#But also i don't think describing myself as a man suits me most of the time

[wachi-delectrico]

Sometimes being the specific kind of non-binary that i am blows

[crsssie]

from one admirer to another : halloween?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as model number two // leon as Leon

Dearest Leon,

Your last letter made me hurl (not in a bad way I just got so embarrassed that smoke started coming out of my head anime style or whatever) I... hate that you can tell I'm a romanticist or whatever the word is because I am and I hate that you're so genuine in your letters that it hurts me to read it because what in gods name did I do in my past life for my ass to end up receiving love letters like this? OKRA'S WRITING IS RUBBING OFF ON YOU ISN'T IT. (I'm coping)

Sorry if I come off as harsher than I mean to. I'm not good with dealing with affection. I'm only good at giving affection. I need a moment to just. Give me a second to collect myself.

Okay. I think I'm okay now.

I... don't quite think the word like is the right word to describe my feelings for you. It's a little murky, and while I think I wouldn't mind dating you at all, I also think it would be unfair to you to return your feelings so half-heartedly. So, for the time being... it's honestly up to you whether or not you want to continue pursing me.

I've stuck by Ada most my life since she was always the safe option to me, and I was right when she ended up standing on stage. From the beginning to the end, I think I had become her shadow at some point. She's moving away now, so I don't see much of a point in being a model anymore. Raccoon is still relatively affordable to live in, so I could always turn that writing of mine into a full-time job. Also, I could become a full-fledged model as well. I don't enjoy it quite much, though. I hate the idea of working something that I'm not passionate about.

Oh, look! I'm being vulnerable. Nothing much is happening around me other than Luis' halloween party I'm attending today. See you there?

From the messenger, model number two

p.s. and of course. Sunshine was the cutest thing. I'm always open to visit again

Ada helps you dress up for the masquerade ball, telling you to breathe in as she pulls on the corset, your back straightening nearly immediately. You stare at the wax-sealed envelope that suits the theme, and a near identical one you made to match, and you wonder if you'll recognize Leon in the crowd of people that Luis knows. Suspicious background, a new slate in his hand, and the people of his past mingle into bits and pieces of his life — but only ever as ghosts in his masquerade ball.

The white is a visible contrast to the gold that you have been instructed to wear. Your jewelry is replaced with gold that looks as though it's seeped from the sun itself, and you are cloaked with black, the role of messenger placed in your hand this year, letters upon letters told to be given to people with certain masks.

You weave through the crowd with grace, cloak fluttering behind you as you pass letters to people with a gentle bow, lips curled upwards as you disappear back into the crowd when your time ends. You fell like a ghost. While the people in white look sickly and pale, you resemble the messenger of death, a void of nothing visible on your face. Only when you reach the final man, do you recognize the eyes.

"The messenger retires." You nod at Luis, and he takes the letter from you.

"Pray tell, princesa. The final letter?"

"To a secret." You hold the letter to your lips, closed-eye smile offered to him as you slip past him to the private chambers. It's a dramatization, obviously. You slip into the supply closet, ditching the cloak and hanging it up where Luis instructed you to, and you blend back into the crowd.

You lose Ada, but before someone else can get to you, you're grabbed by the waist, out of the way of a waiter.

"Darling." Leon smiles down at you, removing his hands from you once you're out of the way.

"Just the person." You hand him the letter, bowing as you get ready to leave.

"Please don't." He whispers, fingers clasping around your wrist as he does, and you breathe. You stare up at his hair, and then at his matching corset, and you seem to understand why Luis had been so adamant on having you wear a corset this year around despite your role as messenger in the first half. It had been custom-made, so you wonder if Leon had gone out of the way to receive your measurements from one of the workers.

"How did you know?" You mumble, taking a step closer to him anyway.

"I'll tell you on the balcony." He whispers, tugging you along through the crowd.

You wonder if you deserve such brazen affection from someone you do not even wholeheartedly love back.

Yet, the glimmer in his eyes under the gold of the chandeliers while looking at you assures you that it is fine.

prev letter : masterlist : next letter

[f4iry-bell]

Stained shirts and two seats for one | part 4

i was planning on abandoning this but anyways. there'll be one more part with that this series will be over!!!!!! yay!!!!

warning: stalker grayson :3

A month has passed since Arya and Grayson started dating officially, a month since Grayson Hawthorne started calling a girl his girlfriend. Anyone who looks at him while he is looking at her knows that this man is already falling in love with her. Everything was going well, Grayson would even describe it as perfect. Everyday he texts her or calls or goes to her apartment directly, he's staying away from Texas for her. He takes her on dates every weekend. She is very good with her words, it's reassuring for him that she let him know how much she likes him.

They were out cloud gazing in a park this weekend and it suddenly started raining. It was the type of rain Arya would want to dance with her boyfriend. And how could Grayson Hawthorne deny her request? Even if it means to get his $5000 suit wet and muddy. They slowly danced and kissed in the rain. It was the most important moment of Grayson’s life, he never wanted it to end. Her hands around his neck, his on her waist. Soft wet kisses and playful conversation. But it had to end or they both would be sick, so escorted her to his car. 

The rain was getting heavier as time passed, the hotel Grayson was staying was nearby so they headed there. He let her shower first, she came out with one of the bathrobes. Grayson kissed her forehead before going inside the bathroom. Arya wanted to get changed to something more comfortable.

“Grayson?” She called his name from outside.

“Yeah?” 

“Can I borrow one of your shirts? I don't think I can sleep in this robe” She asked.

