#But I didn't know because- yesterday he seemed perfectly fine. Running around

[thecluelessdoctor]

dear bal.

I'm sorry we didn't have a lot of time together. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. I promise you won't be forgotten, or replaced.

Fly high little guy. You were made for so much more.

[satirates]

Okay, so time for a summary for the whole French/Forever situation

A little context first:

Baghera tried all night to speak to BBH alone because of the stuff they discovered about Maximus and Cellbit yesterday. She also went to talk alone with Forever for quite some time

Antoine, Étoiles and Aypierre started to be suspicious of that. Baghera is obviously hiding stuff from them. She told them she will tell them about it when she has time, but it didn't happen tonight.

Except for her, all the French are suspicious of everybody on the island. When they first arrive, somebody told them that islanders tried to kill the eggs in the past. With everything that happen in the following days (Dapper first death, bobby permadeath, Cellbit betrayal, etc.), they really trust no one (except for BBH, they are really smitten by him it's quite cute)

Baghera is the one that spent the more time talking to people and discovering the lore. Because of that, she fully trusts two people: BBH and Forever.

Forever was planning an attack on the federation, which create a lot of interactions between the players that was difficult to follow for them (and us) and create really loud background noise around the Ninho

Pomme's first attack

Pomme got attack travelling with Aypierre. He told Pomme to run and teleport to the O.V.O. The system worked!!! I was scared to death, but it worked!

Pomme second attack

Baguera told Forever about the attack, and he got really stressed. He immediately tried to update his system with the remote camera and explain it to everyone. But nobody was listening to him because... you know how it is when more than 5 persons are near each other on this server.

He told the French to keep Pomme inside her room, but she keeps running outside. She keeps saying she was afraid and that she wanted to see her mom.

Then the butterfly showed up. Pomme was in a sort of trance. She wouldn't listen to her parents. And believe me when I say that she is a very obedient egg normally. The French started to panic when they realized this wasn't normal.

The Binary entity attacked. The system worked again. Pomme was teleport to her room safe and the French told her to not come out.

Pomme third attack

She kept running out anyway. She was still acting weird, not answering to her parents questions...

Forever continues to set up the machine. He looked angry that the French let Pomme out (he didn't know she was running by herself). It was a really stressful situation for him, so it doesn't surprise me he made an error with the setup.

Third attack. This time, the camera didn't work. The French Panic. Antoine run away to teleport in Pomme's room and closed the trap manually.

Now, the misunderstanding

After this attack, all the French went to Pomme room to talk about a plan of action.

Antoine, Étoiles and Aypierre believed that the system was sabotage. It was working perfectly fine for the first two attack and suddenly stopped working for the third one. Forever being the one working on it, their suspicion fell on him.

They said that there was no reason to update the system in between attack. For them, it's really SUS (the chats weren't helping with their suspicions...)

Baghera immediately started to defend him. She knows Forever would never hurt the eggs on purpose.

Everybody separated after that. They all agree that they can't leave Pomme alone, in case she teleports somewhere on the map alone and get killed. Aypierre accept to spend time with her while Baghera talk to BBH.

Aypierre message privately to Étoiles saying that Baghera is SUS. He asked him to go spy on her and BBH. Étoiles accepted.

Baghera tell Forever about the French suspicion. He seems (rightfully) upset.

Dapper discovered Étoiles (it was hilarious).

The confrontation

Forever explain to Étoiles and Baghera that what happen with the camera was a mistake due to the stress and nobody listening to him.

Étoile understand. Forever leave. Now, Étoiles is a bit upset because Baghera snitched to Forever before talking to the French. He thinks that Forever hate them now and he worries that it will affect the relationship between French and Brazilian. Both him and Bags had a little fight.

Aypierre got fed up with being alone with Pomme for a solid 30 minutes in a tiny room. He decided to go to Bags house.

He confronted her with his suspicion. Baghera said that the camera thing was only a mistake. He said that it was not only that, but everything else surrounding Forever,

He explained that he think the eggs' hotel was maybe part of Forever scheme to have 100% of Richarlyson paternity (Aypierre wasn't there for that story, so he didn't know what it was really about, just that Cellbit and Forever were fighting for Richarlyson)

Baghera explained that these two plot lines were unrelated. Aypierre immediately went "okay, never mind, he's a good guy" (I screamed at my screen at this point, I was so relived...)

They all agreed that it was a misunderstanding. Baghera explained why she was keeping things from Team France. Étoiles and Aypierre explained why they were worried about it. They were good in the end (thank god)

Étoiles and Baghera apologized to Forever. Baghera said that he saved Pomme three times today. I don't speak Portuguese, so I can't tell you how he took it, but he really seemed hurt...

EXTRA

Sorry for the long post, I hope this clear things out. Baghera was really shaken by all of this. She said at the end of her stream that she felt like she betrayed people without really meaning it. To end with a positive note, here are some reasons why Pomme wasn't actually in danger of dying today:

BadBoyHalo: the madman, the legend. He trowed a potion of invincibility on Pomme as soon as the attack started. And the thing with the Gollum? Fantastic.

Forever: for everything he did to keep Pomme safe. If it wasn't for him, she would definitely have died tonight.

Antoine: Even if he didn't ANYTHING about what was happening, he did remember his lesson and saved Pomme. The definition of "confuse but got the spirit"

Étoile: I don't know if you know this if you don't follow the French streams, but he got so many items to Pomme. He also created so much escape plans for her. Which include: Levitation potion, invincibility potions, ton of gears, the grappling, strong weapon for him and everybody. He made sure she wasn't going to die tonight, and it worked...

[guppybibi]

It's For The Best

𖦹 pairing: Kiyoko Shimizu x fem!reader

𖦹 word count: 843

𖦹 content: angst, i think?? Gay, very gay. not proofread ! i also dont know how weddings work..

𖦹notes: haii im a little inactive yes, but i just turned 14 yibee !! also school is coming up on the 29th so yeah..

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･

Cheers to Kiyoko, my first everything. My forever first place, best friend, home and regret. To me, meeting you will eternally be a mistake; because you couldn’t be my first love. First and foremost, we’re both girls. I can say that much. Now I watch you, walking down the altar as your delicate white gown follows you from behind, leaving a trail of your scent. As if to say, Kiyoko was once here.. Every accessory in your hair, perfectly adorning your elegant face. Just as I remembered.

It only felt like yesterday, you were walking down the school corridors, making people turn back as you passed right through them. Karasuno’s goddess, that's what you were. You made everyone’s heart throb just by the mere glimpse of you, and I’m no different. I’m one of your victims. From the day you gracefully entered the classroom, introducing yourself; I knew I was doomed. At first I shrugged it off, the both of us were no match anyway. I was a rose, beautiful yet when you come closer to me–I’ll harm you with my sharp thorns. You were a lavender flower, feminine and proper. So I didn't start anything with you, but the way your mole made you look so mature, the way your silky hair shines when we're out running for PE..It had me captivated, I was stuck in your web of madness.

But the odd part about this, is that Kiyoko seemed to return the feelings; which was rare for her nonchalant behavior. At first, you believed she was leading you on or something–doing this for some kind of bet or dare. Over time though, you came to a realization that it wasn't. You were treated differently, Kiyoko was a lot more carefree around you.

One look from Kiyoko and you’d melt in an instant, who knew all it took to tame a wild tiger like you were a mere girl? You learned a lot of things from her during the time you've spent together, more than you’d like to admit honestly. From simple activities such as cooking meals, studying together and likewise. Those things were nothing compared to learning how to love though, but can it really be considered love? Two people of the same gender shouldn't be in love after all, it's basic knowledge.

That meant that both of you silently knew that the inevitable would come eventually, yet you ignored it and acted like it wasn't right behind you two. What felt like a nice stroll down the street, turned out to be something unavoidable chasing you two down.

That day did come, sooner than the both of you’d like. It flashes through the back of your mind as you watch her say her vows with the sweetest honey-like voice you've ever heard, unlike the tone she used to speak to you on that day.

“Why won't you understand me Y/N?! Please, stop this already! I still want my best friend to be my bridesmaid someday, so please behave yourself!” She pleads, her usual confidently smooth voice replaced with this hoarse one. The ravenette could barely see through her glasses as of the moment, her eyes glossy with tears. “I just don't get it! Suddenly Tanaka’s back in your life and you're leaving me for him?! I need closure Kiyoko, I deserve an explanation!” You shout back, biting your lips to prevent any tears from spilling out. “Fine, if an explanation is what you want then that's what you’ll get. I won't sugarcoat anything.”

Which is how the both of you ended up sitting on the curb of a nearby sidewalk, slightly calmed down. “Please listen to me Y/N..Tanaka can give me the life I want, he can give me a family; children of our own, biological ones.” She explains, and the truth did really hurt. You wanted nothing but the best for her, but why did the ‘best’ have to ache this much? You could barely even speak after her explanation, you knew it made sense but her words left a bitter and sticky residue on your tongue that prevented you from speaking any further.

You walked out on her that day, walked out of her life. You never expected to even be invited to her wedding, it came unexpectedly after receiving an invitation. To be fair, the grudge you held against each other was long gone. Yet it still felt strange to see someone you had loved so much before, see you get married to another. Doesn't it?

With one swift movement and a clutch to your handbag, you turned over and spoke. “Let's go home.” Your husband quickly tilted his head in confusion, unsure on why you wanted to leave so early. But he knew better than to argue with his wife here. “Sure, cmon.” You never told him about the ‘thing’ you had with Kiyoko. You know he deserves to but he can live without knowing, he won't die from it.

Well your first isn't always your last anyways, and it certainly doesn't mean it's the best..Right?

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･

[callsign-jinx]

Seeing Red | Ch. 52: Epilogue ✍️📲

Word count: 2.3K

Warnings: mentions of death (as a memory), nightmares, pregnancy innacuracy probably, soft fluff, Liam's bday party AND ASH'S SECREEEEEEET

A/N: THIS IS A WRAP! Oh my gosh, I still can't believe that this began less than a month ago and it's been a hell of a ride. I've laughed and cried with this fic, I've met beautiful people and I discovered a lot of me while writing it. This isn't the end! I will definitely come to them in the future, Jake and Red have a very special place in my heart and it's time to let them go for a while and focus on the new pair... Rooster and Ash! I hope that some of you stay around for Tasting the Ashes. There's gonna be some mystery and also... well, you'll see. It's gonna be funny and crazy and I love it already.

It’s been months since that dreadful night, but it feels like yesterday. 

When you walked out of the house, dozens of police officers walked in, guns in hand, ready to get the two men who had kidnapped your kid. Nobody seemed to know yet that you and Gibbs had ended the job. 

Maverick and Rooster were there, playing with Liam, who had woken up at last. Paramedics checked on him, and even though he was fine, they wanted to take him to the hospital to run some tests. Just to make sure that he was completely okay. 

Maverick hugged you two tight, tears running down his face because his kids were okay. Yeah, Mav started to call you Red Mitchell that day. When you asked him what they were doing there, he simply said, “I couldn’t stay behind and do nothing. I came to help.”

It was like getting back the father you had lost so many years ago

Rooster had been taking care of Liam since he woke up and somehow managed to convince him that it had all been a nightmare. Both boys were playing with Liam’s Mater toy that Bradley had brought all the way with him. You almost cried when you heard Liam’s giggles. 

He was okay. Jake was okay. You were okay. 

And so was baby Seresin. She was perfectly fine and healthy. Yes, Jake was right. It was a baby girl, Jake’s little princess. Little Maeve had her father wrapped around her little finger before she was even born. He cried when you told him the name you wanted for her. 

Maeve was his mother’s name. You wanted to remember her in some way because, while she didn't always make the best decisions to protect her son, you could understand her desperation and how she believed that harming her child was the only way to spare him a life of suffering like hers. You had only been in Gregory’s presence for less than an hour, but it was enough to make you consider all the possible options and scenarios. A part of you could understand how scared Maeve must have been. 

While Liam was okay, and you were absolutely glad about it, Jake and you had to face another reality: the aftermath. You couldn’t sleep for weeks without waking up with fast breathing and sweat soaking up your clothes, running to Liam’s room, and checking that he was still there. Jake had it worse; he had to hold Liam’s lifeless body between his arms while your bloody one lay in front of him. He lost it all in his nightmares, just to wake up and realize that his family was there, that Liam was asleep in his room, that you were alive, and your baby bump was growing bigger each week. 

You eventually moved out of the house, filled with so many bad memories that neither of you was able to sleep without nightmares coming to haunt you at least once a week. 

Now both of you live in a beautiful house you bought outside the base with the money Jake inherited. Oh, yeah. A lawyer came to the base a month after the kidnapping, looking for Jake. He had inherited the company, the mansion, and a lot of money, most of it dirty. He didn’t know what to do with it. He asked for advice, but you didn’t think it was your place to say what he should do or not with that money. 

Jake eventually sold the mansion, donated half the money his father had owned in his life to different organizations that helped victims of terrorism or war, orphans, victims of domestic violence, etc. He wanted to give the money to people who really needed it. But he didn’t give it all, because, as much as he wanted to destroy the whole company and dance over its ashes, there were thousands of families that depended on it. Men and women who worked on making those weapons and whose money put food on the table. 

Jake Seresin was the owner of that company, but he didn’t run it. He left that burden to other people. It was better that way. 

He was a Lieutenant Commander now; he didn’t have time to run a company, be a father and the leader of the Dagger Squad. 

It turns out that Jake Seresin had been given a recommendation to get a promotion after the uranium mission, but Cyclone kept it hidden because he didn’t want Jake to become more insufferable than he already was. Or that’s what the ex-vice admiral stated in his court-martial. Jake had received several recommendations over those three years. The first was Maverick's, and that was the one that Cyclone first ignored. The second was by Captain Kerner, after the Dagger Squad worked on a mission under his command. Cyclone also hid that one. The third one was from you; a month after you came to base, watching the spectacular leadership skills he had, you thought that he deserved to be a rank higher than he was.

With all the things that happened, you completely forgot about the recommendation. But when Iceman started investigating Cyclone’s hidden agenda, he found out everything. Jake got promoted the day before Cyclone’s court-martial, so when you two walked in there the next day, Jake had his new shiny badges on, and Cyclone’s face was worth every waiting second. He didn’t actually do anything wrong, just hid information, was an asshole, and tried to get a good aviator kicked out just because he was jealous of him. 

He was dishonorably discharged, and you don’t have to care about him anymore. 

Dagger Squad is now led by two Seresins, even though one of them is gone due to maternity leave. 

“Sweets, are you okay?” 

Jake’s words pull you out of your daydream. “Oh yeah, I was just remembering everything.” 

He sits next to you on the sofa, his hand instantly moving to your belly. He finds it extremely fascinating how there’s a tiny little human inside you, growing every day. “It’s all in the past now, love. Now we have to think about the present.” 

“I still can't believe Liam is turning three today.” You chuckle when Jake presses his lips against your bump. “You love her more than me.” 

“Honey, you are my wife, and I’ll love you till the end of my days. But these kids are the love of my life.” 

You feel tears coming to your eyes at his answer. “You love them more than me?” 

Jake bites his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing, he knows that this reaction is due to the hormones. This second semester is making you cry a lot. You have been crying at the most random things: you cried when you ran out of peanut butter, when Ava started pre-k, when you and Jake went to the store to buy some new clothes for Liam and the t-shirt you wanted wasn’t in Liam’s size… 

He knows he shouldn’t laugh, but it’s hilarious. “Of course not, Mama Seresin, I love you more.”

“But a parent should love his kids more than anything.” You retort, hot, wet tears running down your face.

“I love your pregnancy hormones.” Jake giggles, kissing your pouty lips and cleaning your face. “We need to go, they’re all waiting at the Hard Deck.” 

Jake goes to get your shoes and helps you wear them. “Penny is so wonderful for closing the Hard Deck to celebrate Liam’s birthday party.” 

“Yeah, she’s the best memaw ever.” 

Charlotte walks in with Liam in his arms. “Someone said party?” 

"Look at her, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Jake says, hugging Charlotte, who had been staying a few days with you. 

“I’m not beautiful anymore? Is it because I’m fat? It’s your fault there’s a baby inside me.” You say, crying again. 

Jake doubles in laughter. He loves your pregnancy hormones. 

“Why would Ash call Rooster instead of me?” You ask Jake, reading the conversation over and over again. 

“I don’t know, love. Perhaps she realized she was in love with him." 

“Nah, Ash doesn’t fall in love that easily.” You explain, watching Javy and Nat walk towards you. “You two are so cute together.” 

“Please, don’t cry again.” Nat begs, caressing your baby bump. “Maeve you need to get out of there soon enough or your mama will fill a pool with her tears.” 

“She needs to stay there for another four months, thank you so much.” 

Rooster walks into the bar, gift in hand, his mustache days are over, and he's rocking a short boxed beard. “I made it! I’m not late! You can’t yell at me.”

“I mean, I could.” Mav says, smacking Rooster’s head. “Why are you late to Liam’s birthday party?” 

“You didn’t read the chat?” 

“No, I was playing with the birthday boy.” Mav looks at his phone and groans. “Son, maybe you should forget about her.” 

“Wait, what? Now that she's looking for me?" Rooster shakes his head. “No chance in hell.”

All of you sigh at the same time, knowing that he’s completely in love with the mysterious girl she has seen a few times. He doesn’t even know how she is in reality, but he’s in love with this idea of her he has. 

“Okay so… now that we’re all here, and before we call the kids inside to start Liam’s party. Penny, my dear, can you come here?” Mav asks, looking around while searching for his wife.

Penny, and Ames too, go to stand next to Mav with a white envelope in her hands. You smile, knowing the secrets that the envelope hides inside. 

“I got a present for you, Jake.” Penny hands the envelope to Jake, and smiles, eyes glistening. “Open it, sweetheart.” 

“It’s not my birthday.” Jake chuckles, opening the white paper envelope and grabbing the folded papers that are inside. He unfolds it and has to sit down when he reads the big black letters at the top of the page. “Adoption papers?” 

“Your life has been an absolute disaster, Jake, and you deserve better than that. You deserve a loving family and doting parents that care for you, celebrate your victories, and are always ready to offer a helping hand in case of need.” Penny explains, hugging Mav’s arm. “And we want to be those parents.” 

“You want to adopt me?” Jake manages to say, nose red, and tears welling up in his eyes. 

“It was my idea, actually.” Ames stands in front of Jake, with a pen in her hand. “You’re my brother, and I want everyone to know that. Want to join the Mitchells?” 

“What happened with Benjamin-Mitchell?” He asks, grabbing Amelia’s pen. 

“It was a mouthful. Now sing those papers, you dingus.” Ames is on the verge of sobbing. 

Jake signs the papers and looks at you. “You knew about this?” 

“Of course I knew. It was a secret.” You kiss his cheek. “Guess we’re the Mitchells now.” 

“A big and loud family.” Penny says, hugging you and Jake, Ames, and Mav joining her too. “Charlotte, can I ask your daughter to call me mom?” 

Charlotte laughs and nods. “She’s gonna need you once I go back home.” 

“She has a boyfriend now. She's gonna leave me and run away with him.” You wink at your mom, and she laughs. You’re happy that she has found another person who loves her as much as your dad did. She deserves it. 

“You have to call me dad now.” Mav says, wiping the tears from his face. 

“Can I call you dad too?” 

You look around, trying to find the owner of the voice. Who said that? You see Ash standing behind Mav. At first, you don’t understand what she’s doing here. 

Then you realize that she just asked Mav if she could call him dad. 

And after that, you see the big baby bump she has. 

“Ash, you're pregnant?” You question, looking at her. “Wait, you want to call Mav da- Oh.” 

“I think I’m lost here.” Penny says, looking at Mav. “You know her?” 

“I-I don’t think so.” Mav glances at Ash, tilting his head. “Do I know you?”

“You remember Barbara?” Ash says, ignoring Rooster, who has moved to stand next to her. He’s going to pass out in a moment. 

“Babs? Your mom is Babs?” Mav looks at Ice, who has been sitting in the back with Mickey and Payback. “Ice, you knew about this?” 

“How was I supposed to know?” He groans, looking at him. 

“Babs was your friend!” 

“That doesn’t mean that she told me every secret she had. And she certainly didn’t tell me about you having a daughter.” Ice places a hand on Ash’s shoulder. “Sweetie, you want to sit down?” 

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. Twins make the belly look bigger.” 

You get up from your stool, walking over to her with a finger raised. “Excuse me, young lady. You come here on the day of my son’s birthday, and not only have you finally found the man you were looking for all these months, but you also happen to be pregnant with twins, and you didn’t tell me?”

“You would have told Rooster!” 

“And what does Rooster have to do with this?” 

“He’s the father!” 

“He’s what!?” You say, looking at Rooster. “You said you used protection!” 

“AND I DID!” 

You point at Ash’s belly. “YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?” 

Rooster looks between you and Ash, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. “This can’t be fucking happening.” 

Jake pats Rooster in the back. “Congrats, man. You’re finally having that baby you wanted.” 

Rooster's face goes blank before he passes out, Jake and Javy catching him before he falls to the floor. 

“Disasters follow this family wherever we go.” You say, sitting down next to Nat, watching as the guys move Rooster to one of the chairs. 

