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dollslayer · 4 years ago

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The Stand-In

CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Stood up by your date and stranded in one of the nicest restaurants in town, Bucky Barnes just can't let that stand.

Warnings: slight angst, smut, oral (m & f receiving), deepthroating, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it !), if I missed anything let me know!

W/C: 3,807

A/N: I wrote this for @simsadventures 6k mixed adventure challenge (Congrats!) w/ a restaurant setting and the line "If you could just hold my hand and be quiet, that would be nice". If you like it please reblog and comment and tell me what you think! Cheers!

p.s. - Come check out my other fics or find me on AO3 (same name)!

Main Masterlist

7 PM

Your best Jimmy Choos click gingerly as you walk up to the hostess stand at one of the most popular restaurants in Manhattan. He had made the reservation in your name, which you gave to the hostess. She takes a minute to consider you, cocking a brow as she silently clocks your ASOS cocktail dress. You looked chic enough that she could forgive you. Her moment wasn’t lost on you, this part of the Upper West Side was so stuffy so you put on your best.

Feeling slightly self-conscious about your attire you brushed the feeling off quickly. He would be here soon and he’d reassure you how beautiful you look. When you’d met for coffee he’d make you feel so sexy and confident with how sure of himself he was. So when he asked you to dinner at one of the most renowned places in the city and said he wanted to talk tonight you accepted immediately.

“Right this way” the hostess said and broke you out of your self-doubting stupor and guided you towards a some-what secluded table towards the back of the restaurant.

“Here are some menus for you two, if you’d like anything to drink while you wait, your waiter should be here soon”, she sent you an artificial smile and turned on her heel back to the stand.

You picked up a menu and it left you reeling at the prices. You had half a mind to text him and see if he wanted to go somewhere else. Based off of the way he dresses and how he had tipped the barista on your first outing you thought better of it. He’d said he wanted to treat you, so you’ll let him.

7:15 PM

You decided to wait to order anything to drink until he got here, too afraid of the price tag attached to any bottle of wine on the menu.

You took a sip of your water and checked your texts for the second time since sitting down. Still nothing, you didn’t want to text him just yet, you knew he was busy and you didn’t want to seem overbearing. You knew he was a CFO and he’d be coming from the financial district when traffic was insane. You could forgive him. You take another sip of your water hoping it’ll wash all of your doubts away. Besides, it’s not like he’s late-late, he’s like, fashionably late, he’s working-man late.

7:30 PM

Okay, so he’s late-late, don’t panic. Sometimes things happen, he’s only human and this is only your second date.

Your waiter approaches the table again, eyebrows raised expectantly at you. The smug look on his face says he’s thinking what you’re too afraid to.

You order yourself a $25 martini. Your waiter promises to return and you finish off your water.

Time to craft the perfect text that says ‘Hey I’m here, where tf are you?’ without actually asking where the fuck he’s at. You tap away nervously on your phone.

‘Hey, I’ve got a table towards the back, closer to the end of the bar’ Perfect.

7:45 PM

You’re still sitting solo at the table, you feel the beginnings of humiliation creep into your features. You feel warm, your brows form a seemingly permanent crease of worry, and you are trying everything in your power to suppress the tears you felt building up.

You don’t make eye contact with your waiter when he stops by again, playing it off like you were sending a text. But you tell him you’ll be right back so that he doesn’t give up your table.

You walk quickly to the bathroom hoping no one will notice your trembling face. You feel just like a middle schooler that got dumped at the dance. You make it to a bathroom stool and dial your best friend, Wanda.

“Is everything okay? You’re supposed to be out with your mystery date aren’t you?” She had answered almost immediately.

You sniffled a bit and took a shaky inhale. “Y-yes, our reservation was for 7 and he put it in my name, I texted him once already but I don’t wanna seem too overbearing for a second date, y’know? But something feels off. I don’t know, maybe I’m being crazy.”

“You’re definitely not being crazy, it sounds fishy to me. If he doesn’t answer in five minutes I want you to leave and come straight over. I’ll have white Russians and Drag Race waiting for you” Wanda always knew just what to say, just how to make you feel. You were grateful for her.

You sighed into the receiver. “Thanks, babe, I’ll let you know what happens either way”. You hung up and grabbed some toilet paper to dab at the corners of your eyes. You knew you’d need an extra minute to compose yourself as you faced the truth.

He’s not coming, he’s not texting me back, he probably regretted setting the date which is why he put the reservation in my name, I won’t be hearing from him again. Just pay your tab, smile, and leave. You got this.

7:52 PM

Checking your appearance in the mirror one last time you let out a final sigh and push open the door back to the dining room. Your walk to your table begins to slow when you notice someone is sitting at your table. A rather tall, unfamiliar someone.

Did the waiter really give away the table? I’ve been gone all of 7 minutes! What do I even say to this stranger? Should I just grab my bag and go? Hopefully it’s still there.

Your final steps towards your seat are nervous and uneven. The man in the chair opposite yours must’ve heard you and he faces you. You’re struck with an unfamiliar but extremely handsome face. The look of surprise must be tangible because he laughs and slight wrinkles form at the edges of his eyes. Who the fuck is this guy? Well he hasn’t stolen my purse so there’s that.

“I-” You lean over to grab your purse when you’re cut off mid-apology.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, you know how it is at work. Sit down, I ordered a bottle of wine for the table”. The man said.

You sat down slowly and felt so stiff and uncomfortable in the chair. Were you being pranked? Was this part of some very elaborate joke? Before you could ask any of those questions the man reached across the table and grabbed your hand.

“If you could just hold my hand and be quiet, that would be nice” He said as his thumb grazed your knuckles. You were slightly stunned by his boldness. You complied, if only out of shock and hoped he’d explain himself a little better or let you go in time for you to make an exit.

He leaned in closer to you, to anyone else it would’ve looked like an intimate moment during any normal date. He looked you in the eyes while he kept hold of your hand and you realized how warm he was, how clear his eyes were. You took a deep breath through your nose and tried to play it cool.

“I’ve been at the bar for a while now, it seems like whichever idiot decided to stand you up made a grave mistake.” Your brows pinched together and he continued, “I was with a friend talking business but he left and you look like you needed to be saved from the incident so here I am. James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.”

You were unsure what to do with the information just given to you. Yes, it would’ve been embarrassing to pay your tab and leave alone after sitting there for almost an entire hour by yourself, but it was also embarrassing that this man had noticed and you certainly didn’t need anyone looking at you like some damsel in distress.

You caught yourself from scoffing completely and schooled your features. “I… appreciate that you’d do that for me but I don’t want anyone’s sympathy, especially not a date.” You tried to pull away when his hand gently squeezed yours.

“Please- I- I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m doing this out of pity. Whatever happened here is unfortunate, yes. But you’re also very beautiful and you’re here by yourself so why not ‘shoot my shot’ as I believe the kids are saying these days? Think of me like a stand-in for the other guy, but y’know, better” he replied playfully.

A very brief moment of contemplation was solidified by your lack of notifications on your phone. Why not? He’s good looking and he’s doing you a favor.

You had to at least afford a small chuckle at that. “So ‘Bucky’, huh? Well I don’t have any cool nicknames but you can call me by my first name.” You gave it to him and he repeated it back to you, a wry smile on his face.

8:05 PM

Still no texts from him but you did text Wanda to tell her everything worked out and there’d be details to come. She’d go into full on mama bear mode if you hadn’t updated her.

“So, Bucky, what do you do? Do you live here in Manhattan?” You asked before taking a sip of your wine (which you didn’t dare check the price of per bottle).

“Brooklyn, actually, but a lot of my business is here. Have you heard of Buchannan hospitality?” He asked.

Your brain snagged itself on that name. That sounds familiar? Where have I seen that? Oh wait! Didn’t you see him in the Forbes ‘30 under 30’ list last year?

You’d meant to answer him but unfortunately all that came out was a confused “Forbes?” at which he laughed a little bit and nodded.

“Yeah you might’ve seen me there. I own some hotels and lounges around Manhattan and Brooklyn. What do you do?” He had brushed off his accolades so quickly, wanting instead to know about you, this random girl that had been stood up.

Shit, your mid-level marketing job doesn’t stand up to this in the least. You took a sip of the wine and answered him, explaining you were second in command of your small company’s marketing department.

He seemed genuinely intrigued and you two ended up talking business and swapping office and university disaster stories until the main course arrived. You dug into your meal, savoring the taste and relishing in the unusual turn of events.

8:47 PM

The plates have been cleared away and the wine glasses refilled. Bucky was proving to be great company and as oddly as it started you were grateful to be sitting here with him. You’d nearly forgotten about your would-be date and decided to check your phone one last time.

You had 11 unread texts, 10 of them from Wanda wanting a play-by-play and one of them from the man that had stood you up. You opened it and sighed. ‘Can’t make it tonight, baby, promise to make it up to you soon’.

You scoffed to yourself. He’s not gonna say where he’s been? Or even say sorry? Douche.

You put your phone away and looked back up to Bucky who was eyeing you with playful curiosity.

“Lemme guess, that was the guy who was supposed to be seeing you’s sorry ass excuse followed by a flimsy apology” He said as he drank from his water glass.

“You’re 1 for 3. It was him but he didn’t apologize or try to explain himself. Should’ve known when he put the reservation under my name and not his that something might be up and when he wasn’t there on time.” You said more to yourself than to Bucky.

“What’s his name?” Bucky asked.

“His name’s Brock Rumlow,” Bucky’s expression changed just slightly at this. “I think he works at some firm in the financial district. We only ever went out the once before this so I don’t really remember.” You explained. “What? What’s that look for? Please don’t tell me you know him”.

“Sorry to say that I do. Sorry to say I know his wife too” He said a little more quietly.

You felt humiliated all over again, the same feelings that you experienced in this very seat not an hour ago still had you by the gills it would seem.

Bucky reached for your hand again, running the pads of his thumb across the ridges of your knuckles in an attempt to calm you.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make you upset, but you definitely ought to know that Rumlow is no one that deserves your time” Bucky said in earnest.

His words were nice but you’d need some time to get over this embarrassment on your own. In the meantime, you really were enjoying Bucky’s company so you decided to let it distract you.

Bucky flagged down a waiter, signaling him to bring the check. He took one glance at it and set his card inside. As you reached for the bill with your own card in hand he gave it to the waiter before you could even get a peek. He was so nonchalant when he looked at you.

“Don’t even think about it. So tell me, is the night over or are you game to spend a little more time on me?” He asked. This is the second time he’d been dominant but kind in one breath. You weren’t entirely sure how you felt but you didn’t dislike it.

If you went home you’d just be wallowing in your own self pity, or you’d go to Wanda’s and do it but if you go with Bucky you could delay that feeling for a bit longer. Out with a stranger it is.

“Where to?” You asked him.

9:59 PM

A private booth on the top floor of what he said was one of his favorite lounges turned out to be where to. You were relieved to find there was no dancing, as you had two left feet and half a bottle of wine by now. When you got to the booth you stuck with water, knowing you’d need to get yourself home.

Bucky had insisted on one glass of champagne ‘to chance encounters’ he’d said. You agreed but just one. You found yourself closer to him while you talked, your knees touched and his hand found its way to your leg. It didn’t dare to move higher up, just staying there like a comforting weight almost while you conversed.

You were rambling on about the time you and your cousin took your dad’s car for a joyride when you were 14. You were laughing the whole thing off when you realized he wasn’t laughing with you. You had worried for a moment that you’d bored him when you saw the soft yet intense look in his eye and tilted your head with curiosity.

“You’re very beautiful, you know that right?” He didn’t let you answer as he shifted closer. “I’d like to kiss you, is that alright with you?”