“Of course, just grab one from the wardrobe” 

“Okay, thanks” 

The problem was there were three wardrobes. She opened the one in the middle. It had a lot of white, beige and black shirts hanging. What she also saw was a file sitting on the shelf below the hanging clothes with her name on it. Frowning, she took it out and opened it to find her whole life typed out. Her birthday, birthplace, which hospital she was born in, copy of her identity card, passport, tabs on her travels, her workplace, her home address, a whole background check that says no criminal records, it even had information about her parents.  She blinked at this unbelievable piece of file. There were even pictures of her which dated to be taken two months ago, right after she came back from London. 

A file that had every information about her. She started to panic, what kind of sick guy was she dating?

She jumped when she heard the bathroom door open and close. She held onto the file so tight. 

“Arya…” Grayson's eyes were at her hands, looking at the object she was holding.

“What the hell is this?” She asked, despite her anger she was also scared.

“I’ll explain, please don't be mad.” He begged, stepping closer to her.

She stepped back. “Don't be mad? Grayson, so you know how sick this is? A background check? Seriously? And every single information about me? What else do you know out of this file? Do you have access to my phone? My laptop? Do you read my messages?” 

“No, I wouldn't do that.” He assured.

“But you would do a background check, right?” She snapped.

“It's not— I only did it because I wanted to know what kind of person I'm getting myself involved with.” He explained.

“These pictures were taken way before we started going out!” She yelled.

“Arya, I like you. Since London, I wanted to know you, that's why…” He was unable to finish the sentence.

“You stalked me. You know you could have just asked me about me if you wanted to know anything. But I did tell you and every time I told you something, you already knew.” She said.

“I only know the things that are in this file. And I didn't stalk you.” He added. “I had a PI” He kept his head down.

“That is obsessive behaviour, Grayson” She told him.

“I'm sorry. That day in London, you were something else, so intriguing and amusing. I couldn't help it, I had to know you.” He said.

“I didn't tell my agency’s name to you in London, did I? You got it from your PI.” She was putting two and two together. 

“Yes.” His head was still facing down.

“You are sick.” She said and dropped the file down. She headed to the bathroom, Grayson didn't follow her, he wanted for her to come out. When she did, she came out wearing her wet clothes.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“I’m leaving” She replied while grabbing her bag.

“What?” He almost stuttered. “No. Please, stay. I'm sorry. I was an obsessed freak. I know, I didn't have the PI follow you after I came here. I swear to you Arya, don't leave. I'm so sorry” He apologised as he walked towards her. 

“Don't.” She stopped him from coming any closer.

“I'm so sorry, please don't leave me. I'll do anything” He begged. 

“I need time. I can't be near you. I'm sorry” She left his suite. 

Grayson was devastated, he messed up. It was his choice to have her stalked. Why couldn't he just be normal? He kept thinking. This day was so perfect.

next part →

[honeybewrites]

OC Questionnaire Tag

Thank you @leahnardo-da-veggie for the tag and @illarian-rambling for the tag!!

Rules: Answer the questions provided with your own OCs perspective. Then create new questions for those tagged to continue the game.

I'm doing 703 for the first tag and Fres for the second, both OCs from EoWC.

First Tag :D

Do you practice self-care? Why or why not?

"I'm not quite sure what that is." *Rage explaining* "Oh, I see. No, I do not. In my line of work that's not really a priority."

Why did you choose your profession?

"I didn't choose it. I was created specifically to fulfill it. Doing anything else was never an option."

If you could get your heart's desire at the cost of killing a thousand people, would you do so? Why?

"I... don't know. I have no qualms about killing. That's not the issue. I just don't know what I really want. I don't really dwell on things that can't be. I suppose if it was something I really wanted, then yes. I can end up killing just as many people for the Mors and be unhappy, or kill the same amount and get something out of it for myself."

Second Tag :D

How would you describe your fashion sense?

"Immaculate. Just kidding! Though I do think I have a pretty good fashion sense. Personally, I like to dress in what you would call romantic style or classic style, depending on how I'm feeling that day. Lots of dresses and skirts and suits. Now when I'm working, gotta have the proper attire and loose clothing like dresses are a no go, so I usually just stick to my body suit then."

What is your level of education?

"Um, complicated? I didn't actually receive any kind of formal education. I did all my learning in the Mors where they trained me. I guess it would be considered basic education? I know math and all those things, but they also taught me the best ways to kill a man."

Do you collect anything? If not, what would you collect hypothetically?

I do! I have a lovely knife collection! A good portion of them are my own creations, and others old relics that I've restored. Hardly any of them are practical weapons, given their intricate designs on the blades, but they are beautiful to look at.

Tagging @anaisbebe @aalinaaaaaa @kaylinalexanderbooks @fractured-shield and anyone else who wants to hop on!!

Your guys questions:

"What's your favorite childhood memory?" "What is the most beautiful place you've ever seen in person?" "What's a movie you could watch every day?"

[bluelolblue]

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐎𝐜𝐬

I wanna get myself more motivated to work on them again so... have a list of my Overlord oc's. And they're anthropomorphic animals, that's important ahaha

Also they're still wip and it's hard for me to describe how they look, cuz I can see them in my head and idk how to explain aaah

This is also not everything about them, I'll probably explain each more detailed some other time or if I make a side blog for that. And their backstories are wip.

𝐒𝐲𝐥𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐧 - one of my first oc's back from 2019. He is the most powerful one, he is like a hybrid of a dire wolf and a ordinary wolf, black coat but probably maybe a bit lighter black, he is tall, has purple eyes and always wears nice suits. He's a gentleman, literally his personality. His form is "stuck' in his forties or fifties. All Overlords were once mortals, but when they became Overlords, they became immoral. So they don't age physically. Oh, and my inspiration for him was Zhongli from Genshin Impact. Like his soft spoken voice, Keith Silverstain, that's a perfect voice for him. Zhongli's personality is similar to Sylvain. But the voice fits him so well. He's also like a father figure.

