#But I can’t get over Jazzy! She���s such a little baby right here!!

[therappundit]

Best of the 1st Half: 2020′s Best Rap Projects (*so far*)...

“I’ve had, the halftime of my life...!”

*record scratch*

2020, WHAT THE F**K. 😳

Ohhh what a first half it has been. If 2020 ended today, it would still be one of the most historic years in a century...and NOT in a pleasant way. Years from now 2020 will be studied for the long-term damage caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, the potential breaking point (hopefully??) of this country’s ignorance to systematic racism and the need for a complete overhaul of our police departments, and of course, whatever the hell comes from the November Presidential election....and, not to mention whatever additional ‘tbd’ chaos rings in the second half of ‘20 that we haven’t even heard about yet!? These are trying times, folks.

My whole life, I have tried to use humor and entertainment to help me with processing high levels of stress and anxiety. This year, that process has felt more daunting than usual. I am writing less and less, and often find Twitter to be too dark of a place for me to navigate. It’s anything but a fulfilling “escape”. Still, I am constantly inspired by all of the new music that fills my headspace during life’s precious little moments, and it really keeps me grounded in the day to day. 

At the end of 2019, I wrote the below in one of my posts. It took me back to a special feeling that I had, at a moment when the future seemed more like an opportunity, rather than a worrisome question mark. I’m going to work towards finding that place again, and I wanted to re-share this because it speaks to how the love of any art can be a healthy reminder of what we have to be thankful for in our daily lives:

“Regardless of how you feel about this list, I hope that you visit (or re-visit) any one of these pieces of strong work and find the same level of enjoyment that I did. I loved so much rap music this year and I could not be more excited about what the future holds. On a personal note, in 2019 I found myself even more in love with my wife, feeling luckier than I have in a long time, more satisfied with my hobbies and passions, and above all else, more in awe of my child (and anyone that ever raised a child) than ever before. I became a father for the first time in 2019, so as my baby daughter continues to fill my heart, I am beginning to wonder what she will think of her father’s love for this art form that has brought him so much joy over the years…I suppose time will tell.”

This list is long, because I think the talent that went into these projects is worth your time (and I put a lot of thought into creating this list as well...I do not work in the industry or know anyone that does, and I do not have any real platform - I just do this because I love the music).

If you are an artist on this list, I want to thank you, because you helped me stay positive and focused on a brighter future that I hope will soon come to us all...because everyone has been through something this year, and we deserve better.  So salute to you and many, many others. 🙏🙏🙏

- THE Rap Pundit

The “Rules” for my list of the Best Projects of Q1-Q2 2020:

- the album/mixtape/EP/project/whatever you want to call it had to be released this year, by June 26, 2020

- the project must have at least 6 songs 

- these rankings are a combination of my own personal preference, my take on overall quality of the project (whether it speaks deeply to my sensibilities or not), and how the final product compares to other work from the artists’ peers that occupy the same lane/‘sub-genre’ of rap music

So here we go 👀...

1. The Price of Tea in China by Boldy James and The Alchemist

Sometimes the greatest albums are not the most ambitious or flashy, they are remembered based off the strength of artistic chemistry and execution. Basketball fans know the beauty of a perfectly timed chest pass to a teammate streaking towards the basket can be more impressive than a behind the back pass that’s simply done for the sake of showing everyone that you can do a fancy pass. Staying with that theme, The Price of Tea in China is The Alchemist doing his best John Stockton impression, serving to Boldy James’ Karl Malone, and by album’s end you realize that Boldy scored a quiet 40 points while making this rap shit look like an easy lay-up.

TPOTIC finds Boldy sprinkling every ounce of his Detroit seasoning into Al’s pot to yield one of the most Mobb Deep-esque collaboration albums since Mobb Deep was dropping albums. In turn, this project is not only Boldy’s greatest work, but it serves as a re-introduction of a veteran MC that is suddenly more relevant than ever.  Much like what Freddie Gibbs and Madlib did with 2019′s Bandana, this project is a great lesson on what MC and Producer chemistry can sound like when both parties are 100% on the same page when it comes to message, tone, and aesthetic goals. 

It would make sense that Boldy James would fall into the Griselda fold, because much like Westside Gunn, Conway The Machine and Benny The Butcher, he comes from a city with a rich rap music scene that still struggles to reach the level of exposure that the NYCs, L.A.’s, Chicago's and Atlanta’s have basked in for so long. He writes from a place of “been there, done that”, showing a rich attention to detail that separates his street tales from that of his peers in the same way someone telling a story second or third hand can’t match the level of detail that an eye witness has saved in the memory bank. Boldy has survived both real world and music business challenges to rise from the ashes of “hey whatever happened to so & so, he was about to blow” conversations to reach a new peak in his mid-30′s. He deserved this suite of incredible Alchemist soundscapes (Al is deep in his bag here, delivering some of his most low-key impressive instrumentals in years), and like his super-producer buddy, Boldy is looking down at us from atop an already prolific 2020 at its’ midpoint.  

I’m not sure anyone can match the chemistry that Prodigy and Mobb Deep had with The Alchemist, but in 2020, The Price of Tea in China delivers some of the most brutally subdued, occasionally humorous, stripped down rap records since P was throwing TV’s at us like he had nothing left to lose. If The Price of Tea in China isn’t holding the championship at year’s end, it still deserves to be mentioned as an impressive work by one of the strongest title-worthy unions running the pick and roll in the genre today.

2. Àdá Irin by Navy Blue 

Okay let’s be honest: the “sub-genre” that is often referred to as lo-fi rap music (whether you consider it an actual lane or not, I know you know what I’m talking about...which I suppose proves its’ existence, right?), is beginning to suffer from the same affliction that all other sub-genres tend to suffer from once the word is out that this is “the thing” that the kids find trendy right now. A lot of folks in this lane sound *exactly* the same to the average listener. I’m not even the average listener, and I often feel that way. The irony that comes with being part of the sound that’s supposed to be bucking the mainstream clone machine turning into a mini-clone machine itself, means that the window is in danger of closing to avoid over-saturation of the artists that are already thriving between the gravelly, whisper-welcoming walls of Soundcloud URLs and Bandcamp EPs being slid to their heady fanbase with zero promotion. So with that all being said...why give Navy Blue a chance?

Navy Blue lacks the name recognition of many of his peers (for now), but he has now been thriving in the lo-fi pocket for some time as both a MC and producer, a young artist that’s closely connected to the lane’s most famous figureheads (Earl Sweatshirt, and to some extent, Mach-Hommy), as well as less heralded trailblazers like MIKE and the whole sLUms collective. Sure you can check out Navy’s Soundcloud page to get a taste of his work, but with this Àdá Irin album, we don’t just hear raw snippets of a freshly discovered unsigned talent. With this album we hear Navy as a self-assured solo artist, capable of sharing an inspirational song with the likes of Ka and sounding like every bit of the veteran next to the iconic soft-spoken lyricist. This is a very, very impressive debut full length album that showcases the best that the (sub)genre has to offer: some experimentation, jazzy loops, the diary-like intimacy of words that sit like dust on an old basement book shelf, and the raw emotions that come from working through love, pain and loss in real time. In 2020 there may be nothing completely new under the sun, but it’s the aesthetic choices that Navy Blue makes with every verse and every instrumental that make Àdá Irin feel like a perfect balance of beauty and sadness. If you want to dip a toe in this water but you’re not sure you can get into the mumblecore-ish world of MIKE, MAVI, Medhane or Earl’s work from the past two years, this Navy Blue album might actually be the perfect intro.

3. A Written Testimony by Jay Electronica (featuring JAY-Z)

Not a lot of positive breaking news in 2020...but when Jay Electronica surprised Twitter with a few cryptic Tweets back in February, implying that he was dropping an album (and Jay-Z would likely be involved), the rap game was set ablaze with excitement, skepticism, disbelief, and hope (albeit with some measured caution there as well). 

This is something that fans, and arguably the entire rap world, had been clamoring for for a decade, many long since moving on believing that Jay Elec’s debut album had gone the way of Detox, sharing “1a & 1b” status as the most eagerly anticipated projects none of us seriously expected to hear. 

Then it dropped....and then it went. In a Twitter-run rap world, quality is too often measured by how long a piece of art stays within the “trending” mix, as opposed to...well, whether or not it’s actually good! The truth is, A Written Testimony is not just good, it’s very, very good, and while it’s not the “Illmatic 2″ that some may have been expecting, realistically it’s superior to what I imagined a new project from such a reclusive artist would sound like in 2020. If you at least try to table the expectations laid out when “Exhibit C” came out in 2009...I think you will find a project (it’s up to you whether or not you want to count this a “solo debut” or not, but at this point, it’s new Jay Electronica - can we just leave it at that??) stacked with memorable moments, quotable gems throughout, stellar production (this is one of the best produced projects of 2020 by far, not sure how/why this piece of the puzzle would receive anything less than acclaim), and some moments of questionable preaching made more palatable by a strong overall voice and package.

Jay Electronica raps with conviction throughout, and while the project feels brief, it lasts long enough to be more than a quick feeling, even if many feel that it’s not long enough to feel like a full album. If "Exhibit C" was the teaser then this is the redband trailer, flashing enough skill and details to resonate for far longer than its’ duration. Much has been said about the heavy hand of JAY-Z on most of the project’s 7 tracks, but let’s be clear, this is not Watch The Throne 2 (even though at points, it may feel like something along those lines). Yes, in impressive fashion, Hov comes through riding shotgun to show a deeper shade of one of his more complex dimensions, with many of his rhymes begging for dissection with every bar. However, AWT features a JAY-Z that’s rapping through Jay Electronica’s lens, not by any means where 4:44 or Everything Is Love left off. This is definitely a Jay Electronica album. AWT dives in and out of Jay Electronica’s beliefs in broad strokes that appear and disappear rather quickly, but even when certain verses raise more questions than provide answers, every song still has at least a handful of the gripping words that remind us of what made Jay Elec-Hanukkah sound like the chosen one in the first place (his tussle with writer’s block and hesitation to put out any art make for some of the projects most engaging moments).

If A Written Testimony is the last Jay Electronica album we ever here - which I truly hope it is not the case - it is still a memorable piece of work. So if you were one of the folks that moved on from it after the “surprise” of Jay finally dropping a project subsided, I hope you change that stance and revisit it once again.

4. Descendants of Cain by Ka

“Quiet and frigid disposition, growin' up in the cold /  Surprised I ain't get high from what I was low enough to behold /  Like when Pops shot at the neighbor's shop, put one in his head /  He knew how he grew me, threw me the gun, a hundred, and fled /  Didn't play, 'fore po' arose dispose of exhibit A / I was raised to age a few years in a day /  If not elite, didn't eat if you didn't pray /  As much as I heal, had to deal, all my scars are here to stay /  Our senseis spent days peddling /  Our heroes sold heroin.” - Ka, “Patron Saints”

He makes it seem almost too easy. If the writing wasn't so gripping, you might not even revisit it. Ka’s Descendants of Cain arrived with little fanfare, except for the collective awe of his humble but religiously devoted fan-base. The religious devotion is an important piece here, as Cain adds to Ka’s quietly impressive discography another strong album that leans on classic scribes as inspiration to spin poignant metaphors on Brooklyn street philosophy. 

This time, the classic work is the Christian Bible, and Ka being the brilliant MC/poet that he is, seems to have little trouble working with the medium to preach without sounding preachy, and wax familiar-sounding nostalgia over wax that sounds as dusty as it feels fresh, rich, and urgent. Producing much of the album himself, along with a few trusted collaborators, the album’s strength is in its’ density, as each song feels like it requires a pause to unpack every bar...and to be honest, that’s exactly the type of attention this work deserves. If you missed this one in the first half of 2020′s feverish dump of new releases, you need to remedy that immediately.

5. Pray for Paris by Westside Gunn 

If The Alchemist is the overall rap music MVP for his many contributions to 2020 thus far,  Westside Gunn may deserve at least a few honorable mentions. From becoming the ambassador of Buffalo New York to stepping up as an ambassador of the underground rap resurgence, I don’t think any other rap artist has done more to run with the torch that Roc Marciano has been waving for a damn decade than the Griselda mastermind. If you happened to hear Gunn name-dropping to Peter Rosenberg on Rosenberg’s long-standing Real Late show on Hot 97, you know exactly what I mean. Shouting-out close allies and lesser known peers alike, Gunn’s presence proudly announced the underground movement’s invasion of the highly known New York City radio station. It felt like ECW invading WWE’s Monday Night Raw all over again. Of course Gunn’s voice was met with more ears than usual during that interview, since that appearance came hot off the heels of the release of his much discussed side project turned full-blown album, Pray for Paris.

By now most fervent rap fans know the story behind the album (a project that miraculously arrived to completion while Gunn was suffering from the affects of coronavirus), but for many Pray for Paris is the introduction to the story of Griselda Records and the world that they revel in. If Conway the Machine and Benny the Butcher are responsible for the Griselda team’s grittiest street tales, Westside Gunn’s success leans on his ability to blur the line between all-too-real violence and cartoon violence, splattered with elite luxury references and shout-outs for his fellow wrestling addicts. The song titles are merely scattered trains of thoughts that may or may not have anything directly to do with a song’s actual meaning, it’s like naming your child ‘brunch in Williamsburg’ just because it was the last meal you happened to have that day. An audience brought up on Lil Wayne as the God MC may be completely lost at the appeal, but audiences brought up on Wu, DOOM and Sean Price know exactly what vibe Westisde Gunn is going for.

At times Gunn can come across as more of a talent curator than a stand alone MC, so if this is the album that takes Gunn to the next level as a rap star, it would make him the most unselfish rap star to come along in some time. A rapper doesn’t jump on an Alchemist produced track with the likes of Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano and expect to leave with anything but the Bronze medal. The same can be said for his chopped and screwed contribution to “Claiborne Kick”, which clearly belongs to Boldy James. That’s not to say that Gunn’s verse is a weak moment on any of the joints on Paris, but the fact that he consistently surrounds himself with high caliber writers confirms that he is well aware that the quality of the final product will be determined by the team involved, not just the artists’ name on the album cover.

For someone that considers himself more of an artist than a rapper, he continues to paint intriguing collages with every album, featuring him at the center of an ever-expanding portrait of MCs, producers, singers, designers, and dancers. Pray for Paris is a typical Griselda project that also happens to sport the potential of something larger than most of their fanbase ever imagined. Yes we get the dark backdrops, elite underground production, and quotables throughout, but we also get a few additional shades, as Gunn dabbles with a “beauty and the beast” dynamic that cleanly pairs his violent imagery with fashionista pomp and circumstance (which no doubt helped draw the likes of Wale and Tyler, the Creator to this project). But t’s all less of a solo album to push a mainstream solo career forward, and much more of a cannonball through the mainstream wall, just to allow some sunlight to shine on his people...and his city, for that matter - because best believe, Paris may be the inspiration behind the project but Buffalo, New York is still with him every step of the way. 

6. Alfredo by Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist

A highly enjoyable surprise drop from two-thirds of the potent combination that gave us the fan favorite project that was Fetti (shout-out to Curren$y, though), Alfredo feels like the perfect treat to hold us over during these trying times. It feels rushed, but simultaneously sharp and activated. It has the feeling of a controlled experiment that was slapped together in separate rooms, rather than carefully curated by multiple artists hunched over the same mixer for days on end. Alfredo is more of a display of two power hitters putting on an impressive showing at a Home Run Derby, rather than the collaboration that has been slowly simmering for years...but that’s also part of the fun, because it feels like Al & Fredo (eh?) were just as excited to release it as we all were to hear it.

Neither party is reinventing the wheel here, but if you are going to have a rapper and a producer connect for an album of great rapping over great beats, you would be hard pressed to find a more natural pairing than these two. The Alchemist delivers with samples that channel the speakeasy jazz of an old piano, and Freddie is simply the king of hard-rap soul right now, so he excels on every song. There are moments of darkness, moments of hope, and moments of self reflection (Gibbs is a logical choice to swing haymakers back at cops abusing their power), all delivered by Freddie at a break-neck speed over Al's significantly less urgent production....as if Gibbs frantically spilled his guts to his buddy over the phone while Al was kickin’ back with a joint saying “uh-huh...yup, I hear ya man.” The final result is an effective one, if not a quick teaser of what a lengthier amount of collaboration time between the two might sound like. It should also be said that the guest verses on this album (especially those from Tyler, The Creator and Conway) took this album up a few spots on this ‘best of’ list. Alfredo is easily one of the strongest surprises of 2020.