Oh. You were caught off guard by the abruptness of his question. Suddenly shy, all you could do was give a small nod and bite your lip in anticipation. His full lips were soft and almost as warm as his hands, which were holding you in an embrace. One of your hands had made their way to his hair and one on the outside of his lower thigh. You sighed as you kissed him back.

It was soft but insistent, things became a little more passionate as you swiped your tongue into his mouth and you both let out a small moan. You didn’t want to stop kissing Bucky, it just felt right.

He finally broke the kiss as one of his hands still rested at the nape of your neck. You were breathless, this man had kissed the daylights out of you. If he could do that with his tongue imagine what else he could do with it. You were both panting softly, sorting through what to make of things and where to go from here.

“I don’t know about you, but I wanna keep doing that, but this might not be the best place for it. You can say no if you want to, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but I’d love to take you home and treat you right” He said with unwavering eye contact.

Well how on Earth could I say no to that even if I wanted to? Wait doesn’t he live in Brooklyn?

“Let’s go back to mine, probably closer” You said. He nodded in agreement and sent a text to his driver to come pick you both up.

10:40 PM

You did indeed find out what else that tongue of his could do, you were finding out right now. He had made you cum once from his tongue alone already but he added to thick fingers and started pumping them into you, making a scissoring motion that hit you just right. You arched your back and pushed his face in deeper as you cried out, signaling your second orgasm.

Completely drunk in the afterglow of it, you wanted to keep this feeling forever. You wanted to show him what you could do too. You got up albeit with a little shakiness and hovered over him. You kissed his neck and slid your hand down to meet his groin. He was still in his briefs and you pulled the elastic band down with ease.

His cock sprang free and you had to hide the slight surprise you felt looking at the sheer size of him. You were always told you were good in bed so time to really put yourself to the test. You kissed your way down to his pelvis and your hand started working him. Staring back up at him you maintained eye contact while you kissed the dab of pre-cum that pooled at the head of his dick.

He shuddered but you kept staring at him, and in what you have to say was a pretty proud moment for you, you held his gaze while you took him slowly and in one go. You closed your eyes and moaned, feeling him in the back of your throat.

“Shit, oh my god. Are you gonna…?” He was lost for words so you decided to answer him by getting to work. You started slowly, up and down, letting yourself get used to his size and reminding yourself to breathe through your nose and stay relaxed.

His moans were growing louder and his breathing heavier, you knew he was close and you were wondering if he was going to let you finish him. You got your answer when he pulled you off of him by the hair.

“As bad as I want you to finish what you started, I wanna feel you first.” He panted.

“So what’s stopping you?” You asked playfully. A small shriek escaped you as he flipped you under him. He lined himself up with your entrance and thrust in slowly. You could tell he was using a lot of restraint but that was quickly forgotten as you remembered how big he was. You suddenly appreciated the slow pace.

As he became fully sheathed inside of you you let out a loud moan that was quickly silenced by his lips on yours. A few more small thrusts and he was nearly fucking your cervix. You felt unbelievably full.

“Had no idea how talented that mouth was of yours, doll. Trying to make me cum without getting to fuck you though? Now that’s just cruel. I think you need to pay for that, don’t you?” He asked playfully as his thrusts became a little harder and forceful.

You could only nod and moan as he picked up his pace. Your hands clung to his shoulders for dear life and you whimpered and keened while he railed you into your mattress. Finally getting used to the feeling you reached down to play with your clit.

“Did I say you could touch yourself?” He asked in between grunts.

Your eyes rounded and you shook your head.

“I wanna be the one to touch you. Make you cum. Only me.” He forced out as he replaced your fingers with his. He made tight, quick circles around your clit but didn’t let up on his pace as he fucked you closer and closer to a third orgasm.

“Your pussy’s making it fuckin’ impossible for me to hold out any longer, need you to cum, sweetheart. Cum all over my fuckin’ dick.” His words sent you right over the edge and you did as you were asked.

Not two seconds later he cried out and emptied himself inside of you, sending a few final pushes into you before taking himself out and dropping down on his side.

You leaned over and kissed him with what little breath you two had left. Your sweat mixed together but you didn’t mind.

His hands provided that comforting weight as he brought one to your shoulder and the other to your hip. He kissed the tip of your nose and watched you begin to drift off to sleep. He could probably use the rest himself and decided to close his eyes for a bit.

9:30 AM

You woke up in a half empty bed, but before you could let yourself be too disappointed you heard the sound of your shower turning off. You padded down to the bathroom and opened the door to find Bucky toweling off. He gave you a lopsided grin.

“Good mornin’, I would’ve asked you to join me but you looked so peaceful I didn’t wanna wake you.” He explained. “If you’re not sick of me, do you maybe wanna grab some breakfast?”

You shook your head and reached past him to turn the shower back on.

“No way. I make the best pancakes and as a thank you for everything last night, I insist on making some for you.” You smiled up at him, hopeful he’d agree.

“Well I hope you know what you’re up against, I’m a very insatiable man.” He joked back.

You hit him with a washcloth and laughed. “Oh believe me I know. Gimme 15 and I’ll be right out.”

He nodded and closed the door behind him. You let your mind wander back to last night as you washed off the sweat that lingered from the night before.

10:15 AM

You set down two plates stacked mile-high with pancakes and bacon. You held your coffee mug up to his and clinked against it.

“To chance encounters” You said with a smile.

#bucky barnes x reader #CEO!Bucky Barnes #ceo!bucky barnes x reader #modern AU #marvel fic #marvel x reader #fluff #little bit of angst

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dontcallmecarrie · 3 years ago

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Hey, I vicariously live in my imagination to escape from the reality.

So, I have been wondering about the Rogues reaction to Tony defeating thanos, the IronSmaug, taking over the world etc...

Have a go at it, if you are interested.

It's also fine if you dont.

thanks, I really, really needed the distraction. it's been. an interesting week. not in a good way.

tbh, the whole 'what does Team Cap think about this mess?' thing in TWiFFON is...something I had originally been torn about, and everything that's been happening ever since means I keep finding myself going "do I have the energy to tackle this? lol no".

For some context, because you probably know my stance on this sort of thing but I prefer redundancy just to make sure we're on the same page: once upon a time, I honestly, genuinely did like the Avengers. All of them, and yes, that included Wanda [...for less than an hour, but still].

Back when I still had faith in the writers, I was constantly going "...okay, so when are these guys going to stop acting so OOC? Where tf are they planning on taking these character arcs?" and just being disappointed at each turn— but I stuck around because I liked the potential. Steve "what do you mean punching fascists isn't cool anymore?" Rogers, Natasha "my past is a tire fire and I'll just leave it at that" Romanov, Clint "where's Loki? Let me at him!" Barton and the rest of the group had their good points, and I gave myself a headache trying to figure out wtf was their thought process when the time came for them to do their thing in TWiFFON.

It wasn't fun, I only did it because it was absolutely necessary... and I still ended up receiving complaints.

Look: for me, character bashing is exhausting. I have enough going down in my life that I don't have any interest in writing it, and over the past few years I've seen more than one of the fandoms I follow/lurk in become salt mines that have me going "...okay, if you hate it so much, why are you even here?"

When I write, I try my best to emphasize the 'actions have consequences' thing I learned long before I hit puberty; but that doesn't mean I'm up for anything beyond that. Again, I used to like these characters, so seeing the levels of suffering canon— and some writers— put them through just has me stepping back for a moment.

But TWiFFON attracted a lot of people who were pretty far out there in terms of what they wanted, some of whom got very very pissy when it wasn't the story I wanted to write, which is...probably like 99% of the reason I'm still burned out on that AU. Apart from the recent personal life bs that means I am Not Up To Dealing With any hypothetical rando that shows up in my inbox, because normally I could not care less about what people think but my energy levels are. Um. Not great atm. Not sure I wouldn't bite anyone's head off if they wanted to start something right now, tbh, or just ragequit writing for a while because I have way better things to do with my time than deal with random internet assholes.

...apologies for the tangent, but now you know why that situation is one I'm normally kinda reluctant on tackling.

As for what I'd originally headcanoned:

Back before things hit the fan, I'd originally planned to have some little interlude snippets of what Team Cap's been dealing with. Mostly, it would've forced them to acknowledge that for all none of them liked or trusted Tony, he was basically just the personification of what the rest of the world thought of them.

Nobody respects them, anymore, or trusts them; Clint'd be in very hot water and sleeping on the couch for a while, and Hank Pym would never let Scott hear the end of his involvement in this whole thing because Hank hates the Stark name and the English language cannot concisely articulate just how pissed off he was that he had to publicly thank Tony.

Team Cap overall would also start to fall apart at the seams as more and more stuff came out and ey, turns out the leader they'd trusted and broken international laws for had lied to them.

By omission, sure, but honestly— do you think that'd go down well? The "oh yeah, I've known my brainwashed friend killed his parents since DC but I am not going to tell him unless I'm forced to" thing?

I don't know about you, but I for one highly doubt Sam Wilson would be okay with that. Or Clint, for that matter, and the list goes on because the more time passes, the more stuff keeps coming out of the woodwork and for the first time in years, they're forced to deal with it.

One of the things I planned to include in the sidefic can basically be summed up as "the curious case of Bucky Barnes": that is to say, what'd happen after he's taken into custody, and poke lightly at the clusterfuck we're unpacking here. Tony, feeling bad for losing control in the bunker, would basically go "shit I fucked up but I also never want to see him again but he's an even bigger mess than I am, that's a whole lot to unpack so you know what? I'm just throwing out the suitcase entirely here, have all the resources for support and help and if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon".

...to sum up, it's messy af. SI Legal would feature heavily because his particular case means he needs a team of lawyers, what with the 'former POW who's trying to recover from All The Trauma' thing, and the 'so I literally was just trying to buy some damn groceries when you guys dragged me into this', and Tony basically went "hey, so if anyone wants to help him, uh, I kinda have some interest in this one. Fair warning, dude probably killed Kennedy while mind-controlled, with our luck".

And along the way, there'd also be some of that one subplot I'd cut due to pacing issues: specifically, the one dealing with prosthetics.

Remember how Miriam Sharpe said her son would never walk again? Yeah, we'd be revisiting that: her family'd get a letter or something inviting them for clinical trials, and meet Rhodey in passing as he's using his own leg braces to get around because he's still healing. Bucky would get a few design offers for a free replacement for his arm, and it'd probably end up being a collab with Wakanda because T'Challa feels bad for his role in that mess as well.

So Team Cap would be seeing this, seeing how everyone's acting and reacting, and the way one of their own is getting all the help and support Stark Industries has to offer and realizing that yeah, they messed up. Big time.

...depending on my salt levels and how close we're sticking to canon, I was thinking this'd go one of two ways.

Either they'd double down and just go "ugh, Tony is a supervillain and we can't do anything about it!" while TWiFFON marches on and then later go "...you mean he did it by accident?!", or...

Well, canon's proven character development and continuity isn't really in their writers' vocabulary. So my original idea of 'they're forced to deal with the reality of the situation, acknowledge they messed up and slowly move on with their lives' would've been very unrealistic.

Again, most of this is intentionally vague, I had not been keen to tackle that mess in TWiFFON in the first place and the way things exploded on me means I really, really don't have the energy to do so now. Not when there's far better things I could do with my time, like mess around with AUs where people actually get along, or knit, or— well, the list goes on.

#The War is Far From Over Now #From the Other Side [A Terror To Behold]#thinking aloud #I got an ask!#Naught replies #replies #behind the scenes

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btswishes · 4 years ago

Text

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 1 )

Part1 / Next

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: This is my first Marvel fic and I am taking it as a challenge. It is opposite of what my account was made, but here I go. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count: 3,281

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU

Y/N- Your name Y/L/N: Your Last Name

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Through sleepless nights and dark circles, books and pens, through months of work you reached your goal. The moment you received the acceptance letter from Stark University you almost flew out the window without a fear in your mind. This was it!