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐟 - he's the youngest in the Overlords. Probably in his twenties. White cat with green eyes, he's really good friends with Sylvain since he helped him out a lot and he chose Mischief to became another Overlord. So Mischief is very loyal to him. His real name isn't Mischief (still working on his real name, but I chose Mischief back then bc he kinda had a different personality but I decided to keep it bc it grew onto me).

𝐀𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐚 - she's a lioness. She's really pretty. Idk how to even describe her aaah. My inspiration for her was Gianna D'Antonio, especially in that dress she was wearing. She's elegant, speaks up when she wants to and is also ready to protect those she cares for. Has a crush on Mans. In her forties.

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐬 - now, I wanna change his name but it's NOT pronounced as "Mens". Idk why I chose that name for him ahah. He's a dark black coated wolf, is more muscular than Sylvain. My inspiration for him was John Wick. He has a crush on Athena and she actually has on him too and they will be together. He was supposed to be "Overlord of Death" and I might keep that title for him, but then I'll gotta figure out titles for others too. But he's really gentle, has a soft deep voice (literally Keanu's voice, that's how I "hear" him). So also in his forties or fifties. He's originally from Norway. He was giving me that vibe and I was like "Yeah I can do that"

𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐬 - okay I also wanna change his name or make it that that's his Overlord name. His name means "Eternal death" and idk if his parents would've named him that, so I gotta figure that out. He's a deer that was born with melanism, that means he was born with pure dark black coat, so it's kinda like a mutation. He's also kinda... cursed, and can see like ghosts or some different types of paranormal presence and can sense them. He's really elegant and just really handsome. Also a gentleman. In his late twenties or thirties. Oh and yeah, he's inspired a little by Santino.

𝐋𝐮𝐧𝐚 - a black coated cat (either blue or orange eyes) and has a bit longer fur than Mischief. She's a bit more cheerful than others, but she's also very elegant and pretty. Also, she was with Romano and their love story is really deep and I gotta work on it more. But she really cares deeply for a person who means a lot to her. She's also friends with Sephtis, were also friends back when both were mortals.

𝐊𝐢𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐢 - very wip, I didn't even work on her that much. She's either a silver fox or a white fox with some silver/dark features. And she's supposed to be related to Japanese culture. But... WIP AAAH

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐨 - I... he was supposed to have a really tragic ending. He wasn't supposed to be an Overlord and he still isn't, I'm just thinking about turning him into one. Maybe like a plot twist. Bc I actually got really attached to him and he is inspired by Santino. So I don't think I can. The point was to show that not everyone gets a happy ending. No matter what he went through, he's like a tragic "hero". Yk those types of characters. Something like that. But... hm what if I make him an Overlord? I explained before but, he's a belgian malinois. Perfect voice for him would be... Riccardo Scamarcio. Please voice my Italian dog oc.

Very VERY wip idea a tigress Overlord and I'd probably MAYBE make some more Overlords.

Overlords kinda stand between the "good" and "bad". And what exactly they do is still wip bc there is a rank above them (unless I change that?). I often end up changing few stuff so yeah. But I need to motivate myself for this, I love them all.

Anyways, yeah. I really wish I could draw them bc then their looks would make more sense and you could actually see them. And I'm really bad at explaining how they look AHAH

[frogofalltime]

dad, i'm amab, but want to be more feminine. not necessarily a girl, just more feminine. does that make me trans?

it's your own identity; you can use any label that you feel fits. maybe you are transfeminine, or nonbinary, which sits under the trans umbrella. or maybe you are a feminine boy, maybe you are cis but gender-non-conforming, which is also very cool and valid !!

for example, i am quite feminine in some ways. i like to wear dresses and skirts sometimes; i enjoy sewing and baking and other "feminine" activities.

but i also do not have the connection with other women that they all seem to have. i want to be pretty in a boy way; i want have Boy In A Dress vibes; i do not want to look like a woman. i love women and i adore womanhood, but not for myself. if i admire a woman it is because i think she is interesting and intelligent and beautiful in a way that is detached from me, but if i admire a man it is because i want to look like him, i want to Be him.

i tried to be a girl for a long time because that is what i was told i had to do, but it always felt innately wrong. i have never worn makeup, and i cried when my mother tried to put some on me for prom. i hated having long hair and cut it all off as soon as i had the chance. i never painted my nails or wore heels. wearing anything that showed the shape of my body made me feel genuinely sick. my name didn't feel like it suited me. things like changing my clothes and showering and swimming are difficult for me because i have to see and touch my body and it feels really wrong because it looks like the body of a woman.

this is how i knew i was trans and not just a weird girl who didn't fit in with other girls; because i always wished to be a boy and i felt that i was trapped in the wrong body.

in my heart i have never felt like a woman, i have so much dysphoria associated with being seen as a woman and having a female body. meanwhile i feel gender euphoria when i am seen as a man or i find myself in a traditionally masculine role such as catching bugs or walking someone home — even though i know these are not actually gender specific, but the society we live in makes it feel like the masculine thing to do. i feel so much more comfortable knowing i am a boy than i ever did growing up trying to fit in as a girl.

i also don't feel like i am 100% a Man, either. i see myself as nonbinary too. because i have a mixture of feminine and masculine inside me, and i think even if i was amab, i would still embrace my feminine side.

