#Book Martina is a pretty terrible person

[sophieswundergarten]

TPJ thoughts again. But. Martina.

Over the course of TPJ, Jackson and Jillson get captured by Milligan, and Martina's probably, what? 16/17? She's running around Europe, maybe as an orphan maybe as someone who just got swept up in Curtain's plans and didn't have the option to go home to her family, and these two people she views as "adults" get taken out.

She doesn't know where, she doesn't know how. But these "big kids" she's looked up to and modeled her behaviour after and idolized for years are suddenly out of the picture. And Curtain just cuts his losses and abandons them.

The period of time between that happening and Martina getting left on the island must have been filled with so much grief and terror. We don't even hear Curtain say anything about where J&J might be, or if his plans have been thrown off or really anything. Martina was mourning the loss of these people she respected and trusted (And probably looked to for protection and at least some kind of older-sibling assistance) when no one else said a word about it, and she didn't even really know Milligan.

She knew he was the guy they all taunted when he got captured at the Institute, and that he was a really good fighter, but that's about it. The Ten Men probably really enjoyed telling her and SQ horribly frightening (And probably 65% made up) stories about what a competent agent Milligan was whenever they got bored.

If she got told anything about the situation, in all likelihood she was petrified that he was out for revenge, and would hurt her and the other Executives just to be cruel the way McCracken and his men would. So, she's bouncing between sheer terror and coming to terms with what Curtain's plans really mean, and then they just leave her.

She gets abandoned to the mercy these people she's been indoctrinated are awful and fully expects to hurt her as the only (Admittedly abhorrent) security and direct parental influence in her life disappears in a very aggressive betrayal.

I just checked, and they leave her caught in a rope hanging upside down off the side of the Shortcut, ten feet above the water

And then she goes on to give up a bunch of Curtain's secrets, but how happy do you think she was to see Jackson and Jillson again? She probably thought they were dead in a ditch or else in some maximum security prison where they'd all be kept in solitary confinement for the rest of their lives. But, lo and behold, they're safe and sound and the Benedicts are actually fighting to keep it that way.

(And then of course there's a spin off idea here of Milligan being the one to have captured and then interrogate them and the three of them learning that he's not a horrible person who's going to hurt them but I don't have time to go into all that right now)

[chicagocityfclanspromoblog]

Lawrence Cocci → Milo Ventimiglia → Warlock

→ Basic Information

Age: 571

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Asexual

Powers: Pyrokinesis

Birthday: June 8th

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

Religion: Agnostic

Mark: Weyden

Generation: 2nd

→ His Personality

Lawrence is loyal, determined, and unerringly sarcastic. A wild card in every sense of the word, he is known to take very little seriously. He likes to live life untethered and with as many experiences as possible. Many of his colleagues sees him as irreverent with an anti-authoritarian streak; being uncontrollable and unbearable by those who haven’t earned his respect. However, in social settings he can fit in anywhere, and has found friends across the globe. Thanks to his father, Lawrence has an annoyingly curious nature and a desire to know how things work. He’s not a book learner, but excels in practical magic and applications. Lawrence has a tendency to be lazy, as he seeks to appease his inner happiness. He can spend a whole day lying around if he thinks that’s what it’ll take to be fulfilled.

Lawrence Cocci, born Lorenzo Cocci, had always been taught that magic was a responsibility by his mother. It was something that needed to be mastered and always controlled, especially with a power as destructive as his. Gloria Cocci had big expectations for her children, and refused to allow her son to ruin it for her. She had him trained ferociously, hiring all the best elementals to attempt to get through to her son. However, Lawrence was incredibly average with his powers, learning each within the designated age range, but never pushing harder to master any specific part of his training. Lawrence Cocci, had also always been taught by his father that magic was fun. It was experimental and should be an extension of a witch or warlock. This started back in the vineyards of Italy where Lawrence grew up.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Plastic Surgeon

Scars: None

Tattoos: Massive Phoenix on Back

Two Likes: Spicy Foods and 101 Dalmatians Movie

Two Dislikes: The Man and Working

Two Fears: Cages and Spontaneous Combustion

Two Hobbies: Going Out and Flying as a Phoenix

Three Positive Traits: Unwavering, Funny, Spontaneous

Three Negative Traits: Irreverent, Lazy, Wild

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Gloria Weyden (Mother): His mother is very much a Weyden and takes her magic very seriously. She was one of the first to introduce the ideas of policing magic with councils, and acted as a diplomat to many major families when introducing the idea around the globe. She always said he had so much potential, but he wasted it with his lack of sincerity.

