#Brennan what the actual fuck did i do to deserve this. the man is a RADISH

[essektheylyss]

Anyway I know I literally picked Raphaniel out of the initial lineup as "my character type" on sight, but if he's going the route it seems like he might, I really took that bait hook, line, AND sinker, huh.

[all-made-of-stardust]

oh i am....really unsure how to feel about this episode.

Like, don't get me wrong, this episode was delightfully entertaining. Between Braius being a studmuffin and flirting with everyone, the cool-ass battle, the absolute chaos of everything - it was really fun to watch, it really was!

However...I don't know. Maybe it's because it's 2am and I'm tired, but I'm a little bit disappointed with how things played out? Mainly for two reasons.

One, during the entire fight with Dominox I was so desperately hoping that they would all turn against Ludinus and set Dominox free. This was a fantasy from the beginning, I realize that, but maybe I'm just very very very fed up of Ludinus' stupid speeches and how an AU where Dominox got released and Ludinus got eaten/sent to the Abyss/something else and the story shifted towards a big kaiju fight between Dominox and Predathos....well, it could have been interesting and fun. Definitely not what the actual cast wanted, and Ludinus does deserve his own impactful demise, but I just think it could have been a new fun twist where Bells Hells suddenly have to run damage control and help others on a more smaller scale, which seems more suitable for how they're built.

(I am also still maintaining a theory of mine that Ludinus is gonna get hoisted by his own petard somehow, I just thought it could be this episode)

Two, this new EXU: Downfall series. Again, prefacing this by saying that it's probably gonna be incredible! An amazing line up of cast, three whole parts, Brennan running it! Showstopping, I hope it's just as awesome as Calamity was!

BUT. BUT. The lead up to this new series was Ludinus and Bells Hells witnessing some sort of virtual reality knowledge database that could tell them the whole story. So why. On earth. Are we not getting the EXU: Downfall series set with Bells Hells?

Like, I get that it probably makes more logistical sense from a story standpoint to bring in new PCs, and having an entire series dedicated to the current party visiting the past ala Matrix style is probably a bit on the nose. But I dunno, man! Stranger things have happened!

Maybe I'm just still a little bitter that they hijacked two whole-ass weeks to throw us into the Crownkeeper storyline within the main campaign (which yeah, I'm still a little bitter about purely because for an average layperson watching the series, most people might not even know who any of the Crownkeepers even are. Me, I'm the average layperson, I did not watch Kymal, I barely remember EXU: Prime, and they were suddenly expecting me to care?)

Anyway, sorry, I'm digressing. Point being, I'm happy they're gonna be doing cool shit with Downfall, and I'm happy that Brennan gets another chance to terrorize everyone again.

But I still don't understand why Bells Hells won't be there. Like fuck me, you have a massive VR library database, and when you boot it up you're just gonna....leave your main characters behind?

Again?????

[highfiveheroes]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii so I absolutely love your fic on ao3 (so excited for part 2) and I wanted to ask what your opinions on the finale were! I personally think that the rat grinders were deeply robbed and that it was honestly such a unkind and mean way to end that season. like was the overarching theme not redemption and that unrestrained violence isn't the answer? anyway ye would love to hear your thoughts on it

(sorry if you've already made posts about it also, feel free to ignore this if so)

ahhh!!! oh man i have SO many thoughts on it, and i’ve kind of tried to keep them to dms and stuff but whoo boy. whoooo boy!!!

this got SO much longer than i expected so sorry in advance

i have sort of hit the point of reflection where i’m just sad about it now. sophomore year was SUCH a lovely piece of art, and the choices and lessons made and gained were something that resonated so deeply. i’ll start by saying that yeah, it’s fairly obvious the second half of the season was rushed through production, and specifically after “baron’s game” (which i expected to love but i can get into on a different post) the tone completely shifted.

the point i’ve finally come to is that brennan had a LOT of ideas for this season, but ultimately it went the way it did because he wasn’t dming the season for the fans. he was doing it for his friends, and they all had fun, and if the topics had been changed or certain plot points had been altered or different it wouldn’t have seemed so flippant and disappointing when the overarching themes got missed. from a meta standpoint (and also taking into account the interview he did that came out within the past few days discussing the season) it was never supposed to be that serious, so egg on our faces for reading into things that weren’t supposed to be there.

the season specifically suffered because it had so much stuffed into it, in my opinion? plots and threads were dropped early on in favor of following the bits—and for a dnd show run by comedians, i’m sure it was really fun for everyone involved! but i could tell after a certain point that discussions were overloading and way more stuff was getting missed than being followed up on, so i think brennan got caught up in trying to tie the story up neatly for his friends, and i think some of the plot may have changed from what it was first envisioned to be (though that may just be me being waaaaay too hopeful)

it is, however, WHOLLY disappointing to me that the bad kids were so rewarded for being literal bullies all season except to each other. it was in the name of bits, sure, but god, i would have loved for the solution to have been for them to reach out to the rat grinders in that final fight with something—a dispel magic maybe, or a really strong persuasion check, to prove that rage isn’t always the fucking answer, especially when faced with something like this. but that was never how it was going to go and i’m less mad now than just straight up sad about it. the rat grinders were just npcs made to be annoyances and obstacles and threads to follow, and we definitely as a collective tried to have more faith in the story. it’s just…i mean, it’s a dnd game. he’s running it for his friends, he’s lucky to get paid for it, it wasn’t about us reading the whole narrative like a book.

if the whole season had been scripted and unrushed—if it had been an actual series, for example—i think we would have gotten a lovely ending that satisfied almost everyone. but we got the fun ending for the players and at least half the fandom had an amazing time (maybe more—i definitely am at fault for only really following the rat grinder fans, lbr, but i don’t feel like having to curb my feelings about them every time i see a new post about how they deserved it).

i think for me, the ending was kind of rushed and filled with cheap cop outs, but i don’t think it was meant to be any more than that. it was supposed to be fun for the players, and it was, and that’s what they were happy with. i’ve really had to think about it a LOT this week though

(side note: as i’ve been working on part 2 and the prequel for it, i’m having to take the canon as milestones but not necessarily as fact, because there was so much unexplored there that i need to make sense when i’m writing it, but i fully disagree with just completely dismissing the implications. kipperlilly’s whole arc and her choosing this path wasn’t something i predicted, but it doesn’t necessarily go against what i wrote—it’s just that now, with context and reflection, i’m really having to sit down and explore her not as a many faceted character but instead as something that can still appear one dimensional. i’m not going to completely ignore the nuances, but i’m having a difficult time writing it, knowing now where the story is going to end up.)

(and fun fact, if you’ve read this far—it’s going to end up three parts instead of two, so publishing may be pushed off a bit longer than i wanted for the sole fact of wanting to put out parts 2&3 out at the same time. the prequel i’m gonna put on the back burner for a bit though :( so if you think part 2 is going to be good, i can’t wait for the reaction to part 3, if it goes the way i want!!!)

[thevalleyisjolly]

for the fandom of your choice/whatever is more applicable (although if u have any spicy d20 takes 👀👀): 3, 5, 7, 13 and 18

Ooh, thanks Jack! Had curry for lunch today so I'm full of spice and ready to let loose!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I stay out of the general tags for a reason, but my top 3 all fall along the same lines - the idea that K is a "toxic" person to pair with Evan because they don't really "see" him for him (...which is exactly the flaw and the room for growth that Erika built into the character), the idea that Ricky was "bullying" Cody because he was upset about Cody's cultural appropriation, and the whole non-consensual brain surgery thing with Norman.

(The common theme is people accusing Asian PCs of being mean to their white faves and therefore deserving of all sorts of bad things. Funny how that's happened not once, not twice, but thrice, huh)

5. worst discord server and why

As most of my friends and IRL classmates can tell you, I'm not super active on Discord and am horrible at answering messages in a timely fashion, so I don't actually have a server that I particularly dislike!

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Keradin, Limon, and Evan Kelmp are the first ones that spring to mind. Keradin actually has some interesting character beats and flaws but I've never seen anyone try to engage with him as his own character, they just interpret everything he does as part of a relationship dynamic with Lapin. Limon is a fucking background comedic NPC and I am still annoyed that during and after the season, people were willing to credit him with so much complexity and interiority while downplaying/outright shitting on the actual PCs.

With Evan, I'm not a huge fan of the character concept to begin with but I'm even more livid that in one of the most diverse D20 seasons, fandom actively sidetracked and ignored and even denigrated every other character in favour of the sad white boy played by the sole white player at the table. To be clear, Brennan is great, nothing against the man, but I was in the tags when the season aired live and about 95% of the posts were Evan-centred. Sam, Whitney, and K barely showed up unless they were interacting with Evan or did a particularly funny bit. And that's not even getting into the hate and criticism that got thrown at K for daring to be in a mutual romantic relationship with Evan.

13. worst blorboficiation

See previous question, but oddly enough, I also feel like Emily gets this treatment sometimes? It's complicated because there's one portion of the fandom that acts like she's a terrible chaotic player who keeps trying to fuck up Brennan's plans for shits and giggles (which is outright wrong and misogynistic) and then there's another portion that acts like Emily's characters can do no wrong and Emily may in fact be the only player at the table who knows what she's doing at any given point in time while the rest of them are just comedic yahoos fumbling their way through dice rolls and jokes. Which, placing women on a pedestal is in fact also sexist, and it's not any better than the misogyny you're responding to. It's a huge disservice to the cast and it's especially a huge disservice to Emily - she creates incredibly complex and well thought out characters who have their strengths and their flaws, and acting like they're all perfect girlbosses who are right even when they're wrong erases so much of the depth that Emily put into them.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

I mean, we all know my answer is of course going to be Cumulous Rocks, but as per a recent post of mine (and many posts in the past), the answer is also more broadly applicable to Zac and pretty much all of his PCs.

[masochistartt]

https://www.tumblr.com/masochistartt/765011159749378048/httpswwwtumblrcommasochistartt76499487678175?source=share

This is a fucking awesome explainer that deserves to be seen and understood by everyone but lol I actually meant the fandom tea side - I know and agree with everything you've explained here, I was curious about what kinds of things people in the fandom are doing that is like, obtusely naive of this stuff. I guess from this post I can extrapolate but yeah - so much of this is fundamental to what a footballer is actually like and I do think the fandom has gotten... let's just say softer and more annoying and cutesy as it's grown. But I was curious about like, specifics about people being wrong and what kind of stuff had been pissing you off. I guess just people making shit too wholesome and not getting that these guys aren't Online Woke? I also think the show missed a lot of opportunities with not showing WAG culture and how many of them have kids young, but I think they wanted them to feel more like kids themselves to Ted/audience. Ugh. Isaac has like 3 kids to me. PS I am so bummed Brennan deleted, he is an angel.

oh im sorry i 1000% fell asleep before i saw this message !!! there's not been one particular thing that's pushed me over the edge per se, it's just a bunch of little things that've built up over time and i was willing to start fights last night haha

like anyone can interpret the show whatever way they want to it's not up to me to tell them how to view this (again) lighthearted show i'm just someone who thinks that there's context to be had in knowing the culture outside of the show (esp with storylines like colin's and jamie's and things that could really do with additional context for nuanced portrayals like with roy)

also 100% agree with all that stuff at the end - they wanted the players to be like. yeah like kids to ted (and the targeted viewership is. american middle aged dads. which people also forget a lot i think) so seeing them with whole ass families would offset that !!

i also agree isaac has like 3 kids and his partner from the wedding scene was his childhood gf who he married when he got his first professional contract :') <3

and i also also feel bad about brennan being forced into deleting his accounts like. people need to Calm Down and Leave People Alone seriously what did this man, a stranger who kicks a ball around for a living, ever do to you to make you react like that. football's not that serious babes <3333 and good for him on that scoring streak he deserved it (same applies to brendan hunt - fandom's not that serious and people need to take a step back)

[genderless-ghost]

sean’s little self soothing gesture with the baseball, auntie bea trying to help him out (talking about their time at the ball game 🥺) telling him to cherish and remember the small moments of happiness and who people are, not the bad moments (sean buying his sick brother a cap bc he missed it), sean’s freak out when auntie bea says he’s a good man bc he knows the things he’s done and he fully thinks he’s a monster and doesn’t deserve those things and how nothing makes sense (he’s scared of losing people (marion with the scar) and how he doesn’t want people to say they understand and take care of him but he’s taking care of them, he’s not worth the care and they don’t understand what he’s going through) oh god his monologue to auntie bea to get her to stop taking care of him and saying when they kill this thing and get his mom out he’s done, but she still tries to help by saying none of it makes sense (her husband and his brothers deaths, their homelessness) and she still believes they’re saving the world

they are gonna kill kingsley but i think it’s the right call, there’s no way they’ll be able to get rid of the bleed and save him and he’s just suffering but it’s very sweet of marion to get jean and lucas out before they do

the other chapter house is fucked, but love nathaniel’s suggesting of the code word to make sure they are themselves (he picks marion’s flower :0) jean taking care of lucas and patching up marion (such a great character moment for brennan to not mention how many marks sean has, if he didn’t actually take the stitch from last time, he wouldn’t allow himself to be patched up especially after his disagreement with bea)

travis has a second character sheet (journalist to detective)???? taking on the role of the lieutenant? also marion’s immediate check if it’s still nathaniel is so good, also the shade in the note to nathaniel’s father was incredible no notes

the investigation with creatures, i was right the chapter house is fucked, hopefully jean will be back soon after dropping lucas at nathaniel’s house. i also love getting to see them show LT marion and sean working together to clear out the creatures, but also another sean ptsd flashback trying to get an injured marion out and how he’s gone and he feels he can die and not be himself and just not think and rest by listening to LT (oh my poor boy i love him so), it’s also so interesting that sean is like for sure suicidal but he is not pulling the trigger himself but putting himself in situations where he could for sure die, they found the rift uh oh

nathaniel’s dad seems like a shitty dude and i have only heard his name lol. but lucas is safer (?) and jean is booking it back.

ah so the astrolabe that traps bleed is fucked. well. also marion buddy what the fuck why are you using yourself to contain the bleed (empty vessel callback :() they all are with him but something from the other side pulling him like when he got his first bleed scar as a kid, oh it was the thread of life being pulled from him as a kid, oh there’s something there, marion buddy :( oh no he’s being pulled into the rift and thank god for sean and nathaniel trying to pull him back and save him, oh they got him (sean grabbing his legs and just whatever monster i am i can’t lose another brother🥺) auntie bea telling marion you belong here

oh the astrolabe is even more fucked uh oh, but jeans here! she can fix it! maybe! oh marion :( he’s still here but it’s close (he just wants to be loved but thinks he never will, medically he’s close to dying?) oh, everything’s changed

sean’s marion’s LT, i love marion’s just wait i fucking did it? love him. sean telling him to rest bc there’s a million like sean who can shoot, ohh i can’t articulate how much i love sean, like him telling marion that no matter what happens he’s the best man he ever knew :0, that whole conversation was so good

time to find other candela folks and fix stuff?? auntie bea just straight up telling nathanial she doesn’t like him bc of what he represents, lol so funny, but she realizes she put too much blame for bringing sean and his brothers into the war. she thinks of them as her sons and nathaniel was their recruiting officer, im glad she’s apologizing :) even if nathaniel says she’s right he’s a coward bc he’s been pretending to be his brother, thank god for auntie bea tbh

time to warn candela folks! splitting the party is always a good idea, jean and marion are very cute (i still think marion and sean are very good but y’know), time for a dream garden exploration? and he shows jean the exorcism :(. jean was there at the exorcism :(.

auntie bea off to find one of the other circle members, it seems okay? sean goes to the other member, but the door is ajar. it’s dark but he has a gun, he introduces himself but there’s a gun cocking, he drops his gun and puts his hands up, this is bad, he tries to explain and the guy is waiting for the creature. auntie bea notices movement, might be some bleed? she goes inside there’s a woman there, seems nervous but can handle herself (she’s periphery (cop)) - back to sean, he explains about the chapter houses, sean isn’t gonna make him take help but he has it if he wants, he doesn’t figures his time is his time and it’ll end when it does, sean leaves and leaves his gun, the guy was actually the creature and shoots sean, ptsd flashback time, manages to dodge some of the damage and then goes to attack him, he stabs the creature but it’s face shifts to look like sean and shoots him again (he’s down :( but the creature lives) and marion knows something is wrong but he’s all alone and the shotgun cocks again.

oooh i can’t wait for the next session, it really feels like brennan is angling for sean to die. i think personally marion and sean should kiss. i’m not sorry making you all see this, if anything i want you to watch this

finally got around to watching candela obscura chapter 2 episode two and while i haven’t finished it, holy fucking shit the acting is so incredible

i love how human they are and in such dark setting and they are all such incredible actors. all of the characters are so isolated but also so connected to each other.

i love them all but, auntie bea working to rescue sean’s mother from a sanitarium, how lovely and sassy she is with her and with sean after. how she tries to take care of him and i wonder how nathaniel’s family was involved with the war (did he somehow convince sean and his brothers to enlist?), that she says he owes sean, she picks up on a lot

my boy marion’s dream about his childhood and his exorcism at the hands of jeans father, his sleepwalking and losing his soul (all of it or just part of it?) during his sleep and gaining the scar? i wonder how it affects him, like how scared he was, how different he felt

and my beloved sean, planning to get his mom with auntie bea, his immediate defense of nathaniel (what did nathaniel do? sean clearly thinks he didn’t do whatever auntie bea is implying), the hallucination moment with he letter from his mom and what was written is clearly how he feels about himself and what he thinks his mom should feel about him (can’t think for himself and is a monster and a murderer, that it’s his fault his brothers are dead and his mother is in the sanitarium) and the moment where he throws his gun bc he might be suicidal, and then the real letter, how he cries bc he doesn’t quite believe the true and wonderful things she wrote to and about him, oh boy

like i love all of their characters, travis and zehra are incredible and so are their characters but i have a type lol and i have latched on to auntie bea, marion and especially sean. and the connections to stuff we saw in the first episode, auntie bea being protective of sean and marion, how sean views himself bc of what he did in the war, and marion being called a perfect vessel and his cries that there was nothing wrong with him. oh it’s so good but it also hurts, like i almost cried about sean and marion

i haven’t finished yet, but i can’t wait to finish and also can’t wait for the last episode at the end of the month

[grasslandgirl]

sav’s top ten breaking news episodes

10. The Italian Backstreet Boys’ Biggest Hits

[Ally Beardsley, Raph Chestang, Amy Vorpahl, Tao Yang. Season 4, Episode 5. you know what we say in italy......... sometimes a man will just. touch you.] 