“Well, at least this is a happy disaster.” She says, before raising her beer. “Congratulations, Dada Bradshaw.” 

[jillianfahey]

Bad Batch Crosshair - Modern AU (Cross middle fingers the Government)

So in my last one Lyni is basically going to be deported due to not being legal and having a terrorist use her as a bargaining chip. In the stress induced state, she and Cross get engaged. This is what happens next.

***********************************************************************

Crosshair woke up in Lyni's apartment with his arms around her slender form and a giant smile on his face. This is all that he had wanted, now she was his fiance. Looking around the world had not seemed so bright in ages.

Making breakfast for Lyni and the kids he remembered that tonight was the eighteen month anniversary of the day he found out about the twins and got her email address. So it was really the anniversary of them being friends. Smiling he decided to make her a picnic to celebrate. It had been a few days since he had proposed to her and he had bought the ring he had been considering for it. So now it was time to make it official. But that would wait until their picnic that afternoon.

The ringtone saved for Fox's work phone range though the quiet apartment and his heart sank. No good news ever followed when it rang in the middle of one of his cousins shifts. Picking it up he heard his cousins voice, "Crosshair, is Lyni with you?"

Swallowing, "No, shes at work. What's wrong?" A sudden dread, "Is it the twins?"

"No, the kids are fine Crossy." Old nickname, not good. Fox continued, "The higher ups have given the requirements that Lyni would have to meet in order not to be sent back to the cult."

"What are they?" Crosshair's voice came out harsher but his cousin didn't blame him.

Sighing, "Cross, they need proof of citizenship." Continuing on, "If there was a visa it could be negotiated but we both know that Lyni doesn't have any legal paperwork to be here."

It was true. That's how they had met Riyo Churchi in the first place, to try and get that legal paperwork straightened out. Crosshair asked, "Marriage has given a green card before right?"

"Yes but..." then Fox seemed to realize, "Cross are you just going to marry her to keep her here?"

"No Fox," taking a deep breath, "I'm engaged to her, but we haven't announced it yet because I just barely go the ring yesterday."

Fox was swearing softly on the other side of the phone before saying, "I'll call Riyo and she'll get on the paperwork for Lyni to be a military wife." Blowing out a breath, "You'll get some flack for this Cross."

"I know," he answered, "but if it keeps Lyni and those kids safe I will take whatever is thrown at me."

There was a soft chuckle on the other side of the line, "I know vod'ika." Then the two said their goodbyes and Crosshair was left in the quiet again.

**********

Lyni got the call from Riyo as she was walking home and ran to Crosshair's arms when she got there. They discussed the hope their marriage brought to the table and decided then and there they were marrying ASAP. So each showered and changed before going to Riyos office. Crosshair was in dress uniform and Lyni was in a floor length , long sleeved blue dress that matched her eyes perfectly.

At Riyos office they got all the paperwork done and submitted into the systems there. And then they went down the plaza with her to the little marriage ceremony at the court house and submit paperwork there as well. Crosshair and Lyni were legally and lawfully married.

********** The next day was a Saturday and they were having a family picnic to celebrate. There was going to be a reception on the Sunday after to officially introduce Lyni to the family as Crosshairs wife.

Laughter rang through the air as the Shadow and Brutal played tag with Wrecker though the park as Hunter kept an eye on them. Tech has started recording them amused and Phee leaned on his shoulder contentedly. Crosshair was sitting with his back against a tree, Lyni between his knees with back against his chest laughing softly as she watched the kids run around happily.

Suddenly the peace of the day was broken by an official call berating Crosshair for finding a loophole that would not allow the higher ups to get rid of their problem by sending Lyni away and getting information in return. A few choice words showed exactly what he thought of that and then he looked back to where he let his wife who was now talking to Phee. A soft smile broke on his face as he looked at Lyni reveled in the thought, my wife."

************************************************************************

So yeah, Crosshair did an F-you to the idea of sending Lyni back to a violent cult. And the fact that he got to marry her is a triple bonus. Now he is just waiting for the adoption papers for the twins to go though and they'll be an official family.

[changbin-froggy-jimin]

Fill You Up Till You're Bursting

Ship: Wooyoung/Seonghwa

Fandom: Ateez/FNAF Security Breach Crossover

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,845

AU: Five Nights At Freddy's Security Breach

Tags: AI Robot Seonghwa, Janitor Wooyoung, Seonghwa has a virus, Seonghwa is an AI, People are dying in typical universe fashion but it's not kids, Seonghwa has anger issues but they're not his fault, Wooyoung is a bit stupid but we love him anyways, FANGS!!!!!, Biting!!!, Venom!!!, Horror elements!!!!

Crossposted to Ao3

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

Wooyoung is a janitor at the newly opened Ateez Pizzaplex, staffed by state of the art AI rockstars. It was every child's dream to have a party there. And Wooyoung would be a liar if he said that he didn't get a job at the place just to be able to relive some part of his childhood. He was content to be one of the few human staff in the building, feeling at home with the robots and AI there.

It's just when staff asks him to start cleaning up mysteriously appearing blood, and soon enough bodies, that Wooyoung starts to get scared of just who exactly is running this place, and why they don't seem to care that the only way that these bodies keep appearing, is the same thing entertaining hundreds of children every single day.

And why won't Rockstar Seonghwa stop staring at him?

(No FNAF knowledge needed to read this!)

(Also I guess you could probably also read this without Ateez knowledge either 🤔)

(Though Seonghwa was based on Glamrock Bonnie, just in case you're curious)

Wooyoung was content to mop the floor. He was content to mop the floor and not think about the robot staring at him. He really really was, no matter how jovial he normally would have been. How he would normally have greeted the other by now.

The only thing he could think about was being pulled to the backroom yesterday by management and being told to clean up the bodies and gore that were left behind.

Nothing… Nothing human could have done that. No living thing had that kind of strength.

Seonghwa stares at him from across the room. He knows he is. Even though Seonghwa is popular, and tending to the various kids around him who want his attention. It’s like he can see the shift in Wooyoung, and Wooyoung is far too scared to look at him now.

This whole place is filled with bots. That was in the job description, that was what he signed up for. Janitor at Ateez Pizzaplex: Don’t have to worry about murderous nutjobs anymore! It’s all bots* (* with only a very few humans included to take care of the bots/facility)

It was nice. Honestly, at least at first, because Wooyoung could avoid various awkward break room conversations. Had no one over him to yell at him if he took too long on his break, no one to stop him from eating the leftover pizza (as gross as it is, he was hungry ok?). And no one to stop him from talking to the various AI around the facility. Yeah sure there were a few human security guards, but they came out at night, when Wooyoung was finishing up his shift, and he would wave at them on his way out and never talk to them besides a goodnight in the groupchat. No one ever replied, and that was perfectly fine with him.

Instead, he had friends outside of work that he had good interactions with, and even more than that. Wooyoung, though shyly admitted, really liked hanging out with the band. Not only just the band, but any of the helpful animatronics and AI that were roaming around, they were all really really nice.

He had formed good, but different relationships with all of them. Though there were a few he was less close to than others. Hongjoong was often so busy he didn’t have the ability to talk to him more. Jongho was still being integrated into the new band. And San was often too busy talking to his adorning tiny fans to be able to talk to him either.

Seonghwa, Mingi, Yunho, and Yeosang though, were a different story. Seonghwa was a main member of the band but he always took care to form relationships with the human staff around him. And Mingi and Yeosang often needed help with cleaning up in their areas that regular staff bots just couldn’t meet the demands of. Yunho was the AI that watched over the whole place and kept his eyes on everything, as well as kept up the human staffs training and schedules.

When Wooyoung was called in, it was to help clean things that were in hard to reach places. Which was basically vomit in odd places mostly. Wooyoung can’t even count the amount of times he’s had to clean it out of the ballpit or had to crouch down into the gears of Mingi’s airboat ride. It was nauseating. But it brought him joy to be able to make everything safe for the kids who would come behind. It wasn’t their fault they got sick, sometimes it was just like that.

Or at least it used to bring him joy to make everything safer. Now he was worried for them. Worried if there was something he could do to make everything better for them. People were dying. And he was helping this place to get rid of the bodies.

How long would it be until it was one of the kids? It had just been adults so far but… Wooyoung tried to shake the thought off. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real.

It was just pretend blood that washed down his drain along with a healthy amount of bleach.

Seonghwa again tried to get his attention, waving at him once the crowd around him disappeared, he looked like he was going to walk over, but Wooyoung was quick to pull up his Hongjoong branded watch and pretend to be called somewhere else so he wouldn’t have to talk to the robot.

Seonghwa watched with disappointment as Wooyoung walked away, Wooyoung gave him a small wave and mouthed sorry on his way out. He felt bad, and the AI were just too human for him not to feel like he was crushing someone else's feelings.

Normally Wooyoung would happily greet the bot, always happy to talk to him, all wide smiles and loud laughter. It made both Wooyoung and Seonghwa happy. Sometimes Seonghwa would even help Wooyoung clean up just to be able to talk to the human more. Wooyoung was so much more interesting than the other people who came here. While Seonghwa was grateful to everyone who came, of course he was, even if this was in his programming, he loved performing, loved the attention. But when the lights turned off at night, when everyone went home. Seonghwa didn’t think of anyone but the few humans past and present who walked around the facility. They were the only people he could really have conversations with, interact with in any way outside of his programming. It was nice.

And Wooyoung was his favorite.

❀´ ¸.☆¸.✿¸.•°”˜ƸӜƷ˜”°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸.

Wooyoung is cleaning up outside of the daycare, Yeosang already helped for the day, thankfully nothing too major, and Yeosang was made to be a self-sustaining bot. Wooyoung was half convinced that Yeosang only left a bit of mess there so Wooyoung would come and talk to him about something that wasn’t the topics of poop, candy, or animals for twenty minutes.

The topic was almost off his mind, he had headphones in, the children and their parents all being ushered out by staff bots and given stickers as well as well wishes and making both the parents and their children promise to return.

He hadn’t been asked to clean up gore in the back rooms today either, so that was a major plus. The only reason he had come back was that stupid contract anyways. He should have listened better when Beomgyu and Soobin told him to make sure to read it over with a fine toothed comb seeing as how KQ Animatronic Entertainment had many people go missing at their old facilities anyways. Wooyoung just saw the dollar signs and signed his life away. His friends used their God given right to call him stupid to his face, and Wooyoung accepted his lot in life. Such is the way of the person who is slightly out of their mind, but that was fine enough with Wooyoung and his pocketbook. What? Did they actually expect him to do nerd shit like read a contract? He didn’t think so.

He doesn’t hear one of the hallway doors opening. Doesn’t hear the soft footfalls of the animatronic, doesn’t hear the fake breaths he takes as Seonghwa stands way way too close to him to try to get his attention.

“-ng Wooyoung!” Is what he hears as his headphones are taken off his head.

Wooyoung startles, quickly turning around and finding Seonghwa there.

“Have you been avoiding me?”

“No.” Wooyoung says, like a liar. “Why would you think that?”

“I tried talking to you earlier in the Atrium, and it looked like you ran away after seeing me. And then I tried getting your attention in Mingi’s Golf, as well as San’s Raceway. It didn’t even seem like you noticed me.” Seonghwa looks so sad Wooyoung can feel his heart breaking in two.

“I’m sorry Seonghwa, I wanted to talk to you but I was just so busy today.”

Seonghwa raises an eyebrow at him.

“Too busy mopping up to say ‘hi’? Too busy to just wave at me?”

“Seonghwa…” Wooyoung whines. “I have to actually do my job while I’m at work. I can’t just play around with you guys all day, as much as I’d like to, we both know that’s impossible.”

“Wooyoung-” Seonghwa takes another step closer to him and Wooyoung feels himself flinch, taking a step back from the other.

Seonghwa’s face changes from his normal smile, to a confused look, before settling on something angry.

“Why did you step back?”

Wooyoung just shakes his head. “I- I didn’’t mean too, I’m just tired. It’s nothing, don't worry about it.

Seonghwa takes another step towards him and Wooyoung takes another one backwards.

“Wooyoung.” Seonghwa says but he sounds angry, Wooyoung has never heard him sound angry before. It scares him, a shiver running through him. He knows he doesn’t have much space left before his back hits one of the blue painted walls.

“Yes?” He squeaks out.

“Why are you running from me?”

“Running? Whose running? I’m right here. Look how close we are.” Wooyoung tries to gesture to the arms length away they were, still walking backwards while Seonghwa walked towards him like a predator.

An image of his blood splattered against the cheery blue wall behind him flashed into his mind just as his back hit it. He landed between party rooms, both with their entrances pushed further out into the main area, leaving him trapped on either side.

“Did you see them?” Wooyoung looks up at Seonghwa’s face, confused. “The bodies, did you see them?” He prods further.

“You know about them?” Is his reply, why does Seonghwa know about them? He didn’t.. He couldn’t have right? Not Seonghwa… “Why-?”

“You’re ok right? No one’s tried to hurt you?” Seonghwa tried to grab at Wooyoung's arms, probably to check him over, it was something Seonghwa did often. Often too concerned with other people. More than he probably should have been. But it just brings back images of torn off limbs. Muscles and limbs torn from their sockets cruelly. He swears he can hear the crunches from the limbs even though he wasn’t there. His mind plays the sounds on repeat during his nightmares. He just had to hold out for a few more months, a few more months and he wouldn’t be in life crushing debt from breaking his contract. Just a few more months.

Wooyoung pulls his arm out of Seonghwa’s grasp, holding his wrist and pulling both of his arms close to him.

“Are you afraid of me?” Seonghwa says, crowding Wooyoung further into the nook.

Wooyoung swallows and looks down at the floor.

“No.” He says shakily. But he can’t look the other in the eyes, it’s far too hard. He’s shaking, and honestly, he doesn’t think crying would be that far off the table if Seonghwa doesn’t stop crowding him into the wall soon.

“That body you saw, it scares you doesn’t it?” Seonghwa reaches out a fleshy synthetic material covered metal hand. Lifelike, far too lifelike. Running it over Wooyoung’s sweaty and clammy cheek. “Makes you afraid of me?”

Wooyoung is shaking so hard, he feels like he’s going to fall down and vibrate into the floor.

He doesn’t know what he should say, doesn’t know what he should do. Should he tell the truth? That he’s afraid of all of them now? That he’s terrified he’ll be the next body found and cleaned up by some guy named Michael next shift? That he’ll have his limbs torn from his body and placed neatly in a pile only to be taken away to the dump the next morning without another single soul knowing?

He looks up into Seonghwa’s eyes then. It wasn’t him was it? The killer wasn’t Seonghwa who he stupidly considered his friend, it couldn’t be right?

Purple glowing eyes stare back at him, and Wooyoung isn’t sure why he ever found them so cool before, because here, in the dark, being one of the few sources of light, they seem so inhuman, so alienating. Because after all, Wooyoung is so so fragile, and is staring into the artificial eyes of someone who could easily kill him. Tear his muscles from his bones and use his arms as paint brushes.

“I won’t let it happen to you Wooyoung.” Seonghwa says, sincerity weaves into every single word. His thumb brushing away a tear Wooyoung hadn’t realized had fallen until the wetness was spread across his face. “Never to you.”

Wooyoung feels grateful, feels protected for some reason, feels warmth bloom in his chest, but then the words sink in.

“So you let it happen to other people?” Wooyoung smacks away the hand holding his face then. Anger replacing fear and comfort in an instant.

Seonghwa looks away guiltily then.

“Oh my God did you kill them?”

“No I don’t-”

“Then you just stood by while it happened?”

“Wooyoung, I didn’t-”

“Why should I trust anything you say! You murderer!” Wooyoung shoves the other off of him, The other, though stronger and heavier is shocked by the action, sending him back, giving Wooyoung the ability to run but he doesn’t take it.

“Wooyoung...” Seonghwa growls out at him, he should have been able to take the hint, should have understood it for the warning it was. Potential killer robot status should not have been forgotten.

“I thought you were my friend! I thought I could trust you. This whole time you’ve been hurting people?”

Seonghwa grabs both of the hands he’d been using to talk with. Pinning them against the wall. Wooyoung’s eyes widened. His breath caught in his throat. As the huge and powerful animatronic held him, unable to move. Unable to even think about moving. He tried to wiggle out of Seonghwa’s grip, out of the fingers that ended in sharp talons big enough to pluck at the basses’s strings without the need of a pick.

“Stop. Trying. To. Move.” Seonghwa growls out, so close to Wooyoung's face.

“Fuck, please don’t hurt me.” The shaking has returned, even worse this time, and Wooyoung doesn’t know what to do. Seonghwa has never been this violent before, this strange touchy version of himself that Wooyoung has never seen before.

“I’m not going to hurt you. But you need to stay still.” Seonghwa’s form covers Wooyoung’s, crowding into his space.

“What- what are you doing?”

“Something I should have done a long time ago.” Seonghwa shifts Wooyoung’s hands until he only holding them in one of his own.

“Seonghwa please, please don’t do this. I promise I’ll always say hi to you, I promise, just please, please-” Tears are streaming down his face now. He doesn’t want to die, not here, not now. Not like this.

Wooyoung’s face is shoved unceremoniously to the side and into the wall. He can only stare at the empty side of the room, he tries to get a look into the daycare but can’t see anything. He wonders if Yeosang would try to save him if he could.

He feels artificially wet breath on his neck. He tries looking at Seonghwa, he shouldn’t be, but he was curious after all. Only to feel his pulse start to race even faster as he sees Seonghwa’s fangs.

The other is staring at what Wooyoung can only assume to be his neck, and is slowly widening his jaw to be able to fit around more of him. Mechanical gears shifting around and showing off those terribly sharp shiny white inhumanely shaped monster fangs. Wooyoung had thought they were hot before. That the whole band looked amazing with their sharp punk aesthetic, but now that he’s actually being faced with them they’re terrifying.

His eyes hurt being pushed so hard against their sockets just so he can try to get a look, a look at those sharp plastic coated metal teeth. They were going to kill him. Seonghwa was going to kill him. He was so stupid to think that just showing up to work would give him the pass to keep on living.

“Seonghwa please, please don’t do this. Please, I'm sorry!”

Wooyoung watches in horror as a purple liquid starts pooling on the sharp fangs. Dripping slowly onto the floor. He starts squirming again, and still finds himself unable to get out of the others' firm grip.

“Stop squirming little human, it will only hurt worse if you do.” And the fact that Seonghwa’s mouth doesn’t even pretend to move that causes him to cry out. The thing in front of him is so alien now.

He hears Seonghwa’s jaw make a final snapping sound, some of the skin in the corners of his mouth tearing at the action.

And he bites down. Hard.

Wooyoung feels it jolt his body. His breath stutters in his chest. Every sensation in his body focused on the four massive teeth that have forced themselves into his neck. Moving anything in their way to make their new homes in his flesh.

He can feel something being pushed into his body. With every pulse of the new liquid his body twitches.

He can feel his vision going dark, from whatever blood loss he must be suffering from, from whatever poison is probably filling his veins, or maybe even pure shock alone. His vision slowly starts to fade. He’s barely aware when Seonghwa steps back from him, the last thing he sees is his stage outfit, consciousness long gone before he hits the floor.

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·

Wooyoung jolts awake in his bed. Sweat covers his entire body. He races out of his sheets, checking his neck in the mirror, he had to see it. Had to see just how bad it was.. There’s nothing there. Not blood, no fang marks… Nothing.

He sighs out a breath, clutching sweat-wet hair in his hands and letting out a short frustrated scream. He falls to the floor. It had felt so real, but it couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be.

He needs to stop watching scary movies. Needs to start eating hours before bed instead of an hour before it, if it all.

He curls up in his bathroom, back against his shower.

And cries.

ஐ〰ฺ·:*:·✿ ஐ〰ฺ·:*:·✿ ஐ〰ฺ·:*:·✿ ஐ〰ฺ·:*:·✿

He had called out of work the day before, but he needed to go back, it couldn’t be avoided anymore. In his apartment all he saw was the silhouette of Seonghwa lurking in the corners, terrifying him. In the mirror he swears it’s not his eyes that are looking back at him, sometimes they have this purple iridescent that scares him.

He feels like he’s losing his mind.

So, he does the one thing he knows best. Ignore his problems and go to work.

Once he goes to work it’ll be better, he’ll realize Seonghwa isn’t somehow living inside of his head, watching him, he didn’t force him up against the wall and bite him, filling him with some sort of purple liquid. It was all the terrifying dream his head made up. After all, there weren't any marks in his neck. And he didn’t heal that quickly in a day. So none of it was true, and Wooyoung was fine, and Seonghwa was normal. That’s the way things were and there was nothing that was going to change that.

He doesn’t even think about why he has no memory of getting home two nights ago, because it would break him.

He gets to work and signs in. Scanning his badge and opening the door to the back rooms.

Yunho greets him when he comes in. His cute face lighting up the console.

“Long time no see Wooyoung. How are you doing?”

“It’s only been a day, you miss me so bad already Yunho?”

Yunho’s face lights up with a smile, “Yeah.”

