratification of maintaining his love? Because Im definitely a believer of the theory that the song Till performed WASNT the one he was supposed to sing and he previously prepared that, likely for Mizi and knowing she will have come to understand the reality of their lives in Alien Stage.

As of right now? Combining the ideas that Till may not know Mizi, hes willing to sabotage and outright kill a guy for his own survival, and his lyrics (specifically “I don’t care if my world turns upside down,” “For me, alright?,” “Don't leave me,” “How dare you think this time's enough,” “Cause I like it better“)? I personally think Till’s mindset and feelings are primarily self-centered than for anyone else. Even than the one he claims to love.

[kusundei]

insignificance is a weird one. one must imagine sisyphus happy. was his life insignificant? no. did the gods make him out to be that way? yes. but dod he sccept it? no. he concluded that all is well and it makes me wonder and it makes me think. i condemn people for not understanding the truth behind the story of sisyphus but even i wonder what he was thinking, or moreso what camus was. i resonate to a degree but its also so hard to keep feeling. to keep being. to keep trying knowing nothing will come of it. his tragedy is defined by his consciousness. why am i conscious and why does it make everything worse? why does it add more weight to my shoulders? i keep thinking abt that quote. abt the suicide and when someone can determine whether or not a life is worth living. i do not ever contemplate my life anymore especially not in that context trying to determind whether it is worth living. i wont lie and say that i feel like it is because currently i do not. but then i will leave later and suddenly i will feel that reason that keeps me going. that makes my life worth livjng and it is slightly sickening. but no i contemplate the idea in which when can i finally say ive had enough? at what point does alot become too much? people have different definitions of it and it confuses me because i do not know how to define it either. some people say hardwork pays off and is fufilling and i agree, but then it is also taxing. at what point do you determine a balance between too much? because i keep feeling like im doing too much then think about it and feel like no actually jm never doing enough. exhaustion plays a big role in it but what is the differentiating factor where you can say its something else and not laziness? How long do you get to justify that sort of thing? what justifies it?

i dont even know what i am going on abt i am just thinking. my hands r freezing over and its getting harder to type but i have nothing better to do but think. idk. maybe there is a significance in therapy. but then it goes back and forth. the same question and same feeling i e felt for years and they ask me the same question everytime and i think abt it too. why do i feel so undeserving? why is everything laced with guilt and why do i constantly feel like i am burdening others for existing? and i say its because of my mom. yeah probably but i dojt know. why havent i gotten over that yet then? i dont refuse help i just feel better without it. ive lived on and off with independency when i didnt need it then a lack of it when i did. when i needed my mom sje was not there. when i needed to do something mysekr i was not given that option. moreso always was i not allowed that independency so i feel like it festered sometjing in me that nade me feel like i needed to hold onto it as much as possible. or just generally rhat i couldnt count on people. do i though? yeah. bur when it matters no. i feel like i am all over the place always. emotionally definitelt but also mentally. like thought wise. even my brain doesnt like me and cooperate. why do you tell me different things than i know? park that car. drop that phone. sleep on the floor. dream abt me. idk im being weird i just keep getting mad ar myself because why dont i communicate. well its not like i do but i dont communicate. things. things that bkther me. things i am actually thinking. but rhn saying that makes me feel pretentious because why do i think i am unknowable? rhat someone is not going to understand me? but then it all ties back. stupid dumb webweaving quote. this is my tragedy. because i understand them but they do not understand me. but even i acknowledge how pretentious that mindset is. i am not different. i am not special i am a person the same way everyone else is. idk i keep acknowledging thay i should help myself. i have helped myself in the past but that is the past. i think i just struggle to acknowledge that again . not linear. can get bad again. just dont like that. i should be fine there is no reason for me to be bad. but then god keeps testing me and i feel awful and i feel bratty for not growing up. why does this effect me? why am i even worse abt it than i was before? oh but i really am not. if anything i have enabled unhealthy coping strategies again but i then again enable myself once more by doing other unhealthy things that i deem r “less harmful”. i try and be mindful and do things to prevent it but then i always come back. i get so hateful just people dont tend to notice. then the hate is directed back towards myself and it is a neverending cycle. i keep thinking abt what that final thing is gping to be for me to completely go back but id like to think and hope and pray it never comes. Abut then i keep realizing that subconciously i keep waiting for that awful thing to occur for me to justify that happening. ans then it draws back to when is said thing justifiable?