9. True Facts About Grant Anthony O’Brien

[Brennan Lee Mulligan, Lily Du, Tao Yang, Grant O’Brien. Season 2, Episode 15. hey, no matter how bad your life is, at least this didn’t happen to you. it did happen to this gangly rectangular fuck, though.]

8. Sam Reich Launches Dropout America

[Sam Reich, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Katie Marovitch, Carolyn Page. Season 5, Episode 2. wanna see a man’s career crash and burn in real time?]

7. Amy Vorpahl Simply Loses Her Mind

[Amy Vorpahl, Grant O’Brien, Lily Du, Christine Medrano. Season 5, Episode 5. Amy simply does not stop laughing the whole episode. it sounds like this: ooohohohohohohoho. thats what i mean every time i type that. im Amy Vorpahl Laughing.]

6. Handshakes For Men, Hugs For Women

[Brennan Lee Mulligan, Amy Vorpahl, Rekha Shankar, Ally Beardsley. Season 3, Episode 20. learn how to do the new two part Seinfeld Dance (not the Elaine one) that’s sweeping the nation.]

5. Making Peanut Butter Sandwiches With A Bowling Ball

[Ryan Creamer, Zac Oyama, Ally Beardsley, Kellen Schnieder. Season 3, Episode 25. geeet it offa dere...... just geeet it offadere. in other news i WOULD watch a cookie show hosted by zac.]

4. We’ve Actually Met Before

[Sam Reich, Mike Trapp, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Katie Marovitch. Season 5, Episode 4. give katie marovitch an emmy for this episode. no funny commentarty. just give her an emmy she genuinely deserves it.]

3. Brian Hitler Is One Of The 10 Worst Brians

[Ally Beardsley, Mike Trapp, Zac Oyama, Brennan Lee Mulligan. Season 3, Episode 18. in no other episode is there a full minute and a half roast fest of the writer of the script, culminating in said writer (Grant O’Brien) coming on camera to defend himself, while Zac eats a bowl of towering whipped cream and oatmeal.]

2. Mom Disappointed In Son... Again

[Rekha Shankar, Mike Trapp, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Amy Vorpahl. Season 3, Episode 12. the deep world logic of bnn is explored. baby need that meat.]

1. Bummer Tornado Destroys Cool Jail

[Amy Vorpahl, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Erika Ishii, Mike Trapp. Season 2, Episode 1. the FUNNIEST shit ive ever seen in my life. brennan voice watch it. you must watch it, watch it now.]

i’m tagging casey @aberfaeth and hollis @beatricexbenedick bc they both expressed a desire to do this too and i wanna see their lists, but any and everyone else is welcome to join in and please tag me in your lists too <3

[princeofthecactus]

Hanahaki Helpline: Roses for Maria

@Aliyahdoranreviews:

Roses for Maria: a mediocre show with a mediocre plot

I hope y'all know I hate you right now. The overwhelming number of requests in my inbox for me to review this really did make me think this show would be at least halfway-decent. Well, remind me not to listen to your recommendations again.

That show was absolute shit, and let’s be real, the only reason you like it is because the actors are hot—and trust me, I’m not denying that. Any of you lot can get me Brennan’s actor’s number and you’re redeemed.

How many more times, in 2021, do we have to sit through love triangles? Man, we’d all be rather be watching something else. This feels like 2012 ya at its very worst, or r/iam14andthisisdeep or some shit. Both Brennan and Lou love Maria, but Maria can’t choose, and then both Brenna and Lou fucking die because she can’t pick a fucking side what the fuck??????

She didn’t deserve either of them with her bland ass personality and lame ass dreams of becoming what? The next fucking karaoke superstar? Fuck off with that bullshit. And then, they both got Hanahaki disease and fucking died for her.

And then she found the flowers—the roses—and cried like she didn’t have every chance to stop it by just picking one of them? What the hell?

This was just absolute bullcrap. Don’t even get me started on the misrepresentation of Hanahaki disease and the way it affects people. Like, no! It doesn’t fucking work like that! IRACH actually had to make a public statement saying that you shouldn’t wait until flowers grow in your throat to do something, and y’all still fawn over this show? What the hell?

@chaos-gremlin-6969:

op, that was literally the whole point of the show? did you watch the same show we did? I-

it was a message about how love triangles are bad for everyone involved

and lead to all this grief and suffering

not a glorification

how did you get the opposite of the message?

@slutsformaria:

the tragedy of it all is that it was avoidable. if she had picked one instead of leading them both on then it would have been fine

@webaskinthelightofthesun:

yo, why is everyone always blaming this on maria? she clearly didn’t like either of them and wanted them to go away, but society didn’t let her turn them down for her image????

she was very clearly uncomfortable the entire fucking time and didn’t want to be involved with either of them

@slutsformaria:

then why did she cry at the end? huh? Idiot

@webaskinthelightofthesun:

because she felt responsible for their deaths?????

society made her feel responsible for the fact two guys basically killed themselves by creepily lusting over her???

it’s a critique of society, knucklehead, not a girl causing two innocent deaths by not picking a side

what the hell??

@omelettekingmofo:

feel like everyone but op’s sleeping on the fact that it’s a dangerous misrepresentation of a very real disease. both lou and brennan are shocked when they feel the flowers start to grow in their throat, as if that’s the first symptom

Guess what? it’s not

now people are ignoring all the early ass symptoms that help you get early treatment so that they can waIT FOR THE FUCKING PETALS TO GROW WHAT THE FUCK

@Lincolnlogsstan:

can i just add-- the petals bleeding from the eyes and thorns piercing through the fingernails? visually stunning

Complete bullshit tho

Would never happen

@omelettekingmofo:

Fuck the creators of this show

thought we were past this

To read more works in the Hanahaki Helpline universe, click here!

[beholdthemem]

It would also be better because in the things Brennan writes, abusive parents die- I would not have had to sit through Laura Cunningham tearfully monologuing about the loss of the daughter she tormented into the grave, because Chrissy would've gotten to pull an Adaine Abernant and kill her herself, and the fact that this is not what we got means we are worse off as a society.

I HATE that mainstream media gets to HAVE CONTROL OF GOOD CONCEPTS because I want Stranger Things to be a SHITTY HOME BREWED D&D CONCEPT by a bunch of QUEER PEOPLE that are just like FUCK IT EVERYONE IS GAY and not for plot and not for drama and not for conflict but just because gay people EXIST and so what I’m saying is if Brennan Lee Mulligan wrote Stranger Things everyone would be gay and it would be better.

[killian-whump]

New Years Resolutions for the Covens?

Alright! I passed your request on to both the Hook Coven and the Colin Character Coven, and they’ve sent back an envelope, so let’s open it and see what’s inside...

What the fuck is this shit? “Donate to the Faceless Mark fund! Only 700 cents a day can help a faceless young man buy a new face! Your girlfriend will love it!” Fucking Mark, I swear to God...

ANYWAY! Strange fake charity fliers aside, let’s see what ELSE is in here... Oh, it seems like each of the covens’ members has gone home for the holidays, and rather than meeting in person to share their resolutions, they’ve each written their own on a little slip of paper and sent it to Detective Rogers in Hyperion Heights, who put the envelope together. That’s cute :)

Also, someone’s put a little scrap of something in here... just a small scrap of... Oh dear God, Harrison’s put his G-string in here. No, wait. I stand corrected. He’s written his resolution ON the G-string: “Bang more students.”

Well, the rest have to be better, right? Let’s hope so.

Oh, this is sweet, and a little sad. Rowe hopes that the new year brings an end to the fighting and that he won’t die, so maybe someday he can kiss a girl. That’s surprisingly poignant for someone with about 30 seconds of screen time.

It looks like Norman Quested has sent along a note, resolving that 2021 will be the year he’ll finally come out of hiding and let us all meet him! Yeah, sure, Norman. I’ll believe THAT when I see it. It looks like Emmett Fitzgerald, Nick, and John Bloom have all made similar resolutions for 2021 - and I think they’re all completely full of shit and believe none of them :( But who knows? Maybe one of them will pull off some sort of miracle and emerge from the great unknown where characters go when they are no more T_T

Oh, here’s Brendan’s resolution. Let’s see... In 2021, he resolves to kill less people. Wait. People? Multiple? Brendan, how many people have you killed?! I knew that guy was a nutter. Knew it.

Looks like the next one is Peter Sheerin’s... Well, more like smells like it’s his. This thing reeks of pot smoke and corn nuts. ANYWAY. Peter’s resolution for 2021 is to... get high with Snoop Dogg. Hey, Peter, you and everybody else, man. Get in line. Oh, he also wants to... *strains to read it* Show him his hairy micke- HEY NOW, this is a family program!! (Wait, is it? I don’t think it is, actually. Nevermind. Carry on with your bad self, Peter.)

According to this next bit of paper, Jamie hopes this might finally be the year he gets an article on the front page of Magazine Magazine, everyone’s favorite periodical for people who enjoy periodically-released periodicals.

Conor is up next, it appears, and he’s resolving to stay on his meds and try to win Daisy back in 2021! Good luck and godspeed, Conor, you adorable little peanut - we all want the very best for you! <3

The next piece of paper in here doesn’t have a resolution on it at all. It just says, “2020 was tough" and I think we ALL know who that was.

Oh. Wow. Someone’s put a fancy scroll in here, complete with a wax seal from... Bavaria? Oh, of course! This one must be from Duke Phillip. Let’s see what it says... “I am somewhere where I don’t know where I am.” Umm... Didn’t this come from Bavaria? Isn’t he from there? Oh. Wait a minute. When we sent him home for the holidays, did we remember to send him to Bavaria in the 1500s? Oh. Oh shit. If anyone in Germany happens to see a ridiculously handsome man in medieval clothes, send him back this way. He’s very confused.

Next up is Ben... who resolves to keep his girlfriend happy no matter what the cost, because he’s more than a little co-dependent and I added that last part myself, because we all know it’s sadly very true.

Michael Kovak’s sent us his resolution on a nice letterhead here. Seems like he’s doing quite well for himself with his exorcisms. Let’s see what his resolution is... “Go the whole year without getting vomited on by a demon.” Well, umm, okay. Thank you for sharing, Michael. We’ll all cross our fingers for you and also stay far, far away from you when you’re working. Ew.

...And here’s another pamphlet for Mark’s face charity. He’s scribbled on it, “Get money for a new face. Bang more girls.” Well, at least that little shit’s still on brand, I guess. Good luck with the face thing, Mark.

Oh no, this one’s sad. It just says, “Get a name” with a frowny face :( Aww... Now I feel bad :( Everybody feels bad :( Let’s cheer ourselves up!

Names are over-rated, baby. We love you, anyway 💗

Brennan Sullivan’s resolution is, as always, to never do that again - with “that” basically referring to almost the entirety of the film “The Dust Storm”. The human liver is simply not equipped to deal with that much liquor in one weekend, and the human heart is not equipped to deal with people like Nora :(

We already GOT Harrison’s resolution, unfortunately...

Oh, here’s a timely one! Douxie resolves to keep Nari safe and not let the Arcane Order catch her. Good job, Douxie! We know we can count on you to keep the world safe! Oh, he also wants to master time travel so he can go back in time and get more of those buns.

Let’s see who’s next... Oh dear. This one’s a piece of tree bark with the word “RESURRECT” burned into it somehow. Umm. We’ll just set that one aside and not talk about it anymore. It’s not like it’s an indication that a psychotic dead guy wants to be reborn to spread the word of his God in blood and hellfire or anything. It definitely doesn’t say that anywhere. I’d tell you if it did, of course, but you all might want to get your affairs in order anyway. Just in case.

Maybe we can convince Michael to cut his holiday short to come deal with this if we promise he won’t get vomited on... 🤔

Abe resolves to make sure everyone knows he’s actually r̶̙̥̲͈̐̊͑́̌̇́́ḙ̷͚̮̩͚͓͕̹̱̩̜̽̂̓͂̕͠d̷͓͈̥͈̞̱̗̥̼͌̎̌́͗̔͋͜ạ̵͎̯͍͉͓͚̬͖͓͐̈̏̄̈͜͜ͅͅç̵͍̻͕͚͉͚̯͔͔̝̮̜̪͛͌̌̂̂͊̊͌t̸̨̛̠̳̲̜̀e̵͚̞̾̇̆͑͠d̷̡̻͎͎͎̠͍͚̞̈́̍̓͐ͅ so he’ll finally get the respect he deserves!!

This next one isn’t so much a resolution as a... Huh. Well, this kinda looks like the sort of note you hand to a bank teller when you’re robbing the place: “Put all your money and the name of a doctor who fixes knees in the envelope and send it back or else.” Haha. Jokes on you, JJ... I ain’t got no money.

Next up should be Gordo Cooper, but there isn’t anything in here from him... the only other thing in the envelope is a smaller envelope the Hooks sent. I wonder what happened to Gordo’s resolution? I hope it didn’t get lost... Wait, is that my shower running? I’m the only one home and I’m writing this post, so who the hell is in my showe- OH. Hold on a sec.

Yep. Just as I suspected. Gordo delivered his resolution via the Shower Angst Vortex. He resolves to stop being a dick and win back Trudy, but also to bang more chicks, meet aliens, and ride on a star... so I’m not really sure how all of that’s going to work out for him in the long run.

Now on to the Hooks! Let’s see... OG Hook’s resolution is to be the best father and husband he can be, awww 💗 Wish Hook’s resolution is to spend as much time with Alice as possible to make up for lost time, awww 💗 Little Killian’s resolution is to grow up big and strong and be a hero like the other Killians, awww 💗 Slave Killian’s resolution is to stop letting his brother down, awww 😭 Navy Killian’s resolution is to make his brother proud, awww 💗 Captain Jones’ resolution is to avenge his brother’s death, yikes 😳 Captain Hook’s resolution is to kill Rumplestiltskin, double yikes 😳 Dark Hook’s resolution is... oh, dear. “Kill the lot of you and burn your towns to cinders” 😳😳😳 Detective Rogers wants to find peace of mind and learn to forgive himself 😭 And Cowardly Deckhand Hook wants... uhh... to try almond milk? Oh, bless his heart 😊

Wait, where’s Old Hook’s resolution? *looks again* Oh, here it is...

“Bang more girls.”

GODDAMMIT, HOOK 😩

[ohmightydevviepuu]

the red queen [1/1]

to @profdanglaisstuff​ for the suggestion; to @katie-dub​ for the gut-check and encouragement; to @thisonesatellite​ for existing.

happy (belated) birthday to a beloved friend.  i feel so lucky that we have found each other.

this is a continuation of my space pirates AU, sanguine, adj. ‘hopeful’.  (it also means bloody).  if the earlier parts were a premise pilot...think of this as a procedural.  shamelessly inspired by “the train job” (firefly 1x02) and “the three-card monte job” (leverage 3x09), because i think i am hilarious (sometimes) and i have a writing crush on john rogers.

proximity alert cell block 1138 a good day

AO3

The man was tall and dark. Broody type, scruffy-looking, but he walked into the bar like he owned it. Slid onto a barstool, let the length of his battered greatcoat hang behind him and looked around with piercing blue eyes that missed nothing. Within two seconds he was followed by a woman, tall and broad, beautiful with black hair that curled and hung nearly to her waist, just above the gun she kept holstered there. Their movements had the ease of old reflex: he walked ahead, ready to encounter whatever might come at them first. She stayed close, but behind, ready to watch his back.