Giovanni Cocci (Father): Giovanni was a reprieve from Gloria in many ways. He was relaxed, and happy and treated magic as if it was something to be lawless. Nearly all of Lawrence’s happy memories from childhood revolve around him and his father experimenting and being free.

Sibling Names:

Gabriele Cocci (Big Brother): Gabriele is a Weyden wanna-be. He doesn’t have the name, but he has the mark, and well as the massive amount of self-importance. He is following in their mother’s footsteps and is trying to score a council seat. They don’t really get along.

Martina ‘Mattie’ Cocci (Little Sister): Martina moved from Florence to study potions with Judson Cleirigh. She just started living with Lawrence again after nearly a century and it’s taking some time to readjust. She is cramping his style but Lawrence is watching over her and coaching her in his own way.

Children Names:

None.

Romantic Connections:

None.

Platonic Connections:

Emmett Wilhelm (Good Friend): Emmett generally has to answer for most of the nonsense that Lawrence pulls, since he is the most well known older fire starter in Chicago. Luckily he has a good sense of humor about it, and they have a lot in common including their love for flying and spicy food.

Patch Cipriano (Friend): Patch is very entertaining and fun to be around. Lawrence is fascinated by Patch openness about being a human shifter.

Gretchen Sims (Party Friend): Gretchen seems to know everything going on around town, including where to score. She introduced him to Bath Salts and still manages to find some when he needs it.

Luke Bowick (Party Friend): Luke is great.

Ken McStevens (Friend): Nearly every magic user avoids Ken, due to the lasting stereotype of Benevorous users, but Lawrence thinks he’s fun.

Jia Cleirigh (Friendly Acquaintance): Jia throws the best parties in Chicago, and Lawrence has tried to stay on his good side to get an invite.

Tristan Lawton (Work Friend): He’s a good kid, but pretty terrible at his job. Lawrence likes him though, and is happy they’ve been permanently paired together.

Rhiannon Draga (Former Mentor): He wasn’t with Rhiannon long, but she did help him master his Phoenix form. They still keep in touch despite his short term menteeship.

Lyra Carmichael (Friend): He sees Lyra at the bar sometimes. They’d probably never hangout sober, but she’s interesting conversation over a glass of whiskey.

Hostile Connections:

Russel Jordan (Firefighter): Lawrence doesn’t particularly get along with any hyenas, but especially none of the firefighters. Jordan thinks Lawrence is responsible for a series of arsons, but for once Lawrence is actually not at fault. Not that Jordan would believe him.

Isla Johns (Target): Lawrence thought it would be funny to pick up a nimble, in phoenix form, and drop it in the middle of Hyde Park. He didn’t know it was the 2nd of the Nimbles, but he doesn’t really care. Emmett had the whole clan after him for the whole next month.

Pets:

Mouse (Dalmatian): Mouse is Lawrence familiar. He was a present to himself after finishing his Master level training.

→ History (paragraph(s) on background) → The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Milo Ventimiglia [1][2][3]

[todokiis]

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

Tagged by @citrusveins ✨🌟:) thanks for the tag citrus!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?:

It’s got that like duo chrome/oil slick paint on it. I don’t know how else to describe it?

2. Name a food you never eat?:

Hm, Steak. Honestly most meat I prefer to stay away from. I’m not like officially vegetarian but I’ve never really enjoyed meat that much.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?:

Too cold! I have a space heater in my room and I bring a jacket with me everywhere cause I’m always freezing.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?:

I was on a conference call with my boss discussing some t-shirt designs I’m working on.

