#Both reciprosexual and demisexual is so accurate?

[vattendrag]

Feels kinda weird to question your sexuality at the age of 29 but here I am

[find-your-queery]

About the mod!

Hello! I'm Mod 👾 Space Invader! I go by any pronouns!

I'm Agender, Aromantic (specifically Bellusromantic), and Demisexual!

I'm very passionate about the queer community, and enjoy learning as much as I can about it and other's experiences! I am in no way an expert on everything lgbtqia+, I simply know a lot of terminology and use my knowledge on them to help me find the labels and terms that best fit others' Queeries.

A bit about me; I knew nothing about the lgbtqia+ community until I was in middle school. I felt very lost before then, and always knew I felt differently from my peers. Once I learned the terms "transgender" and "gay," everything opened up for me, and I began a long search for who I was.

Over the years, I've done a lot of research to better understand both myself and my fellow queer peers. I've gone through labels and terms such as genderfluid, transgender, gay, pansexual, asexual, reciprosexual, and many, many more. Finding my current labels felt freeing to me. Finding out there were other people out there who had similar experiences to me enough that there were actual, singular words to describe my feelings felt like coming out of a haze that I was stuck in for so long!

I understand that sometimes, feelings are so complex that words cannot describe them. Some people may feel better off not having a label, and that's totally valid! But I also understand the feeling of wanting to find a label. To find a single words that can describe what you want to portray to others. And I want to help others find that same euphoria that I had over the years in finding myself.

I understand I may not be completely accurate in the terms I suggest, but that's fine! I just hope that at the very least, I can help direct others on their path to finding themselves. I may not be the final stop, but merely a stepping stone on the journey. I do not expect people to immediately take on the labels or terms that I suggest, but I hope that educating people and pointing them in the right directions may help someone find their way.

[More on my labels below]

Agender people tend to have no feelings of gender, or their gender may feel neutral. People who identify this label also often describe their gender as simply being "just me." In my case, my gender feels like a mishmash between all of the above!

Bellusromantic people fall under the aromantic spectrum. They often have no feelings of romantic attraction, and do not desire any romantic relationships, but actions typically associated with romance are very appealing to them (i.e. kissing, cuddling, etc.). In my case, I am somewhat repulsed by the idea of being in a romantic relationship, but I very much do enjoy actions typically associated with romance!

Demisexual people fall under the asexual spectrum. They often do not feel sexual attraction until an emotional bond has been formed with someone. This bond can happen over time, and often varies person to person. In my case, I don't always become attracted to people I become close to. There are certain traits in people that I find attractive, and other traits that repulse me, but getting to know someone is always the first step I need in order to know whether or not I am sexually attracted to them or not.

[intergrader]

I wanted to redo my post on the asexuality discourse because it was all over the place and some of my opinions have changed, so here it is.

1. Asexuals shouldn't be a part of the lgb community because they aren't oppressed.

What I think matters is that our experiences still differ from the norm, heterosexuality, even if it's less than other identities. It's present in little things to big things - from seeing sex in media and being repulsed at the thought of doing it ourselves to corrective r*pe. If there's some range of oppression you need to face to be a part of the community, then feel free to cut us out I guess (although that just seems ridiculous imo). What's important is that asexuals and those who are questioning are able to find resources and outlets, even if there's less exposure after being shunned by the community. In other words, asexuals should be able to have their own community and spaces. The problem is, we can't. At least on tumblr, I've seen numerous ace themed blogs or posts get invaded by exclusionists when anything relevant to the discourse wasn't mentioned at all. Please just let us be, even if you can't accept us.

2. Heteromantic asexuals especially!

Again, everything mentioned above. Straight passing privilege is only received by not being able to talk about our identity.

3. Gray asexuals don't exist because asexuality isn't a spectrum; you're asexual and you don't experience sexual attraction or you aren't.

The only logic I can find for this is the etymology of the word, so I'd assume this is due to a misconception. Gray asexual should not be a label for allies who want to be a part of the community to hide behind, nor for those who are really just allosexual. If someone feels significantly less sexual attraction than what would be considered normal, enough to warrant them relating to both asexuality and other labels such as homosexuality, but not fully to either, they should be able to find others who feel the same.

Actually, I agree with this.

demisexual (someone who does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone) = so you don't want hookups

fictosexual (umbrella term for anyone who experience exclusive sexual attraction toward fictional characters, a general type of fictional characters, or whose sexuality is influenced by fictional characters) = wth

fraysexual (someone only experiences sexual attraction towards those that they are not deeply connected with and lose that attraction as they get to know the person) = considering asexual generally means lack of sexual attraction, I don't see how this should be an identity

inactsexual (when one experiences sexual attraction and desires a sexual relationship despite being sex-repulsed) = have no idea how you can be repulsed by sex but still want it, could be similar to comphet but I doubt it

lithosexual (may experience sexual attraction but does not want it reciprocated) = again, how is this an asexual identity

reciprosexual (someone who does not experience sexual attraction unless they know that the other person is sexually attracted to them first) = so you just want to make sure the feeling's mutual before so you don't get your heart broken, how is this why is this

aceflux/acespike (someone whose sexual orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the asexual spectrum) = seems like the only valid one. Again, please make sure you're not just an ally or an allosexual member of lgb that has internalized homophobia or something. Additionally, make sure your lower sex drive isn't an effect of medication or the like.

In conclusion, the ace spectrum just seems like where "orientations" go when there's not really a category for them (that post saying most things on the lgbtq wiki were based on random tumblr posts definitely seems accurate rn). The only identity I was supporting when writing the crossed out above section was aceflux/acespike. My stance on this is definitely still iffy considering I haven't heard of an agreed upon definition of the amount of sexual attraction one experiences normally.

4. R*pe is something everyone experiences, not just asexuals

The difference is that this is corrective r*pe, i.e. it was done because of sexuality and the want of heteronormativity.

5. The split attraction model is harmful.

This one is actually pretty interesting. The main arguments seem to be misleading people with internalized homophobia and sexualizing identities too much. I'd agree that it probably does hurt some people. However, lgb talks a lot about internalized homophobia and how to deal with it, especially when just joining the community. Plus, many people don't even know about the split attraction model what with so little people being ace or aro and it does a lot more good than harm by allowing people to set further requirements they're comfortable with. As for the latter point, I don't see how saying ace bi or bi ace is so different from saying biromantic asexual. It means the same thing. Just like how if you only say you're bisexual, people are going to assume you mean biromantic bisexual.