7. Reasonable Drought by Stove God Cook$ and Roc Marciano

There is a tradition in the rap music biz that newer/younger artists are often shepherded along by more seasoned artists in order to insure that the less experienced artist is blessed with the built-in audience that comes with a co-sign. It doesn’t always work, but typically the initiation comes with a solid musical foundation on a debut project accompanied by a greener MC still finding his/her way. Not the case with Stove God Cook$, he is perhaps the most unexpectedly fresh MC to be cut from classic rap cloth since Griselda & Mach-Hommy began to build cult-like followings.

While Reasonable Drought (and seriously, how bold of a title is that for a debut!?) is blessed by the impressive production and mentorship of underground rap icon Roc Marciano, it truly is the lesser known MC himself that captures the imagination right from the get-go. When I say that in my life time, I cannot recall such a strong debut performance by a MC that I have heard virtually no work from prior to his 2019 emergence, with the help of minimal publicity/ad budget (if any? Cook$ was barely on social media until *after* his album had already been released) on his way to dropping an album with zero features...then you should take my recommendation very seriously. Fresh style, some of the most rewind-worthy quotables in recent memory (an Uncle Buck reference!? Bow down, people), and a new following built exclusively on the word of mouth of equal-minded folks that were blown away by a project many copped on a passing whim... it’s clear that this moment could be the beginning of an amazing, fascinating career. 

Similar to Roc Marciano before him, Cook$ possesses a rare flare with his wordplay and delivery that makes even the ugliest tales of coke dealing and disrespectful criminal activity sound like the colorful exploits of a post-Blaxploitation hero. He delivers every bar with the uber-specific word choice of Roc, but the outgoing swag of a Max B. The man that has people that never touched cocaine in their life singing that they’re “smelling like a brick right now”, is smelling like a winner in 2020 and beyond.

8. Battle Scar Decorated by Monday Night & Henny L.O.

Last call to board the Mutant Academy bandwagon! 

I have been saying that this deep underground collective of MCs & producers has been low key having a banner year all year long, and scrolling through this list you can see exactly what I mean. Henny L.O. is too good to be slotted as just a battle rapper, while Monday Night is far too strong of a presence to be considered a mere associate of the core Mutant team. When you think of Mutant Academy and their respective affiliated acts, think of them as a gathering of solo artists that happen to make dope rap music together, but all parties involved are capable of standing on their own two. I think that’s what consistently impresses me about their projects...hat, and the lack of filler material.

Along with a deep Rolodex of mostly under-the-radar talent, the hunger and confidence of a thriving Richmond, Viriginia rap scene is present on every track of Battle Scar Decorated. Much like many of my favorite albums of 2020, there is no reinventing of the wheel here, the triumph is in the execution. Monday & Henny tag in and out, each with the confidence that they have spit the best verse on the song before they have even finished. It’s that level of ability combined with a shocking amount of production talent that makes Battle Scar Decorated essential listening to anyone that wants to be reminded of a vibe that hasn’t been in abundance in the underground rap scene since L.A. in the late 90′s. It wouldn’t be fair to talk about how much I enjoyed this project without including the great producers involved, so a big s/o to: Sycho Sid, C.R.I.S.T.E.N, James Couch, Savvy, Heather Grey, and Ewonne.

9. Eastern Medicine, Western Illness by Preservation

Accompanied by a who’s who of underground hip-hop’s finest (Roc Marciano, Mach-Hommy, Your Old Droog, Quelle Chris, Nickelus F, Tree, Navy Blue, Billy Woods, Ka *and more* - I mean seriously!?), Preservation has assembled an impressively cohesive compilation album both sonically and thematically. 

Incorporating record samples from his travels in China, Eastern Medicine, Western Illness feels born in simplicity even though it is anything but a casual collection of dope verses over tightly wound production. A quietly gifted producer, Preservation knows how to squeeze the best out of his guests without shouting the results through the speakers, the choices are more subtle but yield a high impact and replay value. Listening to the project feels more like listening to a secret, unreleased project, because it’s hard to believe that this much talent would gift this much high caliber writing to a compilation of songs...although that was not uncommon in the 90′s and early 00′s (ah, I’m showing my old age again). Perhaps that’s a testament to Preservation’s vision, a DJ/producer with a relatively small catalog built on curated quality (see his fantastic 2015 collaboration with Ka on Days With Dr. Yen Lo). Eastern Medicine has enough talent involved that it could have been a worthy listen even if it was just as a hodgepodge of donated loosies, so the fact that the final product is so much more than that makes it an album that warrants a great deal of more attention.

10. The Allegory by Royce Da 5′9″

No accomplished lyricist makes life harder on himself than Royce Da 5′9″. Be it his tendency to cram personal observations and disclosures in and around his punchlines, or experimenting production wise, the Detroit veteran is intent on finding new ways to approach fine wine music, tossing more complex offerings into his catalog over the past few years. Things are no different with The Allegory. 

Not only did Royce once again pen an album that speaks to his ability to cope with his own past and present, he inserts himself in the producer chair as well, addressing the trials and tribulations of the increasingly problematic world around him, over backdrops crafted by only his hand a a few trusted peers. The effect is mostly successful, with the production exceeding the expectations of many (myself included), while the writing is at times both thought-provoking and in need of further exploration on Royce’s part. The guest features range from effective to scene stealing (not because Royce ‘s verse is outshined, but there are moments where it seems as if the guest is better suited over Royce’s own production than he is). If you’re Royce Da 5′9″ and you release an album titled The Allegory, no one should expect a simple quick fix of bars over easily digestible instrumentals. The highs come in abundance, and while the lows come in small trip-ups and the occasional skit that the listener probably could have done without, you get the sense that with some editing and further focus of his lofty goals, his sermons could have been sharpened into a more effective analysis of many of his topics (the music business, being black in America, history, conspiracy theories), resulting in an incredible album instead of a very good one. Nevertheless, it is all worth the ride to hear the latest work from one of rap music’s most gifted MC’s from the past decade. If The Allegory isn’t a home-run, it’s at the very least a strong base hit.

Top 50 (all belong in the Top 10-25, but...there’s only 25 spots in the Top 25, soooo):

11. Cold Water by Medhane

12. Shrines by Armand Hammer

13. Bag Talk by yungmorpheus & Pink Siifu

14. Try Again by ovrkast.

15. RTJ4 by Run The Jewels

16. Noise Kandy 4 by Rome Streetz

17. Innocent Country 2 by Quelle Chris

18. Weight of the World by MIKE

19. Sages by Henny L.O. & Ohbliv

20. Milestones by Skyzoo

21. Carpe Noctem by Big Ghost Ltd

22. Lake Water by SeKwence

23. At the End of the Day. by Fly Anakin

24. Sole Food by Deniro Farrar

25. The Oracle 3 by Grafh

26. The Blue Tape by Tree

27. lo&behold by lojii

28. Infinite Wisdom by Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon

29. FULL CIRCLE by Medhane

30. UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats

31. The Throwaways by The Opioid Era

32. Anyways by Young Nudy

33. PTSD (Deluxe) by G Herbo

34. Holly Favored by Monday Night & Foisey

35. THE GOAT by Polo G

36. Demon & Mufasa by Yhung T.O. & DaBoii 

37. The Face of Jason by ANKHLEJOHN

38. My Turn by Lil Baby 

39. No One Mourns the Wicked by Conway & Big Ghost Ltd.

40. Two4one by Jay Worthy 

41. Free Drakeo by Drakeo

42. Alone Time by YL

43. Assata by CV$ a.k.a. Con$piracy & Teller Bank$

44. Thug Tear by Big Kashuna O.G. & Monday Night

45. Ways and Means by Rasheed Chappell & 38 Spesh

46. IMMORTALKOMBAT by Al Divino & Estee Nack

47. Young & Turnt 2 by 42 Dugg

48. Sleeper Effect by Sleep Sinatra

49. Juno by Che Noir & 38 Spesh

50. LULU by Conway & The Alchemist

THE REST OF THE BEST (all belong in the Top 50 releases of 2020, but..what can I say, blame 2020 for being such a stacked year for music/events I guess):

Black Schemata by yungmorpheus,  The Smartest by Tee Grizzley,  Polly by the Powder Keg by Chuck Chan & Pad Scientist,  High Off Life by Future,  Gotham City Album by Plex Diamonds,  Memphis Massacre 2 by Duke Deuce, Poetic Substance by RIM & Vinyl Villain,  Styles David: Ghost Your Enthusiasm by Styles P,  MF Bloo by Bloo & Spanish Ran,  LSD by The Leonard Simpson Duo & Guilty Simpson,  Funeral by Lil Wayne,  RAW UNKNOWN by Spectacular Diagnostics,  Nezzie’s Star by Eddie Kaine,  ShrapKnel (self-titled),  The Bluest Note by Skyzoo & Dumbo Station,  WUNNA by Gunna,  Get Money Teach Babies by Heist Life & Spanish Ran,  Open Casket by Killer Kane,  6 Rings by Yung Mal,  The Beauty of It by Eto,  Meet The Woo 2 by Pop Smoke,  Fresh Air by UFO Fev & Statik Selektah,  Vito by Vince Ash,  GRIMM & EViL by GRiMM Doza,  RUDEBWOY by CJ Fly,  Rocket to Nebula by Killah Priest,  EVERYTHING by Kota the Friend,  NO Blade of Grass by V Don,  Eternal Atake by Lil Uzi Vert,  I’m My Brother’s Keeper by Yella Beezy & Trapboy Freddy,  Carhartt Champions by Tree Mason,  Viral Viral! by Dunbar,  Rowhouse Whispers by Ray West & Zilla Rocca,  Magneto Was Right #4 by Raz Fresco,  DUMP LIFE by Tha God Fahim, Jay NiCE & Left Lane Didon,  Burn One, Tap In, Zone Out by Dot Demo,  FNTG: From Niggaz to Godz by Squeegie O,   PANAGNL4E, Vol. 2 by Los and Nutty,  Death 2 All Haterz 2 by Rigz & Symph,  Thank You For Using GTL by Drakeo & JoogSzn,  Adjust to the Game by Larry June,  Martyr’s Prayer by Elcamino & 38 Spesh,  BETTER by Deante’ Hitchcock,  Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 by $ilkMoney,  No Cosign Just Cocaine 3 by Ty Farris,  Hear No Equal by Chuuwee,  MSYKM by Tsu Surf,  Your Birthday’s Cancelled by Iron Wigs,  Spring Clean by Curren$y & Fuse,  Arctic Plus Degrees (The Sun Don’t Chill Allah) by Planet Asia & DirtyDiggs,  Psychological Cheat Sheet by Vic Spencer, Glass 2.0 by Meyhem Lauren & Harry Fraud,  Trust the Chain by Planet Asia & 38 Spesh, Director’s Cut (Scene Two) by Ransom & Nicholas Craven, and Son Of A Gun by Key Glock.

[lonelypond]

Au Yeah August: Café Quarantine, Part II

NicoMaki, Love Live, 2.7K, 2/3

Summary: Yazawa Nico's recovering from Covid-19 while she tries to learn more about her housemate, Nishikino Maki.

Café Quarantine

Nico woke up. Her head felt clearer, no headache, still so dry inside her mouth there was no saliva, and her lips were peeled and chapped. Sitting up, she was breathing easier, and the inhale of relief didn’t trigger a cascade of coughing. What time was it? She grabbed her phone. 1:25 a.m. Long past Café Quarantine time. Nico concentrated. She’d seen Maki earlier today, what had they talked about? They’d been texting more, Maki seemed to be getting friendlier, but there were no new messages on Nico’s phone.

Had Maki done a livestream? Her friend...Hana...something...Nico shook her head, details fled too quickly and new memories seemed hard to make...Maki’s friend, who was now TWIG-ing for the Café, probably wouldn’t let Maki take a night off. Consistency was key, especially in the beginning. And now everybody who could was supposed to be staying home to ��flatten the curve.” Nico glanced around the large room, with a queen bed, a walk in closet, and two barrel chairs around a low table. This was a very nice place to be flattening the curve in, but Nico got a lost feeling from Maki in so many of the rooms, especially, Nico giggled, the kitchen. That triggered a cough, but the spasm was less painful. Another inhale of relief. Maki had said something about Day 6 being a turn around. Maybe Nico was on the upswing. Nico flipped on the bed, leaning into a pillow, and opening TWIG to see what Maki had done for tonight.

The first piece was instrumental. Fast, cheerful. Amazing technique. Nico didn’t know much about the piano, but Maki exuded such a sexy confidence, her fingers moving with strength and grace, not mistaking a key as she read the hand written pages of notes. And to then, Maki looked up at the camera, and suddenly, Nico got pulled in to the depths of amethyst, as Maki nearly almost didn’t smile, her voice playing all sorrow’s gentlest notes as she spoke.

“It’s a little lonely here. Maybe it’s a little lonely where you are. This is a moment of change, and we all have to think about how that happens.” Maki laughed and it made Nico’s chest feel lighter, “And when I think I don’t sleep and when I don’t sleep I think why not drink more coffee and so I can’t get this song out of my head and I’m gifting it to you.” Another laugh and then Maki’s voice, even from Nico’s phone, captured all her attention as Time paused.

“I'm feelin' mighty lonesome Haven't slept a wink I walk the floor from nine to four In between I drink Black coffee Love's a hand-me-down brew I'll never know a Sunday In this weekday room

I'm talkin to the shadow One o'clock till four And Lord, how slow the moments go And all I do is pour Black coffee Since the blues caught my eye I'm hangin' out on Monday My Sunday dreams to dry…”

Nico had this sudden urge to go find Maki, to hear if the sadness was lifted out of her voice, see if the brightness was stoked up in her eyes. But Nico was still contagious. Nico had been trying to stay isolated, complete exhaustion had helped with that, but whenever she stepped out of the room, she ran into Maki. Like magnets. And Nico didn’t want anyone else to feel like this. Or worse. Nico knew this wasn’t a bad case, but it was scary. And now Nico was hungry. Tired as she was, sleep wasn’t coming back until she ate something. Surely Maki was asleep. Nico couldn’t hear anything in the hall, so maybe.

Nico masked up. No sense in taking unnecessary risks. Decreasing the chances Maki might be exposed to the virus was important. Nico hoped Maki was sleeping and not snacking as she headed to the kitchen. Where Maki was sitting at the table. WIth a mug.

“Black coffee?” Nico asked.

Maki only jumped slightly. She must have seen Nico in her peripheral vision. The redhead had changed from the highlighting crushable curves black and lilac gown to blue pajama pants with stars and a gray Northwestern hoodie.

“Tea.”

“Are you feeling sick?”

Maki shook her head, “Just want to get some sleep.” She yawned, stretching out her arms, “it’s been a long week.”

“Seems like two.”

Maki’s lip quirked into an expression that a read amused, while not technically counting as a smile. “I know. It really does.”

“Nico will come back and raid the refrigerator when you leave.”

Maki shrugged, twirled a curl, and rose, moving to the window and opening it, “‘S ok, raid away. Can I get you anything?”

Nico shook her head, “So what was that first song.”

“It’s actually called the Coffee Song.”

“Does it have lyrics?”

Maki nodded.

“Sing it for Nico.” Nico decided on reheating a slice of sausage pizza. Maki’s favorite pizza place put fennel and basil and roasted garlic on everything and it was amazing.

Maki blushed and sipped her tea so hastily drops spilled down her chin.

Nico chuckled at the lack of verbal response, “Some other day. Hey, you talked a lot last night. Nico didn’t know you could do that.”

Maki rolled her eyes, “Pay more attention.”

Nico turned, making sure she had Maki’s full focus, “I will.”

###

Nico’s Mama’s ringtone went off as Nico was debating whether to dive under the covers for more sleep or actually get up and stretch. Grabbing the phone allowed Nico to delay the decision on exercise.