Sometimes Wooyoung really wishes Yunho had a body like the other AI around. He was stuck bouncing around consoles, well. Wooyoung supposes that wasn’t true, Yunho was probably more like an omnipotent hivemind. But when Wooyoung walks around Yunho bounces from his Hong-Watch to the various screens in any given room.

Wooyoung is quick to drop his stuff off in his locker, changing his regular clothes out for his Ateez branded one.

“So you are doing ok?” Yunho asks him again.

“Yeah, why?” Wooyoung says as he pointedly ignores the purple he sees reflected from his own eyes in the mirror. Unused to Yunho asking.

“Seonghwa was asking. He was concerned that you didn’t show up to work yesterday.”

“Tell him to buzz off.” Wooyoung grimaces, it wasn’t fair to be mean to the other just because he had a bad dream. “Sorry, just, if he asks again, tell him I’m fine.”

“Will do bossman!”

It’s been a few hours and Wooyoung still hasn’t seen Seonghwa around. Which was very odd. He should have been up on the stage with the others but instead Mingi had taken his place.

Wooyoung feels something stir in his chest but he’s not sure what it could possibly be. The emotion foreign to him.

He pulls up his watch.

“Hey Yunho, where's Seonghwa?”

“He’s been down in the repair bay since two nights ago. Had some sort of injury. Management sent him down there.”

Wooyoung hums, says thank you to Yunho for the information, and decides to visit Seonghwa when he’d have more time near the end of his shift.

♥･*:.｡ ｡.:*･ﾟ♡･*:.｡ ｡.:*･ﾟ♥

Wooyoung finishes up near the daycare again that night. Going back to the spot where Seonghwa had shoved him up against the wall, and finding no evidence that it had ever happened at all. He was just being silly. He just needed some rest after being so sleep deprived.

He heads into the utility tunnels that run throughout the whole place, finding his way down to the maintenance bay, should he technically be down here? Not at all. But that was again, the fun of running around a mainly non-human run place. Plus the entire security system (Yunho) was on his side and could cover up for him if it became a problem anyways.

He opens one of the double doors leading to the maintenance bay.

And there he is.

Seonghwa.

With his cheeks torn to show off sharp teeth still dripping the mysterious liquid. Eyes glowing an unnatural purple.

“Wooyoung, something is wrong with me and I don’t know how to fix it.” Seonghwa says to him with teary eyes, choking on a sob.

So it wasn’t a dream after all.

When Wooyoung ends up on his back on the floor with Seonghwa’s teeth in his neck again, filling him up with the purple liquid, he shouldn’t be surprised.

His body twitches as Seonghwa looks at him with furrowed eyebrows, like he’s confused at his own actions. And yet still his jaw is wrapped around Wooyoung’s neck, Wooyoung’s body jolting as Seonghwa bites at him harder.

Each pump of the liquid made his body twitch.

He can feel purple tears running down Seonghwa’s face, and he just pets his hair, trying to calm him down.

[fizzingwizard]

I can hear the fireworks going off at the Tenjin matsuri. Thought about going but knew it would be hot, huge, and crowded, and anyway already planning to go to a smaller festival in a couple weeks.

Glad I didn't plan to because i absolutely would have backed out. I'm next level exhausted. Got weird muscle pain that I can't describe. I know I pulled something in my shoulder, but there's also head to toe soreness more like being sick than anything else. Not really any other symptoms except some vertigo earlier so we'll see.

Lots and lots and lots of teachers out sick and it's the first time this year I've seen my boss look panicked trying to figure out how we're going to meet teacher studio ratios. We did it, but mostly thanks to the unpredictability of student absences. I was asked to work overtime again. I've been making sure to take my breaks today and yesterday because I can feel how exhausted I am even though when I'm running around I usually don't notice it till I have a chance to sit. Also I'm done with those evaluations, although I still have a lot to do before the end of August.

Yesterday it was just me and my new young coteacher all day. The kids were difficult in the morning, but lovely after lunch. Today was the opposite. It was me and my experienced coteacher, plus a sub, and the kids weren't just lovely, they were amaaaazing in the morning. I have three kids who are behind the rest of the class: not understanding the daily routine, freaking out over minor transitions, running in circles non-stop, kicking, shrieking... that sort of stuff. During lessons one of them can sit and the other two usually can't. Every year we have kids like this and every year I wish we had training and support to care for them better.

But we do our best, and today, for the very first time ever, two of those kids not only sat through the entire lesson, but they actively participated. They only recently started to be verbal, and today they were talking and answering so clearly. One has never understood attendance. When I call their names, the kids raise their hands and say "I'm here." This student always runs up to me. Every day for four months, no amount of encouragement and modeling and watching other kids and even hand-holding has convinced her to do anything except run to me when I call her name. But today, she did it. Not only did she raise her hand, but she said "I'm here" perfectly. I was floored. Honestly could have cried.

And on top of that, a second kid, who has been probably my most difficult this year, was also able to do attendance very well today. It's not the first time for him, but he generally refuses, and today not only did he do it well, but he joined in every activity without any help, and spoke on his own without needing me to guide him through the words. I have been feeling across the board that my kids' bonds with me have been getting stronger, which is typical after being together a few months. But even though I'm not new to teaching ECE, I tend to forget at the start of a new year with new kids just how long it can take for all the kids to feel comfortable and start coming out of their shells. The majority of kids are fine from the start, so it's easy to be worried about what I'm doing wrong when the handful who struggle seem to keep struggling for months. It's especially challenging since they tend to be nonverbal, and even when they can talk, are just too young to know how to describe what they're feeling. Now we've been through a full quarter together and my kids are seeking me out first when they're upset, and also when they just want to have fun. They're recognizing me as the person who helps them with their problems, not just some buzz kill who doesn't let them hit each other with toys :P It's a big pick-me-up tbh, especially after last week's tantrum. And I felt that the tantrum student became closer with me after going through the tantrum and its aftermath as well. One of the very rewarding parts of teaching this age. I get a lot of stress and want to cry a lot, but when kids start to hit those goals and are happy and enjoying themselves, as well as enjoying their teachers, I remember why I still don't really want to do anything else.

And a bit of silliness to end: Before going home with her parents today, one of my kids came over and showed me her finger, where she'd put a toy like a ring. I admired it, but figured out she actually wanted me to remove the toy. So I tried... and it wouldn't come off x'D poor thing was starting to get upset. I didn't want to yank too hard and hurt her! I can't believe how tight she got it on her finger. But I did manage to get off without needing to find the pliers, lol, and she went home happy. I would ask why she put it on her finger in the first place but I know the answer was "she's three years old, it fit her finger, therefore on her finger it goes" XD

[muerteporfavor]

I failed yesterday.

I hate the person I see in the mirror, the clothes I see in the closet, the bookshelf I've owned since elementary school, the room that isn't technically mine but also is all the same.

I had an interview today. I think it went well. It's good pay, the company is part of a union, I have hope in that regard but not much else. I almost didn't go at all because all my clothes were wrong and then last minute I just went business casual instead. (An outfit I have for professional reasons, but the pants are from an 8th grade transfer ceremony and the shirt is from when I needed a last minute light colored shirt for a fraternity meeting because I was very briefly apart of a coed fraternity during my first year of college. I didn't recognize that girl back then either.)

I can't wear makeup right now because every time I try it causes irritation in my eyes every since I got pink eye. I hate how unfamiliar I look without it. Like somehow I am less me without it, like I've lost a part of myself. Perhaps I did. Is that so wrong? Maybe it is.

I want to curl up in bed and read fanfic and listen to sad music.

I want to book a airbnb two cities over for the weekend and walk around a market and maybe sit in a cafe and read and write. Write for the joy of it not for a goal. Maybe see the boy who lives there I've been talking to for almost a year, probably not because I'm at a low and I don't want him to see me like that as our first meeting. (Also because he is so busy the idea that I would manage to pick the perfect weekend for him to meet is kind of unrealistic.)

My friendships feel like they are crumbling but I can't tell if it's real or imagined. Will I have to start over again? It feels like this happens far too frequently (every few years) for it to be mere coincidence. Perhaps there is something wrong with me. Maybe it's the mimicry. The way I only do something because the other person did it. (They start sending me video messages instead of texts so I do too, etc.) Maybe it's because if they get too close, want to see each other too often, I feel like I've lost myself because the true me is holed up alone. Either in coffee shops or bookstores or libraries. Living in my mind alone.

I love being alone more than most people. I can go on four day trips alone and not talk to another soul other than brief interactions and feel perfectly fine. Not lonely. Happy. Peace. However, when I feel my connections slipping from my grasps I wonder if I'm not doing enough. But enough for them feels like removing my happiness. I don't want to meet up three days in a row for an entire afternoon each time as we flounce around to different stores and buy things we don't necessarily need.

Or the way I start to become reliant on the routine so much I stop running errands alone like I used to. Now I run errand with a person and I don't want to be like that. Only traveling, only running errands when there is others to follow me on the journey. Sometimes life is meant to be walked alone. And it isn't lonely. It's calming.

I love being in my head. Sure I have bad days where being in my head feels like a death sentence, we all do. Or at least all anxious people do.

I could just ask. If they hate me. But usually all that does is invite lies and bearing my weakness of self on display for others to see. Which is embarrassing because it only ever seems to make things worse. Or it did. I don't know. I just have to wait and see I guess.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. The clock keeps ticking anyway.

Muerte Por Favor

[prussianzetinkerbell]

I feel a little ✨angsty✨ rn so might as well write some questions and thoughts I think the characters would say or ask themselves

Isabela: I'm so tired of all this. Rows and rows of perfectly symmetrical roses. It's tiring. I want to be able to walk around with a true smile on my face. I want to be able to grow stuff I want. But can I thought? Am I even allowed to? I'd rather be giftless than be where I am right now... Why can't I just be me? No, this is me. This is who I am. This is the life of my dreams. Right? Tio Bruno? I mean, this is a perfect life, right?

Dolores: another person lashes out. Another person gets angry. Another person shouts. Another person gets hurt. Yells of isolation and slow insanity. Yells of pain and hurt. Tears of disappointment. Questions of one's self. I can hear it. All of it. But I can't do anything because it's not my business. The tiniest sound is like a gun shot. Fireworks and thunder echoes through my brain and it hurts. Secrets. Oh the secrets. The pressure of knowing something you're not supposed to. The whispers and talks. It's tiring. I just want everything to be quiet. Is this a gift? Well this gift sucks. It's painful enough that you know the person you love is with another, but it adds salt to injury when you hear him be so happy with someone that isn't you. Why? Why am I cursed? What did I do to deserve this?

Luisa: I can't. I can't do this anymore. But I have to. It's for the family. You're the strong one, you're the one this town needs. Your job is carry everything. If you can't then... Then what's my purpose? What am I if I can't be useful? I'm strong and strong people don't question themselves. Right? Who would carry the donkey's if I can't do it? Who would move churches if I couldn't? Who would re route the river? I need to be strong. Luisa is strong. It's fine, everything is fine. I can keep going. This is why I have a gift. I have to serve and be useful. No breaks, no mistakes... No pressure. Right? No pressure... Yeah, no pressure. I can keep going. Yeah.

Camilo: who am I? No seriously, who am I? I know I'm Camilo Madrigal! I swear! But am I really Camilo? My gift is to change my identity. Do people like me? Or do they like me when I'm not being me? It's always 'Camilo be my dad' 'Camilo be my sister' 'Camilo do Antonio!' are they keeping me around to be their mirrors? Smile for me and laugh for me because I do this to make your happy. But I still can't figure out if they love me for being me or if them love me when I'm not... Me? Am I a boy? I mean I am a boy. But I also like being a girl. Is that normal? I want to be like Isabela and Dolores and Mirabel and Luisa, but I also want to be like papa and tio Agustín. What's wrong with me?

Mirabel: why?! What did I do?? Did I do something wrong?? Did I make a mistake? Please tell me! What makes me different? What makes me special? Why didn't I get a gift? Why is it just me? Was there something I did wrong? Is there something wrong with me...? Embroidery. Yeah. I can do embroidery. Atleast I'd so something. I need to do something or else I won't a part of the family. All these doors that shine bright. All these people with gifts. And then here I am. Stuck in the shadows. Am I even a Madrigal? Am I even apart of the Madrigal Family? Would I ever be enough? Can they look at me the same way they look at Isabela?

[Antonio is too young for these thoughts. He's still my baby °^°]

Julieta: something is wrong. I know it. I can cook and bake and they would heal people. I can heal people and they'd be okay. If they work for physical pain, then they should work for emotional pain too, right? It seems like yesterday that my girls were running around with their cousins, all happy and smiling and laughing. But they grew up too fast. Something is wrong. I know it. I know something is bothering Isabela, I know that Luisa is dealing with something, I know that Mirabel feels aweful. I know these. But I don't know how to help them. I'm trying. I'm a horrible mother huh? What kind of mother watch her childern go through something without helping them? I don't... Know what I'm supposed to do. I'm so sorry.

Pepa: clear skies. Clean skies. Clear skies. Clear skies. Stop please. Stop raining. You can't rain. You only do clear skies. You're supposed to control your emotions. Your 50 for Jesus' sake! You're not a child anymore. You should know how to control them. One day Felix is going to be tired of constantly having to deal with you, and he'll just leave me. He'll leave me wouldn't he? I'm a mess... I can't even keep quiet for my own daughter. Raining is bad, snowing is bad, hurricanes are bad, so stop feeling them. You're too old to be having these break downs. Stop it! Grow up. Clear skies. Clear skies. Clear skies. Please... Clear skies... I just need clear skies.

Bruno: know, knock, knock on wood. 1,2,3,4,5, count ot all. You're gift isn't helping the family. You bring nothing but bad luck. You're a mistake. They don't like you. You're better alone. I'm alone. Look at them! They're happier without me. I'm okay here. With my rats. Atleast they won't leave me and they like me. I miss Pepa, and Julieta. Look at Dolores and Isabela, they're growing up. Look at Luisa, she's getting so strong, one day I won't be able to carry her anymore. Camilo's growing up too. And then there's the littlest one who doesn't even know aho I am. They're a perfect family without me. They're better of without me. But... Eating with them would be nice. Talking to them would be nice. Having a family would be nice. Atleast Hernando and Jorge are both with me...

Abuela: Pedro, I failed you. This family is growing. The town is growing. I don't think I'm doing a very good job at being a mother and a grandmother. I miss you. I wish you could see your children right now. Bruno look just like you. Pepa's still got her temper and Julieta has your patience. Ay, Pedro... I need you. I don't know what to do. I need this miracle to keep growing for the next generation. But Mirabel... I don't know. I'm scared. Pedro I'm scared that the miracle would disappear. Our family will get hurt. I don't know what to do. I failed you.

Well shit, this is dramatic as hell. Kudos if you read through this shitty post.

[deexchanel]

New York

Word Count: 2,655

Pairing: Avengers x BlackFem!Reader. Justice League x BlackFem!Reader but more specifically Clark Kent x BlackFem!Reader.

Warning: Arguing, mention of miscarriage, angst.

Summary: After not being in contact for so long, someone decides to make a visit.

A/N: The title has nothing to do with the one short. Oops. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!😁 below is Y/N’s outfit for the first half.

A long day after helping the team on their mission, Y/N wanted some pizza. It was around 10 p.m. when she decided to leave the tower. Tony was asleep in the chair, Steve was asleep on the couch. Natasha and Bucky were on the floor watching a movie. Thor was rummaging through the refrigerator, he was watching the movie as well but stopped to get some snacks.

Loki was in the library reading a book. Peter was on patrol so that’s why she felt safe with being out so late. “Loki I’m leaving to get some pizza okay?” He closed his book, preparing to stand up.

“Alright, I’m going with you.”

Y/N placed a hand on his chest so he could stay sitting. “ I want to go by myself Loki. I’m going to be perfectly fine, Peter’s patrolling right now.”

Loki sigh trying to push down his overprotective feeling. “Alright, just be careful. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Y/N hummed kissing his forehead, she then walked to the living. Everyone in their same position except Thor was now back on the floor.

Y/N kissed each of their foreheads, “I’m going to go get some pizza. Anyone wants anything?”

Natasha shook her head,“ No, be careful though. I really want to pause this good movie to save your ass.” Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, grabbing her purse from the hook.

“Bring me back some pizza? I’m rather hungry.” Thor said with his eyes glued to the tv.

“You’re always hungry Thor. Bring me some too. Better yet, why don’t I just come.” Y/N heard shuffling from behind her. She wanted to take a peaceful by herself to get pizza, is that too hard to ask? “No Bucky, I want to go by myself. I can handle it.”

She turns around to see him looking at her hesitantly. “You sure Y/N? I don’t mind coming-”

“I got it, really. Go enjoy the movie Bucky. I’ll be right back.” Y/N cut him off, walking out of the door. Bucky stood there dumbfounded, “Is she acting weird or it’s just me?” He pointed to the door, looking at Natasha and Thor.

“She seems alright with me.” Natasha shrugged and Thor didn’t reply.

Y/N took a deep breath hearing the new york life sparkle in her ears. Taxis coming and going. The roar of the subway beneath Y/N’s feet. Everyone talking but still being able to hear your own conversation.

Lights flashing brightly, babies crying, the homeless constantly asking for money. The smell of 1,000 vendors, many selling gyros. Broadway fans going insane when their favorite cast member walks out of the stage door. People of every race, color, and religion.

“Finally,” Y/N mumbled after a good minute of walking, she arrived at the pizza store on the corner. She ordered and stood in line for 15 minutes then left with 5 boxes of pizza. Stopping at the park, Y/N sat on a bench eating pizza enjoying the night air.

Y/N was happy with life but sometimes a person just wants to be alone. A little part of her misses the old lifestyle she had. Bruce, Barry, Diane, Victor, and Arthur. She missed them so much, especially Clark but he was the last person she wanted to see.

They were old lovers, at one time there wasn't a thing Clark wouldn't do for Y/N. Time skip, Y/N found out she was pregnant but due to stress from Clark, she miscarried. No one knew because of the genuine smile she held on her face. He was probably so caught up with Lois to not notice that she'd been gone for a year now.

She loved Clark, Y/N was his best friend. Lois came into the picture and he dropped everything just for her. Heartbroken, Y/N came to new york searching for happiness. She found it in the avengers who she now calls family.

Today was the anniversary of her baby and she just wanted to be alone. She was alone when it happened so she rather be alone now. Y/N stared off into space not even hearing someone land beside her. You read right, land.

"Y/N?"

The deep voice took her out of her gaze. Y/N turned to see Clark in his superman attire. Shocked, she could barely get anything out. "...Clark??"

Clark's face held worry," Y/N..." Y/N furrow her eyebrow confused cutting him off.

"What are you doing here Clark?"

"I can't come to see you now? Y/N I haven't seen you in months."

"Clark I don't wanna talk about that right now. I want to know how did you know I was here??" Y/N stood up, placing her unfinished pizza in the box. She couldn't even enjoy alone time without being bothered.

"Bruce's been track you this whole time Y/N. Come home, we miss you. I miss you." He reached out for her hands. Surprisingly Y/N let him grab her hands. She shook her head.

"Clark I can't just leave. I have a life and family here. You have Lois now, that's who you need. Not me."

Clark looked down," She left me Y/N. Lois said me being superman was too much."Y/N sigh knowing how to hurt he was. Yes, she was mad at him but sometimes not everything needs a reaction. Keeping it calm, she gave him a hug.

"I'm so sorry Clark, I should've been there for you."

Clark held her close smelling her wonderful smell of lavender. "It's okay Y/N. I know this life is treating you well."

Y/N could feel that it was getting late. "Clark I have to go, but I do have to ask you something." He pulled back glazing into her brown eyes.

"What is it Y/N?"

"Tomorrow evening bring the team to the tower. I want everyone to meet each other. I'll cook! It'll be so much fun."

Clark looked at her with hesitation, "I don't know Y/N.."

Y/N gave him the puppy dog eyes, "Please Clark? You get to see me in a nice outfit." He smiled giving in.

"Oh alright."

-------

"A little bit of this," Y/N murmured pouring grated cheese on top of the macaroni. She placed it in the oven, closing the door with her butt. Dinner consisted of steak with tarragon mushrooms with a side of macaroni. Y/N had been in the kitchen all day while the team did their overview with Fury for missions they have done.

"Smells amazing in here Y/N! What you make?" Steve's voice came from behind while she grabbed plates out of the cabinet. "Food Steve. You'll see when it's dinner time and if you don't mind, can you help me set the table?"

Steve nodded his head with a smile, "Sure I don't mind Y/N." The two joked around while they set the table. Clark and everyone were to be here in about 20 minutes. When she got home from the park last night, Y/N told the avengers about this evening dinner, and boy it was some weird faces.

She didn't know who was harder to convince, Tony or Steve. Maybe because they had been on the team longer. Once finished Y/N ushered Steve to go get dressed. She was so caught up with finishing the meal, that she didn't check the time. "Fuck!"

It was 10 minutes until Clark and the rest got there. She was nowhere near ready. "Y/N why aren't you ready?" Tony asked in disbelief when he walked into the kitchen. Y/N pulled at her hair.

"I know, I know! I was too caught up in finishing the steaks. Can you watch the food so it won't burn? please?"