(btw, dysphoria isn't a necessary indicator that you are trans; some trans people don't feel dysphoric in their agab but they feel euphoric or even just Better when they transition, and that is amazing !)

perhaps you have a similar feeling to me about femininity; it's something you like to partake in but don't feel like you actually are a woman ? or perhaps the way you view womanhood the way i view manhood: something you feel an intrinsic connection to and a longing for even though you were raised in the opposite gender ? or maybe you feel like you are equally masculine and feminine, or something else entirely ? this is for you to figure out.

sorry for writing such a long essay about this. in the end it's up to you what communities you identify with and what words you use to describe your experiences. it takes time to figure out your identity and that's okay ! it can change a lot as you grow up too ! just do whatever feels most authentic to you and see where that leads. you are loved and you will find your place in this world, i promise. <3

[astrarche-x]

The Radiant Emperor audiobooks: a (subjective) comparison

So, because I need to absorb these books through every means possible, I've also listened to the audiobooks in the languages I'm fluent in (Polish, English, French), even though generally I don't listen to audiobooks at all.

Here are my impressions, categorized. I made a separate category for Ouyang's voice not only because he is my fave, but because his voice is described the most specifically of all in the novel and I was really curious to hear the narrators' interpretations of him.

English (narrated by Natalie Naudus)

narration tone: the most captivating narration of the three imo: very vivid, the narrator changes tone frequently and does it well :)

characters' voices: I loved Zhu the most, spot on impression imo. Other characters' voices are top notch, really differentiated and convey a lot of emotion.

Ouyang's voice: very good job with making him sound angry - I usually imagine him speaking in a more "cold, but collected" manner, but the impression of him almost screaming at his officers was great, 10/10, lives in my mind rent free now (along with the stellar delivery of ''why does this untalented bitch play so loudly'')

other remarks: The narrator pronounces the names in accordance with Chinese pronounciation (I guess?), which is very very cool and gives a more authentic vibe. ("Yesen" did throw me out of immersion every time, but that's a me issue.)

overall: most fun audiobook of the three imo

Polish (narrated by Maciej Kowalik)

narration tone: the narrator has a very irritating cadence - "readingonehalfofthesentenceveryfast.....pause.... and then the other half normally", which was probably supposed to build tension, but made the audiobook rather unbearable.

characters' voices: top notch impression of drunk Esen, 10/10. okay in general, though I couldn't bear Ma.

Ouyang's voice: This is the only one of these three audiobooks narrated by a man and it was interesting to hear his interpretation of Ouyang; while not really on the "no voice mutation" side, of course, this version really made the point to make him sound lighter than every other guy but still masculine. very very cool, no notes

other remarks: The audiobook is broken into smaller parts than the book chapters; it's more like one-two scenes from the book per audiobook chapter, and while I think it's an interesting move, I'm not sure if it helps with navigation

overall: it's okay, it's in my language, so that's it I guess. The Ouyang impression is one of its few redeeming qualities.

French (narrated by Sabine Napierala)

narration tone: the most pleasing of the three imo; sometimes the narrator could have used a bit more variation in the tone, though, bc at times I found myself carried away by the sound of her voice and my mind drifting.

characters' voices: GREAT impression of Baoxiang, the best here, no contest; you can really hear the performance Ouyang talks about in SWBTS. This was what I didn't know I needed. Also great Ma and pretty nice impression of Esen. And voices for every character are so different!

Ouyang's voice: here the narrator really nailed the impression that Ma has in HWDTW: raspy yet with something feminine in it. (Maybe it's just the French language is very well suited to that particular kind of voice.) Different from the Polish version, yet still fitting perfectly.

on that note: Ouyang adressing Esen with 2nd person plural (vous) all the time while Esen adresses him with 2nd person singular (tu)... very important to me. the French really went for highlighting the power imbalance between them and I am unwell. (It's a pity, though, that in the '"Come to Bianliang with me" scene the translator didn't make Ouyang use "tu" for maximum shock effect.)

other remarks: There is a musical jingle before every chapter! Fancy :) On the flip side, there isn't a French audiobook for HWDTW yet :( I hope they make it soon bc I can't wait for all the Baoxiang parts honestly

overall: the most relaxing of the three imo (which can be both a blessing and a curse). Definitely my fave but I'm biased on account of going through my ''I miss speaking French on a daily basis'' hours.

[strangegutz]

Same anon as the previous ask about Zeki's disappearance: I completely understand! What you are saying about the dynamic between Zeki and his parents and why you didn't give the full thing away, I mean. I honestly didn't expect a full answer when I sent that because that was definitely a question best suited for a story and not a short paragraph!

Also (and more why I'm typing this), sorry about all of these lore asks I've been sending in! You're probably not inconvenienced, but I'm kind of embarrassed about it. Heartbreak Gulch has honestly become a huge hyperfixation of mine this past month or so since a lot of my current medias are on a long production pause. Eddie and White are fun to look at/read about, don't get me wrong, but Zeki is the most simultaneously vulnerable and closed off at the same time? What a handsome man with a very interesting brain to pick apart! I think I'm gonna stop myself before I describe what I think is going on with him to his own creator! haha

But. yeah, it's a pretty good sign that you've got a small fan following for it already from concept/tie-in art alone!

Please, I love getting asked about my guys! I'm so excited that people love me and @fullmoonboyfriend 's fucked up creation. It'll be a while before I can start a proper comic, but I'm happy to know people are seated and waiting for it :) for now i'll just yap about them to anyone that will listen haha

[evilvillain666]

So I know I've been talking about gender a lot on here and also w my friends recently (what reading a lot of queer literature will do to a mf). Basically the way I've been thinking about gender recently and conceptualizing my own identity has a lot to do with deconstructing gender roles I guess? A lot of this deconstruction has been in regards to exploring the intersections and relations between individual butch and transmasc identities.

