#But I'd much rather my interest faded out peacefully
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I feel so insane for wanting to put cologne on my new merch hoodie to pretend that it's his. 🫠🫠🫠
#text post#I'm lost#I really am...#I'm not gonna do it because I'm going to 100% hate myself for doing it down the line#Like i just know it's an instant regret thing#But fuck i hate myself for even having the idea.. For wanting to do it#I'm wondering when i become too insane that i will have to force myself out of this rabbit hole#It'll happen eventually#But I'd much rather my interest faded out peacefully#With no regrets
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II - Roommates, Commanders, and Generals.
A/N: And they were roommates - I'm sorry. The next chapter will be a lot more interesting as we finally get into the plot. And just as a heads up, THERE WILL BE NO SMUT AT ALL. Idk how to write it and I don't want to make a complete fool of myself if I do so. If I ever learn I may add some.
Warnings: mild language, curse words.
METANOIA Masterlist
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Who knew a ship could be so damn big.
I had walked and walked, following the map on my datapad to my quarters, which seemed to be on the other side of the ship. It was nearly midnight and I still hadn't reached it.
During the entire walk, I couldn't get the strange encounter with Kylo Ren out of my head. Why had he just stared at me? What was that prickling sensation? My mind was going so fast, asking so many questions, that I almost ran into a wall. I had stopped myself just short a couple of inches from slamming right into it. I stood there, recollecting myself, as a quiet, minuscule beeping came from my datapad.
Looking down, the beeping was signifying that I had reached my destination. In front of me were my quarters and not some random wall.
"For kriffs sake, finally," I muttered.
I shut off my pad and went to reach for the control panel next to me, but I stopped myself from hitting the door button. Are my roommates already inside? What if they're already asleep? I don't want to get on their bad side, who knows how long I'll be rooming with them.
"Hey!"
My head whips to the side to be met with a stormtrooper.
"What are you doing here?" They asked. From the sounds of it, the stormtrooper was female.
"I asked you a question."
"I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be rooming here." My words flew out fast and uneasy.
"Whose orders?" The stormtrooper asked.
"Head technician Ademir. He said that there were no available rooms in the technicians' quarters and that this was the first available spot," I explained.
The stormtrooper made a noise of understanding and hit the door button on the panel. It slid open with a slight whoosh and was pitch black inside. The stormtrooper went in, turning the lights on in the process. I stood there, awkwardly, almost waiting for an invitation.
"Well, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come in?" The stormtrooper said.
"Uh, yeah right." I hurriedly walked in, the door closing behind me.
The room was semi spacious. It had two dressers, three beds, each with its small nightstand; a refresher, and a window that outlooked the galaxy.
I made my way further in and sat on the bed that looked unoccupied. I sat rather stiffly as the stormtrooper began to take off her armor.
Her helmet came off first, revealing dark skin, that almost seemed to have a honey glow to it, brown eyes, and a pretty face.
"So what's your name little technician?" She asked. Without the helmet on, I could hear an accent that was unfamiliar to me. I gave her my name and asked for hers.
"LN-7245." She answered as she continued to undress.
"LN-72- okay, that's a lot to call you by. Do you have a nickname or something I can use?" I asked.
She momentarily stopped her movements. "No. All we ever go by is our numbers." She then resumed, sitting down on the bed to take off her shin armor.
"Well, what about," I pondered for a second, "Leonora or Leo for short." She looked up at me.
"Leonora," she tested the name on her tongue, "I like it. Sounds nice. Where'd you come up with that?"
" Your number started with LN. I just took it from there and made something out of it that sounded pretty."
"Well, thank you for that." Leonora stood up, grabbed a case from under her bed, and began to pack away her armor for tomorrow.
When she finished, she grabbed some clothes, presumably sleep ones, out of the drawer on her nightstand. Before walking away to the refresher to change, she turned to the bed farthest away from me and smacked the person, who I honestly didn't even see, that was lying in it. They awoke with a start, cursing in Durese, a language known by space travelers.
"Why would you do that? I was sleeping so nicely!" They groaned. It was another female. This one had blond hair with brown streaks, blue eyes, and a pretty face as well.
"We have a new roommate. Be nice." Leonora smacked her again with her clothes and went to the refresher to change.
The girl grumbled something then turned to me, leaning back on her elbows, her head cocked to the side.
"So, what's your name?" She asked. I gave it to her. She peered at me curiously.
"You don't look like a stormtrooper." She pointed out.
I laughed. "What gave that away?"
She looked me up and down, "You don't have the body of a stormtrooper. And the way you seem to carry yourself, I'd assume you're a technician."
"Right you are." She laughed.
"I'm ZA-7283."
"Nice to meet you. Can I give you a nickname?" I asked.
"Nickname?" She asked. Leonora walked out of the refresher, dressed in comfy, all-black, nightclothes.