5. What is your favorite candy bar?:

Hershey’s chocolate bar with almonds in it. <3 I slap that baby between two nature valley bars and BAM, you got yourself a vending machine smore.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?:

No lmao. But I did enjoy going to all the football games in high school if that counts for anything.

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?:

“Okay, sure.” (Visiting my parents and my mother asked if I could check their mail)

8. What is your favorite ice cream?:

LEMON. And in a waffle cone to be precise. But if that isn’t an option I will take any kind of coffee flavor.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?:

Coffee. Still working through the cup I poured this morning.

10. Do you like your wallet?:

Yes. It’s shaped like a rainbow and it’s pastel but kinda clear and v cute if I do say so myself. 🌈

11. What was the last thing you ate?:

Some of my leftover lemon birthday cake. I really like lemon if you haven’t picked up on that lmao.

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?:

Nah, but I did buy wall decor for my bedroom.

13. The last sporting event you watched?:

Probably... the Super Bowl like a year or two ago... maybe?

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?:

White cheddar but I usually don’t eat it just cause the texture kinda bothers me.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?:

My coworker. It was in response to a rupaul gif she sent to our work gc.

16. Ever go camping?:

Embarrassingly enough I think I have to admit that I’m a bit too high maintenance for camping. I love nature though! But if I can’t stay in like a cabin or RV then it’s not really for me. ☠️

17. Do you take vitamins?:

Yes. It takes forever to get through them all in the morning.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?:

Nope. Had enough religious trauma the first 17 years of my life, don’t plan on revisiting that experience lmao.

19. Do you have a tan?:

NO BUT I USED TO DAMMIT. But, I chose the life of someone who works inside all day. 😪

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?:

ChineseFoodChineseFoodChineseFoodChineseFoodChineseF- 🥡🥢

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?:

I don’t really drink soda but every now and then I say fuck it and have a coke if I need to pull an all-nighter or something.

22. What color socks do you usually wear?:

Black.

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?:

Only when I’m on the highways cause I travel back and forth between two cities a lot. That drive is so exhausting so sometime I push the limit when there aren’t a lot of cars around.

24. What terrifies you?:

Public speaking for like serious events. Straight up passed out a few times. But if it’s for fun stuff or casual presentations it’s not too bad.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?:

Pillows. I’m laying in bed while I answer these.

26. What chore do you hate?:

Laundry D; I don’t like how long it takes to fold everything and put it away!

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?:

Americans who love to do terrible Australian accents lmao.

28. What’s your favorite soda?:

Coke. Don’t drink it very often though.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?:

Drive thru only. I got things to do, hennie.

30. Who’s the last person you talked to?:

My dad.

31. Favorite cut of beef?:

None. I don’t like beef. 🤢

32. Last song you listened to?:

Beast by Mia Martina

33. Last book you read?:

Some book on ancient Andean art for the art history class I finished like a week ago.

34. Favorite day of the week?:

Friday! Friday afternoons when I’m free from work feel so so good :,)

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?:

It would take me so unbearably long.

36. How do you like your coffee?:

Strong, and preferably iced. More on the bitter side than the sweet side.

37. Favorite pair of shoes?:

My white adidas 80s Continentals. I am a slut for adidas sneakers OTL.

38. The time you normally go to sleep?:

Usually 2 A.M. or somewhere around that.

39. The time you normally get up?:

I get up at about 8 or 9 AM but I don’t usually get out of bed until like 10:30 or 11. I am trash, I know.

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?:

It’s hard to choose but probably sunsets. Watching the sun set over the water and the clouds get all pink and purple and the sand looking all glowy... ugh I love it.

41. How many blankets on your bed?:

Two ✌🏼.

42. Describe your kitchen plates:

All black. That’s it. Lmao

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?:

I don’t really drink but lemon drops if I’m out at a bar. (piña-coladas on the beach fucking SLAP tho so maybe that.)