What's really interesting is the more I've been working on decoupling masculinity with manhood, the more masculine Ive become and the less "man" I've felt. My body has changed a lot and become more masculine since I've been on a higher dose of T, but also even just my personal style and taste reads that way. I really don't get read as female often anymore, and when I do, I'm read as butch. By most accounts, I'm a man, and I use the label of "man" because it's the one that's most convenient to me and best describes my experience to the world in the least amount of words. I have a "male" name, I use he/him pronouns, I dress and present masculine, etc. but I do all of that because it's what I want to do and it's what feels most comfortable to me, not necessarily because I'm a man.

It's a little hard and weird to explain. For a while, I felt if I was going to be nonbinary, I had to tone down my masculinity in my appearance for the sake of other's comfort, and that kept me from exploring who I was in an authentic way. And now I don't feel the need to do that anymore. I felt like if I was nonbinary, I had to be androgynous or use different pronouns or whatever. But I've been adopting more of that opposite mindset, of the label should suit my desires and actions and not the other way around.

I think I'm able to feel and think this way because my physical transition and my own mindset has gotten to a place where Im a lot more confident with owning my own wants and desires, and a lot more at peace with my own masculinity. I like the way my body has changed. I don't feel like I have anything I need to prove to anyone anymore. And at the same time, I don't feel the need to alter my personality for the sake of other's comfort either. I'm a pretty soft-hearted guy, and that doesn't undermine my masculinity. I don't feel as afraid to let myself be soft. I can do whatever I want and be my authentic self regardless of what my presentation or my gender is. So basically. I'm chilling and having a fun time :)

[junebugwriter]

Genderqueer

Labels are weird.

Last week I got the opportunity to watch Nimona, which if you haven't seen yet, you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD, it's great. Anyways, there's a lot of things in there that queer folks should pay attention to, the marquis character being a gay man being primary of course, but also the title character being gender-ambivalent at least, and queer as FUCK ALL most of the time.

In any case, it of course got me to think about my own relationship with gender, and how it is queered. I would classify myself as transgender and transfeminine, but at the beginning of my gender journey, I started out feeling most comfy with "nonbinary," because I sure as hell wasn't a man. I started with what I am NOT, and worked from there. But when my therapist listed off a lot of labels to see which ones I felt most attracted to, "genderqueer" was among them, and it lodged in my brain.

Genderqueer, gender-fluid, gender nonconforming. Something that isn't quite one thing, nor quite another, but can be a both/and or a neither/nor. There are days when I am 100% girl, but there are also days where I'm 50-50, 75-25, and so forth. It goes back and forth, and though I am transitioning to be trans-feminine and primarily female presenting, there's always going to be a part of me that's going to nag and say "Ehhhhhh, kind of?"

Nimona would often bristle when Ballister would try to get her to stay in "girl" form.

"I'm not a girl... I'm a shark (chomp chomp)"

She wasn't a girl. She was, but she was also more. Her gender was probably most described as "yes, and..."And honestly, it helped me feel seen.

I am not a man, but I'm also probably not 100% a woman, either. The truth is somewhere in the middle, outside the line. I like being feminine, but I also have aspects that don't neatly lay on top of the role of "girl" either. It's hard to explain, but Nimona embodied it, and helped me visualize it some.

My gender is, at the end of the day, mine and mine alone to define, or not define. This of course will most likely confound my cis friends and family whenever I talk with them, surely. So much of our world is confined to binaries, while I've never been content with binaries. I like to "yes and...". When I taught, all my answers would be multiple choice: these folks say this, others say another thing, and others say the whole question itself is flawed, and so on. It pissed off parishioners when I wouldn't ever give a straight answer, but I don't think there's much of me that's straight these days, or back then for that matter. Least of all my answers.

So perhaps I'll just be one of those folks who collect genders along the way, rolling the gender ball like a katamari and picking up whatever feels right. I'm not a guy. But I guess I'm not completely a gal either, at least partly.

Genderqueer suits me alright. (chomp chomp)

[tempertyzias]

genuinely what is trigun

my biggest current hyperfixation, its like two and half mangas/two animes/a movie

it started as just the manga "Trigun", then was adapted into the 1998 anime, then the manga CONTINUED in the form of "Trigun Maximum" which has 14 volumes plus a little addon anthology book called "Multiple Bullets" (but I don't know much about it specifically). im on volume 11 and it is KILLING ME [positive]!! there was a movie, Badlands Rumble, in 2010, most people have kinda mixed feelings about it cause the characterization is questionable but I still like it. the latest rendition of it is Trigun Stampede, made by the same studio that made Beastars. you might also hear about "trigun omnibus"-- thats just a reprint of the manga condensed into 7 books instead of 14. Trigun Stampede was the first one I watched and its my personal favorite but I love all versions of it truly madly deeply. it's my absolute favorite kind of story: the kind that slow boils you like a frog, gradually getting more and more difficult to explain as it goes on, but that also makes it more and more difficult to get more people into it

the main character, Vash The Stampede, is a wanted gunman with a varying amount of money on his head depending on the rendition / point in time but usually 60 billion double dollars, except hes actually a pacifist who avoids violence if he can and refuses to kill. his designs vary between renditions (I think he wears like 7 different coats in the manga?) but generally, blonde spiky hair, orange glasses, prosthetic arm, red coat. trigun stampede is the most different design from the previous renditions, a lot simpler mostly (except for his arm, bane of many fanartists though I honestly really like drawing it) but basically hes my biggest blorbo I both love him and want to be him. people call him a twink but hes not hes built like a brick shithouse under the coat