Her mom’s voice sounded cheery, “How’s my baby?

“Better, maybe. Nico’s been resting so much, if I didn’t have a window I wouldn’t have idea if it were day or night.” Nico pushed the blankets back.

“It’s morning.”

“Are you at work?”

“I’m telecommuting. Everyone in the office is. Your siblings are so happy.” Her mother paused, “Keeps them from getting upset by the bad stuff.”

“Good. I miss them.”

“They can’t wait to see you.”

“Yeah, Nico’s safe once the isolation period is up and symptoms go away.” 

“Are you still coughing?” Now there was her Mama, Nico smiled, the concern making her less lonely, “You haven’t been singing.”

“Nico’s been sleeping through most days, but Maki took over.” Nico decided to sit up. Easier than yesterday. 

“I know, we’ve been watching. Cocoro wants a piano so she play for you.”

“The one here is so pretty.”

“So is Maki.”

“Mama.” Nico's tone warned.

A pause. “Are you getting along?”

“Nico gets along with everyone.”

“I remember you complaining about her nearly every night after her parents made her take a job in the coffeehouse.”

“There are no customers to be rude to here.”

“Is she taking care of you?”

“Nico takes care of herself.”

“Nico.” Mama wanted real answers. Nico sighed.

“Maki’s go to move is ordering this really excellent pizza. And sending Nico mp3 files of songs she’s spent the afternoon playing while Nico recuperates. If she could do it by herself, she’d probably move the piano to the hall outside Nico’s door.”

Amused. “That sounds nice.”

Nico coughed, for two minutes, her mother waiting to speak until the coughs quieted.

Sharper. “That sounds scary.”

“Nico is brave, Mama.”

“I know, baby. I love you. And I’m so proud of you.”

Nico hated the crying. Yes, it was her mama and no one else was here to see it, but any weakness was weakness.

“Thanks, Mama.” Nico whispered.

“I expect to see you next week for dinner. Bring Maki.”

“But Mama…”

“No excuses. I owe her so much more than home cooking for taking good care of my daughter.”

Nico knew she wouldn't win this argument. “Okay.” 

“Good. What are you going to do today?”

“Get up and get some sun.”

“Good idea. Eat breakfast first.”

“Yes, Mama.”

Laughter on the other end of the phone, “I don’t mean to treat you like Cocoa. I just want to have you here to take care of you myself. But you’re an adult. And you have...friends who care about you.”

“Yeah. Nico’s lucky. I don’t know how I can pay Maki back.”

“Just be yourself, Nico, and you’ll figure out what you need to do.”

“Nico’s got this.”

Nico could see her mother’s serious face, with just the slightest nod to confirm Nico’s abilities. “You do.”

###

Nico was in the backyard, wrapped up in this really superwarm, superbeautiful wool blanket Maki said was made by indigenous artists working for an indigenous company. So not only superwarm but points for exploring something other than the culture handed to her on a platinum platter. Maki, for all her rudeness, had this air of kindness that Nico instinctively wanted to save from the harder edges out there in the universe. Her parents had obviously kept her in a bubble and Maki had her own bumbling, oblivious charm that would have existed bubble or no. And then she sat in front of a piano and Nico was breathless because there was nothing but confidence and mastery. Nico had worked, worked so hard, on singing and dancing and music, and Nico was sure Maki had worked hard as well, but there was this other level, this native confidence, that music was the land where Maki lived and Nico though a long term resident, had never really truly tasted the water.

Nico closed her eyes and stared up at the sun, inhaling warmth. She heard a wooden chair scraping off to her right. Maki. If Nico kept her eyes shut, maybe Maki would pretend she was alone and talk.

“So many people covered the Dylan Coffee Song. I’m not a big Dylan fan, although we could make it jazzy if you like it..."Java Jive" is fun and fast, but do you have that much energy, are you going to sing tonight, Nico, because…

“Yes, Nico was planning to do a duet with Maki. But not the Dylan song. How about “I Get No Kick?””

“That’s about champagne. I thought we were keeping themes.”

“It’s about things you can’t do without.” Nico opened an eyelid, Maki was sitting up, staring out into the yard, twisting a curl in her fingers.

“Rin wants us to do “Cow Bells and Coffee Beans." She offered to drop off or play the cow bell, preferably play.”

“What’s that song?”

“Henry Mancini did it on his ‘Mr. Lucky Goes Latin’ album. There’s a cat on the cover and a song called “The Dancing Cat” so it’s Rin’s new favorite thing.” Maki paused, “They were looking up coffee songs for me.”

Nico laughed, “That’s a good way to pick music. I have to meet these friends of yours. Why don’t you and Rin do a duet and then Nico will step in for a second song?”

“Really?” Maki spun to face Nico, “Rin would love that.”

“Nico makes people happy.” Nico waved a hand airily, “She’s dating Café Quarantine’s social media jitterbug, right?”

“Hanayo? Yeah, they’ve known each other forever, like kindergarten. I’m not even sure when they ‘officially’ starting dating, but by the time I met them in high school, they were unbearably adorkable.”

“Doesn’t sound unbearable. Just cute.”

Nico could hear Maki shuffling, “I guess.”

“So were they big into PDA?”

“PDA?”

“Public displays of affection?” Really, Maki didn’t even know that. And that was an ancient thing.

“Oh.” Maki settled back into the lounge, Nico guessed, “Some hand holding, I think. Nothing big. Hanayo’s shy.”

“The person inundating me with questions and requests for selfies and promotional pics is shy?!?!?!”

There was a pause, “She gets really really hyped about...K-pop, celebrities, and cute singers, and…”

“So Nico’s a cute singer, huh?”

No reply.

Nico had more energy, but not enough for that level of pushing a tease. Plus, leaning back with her eyes closed seemed to be inviting Maki to share more things. If Nico was going to push, maybe it should be about something else.

“So how’s the doctor thing going? Nico feels better.”

“I’m glad you feel better, but it’s not because I’d be any good as a doctor.”

“Maki’s smart…”

“I know that.”

“And you have a hospital right there…”

“Which means I should just take over, right, like my parents want me to, take over and spend all my time alone in big houses, or alone, hiding in a supply closet, crying from exhaustion. Or working with people who won’t tell me the truth because I’m their boss.”

“You always told Nico the truth, right? And Nico was your boss.”

“I’m different. You’re different”

It was neither modesty or bravado, Nico had noticed. Maki just stated things that she thought were true. And if she thought they were true, they must be fact.

“Money makes people careful.” Maki said. “That’s the polite version of what my father always says.”

“What’s the impolite?”

“Crawling cowards.”

Nico snorted, “That wouldn’t make any friends.”

Maki sat up, “But it does. You can say anything.”

“Not to Nico.”

“No.” Maki sighed, “And my parents respect you for that.”

“You’re avoiding Nico’s question.”

“I am.” Maki stood up, “If I’m going to duet with Rin, we’ll have to practice. I ordered lasagna for lunch, I’ll leave yours on the table.”

“Do you have Italian sauces in your veins?”

A laugh so light and cute, Nico was forced to open her eyes. Maki was glowing, the sun halo behind her head both blinding Nico and tinting the edges of Maki’s hair a deep pink that matched lips Nico might have fantasized about kissing. Once. Maybe twice.

“Maybe.” Maki winked, almost touching Nico’s chair as she walked past.

“Figures.” Nico sat up. She was hungry. Give Maki a bit of head start, at least until Nico was sure she wasn’t contagious. No more coughing Covid cuties here if Nico could help it.

###

Nico had jumped into the stream from her room to say hi, but skipped singing. A low energy performance that ended in a cough would have been fun for no one. Rin and Maki had been adorable. Rin was a tiny ginger cutie with the energy of a bullet train. Nico tried to imagine how Rin and Maki ended up friends, but it was hard.

Why wonder when she could ask.

N: How did you and Lucky Cat, Jr. get to be best buds.

M: She tackled me.

N: Σ(･口･)

M: We had gym together, we were playing flag football, Rin forgot about the flags and tackled me, I dropped her in a rainwater barrel, we played desktop football during a week’s worth of detention -- I always won, no matter what Rin tells you -- and then we found out we had the same lunch.

N: So what happens if Nico tackles you.

M: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

N: Nico was impressed you could swing “You’re The Cream In My Coffee” when your coffee’s always black.

M: I didn’t have to drink it.

N: Do you miss the coffeeshop?

M: No.

N: But you got to spend with the #1 Boss in the World, Nico.

M: My parents made me do that.

N: (T⌓T)

M: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Nico put her phone down. My parents made me do that? Is that all? Didn’t Maki miss all the effort Nico had put in to try to help her? And sure, she’d never said thank you, but Nico hadn’t gotten the impression that her less than stellar student had hated the situation. Was Nico only here because Maki felt some obligation.

There was a quiet knock on the door.

“Nico?” Nico heard sounds of Maki settling against the door. “Can we talk?”

Nico squelched her immediate “Tell Dr. Nico what's bothering you” with a quiet “Okay.”

“I...it’s not...the coffeeshop was okay, you were great, people were…” Maki paused, sounding amused and altering her voice as if quoting someone, “stoopid, but…” The door moved like Maki had pushed her back against it, “I hate schedules, I don’t want to just follow a path because it’s there, because my parents, because it’s...because the wheels lock in.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know.” A pause, “I’ve been liking this.”

“Nico nearly died.”

“No you didn’t. And I didn’t mean that. I’m enjoying working on music, performing...I’ve been playing the piano more than I have for years…” Maki was drumming her fingers on the door.

“Nico can't imagine you not playing; it seems so you.”

A laugh, first quietly pleased and then wry, “I don’t even really mind Hanayo harassing me to find something to wear.”

“Nico will harass you even more, if that’s what you like.”

A sigh, “But it’s not real.”

“Nico’s real, Maki’s real, why isn’t making music together real?”

“My parents…”

“Forget your parents. What does Maki want?”

A long pause, little movement.

“More.”

A/N: Decided to split this @auyeahaugust Coffeeshop AU next chapter in two so I could post this bit faster. I didn't want anyone worrying about Nico for too long ; )

[broadwayyaddict]

Dashed Hopes

Jasmine jumped as the timer went off, burying her face in Anthony's chest. "You look, I can't," she mumbled.

Anthony took a shaky breath, picking up the tests and flipping them over. His breath caught in his throat and he whispered, "Jas, they're positive."

She immediately turned around, staring at 3 pink plus signs. "O-Oh my god, they're positive," she said. "They're positive!"

She laughed, hugging him as tightly as she could, feeling tears well up in her eyes. "I'm pregnant again!" she exclaimed.

"Oh god, we have another chance," he said, feeling tears in his eyes as well. "Jazzy I love you so much."

She had been getting morning sickness for a while, but had been scared to take a test based on what her doctor had said when Brooklyn was born. This positive gave them hope for another miracle baby of their own.

The doctor's appointment made them even happier, getting to see their baby on screen. "Now, you know that because of your complications during your last pregnancy that the risk for miscarriage or stillbirth is higher. I would recommend waiting to tell family and friends until you reach 12 weeks. Especially your daughters, if something were to happen, it would be harder to explain what's going on," she told them.

They nodded and Jasmine squeezed Anthony's hand, smiling at him. They got pictures from the sonogram, feeling like they were floating on air. Jasmine hid them in her drawer when they got home, both of them already thinking about how they could use them for the announcement.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her down onto the bed and she laughed. "I love you," she mumbled, cupping his cheek and kissing him.

"I love you more," he responded, deepening the kiss.

The next few weeks passed with even more excitement, Anthony going on a shopping spree for their baby again. Jasmine was shocked when he came home full with two bags nearly overflowing with baby things.

"What did you do?" she asked, sitting up and laughing.

"I kinda spoiled them," he said. "I got baby clothes and books."

"We already have baby clothes and books," she said.

"I know, but they're our miracle baby," he said. "This is my last chance to splurge for them."

"Okay fine, this is an exception," she responded, leaning forward and kissing him.

They still hadn't told the girls or their family yet, taking her doctors advice and deciding to wait until she was at 12 weeks. They had planned a cute little surprise, deciding to do it at a family dinner.

Anthony got home from the set a week before the family dinner and immediately sensed something was off. The girls were playing in the living room but Jasmine wasn't with them.

"Hi Daddy!" Brooklyn exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his leg.

"Hi baby," he said, picking her up. "Where's Mama?"

"She's upstairs," Star told him. "She was feeling yucky and she's been up there for a long time."

Anthony started to feel worried and he set her down, saying, "I'll be down in a few minutes."

He went upstairs, calling for her but getting no answer. He stopped in front of the bathroom door, seeing as it was closed, and knocked. "Baby?" he asked. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," she responded, her voice sounding shaky.

He opened the door, his concern immediately growing. She was sitting on the floor, one arm crossed over her stomach and her face was puffy and tear stained.

"I lost the baby," she whispered.

A pang of shock ran through him and her words felt burned into his head. "Oh god Jas," he said, sitting down next to her. "Oh baby."

He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face against his chest. He heard her soft sobs begin and she started shaking against him.

"I'm s-so sorry," she cried, clutching onto him.

"Oh god baby this isn't your fault," he told her, tipping her head up. "You did everything you could do to keep yourself healthy, your body just couldn't handle another pregnancy. And it's not your fault that Brooklyn was born early or that her heart rate dropped. You did everything you could to make sure she was healthy. We just can't control what our bodies decide to do."

"But you were so excited too and you spent all that money on the baby stuff and I feel bad for making you waste it," she whimpered.

"I was extremely excited too," he responded. "But that doesn't mean our lives are still empty. We still have our two beautiful little girls. And I can donate those baby books and clothes somewhere. They won't go completely to waste."

She closed her eyes as a fresh set of tears started to fall and he continued to hold her, rocking her back and forth. Sure his heart felt broken too, but he knew that she was experiencing the pain, sadness, and guilt all at the same time.

He eventually kissed her forehead and said, "Jas, I'm gonna take you to the bedroom okay? You need rest to recover."

She nodded, feeling too exhausted to put up a fight or even stand. He picked her up, carrying her into the bedroom and laid her down. "Get some sleep baby, I'll bring you dinner later," he told her, kissing her forehead.

She nodded and he left the room, shutting the door so she could have some privacy. The girls both looked up when he came downstairs and Star asked, "Where's Mama?"

"She's not feeling very well right now honey so we're gonna let her rest," he responded. It broke his heart, seeing both of their innocent faces. They had no idea what was happening and the thought alone shattered him.

He played with them, helped Star with her homework, and made dinner, his only focus on the girl's well being and Jasmine's recovery at the moment.

Once they had been put to bed, he slowly opened the door to their bedroom with a bowl of soup in his hands. Jasmine was laying on her side, staring blankly at the wall.

"Hey Jas, I got you some dinner," he said quietly, helping her sit up and lean against him.

"Thank you," she mumbled, although it was more of a whisper. She ate slowly, still feeling exhausted and in pain.

"Where are the girls?" she asked once she was finished.

"They're asleep," he told her. "I told them you weren't feeling well."

She nodded, feeling tears start to fall again. He gently wiped them away, kissing her forehead. "I just wanna switch places with them," she cried softly. "I know it's selfish, but I just don't want to go through this."

"I know Jas, I know, I know, I know," he responded, holding her closer to him. "I really don't wanna go through this either, but we don't have much control over that. Just remember that the girls and I are always here to love you."

She started to cry harder and said, "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

"You didn't do anything," he said. "You will always deserve love."

She moved into his lap, wanting to be closer to him. He rubbed her back, kissing the top of her head. Maybe they were broken and their hopes for another miracle baby were gone, but at least they still had each other. And in a way, that was the slightest bit healing.

[iliketowrite1996]

Why Not?

part 4/10 of the new singledad!Steve Rogers x reader story.

Part 1:https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/614617294578089984/his-best-girl

Part 2: https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/614969499334197248/meet-the-music-teacher

Part 3: https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/616114724817584128/lunch-buddies

   This is terrible.

   Horrible, really.

   This is the worst date that Steve has ever been on,and he’s so ready for it to be over.

   Bucky had the bright idea of setting Steve up with Stella, his co-worker. So, here Steve is at a dinner with a woman who

   ‘’So, what do you do for a living,’’ she questions, checking her phone again.

