#Brokey: *I* don't need to be liked and nobody likes me anyway so I don't like anyone either!

[bat-in-the-machine]

Okay, lemme just gush about Crashlands for a bit. See, for the longest time, I was a broke brokey mcbrokerson, poor as the day is long, so if I wanted games, I had to go with what I could get for free.

I signed up for Amazon Prime right when they started giving out free games to people with linked Twitch accounts. Now you don't need the Twitch account for it anymore, they've added Amazon Gaming as a platform, and now that's where they give out the monthly games.

I created an Epic account for access to the Unreal Engine, and then they started giving out free games, too! They give out one or two games a week, and even if the games are in a genre I don't like, or are games I have on another platform, I get them because when all your games are on digital storefronts, you never know when they're going to just stop existing. (Ask me about the Legend of Korra.)

ANYWAY, between these two sources, I have a ton of games that I never even would have heard of if not for getting them free.

This is how I got Crashlands, a crafting/survival game with a quirky sense of humor and a delightfully weird art style. To give you an idea of what I mean bout the game's humor, the first joke in the game is just a gag about repeated sounds and letters:

Your protagonist is one Flux Dabes, a promising young engineer whose genius allowed her to build a hovering robot from scrap as a teenager. Juicebox, the robot in question, was with her when she got admitted to the finest engineering school in the known universe. Juicebox was there when the galactic economy completely collapsed, leaving Flux with an astronomical debt and no way to repay it. Juicebox was there when Flux took up a job as a delivery pilot with the Bureau of Shipping. Juicebox was there when Flux quickly became noted as one of the best (if not the best) trucker in the fleet.

And Juicebox is there when Flux's latest cargo run takes her too close to the planet Woanope.

Flux, genius that she is, interacts with everything by slapping it. Wanna turn on the engines? Slap that shit. Talk to someone? Slap 'em! Nobody comments on it, apparently. At some point I want an NPC to be like "ow! hey! why the heck did you slap me?" and that be their only dialogue.

Well, okay, Juicebox instructs Flux to slap stuff early on...

Anyway, the reason you've stopped mid-delivery is a being called Hewgodooko, who does not like having his name shortened to Hewgo at all, but he tears your ship apart to steal the quantum electrodongle so fuck him anyway.

Hewgodooko, who, as I note, does not like you calling him Hewgo (which Juicebox and Flux do probably just to annoy him), is ransacking tech for an unknown purpose, and you just happen to be flying by with a whole bunch of it.

Anyway, like I said, he tears apart your ship...

which causes a bunch of bad things to happen

And also introduces you to one of the primary combat mechanics of the game, the attack indicator. These red overlays show where enemy attacks will affect. You and your allies AOE overlays are blue. Most of the combat is spent moving around to avoid red circles and cones and rectangles while staying in slapping range of the enemy.

Once you've gotten all the packages (your PENSION is at stake!) you make your way to the escape pod...

...and crashland in the Crashlands. Or rather, the Savannah, one of three biomes in the game.

From here, it's a pretty straightforward crafting/survival RPG, but with very forgiving gameplay.

First of all, you don't have to track hunger or thirst or fatigue. The day/night cycle affects resources and enemy spawns - certain local fauna only appear at night - but the only thing you have to keep track of is your health, your equipment, and your inventory.

Secondly, inventory management is HEAVILY simplified. Flux is equipped with an Infinisuit, which is to say she has a limitless carry capacity. Just grab everything. It respawns regularly, and you're gonna need a lot of it. Slap those bushes. Pick up those sticks. Grab the dirt too, while you're at it!

Build crafting stations to craft better and better tiers of equipment. Meet the locals who, in the words of the developers:

The Crashlands cast is utterly helpless, thus providing you with endless questing opportunities.

Every quest gives you recipes to craft and materials to craft with. Apart from the combat, which can get overwhelming if enough enemies show up, the game is pretty chill, as evidenced by the mellow lofi soundtrack that plays when you're not fighting for your life.

ANYWAY, I'm in the second biome, meaning I am about a third of the way through the game...

Wait, Crashlands is getting a sequel?

This looks GOOD.

wait now i have to finish the first one

[grokebaby]

It had been another gloomy day in the dark forest for the magnificent Tigerstar. He was almost getting bored with plotting starclans demise, but seeing a certain familiar face reignited his spark.

"Evening, Brokenstar" he said smoothly after not-so-subtly jogging up to the massive piece of fur cleaning his face by a tree. His foggy eyes turned to the ochre tabby, seeming completely uninterested until a light bulb went up and he recognized who was addressing him.