The bartender eyed them warily, watched the man’s gaze take in everything. He turned to the woman and asked, “What’ll you have?”

“Whisky,” she said. “Straight.”

He turned to the man and repeated the question.

“Actually, mate,” the man said, with a wink directed not at the bartender but squarely at the vidcam placed over the bartender’s shoulder. “Is it okay if I just sit here until a gorgeous blonde walks in?”

Will Scarlet spit out his drink, drops splattering on the commscreen in front of him.

Where he was watching them, of course. No way was he letting that cheeky asshole off coms or off cams again. Ever.

Ursula snorted.

The bartender rolled his eyes. “Whatever you want, mate,” he said, pulling a bottle from the counter to pour Ursula’s drink. She threw an extra couple of credits on the bartop and shook her head in commiseration.

But the door opened and in walked an objectively good-looking blonde woman. Her hair was shorter than Ursula’s, a bit awkward really, not that Will knew anything about women’s hair, but it was still closer to Federation regulation-length than anything else and it was tied back in the sort of tight tail that the Feds encouraged for anyone with long hair.

She had green eyes and she stopped when the man’s landed on her, cocking her head and smirking.

“You’re kidding me,” Will muttered, taking another sip of his drink. “Smug bastard.”

“Hello, beautiful,” the man said. The woman stepped up to the bar and the man took her hand in his, bending over it to place a kiss in her palm. “Captain Killian Jones, at your service. Can I offer you a drink?”

The bartender’s jaw dropped.

Ursula shook her head and took another sip of whisky, ignoring the scene playing out next to her.

The woman’s eyes glittered. “Listen, Jones--”

“I prefer ‘Captain’,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

“I bet you do,” she murmured, leaning closer to him until her head was just above his ear. “Touch me again, Captain, and I’ll have you arrested for assault.”

“Is that a threat?”

The woman brushed her red leather jacket so the flash of metal at her hip gleamed and Will saw the bartender take notice. “It’s a promise.”

So did every other patron of the bar.

“Dammit, Killian,” Will groused.

Emma Swan turned and, with a wink of her own, nodded at Will in the camera. The bartender poured her a shot and turned back to the Captain.

Emma drank off the shot and left.

Will exhaled.

“How’s it going?” Robin Locksley walked up behind him, taking a seat in the co-pilot’s chair of the cockpit.

“You know, the usual,” Will muttered.

“Oh god, oh god, we’re all gonna die?” Robin smiled.

“Not yet,” Will said. “Give it time.”

Killian Jones, Captain, looked at the bartender. “A shot of rum, if you please,” he said, and the bartender sighed. Killian was fiddling with something in his hand as he fumbled for the requisite credits and then all of the blood seemed to drain from his face as he went very still, and very pale.

Next to him, Ursula tensed. Reflex.

She looked quickly to the camera and shook her head and Will drew in a deep breath.

“What’s up?” Rob asked, leaning toward him.

“Dunno.” Will shrugged. “Nothing good. You had to go and jinx it.”

From the end of the bar there was a sound.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

It was slow. It was the dripping water of a faucet.

Killian’s jaw muscle twitched and he turned.

The man had long hair, down to his chin in waves, run through with silver. His moustache and beard framed his mouth and tapered off at the sides.

He had piercing blue eyes.

“Hello, Dad,” Killian said.

Will was silent, his mouth hanging open. Next to him, Robin was still.

Emma’s voice crackled over the comm. “Did he just say--”

“Fuck,” Will said.

--

“Hello, dad,” Killian said, keeping his voice calm but feeling the twitch in his jaw and the itch in his fingers. He willed himself to be still, to look the man square in the eye for the first time in--

“I got a out, you know,” Brennan Jones said. “A while ago, in fact.”

Twenty years.

That’s how long it had been since his father left.

“Didn’t see you, though, at the prison colony spaceport waiting to pick me up in that fancy ship of yours,” Brennan said.

Twenty years since Brennan had left, twelve years since he had got caught running cons and games on rich marks on the central planets. The Federation, as Killian knew only two well, did not take kindly to larceny and thieving unless they were the ones doing both and Brennan had been caught, tried--and shipped off to ‘Neverland’.

They said it was a place where time stood still for its inmates, stuck while the world passed them by.

Twenty years.

“Yeah,” Killian said. “Yeah, I was kind of busy. Visiting my mother’s grave, you know. Visiting Liam’s grave.”

Brennan clucked his tongue in a noise that made Killian cringe. A noise that haunted his dreams on his bad nights, of his father’s disapproval, his indifference. Killian hated that noise and hated even more that it still held sway over him.

“All your life,” Brennan said, “you thought you were better than me. Never showed any respect.”

“What, exactly, did you do to deserve respect?” Killian said.

Twenty years, but Brennan still knew about the Jolly Roger, knew where to find him, knew exactly what buttons to push and strings to pull to make Captain Killian Jones feel like an angry child.

What else did he know?

Brennan turned to Ursula and said, with a tip of his head in affected gallantry, “Would you give us a moment? I’d like to talk to my son, here. My good-form, never-break-the-rules-son. Look at him now, yeah? Nothing but his own personal balls-and-bayonets brigade, living off the raggedy edge on the wrong side of the law. Nothing but a pirate, a criminal like his old man.”

Ursula ignored him, looked at Killian. Killian nodded. “Head back. We still have a job to do.”

His hand tightened around the crinkled piece of paper Emma had passed him.

The one with the name of their contact on this job.

Brennan Jones.

He thought of her and he tried to summon the feel of her fingers against his skin as if it would give him strength or hope or succor.

Maybe it did. Ursula’s eyes were black stones of judgment as Killian ran his hand through his hair and met her gaze and then, finally, she nodded.

“Pleasure meeting you,” Brennan called to her retreating back. “Now, about that job--”

--

“Run it,” Killian growled, his voice low and weary.

Emma looked around the cockpit, from Will to Robin to Nemo to Ursula and even to Ariel, who fidgeted visibly, more uncomfortable than Emma had ever seen her.

Whale stood off to the side, his arms crossed, shaking his head.

“Maybe we should discuss it first,” Emma said. “I know I feel a little weird--”

It was more than weird. It was downright uncomfortable. For the first time since she’d stayed with Killian, with the Jolly Roger and its crew, she was unsettled.

(Former) Federation Operative Emma Swan did not do unsettled.

“I don’t.” Killian bit down on the consonants, hard, each one clipped and harsh and as if they were spoken by a stranger. “Come on, Scarlet.”

“Sir--”

“Killian, sometimes you just need to stop and question--” Emma and Will spoke at the same time but then he stopped and looked at her. Emma took a breath and said, “Sometimes you just need to stop and think for a minute--”

“What is this, mutiny? An insurrection?” His eyes hardened. “Don’t ever tell me what to do on my--” Emma hissed, a warning, and Killian took a deep breath. “It’s a job like any other.”

If keystrokes could have emotions, Will’s were angry.

“Stop looking at him as my father,” Killian said.

“Can you?” Emma asked, walking up to him and putting her hand on his cheek.

He jerked away.

“But this isn’t, as you say, a ‘job like any other’,” Nemo pointed out. He was the only one in the galley who looked relaxed, his posture upright as always but with an air of ease that Emma desperately wished she felt. “And not because of who he is. Because of why he’s here.” Nemo gestured at the screen Will had projected on the wall and turned toward Emma. “What’s your professional opinion here, Operative Swan?”

Will had brought up a list of the charges against Brennan Jones: theft, fraud, bribery, smuggling, all across multiple systems.

Child endangerment.

Child abandonment.

Emma looked at Killian.

Killian looked away.

“No way he’s out of Neverland after only twelve years,” Emma said. “So--” her eyes were still on Killian “--trap?”

“Aye,” he said. His eyes flashed with relief and his jaw muscle relaxed. “Set up by someone else to do the dirty work. Blackmail, maybe. That’s how a lot of the big syndicates do things now. Quasi-government entities, some of them. Don’t want the dirty work putting them on the Feds’ radar and interfering with their legit scams. Keeps the blood off their hands.”

“So what’s Brennan’s game here, Captain?” Ursula asked.

Robin scrubbed a hand down his face and drew in a deep breath. “I imagine he’s got a chess board set up just like yours, sir.”

Killian’s answering look was murderous. “More like three-card monte. Keep the cards moving until he’s ready for you to see the queen.”

“Nah, he’s the one on the move.” Will turned around in his chair.

“How in the bloody hell do you know that?” Killian snapped.

“Facial scan, sir.” Will glared. “I tagged him and put my web-crawlers to work on the Cortex. And he just got a call. Sounds like he’s got sources planted across the world, and this one’s tapped into a Fed outpost. Core access across the entire sector, including SOS, maintenance, alarms. Brennan’s pushing him to tamper with it, cross the signals or some such.” Will squinted at his screen and crossed his hands behind his neck. “Your dad, he is not a nice man, is he? Must run in the family.”

The galley was, for one interminable moment, silent.

Robin smacked Will across the back of his head.

“Captain? What’s our play?” Ursula asked.

“Um, I have a question?” Ariel raised her hand. Emma stifled a laugh, and Ursula sighed. “If Brennan did all of these terrible things, blackmail and the like, why did he come here and hire us? If he’s so bad--”

“--what are they using against him,” Emma finished. “Against us. You.” Everything Killian cared about--was here. On the ship.

It was Nemo who answered. “This is about Liam?”

“Isn’t he--” Robin started to say, but stopped.

Dead. Liam Jones was dead, killed in the operation that Killian had fled with the Jewel of the Realm.

Slowly, minutely, Killian nodded.

“You think someone has your little brother?” Nemo spoke slowly in a soothing tone, as if for a small child.

Whale nearly fell over. “The hell--?”

Emma felt her mouth open. She closed it.

Unsettled. She did not like it. She did not like not having all of the information queued up and ready for her and this was something she should have known.

Something Killian should have told her.

A quick glance around the galley suggested that she was not the only one for whom this news was a revelation. She looked at Ursula, who blinked in surprise and looked at Will, who shrugged and looked at Robin, who shook his head. In unison, they all turned to look at Nemo.

“Younger,” Killian corrected him softly, almost as a reflex. “Aye.”

Nemo had eyes only for Killian, his eyes full of care and concern and quiet authority.

“Killian,” Nemo said. “It’s not your job to take down your own father.”

Emma took two steps across the galley and reached for Killian again.

This time, he did not pull away.

“You’re right about that,” Killian said. “It’s my gorram pleasure.”

His fingers tightened around Emma’s until she couldn’t feel them anymore.

--

“Killian, I don’t think we have enough information on your fa--on this guy. Not yet,” Emma said.

There were other things she could say. Maybe too many other things.

How Brennan had found them.

Killian’s younger brother, Liam Jones.

What Nemo knew that she didn’t.

But she didn’t say any of them. Not yet.

They stood out on the pavement in the middle of the city, or near enough--a city that was just big enough to boast the kind of multi-level skyscraper that was normally more prevalent across the Core worlds, but not so big that any of the buildings were in particularly good repair. They stood in the middle of a fair bit of traffic--pedestrians, land speeders, even personal shuttles buzzing in the sky for the gentry who wanted to show off, but not so much or so little that the five of them and their two Mules were memorable.

Emma, Killian, Ursula, Ariel and Robin stood in front of a building rendered completely invisible by virtue of its resemblance to every other building.

“We don’t even know if this is the right place,” Emma said.

Will’s snort made the earpiece crackle and Emma winced.

“I’m sure,” Will said. There was a beep in the background and Will’s voice was serious this time. “Okay, I think I may have an ID on a potential bad guy.”

“We’ve got the bad guy, Scarlet,” Killian said.

Which was part of the problem, as far as Emma was concerned. Brennan had backup and Killian’s instincts seemed to come from a pretty deep gene pool and that made Brennan one very dangerous guy with potentially more dangerous allies. Emma looked at Ursula, who shrugged.

Ursula was always going to back Killian’s play; well, so would Emma.

“Whatever you say, sir, but this guy Jefferson Chepalier has an interesting story to tell. They say he’s some kind of magician, just making things disappear from one place and appear in another. Weapons, credits, pharmaceuticals--you name it, he’s moved it.”

Nemo’s voice chimed in. “I’ve heard of him. Even the Federation is one of his clients.”

Robin’s eyebrows went up in silent admiration and Emma sighed. “I’ve heard of him, too,” she said. “He knows a lot of the right people in a lot of the right places.”

What did Nemo know?

Why hadn’t Killian told them?

Why hadn’t Killian told her?

“Well, seems like they had a bit of an ugly breakup,” Will said. “Busted last month and lost twenty million in merchandise.”

“Sounds like the kind of guy who could get someone out of Neverland,” Emma said.

“Sounds like the kind of guy who needs a big score,” Robin said. “Guys that desperate--”

“Yeah, it’s bad,” Emma agreed.

“Speaking of bad,” Will said. “Here’s some bad news: the system here is old-school. Too antiquated for me to tunnel in and hack.”

Emma rolled her shoulders and moved her neck from one side to the other. But this was nothing they hadn’t expected.

“I didn’t know some of these specs even existed anymore.” Will sounded offended, as though he expected more from his adversaries. “Getting into this would be like hacking a museum exhibit.”

“Which you’ve done,” Robin said.

“Nothing you can prove,” Will said. “In fact--”

Ariel giggled.

“In fact,” Killian interrupted, “it means we’re not going to able to stop him.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It means we’re going to have to help him. Just like he planned.”

“We’re on it,” Ursula said as Emma pulled a pair of cuffs out of her inner jacket pocket and stepped toward Robin.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Will said. “You just--happened to have those on you?”

Emma rolled her eyes.

“Do you always have those on you?” Will asked. “Because--” he paused, presumably watching Emma put the cuffs on Robin “--you are weirdly comfortable doing that.”

“Don’t I know it,” Killian muttered.

Ariel’s mouth dropped open.

“Ariel.” Ursula brought her back to focus. “You’re going in the back. Hook us in manually.”

“And Scarlet,” Emma said, “you keep your mouth shut unless you want me giving Belle pointers when she gets back from Persephone.”

There was an intake of breath over the comm and Killian said, “Shut up, Scarlet.”

“Okay, but--” Robin was resigned as the cuffs clinked into place “--what are we doing here, exactly?”

“All the alarms for the entire Andromache system run through this building,” Will said. “Banks. Private homes. Government systems. Transpo networks. Everything. My guess, Brennan wants to control which alarms get through and which don’t.”

“It’s what I would do,” Killian said. He did not look happy about it.

“It isn’t,” Emma said. “You wouldn’t have gotten us here in the first place.” She wanted to reach for him, to take his hand, to press a soothing palm against his cheek. But she had Robin Locksley in her handcuffs and, apparently, the fate of Killian’s heretofore-unknown younger brother in their hands.

Killian didn’t answer. Didn’t look at any of them, just stared upward at the facade of the building they were about to infiltrate.

“Sir?” Ursula prompted. “We don’t have to do this.”

“We’re the only ones who can,” he said. “Anchors aweigh.”

Emma looked at Ursula, who nodded and gave Robin a shove as they went through the doors.

--

Not only was (former) Federation Operative Emma Swan weirdly comfortable using handcuffs, Robin Locksley was weirdly okay about being cuffed. The whole thing was really weird, Will decided.

At least until--

“Can we hurry up? Being handcuffed in a Fed outpost is a recurring bloody nightmare of mine.”

Never mind, Will thought.

“Scarlet,” Ursula said. “How do we look?”

Will tapped a few keys and leaned forward to peer at the screen. “We will rule over all of this land,” he said. “And we will call it--’This Land’.”

Ariel chirped, “That’s a good thing, right? We’re shiny?” She was breathing slightly heavily from inside a crawlspace, where she had physically tapped the network while Emma, Ursula and Robin distracted the Feds.

“Means we’re tapped into every piece of wire and tech running through that place. We can block alarms, we can set alarms, we can track alarms, all through our own comms network. Nice work--very shiny.”

Ariel clapped her hands in glee.

“Now get the bloody hell out of there--”

The comms broke squelch with a burst of feedback so sharp Will had to shut down the system for eighty-three seconds.

And Killian, that rat bastard, did it on purpose.

Urusla’s voice was the first to break through when he got them back online. “Scarlet?” She was, as ever, sharp and focused. “Where is he?”

“He’s gone,” Emma said, sounding certain.

“Seriously?” Robin said.

“He’s gone,” Will confirmed.

--

“So,” Killian said, “let me tell you what I did.”

He was back in the bar, where Brennan Jones did not seem at all surprised to see him. Papers were spread out across a table in the corner and the bartender kept deliberately not looking their way.

Brennan smirked. “Oh, I already know what you did,” he said. “You let my repairman loose, fine. You think I don’t have another contact? You really think you can beat me? You’re not tough enough. You’re not ruthless enough. You don’t have what it takes, even with your interference--”

“Using a civilian was a dumb brute-force move.” Killian pulled his earpiece out of his ear and a small black box out of his pocket and held them up. “Rigged to the Fed systems. I control it now. I can destroy it. You were saying?”