"She gave me one," Leo laid down on her cot, putting hands behind her head, "I'm Leonora, Leo for short." She had an air of pride around her.
The other girl gasped. "That sounds so cool! I want one too!"
"Okay, um, how about Zariah?" I suggested.
"Ooo, I like that. Makes me sound badass!" Zariah exclaimed. Leo and I laughed at her enthusiasm.
After we all calmed down, Zariah asked me a question.
"So why did they put a technician with two stormtroopers?"
I told her the same thing I told Leo.
"Ahhh okay. Well, at least you got two roommates who aren't sticks in the mud. That would've sucked." Zariah laid back down. I nodded in agreement.
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"Shit, shit, shit, shit."
I hoped to maker that there were no higher-up officials around, because if so, I would've most likely faced punishment. I was currently running through the halls like a mad man with my jumpsuit half on and struggling to carry my small tool bag.
I had completely forgotten to set an alarm last night, causing me to wake up 20 minutes late, which is by no means acceptable. Leo and Zari left way before me, as troopers have to get up earlier than the techs, and they didn't even bother to wake me up.
So now I had to resort to dashing my way through the metal halls, weaving in and out of other technicians and stormtroopers. As I slid around a corner, I suddenly ran straight into something. The force I hit it with was enough to send me sprawling backward onto the cold metal floor. I groaned in slight pain and made an effort to sit up. Regaining my bearings, my sight is immediately met with black boots.
My blood ran cold.
Trailing my eyes up, all I see is black. Black pants, a black shirt, a black cloak, and a black helmet.
The prickling sensation returns. This time it's sifting through my mind, weaving in and out of the crevices.
Kylo Ren.
I scramble to my feet as quickly as possible and bring my arm into a salute. Once again, the black soulless eyes of his mask stare into the very depths of me.
"Please forgive me, Commander, sir!" The wavering words flew out. He said nothing, and I feared that he would whip out his lightsaber and end me right then and there. But he simply stared for a few more moments then briskly walked away, the prickling fading with him.
I watched as he left, not dropping my salute until he disappeared completely and I could no longer hear his boots on the metal floor.
When I had deemed it safe, I dropped my arm and breathed a sigh of relief. Gathering myself together, zipping up my uniform properly, and grabbing my bag, I made my way to my task for the day.
I was assigned to fix some damage in a meeting room, presumably caused by Kylo Ren during a meeting that had gone sour.
But when I walked through the doors metal blast doors, I couldn't help but curse.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
In front of me was one of the biggest messes I have ever seen. The poor innocent wallhad been slashed many times by a burning saber, leaving deep jagged lines. They crossed and weaved in and out of one another, forming some type of chaotic artwork. No matter the strange beauty, this was going to be a pain to fix.
Setting my bag down, I went closer to inspect the damage. The wiring underneath it had been damaged severely. Some areas are worse than others, but half of the underneath panels would need to be replaced.
Looking away from the wall, I took notice of a larger bag of tools and a welding cart set off of the side; free for me to use. I walk over to the bag, open it, and grab my first piece.
——————
Four hours and counting. That's how long I've been fixing this mess. And I haven't even gotten to re-welding the slashes yet.
For the last hour, I've been working in a tight space. Literally.
To fix some of the wires in one of the deeper slashes, I had to go inside the wall. It required me to remove the vent cover, which resided right below the slash near the floor, and crawl inside; upside down. It took me several tries and having to unzip my jumpsuit halfway, revealing my black under tank, and tie the sleeves around my waist to finally weasel in. My back was flat against the air vent as I worked and I could hardly hear anything. Honestly, it was a miracle I even fit. After removing the air duct lining, I was able to finally access the wires.
Which leads me up to now. I was in the process of attaching one of my last wires, peacefully working and oblivious to the outside world, when something unexpectedly nudged my foot.
The sensation made me jolt up, my head slamming into the roof of the duct.
"Kriff!" The word escaped as pain now radiated through my head. My foot was nudged again. "One moment please!" I shouted. I began to weasel my way back out, having slight difficulty due to not being able to see much.
Once I finally got my head and arms out, I sat on the ground, blinking my eyes to adjust to the harsh lighting, having been in a dark vent for the last hour.
"Did you hear me?"
My head whipped up, and I was met with someone you hoped to never meet; the infamous, General Hux.
I stood immediately, getting a slight head rush from the fast movement, and saluted. "General Hux, sir." I addressed him.
He looked at me with distaste; not pleased to see me without my uniform on properly. But there was no going back now. He looked me up and down, a frown forming on his face. He was just like I've heard him to be. Short, red-haired, and a not-so-pleasing face that was always screwed up in a face of displeasure.
He huffed and spoke again. "Did you hear me at all?" His voice was snobby and pitched.
