#Broke is like a decision went wrong. Poor is acceptance and making that failure your destiny.

[firemblem-fics]

parents? PT. 1 | claude

firstly this is the longest thing ive ever written yay

secondly, this is only a part one. this is kind of introducing it! the good stuff will happen in part two i promise just give me a bit! thank u 

Warnings: cursing, death, angst, claudes an asshole but also so are you at times, Claude makes a jab at single parenting just for the sake of the story I’m sorry

— — —

The village was in ruins. Nobody was spared in the fire as three demonic beasts rampaged through the rubble. The Golden Deer house fought valiantly to save everybody, but oftentimes such a thing simply could not happen. The beasts were too strong, knocking out four of the team’s own fighters before they finally defeated them. 

Many people, like Marianne, were visibly distraught at such a tremendous loss. She was being comforted by Lysithea, who only held a rather troubled look in her eyes. Ignatz seemed crestfallen as well, as did some others. You, on the other hand, were rather angry. You were furious at the destruction around you. The fires, the destroyed homes, the lost lives. 

It was under Claude’s leadership that these people weren’t saved. The professor was dealing with other matters, so she couldn’t be there to lead. Mistakes were made and they cost people their lives. You’d never truly cared for the boy, finding his “schemes” and his cocky and nosy personality rather annoying, but this was the icing on the cake for you.

Bristling in anger, you marched over to said boy, pointing a harsh finger into his chest. “This is YOUR fault.”

“My fault?” Claude nearly laughed. “Yeah, sure, some things happened, but that's what happens in battle, Y/N. This was a collective failure.” 

“Those things cost people their lives, Claude. I can’t believe you’re so inconsiderate.”

Claude’s eyes lit up a little in frustration. “I'm inconsiderate? As if I didn’t try my hardest to save everyone? I’m new at leading. I’m only 17, if you don’t fucking remember. It’s not like I knew this was going to happen-“

A loud wail interrupted him. You furrowed your brows, looking at Claude before turning and looking around. 

“What’s that?” 

Claude shrugged, “A survivor, I hope.” 

You ignored him and ran in the direction of the noise, stopping at a charred house. The fire had stopped, but the crying hadn’t. As you walked inside the burnt skeleton of the house, you hoped that the fire didn’t seriously hurt someone. They’d have trouble making it back to the monastery to be healed. 

Another cry sounded as you moved into another room of the house. There, underneath a small, wooden-framed bed, laid a child. He was no older than 6, tears making trails down his ash-covered face. You kneeled down, trying to make yourself less intimidating to coax him out. 

“Hey buddy,” You reached a hand out, internally grimacing as the little boy flinched away, “We’re not here to hurt you. We need to get you somewhere safe.” 

The little boy looked around. “Wh-where is everybody?” 

Your heart broke and you looked back at Claude, who had followed you, your eyes pleading for help. He sighed and knelt down beside you. “They all had to leave. It was really, really dangerous so they had to keep you safe. We’re here now to keep you even safer.”

That seemed to have calmed the little boy down at least a little. He slowly and shakily walked towards you. You held out both arms, silently asking to pick him up. He obliged and nearly crawled into you and you wrapped yourself tightly around him, whispering reassurances as he sat on your hip. You looked at Claude next, your face asking, “What the hell do we do?” 

Claude only shrugged and walked back to the rest of the team, leaving you to trail slowly behind. You’d take him back to the monastery and go from there. The orphanage was rather full- there was no way they’d be able to care for another one. 

--- --- ---

“We can’t help him in the way that you’re asking, Y/N. I apologize.” 

Your heart dropped. Rhea had asked you to talk to the lady at the orphanage anyways, hoping that she would be able to accept him. Unfortunately, she couldn’t. 

“Then what’s the purpose of an orphanage?” You didn’t want to yell seeing as the boy- August, you’d learned- was sleeping on your hip. “Aren’t you supposed to take in kids? Help them? Raise them? He’s lost everything. And now he can’t even get a home?” 

The lady only sighed. “I’m really sorry. He wouldn’t be getting the attention that you’re asking me to provide. I’ve got other children to tend to.” She went to walk away, but then stopped. “Just keep him to yourself if you’re that worried about him.” She huffed, slamming the door closed behind her.

Keeping him? You thought. I wouldn’t be opposed, but I’ve got class. And fighting. And I’m seventeen. Ah, fuck it. My parents would love him. 

You walked away, careful not to wake August, and made your way to the audience chambers where Rhea was. You’d only hoped she’d let you take responsibility. But you’d never given her a reason not to trust you, right?

“Absolutely not.” 

Wrong. 

“What? Seteth, why not? I’m responsible.I can do it- August’s well behaved. And- and I’ve got my friends too. They can help a little. He’s not a helpless baby and he can do things on his own, he just trusts me a little more to help him.” You pleaded. At this point, you knew that nobody would take care of him. You couldn’t just leave him. 

“You’re just a child yourself, Y/N. You know nothing about raising a child.” He argued back. 

“Neither do new parents! What are you gonna do next, tell new parents that they can’t keep their first child? Please, I’m responsible. Lady Rhea, tell him I’m responsible.” You turned to the Archbishop, who was simply standing there.

“I believe this will be a good experience. Y/N has never given me any reason to distrust her.”

“Lady Rhea, this is absurd-”

“However, she has to find someone to assist her if the workload becomes too much to handle. I, on the other hand, will take a look into the orphanage to see what we can do. The only absurdity here is how they have turned away children.” 

“Thank you, Lady Rhea. I won’t disappoint you.” With that, you left the chambers and walked through the yards, ignoring the strange looks that people gave you as you headed back to the Golden Deer Classroom. August stayed on your hip with his head resting against your shoulders, his small fingers twirling your hair around. 

You stopped outside of the classroom and called the little boy’s name, waiting until he looked at you to continue. “We’re gonna go learn now, but you’ve gotta stay quiet. If you need to talk, whisper to me, okay?”

August nodded. “Yes ma’am.” 

Hm, he has manners. That’s perfect. 

You quietly opened the door, hoping that nobody would notice. Your hopes were in vain. Everyone turned around at the sound of the giant doors, their eyes moving from you to the little blonde boy on your hip. Reactions varied- Hilda practically cooed at him while Lorenz could only watch you take the only open seat with disgust. You were disgusted too, but it was because the only open seat was next to Claude. As Byleth resumed teaching, Claude slid a note over to you. 

‘Was single parenting on your bucket list?’ 

You rolled your eyes, looking over at August to make sure he wasn’t watching you write before replying. 

‘Fuck you. Rhea said that I need to have someone help me if I have trouble, and just for that comment I’ll ask for it to be you.’ 

Claude read the note and chuckled quietly, crumpling it up and putting it in his pocket. You assumed that the conversation was over, so you allowed August to crawl into your lap and lay against you to have a small nap. The poor kid had a long day, after all. This didn’t stop Claude from leaning over to you and whispering. 

“So, does that mean you’ll call me daddy?�� 

You choked on your own spit suddenly, waking up August and making your other classmates look at you. Byleth turned around and gave you a look, but you could only wave them off as you kept coughing. You glared at Claude, who had a grin on his face. God, he loved watching you suffer, didn’t he?

He kept smirking at you, but lost it when you grew your own. If he was going to tease you about helping a kid, you were going to make sure he’d pay the price. As his eyebrows furrowed a little with worry, you asked, “Can you walk with me to see Lady Rhea after class?” 

--- --- ---

“Lady Rhea, I told you she wasn’t responsible enough. Look, she comes back two hours later and already requests for assistance.” 

First of all, Fuck you Seteth. Second of all, this was just revenge. 

“Okay, listen, I don’t know why I’m here either-”

“I’d like to request assistance just in case. Say I have to take a shower or do something and August can’t be with me? I’d like to be able to have someone else help care for him when I might not be able to for a bit.” You interrupted Claude. 

“What makes you think that Claude is a good candidate to help you? Why are you choosing him?” Seteth retorted. 

Spite, you wanted to say. “He’s the leader of the Golden Deer. Heir to the Alliance. He’s been able to take care of us through battles and such, how much harder could it be to help take care of one child? Even then, I’ll only need his help for a few minutes at a time.” You said. Damn, you were good at acting like you actually tolerated him. 

“Lady Rhea, Seteth, please, I don’t want-”

“Plus, would you really trust anyone else in the Golden Deer to help me?” You cut him off again. 

Claude could only glare at you as Rhea weighed her decision. You smirked before turning to check on August, who had occupied himself by spinning in circles around a column. You whispered August’s name to get his attention, holding out your hand as he came towards you. He placed his smaller hand in yours and stood patiently in between you and Claude

Rhea’s face soon bloomed into a soft smile. “Whenever you need assistance, Claude will be there.”

You thanked her and bowed, following behind the Alliance heir as he nearly stormed out of the chambers. When you got outside, he whipped around to face you. 

“What the hell was that?” He growled, “Revenge? For what, one simple comment? A little joke? And now I’m stuck waiting on you if you ‘ever need my assistance’, whatever that bullshit means.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows, pulling August close to you. “First of all, watch your language. He’s only six. Secondly, I think your comment was insensitive. You were making fun of single parents and my bucket list- which you know is a big deal for me.”

“Alright, whatever. I’m sorry for saying something about single parenting, I shouldn’t have, but I think I have the right to have an opinion about your dumb little list.”

“Claude, you don’t even know why it’s important to me, you just want a reason to make me upset-” 

“Well? You deserve to be upset. I’m upset too, because now I have to help a brat take care of a little brat. I didn’t ask for this shit.” Claude rolled his eyes and walked away. 

You stood still for a bit, watching him leave with angry tears in your eyes. You snapped out of it when a tiny hand pulled at your shirt. You looked at August. 

“Can we go ‘M sleepy.” He yawned. 

“Of course. We can go to my room and you can sleep for the rest of the night.” 

You made a mental note to grab dinner for the both of you once he was asleep and scooped him up, letting him doze off again against your shoulder as you walked back to your dorm room. The poor boy had a very rough day- and so did you. A nap sounded very nice. 

[lemonlushff-iy]

Yeah...I suck at this. Swear it’s the last one till March 14. Part two was too gut punchy to just leave it there. 

Fic inspired by @clearwillow​‘s “New Moon Ride”

Read Part One of One Last Ride here.

Read Part Two of One Last Ride here.

One Last Ride: Part Three

His parent's house was just as she remembered it. 

It was a quaint, two story farmhouse with white siding and a wrap around porch. His grandfather and built it years ago, and it had been passed down to their only child when he passed - Inuyasha's father, Touga. 

Kagome hadn't been well acquainted with his grandfather at the time - she had only been eight when he passed - but she had remembered seeing Inuyasha when he came to visit him before they had moved in.