Tony sigh,"If that makes you get dressed faster then I'll watch it." He opened the lid, the food smelled amazing. "Yeah hurry up, this smells good. I'm ready to eat."

"Thank you!" She kissed his cheek, rushing past so can get dressed.

---------

"Y/N they're here!" Steve called up the stairs. Y/N hopped around on one foot trying to put on the other boot. When it finally slid on her foot, she stood in front of a mirror taking a deep breath. She wanted all her favorite people to come together and be her support. To make her forget about the pain she went through a year ago yesterday.

Y/N walked downstairs with all eyes on her. Clark's mouth was agape from how good she looked. "Arthur! Diana! I've missed you guys!" Y/N hugged her with passion.

"Me too. You look beautiful." Diana hugged her back. Y/N moved towards Arthur giving him a hug. "Thank you."

"Yeah you look too good, don't make me have to beat anyone up from looking too hard." Thor snorted which made Arthur glance at him for a second. Y/N moved to Bruce.

"I hope you're doing good Bruce other than Barry getting on your nerves."

"Hey!" Barry said in defense.

"I'm good, just missed having you around."Bruce expressed which kinda shocked Y/N because he wasn't so open. She then gave Victor and Barry a hug. "I've missed you, two knuckleheads, together."

"We've missed you too." Victor smiled.

"What are we eating, it smells so good in here," Barry said excitedly. Y/N laughing gesturing towards the dining table. "We're about to find out, let's eat!"

Everyone cheered a bit sitting at the table, you know they didn't mingle but sat on the opposite side. Y/N walked over to the stove trying to bring the food to the table but Natasha stopped her.

"I got it Y/N, go sit down. You've been on your feet all day, I can bring the food to the table." Natasha grabbed the glass casserole dish out of her hand. She wasn't lying about her feet hurting but Y/N wasn't going to admit it.

Y/N sigh, "Fine, I'm bringing the champagne to the table though." She hurriedly grabbed two bottles of champagne before Natasha could protest. She definitely needed a sip before dealing with two rival heroes.

----------

There were conversations here and there but most of Y/N. She had all her favorite people in one room. Dinner was running smoothly until...

"So Y/N, Clark told us that you were coming back to stay permanently. I'm excited to have you back." Barry used his knife to cut the steak. Y/N didn't know who to look at crazy him or Clark. She could feel the hard glaze from Bucky.

"What's speedy boy talking about Y/N?" Tony asked tilting his head. Steve sat down his knife.

"Yes please do explain."

"I uh haven't said anything like that. I had planned on visiting, it wasn't official." Y/N scratched her arm out of nervousness from all eyes on her.

"I knew I wasn't going insane. Y/N wasn't going to go back permanently, she's not that crazy." Thor chuckled drinking his champagne.

Victor glanced at him sideways."What's that supposed to mean? Y/N wouldn't be crazy if she came back permanently. That's honestly the perfect decision if she does."

"Guys.." Y/N trailed off but was ignored by everyone. "Y/N is right where she belongs. Do I need to say more?" Loki wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"If she wants to come back permanently then she can. Y/N's only been with you guys for what ? a year? She's been with us forever so you know who she's going to choose." Arthur leaned back in the seat.

"Sure fish boy." Tony let his smart mouth get the best of him. Y/N took a sip of her champagne to calm her nerves.

"Guys..."

She was ignored again. "Y/N is coming with us and that's final. That's the only reason why I came to this wretched place was for her." Clark crossed his arm and Bucky narrowed his eyes at him.

"She's not going anywhere with you. I stand on that."

"Barnes right, you think I was going to let her leave with you after what you did? That's really funny." Natasha chugged the rest of her champagne down. Y/N winced at what she said.

"Guys please."

"Does that matter? Y/N is coming whether you like it or not." Bruce said setting his fork down. Diana nodded in agreement.

"I don't have to anything. Just know I'm not going down without a fight?"

"You people are so petty and tiny." Thor laughed using his fingers to indicate how small they were.

"If Y/N doesn't want to leave she isn't going to leave. it's her decision." Steve sat forward in his seat. They were getting louder by the minute.

"She isn't going, you weaklings," Loki growled sitting forward in his seat as well, not taking eyes off Arthur. Both Clark and Bucky held an intense stare.

"We should go few rounds." Tony stood up and so did Bruce.

"Let's do it then Stark."

Y/N chugged down the rest of the champagne. "Stop." The argument between them grew louder. "Stop!" Y/N stood up placing her hands on the table, no one noticed.

She slammed her hands against the table. "STOP! JUST STOP IT!" Everyone stared at her in shock.

"ENOUGH WITH THIS! I brought you altogether because I wanted support. I needed support."Y/N gritted through her teeth, tears welling in her eyes. "The one time I step out, you all can't even put your petty egos aside. I don't care who I'm staying with and I don't fucking know why it's an argument. I just wanted it to be a normal night."

Y/N lips trembled as she cried, "I can't hold on to this no longer. I was pregnant before I left Clark. I lost the baby. I lost it the day I went to find out the gender." Clark squeezed his eyes closed, his heart broke hearing the news. "And I hate myself so much for even letting myself stress so much that I lost it. When it happened I was alone. I didn't have you, Bruce, or Diana. I didn't have no one. I came to New York heartbroken."

She looked at the Avengers, they held a sad face. Natasha's cheeks were coated with tears."You guys mended my broken heart. You made me feel welcome and I don't know how I could ever repay you." Y/N wiped her tears.

"But I can't deal with this between all of you. I'm leaving so you can have your big ego contest."

She slid the chair back, walking to the elevator. "Y/N!" Bucky called for her but she ignored him. "Shit!" Clark curses under his breath getting up from the chair. Tony shook his head at him.

"Leave her be Clark. She probably went up to the roof or to the park for fresh air."

------------

Y/N sat in the chair at the airport. She was only going out of the country for a couple of days just to clear her mind. Bruce and Tony have been blowing up her phone none stop. She was tired and waiting on her flight to be called. "Ugh, I'm so tired." She mumbled rubbing her temple. She got up going to the bathroom.

It was oddly quiet until she heard panicked screams. "What?" She murmured looking over her shoulder. Parademons were everywhere. Y/N scrambled to grab her phone trying to be quiet. She slid down the wall, covering her mouth trying to contain her breathing so she wouldn't be heard. The vibration from her phone caught one of their attention and she didn't know.

Still scrambling, Y/N declined the call somehow. She knew she was fucked, tears raced down her melanin cheeks as she held her breath. The parademons appeared beside Y/N, one inspected making sure she was the right one. It snatched Y/N up and she screamed.

"CLARK!"

--------

The two teams were either sitting around or cleaning up. Clark stood in front of the wet dishes drying them off while Bucky cleaned them. He froze hearing Y/N scream in his ears. Diana noticed and instantly spoke up.

"What is Clark? What's wrong?"

"Y/N's been kidnapped."

-------

Omg, I feel like this is so weird😂😂😂. I am going to make a part 2 I just gotta think about how it's going to go. I have a busy weekend ahead so I won't update until Monday.

Yk i had to make Y/N damsel in distress 😉. Clark is her lover but Bucky does like her. This is kinda a part 2 of Vacation. I love Marvel and DC so why not put them together 😁!

I hope you guys enjoyed this weird post even though the title has nothing to do with the plot of the story, I just couldn't think of anything 😂😂.

Stay slutty my friends 💜

[xpeachesncream]

restart | four

[ SEQUEL TO PERFECTLY WRONG ] | [ series masterlist ]

summary: as you and taehyung start to build your life together post graduation, things become more complicated than what you expected it to be. while taehyung struggles with his inner demons, you’ve become the sole supporter, the pillar, juggling different jobs to keep you two afloat. your love for each other has been put to the test as your relationship continues to face hurdles - hurdles that have you questioning whether or not your relationship will make it through.

pairing: reader x fiancé!kth

genre: post grad au, established relationship au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 4.8k

warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy, lots of insecurities and overthinking, angst, crying, bar scene, alcohol consumption, flashback scene in the middle of the chapter, a lil sprinkle of fluff, implied sexual content, bickering/arguments

note: honestly, this was ALSO not supposed to get this long but like… 🙃 here we are lol

tags: @enchantaeduniverse​ @thedarkwinterrose​ @sapphirejeon​ @jwlmnbt​ @bluesharksandfish​ @ra-mun-e @brightcolorsoffendme​ @jungcrookthecookbook​ @sunniejinnie​ (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"Okay, I think that's it." You said, hands on your hips as you and Jungkook walked through your door for the final time.

"What are you selling, the world?" He huffs and puffs.

"For someone who works out often, you complain a lot." He rolls his eyes playfully.

"Where's Tae?"

"Sleeping still." He nods.

"Oh, okay. Ready to go then?" You nodded silently as you grabbed your bag to hitch a ride to the café with Jungkook since he was working today. He starts to talk about the girl who works with you two and how he thinks she's a little cutiepie. He has such a silly crush on her that his cheeks are lightly rose tinted every time he talks about certain encounters they've had. You're happy to see him happy, and you tell him to keep pursuing it since she's a super sweet girl. However, part of you is sad solely because you couldn't say you were 100% happy at this moment. You wish you were, but these problems were hindering you from feeling complete. You just wanted to get past this page in the book.

As soon as you both get to the cafe, you start unloading his trunk and getting everything inside. Jungkook claims he has the last two bags covered, so you walk to the back and take breather just to gather yourself before setting up. But you truly didn't expect to lose it right then and there.

"Okay! I got all the— Y/N?" Jungkook instantly worries when he sees you crying into your hands in the backroom and hurries over to you. "Hey, woah. What's going on?" He gets in front of you, gently trying to pry your hands off of your face.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." You continue to cry as he successfully removes your hands from your face.

"Sorry for what? What's going on?" He wipes your tears with his sweater and lifts your chin to look at you in the eye.

"Nothing."

"The day barely started and you're already crying in the backroom." He says softly. "Don't try and lie to me."

"I just don't know what's going on between me and Tae and it's stressing me out."

"What's going on? Same stuff?" You nod, tears still streaming down your cheeks. You tell him about how he had been super weird about taking Jimin's help and how you both got into a huge argument about it. Then, you told him how last night ended [sparing your poor bestfriend the details] and how you couldn't help but feel used because he simply dismissed you, which is very unlike Taehyung when it comes to arguments and disagreements. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I know he's going through a rough time, but Tae also needs to respect you and look at you as his partner, not someone who's also attacking him or against him. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No." Simply, no. Because you never get your friends involved like that. You just don't, no matter how much they wanna help. "He looks at me like I am, especially after this whole Jimin thing. I don't wanna say it's stupid because I don't wanna discredit his feelings, but god. Like, should I just do this on my own? Tell Jimin to forget it?"

"No." Jungkook shakes his head. "You're already getting a good start on your goals, Y/N. Don't let that go because of everything going on. Give him some time and space."

"I have been. For awhile now." You sat, feeling completely defeated already, tears still coming down your cheeks.

"Here, I'll go set up and I can take over the table for a bit. I'll ask Isabella if she can cover for a quick second." He stands in front of you, hands out to help support you as if you had lost your footing.

"No, I'll be fine—"

"Y/N, just sit. Okay?" He gives off a small sigh. "Just sit for a second and let yourself take a breather." He gently sits you down and makes sure you don't get up by slowly backing away from you.

"Kook, this isn't Marco Polo."

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't run off because you're stubborn!"

"Hey!" Isabella comes running in, a little confused as to what's happening.

"Hey, can you cover me at the front for a bit?" Jungkook stands back upright in a normal position to ask her sweetly, hands tucked behind his back as he bounced on his feet. This boy.

"Yeah, of course Jungkook." She blushes.

"Thanks. I'll be right back." He gives you a quick look before dashing off. You lay your head onto your arms as they rest on the table, a small headache forming at the center of your forehead.

"You okay, Y/N?" Isabella asks softly as she puts her things away.

"Yeah, sorry. Just a really weird day yesterday."

"I'm sorry." You feel her hand caress your back. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" She says before shuffling herself out of the room. To be honest, you had no idea what was going on with you, and why you were feeling this way. You were just so sick and tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

This was slowly taking a toll on you, and you weren't even sure if Taehyung realized what he was doing was hurting you in the process.

He can't say he does.

Tae set the weights down back onto the rack aggressively before sitting on the bench, watching Jimin finish his set. They had been working out after lunch, Jimin calling him shortly after Taehyung had fully woken up.

"Are you gonna go to the café after this?" Tae shrugged.

"I don't know, Y/N said she didn't need help and wouldn't be there all day."

"You won't even visit for a bit?" Jimin asks. Usually Tae was rushing to get back to you, but he knew everything that had been going on had been affecting your relationship to an extent.

"We'll see."

"You two coming to the bars tonight then?"

"What are we celebrating again?"

"Nothing. Just getting together like old times. I told Kook, Hobi and Yoongi. They're down." Tae nodded.

"Joon, too?"

"Joon, too."

"Me and Y/N will probably go but I don't think we'll stay long. She has to do that thing at the school—" He scratched his head. "The thing— the exhibit and talking to incoming art students or whatever." Jimin chuckled at how Tae couldn't get his words out.

"It's not whatever."

"You know that's not what I mean." Tae rolled his eyes at him, annoyed all over again at how Jimin had been kissing your ass lately. Cause fuck, the way Jimin had been painting himself as a knight in shining armor, an angel even, was pissing him the fuck off. It made him feel like he wasn't doing enough to support you, or like you couldn't turn to him for help. He hated that feeling, even though he had been rude as hell and showing it in a different way.

"That's fine. Just come out and hang out for a bit." Jimin sighed as he sat on the bench next to him, drinking some water before placing the bottle back down on the ground. "You two doing okay?"

"Yeah, what makes you think we aren't?" Tae asks, getting defensive. Jimin quickly eyes him, reading his body language. He knew Taehyung so well - so fucking well that he knew almost immediately when things were taking a toll on him. Things liiiike.. his parents. As a prime example. Jimin knew Taehyung and his parents obviously didn't have the best relationship, and he knew he took things to heart whenever his father got on him about stupid shit [just like he did over that dinner]. Taehyung wasn't one to show emotion much; he liked showing people he was mentally tough and that he could handle whatever came his way. For the most part, it was true. But, Jimin and Namjoon also knew he wasn't always like that, especially when it came to things that mattered the most to him - his family and you. Taehyung hated to admit it but his family's opinion of him was important no matter what. He was hard on himself because he wanted them to be proud. He wanted to actually feel like he had been doing something good for once. He was still longing for that feeling no matter what he said or did. It was a never-ending battle; like a plot with no happy ending in sight.

"I'm just asking." Jimin threw up his hands, showing that he wasn't suggesting anything behind the harmless question.

"We're fine. I know she's been stressed lately because of work and her art."

"Mmm."

"It's funny." Taehyung chuckles at himself.

"What's funny?" Jimin laughed a bit, confused.

"I didn't expect to be caught up in her like this. After Hana, messing around with all these girls. She's my fucking fiancé."

"Yeah and you better not fuck that up." Jimin stands to gather his things.

"You sound like my dad." Tae jokes, even though he was pretty offended.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to." Jimin instantly apologizes, knowing everyone had been walking on eggshells around Taehyung lately. "She's a good girl, you've got it good."

Taehyung softly smiles at the thought of you, but he wasn't gonna lie, he was hurt by Jimin's statement. Call him sensitive or whatever, but he wasn't feeling the fact that people were constantly looking at him as a fuck up and hinting at it. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme lately. "You ready?" Tae sighs before grabbing his stuff. They get into his car, departing from the gym to make their way to Jimin's so he can get dropped off before Tae heads home. Taehyung replays yesterday's events in his head, which instantly irks him all over again. But, he has such a soft spot for you that he feels terrible for having been too harsh about it. He was still upset, and he wasn't gonna let up on his feelings. But he knew he should have been better about how he approached it. He knew better than that. He's learned to do better.

➤ FLASHBACK

Taehyung excitedly parks his car at the café to surprise you for your pop up today. He had been working endlessly to finish off finals strongly, and he had been so busy that he hadn't really gotten a chance to help you or support you. He felt terrible about it because you were his babygirl and he wanted nothing but to spoil you for all the hardwork you've been putting in.

He creeps up behind you, bouquet of flowers hidden behind his back. "Excuse me, miss." He says lowly near your ear.

"Holy fuck!" You say as he startles you. "Babe, what the hell! Don't do that!" He laughs.

"What's cookin', goodlookin'?" He wiggles his eyebrows, making you chuckle. "These are for you." He smiles toothlessly as he hands you the pretty bouquet. "And your favorite!" He hands you a Mcflurry cup.

You squeal. "Oreo Mcflurry! Aw, thank you baby." You place a quick kiss on his lips. "But don't ever scare me like that!" You playfully hit his chest, causing him to erupt in laughter.

"You should've seen your face."

"Ha-ha, very funny." You rolled your eyes, causing him to pinch your cheeks.

"How's it going?"

"Welp, I'm almost out for the day." You giggle. "I, uh, may have underestimated." You look down at his hoodie, realizing it was one of the hoodies you had made for a previous collection you sold at Jin's. "Waaaow, cute sweater, who made it?"

"Mm, I don't know if you know her. Her name's Y/N."

"Uh huh?" You nod, hand on your hip, waiting to hear more.

"She stands about this tall." He lowers himself close to the ground, causing you to laugh. "Cute, right? She's beautiful, incredibly smart and sexy. Brilliant visual designer and illustrator. Packed with hella attitude." He pretends to ponder on his thoughts. "I could go on about her, really. She's one of a kind."

"Cute. She must feel lucky." You smile.

"I know, I'd feel lucky if I knew me too." You roll your eyes and playfully hit him. "Ah, I'm kidding." He pulls you into a hug. "I keep this sweater in my trunk."

"Oh, so you keep it in your trunk just for emergency wear?" You sarcastically ask as he holds you from behind.

"Yeah, and cause it's the only sweater I'd choose to wear out of the hundreds I own." You smile up at him. "Mhm, not gonna try and win that one." He places a big, sloppy kiss on your cheek before pulling away. "Show me. How can I help my pretty baby today?"

➤ END FLASHBACK

"Hey, I can't stay out late tonight because of the event tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know." Taehyung says softly.

"Please don't drink too much."

"I wooooooon't." He whines with a small sigh, also slightly offended at that statement. He didn't know what it was, maybe it was the fact that his own father painted him in such a negative light that everything seemed off to him lately. Like people were just out to get him or constantly looking down at him and his actions. A personal attack at who he was. It was slowly piling up for him and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take.

You prepared a quick dinner while he hopped in the shower. You set his plate aside before taking a look at the mail that had come in today.

Bills, bills and more bills.

You sighed to yourself as it felt like you had just paid things off, but clearly not. Moving into Taehyung's wasn't the greatest idea, being that his space was much more expensive than yours. But, he did have the space you needed for your work. There was money left, but you knew it wouldn't last forever. You hated tapping into your savings and whipping out your credit cards because you wanted to keep yourself clean as much as possible. However, that was proven difficult as of late. It was a sacrifice, especially since Taehyung had cut off his mother's help. Taehyung's pride was such a curse sometimes.

You shook your head, already finalizing the fact that you would deal with it later. You had began to set your things aside for the new student event tomorrow morning. You figured you'd get there early to set up and make your table at neat and cute, so you didnt have to worry much about it right now.

Taehyung comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, hair slicked back and wet. You turn to face him, your eyes wandering down to his chest and bottom area. God, why was he so beautiful? It wasn't fair. You loved him so much that you could crumble even being upset. He talks a whole lot about you being the death of him, when really, this man is going to be the death of you. Truly. There's no debate about it.

Getting to the bar, you both immediately spot your friends in the corner, a huge tower of beer decorating the center of the table. Jimin is the first to stand, coming towards you two with a huge smile on his face.

"Friends!" Jimin yells. "Drink!" He says, holding up two shot glasses.

"Fuck, man." Taehyung says taking the glass. "We just got here."

"So! Y/N needs to be home early remember?" He watches wide-eyed as you two take the shot and make sour faces at each other.

"Okay, I'm good." You say, being that you were the DD tonight. Taehyung could enjoy himself if he wanted to [to an extent], but you definitely needed to be in tip top shape to be a good role model to those incoming art students tomorrow.

Throughout the night, the bar starts to get packed from end to end, you and your friends staying at the table and keeping to yourselves. You could tell Taehyung was crossing the line of pretty fucking drunk, which somewhat bothered you. You literally just told him to take it easy tonight - just for one night - so you could do what you need to do tomorrow.

"Hey." Jimin comes next to you, swinging his arm over your shoulder like he always does. "One more shot?" You give him a toothless smile. Ugh, why the hell not? Your man was drunk, and Jimin had only been helpful lately. You could at least return the favor by taking a shot with him.

"What are we drinking to?"

"You." He smiles. "Your shop. Your art. It'll only go up from here, yeah?" He rose his shot glass up before clinking it against yours and taking it to the neck.

"Mkay, that does it for me." You chuckle. "Thanks for the shot."

"No problem. You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." You looked at your watch. "Should probably get out of here soon, but Tae looks like he's enjoying himself. I don't wanna drag him out of here."

"We can just bring him home." You shake your head worriedly.

"I don't wanna leave without him." Jimin chuckles and looks over at Taehyung.

