#Bread has no consciousness. It can't manipulate you

[breadthoughts]

Have you ever had a boyfriend that didn't taste right? I know I have, but you know what always tastes good? Bread. Bread is the most amazing invention of all mankind. To disregard it is to be insane. The worst of all human conditions is celiac disease and any other condition that causes one to be unable to eat bread, such as death. Here are the reasons why bread is so amazing.

For one, the divorce rate between two humans is over 45%. This is a stark contrast to the divorce rate between people and bread, which is about 0%. Boyfriends may eventually stop loving you, but bread won’t. Why would you want to get a boyfriend or get married when bread is always there?

Along with that, you can always buy or make more bread with little to no effort. How easy is it to find a good boyfriend? It’s freaking hard. You gotta find someone who treats you well, shares values, buys bread for you, and so much more. Good bread is not that hard to find and neither is it that expensive.

There are a lot of guys out there, but most aren’t even close to boyfriend material. Now, compare that to bread. How many kinds of bread are out there that you haven’t liked? For me, that number is very small. The only truly gross bread I’ve eaten is moldy and that is very easily replaced, unlike moldy boyfriends.

On another note, when you are single, you can still go on a ton of dates with different guys who will gladly buy you bread. When you have a boyfriend, he won’t want to go on a date every week so you don’t get free fancy bread very often. Also, when you’re married, you share the finances so you only purchase bread with your own money. If you were to buy the amount of bread you want, you would end up bankrupt.

If family is what you really want -along with bread- look around! This is the 21st century and there are a ton of single mothers out there. You could easily start a family by adopting children. You won’t have to go through the pain of childbirth or pregnancy nausea so you can continue eating bread as normal without throwing up or something. Also, your kids can help you make bread and maybe even start a bakery. Making bread is an essential skill these days because a lot of people can’t actually do it. Because bread is so amazing, you and your kids could make a fortune!

Would you like to know a fun fact? All forms of bread can fill the void. No number of boyfriends will make you feel warm and complete inside like bread does. Many times I’ve had a meal where no bread is present and each time, I don’t feel completely full. I only feel that amazing sense of satisfaction when I add bread into my diet.

Also, you can make bread into whatever you want. You can manipulate its flavor, shape, personality, texture, density, temperature, and the list goes on. What can you do with a boyfriend? You’re stuck with him the way he is and you can’t do a thing about it. Only he can change himself for better or worse. You have all the power over bread.

Often, when I was dating my imaginary boyfriend, I would cry. Men are such fickle creatures and they will do what they want. They can go at any time, leaving you without any source of bread. However, I can’t think of a single time where bread has made me cry. Every time I feel bread I am enriched with joy that nothing else can bring.

Along those lines, too often I’ve seen my friends drawn away from me because of their boyfriends. They consume your relationships. They want all the attention and some will force you to cut ties with any person who is somewhat significant in your life. Bread asks for nothing and bread wants nothing. You can have a party with all your friends, play games and have fun, and bread will bring it all together.

Bread fosters love and kindness like no other thing in existence. As the Holy Bible says; “Bread suffereth long, and is kind; bread envieth not; bread vaunteth not itself, is puffed up, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Bread never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; where there be boyfriend, it shall vanish away.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4, 7-8) Thank you for coming to my Bread Talk.