   ‘’Are you busy with work or something,’’ Steve questions, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

   He’s been with women that have to check their phones on a date, and, being a dad, he checks his whenever he can. However, most women will give him an explanation- they have to check in with their eldelry parents, they have set up a meeting for work, they have to schedule their ride for tomorrow.

   Stella, however, has given no information.

   ‘’Sorry, yeah. Big meeting and everything,’’ she shrugs. Setting the phone down.

   ‘’Well, um, I’m a teacher and I work at a church,’’ Steve responds before taking a sip of his water.

   ‘’And Bucky said that you have a little girl, oh, uh, what’s her name.... Janet?’’

   ‘’Jasmine,’’ Steve supplies, mentally noting that this is strike two for his date.

   ‘’So, how old is she,’’ Stella questions, already picking up her phone again.

   ‘’Would you like me to leave so that you and your phone can be alone,’’ Steve questions, deadpan, causing Stella to look up in surprise.

   ‘’Listen, I’m sorry,’’ she sighs, ‘’I’m usually not like this.’’

   ‘’I don’t think Bucky would set me up with you you, otherwise,’’ Steve admits, ‘’And you seemed fine until you started talking about Jasmine.’’

   ‘’It’s just… look, you’re a really devoted dad, and that’s great. I’m just not so sure that I want to be involved with someone that has a kid right now.’’

   To tell the truth, Steve isn’t all that surprised. No, not really. Because this is a scenario he’s familiar with.

   ‘’It’s fine. Really,’’ Steve smiles a bit, ‘’Hey, I’ll take you home, if you’re ready.’’

   So the date is over, and he takes Stella home, then heads by DeShaw’s mother’s apartment to pick Jasmine up.

   ‘’Ya’ll just had to have an e-learning day tomorrow, huh,’’, DeShawn’s mother smirks when he enters.

   ‘’Took you a long time to get them to sleep?’’

   ‘’The longest. They’re on the floor asleep. We watched a movie and had a little indoor picnic.’’    

   Sure enough, Jasmine and DeShawn are knocked out, turned away from each other.

   ‘’Thanks again for watching her,’’ Steves smiles at the sight of his daughter, so happy to be back with his daughter.

   ‘’Now you know that the both of you are welcome here any time. But, if you’d really like to thank me, could you watch DeShawn on Saturday? I’ve got a date,’’ she grins, ‘’WIth that guy from my firm, Harry Chang.’’

   ‘’Oooh,’’ Steve teases, ‘’Yeah, I can watch him. Jazzy and I are having dinner at Tony’s, so he can just come along.’’

   ‘’Awww, spending some time with Jasmine’s crush?’’

   ‘’Don’t remind me,’’ Steve groans, ‘’She looks at Peter like she looks at glitter and I’m concerned.’’

   ‘’It’s a simple crush, Steve.  It doesn’t mean anything,’’ she laughs heartily, before lowering her voice, ‘’DeShawn has a crush on Jazzy. He’s so crushed that she’s being tutored by Peter.’’

   ‘’My condolences. If it makes him feel better, it’s crushing my wallet to pay for it.’’

   ‘’You know what, bye,’’ DeShawn’s mother laughs, cuashing Steve to chuckle as well as he goes over to pick Jasmine up.

   She’s dressed in her sweat pants and t-shirt, so he doesn't have to worry about waking her up to change. Instead, he gently picks up the ten-year-old.

   ‘’Do you want me to take DeShawn to his room?’’

   ‘’No, we’re going to stay here for the night. Now get her down to your apartment before you drop her.’’

   ‘’Thanks so much again. I’ll see you Saturday.’’

   ‘’Hey, um, excuse me, can you help me?’’

The blonde woman can’t be any older than Steve, a year or two younger at the most.

‘’What is it,’’ she questions warily, clutching her own keys in her hand.

‘’Can you please reach in my pockets and get my keys out? I forgot to get them before I picked up my daughter, and I really, really don’t want to drop her.’’

‘’Oh, of course,’’ the woman strides over,taking Sreve;s keys out and even going so far as to unlock and open the door for him, ‘’Here you go. Oh, and welcome to the building.’’

‘’Thank you,’’ she grins, ‘’Good night.’’

Once he’s entered his doorway, he quietly lugs Jasmine to her bedroom before gently placing her in her bed.

   Either he’s getting too old for this, or she’s getting too big for this.

   ‘’Daddy?’’

   ‘’Jasmine Allen-Rogers, where you awake this hold time,’’ Steve huffs, placing a hand on his back.

   ‘’Only since the front door,’’ Jasmine sits up in bed, rubbing her eyes as her dad turns on her lamp, ‘’How was your date?’’

   ‘’It was fine,’’ he shrugs, ‘’I don’t think we’re going to see eachother again.’’

   ‘’Is it because she found out you have a kid?’’

   ‘’Jasmine,’’ Steve stares into brown eyes that are so much like Petra’s ,’’ Where did that come from?’’

   ‘’DeShawn said he heard his moms’ last boyfriend get upset because she had to come pick him up  from his grandma’s house when he got sick, and that he didn’t want to be with someone that was gonna be spending all her time with her kid, so she dumped him. And I know you’d do the same thing.’’

   Sometimes Steve forgets just how perceptive  Jasmine really is. Things rarely go unnoticed by her.

   ‘’Listen,’’ he kneels before her, ‘’Jasmine, you are my daughter. You know my priorities. You know that you are so far at the top. And anyone that doesn’t want to get to know you isn’t worth my time.’’

   What he loved about Petra was her love for life,God, him, her family,and their unborn child.And though he knows He’ll never find someone like Petra again, he needs someone who loves.

   And who will be willing to get to know his daughter, and eventually love her.

‘’So you’re not upset,’’ Jasmine questions, looking for reassurance.

   ‘’Of course not, chickadee. Now, you need to get some sleep. Peter is coming over to help you with your math tomorrow.’’

   ‘’Oh, that’s right. Maybe I should retwist my hair,’’ Jasmine ponders, touching her hair.

   And, boy, is Stve not ready to get involved with her liking makeup, hair and boys yet.

   ‘’Go to sleep, Jasmine. I'll see you in the morning.’’

   ‘’Alright,’’ Jasmine kicks off her shoes, lying under her covers, ‘’Good night,daddy.’’

   ‘’Night, honey. Sweet dreams.’’

   And so Steve turns into, trying to put Jasmine’s worry behind him as he hopes to have sweet dreams of his own.

   ‘’So you’re adding fractions, huh? Yeah, that can be a bit tricky,’’ Peter relents the next day as he looks at Jasmine’s math book.

   Jasmine, however, is looking at him.

   ‘’Here, I’m going to show you how Mr. Stark showed me,’’ Peter smiles at the then year old before working the problem out for her, ‘’See?’’

   ‘’Peter, you’re so smart,’’ she beams at him.

   ‘’And so are you, Jasmine. So let’s try it.’’

   Steve is keeping a close eye on Jasmine just to make sure she stays focused as he monitors his email, making sure that no questions from parents have come in yet.

   But he does see an email from you, with your phone number attached.

   And it wouldn’t be so bad to call as friends, right?

   ‘’Oh, hey, Peter, help yourself to anything for lunch. I’m going to gocall one of my coworkers,’’ Steve explains, heading out to the room to call you.

   You on the other hand, are quite busy. Olivia’s on her tablet, reading a story, and you’re cleaning.

   So when Steve calls your phone, you’re so glad to hear from him,

   ‘’How do you deal with being an elective teacher and working from home?’’

   ‘’Well hello to you, too,’’ he laughs, ‘’I’m fine, thanks for asking.’’

   ‘’Sorry, sorry. That’s my bad habit.’’

   ‘’It’s fine. So, what did you need?’’

   ‘’Hey, you know it’s not a normal day if I don’t bother you at least once,’’ you remind him, a join edge to your voice.

   ‘’Hearing from you is never a bother though. I’ve got a few minutes, though? What’s up?’’

   A few minutes turns into thirty minutes of chatter- from school, to television, to weekend plans.

   ‘’I am just hanging with my family this weekend,’’ you admit, beginning to make Olivia’s lunch for her.

   ‘’Tomorrow I’m heading to my friend's house with Jasmine and DeShawn, while his mom goes on a date. Oh, hey, I hear Peter calling me. I’d better go.’’

   ‘’Okay.Thanks again, Steve. Bye!’’

   ‘’Bye, I’ll see you Monday.’’

   ‘’Who was that, mommy?’’

   ‘’That was Steve… I mean Mr. Rogers from school, baby,’’ you respond, ‘’Livvy, come eat.’’

   She nods obediently before putting her tablet on the couch and heading to the kitchen and sitting at the table, ‘’Mommy, you should date Me. Rogers.’’

   ‘’Should mommy date Mr. Rogers,’’ you question,  ‘’Where did that come from?’’

   ‘’He’s nice and he can draw,’’ Olivia shrugs, as if it’s that simple.

   And, for her, it probably is.

   ‘’Well, I don’t think I can date Mr. Rogers. But maybe one day we could have him over for lunch, okay?’’

   You’ve got absolutely no intention of that, and you hate lying to her. But you’d really rather not talk about dating with your five year old, so this buys you some time.

   ‘’Okay, mommy,’’ she nods before beginning to eat her sandwich.

   As she does, you study her. She’s got the same dark skin as you, but dark brown hair like her dad. And, she’s got his dimples, but your almond shaped, brown eyes.  She’s such a combination of the two of you, personality wise and looks-wise.

   And though you feel bad that her dad isn't really around, you’re glad that she hasn’t really asked about him that much.

   Last year, you explained to her that families come in different forms, but that you wanted a baby and were blessed with one, and you loved her no matter what.

   ‘’Livvy, mommy loves you,’’ you kiss her forehead before standing and fixing your own lunch.

   ‘’I love you, too, mommy.’’

   You’re content with your life. Happy, even. But, still… maybe it wouldn't hurt to go on a date.

   Or even just let your aunt set you up.        

   And, so, you plan to agree to her plan to set you up with someone from church.

   Because it’s not like you actually have a chance with Steve if he’s married in all.

   So why not?

   Your aunt, of course, is thrilled when you tell her the news.

   ‘’Oh, I am so excited. He really is a good man, and he likes kids. So I’m going to go call him,’’ she hugs you before rushing into the room to call him.

   ‘’Don’t say I told you this, but you just made her day,’’your uncle says, givingthe spoon to Olivia to stir the sauce as he holds onto her so she won’t fall off the counter, ‘’Stir slower, honey. We don’t want a mess.’’

   ‘’Okay,’’ Olivia nods, continuing to help.

   ‘’Grant is a good guy,’’ your uncle looks at you, pointing, ‘’And you deserve a  good guy. He’s super vinvolved with the church.’’

   ‘’Then I’m sure I’ll like,’’ you shrug.

   ‘’Even if you’re kind of unsure about what you’re getting yourself into.

@ashanti-notthesinger @destinio1 @afraiddreamingandloving @airis-paris14 @syreanne @chaneajoyyy @90sinspiredgirl @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx @adrioola21 @supremethunda @thisiskayesworld @mcusocialimagines @priya212  @kumkaniudaku  @airis-paris14 @alexundefined @fonville-designs  @dramaqueenamby  @mellowjellow6 @oceanscorazon @nerd-lovely @fonville-designs @akimi-youngblood @yoyolovesbucky @fd-writes @areubeingserved-too @areubeingserved

[ridiculousn3sswrites]

Jealous

*Daveed Diggs x Reader

*Summary: Daveed goes to see Reader in Hamilton LA and gets a bit jealous when he sees how close she is to LA’s Lafayette

*Warnings: None, I think

*A/N: I saw Hamilton in LA and absolutely loved it. Low-key when Jordan (Lafayette/Jefferson) came onstage I was like ‘oh, he cute’ and immediately felt like I was cheating on Daveed so yeah, that’s where this came from. BTW I absolutely love Emmy as Angelica, she’s amazing

You peeked out from behind the curtains, looking out at the crowd that was slowly filling the seats. Even though you’d been doing this for ages, going from an ensemble member in the OBC to Peggy/Maria in the touring company, you still loved seeing the audience waiting in excitement for the show to start. “C’mon, (y/n), you do this before every show,” someone teased, walking up behind you. You turned, seeing Emmy, completely ready to take stage.

“Oh hush, I’m still trying to get over the fact that I get to do this for a living,” you laughed, taking one last look at the crowd before walking back with Emmy.

“You and me both,” Emmy said, smiling. “C’mon, Miss Maria Reynolds.”

“Hold up, it’s act one, I’m still Peggy,” you replied as you followed her. Everyone in the cast was joking around backstage, a few people warming up, and a couple of stagehands running around to get the last things in place before the show started. You were talking to Emmy and a couple of others from the show when someone walked up next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You looked up to see Jordan practically towering over you, a goofy smile on his face. You’d become close friends with the touring company’s Lafayette since practically the moment you were an official part of the cast. It led to a lot of jokes about you having a thing for the Lafayettes, since everyone knew how close you were with Daveed too.

“And what’re we talking about?” Jordan asked, looking at everyone.

“Getting dinner after the show,” Emmy told him.

“Oo, where’re we going?”

“Hold up, who invited you?” You laughed. Jordan made a hurt face and you just stuck your tongue out at him.

“(Y/n)’s the one that grew up here, she should know the spots,” Solea interrupted. “Right, (y/n)?”

“Excuse me, I grew up on the food trucks and little spots. I don’t know if y’all are into it,” you told the group. You were immediately met by blank stares, knowing that your point was invalid. “Alright, I’ll try to find a place.”

“Is (y/n) treating us to dinner?” Rory asked as he walked past.

“Why is everyone inviting themselves to dinner?” Emmy asked.

“Because you guys always go to the best places,” Rory told her over his shoulder, making Emmy laugh.

“Okay, well it looks like we’re also adding Rory,” Solea said.

“Add me too,” Michael told you as he walked by. “Places in five.”

“And one more, because a friend’s coming to the show tonight,” Emmy said.

“Wait, who?” you asked. “Do I know them?”

“Oh yeah, you definitely know him,” Emmy replied with a knowing smile before leaving to go talk to other people.

“What was that all about?” Jordan asked.

“No idea, but somehow you started it,” you teased, finally slipping out from under his arm.

“How’d I do that?” he whined.

“You invited yourself to dinner,” you laughed, going to take your place as a stagehand called places.

The show passed by flawlessly as it normally did, the cast met by thunderous applause as everyone took their bows. You were then handed a mic to give the final speech thing before the audience left, and were met by more applause as you took center stage. You thanked everyone for coming out, and then started your spiel on Broadway Cares. “Yeah, so we’re up against all of the other Broadway shows to see who can donate more. We’re going against a Wicked Witch, a lion that says he’s a king, and some whiny kid with a broken arm. Anyways, there’s gonna be a few cast members out there collecting donations, so let’s show them how much the Hamilton family cares!”

After a few more jokes, your speech was over and everyone left the stage and started changing into their street clothes, except for the few cast members that were chosen to collect donations for the night. As soon as you were in your street clothes, Emmy caught up with you and Jordan backstage. As usual, you and Jordan were joking around, and you almost didn’t notice just who was following Emmy. “Holy shit, is that Daveed Diggs I see?” You asked with a laugh, immediately running up to hug him. “I thought you were busy with like everything!”

“Hey, (y/n),” Daveed laughed as he hugged you. “You know I had to see my favorite ensemble member in her leading role.”

“Wow, Diggs, I’m literally right here,” Emmy said, faking offense.

“It’s alright, Emmy, I turned invisible too,” Jordan joked. You immediately removed yourself from Daveed’s arms (even though you really didn’t want to), bounding back to Jordan’s side.

“Right, right, I forgot!” You said, placing a hand on Jordan’s shoulder. You missed the questioning look Daveed shot to Emmy, and her shrug in response. “Daveed, this is Jordan Donica, he’s our Lafayette here. Jordan, this is Daveed Diggs.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jordan said, reaching out to shake Daveed’s hand.

“Nice to meet you too,” Daveed said, his tone cold. Jordan looked down at you, slightly confused, but immediately went back to his normal self.