“Well.” Brennan looked, for the first time, surprised. “That’s--well.”

“You’ve done your homework. You know that I stole the fastest ship in the fleet right out from under the Federation’s nose, so you should also know that I broke into Robert Gold’s space station and broke back out again. Severed his hold on the Federation council. Walked away after he tortured me. If I can do that, imagine what I could to you.”

All of that was true and yet--it had been easier to be tough in front of Gold than it was in front of his own father. He’d been doing that for Emma.

He wished she was here.

They were better as a team.

But she didn’t need to be a part of this. Not this. Killian didn’t want Brennan Jones even looking at her. More importantly, he didn’t want Brennan’s allies--whomever they were--knowing who she was.

“I did my homework too, dad. Where’s Liam?”

Brennan cleared his throat. “You’re being a wise guy with me?”

“What was it you used to say? ‘You’re too much of a planner, Killian. You have to be tougher to survive’. You’re so tough, prove it.”

Besides, Killian Jones always had a plan.

Behind him, Killian heard the sound of an old-fashioned revolver being cocked. He was, for a second, disappointed.

So predictable.

He looked around, started to turn--

Was stopped by an elbow to the back of his head.

After that, blackness.

--

“How long until we hit Paradiso?” Killian asked.

The train whipped through the countryside on the mag-lev track and Emma checked the map on her screen. “Another twenty minutes,” she said. “You should be at the foothills in five.”

“You’re sure?” Robin asked for the twentieth time. “You’re sure this was the plan?”

“He’s sure,” Emma and Ursula spoke at the same time, for all that Ursula was down on the train with Killian and Emma was in the cockpit of the Jolly Roger.

She wanted to be with him.

They were better as a team.

But that wasn’t the plan, and she was part of something now--part of a crew.

“Saw the maps,” Killian reminded them. “Had blueprints laid out for house party on Boros--some gentry have got a Lassiter there.”

“I’ve always wanted one of those,” Ariel said wistfully.

“Next time,” Killian said. For the first time in days Emma thought she detected a smile in his words. “And then there was a set for a hospital on Athens,” Killian said.

“Too much work. Not enough payoff,” Nemo murmured.

“Exactly,” Killian said.

“Three-card monte,” Emma said. “He wanted you to see.”

“Exactly,” Killian said again, and smiled this time.

“What’s the cargo?” Ursula wanted to know.

“No clue,” Killian said. “But since Chepelier was there--save the speech for later, Scarlet--I’d reckon it’s something that will get him his twenty mil back. And I’ll have some words for him about hitting me when we meet.”

“Something that requires an entire Fedsquad sitting on this train,” Ursula said.

“Not an entire squad, Ursula,” Killian said. “Just a few. Just enough to make it fun.”

“When those alarms go off,” Emma said, “it’s gonna be Armageddon.”

“That’s the idea, love,” Killian reminded her.

“Yeah,” Emma said. “Only I think you have a bit of a problem with your brain being missing.” She paused for a beat and then said, seriously, “Killian, it’s not too late to sit this one out.”

Behind her, Emma felt Nemo’s hand on her shoulder. He squeezed.

Killian didn’t answer. He said, “Start flying with the hatch open. Keep her steady, Locksley.”

There were no guards in the train car, just stacks of crates and baggage. Killian went in first and Urusla followed, sliding the door mostly shut behind them but leaving it slightly ajar as Ursula turned to fiddle with a canister she pulled from her satchel and the wires hidden in the door panel. Killian moved toward the center of the car, waiting for Ursula to hand him the screw gun.

He stopped and examined a particular stack of crates and then began to climb them, gently, stopping when he could reach the ceiling. Three corrugated iron panels stood between them and the open sky and soon there was not even that, as Killian put the gun to one of the rivets in the center panel and triggered it.

It made a sickening noise and Killian winced.

“Find the cargo,” he said.

“Thanks for the reminder, sir,” Ursula said.

Killian smirked and pulled the gun down, removing the rivet stuck in it before starting on the next, moving methodically from one to another until the last one is free and he lowered the panel as gently as the could.

It made a bit of a clatter, and Killian winced.

“Sir--” Ursula called, pointing at a stack of boxes.

“Shiny,” Killian whispered. “Brilliant. Get it over here.”

He had barely finished speaking when the net dropped into the hole in the roof of the train.

“Fifteen seconds,” Emma said.

The canister popped just when the wire pulled.

Immediately, there was a ringing noise that echoed through the train car.

“Alarms are set,” Scarlet said, his voice grim. “Feds on your door and Brennan--”

“I’ll worry about Brennan,” Killian said as the door opened fully and the gas released by Ursula’s canister blinded the Fed sent to investigate. With movements both precise and brutal, Killian disarmed him and had him on the ground, unconscious, in seconds.

He and Ursula closed the door behind them just as the comm started blaring and the train began to slow as they pulled into Paradiso.

--

Brennan Jones walked up to the makeshift processing site outside of Paradiso.

It was utter chaos.

Every person around him was screaming into a comm. “What do you mean, we’ve got another alarm call--a third one?!!--multiple code ones at the following sites--roll out--send backup--every available unit!”

It was the house party full of gentry on Boros that sweetened the deal. Feds wouldn’t normally roll out for a bunch of hicks coming in from Hancock. Alarms going off on Boros, on Athens, across Regina--that was a different story.

All hail the might Federation, though it was a shame about the Lassiter. That would fetch a tidy fortune on the black market.

Next time.

--

(Former) Federation Operative Emma Swan walked into the makeshift processing site the locals had set up outside Paradiso.

Where the train had stopped.

After some thieves put a hole in the roof.

It was utter chaos, every person around her screaming into a comm, Feds literally walking in circles--

Except for the poor, understaffed local constabulary, who had been left to deal with the passengers.

Killian and Ursula were off to the side, cuffed and under the watchful eyes of someone who looked like a local sheriff. He looked tired, and frustrated--was likely both of those things, now the Feds were off the train and in his backyard--and did not manage to keep his sigh inaudible as she approached.

Emma flashed her badge fast enough that the lawman wouldn’t be able to get a good look at the code designation that was now invalid. She gave him a half-grin as she did so, carefully calculated.

Empathetic. Brisk. Efficient.

Not here to ruin his day.

She was here to save it, in fact, but he had no way of knowing that.

“You Nolan?” she asked, and he gave her a wan smile. “I’m Swan.”

--

Brennan watched the scene playing out before him.

“No, I can’t send confirmation,” a particularly harried ensign snapped. “This is an all-network alert! Cargo theft--”

Brennan hovered genially near the harried-looking ensign, a petite woman with her hair tied in a regulation-style knot, and smile the kind of smile that was warm enough but completely unmemorable as he waved a datapad in the air with a kind of ‘what can you do’ shrug.

The ensign barely spared him a glance before waving him away, his presence already accounted for and forgotten, and Brennan inched closer to the train, where he was met by a tall blonde man in a uniform who asked, bored, “Status?”

Brennan handed the datasheet over, a transfer order flickering across its surface.

“You’re expecting me,” Brennan said. “Evidence transfer.”

“That’s right, you bastard,” Will muttered at his tablet. “Captain, are you sure--”

“You know the plan, Will.”

“We could just tell the Feds--”

“Oh, I’ve got him,” Killian said. “Gonna look him in the eye when he goes down.”

“Evidence transfer,” the blonde man said, frowning as he looked at the datasheet. “About that--”

He stopped as Ariel, her hair out of its knot, came up behind Brennan Jones, tapped him on the shoulder, and punched him.

Victor Whale pulled off his uniform cap and winced. Ariel was tiny, but she packed a right hook like a freight train.

“Ooooooof,” Will murmured.

--

Emma thought she heard the sheriff mutter about gorram time but not loud enough she had to acknowledge it. “You know there’s a whole spate of robberies across the system today,” she said casually. “Alarms going off anywhere.”

Implied: you’re lucky I showed up at all.

“Rumor has it they were after millions,” Nolan said. “You here for evidence holding?”

Emma only just managed to keep the sneer off of her face.

“Evidence holding”. That’s what the Feds were calling it now.

Emma shrugged. “Above my paygrade. I’m just here for those two.” She nodded with her chin at Ursula and Killian.

“I knew something about his story smelled,” he said, shaking his head and checking his datapad for the passenger manifest.

“Yeah, that’s him,” Emma said, sending a surreptitious wink toward Killian. “It’s not the only thing about him that does.”

In her earpiece she heard him chuckle.

“They’ve been bound?”

“Not yet,” Nolan said. “I--”

“Don’t worry about it,” Emma said. “You just get the rest of these citizens back on this train and on their way. I’ll take care of them.”

--

Ariel shrugged and ducked as Brennan made a pass at Whale and she pulled out a tranq gun--

“That’s enough, Ariel,” Killian said, walking up behind them, a cuff dangling from one wrist while he worked the other free. “It’s going to end right here, dad. You ready? Let me tell you what I did.”

“How did you know?” Brennan looked--bemused.

Almost impressed.

Killian reached into his greatcoat pocket and removed a small black box wired to an earpiece.

“Let’s try this one more time, shall we?”

--

“What’s the trick to three-card monte?” Killian asked, advancing on his father. “The red queen’s never even on the table. But it was a nice move, dad, knocking me out. Letting me deduce your plan. I didn’t even need this--” he held up the black box, pulled from his pocket “--to get inside your head. And all the time, you’re playing me. Playing my crew.”

Ursula, Ariel and Whale stood behind him and Will laughed at the screen. Big damn heroes.

“You tried to make me a pawn in your game. You tried to make Liam a pawn in your game. But here’s the thing, dad: you’re only a pawn if you don’t know you’re being played. And I always know. You taught me that.”

“Twenty million is a lot of money, Killian,” Brennan said.

Killian exhaled a laugh through his nostrils. “It’s not about the money. It never was. You’re not working for Jefferson Chepelier. You’re working around him, trying to get the bigger score. Get his merchandise to a better buyer, the kind of buyer who will pay top dollar and let you sail off into the black forever. A buyer like Cora Hart.”

Brennan stilled and Killian smiled.

“My people are going to take down Chepelier and Cora Hart. We have your cargo. What was it you always used to say?” Killian’s mouth contorted as he imitated his father’s voice. “‘You’re too much of a planner, son.’”

Killian leaned forward, his hands resting on his belt.

“The cargo is already on the way to a contact of ours,” he said. “Because if you’d done your planning, father, you’d have known that I have certain understandings in place between my crew and the Federation Council. And Regina Mills. You’ve heard of her, right? Cora Hart’s daughter? She was thrilled to get her hands on this kind of leverage against Cora.”

“What about your brother?”

“What about him? He was never in danger, not from you, and not from Chepelier,” Killian said. “Just another jack being shuffled--a distraction--but he’s safe. Far away from you and now with the protection of a pirate--” Killian bit the word “--and a Federation Councillor. You’re never getting near him again, and any minute now, the Feds are gonna come and--”

“--arrest both of us,” Brennan said.

“What for?” Killian held up his still-cuffed wrist. “I’ve sent the cargo on already and I have an alibi.”

“I’m not going back to Neverland,” Brennan said.

“That’s fine.” KIllian pulled a gun from his jacket pocket. Ariel made a sound like a sad cat, mewl. Whale swore under his breath.

“You can’t do this,” Brennan said, and chuckled. “I could, but you’re your mother’s son.”

Killian cocked the gun at the exact second Ursula said, simply, “Sir?”

And he looked at her.

Looked at Ariel, at Whale.

Looked up into the camera and Will sighed.

“Let him go, Killian,” he heard Emma whisper. “I’ve got your back. We’ve got your back.”

Killian hesitated; his hand shook and Emma wished so desperately she could take it in hers, put her thumb against his wrist and press a gentle, calming circle there.

“Killian,” Emma said, “be a better man than your father.”

--

Brennan Jones stood at the edge of the station along the train tracks but the train had, literally, already left the station.

Emma Swan walked toward him with Nemo keeping stride, Sheriff Nolan walking ahead of them both.

“Brennan Jones,” Nolan drawled, “you are bound by law.”

Brennan’s eyes widened in startled recognition as he looked at Emma and he smiled.

“Am I though?” he laughed. “Am I really? Check your codes again, Sheriff. She’s not a Fed, or whatever she says she is--she’s a thief.”

“Ran it twice,” Nolan said. “She’s clear.”

“Go ahead, Sheriff,” Nemo said. “One more time. We don’t mind. Authorization code one-zero-two-six. Scorpio.”

With a put-upon shrug Nolan swiped across the datapad and held it up. Federation Operative Emma Swan flashed across the screen with a photo and an arrest warrant. Emma enjoyed watching him as it hit him, the blood draining from his face and his tongue darting out to lick his lip. Brennan ran a hand through his hair in a gesture uncannily like Killian.

“Looks like you’ve gotten yourself mixed up in quite the robbery, Mr. Jones,” Sheriff Nolan said. “I’ve got orders here to put you in custody and send you back to--” his eyes widened and he clucked his tongue against his teeth as he shook his head “--Neverland. Well.”

“I didn’t do it,” Brennan said, pointing a finger at Emma. “I’m innocent.”

Emma rolled her eyes dramatically and shared a smirk with the sheriff. “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Everyone’s innocent in Neverland.”

“Sheriff,” Brennan was pleading. “She’s not who she says she is. She’s a--”

Nemo grabbed his arm and twisted it, making Brennan wince.

“My own son,” Brennan said. “More ruthless than me. Crueler than me.” His eyes hardened and something unpleasant glittered in his irises. “You tell my son,” he muttered. “You tell my him--”

Emma turned away, waving at Nolan to step forward with the cuffs.

“--tell him I’m proud of him.”

Emma turned back. “Enjoy Neverland.”

--

Killian exhaled as he turned the ship’s wheel, piloting the Jolly Roger out of orbit and closer to the surface of Persephone. Emma stood behind him, looking out the cockpit windshield. The sun was setting and it refracted through the atmo.

“Well, that’s a joyful sight,” Killian muttered, looking up at Emma.

“Gotta love a sunset,” she sighed.

“That too,” he said. And winked.

“Almost like coming home,” Emma said, her fingers scratching and lazy at the back of his neck. He shivered.

Home.

She was his home. This was his family.

“We sniff the air,” he reminded her. “We don’t kiss the dirt.”

“Noted, Captain,” she said. “But I wasn’t planning on the dirt-kissing. Sir.”

“I wouldn’t stand for it anyways,” Killian said. He locked the wheel into place and pushed back in his seat, smiling up at her the entire time as lightness rushed through his body. “Jealous man like me.”

“Hey--eyes front, please,” Robin said, walking in and making a face. “Planet’s coming up a mite fast. You’re coming down too quick. Likely gonna crash and kill us all.”

Killian stood up and pulled Emma’s hand into his. His eyes never left hers.

“That happens,” he said to Robin, “let me know.”

--

“Hey,” Emma whispered, pushing the fringe off of Killian’s forehead as he opened one bleary, sleepy eye and stared at her. They were a tangle of limbs and sheets in the berth. “You were some kind of hero today, Jones.”

He nuzzled into her hand and wrapped her more tightly against him. “Mmmmm.”

It was not agreement.

“Trust me, you have a mark in the hero column,” Emma said, bending so her lips brushed against his ear. “Killian?”

“Mmmm?”

“Will you tell me about him, someday?” Killian’s eyes opened, both of them, and he stared at her in surprise. “Your younger brother?”

He stilled and then exhaled, a brush of warmth against her palm. “Aye, love. Someday. But not today, yeah?”

Emma snuggled herself against him, dropping her head to his shoulder. “Someday,” she agreed.

They had all the time in the world.

--30--

@quirkykayleetam​

[d-criss-news]

Ryan Murphy’s (Kinda) True ‘Hollywood’ Story: 1940s Meets Gay Stars, Interracial Romance and (Gasp!) a Female Studio Chief

The prolific TV creator and Netflix unveil a revisionist take on the golden age of movies, showing how much (and how little) has shifted in entertainment and beyond: “'Hollywood’ can change the world.”

On an abnormally cold January evening, on the steps of Los Angeles’ Shrine Auditorium, history was being rewritten.

Two actors, one playing Rock Hudson, the other Hudson’s African American screenwriter boyfriend, Archie, were tucked inside a teal blue Packard Club Sedan, awaiting their cue. Outside, it was Oscar night, 1948, and despite warnings of grave backlash, the pair was prepared to step out as a couple for the first time.

Archie exited first, his eyes wide with trepidation, then Rock. In matching white tuxedos, they grabbed for each other’s hands and shuffled nervously down the red carpet.

The press box erupted in hisses, then boos.

“Are we doing the right thing?” Archie whispered.

“Absolutely we are,” Rock replied.

The two exchanged smiles, exhaled and made their way into the theater. Then they stopped and did it again. And again.