hes usually accompanied by Wolfwood, religious trauma personified whos hard to describe because his personality varies the most between renditions-- though his design is pretty consistent across the board, wears a suit and carries a big wrapped-up cross thats actually a gun called "The Punisher". he's usually a priest, but in Stampede he's an undertaker. also before I knew what Trigun was when I saw people at a convention cosplaying him I thought he was a supernatural character

and Meryl and Milly (though Milly isn't in Trigun Stampede yet), who in most renditions are insurance agents assigned to follow Vash but then get attached to him like the sad pathetic wet cat he is

then theres Vash's fuckass twin brother who I hate, Millions Knives, edgelord supreme that, depending on the version, I either couldnt care less about or just flat out dislike. I'd probably see his appeal more if I didn't have sibling trauma but a lot of people are capital f Freaks about him and Vash's relationship the fandom has an incest ship problem worse than Homestuck its fucking dire out here and thats one of the contributing reasons I do not like him. its kindof hard to explain his motivations without spoiling pretty much the whole plot but hes the main antagonist of the story and basically just. a grown ass man consistently and obsessively trying to get his brother to side with him even though he wants to Kill and Vash does Not

theres a bunch more characters but ive already been typing for an hour about this and if I dont quit while im ahead ill be here all night and forget to eat. I will frantically half-explain Trigun to anyone who will listen because im DESPERATE to get more people into it without spoiling too much right out the gate (though usually I get way too ahead of myself and end up spoiling it anyway). my trigun hyperfixation probably borders on unhealthy but fuck it we ball

[alister312]

for the character questions - kyle with 21 and 24?

ooh kyle!! a boy i love but don't talk about nearly enough 🥰

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

honestly i love describing Kyle. his curls are so wonderful and distinctive and everyone should notice them!! same goes for freckles everywhere and green eyes but those are only tentatively canon (but i will fight for them as absolute canon to my last breath). i just feel like Kyle is a very pretty guy with some (justified) anger issues and people should love and appreciate that. also i adore writing TSOT Kyle in general. that man was made to be an elven prince and/or king. something i don't like..... probably trying to find a good variation in dialogue sometimes. i find myself making him say "Oh God" a lot when he's either appalled, embarrassed, annoyed, etc. it's a really good phrase and it suits Kyle nicely but i can't keep using it as a catchall...... and yet i can never help myself from doing so anyways 😅 nothing seems to capture what i'm going for while also feeling still true to Kyle as that does

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

i'll be honest, i haven't been that deep into that many fandoms. there's lots of media i've enjoyed, but not a ton that i'd consider myself in the fandom of. that being said, i definitely think Kyle reminds me a lot of Blossom from PPG lol. the red hair, the knack for academics, the habit of lowkey preaching to those around them... it's all there. which is funny to me bc when i was first into the PPG, i hated Blossom but that's mostly bc i was Not Like Other Girls (trans) so i loved Buttercup. and Blossom negs Buttercup all the time (which is fair honestly, Buttercup can be kind of a dick). another more obscure character Kyle reminds me of, and now stay with me here, is Klik from the Pocket God comics. if anyone remembers the app Pocket God from wayyy back, you're probably looking at me with very judgemental eyes right now but we are all living in beautiful glass houses here on tumblr dot com so hush. anyway, some incredible talent took that very stupid app game concept and turned it into a totally kickass comic with rich lore and a compelling story. i remember reading it as it came out years ago but more recently rediscovered it bc they put it all up on webtoons for free. Klik is one of the most interesting characters in the comic, often with his faith and what it means to look after those around him while also coming to terms with how his concern comes across as petty nagging and working to fix it. i don't want to say too much honestly bc if you're reading this and you like Kyle, you should go read the comic lol. argue with me afterwards if u think i'm wrong

character ask here for reference!

[opinated-user]

Lily, in her It's More Mature To Accept Things Are Just Evil video: "I hate when people ask for serious and mature writing. Fandom says they want mature storytelling but they actually don't want it because they don't want everyone who's bad in fiction to be murdered. No one on Earth wants villains to be killed but me. No fiction ever kills villains (please ignore the many pieces animation pre-90's, most pre-Revival Disney movies and anime that do kill villains regularly). People who like a character I don't like are fucking idiots, no I will not provide proof. Also people are lying, they're not actually interested in why people turn to darkness. No proof, I'm just rushing the video along onto another topic and talking really quickly and hoping you never ask me for any examples of anything. People only like villains when they're white, no I will not acknowledge the many non-white villains who've had fandoms going as far back as when silent film era Asian actors who were forced by the industry to only play villains had huge fanbases, fuck history, it's definitely just AFAB white women wanting to fuck AMAB white men. I'm going to say this is not a disputable fact despite providing no proof and ignoring actual facts that contradict my 'factual' point.

Anyway murder is the 'logical endpoint' of all villains' stories, no I will not acknowledge how that blanket statement does not work in all settings. Here in reality (I say about Star Wars, as if it's real) Vader would've been executed. Why? Because I want him to be, even though it would make no sense for Luke to let Vader be executed. A good hero would automatically be cool with that even though compassion is Luke's defining character trait and Luke, Han and Leia 100% have the know-how to simply claim Vader died, put him in a new life-sustaining suit and transport him and Luke somewhere else. Fuck you, commenter who imagined compassion for someone and whose name I'm showing onscreen to shame you in front of my entire audience.

