#But alas - I am incapable of staying away from the angst

[ailithnight]

Back to the dinner that became a spontaneous birth then reprimand from a newborn toddler. Where genres collide. Before the misunderstandings clear, there is pain. : )

While the Bats have been busy being Bats, Alfred has been busy being Alfred. Making all the appropriate preparations for Tim and the innocent baby this deal has produced. (Because Alfred is a sensible gentleman and would never blame or punish a newborn for existing, regardless of the presumed 'sins of the father' or potential world ending future.)

That the baby came out so unexpectedly in the middle of dinner and also already a toddler, though clearly he is cognitively much older, is only a minor set back. Alfred had the foresight to acquire the necessities for what he had assumed would be several months of development. The smaller diapers and clothes will simply have to go into storage should one of the other children someday grace Master Bruce with more grandchildren.

"If I may, Master Tim. Young Master, Danny was it?" Tim mutely nods, brain still whirring away trying to figure out what happened to Danny and also why everyone is looking at him like that. "Young Master Danny seems to be in need of dressing." Danny looks down at himself for the first time, then immediately tries to hide in Tim's shoulder with a squeak.

"Da! Tim! Why my naked?"

"Last I checked, humans are not born with clothes, Danny."

"Oh. Yeah. Uh... can I boh-woe a t-shut?"

"Nonsense, young Master. I have plenty of clothes and diapers for a variety of young ages set aside."

Tim startles at that, clearly not expecting it. "Why?"

Danny squeaks again, clearly embarrassed. "Die-puhs?"

"Surely, Master Tim, you did not think I would allow my great grandson to go unclothed?" Alfred levels Tim with his patented eyebrow. "Now, if you would follow me, there is a nursery prepared in just across the hall from your bedroom. We shall find everything we need right now in there."

Apparently Tim's emotions haven't leveled out yet, not that he expected them too immediately, but it would have been nice; because tears are springing to his eyes at the casually implication that Alfred at least still considers him family. "Right, yes, right. Clothes, diapers, good idea."

Danny squeaks once more. "Do I hab t'wear die-puh?"

"You are physically a toddler. Your body probably doesn't have bladder and bowel control yet. So until we know for certain, yes." Tim stands, turning to leave the room with Alfred.

Bruce finally regains enough wits to speak. Which naturally means he immediately puts his foot all the way in his mouth. "Alfred, wait. The child is- We don't know- It's a Death God incarnate. It could be dangerous."

Tim freezes, back still to the room. The temperature seems to drop several degrees. The Bats scramble to take defensive stances. "What?"

"Tim, Son, I know your head is probably a bit messed up right now. But we are your family. We are. And you have to remember, I know you remember, you made a Deal with a Death God to bring me back. And it took advantage of your body to give itself human form. That's not a child, that is a Death God incarnate and it is m-"

Danny glances up over Tim's shoulder, wide eyes brimming with tears, before burying his face back in Tim's shoulder with a high whine straight from his core. Danny knows that Tim isn't his dad. That means Tim's dad isn't his grandad and his siblings aren't aunts and uncles.

Danny knows this big, loving albeit extremely dysfunctional isn't actually his family. But his core apparently didn't get the memo. So the rejection still hurts. It bites and stings and aches along the Y-shaped wound that doesn't physically exist on this body but Danny can still feel it scarred into his soul. And Danny doesn't really know what he did wrong here, but his tiny toddler body is full of big feelings and his Obsession demands he try to fix it, to regain the family's approval.

"Saw-we. I di-int wannoo take ad-ban-tage ob Tim. Wuh jus posed to we-go m' boh-dee. O a boh-dee. My boh-dee wuh hut bad an it wu-int he-wing an Cawk-wuk said dis would be good. Tim uh-gweed, to bing Buce home, I could he-uh inside him. Use his body as a temp-ate to fit mine. I doh-no wuh wen wong. I doh-no. Saw-we. M saw-we. I dunno. M saw-we."

.

Toddler translations again:

"Oh. Yeah. Uh... can I borrow a t-shirt?"

"Diapers?"

"Do I have to wear [a] diaper?"

"Sorry. I didn't want to take advantage of Tim. [I] Was just supposed to regrow my body. Or a body. My body was hurt bad and it wasn't healing and Clockwork said this would be good. Tim agreed, to bring Bruce home, I could heal inside him. Use his body as a template to fix mine. I don't know what went wrong. I don't know. Sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm sorry."

Just a little idea

What if when Tim went off to look for Batman when he was lost in time he bumped into Phantom.

They made a Deal

Phantom knowing CW helped him find Bruce and how to get him back safely, Phantom in return for reasons (hurt badly & recovering, or evolving in power) needed someone very ecto-contaminated (Ra's fault) like Tim, to be contained in.

From a magic user point of view, knowing very little of the GZ and how they work, Tim made a very powerful Deal with a powerful death being (High Ghost King Phantom: Hello!) and is now somehow pregnant (not really but they don't know that)

Danny while inside Tim inside his core can still hear the world outside normally and can share his emotions with Tim to communicate. Which looks a lot like Tim is speaking to his belly just like expecting parents do.

This could be angst or crack

or

my personal favourite, different genres for different pov's

Tim's would be happy, just regular getting his life back together being a total BAMF, coming of age type of vibe

The rest of the Batfam and other heroes pov would be angst, paranormal, psychological horror.

Misunderstandings galore

Dick regretting heavily his decisions which caused Tim to run away because he did not believe him and he has many Regrets.

Bruce feeling guilty that Tim felt the need to make such a decision as to make a Deal and end up pregnant just to bring him back.