Time had passed since that moment, but it is still engraved in your mind- a memory keeping you strong during the hard midterms and piles of work, even the small glimmers of regret. Trying your best wasn’t an option, you could do only that and no less. It was no easy task, lost social life as much as you tried to keep it. You were really lucky you had good friends that understood and supported you. University wasn’t easy for anyone making this one even tougher. People of all ages, backgrounds and cultures were piled up with you in this building. The best of the best as the slogan said, the ones that proved themselves and emerged victorious.

When you were young ,you used to spend a lot of time with your uncle at his places outside the country. He would introduce you to his work colleagues and things you had never seen before. There was a time where you would spend months on end with him. Not many memories were left from those moments in your head. At one point you spend a few years with him, your mother thought it would be good experience for you and it turned out to be nothing but the truth-at least you hoped so. You learned a lot from him and his friends, it felt like each spend day would offer you more knowledge in areas you never knew of. Computer work, ways of thinking and so much more that had become second nature to you.

The sky was tinted in a wash of oranges, reds and yellows bleeding one into the other, swirling around the sun emitting them. The day was ending, but you found yourself filling up an application in the library, covered by the silence and smell of exam worry.

Sponsored and founded by the one and only Tony Stark, this establishment offered an internship. Being part of the Avengers, Tony didn’t let just anyone from the students attending in, even if they were the best labeled by the school. It had been a year and a half since you started pushing yourself harder to be able to apply and there was nothing that could stop you. Pressing your finger over the enter button was very nerve wrecking yet simple. Even if it didn’t work out this year, you planned to do it again and again ,till he had no other choice but give you a chance.

Usually F.R.I.D.A.Y. went over everything and left only the applications worth going over by Tony himself or Pepper. The next 5 weeks for you were very stressful, but there was nothing more you could do but wait and focus on your own work. The first person you wanted to tell about this was your uncle. He went to work in some distant place where they had no internet so you switched to mail. Not as much paper under his name passed through your hands, as he had stopped answering you. You missed him, but the muddy childhood memories kind of compensated for that.

“Did you send it in?” the phone muffled a bit the sweet voice coming from the speaker

“Yeah, a few days ago actually.” You answered with a gentle sigh

“And no answer yet?” the girl’s pitch rose at the end of the sentence, amazed at that what she just heard

“I know, I know. Think about it though Nea. Who knows how many applications get submitted. Someone has to brush through them after all.” defending the situation was a form of coping for you, made you feel hopeful.

“So you are trying to tell me Tony Stark’s interface or whatever it’s called, can’t sort them out in a couple of hours? Come on Y/N! You and I both know you are trying to make yourself feel better.” The small pause made you anxious over what Nea said “Listen.” A breathy start of the sentence “ I don’t mean to brag, but I think I am one of the people who know exactly how much you deserve this. You were never the studious type, plus that you were gone for years on end with that mysterious uncle of yours. I never expected you to suddenly go for Stark University. Your dream changed you, from this quiet kid to crazy ol’ you right now on the call with me.I ain’t letting you bust yourself up over this just because it didn’t happen the first time around-”

Ding ding

Nea’s deep speech was cut off before she could unleash herself completely, by the slight ring of your phone’s notification.

“Who tf has the audacity to text while the great me is giving this legendary –“

Ding!

The second time the sound sung out made her choke up with anger, you could almost see the fumes coming out of the phone.

“WHO IS IT!” a loud hiss pierced your ear

“Maybe if you gave me a minute I could answer your question.” Pulling the call down, your finger ran over the screen to the email, making your notification lamp blink like a car. Almost instantly it opened before your eyes and you gasped. The action made you swallow suddenly and cough out a bit ,giving poor Nea an idea about the level of shock you were in.

“What?What? You can’t just almost die and not tell me what is going on.” She proceeded with a not so tasteful interrogation.

“I-…they accepted my application…” at the end a small smile flowed over your lips contorting the sound coming out

“Stop!?” she choked up as well “You gotta be fucking with me!? No fucking way this is real!”

“I am honest. It says here that they liked my skill set, my grades and the way of thinking I presented in my essay. I got the spot Nea! I fucking did it!” you threw the phone on the bed letting it bounce as you started dancing.

“Of course you did! I told you! You will be working with THE AVENGERSSSS!” at some point it sounded like your best friend was more excited than you “When do you start?”

“Well…” taking a second to calm down and re-establish contact with your phone, you looked up the schedule that came attached with the email “…ok…so it says here that I will be starting on Monday so~ in 2 days? “

“So soon! Any requirements for the job miss Avenger’s sidekick?” and the teasing begins

“A list, surprisingly.” Rolling onto your back, you held the screen away and above your face, scrolling past “ I guess my first job will be with Dr. Banner in the lab. Apparently I will be given some sort of assignments throughout the 5 months work span. I will be monitored by Dr. Bruce Banner and the grading, I guess if you can call It that ,will be done by Tony Stark himself.”

“Basically Hulk will be your babysitter.” once this girl starts teasing she never stops even in amazing situations such as this one, good thing you loved her “That sounds so cool though! You will be able to meet Captain America and Black Widow~! I am so jelly of you I swear! When you leave work make sure to wait for someone from the group to walk by, omgggg I am fangirling so much right now.What if you go to dinners with them!?AAAAA!”

“Fun thing about that.” Your eyes landed on the last paragraph of the email “It says here that I am supposed to move into the compound and stay there till further notice. The whole idea is that if I do things well I will get a permanent job. Weird…” you hummed

“Weird !? How? That is so cool! Who knows you might even become an Avenger! You will be living with them anyways.” at this point Nea was either not breathing or hyperventilating so fast you couldn’t hear it

“Don’t be ridiculous.” your attention landed once more on the thought process you had a moment ago “I don’t get one thing. They say here that my PE grades combined with my IT and overall studies make me a great candidate, but I don’t remember sports being a requirement at all, or even providing them in the first place. Does it mean that if my grades were low in that department I wouldn’t have gotten the spot?”

“I guess people of science aren’t that flexible. Who cares anyways! You got in, no ifs and buts. I am telling you, at this point you could be an Avenger.” poor girl began thinking of names and suit designs for you “ Hurry up and pack those bags before I drop by with take away, so we can gossip over Steve Rogers’s abs.”

“Um…don’t get me wrong he is super hot, I just see the Cap more like an older brother figure than anything.” It was true, you looked up to him since the first time you studied about the Civil War. Fearless, gave his life in a way for his people, astonishing man over all.

“Hey! Let me drool over him! You were always more of a Winter Soldier fan anyways.” Nea pouted audibly . Her words made some lone memory pop up in your head, but it was as murky as the rest. “I don’t know why I am interested in him. Somehow his look is very nostalgic and rugged. Anyways. ”you shook your head out of the mental image of the soldier “I will go pack up, tell my parents and fix up all my documents. Probably find some stuff from former Stark employees online. I want to have a bit of an idea of what he expects and what I am getting myself into.”

“Fine fine, you could have just said you like troubled guys. You were the one who was happy Loki got a second chance after all. I will be over in like 3 hours.” She informed you

“Hey! He deserved to redeem himself, he was used!” a firm Loki supporter as always “Ok then, see ya.”

Hanging up the call you placed your phone to charge and rolled off your bed. The email gave vague information about what you needed, but clothing wise you would still be able to come home and get stuff if you had to. What was on top of your priorities were papers, documents, all your research materials and tech. Those things had to be organized no matter what ,since they got you this far in the first place.

Nae came over as planned and you two had a nice sleepover talking about you know who. The night came and left, letting the morning find you in your bed at 11am. Your forearm rested on top of your forehead in a relaxed manner, letting enough space for an exhale to linger in the air in front of you. Your mind was going over everything that was about to happen to you. It was one of your dreams, you worked for it nonstop day in day out, so why were you so worried about meeting the rest of the Avengers? Maybe it was just anxiety or fear of the unknown, yeah made sense.

All you did during the day was make lists for every piece of tech you were binging with yourself. Things seemed to be in order, but worry kept nibbling on your bones. The moment of truth finally rolled up and so did your suitcase in front of your house. Nea came to send you off as she promised.

“Sweetie, make sure to call us every day. Eat well, don’t overwork yourself and-“ your mom went off with caution about anything and everything that came to mind

“Mom, you know I am going 3 blocks down from here right? Plus I can come home at any time I want to. I am not moving to Mars or getting arrested.” You smirked the panic away from her, giving them a big hug.

“Call me or text me when you get there.” Nea pulled you in, whispering in your ear as quietly as possible “And don’t forget to sneak me a booty pick of good ol’Cap. You know what they say-”

“That is America’s ass.” Your voice came out in a mocking tone

“That i-…let me at least finish it by myself! Geez!” she pushed you towards the door “Ok ok, go now before you spoil me something else” her arms crossed in front of her chest

The walk wasn’t that long, you were too invested in your own thoughts to notice when the time and distance had passed. The glistening windows of the compound building shined into your eyes. Your lungs filled up with a breath that they kept in for a moment, before releasing it back in the outside world. Pulling out the documents you stepped in. The fresh smelling air hit you making you close one eye for a second.

People were walking around you fast and concentrated. Some looked in a hurry, others were on break with a cup of coffee and a strain-leaving expression.

Your feet, as slightly shaky as they were, took you right up to the front desk were a lady with a dark rich red colored uniform looked at you. She flashed a professional smile, her eyes asking for your purpose.

“Um, hello. My name is Y/N -Y/L/N.” she saw the logo on your papers and gasped

“You must be the new intern Mr. Stark told us about.” She signed something and reached out “Can you give me your hand for a second.” Your fingers didn’t go past the surface of the desk when she pocked your skin. Pulling in your extremity, your palm wrapped around the spot that began to sting a bit “Don’t worry about it. This is your identification pass. Fancy, no?” she smiled winking. Her body stood up as she pointed at the elevator far in the back of the foyer.

Instructions were given with each step of the way, calming your nerves a bit. The moment you found yourself inside the elevator she pulled your hand to the sensor on the wall next to the buttons.

Recognized: Code 2514. Welcome Miss Y/N

Your head shot up when F.R.I.D.Y.’s voice echoed in the small space. The women smiled giving you a small nod and stepped out of the vicinity. Once her body was outside ,the doors slid closed. Over them glowed a protective blue light layering over the material like a soft veil.

It felt like you weren’t moving an inch. Your body flinched when the sun stung at your eyes from the window. Your gaze landed over the view of the city, as you went higher and higher, ascending into the clouds The blues and yellows were covering the inside of the elevator, such vibrant and lovely colors warming your body. For a moment your heart felt heavy- lost memory tugged onto it again. An often occurrence lately, yet you kept brushing off as deja vu.

Floor 134. Welcome to the Avenger’s compound Miss Y/N

“134!?” the numbers cracked out with your voice. The interface made you turn towards the opposite opening doors revealing a room as big as a hall, if not almost a stadium. The ceiling was high being the lid to this round area. Your heart beat increased pumping blood to your body, dilating your pupils at least twice their original size. It look amazing, almost like you had just entered heaven. The walls were white, the furniture was perfectly placed and cream colored. Stepping outside you jumped at the sound of the elevator doors closing behind you.

“Wow” escaped your lips, your hand pulling the suitcase closer. So this was the common room or the shared space. The windows were so big they were practically a wall of their own. The bright rays were making themselves at home giving the white paint a new color with each passing minute. The ceilings were probably the equivalent of 3 floors in height. There was this weird feeling of home inside, a bit of isolation maybe mixed in.

“Miss Y/N?” your head swung to the side when you recognized that shy but bright smile. Throwing the papers on top of your suitcase, you extended your arm at the man.