He was the cute little half demon boy that would play in the creek running from behind his house to behind their house because he had wandered too far from his grandparent's land. Eventually, when they moved in, he became the cute little half demon boy who would climb their tree and throw rocks at her window to get her to come outside and play. The cute little half demon boy who fell out of that same tree once and landed on his arm the wrong way and broke it.

She remembered that day well. He picked out a red cast and was so downtrodden...she made her dad drive her over and brought him the last of the ice cream from their freezer. They sat on his porch, splitting it from the same, waxy paper box while their parents sat inside, drinking decaf coffee and talking. She could remember how the setting sun washed over them, making his gold eyes shimmer as she had the honor of being the first person to write on his cast.

And then…

Then she had given him his first kiss. It was only on the cheek...but the look on his face…

That had sealed their fate together.

"It hasn't changed," she commented as they got closer to the house.

"Don't tell Ma that," he snorted. "She had us out here a few weeks back repaintin' the whole damn thing."

"Is that why it looks so clean?" she joked, but he didn't reply. "Well...you did a lovely job."

"Thanks," he whispered, and she felt him pull her closer as if forgetting himself for a moment as he guided Bessie over to the porch. They came to a stop, and she waited for him to move, but he didn't.

"Inuyasha?" she breathed, silently asking him what was going on as his fingers flexed against her waist.

"I...I know it'll be hard," he began, swallowing, "but let's try 'n be civil when we go in. Please? For Ma?"

"Of course," she whispered, turning around to look at him. He looked so...sad and shattered, like that little boy who fell out of the tree and broke his arm. Her heart ached to comfort him and kiss away his tears...but she couldn't.

That wasn't them anymore.

"You…" he began, his eyes landing on her lips before he shook his head.

"What?" she pressed.

"You still smell good," he admitted, and she felt herself soften. She knew how big that had always been for him. Dog demons had such sensitive noses...and even though he was only half human, he hadn't been an exception to the rule. "It...it would be so much easier if I didn't…" he sighed, dropping his head for a moment. Finally, having composed himself, he let go of her, swinging his leg around to dismount before reluctantly offering her a hand.

She took it and ignored the way her body still sung at his touch, accepting his help to step down from the mare.

"Why don't you go on in?" he encouraged once she had her feet on solid ground. "Ma will kill me if I don't wash up a bit first."

"Ok," she nodded, smiling. It was nice to know that she hadn't changed either. "Do you want some help," she asked before her brain could stop her, almost as if on reflex. It was like she had slipped back in time to seven years ago. She hadn't even thought about what she had said until the words were out of her mouth.

"I...No," he replied awkwardly, his chest letting out a hurt sigh. His pain was tangible...she...she hadn't meant it. She hadn't wanted to rub salt in the wound. "I can hose off just fine on my own now."

"Of course," she nodded, turning on her heel and heading inside. She carefully opened the storm door. The old hinges squeaked noisily as she entered - the plastic clattering shut behind her.

She hadn't realized how much she missed that sound. Or how hard her heart would clench when she heard it.

It was the sound of her childhood.

The sound of them running in from the yard for a popsicle after playing during long, lazy summer days. It was the sound of Inuyasha chasing her to the family room before they started working on their homework together. It was the sound of his parents returning when they were upstairs in Inuyasha's bed with their hands and lips all over each other's bodies.

Good lord. How they had never actually had sex, she still had no idea...Only, that wasn't true.

It was...it was too scary at the time.

Too big a step.

They were young and adventurous...and...while he had made it clear that if she wanted to go further, he absolutely would...she hadn't quite been that adventurous. She had been shy and nervous and…

She sighed.

She would have much rather slept with Inuyasha than waste her first time by getting drunk at a college party and screwing around with the first thing that had a dick.

Hindsight was 20/20.

She looked around the kitchen and got out two glasses to fill with cold water from the pitcher in the fridge, knowing that Inuyasha could use a drink whenever he came back in. It was hot out there, and he had been working hard and—

"Boys? Are you back already? That was faster than…" Izayoi gasped, clearly not expecting to see the raven haired woman now standing in the middle of her kitchen with two glasses of water. "Kagome?"

"Hi Mrs. Takahashi," she greeted weakly. She was sure she was giving the poor woman heart failure right about now. It wasn't like...things weren't what they used to be. Seeing her wasn't as normal or as common an occurrence as it once was.

She watched as Izayoi blinked hard and long as if she had to have been imagining the woman in front of her.

"Kagome," she whispered still in shock. "What are you doin' here?"

The sound of the storm door creaking open and slamming shut again drew their attention to Inuyasha as he walked in, rubbing his face with the hem of his shirt. Water beaded up on his skin, making it shimmer in the kitchen light.

Kagome tried to not let the view affect her.

She really did...but he had really matured since she last saw him and...well...she was only human ok? A human with eyes. A woman with red blood, and it was all working against her right now.

The fucker. The way he smirked at her told her that he was doing it intentionally, too. Like he wanted to remind her of what she had given up...and how much better it was now. It was like he was saying, 'and to think...all this could have been yours'.

He let the hem of his shirt fall as he greeted his mother with a hug, barefoot from ditching his shoes outside the door so he wouldn't track mud in. She always yelled at the "boys" for tracking mud in.

"Her rental car broke down just outside the ranch," he explained, raising an eyebrow at the glass of water she offered him. She wanted to roll her eyes and tell him that it wasn't poisoned...but they had agreed to be civil for the sake of the woman in front of them. "The engine overheated. We have to wait until it cools down before we can do something about it."

"So you came here?" She asked tightly.

Oh.

Good.

She was thrilled to see her too.

Had she pissed off everyone in his family?

"Yes Ma," he sighed, downing the glass of water. "It's closer than her family's ranch, and the car broke down here. It made sense."

"I see…" Izayoi replied, glancing between them.

"It's ok, Ma," he gently reassured her. "Imma big kid now. I can make adult decisions," he tried to joke lightly, but it didn't ease his mother too much.

"Well Mr. Big Kid - Kikyo called while you were out," Izayoi informed him, leaning against the door frame leading from the living room into the kitchen.

Kagome watched his puppy dog ears perk up and felt her heart sour.

Kikyo? Really?

Were they...were they dating now?

She tried to mentally shake herself, but it was hard. Kikyo had always been interested in Inuyasha. She shouldn't have been surprised...Yet…

Was he really replacing her with Kikyo?

Whatever. He wasn't hers anymore. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted. It didn't matter. But...why the hell hadn't he brought it up when he was asking about her "pet cat". That was just…

Rude? Deceptive?

It wasn't fair that he seemed to know a hell of a lot more about her than she did him.

"Oh yeah? What did she want?" He asked, drawing her out of her thoughts. His smirk grew at the mention of Kikyo as he went to refill his glass of water.

"She said something about going to the Rusty Bucket after you go to the highschool to help set up for graduation tomorrow. I thought I'd let you call her back and get all of the details."

"Yeah. It sounds fun. I'll call later after we get her situated," he grinned tilting his head towards Kagome.

He was loving this, wasn't he? This was everything he could ask for...being able to show off his new life. Show her how fine he was without her. Show her how much he didn't need her. She was sure it was all kinds of fucking satisfying for him.

"Rusty Bucket, huh? I haven't thought of that place in a long time."

It was their local bar. Well...local being the operative word. It was the bar in the closest town...the truest definition of a dive bar. Dark lighting, pool tables, a mechanical bull...top it off with sticky furniture and greasy food? Perfection.

"We weren't exactly old enough ta get in when you were here last," he grinned.

"I've been a few times."

His smile faltered at that.

"Huh. Shame I didn't run into ya."

Running into him wasn't exactly her goal when she went. Running into him was never her goal.

"Have you called your mother yet, Kagome?" Izayoi asked, running interference between them. "I'm sure she must be worried sick about you."

"No...not yet. I was going to do that after I got him some water," she confessed, causing Izayoi to raise a suspicious eyebrow in her direction.

"Well. No time like the present. You're welcome to stay for dinner...sounds like it will be a while until the car cools off. Touga and Sesshomaru have the truck right now and the sedan needs to be looked at."

"I...dinner would be lovely. Thank you," she replied awkwardly, and Izayoi nodded her head.

"I'm going to finish up folding the laundry and then I could use your help making it. Baby, are you gonna go back out there and help your father and brother? Or are you done for the day?"

"I think they'll be fine without me," he smiled smally. "I wanted to take a shower if that's alright. I smell like an ogar's armpit."

She wanted to ask how that was different from normal...but…

She mentally sighed and held her tongue instead.

"Go on Sweetheart," she encouraged, and he finished his glass of water before disappearing, squeezing his mother's shoulder as he passed.

The second he was gone, Izayoi nailed Kagome with a hard look, making her shift uncomfortably in her shoes.

"Seven years," she whispered, looking her up and down. "You've changed quite a bit in seven years. Turned into a very attractive woman."

"Thank you, Mrs. Takahashi."

"Mmm...seven years can do a lot to a person, can't it? It can make them grow up. Mature. Move on."

Kagome suddenly got the feeling she wasn't going to like where Izayoi was going with this.

"You know, it's taken my baby a long time to learn how to smile again after you had your way with him. He's finally laughing. Looking forward to each new day. The darkness you left in his eyes and his heart has finally disappeared...and he's turned into a fine young man.

A respectable young man.

A young man with a new twinkle in his eye and a respectable, good woman on his arm.

Kagome Higurashi...I swear to God and to all things Holy...if you hurt my baby, or try to get between him and Kikyo...you could move to New York and I'd still hunt you down and pull your teeth out your ass. We clear?"

"Y-yes Ma'am," she stuttered, the vehemence in her words and the ice in her stare freezing her blood.

"Good. You know I always thought of you as the daughter I never had...but after what you did to my boy?" She paused to tsk and shake her head. "You come for your lil' visit and then you get outta here. You understand me?"

"Yes Ma'am," she whispered, trying to ignore the feeling of her heart shattering into a thousand pieces.

What was she expecting though? A warm hug and a kiss on the cheek?

All of this was a giant mistake. She should have just...just asked him to take her home. It would have been easier than facing her past. Then again….maybe she should be.

Maybe it was time to face her demons, once and for all.

Pun only slightly intended.

———————————————————

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[sashatrr]

Breathe with me. Chapter 18

I know it`s been a long time and i apologize for a long pause between chapters. Special thanks to my reader who motivated me to finish this chapter. Appereantly i really needed it.

I was struggling with this chapter because i realize that my English is far from perfect and no matter how hard i try, i just  hate how bad it comes out. 

I tried my best to edit it but well... that`s what came out.