Meanwhile the magic users have told the other heroes about Tim's situation and now think that he's going to give birth to the child of a very powerful death being and if something happens to Tim to risk the baby it would cause all of their worlds destruction.

so pretty much-

Tim-Girl Boss, Gatekeep, Gaslight

Batfam- Much Angst

Others- *panicked chicken noises*

~

Just an Idea

[kn1feinthec0ffee]

love me love me (say that you love me) - spencer reid

spencer reid x fem!reader

title from lovefool by the cardigans 

summary: after a close brush with death in the field, y/n visits an injured spencer in the hospital to have a heart to heart.

warnings: a lil bit of angst, fluff bc im incapable of writing pure angst, descriptions of injury

word count: 1,987 

notes: this is my submission for @veraiconcos​‘ fic writer challenge, i spent a super long time on this and i really hope you guys enjoy it as its one of my favorite things i’ve ever written ☺️

********************

settling in to what would be another evening of unfortunate, unwanted solitude due to your boyfriend having yet another late night at work, you stretched out across the sofa, wine glass in hand, ready to relax after a hard day’s work.

that was until your phone began to ring and vibrate obnoxiously across the wooden coffee table.

“jj? hi, what’s up?” you inquired, curious as to why she was calling you during a case.

“we got the guy, but spence wasn’t so lucky.” she began hesitantly. “he almost got shot, but he was stabbed a few times.”

she heard your stifled gasp through the speaker, cutting you off before you would inevitably begin rambling off questions, a habit of spencer’s you’d acquired after a long while of knowing him. “don’t worry, he keeps telling everyone he’s fine. doctor says the wounds might scar, but overall he should be alright.”

you scrunched your eyes closed, willing your racing heart to slow with the news that spencer would be okay. despite jj’s calming tone and the relatively good news from the call, you couldn’t help the nagging feeling that your boyfriend was not, in fact, okay.

“thanks, babe. would you mind telling me where you guys are? am i allowed to come visit?” your voice took on a hopeful tone that your hands betrayed, anxiously twirling a loose strand of hair that had fallen out of your bun.

“visiting hours ended a little while ago, but i’m sure i can pull a few strings for you.” your chest deflated with a relieved sigh at the thought of having visual confirmation spencer would be fine. “i just texted you the address, see you soon, y/n.”

“you too. bye,” the phone dropped onto the table with a hollow clatter. you downed what little was left in your wine glass before standing up from the sofa to get ready. you still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was up with spencer so you put in an extra bit of effort to wear some of his favorite pieces of clothing of yours, just to bring a smile to his face.

———————————————

after receiving special clearance from jj at the front desk, you headed down the hallway. you never liked hospitals; you found something about about the stark white, sterile halls cold and off putting.

the door slowly opened, a gentle creak emanating from its well-used hinges. you had hoped your entrance would be quiet enough to let the boy wonder rest, but alas, he had woken up.

though the way his irises glistened in the artificial light when he saw you was just as gratifying.

“y/n, what are you doing here?” the interrogative sounded less like a question and more like an exclamation of awe, but you weren’t complaining.

“what, you didn’t think i’d show up when a little birdie told me my boyfriend was stabbed on duty? some girlfriend i’d be,” you scoffed sarcastically.

the plastic legs of the chair skidded across the linoleum as you dragged it next to the bed. spencer held out a hand towards you to hold, a sure fire sign something was wrong.

he loved affection, especially from you, but he only seemed to initiate it on blue moons.

you gratefully slipped your fingers in between his and gave them a quick, reassuring squeeze. “what happened, hon?”

his amber hues flicked to several spots around the relatively uninteresting room before landing on your intertwined digits. “we raided his apartment just like we usually do and i happened to be the first one to come across him. i saw he had a gun and i’m lucky i ducked pretty quickly or else i might not even be here at all.

“morgan and i moved in on him to make the arrest, but it slipped our minds that the profile said he was hyper-vigilant and paranoid, and i failed to notice knife he had in his other hand and he stabbed me a few times before emily pulled him away from me.” spencer recalled with an expertise that came as a surprise to absolutely no one who knew him.

“you say that like you’re reciting a poem,” you frowned, rubbing a thumb across his knuckles. “you could’ve died, spence.”

“i guess it’s just not that big of a deal to me?” he seemed to question his own statement as it passed through his lips. “i think i’ve grown so accustomed to putting my life on the line that i just doesn’t even faze me anymore.”

“i get it, but don’t you ever - i don’t know - get worried you won’t come back to me one of these days?” you averted your eyes to the floor.

his grip on your hand tightened exponentially, causing your gaze to snap up to his. “of course i do, i worry about you all the time. isn’t it normal to worry about the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?”

his admission of love brought heat to your cheeks and tears to your eyes. “good, good, i’m glad we both agree on that then.” you smiled sadly.

the presence of an oddly heavy silence weighed down on both of you as you sat in thought. “do you ever get tired, y/n?” the genius queried quietly, elaborating when he noticed the confusion etched across your features. “i mean - well - tired of me? of my life being on the line every time i go to work? of thinking that maybe that time you said goodbye to me when i left would be the last time? doesn’t that exhaust you?”

this was exactly what you had been anticipating since jj called. the drawn-out periods of unusual silence, less eye contact than normal, the anxious fidgeting. not that you’d tell him, but you’d subtly began subconsciously profiling as well. 

  “if you’re asking if i get tired of those things, then yes, i do,” you murmured softly. “but if you’re asking if being with you while i have to deal with all those things is exhausting, then my answer is no. absolutely not.”

another pause. spencer played with your fingers, fiddling around with the ring he’d bought for you as fond memories swirled through his mind. “wouldn’t it be easier if you were with someone else? i don’t know, maybe someone with an average career where they don’t look at dead bodies and arrest serial killers all the time? maybe a barista or something less traumatizing than what i do?”

your lips curled up into a smile as you giggled. “yeah, i mean, of course that’d be easier, but when has life ever been easy? and besides, why would i want a barista when i could have a badass, genius iq level guy like you?”

he grinned, holding eye contact for the longest period of time since you passed through the door. “i think those attributes directly contradict each other, but whatever makes you happy, love.” 

the tension had lifted, conversation flowing with ease, yet you could still tell there was something off about reid. something left unspoken.

“hey,” you murmured, brushing a stray strand of hair out of his face. “you sure you’re alright?”

a moment of hesitation flickered through his eyes before he answered. “of course i am. didn’t i say i was?”