"He'll be okay and you'll be just fine tomorrow. Besides, you can make up all the bullshit in the world to tell the incoming students, they'll believe it either way."

"That's mean." You chuckle.

"Come. Let's dance!" Jimin says, leading the way to the empty space near the table. Everyone gets up to dance, Taehyung slipping himself behind you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"Can I at least get one minute with my lady without Jimin interrupting?" He says in your ear.

"Taehyung." You flatly say, looking back at him.

"That's your mad face." He holds you tightly from behind as he sways you from side to side.

"I'm not mad."

"Mhm." He kisses the back of your head. "Why don't you have fun with me for a little? We'll go home after this." You couldn't even stay mad at him, with that fucking frustratingly handsome face of his. He was definitely drunk though, you could smell the whiskey lingering on his breath as he danced with you for a bit. You let him be, just so you wouldn't trigger anything within drunk Taehyung. Everyone around you was having a good time, the feeling of nostalgia hitting you pretty hard. You missed the days where you could get together and go to parties after a long week of school. Or, when you would tease the fuck out of Taehyung as his fuckbuddy during parties, or at the clubs. You know, before graduation and responsibilities happened.

But as one hour turned into two, and two turned into three, you found yourself getting restless. It was nearing 2AM and you had to be at the school by 8am - even earlier just to set your table up. You made your way to the bathroom, hoping Tae would get the point and start getting himself ready to leave.

Right.

Once you were out the bathroom, he'd realize you had been gone for a little and start saying his goodbye's. He'd realize time got to the best of him. Right?

"It's a fucking good time tonight!" Jimin tells Namjoon, laughing with him as he watches Joon act a fool with his dance moves.

"I'm sure it is, since you've been in Y/N's space the entire night." Taehyung says it jokingly, but he doesn't realize it only comes off that way in his head. Jimin furrows his brows at him, his high quickly dying with Taehyung's unnecessary comment.

"Don't start with all that. Not tonight. Everyone's having a good time--"

"Or what, Jimin?" Taehyung chuckles like the petty ass he can be. "You know it's true. Don't you think it's a little disrespectful to be crossing boundaries?"

"Hey, let's step back for a bit." Jungkook lightly tugs on Taehyung's arm as he hears the conversation going south quickly. But Taehyung breaks from his grip, stepping forward towards Jimin.

"You really think I would do that to you?"

"Haven't you already? Swinging your arms around her and shit, being all angelic--"

"Tae, come on. That's enough. Don't." Namjoon steps in the middle. "Let's go outside to get some air."

"You really wanna make me look that bad in front of my own girl?" Jimin lightly pushes him away, Taehyung getting too into his space.

"Enough." Namjoon shakes his head, aggressively stepping in the way to create distance. Taehyung shakes his head and walks off, the rest of the group watching as he walks. You finish off in the bathroom, assuming Tae was already getting ready to go. However, you realize your assumption of leaving by the time you're back is absolutely incorrect because when you get to the table, Taehyung is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Tae?" Kook looks at you frazzled, before his eyes begin to pan the room again.

"Look, don't freak out, but him and Jimin just got into it and he walked off."

"What the hell do you mean they got into it and he walked off?"

"It's nothing, Tae is just drunk—" Kook squeezes your wrist and shakes his head.

"No, it's not just nothing because you and I both know how he's been feeling lately." You run your hand through your hair. "What did he say?"

"He just got into it about Jimin getting close to you lately, and how he felt like he was disrespecting boundaries." You sigh heavily.

"Fuck."

"We have an issue." Namjoon comes back from out of the blue. "He's not around."

"What do you mean?! Where did he go?" You run your hand through your hair.

"Okay, let's not panic." Jungkook tries to relax you. "Let me go check the bathrooms." Namjoon nods as he continues to look around the room.

"Please? We should get home." He nods to you before he's off to check for Tae in the bathroom. You stand near the table awkwardly, worry filling you quickly the more time passes.

"Hey, you okay? What can I do?" Hobi squeezes your arm, his face flushed with a red tint from how tipsy he is. You give him a small, reassuring smile and nod to try and keep calm.

"I honestly don't know anymore, but I'll be good. I think. We're just gonna look for him and head home."

"Is Kookie looking in the bathroom?" You nod. At this point, you catch a glimpse of Jungkook coming back alone.

"Jungkook?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find him in there. I swear I tried."

"So, where the hell is he?" Jungkook shrugs.

"Lets check around again. I won't leave until we find him."

"Have you tried to call him?" You had already beaten Yoongi's question, calling Taehyung's phone only to see his phone vibrating and ringing on the fucking table. "Hm, okay. Maybe not."

"Fuck." You snatch Taehyung's phone from the table. "Is he serious right now? It's about to be 2:30AM. How the fuck can he get lost at this time?"

"Y/N just go home, we'll find him and bring him home." Jimin says, coming back from roaming around the place.

"No, I'm not leaving here without him."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." He says, looking at you in the eye. Although he was pretty fucking pissed, he couldn't help but worry about him either. No matter what, that was still his bestfriend. He didn't want anything to happen to him.

"It's not your fault."

"We need to check around the neighborhood." Jungkook suddenly comes back and grabs your arm. You follow him, Yoongi, Hobi, Namjoon and Jimin outside of the bar, the cold hitting your skin harshly.

"Let's split." Namjoon says. Jimin and Hobi split, Namjoon and Yoongi sticking together to go down a different path. You kept yourself close to Jungkook, knowing there were all sorts of drunk ass men out at this hour and you weren't helping wearing a tiny ass skirt and a deep cut shirt.

"Cutiepie, let me come holla!" A dude yells as he tries to swing his arm around your waist. Jungkook easily pushes him off, glaring at him.

"Back the fuck up." He spits out, your bestfriend coming to your rescue amongst the sea of men you're encountering on the sidewalk right now. He throws his jacket over your shoulders, hoping to shield you from them and the cold. "Your outfit." Jungkook frowns, a little worried.

"I mean, I didn't expect to lose Tae tonight." Once you had gotten to a quieter part of the street, you come from behind to walk beside him. "Where the hell could he have gone?" You whine. You're more worried for his safety and wellbeing right now more than anything and all you wanted to do was find him and bring him home, even though you were slightly worrying about yourself and how things would go tomorrow. You could give him an earful later. It could wait.

"He couldn't have gone far." You both continue down the street, heading towards your car, hoping he may be around the area. Jimin calls to check in, saying him and Hobi hadn't caught sight of him yet, and the same thing goes for Yoongi and Joon. You almost want to cry when you don't see Taehyung near your car, but Jungkook ends up walking further down towards the park near your parking spot. "Y/N! Here!" He calls out, running towards an individual slumped over on their knees on a bench. "Taehyungie?" Jungkook sits next to him and shakes him a bit.

"Shit dude, I just kept walking then I suddenly had no idea where I was at." He drunkily says as you sit next to him and sigh heavily.

"No one said you had to do that, Tae."

"I just needed some air."

"Yeah and look where that got you, it's close to 3AM." You respond, irritated.

"Y/N." Jungkook says softly, shaking his head at you as if he were signaling for you to quit with your attitude. "Let's go back to the car." Jungkook watches him stand up and wobble a bit, but eases up when he realizes Taehyung is capable of walking himself to the car. You three get back safely, letting the others know that you had found him before driving Jungkook back towards the club so he can meet with everyone else. You quickly thank him for his support before driving off to head home.

The car is incredibly cold, and silent.

"Love, I'm sorry. I just needed air and got lost." He breaks the silence.

"I see that." You say softly as you drive home, keeping your eyes glued to the road in front of you.

3:23AM.

"Please don't be mad." He gives your thigh gentle squeeze. "I just got a little into my head tonight." You sighed, gently removing his hand from your thigh.

"Taehyung, I'm your fiancé, I'm doing this with you and only you. Do you even understand how worried I was? You just walked off, without your phone. Without saying anything to me. Just cause you got in your head for no reason."

"I'm sorry." He repeats at a whisper. You don't say anything else for the rest of the drive home. You silently park the car and head to the apartment, Taehyung sluggishly following behind you. He knows you're bothered, knowing it's closing to 3:30AM and you had an early morning. Honestly, he didn't realize how drunk he was until he had gotten himself into that argument with Jimin then got lost, especially without his phone. The fact that he had made you worry and stress like that made him feel terrible, especially after these past few days. You could have easily left, but you didn't leave without him even if it was this late. He instantly just wanted to cuddle you and tell you how sorry he was.

You quietly get ready for bed and line your things up by the door, just so it would be an easy quick and grab as you head out in the morning. You slip yourself into the sheets, Taehyung following shortly after he gets himself ready for bed. He shuts off all the lights and grabs himself a water bottle to sit by his nightstand before slipping in next to you.

"I love you." He whispers against your ear, wrapping his arms around you. But you don't respond. He peeks over to see your eyes shut, silently sighing to himself as he nuzzled his head against the nape of your neck. He knows you aren't fast asleep yet, and it hurts him that you hadn't said it back. You both just knew exactly how to love each other well, but also push each other's buttons. But, maybe, it was true - he was just fucking up left and right lately. Enough for you to go to bed without saying 'I love you' back.

'cause baby if i find a way, i'm sure of it, this love won't stray; just give me a chance to say i love you, and i need you. now are you here to stay, or fade away like every other day? you're the reason that i lie awake

track two: 3AM - finding hope

[julyarchives]

Don’t You Hear Me Howling? || (M) || 08

Finding out you are a female Alpha sparkled some rivalry inside your pack, and resulted in you losing your best friend and your life turning upsidedown, so leaving for college was the fresh start you needed. Years later, you are about to finish your degree and suddenly this past comes back to mess with your head.

→ Pairing: Yeo One x Female Reader | Kino x Female Reader

→ Genre: A/B/O AU; Omegaverse; College AU.

→ Words:  3.8K

→ Contains: mentions of alcohol; wolf shifting; some Alpha-Alpha tension; Y/N making out with a special guest 👀; smut; Jealousy

→ A/n: Thus was supposed to be posted yesterday, but we sort of got lost in the calendar, so here it is now (oops?) we hope it isn't too lame and you guys like it! Also, as mentioned in the warning, there is a special appearance heheh.

→ Index: 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • 06 • 07 • 08

As much fun and easygoing as things were for you, you felt glad for the holidays break. You got out of the cab and breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of the reservation forest that boarded the neighborhood.

Every year your pack has their own ritual to celebrate your ancestors during the holiday, and you were actually looking forward to participating this year, after missing it since you started college, for many personal reasons - and one of them included a very difficult talk with your parents. Also, so much has happened this semester that being in the small city allowed you to breathe some fresh air and organize your thoughts.

Your parent’s received you immediately as you went through the front door, with big hugs and wide smiles.

“It’s so good to have you home” your mom patted your head, her small frame making her reach high to do so.

“Let me take your stuff to your room” Your dad grabbed your luggage and turned around to take them upstairs

“Oh, it’s fine, I can take them” You tried to stop him, but he pretended he didn’t listen. But you knew he loved feeling like the man of the house. You redirected yourself to your mom “I think I could use a shower and a nap, the trip was too long.”

“Of course, honey, I’ll call you for lunch.”

You crossed paths with your dad in the doorway, who offered a small smile. He wasn’t very fond of small talk, so that was usual of him. You closed the door behind you and sat on the edge of the twin bed centered on the room. You looked around and took in the scent of your old home, which immediately brought back so many memories.

Before you left for college, you and Changgu were on bad terms, so there weren't pictures of you together anymore, but you could still see the tape marks on where they used to be glued on your old vanity mirror. You also remembered perfectly which drawer you have tucked them away, the one that you were currently staring at, contemplating taking a look at them. In the end, you just shook the idea off of you and followed what you’ve told your mom.

The day was rather quiet and peaceful, the big event being held in the night, and the talk you were dreading could wait after the celebrations. Your parents had visited you in college a couple of times, and you have visited them too, but it was rare, never for the holidays, so they prepared a special family lunch and you couldn’t deny that you had a good time being around them.

All the pack had gathered in a big clearing at night to celebrate, and the bonfire already burned high. You could feel all the attention shifting to you as you arrived, your dominant scent overpowering everyone else's, and you held yourself high.

The day you left the city you promised yourself to never get close to this pack again. They’ve ignored you and diminished you as an Alpha, and you knew this place wasn’t for you. They were all surprised to see you back, they could barely hide it, but every time you made eye contact with someone, they quickly turned away avoiding you.

You didn’t hide, not ashamed of you or your choices, but it was rather uncomfortable, the tension almost palpable in the air. You quickly grabbed your phone and texted Wooseok.

“ Please tell me you headed back town for the holidays”

To which he quickly replied

“I actually came to a friend’s house, I’m not there, sorry :(“

You sighed. The cold weather wasn’t so bad, the cool breeze was blowing softly and the fire kept the place warm if you got close enough. Your parents stopped along the way to say hi to their friends, but you followed closer to the bonfire, where your eyes quickly met the current Alpha.

For a moment you had forgotten he was Changgu’s father, but seeing him immediately brought the information back to you. They looked alike so much, the same eyes full of expression and sharp jawline. He was staring at you, not so happily, and nodded when you looked at him. Your expression could be sour, you weren’t sure how much you were holding back, but you respectfully nodded back.

He sustained the stare a couple more seconds, so did you, but soon he was calling everyone’s attention. Everyone gathered close and his wife stood by his side. That’s when you saw Changgu, getting close to his father with a stoic expression on his face.

You shoved your hands in the pocket of your jacket and offered a half-smile when he noticed you. At first, he seemed confused but returned the gesture

“Brothers and sisters” The senior Alpha called “tonight we celebrate the ones who have left us. Our ancestors passed us their wisdom,” He spoke firmly and slowly, looking around at everyone. “Their strength lives in us, and so we honor them with our nature.”

There was a long speech about union and tradition that to you it sounded too much like hypocrisy since the traditions would include you, supposedly the next Alpha of the pack, to be standing there as a successor. You did not bother, because you expected nothing else.

The leader of the pack was the first to turn. His skin shredded, giving space for the long dark brown and silver fur to grow as a howl echoed loudly, bringing out everyone’s instinct, but especially your Alpha ones, and soon you had shifted.

This was one of the reasons you wanted to come. Being in university has you taking suppressants daily, so letting yourself run free was like getting rid of tight clothes that restricted your movements. You howled loudly to follow the collective chant, an ode to the departed ones, a hymn for the pack, the freedom of instinct.

The pack’s Alpha ran in the front, leading everyone with his big frame. Changgu followed him, and it’s been so many years since you’ve seen his wolf form that you felt surprised. He was bulky and big, his posture very imponent, and you stopped to admire it for a second.

The run was freeing. The wind hiding your wolf nozzle, pushing your fur back, your paws hitting the dirt. You needed that, and just letting yourself act on your instincts was the best thing you could grant yourself at that moment.

Reaching the highest point of the forest, the collective howling restarted. You stopped right next to Changgu, whose wolf eyes watched you intently, and in wordless communication, you howled together, allowing the instinct to speak for yourselves.

…

After the traditional pack run, a feast was hosted by the Alpha, usually in his house, which was big enough to fit everyone comfortably in the large backyard.

Everyone happily celebrated what was the closest to a wolf Christmas, with an abundance of food for everyone. You sat with your parents at the assigned table, attending the event quietly, holding yourself back just enough to not drag any more attention than you were already getting. Mr. Yeo, the Alpha, customarily greeted every individual, and when he approached you and your family, you stood up and bowed respectfully.

"Thank you for having us" your father shook his hands

"It's my pleasure," Mr. Yeo politely answered, "I didn't expect your daughter to come."

He talked about you like you weren't there, and you were pretty sure that was purposefully meant to challenge your position.

"I came to pay respects to the tradition, sir" you opened a forced smile. A damn good one. "Can't let that behind me."

His eyes snapped in your direction with intensity, letting the impassive expression on his face falter for a second.

"Of course" he smoldered, masking it with a smile probably just as fake as yours.

To him, you represented a threat to his family's legacy, so it wasn't a big secret that he isn't very fond of you.

"I hope you enjoy the party," he said to you and your parents altogether, but redirected the last sentence at you "if there's anything you need, just tell me and I can provide."

"Of course, thank you so much" your mom answered gladly. She followed her leader with passion and always tried to be in good graces with him, so she's always been strict in the sense of community tradition and formalities.

"No need to thank me, ma'am" he smirked "that's just an Alpha job"

The provocation was like a punch in the gut. Ever since you were revealed an Alpha, Mr. Yeo tried to do everything in his power to deprive you of your given rights inside the pack. He raised Changgu to take his place and hated your guts for ruining his plans. He was a man of power and didn't appreciate when someone threatened that position.

"Y/N…" your mom called you with a warning tone to her voice.

You didn't notice how you were instinctively growling, low enough for only people close to the table to hear, but your Alpha emotion was strong enough to cause some heads to turn in your direction.

Mr. Yeo, of course, smiled in victory from a distance, happy to make you look bad in front of the community.

"You really don't care that he does everything to undermine me, do you?" You said to both of your parents.

"Honey, he's the Alpha." Your mom said calmly "everything he does is to protect you. Is the best for everyone."

"You do know I'm an Alpha too, right?" You scoffed, rolling your eyes.

They both stayed quiet. You looked at your dad, hoping he would say something in your favor, but he just complies with your mom's orderly silence.

"Yeah, thanks," you said, standing up and leaving.

Growing up you used to love being with your pack these kinds of celebrations were your favorite time of the year.  But now everything changed and suddenly you felt so misplaced that you felt like you didn't know anyone anymore. You knew all your neighbors, and their kids who went to school with you, but now they were almost complete strangers to you.

You grabbed a bottle of beer and looked around for the only familiar face you could find there. Changgu was not running Alpha errands with his dad, so when you found him he was surrounded by a group of girls, apparently younger than you, swooning at every charming smile of his, and you could just see how much he adored all the attention. You chuckled at his fuckboy attitude and the poor deluded girls who had a crush on him, hoping to get the son of the Alpha in love with them.

"Y/n?" You heard your name being called, taking you always from your thoughts.

The boy who called you was tall and slim, a long-ish hair half up in a ponytail and he looked happy to see you.

"Hey…?" You said with uncertainty, trying to figure out why he looked so familiar, but you just couldn't remember his name

"Hyunjin" he chuckled "I don't know if you remember me, but we went to school together."

"Right, Hyunjin, of course, I remember!" It finally clicked to you. Hyunjin was an omega, a few years younger than you but you two used to share some clubs in high school, but he didn't look so… hot. "You look so different, sorry it took me a while to recognize you."

"Yeah," he laughed shyly, scratching the back of his head. "I haven't seen you since you left for college. You look great"

His flirtatious half-smirk was very obvious and you actually thought he looked quite cute.

"You look great yourself" you bit your bottom lip, looking him up and down "But yeah, I kind of focused on graduating rather than coming here."

"I'm glad you're here now." He fully smirked this time "wanna go somewhere quieter? I'd love to catch up with you"

You felt hesitant at first, and you looked back to find Changgu again, and this time one of the girls was grabbing his arm, running his hand all over it. You wanted company for the party, and since Changgu was busy flirting, why shouldn't you do the same?

"Of course, let's do it." You took one last sip of your beer and linked arms with him.

He guided you around the house to the front porch, where you rested your elbows and watched the quiet street. Hyunjin had his back against it, looking at you.

You two actually did some catching up, and even exchanged numbers. You found out Hyunjin also went away for college, but he always came back for the holidays and breaks, and stuff like that, but nothing you were really paying attention to.

"You know, I have to confess something." He said, straightening his posture "I sort of had a crush on you, back in the days"

"Really?" You laughed softly, amused at the sudden confession. "Why didn't you say something, then?"

"Ah," he clicked his tongue. "Everyone knew you only had eyes for Changgu."

You rolled your eyes involuntarily.

"C'mon, everyone knew that, and Changgu didn't let anyone get close to you"

You were actually surprised to hear that since this wasn't something he ever told you but explained why you weren't popular with boys in high school.

"Well," you stood up and stopped directly in front of him "I don't see Changgu anywhere now, do you?"

Hyunjin grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him, and your hands held the collar of his jacket.

"I guess I should shoot my shot, then" he licked his lips, alternating looks between your eyes and lips.

"What are you waiting for, big boy?" You challenged him.

He reached forward, kissing you rather urgently. His plumpy lips felt soft against yours, and he was a really good kisser. He pulled you against him, and you intertwined your fingers on the loose hair behind his neck. He gasped when you tugged on it, and you grinned into the kiss for getting a good reaction out of him. His hands sneaked down your waist, boldly squeezing your ass as the kiss got more intense, and he earned a shy hum of satisfaction out of you.

The noise of someone clearing their throat interrupted you two, making both of your heads snap in its direction, but neither of you really letting go of each other.

"Y/N" Changgu called you rather sternly, with a matching frown on his face. "I need you to help me deal with some stuff"

You sighed.

"Looks like some things didn't change, did they?" Hyunjin whispered just for you to hear,

"I'm not done with you yet." You whispered back, nibbling his earlobe.

"Now." Changgu interrupted again.

You pecked Hyunjin's lips before detangling from him, only then noticing that his hands were still in your ass.