Fans are stupid. Fans who want redemptions have 'poisoned minds'. They're the same as people who simp over serial killers. Yeah I just compared liking a black-clad space wizard or crystal alien cartoon to liking someone who murdered actual human beings. No I will not acknowledge that make-believe is not real. No I will not acknowledge that I just turned to the families of murder victims and said that a kid liking the wrong cartoon is just as morally wrong as someone liking the man who murdered their actual family member in the real world, I'm just going to keep talking quickly and pretend I didn't devalue the lives of murder victims by making them as unimportant as a cartoon."

I couldn't make it through Lily's last video. Hooktube not giving her a view doesn't mean it gives me the ability to deal with this many fallacies. Unsubstantiated claims, false equivalencies, saying 'the real world' about Star Wars as if it's real, ignoring historical facts, ignoring the facts of the medium she's reviewing, erasure of the long and complex history of POC in villain roles in Western media and audience response, assuming murder works as a solution to all problems in all circumstances in all universes...

I get that talking quickly is supposed to prevent people from thinking about the things she's saying, but as someone who did debate in high school, I was taught to process things going by at this speed. And there's so many things wrong with so much of this that the speed actually makes it worse, because she piles up more and more untrue statements, opinions stated as fact, and absurd statements than I can even describe in a very short frame of time.

THIS is why your channel is dying, Lily. Your lies are so obvious, opinions so outlandish, arguments so fallacious and statements so egregiously lacking in factual basis that to a normal person, you sound ridiculous, unhinged and unwell.

That's not ableism on my part. I mean this as someone with mental health issues myself - she sounds unwell. She is not okay. She has completely detached from reality at just about every level and appears to be unable to even distinguish it from fiction, resulting in her thinking liking some cartoon cartoon is like being a fan of real-life murderers. She doesn't know real life murder is worse! She does not understand that a real person dying is worse than a fictional one dying. Holy shit, has she been like this the entire time? I watched her videos in middle school and I remember thinking they were funny but looking at this as college-aged me, she sounds like someone less than half her age who thinks they were Amity in a past life. She is on fictionkin levels of 'crimes in a fictional universe are just as bad as crimes in this one'. She called Star Wars the real world!

At this point only a full-on mental health intervention could save her. I don't think anything less could salvage her mind, nevermind her channel. She's just broken mentally in a way that I can't even take the tiniest bit of 'whew! glad I'm not her' satisfaction in because it's so awful.

Even when I was unmedicated and had manic episodes, I would not compare serial killers to cartoons. I don't know what mental illnesses she has but she needs help.

i think it's worth remembering that a lot of what LO does is purely performative. any attempt at wanting progressive politics or wanting queer people to stop hating on themselves is empty noise, they don't mean anything. her actions speak louder than words and through those we know already that LO does not care about LBGT+ people, only cis lesbians and only as long they satisfy her on the way she wants them to be.

that line about liking serial killers and liking villains is nothing but more examples of her overcompensating for liking sadistic cruel murderers and bending backwards to try to still make them the heroes. it's not what she really thinks, but it works to come across the idea of how despicable villain liking looks to her. it's there to make you forget about all the way that LO has liked and written character who have done far worse than many villains.

[ask-richard-jackdaw]

I never understood all the fuss surrounding the choice of a House by some magical talking hat, so let me tell you this: I'm keeping my House a secret ;) It is more fun that way, I enjoy people interpreting my words, actions, hobbies, and aspirations! I think I could've been sorted anywhere, really. I've met plenty of people that didn't seem to fit in with the typical traits. 

There's been a long discussion concerning this topic among some students, maybe you know Elizabeth and her friends? Such observant young ladies! Sometimes it feels like they know me better than I know myself! But let me take you through some of my thoughts. Once again, not naming my House ;)

Ravenclaw: my smarts! Need to solve a puzzle? I'm your man ghost! I'm also rather curious. As you know, I've travelled the world, have decades worth of learning behind my shoulders. Some argue that I am not that smart (which is, first of all, ouch?) but do I really have to have perfect grades for that? So what if I don't know the difference between French, Latin, and Greek? I am sharp at what I find interesting and what I might need in the future. And what about emotional intelligence? Plus, I think wearing blue would rather suit me! If all Ravenclaws were academically inclined — Ravenclaws would've won every since House Cup ever! 

Some people might want to put me in Slytherin for, er... Well, stealing a wand during my apprenticeship at Olivander's. To which I have to say: I doubt things like that have anything to do with a specific House, Slytherins are not bad people! I had my reasons and I am not proud of stealing anything. I should probably visit the current Mr. Olivander and explain myself... Most of the Slytherin traits do not fit me. Self-preservation especially, Merlin's beard, if only I hadn't gone to that cave alone! 

Gryffindor sounds like a good fit! I was described more than chivalrous on multiple occasions. And once again, bravely going into the cave alone, and then having the nerve to deal with the spiders, determined to get to the end... Although a lot of that was done because Anne never showed up. I was rather upset and now that I think about it, initially I didn't even want to go there alone at all... I am so glad I managed to track down that Auror that somebody mentioned a while ago, hoping to get Anne out of Azkaban. We are just waiting for the Ministry's reply at this point. But I digress.

And then Hufflepuff... I suppose that with trying to get Anne out we can speak of fairness and justice? But patience? Oh no. I might work hard on the things that I like but not everything else! Modesty and Loyalty? Oh, well... Those do not sound reassuring either...

My point is: there is no need to try and sort me into any of the House. I will be in whatever House you guys want me to be~ Speaking of which... If there is anybody who is willing to let me borrow their extra robes for when Thursdays come around when I am corporal — please, let me know! I do not want to alert the staff to my... visits, and since I still look like a 7th year, I think I can pass! 