“you did, but you don’t have the best track record when it comes to being honest about your emotions.” you watched several emotions pass through his eyes - one of his tells; those hazel hues could be read like a book.

he seemed to take a deep, collective inhale before he spoke in a small voice. “i know you said you weren’t tired of me, but i’m just scared you’re lying. n-not that i think you would ever be untruthful,” he immediately corrected himself upon understanding how his words could be perceived.

“i-” tears brimmed his coffee colored optics, terrifying you for what he might say next. “you’re the most important thing in my life- in the world even- and i’m just worried you’ll leave me. i’ll come home one night when you’ve decided you’ve had enough of this life and you have all your bags packed, ready to leave. i don’t want to lose you. i can’t lose you.”

noticing a few drops had landing on your lap, you realized you’d been crying as he admitted his insecurities to you. “i love you so much, spencer. more than anything in the world. and i know how hard it is to quiet those voices, and i know whatever i say will only be enough to quell them for a while, but you’re everything to me. just know i would never, ever even dream of leaving you.”

you sniffled, wiping the tear tracks from your face when you looked over to spencer. he held eye contact with you, something you knew was challenging for him to do.

“y/n,” he moved a hand to cup your cheek. “if i asked you to stay, would you?”

you let his words sink in and nodded nearly imperceptibly. you laid a kiss on his palm before turning to him again. “absolutely. i am wholly and completely devoted to you, spencer reid.”

his cheeks burned and his brows furrowed, almost as if he was having trouble accepting your straightforward answer. “do you promise?”

you debated a sarcastic response, but you were unsure what his reaction might be in such a vulnerable state, and you didn’t want to find out.

“i do, my love.” you murmured, crossing your pinky with his. he settled, visibly, too, at your admission of adoration. you knew he struggled with fully trusting those around him and you were immeasurably proud of him in this moment.

“are you heading home?” his soft lilt broke the silence that had blanketed the room with its persistent presence. “i wouldn’t blame you if you were.”

“are you kidding? after all that rom-com sappiness you think i want to leave?” you both laughed, basking in the positivity of the moment. “i’m afraid you’re stuck with me. look, i even brought a change of clothes and everything.”

while you loved the adorable look of surprise on his face, you almost wished you could wipe away any doubts he may harbor in his mind about you and your unwavering loyalty. you looked up at him again as he spoke. “are you going to sleep in that chair?”

“i’d lay with you, but you’ve got wounds everywhere and no way in hell am i risking re-opening anything that’s been sealed.” you held your hands up in mock defense, earning a chuckle from the doctor.

“you could, um, put your head on my chest,” his cheeks tinted pink. “i love it when you do that.” you planted a quick kiss on his cheekbone before pressing a longer one to his lips.

every time your lips met, as cliched as it was, it felt like the first again. not in every way, they were missing the same awkward teeth clashing and spit swapping as the original, but you could almost feel every ounce of passion jolting all the way through your being. and most assuredly, spencer reciprocated your feelings as he chased your lips every single time they made to retreat from his.

you pulled the chair as close to the hospital bed as you could and rested your head on his chest. the lyrical, constant beat of spencer’s lulled you to sleep, creating a symphony just for you.

before your eyes closed, you intertwined spencer’s fingers with yours, prompting him to look down at you. “i’ve got promises to keep, and miles to go before i sleep.”

though he knew it was medically impossible, spencer reid’s heart leapt a mile in his chest at the irrevocable love he felt for you, both in that moment and always as he completed the line, “and miles to go before i sleep.”

********************

guys wait i think this is the first ending i’ve written that i actually enjoy and i just finished this at 1am last night and i am so sleep deprived

please let me know if you want to be added/removed from my taglist!! 

tags: @sojournmichael @stinkyelf​ @crazyfore3​ @cal-ifornication​ @eggygorl02​ @howdycharlie​ @eosprincess​ @mortallythoughtfulgurl​ @illuxions-x​ @unlikelyempathpruneauthor​ @blankets-for-bees​ @holycandypizza​ @flyingbabyunicornnamedangel​ @lovelyrdjr​ @minnie-bby​ @fantastic-fans​ @ashwarren32​ @rexorangecouny​ @elitereid​ @keomoon​ @achieveonyourown​ @whogirl7​ @jjtheangel​ @carol-danvers-wife​

[multi--kpop--fanfics]

There’s Blood On The Crown

prince!Xiaojun x queen!reader

genre: angst, horror, royalty!AU

warnings: heavy dark themes (blood, major character death, betrayal)

Part of THE CROWN - a collab call by @earth-to-that-asian​

Word count: ~1.7k 

Author’s note: The fic was beta read by @jaemotel and @intokook , who also made the header (thanxx bby💕). Inspired by the song Intro: Crown by Purple Kiss

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do you say,

What if I ruled the world?

“Now, you may rise, Your Majesty, Queen Y/N”, the priest announces and you rise from your knees, the diamond crown resting proud but heavy on your head. You walk towards the balcony of the castle and look down, where the rest of the civilians awaited for you. You were their Queen now, the one who would guide them through thick and thin, especially after your beloved husband’s death, the late King Kun. 

“All hail the Queen!”, the crowd chants as you raise your hand and wave, the beaming smile on your face acting as a facade, masking your true feelings - uncertainty, sorrow and most importantly, fear.

Fear, because you trusted no one in the council. They never liked you in the first place, not only because you were the late King’s wife, but because you were also a very skilled fighter, one of your most valuable assets, hence why you were the Grand General of your kingdom before getting married to Kun. 

These weasels hated seeing a woman in power, simply because they wanted that power for themselves. But none of them had the guts to step up and claim the crown. They only knew how to scheme, bribe and conduct murders without ever getting blood on their hands.