Let me know, please, if you would like to be removed from a taglist ( or added)

I will try to post chapters more regulary now.

Chapter 17 here

-Every girl dreams to  grow up and turn from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan.  To lose a glass slipper and not fall asleep on a pea, and most importantly, to meet that prince on a white horse, on Mercedes or a yacht. To fall in love at first sight, to live her happily ever after. And then… he buys her a penthouse and makes her his mistress. 

Lina already regretted her decision to invite Nicci today. Her sarcasm wasn't helping, especially today, the day when Liam left and Lina had no idea when and if he will return. But she didn't want to turn into whiney creature whose life is rotating around a man. Her life was here, in New York, thousands of kilometers away from him and she had to get it back on tracks. 

-So what are you going to do now? - Nicci asked. - Enjoy doing nothing? 

Lina shook her head and pointed at laptop she was using before Nicci came. 

-I was just checking vacancies. I will start sending resumes tomorrow morning. 

-Why tomorrow? Do it now and tomorrow you can join me for a day in spa. You need to relax before to break into business world. Who knows what might happen. Oh my gosh! What if your boss will be a hottie and what's more important, single? You know, opposite of what you have now?Like a guy who is actually worth spending your time on. You know, like Thom whom you dumped for that married sleaze?

-Nicci!-Lina frowned visibly annoyed with her speech. - Liam is not a sleaze! He is just… - Lina was struggling to find words and to defend her relationships. Anything she would say will sound as a poor excuse for an ugly reality. 

-Yeah, I know. He is a great guy who just happened to get married one day and to fuck you a very next day. I bet he has a girl like you in every country, damn, maybe even in every city he ever visited. To bad he can't have harem, it would solve all his problems. - Nicci giggled. 

-Enough! - Lina raised her voice but was interrupted by a buzz of her phone. She glanced on the screen and answered with with a cheery voice. 

-Aunty! I am so glad you called. Sorry I was absent for awhile but I missed you. 

After exchanging pleasantries she flew out of her seat with somewhat panicked expression. 

-Uhm, no I am not at home but I will be there in thirty minutes. Off course I'll be happy to see you. OK, see you then. 

Nicci shook her head disapprovingly. 

-Now what? Are you going to lie to a woman who raised you? 

Lina blushed, she knew that she was in the wrong here but how could she explain everything that happened to her aunt? Seeing a married man, living in the place he got for them, quitting her job? No, that wasn't an option.   

-Not like I have a choice - she snapped at Nicci. - Could you, please, be more supportive? 

-I am being supportive, just not in the way you want me to be. - Nicci replied without any sarcasm which was really a rare exception. - I am trying to support you by not letting you to drown in the ocean of lies that you are forming now. Remember that truth always comes out. The more you will lie now the worse consequences you will face when it happens, Lina. Your aunt will know everything sooner or later so you might as well tell her everything now and to avoid breaking her heart in the future. 

After Nicci left, Lina was thinking about what she said and before to leave for meeting her aunt, she decided that Nicci was right. She didn't want to turn her life into web of lies, it was already complicated as it is. She wasn't going to hide what's happening to her from her closest ones. 

***

A week flew by very fast for Liam, filled with work and meetings. He was calling Lina almost every day and every time after finishing a call he felt that she is being distant. He didn't want to think that she is reconsidering their  relationships so he brushed that feeling off every time. He had enough on his plate and his insecurities won't do him any good he thought. 

Must be my tiredness. Off course it is. Talking on the phone is different than actually talking to each other, I am imagining things. 

He didn't see Madeleine much, only over a dinner. 

It was a night before they had to leave for Switzerland. After a dinner him, Regina and Madeleine were slowly sipping their drinks in blue salon. Regina broke the silence. 

-We have two matters to discuss, Liam. 

Liam nodded waiting for her to continue. 

-First is, now once you are back from your honeymoon, it's time for me to move into the small palace as tradition requires. Secondly, when are you planning Madeleine's coronation? 

Regina's voice was dry with a shadow of sadness in it. After many happy years in the palace it was her time to leave the memories behind and pass her role to the new Queen. Even tho Madeleine was her niece, it still was difficult for Regina. This would mean that the happiest chapter of her life was really over and it's a time to turn over a page. Regina wouldn't miss being a Queen, she had her time to enjoy the power and greatness, but she will miss living in the place where every corner was reminding her of Constantine. 

-Take your time, Regina. You don't have to rush it. I will make sure that the other palace is ready. 

Liam was avoiding any talks about Madeleine's coronation but it had to be done sooner or later. 

Madeleine kept quiet while Liam and Regina were discussing Regina's plans about moving. She had only one shot at this and after how honeymoon ended, she didn't intend to annoy Liam. She would rather to pretend that she took his warning, rather violent and rude one. 

I need to find his weakness, I have to find a leverage to make him give me what's rightfully mine now. I won't press a matter of coronation right now, he will have to arrange it sooner or later  but he must do it because of Regina and all country are expecting it, not because I pressed it. I should pick my fights from now on, better not to annoy him until I have a weapon. 

Noticing how quite Madeleine was during a dinner and that she didn't participate in conversation at all, Regina tried to involve Madeleine into conversation about coronation and Liam left two women to it, pleased with Madeleine's behavior so far. It looked to him like she heard his warning and won't give him any troubles. 

I could live with this Madeleine. It's like she is not even here and she better keeps it this way. Now if she gives me a heir  or two soon enough, we won't have to see each other at all. 

Liam didn't even notice how fast his thoughts changed. If once he was dreaming about having his own family and kids, now he didn't call a child anything else but a heir even in his mind. 

Next morning, upon landing in EuroAirport Basel Mulhouse Freiburg, Liam and Madeleine quickly arrived to the clinic that was closed for weekend but was bursting with activity inside as a few staff members, who knew about royal couple appointment, greeted them and followed a royal couple into doctors room. 

Due to patients importance, beside the leading specialist of the clinic, a chief was also present in the room. After exchanging greetings and a few smiles, Dr. Zimmermann got to the point of appointment and looked at Madeleine expectantly . He thought that it will be a regular health check before conceiving a baby but he couldn't imagine why they had to come all the way to Switzerland for it. Surely the royal family had their own doctors for it. 

Not waiting for Madeleine to say anything, Liam took a matter into his own hands to a great surprise of both, doctor and a chief. 

-Dr. Zimmermann, first of all I want to thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such a short notice and during a weekend. - Liam gave doctor a grateful nod that doctor accepted with a smile. - I am counting on you and your wonderful staff to keep this appointment and future ones in secret. - Liam addressed those words to chief. 

-I am assuring you that there won't be any leaks on our side-chief replied. - Beside me and doctor Zimmermann there are only two nurses here right now and both can be trusted. I promise you that everything will stay within those walls. 

-Due to the reasons I would like to remain unsaid, me and her Majesty picked your clinic for In vitro fertilization.-Liam finished. 

Doctor did not expect that but quickly brushed off a thousand question on his mind as why would newlyweds  require such procedure. 

-Off course, Sir. We can make all necessary tests this weekend and if everything is fine with both of you, we can perform a procedure next Saturday. 

*

Monday afternoon Lina just went through her first job interview in a long time. It went well, or at least Lina hoped so. The entire experience felt different from her previous failures. In the past, the more rejections she went through, the more desperate she became. Maybe that's why she gave up and stuck with waitress gig. This time she had a safety net and she felt much more confident. She wasn't the only candidate for this position and she really wanted to get this job but during the interview she was calm and collected. 

Liam hasn't called her for a few days and it worried her a bit but she didn't want to call or text him. What if his wife would be near him and see her name on display? Or anyone else. No, she didn't want to land him in troubles. It was just top of the iceberg, one of many minuses of being with married man, so she thought. She needed this job for her future and even more importantly, it would maybe revive her self respect that suffered significant damage. 

From the corner of her eye Lina noticed Mara, who always was not far, and winced. She still couldn't understand why did she have to put up with this woman's presence in her life. 

This needs to change, I can't have her following me if I am going to keep living my life. She can't follow me to my workplace, if i'll ever get this job. No, Lina, think positively. Not if but when. 

She waved Mara to come closer and smiled friendly. Whatever she liked Mara's presence in her life or not, it wasn't Maria's fault so Lina decided to remain friendly and polite with her. 

-Mara, you can go home or… well, do whatever you like. I… - Lina stopped herself before she would start  explaining herself to Mara. 

No, not going to happen. Nope. Na-ah. I am not reporting to her where I am going or who am I spending my time with. If Liam needs to spy on someone, he has a wife for it. He can spy on her for all I care, Mara's talents are wasted on me. 

-But madam… - Mara began but Lina didn't let her finish. 

-No buts, Mara. I've never been to Cordonia and I have no idea how does it work there but here, in America, if the person tells you that she doesn't want to be followed, you leave them alone. Stalking is illegal in this country.- Lina was feeling like rebellious child for some reason but the longer she spent without Liam, the more she realized that everything was over the top and he will have to compromise. It was an absurd situation. She might have agreed to it after spending such a long period of time with Liam, influenced by atmosphere of wealth and luxury that followed him everywhere but now it seemed ridiculous. 

Mara didn't really have a good reply to it and after a short goodbye disappeared from the view. 

Pleased with herself, Lina made a phone call that she was postponing for a long time. She dialed a number and almost right away he picked up the phone. 

-Hello, Thomas… 

***

Monday night Liam was finishing getting dressed for a Masquerade, first event of social season. He still had a time before he would have to head to the ballroom. Guests were still arriving and Royal couple had to enter once all the guests would gather. 

He picked up his phone intending to call Lina. He couldn't stop thinking about her for entire weekend that him and Madeleine spent in Switzerland, but he didn't call her then. What if she asked where he was or what was he doing? He wouldn't know how to explain her WHAT exactly he was doing in Switzerland. Liam knew that he shouldn't think like that, he shouldn't think that he owes her anything, any explanation or report about his real life, but it felt wrong. He had no idea how she will accept the news about Madeleine's future pregnancy but Lina had to know that their relationships are separated from his "real" life, as he called his life outside of their relationships. 

Before he could dial the number, he heard knock on the door and put the phone away. He walked to the living room and called to come in to whoever was behind the damn door. 

Drake and Maxwell entered his living room. 

He greeted both his friends and three of them sat comfortably in the chairs. 

-Just came for drinks before this damned ball. - Drake rubbed his neck clearly feeling irritated with something. - You are always hiding the best whiskey here. 

Liam filled three glasses and handed drinks to Maxwell and Drake. 

-I didn't think that you would be here tonight. - Liam addressed Drake. - Is your heart warming up to the court? 

Drake rolled his eyes and took a sip of his whiskey, savoring the taste before to reply. 