“So, dinner?” Jordan asked, his hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll tell the rest where we’re going,” you told him, smiling brightly. You walked off then, Jordan immediately following you. As soon as you were out of earshot, Daveed turned to Emmy.

“What was that?” he practically demanded.

“What?” Emmy asked, pretending not to know what he was talking about. Daveed didn’t answer, instead giving her an ‘are you kidding me?’ look. “Alright, alright, I’ll spill. Let’s just say that Jordan and (y/n) are pretty close. Almost as close as you and her were back in New York. Make of that what you will.”

“Emmy, can’t you just be upfront with me? Are they dating or not?” Daveed asked, groaning slightly in annoyance.

“I’m just saying that I’ve been trying to get you two together since New York, but you didn’t want to take me up on that when I had Lin, Pippa, Jazzy, and Renée helping me out. Maybe she has a thing for Lafayettes,” Emmy told him, not answering his question at all, choosing just to blur the lines further. Before Daveed could say anything else, you and Jordan came back, laughing about something.

“Alright, the rest are going to meet us at the restaurant, and Jordan and I are carpooling. You guys want me to just send you the address?” You asked, Jordan’s arm around your shoulders. You ignored Daveed’s sudden tenseness, still confused as to why he’d be acting like this. This was the first time you’d seen him since the both of you had gotten crazy busy, and you definitely were confused about his attitude today.

“Yeah, we’ll meet you there,” Emmy said, placing a hand on Daveed’s arm before he could say anything. “I gotta talk to Diggs about something anyways.”

“Alright then,” Jordan said, just as confused as you were. “I guess we’ll see you guys there?”

“Of course,” Emmy said, smiling as she led Daveed away.

“What was that all about?” Jordan asked, turning to you.

“Hell if I know,” you said, shrugging. “Let’s get going.”

Dinner was at a hole-in-the-wall Chinese place not too far from the theatre, and by the time you and Jordan got there, everyone else was already seated. Daveed seemed at ease with the cast, and it made you smile to see one of your best friends getting along with your show family so easily. “There’s our (y/n),” Michael called out the second he spotted you.

“And what am I?” Jordan asked with a fake pout, taking the seat beside Michael. That left you to sit between Jordan and Daveed.

“Annoying,” Solea deadpanned, making the table laugh.

“I… am wounded… I’ve never been this insulted in my life,” Jordan said dramatically. You placed a hand on Jordan’s arm, shooting him an exaggerated look of pity.

“Aw, poor baby, we bully you so much,” you teased him before turning your attention to Daveed. “Diggs, you’ve been doing a crap ton of stuff. Tell us about that exciting stuff.”

“Nope, that part of the night already passed, (y/n),” Michael told you, taking a drink. “Diggs was telling us all about that just before you got here.”

“Really?” You asked Daveed, slightly hurt. Sure, you could always catch up with him afterwards, but you had really been looking forward to actually getting to talk to Daveed since you knew he was here.

“Yeah, sorry, (y/n),” Daveed said with a shrug. “Your guys’ show tonight was awesome. I gotta say, it’s different watching it than it is to be in it.”

“Yeah, you can really understand how so many people get obsessed,” Jordan said. “I must’ve seen the show like four times before I was actually in it.”

“Wow, looks like we got a fanboy in the cast,” Rory teased.

“Uhm, yeah, I did kinda freak when I met you, Emmy, and (y/n),” Jordan laughed, not even trying to defend himself.

“Oh yeah, I definitely remember that,” you laughed. “Jordan wouldn’t even talk to me for a couple weeks because he was starstruck.” The rest of the cast immediately started clowning on him, but he just held his hands up in surrender, accepting it.

The rest of dinner was spent joking around with the cast, and despite the fact that Daveed spent most of the night ignoring you (which frustrated you to no end), you had a good time. As soon as dinner ended, everyone walked out of the restaurant, still joking around. “You want a ride home?” Jordan asked as you pulled on your jacket.

“Nah, I kinda want to catch up with Diggs, you feel?” you told him.

“Alright, see you at the theatre tomorrow,” Jordan told you, giving you a brief hug before heading out to his car. You watched as Emmy and Daveed finished talking before heading their separate ways, and you immediately started jogging towards Daveed.

“Hey, D!” You called to him. He looked slightly surprised but stopped anyways. “We didn’t even get a chance to catch up tonight.”

“Yeah, I guess we didn’t,” he replied coolly. The second he did that, something snapped inside you.

“You know what, give me your keys,” you told him, leaving no room for objection. He tossed the keys over to you, confusion evident.

“Where are we going?” Daveed asked.

“My place. We really gotta talk,” you told him as you got into his car. He got in with no further questions, letting you silently stew. You got to your building in record time, the way up to your apartment silent. As soon as the both of you got into the apartment and you closed the door, you turned to Daveed. “What the hell was all that about?” you demanded.

“This is a nice place,” Daveed said, looking around. “Kinda makes me miss your place in New York though.”

“Damn it, D, answer the question,” you told him, the slight anger you had already falling away. “You barely spoke to me when we were backstage and you ignored me all through dinner.”

“Really? Because it seemed like you’d rather talk to Jordan tonight,” Daveed practically spat.

“Wait, hold up, what the hell does Jordan have to do with this?”

“He has everything to do with this!” Daveed said, raising his voice. “You think I had fun watching the two of you flirt all night when all I wanted to do was finally see you after months of just texting?

“Hold up, you thought I was flirting with him? He’s my friend! I act no different with him than I did with you back in New York,” you argued.

“And I was flirting with you that entire time!” Daveed yelled. You just froze as Daveed stood there, running a hand over his face and nearly knocking off his glasses in the process. You’d given up on thinking anything like that could’ve happened with Daveed in New York, no matter what the girls told you. You always thought he was just like that with friends. “You know what, this is stupid. I should-”

“Daveed, wait,” you cut him off, finally processing what was going on. “You really didn’t get that I’ve liked you since I first joined the cast?”

“I mean, Emmy may have hinted,” Daveed trailed off, a look of understanding washing over his face. “That’s why she was always trying to set us up!”

“And I thought she was only doing that to screw with me!” You said, excited at what this could possibly mean. “So you’re saying?”

“I guess I am,” Daveed said, stepping towards you. He practically had you pinned between his body and your door, and his face was slowly nearing yours. You could feel his warm breath fanning over your face, and your heart was pounding, but in a good way. You saw his gaze drop down to your lips for a moment before going back to meet yours. “Can I?”

“Yeah, I think it’s been long enough,” you said, no louder than a whisper. Immediately he brought his lips to yours. His kiss was somewhat hesitant, as if he couldn’t believe this was really happening. You wrapped your arms around his neck, a hand tangling in his curls. He broke the kiss too soon for your liking, and your eyes fluttered open. You weren’t even aware that you’d closed them.

“That was,” Daveed trailed off, a goofy smile on his face.

“Yeah,” you agreed, giggling slightly.

“We could’ve been doing that since-”

“2015, yeah,” you said. “You know, we have a lot of missed time to make up for.”

“Yeah, we really do,” Daveed said, kissing you again. You smiled into the kiss, knowing that something good really had come from Emmy’s little surprise.

[eyesaremosaics]

Thoughts on Aries ?

Sorry this took so long, I haven’t been inspired to write lately. My first love was an Aries, as were three of my roommates/best friends, so I have a soft spot in my heart for them. Even though most of those situations ended poorly.

Aries generally get along best with the opposite sex in my experience. They see the same sex as competition, often unconsciously. Aries men are very childlike in their attraction. They love and admire women the way a little boy feels about their mother, or a prepubescent boy noticing girls for the first time. Their whole being lights up when they see you, and often they get nervous and sheepish around the object of their affections. Aries women have the same childish enthusiasm, yet they often do the pursuing.

What I love about Aries, is their nobility. The best way to describe the core of an Aries is a knight in shining armor. Both men and women. Aries are ruled by Mars, so they are warriors. They have strong energy and enthusiasm. Even if they are tempered with water or earth in their chart, there is still this dynamic energy that emits from them. The through line of Aries is: “I do.” They often act impulsively, or in the moment.

Occasionally this impulsivity gets them into trouble. They can sometimes appear brash, crude, or insensitive. The truth is that they have little tolerance or time for bullshit. They speak their mind, and they don’t beat around the bush. You will always know where you stand with an Aries. My Aries lover saw a dress of mine and his first words were: “it looks like you’re wearing a giant napkin.”

One has to have a good sense of humor to understand Aries. They are naturally combative, but playfully so. Everything is an unconscious game for Aries, they love witty banter (think screwball comedy from the 1930’s, Charlie Chaplin was an Aries). Harassing each other back and fourth is the way to know an Aries likes you.

Aries often has this complex of having to be terminally unique, or devils advocate. Many Aries I have known will argue against something they don’t even believe in, just for the thrill of the argument. Aries needs to win. Their whole self worth, self concept is wrapped up in “winning”. The deepest core fear of an Aries, is that they will not be loved, even though a winner.

Aries fight for the underdog, they love impossible odds, lost causes. Strife pushes them to grow, and they work well under pressure. When the heat is on they don’t waste any time. They will get it done, and most effectively. They are fiercely loyal to their friends, and when an Aries cares for you, they will melt your heart with the purity of their love. It comes to you unconditional, as a newborn baby smiling at you for the first time.

Aries start out as idealists, and are hopeless romantics. Hard knocks in life deeply wound Aries, and may embitter them as adults. They are so disappointed that things are not as they pictured them to be. This can be a problem in the romantic sphere, because they have this rosy picture perfect perception of how love should be, and when that illusion shatters, they lose interest quickly and fall deeper into the despair of disappointment.

They put objects of their affections on a pedestal, and their idols are always falling.

Aries are very creative. They often have hidden genius or talent which comes naturally to them, almost as though they were merely a vessel to embody this gift. They are often skilled artists, wether it be as a musician, an illustrator, painter, craftsman, jewelry maker, photographer, dancer, etc.

My first roommate when I moved out at 18 was Sabrina, who was a tattoo artist. She was a true Aries, born right in the middle of the sign, with lots of Gemini in her chart. This made her very fussy, she was passively angry a lot of the time, sarcastic, always cracking jokes or making amusing assessments and observations about others. Her hair was all the colors of the rainbow, she changed them often depending on her mood.

She had every part of her body pierced at some point, and was covered in tattoos. The Gemini made her a bit of a gossip, but she was hilarious. Sabrina didn’t have many girl friends, so she really treasured me. I think I reminded her a lot of her mother (who was also a libra), and it showed. Aries are uniquely thoughtful. Everyday I would come home, and find her sitting up waiting for me. Her whole being would light up when I opened the door and she would cry: “Megan! You’re home!”

It felt like having a child greet their parent excitedly when they get home from work. The joy is so genuine. It’s really sweet. She would slap a picture on the coffee table and push it toward me. “Megan! I drew you!” She was an illustrator, and so talented. Looking at her drawing melted my heart, she made me look much prettier than I am, and that was the way she saw me.

My other roommate Jasmine, was a make up artist. Ironically, Sabrina and Jasmine were best friends all through high school, but broke up senior year because Sabrina stole Jasmine’s boyfriend. I asked Sabrina why she did that, and she looked very hurt in her eyes. She smiled and looked to the floor, before saying: “jasmine always wanted to be… A ‘pretty’ girl.”

Basically, jasmine had been ditching Sabrina for 'cooler’ friends. This really wounded her, so she retaliated by taking Jasmine’s boyfriend. Jasmine held her grudge toward Sabrina forever. She refused to even talk to her. It wasn’t about the guy for jasmine, so much as it was about betrayal of trust. Jasmine had a lot of Taurus and Capricorn in her chart, so she could be a little more shy than Sabrina. They both had an awesome laugh, especially jasmine. Her laughter sparkled through the whole room, and was the most distinctive thing about her.

When I moved to SF, it was because of Jazzy. She worked at MAC, and I did online orders for Nordstrom. One day we met on the escalator, and she asked me: “do you want to move to the city with me?” “Why would I want to move to San Francisco?”She looked at me incredulously and said: “why WOULDN’T you want to move here??”

All Aries women I know have masculine energy, even if they dress and look very feminine. They are assertive, with strong opinions. If they don’t like you–they will make it known. They get bored easily, and restless. Aries needs to constantly be doing things, traveling, creating, going to events or pursuing hobbies. They often have many hobbies. Also they have a high libido, and can be a bit boy crazy. They identify with men pretty easily, they feel more comfortable around them in many ways.

Sabrina would fold origami when she was anxious. I could always tell when she was having a hard time, because little origami creatures would freckle the landscape of our living room.

Aries have rose colored glasses when they are in love, more so than any other sign, even Pisces. They see the beauty and potential in you that not even you yourself can see. They aren’t always good at words, or expressing themselves verbally. Their actions, their creations are the true insight into their inner life.

Some Aries aren’t necessarily an artist, but they will have a flair for whatever it is that they do. For example, Jazzy wasn’t a painter, a writer, or an artist in the conventional sense, but she was a make up artist. She could paint people’s faces in such a way that she brought out their inner beauty and confidence. That’s what Aries is all about, empowerment and they want to serve as an inspiration to others.

My first love, he could do it all. He played every instrument, he was a filmmaker, a set designer, light technician, painter, illustrator, and a songwriter. He had this non stop flow of creative ideas coming to him all the time. He probably… Is the funniest person I ever met. He used to have me in stitches laughing so hard.

Literal conversation we had once: Me: “you’re not cool enough to be Oscar the grouch.”Aries: “oh yeah? Well you’re just NOT COOL.”Me: “yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge.”Aries: “I did. And he sentencing you to 8 to 10 years of… STILL LAME.”

Or I asked him what his favorite color was, and being the contrary Indian that he is, he said clear.

Me: clear is not a colorAries: yeah huh, there are colors in the rainbow you can’t see. Me: yeah, but they’re not clear. Clear is transparency, it’s a state of being. It’s not a color.

He just kept talking over with me, and refused to accept defeat. He was generally in playful spirits, but he had a lot of sadness and tragedy in his life. I find this to be true of a lot of Aries. They smile through their broken heart. The sad clown.

Aries hate to be wrong, and they hate to be left out. Deep inside they feel like people don’t notice or value them, which is why they seek validation for their accomplishments or just their appearance in some cases, they just want to know that they are still relevant, that they are seen and valued. It’s a bit hard for them to admit, but they need people. They are similar to libra in that way.

You will never be bored with Aries, they are always ahead of you, always pioneering. In fact, their pioneering spirit is what I admire the most about them. Though if they are not careful they can dip into vanity. At times they can become self indulgent when they are licking their wounds. They are painters, painting themselves a lovely world. They say the world either breaks or hardens the heart, this is especially true of Aries. They go one way or the other. They either receive enough stimuli to support their dreams to keep them optimistic champions, or they are knocked down so many times that it makes them bitter and hard–even bullies on occasion.

This is a very effective smokescreen for their insecurities. Their brass offensive exterior is actually just a little kid who feels hurt they were picked last in the second grade.

They will walk through fire or take a billet for their loved ones. They will speak up for those less fortunate than them that they identify with. If they have Taurus or Scorpio in their chart, it will make them darker, more of a brooding personality with trust issues. Scorpio in particular can give them a vindictive flair.

The dark side of Aries lies in this feeling of futility. They either feel elated and inspired to make a difference in the world, or they feel abandoned by it, swallowed by the pointlessness. They tend to kick the can around in terms of past failures, misfortunes, traumas. They can spin their wheels and throw a pity party me in a while. However, this is typically not their MO.

Aries is very resilient, they bounce back from windfalls pretty quickly and with great vigor. Challenge excites them, it brings out the best in their nature, and you’d be surprised what they can do.

If they have a lot of earth in their chart, oh lord, they will be stubborn. You would have an easier time dragging a mule uphill than getting an Aries to back down or change their mind. Even if the facts are stacked against them, they will not back down.

An Aries sexuality is spontaneous, fiery and passionate. Sex is mental for a great many signs, but Aries is often turned on by sexual organs alone. There is a raw animalistic quality to it, they have stamina for days, and a bright enthusiasm about it. Some Aries like to be dominant, but ironically, since their personalities are already so dominant they actually are rather submissive. Their desires are intense, and they like it rough.