There was only one person you could trust, the only one who truly recognized your strength and dedication to the crown - Prince Xiaojun, Kun’s brother and your brother-in-law. He was the only one who welcomed you with a warm smile and would always be respectful towards you. Everyone in the kingdom knew of his gentle nature and the civilians were always delighted to see the two of you take walks through the town. He treated you like family. And family is always there for you, just like Xiaojun today. You turn your head back and smile at him, an equal smile spreading across his handsome face. However, by the time you have turned your head back, his smile is instantly replaced by a clenched jaw and a stern gaze, burning with hatred and jealousy.

Nobody knows

It means nothing to me

Xiaojun enters the throne room, fully-armored, his sword sheathed on his back and his hunting knives strapped on his sides. You were seated in the throne, your white cape falling gracefully around you, the diamond crown and your silver chest armor shining from the sunlight that is creeping through the colored glass windows. Your image is a sheer contrast to Xiaojun’s, his armor being pitch-black, almost resembling an angel of Death.

“Ah, Xiaojun, what a delight to see you!” you state, smiling to him. “I haven’t seen you wear this armor in a long time. May I ask what’s the occasion?” you ask with curiosity. “I have decided to go hunting” he replies nonchalantly and you smile even wider, unaware of the true meaning behind his words. “That’s wonderful! Perhaps I could join you? I’ve been dying to leave the castle gates and get my blood boiling through some action” you slightly pout, albeitly tired from sitting around and letting your armor and sword get rusty. 

He chuckles at your reaction and he unsheathes one of the daggers from his arm and traces his finger along the edge of the blade. “I will not have to leave the castle to go hunting… In fact, my prey is right in this very castle” he states and takes slow yet steady steps towards your direction. “I-I don’t think I follow..” you stutter, fear starting to take over your senses. “What I am trying to say, dear Y/N, is that my true prey is not just within this castle - It’s right in front of me”. The realization then hits you.

It’s invisible but you know it’s mine

So where do you see yourself?

“You want the throne?”, you ask in shock, not wanting to believe that the one person you trusted ever since you stepped your foot in the castle was the one who wanted your fall. “I don’t want just the throne. I want the power that comes along with it”, Xiaojun admits, his ominous gaze fixated on you. The imminent danger awakes you and you yell with all your power towards the throne door.

“GUARDS!” and within seconds, your two strongest guards barge through the throne room, clad in heavy armor. “Prince Xiaojun has attempted murder against the Queen and is hereby guilty of commiting betrayal to the Crown. Seize him at once!” you yell and the guards point their weapons towards Xiaojun, who has seemingly raised his arms in surrender. “The accusations Her Majesty has made against me are completely false!”, he bites back, ��Besides, I haven’t attempted murder..”, he adds and silently pulls out another dagger from his sleeve, “..Yet”. 

In a split second, he throws the daggers towards the guards and he hits them both in the blind spot of their armor, their cloth-covered necks, the sharp blades of the dagger cutting through the flesh. The guards are now flat on the marble floor, their lives slowly slipping away from their bodies that lay in blood. After recovering his daggers from the dead bodies, Xiaojun hears the familiar sound of a blade being unsheathed. He turns to you and he sees you holding your sword, your cape discarded on the floor, standing a few meters away from him.

“Finally, the queen has stepped down from her throne!” he spits, his voice dripping venom. "The Queen has a crown and she will do everything to protect it. Even if it means killing the prince", you prepare yourself and get into a fighting stance. "How ironic, to share the same goal at a moment like this", Xiaojun points out and unsheathes the sword from his back, "It's a shame you won't be alive to witness my success".

I am running for the crown

I keep breathing when you drown

You charge at Xiaojun with full speed, your sword in a secure hold. He throws a dagger at you to cut off your advance, but you duck down in the last second and you avoid it, closing the distance between you in the meantime. You fling your sword upwards, in an attempt to cut through his waist armor, but he is fast enough to parry your attack with his own sword. "You're fast, I'll give you that. But not fast enough", he mocks and pulls another dagger from his thigh, landing a deep cut on your forearm, making you cry out in pain.

The blood is staining your pristine blouse, but you don't care - you only want to stay alive in order to defeat Xiaojun. You kick his knee with full force and he groans, falling on his knees. "You know better than underestimating my skills, Xiaojun", you hatefully spit back and get up. You switch your blade to your intact arm and swing it towards his face, but he raises his arm and catches the blade mid-air. "I don't - I'm just reminding you how inferior your skills are compared to mine" he replies and holds the blade still, his fist now bleeding from the sharp edge. "You haven't even landed a proper cut on me, yet your arm is still bleeding from a mere dagger", he continues and stands on his feet, twisting his arm and the blade as well. 

You grit your teeth as you fight back the pain from your own arm being twisted and you lift your leg to kick him in the face, but alas, he's fast enough to swing his sword again and land another cut on you, this time on your leg. You feel the muscle joints being ripped apart and you scream once again, the blood gushing from the fresh wound. Xiaojun takes advantage of your vulnerable state and pulls the sword out of your grasp and throws it at the other side of the throne room. He then kicks you on the chest and you fall flat on your back, the diamond crown falling from your head. You try to stand your ground, but Xiaojun immobilizes you with his own body.

"It's truly a pity, Y/N. We could have been the most powerful and loved royals in the world… But you just had to fall in love with the fool of my late brother, didn't you?", he asks and caresses your cheek, the pretentious affection making you scrunch your face with disgust. "You will never be like Kun, you monster" you grit your teeth with anger, "Do you know why? Because he was always faithful to the people. Because the people are the true crown-" 

You never get to finish your sentence, as a dagger is piercing your throat, ridding you incapable of breathing. The stream of blood starts pooling around your spasming body, staining the marble floor, your clothes and the diamond crown that lays next to your head.

I believe myself no doubt

Xiaojun watches your last moments with a blank expression on his face, still on top of you. "Ironic, isn't it? The King and his Queen, dying by the same hand, clad in the same armor. Truly, the most perfect of tragic endings". You are unable to answer, the last of his words dealing the finishing blow to your form. You have stopped moving and a single tear falls from his face. "Even in death, you are still the most beautiful woman I've seen in my whole life, Y/N" he whispers and leans in to kiss your now lifeless lips. "Worry not, my love, you may meet your beloved husband now. The crown is in good hands".