"No sir, I couldn't hear anything in there." I curtly replied, taking notice of the men behind him. Other Generals and officers, I had never seen, but by the way they presented themselves, they were important.
"Well, I had asked what you are doing in here. This is a restricted area to those without permission." He sneered, obviously not liking me.
"I was tasked to fix this damage, sir. Some of the wirings needed to be replaced but I could only access it through the vent, sir." I remained still, keeping my salute.
"On whose orders?"
"Head technician Ademir, sir. I have the assignment on my data-pad if you wish to see, sir."
"That won't be necessary. Do you have any other tasks to do?" He was growing frustrated at my presence.
"No sir, I don't. This is my only one due to how much work it requires." I answered. He huffed and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the blast doors opening, and someone walking in. My view was blocked by the other men, but General Hux rolled his eyes, already knowing who had entered.
"Ah, Commander, how pleasant of you to join us."
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Honestly I'd rather have Sam, Dean and Cas have a conflict than being what they are now :( It's nice but it feel more like lipservice cause they arent adapting their format around them being team, it's just makes me angrier when Cas gets excluced now, when Sam and Dean contact others to work with instead of Cas, when they working on what Cas is WITHOUT HIM (Kelly). Giving them some issue would explain the sporadic seperations but still a shared emotional B plot with future resolutioon
I’m sorry it’s making you angry :( I can’t exactly say I’m super optimistic that 12x17 is going to do very well with this because it’s Buckleming and they’re becoming brilliant at writing episodes Cas should be in but isn’t, and not mentioning him - the only saving grace is he’s spared from being involved in some of their episodes, and contributing to the bad decisions :P After 10x21 and him fading out into the void to make way for bad decisions, and 11x09 where he was off idk getting his car tuned up or something after reclaiming it from Metatron, it’s always nice for him to have low culpability for their plot twists…
Which makes it really hard for me to judge all this fairly because all these Dagon and Kelly sightings are happening in Buckleming episodes, and they’re the ones who are full steam ahead on the Lucifer’s baby thing while the other writers are giving it a wide berth, but it also unfortunately seems like the sort of plot Cas would be attached to with his lingering Lucifer guilt, the angel connection, etc etc and they always need a reason to punt him into the void for MotW episodes… Just now we’re getting 2 in a row Buckleming episodes where after they connected Cas to this arc, they’re not using him for it… Normally I’d have some positivity about the writers doing this that or the other, but this whole subplot is happening in like, an alternate dimension, and I’m starting to feel like rescuing Cas from it is a secret side agenda from the other writers :P
What DOES feel positive to me is that the episodes Cas is in HAVE been really good to him, especially the 12x10/12x12 stuff where they were absolutely all working with Cas and he was a part of the team, and everything was happening exactly as it was supposed to. To me this feels so much more like what Dabb era is supposed to be, and all the promises that seemed to be made and things we were hoping as far back as the middle of season 11 when it started to seem like Dabb of all people was about to take the Iron Throne… In all the OTHER episodes the season has absolutely delivered on everything I wanted and thought would happen, to the point where I’ve been kind of just sitting here stewing peacefully in season 12 like I’m in a hot bath, without a great deal of an agenda or much to say about it because I’m so content to just see what happens and enjoying the character development and so on.
I mean, ignoring Buckleming, and the Kelly stuff, we have had a whole arc about Cas’s belonging and where he calls home, and Cas finally being firmly embedded in the family, and then, with some random background reason for it to happen, Cas now going to meet the angels and have some sort of reckoning with his old family. Whatever nephilim stuff is powering it, the real importance of all that is going to be whatever Cas and Joshua say to each other about Cas’s belonging in Heaven and how THEY see him, with the nephilim just as a reason for Cas to be there, and some random external thing to motivate their actions and choices. In the overall examination of Cas’s arc when it’s all said and done, I think this will be the lasting impression.
And I’m really genuinely happy for that, and enjoying where they’re taking Cas with all this because it all feels like finally paying off stuff that was set up in season EIGHT or season NINE. That’s, like 2 seasons of Cas’s arc just being teased and teased and drawn out before we get back to actual work on it, and from 11x23 onwards Cas has been making genuine progress forwards in pretty much every episode he’s in (12x02 and 12x08 notwithstanding because Buckleming where it was more like they were pushing the food around on their plate with Cas) on his personal arc.
I don’t know, I’ve not found any of the reasons Cas hasn’t been in an episode actually to be unbelievable except for 12x13, obviously, where he SHOULD have been there because it was his thing at this point in the story. But 12x15 at least has him covered now that as long as the heaven drama pays off when we catch up with Cas again; these absences are explained by him being on his personal quest to find belonging and in this case, work out where the hell he stands with Heaven after finally managing to confess how much he loves the Winchesters and considers them family, and having that reciprocated.