Ryan Murphy, the scene’s chief architect, was a few miles east, buried in one of his dozen other projects, but his fingerprints could be detected everywhere. The reimagining — part of his new Netflix anthology series, Hollywood — offers a world in which Hudson (played by Jake Picking) walked openly as a gay man, as opposed to the real-life heartthrob who remained closeted until his death from AIDS in the mid-1980s. Elsewhere in Murphy’s revision of history, an African American actress, played by Laura Harrier, is cast as the star of a major studio picture, written by Hudson’s black boyfriend (Jeremy Pope), helmed by a half-Asian director (Darren Criss) and greenlit by a female studio chief (Patti LuPone) and her gay head of production (Joe Mantello).

If Pose was Murphy’s effort to champion the marginalized, Hollywood’s his shot at imagining such marginalization was undone decades ago. The series, his first without his longtime collaborators at 20th Century Fox Television, drops in its entirety May 1, with a sprawling ensemble of real and fictional characters. It was supposed to feel timely, its period backdrop a reminder of how much and how little has changed in 70-plus years; now, landing in a world grappling with a global pandemic, its 1940s setting could be the escape so many are seeking.

“I’ve always been interested in this kind of buried history, and I wanted to create a universe where these icons got the endings that they deserved,” says Murphy, 55, who’s been waiting out the virus at his home in Los Angeles, with his husband and two young sons, who now require homeschooling. “It’s this beautiful fantasy, and in these times, it could be a sort of balm in some way.”

The Netflix executives who shelled out roughly $300 million for Murphy’s services in 2018 can only hope so. Already, they’ve had to cancel influencer screenings, scrap subway ads and punt on potential plans for a premiere benefit for the now hard-hit Motion Picture Television Fund, which houses several stars of the era in its L.A. retirement facility. As for the show itself, it’s certainly not the broad-sweeping, four-quadrant fare that Netflix is widely thought to prefer. The pilot episode alone features six sex scenes — a mix of gay and straight — and nearly all involve some sort of financial transaction. By episode three, which the show’s writers have nicknamed “night of a thousand dicks,” the characters have found their way to one of director George Cukor’s infamous pool parties.

Still, Netflix head of originals Cindy Holland says that Hollywood is exactly the kind of elevated, inclusive and ultimately hopeful programming that the company wants from Murphy, and the seven-episode limited series was fast-tracked as a result. “What I love,” she says, “is that Ryan is creating a world that he wants to will into existence.”

***

Murphy’s first inkling for Hollywood came over a celebratory dinner with Criss following their fruitful awards run for the Versace installment of American Crime Story. With rosé flowing, the two began discussing a next possible collaboration. Murphy wanted to do something young and hopeful; Criss proposed 1940s Hollywood. The 33-year-old actor had been fascinated by the lore surrounding characters like Scotty Bowers, the L.A. hustler who operated out of a gas station on Hollywood Boulevard, along with golden age stars like Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn, and he was eager to explore the era with Murphy.

“There’s a blinking red light on it that says, ‘Ryan Murphy, Ryan Murphy,’ ” says Criss, “because it’s sexy, it’s fun, it’s glamorous, it’s dangerous and it has resonance now.”

Murphy didn’t disagree. As a student of Hollywood history, he’d already gone down the road with his FX series Feud, which centered its first season on Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. This would simply allow him to dig deeper on figures who’d long captured his attention, from Anna May Wong, the first Chinese American movie star, who was effectively run out of Hollywood, to Hattie McDaniel, the first African American to win an Oscar and not be allowed to sit with her cast in the theater. “I’m always moved by these characters who weren’t fully seen or didn’t get their moment,” says Murphy in an interview on the Paramount lot earlier this year, where he was directing Meryl Streep in The Prom, another Netflix production. At one point, he’d even toyed with the idea of doing a Biography-style anthology series with an episode devoted to each.  

Not long after that dinner, Criss was at a bachelor party when his phone rang. It was Murphy. “He says, 'Do you mind if I just do my thing on this?’ ” says Criss. “And I’m like, 'You’re Ryan fucking Murphy. Do whatever you want!’ ”

So, Murphy picked a collaborator, Ian Brennan, with whom he’d worked on Glee, Scream Queens and The Politician, and the two began quietly tossing around ideas. With the help of a few researchers, they landed on a story that revolved around a Bowers-esque service station, with a staff full of actors and directors looking to be stars. “It was super fun and sexy and salacious,” says Brennan, “but it was also about the #MeToo underbelly of 1940s Hollywood, which felt very, very contemporary.”

The men found it exhilarating to depict sex so explicitly and in every possible combination. “To be able to describe exactly what is happening is really, really cool,” says Brennan. And despite the appetite for such racy content varying dramatically around the globe, Netflix brass was passionate about its inclusion — a marked difference from his and Murphy’s experience on previous shows, where they fought tooth and nail over the mere mention of sexual terms. “I hope this isn’t speaking out of school,” he adds, “but the one thing [Netflix’s vp original series] Brian Wright said to me, was, like, 'Thumbs-up on the sex. If anything, dial that up.’”

From the Pose writers room, producer Janet Mock would see Murphy and Brennan huddled in a nearby room and wonder what the latest “secret Ryan Murphy project” was all about. At one point, Mock found herself pumping intel out of a writers’ assistant, who told her, “It’s a thing called Hollywood, it’s about this gas station.” Having seen the 2017 documentary Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood, she figured, “OK, there’s no place for me in that. I’ll continue with Pose.”

But that would soon change, beginning with an eye-opening discussion in the writers room about which of the ensemble’s contract players would be picked to star in the film at the center of Hollywood. The role was that of real-life actress Peg Entwistle, a blonde Brit who jumped to her death from the famed Hollywood sign. “At first, we were like, “Well, it can’t be the black girl [Harrier’s Camille], they wouldn’t have done it. …’ And then it was like, 'Well, wait a second, what if it actually was? What if Peg becomes Meg,’ ” says Brennan. One what-if led to another and then another, and before long they’d decided to go back in and start revising history — this time, with Mock as a credited writer.

Now, rather than use the series to, say, showcase the powerlessness of a studio head’s aging housewife, in this case LuPone’s Avis, they tweaked the story so that suddenly it explores what would happen if Avis gained control of her husband’s studio. It was the same for several others, including Rock Hudson, says Murphy’s co-creator. Instead of telling the tragic tale of a person forced to hide, they allowed themselves to explore what would happen if he refused to do so. “Once we began asking, 'What if?’ it became a different show,” says Brennan, with Mantello adding: “It became a fable of what could have been.”

With Netflix execs eager to get the series up on the service, Murphy began loading the cast with his usual mix of familiar names — from Jim Parsons, as Hudson’s real-life closeted agent Henry Wilson, to Rob Reiner, as the head of the fictional Ace Studios — and newer discoveries, like Samara Weaving (Ready or Not) as Reiner’s daughter, or Picking as Hudson and Pope as his fictional boyfriend. As with other recent ensembles, he listed all of them not in order of importance or seniority but rather alphabetically on the call sheet. The message was clear: “The star of the show is the show,” says Murphy. Still, initial hires Criss and David Corenswet, who’d made his debut on The Politician, were given executive producer credits, along with backend points on the series. (There’s already talk of a season two, which would pick up in the late 1960s, with many of the same actors in entirely new roles.)

At some point in the production process, Murphy found himself scaling back the graphic nature of the series, too — a byproduct of his own personal recalibration, he says, having spent so much of his pre-Netflix life fighting to show so much as a woman’s nipple. “When you’re finally free, you have this tendency to go full tilt boogie, but ultimately I became much more interested in the emotion of the characters, and, frankly, I became protective of them,” he explains, suggesting every episode had an X-rated version, an R-rated version and a PG version, and, to the delight of participants like Corenswet, who plays an actor-cum-sex worker, Murphy would almost always select the R one.

“I think Ryan realized as we were shooting that the best part of the sex was the romance — and that’s always great to hear as an actor, especially when it applies to your five-page sex scene with Patti LuPone,” says the 26-year-old Corenswet. LuPone, for her part, was just thrilled she was still asked to do a sex scene at age 71. “Finally!” she bellows, praising Murphy for having both the vision and the courage to take the risks he does: “Ryan’s fearless,” says the Tony winner, who also popped up in Pose, “and I’m so happy to be in his world." 

***

Long before Murphy was a household name, with a big fat Netflix deal to ostensibly take all the risks he wants, he was a frustrated former journalist fighting to change a system that wasn’t built for him. His own secret had been revealed at just 15, when his mother found a drawer full of love letters from his then-22-year-old boyfriend at their home in Indiana. Horrified, she and Murphy’s father threw their son into counseling, hoping he could be "fixed.”

A decade or two later, after his first career as an entertainment writer, Murphy carved out a place for himself in television, where he could exist comfortably as a gay man — so long as he didn’t try to write anyone like himself into scripts. “There were lots of words that they’d use to discriminate against you,” he says, “too flamboyant, too camp, too theatrical, and they were all code.”

By the mid-1990s, he’d joined forces with 10 or so other out or soon-to-be-out creatives, a group that included Nina Jacobson, Greg Berlanti and A Beautiful Mind’s Bruce Cohen. Giving themselves the name “Out There,” they’d meet in courtyards and living rooms to swap horror stories and try to plot a path forward. “We were young and didn’t have much money, but we had a lot of energy and a need to connect with and support each other as gay people working in a straight environment,” says Jacobson, who’d later collaborate with Murphy on American Crime Story and Pose. “And for a lot of us, it was, for the first time, that feeling of community.”

In time, Murphy, like the others, found a way to “monetize [his] pain.” His first creation, Popular, debuted in 1999, and other opportunities followed. Popular begat Nip/Tuck, Nip/Tuck begat Glee, and before he knew it, Murphy had moved from TV’s fringes to its red-hot center. As The New Yorker once wrote, “He changed; the industry changed; he changed the industry.” In early 2018, he signaled that power by signing a nine-figure deal, among the most lucrative in the medium’s history.

So it is perhaps fitting that Murphy’s first project wholly for and from the service includes a scene that trumpets what he calls “the thesis statement” of his career. It begins with Criss’ character, Raymond, being regaled by the story of Anna May Wong’s awe-inspiring screen test for the lead role in the 1937 adaptation of The Good Earth, a part that ultimately went to a far less deserving Caucasian actress. Suggesting it was one of the saddest stories Raymond had ever heard, a film executive played by Mantello responds:

“What’s so sad about it? The picture was a hit. [They] were right. You can’t open a picture with a Chinese lead or a colored one, a number of theaters won’t run it.”

Raymond: “But you said she deserved the part?”

Exec: “Yes, but the hard fact is, had she gotten it, the picture is not a hit.”

Raymond: “How do you know that? You never made the movie, so how do you know it’s not a hit?”

Criss’ character continues with a monologue that is so perfectly Murphy you can almost close your eyes and picture him saying it.  

“Sometimes I think folks in this town don’t really understand the power they have. Movies don’t just show us how the world is, they show us how the world can be. If we change the way that movies are made — you take a chance and you make a different kind of story, I think you can change the world.”

Criss himself would argue that Murphy already has. “His dial is always in extremes. So, if he’s doing Glee or Scream Queens or this, it’s at an 11, almost as a middle finger to reality,” says the actor. “It’s like he turned the dial over to say, 'This is how I’d like to see the world in my wildest dreams. Ain’t it fun?’ ”

In the past two years, since he moved his creative hub from 20th Century Fox TV, where he still maintains a considerable roster, Murphy been responsible for producing roughly 200 LGBTQ characters, many featured as leads. At least a third of his Hollywood cast is older than 70 (“Seventy is the new 40,” he teases), and nearly every project he launches is fronted by a woman — and that’s just in front of the camera. “If you see it, you can be it,” Murphy says often.

It’s a worldview that appeals to Netflix’s Holland, for whom he’s already prepped two films (Prom, The Boys in the Band), two docuseries (Circus of Books, Secret Love) and five seasons of inclusive television, including a Halston miniseries that, along with his 20th programs Pose, American Horror Story and American Crime Story, shut down care of COVID-19 in March. In the weeks since, when he isn’t toggling between Tiger King and MSNBC, Murphy’s kept busy writing two new decidedly hopeful series, each with the express purpose of providing viewers and himself an escape. “Ryan’s the rare creator who speaks to many audiences,” says Holland. “It’s not just gay people or straight people or older people or younger people, it’s really all people who are interested in the human condition.”

To date, Murphy claims he has yet to hear the word “no” from his Netflix bosses, though he’s definitely been nudged in certain directions. “They don’t want me to do small, niche things,” he says, acknowledging that not too long ago a project like Hollywood would have been deemed just that. “But they know how to market this,” he explains, noting that Netflix will push his latest series on viewers who also like love stories, young adult series and LGBTQ fare.

For those who worried the ultra-competitive producer would chafe in a system that doesn’t provide a public report card (aka ratings), he argues that that’s been liberating. Brennan backs him up, revealing how they received initial numbers for The Politician a week or two after it premiered late last summer and then another trove of data a month or so later; and though the latter could effectively game out how many people would watch the series over time, Brennan says, “We were sort of like, 'I don’t think that’s helpful.’ ”

Murphy takes it a step further, insisting he’s no longer interested in the old metrics, like how many people are watching or how many awards a series has generated. “All the things that people tell you will make you feel successful … I have those things, they don’t,” he says. What matters to him now is being able to tell stories that he wishes he or others could have seen. To that end, he can’t help but wonder what his own life would have been had he witnessed Rock Hudson walking the Oscars red carpet as an openly gay man — and though it’s too late to change his own experience, Murphy would like to be able to improve the experience of others. So, he took a chance and made a different kind of story. “Hollywood,” he says, “can change the world.”

[im-that-bitch-still-that-bitch]

A Place to Recover~s.b.

a/n: this is the first thing I’ve ever written on here, so I hope people like it! I just couldn’t get this idea for a story out of my head and had to write it. more parts to come... and it starts at the end of the first season with an alternate ending to the whole heading exploding thing

Part I-Homecoming: the prequel

The peaceful guitar melody of “Kiss me” by Sixpence None the Richer hummed softly out of Erin Brennan’s iPhone speaker as she put the finishing touches on her makeup for the homecoming dance. As she pulled loose strands of hair out of her half-up ponytail and laced up her converse, she couldn’t help but notice her hands shaking. Her best friend’s words earlier that week echoed in her ears,

 “You just can’t wear heels. No guy wants to dance with a girl who’s taller than him.”

Erin didn’t want to give off a “girl who wears converse with a dress to be quirky” vibe, but she despised ballet flats, so what else was there? 

She straightened up and looked into her full-length mirror at her lanky body in the pale pink slip dress she’d bought at a thrift store a week ago. The only thought racing through her mind was how stupid she felt, but that feeling always seemed to come with getting dressed up for Erin. She felt like an imposter. 

“Do you really think you can convince people you’re pretty?”

As her dark brown eyes met her own in the mirror, she noticed a single tear threatening to slip out of her perfectly curled lashes, “Fuck.”

She had promised herself she wouldn’t smoke or drink at all before the dance because of the homecoming debacle of 2018 when not one, but three of her friends she showed got kicked out and suspended for being drunk, but as soon as that little tear began threatening to fall, she caught it on her index finger and climbed out onto her roof with a joint in hand.

As she felt the joint burn down to a tiny nub and the heat in it growing closer to her fingers, she let it fall onto the wet grass of her backyard and climbed back in through her window. Her timing was opportune because just as she latched the window closed, her sister barged into her room, 

“Erin, we’ve been calling you for like ten minutes. Mom wants pictures,” Clare said, running out of breath.

“Yeah, I’m coming. Sorry, I didn’t hear you over my music.” She was in the clear luckily.

But as she strolled towards her bedroom door to follow in Clare’s lead, Clare stayed put. She whipped around and sniffed Erin’s shoulder. “You might want to put on some perfume,” she turned back and walked another two paces before turning to Erin once more to taunt, “Pothead!”

Erin laughed and spritzed perfume on her dress, then walked out the door. Mrs. Brennan squinted at her phone while snapping pictures of Erin with her best friend Kate, claiming she would only take “one more,” once every two minutes.

“We’re leaving mooom,” Erin called as she opened the passenger seat to Kate’s Mercedes Benz. The two had been best friends since middle school, making quite the dorky duo when they were both in puberty’s punishing grasp. When high school started, Kate blossomed into the perfect picture of a conventionally attractive woman, earning her lots of popularity. In a way, she dragged Erin to her new friend group. They were less than welcoming seeing as Erin was a bit offbeat, but they knew Kate was too stubborn to leave her other half behind. 

The two girls stepped into the gym and admired the golden glow of fairy lights hung from the ceiling. They spotted their friends immediately, and the bubbly girls ran to them and insisted on hitting the photo booth. Of course, they all immediately came up with about a dozen different combinations of girls they wanted in a photo, none of which included Erin. 

“I can hold everyone’s purses,” Erin spoke shyly. The girls all jumped on the idea, piling their clutches in their arms. Erin would get annoyed, but this was high school for her; catering to her so-called friends’ interests and needs because if they dropped her, where would she go, anyway?

Feeling more confident than ever due to her high, Erin marched up to the DJ booth, “What is going on with this set list?” The boy behind the booth shrugged indignantly, clearly not looking to cater to this girl’s music taste. The two argued for nearly five minutes.