"Ah, my successor.. You didn't do half bad for a Thunderclan cat. But then again, a lobotomized rat would've been a better alternative to Nightpelt.." Brokenstar mused quietly. Tigerstar chuckled, welcoming the compliment nonetheless. "You know, it's a shame we didn't get to properly talk during our life, don't you think? Of course by the clan rules we shouldn't have even been talking, but I felt sorely disappointed to have you die without hearing more from you" Tigerstar meowed, calmly measuring up his claws in an effort to not seem like what Darkstripe felt to him. Brokenstar twitched his ear, stopping his grooming as a visual que to ask Tigerstar to elaborate on that. He found the Tom's sudden desire to socialize more off-putting, but figured it had something to do with their alliance

Tigerstar continued. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you about your legendary rise to power, right? Sure, the ruling part could've.. Gone smoother, but you did impressive work given your circumstances, and that pesky medic hag having some sort of agenda against you.." Brokenstars fur bristled as the words hit him. Having recently died, the burning of deathberries in his throat was still fresh. He was taken back to his death bed, momentarily reliving that flood of pure ice through his veins as Yellowfang had told him the truth about his kithood.

"You.. Do not talk to me, about Yellowfang, you egotistical piece of-!" He jumped up, hissing in Tigerstars face. Dazed by the sudden outburst, Tigerstar took a few steps back, not wanting to be trampled by the sizeable shadowclan cat. Once getting more personal space, Brokenstar turned his back to him. Trembling with rage, and grappling with that strange scary feeling that had overtaken him, it took a moment to register that Tigerstar apologized right after.

"What.. Did you say?" he rasped, glaring back to the other. Tigerstar swallowed any semblance of fear and reworded his statement. "I'm sure whatever.. She had to say about you couldn't have been bad enough to phase a mighty leader like yourself. I wasn't implying anything of the sort." he replied, regathering his charisma. Brokenstar scoffed. "Sorta like that annoying little thunderclan cat, what was it - Fireheart? I wasn't the only one with flies buzzing around me, just saying.."

Tigerstar gritted his teeth at the mention, but he stopped himself from lashing out similarly. His smooth negotiation skills had taken him far in life, and he wasn't about to be hit by whatever Brokenstar had to throw at him. "Yes, true.. But he will be taken care of eventually." Tiger replied, smoothing down his chest fur. "Well, was that all you wanted to say?" Brokenstar asked after a small moment of silence. Tigerstar hurried to get the conversation back on track. "No, no of course not. I simply came here to, let's say, bask in your presence." Brokenstar rolled his eyes at that. "It's true, Brokenstar. You don't have to believe me but I've always felt that my heart belonged in Shadowclan, and your reign was breathtaking while it lasted. How did you do it? What would you tell a less initiated cat?" he asked, not letting his admiration shine through entirely. He was willing to use flattery to get what he wanted, but his dignity weighed more than that.

Brokenstar sized him up from head to toe. Tigerstar was a strong, athletic cat, and a skilled fighter. And talker.. He thought, looking at the toms smug face. In his eyes he could see sprinkles of kit-like awe, but there was more. He wasn't willing to look deeper than that right now, not with his foggy vision. "You and me Tigerstar, we're vicious, strong-willed cats. I doubt you need tips from me" he meowed softly, though his tone wasn't particularly kind despite the praise. Tigerstar opened his mouth, but shut it again as Brokenstar breathed audibly. "However.." he continued, side-eyeing the fellow leader. "What you lack is independence." Brokenstar stated. Tigerstar scoffed, words stumbling up as they tried to leave his mouth. "Excuse me? I don't hang onto others tails, I am a leader! You cannot rule if nobody follows after you" he gritted his teeth. Brokenstar nonchalantly licked his paw a few times, wiping it over his face. "Obviously. What I'm talking about, is your emotional dependencies, Tigerstar." he replied, now leaving Tigerstar taken aback in silence. Before he could ask, he elaborated. "Your mate. And kits. You had those, didn't you? Your son.. Looks just like you" he meowed with a deep voice. Tigerstar breathed in disbelief, his tail twitching uncomfortably. What was he implying with that?

".. Yes, and? Are-are you saying that's a negative? Of course a great leader must have an heir!" Tigerstar exclaimed, wanting to know where this is was going. He was aware that Brokenstar never took a mate, and quite obviously wasn't great with kits..

"A great leader's heir is his legacy! His glory stands long after his death! Not some other cat! Kits are absolutely not vital to a great leader, kits are.. Useless!" Brokenstar spit out the last part, having full confidence in his statement. Tigerstar looked at him doubtfully for a moment. While he had a good point, Tigerstar never saw fatherhood as a stumbling block in his road to success. Quite the opposite, actually. And Goldenflower, despite her leaving him to fend for himself during his exile, was someone he had loved deeply. Had, and possibly still did..