He stands up and takes the blood-stained crown in his hands. He places it on top of his head, the blood dripping on his soft blonde locks. He slowly walks towards the throne, the edge of his sword scraping the marble floor and creating a line from the blood on it - your blood. He looks at the painting that rests above the throne, a painting of you and King Kun smiling fondly, wearing the same crown that now rests on Xiaojun's head. 

"You know, both of you were wrong. I never betrayed the crown. In fact, I was the only one who did everything to protect it", he speaks as he sits down on the throne, "And I succeeded, my beloved family. All thanks to you. You may now rest in peace", Xiaojun says with a soft smile on his face, making him look like an angel. 

An angel of Death.

My Lord

How come I never lost my faith?

[fandomfanfics12]

For Blue, Blue Skies-Part 4

Title: For Blue, Blue Skies Pairings: Steve x tony Part: 4/5 Warnings: swearing, bullying, abuse (physical and verbal), blood, angst, fluff. Summary: Steve was sure he’d aced his latest test in his forensics class but as it turns out, Professor Fury failed almost everyone. In order to get extra credit Steve and his friends join a program that Fury called The Avengers to deal with a bullying problem at the nearby high school. Hidden behind the glitz and glamour of his father’s money, most people can’t see that Tony Stark’s life is a nightmare. All Tony wants is to get out of this hellish school as quickly as possible and get as far away from his abusive father as soon as possible. A/N: This took me like a thousand times to get write but i am finally happy with the result! Hope you enjoy!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Steve’s eyes widened and his stomach churned as the old man charged for him, his fist connecting with Steve’s face. It was the shock Steve needed to get his ass into gear as he stumbled back, pain radiated from his left cheek.

“Get out of here! Go!” Tony’s voice was raw, hoard and Steve inhaled sharply. He wasn’t going anywhere, not now, not seeing Tony like this. his cheek was throbbing but Steve couldn’t think about it right now, he had to figure out a plan and fast.

“I’m not going to fight an old man.” Steve growled, but that only antagonised the old guy even more. His eyes wild with rage and Steve’s mind racing for an answer, a solution.

“Old?” he snarled and moved to throw another punch, but Steve caught it, his nose scrunched up and lip curled as revulsion rolled through him.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Steve snarled and risked a glance at Tony. His guard dropped as he took the younger boy in, face swollen and bloody, back covered in welts and he was gasping for breath. It felt like the whole world had slowed down as Steve glanced to Tony, crying and begging for Steve to get out of there.

“Go.” he whispered just as the old man landed a blow to Steve’s stomach and Steve doubled over, the wind knocked out of him.

“Get the fuck out of my house!” the man roared but Steve shook his head, shoving the man aside and began to make his way over to Tony. Tony began to shake his head, his eyes were wide and skin awfully pale, but Steve wouldn’t leave him here. Not like this. and then something sharp and hard came down on Steve’s back, a crack sounded in the air which was followed by Steve’s cry as he fell to the cold hard floor.

-

Tony’s eyes widened as he saw Howard’s belt come down on Steve’s back, his father was so consumed by rage that he had whipped a stranger. But not just any stranger, Steve. Tony was aware that they were screwed now, there would be no containing Howard, he’d gone too far.

“Steve go!” Tony pleaded, why wouldn’t he just listen to Tony? Why was it so impossible for him to just leave, let Tony take this rage like he had done on so many other nights. Instead Steve clambered up to his feet, body flinching from the agony that definitely wracked through his body at the action.

“What are you going to do now?” Howard demanded and Tony’s eyes zeroed in on Steve’s hands which had curled themselves into fists.

“Nothin.” Steve shook his head, uncurling those fists and turning back to Tony. He took a step forward and Tony inhaled sharply as his father moved to follow. But then Steve spun, first connected with Howard’s face and Howard’s body crashed against the floor. Tony winced but the man wasn’t unconscious, though he was struggling to get back up onto his feet. But Tony didn’t get to study his father for long before Steve scooped his body up off of the floor and carried Tony outside bridal style, the cold air bit at Tony’s skin.

“It’s going to be alright Tony, I’ve got you now.” Steve whispered and Tony nodded, though he didn’t feel any better.

“Why did you come back? Tony whispered, though it came out more like a sob and Steve’s grip tightened on his body, pulling him in closer. The warmth from Steve’s chest spreading to his body, Tony could feel Steve’s racing heart on the side of his face.

“I was coming back for my jacket.” His voice was tight, strained and Tony inhaled sharply. Oh. Of course, he’d just come back for the jacket. Tony hated the stab of disappointment that filled up his entire being and he suddenly wished he could disappear. Why did he care so much about Steve? It was clear that Steve didn’t even like Tony, why would he have come back just for Tony? Tony was overcome with feelings of stupidity and wished his back wasn’t in so much pain that he was incapable of walking. Wished he could fly out of Steve’s arms and hide away for the rest of eternity. Wished that he didn’t find so much comfort and safety whilst he was being held up in Steve’s arms, wished he didn’t find those blue eyes so damn gorgeous. Wished that it wasn’t near freezing so Tony didn’t have to snuggle into Steve’s chest so he would die from hypothermia.

But alas, life could be a bitch sometimes.

-

While Steve had know that Tony was skinny, he still hadn’t expected him to be so light. Insanely light, he practically weighed nothing. And Steve was grateful that Bucky had pushed him so hard at the gym so that this task wouldn’t seem so damn difficult. His back ached with each and every step Steve took his mind racing a million miles a minute. It was no surprise really, if that was the house that Tony had grown up in, he probably didn’t get to eat very much. Steve glanced back over his shoulder, fear and paranoia mixed and moulded together in his gut, putting Steve on edge.

“You alright?” Tony mumbled into his chest, his body shivering. Tony snuggled in deeper and once again Steve tightened his grip, not wanting to let go.

“Feeling kind of tired.” Tony mumbled and Steve nodded, stomach churning.