“Listen, if you don’t wanna play Twin Peaks, then at least just go for a crowd favorite to play it safe.”

A voice spoke up from next to her, “Twin Peaks, huh? Not bad. I just came over here to figure out what the hell’s going on with this set list.” Stanley Barber stood beside Erin with his arms folded, staring the DJ down. 

“Oh, hey Stan,” Erin said, then turned to the DJ, “Listen, man. I’m just trying to help. Do what you wanna do.” And with that, she was off.

Stanley watched the girl walk away, sort of amazed that she knew his name, but then again, that was the popular people’s job; knowing everyone. She had actually first caught his attention in his debate class, when she’s known for sparring with Bradley Lewis. Two weeks prior, they’d had quite the nasty exchange:

“I just think people should be less harsh on men with all this ‘Me Too’ crap.”

“If you think that you’re part of the problem. The behaviors these men are getting in trouble for are toxic, and they were normalized in a toxic society.”

“Maybe you think that way, but not everyone’s a crazy feminist bitch,” he spat.

Erin scrunched her nose with distaste, “Call me a crazy bitch again, Lewis, it really gets me hot and bothered.” Of course, the inevitable came, “ooh’s” and gasps from their classmates and a day in detention for the two debaters.

It was days like that when the distinction between Erin and her friends became clear. She was stubborn as hell and refused to try to please people like Bradley Lewis. Stan respected her for it, but what did the local pot dealer’s respect mean? Nothing.

The rest of the night went as usual. The group of girls all danced together, squealing with excitement when their song came on. Erin was (thankfully) able to find a boy from the hockey team to dance with for the slow dance who was pretty nice, wandering hands aside. 

The trouble came when it was time to announce homecoming queen and king. “All right ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention? Stop right there, please. It is my privilege to introduce your homecoming king and queen, Jeff Butters and Julie Frasheski!” Erin and her friends all cheered extra loud, as Julie had shown up with them. Jeff Butters began his less than graceful speech, only to be interrupted by none other than Erin’s infamous debate opponent. 

The boy jerked around on stage, trying to avoid the principal’s grasp, “I would like to take this moment to talk about something very important that affects everyone here. Sydney Novak. Hey, Sydney! Give a wave so everybody can see you.” 

Erin felt her jaw clenching with anger, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a bit thankful Brad hadn’t chosen her as the subject of this odd callout speech, as they were sworn enemies. 

He continued, “You see, what a lot of people don’t know about Sydney here… she is one hell of a writer.” The boy pulled a notebook out of his Letterman jacket pocket, and the tension in the room skyrocketed. “You know, it’s funny, because everyone is so fast to call me an asshole, but while I was downstairs banging Jenny Tuffield at Ricky’s, guess what Sydney was doing upstairs.”

Erin racked her mind trying to remember which party Ricky has hosted. The memories of playing beer pong with Julie, Becca, and Kate came flooding back into her mind. Becca puked in the bushes at the end of the night, and a football player had asked Erin for her “hot friend’s number,” which happened a lot.

“She was kissing my girlfriend,” Bradley spat into the mic. Erin anxiously chewed her lip, trying to think of something, anything, to do to stop whatever Brad was attempting. She didn’t know Syd, but she knew that getting made fun of by Bradley Lewis was no walk in the park, and no one deserves to be outed against their will.

The boy drew closer and closer to Syd, continuing his monologue of hatred, full of homophobic slurs, of course. As he continued to rib on the girl, even getting into her family life, Stanley Barber marched out of the crowd, gentlemanly as always, “Hey, man. Leave her alone.” His heroic gesture was cut short by Brad swinging a right hook punch right across his cheek. 

Erin grew more and more anxious. She hadn’t even noticed that she had been cowering backwards until she felt her back hit the wall. She gasped and turned around. She scanned the room, seeing that everyone’s eyes were on Brad. Another key thing that she observed was the fire alarm right next to her shoulder. Her mind raced at the speed of light: “If Brad is exposing whoever he doesn’t like, then I’m next… Falsely pulling a fire alarm is a federal offense… What if I tackled him…. He’d beat the shit out of me.” Her thoughts began to overlap and get more jumbled, when she felt impulsivity take over her body as she yanked on the fire alarm. The sprinklers turned on, and a chorus of whines and shrieks came from the students who were currently getting soaked. 

Erin’s chest began to rise and fall more quickly with every anxious breath. She stood frozen in place watching everyone flee the scene. After the main crowds scattered, she saw Dina and Syd each hooking an arm under Stan’s armpits and carrying him out of the gym. In a moment of bravery, Erin asked if they needed help and ran to the three. Syd and Dina accepted thankfully as Erin picked up the boy’s ankles and began to walk backwards, “Let me know if I’m about to bump into something, okay?”

The three finally reached Stan’s car and laid him down in the back seat. Just as Erin caught her breath, she heard tires screeching and saw Kate’s Mercedes Benz whipping out of the school parking lot with a drenched Julie and Becca in the back. “Shit,” she muttered.

“I-is something wrong?” Dina asked. 

“Um… yeah, my ride sort of just left.”

“Oh well, I’m sure Stan can drive you home when he wakes up,” Dina said with a friendly, but clearly shaken smile.

“If he wakes up,” Syd added with a blank look in her eyes. 

“SYD, don’t say that!” Dina yelped.

Sydney spoke up, looking at Erin, “Could you give us some privacy for a minute?”

Erin looked around awkwardly, “Uh, yeah. I’ll just… walk to the other side of the parking lot.” As she kicked the pebbles on the ground and watched Dina and Syd in a heated argument, she began to regret staying to help them. She probably could’ve gone home with Kate if she had rushed out like everyone else, but she was with two near strangers nursing another near stranger who was unconscious while the remaining teacher chaperones walked the perimeter of the school trying to see if there was an actual fire.

Erin was pulled out of her thoughts by Syd yelling (which she had never heard the girl do before), “Holy shit, he’s up.”

Erin began to jog back over to them, reading their facial expressions to see if they were done with their chat. Dina looked down at Stan intently, “Hey, buddy. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Stan furrowed his brows for a moment then sputtered out, “Brad… son of a bitch… how did I get out here?”

[jq37]

oh WOW that new bloodkeep ep

**spoilers for family in freefall bloodlines and lifelines**

Man this episode was a lot. Probably my fave of the season so far.

Brennan seems to have an M.O. in terms of plotting things. They way we got a focus on each character in a stressful situation reminded me a lot of Family in Flames from the FH season which came at about the same point in the story.

Anyway, we start with Brennan giving the most unnecessarily verbose description of falling ever.

I am actually not sure how big Lilith is supposed to be in relation to everyone else at this point. Or how big her kids are supposed to be. I thought the really young ones were like straight spiders but like Jessa and the boy who’s name I’m forgetting were centaur style like her. But like, idk. 

Efink insisting that she’s still holding the wheel (even though it truly means nothing) was so funny.

Both Matt and Brennan do very good re-entry sound effects.

Brennan: Feel free to do nothing.

Rekha: *SLAMS that induce labor button with no hesitation*

Truly amazing

“You feel your fire break.”

Leiland falling to his doom while bossa nova music plays in the background and rolling his eyes at Maggie is iconic.

Everyone is dying and Sohkbar is just like, fine.

Lilith polymorphs into a full ass spider.

Even though it ended up going sideways (literally) not a bad plan from Markus.

Brennan is so good at scene setting exposition.

Erika acted the hell out of that moment when she and Sohkbar share a look before she tells Russel everything is gonna be OK. She didn’t have to but she did that for us.

The wheel that steers nothing metaphor was such a good turn of phrase from Bren.

Efink’s DOUBLE NAT ONES.

WOOOOOW.

Rekha goes, “THIS is the bad day,” with Kristen Bell’s inflection and I am reminded that it has not even been a full 24 hours in game since ep 1. Wild.

Anyway, Efink’s norn spirit things disappear which is what happens when you roll snake eyes I guess. Amy is legit tearing up.

Brennan’s throwaway joke of explaining story structure low key killed me.

Leiland gets advantage on perception and rolls a nat 20!

Are all of the Vingury just gay for the next person in their chain of command? Because that’s what it seems like.

Matt’s flustered Leiland as Miles implies ~things~ is adorable.

Animal handling 2, electric boogaloo. I love that joke.

Maggie is so OP. Maggie hits the ground and isn’t even at half HP. Leiland is knocked into negatives though.

His first death save is a nat 1. WHICH IS 2 FAILURES. I was so stressed.

Then J'er'em'ih rolls a nat 20 to go save him!

I love the phrase, “J'er'em'ih’s normal form” as if he has a normal anything.

“J'er'em'ihdeserves the credit.”

Anyway J'er'em'ih(w/ an assist from Sohkbar) saves Leiland!

Rekha was so concerned for John. Like, not even Maggie. Rekha.

“It’s gonna be an egg!?”

Samantha Eagles. (Of the Philadelphia Eagles?) I died at that line.

Maggie levels up and gets healing magic. (“Fuck yeah!” says Maggie.) John stabilizes.

The fact that Maggie thought it might be an egg makes me concerned that she maybe isn’t ready to be a mom.

I love that Maggie just wordlessly presents her baby to Lilith (the alpha mom of the group) like a kid showing their mom and art project.

OK, this is such a tiny moment but I love, love, love that Maggie has a good enough relationship with Lilith that when she heard what she thought was a threat to her baby, she just asked, “Is that a threat to the baby?” instead of attacking her or going *Maggie will remember that* and harboring mistrust. The way she asked was so adorable. Also, Lilith would never.

Markus floats basically the exact same plan as Lilith (defect to good, get pardons) but at least he uses it as a plan of true last resort.

Lilith being the keeper of basically all of Efink’s self esteem is great. Also, everyone has to keep reminding her that she is queen.

“As the resident magnificent failure.”

“Allow me to be the basis for your self comparison. That’s the best I can offer you.” LEILAAAAAAAND.

Anyway, Leiland gives a great pep talk to Efink who throws her spell cards over her shoulder irl (”it’s an RP episode. it’s fine”).

Amy to Brennan who is about to start roasting Efink’s entire life: Don’t do this.

So when Brennan said, “Efink gets to decide right now if she’s good at magic.” I was thinking, that’s a big thing to put in a PC’s hands unless you want the answer to be yes. Because, in another story, “No,” might be the better answer narratively, but who’s gonna voluntarily nerf themselves like that?

So Efink dips into an episode of Friendship is Magic which Brennan beautifully picks up the narration for and gets the info they need without rolling for it. She also has some major self actualization and is now dry, less vain, and less dramatic.

It kinda seems like this was leading towards Lilith being the new leader what with her thoughts while she was falling and her being passed up for the promotion but, come on. She would have to make a crazy soul rending deal to just take the crown normally and she has kids and common sense. Otherwise, I think Erika would have made that play.

“Is my son a different player than me?” I love Rekha.

Like Leiland, I fully thought she was gonna name the kids John at first. (Are you ‘allowed’ to jr. a kid who isn’t named after you or your spouse? I’ve never seen someone do that. As in, add the jr., not name a kid after a friend).

I love that Matt roleplays Leiland into so many awkward moments. A good RP-er doesn’t care about their character being cool all the time.

“I’m naming him after the name of yours that I prefer.” That was so sweet.

“First of all, J'er'em'ih’s an excellent judge of character.”

Everyone coming together to make Leiland feel better was so so sweet. These guys are like the exact opposite of murder hobos in a game where they 100% have the right to be.

The baby tells Leiland to kneel and he just does it because of course he does. (Leiland later: I HAVE A VERY PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS)

Maggie after Leiland swears total fealty to Leiland Jr: Can’t you keep anything at like 80%?

Efink rolls a nat 20 on her check to navigate the Bloodkeep, basically completing her self actualization arc.

Leiland resists the urge to chase Hamhead, completing a portion of his arc.

The running thing of people giving Maggie biologically incorrect info on kids because of their drastically different biology.

Aww all of Lilith’s kids.

Lilith dispel magicking the book golem, implying she could have done that at any time and just chose not to.

Leiland apologizes to Maggie for being bitchy to her out of jealously, which I thought was sweet but was just the warm up act for what was about to happen.

But, before that, Maggie’s dad calls and Efink hangs up on him for her. For a second I thought that cutting off the call meant we wouldn’t get to see what was behind the doors but, luckily, that wasn’t the case.

(Also Sohkbar and Lilith eating popcorn as Maggie and her dad fight).

Did Efink appoint herself high adviser?

“Please don’t bite him,” *Leiland Jr. bites a spider*

So, anyway, Leiland and Maggie go into the portal and see visions of (1) weird sex between Zaul and Lilith and (more importantly), (2) Zaul bagging on Maggie when she’s not around/thirsting after Leiland when he’s not around.

The simile about winning the lottery after you find out money can’t buy you happiness was so good.

“What a fucking pig!”/“I agree.”/“Oh, do you?”/“Actually I do.”

I’M SO PROUD OF THEM.

Instead of being mad at Leiland (or Lilith for that matter) she just doubled down on being mad at her dickhead ex. And Leiland, instead of being all winner winner chicken dinner just felt bad for Maggie and Decklan.

“Was this something the baby should have seen?”/“No.”

“This is one of the lesser times it’s bad to say your father’s name.” Yikes Leiland.

Anyway, the whole hang makes plans to take Sohkbar shopping and it really fits in with the theme of this ep of everyone boosting everyone’s self esteem. This ep has a lot of genuinely heartwarming moments.

“Sohkbar yes. Sohkbar yes. Sohkbar yes.”

“What did you roll? [28] You see everything.”

Leiland Jr. as new king seems like a questionable decision imo but I’m not gonna backseat RP.

“You guys start engaging in a fun conversation about statecraft.”

“Lilith, I’d like a hug.” Lilith hugs her and kicks her legs up like she’s in the climax of a romcom.

The whole group hugs and Brennan calls them out and has a NPC call them out, even though he’s the person who led them to this path!

Man, the promo for this ep really made it sound more dire and less heartwarming that it actually was.

YOU’RE DEFINING GOOD

“Imagine there’s 9 squares in a grid.” TRAPP

That like 20 seconds had so many good lines. “We’re cutting out the middle man and taking evil straight to you.”/“We’re evolving evil.”/“We’re disrupting evil.”

Now that I think about it, they really haven’t escaped the bloodkeep so far, have they? They’ve been going back and forth between it but not really trying to escape it per se. 

Olag is back because, again, of course he is.

Final battle y'all!

Sounds like we’re getting actual Gollum next week so that should be fun. Also, very curious to see what that last, “No,” is in response to. These guys are good at cutting trailers so it could be nothing serious, but who knows?

[elejah-verse]

An Officer and A Gentleman/1

Fanfiction 

Part 1

AU TVD/TO story 

Elijah Mikaelson x reader/Elena Gilbert

ft. Angel and Buffy

and other pairings 

a/n: this was inspired by this - when I watched Seals Team

but then remembered Dg being in NCIS, and since I love old movies, got to watch Top Gun, which then inspired me some more to write this -and well- here is a crossover of sorts- also, since I am a gothic girl - as you know looove vampires and all that genre, I loved Angel and Buffyverse (Angel being my no1 vampire, till he got knocked down by Elijah Mikaelson. LOL), and David Boreanaz is starring in Seals Team, so I borrowed those two characters and put them in this story. 

Well, I hope you like it. Thanks for all your support and likes and what can I say - you are great, guys!!! xoxo

P.S. I don’t know who these gifs belong to anymore, so credit to gifmakers. The one in the story is mine. Lol. 

and - doesn’t Dg look so dashing in uniform?! LOL

tags @rissyrapp20 @dendrite-lover @captainshurley @hides2000 @cassienoble2000 @goddessofthunder112 @elejahforever 

_______________________

Returning from the Special OP, friends and fellow Seals Special Operatives, Elijah Mikaelson and Angel S. Booth were summoned by their Commanding Officer.

"This must be about Yemen."- Angel said-"they didn't like our alternative method of rescue."

"Well, if it suspension, I am ok" - Elijah said-"I can do with a few days or a week of going down New Orleans." - Elijah said.

"To see your girl, ha?!" - Angel said-"What was her name?"

"Hayley" -Elijah said, continuing-"Talking of women, did you sort things out with Brennan?"

Angel sighed now, remembering the divorce papers he got as he landed back in the US.

"Divorce is still on. And I signed the papers and sent them off earlier. It's over. I have to face it."

"I am sorry, man" - Elijah said.

"It's ok. I have no energy anymore to wallow in it." - Angel said. He now wanted to add something, but they were called in the office.

"At ease, gentleman" - the Commander said-" Lieutenants, I will get straight tp the point. Due to your very imaginative rescue missions, of which we had a few, you were chosen  to be part of a Special Hybrid Unit and will be taking a special training course at US Navy Struke Fighter Tactics Instructor Program. Best known to us as Top Gun."

Angel and Elijah looked stunned at the commander.

"Only the best of the best go there. Continue to make us proud."

"When do we report, Sir?"