“Ah.” Good thing your mind automatically responds politely to people without you giving it much thought “Dr. Banner. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance.” you shook his hand gently a couple of times and let go ,finding the papers and showing them to him “My name is Y/N-Y/L/N.” gentle bow and a smile followed the words skillfully chosen

“Welcome Welcome. Tony is out right now so I might be the only one actively walking around the compound. Well…”he scratched the back of his neck, lightly hunching over with a sheepish smile “I am one of the people you will be working under anyways, so I guess it is good that I came to get you. I would love to show you the lab, but I am sure you would like to set up your things first.” You nodded and he showed you to your room. The corridor had 3 tall doors scattered on the walls, all looking modern and elegant.

“This is the side where usually we have our female members. Natasha and Wanda will be your nextdoor neighbors. Hope it won’t be any trouble.” Bruce looked at you ,when an aggressive shake took over your neck

“No, no. Not at all sir. I am very grateful to have such amazing heroes next to me. As a matter of fact won’t they be troubled with me here?” and here came the normal anxiety that you had for everything

“I am sure they will like you. Don’t worry about it.” Bruce stepped next to the door and waved you over “You don’t have a key or a door handle as a matter of fact. Tony’s idea, don’t ask. If you got up here on your own I assume he made the girls downstairs give you an identification implant. That is basically your entrance for everything here. Kind of an Avengers thing.” You nodded and him wiggling his fingers like a spell. Placing your hand on the door like he told you activated F.R.I.D.A.Y.

Recognized: Y/N. Access and ownership granted.

The metal frame slid open and you found yourself standing before a big room. It was nicely furnished. The desk was big enough for you to work on it and have everything around. Bookshelves empty and ready to be used on your left and a large bed on your right flush against the wall. The window was once more its own wall right in front of you standing behind the desk. The bathroom door was opening a space before the shelf the same color as the paint in the common room.

“I will let you set up. If you need anything F.R.I.D.A.Y. is always here. The room is interactive, you can ask exactly what works under the interface’s control. The door is one.Take your time.”he was on his way out “Would you like some coffee or tea?”

“I would like some tea, thank you very much.” Bruce flashed you a smile “F.R.I.D.A.Y. the door please.”

Door closed

Done as said and requested, clicking behind you.

Would you like an extensive list of my functions as an assistant?

“Please do.”

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sebbytrash · 4 years ago

Text

Through His Eyes - Part Nineteen

Summary - Bucky arrives at the compound to start afresh but you and him have a somewhat colorful past, colorful being that you met him once before as The Winter Soldier and it did not go well. New beginnings, yeah? If you can learn to forgive.

Pairing - Bucky x Reader

Warnings - self reflection, sad bucky, probably swearing

A/N - HERE. I FIX. This is it my pals, buckle tf up.

HUGE thank you to my other half @manawhaat for her exceptional Betaing as always

Through His Eyes Masterlist

It was a cold day, a sharp day. One of those ornery spans of time that climbs inside your skin and lets it’s roots take your bones. The sky is everywhere and nowhere, a borderless open canvas without the depth of sun or the vitality of night. The trees are brittle, breakable and the drying leaves are skittish.

The world around you holds its collective breath, waiting and watching and wondering. The leather of the steering wheel groans in protest as your fingers tighten in time with your inhales. Your thunderous heartbeats reverberate inside the car, the one borrowed from Clint after nearly wearing away the soles of your shoes just to get to his house in the first place, or maybe just inside your bones, shaking you from the inside out. There’s still miles between you and home, still plenty of time to arrange your thoughts, still time to run.

You won’t. Not this time, and not any other future times that voice in your head might say it, that seductive cowerdess with a honeyed voice.

Clint’s words were razor-sharp, cutting away those strings of guilt and doubt, the sudden and impossible realisation that perhaps, just maybe, happiness was for you after all. The ghost of the words you’d last said to Bucky came carried on the wind of regret, were all too happy to remind you that, actually, you had discarded that happiness and had no real right to hope for it. So you didn’t hope, you held the prequel to hope gently in your heart, the soft stretch of winds before hope’s flight.

You left without a plan, nothing but the need to lessen the distance between you and him, no longer ready for his eyes to become a memory or your sheets to lose his scent. It feels like a race, like he’ll be whisked away by the bitter winds that hammer so persistently against the side of the car. But as the miles pass and the sound of your heart slows to a steady gallop, you think and overthink about what you might say, how you might explain your outburst and the following drama but more importantly, how you might say it, those words, how you will admit how you feel.

Impossible, the coward whispers again, he won’t want you now.

He might not, you think, but at least you will have tried. At least you won’t have that to regret, too. Simply add the others to a long list of what-ifs and could-have-beens, a pile of chances never taken and moments unlived. This chance, this hopeful not-hope, is the biggest risk you’ve taken in a long time. The thought alone lets you measure just how much you’ve changed, how much he’s changed you. The hollowed out, broken man who quietly put himself back together right under your nose. Even the you from before would have scoffed at the thought of being changed by a man, any man, but it’s true. He changed you then and he's changed you now.

And, perhaps, the pieces you’ve so diligently stitched back together are better than the whole you were before. Maybe not better...but more undeniably you, real and honest. Honest forgiveness, and then, honest love. The word itself is still a weight in your mouth, tongue and teeth unable to cooperate to let it escape.

You check your phone at the next set of lights, clear a bunch of useless notifications and find a text from Sam.

“You can do this.”

He knows, then. You wonder if Clint told him but more likely, Sam just knows like he always does. Sentient Sam. Well, with the company you keep it’s probably more surprising if he isn’t harbouring some sort of preternatural ability.

The rest of the journey passes in a blur of colour, faded bits of brightness that dull when you look at them too long or too quickly, all the spare spaces in your brain just eaten up by the word you can’t form and yet, the words you need to say. When you arrive, the shared spaces are mercifully empty and you make it to your room without so much as glimpsing another soul, not entirely unexpected given that day had again turned to night somewhere in the miles you’d gone. You shrug off the travel induced grime in a hot shower, as hot as you can stand it, let your tongue gather a few drops like it might loosen it, set those words free.

It doesn’t.

Now you sit, perched on your bed, water still dripping from your hair down your neck and back. Ready, but not.

Without thinking, you lay back, head on the pillow you never use and try not cling to the soft wisps of his cologne, the one he started wearing for your moonlit visits, like a raft against the sea of your own thoughts. A hand clasped gently over your chest, bruised and tender from the furious beats of your furious heart, the other thumb running gently over those scars again. They no longer hold the same power over you they once did, angry raised flesh that shackled grief to your soul, no, now they are just another page in your story. Not the final chapter you once believed them to be. You take a steadying breath, and then another, and think finally, it’s time for the next book to begin.

His door is the same, and it’s not. It doesn’t loom with darkness, instead it stands like the space between stars, dark and filled with potential. You eye it from afar, still hovering on the edge of that hopeful-not-hope and wonder if you stare hard enough you might see within. It remains stubbornly solid, much to your dismay, and so you urge your feet forward, one step and then another until you reach it. You forcibly unclench your teeth and knock, soft enough that you barely feel the scrape of the wood on your knuckles but it swings inwards anyway and reveals a very exasperated Bucky. He stills immediately, mid sentence, face falls off a cliff and lands somewhere between shocked and confused. You want to laugh, and cry, the relief of finally seeing him again threatens to claim your voice from your throat and derail this whole thing before you can utter a single word. You look at him with those fresh, unburdened eyes and marvel, not for the first time, at how very not-soldier he is.

“Hi,” you say, voice still under siege. He says nothing, simply stares like he’s not sure you're real and so you continue. “Can we talk?”

“Uh…” He blinks a few rapid blinks and comes back to himself. “Yes. Yeah, come in.” He gestures towards the room but when you take a step inside he gives you a wide berth, feet shuffling clumsily to put the coffee table between you. A barrier, a shield.

Your bruised heart aches with every step and the hope flutters a little in protest. It feels awkward as you hover over the couch like you don’t deserve to sit, all the air in the room suddenly prickly, like there's too much air or not enough space between the molecules and you hate it. You hate this distance that’s between you again. The one you created with your panic and denial.

“You’re back.” He states, eyes wandering over your face like he's checking over those bruises again and you wonder if he’s dreamed of you since, if he’s had a night without you behind his eyelids like you haven’t since this dizzying new world opened up and swallowed you whole.

The fear gains a foothold, your hope is the oxygen and his quiet apprehension is the flame. “Yeah, like an hour ago.” Say something else, your mind begs, say anything else, your heart joins. But you can’t. Cold dread eats up all the heat in your bones like a slow moving frost, stealing and taking whatever muster you have left.

“Steve said you went to Clints.” His eyes finally meet yours, ocean filled and storm tempered, simply unable to blink away the rough shores and instead they pour out of him, beating waves against you that make your knees wobble. He looks at you with the same uncertainty he did all those months ago when he first arrived, filled to the brim with those sloth like emotions. If melancholy had a face, it would be his in this moment.

You expect it, the guardedness and the caution, but it still throws you off when you see it written so clearly on his face, still whittles away at your nerve until the words you need to say are taken hostage in your mouth and instead, “I needed some time,” you begin, fingers picking away at a loose thread on the couch, “Well, uh, perspective, actually.”

“Right.” He says plainly, clearly unsure what to make of that answer or why you are here in his room saying nothing important with an important looking face.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” You admit, finally, choking on the words as you do and stifling the need to take them back, or say them again. It’s a desperate feeling, dry mouthed and aching jaw, frantically turning you in circles to find a whole and complete sentence you might say to ease the look on his face.

Agony turns down the corners of his mouth and he whispers, defeated but defiant, “Don’t…”

“Don’t what?” Your lungs protest, sudden and sharp, all of your fears leap and dance inside your chest. This is it, the shoe finally dropping. Run,run,run.

“Don’t say that. Don’t be sorry for us.” He begs it, quietly but earnestly, frown deepening as he does. “I’m not, and if you came here just to drive the point home...” He looks away like he can’t bare it another second, eyes shut tight to protect or contain.

You take a quick, pointed second to delight in his response, “No, Bucky, I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I said that.” He looks at you, cautiously, guarded, and you ache to smooth the frown from his face with your fingertips or your lips. “I don’t regret it... us. Not at all.” He sinks into the couch, deflating as he does like he expected a fight or a blow and isn’t sure what to do now that it’s neither.

“I was scared. Shit, I still am. I didn’t know if your feelings were real, if they could be real, or if it was just some leftover need to make up for something that was never your fault in the first place. Or maybe I did it, you know? Maybe I took it and made it into something else. I didn’t trust it.” Now that you’ve started speaking, the words tumble and pour from your mouth, a river of feelings rushing at him faster than he can take and faster than you can say.

“And then, the dream happened and it just felt like I was hindering your progress. And you were too nice or I was too selfish to do something about it.” The frown deepens again and you can tell he wants to fight you, that he thinks this is something else and so you raise a hand. “Please...just let me finish?” His mouth twists like he's bursting to say something, anything, but he nods anyway.

“I should never have made that decision for you. I know that now. I didn’t see it for what it was. Not until Clint verbally slapped me in the face, I guess.” You smile, a small tilt of the lips and watch him fight to contain his in response, like even now when he has no idea how you feel he still has to smile back so the curve of his lips match your own. “So, I’m sorry. Sorry for taking that choice from you, sorry for doubting you, sorry for leaving, but mostly…” runaway tears slip down your cheeks, the unsettling overspill of regret and longing, “I’m sorry for not telling you I love you, too.”

“You--” Bucky’s mouth crumples and his face goes tight, eyes squeezed shut and eyebrows bunched up beside each other, he stays that way for several seconds, long enough for your hope to vanish and your gut to roll like you were going to meet your lunch again.

“Buck?” You take a step towards him and then stop, wondering if that step should have been towards the door instead. If he no longer wanted this version of you who ran and came back, but instead the one who hid behind walls inside her own heart.