44. Do you play cards?:

I used to all the time but it’s been years.

45. What color is your car?:

Gold and I hate it. I refuse to acknowledge that thing as my car.

46. Can you change a tire?:

No... & I didn’t come here to get shamed ☠️

47. Your favorite province?:

I am from the U.S. so I’m just gonna... skip this one I guess lol

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had?:

My current job as a Graphic designer.

49. How did you get your biggest scar?:

Fell on concrete at recess as a kid and busted up most of my left knee pretty bad.

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy?:

Hm... made my bosses and my coworker laugh in our skype call with my general tom foolery I guess. But I’ll probably spam my best friend some dumb tiktoks later that I know will make her laugh.

Hm, I think I’ll tag the last few peeps from my notes ✨ feel free to do this if you’d like. No pressure though! 💛 @icychill @eloquentdreams @tobiodel-ay-ee-hoo and anyone else who sees this and wants to participate!!

[vertigoambrosia]

shotgun is xxtra big so maybe it will help me deal with my woes

...it’s not actually that much longer than a usual one who probably not

awww does old man andy have somethign wrong with his back??

WHEN I TURN 30 SOMEDAY lmaoooo

hahahahaha owned

and for the first time in a while, cmj was happy :D

i’m sad emil is still face because frankfurt had some real great hate for him

pretty sure they did the insulting acrostic signs

god i am so glad these guys are still friends

ilja: if i’m to be a good parent i need a bit of chill!

god they’re so cute

look at ilja and robert smiling at each other

cerberus: hugs not drugs but the hugs are suplexes

uh sorry ‘doug williams might retire’ is not actually that compelling for me

IT’S YAY-HIGH

fucking british people mispronouncing shit

yaaaaay maggot is back!

i love how a dude named fucking maggot is part of a prettyboi gimmick team

‘the son of nothing’ is not someone you expect to be obsessed wuth how hot he is

and then here’s rise

omgggg lucky hugging ivan

ivan’s the token average looking person in this match

why do british people say ‘nip up’ instead of ‘kip up’

haha ahura’s lil run

god i hope we get plot segments with pretty bastards

especiallt with rise cause you know pete would easily get riled up by them being annoying

*alan voice*i’m not judging....but most wrestlers choose to wear shoes

what are ivan kiev’s legs

tee hee pete was probably not supposed to fall there

where are the pretty bastards from? crowd definitely seems real into them

ivan you silly boi that was an obvious distraction! youre supposed to be the level headed one

oh i guess this is xxl show because of the amount of matches

this segment just started and it’s already amazing

‘hello human’

*kris wolf voice* i am here to eat sausages and also people! i am hungry!

awww and christian was having such a good day too....

omg melanie’s a suit wearing heel now

jazzy has a point though cmj shouldn’t have allowed mella to just be in the match

that’s an interesting lil plot tidbit though; it makes more sense for melanie to be pissed that she had a lot of the vision for the womens division that hasn’t been acknowledged than the whole ~she jealous`~ stuff

of course, she’s still in the wrong because she does shit like fucking up martina right before the title match

but she’s a heel so that’s how it should be

awwwwww that is actually really super cute of them to do that lil thing for toni

oooo another mystery envelope????

our boys!

hahaha look at these wrestling nerds

tim is so cute

he says progress the british way

he calls everyone sir

tbh i totally forgot cck were in tag league

is this the second or third time lykos has been booked for a wxw show and then had to drop out due to injury?