My Mars is in Aries, which is my sexual placement, and every lover I’ve ever had has complained that I want it too much, and I take too long. People with heavy Aries influence are passionate, they have violent and immediate sexual impulses. It’s like being a cat in heat. Elizabeth Taylor (though a Pisces) had Aries in her chart which gave her this sensuous quality. There is something very childlike and pure about their sexuality in a way.

As a cardinal sign, meaning they are initiators, they like to make waves, get a project set in motion… Though they often get bored or abandon things halfway through. Aries affections can turn off suddenly, one day you are in their good graces, one wrong move (usually against their morals or if they are less evolved ego) and they will pull the plug.

Aries can suddenly be done with a relationship if it ceases to challenge them or maintain their interest. Routine relationships will bore the fuck out of Aries. They are generally loyal, if they were to cheat, it would be because their relationship was on the outs for a long time. They will try really hard to court their lover again and again to rekindle the flame… But if that fails then they will move on, often abruptly and in a seemingly insensitive way.

Romantic disillusionment is damaging to an idealist, because it shows them they were wrong about the world. They were wrong about a person. It makes them question themselves deeply. For the most part Aries has a strong sense of identity. Their personalities and their image are bold, they make a statement. People notice them, most especially their eyes, like little dancing lights in their head, full of fascination and powerful focus wherever they direct their full attention.

They have agile bodies, usually stocky in build for males, more compact. Girls are generally on the shorter side, if thin they are lean and athletic, sprightly in their step, and ready for anything. Arian women are like Joan of arc. They have a message, and a mission in life. Aries will speak their truth no matter the opposition.

Aries women can be domineering. If they are less evolved on an emotional level, they can be “mean girls”, or elitist in nature. If they are more evolved, they will be very forgiving and inspiring friends who try to see the good in every one. My first love never once raised his voice to me, never hung up on me, never called me a name, not once. He was noble, and respected women–in spite of being a philanderer. He had a high code of morality in terms of how you talk to people, expectations and etiquette were important to him.

If Aries has a lot of water in their chat, it will make them a bit more shy. They will be more reluctant to let people in, but once they do, the beauty of their playful spirit will start to unfold before your eyes. If they have earth, it will ground them, making them more solid and less verbal. Words mean little to Aries, they want action.

Aries comes up with creative ways to show their affection for others. They love surprises, or something that shows you really notice or pay attention. They are thoughtful creatures when they want to be, yet if their needs are not being met, they can tend to become less aware of others, indulging in their own self destruction.

Aries really don’t mean any harm (in most cases) when their actions hurt someone, they feel deeply guilty about it. I remember telling my ex after holding it inside for a long time, all the actions he had taken that had hurt me. I think he genuinely was not aware of how deeply he was affecting me. When I told him in detail, he let a few silent tears roll from his eyes. I could tell how sorry he was. He didn’t have to say anything. I could see it in his eyes.

Aries can hold grudges. Oh lord can they hold grudges. They privately lose respect for people who cross them, and they are never the same in their mind again, yet they are also capable of deep forgiveness, it just takes them time to get there.

Aries have strong opinions about what they will and will not allow in their space. They can be difficult at times, wanting things to go their way most of the time. They can be a bit selfish in this respect. Compromise is not one of their strong suits.

In my experience, Aries (men especially) are the most likely to discredit astrology. Many I have met hate it, say they don’t identify with it at all.

I’ve had quite a few Aries women who saw me as a threat for some reason or another, and treated me very unkindly in the past. I refuse to stoop to that level, so I don’t entertain it. It’s really a shame, because I liked each and every one of them, yet they found it necessary to be childish.

My acting mentor was an Aries. She was harder on me than anyone else. People often fled her classroom in tears because they could not handle her piercing honesty. She constantly put me under fire in front of the whole class, picking me apart, just being really brutal with me. The truth is: she was invested in me. She knew I could do it, and she was tough love because she knew I needed someone to kick my ass out of being lazy and complacent.

I remember doing a scene in class, and when she gave adjustments afterwards, she stared at me intensely for a long minute. When she finally spoke, I could feel the irritation in her voice. “Trust. Is a word you need to learn. Not just on stage, but in your life.” I fell silent, as did the whole class. She continued: “do you even want to do this with your life?” She proceeded to rip my performance apart mercilessly. I stared at the floor shaking silently, trying to hold bank the tears in my eyes. It was humiliating. I felt so raw. My partner Jamil (who was a Scorpio might I add) even he felt sorry for me and put his hand on my leg in attempts to comfort me. Right as he did so, Gloria raised her voice angrily and shouted: “DON’T touch her. She’s not fragile. Let her do this!”

She dismissed us to our seats. I was still fighting to hold it together. She changed the subject and continued on with her lecture. I shook so violently I lost feeling in my limbs. Finally I could contain it no longer, I burst out: “Gloria!” Tears pouring down my face, contorted with shame and pain. She turned to me, not phased in the least by my distress.

“You remind me of my mother!”Her voice went suddenly soft, with a rich tenderness as she said: “I know baby.” She ran over to me quickly as I rose to my feet and embraced me tightly. I sobbed into the crook of her shoulder and said: “I just want you to be proud of me.” “I am baby, for you breaking through this right now.”

She knew exactly what I needed, pushed all the right buttons to facilitate change in me. This is what an evolved Aries is capable of. I always thought she didn’t like me, but she believed in me. She was hard on me because she knew I was capable of better, and was frustrated with me for not actualizing my full potential. Aries give sound and solid advice. They have zero tolerance for bullshit. If you ever want someone to give it to you straight, Aries and Sag are the impulsive truth tellers.

Aries are facilitators, champions, generals. They are the personification of the ID. The infant, inner child, who shouts into the void: “I am”. They are enterprising, full of new and exciting ideas, always down for an adventure. Laughing at their misfortunes. As Aries Mary Pickford was quoted saying: “this thing called failure, is not the going down but the staying down.”

They are the knights in the crusade, the hopeless romantic at the end of the archway. The partner in crime, the accomplice. They are the best friend on your favorite 90’s show. Dirty feet from climbing trees, they are the fireflies dancing in the open field at night. They are stargazing, witty banter, a screwball comedy from the 3O’s. Bette Davis, Joan Crawford (both Aries), aerial silks, road trips, a puzzle in pieces on the floor. Pyrotechnics, extreme sports, skydiving. Emotive dance, precision, discipline. The power of dominion and purpose.

Aries is a blood red satin, skin exposed, hot summer nights with the windows left wide open. The view from the tallest mountain, the inside of an intricate tree house, they are Peter Pan, tinker bell, searching forever for his shadow as it mocks his every move. They are survivors, playmates. Wild children, the lord of the flies.

They are full force creation, obstinate, stubborn, yet eternally brave. Pewter goblets. Black ribbon zig zagging up your spine, gleaming vinyl. They are bright red lipstick, hair falling into disgruntled eyes, fingernail markings along your back. They are pulling hair, pulling teeth. They are passionate oblivion, reckless abandon. Childlike devotion. Action, adventure.

They are pirates, explorers, divas and kings. The cold steel of an elegant blade, the thrill of hand to hand combat. They are stimulants, the cloud of confrontation. Strong lean muscles, bare skin exposed. They are the last soul standing in defiance. They are the hero.

[sugaforthesoul]

[Fan Account] 20170401 - BTS WINGS Tour in Anaheim, CA

So you guys may or may not know but I was in Anaheim last night to see Bangtan. If you'd like to find out about my experience, just keep on reading!

So my day started very early on Saturday morning. I woke up around 7AM. Since this past week was my spring break, I was accustomed to waking up at 1PM and going to bed at 4AM, so needless to say, I had trouble both falling asleep and waking up in the morning. I caught a bus from outside my dorm around 9:30AM and rode it for about an hour and a half up to Oceanside. From there, I took the train around 12PM to Anaheim and I got there around 1:30PM. Fast forward past some details no one probably cares about, I came back to the Honda center (it's right across the street from Anaheim station) around 3:30PM. Since I had an assigned seat, I didn't have to worry about lining up or anything. By that time, most of the merch was gone though, so I didn't get anything ;A; I guess it's a good that 'cause that stuff is really expensive. Anyway, after hours of sitting on the curb and waiting in line, I got in around 7PM. I was in section 204 so once I was inside, I went straight through the doors into the actual stadium. Since I was in row P, my view was a little further away but I was not complaining one bit. When I sat down, a lady gave us an orange and green bag to cover lightsticks for specific songs but I didn't get to use them since I didn't buy a lightstick. For the next hour or so, they were playing Bangtan MVs on the monitors, and y'all. Why y'all got scream... at a MV? I was amused but I expected it since at SMTOWN way back in 2011, I was one of those people who screamed at the videos playing before the show (and was judged by my dad). Anyway I was sitting there amused at the audience but also watching the screen (and screaming at Jas AKA @jeons-jalebi via text and snap). As I was sitting there, watching, it hit me and I was trembling in both nervousness and excitement, which didn't subside until deep into the actual performance. I noticed the MVs were somewhat being played in chronological order but after Spring Day, I was ready for Not Today... the MV... that's not what I got. The lights cut and the intro VCR started playing. Everyone got to their feet, screaming and waving their lightsticks. I was no exception this time (minus the lightstick, obviously). Guess what they performed first. Yup, that's right, Not Today. The rose up from the back portion of the stage and it felt like my heart stopped for a moment. Yes, I video taped it but I did NOT for one moment actually look at what I was filming cuz I wanted to focus on it with my actual eyes. Even though I held my phone very close to my chest, the footage is very shaky. Yes, it's because my body was still trembling uncontrollably. I don't think I need to tell you guys how they perform because I'm sure most of you are under the impression that they're great performers, and you'd be absolutely correct. I think after was the first ment (I say I think because I don't remember how many there were or when they happened). Everyone screamed their asses off as expected and they all introduced themselves in English and all that jazz. I was expecting this but I was not prepared. Goddamn Min YOONGI (that autocorrected to all caps and obviously, I have made zero attempt to change it) did the thing where he takes his earpiece out, closes his eyes and cups his ear. Naturally, I screamed at the top of my lungs, as did others (except the girl next to me; she was texting during half the concert lol). After that they performed Am I Wrong, 뱁새, and (I think) BS&T. I'm not sure the order but I'm pretty sure BS&T was in that mix because I know they performed it around the beginning but I don't quite remember when (I jotted the setlist during the breaks, but I had forgotten by then... I guess I was just that stunned). Yo... those motherfucking hip thrusts in 뱁새... I couldn't breathe, holy shit. Honestly, no amount of preparation can prepare you to see them and I learned that many times in the course of two and a half hours. So far, the award of hype goes to Not Today and 뱁새, which is saying something because usually I'm very reserved in public and I was by myself too. After a break, Begin started and I knew there was going to be choreography for it since Jas told me . I thought I could prepare myself for it… but I was not prepared at all. Begin is one of my favorite tracks and pairing it with dancing ruined me. I was on the verge of tears. And then Lie is performed, and in that moment, it was all over. The choreography was absolutely amazing. It was sensual and well put together. Even though it was Jimin paired with sexy dancing, that style of dancing appeals to me anyway so I was just immersed. It felt a little bit theatrical too, and the red lighting was also appealing to my aesthetic. Anyone who knows me knows much I love the color red (just like Jungkook, heh). Right after, the universe decided it was going to seal the package of that round of performances with my bias. Yes, that’s right, the first round of solos was my bias list, ending off with my ultimate. Yoongi started by sitting in the middle in front of a piano and there were two strings players sitting at each side. I could hear the emotion in his voice, honestly. He kept walking closer, down the stage and delivered the verses with closed eyes. At this point, I was just watching and crying (literally). In that moment, I all of a sudden felt so thankful that I was standing there, able to see him (and them) perform in person. I’m from Florida, so needless to say, they’ve never come anywhere near my hometown. I don’t remember which ment this was in but since I mentioned that I don’t remember which ment went where and what happened in each specific one except the beginning and end one, I’ll insert this story here. So Hoseok was going to each side, getting them/us to scream. Of course the left side would still scream when he went to the right side and vice versa, but that’s beyond the point. Yoongi, after Hoseok finished both sides, growled, and I mean GROWLED like a tiger when he said, “LOUDER!” Usually the speakers in a large concert made the pitch higher, but when Yoongi growled, his voice was the deepest I had heard from him. It sent shivers down my spine (and still does at this very moment as I think back to it) and everyone went absolutely crazy. I am no exception. Every time Yoongi prompted us to be louder, lowkey highkey, I put more effort for obvious reasons. The next set of performances were in the front part of the stage, so I got a better view of it. The vocal line started with Lost. I was really impressed by how much they’ve improved their vocals. There a lot more stable now. Lost isn’t one of my favorites but I enjoyed it (as I enjoyed the performance for every song that isn’t that high up for me). Oh, I’d like to mention that by then, I’m pretty sure my body’s trembling had subsided. I think it stopped when there was a break. After Lost was Save Me, and I Need U. The choreography for Save Me was… I can’t even describe. Obviously I’m familiar with it, but seeing it in person was so good. I could definitely tell I Need U was a favorite for many because it got even louder somehow (if you didn’t know, I tend to vibe more with the tracks that are more hip-hop infused). The next set of performances were solos again and it started with Reflection. Namjoon is one of those people whom I’ve grown to admire a lot in the past four years and seeing him perform was a reiteration of that. There’s just something about the way his voice fills the stadium… that or I’m crazy. After that was Stigma, and guys, we need to talk about Taehyung’s voice. I was so accustomed to his deep singing voice. Yes, I was aware of the high notes in Stigma, but hearing it live? This probably doesn’t mean much since I was shook to the core the whole time, but I was S H O O K. Hoseok performed Mama after, and I must say, I have a newfound love for him. The choreography was very jazzy and lively, and his smile just gave me energy. That whole performance was like a vitamin. Also I had a hard time keeping my eyes on him ‘cause the main monitor behind him and a slideshow of his baby photos and babies are my weakness. After Hobi, Jin performed, and again, so impressed with those vocals. The next set of performances… this is when shit got very real for me, and this is why: the fucking CYPHER happened. Yo, I mentioned that it’s hard to hype me that much if I’m solo and in public, but you better believe I was vibing hardcore with that shit. My mannerisms were like Yoongi’s. I was too into it to notice but when I looked back at the little snapchat video I took of the beginning of his verse, I noticed we’re similar. I also do some of the dance moves Hoseok was doing (and I’m sure some of you know the origin those dances). I’m dancing while sitting at my desk typing this up, that’s how much that performance hyped me. Right after was Fire, and of course the hype did not subside (for most people, Fire is a hype song but not my favorite - dear Lord, how many times am I going to say a variation of “hype”). They had us cover our lightsticks with either a yellow bag or an orange one for it. Following was a medley of throwbacks starting from N.O. Then they did No More Dream (I was so hyped for the former two), Boy in Luv, Danger, and Run. They only did choreography for Boy in Luv out of the older songs. They did 21st Century Girl, and then it seemed like it’d be over but after lots of screaming, chanting BTS, and changing the bags on the lightsticks to create a rainbow, they came back on, starting with Hoseok dancing to Intro: Boy Meets Evil (no, he didn’t rap too). They did BS&T again and talked to us more after. Last, they performed Interlude: Wings, 2!3!, and ended with Spring Day. Most people including me didn’t leave until the VERY end, after the ending video played on the monitor and the boys bowed with everyone. As I walked out, I was a little dizzy, still dazed, but also my ears were so blocked and my throat was very hoarse. I didn’t buy merch earlier but I bought a WINGS shirt with the tour dates on the back (which I’m wearing now)... it was $10! People just went around selling them! Jas told me to look out for stuff like that. The concert was about two and a half hours but i didn’t leave until around 11:30PM because I needed an uber to go back to the Airbnb and when I first got out, they were $45, and I was like hell no because it was $14 to get to the Honda Center. I kept refreshing but the price went up to $75. Eventually I got it at $32 though. The amount of people I screamed to about it when I was lying in bed… yeah I still have post concert shock. I came back to the dorm this morning and since Anaheim Station is close to the Honda Center, I got to meet @perpetually-jungshook :’) We didn’t hang for long; I had a crowded as fuck train to catch… but yeah, that’s it. I wanna turn back time, but the moment has passed so I’ll just pray they’ll come back soon.