“I want it too much.” He says, finally, and looks at you with the same ocean eyes he always has, a lifetime's worth of hope drowning inside. He smiles your smile and reaches a hand for yours, tentative, soft fingers sliding around your wrist and your skin bounces.

“Me, too.” You let yourself be guided into his lap, his fingers sweeping away the tears that loosen at the sheer weight of your relief, foreheads pressed together and shaking hands clutching onto shaking bones. Your grip on his shirt turns painful, aching to be near and his is just as tight, yet, somehow gentle, balancing all that love on the edge of his smile.

Cool fingers cup your neck, a thumb pressing gently along your jaw and then he kisses you, his lips fitting together with yours like they did before, his ribs fitting under your hands the same way they did before. Fingers and hands and thighs all fitting together, exactly like they did before.

The butterflies wreck havoc in your belly, like they did before.

He kisses you, again, and again, lazy lips and eager tongues, losing minutes to the flush of heat inside your blood and the way the stars sing. You let his lips chase away the fear and let it be replaced with something else, something new but familiar, such a weightlessness that you might float right off the couch if he wasn't holding you like his anchor to the earth. You laugh in between kisses, faces wet and sore from all the smiling and kissing, and smiling.

After, seconds or hours, you push back just enough to say, hushed against the stubble of his jaw, “I was so afraid you wouldn’t want me.”

“Not possible.” His answer is immediate, without consideration, his thumb trails along your bottom lip and his eyes follow, then he pauses in thought, a shadow passes across his face in an instant but he stays quiet.

“What was that?” You ask, letting your fingertips find the edges of his frown, fascinated and terrified by how you long for him even while holding him.

“It’s just... I can’t promise I won’t have any more nightmares. Or that there won’t be bad days, you know?” He says it like it’s an admission of guilt, or like it might change your mind. Your heart twinges at the thought that you put those very particular worries inside his head, that he still doesn’t know what he is to you, the way it reaches marrow-deep.

“I know. And I’ll be there when you do.” You smile sadly, “I’m not going anywhere. I want this, with you, for real this time.” You try to carve your intentions into those words, try to say it so it pours straight into his veins and is carried right to his heart.

He nods, still unconvinced or maybe contemplating, something still waiting to be said and you see him consider it, see him turn it over in his mind a few times before he says. “And I don’t wanna be....I don’t want us to be a secret anymore.”

That does it, the simple, quiet admission that lets you feel exactly all the ways you’ve hurt this broken-not-broken man without even knowing you were. He’s loved you in ways you can’t even count and all you’ve done is poke at his wounds with oblivious hands and poison coated kisses. It knocks the wind clean out of you for a few short moments, empty lungs grasping at your jagged ribs, before you collect yourself, let every ounce of feeling show on your face and say, “No more secrets. I’m in this, Bucky. I’m in it with you.”

Stay, stay, stay.

Divider by the super talented @writeyourmindaway (You should really check them out, there’s something for everyone!)

#through his eyes #kale writes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #marvel fanfic

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drewbarymore · 7 years ago

Text

the moment

Summary: bucky is faced with a question he can’t seem to find the answer to. Pairing: bucky x reader Word Count: 4.7k+ bc i dont know how to shut tf up Warning(s): hella pet names, a lil angst, sad bucky

a/n: happy birthday bucky!!

“You want to what who?”

Peter stiffens at the question, raising his arms up in a defensive stance. “Okay, hear me out—“

“No, no. It’s not an I-can’t-believe-what-just-came-out-of-your-mouth type of question,” Tony interrupts, raising a hand. “I just dissociated for a bit is all. Go on.”

You watch in amusement as Peter takes a huge relieved breath, nodding at Tony who takes a sip of his fourth (is it the fifth?) cup of coffee for today.

“Okay. I-I wanted to interview you for a project for my Marketing class. W-We have to start a business of some sort and advertise it. It just happens that we had to draw from a box what we drew was wedding planning. So you know, I thought it would be a great idea to interview couples. And then I thought of you. And by you, I mean all the couples in this tower.” Peter releases another deep breath after his explanation, bouncing both in excitement and anxiety with a gleam in his eyes, trying and failing to hide his excitement

You can’t help but smile, endeared by his eagerness, only for that smile to dim a little when you feel Bucky stiffen beside you. You squeeze his hand discreetly but reassuringly, keeping your eyes on Peter whose face was far too excited and adorably expectant to be able to say no to.

You were in the middle of doing laundry with Bucky when FRIDAY called you to the common room as per Tony’s request, not really specifying why. When you arrived along with everyone else, you’re greeted by the sight of Peter Parker standing awkwardly behind the couch with an incredibly tired-looking Tony leaning against a wall. Honestly, it amazes you how he still manages to hold himself up when he looks like he’s about ready to pass out any minute.

Silence beats around the room for a few moments, and each minute that passes, you can practically see Peter’s excitement fade and get replaced by shame.

You were about to speak up and just say yes after seeing him look down in disappointment but Tony beat you to it.

“‘Course, kid,” he takes a few steps closer to him and pats his shoulder, “you didn’t have to be so nervous. Sounds good to me. Sounds good, right?” He looks around the room, getting a collective nod from Sam, Nat, Steve, and you.

You beam with delight once you see Peter’s excitement come back. You turn to Bucky who only sported a faraway look, making your expression fall instantly. He sees your smile from his peripherals, and when he feels your gaze on him, he turns to look at you only to find the smile he was expecting to see now replaced by a look of worry. He tries to muster up a smile, but it does nothing to ease the expression on your face.

“Are you good with this, Buck? I mean, Peter has enough people, I think. We can pass up for this one—“

“Not if you want to. And I can tell you want to.” He smiles, leaning closer to you.

“I want to help, yes. But if it would make you uncomfortable, it’s a straight up no, and you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” he says, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb, “and I want to.”

He’s lying through his teeth, but he manages to force out a pretty convincing smile that made the tension in your shoulders drop, and he thinks it’s worth it. He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s holding you back from the things you want to do. He wants you to feel free with him. Always. He wants to prove to you—or maybe more to himself— that he can do this. It’s just an interview. Couple of questions and it’s done. Besides, he knows Peter. He’s a good kid, and he would never put anyone in a position that would make them uncomfortable, or at least intentionally anyway.

You smile at him before pressing your lips on his forehead, and he tells himself again, yeah, this is worth it.

“We can still back out, you know.” you say as you adjust the sleeves of his button down shirt that’s folded up to his elbows, eyes flitting over to his face as you hear him release another sigh. It was the day of the interview, and you could tell he’s getting antsy again, more so than he had been the past few days.

“No.” he says, voice certain, but his eyes, not so much.

It’s your turn to let out a sigh, cupping his cheek in one hand to get him to look at you and running your thumb on his cheek comfortingly.

A small smile threatens to make its way up your lips when he meets your eyes. A familiar warmth explodes in your chest as he smiles at you, the blue of his eyes getting lighter. You bite your lip when you realize that you just forgot what you meant to tell him as soon as he looked at you, so you press your lips to his nose instead.

“You’re beautiful.” you whisper.

He chuckles, pink tinting his cheeks. “Stop it.”

“What? It’s true.” You press kisses to his face again, saying one sweet thing after each one, making him burst into giggles.

He retaliates by pressing his fingers onto your sides and wiggling them, making you laugh out loud. You try to push him away from you but he only tightens his hold, pressing light little kisses all over your neck.

“I love you,” he murmurs into your skin, and you melt instantly.

“I love you too.” You wrap your arms around him tightly, heart and soul at peace.

“Buck? Y/N?” A series of knocks sound through the door. You make a move to step out of the hug to open the door and see what Steve wants, but Bucky doesn’t let you go.

“Hmm?” he hums in reply to Steve, face still buried in your neck.

“You two ready?” Steve asks, swinging the door open.

You throw a quick greeting to Steve, hoping he heard you as you try your best to look at him with Bucky’s head in between your neck and shoulder and your back to the door. He only chuckles at the sight before him, still patiently awaiting a reply.

“Are we, baby?” you gently ask. He nods in response, stepping around a little so now your sides are facing the door.

“I need your words, angel.” you coax.

His heartbeat picks up at the nickname, a dopey smile appearing on his face as he lifts his head to look at you. “Yes.”

“Oh, my god.” Steve mutters in mock exasperation from the doorway, making Bucky throws him a dirty look, mind flashing back to all of the teasing he had to endure by him about you turning him into a sap.

“Shut up. Go away.” he snaps, making Steve raise his hands in surrender as he slowly backs away, smug smile still on his face.

He waits for the sound of his best friend’s steps to fade completely before letting his hold around you loosen up a bit.

“Let’s go?” you ask, taking his hands from behind you and holding them tightly.

“Yeah,” He squeezes them and takes the first step out of the room, keeping in mind that as long as you’re with him, he can do anything.

Except that he couldn’t. He really, really couldn’t.

Missions, espionage, murder, anything really, he can endure. HYDRA made damn sure he’d be good at that. Just not cameras. Or talking about personal things. Especially not both at the same time. It goes against his instincts of hiding under the shadows and keeping as much information to himself as he possibly can, not really having anyone to trust for such a long time.

He shifts uncomfortably under the scrutiny of the lens as Peter writes something down on a paper behind it. Through his peripherals, he can see everyone else who went before them looking through the windows, much like the two of you did a few moments ago when waiting for your turn. One of the rooms in the tower was redesigned to look warmer, more comforting and homey with cream-colored couches, brown pillows, and plants. They made sure the interview took place in the middle of the day, with the sun out and its light illuminating the room.

Every single one who went before you got back quickly. Tony and Pepper were the first, and they told the rest of you that only one question was going to be asked, but they refused to disclose what the question was, claiming that the whole point of it was to catch the ones being interviewed off guard and get the most honest answer out of them— the first thing that came to mind. Bucky’s heart picked up pace at that, but not like how it does because of you. It’s solely because of anxiety. He didn’t want to mess up. But a look from you alone made the voices quiet down.

Right now, though, sitting beside you in said room in front of Peter, he’s so damn sure nothing could calm him down.

It was a simple question, really. So simple that it made the self-loathing inside him grow even more because he couldn’t come up with an answer for it.

“I just wanna know. What was the moment for each of you?” Peter had asked. “As in, what was the moment that made you realize you loved the other person?”

You smiled brightly at him upon hearing it, almost excitedly. And what Tony and Pepper said made so much sense now. It’s supposed to catch you off guard so that moment for you flashes in your mind and you just know. It seemed like it happened for you based on the way you’re smiling at him, and it makes him feel like shit. He couldn’t, for the life of him, think of anything.

He loves you. He lives for you. That’s a given thing. It’s the one thing he’s sure about and holds on to very tightly ever since he got shoved into another world after living a life much like dying under HYDRA. He loves you, and that’s a constant in his life. A sure thing. And he hates himself so much more upon realizing that he didn’t know when or how he did. That he didn’t have a moment, like you do.

After every wrong thing he’s done, he’s so sure that the only thing he’s done right is loving you. And now he’s not so sure anymore. Is he really even loving you right, like how you deserve, if he can’t come up with an answer to a question you so easily can answer?

Your lips are moving, hands flying about animatedly as you talk with that sparkle in your eyes, something that you only have when you’re with him, according to Steve. He sees you talking, but he doesn’t really hear what you’re saying, mind already too busy trying to come up with an answer and screaming self-deprecating thoughts simultaneously.

“What about you, Mr. Barnes?”

He feels like he’s being pulled out of water when he hears his name, except that it has the opposite effect on him. He now feels like he can’t breathe even when he’s already supposedly in land.

“Baby, are you okay?” you ask, and he couldn’t meet your eyes. Not because he’s afraid of seeing disappointment or hatred in them because god, he’d take that any day over what he knows he’ll see.