“You’ve got to stay awake alright, don’t fall asleep on me.”

“What do you want me to do?” Tony asked and Steve bit his lip, glancing down at Tony’s big and brown and warm eyes.

“Talk to me.” He raised a brow and nodded.

“What about?” Steve hadn’t actually thought that far ahead, and he was growing tired.

“Anything, tell me what your favourite colour is.”

“Red.” Tony said without hesitation and Steve chuckled.

“fair enough, hospital’s left here right?” Steve asked and Tony’s body stiffened in his arms.

“we can’t go to the hospital.” Tony told him and Steve rose a brow. What?

“Why the hell not?” he’d been walking around all afternoon and he could feel the blisters that had formed on the back of his feet.

“my dad has contacts there.” Tony mumbled, looking scared suddenly and Steve relaxed his face, letting his jaw go slack and erasing any momentary frustration.

“Alright then, I’ll take you back to my place.” Steve said and changed directions and Tony relaxed once more.

-

“Do you want to take a break?” Tony asked after another ten minutes. Steve nodded but then shook his hand.

“We’ve gotta get you stitched up.” Steve murmured but Tony shrugged, starting to pull out of Steve’s arms.

“Two minutes isn’t going to make much of a difference.” So they sat down on a bus bench, both of them slumping together.

“Thank you, for saving me.” Tony whispered, his voice sounded so raspy and broken.

“I wasn’t going to leave you there.” Steve whispered back and Tony squeezed his eyes shut, trying to even out his breathing. No one had ever cared before, no one had ever been there before.

“What’s your favourite colour?” Tony asked, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve’s own head came to rest atop of Tony’s and they snuggled together for warmth.

“red or blue, maybe black. I can’t decide.” He admitted and Tony’s lips formed a faint smile.

“Do you think I really am so awful?” Tony whispered, terrified of Steve’s answer.

-

Steve inhaled sharply, his heart breaking for the fractured boy beside him. Steve’s hand moved out without his brain’s permission and took hold of Tony’s.

“No. I was worried at first, but you’re not a bad person Tony.” He nodded and Steve half expected him to let go, but he held on, as if his life depended on it.

“thank you.” he whispered and Steve squeezed his hand.

“How long was that going on for?” Steve whispered into Tony’s hair, squeezing his eyes shut as he waited for the answer.

“couple years.” Tony admitted and Steve inhaled sharply. Shit.

“I’m so sorry Tony.” But Tony just shook his head and pulled back, still holding onto Steve’s hand.

“don’t be, you’ve done more for me tonight than anyone had in my whole entire life.” And that might be the most devastating thing that Steve had ever heard. There was no way that his small and simplistic acts today had been the nicest thing that anyone had ever done for Tony. But the sincerity in Tony’s voice made Steve believe it. and to think that only a few hours ago Steve had thought Tony was a spoiled rich brat who didn’t give a damn about anything. About anyone.

“I’m sorry that I judged you so harshly when I first met you.” Those big soft brown eyes met Steve’s blue ones, how could anyone hurt Tony?

“We should get going before we get frostbite.” Tony said and Steve nodded, letting go of Tony’s hand so he could pick up his body and carry him.

“I can try and walk.” Tony whispered and Steve snorted.

“you’re funny.” He grumbled and besides, it wouldn’t be long before he made it back to the apartment. Tony just had to hold on for a little while longer. He could feel Tony’s body going slack in his arms and Steve’s heart began to race.

“Hey, stay with me.” Steve murmured and Tony’s eyes opened, he nodded once.

“Okay.” Steve could see his apartment building now, relief flooded his veins. Thank god. When Steve stepped inside of the lobby, it was mercifully warm and empty. They both groaned at the sudden heat and Steve made his way over to the elevator.

“I can stand.” Tony mumbled and Steve nodded, putting Tony down but wrapping his arm around Tony so he wouldn’t fall. The elevator doors opened as soon as Steve hit the button and they stepped inside, soon Steve could collapse down into his terrible couch.

“almost there.” Steve whispered and Tony nodded. The doors opened and together they stepped out into the empty hall, it was then that Steve realised his keys were in the jacket that was still all the way back at Tony’s house. Fuck. Praying that Bucky and Nat were home, Steve kicked the door with his foot. He banged a couple times then waited.

“About time!” Bucky swung open the door and then rose a brow when he saw them.

“Bucky?” Nat asked from behind.

“what the hell happened?” his eyes kept wildly looking back and forth between Steve and Tony, as if the answer could be found there.

“I promise that I’ll explain all of this later.” Steve said as he stormed passed, marching Tony all the way back to his room and onto the bed.

-

The world was spinning and tilting and then Tony was aware that he was laying down on a bed. And the scent that filled his nose was so purely Steve that it made him dizzy.

“Slow down.” Tony whispered, but his voice was lost in a sea of shouting. Bucky and Nat were arguing with Steve, Tony couldn’t decipher what the fuss was all about, his head was just pounding. But then he was rolled onto his stomach, his thin shirt lifted and an ointment was being rubbed into the welts of his back. Tony arched his back and let out a scream as the sting radiated throughout him. The roars ripped out of his throat and his body writhed on the bed, hands clawed at the sheets in an attempt to escape.

“Stop!” he cried, curling into the mattress but the hands didn’t stop, more just joined to pin him down to the bed.

“It hurts, stop!” he sobbed, his face was now wet with tears as they streamed down his cheeks.

‘I know Tony, just breathe through it alright.” Steve’s soothing voice murmured and Tony began to grind his teeth together.

“This looks bad Steve, shouldn’t we call for an ambulance?” Bucky asked but the hands never faltered, never stopped.

“No, we can’t go to the hospital.” Steve said and Tony sobbed. Soon the hands pulled back, slipping off of him as if they’d never been there at all.

“Bucky and I will go get some pain killers from the pharmacy.” Natasha said before the sound of footsteps exited the room.

“Tony?” Steve asked softly and Tony slowly eased himself up until he was sitting. He cracked his eyes open to take in Steve’s warm and comforting face. But amongst all that warmth and comfort was fear.