[shirtlesssammy]

Regarding Dean: Recap

Then:

We wonder why the rabbit always gets screwed in the deal.

Now:

Dean Winchester chases a bleeding man through a dark forest. The man pauses behind a tree to make a phone call of warning. “Listen to me. Get out of there.” Dean shoots at the man, but misses. The chase continues. Finally, the man is too weak to run. 

Dean finds him by a tree, and instead of shooting him, he gives the guy a “Got You” speech and enough time for him to cast a spell, which lights the sky purple and sends Dean flying through the air. I think we’re dealing with a witch here, folks.

Dean awakens the next morning, still in the forest, Andrew Dabb is righting some wrongs here, because the bunny is safe and sound.

His phone broken, Dean wanders into a more pedestrian area, borrowing a phone to alert Sammy of his whereabouts. He seems a little confused and out of it. I guess I would be too if I spent the night in the forest after getting zapped by a witch. Before Sam can really get a word in edgewise, Dean sees a sign for “Waldo’s Waffles”, and tells his brother to meet him for breakfast. He’s starving.

Dean’s right. Look at these fluffy monsters:

The boys meet up and Sam wants the lowdown on what happened with Dean. He left the night before to get some food, and now he’s dirty, disheveled, and has one hell of a hangover. Dean doesn’t remember his evening. 

Dean also doesn’t remember Kelly, and her devil baby drama. Sam’s starting to put it together that something’s not right, but then he’s seen Dean hungover enough not to question his antics too much. Sam gently inquires if Dean is still drunk, but Dean doesn’t think so. Sam then reminds him that the morgue will be open soon. They’re working a case. Time to get your shit together, Dean. Dean does remember the dead accountant, and lack of anything remotely supernatural. Do they even have a case to work?

The brothers head out, but not before Dean gets slapped by a woman who seems to know him --even if he doesn’t remember her. Hmm, something is definitely up! It’s been awhile since we’ve seen Dean with a random hook-up (he is married after all!), but he wouldn’t pretend to not remember the woman the next day. He’s always been pretty proud of his sexual conquests (or at least presenting that image to the world).

At the morgue, the boys take a look at the victim, and the evidence surrounding his death. They find a hex bag. “Ugh, witches.” Right-o Dean. If you could only remember how true that is! They head out to track down some of the accountant’s clients, to maybe figure out who would hire a witch to kill the man. Once in the Impala, Dean struggles to figure out which key starts the car. Sam’s looks of incredulity are priceless. They only grow more priceless when Dean smashes the car into a couple newspaper stands.

Sam gives his brother a lecture on getting it together, but Dean can’t really concentrate, his vision and hearing wavering in and out. Sam tries to focus his attention with a couple “Dean”s, but his brother only responds with, “Who’s Dean?” Oof.

Back at the motel, Sam wonders if Dean was hexed. Ya think? Dean insists he’s fine, and that he is a fan of Dory the fish. Of course you are, Dean. He can’t name all the members of Bon Jovi or remember what a light stick is though. Sam starts labeling everything with sticky notes.

Sam needs help from the only friendly witch they know, Rowena. She’s busy swindling her way through a poker game (love the jazzy music), but still has time to help the Winchesters. She posits that maybe it was the Obliviate Spell, which can be reversed by killing the witch. (Remember when witches were just about the only thing they let live at the end only because they didn’t know how to kill them? The Men of Letters are good for something.) Sam turns to tell Dean the good news, only to find him gone. He frantically heads outside in search of his brother. He finds him on another level of the motel, trying to get into a wrong motel room. “All these dumps look the same.” In order to kill the witch, they’re going to have to retrace Dean’s evening. No problem! Ha.

They start by heading to the victim’s office. Dean nabs a cigar off the man’s desk. “Douche tax,” he says with a chuckle. “Yeah, you did that yesterday, too.” Oh, Sam. Next, the boys hit a couple burger joints, until they find the one with Dean’s waffle woman waitressing. She’s still pissed, but they explain they’re FBI, and that Dean might have been roofied the night before. She’s skeptical but humors them by replaying the previous evening's events. Dean ordered burgers to-go, drank four tequila shots, put some “sick jams” on the juke, and the rode Larry, the mechanical bull. Was he already hexed because this seems a little regressive and ooc for Dean. Maybe I just don’t like to see Dean in these situations anymore. Sam acts shocked, but Dean only asks the waitress if he was good. Her look and response of “You were amazing” made it clear she wasn’t talking about the mechanical bull. They were supposed to meet up after her shift, but Dean never showed. Security camera footage reveals Dean chasing after their witch. Sam recognizes him from a picture on the victim’s wall.

They head outside the bar, and while Sam retraces the prior evening's events, Dean is hit with another wave of wobbly vision/hearing. He then is shocked that there are such things as witches. Things are getting worse. Sam gives Dean “the talk” on monsters and their life (Shout out to Dean’s siren being a dude!). Dean is pretty jazzed about their lives (especially that their best friend is an angel.)

They eventually locate the spell glyphs...and the dead witch. So, not the Obliviate spell after all.

After our heroes leave the woods two people run up and find the dead body. “Hunters!” the woman exclaims. “Poor Gideon...” They talk about the accountant's death – he stole from them so they killed him. The man urges her to consider running before the hunters find them. “I want my family back,” the woman says as she stares down at her dead brother.

Back at the hotel Dean and Sam examine the photo of Gideon's body.

Dean: Never seen a dead guy before.

Sam: Yeah, you have.

Me: Aw, Dean Bean.

There's a knock on the door so Dean opens it to reveal Rowena! Dean doesn't recognize her and she smiles and swans into the room. Dean “Fluffy Bunny” Winchester comments on how bouncy her hair is, causing Rowena to ask Sam if they really have to fix him. And, I mean, she's not wrong. This Dean is adorable. Adorkable?

Rowena identifies the glyphs as an archaic form of Celtic that can be traced back to druidic times - and a single family. Sam parks Dean in front of the electric babysitter and has him watch some skinemax cartoons. We learn from Rowena that Gideon, Boyd, and Catriona Louglin (and the rest of the witchy clan) reigned over a small town on the Mississippi delta until they were discovered by hunters and scattered. Much of their power centered around a druidic spellbook, the Black Grimoire. Witches came from all over the world to study with them. Since Gideon's death didn't break the curse they'll have to find the spellbook to find a way to reverse it fast enough to save Dean's life. She threatens, “Soon he'll forget how to speak, how to swallow. Then Dean Winchester's going to die.”

“Sucks for that guy,” Dean interjects. Sam sighs deeply.

Sam and Dean settle in the bathroom for a heart to heart. (Why the bathroom? Privacy? Did Dean have to puke again?) Anyway, Sam fills Dean in on his life and the potential life threatening nature of the Obliviate curse. Dean confesses that he can feel the curse, the memories, slipping out of his head. Sam promises to save him and heads back out to Rowena.

“How is he?” Rowena asks.

“You know I've seen my brother die,” Sam tells her. “But watching him become not him...” That might be worse.

In the bathroom, Dean tries to center himself. He splashes water on his face and begins to rehearse. “My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cast-- Cas is my best friend.” Interspersed with the following scene, the line cascades into failure until all that's left is silence.

In the hotel room, Rowena urges Sam to find the spell book. Sam calls her on this, saying that the book is why she's here to help the Winchesters. Sam heads off to get the book and orders Rowena to stay behind. In a bit of a logical/narrative lapse, he tells her that Dean can't be left alone and he can't trust Rowena. Clearly the intention is to say that he can't trust Rowena to not just run off with the book... Rowena questions his ability to force the Louglins to just hand over the counter spell. In response, Sam Fucking Winchester pulls out his gun.

Rowena and Dean hang out in the hotel room as Rowena sets up an altar for whatever spellwork may be required. She swats Dean away from messing with her spell supplies and hands him a hex doll. “Play with this and I'll tell you a story,” she tells him, ever the exasperated parent.

“Once a beautiful witch was – again – run out of her homeland by those pompous, self-righteous, murderous hooligans. You know them as the British Men of Letters.” (Me: a connection! Yessss more Rowena to come this season.) She escaped, sought refuge with a family of witches, and was tossed out on the curb. Dean plays with the doll as her tale unspools.

“These witches sound like dicks,” Dean tells her.

Rowena is delighted by this. “What a gift not to recall the things you've done.” When Dean professes ignorance about his past Rowena purrs, “Oh you're a killer, Dean Winchester.” And, once again, she's not wrong here. She does concede that he's done it all “for the greater good.”

“Oh and that's supposed to make it okay,” Dean asks out of his well of self-loathing.

Rowena confesses to him. She's done horrible things for power. Then she met Chuck and Amara – the two most powerful beings in the universe – and they wasted their time mired in family squabbles. “If they can't be happy or at least satisfied, how can there be any hope for me?” Dean asks why she's confessing all this to him. “Because you won't remember,” she tells him. Boop.

At the Louglin's Sam makes his way inside and calls Rowena. He puts her on speaker and she asks if he's in the house. He instantly shushes her. SAM just buy a frickin' bluetooth headset. It's obvious you hate pressing a phone against your ear.

Anyway, Sam stalks his way upstairs where Catriona pins butterflies to a display board. “This gun is full of witch killing bullets,” he tells her before instructing her to open up her book and tell him how to break the spell.

She smiles at Sam, utterly undisturbed. “I've been expecting you,” she might as well have said. She knew hunters would show up, “hot and fresh like pizza.” Her brother Boyd busts in and magically slams Sam into the bookshelf while Catriona starts a spell which sets all the butterflies to flapping. Druid magic, amirite?

Cut to Dean waking up in the backseat of the Impala. There's a note taped in front of his face. “Your brother's been kidnapped by a witch. Found your stupid car and left you here.” He starts to get up but is stopped by another note on the window: “Stay.” (Me: I’m glad he can still read?)

In the house Catriona and Boyd prepare to bring Gideon back. They'll do a blood ritual, exchanging Sam's soul for Gideon. There's the sound of the front door closing and Catriona goes to investigate. Downstairs, Rowena awaits. “Who are you?” Catriona demands.

“Rowena,” Rowena says threateningly. When Catriona doesn't seem to follow, she exasperatedly elaborates: “Rowena MacLeod.” Aw, Rowena. Now Catriona recognizes her, referring to her as Raggedy Ann. She remembers when Rowena came to them, desperate, and begged for a place. Catriona taunts Rowena about her pitiable state at the time and reminds her of her desperation. Rowena begged for a place, offered her body in exchange for magical training. Rowena soaks in the abuse before biting out, “Nothing heals old wounds like opening fresh ones.” She magically blasts Catriona into the opposite wall.

We cut to Dean who disobeys the “Stay” note and busts into the trunk. Rowena has presciently added notes throughout the car. In the trunk Dean follows the direction to open the concealing flap, revealing weapons! To everyone's delight, the grenade launcher is labeled with a stern “NO” but his gun is handily next to a note which reads “witch killing bullets.”

Meanwhile, things aren't looking so great for Rowena. She finds herself magically pinned to a wall while Catriona tauntingly sings the Raggedy Ann song to her, flinging sharp shards of mirror at her head. Dean walks in and pulls a gun on her. Catriona scoffs and then Dean holds up the “witch killing bullets” note.

Blam! One shot in the head and Catriona is finished.

Upstairs Sam uses the gunshot as a distraction and rushes Boyd who escapes out the door and runs down the stairway, closely pursued by Sam. Dean, wide eyed, wavers between the two of them, trying to figure out who to shoot. “Brother!” shouts Sam pointing at his chest. “Witch!” he says, pointing to Boyd. Dean believes him and shoots Boyd fatally as well. Thumbs up, Dean!

A little later, pink light flashes from upstairs along with the sound of Rowena's voice. She and Dean descend the stairs. “Who's this hippie?” Dean asks. Sam's face instantly transforms into sad puppy mode. Dean laughs along with Rowena. LOL jokes! “Kinda like that time I ate all your Halloween candy, remember that?” Dean ribs Sam, obliquely telling the audience that he's got his full mental function and memory reserves back.

“Not funny,” Sam says.

Funny, I say. And also a delightful throwback to 'old Dean' that we truly have been missing these last, uh nine seasons.

The scene cuts to Rowena leaving their hotel room later and getting into a taxi.

“I can't believe you rode Larry,” Sam tells Dean. (Believe it, Sam.)

“Hey, I was awesome on that bull. I was like a god.”

Rowena ignores all this to tell Dean that if he recalls anything from when he was hexed, he should be a dear and let her know. Dean squints at her. “It's blank mostly. Really,” he says, utterly and completely lying.

Sam wrests the book back from her and promises her that he owes her a small favor. He tells Dean that he was a little jealous of Dean's memory lapse. He seemed happy forgetting. Dean concedes that it was nice to forget but forgetting everything – including Sam – wasn't worth it. They get into Baby and drive off.

Cut to a montage - set to Bobby Goldsboro's Broomstick Cowboy - of Dean riding Larry and flashing to different parts of the episode highlighting young-mindset-Dean. As the ride winds down the lyrics play:

So dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy,

Dream while you can;

For soon, you'll be a dreadful thing:

My son, you'll be a man.

It's a cute montage though I would have liked it more if it had all been new footage highlighting everything we missed. Nitpicking thought, I know. More importantly, however, this is DEAN'S song. My god. You guys, these are actual lyrics from that song.

And then you'll have to go to war,

To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate;

You'll have to learn to kill.

Oh, Dean Bean. I think my heart hurts a little. 

For Science

Natasha: I had mixed feelings watching this episode. I enjoyed it. I thought it was cleverly written with a lot of great lines and was a solid monster of the week. On the other hand, the way it was sold through showrunner interviews was that it was going to tear our hearts out and stomp them into the ground. Coming off of the emotional episode of the prior week this seemed like a bit of a mischaracterization. Dean did regress to a certain extent, and Jensen Ackles knocked it outta the park as usual. However, the emotional stakes didn’t hook me nearly as much as I was expecting. I never felt like the threat was insurmountable. What I didn’t expect and wish had been played up in teasers is how delightful Rowena was in this episode! Guys, I’m so worried that Rowena is headed for a redemption & sacrifice arc. (Nooooo don’t kill Rowena!)

In an unrelated note, readers of this blog know that we enjoy watching the show through Destiel goggles. To those Destiel folks despairing over Dean hooking up with a woman, I’ll only say this: if you believe that Dean is bisexual then you’ve gotta accept that he’s still going to be attracted to and hooking up with women. I don’t care who he has sex with, frankly, as long as he ends up with Cas in the end - his truest and most enduring love <3

Boris: Where do I begin with my thoughts on this episode? I wanted to like it. And I did to a point. I agree with Natasha that the build-up to the episode was greater than what happened in the episode. I also think that, for me, watching previews kind of took some of the gravitas away as well—the mirror scene in particular. I also feel like Dean’s mannerisms were kind of all over. After a couple watches, I see that he was consistently ooc, and his memory loss came and went, and slowly got worse, much like dementia or Alzheimer’s. And I really loved Sam in this episode. I enjoyed his reactions to Dean more than I enjoyed Dean. Also, as Natasha pointed out, it’s no secret that we’re pro-bi!Dean around here so I was a little pissy they seemed to be nohomo-ing Dean this week, but then we met Larry. Whew. Also, I liked the waitress story. My headcanon: Dean finally Gets It that Cas loves him. Like, really gets what that means….he’s going to run from that situation just a little. It’s ok Dean Bean; Cas will be there when you’re ready.

And I just read this post and it calms my reservations. I think this might be an episode where I’ll love it more in repeats --I can’t wait!

I Can’t Remember the Quotes:

This is a light stick

He...you rode Larry?

Now salsa you mittens. I can't read lips.

I don’t know. We kind of sound like heroes to me.

You never learn, do you? Always trying to run.

Devil baby mamma drama

Getting tossed into West Guantanamo makes me wanna crawl into a bottle too, sometimes.

Tell me, have I got my own ring tone?

You had the hots for Larry as soon as you walked in here.

You just killed their brother. They'd sooner use your skin as an outfit. 