He tries to breathe properly and calm himself down as discreetly as possible, but it doesn’t work. He just wants to come up with something, anything that would fully express how much he loves you and not just some half-assed bullshit, but he couldn’t and he hates himself so much because he couldn’t even do one goddamn thing right for you and he wishes he wasn’t like this or that he wasn’t here—

The atmosphere in the room completely changed through the course of his silence, he realizes. The light you brought when you were the one talking is now replaced by the burden of his existence, and it breaks him even more.

You rub your thumb on the back of his hand, and he makes the mistake of looking at you, only seeing understanding and adoration, things he definitely did not deserve from anyone, much less from you.

“I’m sorry,” he manages to choke out before standing up and leaving the room. He passes the others by as he makes his way to the elevators, disappointment surely marring their features. What else would they expect from him anyway? From someone who fucks everything up?

The elevator door closes, and he heaves a ragged breath, hands instinctively shooting to his side to clutch on to something, only to realize that there’s nothing, or rather no one beside him. His mouth drops open in horror as it dawns on him that he left you in there. He walked out in the middle of the interview in front of everyone, not giving an answer after he watched you pour your heart into one and he left you to clean up after his goddamn mess. He clutches his hair in exasperation, wanting to just tear the doors of the elevators open and run back to you. But the shame and the fear of what you’re going to say to him makes him shrink back into himself.

So he locks himself into your shared room instead, like the coward that he is.

He opens one of the windows, making the cool breeze get inside as he wipes the tears that fell harshly off his face. He would’ve gone to the rooftop, but the security doors and walls offer is something he needs right now.

(Your arms around him beats that. But he knows he doesn’t really deserve that after the shit he pulled.)

But all of the false sense of peace he tried to build around him shatters when he hears the door open and shut. He doesn’t even have to look to know who it is.

Goddamn FRIDAY. Goddamn this tower’s tech. Goddamn him the most for being a mistake of a human being.

“Hey,” he hears you say softly. So softly understanding and love bleeds through the sound.

He doesn’t respond, clenching his jaws hard in an attempt to keep the new onslaught of tears from falling. He has no right to cry. Not when you should be the one crying and screaming at him for being a piece of shit.

His entire body shakes when he feels your arms wrapping securely around him. The tears fall and he can’t help but release a strangled breath, both from relief upon feeling you and guilt, so much guilt because he knows he doesn’t deserve this yet he can’t let you go.

He shuts his eyes tightly, steeling his heart and prying your hands off of him.

“Buck…?”

He stays silent, hoping you’d get the hint that he wants you to stay away for now. Because he’s no good and won’t ever be any good for you. And you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve someone like him.

“I-I’m sorry.” you say. “We shouldn’t have gone, Buck. I’m so sorry.” Your voice breaks and he shatters. He caves in on himself, head in his hands and tugging harshly on his hair. He shakes from the sobs he’s trying to hold back, couldn’t breathe because of it. But he manages not to let a sound out.

You nod even when he can’t see you, wiping a few tears before stepping further away from him.

“I’m going to take another shower, okay?” you tell him just so he knows where to find you. Just so he knows you’re still going to be there, that you understand he needs space.

He doesn’t move until he hears the bathroom door shut and the water turn on. His nails start to dig unconsciously into his scalp, but he barely feels it, mind occupied with dark thoughts and heart filled with so much abhorrence for himself and so, so much more you. You and his love for you.

And he thinks maybe it isn’t enough. Maybe love isn’t enough because he’s a monster and he can’t and won’t ever be able to do anything right in this mistake of a second life he’s trying to build for himself.

But then he thinks of you. You and your never ending patience, your genuine and bright and only for him smiles, your soft eyes and lovely words, your I love yous and the countless different ways in which you tell him everyday. And he thinks maybe it is enough. So much more than enough and so much more than he deserves. God, he never stops wishing he could be better for you, but at the same time he’s selfishly praying you don’t get tired of him.

Before he could make sense of his actions, he’s stepping into the shower with you, shoulders slumped and fully clothed.

You jump when you feel his arms around you, more from the coldness of his metal arm and the fact that you can feel the fabric of the clothes he’s wearing than from his presence.

He pushes his face into the crook of your neck, nuzzling further, and you can only put your other hand on top of his arms around you.

“Baby, your clothes are gonna get wet,” you tell him softly, gulping as you feel his body tremble behind you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles onto your skin, and your heart clenches in your chest.

“Your arm was just cold, is all. Nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart.” you say, knowing full well he’s not not talking about him startling you. It’s so much more than that. But you don’t want to push him about what happened earlier.

He shakes his head. “There’s so much. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”

You turn around and wrap your arms around his neck, caressing his back with one hand and running the other one through his already wet hair as best as you could.

“It wasn’t your fault. We shouldn’t have gone.” you coax, but he’s not having it.

“I wish I was someone better. Someone you deserve.” he chokes out, and you tighten your hold around him. Somehow, you can feel the difference between his tears and the droplets from the shower, and it almost feels like it’s burning your skin. You hate seeing him like this.

“I love you.” was the only thing you could say, your own voice shaking. He lets out a sob, a sound so goddamn broken and helpless it pains you. He slides down on his knees, wrapping his arms around your middle and pressing his face onto your stomach.

“I told myself I’m gonna be better for you. I swear, doll, I tried. But I can’t seem to do a damn thing right. I love you so much, but I can’t seem to do it right.” You can feel the uneven puffs of breath onto your skin and his hot tears, and you want to crouch down to his position but his hold on you is so tight you can barely move.

You try to pry his arms off of you, but as soon as he feels it, his head snaps up, eyes filled with panic.

“No, no, n-no. Baby doll, I’m sorry. I’m trying–“ his voice borders hysteria when you succeed on prying his arms off, but you quickly hush him by sitting down and taking his head in your arms and tucking it under your chin.

“I know, baby. I know you’re trying.” you say, still trying to keep your voice even.

“I’m sorry.” he weeps, hugging you back tightly.

“Shh, no. I love you. Nothing else matters as much as this. As much as you.”

He holds you tight, so close to him, and you tell him it’s okay. You don’t need his words. He’s shown you multiple times through numerous actions that he loves you. One time through literally taking a bullet for you, and you almost killed him for it, but you know that had the roles been reversed, you’d have done the same thing.

He loves you. He makes you feel it, and that’s enough. So much more than enough.

“Where are we going?” Your eyebrows furrow as he leads the way to wherever he’s planning to go, tugging you gently by the hand behind him.

He doesn’t answer, only smiling at you before the earnest look he’s had since breakfast this morning makes a comeback.

It’s been a week since the interview, and things are back to normal. That night though, he didn’t want to be apart from you in any way, making sure that he has your hand in his at all times, and when you fell asleep, he had his arms and legs wrapped around you, almost engulfing you with his stature. You didn’t mind, glad that at least he wasn’t pushing you away like he does sometimes.

The morning after that, everything’s back to the way it was. Nobody spoke of it, only Peter calling to apologize.

“Bucky, are we okay?” you ask again, squeezing his hand as the elevator goes up.

“Yes, doll.” He chuckles, pressing a kiss to your head.

“Then why won’t you—“

Before you can go on with your question, the elevator doors ding open, revealing the hall of a familiar floor.

“Just trust me, okay?” he says, running a thumb along your cheek, making you melt into him.

“Mmkay.” You sigh contently.

But again, your confusion grows when you realize that this is the floor where the room the interview took place in is. You’re walking right up to the room where it took place to be exact.

“Bucky—“

You’re again interrupted by the door opening, revealing Peter.

“Hey!” he greets, a smile lighting up his face. “It’s all set up. I was just about to go down, see if you changed your mind.” he continues, gaze directed at Bucky.

“No. Not this time.” Bucky says, still not looking at you.

They smile at each other, and you take that as an opportunity to finally talk.

“Okay,” you motion between the two of them, “care to enlighten me about what the hell’s going on?”

Bucky just gets behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and carries you inside the room, making you squeal from being lifted off the ground. Peter lets out a laugh, taking a seat as he watches Bucky waddle over to the couch, setting you down and plopping next to you.

You look around the room as the laughter dies down, apprehension replacing your joy. It looks the same as it did last week—cameras and all— and you’re kind of getting a hunch on what’s about to happen, making worry spring in your chest.

“Buck, are you sure?” you ask him.

He smiles and pecks your lips. “Yes.”

Peter clears his throat, grabbing both you and Bucky’s attention. “Okay, so…Mr. Barnes, what was the moment for you? The moment you realized you love Ms. Y/N?”

You take both of his hands in yours, ready to tell him sincerely that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to answer, that you didn’t have to do this again, but he turns to look at you and speaks first, and it makes your heart beat faster in your chest.

“It-It’s…” he stammers, red rising up his cheeks, “every time I’m with her. Every time I look at her. It’s always that moment.”

Your heart stops, and you feel your chest well up with warmth and so much love for this man sitting next to you.

“Some will say it’s a lazy answer,” he chuckles a bit, and you shake your head, vision already blurry, “but it’s the truth. I’ve spent so much time either frozen or wishing I had my eyes closed instead just so I don’t see what I was doing. There was a time when even closing my eyes isn’t an escape. Everything I did follows me, awake or not. And then there’s you.”

You let the tears fall freely, not wanting to let go of the hand of the love of your life who’s looking at you like you’re one of the goddamn seven wonders of the world or something.

“Every time I see you next to me when the day begins and as it ends, I just know that I love you, and that I’m the luckiest in the world, because I get to be around you. Because somehow, you love me too. I’m not sure I believe in god, or fate, destiny, or some other bullshit, but I thank whatever force it is that brought you to me everyday.”

You let out a sob, and he reaches up to wipe the tears gently from your face. You cup his cheek in yours and tuck a strand of hair away from his face.

“Sometimes I get so angry because I feel cheated. I feel like the world did me wrong, but I look at you, and all of that goes away. I would go through all of that a million times if it means I get to you again one day. You’re the only thing the world has done right to me, sweetheart.” He smiles, his own tears making his eyes glisten.

You couldn’t hold it back. You jump right at him, throwing your arms around his neck and burying your face in his neck, sobs still escaping your lips.

“Hey, hey, shh. I’m here, angel.” he hushes you, running his hand up and down your back, the other one holding you to him. He leans back a little to look at you and take your face in his hands. He wipes your tears again, and you whine.

“Dude, that’s just rude. I can’t be in here crying.” You swat his chest, no force behind it at all. He chuckles at that, pressing kisses on both of your eyelids.

“Now Peter has seen my ugly ass crying face.” You pout slightly, chancing an embarrassed glance to Peter.

“O-Oh, no. No. Just-just pretend I’m not here.” he says, sniffling. Your swollen eyes widen when you see his slightly red nose and red-rimmed eyes as he packs up. You look back at Bucky who just shrugs.

“He doesn’t mind.” He smirks before leaning down to kiss your lips.

Later that night, when the both of you are in bed just waiting to fall asleep, you ask him about why he decided to do it again.

“I mean, I’m not complaining one bit. What you said ripped my heart out in the best way possible.”

He inches closer to you, laying his head down your chest. Your hands instinctively go to his hair, and he sighs in content.

“I wanted to make it up to you.” he whispers so quietly, you almost miss it.

“It’s not— you didn’t even do anything wrong.” you say, heart clenching at his reply. You hate that he thought he did something wrong just because he couldn’t answer the first time. You hate that he beat himself up for it.

“I want to be the best for you. Or at least try to be.” he says, almost bashfully.

“Stop it, Bucky,” you hold him closer and tighter to your chest, “and tell your demons to go meet me at Main Street. I’m gonna beat them up.”

He chuckles at that, looking up at you in adoration, all innocent bright blue eyes and pink lips, making you want to drag to hell everything and everyone who has hurt and still are hurting him.

“You already are. I want no one else.” you say, pressing your lips to his in a lingering kiss.