i would like to thank every wxw fan who flips off heels right to their faces

HAHAHA THAT CHANT

‘breaking news’ ok that doesn’t really work on commentary...there’s definitely a btter way to have conveyed that plot point

though i already saw the annoucement on twitter before i started watching so perhaps i’m just nitpicking

ngl i am not really paying attention

me: i love grapplefuck

me also: this british catch wrestler bores me

huh, interesting that marius won clean

(yeah i really was not paying attention)

omg i had the fan theme stuck in my head for like a day straight it was terrible

ugh tarkan

yeah i bet you like his look, tarkan

lmao tarkan can’t stop talking about himself is he on coke or something

tarkan is such an emotional sadist why does he want to break lucky more

tweeter promo i guess

i mean it wasn’t really bullshit both of you just didn’t get up

i read what this stip is and i’m eager to see how it comes up

also an emotional sadist: jurn

i love how fucking serious fair vs hair is

you will be balded and shamed for life

or at least i guess until your hair grows back

yay tag league still has the music i like

aww poor rise in the warm up

oh man will lucky finally become shotgun champ???

i bet tarkan will interfere though

oh good ringkampf is getting okami

WAIT NO JEFF COBB AND TIM AREN’T GOING TO BE IN THE SAME BLOCK

someone please put these dudes in another singles match

but like, here or progress where they can actually have fun

jay fk would be the worst bodyguards

i was gonna say i guess juvenile x and koray arent a thing anymore but this was all in frankfurt and i’ms ure they weren’t on the progress tour

i love how avalanche goes into crazy mode when ilja is around

a lil sad they didn’t do the cerberus thing, but they are different boys now i guess

ugh i want a front row seat in wxw

unfortunately i’m not even sure if i can go to carat next year -- i don’t quite have the money to spare to buy the hotel/plane tickets and i think all the hotels might be sold out

i remember when i checked a few months ago the tryp was the only one of the three that had rooms and that has probably changed now

also you have to pay for tryp’s wifi if you use over like, 500MB and also apparently it’s slow

which i suppose is less of a problem when id’ only be staying for a few days, but still - wifi is important when you’re traveling

omgggg jay

none of these men will have mercy on you

lmao i typed almost all of that and only now has the match actually started

also i missed a lot of the pre-match brawling did francis die

did andy leave?

aaaa they did the thing!

<3

oh andy deigns to return to the match

these charlatans! triple teaming avalanche!

oooooo andy julian’s getting riles too

you in danger

i will never get tired of that spot where someone jumps at avalanche and just bounces off

jay doing the loser sign with the wrong hand

oh my god ilja a suicide dive might have been less risky than what you were planning

ah i see he was just waiting to use that for later

ooo that looked like julian’s head hiot the ropes

oh nvm he’s back up

yaaaay former dogboys

baby! baby boy

awww lucky

yeah pete and ivan are 100% his parents now

???? baby has something to say???

oh damn we’ve never seen lucky yell like that before!

oh fuck off tarkan

fuck you and your brass knuckles and your goddamn girdle

we are not your friends!

lucky bb let your parents at least be at ringside so these jerks can’t jump you

tarkan is so fucking cold

[fiiore-blogs]

𝐟𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐞  𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐮𝐬𝐨 ; character  study

tws : abuse , mentions  of  death , homophobia  &  blindness ( ?? )

BASICS 

full  name : fiore  emiliano  luca  gattuso

nicknames : honestly  just  fiore , flower  cat  boy  as  a  joke  by  his  cousin  ( his  first  name  translates  to  flower  in  italian , his  surname  gattuso , derives  from  the  italian  word  gatto .... which  literally  means  cat  kdnvdfjs )

age : 20

date  of  birth : may  30 , 2000

zodiac  sign : gemini 

place  of  birth : tuscany , italy

hometown : rome , italy

location : kingsboro , brooklyn , new york city , new  york

ethnicity : white

nationality : italian

religious  views : non  affiliated , but  definitely  believes  there  is  a  higher  power ( or  multiple ) of  some  sort

educational  level : high  school  graduate

occupation : influencer  &  model  occasional  sugar  baby

living  arrangements : lives  in  a  super  boujee  ass  house  ( basically  mansion  tbh ) with  his  older  cousin  gio , &  his  cat , which  he  very  proudly  named  draco  meowfoy

mental  conditions : undiagnosed  anxiety , very  claustrophobic , will  literally  freak  out  if  he’s  in  a  tight  space 