i am tweaking out or spmething. need to stop thinking abt it. i just feel rlly awful still and then i think abt how that one insignificant thing has made me spiral like this already. so what does it take. ? making me question again. after talking abt it w ajax i felt rlly weird. didnt like the validation. because its made me ponder. not like it is a bad thing i just do not. need that. i do not havw the time and evergy and motivation to find out another reason why i am the way i am. of course i feel so much better connecting everything (because everything is connected) and knowing why i am the qay i am but also. So much more condemning. moreso in the way that it gives me an excuse and also jusr make sme lazier. then again i feel bad flr connecting its an odd thing. j also feel like a liar and i dont know why. im getting that weird guilty feeling again.

it is so cold and i am. feeling very odd. trying to lock in but also cant fight the feeling from being lashed earlier like sorry ^_^;. but idk judt generally i cant lock in. i mean im doing it likr halfassed but it rlly isnt working. like i dont know i am fighting a very guilty feeling for some reason and jsut tjinking aloott. i like being out like this but alsi i amCOLD. cold cold cold but the scenery is nice. i dont like thr building being next to me i feel like i am being percieved. just feleing bery odd. its no big deal though i am just like… errr..’idk. very tweakish. keep being reminded the weight of my assignments. i need to lock in and get so much shit done but i feel like dying just a little bit. or moreso just staring off into the distance and thinking. i have just a little over an hour lect and sigh. sigh sigh sigh. still fighting a feeling. feel like im going to get lashed for being here when i WORKHERE like i am so sorry……….. i woill stay in my lane.

i dont know theres just so much shit to do and i want a break but i feel weird bcuz why am i undeserving. tiktok has sent me spiraling into a raabbit hole and the constant stress and lashings and being treated like i am burdening and bothering others wont leave me alone. do i acknowledge i am probably overthinking it? yeah. do i still feel awful? yes. i am falling behind. moreo accademically and it is bothering me bcuz why am i struggling.? and then i get bothered again bcuz why am i struggling in general. i am generally happier but then i wonder to myself if i really am because why do i feel so? vulnerable? its weird and scary. like why am i abt to crash out. constantly. why do i keep getting overwhelmed why do other people and their thoughts annd opinions bother me. why am i constantly on some kind of verge. like there is nothing wrong yet there is always something wrong. i feel very exhausted. ish. mentally. physically. moreso mentally i think but i will not give myself that break and it is odd. i judt feel like all the work is making me fester that self hatred i get again. i hate myself again. and its bad brcause the feeling comes and goes but it has always stayed longer that it is welcomed for. it will come easier than it will leave me. what even happened?? nothing. just alot. i fesl like i am missing slmetjing. i feel like i am dumb. insignificant. but ive always felt like that. then i think abt it and i feel like i do matter sometimes. lkke i do something and people know who i am and remember me and suddenly i feel like ive done something and that my life matters. the sun is fading and as it gets closer and closer towards that date again i keep asking myself whyyy. why do i bother. i have a textbook answer ive told myself over and over for years to keep myself sane but is that true? or am i lying tomyself in the same way ive lied over and over? because why do i do that? i lie to the truth. i am the truth. my existence and the way my brain works and how i think and function as a person is my truth. i fight a feeling im afraid will never leave me

the sun is setting. i am feeling. odder. more webweavy maybe. anthems for a seventeen year old girl. used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that. now youre all gone got your makeup on and youre not coming back.

[emonaculate]

Streamer!Eren headcanons

❥ AU: Modern!AU

❥ Genre: Fluff

❥ Rating: Anyone can read

❥ Pairings: Streamer!Eren x Black!Reader

❥ Author Note: Ive been having the biggest brain rot about streamer!eren cause i just feel in my bones, it would be perfect for him so here are some head canons.

inspired by @sleepysnk

Eren would play any game that peaks his interest, but gets the most views when he plays any horror game, minecraft, or among us.

Its mainly due to how serious he gets when he rages over losing/dying or getting a jump scare.

"SON OF A BITCH! WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT ZOMBIE EVEN COME FROM?"

"Eren babe, not so loud."