He leans into it, feeling reassured at the moment. Deep down, there’s still something telling him that this is all so impossible, that the world will still somehow find a way to take this—you— away from him, but fuck if he lets that happen.

He promised himself he would try to deserve you, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do everything in his power to keep that promise this time.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fluff #bucky angst #10 march 2018

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doux-amer · 7 years ago

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Part 2 of Infinity War blabbing (about the characters)! Much more positive than Part 1 (general stuff) which is here. As always, if you want to avoid spoilers, look away.

Loki - BRUH, I knew he was going to die in the first five minutes before the movie came out, and HE DID. But my Thor and Loki feels...I knew Loki would come through with his love for his brother, but he waited a long time to, I don’t know, call Thanos’s bluff except I have a feeling he knew Thanos would have nothing holding him back from really killing Thor so maybe he really wanted to see how far it could go and then realized that, no, he seriously couldn’t deal with that happening? “ONLY I CAN HURT MY BROTHER!!!” Lmao. And then his little hero moment where he lies because that’s what he does best and of course that would never work. YOU SNEK FOOL. ;_; His death was what I expected, but it was still violent and his face afterwards was...well, what you expect someone who suffocated to look like somewhat and I liked that because wow, finally, something that feels horrific and fitting with war.

Thor - God, THOR. POOR THOR. MY BOY IS ALL ALONE NOW. A TRUE ORPHAN. AND HE’S GRIEVING AND THE BEST PART IS WHERE HE GOES UP AGAINST THANOS AND ALL THE ANGUISH HE BOTTLED UP COMES SPILLING OUT. That and the lust-inducing part where he shows up to smash in Wakanda. I love my god of thunder. Really liked his teamup with Rocket and Groot too. IW Thor is also how I imagine Thor to be, with a little more silliness when the world isn’t in danger and he can be a goof. Kind of wondering how people took him after Ragnarok. He has one of the best arcs in the MCU. *blows kisses to my golden boy*

Peter - MY SON. MY CHILD. MY BABY WHOM I GAVE BIRTH TO AND RAISED MYSELF. He was so cute! Little baby with his suit that his papa gave him that’s so cool and shiny. His dad just wants to protect him. He doesn’t listen to Tony which is a classic kid move. Peter being pure and good! ALL OF HIS INTERACTIONS WITH TONY ARE SUCH PARENT-KID INTERACTIONS. I’M WEEPING. LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE. WITHOUT FAIL. TONY, YOU DON’T NEED A SON BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE ON THE TEAM. One of the only moments that made me emotional was the part where he died because he’s so scared and he sounds like a kid. He’s so scared and he stumbles towards Tony who he looks up to and trusts so much because Tony will know what to do and Tony will keep him safe, right? Right? And he keeps babbling and I’m crying and Tony’s crying and everyone’s crying and we’re all dying and crying!!!!!! AND HE SLUMPS ON TONY!!!!! TONY HOLDS HIM SO TIGHTLY AND HE CLINGSSSSSSS TO HIM. AND THEN HE SAYS HE’S SORRY!!!! LIKE THAT’S GOING TO HELP WHEN THAT’S GOING TO MAKE TONY’S SURVIVOR’S GUILT SO MUCH WORSE!!!!! AND HE DISSOLVES AND TONY WATCHES HIM DIE IN FRONT OF HIM AND TONY! CRIES! LISTEN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TEN YEARS, TONY’S EYES JUST DON’T WELL UP WITH TEARS. TEARS FINALLY FALL. OH MY GOD. IT’S BEEN 84 YEARS. HALLELUJAH. I LOVE THIS SONG.

Tony - TONY WAS RIGHT (TM). HE’S ONLY BEEN SAYING THIS FOR A MILLION YEARS AND NONE OF YOU DICKWADS LISTENED TO HIM!!! LOOK WHAT HAPPENED! THE CASSANDRA OF THE MCU, EVERYONE. His worst nightmare has come alive and he doesn’t have time to panic. There’s too much going on and he needs to focus, but then Titan happens and oh my god, I was braced for him to die in Avengers 4 or something that I clenched my armrests when he got stabbed because I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR HIM TO DIE IN IW AND IT LOOKED LIKE HE WOULD. And then he didn’t. Can people just effing LISTEN to him? Even in this movie, they’d fight him on things. *throws hands up* My boy was in so much pain and Thanos knew who he was. I’M SCREAMING. And the “I hope they’ll remember you” line or whatever!!!!! And oh god the ending when he’s all alone. No one knows he’s there except Nebula. HE’S ON A PLANET THAT’S COMPLETELY DESTROYED FAR OUT IN SPACE WITH NO ONE TO REACH HIM AND NO ONE KNOWING HE’S EVEN ALIVE AND HE JUST SAW EVERYONE DIE IN FRONT OF HIM AND IT’S NOT WANDA’S VISION 100%, BUT IT’S STILL SOMEWHAT SIMILAR. God, his suit is so sexy too. We finally got Bleeding Edge in the MCU, and we are BLESSED.

Steve - Oh, Steve. I missed you. Thank you for reminding me why I love you so much. That line about not trading lives? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. THAT’S MY BOY. THAT IS 100% STEVE ROGERS. And with that and all the IW shenanigans, I had Hickmanvengers on my mind, but anyway. God. That’s so Steve. Even when the most logical situation is to do as Viz says, he says that that’s unacceptable and that they need to find another way which can be infuriating under certain circumstances, but not this one because that pushes them to go at the problem from a different angle. My heart was so full, but tbh that was me as soon as he stepped out of the shadows. I just. God. I missed him so much? These two years did a lot to calm me down. I remember when I was so afraid that CA:CW had irrevocably soured my feelings for him which was devastating because Steve means so much to me, but with the help of @aslightstep and time, I calmed down. I was basically heart eyes every time he showed up and thought about how he was so worn down being out in the cold which doesn’t come naturally to him because he needs a support system and being all emo over losing Tony’s friendship (Chris Evans Confirmed Fact TM) because it really showed at some quiet moments. And of course he’d run straight into battle with T’Challa and of course he’d run straight to Viz because Viz needs help and of course he’d be a dork and okay, I know he doesn’t understand Groot, but “I am Steve Rogers.” YOU EFFING POLITE, CUTE DORK. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! And omg the phone. Tony was about to call Steve and omg I hate that we didn’t get to hear Steve pick up the phone when Bruce called like hdu rob me of that because you know that boy picked it up immediately and was like “BEYONCE? TONY??” God, he doesn’t know that Tony was about to call him, he doesn’t know that Tony’s alive because of the news that he’s missing, he doesn’t know that Tony’s alive because of Thanos wiping out half of the universe and Tony doesn’t know Steve’s alive because of that either, and he doesn’t know that Tony’s stranded light years away alone (with Nebula) without a team on a dead planet and just saw everyone die in front of him including someone he cares for a lot and feels responsible for! KILL ME!!!!!

Thanos - Seriously needed more fleshing out. I felt nothing when it came to Thanos although I liked how they tried to humanize him and I’m sure that had they developed him, those scenes might have killed me. Tbh he cried more than the good guys which was different and unexpected, and he was softer in a way that I didn’t expect. He’s mad, but it’s almost like you can talk to him and he’ll hear you even if he rejects your idea if that makes sense. It makes me mad because instead of doing stupid, zero impact winks at him sitting on his ugly throne, if they had actually developed him throughout the six years we’ve seen him glimpses of him and revolved the GotG franchise around him (or at least one of the GotG movies), then he would be an incredibly nuanced villain, but no.

Gamora - I’m really glad she got to have a lot of screen time, and it was moving how she was so hellbent on disavowing and killing Thanos from GotG1 and on, but she was so conflicted here. Not about what she had to do, but how it made her feel to do it despite knowing in her heart what she needed to do. ;_; My girl. Love the scenes with Nebula too and how far these sisters have come. I wish her death scene had a bigger impact on me, but it didn’t because this guy two seats from me whom I was ready to throttle several times throughout the movie laughed in a “OH WOW!” and because we didn’t get to see her backstory with Thanos at all. Again, not the fault of the Russos or M&M. They only have so much time, and Gunn reallyyyyyyyy should’ve focused on this a lot more in the GotG franchise. But you know, let’s focus on the irrelevant Quill!

Quill - Goddamn do I hate this guy. GotG2 redeemed him in my eyes, but jfc he was unbearably obnoxious in this movie as soon as he showed up. How is he more immature than Peter and Shuri who are ACTUAL KIDS? He’s like that insecure douchebag manbaby in his 20s/30s who needs to grow tf up. He’s insensitive and thinks that everything is a competition because he feels so threatened by Thor who’s doing nothing but existing and not showing off or making moves on Gamora which....dude, you don’t own Gamora. Like his thing about losing his mom and killing his dad? Thor just lost his entire goddamn family, you dangling gonad. He doesn’t contribute whatsoever to the fight against Thanos because lbr that plan on Titan was either something he didn’t come up with alone or he didn’t come up with at all despite what he says. He singlehandedly destroyed their biggest advantage over Thanos to stop him from killing half the universe. But you know, dude can’t even keep his temper under control for two seconds, when Baby Peter’s getting close to getting the Gauntlet off and when he’s not the only one who lost someone or suffered at the hands of Thanos (Drax and Nebula are right there!). You can beat the hell out of Grape Man all you want afterwards, oh my god!!!!!! I was relieved to see that he was one of the people who died tbh because I know he’ll be back, but at least he’ll be MIA for a good while.

Rhodey - I’m...not entirely happy, but fortunately not too unhappy with how they backtracked on Rhodey’s stance on the Accords, but I’m happy to see him and to see him walking again and goodnaturedly taking the piss out of white people who never know how to act around people of color lmao. And I really adored the little bits of Rhodey and Sam interactions in this.<333 My boys.<3 GOD, I’M SO GLAD HE’S NOT DEAD FOR NOW.

Bucky - Lmao the Russos really don’t care for Buckaroo at all. CW showed that and now this. The reunion with Steve was touching, but okay, I hatehatehatehatehate that One Side of Fandom Every Single Corner of the Marvel Fandom hates, so I lowkey laughed that that was all they got. Anyway, dude can’t get a break. Please, he just wants to chop some wood and live an idyllic life and now he’s dead after two seconds.

Vision - Poor Viz was little more than a plot point, and I barely cared about him because of that. The two scenes I liked, though, were when he was like “Yoooo Wanda, who cares about my dad! I’m an adult! I want to be with you! Bye, Tony!” and then his face crumpled with guilt when he saw Tony was missing and when he convinced Wanda to destroy the Mind Stone while it was in him. They went from testing the waters to full-blown romancing each other which was a lot especially because I reallyyyy wish they kept Viz in his actual form and not his human one since the age gap was awkward, what with everyone calling Wanda a kid (You want to see kids? Peter and Shuri are kids) even though she’s an adult. But really, I wish they toned it down or showed their love for each other through other ways than them macking on each other because it would’ve been more effective instead of “Let’s try to cram in as many hetero kisses in this movie as possible (and for the Wanda/Viz one, while Paul’s not in makeup)!” That last scene between them was perfect for that imo, with Viz saying one of the sweetest lines (Wanda not being able to hurt him and all he can feel is her).

Wendy Mcdonald Wanda - As usual, I’m whatever about Liz Olsen’s performance aside from the whitewashing which I’m never getting over, but I was okay with her in this film. I think it’s because for the first film ever, she’s not putting anyone else in danger because tbh she never exactly redeemed herself for the terrible things she did. Here, she’s selfless. Still didn’t care that she died though lmao.