physical  impairments :  he  has  shit  vision , always  has . his  vision  is  20 / 50  without  any  type  of  help , which  isn’t  necessarily  terrible , but  not  exactly  great . once  you  reach  20 / 70 , you’re  considered  to  have  low  vision , which  is  technically  considered  partial  blindness . with  contacts  on  though , he  see’s  a  solid  20 / 30 , which  again , still  isn’t  too  great , considering  the  fact  the  average  person  see’s  20 / 20 . no  one  knows  his  vision  is  so  garbage  minus  his  cousin , &  no  one  has  ever  ever  ever  seen  him  with  glasses  before . in  fact , no  one  even  knows  he  needs  glasses  or  contacts  to  see , as  he  keeps  this  a  secret

addictions : none  really , just  smokes  the  usual  weed  &  drinks  the  usual  drink , has  tried  coke  once  but  didn’t  really  like  it  too  much 

PHYSICAL  APPEARANCE

height : 5 ‘ 8

body  type : pretty  damn  lanky  but  slightly  muscular ( for  actual  body  claim  gifs  click  here , here , here , here , here , here , here , here , here  &  here ! )

eye  color : baby  blue , but  shifts  colors  in  different  lighting . sometimes  they  look  more  on  the  green  side , sometimes  they  look  sort  of  grey

hair  color : brown

style : he  loves  a  good  boujee  brand  tbh ! catch  him  wearing  luxury  brands  like  philipp  plein , balenciaga , hermès , valentino , gucci .... just  to  name  a  few . he’s  not  opposed  to  wearing  cheaper  brands  &  even  owns  a  basic  floral  jacket  from  forever  21 , but  his  main  rule  is  it  has  to  look  good . honestly  would  rather  shave  off  his  eyebrows  once  a  month  for  an  entire  year  than  to  wear  sweats , you’ll  simply  never  see  him  with  those  on . in  fact , he  doesn’t  even  own  a  pair  of  sweats , not  even  just  to  be  at  home . in  fiore’s  opinion , people  wearing  sweats  have  just  ‘ given  up ’ . this  saint  laurent  jacket  right  here , is  one  of  his  favorite  pieces  of  clothing !

tattoos  &  piercings : this  gemini  symbol  tattoo  on  his  left  wrist , a  cartilage  piercing  on  his  right  ear

scars / birth  marks : a  notably  big  scar  on  his  lower  left  abdomen  ( courtesy  of  his  dad ) , birthmark  on  his  upper  left  cheek  ( which  honestly .... low  key  makes  him  hotter  fkdfvnfdsjn )

PERSONALITY

positive  traits : determined , confident , witty 

negative  traits : secretive , narcissistic , dishonest 

what  do  they  consider  to  be  the  best  &  the  worst  part  of  their  personality ? :  the  best  part  of  his  personality  is  his  confidence  &  his  ability  to  achieve  his  goals  or  get  his  way  somehow . he’s  not  too  bright , but  he  knows  how  to  get  what  he  wants  &  stops  at  almost  nothing  to  have  it  his  way , being  extremely  determined  &  restless . the  worst  part  of  his  personality  has  to  be  the  fact  that  he  can  be  very  dishonest . it’s  a  defense  mechanism  mostly , but  he  has  a  way  of  bending  the  truth  to  his  favor , often  times  becoming  manipulative  &  inconsiderate  of  other  people’s  feelings 

are  they  more  introverted  or  extroverted ? : the  very  rare  case  of  an  extroverted  introvert . he  really  does  enjoy  talking  to  people  but  he  loves  his  alone  time  as  well  &  sometimes , too  many  people  to  talk  to  gives  him  anxiety

any  talents ? : not  really  a  talent  but  more  of  an  unknown  fact  –  he  has  hypermobile  joints  ( or  what  most  people  call  double  jointed ) almost  everywhere . on  his  knees , on  his  elbows , on  his  shoulders , on  his  fingers . he  can  bring  his  arms  all  the  way  around  &  back  while  holding  onto  his  hands , can  touch  his  thumbs  &  other  fingers  to  his  forearm  ( for  more  info  on  this , click  here ) . he  also  makes  really , really  good  edibles 