[caitlindoeskpop]

Fanaccount || 141005 B1A4 Roadtrip in Chicago

Here is my un-edited Twitter fanaccount (because I’m too lazy to go through and organize it plus I think it’s quite amusing xD The boys are just referred to by the first letter of their stage name. Enjoy! 

Opening with a VCR of the boys getting ready to fly on their tour it's so cute

C pulled a world map off the wall and they're all pointing at it

Opened with OK then Beautiful Target

They're so energetic and playful!

Sandeul saw my sign and pointed at me during Beautiful Target

They all introduced themselves in English

C said make some noise and to look forward to various stages G said it's their first time and Chi and they're excited

J said it's they're first time in Chicago and they're really excited

They've been practicing English ;;

Only Learned Bad Things. They're amazing live

Ah can't remember the name of this song (why did we break up girl?) is how it starts

THEY HAVE FEDORAS It was Oh My God. This one I don't know but it sounds really clubby kinda jazzy?  

OH MY GOD THE CHOREOGRAPHY FOR OH MY GOD THOUGH I'M DEAD

Seoul. I'm gonna cry. They introduced it in Korean and it was translated

Acoustic Tried To Walk. Absolutely beautiful

J keeps looking at me during songs

Time Is Over

S voice no joke holy freaking crap

They've been performing in all white outfits angels

Boys ran to go change and Kongglish asking if we want more and make noise hahaha

VCR of the boys "backstage". C face in camera said I love you

B kissed the camera and said say ho G said I love Chicago S said Woooooah I love Chicago and say ho ho which we did

Jk about outfit change came back out and J has a guitar kill me.

C sang something acoustically and B beatboxed

S said in English Jinyoung hyung play the guitar. More singing and beatboxing

B got all sections to make noise. J had to switch guitars. Said if you know this song please sing together in English

Sang Knocking On Heaven's Door @@

Wonderful Tonight now

Another ballad don't know the name will look up a set list later sorry ><

Amazing! Had my Jinyoung sign and he gave me a huuuge smile ;;;;;

B said they're gonna slow things down and C shook his butt

Lonely! The boys had us sing the lalala parts

Then Solo Day! No one was doing the fanchants or not many. Didn't hear anyone around me join me

VCR of practices from Korea

Pretty sure I've gotten Jinyoung's attention with my sign @@

Picked the girl for the special stage, C called from backstage and invited her onto the stage in English

Lucky girl omg gonna record this

OHMYGOD SHE'S SO CUTE SHE JUST KEEPS SMILING AND BLUSHING

Hug from B hug and hand hold from C omg G stroked her hair they're completely surrounding her

Gave her gifts all leading her offstage. She was perfect tbh

Pretty 예뻐

Pause so B could ask who was the prettiest then say he was the cutest one here.  Then just kidding in English godtheyrecute

S shirt said Jealous Much. They did I say 예 you say 뻐

J said Banas are the prettiest in English

What's Going On! Now One Glass of Water

Showed us the chorus dance to Who Am I and now doing i

Got a heart from G and on film

Last song ㅠㅠ

J said he hopes we enjoyed the show and we won't forget it and they're happy they got to see us (korean)

Baby Goodnight

Did You Are My Girl?

C and S walked on the barrier in front of us and I GOT A SELCA WITH SANDEUL CRIES

Cheering for encore

(selca with Sandeul)

Thanking us so sincerely in English.  Last song for real

Finished with In The Air and If...90 degree bowed to all sides. God they're perfect

C filmed fans during one song can't remember which ‘Completely broke down during If...it's my favorite song and I never thought I'd get to see it live. I'm a wreck lol

B1A4 sounds and looks flawless in person as always

Gongchan gives the most fanservice Jinyoung just stares :/ the rest are so-so (2 more concerts 2017 update THIS IS A LIE THEY’RE ALL PERFECT)

AHH THEY ALL HAVE SUCH SOFT HANDS FRICK

They were all taller than me but Sandeul just barely

Order was Baro, Sandeul, Gongchan, Jinyoung, CNU

I STARTED THEM ALL IN THE EYES AND SAID THANK YOU AND THEY SAID IT BACK IN ENGLISH CRIES they're sooooo handsome

Had a little sign that said it was my birthday and Gongchan, Sandeul, Jinyoung and CNU wished me Happy Birthday

They grabbed with two hands kill me

CNU said Oh happy birthday yaaaay and clapped xD

Sandeul did a double take at my name I think he recognized it (my friend’s friend had won the phone call from a member, Sandeul, and she had mentioned to him that it was my birthday and used my name)

Hi-touches are such a blur ahahahhaa

We thought we were being led to a different room to wait but BMW THEY WERE RIGHT THERE

I wish I would have said I love you to them but man I froze hardcore

Final note: Jinyoung arms and Sandeul in a backwards snapback will be the death of me  

Jinyoung definitely was singing at me at parts even if I didn't get fanservice

ALSO JINYOUNG'S HAIR IS BLACK AND AMAZING

My friend said one of the members saw my sign when I took it out for Beautiful Target, did a double take and chuckled

[broadwayyaddict]

Blink of an Eye

tw: kidnapping

Jasmine yawned as she tucked herself against Anthony and glanced over at their daughter asleep in the bassinet. "I love you," she mumbled to Anthony, closing her eyes.

"I love you too Jazzy," he responded, rubbing her back. "I'm so proud of you too. You're so strong and amazing. Get some rest though, you and bubba have had a very long morning."

She nodded and let herself relax, almost immediately falling into a deep sleep. She didn't wake up again until she heard Anthony frantically calling her name.

"What 's it?" she slurred, not fully awake.

"Jas, Star isn't here," he responded and her eyes flew open. The first thing she noticed was the empty bassinet and a surge of adrenaline woke her up.

"Oh my god," she whispered. "Where is she? Did the nurse take her?"

"I don't know," he responded. "I think they would've told us if they took her to the nursery."

Jasmine pushed the button for the nurse, trying to stay calm in the moment.

The nurse came in a few seconds later, asking, "Is everything okay?"

"Did you take Star to the nursery?" Anthony asked, trying to remain calm as well.

"No, we didn't have any plans too..." she said, trailing off as she noticed the infant wasn't there.

"Oh my god," Jasmine whispered, putting her hand over her mouth and feeling the tears well up.

Anthony pulled back the curtain separating the room to reveal an empty bed. The thing that made Jasmine's heart drop into her stomach was the fact that the couple who had been there last night was gone.

"I need to go get someone to handle this," the nurse told them, leaving in a hurry.

"No no no no, this can't be happening," Jasmine said softly, looking up at Anthony. "No, not to us."

Anthony felt his own tears starting to fall and he got in bed next to her, holding her tightly.

"She c-an't be g-gone," Jasmine cried, starting to shake.

"I don't know Jazzy," Anthony said. "I don't know where else she could be."

They both looked up as they heard "Code pink in room 128. We have a code pink in room 128." over the intercom.

Jasmine fully broke down, covering her mouth with both of her hands as a sob escaped and leaned forward. Some people rushed into their room and Jasmine felt herself getting too overwhelmed, shaking her head.

"T-too many people," she gasped out. "Make th-them le-ave."

"C-can we have a minute please," Anthony said, trying to control his own tears.

As soon as everyone was out of the room Anthony gently pulled Jasmine back against his chest, trying not to smother her. "Baby baby baby, you need to calm down a bit," he told her.

"I-I c-an't," she said. "Sh-she's gone." She gripped onto his arm, burying her face in his chest.

"I know baby," he responded. "But these people are here to find her. They're gonna help us find her. I know you're terrified right now and I am too, but they have to talk to us to get some information."

Jasmine nodded, trying to take some deep breaths but it was obvious she was struggling.

Anthony placed his fingers with her, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. "Feel my hand Jas?" he said. "Focus on that right now."

Jasmine closed her eyes, focused on the feeling of his hand against hers. Slowly but surely, she started to calm down, taking shuddering breaths.

"Are you ready for them to come back in?" Anthony asked.

Jasmine took another deep breath and nodded. "But they can't come in too fast," she told him. He got up and slowly opened the door. The group of people slowly came in this time and Anthony got back in the hospital bed, wrapping his arm around Jasmine. She took another deep breath, taking his hand again.

"When did you last see her?" someone asked and they looked up.

"It was early this morning, around 4:30-5am," Jasmine responded. "We were just about to fall asleep."

"Did you hear anything while you were asleep?" he continued.

"No, I didn't," Anthony said. "And Jas was in a pretty deep sleep so I don't think she heard anything either." He looked down at her and she shook her head.

"Last question, when did you first notice her missing?

"It was when I woke up, around 10 minutes ago. I looked to see if she was asleep and that's when I noticed the bassinet was empty. I immediately woke Jasmine up and we called the nurse," Anthony explained.

"Does this couple look familiar?" someone else asked, handing them a computer screen. "They were also placed in this room."

They both stared in shock as they watched the security footage of the couple checking out and leaving.

"Oh my god, t-that's them," Jasmine said, feeling tears well up again. She turned, burying her face in his neck, covering her mouth. Anthony felt tears slip as he watched the security footage, holding Jasmine against him.

"We have reason to believe they are the ones who took your daughter, seeing as they were the only other ones in the room. They most likely snuck her out in their hospital bag while she was still asleep."

Anthony felt Jasmine shaking as she cried and pushed the computer away, not wanting to watch the footage anymore.

"We'll begin the investigation immediately and keep in contact with you throughout it. We're going to do everything we can to make sure your daughter comes home safe."

The couple nodded and everyone left the room, leaving the couple alone.

"I can't believe this," Anthony whispered. "Sh-She's j-ust gone."

"I-I want h-her back," Jasmine said.

"I know baby," he responded. "We're n-not go-nna rest until th-they find her though."

The two of them went home from the hospital a few days later feeling numb and cried out. The other couples house had been located but when the police arrived, the house was empty. As soon as they got home from the hospital, Anthony shut the door to the nursery. Neither of them wanted the reminder that it was there but empty.

They stayed in bed most of the day, waiting for the phone to ring with information, only leaving to eat and take care of the dogs. Both of them had tear stains on their faces from crying and they had barely changed since returning from the hospital.

Their families were cautious around them, giving them space, but also coming over with food and offering to help with the dogs and the house.

It had been 6 days since Star had been taken and it was obvious the toll it was taking on them. Jasmine woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, gasping with tears running down her face. She couldn't recall what the dream was about, but it had something to do with Star.

She shook Anthony awake as she started to cry harder. He immediately woke up once he heard her crying and pulled her into his lap. She wrapped her legs around his waist, wanting to be closer to him.

"What's goin' on baby?" he asked, brushing his thumb across her cheek.

"I-I had a dr-eam about h-h-her," she gasped, holding onto him.

"Oh Jas," he whispered. "What was it about?"

"I-I don't re-remember," she responded. "S-Something b-ad."

He held her closer to him, rubbing her back. She buried her face in his neck, holding him tighter until she felt tears soaking her shirt. She looked up, surprised and Anthony was crying.

"Baby, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I j-just feel like I could've done something to save her," he said. "I was right next to the bassinet Jas. Sh-She was right there."

"Ant this isn't y-your fault," she told him. "We h-ad no way o-of knowing th-this was going to happen."

"I j-ust-" he started, but Jasmine cut him off by shaking her head and pressing her forehead against his. He pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in her neck.

They held each other for a long time, feeling too awake to sleep. A little while later they lifted their heads together and Anthony asked, "You want some water baby?"

She shook her head and responded, "I feel like if I drink or eat anything I'm going to throw up. I've been so scared and nervous for the past few days."

He nodded, kissing her forehead. "Me too. Do you wanna try to sleep?"

She nodded and he picked her up, laying her back down on the bed. They cuddled up together like they had every other night, not wanting to let go of each other.

The next day was filled with way more anxiety for them as CPS was getting closer to locating Star. They jumped every time the phone rang and rushed to answer it.

The phone calls didn't lead anywhere during the day, but they were informed to keep their phones close to the all the time. They struggled to fall asleep that night and didn't realize they had until Anthony's phone rang.

They both jumped awake and Anthony quickly grabbed it.

"It's CPS," he told Jasmine and answered it. "Hello?"

They were sitting up with wide eyes, the nerves hitting them at full blast.

"Yes this is him," he responded, pausing. "Oh my god. Oh my god, seriously?"

Jasmine stared at him, speechless, feeling her heart hammering in her chest.

"Okay, we're coming now. ... Yeah we'll bring it. ... Thank you so much," he said, hanging up.

"What was that?" Jasmine asked, staring at him.

"They found her," he whispered.

"Oh my god, really?" she said, getting up.

"Yeah yeah yeah," he responded. "They want us to come the building now and bring a car seat carrier."

She felt tears welling up and she said, "Okay okay we have to go now."

They rushed to put decent clothes on and grab the things they needed. The drive to the CPS location was silent, holding onto each other's hand tightly. Jasmine had tears streaming down her face and was too scared to look at Anthony's face.

They pulled up to the building and Anthony got the car seat, the two of them going in together.

There were a few people there and one of them asked, "Are you Jasmine and Anthony Ramos?"

They nodded, feeling too stunned to speak and they were lead into a small room. Their daughter was laying in a small makeshift bed with an employee supervising her.

"Oh my god," Jasmine whispered, rushing to pick her up. She cradled her and turned to Anthony who also had tears streaming down his face. She went to him, wrapping her arm around his neck and pressing her forehead to his.

He brushed the pad of his thumb against Star's cheek, sighing. They stood together silently for a while, holding their daughter and taking a moment to calm down.

A social worker came into the room, looking at a clipboard. "Alright, we did a medical check and your daughter is somewhat malnourished. We did feed her and changed her into fresh clothes. The couple has been taken into custody and is awaiting trial," she told them. "Your daughter is safe to go home. Make sure you feed her regularly, but not too much and keep your eye on her. If something seems wrong with her health, take her to the doctors."

The couple nodded and Jasmine said, "Thank you so much for helping us."

"Of course," she said, smiling. "You're free to go home now."

They nodded and Jasmine carefully put Star in the car seat. They were silent as they walked back out to the car, hands linked, partially not wanting to wake Star and partially because they still didn't know what to say.

Jasmine sat in the back with Star on the way home, Star's hand loosely gripping Jasmine's finger. Jasmine leaned down every so often, gently kissing Star's fingers. She stayed fast asleep all the way home, which made them both glad as they were exhausted and had crashed down from the high of finding her.

Jasmine carried Star up to their bedroom, rubbing circles on her back. She laid Star on the changing table, getting a different onsie. Even though she had been changed into a new one, Jasmine wanted her to be in a more comfortable and clean one.

When she had finished and picked her back up, she paused for a moment. She stared at the crib for a minute before Anthony noticed and set his hand on her back.

"I don't want to let go of her," she whispered.

"We don't have to," he responded, leading her to the bed. "C'mere."

He sat down on the bed, taking her free hand and pulled her onto the bed. She situated herself against him, laying back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, brushing his thumb against her skin.

She sighed, kissing Star's forehead and closing her eyes. "I love you two so much," she mumbled.

"Love you too Jazzy," he responded.

They both fell into a deep sleep, but Jasmine was woken up by Star crying a few hours later. She blearily opened her eyes and sat up a bit.

"You hungry?" she mumbled, fumbling to adjust her shirt. "Okay be patient bubba, this is only my second time doing this."

She adjusted Star, trying to relax and waited until she had latched to close her eyes again. She could still feel Anthony's arms around her waist which made her smile.

When Star had finished, she opened her eyes again and fixed her shirt, laying Star back on her chest. She felt Anthony shift and press soft kisses to her neck.

She turned to look at him and smiled when she saw he was awake.

"Hi," she whispered, kissing him.

"Hey Mama," he said. "You doin' okay?"

She nodded, tucking her head into his neck. "How long have you been awake?" she asked.

"I woke up when you did," he responded. "You did a good job handling her."

She nodded, closing her eyes again and relaxed against him. "This still feels like a dream to be here with her," she mumbled.

"I know," he said. "This has been the hardest week of my life, but everything's good now. We'll be okay."

Jasmine felt herself drifting off, repeating his last words before she fell asleep. "We'll be okay."