-Not in this life, Liam, maybe in next one tho. I am here because I hoped that we could talk. I haven't seen you at all after  honeymoon . So confess, on the scale from one to ten, how awful was it? 

- I would say a… - Liam paused dramatically, looking from Drake to Maxwell and back. - ten. - he finished and took a sip of his own drink. 

-I said from one to ten, Liam, not to thousand.-  Drake smirked ironically. 

- I heard you but I stand by my words. - Liam smirked back. 

-Impossible, unless you spent a month in alcoholic coma. I can't imagine any other way to tolerate your dear wife for so long… one to one… isolated on the island. - Drake's body jerked exaggeratedly, demonstrating the deepness of his "love" to Madeleine. 

- You are right, Drake - Liam smiled happily. - I didn't feel like sacrisfating my health for it. Surely so much alcohol would make my life significantly shorter than I expect to live. That's why I wasn't on that island. 

Silence hang in the room as two pairs of shocked eyes stared at Liam. 

-Well, are you going to tell  us? - Maxwell broke the silence. - You are the master of dramatic pauses, Liam, i swear. You must teach me your ways sometime. I never look so mysterious like you do right now. 

-Well there might be New York, Europe and Maldives being involved. - Liam replied looking at Drake and Maxwell expectantly. He was wondering if they will figure it out now. 

-A New York you say… - Drake said with suspicion in his voice. He put his glass away and laughed loudly. - Don't tell me that you ditched blonde iceberg and spent your honeymoon with Lina because I won't believe you. - Drake said once he was able to stop laughing. - That's to good to be true. 

When Liam didn't answer and only smiled happily again, Drake busted into laughter. 

-Wait, what? Were you with Lina all this time? - Maxwell asked and his mouth opened in shock. - Like with my Linny? 

-I believe that she is my Linny now. - Liam smiled softly. 

Their conversation was interrupted with knock on the door. After Liam called for them to come in, the door opened and Madeleine entered a room. All three men stood up from the chairs. Despite how each of them felt about Madeleine, nobody canceled an etiquette and protocol and external decency were honored. 

-Good evening, Madeleine.-Liam greeted her while both Drake and Maxwell bowed slightly to the Queen . 

-Your Majesty - both man said in unison. 

-Good evening - Madeleine acknowledged Drake and Maxwell's presence with a slight nod. - It's time, Liam. All guests have arrived. 

-With your permission- Maxwell headed to the door but Drake couldn't help himself and smirked at Madeleine on his way to the door. 

A few hours later, when the ball was in a full swing, Liam finally managed to extract himself from conversation and, before he would have to dance with Madeleine again, pretending to enjoy her company as expected of him, headed to the terrace. 

-Make sure that nobody follows me. - he said to one of his guards who shut the terrace door behind Liam and stood outside making sure that Liam will have his privacy. 

Finally Liam dialed Lina's number but was directed straight to voicemail. He tried again with the same result. He frowned and dialed Mara's number this time. 

-Mara. - he said shortly after she answered the call. - I can't reach Lina for some reason. Could you go to her and ask to turn her phone on please? 

-No, Sire. - he heard reply. - She is… we aren't in the same building, Sire. 

-And where is she? Why aren't you with her? - Liam in disapproval pressed his lips together. 

-I can't tell that, Sire. 

-Pardon me? - Liam wasn't sure if he heard her right. 

-You gave me an order not to spy on her, Sire, and not to report to you about Miss whereabouts. - Mara replied embarrassed .

-Right. - Liam said angrily.- Thanks and have a good night… day I mean. 

Liam slammed his hand on marble railing and returned to the ballroom. 

Suddenly the evening lost its charm for Liam. Yes, yes, yes, he never was a possessive type, he knew that he shouldn't get jealous or pissed whenever Lina left her New York penthouse, that she had her life and all that but he didn't give a damn for one second about what he wasn't supposed to feel right now. He was irrational but he didn't care. 

Way to go. I am becoming a caveman. I can't lock her in that place, can I? Too damn bad we aren't living in medieval times. I bet that Louis Fourteen didn't have to deal with such nonsense. Wait, he didn't live in Medieval. 

But before Liam could master a plan of how to revive traditions of blessed Louis Era and ensure that women will have to obey men once again, at least one particular woman, he was approached by Drake, Maxwell and Rashad with yet another stunning woman hanging on his arm who was introduced to Liam as Yvette. 

A company of friends spent a few minutes in a pleasant conversation until Maxwell invited Yvette for a round of waltz. 

-Did you find a factory that produces beauties, Rashad? - Drake asked suspiciously. 

-Almost. - Rashad snorted violating an etiquette. - I am receiving a monthly copy of a Pink Book.- he exclaimed like it was explaining everything but his words were met with confused looks of both, Drake and Liam. - Don't tell me that you two don't receive it. 

-Where do I subscribe? - Drake asked. - Don't tell me that you are fishing for women in the library. 

Even Liam looked intrigued. 

-God, no. Some model agencies, not the famous ones off course, have Pink Books. A book of their models who would gladly spend a night with a man that has access to this service. Off course not everyone receive a copy. It's a closely guarded secret that everyone know about. - Rashad explained with a smirk. 

-Does that mean that she… - Drake nodded in direction of the dance floor but was interrupted. 

-No, it doesn't. I don't pay women for that, Drake. It's just a business deal that benefits both sides. I have a fabulous escort that won't demand me to take any obligations and they receive good money and a chance to raise their fame attending exclusive events like this one. But yes, would you want it, I believe that certain arrangement can be reached. - Rashad finished with a smirk. 

Liam didn't show much interest in the topic. For him it was just a curious information. He was back to his thoughts again and was nodding automatically to Rashad without paying attention at what's being said anymore. 

-I could include you to the list of patrons if you wish, Liam. 

A nod.

-Off course I will be delivering a book directly to you so don't worry about anonymity. 

Rashad's words were met with another nod and to everyone's pleasure men parted ways. 

Hana was standing behind the column listening closely to their conversation. 

So he wants that book. I knew it. Madeleine doesn't satisfy him, he is already looking elsewhere. Hmmm, I can use it. I don't know how yet but I am feeling that this is my chance. To foggy but I'll figure something out.

Next chapter

@indiacater​ @drakesensworld​ @annekebbphotography​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @jared2612​ @dcbbw​

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

I notice you post quite a bit about your family being extremely poor but also are an adult and seem to write a lot. Do you work to help out your family, or are you unable to? There are jobs out there that involve writing if that’s the extent you're capable of, like if disabilities get in the way of normal jobs. The level of poverty you describe your family dealing with is really depressing.

So...

I spent 11/14 years in one Christian School. There was a hiatus of 3 years of me trying out public school but I got shoved back into RBCS in 8th grade and stayed. I did not not want to go but Sperm Donor said it was a punishment for my behavior, so I’d be forced to be around Bible Thumpers every damn day.

Private Schools in America cost money. Tuition for this place was $1500 a year for kids over 10. I found out my mom’s brother John paid all my former years of education there to try and keep me close to the family(since my Nana was my school teacher) and make sure my mom didn’t go full broke.

Sperm Donor was in a pickle himself at the time. He was in the processes of being arrested for stealing nearly a million dollars from his clients(he was a financial adviser). He only took from the very desperate, disabled clients too. One died because her parents couldn’t afford her medication, because he was stealing their money. We were in a tight spot as a result, though I didn’t know enough until later. He didn’t pay my tuition or book fees($100+).

So he’s carted off to prison a month before 8th grade ends and I’m sent back to my mom’s custody. And my principal(also pastor) calls my mom to inform her that she has a $1600+ bill to pay for my schooling. She definitely does not have that and I certainly don’t either.

Next day at school I get cornered about how stealing is a sin and dishonesty is a sin(instead of blaming Sperm Donor because God forbid the man in prison for STEALING be in the wrong here). I’m offered a chance to lower the bill if I go candy-selling with the rest of the students every Friday. I will get half the profits made and it’ll be taken off my debt. So I told my mom I’d help her out and I went and did it. I ended up having to stay in the school another year where the money added on and I went candy-selling on Tuesdays too to try and make up for it. I’d earn about $50 each time so $100 a week was put toward the debt, meaning $400 a month. 

The chick who was the school/church secretary however, was a bitch who had it out for us. Monthly we’d get notices about how much debt we were in with the school, and one month a student would have $457 and the next month on the first day they apparently had $890. If tuition monthly is about $150 for teen, how did the number shoot up so much? Mine kept getting abnormally higher and reaching into the $3,000s. And I told my mom who then bitched at the school. 

The secretary barely finished high school and the only reason she was in that position that she was not capable of handling alone or at all, was because she was kissing the church’s ass. She had sex outside of marriage on school property and got pregnant and was forced to marry him to save her dignity the moment she turned 18. They kept her very close with guilt ever since. Instead of just leaving, she chose to stay and be a bitch to everyone.

My tuition issue plagued me the entire time no matter how much I did. I was so stressed constantly and letters from Sperm Donor who got to write to me in prison, said the school wouldn’t accept his tuition payments when he re-enrolled me. He said he even got his new fiance to monitor a fund he set up before leaving, and sent the money in monthly for the year he signed on. IDK who to believe because he’s a pathological liar, but the church has also been trying for 4 years to get me back into their fold, popping up at my mom’s house uninvited, trying to guilt trip me with Godly reasons, accusing me of being a ‘whore’ who needs to get right with God all because I wore pants, and using my terminally ill Nana as an excuse. They very much would and have actually taken payments without recording them in the logbooks.

I spent my HS years in debt, working hard to get out of it. My HS teacher actually helped me by letting me clean her house once a month and I’d earn $150 in two days because the house was pretty big. I ended up candy-selling more and more days a week and bringing candy boxes home to sell in the neighborhood.

And it seemed to never let up. The numbers did not match. Somehow my debt was always in the $2000s+ but I was making at least $300 a month? My mom finally snapped and said she’d call the cops on the school if something didn’t change. A month later we get the updates to our accounts and the numbers dropped drastically. My Senior Year and I only had a couple hundred dollars left. And the Secretary was suspiciously quiet from then on and kept to herself and left us alone.

Still, I spent the whole time doing candy-selling for them so much, and having to attend church activities for them, that I never got a job. Candy-selling actually brought in more money than what a teen would be allowed to earn anyway. At the time I was so up the church’s ass and scared to make my own decisions that they said I wasn’t capable of making because I was so young, I had already agreed to continue being the church pianist past graduation and they’d agreed to help me fund college so long as I went to the one of their choice with my friends. They had set up my future vocation(teacher in the their school, pianist in their church) and my future husband(Sam most likely) and I wouldn’t have to do anything but follow rules. And as I was scared, I planned to go along with it.