what  are  their  fears ? : huge  slightly  irrational  fear  of  being  buried  alive , being  in  a  tight  space  barely  able  to  move  or  tight  spaces  in  general . no  one  knows  this  one , but  he  also  has  a  huge  fear  of  ending  up  completely  blind . his  grandmother , his  mother’s  mother , has  always  had  terrible  vision  . she  was  pronounced  legally  blind  when  she  was  barely  45 , later  going  completely  blind  before  she  turned  60 . fiore’s  mother  didn’t  inherit  her  bad  vision  but  it  skipped  a  generation  &  if  you  guessed  it , his  grandmother’s  shit  vision  is  something  he  carries . he  has  a  huge  overwhelming  fear  of  it  getting  worse  &  worse  over  the  years , &  ending  up  like  his  grandmother  did 

any  allergies ? :  corn . will  literally  have  a  deathly  reaction

do  they  have  phobias ? : claustrophobia 

list  3  pet  peeves  they  can’t  stand : people  chewing  with  their  mouth  open , when  people  have  strong  unpleasant  body  odor  or  bad  breath  ( no  bullshit  he’ll  call  you  out  for  this  lmfao ) , dirty  fingernails 

PAST

best  memory : opening  up  to  his  cousin  about  what  really  happened  with  his  parents  &  having  him  accept  him  with  open  arms , then  later  that  day  going  to  the  beach , smoking  one  with  him  &  talking  about  life 

worst  memory : his  parents  finding  his  sex  tape  with  his  now  ex  boyfriend , causing  them  to  disown  him  &  almost  beat  him  to  death 

biggest  secret : his  past , as  he  refuses  to  talk  about  anything  that  happened  before  2018 . also , his  vision ? definitely  a  secret  too 

biggest  wish : surprisingly ? falling  deeply  in  love  with  someone  &  traveling  the  world  with  them , also  opening  up  an  edible  shop 

biggest  fear : irrational  fear , but  being  buried  alive , crossing  paths  with  his  parents  again , &  turning  completely  blind  at  one  point  just  like  his  grandmother  did 

first  love : alessio  cardone  ( npc , nathan ��naenen  fc ) , his  first  love , &  so  far  the  only  person  he’s  ever  truly  fallen  in  love  with . for  gifs  of  his  face  click  here  or  click  here ��

ROMANCE  &  SEXUALITY

sexuality : bisexual / biromantic 

turn  ons : dirty talk , fingering  &  being  fingered , versatile  sex , being  dominated / dominating  someone , lip  biting  when  kissing , hickeys , being  spoiled , cuddling , hair  pulling 

turn  offs : people  denying  or  hiding  what  they  really  want  &  desire , know  it  alls , people  treating  him  like  he’s  stupid , cheap  people , people  who  talk  shit  with  people  around  but  won’t  peep  a  word  when  they’re  alone , hypocrites 

MISCELLANEOUS 

speaking  voice  claim : lorenzo  zurzolo  vc , or  click  here !

relationship  with  mother : he  hasn’t  spoken , heard  of  or  seen  his  mother  since  his  parents  disowned  him  when  he  had  just  turned  eighteen , so  well  over  two  years  ago . he  has  no  idea  if  she’s  even  alive  or  well  

mother’s  name : originally  martina  reina  ( now  martina  gattuso )

relationship  with  father : same  thing  with  his  father . he  hasn’t  spoken , heard  of  or  seen  him  since  his  parents  disowned  him . despite  both  his  parents  being  trash  though , fiore  has  always  been  more  afraid  &  resentful  of  his  father , as  he  has  beaten  him  multiple  times  throughout  his  childhood , while  his  mother  mostly  just  stood  by  &  let  it  happen . he’s  also  done  things  like  lock  him  in  a  car  trunk  for  hours  as  punishment , &  would  leave  him  in  a  tight  spaced  closet  for  longer , which  explains  his  irrational  fear  of  being  buried  alive , &  his  severe  claustrophobia  