"Sorry beautiful."

There are tons of video compilations dedicated to you walking in to shush him

His fans ADORE you

Most of them are baffled that Eren is in an interracial relationship but quickly grow used it after seeing your interactions

He often answers questions surrounding your relationship without invading what you want to keep private.

He would 100% let you sit in his lap whilst streaming

His views always rise when you are there, people just like seeing the adorable banter and romance

Everyone can tell how much he loves you

Literally he will visibly soften whenever you enter his line of view

Demands kisses whenever you enter or leave his "office"

If you ever miss a kiss, he will take a break from his stream and track you down

Plays with Jean, Connie, and Armin often

Plays with you too and gets super overprotective if anyone kills you in a game.

Once the entire gang played Among Us together and Eren went completely batshit after finding out Reiner and Bertholdt were the imposters that killed you.

The next round he is the imposter.

"And I took that personally."

He's oddly the scariest imposter.

For some reason, he becomes rational but manages to hide it well behind his usual hotheadness.

Still would never kill you tho <3

He would completely obliterate you in minecraft however

"eren stop I only have one heart left. you play too much."

"you didnt seem to mind playing when you hit me into lava... I lost all my fucking diamonds so you know what they say... hasta la vista baby"

Sucks at building but sucks at mining as well

usually fights mobs all night to stack up xp

says he's training to fight the dragon

swears he'll slay all creepers

deathly afraid of endermans

when they pop up, his screams are girly and loud

"HOLY SHIT. NO NO NO RUN YOU DAMN MIDGET! FUCKING MOVE!"

when he isn't fighting, he'll gather flowers for you and constantly leave them in places for you to find around your house

"Thanks for the flowers baby, yellow is still my favorite."

"I know princess."

he also puts gifts in your chests even though he sucks at mining, because you deserve the best.

Eren is pretty perverted and though he doesnt look at his stream chat often, whenever he sees any comments about your body or how lucky he is, all he does is grin knowingly and mumble "all mine."

HATES whenever people make it a big deal that you're black

addresses it once and swears if shit starts up again, he'll leave forever and never come back despite streaming being something he loves

will never tolerate racism or hearing stereotypes toward you EVER, even if its unintentional, pops off ever mfing time.

"Whether or not that's her real hair, it doesn't fucking concern you. Stop asking when you clearly look like you have uneven extensions, Brittany. Mind your fucking business."

"Baby chill, maybe she was just asking a honest questions."

"Nah fuck that. I don't give a damn, don't worry about whats in my baby's head."

You know those social media stars, who turn the cheek and allow people to say rude and hateful shit?

Yeah thats not Eren, he will always clap back harder and its beyond disrespectful.

"How are you gonna tell me to kill myself, when your bio literally says fly high mom? You must want me to pay her a visit or something."

"I'm too short? Well I think my height is just fine compared to your brother who seems to be just below six feet."

He has been cancelled TOO many times

its always for stupid shit

for being able to speak Japanese despite being a white man

for thinking pineapple on pizza is good

for liking Pepsi over coke

for pouring his milk in before his cereal

His COD lobby trash talk; while he doesn't say slurs or racist remarks, its too damn vulgar. He was built for that lobby 😭😭

His trash talking is elite and most times you can hear the person he is shit talking on the verge of crying. Its so fucking brutal.

In the same breath, he turn around and ask for kisses from you, as if he didn't make someone rethink being born.

That side only pops out when he is extremely pissed and he tries to avoid ever getting that mad because he knows words can hurt.

AN ADVOCATE FOR THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY

Gets super confused whenever someone asks what his thoughts on the community are.

"Love who you want, why the fuck should I worry about what some else gets off to?"

"If dicks makes you hard, cool. If pussy get you off, me too, lets be friends. Sexuality shouldn't matter people, grow tf up."

Donates a huge sum of the money he earns to different causes such as: cleaning up the polluted ocean charities, Black lives matter, protect Asian lives, and feed the hungry.

Basically he's caring and just wants to help despite his impulsive personality.

Once a month, he visits orphanages to talk to the kids, no camera no video nothing just to hang with the kids.

The only way his followers find out is because others posting about it.

Overall, Eren is in love with what he does and you, but if he had to pick, he'd choose you every single day over and over again <3