"Text me, ok?" You said to him loudly as you followed Changgu inside the house.

He walked large steps and didn't bother looking behind to see if you were following.

"You couldn't have picked a worse moment to need me to deal with some bullshit, could you?" You whined, but he still paid no attention to you "all night, I was there doing absolutely nothing, and when I finally started to have some fun you decided I was important enough to attend whatever this is."

You babbled but still, he didn't respond, and you just kept following him around corridors in the big house, finally entering a dark room

"What is so important anyway that you had to call me so urgently-"

Changgu interrupted you when he pushed you against the door, making it slam loudly, his lips crashing against yours with a certain vigor.

At first, your eyes widened in surprise, and you pushed him back to look at him, but his hold on you didn't loosen up.

"What the fuck, Changgu?"

"Just," he stopped to think, breath already heavy in anticipation "shut up"

He resumed kissing you, and this time you rolled with it because, you couldn't deny, kissing him was something you ever saw yourself getting tired of. He pressed his whole body against yours, grinding on you making you gasp every time his thigh in between your legs rubbed against your clothed core.

"Fuck, Changgu" you said when he attacked your neck.

You pull the hair on his nape, making him look at you

"Is that what this is about?" You asked, forcing yourself to think straight "you can't bear the thought of me fucking someone else?"

Rather than answering, Changgu just growled, making you laugh ironically

"So you can flirt with all those pretty girls out there," you raised your eyebrows, "but I can not hook up with people? As if, Changgu"

You weren't as mad as much as you were enjoying taunting him for being so desperate to have you his.

"Just shut up, for fucks sake" he rolled his eyes and picked you, only to throw you on the bed behind him.

You finally recognized Changgu's old bedroom, with the light that came from the window above it. It was different, with no more posters taped to the wall or the action figures he liked to collect. It was a simple room with minimal decoration now.

"Gonna break another bed, wolfie?" You teased "I don't think daddy would be very happy to know you're fooling around with the Alpha"

He growled loudly, hooking his hands around your legs and pulling you closer to him, your bottom hitting his knees, which were pressed against the mattress. He leaned down and viciously kissed you, nibbling and ducking your bottom lip.

"You know, you're way hotter when your mouth is shut" he panted in between kisses.

Having turned into wolves mere hours ago had all your instincts right under the skin. The dominance, the connection between you and your Beta, the lust. Everything was on edge and you guessed that's why Changgu was so desperate.

He unbuttoned your jeans and pulled them down with your underwear in one swift motion while you took off your shirt, revealing your bare breasts underneath it. Changgu licked his lips and chuckled cockly when he ran a finger down your slit, showing you how wet you already were.

He took his shirt off, but didn't bother with his pants, and leaned back down to lick a long stripe of your juices, brushing softly on your clit on the way.

You moaned weakly.

"I'll show you why you're better here than with the what's-his-name out there." He said in a low husky voice.

He kept his hand around your legs and captured your sensitive nub in between his lips, making you buck your hips and grab his hair in response.

His back muscles were on display for you and it was hot to watch it contract and relax as he moved in between your legs.

"You're so eager for me, aren't you?" You teased him again and he hummed, sending vibrations down your core. "Do your worst, let me see if you're worth my time"

He leaned back up and you hated the loss of contact, but he quickly spun you around and pulled your hips up exposing your ass to him, and a harsh slap sting on your skin, accompanied by his deep growling that he didn't seem to have control over, and you yelped at the burning pain.

You heard him fumbling with his belt and soon he was entering you with no warning, making you bury your head in the pillow to muffle a loud moan. He didn't give you any time to adjust as he pounded into you fast, showing his desperation. He angled his hips just right to hit the perfect spot inside you to make you scream.

For a second you were afraid someone would hear you, but the backyard was not that close to the bedroom, and you tried to suppress your noises the best you could. Changgu seemed to be out of control with the way he hissed and moaned, your name falling out of his lips here and there.

A sloppy rushed fuck was not on your plans tonight but, fuck, it felt good. Changgu was getting sloppier by the minute and you just knew he wouldn't last long. You reached in between your legs and circled around your glistening clit, realizing you were in no better state than he was.

The closer you felt to your high, the more you squeezed your walls around Changgu's member, and the louder he moaned.

"Are you trying to get us caught?" You managed to say "such a loud wolf."

He didn't respond, too focused on fucking you, but he didn't get quieter.

You fastened your movements and had again your head buried in the pillow, moaning freely as you reached your orgasm, your whole body vibrating in pleasure. Changgu started thrusting faster, gripping your hips harder and pulling you against him to meet his thrust, and soon enough you felt his seed dripping down your thighs, strangled noises caught in his throat as he rode his high.

You relaxed your body when he pulled out of you, laying down with your stomach against the mattress, crossing your arms under your head for support. Changgu threw himself by your side, facing the ceiling and panting, looking fucked out already.

"Jealous wolf, aren't we?" You tapped his chest, provoking him

"Shut up" he chuckled

"How many girls did you fuck in this bedroom anyway? You were quite popular with the ladies back in high school. I bet they all died to be in Yeo Changgu's bedroom" you mocked a dreamy-girly voice.

"Do you really want to talk about who I fucked in high school?" He chuckled.

"Well, someone had to get laid, right? Since I couldn't because someone told boys to stay away from me." You smirked at his embarrassed expression

"Hyunjin is such a snitch, he was never good enough for you" he rolled his eyes and looked away.

"And who is? You?" You scoffed

"I didn't hear you complaining when you were screaming against the pillow just now"

You slapped his chest and he laughed loudly

"Jerk" you mumbled.

"Guess you can go back to your pretty boy out there", he said in a teasing voice, "if you're still interested, that is".

"So cocky, aren't you?", he laughed at your mocking expression.

"Maybe. But we still have festivities to attend".

"Unfortunately".

You got dressed in comfortable silence and after a few minutes, you were good to go. Changgu stood by the door and smiled at you before opening it and waving for you to walk by him. As you walked out, a satisfied smile took over your face and you only hoped people wouldn't notice the smell of sex on you too much. You and Changgu parted ways and for a second you let the whole tension of your body relax during the holiday. Just for a while.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Poe Dameron x Female Reader (Armitage Hux too if you squint.)

A/N: I actually set this in my Somewhere in the Dark, Your Light Finds Me fic. You don’t have to read it to know what’s going on I do try and cover the basics so it all makes sense. On the other hand if you did want to read the fic this is full of spoilers 😅 Writer Wednesday (I bet you always look forward to my sadness….) @clydesducktape @autumnleaves1991-blog

Warnings: Possible gaslighting, mentions of infidelity, Poe is a bit of an ass. Mention of baby/pregnancy loss, mention of PTSD, arguments, alcohol mention, broken down engagement. Oh yeah it’s all sadness up in this house.

Word Count: 4276

You stared at your computer screen, the words and numbers all blurring together. Your heart was heavy, still ringing with the hurtful words from your fiancé yesterday. You hated fighting with him, you were due to get married next week but right now that was all up in the air. He had been so angry, his words like poison as he dripped them all over you. You’d seen Poe’s temper before, you’d experienced his hurtful words when he was having his PTSD moments but nothing could have prepared you for the last few months. The constant nit-picking at everything you did, trying to trip you up in a non-existent lie. This year has been awful for both of you, in fact it has been a rollercoaster since you’d met but you had hoped, together, you’d battle the darkness that threatened to cloud your relationship. Only he seemed to be feeding it now and you didn’t know what to do. There were only so many times you could tell him you weren’t cheating on him, you weren’t having an affair with your boss. You ran a hand over your forehead, didn’t they say the one doing the accusing was usually the one doing the thing they were accusing you of?

“Are you ready for some lunch before you run off and get married?” You looked up to see your boss standing next to your desk, his hand was fiddling with his cuff as he looked at you with those green eyes. His red hair was placed perfectly as always, ever looking the part as the owner of a profitable business.

“Right, lunch,” you mumbled and he smiled slightly.

“I can’t let my best accountant go without a decent lunch.”

“Is it Friday?” You asked and his gaze flickered over you quickly, the smile faltering as he saw how exhausted you were.

“Yeah it’s Friday. You were supposed to finish half an hour ago. I thought I’d missed you.”

“Oh right,” you mumbled again, going through the motions and switching off your pc. You flinched slightly when his hand brushed your elbow, your fiancé’s words suddenly loud and accusing in your mind. Armitage walked you to the lift in silence, the handles of your bag felt heavy in your hands even though there was barely anything in it. The ride was a couple of minutes long, the silence almost deafening as your boss clearly couldn’t think of anything to say and you were too trapped in your thoughts to even make a sentence let alone conversation. When the doors opened the noise of the foyer almost deafened you, Armitage let you out first and suddenly you felt like everyone was staring at you. All the chatter became whispers, accusations, rumours and you wanted to run and hide, your heart fluttering with anxiety. The sound of your name made you start slightly only to find Armitage staring at you now with real concern.

“Is this wedding jitters, or something more?” You felt frustrated with yourself which made the increasing pressure behind your eyes worse.

“It’s nothing,” you muttered.

“Ok let’s skip lunch, there is a little van by the river where we can grab a hot chocolate and have a chat.”

“Yeah ok that sounds good,” you felt yourself relaxing already. The idea of someone seeing you out for lunch with your boss was much harder to explain away than a simple drink by the river. Because you had to think about these things, what with Poe now driving himself crazy you were having an affair and you just wanted to prove you weren’t. Because you weren’t. The street your building was on was just a short walk from the river, and took you both less than a couple of minutes. Trees lined the street all rich in orange, red and gold, their leaves littered the pavement like discarded jewels. Nature had put on her autumn coat and it showed in such wondrous glory. There was a slight nip in the air but it wasn’t constant enough to warrant a coat, not this late in the day.

You leaned on the railing looking down into the water as Armitage ordered the drinks, already you felt better being out here, the smell of the water carried on the breeze and the freshness that came with the river compared to the rest of the city already blowing the cobwebs from your mind.

“Here,” you took the cup he offered you with a quiet thanks, the heat of the hot chocolate bleeding through the sleeve and you rested it on the railing. You pointed at the marshmallows floating on the surface and shot him a quizzical look. He shrugged, that telltale blush creeping over his cheeks as he leaned next to you. “You looked like you needed cheering up.”

“Well thanks,” you bumped his shoulder and he bumped you softly back.

“Are you going to tell me what is going on?” You sighed loudly, trying to expel all the bad feelings you had tumbling inside you but it didn’t work, nothing would.

“Poe thinks I’m having an affair.” There. You said it. Now it was real, taking shape out of your body. Your fiancé had been accusing you for months, but last night it had really blown up all because you worked late trying to tie everything up for leaving early today.

“What?” Asked Hux angrily. “What gives him that idea?”

“Well he’s been accusing me for months,” you swallowed some hot chocolate, hoping it would ease the emotions that were forcing their way out of you, but it didn’t. “I stayed late last night to try and finish up, you know because I’m the best…” you tried to joke but the sound of your voice made it fall flat. “Anyway, when I got home he started immediately, demanding to know where I’d been, accusing me of all sorts he just wouldn’t drop it no matter what I said and then….” You looked up at the sky desperately trying to stop the tears from falling but they did anyway, big fat ones rolling down your cheeks. “And then he left,” you said thickly. “And I haven’t heard from him since.” Armitage sighed loudly looking down at his hot chocolate.

“So he thinks you’re having an affair with someone from work? How daft is he?” He shifted next to you, turning so his back was to the river and he looked up and down the street trying to figure out what to say next. “I’m so sorry, why didn't you say something? I’d have shortened your hours or I don’t know….helped?” He offered but you shook your head.

“That wouldn’t have helped Armitage,” you replied softly, dabbing at your eyes and sniffing loudly.

“Who does he think you’re having an affair with anyway? All you do is sit at your desk, crunch some numbers, write a report and go home,” he gestured with the hand holding his hot chocolate and you tilted your head to look up at him letting out a quick bark of laughter.

“Armie, if my job was that easy I wouldn’t be having problems, anyway…”

“But what gave him the impression you’re having an affair?” He asked angrily before holding up his hands. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be prying but this has got my back up, I see how hard you work all the time you love your job.”

“I do,” you whispered.

“Why…I don’t understand?” You pulled your bottom lip into your mouth debating whether to tell him but it burned in your mouth and you wanted to see how he would react, you supposed.

“It’s you, Armitage. He thinks I’m having an affair with you.” Hux froze, his hot chocolate halfway to his mouth before he made an expression of disbelief and lowered it again.

“Me?” He turned to face you, a finger pointing into his chest. “I’m sorry, me? Poe Dameron…curly haired, finely chiselled jawline, god amongst men, Poe Dameron thinks you would choose me over him?” He leaned back against the railing, a smile playing around his mouth. “Oh yeah he really has lost the plot,” he chuckled to himself. He took a sip from his cup as you both stood there letting the news sink in, filling the cracks of the silence you both found yourself in. “But you’re getting married.” He stated, almost in quiet disappointment.

“I’m supposed to be, but how can I, if I don’t even know where he is, who he’s with.” Hux looked down at you as you leaned over the railing looking at your reflection, rippling in the water.

“He wouldn’t…” Hux started but you snorted in disbelief, cutting him off.

“He might. We’re all capable of it aren’t we?” You mused. Hux’s arm jostled you slightly as he leaned in next to you, his bright red hair almost glowing in his reflection. You turned to look at him, he was so close and you found yourself recklessly wondering what would happen if you kissed him, here, now. You’d been accused of it enough, so why not put some weight behind those accusations? For all you knew your fiancé was out doing god knows who right now….so why not right?

Hux turned to say something else but you found yourself tipping forward just at the right time and your lips met his in a surprise kiss. A kiss that neither of you pulled away from straight away. Hux backed up a step, his eyes wide with surprise and you instantly felt the flush of guilt roil through your gut.

“Oh god. Armitage I’m so sorry!” You stumbled over your own feet, clutching the railing to steady yourself. “I should go home. I need to go home.” You turned, throwing away your half empty cup into the bin and striding away before Hux could say anything to stop you.

When you opened the door to your flat you were surprised to see Poe standing in the kitchen. His arms were crossed over his wide chest, his thumb gripped between his teeth with worry and his eyes were wide when he looked up, raking over you quickly. You softly shut the door, so many questions were filling your mind you didn’t know where to start. You dumped your bag and keys on the side, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of wine.

“Bit early for that, isn't it?” He asked darkly. You ignored him and opened the bottle, not even bothering to get a glass. “Where have you been?” He asked.

“Work.”

“But you had a short day today?” So it begins… You turned and pointed at him, narrowing your eyes slightly.

“I’ve got a better question. Where have you been?”

“I stayed on Finn and Zorii’s sofa.” You nodded, taking a long swig from the bottle letting the lie settle before you tackled it.

“Mmm, do you want to rethink that answer or are you sticking with that story?” You saw his expression change at the not so veiled accusation.

“Damn it, why don’t you believe me?” He glowered.

“Like you believe me?” You shot at him. “When I stand here baring everything to you screaming at you that I’m not having an affair and still, still, you don’t believe me.” You felt the tears again and you bit down on your lip. “We’re supposed to be getting married in about 5 days. But right now you’re the last man I’d want to marry.” Poe rolled his eyes to the ceiling and you smirked, it always went like this. Now you were the emotional one, the dramatic one, the one who lost her head and made the argument more than it should be.

“You’re so dramatic…”

“Am I? Am I though?” He watched you with distaste as you took another gulp of wine. “Just so you know I rang Zorii last night, now either you tiptoed in when they were asleep or you’re fucking lying to me.” Poe shifted uneasily against the counter and you just knew. “You might want to start talking, flyboy.” He shrugged and for a moment you felt a blazing white hot anger course through you. Without waiting for an explanation you were never going to get you marched into the bedroom, slamming the bottle down on your bedside table and dragging out the suitcase from under the bed.

“What are you doing?” He asked heavily.

“Well I’m just deciding if it should be my stuff that goes in here, or yours.” His face twisted as his own anger boiled to the surface.

“Why don’t you fill it with your shit and then you can scurry off to Armitage!” He shouted.

“Maybe I’ll fucking do that!” You shouted back, throwing up your arms.

“I knew it!” He snarled, stepping forward and pointing at you. “I knew it, I was right you’re having an affair with him…”

“For fucks sake Poe I am NOT!”

“You pretty much just said it! So come on! When did it happen? Months ago? Maybe when you started the new job? Come on, I want details!” You ignored his ranting, gritting your teeth as you filled the suitcase with your own stuff. “Oh my god you’re actually going? I’m sure he’ll be so happy to fucking see you.”

“Oh god enough!!” You screamed, dropping more clothes into the suitcase. “You really want the details?” You asked. “You really want to know what’s been going on?”

“You know I do baby,” he sneered sarcastically. “I love it when you prove me right.” You took a quick breath, trying to steady yourself and not fall apart right now. Not yet.

“Nothing has been happening, he is my boss…”

“You’re such a lying bitch…”

“I’m not, I'm not lying!! But…” you choked off mid shout. You had to tell him, didn't you?

“Well, I’m waiting.” He rested against the door frame, his posture full of arrogance and anger as he waited for you to finish what you were saying.

“Today, we had hot chocolate by the river,” tears filled your eyes as the guilt reared up inside you. “I kissed him,” you sobbed. “It was just a peck but honestly you’ve been accusing me of worse for months and months and I thought, why the fuck not? He didn’t even see it coming, it was all me.” You looked up to see he hadn’t moved and more hot tears spilled down your cheeks. “Do you see how these accusations are hurting me?? You’re forcing me away and I don’t want to love anyone else Poe! But you make it so hard…it-it feels like we don’t fit together anymore.”

“Maybe you’re right.” He said calmly.

“What?” You whispered.

“You’re right, we don’t fit together anymore.”

“Poe…?”

“I just feel like we’re going through the motions, we’ve been through too much, it’s been damaging for us, maybe it’s time to give up.”

“I-I don’t understand?” You whispered suddenly feeling slightly woozy and you leaned heavily on the dresser. “After everything… the accident, Ben, our-our daughter and this…you asked me not to give up on you! So I didn’t, I kept fighting for us, for this! And this is how you repay me?” You turned to face him. “I gave everything to you. EVERYTHING!” He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.

“Confession time?” You nodded, not liking his grim tone and expression. “I wasn’t at Finn’s last night…”

“No shit.” He glared at you before continuing.

“I was with Rey.” Your brain stuttered to a stop. Rey. A laugh erupted from you until you realised what he was saying.

“Oh, you were with Rey…” your hands shook as you carefully sat yourself down on the bed. Rey. She had taken Ben from you a few years ago and now….now she was taking Poe. A sob beat your chest as despair ripped through you, after all the darkness the pair of you had endured, this was how it was ending. You clutched your stomach trying to hold yourself together, everything you’d been holding back came spewing forth, the sobs were loud and fast barely giving you time to breathe.

“I’ve packed a bag already. Look,” he sighed. “I didn’t want it to come out like this.”

“Like this?” You cried. “5 days before our wedding? How long were you going to wait for Poe?” You sniffed and wiped your face. “Were you going to leave me at the altar? Or were you going to wait until we’d consummated the marriage? Or maybe you weren’t going to tell me at all!!” You shrieked.

“I would have told you, before it was too late,” he stated but you’d heard enough.

“Too late??” You stood, pointing frantically as you struggled to get your words free. “Out I want you out!”

“Listen…”

“JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!” You screamed, clawing at your own face in anguish. “I hate you! I fucking hate you!” You followed him through the flat, screaming how much you hated him, how much he’d hurt you until he slammed the front door in your face leaving you alone with only the sound of your wailing to keep you company.

You slid down the door, all the strength leaving your body and you slumped there sobbing. Finally your cries dwindled as you watched the sky through the window, seeing how it changed from the crisp blue colour with white cotton like clouds to a rich navy colour, the clouds now gold as the sun set. The need for wine drove you to get up and you hated how familiar this all felt, except when Ben had left you had turned to gin. At least when Ben had left it was more out of the blue, sure it had been hard to come back from but you hadn’t gone through the same earth shattering things with Ben as you had with Poe. But then, some things a couple just can’t come back from, you guessed. You had never stopped believing the fun loving Poe would come back to you after his accident and he did, for a time. But then the pregnancy…

The bedroom suddenly felt so empty and you noticed how certain things of his were missing, like his phone charger and his favourite pair of trainers. You sat back down on the bed, gently teasing open the drawer to reveal the tiny pink hat that had belonged to your 16 week old daughter. Running a finger over it you remembered the heartache as though it was yesterday, you hadn’t been yourself since giving birth and then losing her immediately after. You’d spiralled, quitting your job, staying at home, refusing to see anyone. It was no less than what Poe had done when he was suffering from his PTSD, but one rule for him it seemed and a different one for you. Maybe it was your fault Poe ran off with someone else, but still the bitterness filled your throat and you grimaced at the taste. You had nursed that man, looked after him, got him through one of the toughest moments of his life and he could barely do the same for you. But fucking Rey? You hiccuped slightly trying to laugh but it just came out as another sob, what a joke.