"You have three days off. You have to report Monday morning. 6:00 sharp. Dismissed, gentleman"

Angel and Elijah saluted and went out.

They were extremely surprised and they could not believe that they were called up for something so extraordinary.

"The best of the best?!" - Angel now said in disbelief sort of.

"Did you ever doubt that we are anything else, not that I am bragging, but we deserved it. Hard work, ingenuity paid off." - Elijah said-"and we got three days-whoooohooo."

"Which means that we will not see any free days for a very long time." - Angel said.

"So I will make sure I got three glorious days with my girl. Ahm - and - I know it's not really appropriate as you just signed your divorce papers, but will you be my best man?" - Elijah asked his friend.

"You proposed to her? When? You didn't tell me. "

"I haven't yet. I am going now to buy a ring and go down there and propose. Get a special licence, if not, then, we can get married the first free day I get. I want her with me."

"Right. I will be your best man." - Angel said.

And so, the men got the first plane out to New Orleans.

And down in New Orleans, Elijah got the same blow as Angel. Well, sort of the same.

Coming down to Hayley's house, he found a man opening the door. And when Elijah asked if he could speak to Hayley, the man said-

"What is it about? My wife is not at home. Can I help you? "

"Your wife?" - Elijah was gobsmacked.

"Yes, my wife. Hayley Marshall-Kenner. I am Jackson Kenner, her husband."

"Come on, man" - Angel, who stood next to Elijah now put his hand on his friend's shoulder and said-"Let's go."

"Yeah. Ahm- nothing-Sorry, I bothered you." - Elijah said feeling like someone punched him really hard in the gut.

Angel now kind of nudged again to his friend to leave and they both got in the car. Angel sat in the driver's seat as Elijah was completely lost.

"Keys!" - Angel said.

Elijah got the keys out of his picket, still kind of numb, like he was not able to process what just had happened.

"Bourbon Street?" - Angel suggested.

Elijah just nodded looking straight, trying to make his heart not explode from pain. After a night of a lot of Bourbon to totally numb the heartache and let out steam, both men flew to their new station to San Diego, a two days before planned.

Getting out of the plane, Angel asked Elijah-

"Ready for new adventure? New life? Letting go of the past?!"

"So fucking ready."- Elijah said.

As they still didn't have to report for duty, and having settled in their new abode, they went to have two more days of fun.

Elijah and Angel had no problem making friends or making the party going on, and ending up at a bar, they quickly got the crowd going.

Trying hard to get on and quick the heartbreak, goofying around a bit with the karaoke, Elijah took the microphone and Angel always knew which song to find.

As the song started, Elijah got ready, and getting into the song, seeing a woman at the bar turn catching his eye he now went to her.

Angel rolled his eyes a bit, but he just let him go for it. 

💖Listen baby, ain't no mountain high

Ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough baby

If you need me call me no matter where you are No matter how far don't worry baby Just call my name I'll be there in a hurry You don't have to worry 'Cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no valley low enough Ain't no river wide enough To keep me from getting to you babe

Remember the day I set you free I told you you could always count on me girl From that day on, I made a vow I'll be there when you want me                

Y/N/E  laughed, feeling embarrased but flattered in a way. Elijah continued, fully in the role.

Some way, some how 'Cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough Ain't no valley low enough Ain't no river wide enough To keep me from getting to you babe Oh no darling

No wind, no rain Or winters cold can stop me baby, na na baby 'Cause you are my goal If you're ever in trouble I'll be there on the double Just send for me, oh baby, ha

My love is alive Way down in my heart Although we are miles apart If you ever need a helping hand I'll be there on the double Just as fast as I can Don't you know that there

Ain't no mountain high enough Ain't no valley low enough Ain't no river wide enough To keep me from getting to you babe

As Elijah finished and everyone in the bar clapped, Y/N/E said-

"Well, you picked a good one. It’s actually one of my favs.”

"Ahh, can't take credit for this one. Angel picks them."- Elijah now showed to his friend who was talking to a woman.

"Angel? Interesting name.”- Y/N/E said.

"I am Maverick." - Elijah said.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nah, well, it's my cool name. I am Elijah."

"Two guys with two cool names. Pilots, right?"

"No. Seals, actually. Can I buy you a drink."

"Maybe some other time." - Y/N/E said as a man now approached them.

"Ready?" - the man said.

"Yeah" - Y/N/E replied, turning to Elijah saying-"See you around, ‘Maverick -Elijah'

“Hey and your name?”

“Y/N/E”

The brunette/blonde then went with the guy, and Elijah looked after them. As Angel joined him, he said -

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you're lost your heart already."

"Nah. No more falling in love."- Elijah said.

"Right. Just casual stuff then? Well, it looks like she has a boyfriend."

"Yeah" - Elijah said, his heart flattering unusually at the thought of Y/N/E.

"Who did you talk to? '

" It' s Commander Salvatore's wife. We are invited to a barbecue thing tomorrow night at his house. "

"Ok. Game of darts?" - Elijah sugfested.

"Yeah, go on."

"What's up, you're a bit weird" - Elijah said as the got a couple of beers and went to the darts board area.

"I just found out that the tactics instructor is Buffy Summers." - Angel said.

"You're kidding me? Your Buffy? Buffy, the one you broke up with when you went to Washington?

" The one. "- Angel replied.

" Oh, man. So much about new life, new leaf. "- Elijah said.

Angel sighed and took a swag of beer.

The past seemed to came rolling back in at least when he was concerned.

In the car, Y/NE thought of the Seals Officer she had just met.

"Who was that?" - Damon asked.

"The new Seals guys."- Y/N/E answered.

"Ok. So, shall we go and eat something before we go to the cemetery?"

"Yeah, sure." - Y/N/E said-"Also need to get flowers for it. I can't  believe it's been two years since his death."

"Yeah" - Damon said. 

Not longer after Y/N/E and Damon put the flowers down on the grave of Stefan Salvatore.

"Hey you" - Y/N/E said placing a kiss on the name-"crazy to say it- but happy birthday. Miss you still so much."

Damon sighed a little. His brother was gone two years and a month now, and it seemed like it was yesterday, and at times it felt like it was eternity.

Arranging the flowers a bit, Y/N/E now flashed back

Two years previously

Damon knocked a little at the door frame of Y/N/E and Stefan's bedroom of the Salvatore house, before he entered.

"Hey" - Damon said.

Y/N/E was going through her clothes in obvious total distress.

"I don't have anything to wear for the funeral. Nothing black - damn -" she now burst out crying and turning to Damon continued- "I was supposed to be wearing a wedding dress. We were supposed to get married in August.                 

Damon stood there feeling her sister-in-law to be, sharing her pain.

"I know. He was so -"

"How will I go on? I can't - I just - don't want to - hate the army- hate everything- I want him back, Damon. Please, bring him back-"

"Oh, Y/N/E -" 

                 "Bye" - Y/N/E slipped as she placed a kiss with her hand on the stone.

Damon and her now walked back to the car.

"So, how does it feel to be back, in general?"

"Kind of weird. It's like I've been gone a hundred years. Ok. Can we talk about you and Kai and how did it happen?"

"It's a long story."- Damon said.

"I want to hear it. Everything. Especially about the rain kiss! "- Y/N/E said.

"Caroline told you!"

"Yep! Come on. I want to hear everything."

Damon now told her some, but this was Caroline's version as she saw Damon  finally his feelings to Kai. 

                 "I am so happy for you, Damon."- Y/N/E said-"Kai is a great guy. How did you dad take it?"

"He didn't. There is no change. The idea that I am with a man still repulses him. He wished I was dead and not Stefan. "- Damon said.

"Oh, Damon. I am sorry. That means that Lily is still between the hard and the rock place?!" - Y/N/E remarked.

"Yep."- Damon said-"I am happy, but she is not and I hate that she has to juggle between us. She left him for a while, but then she got back when he ended up in hospital with the heart scare."

"I wish things got better." - Y/N/E said.

"Anyway, you are kind of a big shot now if Pentagon sent you to do this new program" - Damon said.

"I am not. I am just an instructor really."- Y/NE said.

"Just an instructor? This is Top Gun! Only the best are here."

"The program is unique and kind of experimental. I hope it works."

"Did you see the F-18?"

"I helped construct it Damon! Of course I've seen it. Working on a better improved version. " - Y/N/E said.

"Like I said, you are a real big shot."- Damon said.

His phone rang and seeing it was Kai, he swiped the call answering-

"Hey, babe, where are you?"

"I got pizza. When are you home?" - Kai asked.

"Heading home. Y/N/E is with me. I kinda invited her to eat with us. Say hi" - Damon now put the loudspeaker on.

Kai and Y/N/E now exchanged heys.

Soon, as they got to Damon's apartment, Kai gave Y/N/E a warm hug hello.

"It's good to have you back." - Kai said to the brunette.

"I am glad to be back. Seeing you two together, really makes it worth being back. Love conquers all." - Y/N/E’s eyes watered a bit-"ok, I won't be sad."

"You are allowed. We miss him, too."- Kai said.

"Yeah - ok-" - Damon said-"let's toast to Stefan and love. May Y/N/E find love again."- Damon said.

"Oh, Damon please." - Y/N/E said taking the glass of Tequila he had poured.

"Stefan would wanted you to find love again."- Kai said taking a glass of the drink from his boyfriend.

"I know, but - I just - can't think about that-got a new plane to think about"

Kai didn't quite understand.

"Y/N/E is working on a new Fighter plane." - Damon explained.

"Wow!" - Kai said.

"Told you. She is not jus a pretty face." - Damon said.

"Enough you guys. Ok. To Stefan."- Y/N/E raised her glass and so did Kai and Damon. 🚫

Elsewhere, 

Elijah and Angel had dinner at a small diner. And later headed back to the dorms. Both went to their respective rooms, both still very much in thoughts about the past.

Elijah trying to get the grips of how Hayley just went and got married. He now thought of the last time he was with her before he was deployed to the Middle East. And no matter how much he tried to find answers, nothing made sense. Did she ever loved him? He asked himself now. But like Angel had said - can't wallow in it, she obviously chose another guy, and married him- Elijah closed his eyes and his mind wondered to the woman he had sort of sang to.

"Y/N/E" - he slipped and smiled a little.

💕In the room next door, Angel revisited his heart. Eversince he heard that Buffy Summers, his first love was onw of the instructors of the program, he could not stop thinking about her, taking him back ten years previously, when he came to her the night before leaving to Washington to join the FBI. But the break up was not as simple as he had told Elijah. He had not told him that he had gone to Buffy's wedding to tell her that he had made a huge mistake to have let her go.

🚫 At the same time, Buffy Summers now entered the house she has rented.

Putting her bag on the chair, she went straight in the kitchen and got a bottle of red wine out and poured herself a glass. Earlier at a briefing, she has found out that Angel Seeley Booth was chosen for the program.

She thought she didn't care anymore. She thought that it would not stir her, but driving back home, strangely the smallest of butterflies bubbled up.

Buffy slumped down on the sofa, and flashed back to the past.                        

🚫

Monday morning came and all respective parties were in the classroom. The Seargent now introduced two instructors -

"Now you will also be trained and evaluated by a few civial specialist as well as military instructors. One of them is our tech rep, code name Sunny. She has PhD in astrophysics, aerospace engineering.  She is a civilian contractor and you don't need to salute her, but you better listen to her, because the Pentangon does. And if you don't pass her evaluation, you can lose your post. Sunny, was one of the constructors of the hybrid F-18. She will tell you all about the fighter plane. Sunny, it's all yours."

Y/N/E now came in from the side room, and Elijah looked at the brunette like he had just entered a strange kind of dream world.

Y/N/E greeted everyone present now immediately going into the presentation mode. She was serious, eloquent, and it was very clear to everyone that she knew what she was talking about.

Finishing the lecture for the day, on her way out, Elijah followed her and catching up with her said-

"You could have given me a fair warning."

"About what, Lieutenant Mikaelson?" - Y/N/E said raising an eyebrow.

"You could have told me that you are - who you are"

"You didn't give me much time."- Y/N/E said-"But if you can fly as good as you can sing, I just might give you a good evaluation."

"Oh, I can fly. I flew Mig 40. out of Afghanistan."-Elijah now said.

"That was you?" - Y/N/E was now surprised to hear it.

"Yep. That was me."- Elijah confirmed.

"Really? This is not one of those things to splash your charm out again?"

"No. But, all the info is classified." - Elijah said.

"You are kidding me, right?" - Y/N/E now showed Elijah one of the badges that showed him that she had access to all classified information-"I read all about the intel on it. But - I have questions about it."

"Ok. I can tell you about it first hand, but - if you agree to -  coffee?"

"I knew this was one of those things."

"One of what things? It's just a harmless invitaton to have a cup of coffee." - Elijah said.

"Harmless?" - Y/N/E said with a smirk saying yeah, right.

"Completely." - Elijah replied with a charming smile.

Y/N/E's phone now rang and she said this to Elijah before picking up -

"I will get back to you, Lt."

She answered the call and walked away.

Elijah smiled dreamily looking at her until she got into her 1963 Porsche, and drove off. 

Oh, man, what did he do to deserve this. Why did she have to be his instructor. This is going to be so complicated, his heart murmured.

Marvin Gaye song fading in the background as he watches her leave

[welllpthisishappening]

I WOULD LOVE A YOU PLAY BALL LIKE A GIRL SEQUEL OMG THEY HAVE TO GET MARRIED AND KEEP BEING GREAT WRITERS AND I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE SITUATION WITH KILLIAN'S DAD! ANYWAYS YOU'RE GREAT!!!!

PLEASE COME HERE AT ALL TIMES WITH YOUR CAPS LOCK FEELINGS ABOUT YOU PLAY BALL LIKE A GIRL, LOVELY ANON! So, I will be honest with you that I don’t know if I will ever actually write a sequel because the stuff I had written was so GODDAMN ANGSTY that even I was like...you need to stop. That being said, there is a YPBLAG one shot sitting in my docs from that time a few months ago when I was doing kiss prompts. I’ll post that someday. In the meantime though...

Some background, first. Part of the reason I never posted this is because Emma and Killian are going after the same story and Killian, more or less, screws her over. In retrospect, it was absurdly out of character and I was only writing it for the dramz. That’s not my jam. That being said, the dramz is pretty goddamn dramatic and partially because of what happens with Killian and his dad. So, here’s some words that will probably have no bearing on anything else I ever write in this universe, but are definitely angsty. Under the cut because I am who I am, y’know? 

“You know, I think we stunned the entire basketball-writing world when we showed up here together,” Emma laughed.

“If people didn’t know by now, they deserved to be stunned.”“We did try under the radar once.”“It didn’t work out well.”“And you keep encroaching on my beat.”

She said it jokingly, but Killian saw something flash in Emma’s eyes – some kind of emotion that sent a shockwave of worry down his spine.

Fuck.

“I’m just doing my job,” he said softly, hand reaching up, almost instinctively, to play with the ends of her hair.

“I know,” Emma sighed. “And I’m trying not to be a jerk about it.”“You’re not a jerk, Swan. Far from it.”She sighed again and leaned her head to the side – practically pressing her cheek against Killian’s palm and that did something to the knot of worry that seemed to have taken up residence in the pit of his stomach.

“Thanks,” she muttered. “I’ve got to go soon.”He nodded slowly, torn between worry and wanting to kiss her and maybe even apologize a bit for trying to do his job.

He didn’t do any of that.

“Four o’clock flight?” Killian asked, knowing the answer already.

“You’re very good at remembering things.”“Just when it comes to you.”“What a line.”Killian laughed softly and shook his head. “Not a line if I mean it,” he muttered, wrapping his arm around Emma’s shoulder – professionalism be damned – and turning her towards the conference room door.

He didn’t kiss her until they were back on the sidewalk, slipping his hand around her waist with ease and he felt her smile against his lips.

“I’ve got to go,” she sighed, pulling away slightly. Killian didn’t let go of her arms.

“I know,” he said.

“I’ll let you know when I land.”

“Good.”

She stood up quickly and kissed him again and, this time, Killian smiled against her lips. His phone vibrated again in his pocket – a stark reminder that he had a source Emma didn’t and, probably, information Emma didn’t and a column to write for Sunday’s paper – and Killian did his best to ignore it.

Emma pulled herself out of his grip, kissing him quickly on the cheek before taking a deep breath. “I love you,” she said softly. He barely heard it over the crowd of people around them, but the three words settled into his chest and made it a bit easier to forget about his phone and opposite sides of the New York City newspaper war.

“I love you too,” Killian said, wrapping his hand around Emma’s fingers and squeezing softly. “Make sure you beat Hans to every update.”Emma laughed. “You’re a traitor to your own cause.”“That’s not true. I couldn’t care less about Hans. As far as I’m concerned, my cause is you. He’s totally overwhelmed by you.”“You’re not?”“Of course not,” Killian said quickly, stunned by the very idea. “I’m nothing short of consistently impressed by you.

Emma shook her head slowly, but she was smiling and Killian counted that as a victory. “You are on a charm roll.”“Easy,” he said quickly.