He spit in frustration and held his head higher, tucking his tail tightly over his paws to seem dignified and untouched. "My family isn't a weakness to me. I don't need their help to achieve glory. And besides, my kits aren't just any snotty brats, they take after me, and Goldenflower, in the ways it matters! I have big plans for them." Tigerstar explained snobbishly. Brokenstar let out a sizzling breath, seeming thoughtful. And not Convinced.

"Not a weakness, you say..? Not even when Thunderclans camp burnt down? That tree was engulfed in flames.." Brokenstar spoke quietly under his breath, like a ghost. Tigerstar felt a chill run over his bones. Had Brokenstar been watching him from the afterlife? And how much? He vividly remembered the intense mixture of relief and visceral hatred seeing Fireheart hop down that tree with Bramblekit in his jaws. His enemy, whisking off his dear kit into safety, despite everything that happened. He must think he's so pure, above everyone else. A spoiled kittypet, snaking into clan life where he didn't belong. Ruining Tigerstars careful plans. He dug his claws into the mulch beneath him, wishing it was the orange little nuisance instead.

Brokenstar exhaled, as if in response to something, snapping Tigerstar back to the moment. "My point seems proven.." he rasped. Tigerstar looked at him in disbelief, offended. "You haven't proven anything! My mate betrayed me, betrayed my trust, and fought against me in the great battle! Me and her are over." he hissed. "As if you had never depended on anyone with your plans of conquest.." he added more murkily, voice full of salt. Brokenstar hummed dismissively.

"Obviously I need to be capable of working with other cats to get anywhere, but I didn't get attached to any of them." he exposited, untangling a few knots from his side. Tigerstar rolled his eyes. "Well you sure sound like a great reliable ally.." he muttered. Brokenstar snorted a laugh. "Don't talk to me about great and reliable down in the dark forest, Tigerstar! As if I need to like someone to work with them anyway.." he chuckled coarsely. Something about getting to hear that from the cat he'd looked up to for some time felt like a splash of cold water to Tigerstar. Neither of them said anything for a moment.

"What were your plans with those kits anyway?" Brokenstar broke the silence, feeling the slightest tinge of curiosity. Tigerstar perked up, a droplet of pride trickling down his chest. "Oh am I glad you asked.."

[morsobaby]

Look I wrote about evil cats

It had been another gloomy day in the dark forest for the magnificent Tigerstar. He was almost getting bored with plotting starclans demise, but seeing a certain familiar face reignited his spark.

"Evening, Brokenstar" he said smoothly after not-so-subtly jogging up to the massive piece of fur cleaning his face by a tree. His foggy eyes turned to the ochre tabby, seeming completely uninterested until a light bulb went up and he recognized who was addressing him.

"Ah, my successor.. You didn't do half bad for a Thunderclan cat. But then again, a lobotomized rat would've been a better alternative to Nightpelt.." Brokenstar mused quietly. Tigerstar chuckled, welcoming the compliment nonetheless. "You know, it's a shame we didn't get to properly talk during our life, don't you think? Of course by the clan rules we shouldn't have even been talking, but I felt sorely disappointed to have you die without hearing more from you" Tigerstar meowed, calmly measuring up his claws in an effort to not seem like what Darkstripe felt to him. Brokenstar twitched his ear, stopping his grooming as a visual que to ask Tigerstar to elaborate on that. He found the Tom's sudden desire to socialize more off-putting, but figured it had something to do with their alliance

Tigerstar continued. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you about your legendary rise to power, right? Sure, the ruling part could've.. Gone smoother, but you did impressive work given your circumstances, and that pesky medic hag having some sort of agenda against you.." Brokenstars fur bristled as the words hit him. Having recently died, the burning of deathberries in his throat was still fresh. He was taken back to his death bed, momentarily reliving that flood of pure ice through his veins as Yellowfang had told him the truth about his kithood.

"You.. Do not talk to me, about Yellowfang, you egotistical piece of-!" He jumped up, hissing in Tigerstars face. Dazed by the sudden outburst, Tigerstar took a few steps back, not wanting to be trampled by the sizeable shadowclan cat. Once getting more personal space, Brokenstar turned his back to him. Trembling with rage, and grappling with that strange scary feeling that had overtaken him, it took a moment to register that Tigerstar apologized right after.

"What.. Did you say?" he rasped, glaring back to the other. Tigerstar swallowed any semblance of fear and reworded his statement. "I'm sure whatever.. She had to say about you couldn't have been bad enough to phase a mighty leader like yourself. I wasn't implying anything of the sort." he replied, regathering his charisma. Brokenstar scoffed. "Sorta like that annoying little thunderclan cat, what was it - Fireheart? I wasn't the only one with flies buzzing around me, just saying.."