The engagement had been a bandage on a broken limb, now you thought about it. This would never have worked whether Rey had been on the sidelines or not. You slammed the drawer shut, making your way back into the kitchen you picked up your phone seeing the missed calls and messages from Ben and Zorii, Poe had obviously told them what happened. A reckless idea formed in your mind and you raced back into the bedroom, packing your suitcase in earnest as the phone rang loudly in your ear.

“Hello?”

“Armitage, I have a question for you.”

“Is this about earlier, because I really think we should talk about it more…”

“I agree. But hear me out. What if we talk about it on a plane?”

“A…what are you suggesting?”

“I have a holiday coming up…”

“You have a honeymoon you mean.”

“Not anymore.” You toyed with your lip not enjoying the silence from the other end of the phone. “Anyway, I am going on that holiday and I have a spare ticket. I’ll send you the details and you can decide if you want to come or not.”

“Alright….” He sounded hesitant but you didn’t care. He either came and you had a great time together or he didn’t and you had a great time anyway.

“I’m heading to my parents for a few days, but I will be at the airport on Wednesday. Come, or don't, it's up to you.” Putting the phone down you let out a long exhale not believing what you had just done. You just invited your boss to your honeymoon? What on earth were you thinking? God, you were so damn reckless at times! You dialed another number, sitting your phone between your ear and your shoulder as you packed everything you could.

“Mum, don’t freak out but I have some news….”

You got to the airport early, you were always early. The fear of being late was an absolute curse especially when it came to catching planes, trains, busses or basically anything that could leave without you.

You stood in the airport car park enjoying the way the cooler autumn air rushed over you. Soon you’d be replacing it with heat and sun but for now you were going to remember this. It was cleansing in a way, the freshness of it dancing over your skin, the rich rustle of the golden leaves in the crisp breeze. Taking a few deep breaths to try and calm your fluttering nerves before heading inside.

You tried not to look at your watch, you tried not to scan the crowd every 5 seconds looking for that shock of red hair. You hadn’t contacted him and he hadn't contacted you which was fine. It was fine.

The few days you’d had at your parents had been fraught, your mum cried more than you did as you cancelled as much as you could trying to get a fraction of the money you laid out back into your bank account. Your Dad, he been quiet, stewing over a man he’d accepted into the family had done this to his baby girl….he asked you not to date anymore because his heart couldn’t take the strain. You’d had a conversation with Zorii and Ben, talking them both down from hunting Poe down and ripping his balls from his body, well that's what Zorii said. Ben had been quiet, too quiet and you wondered if he remembered the way he left, with the same woman. You didn’t care, you were going on holiday by yourself it seemed. Ok you did care, you cared so much it threatened to consume you, to rob you of all function as you walked through the airport but you shoved it all aside. You’d deal with it later, that was a problem for future you, post holiday you.

You cast one last look around for that head of ginger hair, disappointment filling your chest and you blinked back whatever was happening with your eyes because you refused to shed more tears here. You handed your ticket over and strode into the plane with your head held high. Settling in your seat you immediately put your headphones in and watched out of the window trying not to think of how different this should be. You should be happy, newlyweds, all excited and flushing with joy. You should be holding hands and performing hideously embarrassing PDAs, you should be giggling and loving life, not slumped here with your face pressed against the window.

The music blared loudly in your ears, you didn’t notice when someone took the seat next to you, too lost in your pit of despair you barely managed to wipe your face dry. Something tapped on your arm and you ignored it wishing whoever it was would get the message and piss off. It happened again and you sat up ready to spew some horrible words but they all choked and died in your throat when your gaze locked with his pale green eyes. A soft smile rested easily on his face but it slipped when he saw your distraught expression, you pulled the headphones off not even daring to believe he came.

“Hi,” he said quietly.

“Oh…hi.” He reached out and swiped a thumb under your eye, catching the fresh tears that welled up and trickled down your cheek.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I wanted to be here earlier but…work.” You gasped through a sob and nodded.

“It’s ok.” You pressed the heels of your hands firmly into your eyes creating those white splodges all over your vision as you fought so hard to bring yourself back from the edge of that black pit that called your name all the time. “I’m ok,” you sobbed. Armitage snaked an arm around you and pulled you into his shoulder.

“Listen, we are going to enjoy this holiday, we are going to have a great time and drink and eat, we are going to go to the beach and you are going to sunbathe while I hide in the shade,” you chuckled though another sob. “So good times only, until we get back and have to face the music of reality. Deal?” His finger and thumb gripped your chin lightly making you look up at him and you managed a watery smile.

“Deal.”

[mimisempai]

I am here to ask you something special

Summary:

Sam wants to do things the right way. He visits an old friend to talk about his relationship with Bucky and ask for his blessing

or

5 times where Sam asks old Steve for his blessing and one time where he realizes he never needed it.

Notes:

Many people talk about Steve as if he were dead, but I imagine him living a peaceful life in a cottage with his sweetheart. Sam and Bucky still in contact with him, one way or another.

🌈 Happy Pride month ! 🌈

To celebrate, 1 day, 1 story.

Be ready for smiles, laugh, fluff, tooth rotthing fluff, positive vibes and a lot of love!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32006143

2265 words - Rating G

Sam hesitated a bit before reaching for the small gate that led to the entrance of a small cottage surrounded by trees.

When he decided to open it, a voice said, "I thought you wouldn't come in."

Sam looked up and his gaze went to the source of the voice.

He moved forward a little, and hidden behind a flowering bush, he saw Steve, a book in his hand, sitting in a rocking chair.

"Sam, it's so good to see you! " he said with a smile that not even the years had been able to change.

He got up quietly and came over to meet Sam.

"Steve, you look great."

"No need to spare me, you can add I look great for my age. Come on in. So what brings you here my friend? We... uh I don't get many visitors, so I'm a little surprised."

Sam, who had noticed the slip of the tongue, didn't insist and followed him into a small, pleasantly arranged living room. They took seats in two armchairs.

"So Sam? How are you? How is it carrying the shield?"

"I'm fine, and as you know yourself, not always easy. But I think I'm doing okay."

Steve smiled softly and said, "You are, and I never doubted it, though I hear you don't care what Steve Rogers wants." he winked.

"I see Bucky couldn't help but open his mouth."

Steve chuckled, "He even made a point of saying it to my face, full of arrogance with his stubborn tone, 'You know what Steve, Sam's right, we don't care what you want.' and you were right. I'm glad you found your way, although as Bucky explained to me, we had no right to ask you to do something like that without knowing the consequences. I owe you an apology too Sam."

Sam, touched, didn't immediately know what to say. It moved him more than he thought to hear Steve's apology and the fact that apparently Bucky had defended him so passionately. It further confirmed why he had come to see his old friend today.

"So Sam, you still haven't told me, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Sam fidgeted a little, he had thought it would be a formality, but now that he was here he realized it was harder than he had anticipated.

"Um...so here goes...you know Bucky and I are together...-" he began in a hesitant tone.

He was interrupted by a burst of laughter from Steve.

"I think I was the first to know. It was super early in the morning and I remember us...I was having breakfast when I got this facetime call from Bucky, talking all excited about a cookout, about 'Uncle Bucky' and in the midst of all this information, I managed to figure out that you two were a couple."

Steve looked at him with a fond smile.

Sam remembered what Steve was talking about like it was yesterday.

They had held a cookout on the harbor, and Bucky had come with a cake. Sam remembered how his nephews, family and friends welcomed him as if he were family. The way Bucky's face lit up when he saw Sam.

He especially remembered the end of the day, they were side by side in front of the lake and Sam had turned to Bucky and just said, "let's go home."

He had seen several emotions run over Bucky's face, shock, surprise, realization and finally a nameless joy.

He had whispered in a voice clouded with emotion, "Yes, let's go home."

And they had gone home, Sam's arm around Bucky's shoulders.

There had been no passionate kiss, no grand declarations in that moment, but like Bucky, Sam considered that from that day forward they were together.

"Sam?"

Steve's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"Yes, excuse me."

"No worries Sam, believe me I understand you."

Sam coughed, then resumed, "Yeah, so I was saying, Bucky and I are together and things are going pretty well and-"

"According to Bucky, things are going more than pretty well." replied Steve with a cheeky smile. "He told me about the two of you taking a house together. If that's the case, then things are going better than well between you, right?" Steve asked him playfully.

It was true that, contrary to what the beginning of their relationship suggested, everything went smoothly.After fighting with each other and Sam choosing to become Captain America, they realized that the most important thing for them was to talk and listen to each other, and this allowed them to deflect most of the conflicts that would arise. Sam had learned to lean on Bucky and Bucky had learned to listen to Sam, and the balance between them was natural.

So living together had been a very obvious step.

He still remembered Bucky's joy when he had taken him in front of their new house, surprising him. But what had moved both men the most was the sign nailed to the door, obviously made by children's hands. It read: " Sam, Bucky and Alpine's house. "

The cohabitation was really going smoothly, it was easy to live with Bucky. They had adapted well to each other.

Sam smiled fondly, thinking back on all the little things that made up their daily routine.

Bucky was caring and Sam hadn't expected that. Bucky recorded every detail about him, all his quirks, his likes, everything-

"Sam? I lost you again."

You're going to think I'm an idiot by now," Sam replied with an embarrassed chuckle as he scratched the back of his head.

"I actually find it kind of refreshing, it's been so long for me, but I remember the thrill of the early months." said Steve with an understanding look.

"With her?" asked Sam, pointing to the wedding ring with his chin.

"Sort of." replied Steve with a mysterious smile.

"Always so evasive my friend." teased Sam.

"And so?" asked Steve.

"I see..." Sam didn't insist, "So I was saying, we're together and it's going very well. Bucky's even adjusted very well to Delacroix."

"Yes it seems to me he told me about working on a boat with your sister I believe?" asked Steve, looking interested.

"When he first came to Delacroix, he had brought me my new armor, and he stayed to help me repair the boat of our family business that Sarah, my sister, runs. And when he moved here permanently, he offered to help on his own. He fit in perfectly and the people of Delacroix respect him."

Sam thought of Carlos, who kept singing Bucky's praises. Bucky had taken a liking to the old man and often Sam would find them sharing a beer on the boat deck when he returned from a mission.

"You know Sam, it doesn't surprise me, Buck has always been a friendly and helpful guy. I'm glad to know that he's been able to get back to some semblance of a normal life despite the years Hydra took from him.I'm glad to know that he knows something other than fighting."

Sam saw emotion pass over Steve's face.

Of course he had seen that Bucky was fully acclimated to life in Delacroix and he was not unhappy about that. He knew that if he needed him, the White Wolf would be there in a heartbeat and ready to help, but he was glad to know that he had a life outside the battlefield.

"Yeah, sometimes I feel like he's lived in Delacroix longer than I have, and I was born there so that's saying something. So, yes, we live happily together in Delacroix, and he's kind of part of the family."

Steve chuckled, "Haha yes, Uncle Bucky. I really wish I could have seen his face when he was called that."

"You would have seen mine," Sam retorted, "I was the most surprised."

"Pleasantly surprised I hope." asked Steve, with a slight frown, gauging Sam.

"Yes yes, don't get on your high horse, Steve the mother hen. My nephews don't have much of a male presence in their lives except for me, that's why they adopted Bucky immediately, and needless to say, the reverse is true. Besides, he's become a legend among the younger generation, you understand, the bionic arm and all, even my wings can't compete."

Steve laughs as he imagines Bucky surrounded by kids.

"Wait, let me show you!"

Sam picked up his phone and after a few seconds, he showed Steve the screen.

The older man couldn't hold back a small tear at the picture of Bucky lifting children with his arm, while others laughed around him. But what touched him the most was Bucky's own laughter.

As Sam put his cell phone back in his pocket, Steve wiped away his tears as he apologized, "Well, that's just the way it is, as we get older we get more emotional, and to see my best friend this happy, makes me incredibly pleased, thank you for showing me this Sam."

"You're welcome."

Sam cleared his throat before continuing, "So here's the thing Steve, I came today, because Bucky is an extremely important person, hell he's the most important person in my life.  I never thought I would find someone who knows me and understands me so well and who I don't have to be strong with all the time.I told you he's part of my family, but I would like him to be part of it in a more official way, and since you're all the family he has left as I know he thinks of you as his brother, although sometimes you act more like his mother, so I-"

Steve, laughing at Sam's last sentence, interrupted him with a wave of his hand.

Once he calmed down, he began to speak, "Sam, I think I understand what you came for. And I want you to know that nothing makes me happier than to give you my blessing, but you didn't have to ask for it. From the first day Bucky told me about you two, you have had this blessing. You are an exceptional person, and I am extremely happy that my two best friends have found each other. Having found happiness with the person I love, I know how precious that is. Not everyone gets a second chance like we did... like I did. So be happy, both of you. You both deserve it."

He clasped Sam's hand and put his other hand over their joined hands, just like the day he had passed the shield to him.

Once again Sam's gaze was drawn to the ring on Steve's finger.

"You still don't want to tell me about her?" asked Sam.

Letting go of Sam's hand, Steve said simply, "No..." Steve paused for a moment before continuing, "This story belongs to him and me."

Sam abruptly raised his head, but seeing that Steve had resumed his mysterious air, he simply nodded.

"I understand. I'm glad you found happiness then."

He stood up and headed for the door, "Don't walk me out I know the way. Just wish me luck."

"You don't need luck. I'm sure he'll say yes." replied Steve with a wink.

"Goodbye Steve."

Then he closed the door behind him.

As he was about to open the gate, his phone vibrated.

He picked it up, there was a message, "On your left."

He looked over his left shoulder, and saw Steve in the darkness of the window, but he wasn't alone and had his arm around the shoulders of a familiar figure. Sam tried to make out the features of the smaller man, but couldn't. He simply smiled and went on his way.

**********

A few days later, at Delacroix, lying with his head in Bucky's lap, Sam watched him squirm to try to take a picture of his right hand with his phone.

He straightened up and asked, "What are you trying to do?"

"I want to send a picture to Steve, of this," Bucky said, waving the hand that had been sporting the engagement ring in front of Sam's nose.

Sam smiled with fondness, picked up the phone and took Bucky's hand. He captured a photo of their joined hands, the engagement ring in full view.

Then kissing Bucky's hand, he handed the phone back to him.

Bucky typed a few words and sent the message.

Several hundred miles from Delacroix, in a small cottage, reading, Steve picked up his phone, which had just vibrated.

On the screen were the words, "Buddy, you'll never guess who is going to tie himself down."

Followed by a photo of a hand adorned with what could only be an engagement ring, joined to another hand, undoubtedly Sam's.

"So that's it, Sam proposed?" said a voice behind Steve.

"And Bucky said yes." replied Steve as arms wrapped around him from behind and a kiss was placed on his head.

He set the phone down beside him and turned to put his hands around the waist of the man behind him.

He sighed softly in happiness as he said, "I hope they are as happy as we are Tony."

"I'm sure they will be, my love." the man whispered as he kissed his head again. Then he let go of him and came to sit next to Steve.

Tony leaned against Steve who put his arm around him.

Then Steve picked up his book and continued to read aloud, "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."

__________

Not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

Quote at the end : Wind, Sand and Stars - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

[hot-wiings]

The One Where Armin Arlert And [Y/N] Yeager Never Get To Say The Words They Really Wanted To Say. 

Death Trigger Warning. 

Edited: 1-25-2021

Armin took a minute to compose himself before he entered the infirmary. He rubbed his sweaty, clammy hands up and down on his pants, wiping the residue liquid off as he took a minute to calm himself and figure out how to compose his words to the person he was looking for. He pushed the doors open and walked in towards the people he was looking for: The Yeager siblings, [Y/N], and Eren.

"How's the arm holding up?"

"It's fine. You know me, I regenerate like crazy, it'll practically be good as new by tonight."

Armin decides to address Eren first, far too nervous to address you and his thoughts. Your arms were crossed as you sat on the edge of an infirmary bed, your eyes never leaving Captain Hanji as she looks over your leg to see if anything was broken. Eren would have crossed his own arms, but he had one in a sling, his eyes, however, were glaring at the back of your head, burning an imaginary hole.

"Doesn't even matter, Captain Levi is making me sit out tomorrow's expedition."

"Rightly so!"

You bark your words out at your brother, upset that he was upset at his punishment. His punishment for starting a fight that is. Your dumb brother overheard you telling private information to the other girls in your squad, private information about your love life. Ultimately it resulted in an argument, which led to a physical fight, where you broke his arm and it felt like he twisted your ankle.

"You're sitting out the expedition because you injured yourself in a fight that you started. Not my fault Captain Levi saw me beat your ass."

"All right [Y/N], it looks like your ankle is all good. You might've just pulled a muscle, I would stay off it for the rest of the day, but you should be good to go on the expedition tomorrow."

Hanji stood up from her crouched position to go check on Erens arm again. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't happy that you had broken Eren's arm. It was completely thrilling to observe how fast the boy's injuries could heal, completely exhilarating to have the chance to do further research on him.

"And stay out of fights when Levi is around!"

"Wouldn't have been a fight if [Y/N] knew how to control herself."

"Says the boy who threw the first hit."

You jumped up from the edge of the bed and pulled your sock and boot back onto your foot before you took off out of the infirmary to go to your bedroom and rest as Captain Hanji said to. Armin followed you out into the hall, hesitant to say what he wanted to. The thought had been floating around his head ever since after he saw you and Eren fight, ever since Captain Levi had sent you both to the infirmary followed by a few choice words. He had been too far to hear what was said, but it soon spread among the squads that Eren was being forced to sit out tomorrow's expedition.

"Maybe you should sit out tomorrow's expedition too."

You stopped in your tracks as soon as Armin's words hit your ears. You quickly turned around to face Armin with furrowed brows. Your lips tipped down into a frown. Hurt and upset at what he was proposing. Was he really on Eren's side of the argument? He didn't even know what the argument was really about.

"Why should I sit it out?"

"You pulled a muscle in your ankle, your weak and-"

"Wow, thanks for that."

Armin backtracked his words. He was nervous, that wasn't what he meant to say. Not even in the slightest. You're growing upset expression and aggravation only caused Armin's nervousness to grow more.

"That's not what I meant. I just, I don't want to lose any more comrades, I don't want to lose you. Petra died in the last expedition, so many people died in the last expedition. Eren would be so upset if you died, just sit out."

"I can't believe you. Do you hear how selfish that sounds? I don't care if I'm weak, we signed up for this knowing what it entitled. Captain Hanji said my ankle will be perfectly good by tomorrow morning, not that I'll need to be on my legs much anyway."

"[Y/N], I didn't mean it like you're weak. I just think you work better when you have Eren with you. I just think you should stay with Eren, makeup from your fight, let your ankle rest more."

You ran your fingers through your hair as you looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep your gathering tears in. Whether he meant you were weak in general, or if he was referring to your ankle didn't matter. Nothing hurt more than having the guy you like tell you how weak you are. Nothing hurt more than having the guy you like tell you that you should sit out on the sidelines while other people risk their life.

There was nothing more insulting or embarrassing. 

"You and Eren can screw yourselves. It’s a pulled muscle, not a sprained bone, I'm going on the expedition. Captain Hanji thinks I'm well enough, and Captain Levi wants me in his squad. He trusts me, he thinks I'm strong enough, so I'm going. End of story."

You turned around and made your way to your room, you would've run off but you wanted to let your ankle rest like Captain Hanji had said to. The tears make their way down your cheeks once the door is closed. Why did he think you were so weak? You had progressed and grew so much. You knew you were weak, so you worked harder. You knew you were weak so you sought out advice and help from Captain Levi.

You were a far better soldier than you were at the last expedition. You would show him. You would show him how good and strong you were.

It wasn't long before the morning of the expedition arrived. With a heavy heart you had rolled out of bed and pulled your gear onto your body. You fastened each strap and buckle, your mind racing equally fast as the leather material. Expeditions were dangerous, you knew this, you knew the risks. You knew the risks and the horrors, the fear, and realities of the statics of you not making it back. Yet, you also knew it was your duty to go on the expedition.

You quickly brushed your fingers through your hair as best as you could before pulling it up into a hair tie making a bun as best and neat as you could. Captain Levi hated when people didn't look presentable, or rather he equated presentable with clean. You briskly walked down to the cafeteria and grabbed a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. It wasn't exactly your favorite, but it was what there was available. You sat down at your usual table with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. Eren didn't look happy in the slightest, still bitter over getting benched. Armin looked, guilty, sad almost, whereas Mikasa had no clue what exactly had happened between you all, but undoubtedly, she was on Eren’s side. 

You knew Armin hadn't meant to exactly call you weak. The fact was, you and him were some of the weakest soldiers inside of the Survey Corps. But you had gotten stronger, so much stronger and better. It hurt and deeply bothered you that Armin didn't seem to take notice of that. You wanted him to see you as someone strong and worthy.

You didn't dare look Armin in the eyes, and he didn't dare look at you. Instead, you kept your eyes casted down on your bowl, eating every last drop of sludge while you ignored Armin and your brother. It wasn't tasteful, but it did provide energy that would be needed for the expedition. As soon as you were done taking in your breakfast, you stood up and wrapped your green jacket around your body.

"Good luck. Kill a titan for me."