“I’m so sorry.” Tony whispered as the realisation dawned upon him that he had brought Steve into his nightmarish mess.

“Hey, this is not your fault.” Steve said and Tony nodded, but it really was his fault. Steve took hold of Tony’s hand again and Tony’s heart fluttered in his chest. Steve moved so he was propped up against the headboard and then pulled Tony down so his head rested on Steve’s chest. Tony squeezed his eyes shut, inhaling deeply and was met with just the smell of Steve. And then Tony was crying, because his life had officially turned to shit.

-

At first all Tony did was cry, and then he would apologise. It was an hour before Natasha and Bucky came back, she handed Tony two tablets and a glass of water.

“I got the strongest ones I could, they’re going to make you drowsy though.” Tony had just nodded, taken the tablets and then Nat had slipped out of the room, not daring to utter another word. Steve’s back still throbbed and ached but he didn’t let out even the smallest whisper of complaints. Not after he’d gotten a proper look at Tony’s wounds, not when he knew Tony had suffered through Steve’s pain a thousand times over. it had killed a part of Steve, to rub the antiseptic ointment in while Tony had screamed. But Bucky had said words of encouragement and Steve had known he had to keep going.

“thank you, for taking care of me.” Tony mumbled, the words melding into one another.

“Of course.” Steve whispered, only starting to become aware of how much Tony would mean to him.

“do you feel any better?” Steve asked and Tony nodded at that.

“Yeah, the pain meds must be starting to kick in.” Steve relaxed. Good. He thought to himself as he studied Tony’s face. Tony’s eyes were closed, he looked so peaceful for once. Not a trace of the chaotic energy he seemed to have always carried with him.

“Good, I’m glad.” Steve admitted. Steve stayed perfectly still as a comfortable silence filled the room, and Steve just held Tony gently in his arms whilst Tony hung on for dear life.

“Please don’t leave me.” Tony whispered into the dimly lit room and Steve squeezed his eyes shut. as if he could ever go anywhere now. as if Steve could ever let go of Tony Stark.

“I’m not going anywhere Tony.” Steve promised as Tony’s body went limp in his arms. The other boy began to snore ever so softly and Steve’s whole body relaxed with each little exhale.

-

When Tony woke up, he was still being held in Steve’s arms. He was safe and his back actually felt better. Still painful but at least it was bearable now. sunlight was streaming in through the windows of Steve’s bedroom, revealing just how simple Steve’s room was. Steve’s jaw was slack and open, his head tilted to the side. His body was still propped up against the headboard, leaning rather than laying and a wave of guilt washed through Tony. What had he done to deserve Steve’s help? How would he ever repay Steve for this? Tony was aware that he literally owed Steve his life, and he had no idea as to how he would repay that debt.

“You’re staring.” The words barely passed through Steve’s lips but Tony’s entire body tensed up.

“sorry.” He mumbled and Steve chuckled, his whole body moved with the little laugh.

“good morning.” Steve mumbled and Tony couldn’t stop the small smile that formed on his lips.

“Good morning.” He’d woken up in Steve’s bed, in Steve’s arms. And for half a moment, Tony let himself consider what life would be like if he and Steve were together. What life would be like if he could do this every day. But he didn’t let the thought go much further, thoughts like that would only break his heart.

“feeling better?” Tony nodded, not wanting to move from the warmth of Steve and his bed but knowing he would have to soon.

“Yes I am actually, thank you.” Steve nodded and then he started to sit up. Tony backed away but Steve’s hand reached out, fingers grabbing onto Tony’s.

“good.” Steve’s blue eyes met Tony’s and he inhaled sharply.

“and you?” Tony asked and the corner of Steve’s mouth twitched upwards.

“Good.” He said and Tony nodded, not daring break the eye contact. They really were the prettiest blue eyes that Tony had ever seen in his entire life, they were unbelievably blue. His brain short circuiting by the fact that his skin was touching Steve, they were holding hands.

“Good.” Tony echoed, his mind racing with a thousand other things he could say, but unsure of what was the right thing to say first.

“Are you hungry?” Steve asked and Tony’s stomach growled in answer. At that, Steve tipped his head back and let out a laugh.

“No?” Tony said and Steve raised a brow, amusement lit up his eyes and it tugged at Tony’s heartstrings. Why was Steve so nice?

“your stomach says otherwise. I’ll make you some soup.” Tony shook his head in protest, his heart pounded at the mere thought.

“it’s fine Steve, save your own food for you.” Steve just rolled his eyes and pulled away, exiting the room and leaving Tony alone.

-

Steve heated up the chicken and vegetable soup and put some bread in the toaster. His mother had always made him this whenever he was sick, but did Tony’s injury equal sick? Was Steve trying too hard? All he’d known when he woke up was that he could feel Tony watching him and that he hadn’t wanted to ever let go of Tony’s body. Had wanted to stay in bed, with Tony in his arms for the rest of his life. And that was only mildly terrifying since Steve barely even knew Tony. But maybe going through what they had done last night had changed something. Had brought them together. As soon as the bread had turned into toast, Steve put on heaps of butter and cut it up into thin strips. He put the soup in a bowl and set it down on the counter.

“Tony?” he murmured, entering his room and finding Tony surveying his back in Steve’s mirror.

“it looks better.” He mumbled, blushing slightly and Steve nodded, his stomach twisted into knots.

“yeah it does. Your soup is ready.” Tony nodded and followed Steve to the kitchen. Steve sat him down on the couch, grabbed some fluffy blankets and wrapped Tony up into them. He then handed Tony his soup and Tony just stared at it.

“Who knew you were such a mother hen?” Tony asked, a smirk was splayed on his lips and Steve just rolled his eyes.

“just eat your soup.” Steve grumbled and Tony laughed, it put Steve’s mind at ease just hearing the sound. He’s okay now. Steve told himself and was startled by how much comfort that brought him. He was most definitely in some deep shit then, if he was so worried about Tony’s wellbeing.