But then they fucked me over a week before Senior Year ended and when June 5th passed and I got my diploma, I peaced out. We changed our phone number, stopped coming to the door when they came by, and ignored their chances at re-connection. And it was months after I got fucked over when they found out they were the ones in the wrong and tried to half ass an apology to me. Didn’t work.

After graduating, my step-dad demanded I get a job finally. Mind you, his failure of a son dropped out of HS & moved to PA with us and proceeded to rely on daddy to do all his work for him. Daddy got him a job at Weis, he faked being sick so much he was fired. Daddy got him another job at Walmart, he took too many days off and he got fired. He moved out of our house and in with his new girlfriend(after milking 3 of their cash already). This one was a trust fund baby(Bree) who was adopted. Her parents paid for her apartment, her nursing education, and gave her a card with $1,000 on it a month for anything she needed. Step-bro moved in and they wasted that whole card name-brand candy in a week. 

She started skipping classes to go out to eat with him. Her parents stopped by to see if she was doing well because the school became concerned over abnormal behavior. They wanted step-bro out of the apartment and the relationship to end because they said he was using her for her money(he was and admitted it to mine and my mom’s faces) and would get in the way of her goals in life. She refused. They said they’d take away her card if she didn’t. Well, they did. And another month went by with no changes and they withdrew the full payments for the schooling too. She dropped out. And finally the apartment a month after that.

So now she’s homeless and step-bro manages to swindle both of them back into our apartment. They have to sleep on the floor in the living room. Daddy got them both jobs at Amazon with him. The pay was pretty fucking good at the time. There was a year in between there where we had money and were contemplating getting our own house for the first time. Things were going well.

Step-dad didn’t try to help me get a job though. I asked for help because my search went nowhere. Those 3 got transportation every day and I was stuck with walking. We lived on a mountain and all businesses were at the bottom 2 miles away, so I applied to all available businesses within 2 miles, either in person or online. Never got any responses. As it was a bust, my mom just said, ‘help clean the house since they’re gone all day and help be my legs to watch your sister and I’ll consider that your rent’. So I did. Every day. And I hated it. And there are a lot of posts on here from then of me complaining about it.

So I asked him for help and he never did. But he would demand to know why I didn’t have a job yet or why the house wasn’t perfectly clean? And I’m like, “Dude, you leave your dirty clothes everywhere. You don’t take your dishes into the kitchen. I clean in the day, you get back in the evening and trash the place and by the morning when you’re gone, it’s all a mess. You only see mess because it’s all you 3 make all day with candy wrappers and soda cans!”

After year he had a seizure on the floor and had to be rushed to the hospital from Amazon. Epileptic issues meant no more work at Amazon because his job was operating heavy machinery and he kept having small seizures weeks later! Without him there every day to keep step-bro and gf on their toes, they started calling in sick together or skipping work with dumb reasons. They got fired soon after. The job hunt was a failure, but daddy was still getting jobs for all of them! Instead of over the table jobs, they now worked under the table, fixing up houses(sheetrock, spackle, insulation, etc...). Still didn’t try and help me get a job. I didn’t know how to do any of that, but gf didn’t either but they taught her how to do it.

Frankly, it got to a point of me being a live-in maid in exchange for me staying under their roof, while step-bro and gf made up excuses to not have to help step-dad. Sick, business, too tired, whatever they came up with. I remained home, handling my sister’s online education with my mom, cleaning the house, handling my sister’s bullies, handling our shitty inspector, and all that crap.

Step-dad takes in a friend of his who was evicted and homeless so he’s sleeping on our other couch at this time. Kind of easy to forget but we felt bad for his situation as it was his girlfriend who fucked him over.

And then step-dad and step-bro opened their mouths on something they should have avoided. In that place we kept to ourselves. There was shady shit going on. Murder, drug deals, drive-bys, etc. Mom and I left them all alone and turned the other way and they left us alone. 19 years in that place. If a cop came by asking questions of the only white person in the joint, she’d go, ‘we know nothing, we saw nothing, sorry’. But step-dad and Junior opened their mouths and one of the newer guys reported the son and gf because they weren’t on our lease. We got evicted after 19 years of good relations with management because someone inserted an opinion in something he should have stayed out of.

So 30 days to gtfo, no one in the house has a real job with consistent pay, we move in with my mom’s uncle for the time being. The house is huge with many bedrooms but to conserve space, I, mom, and my sister bunk in the same room. Mom and Bethy got the bed and I slept on the floor for 2 years. Step-dad don’t know what the eff he’s doing for months. We’re up in buttfuck Egypt. He and the Tweedle dimwits are still doing what they were doing before but now have to drive 3 hours to and 3 hours back just to make it. Mom is doing surveys online to make extra money. She’s trying to do her best while disabled. I’m helping clean the house as my form of payment. The car fails, money that was being saved up to move out, has to go to that. The next one fails too so that has to be handled and we’re in debt now! Christmases and Birthdays are nonexistent. Her Uncle’s new wife isn’t quite so open to us being there and complains a lot.

Step-dad manages to make a deal with a guy he’s working with. He fixes up a house the guy owns, and works for him on more houses after that, and he’ll get a considerably low payment for the rent monthly. He didn’t do much work and lied to mom about what was done and when all was said and done, we moved in and it was a wreck. Worse than it is now but it’s still pretty effin terrible. No kitchen, the bathroom is half-finished still, no insulation, power problems, you name it. It’s bad. But cheap because the lease shows we owe $20 a month instead of $200 because the guy forgot to add a zero when he was drawing up the contract.

Then step-bro and gf manage to convince step-bro’s grammy to move down to PA and rent a house for them to use. They still don’t have jobs, disabled grammy pays for everything. Step-dad’s couch-dwelling friend gets a new gf and moves in with her. Step-dad is driving 3 hours to work and by the time he gets back, he sleeps for 4 hours and then has to leave again. Finally he starts staying at his son’s place because it’s closer and less gas to spend, but that also means he’s taken the car. We’re stranded here with only a mini mart across the street as the only shop for miles! He makes excuses for why he can’t come up. Mom has so many health problems but hasn’t seen a doctor in 5 years because of this. I haven’t seen one in 6. My sister is the only one with regular appointments because they’re necessary for school. If anything, at least she remains unaffected by this crap.

I too have taken to doing surveys now. If I get 500 pts a day that’s a $5 gift card to target which delivers here. One of the few places that do.

I can’t even work at the mini mart because the man has 6 employees for each day of the day. 1 works with him each day but Monday where he works alone because there’s less rush on Mondays.

No matter how I complain it’s not like I can go anywhere. There’s still a roof over my head and I have access to the internet. Even if I’m cold every day, borderline ill, and miserable, it’s better than being on the streets.

Some poor people are very unlucky. We are those people. The ones where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Step-dad’s been through 4 cars since coming here cuz they keep breaking down and needing to be fixed. My sister’s been sick every other month. Power goes out a lot.

I cope by whining online.

[byobossworld]