“Ridiculous,” Emma countered, but her hand trailed up the back of his neck and Killian had to stop himself from actually groaning at her in the middle of the sidewalk. She took a deep breath and dropped her hand, staring at him seriously. “Time to go save The New York Record.”

“That seems like a ridiculous amount of pressure to put on yourself.”“It’s not just me, the higher-ups mentioned it too. They need the hits and I can get the hits. And it’s all going to happen.”“I’ve got no doubt. Go, Swan, or you’re going to miss your flight.”Emma nodded again, brushing her lips against his and taking a few steps back. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”She smiled at him again before turning back towards the Subway, leaving him standing on the sidewalk and in his present state of grumbling.

The phone vibrated – again – and Killian groaned, earning a few stares from passersbys, as he reached into his pocket to read the messages.

Emma was right.

They were going to officially announce the Rose trade in Chicago that weekend.

She was going to single-handedly save The New York Record.

And he, suddenly, had a decision to make.

Killian looked back at the phone – numbers practically jumping out at him right there in the middle of the sidewalk – and he heaved another sigh, the dramatics of it all making him squeeze his own eyes shut.

This was ridiculous.

He had a job to do.

He needed to print the numbers.

He couldn’t print the numbers.

He couldn’t do that to Emma. Killian knew, for a fact, that her source was Kristoff and knew, for a fact, that his source in the front office had access to some pretty big numbers – namely the speculated details of Rose’s contract – available to him.

Kristoff didn’t have that.

This was an unqualified disaster.

He at least had to go back to work.

Killian set off up the block, twisting between the crowd with an ease that was all but second nature to him at this point.

He wouldn’t run the numbers.

Probably.

He sighed again, grabbing his ID out of the bag hanging over his shoulder and walking towards the enormous front doors of The Writer office. The sidewalk was still packed – it was only two blocks away from the Garden, after all – but Killian could practically feel the pair of eyes staring at him as soon as he walked across the street.

He glanced around quickly, trying to figure out exactly where it was coming from. It only took a few moments for him to realize – there was a man leaning against the building, arms crossed over his chest and one foot leaning against the stone behind him.

Killian stared at him for a moment – eyes going wide when he realized it was exactly the same way he leaned up against the building whenever he came outside to call Emma or talk to a source.

The knot of anxiety and worry that had eased just a bit when Emma kissed him two blocks away returned in full force as recognition washed over Killian.

His father had found him.

“Killian!” the man yelled, pushing away from the wall as soon as he stepped back onto the sidewalk.

Killian tried to take a deep breath, but couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen to his lungs. His head was spinning.

Or maybe he was spinning.

No, he was frozen. The four people who ran into his stock-still body on the sidewalk were a testament to that. He blinked again, keeping his eyes closed tightly as the man who claimed to be his father walked towards him. Killian could hear every step and if he wasn’t so preoccupied with not falling over he would have been impressed by his body’s ability to focus in on the finer points of this situation.

For a moment he briefly considered running away.

He’d hung up on the man twice, after all. There was no reason for Brennan Jones to be standing on 32nd Street with any expectation of Killian actually wanting him. Running away wasn’t the worst option.

Killian dismissed that thought almost as quickly as it passed through his mind.

Liam wouldn’t have wanted him to run away.

Emma wouldn’t have wanted him to run away.

“Killian!”

The sound of the man’s voice brought Killian up short and he snapped open his eyes, staring at the person in front of him.

He looked so much like Liam – too much like Liam.

He’d been right too. Now that Brennan Jones was standing in front of him, Killian did recognize his voice, memories of a birthday party nearly thirty years ago and cake and presents and a family full of people in that stupid, tiny apartment on 87th Street.

Deep breaths. He needed to take a deep breath.

Brennan Jones wasn’t his father – not really. And Liam was gone. He had a family again. He had – what was it Emma had told Henry after his story was published? He had people now.

And Emma.

That was enough.

Brennan stared at him, nervous smile inching across his face and he crossed his arms tightly over his chest again.

“Hi,” he said, and Killian couldn’t help the laugh that seemed to just fall out of his mouth. He sounded a little bit insane.

“Thirty years later and the best you can do is ‘hi?’” he asked. “That’s kind of a letdown if I’m being honest.”“You have every right to be mad.”“I do.”Killian didn’t say anything else and that seemed to catch Brennan off-guard – he refused to think of him as his father, even in his mind – and the man took a step back, running directly into a tourist taking a picture of the Empire State Building.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” Brennan said after apologizing to the slightly stunned tourist.

“About?”

Brennan sighed – he seemed to take Killian’s questions as some sort of moral victory – and tried to smile at him. “Anything you want. Everything. I want to know everything about you.”“Seems a little late for that. You kind of had a whole childhood of that, but you weren’t very interested.”“I was,” Brennan argued, voice rising quickly. God, he sounded like Liam. If Killian closed his eyes, he was certain he’d be able to imagine he was sixteen and trying to get out of doing homework so he could get another round in at the cages on the Piers.

Liam never let that happen.

“I was always interested,” Brennan continued. “There were just other circumstances.”“Seems like a very convenient excuse to walk out on your wife and kids.”“I didn’t walk out.”“Please. Spare me the sob story. You walked out. And you stayed away for years. God, Mom and Liam died and you didn’t come back.”“I wanted to. Really. Especially for Liam. I just didn’t want to make anything difficult for you. I knew you were alone and it didn’t seem fair to just come barreling back into your life at that point.”“Convenient excuse.”“It’s an honest excuse. I’m not proud of it, but that’s the only excuse I’ve got.”

Killian shook his head, biting back a handful of venom-filled retorts and the ever-growing desire to punch this man directly in the jaw. Or maybe shake him. Or maybe punch him and then shake him.

Hard.

Brennan moved his hand and Killian noticed a flash of something in front of him, sunlight reflecting off the band on his finger.

He was married.

He’d left them – couldn’t bring himself to show up at his mom’s funeral or even acknowledge that Liam had died – and then went off and found a brand-new family.

“You’re married?” Killian asked, eyes practically boring a hole into the man’s hand.

Brennan nodded slowly, shoulders sagging a bit. “I am,” he said. “Or I was.”“Was?”“She passed away about six months ago. It all happened very quickly. And I’d promised her. I’d promised that I’d try and find you and make this right. So, well, here I am.”Killian stared at him for a second, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. And, even if he was, Killian wasn’t entirely certain he cared.

“Well,” he said slowly, pushing his hands in his jacket pocket. It was freezing out. The first few weeks of December weren’t exactly the ideal time to be having heart-to-hearts with recently-returned fathers on sidewalks in Manhattan. “You’ve kept your promise. Or something. You don’t have to try and pretend to be interested.”

Brennan’s eyebrows lowered quickly and he sighed again. “Killian,” he said pointedly, taking a step towards him. Killian took a step back. “I’ve always wanted to know. I’ve always wondered. But I was too much of a coward to ever try and do anything about it. Especially after Liam died, I knew what you must think of me. You must hate me. But then Mary she, well, she made me promise. That I’d find you. And fix this.”“There’s not anything to fix,” Killian mumbled.“There’s a lifetime to fix.”

Killian pulled his lip between his teeth, tugging on it in silent thought and doing his best not to visibly shiver in the middle of the sidewalk.

He wasn’t actually that cold. He was mostly just overwhelmed.

“What exactly do you want to know?” Killian asked, staring at his feet as the words tumbled out of his mouth.

“What happened to your hand?”

Killian’s head snapped up and Brennan seemed to know, immediately, that he had said the wrong thing. He glanced warily between the hand and back up to Killian’s face, eyes widening in silent question.

Well, that was the answer Killian had been waiting for – Brennan hadn’t been following him. He really hadn’t cared.

If he had, he’d known not to ask about his hand.

“Did I ask the wrong thing?” Brennan asked, and Killian knew he was doing his best to keep his voice light. He nodded slowly and Brennan made some sort of noise that sounded like a mix between a groan and another sigh.

“Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” he asked.

Killian pressed his lips together tightly and considered the question. He didn’t want to. Not really. He’d hung up on the man and ignored his calls enough times to prove just how much he didn’t want to.

But he was so goddamn curious.

“I’ve got fifteen minutes tops,” Killian said. “And then I’ve got to get back to work.”Brennan grinned at him – the first time he’d really dropped his hands and uncrossed his arms – and nodded at Killian. “That’s all I ask.”They walked a few feet up the block to the closest Starbucks and found two seats near the window after ordering their drinks.

“At the risk of you throwing that coffee in my face,” Brennan said after several minutes of prolonged silence, “can I get an answer about the hand?”“Jeez, you really don’t know when to quit do you?”

“Do you?” Brennan shot back and Killian shook his head. “I figured as much.”Killian took a deep breath and tried to figure out exactly how to talk about the one thing he tried never to talk about. “I got hurt in a car accident,” Killian said.

That was good. Keep it simple. Don’t mention baseball. Don’t talk about getting drafted. Brennan obviously didn’t know – there was no point in offering up information that he didn’t need.

“When?” Brennan asked and the concern in his voice made Killian feel like he was actually six years old again.

“I was twenty-five.”“Seems like an awful lot of still visible scars for something that happened nearly a decade ago.”

Killian took a very long drink of coffee before he answered. And then he didn’t really even answer, just hummed in agreement.

Brennan, however, didn’t stop.

“What happened to your hand, Killian?”“I just told you, I was in a car accident.”“And how bad was it?”“Bad.”“That’s all the information I’m going to get?”“I’m not sure you deserve much more,” Killian bit back.

Brennan sighed, propping his elbow up on the counter in front of them and leaning his hand against his flat palm. “That’s probably true,” he admitted softly. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know.”“There’s not much more to tell. I got in a car accident, fucked up my hand and it changed my entire life.”“How?”“You really don’t know anything about me do you?” Killian asked and Brennan just shook his head. “How did you find me, exactly?” he continued. “All this stuff is on the internet.”“You were in a car accident when you were twenty-five and it’s on the internet?”He didn’t know about baseball.

Everyone knew about baseball.

Except Brennan Jones – who probably didn’t care enough to know about baseball.

“How did you find me?” Killian repeated, ignoring the question completely.

“My wife. She worked for a private investigator upstate when we first met years ago. I told you, I always wanted to come back, but then Liam died and I got scared to even think about coming back. When Mary got sick, she called in a couple of favors from work and they found you. Once she was gone, I knew I had to talk to you.”

“How long were you married?” Killian pressed.

“Fifteen years.”“So you didn’t meet her right after you left.”Brennan shook his head. “I was in a bad place then. A very bad place. And your mother knew that. Told me to get straight or get out. I got out. Did a couple of stints in rehab, criss-crossed the country trying to find a job for the better part of a decade and then I landed upstate in some tiny, little town that no one had ever heard of. That’s where I met Mary. She was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“That so?” Killian asked, voice low as he stared at the cup in front of him.

“Aside from you and Liam of course.”

“Stop talking about Liam.”

“He kept custody after your mom died?”“You must have had a really shitty private investigator,” Killian said. “This is all pretty basic stuff.”

“I was mostly just interested in finding you. Figured I’d get the rest of the information myself.”“You were that confident I’d talk to you?”Brennan shook his head. “Not at all. But I had some hope and Mary believed in you.”

“Seems impressive for someone I’ve never met.”“Are you always this disbelieving in people?”Killian tilted his head, sarcastic smile inching along his face and he ran his hand through his hair quickly. “Not anymore,” he said honestly. “At least not as much as I was before.”

Brennan stared at him for a beat, taking another drink of coffee and nodding in – what appeared to be – understanding.  “I know that look,” he said. “It’s a girl isn’t it?”

“How romantic.”“I’m serious.”“I know you are,” Killian sighed. “I’m not disagreeing with you.”“What’s her name?” Brennan asked. Killian assumed the smile on his face was supposed to be encouraging – maybe even fatherly – but it just made him uncomfortable. Liam was better at these kinds of things.

“Killian?” Brennan continued. “Your girl. She got a name?”He bit back the immediate response of she’s not my girl and rolled his eyes, staring at Brennan’s still-present smile. “Emma,” Killian said quickly. “Her name is Emma.”

“It’s a good name.”“I tend to think so.”��So she changed that approach then? Your disbelief in people and all of that?”Killian considered his answer for a moment, intent on brushing off Brennan quickly, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to lie. “She has,” he said softly.

“That’s good.” Killian nodded again. “What does she do? She in New York?”

“She’s a reporter. And not right now, she’s covering the Knicks in Chicago this weekend.”

“She’s a sports reporter?”“And a damn good one.”

“You care about this girl a lot.” It wasn’t a question. Killian scoffed and Brennan widened his eyes. “What?” he asked.

“I love her,” Killian said simply.

“That’s even better,” Brennan answered, smile plastered on his face. “You going to marry her?”Killian almost choked on his coffee. “What?”“Seems like the easiest question I’ve asked so far.”

He considered the question for a moment – he knew his answer. Of course. Of course he wanted to marry her.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her – as long as he didn’t fuck it all up with this column – but Killian knew Emma. He knew she didn’t like the future or the possibility of disappointment and he’d be willing to do anything to prove that he wouldn’t let her down.

But then she’d talked about a wedding in the summer and the water and something small and he hadn’t quite been able to get that picture out of his head for over a month now.

“Maybe,” Killian said finally.

“Maybe?”

“Yeah.”Brennan didn’t say anything else – but Killian got the distinct impression that he had plenty to say on the subject – and turned slightly in his chair when his phone rang. He shot Killian an apologetic look and pulled the phone out of his pocket.

“Hey, son,” he said softly, and Killian almost fell off the fucking chair.

Son.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be back at the apartment in a little while. Just start your homework and I’ll double check it later on tonight. I know it’s at seven. We’ll watch as long as your homework is done. I’ll see you soon.”He hung up the phone and glanced nervously at Killian again. “Sorry about that,” he said, putting the phone back in his pocket.

“You have a kid?” Killian asked.

Brennan nodded. “A son. He’s thirteen. Hates math homework, but loves the Yankees. Some documentary thing on TV tonight, apparently.”Killian nodded slowly, trying to to process what exactly he was hearing. His kid loved baseball. It seemed almost ironic.

And incredibly unfair.

He’d jumped face-first back into selfish bastard. Maybe Emma would pick up her phone. If he talked to her before he went back in the office, maybe everything would be ok. Killian’s hand was wrapped around his phone when Brennan’s started ringing again.

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, swiping his thumb across the screen again and lifting it back up to his phone. “What’s the matter, Liam?” he asked.

Killian didn’t fall off the stool – he leapt off, nearly knocking his coffee over in the process.

He was breathing hard – like he’d just run a marathon – staring at Brennan as he told his son, Liam, that he could heat up some of the leftovers in the fridge.

The phone call ended in just a few seconds and Killian hadn’t moved an inch since jumping up. Brennan took a deep breath before he turned around, meeting Killian’s eyes with an apology practically written on his face.

He opened his mouth – no doubt to make some sort of half-cocked apology – but Killian beat him to it. “Get out,” he whispered, right hand ghosting over his left out of instinct.

“Killian…”“Get. Out.”

“Let me explain first.”“Were we that expendable to you?” Killian asked. “Walk out on your family, meet another woman and just, what? Start over? You named him Liam?”“It wasn’t starting over. It was honoring him. I wanted a second chance and I’ve got that. I’ve been a pretty good father to Liam.”Killian’s ears were ringing.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to focus on something to keep him grounded – Emma. He thought of Emma. And a wedding by the beach and a white dress and a ring on his left hand that might actually outshine the scars there.

The ringing stopped.

“I’ve got to go back to work,” Killian said.

“Can I see you again? Maybe before Christmas?”“No.”“After Christmas?”“No.”

Killian reached forward to grab his now-cold coffee and walked out the door before he could do something stupid like trust Brennan Jones again – even for just a few moments.

He walked onto the sports floor of The Writer a few minutes later, immediately attacked by August with Hans only a few steps behind. “Where you been?” August asked. “We’ve got to talk about this Rose thing.”“I had a thing,” Killian said evasively.

“A thing.”

“That I had to take care of. But I’m here now.”“Did you get a text from the Knicks front office?”Killian nodded. “Yuh huh.”“And?”“And what, exactly?”“You going to run those numbers?”“We need to run those numbers,” Hans cut in. “We’re the only ones who will have them.”“Shouldn’t you be on a plane to Chicago?” Killian asked, doing his best not to glare at the reporter in front of him.

“I leave in ten minutes. I wanted to make sure you’d run the numbers.”“I don’t see how it fits into my column,” Killian said.

August sighed loudly. “Of course it fits into your column. It’s about the impact of the Rose trade. You need those numbers.”He was right of course.

If Killian was still an editor, he’d say the same thing.

“Killian?” August prompted, staring at him pointedly. Hans glared at him.

“We run the numbers,” he said. “You’ll have the column in twenty minutes. Tops.”“Good.”

Killian pushed by both men, keeping his eyes trained on the ground as he sank into his desk chair and hoped, with every single fiber of his being, that Emma would forgive him.