Bruce - Really wish they utilized Mark’s acting chops better because I feel like all Bruce did was act confused or exhilarated by cool things. I did love the reunions with him and the others, though (same with Thor and the Avengers), and lmfasdfoihfsihashfs Bruce/Nat, okay. The Russos had to address it, but it was just that. An acknowledgment. Get this Wh*don ship out of my sight, please. But yes the reunions were sooooo good and heartfelt because it’s been three years since they last saw him and they didn’t even know if he was alive because he was entirely off the grid. Tony and Bruce!!!!! EVERYONE WITH BRUCE!!!!! And the conflict between him and Hulk here was new and refreshing because this time it’s Bruce wanting Hulk to come out and Hulk refusing to and because Hulk seems scared, but it could’ve been handled better because a lot of his scenes felt very corny to me. :/

Strange - Strangely (heh oops, not intentional), I was okay with him. I think it was because I liked his interactions with Tony especially because we see the jerk side of Strange showing up, but it’s not the same variety of jerk that Quill is. And he butted heads with Tony and I’m okay with that because it was mostly due to differing opinions on how to approach the situation. The cloak probably gave him some points as well. But idk he’s just....there are a lot of things with him where I was like, “But can’t he do ___?” I was talking to @hoteloblivion earlier and we were thinking about portals and how they could have been better utilized especially considering how they were shown earlier (couldn’t he just have chopped off Thanos’s arm and then teleported them out of there?). Also, I guess I should watch his solo movie (gagging because yay Mighty Whitey and whitewashing) to understand the Time Stone better.

T’Challa - Damn, I didn’t think he’d go because they were saving all the important “main” characters and I know he’ll be back, but I thought he’d have more to do. Tbh when M’Baku (god he was so beautiful as usual as were my baby genius Shuri and goddess of my life Okoye) didn’t die and we cut to Okoye and T’Challa, I thought Okoye would go, but nah? I love Wakanda’s shields too.

Sam - Oh Sam, I forgot how much I missed you. Fly, birdie, fly! And his warmth and little comments on what’s going on like the awkwardness at the compound were good.

Natasha - She was just there, but it was still nice to see her in action. Not really much to say about her tbh. Oh, I liked how we got to see a few minutes of just women fighting together although movies love to do this thing where they pair up female villains with female heroes and it’s tiring.

Pepper - The beginning was cute, but man, IW seals the deal. I dislike Pepperony. I used to like it, but they’re so incompatible at this point and it’s unfixable because her inability to reconcile Tony’s lifestyle with hers and accept that side of Tony, which is the biggest part of him and the essence of who he is, keeps showing up time and time again. Does that make her a bad person? No. But it almost feels like the textbook example of love not being enough in a relationship where two people love, care deeply for, and admire each other. She deserves the stability and a life away from danger, and he deserves someone who’ll accept him wholly. It was why CA:CW made sense and why Homecoming felt wildly out of left field especially in the wake of CA:CW, and I hated that they swept everything under the rug at the beginning of this one, but ignored it to focus on them being cute and then BAM. It’s not like I don’t expect her to be scared and to try begging him to come home because of that; I do. But it’s more that she goes on about it and kind of worryshouts and I’m like, “OH MY GOD, PEPPER! HE’S AN AVENGER! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO DO?! IGNORE WHAT’S HAPPENING? YOU KNOW WHO HE IS AT THIS POINT. ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS EVERY TIME HE GOES ON AVENGER BUSINESS?”

Rocket and Groot - Liked them. Liked them with Thor. Liked Groot chopping off his arm. Liked Rocket and Bucky shooting aliens together.

Drax - Thank Godddddd he’s more likable in this because I liked him in GotG1 and disliked him for most of GotG2.

Mantis - She’s so cute! Remember her jumping in the background on Titan? And I like her and Peter’s interactions. Spidey, I mean.

Nebula - She deserves better, but at least she saw how much Gamora truly wanted to make amends and be her sister. KILL YOUR BARNEY DAD, NEBS! He deserves to be dead for that torture/dismantling scene alone. :( I didn’t realize to what extent her body was modified. No wonder she hated Gamora for so long.</3

Wong - Yay, we got one Asian in the MCU (Pom’s Asian, but Mantis isn’t). Yay we get to see him do some fighting. Booooo, we see him disappear.

So yeah tl;dr, some good and some bad. There were way too many people in this movie and I get why that’s the case, but now that we got all the introductions out of the way and we downsized by half (lol at all the original Avengers still standing), I hope Avengers 4 ends up being really good with a lot to sink into character-wise. Also, Carol. Bruh. I died seeing Fury and Hill. I missed them and lmaooooo at Nick’s resignation with dissolving. AND THE PAGER!!! WHO HAS PAGERS NOWADAYS?! IS NICK CALLING INTO THE PAST? IS CAROL IN SPACE? BUT IT’S A PAGER AND THAT’S SO OUTDATED AND THAT’S SUCH A SPECIFIC CHOICE. I shouted in the theater when that scene ended and we saw her insignia on the pager screen lol. CAROL’S GOING TO SAVE US ALL.

#iw spoilers

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jeageristsasuke · 6 years ago

Text

Flaws of Avengers: Endgame

!!!!!!!S P O I L E R S!!!!!!!! (obviously)

Ok guys i am preety late to the party and all these are propably already said but i really need to get this off my chest, so beware my long bitching. Of course it was an overall really good movie, BUT as the 'end of an era' that it's supposed to be, i can't accept such blatant mistakes. I'll clarify.

Let's start with small... Plot holes, i guess:

1. Ok marvel i know you have not the slightest idea of your very own universe but please explain to me how every planet the characters visit has the exact correct composition of chemicals in its air to perfectly sustain human life and also the exact perfect gravity's acceleration for them to move on with no problem? And before y'all cringe and come for my life with 'nothing makes sense anyway, why tf do you even care about that?' i will have to argue that as long as they care enough to use physics theorems to somehow base the whole quantum nonsense, i think they should care about something so simple that even people with no physics education will find stupid.

2. Why did they need pim particles to go back in time when they could just use the time stone they had already retrieved? I honestly haven't thought of it during the movie but my brother pointed this out and honestly he was right. Ok...

3. If for Scott the time he spent in the quantum realm was 5 hours, which is in let's call it normal time 5 years, then exactly how was Steve missing for normal time a minute or so and he returned having lived at least 40 years? I mean nothing about the quantum realm makes any sense, and if it's not supposed to fine, but if you try to retionalise the irrational at least stick to the rules you yourself set, i don't know...

And now, moving on to what trully matters:

4. WHERE THE FUCK IS LOKI??? like really? They are telling me that one of the most beloved, if not the most beloved character can't be brought back to life or at least have some dialogue in his past form, but past Gamora who was later killed too (before the snap)can exist in a different timeline perfectly well with no repercussions? Really now?? so you're telling me that the russos were like 'oh loki the most loved character who had all the potential to contribute greatly to the plot? Yeah let's give him no significant role whatsoever, sure the fans will appreciate that'. I mean for fucks sake we see thor literally run outside his brother's cell, the brother he mourned, the last member of his family and he doesn't spare a single glance? And yes i know he was supposed to not interact with anyone but in the end we have that whole scene with his mother, which was of course impactfull and emotional, but let's be realistic; wouldn't it be thousand times better if the interaction was with Loki? Some funny/emotional dialogue to have thor move past his grief? Like his mother was great but she wasn't as important a character as loki and yet she gets so much more screentime than -i will repeat over and over- such a beloved and significant character as loki?

5. NATASHA'S DEATH. I will not even stick to the fact that dear nat who was constantly shat upon for 10 years, who didn't even get the chance to be her true badass self in infinity war, who is an original avengers' member and yet still hasn't got her own movie, was one of the two people to die. Let's somehow move past all this to the fact that SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. the whole battle with clint was beautiful and emotional and i love their bond but she died before the battle even began. Tony died too (let's not dwell on this pain), but saved the universe first. Everything before, during and after his death was epic. What did Natasha get in comparison? Not even a proper funeral as far as we know. Thanks a bunch Marvel.

6. Bruce banner. Ok cool that he was able to balance hulk and bunner but do we really have to him being hulk all the time? Isn't the very concept of hulk the 'i get angry i smash things'? I wanted to see banner the human being able to control banner the hulk, without them being constantly merged.

7. Why is thor so... I don't know... Disrespected? His pain induced condition is mostly treated as comedy relief and he doesn't get a single epic moment like in infinity war in the last movie we get to see him. Ok...

8. STEVE FUCKING ROGERS. Ok this was the finishing blow for me. He is one of my favourite characters. In all honesty, if he was done justice i propably wouldn't be here wasting whoever's is reading this time with my bitching. So beware level over 9000 bitching here.

- Him fighting with Thor's hammer was great and all till the point where it was practically implied that the captain we came to love can have no impact with just his power. If it's the last time we see him fight, i think his most crucial moment should have been him being 123% steve Rogers. Now most will remember him as 'the one who couldn't do anything against a thanos with no stones mind you if he didn't have the hammer'. And don't get me wrong, i know that the very fact that he even lifted it is proof of him being worthy but dude we been knew, you don't have to have him fight with it for most of the final battle. (One could even argue that he's in a way stealing Thor's spotlight)

- Why isn't he shown grieving? Of course the captain America wouldn't let his weakness show in public but on his own or to his friends i think we could have the slightest mention of bucky or sam. Everyone (apart from bruce but he didn't really lose anyone) is shown to grieve. Even carol who gets the minimum screentime is shown to grieve over fury. And before you argue about the therapy group we all know he mostly spat things he didn't believe himself for the sake of others. Ok... I don't know if I'm the one who is far-fetching this, or they did fail.

- The whole living the life he didn't get to. Ok... This is a controversial issue, I'd say. For me, i didn't really like it, but since it had to be done, i think they should have been more meticulous. I know they wanted captain out of the picture so they had to nullify him somehow. I also know that he only ever loved peggy (Who wouldn't love peggy carter?) But the way it was handled, gave me the impression that no other bond Steve has built after he was awaken and even bucky mattered enough for him not to come back old enough to barely be able to be a part of their lives. It made me feel that they were over-pushing the whole loving her thing, when it was according to previous captain America movies a thing of the past. It felt to me like everything that cap has gone through was instantly negated as if it never mattered, as if it was a mere mistake, as if he could never be happy unless he was with peggy. And they have crafted his bonds with others really good for this to seem true. I don't know how to explain it, but the pain cap has gone through has shapped who he is and negating all that as if they don't matter isn't it kinda destroying his character build up? I don't know anymore...

-But ok even if we stick to it being hella romantic, what are the consequences of that great a disturbance in time flow? Imagine the impact an alive captain whould have to everything. Or was he just a war hero and then settled down and nothing? What of Peggy's family that is implied in catws and in series agent carter? What of Bucky? Did he even care to save him from hydra's torturing that was happening then? And so on. (Shit ok even i think I'm expecting too much from them at this point.)

- JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES!!!!!! I don't know where to begin with this. Ok maybe they have forgotten what two out of three captain America movies were about? They must have. Because there is absolutely no other rational explanation as to why they fucked up this beautiful bond. The only dialogue we get is a repetition of a previous one? In what reality, whould bucky allow steve to go return the stones alone? Isn't he a man out of time too? Literally name a logical reason as to why bucky didn't even suggest to go with him. Isn't he the only one he cares about at this point? Why isn't he running to him when be comes back old but urges sam to? Like wtf? Why is steve not shown to react to him at any point when he literally broke the avengers apart for him? Why is their only interaction so emotionless compared to all other reunions? Why is marvel trying to sell their bond but gives it no attention? I DON'T UNDERSTAND! (Ok I'll just ignore canon again. I'm used to it.)

Anyway that's all i can think of right now. Propably omitting much more important issues too. All in all it was a really good movie. Tony/ steve interactions 11/10, epic final battle etc But to me those are much more crucial mistakes than the very ending should be allowed to have.

#avengers #avengers: endgame #avengers: engame spoilers #marvel #mcu

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