The Japanese Model of Success Written & brought to you by Ken Crause – Business Transformation Coach. The war in Japan had ended in chaos and destruction. Nothing could look bleaker for the Japanese. Their country had recently been bombed with an atomic bomb and life in Japan had become one of survival. How does one take a country in such ruin and turn it into the economic giant it has become? It has little land base – it’s a small island country. It has minimal resources in terms of material things and was broke after spending so much on the war which ended in disaster. Their pride caused them to make the stupid mistake of trying to take on the giant America and they paid dearly for it. What did they have left? Well the only real resource they had left was people. As manufacturing began to revive slowly because of lack of capital, products they produced soon earned the reputation of “Jap crap”. Things made in Japan were inferior in quality to American or European made. How would they survive and thrive? It is often in the place of desperation that we give up our notion of grandeur and pride. It is often at this place that we realize we don’t know it all and need help. This is where the Japanese found themselves. But what of America? Well the bombing of Hiroshima and decisive end to the war caused Americans everywhere to be proud, believing they knew it all and needed nobody to make them better – they were the best. This same foolish attitude has shown up throughout history in many countries and empires – all of which ultimately lead to their demise. The same attitude has caused many great companies such as IBM to fall from their once place of leadership in their industry. There was at that time an American by the name of Dr. W Edwards Deming. In 1950 Deming was a renowned quality control expert who General McArthur had commissioned to go to Japan to help improve things there since America itself was having trouble doing what it needed to do in the country they had just defeated. Nobody really gave Dr. Deming any serious consideration but the Japanese who were willing to learn now, did. Dr. Deming devised 14 “Principles” of success which he faithfully taught the business owners and government in Japan and soon from practicing these principles, the rise of Japan became meteoric and they soon became the country to be reckoned with in trade. This lesson is not designed to cover the extent of what he taught them, but I would like to point two of those principles I consider vital to success. “PRINCIPLES ARE THE RUDDERS THAT GUIDE OUR SHIPS THROUGH CALM AND STORMY SEAS, METHODS ARE SECONDARY. “ It is for this reason I am passionate about and teach fundamental principles of success and without being prideful in any way, I believe every business person would do well to seek to learn and implement success principles – many of which I teach. One of the key principles Deming taught. I call it “SID. So what is SID? It’s an acronym for “Small Improvements Daily”. What Deming taught the Japanese to do is simply this. 1. Find a product or service that interests you. 2. See who is making the best product or offering the best service in the world in that area – 3. Work daily on finding ways to improve on it. The Japanese soon became criticized for “copying” the American, British and German manufacturers, but that did not last long. Once they were able to duplicate them, they went about applying SID which they in fact called “Kaizen”, and a revolution soon took hold in Japan. Instead of greedily focusing on how to cut costs and make more profit, the Japanese focused on how to produce the best product and services in the world... period. Years ago I had started a greeting card company and when I went to print my cards I learned something very interesting. Most printers in North America do a 10% over-run which is to cover off any mistakes or poor product – it happens in all manufacturing in North America. They then pass it on to us and we have to sort out the bad from the good. The Japanese however do not do this. They sort the quality and do not permit anything inferior to leave their plant to a buyer. Their commitment to quality and improvement to this day still sets them apart from many. However, today successful companies around the globe are finally implementing this very basic yet profound principle. So where are you at today with your business? Are you in as bad a shape as Japan was? Do you have as little resources at your disposal as they had? Zimbabwe, where I was born and raised currently has a 90% unemployment rate. They lack resources as badly as Japan did excepting one – people. This country can become a powerhouse just as easily as Japan did, if the government were to wake up there and bring in business teachers to teach these principles of success to their people instead of greedily bleeding every last penny they can for themselves and their friends. In fact many countries in Africa today suffer from the same ailment. But what about you? Why not commit yourself today to make “SID” a way of life for your business. Why not teach this to your staff and hold them accountable to look for ways they can improve what they do in your business daily. A plant in nature does not grow overnight. It takes time, water and sun. By feeding your mind and the minds of your staff daily with positive and exciting stuff, you will cause yourself to grow and along with it you will grow your business – one small thing every day. The Bible says, “Do not despise the day of small beginnings” It’s usually the small things done consistently that either make or break a great business. HOW DO YOU EAT AN ELEPHANT? – ONE MOUTHFUL AT A TIME. Sometimes we become so overwhelmed at the huge job ahead of us. The goal seems so far away and so far out of reach. But if you will learn the lesson the Japanese did, making small improvements Daily (SID), in time you will find that you have risen to greatness and will remain a leader in the years to come. Make a difference and learn what the Japanese learned – commit to excellence through Small Improvements Daily. Focus on one thing at a time (each day) and consider how you might improve it - today. The second principle Dr. Deming taught is equally as important. – “Perfection is NOT optional” For years I have observed what I always considered to be a very strange behaviour in education. That behaviour is how arbitrarily, passing marks are set for considering someone to pass a test or exam. Of particular concern to me is the fact that a doctor only has to get 70% right on his or her exams to pass. Would you really want to be treated by someone who could be wrong 30% of the time? When I took my training as a commercial helicopter pilot I was subjected to the same passing percentage. Yet, what it meant is that 30% of my knowledge or ability as a pilot could be wrong. Would you seriously want to fly with someone who could make a mistake as a pilot 30% of the time? Okay I got 81% so I could be wrong only 19% of the time. PEOPLE WILL RISE TO WHATEVER STANDARD IS EXPECTED OF THEM When South Africa changed to a black government, one of the things that they did was immediately lower the passing grade in all professions to allow more black people to pass and qualify as professionals. They did not even believe in themselves or that they could do as well or better than the whites did. Pretty sad isn’t it? From what I have learned they are not the only ones who have done this. LOWERING STANDARDS OR “GOOD ENOUGH” IS A SURE PATH TO FAILURE AND DISASTER Deming was a quality control expert and as such had taught manufacturers and other business people that if they wanted to succeed it was critical that they adopted immediately the attitude that the only acceptable standard is “perfect”; No defects whatsoever, no short cuts, no “good enough”. Today a new phrase has taken root to motivate people to a higher standard. This started with the publication of a book entitled “Pursuit of Excellence” by Terry Orlick, a sports phsycologist. There is a saying, “the devil is in the details”. Over the years I have observed that the difference between mediocre and excellence is the attention to details. The difference between the person who finishes first and the one who comes second is in the details. This is why SID – Small Improvements Daily is fundamental to attaining perfection and why without the application of both these principles you will simply never rise to greatness or success. Walt Disney was a classical example of this. He paid so much attention to every detail of his productions that he was the best in all key elements of his productions – music, volume, color, speed transitions, story, characters, lesson etc. etc. In order to pursue perfection it is a matter of attention to the details. So what is “good enough” for you? When you buy a product are you okay with less than perfect? The truth is we all want the perfect “whatever” but we are not prepared ourselves to make the perfect “whatever”. The focus of many business failures has been money or profit rather than a commitment to make the best or do the best. I wonder how much better a standard we could achieve – especially in areas like professions where a mistake could spell death or injury to someone else. What would happen if our schools or universities raised the bar or standard for passing? Is our goal to pass as many people as possible or is it to train the best to be the best? I challenge everyone reading this to raise the bar or standards in your personal life and especially in your business. Your staff will rise to the level you expect of them. There have been teachers who have gone into schools where kids were failing miserably, raised the standard and inspired the students and seen their classes filled with 100% grade “A” students. It’s all a matter of what we accept as “good enough” and how committed we are to perfection. Failure as we grow does happen, but we should never quit, only strive to do better next time. PERFECTION IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT TRY, IT IS THE GOALPOST WHICH WE STRIVE TO REACH. Failure is only our aid to show us we need to improve. It is not an indicator that you are by nature useless or a failure. On the contrary the most successful people in life have usually failed more than anyone else. Failure means you are striving to be better and have successfully learned what does not work, so by all means embrace failure as a friend on your path to perfection. Ken Crause – Business Transformation Coach Email: kenc@crauseco.com

[djziggs]

#djziggs 🙌🏾 @moneyprenures ・・・ ✅SAVE THIS POST AS A REMINDER✅ @moneyprenures In life sometimes we fail and then we try again and again, keep on improving ourselves and then we succeed. But if we accept that we are never going to succeed, we will never be able to. Broke is like a decision went wrong. Poor is acceptance and making that failure your destiny. ------------------ 🔔TURN ON POST NOTIFICATIONS TO NEVER MISS OUR POSTS🔔 -------------------------------------- Follow @moneyprenures for more Follow @moneyprenures for more Follow @moneyprenures for more . . . . . #entrepreneurlife #entrepreneurtips #entrepreneurspirit #entrepreneurlifestyle #entrepreneursofinstagram #entrepreneurial #entrepreneurmotivation #entrepreneurmind #entrepreneurquotes #entrepreneurialmindset #entrepreneurmimdset #entrepreneurgoals #entrepreneurship #entrepreneurs #businessmindset https://www.instagram.com/p/CeoGW1ROM_Y/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[svtfoefan1976-blog]

TomStar scalated quickly? I thought it was slow... Run, Star, run!

Again, images without origin mentioned were extracted from Star vs the Forces of Evil Wikia.

Time to drive my empathy to Star. Poor thing.

Gone with Marco or done with Marco?

From here

When Marco leaved, what she had from him: a hoodie and memories.

What she thought: she would rarely see Marco from that moment on. Life would not be as it was in the last months. Never ever. And even the scent that would make her remember their good memories was lost.

From here

With no chances of fulfilling her love, she decides to give up from Marco. And keep only his memories. Like Scarlet O’Hara in Gone with the Wind:

Star: (...)  As me as my witness, I'll never go bored again! And anything else I'm supposed to say to make this official! Whoo-hoo!

NOT THIS ONE! The other from the end of the movie when Rhett Butler leaves her:

From here

And this way, Star starts her saga rushing and engaging herself in ways to get over Marco and into a new phase of her life: time to accept her future as queen, be a more responsible princess and give herself a purpose. But, first...

TomStar and my own experience

When I saw that TomStar was coming in this post, I wrote something about my own experience, which I will quote here:

(...) never get back with an ex. I did this and learned my lesson. It didn’t work before, it will not work later.

Let’s get in detail on this. Before, if by chance you have found your soulmate with an ex, congratulations. Either you are extremely lucky and managed to work what wasn’t before or you are Elizabeth Taylor. As she is now dead, I’m envious of how lucky you are! But that surely did not work for me.

I was in my late teens when we first broke up. In fact, she take the initiative, just like Star did with Tom. She told me that I wasn’t in the same phase as hers, that she could not stand the relationship that way.

I cried. But I let that go.

A bunch of months later she asked me if we could meet again. No bad feelings at that moment. So, OK.

At that night she asked me if we could date again, as she missed me. Do you know how much did it take for me to make a decision?

One second and one kiss.

And I made one of the worst decision of my life, as when I needed her most, while I tried to defend her, she just dropped helping me.

Some people may say “never say never”, but in this case, “as God is my witness”, I’ll never get back with an ex again! Period.

Now that the quote is placed right, and you have a time comparison let’s get into Star’s motivations and understand if their come back was really too fast. Giving my time comparison I would risk saying no for that. But not for the rest of her actions.

First of all, we don’t have a perfect time span after when their interactions in Club Snubbed, when she clearly says.

Star: Okay, first of all, me and Marco, not a thing.

(Nice. Keep yourself in denial, Star.) Anyway, by saying that, she is trying to make a conscious effort to forget Marco as a romantic interest. A thought decision. And from this stage, when she still didn’t want to date Tom:

Up to this stage, when they were laughing together:

From here

It took a couple of minutes. On screen.

I took a second for me, remember. Of course, at that time I didn’t have anything like Star had with Tom. And up to this:

From here

It took a night at least. But as the show does not precise the time when this happened after the Silver Ball, let’s say the truth: we don’t know.

So, even I don’t like TomStar, because it delays Starco nearer to the end of the series - if it will happen, I must now admit, breaking or changing (like Elsa and Anna, in Frozen) the Disney standard of “in the end they lived happily ever after” - and I think it would be good to see Star and Marco’s interaction as a teen couple before the end of the series, I must admit that TomStar wasn’t out of nowhere, maybe just rushed, but I disagree, based on personal experience. What I believe it’s not what’s happening with Kellyco. This was really rushed.

Anyway, she was slower than I was. So, if you want you may call me or her stupid or idiot for that decision, but please don’t call her a bitch. She’s trying to counsciously forget a crush that only made her sad when she thought about it.

But can’t say that every decision, but that, was taken in a way that could be called as rushed and ...

Quixotic

adjective; Extremely idealistic; unrealistic and impractical. ‘a vast and perhaps quixotic project’ 

I didn’t find a word to define better what I will call now “Starrush” as this - quixotic -, taking the actual stage of the story.

Yes, quixotic comes from Don Quixote de La Mancha, the noble who went out to revive Middle Age chivalry, becoming an errant knight to undo the wrongs and bring justice to the world. Together with him, he had his horse Rocinante and a squire named Sancho Panza. 

In Part 1 of the book, Don Quixote is delusional about what happens around him and it is Sancho Panza task to bring him back into reality. To which Don Quixote only gets after everything happens, By experiencing failure and pain. Much more of the latter.

In Part 2, people use Don Quixote and Sancho Panza for their own fun in several adventures, while nearing the end, Don Quixote gets sane but sick and is defeated by the Knight of the White Moon. After this, he and Sancho retire back to their hometown, where Don Quixote dies.

Let’s keep in mind from now on some points, together with the word quixotic, from Don Quixote itself:

A knight who fights to undo the wrongs and bring justice to the world

A squire

A horse

Failure

End by the Knight of the White Moon

So, I was trying to tell how rushed and quixotic was her acts were. We could start from TomStar, which I disagree, but if you want to include this on your list, I don’t bother, I’ll just list mine.

Let’s start for Star’s will on Eclipsa having a fair trial instead of being just cristalized again on Stranger Danger.

Not without a bit of problems for her...

From here

In an effort to help herself and keep Marco orbiting around, Star names him her squire on Lint Catcher.

From here

Uncounciously, Star might be doing with Marco what she thought he would have done because of Jackie’s break up, putting him as backup, again rushing to a conclusion. Anyway, like Sancho Panza by Don Quixote, Marco is trusted by Star even more than her actual boyfriend or her parents, as we can see in Sweet Dreams.