The stuff at the start of the season made sense that if they were going to keep Lucifer alive, Cas WOULD have a stake in finding him, and in that case working with Crowley was used to, as you said, put some tension between him and Dean to create something interesting in the way they WEREN’T together, and the unity at the start of the season was challenged. Then that was all resolved and Cas spent a while hanging at the Bunker and quickly moving through a lot of personal stuff; if he wasn’t in 12x11 it was because Sam and Dean went to deal with a seemingly small matter, and then Dean didn’t want to worry him when it all got too real. Then 12x12 was incredible, and 12x13 breaks the streak, sends Cas out into the cold and there’s nothing to work with in 12x14 and he’s not meant to be in that one, and 12x15 manages to salvage him back onto his arc. 12x16 once again he’s absent but kind of watching over things (in 11x12 he was also sneakily present in details like grumpy cat and without a Gas n Sip, other sun imagery, and Dean was kind of mocked by the set people for not noticing Casifer yet, which I thought was great :P) and while I don’t like no one mentioned him in 12x16, I do think there’s pleeenty of room to headcanon that Dean went and prayed to him when he stepped outside, since once again Cas is out of reach, and he always seems to be now when we have Claire stuff, like, she comes up as a reminder of that >.> kinda sucks, but ALSO kinda points out the massive hole here made by Cas missing. Which is then a story element, since I don’t think they DID forget him, just wrote him as not in the episode, in the empty spaces.
This is all just really weird having basically rogue writers on the staff who are somehow writing a completely different story, charging recklessly ahead with it, and their own subplots, and somehow being on a completely different level to all the rest of the writing staff. I still think Perez intentionally wrote circles around them with the 12x12/12x13/12x15 Lucifer stuff; that the pay off only worked so well because there was a godawfully obvious amount of lousy exposition and surface level Crowley characterisation crammed in between the reveal. It’s like a magic trick and I don’t reference the Prestige lightly but he literally used them to do the middle part of the magic trick, where the magician’s assistant walks around and around the curtain distracting the audience, while he’s waiting on the other side for the big reveal - the pay off only works with the frivolous bit in the middle because if you went from 12x12 to 12x15 there wouldn’t be enough tension that Crowley was being a colossal idiot, and revealing that Crowley has been ten steps ahead, and the Buckleming part was just part of the trick, that it actually is the prestige :P
This is kind of off-topic to Cas by now, but, I guess, I’m waiting to see what other rabbits they can pull out of a hat to work around the bizarre plot Buckleming have introduced, and I feel like the *rest* of the writing team are genuinely the best set of writers the show’s ever had in terms of solidly written stuff, when you average it out between them (and ignore the spiders georg of rapey badly paced episodes writers - in other seasons I sometimes feel like you’re hanging on for the spiders georg who writes, like, 6x20, and is an outlier adn should not have been counted for overall season enjoyment because wow 1 episode can make or break a season, she says scowling at 10x21 again)…
Anyway, so nothing else about what’s going on with Cas being left out of episodes has actually bothered me, and I actually like where he’s going so MUCH better than other seasons, like season 10 when he drifted sadly around in the background for most of the time, and when Crowley rightfully mocks him for doing so, Cas’s only retort is, well, so are you (in that 10x14 deleted scene, which if you ignore the Cas/Dean/Crowley love triangle stuff, is an absolutely depressing portrayal of Cas and Crowley’s role in the season :P)…
This time Cas might not be around but he’s had a really good arc and I feel like everything makes sense, except for the fact Buckleming introduced this plot, attached Cas to it, and for 2 episodes haven’t utilised him in it after all, leaving him trailing after it to pick of clues of what he missed 2 episodes later or whatever. Basically as long as I separate what *everyone else* is doing with Cas from what Buckleming are doing I have genuinely got no complaints with what’s up with Cas. And in a way everything Buckleming do that annoys me, from bad pacing to rapey scenes and killing off faves pointlessly and insensitively, to leaving Cas out, all gets scrunched up and dropped in the recycle bin together in my head, so as an individual complaint about the season, I don’t actually mind in a weird way, where I’m now trying to be as zen as possible about having these rampaging writers in the middle of what’s otherwise the most fascinating attempt to fix something that was almost indescribably knotted up and broken that I’ve ever seen :P 12x15 gave me the confidence that perhaps on top of dealing with everything else historical, maybe the rest of the writing will ALSO manage to deal with Buckleming as they introduce new nonsense into the season?
I mean, this is just how I’m dealing with it, but I hope my perspective helps. I’m very tired and don’t really have the energy to stress and wank about the show in a big way aside from acknowledging what bothers me. So here’s my peace with it >.>
#Asks#12x17#season 12 speculation#Caaas#12x15#12x13#etc#buckleming appropriate wank for ts#Dabb vs cars
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