Tigerstar gritted his teeth at the mention, but he stopped himself from lashing out similarly. His smooth negotiation skills had taken him far in life, and he wasn't about to be hit by whatever Brokenstar had to throw at him. "Yes, true.. But he will be taken care of eventually." Tiger replied, smoothing down his chest fur. "Well, was that all you wanted to say?" Brokenstar asked after a small moment of silence. Tigerstar hurried to get the conversation back on track. "No, no of course not. I simply came here to, let's say, bask in your presence." Brokenstar rolled his eyes at that. "It's true, Brokenstar. You don't have to believe me but I've always felt that my heart belonged in Shadowclan, and your reign was breathtaking while it lasted. How did you do it? What would you tell a less initiated cat?" he asked, not letting his admiration shine through entirely. He was willing to use flattery to get what he wanted, but his dignity weighed more than that.

Brokenstar sized him up from head to toe. Tigerstar was a strong, athletic cat, and a skilled fighter. And talker.. He thought, looking at the toms smug face. In his eyes he could see sprinkles of kit-like awe, but there was more. He wasn't willing to look deeper than that right now, not with his foggy vision. "You and me Tigerstar, we're vicious, strong-willed cats. I doubt you need tips from me" he meowed softly, though his tone wasn't particularly kind despite the praise. Tigerstar opened his mouth, but shut it again as Brokenstar breathed audibly. "However.." he continued, side-eyeing the fellow leader. "What you lack is independence." Brokenstar stated. Tigerstar scoffed, words stumbling up as they tried to leave his mouth. "Excuse me? I don't hang onto others tails, I am a leader! You cannot rule if nobody follows after you" he gritted his teeth. Brokenstar nonchalantly licked his paw a few times, wiping it over his face. "Obviously. What I'm talking about, is your emotional dependencies, Tigerstar." he replied, now leaving Tigerstar taken aback in silence. Before he could ask, he elaborated. "Your mate. And kits. You had those, didn't you? Your son.. Looks just like you" he meowed with a deep voice. Tigerstar breathed in disbelief, his tail twitching uncomfortably. What was he implying with that?

".. Yes, and? Are-are you saying that's a negative? Of course a great leader must have an heir!" Tigerstar exclaimed, wanting to know where this is was going. He was aware that Brokenstar never took a mate, and quite obviously wasn't great with kits..

"A great leader's heir is his legacy! His glory stands long after his death! Not some other cat! Kits are absolutely not vital to a great leader, kits are.. Useless!" Brokenstar spit out the last part, having full confidence in his statement. Tigerstar looked at him doubtfully for a moment. While he had a good point, Tigerstar never saw fatherhood as a stumbling block in his road to success. Quite the opposite, actually. And Goldenflower, despite her leaving him to fend for himself during his exile, was someone he had loved deeply. Had, and possibly still did..

He spit in frustration and held his head higher, tucking his tail tightly over his paws to seem dignified and untouched. "My family isn't a weakness to me. I don't need their help to achieve glory. And besides, my kits aren't just any snotty brats, they take after me, and Goldenflower, in the ways it matters! I have big plans for them." Tigerstar explained snobbishly. Brokenstar let out a sizzling breath, seeming thoughtful. And not Convinced.

"Not a weakness, you say..? Not even when Thunderclans camp burnt down? That tree was engulfed in flames.." Brokenstar spoke quietly under his breath, like a ghost. Tigerstar felt a chill run over his bones. Had Brokenstar been watching him from the afterlife? And how much? He vividly remembered the intense mixture of relief and visceral hatred seeing Fireheart hop down that tree with Bramblekit in his jaws. His enemy, whisking off his dear kit into safety, despite everything that happened. He must think he's so pure, above everyone else. A spoiled kittypet, snaking into clan life where he didn't belong. Ruining Tigerstars careful plans. He dug his claws into the mulch beneath him, wishing it was the orange little nuisance instead.

Brokenstar exhaled, as if in response to something, snapping Tigerstar back to the moment. "My point seems proven.." he rasped. Tigerstar looked at him in disbelief, offended. "You haven't proven anything! My mate betrayed me, betrayed my trust, and fought against me in the great battle! Me and her are over." he hissed. "As if you had never depended on anyone with your plans of conquest.." he added more murkily, voice full of salt. Brokenstar hummed dismissively.

"Obviously I need to be capable of working with other cats to get anywhere, but I didn't get attached to any of them." he exposited, untangling a few knots from his side. Tigerstar rolled his eyes. "Well you sure sound like a great reliable ally.." he muttered. Brokenstar snorted a laugh. "Don't talk to me about great and reliable down in the dark forest, Tigerstar! As if I need to like someone to work with them anyway.." he chuckled coarsely. Something about getting to hear that from the cat he'd looked up to for some time felt like a splash of cold water to Tigerstar. Neither of them said anything for a moment.

"What were your plans with those kits anyway?" Brokenstar broke the silence, feeling the slightest tinge of curiosity. Tigerstar perked up, a droplet of pride trickling down his chest. "Oh am I glad you asked.."