From here

Marco: But then what? Shouldn't we tell somebody about this? I mean... I mean, what if— Star: Marco? Shall I remind you you are my squire? So I order you to sit there and watch me sleep. Marco: Okay. Star: Good. [turns off lamp and goes to bed] Oh, and don't tell Tom about this, either. Marco: Oh, heck no.

Showing her trust not only once, but twice in the same episode.

Marco: So... this'll keep you from morphing into... Butterfly Star? Star: Yep! Don't worry, Marco, I got this. Marco: But even your mom seemed concerned. Star: My parents cannot know about this! You heard what Dad said! Locked away forever! Marco: I think he was exaggerating a little. Star: Marco. My squire. You are the only person I can trust with this. Promise me you won't doze off again. Marco: Don't worry, not gonna happen. And even if it does, this chain will alert me any time you move, and I'll wake up, too. Star: Thanks, Marco. [sighs] Good night. [goes to sleep]

But always keeping the hierarchy knight / squire, in this case. Likewise Don Quixote / Sancho Panza.

Star had a meeting with her baby unicorn on Deep Dive by reaching the realm of magic, which she (re)built on Toffee.

From here

She went on a path to a path on seeking justice for Monsters too, to give them equal rights to Mewmans, starting from the root: what makes someone a Monster in Starfari. And showing that Monsters and Mewmen - technically, Mewwomen, as no Mewman was there - can collaborate for a common goal. This may be important in the series next episodes.

From here

... making every effort she could to make this Petition official in Death Peck, trying to get support from the Pidgeons, taking all risks for it.

From here

... and tried to seal that peace with a party on Monster Bash.

... to end all in failure, after the first problem faced.

All this time she always had her faithful squire Marco for her when and wherever she needed. Either supporting her political efforts on Death Peck and Monster Bash or protecting her from others, watching her sleep on Sweet Dreams...

From here

... and hiding her actions from Heckapoo on Night Life.

From here

... or on Deep Dive.

Marco was there for her. And now we are sure that he is there for even more reasons. Reasons which are only some of the things Star doesn’t know.

Before getting to Star’s being clueless about the consequences of her acts, let’s go back to the points listed above that link her main goal until Monster Bash - peace between Mewmen and Monsters - with Don Quixote’s story, reinforcing how unrealistic it was, at that speed.

A knight who fights to undo the wrongs and bring justice to the world - Star herself

A squire - Marco

A horse - Grown up baby unicorn

Failure - Lots of. And pain. All throughout the process

End by the Knight of the White Moon - Wrong color... Better say blood, “hypnotic, ruby brodum” moonlight

From here

It’s the Knight of the White Moon the task of taking Don Quixote from his chivalry delusion and bringing him home at last by defeating him in a duel. In Deep Dive, we’ve seen that in a similar way. On this episode, Marco brings Star back from call of a paradisiac delusion of living as a Goddess without facing any problems, which could be compared to Don Quixote’s delusion and Marco - with Janna’s help - as the knight who brought Star home. 

But wishing to live in paradise was not her single delusion.

Monster Bash brings her back from the political delusion that would be easy to accomplish her task, with no opposition. She will find it in several fronts.

Rests only the personal delusion that Tom made her forget about Marco. Or that Tom would be a better companion than Marco is for her. Or our delusion that there will be Starco. Anyway, one will fall.

And, this time, this was Star’s reality check when brought back to Mewni. The only difference is that Marco had greatest part of his reality check thrown in a single episode, Lint Catcher. Looks like Star is having a more paced one.

But for all that steps to recover and develop after this reality check, she needs to be concious about the consequences of her acts and feelings. For that she will need knowledge on her family, on Monster’s stories and about herself, not rushing to achieve that goal. As maybe what is fair now was done by unfair ways in the past.

“All knowledge is good knowledge”

Ignorance is a blessing. Sometimes.

In Don Quixote, it is the (mis)knowledge on medieval romances, thinking as their feats were real, not stories or legends is what brings him into all these adventures.

It is funny that this is the exact opposite of what Eclipsa says during Sweet Dreams, when she says “All knowledge is good knowledge”.

From here

Including a way to escape from Dragon Chains at will and go to a magically built room...

Star’s path into knowledge is being mentored by Eclipsa, now that Glossaryck is in this “globgorn” state - by his own will or not. And, by now, we have as consequence her full Butterfly form is now achieved whenever she wants on Deep Dive. 

Eclipsa, besides having power and conditions to escape any moment she wants, chooses not to do so. Why she’s doing that?

In fact, by now, we have little to no knowledge on the whole situation. Only pieces of a puzzle that is slowly revealed to us. Like it is being done with Star. The knowledge path worked just in the opposite way Star did her political one: in a slow way.

So either for Star as for us viewers, every piece of knowledge will be important to solve this puzzle. And what we have are a few loose pieces fit together. For her, worse even.

About the new knowledge she’s grabing or will grab, how Star will deal with this kind of information? If Heinous / Meteora should be the legitimate ruler of the kingdom, how would she react? And the consequences of bringing this up to light? Or the consequences of having Heinous / Meteora as a ruler? 

And Eclipsa? Eclipsa’s reaction on seeing her daughter alive, what would be? And if Eclipsa knew what Heinous / Meteora did all this time, would she be disappointed or proud?

It’s a huge grey area. Thousands of shades of grey. We will be kept inside this area for some time. Too many questions. Better tackle them in other moment. Because there is clearly another side of the conflict: Mina Loveberry.

The scenario goes for a X-Men one, of which I should write together with other thoughts another time.

Without rush.

[exquisitelyeco]

Fire, Wind, Rain,........and being wrenched and compounded....

On church this Sunday, one of the songs we sang was by Davis Ruis, from the Vineyard, which went,

There’s a Fire blowing, all across the land, awesome tongues of fire, consuming you and I,

And, then, ‘there’s a wind a blowing, all across the land,

And, than, ‘there’s a rain a falling……mercy drops from heaven, mercy drops of love…..

And that, along with my Pastor Petes sermon, about Christ’s wounds and our wounds, got me pondering.

As you know by now, I have a perchance for all things Scrooge, at the mo. A theme. And yet again, came to me the words of Marley, telling Scrooge how his choices had been making a chain, in life,……his words are both startling and horrifying. He says, ‘Yours is a ponderous chain…..’

Note these things:

Scrooge himself had been forging this chain, HIMSELF! Link by link, yard by yard, his whole life. How? It was a spiritual chain, made by his choices. Of avarice and greed. In his inward, mean, selfish attitude. He had hardened his heart. Made choice after choice. Decision after decision. And like bricks building a wall, like links added one to another, till the chain was miles and miles long. Or a wall the size of the Berlin Wall. With is own hands. HIS OWN HANDS!

Ponder that for a minute……do you see how significant that is? Do you think he KNEW he was doing that? NO! He honestly though he was helping by paying money to poorhouse and prisons!.........'Are there no poor houses, are there no prisons.’ And that those who fell down and were beggared should go to these institutions or die…’And decrease the surplus population!’ (Sounds very Tory to me…..) What does he say to Marley? ‘You were always a good man of business…..’ meaning Marley was a GOOD man of business. And he did not see that this ‘good business’ was of Extortion. Of making foreclosure on people’s homes, and leaving them beggars and homeless. Giving them loans with extortionate interest. With no mercy shown if they fell into troubles. But Scrooge truly does not see it like that! ‘You were always a good man of business..’ And Marley’s reply, in his sorrow and despair, and self reproach..’Mankind WAS my business…!’ But with a whole different meaning!

Marley means that he should NOT have been living that way! That Greed, Avarice, Extortion and foreclosures were the opposite of what he should have been doing! Instead of looking after, or at least respecting his fellow man, he had destroyed them, for his own gain and greed.

But it is even more devastating. When Scrooge asked for some crumb of comfort, on hearing his fate, Marley’s stark, cold reply is, ’I have none to give…..’ Why? Because it was not IN him! He did not even know the feeling, let alone the word! All his life Marley taught himself to be mean and show NO mercy. So the concept of mercy was null and void. In deed hell has no mercy. Scrooge, actually IS shown mercy. But the mercy does not LOOK as kind at first!

We must always be careful OUR view of something does not blind us to GODS view of the same thing! What have we missed, because the so called facts did not fit our ideas and IDEALS of things!

So it takes three spirits and the horror of seeing his future with the chains he made, and feeling them binding his body and knowing it’s forever, so help make Scrooge to see how wrong his life choices have been.

And it made me realise, that our fate is made by ourselves. And my own damage, I had made link by link. Hammer blow, by hammer blow. Compounding it till it was packed so tight, it would take God and His mercy to loosen the damage I had committed against myself!

Don’t get me wrong here. As a child I was horrifically abused. By my father and my grandparents. Over and over again. Every day. For years. And I learned hate, fear and self loathing. That was not my fault. That was and is, my fathers and grandparents responsibility before God.

But my choices, to perpetuate that damage were of my own making. I chose one after another violent relationships. I starved and abused my self. Self harmed, tried to commit suicide. Put myself in dangerous situations. Required ALL. Pushed my self far beyond the boundaries of honour. Fed my hate of God and myself. Chose, actively to look into The occult and play with the darkness I could find. On purpose broke as many of the 10 commandments as I possibly could.

Day in. Day out. And slowly, unbeknown to me, I was forging a chain. Link by link. Yard by yard. Until

I was so weighed down by it I was on the edge of being committed to a metal hospital.

And God, in His unfathomable mercy, never left pestering me, pursuing me, wooing me. Till He got me to CCD, to begin my journey of healing. And my pastor talked on Sunday, about how Jacob wrestled with God until daybreak. And God had to dislocate his hip to stop him carrying on. His stubborn nature needed correction. His deceitfulness, pride and stubbornness needed to be dealt with. But how hard for him that was! The loss of his son. The deceit and lies of his other sons. Years of thinking and grieving the loss of Jospeh, who he was told was dead. His only daughter raped. His sons murderers. (Genesis 34v25)

Yes, their sister was raped. But the rapist had atoned for this. We are not told whether Diana was unhappy with being made a princess to right this wrong. Her disgrace covered up. Giving up a tent, for a palace. And yet her brothers did not only murder her husband, AFTER he had confessed, made right, and been forgiven, by the family. But ALL the men of Shechem were murdered! All of them! A whole city! As if they were all guilty! Why? Partly because of Jacobs failure as a father. His choice to openly treat one son with total favour and the others with contempt, just because he did not love their mother. He made his chain, link by link. First, not trusting God to work His way, but taking it into his own hands and choosing to rob his brother of his birth right. Then to deceitfully obtaining his fathers dying blessing. God was not even consulted!

And the price! How devastating. And it got me thinking. Jacob had to have his socket WRENCHED out of place, to begin to change.