*Richard writes this letter specifically without naming anybody just yet. He passes the letter to his Scribe, and as per their agreement earlier, the Scribe casts Geminio on the paper, successfully duplicating it. Satisfied, Richard proceeds to do separate introductions for both Indi and Anon on two different parchments, finishing with:*

With much appreciation for your question,

Richard Jackdaw

[trappper-johnathan]

15 questions and 15 mutuals

Thanks for tagging me @transgayhawkeyepierce !! I don't have very many mutuals so I'm going to be tagging some of the most active people in my notes as well (love you guys <33) [and sorry to those who have already been tagged in this lol]

tagging: @faggothawkeyepierce, @lornescaritas, @natureofspace, @holyladyllama, @pompoxregs, @owo-bisexy, @time2andspace, @lunarianlibrarian, @sourdoughstopper, @lil-bub-lil-bub, @allhailqueenant, @heysparky-radarhere, @symphonyincoordination, @saazbaum, @spacesapphist (hope y'all don't mind, and you're in no way obligated to participate !)

Btw I changed the formatting quite a bit just cause the original was hard for me to read:

1. Were you named after anyone?

Originally, yes, I was named after a tv show character (who was an adaptation of a comic book character). Though I now share a name with the main character of a movie I like, I did not name myself after him, I just thought it suited me.

2. When was the last time you cried?

In May when I watched Guardians of the Galaxy 3

3. Do you have kids?

No

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, but I think I used to?

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

It depends, but I think it's mainly their clothes ??

6. What’s your eye color?

Hazel, but my bestie describes them as bog water colored (they are brown-green)

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I am far too scared.

8. Any special talents?

Getting beautiful women to fall in love with me, ah haha 😏

(In seriousness, I don't think I have any special talents.. Unless you consider me being able to move my eyebrows independently of each other a talent)

9. Where were you born?

Jersey. The new one.

10. What are your hobbies?

Been really into Setris (sand tetris) lately. I play it when I listen to audiobooks. I also like watching tv, baking, sewing (which I do once every 6 months), and writing (which I haven't done in over a month now and would like to get back to eventually [I'm clown_town_mayor on ao3 btw if you're interested in reading my mash fics 👀])

11. Have any pets?

3 kitties! Shadow, Spatz, and Hawkeye- 5 years, 5 years, and approx. 2 months respectively.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to do soccer and karate when I was a young kid but I'm not into sports/physical activity

13. How tall are you?

5'6 at full height + my hair, but about 5'4 with my slouch, though I always wear heeled boots to it rounds out to like 5'5-ish

14. Favorite subject in school?

I didn't have favorite subjects as much as I had favorite teachers, so I'll say my all-time favorite was my 10th-grade English teacher. Loved that man, he was the coolest!!

15. Dream job?

Househusband. Dead serious.

[pendragonthegreat]

All numbers for bobert blease

OKAY i'm normal about bobby pendragon

My first impression of them:

i think the very first time i read when i was like 8 iwas like this guy is sooo me. and on reread when i was 13 i was like this guy's a loser !!! but i love him

When I think I truly started to like them:

umm i don't know. i think only after i'd read the whole series and took in everything that happened to him

A song that reminds me of them:

smells like teen spirit

How many people I ship them with:

i don't want to repeat myself a bunch but it's really just spader. i don't dislike other ships but bobbyspader numero uno

My favorite ship of them:

BOBBYSPADER NUMERO UNO‼️

My least favorite ship of them:

um (looks around) sd . generally i'm not really an enemies to lovers guy

A quote of them that you remember:

MAN THAT SUIT IS JUST WICKED COOL

Your favorite outfit of them:

this is a tangent but isn't it kind of funny that i'm trying so hard to answer these outfit questions when they were obviously written with anything that's not a book in mind. anyway my answer is the weird little tunic and cape he's wearing in my icon

Your least favorite outfit of them:

i don't know. i don't think it's really applicable since he didn't get to choose most of his clothes

Describe the character in one sentence:

What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?:

"yo"

Sexuality hc:

well i think he's bisexual

Your favorite friendship they have:

mark actually !!!! is the curse of the nature of the series that we don't get very many moments between them

Best storyline they had:

actually i think it's raven rise .... the way he starts the book so deep in denial and escapism and has to come back from the depths and get back in the fight. yeah

Worst storyline they had:

i'm really unsure what these two questions mean by "storyline" exactly but anyway it's no secret that i don't like the rivers of zadaa very much so i guess that's my answer

A childhood headcanon:

ah i'm not great at thinking of headcanons off the top of my head

How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc):

much like he is as a teenager, very friendly and outgoing

The most random ship you've seen people have with them:

siry 😭

A weird headcanon:

he eats chapstick

When do you think they were at their happiest?:

i feel like it's a cop out to say before the war so maybe on ibara for a second when he truly convinced himself the war was over

When do you think they were at their lowest?:

right after he killed naymeer

Future headcanon:

such is the nature of pendragon that most of the characters don't get to do anything post-canon. i guess i could say i always liked the idea that the travelers were reincarnated instead of going to solara

What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?:

hmm i don't really have an answer for this one

When do you think they acted the most ooc:

ehhh you know this is kind of a hard question for me because it takes a lot for me to consider a character's canon actions "out of character"

When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?:

again i feel like it's a cop out to say before the series started so maybe cloral

If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?:

i promise i know characters that aren't from dj machale books but i always like to group together all the djm protagonists in my head like they have a club or support group so yeah any of them. that is marsh and coop from morpheus (i think they both count), tucker from sylo, and marcus from the library

The most unnecessary thing they ever did?:

all of his unnecessary sarcastic comments

How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?):

i think he would be really protective but also very playful with his kids. he'd play sports with them all the time obviously

The funniest scene they had?:

the one in raven rise where he wakes up and sd is there