“No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” Tony admitted as Steve sat down on the couch next to him, turning on the tv. Steve looked over and studied Tony as he ate his soup, his heart breaking at the thought. He had to get Tony out of that house, away from that bastard of a father. Steve would protect Tony, no matter the cost.

[cutecutebibaforever]

July 2, 2021

Central Europe Time

5:45pm

"Nag suicide si Dian"

So, okay, at the back of my mind says,

she will survive, she is strong, she will make it.

Apparently, when I was settled on the assigned seat, few of our close friends and schoolmates at SMAD messaged me and ask and sent screenshots about the incident.

Because I really had a rough day battling the Spanish bureacracy today, I did not mind it. I have always been a victim of pranks and "what nots" in real life, so yeah, I didn't mind actually.

Then again, opening messages in facebook messenger every now and then is my thing now and completely settled in with my seat number, I opened them up. My cousin Felni confirmed it with mama Jeb, Walter and Kurt in the GC. I literally felt my heart stopped and think about the last time Dian and I talked and exchanged banters and reminiscing the old us comparing to the new generation.

I fondly call her "Tot" because it is my secret pet name to my original sister who has the same name, Dyantot. "Tot" became my endearment for her and she called me C2 (meaning CuteCute, Cute squared. LOL) HAHAHA!

Dian and I had been through a lot and only a few people knew that. She became the sister I have always wanted, near or far.

I got to know her my sixth grade and continued the friendship in high school where we created so much memories together. Memories about annoying the RVM sisters, competing with batches, intramurals, JS proms when she would be challenged to wear a gown and makeup and CAT training with Sir Pat and former CAT officers which we considered really close.

The CAT training for me was the most memorable in our high school together. We had so much fun annoying the elders with our endless banters, being serious with the task at hand, collaborating with the group, bringing out strategies to win, alas, if I could only go back to that moment, nothing compares. My batchmates can really relate. That moment became the defining moment of our sisterhood when we were 14. It was such a lovely memory that when we got to talk about it, it seems like it was just last year.

I am writing this with so much pain because she has nothing more than the real friend I had. One of the very few who totally understood my choices of men, bizarre plans, impossible dreams coming true and so on. We literally grew up together.

Our twenty years of friendship consisted surely of fights, sharing happiness and sadness, life's milestone and dreaming about what is to come. We bullied each other and had unsimilar discussions because of our differences yet we got past through it in surfing adulthood with responsibilities, dreams being set aside because of bigger priorities, goals yet to be achieved and so much more.

I am particularly sure that you would agree (to those who really got to know her and our circle) that she was the life of the party.

She was the person who would let you stay at a party and going home won't even matter because discussing with her is an endless mixture of jokes, sarcasm, satires and real life learning and experiences.

I remember she had a great respect for my father that we always get to keep our shenanigans privately in college because I had to pretend to my father that I am not drinking, partying and dating.

I am writing this because Dian opened up to me her most vulnerable state all throughout this pandemic. I listened to her about her frustrations of not being able to practice her license that forced her to make a different path because she wanted to help her family even in little ways. This to me, is very heroic. I haven't really been in a situation where I really have to support a family member 100% so I admire her for this. She was everyone's hero and she played it really well not minder her own pain, frustrations and incapabilities.

One time in April, she called me crying because somebody hurt her and she was in pain, she was emotional that I cried with her too. That video call actully ended with our usual gloating laughter. HAHAHA! She would always be there for you, one call, and she's there. I kid you not.

All througout May and June, we were endlessly chatting in instagram and confessing that she took her long-time partner back even if she had trust issues on her own. I was mad and told her to cut connections but she said, she loved her to much. So, I, the supportive friend encouraged her to always prioritized herself first (this is with screen shots). I told her adamantly that she needs to see the bigger picture of things in different perspectives because we are not getting any younger. That catch-up ended me saying "fine, I will be supportive only if you take care of yourself first.."

Furthermore, on her state of vulnerability, she opened up to so many of her expectations not being met by the people she expected along the way. She was confused, felt judged and neglected by these people she thought the shoulders she can cry on. I only told her to let go and cut connections of these people, but she ended up doing the opposite. That's what she was, stubborn yet respectful to my advices. This was so frustrating for me because I was so busy in 2019 that we never really got to hang out the way we were in college, drinking our hearts out, partying like we were invincible. Clubbing just because we had good grades in midterms and finals, odd summer getaways of staying at beach looking at the stars and shouting our hearts out to the ocean.

We only had chats, video calls since I moved to Spain.

Recently, (March-April 2021) she was bothered because she felt like a lot of people is expecting too much from her. She felt like she needs to explain her side of the story so that she won't be judged as the bad guy. I found this saddening. Most of the people she valued wanted her to be the person that she is not and she talked about it as if it was just nothing, like ordinary. I for once told her that it is mean and condescending of these people to expect you that way. Why would you keep these people who expected you to be not yourself? She just shrugged it off and we went back to the usual saying of "I love yous'" and "please take care" "see you soon".

I am still on the plane two more hours for Istanbul and I am crying nonstop 😭

I will be home without her, this is reality and it is piercing me. The supposed homecoming would be a saddening one because I lost a friend and a sister for hiding so well her mental health issues, her angst, her hurt and I felt at fault because I was not the constant listener.

Tot, I don't know what to say but I am sorry for not being there all the time. you were hiding it so well that nobody knew you are suffering. I was hoping to celebrate my life's winning moment with you because you were not just supportive but the tolerating friend no one could ever replace. I was excited to let you wear a white dress for the next chapter of my life real soon and this all the more makes me cry 😭

I could only wish to see you one more time but these circumstances that we are having now makes it so impossible (since I am in quarantine).

I owe so many things from you and I don't know how to accept your unfateful demise. I am heart broken and it will take a lot of time for me to move on but I will get there in time. God has His reasons we cannot possibly know why at this time of grief but I am faithful that God will restore you and take away your sufferings that you have been enduring for so long.

I love you is an understatement.