When I am trying to change a sin, at the moment, that particular sin, is blaming God for everything. Stamping my feet and ordering Him around, like He is nothing. And it’s a WRENCH to change my attitude and turn around! Truly. It’s SO hard. The battle with myself. I WANT to stamp my feet. To curse God. And changing that is difficult. But I am slowly progressing. Because of Gods grace and mercy.

What is more. God loves us, AS WE ARE! Do you REALLY get that? How many of us could truly have chosen to really, deeply, openly, love Scrooge? To be prepared to suffer for him? Accepted his meanness, unkindness and ruthlessness? Washing his feet ANYWAY? I wouldn’t. I’d want him to change first!

But our God, our GOD, loves is as we are. Do you truly get that? The only God, that exists, who created all matter, who Was and Is and Is to come, loves us, not only covered in our shit, but actually living and eating it. Every day. Sticking our fingers up at Him. Cursing Him. And He openly, deeply loves us, just like that. (1 John 4v19)

And if He had not first loved us, we could never love. Because it is not in us to do so. (Romans 7v18, Psalm 51 v1-3,Genesis 6 v11-12, Romans 3v10, Romans 3v23) But along side Gods love, as I have said before, in my post, I think about Ananias and Saffara, we must do our part, in working out our own salvation. We are actually told to do so. (Philippians 2v12, Jude 1v23, 1Corinthians 3 v1-3,) But we can only do this because God comes down, into our crap pit. He gets down, in the shit WITH us. (Luke 15v2)

And He shows us how to climb out. How to wash it off. But if we have been in that pit a long time, we are only used to seeing the crap. To living with it, in it, on it. And we hold onto it! Because we believe that the crap that covers us is our clothing! We must get USED to the new clothing! (Ephesians 4 v22-24) and this new life with Christ, has to be both LEARNED and LIVED, until we see the crap we have loved as God does! As sin! ( Proverbs 8v13, Psalm 119 v104 and 163, Psalm 129v 32)

And even the wrenching change we must fight within ourselves, with Gods mercy, crying out to Him every second of the day is not new! (Romans 7 v15) God KNOWS all this. Yet He loves, strengthens and protects us. And at the same time He prospers and blesses us! Even those of us, who are at the beginnings of our growing up in Him, like Scrooge.

Growing up is painful! It’s full of mistakes, fallings over, forgetting what we have learned, picking ourselves up, having tempers. But, to get to the place, as Pastor Pete said, ‘Becoming Gods friend, even when it all looks like it’s all going wrong’ How far are we to go with this trust? How bad does it have to get before we can stamp or turn away in anger? To the end. No turning back. No stamping. No cursing, just as it states in Job 13 v 15, ‘Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him.’

But you know what? Even then God does not mind us asking questions, or seeing if we can change His heart on a matter! Don’t believe me? Check out: Isaiah 41 v 21 and Isaiah 1v18. Although our God ALWAYS has the final say, we can still approach Him and he will listen. And if He thinks it right, He will even repent of His decision! See Exodus 22v14 and Jonah 3 v1-10. Our God will change His mind for us! How awesome is that!

Approachable, forgiving, serving and loving, to us, whilst we are STILL IN OUR SHIT!

I tell you, it truly is, as Matt Redman wrote, ‘Its the mystery of the universe, Your the God of Holiness, yet you welcome souls like me.’

[foursproutwealth-blog]

Money story: Return of the frugal jerk

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/money-story-return-of-the-frugal-jerk/

Money story: Return of the frugal jerk

This guest post from the Frugal Jerk is part of the “money stories” feature at Get Rich Slowly. This is a continuation of the story Frugal Jerk started last week. Some stories contain general advice; others are examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success — or failure. These stories feature folks from all stages of financial maturity. Today, the Frugal Jerk — who has asked to remain anonymous for now — shares the second half of a story about going from internet entrepreneur to busted and broke.

Welcome back to the saga of Frugal Jerk. You might want to read the first part, if you haven’t already.

Here’s a quick a refresher:

I’m a lifelong entrepreneur. In my best year I earned more than $300,000. In my worst year, I earned about $1000. On average, my income is above average but not extraordinary.

I purchased a too-large home just before the peak of the economic meltdown a decade ago. I was “very smart” and put 20% down. (That’s sarcasm.)

About seven years ago, due to a combination of my home’s value dropping by $200,00, my income falling into a prolonged funk, and me experiencing clinical depression, I decided to give up the house to foreclosure.

The decision to foreclose possibly saved my life; it definitely saved my balance sheet.

Some Quick Notes on Depression

When I left you last week, we’d just discussed depression. It’s not something I want to dwell on, but it’s something I want to explain due to lack of understanding in the world at large.

Depression is not sadness. Depression is not logical. You can’t think your way out of depression. You can’t “nature” your way out of depression. Depression doesn’t hit only when times are bad. The reality is, in the words of Ben Goldacre, “I think you’ll find it’s a little more complicated than that.”

This is a financial blog so I’ll move on in just a few seconds, but I thought it was important to address the stigma around this disease. It’s okay to get help and it’s okay to take medicine. I waited twenty years before getting professional help and that was twenty years too long. For me, a norepinephrine-dopamine re-uptake inhibitor (NDRI) helps significantly and the more commonly known selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) does not.

Don’t feel bad about medication and don’t feel bad if you need to take it for a long time.

J.D.’s note: I too suffer from depression. I can attest that there’s neither rhyme nor reason to it. Even when my life is going great, I can be knocked on my ass by anxiety and a sense of impending doom. During my divorce, Kris asked me to see a counselor about my depression — so I did. It helped. I don’t take prescription drugs for it, but I’ve been using things like St. John’s wort and 5-HTP for over a decade to cope with the problem.

Why Things Went Wrong

So, how did this all happen? Why did my income fluctuate so wildly? Why did I make so many “right” decisions (a 20% down payment, for instance) that turned out to be so wrong?

My income fluctuated wildly because I wasn’t building a business. I was building business projects. Perhaps that’s a subtle distinction, but it’s an important one.

A business is generally stable. You can make forecasts about next month’s bills and revenue.

But business projects? Sometimes I’d make $5000 in one day and sometimes I’d lose $3000 the next. And then lose $5000 the next. And then $2000 the next. And then make $10,000 the next. Honestly, I was addicted to the thrill, much like stock traders or gamblers get addicted to their respective thrills. On the whole I was net positive, but it wasn’t at all comfortable or predictable.

In those days, I mostly did two things for income: SEO arbitrag and Google Adwords arbitrage. I won’t go into the details, because it’s too “inside baseball”. But if you’ve ever been involved in either game, there’s a smart way to build a business with arbitrage and there’s a dumb way. I took the dumb route, living for the day instead of building for the future.

Combine those income fluctuations, a tanking economy, and clinical depression together and it makes for some difficult days and decisions.

Foreclosing on My Dreams

Foreclosure became the rational decision. I forced myself to take my emotions out of it. What kind of advice would I give a friend if she were in my situation?

This will probably get me a lot of flak (I can take it!), but I could actually still technically afford my home before (and after) getting the foreclosure process started. For me, it was purely a business decision.

At the time I decided on foreclosure, I was no longer living in the home and had no plans to ever move back. I had it rented out at a loss of $10,000 per year and I had $50,000 in the bank.

My income was no longer anywhere near $300,000/year as it had been in the heyday. It was, however, often somewhere between $20,000 and $100,000 per year. (There were two years with no income or negative income.) Not always good, but not always bad.

The problem, again, was that it was difficult to make forecasts about income when it fluctuated constantly. In the past, I would convince myself of the best case scenario. Now I decided to take the opposite route.

I asked myself some questions:

Assuming, worst case, that I’d earn $20,000 per year would it be smart to keep a home that was costing me more than $10k,000 per year? That answer was easy. Of course not.

What if I made $30,000 per year? No, still not smart to keep the home.

$40,000 per year? Doable, but still not ideal.

And on and on.

The rational business decision was to take the foreclosure, ruin my credit, lose my down payment, and save at least $70,000 by the time the foreclosure fell off my credit report. (It’d stay on my credit report for seven year — seven years where I’d lose $10,000 annually if I kept the home.)

In total, this home cost me well over $100,000 (down payment, opportunity costs, etc.) and today the home is “valued” at roughly 75% of what I paid for it over a decade ago. By most accounts, I made a smart decision.

I did try to work with the bank to avoid foreclosure, but the numbers didn’t work. I even tried a deed in lieu but they didn’t accept it. I probably could have figured something out, but once I’d made the foreclosure decision, I stopped caring. I accepted the consequences and moved on years before the foreclosure was completed. (As I mentioned last week, the foreclosure process took 3 years!)

Life after Foreclosure

What was life like with terrible credit and a foreclosure on my record? Good, actually.

I kept open two credit cards that didn’t have annual fees. Those were never closed by the banks. I still paid my bills in full every month. Four years into the foreclosure, I opened a secured credit card because I couldn’t get anything else and I thought it might help with my credit score. (It didn’t.)

My credit is still bad. According to Capital One’s CreditWise, I have a score of 720 and my FICO score is 654. (The foreclosure is still on my record for a few more months.) A FICO score of 654 is pretty poor. It’s in the bottom third of all Americans.

But you know what? Your credit score doesn’t mean as much as some people want you to believe. It’s much better to have a high credit score than a low credit score, obviously, but life without a high score is just fine.

Paying for everything in cash (or with my low-limit credit cards) has made me more appreciate folks who are in worse situations than mine. Sometimes it’s annoying (“Am I going to get approved for this apartment lease?”), but because I didn’t wait until I was near bankrupt to foreclose, I’ve never had any real money issues again. Even in the lean years.

A Happy Ending?

My net worth would be well over a million dollars if I hadn’t bought a home (and a luxury car and other silly stuff) but had put that cash into index funds instead. Regardless, my net worth is back into multiple six figures nowadays, and I’ll still be able to retire early, if I want.

I still travel when I feel like it. I still buy things I need or want. (Which isn’t much. My yearly spending is about $30,000.) I own a late-model used car (paid for with cash). I don’t plan to buy a home again anytime soon, but I’m not completely against it at some point. (That said, I’m generally of the GoCurryCracker “renters for life” mindset.)

I never did learn my business lesson, though. My income still fluctuates wildly. I had a terrible 2016 but managed to earn $80,000 in 2017. I’m still addicted to the thrill, I guess. Maybe someday I’ll learn.

The post Money story: Return of the frugal jerk appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

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Broke is like a decision went wrong. Poor is acceptance and making that failure your destiny.

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But if we accept that we are never going to succeed, we will never be able to.

Broke is like a decision went wrong. Poor is acceptance and making that failure your destiny.

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