You bring your head up to where Eren and Armin were. His eyes were upset, but if he was he didn't voice it. It didn't matter, he thought you were weak. He thinks you’re weak and pathetic. You don't address him, instead you respond to your brother. Your brother, who despite being angry at you for getting him benched, was not going to allow himself to let you go beyond the walls thinking he was angry at you. He wouldn't let you go beyond the walls, risking your life, without partially fixing things. You could resume your hatefest as soon as you come back for all he cared, but for the time being, he wanted you focused on the mission.

"I will. Gotta make up for you’re stupid ass getting benched."

"Whatever. I love you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too. Quit acting like I'm leaving, I'm gonna come back, that's a promise."

"I know. Just keep Armin safe for me."

You turned on your heel and stalked off towards the stable, where most of the soldiers were already gathering to get their own horses prepped and ready to leave. Eren didn't see it, but you had a small smile on your face. Just the knowledge that he wasn't that mad at you, was like having a heavyweight lifted off your shoulders. You hated going into expeditions when your brother was upset with you, while you planned to keep your promise to Eren, there was still that chance of dying and charging into the unknown. With him being mad at you, was like dying with regrets.

You grabbed your saddle and made your way into your horses stable. You saddled her and placed the reins on her face before you adjusted each buckle and hook correctly, then you pulled her outside and placed one foot on the bootstrap before pulling yourself up and swinging your other leg over. You guilded your horse out towards the rest of your squad, but not before you passed Armin.

"Hey."

"What?"

An indecipherable expression crossed Armin’s face. He wanted to tell you that he was sorry for arguing with you yesterday, he wanted to say it wasn't out of thinking you were weak, but out of his feelings. His deep, rooted feelings for you. He didn't think he was strong enough, that was the problem. He wasn't strong enough to protect you, and not having Eren there to back you up either bothered him. That was the real reason he wanted to stay back, and that was what he wanted to tell you, yet the words got stuck in his throat.

"Stay safe, okay?"

"Yeah. You too."

You click at your horse to get her going over to Levi's squad who then guides you outside of the walls. The first hour of riding went well. No distractions, and a lack of titans. It was too good to be true. You should have known there would be complications later on in the mission, a lack of titans meant you would later on come across a hoard. Unfortunately, among that hoard was an abnormal. 

You saw it running directly at Armin. The strings in your heart pulled strongly against your chest. He had this, he had this didn't he? You had gotten stronger, you wanted him to see that, but that meant you had to treat him like he had gotten stronger too. It only takes one quick look in his direction too see there were too many titans, his squad was wrapped up, and it looked like some of them were missing, they needed help.

You quickly pulled on your reigns, changing course and charging after the abnormal. Once you reached Armin you pulled out your ODM gear to attach yourself to a tree and slice the abnormal titan’s neck open. It didn't stop there, not when there were so many, you sliced and diced, getting to as my napes as you could. You stopped for just a second, catching your breath on a tree branch. You thought they were all down and taken care of, you did it, you took down so many. You turned over to Armin and threw him a smile. 'See, I'm strong, now'.

Your smile dropped as you saw a titan approach from behind him. Quickly, you sprung into action by using your ODM gear, and Eren’s words rung in your head. Protect him, protect Armin. You just were not quick enough. This was a lifestyle you chose. You knew the risks, you knew the dangers, you knew the statistics of not coming back. You were not quick enough, all you could do was knock Armin out of the way, taking his place instead. The titan smacked you harshly against a tree making your body fling back as Captain Levi sliced its nape open meticulously.

Your body began to slide down the tree, but you knew you wouldn't be making it home. Something snapped, you heard it. Something broke, and it aches all over. You put your hand on your stomach to see a sword sticking out. Your own damn sword. It must’ve gotten knocked around when you flung in the air. Armin quickly flew over to you and placed his hands on your stomach, the blood seeped through to his fingertips, no matter how hard he applied pressure.

"It's gonna be okay, you've gotta make it back. You promised Eren. You promised him."

"Armin... It's- ok- Okay. "

You struggled to get your words out through the pain. Your body felt so cold, so numb. You wanted to tell him how you felt, the insurmountable feelings you'd kept in and desperately hidden for so long. You couldn't find yourself to say the words, you just wanted to shut down. Shut down and close your eyes, shut down and rest. You slowly moved your bloody hands up to his face, and cupped his cheeks. He hand moved his right hand up and kept your hand there as tears slid down his cheeks.

"Don't close your eyes, please don't close your eyes!"

"T-Take care of, him. Mm-kay?"

Your uttered out your very last words. You barely managed to get them out, but you desperately needed to say them. You needed to go knowing Eren was safe, you needed to go knowing he would be taken care of. You needed to go with a mind of peace. That would be enough so long as he kept Eren safe. You needed your death not to be in vain. Your body didn't give him time to reply, it didn't give him time to say yes, I'll take care of him.

"No don't. Please... Please don't. Please stop! Please!"

Your eyes fluttered close, and the hand he held against his cheek went limp and grew ever so cold against him. You were gone, you were dead. Armin pulled you, and your still blood pooling body against his. He wrapped his arms around you and let his sobs dissipate into your now cold neck. You were gone, he had to get back to moving. You were gone, he needed to toss your body with the other dead bodies, should Captain Levi say they had the room to carry you back home. You were gone, and it was his fault. You were gone, he would have to live with this forever.

Eren stood by the entrance to the stables. He had just finished cleaning out all the stalls and refilling all the troughs with food and water, before Captain Levi left he told Eren to use this opportunity to clean out the empty stalls. He suspected that they would be returning soon, it had been a long time since you left. Eren would be lying if he said he didn't worry about you being outside the walls without him. He feared that one day you would face the same fate as your mother. He felt more at ease knowing Mikasa and Armin were out there with you. They'd help you, and you'd help them. You'd keep each other safe, and you all would return to him.

The sound of hooves could be heard as horses rode into the Survey Corps, headed straight to the stables where the hungry and thirsty horses could finally take a rest. Eren spotted Armin and gave him a wave before he kept on searching for you with his eyes. Armin slid off of his horse, not giving care as it walked off in search of water. All he cared about at that moment was talking to Eren.

He had to tell him, he felt like it needed to come from him. You were gone, you were dead. You died in his arms, and he wasn't quick enough to save you. He had to tell Eren what happened, but how do you even begin that conversation. How do you tell your best friend that his little sister is dead? That the last of his family is now gone?

"Why are you covered in blood? What happened?"

Eren's words fell on nearly deaf ears. He didn't hear him, not really, just the moving of his lips. He was still drowning in the shock. Your blood was on his clothes, your blood was dried against his skin. He hadn't been able to even bring your body home, and he wasn't even sure what had happened to your horse.

"Where's [Y/N]?"

"She- Eren... She's gone."

"No. You're... You're wrong. [Y/N] wouldn't- She promised me."

Eren clenched his fists at his side. There was no way you were gone, you couldn't be. You were all the family he had left. You promised him that you'd come back. There were still things he needed to do with you. You were supposed to help him rid the world of titans, you were supposed to get married and have him walk you down the aisle, he needed to watch you grow old with him in a titanless world. He was your big brother, he was supposed to protect you.

"Eren, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She was a hero, she saved me. She died a hero."

"You bastard!"

With one quick motion, Eren pushed his clenched fist across Armin's face. He pulled it back and hit him again until he was on the ground. He hits him again and again, in a rageful frenzy. Armin just laid back and let Eren have his way with him. Every cut and bruise, he deserved. He deserves this. He should've saved you. He should've protected you for Eren. He should've been better.

"She loved you! She loved you, you bastard."

Tears streamed down Erens cheeks as Mikasa and Jean pulled him off of Armin. Armin let his tears trickle down his face and mix in with his own open wounds. The tears stung but it didn't match the ache in his heart. You felt the same way about him. You felt the same way about him the entire time, and now he would never get to tell you he returned those feelings.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Unexpected Places (Pt. 06 of 11)

Pairing: Ivar the Boneless X Reader/Bjorn X Reader

Word count: 2.8 K

Summary: As a princess, you've lived in a golden cage all your life, always a piece on someone else's game. But everything changed when the Norsemen came crushing down on Wessex, like waves in a violent storm. Their king spared your life and decided to take you with him to his kingdom, in what felt more like a rescue than a kidnapping. There, you were not only confronted with a completely different culture and lifestyle, but also with two of his sons. The oldest one has his eyes set on you, but it's the youngest one, Ivar, who gets who claimed your attention since the first sight. And he seems to have an unnamed interest in you. Of course you hoped whatever that was would pass, but when unexpected feelings start to flow a different way, things begin to change.

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{Vikings Masterlist}

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In the Blue

Ivar's room is twice the size of yours. You're blushing a little when you get inside, pacing around as he locks the door. “When I said we could get to know each other better, I wasn't expecting life to give a little push.” You mutter, letting yourself fall on a chair.

“We might as well take the chances life gives us then.” He snaps back with a smile. You do want to follow up his mood, but you can't stop thinking about the reason why you're here.

“Yeah.” It's everything you manage to say, starting to undo the braids on your hair.

“If you think you won't be safe here you're welcome to leave and find one of my brothers too–”

“That's not it, Ivar.” Deciding to cut him off before he goes on with whatever nonsense he has in mind, you raise your voice. Your fingers fail to deal with the braid on the back of your head, and the hair gets all tangled up. “Damn it!” You curse, giving up and sighing. “If I wanted to go with Bjorn, I would've, alright? Or Hvitserk, or Ubbe or whoever.” Bouncing your leg, you cup your hands together, nervously massaging your knuckles.

A few moments of silence follow before Ivar moves. You're about to ask what he's doing when he stops right behind you in the chair, and you feel his hands on your hair. “You learned fast.” He mutters, and you feel as more and more hair gets loose, cascading down your shoulders.

“Aslaug was a good teacher.”

“I still don't understand how you made my mother go from despising to caring about you in two days.” His clutch falls from where he had laid it, but you're quick to hold it before it hits the ground, pulling it to rest on your lap. “It's still a mystery to me.”

“She wanted to know about my life, and I was honest.“ Taking a deep breath, you smile when Ivar pushes all of your hair over your shoulders, signaling he's done. His fingers brush on the skin of the back of your neck, and by the way they linger a little too much, you wonder if it was an accident or not. “Everything I said that day, on the first feast, is true. I hated m life back then and now... Now I get to make my own decisions.” Getting up from the chair, you hand him his clutch. “That's why I chose not to stay with Bjorn.”

“Good.” He says, smiling as he moves to the bed. “Now you get to chose again. You can either sleep on the chair or here with me.” Ivar sits on the edge of the bed and starts to take the metal armor around his legs.

You do consider the chair, thinking that maybe you could wait for him to sleep and only then move to the bed. But he'd tease you just the same. And you'd be just sharing the bed, it's no big deal. You wouldn't mind if it was Hvitserk, but with Ivar... It makes you way too nervous. “I guess it's alright.” Slowly, you walk around the bed, watching as he gets rid of the metal before taking his shirt off. “Whoa. What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to sleep.” He explains as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

The last thing you want is to see Ivar shirtless. But still, you can't help but look. Your eyes travel through the tattoo on his back, but the muscles are what get your attention. He pulls his legs up, giving you a better sight of his arm and chest. But then he looks straight at you, and there's no way you can pretend you weren't staring. “The tattoo sucks.” You mutter, turning away from him and taking your jewelry off, putting them down on a small table near the bed.

“I thought girls liked it.”

“Well, I don't.” When everything is off, you loosen your dress a little before fixing the blankets on you.

“Well...” He mirrors your tone as you lie down, facing the ceiling. “You're not like other girls, are you?” Ivar does the same, flat on his back.

“Guess I'm not.” Taking a deep breath, your mind goes back to the feast. “Maybe that was why those men had eyes on me. I know I still look like an outsider most of the time.”

“They set eyes on you because you're pretty.”

“Pretty or pretty stupid?” You snap, turning your head to look at him.

“More pretty than stupid.” He shrugs his shoulders. “But since they don't know you as I do, they only get the pretty part.”

“You're such an idiot.” Elbowing him, you look at the ceiling again. But the jokes only make you remember the facts, and you can't help but feel disgusted and scared. “Those men were looking at me like I was naked. They were already... Imagining it.”

The unpleasant thought is suddenly pushed back when you feel Ivar's hand grabbing yours. It feels like tiny lightning bolts are crawling through your arm, and you immediately look at him again, turning the palm of your hand up, allowing his fingers to intertwine with yours.

“I meant what I said. Nobody will hurt you.” He's serious now, not even a hint of doubt on his voice. His grip tightens a little, and your smile.

“Thank you.”

“And I have this.” Letting go of your hand, he turns on his side, searching for something under the bed. You're about to ask what he's doing when Ivar pulls up an ax, laying it on his chest. “My baby ax. Small but deadly.”

Raising an eyebrow, you giggle. “Are you really going to sleep with this on the bed?”

“Yes, I will.” He simply says, fingers tightly around the ax. “Good night, princess.”

Ivar is impossible... He's something else entirely, and this makes your smile grow wider. “Good night, prince Ivar.” Turning away from him, you get comfortable, feeling truly safe next to him.

• • •

Loud knocks on the door make you wake up abruptly, grunting and pulling the blankets closer. After some seconds of silence, the noise comes back, and you decide to check what's going on. But you're about to move when you feel a weight being pulled away from you, the warmth that made you feel so comfortable vanishing. Staying very still, you feel the bed moving a little when Ivar gets out, and you notice he had an arm around you. Blushing, you bring a hand close to your mouth, biting your index finger out of nervousness. The door opens and you recognize Aslaug's voice. Slowly, you move, trying to pretend you're waking up.

“(Y/N). Wake up, c'mon.” Is Hvitserk who calls and you finally open your eyes again and push yourself up. “Rise and shine. We have good and bad news.”

“Bad news first.” Breathing deeply, you get up to your feet. Pacing around to where Aslaug is, seated on a chair beside Ivar. He's has a light shirt on, and you kinda wished he didn't.

“Those men were seen going to your room yesterday. They kicked the door open but left when they didn't find you there.” The Queen answers, and you bring a hand to your heart. They were right, they would've hurt you. “But they were made an example of.” She continues.

“What do you mean?” You ask in a low voice.

She exchanges a look with Ivar, who smiles. It looks like he already got what she meant. “The balls, the hands, the tongue.” Aslaug shrugs her shoulders, not really bothered by it. “I was willing to let them go, but after I was told they did go to your room, I changed my mind. The three of them died quickly from blood loss and their bodies can be seen on the square. The others were allowed to leave.”

“Good,” Ivar adds, cupping his hands together. “I'd like to have done it myself, but I'll be fine just seeing the bodies.” He then looks at you. “Would you like to join me?”

“No, I... I don't wanna see naked dead bodies, thank you very much.” Muttering, you run a hand through your hair.

“Well, the threat has passed.” Aslaug stands up, gesturing for you to follow her. “Let's get you into a warm bath to help you relax and then you get to do whatever you want to.”

“Alright.” Giving a little wave to Ivar, you glance at Hvitserk, meaning you need to talk. Urgently. And you really hope he gets it.

Aslaug makes sure you do relax after last night's happening. But you feel fine, knowing they won't be around to hurt you anymore. It's a weird feeling though, knowing they're dead because of you. But then again, they were rapists, so you can't feel sorry for them. You're sure a lot of girls, wherever they were going next, will be safe now.

After bathing and having a meal with Aslaug and Ragnar, you're free to go. Ragnar told you your door has already been fixed, so you go to your room just to check if there's anything you need to fix. But everything is perfectly fine, and you know Aslaug probably took care of it. So you start looking for Hvitserk. The idiot is nowhere to be found, and you know he didn't understand your signal. You're almost giving up, leaving the main hall when you see him coming inside with Ubbe.

“Finally. I thought you died on me.” You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air. “Hi, Ubbe. Can I speak to your brother?”

“Sure. We're already done anyway.” He nods at you and leaves.

You wait until he disappears before turning to face Hvitserk. “What do you–”

“Ivar had an arm around me.” You burst out, grabbing his arm and pulling him to one of the tables on the corner. When you sit down, you take a deep breath. “I woke up, and I felt when he removed it so I'm very, very sure.”

Hvitserk stares at you for long seconds before shrugging his shoulders. “Is there some question you need me to answer?”

“How can you be so clueless?” Whisper-yelling, you take a quick look around, just to make sure you're alone. “I need you to tell me... I need to know if...” There's no question. There's not even a hint of what exactly you need to know. “Shit.”

“Look, it's crystal clear you like Ivar.”

“I never said that.” You're quick to dissimulate, nervously giggling. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Oh, please.” Rolling his eyes, Hvitserk laughs. “When Bjorn said you should stay with him, you basically vomited the words, saying you would rather be with Ivar.”

“Yeah. Ivar or you.” Reminding him, you point at his face. “So you can't use that incident as proof.”

“But you only mentioned me after long seconds of silence. And so low I barely heard it.”

“Hvitserk, I–”

“You don't have to hide it from me. We're friends, right? Everything I'll do is advice and try to help if I can.” Cutting you off, he cups his hands over the table. “I can talk to him if you want. Try to understand if he has any kind of feelings, but I don't think that's the type of thing he'd share with me. Or with anyone.”

“I know.” Looking down at your hands, you remember the things he said yesterday. Ivar has some self-esteem problems, and you know why. You never thought the legs bothered him so much, they surely don't bother you. “I don't mind if he's crippled you know... It's not a problem for me.”

“You should tell him that.”

“I will.” With a small smile, you raise your eyes to look at your friend. “I will.” You're still speaking when you hear voices coming from inside. “Someone's arguing.”

“It's my father. But I don't really stick my nose in his fights. He usually makes peace before I'm willing to.” He says and gets up. “I gotta help Ubbe. We weren't done, he was just being nice.”

“Go. I'll try to find Helga. She wants to go to buy something.”

“See you around.”

“Bye.” You mutter, drumming your fingers at the take as Hvitserk leaves. You're about to go and find Helga when the voices get louder. And you're pretty sure you heard your name. Pushing the chair away, you slowly follow the sound, careful not to make your presence known.

“...She's a princess. I thought you brought her here because of the prophecy.” An annoyed Bjorn hisses, and you hide behind the wall, holding your breath. “Now Ivar is all over her and I don't see you doing anything.”

“I wasn't thinking about the prophecy. I promised her father I'd let her go, that's why I spared her life.” Covering your heart with one hand, you furrow your eyebrows, trying to process what Ragnar just said. Why would your father want you to be kept alive? What kind of plan he had? And why would Ragnar keep the promise? “And I thought she'd have better chances here and if she didn't, I'd send her back or whatever, I wasn't thinking about what the Seer said.”

“But he did say it, didn't he? That I'm to marry a princess.”

Then that's it. That's why Bjorn approached you in the first place. He didn't like you or anything, he only did that because of some stupid prophecy.

“Look, you want the girl, go and make the girl fall in love with you. If she doesn't, that's a shame, but you're a grown man, so quit whining about it.”

“Then what? You'll let Ivar steal her from me?”

Steal? Who he thinks he is? Biting your lip, you don't even hear Ragnar's reply, anger building up. You can't just let it go, you can't let him think that. So, taking a deep breath, you step out of your hiding place, letting yourself be seen.

“Stop talking about me as if I'm a thing.” Raising your voice, you have a finger pointed at Bjorn. “I just got out of a forced marriage, and I won't marry you just because someone said something.” Ragnar steps away, clearly with no intention of intervening.

“I never–”

“I'm a free woman, haven't you heard?” You decide to remind him. “I'm free to love whoever I want, I surely don't love you!” Giving his chest a push, you storm out, finding the closest door that leads outside and walking through.

That's exactly what happened before. People made plans for you, for your future, without even consulting you. They didn't even ask, they just expected you to do as you're told. You won't have it anymore. Not here, not anywhere, from anyone.

You're walking fast, not sure where. You just need to get away from Bjorn and his stupidity. The woods soon surround you, and you climb some rocks and slopes, tears of anger blurring your sight.

All your life you've been pushed into things. The only thing you were allowed to do, that you really enjoyed, was learning about the Vikings. But just because your father admired them. All the rest, you were forced to do. You remember is clearly, the day Ecbert said he'd have you dragged down the aisle, in chains if that's what it took, to marry you to that disgusting Edward. You cried that night, made plans to run away, plans you knew would never work. Everything was lost until the Norsemen arrived. They turned everything upside down, and you have no idea how it became something good for you. A chance you never thought you'd have, a chance you won't let anyone ruin.

You stop suddenly, a crack filling your ears. Looking around, you notice you left the woods some feet behind. You're standing on ice, and the white coverage goes on for many miles ahead. Cursing yourself for not paying attention to where you were going, you turn around to go back to land, but another crack, louder this time, makes you freeze.

“(Y/N)!” Someone calls, the voice being dragged by the wind.

“Over he–” The ice suddenly opens, swallowing you in half a second. The cold water, too cold, makes you yell, losing most of the air left in your lungs. You feel like the cold creeps under your skin, freezing you, turning your members into ice. You can't move, as the blue surrounds you. There's nothing else in the world, and you wonder if this is where you'll spend eternity. Down here, turning into ice, in the blue. At least, it's silent, peaceful. So you close your eyes, letting the cold take over. You were ready for death when you met Ragnar. You might as well be ready now.

×

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