father’s  name : gian  gattuso 

siblings : none

pets : click  here  to  see  his  ragamuffin  cat  he  named  draco  meowfoy 

favorite  place : any  part  of  spain . honestly  loves  spain , &  loves  how  shameless  some  spanish  people  are 

role  models  or  crushes : seth  rogen  ( he’s  not  even  a  role  model  fiore  just  loves  him  skacnbdjs ) , terry  crews , tina  fey , jamie  chua  ( this  is  just ... for  obvious  reasons  lmfao )

favorite  animals : a  sucker  for  koalas , cats  &  dogs  ( definitely  a  cat  person  though ) . he  also  thinks  red  panda’s  are  possibly  the  cutest  creatures  on  the  planet 

favorite  books : the  five  stages  of  andrew  brawley  by  shaun  david  hutchinson , a  child  called  it , the  lost  boy , a  man  named  dave , the  privilege  of  youth , all  by  dave  pelzer  ( he  has  cried  reading  all  of  pelzer’s  books  too , as  he  feels  it  hits  close  to  home ) 

favorite  movies : la  vita  è  bella , literally  all  the  sex  &  the  city  movies , honestly  any  movie  seth  rogen  is  in , catch  me  if  you  can 

favorite  music : listens  to  almost  anything  but  his  favorites  are  anything  indie / alternative , deathpop  &  italian  music

favorite  food : pasta , chicken  picatta , authentic  mexican  tacos 

favorite  dessert : anything  tiramisu , caffè  gelato , cannoli

QUIRKS

are  they  right  handed  or  left  handed ? : left  handed 

what’s  a  word  that’s  always  on  their  lips ? : “ oh  yeah ? ”  usually  in  a  teasing  manner  or  sexual  context 

what  languages  do  they  speak ? : italian , english , spanish , decent  sicilian 

do  they  curse ? : definitely 

what’s  their  worst  habits ? : lying  ( obviously ) , always  wanting  to  have  the  last  word , instantly  seeking  revenge / getting  even  when  he  feels  he’s  been  wronged , chewing  ice , &  honestly ? forgetting  to  eat  for  long  ass  periods  of  time . he’ll  eat  something  at  ten  am , then  suddenly  it’s  about  to  be  midnight  &  he’s  like  ‘ well  fuck ..... i  forgot  to  eat  🥴 ’

do  they  drink  or  smoke ? how  frequently ? : drinks  &  smokes  pretty  frequently ! is  honestly  never  one  to  turn  down  drinking  or  a  smoking  session 

are  they  an  early  bird  or  a  night  owl ? : night  owl  for  sure

how  tidy  is  their  room ? : usually  tidy  or  decent  looking  at  least . he’s  not  a  neat  freak , but  he  hates  his  room  being  messy 

how  long  do  they  usually  take  getting  ready ? : forever . it  takes  him  at  least  an  hour  just  to  shower , thirty  minutes  to  pick  out  his  clothes , another  thirty  to  do  his  ‘ fresh  out  the  shower ’  routine , &  longer  to  actually  get  ready  &  be  satisfied  with  his  look . in  other  words , a  girl  takes  less  time  than  him 

[chicagocityofclans]

Lawrence Cocci → Milo Ventimiglia → Warlock

→ Basic Information 

Age: 571 

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Asexual

Powers: Pyrokinesis 

Birthday: June 8th

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

Religion: Agnostic

Mark: Weyden

Generation: 2nd

→ His Personality

Lawrence is loyal, determined, and unerringly sarcastic. A wild card in every sense of the word, he is known to take very little seriously. He likes to live life untethered and with as many experiences as possible. Many of his colleagues sees him as irreverent with an anti-authoritarian streak; being uncontrollable and unbearable by those who haven’t earned his respect. However, in social settings he can fit in anywhere, and has found friends across the globe. Thanks to his father, Lawrence has an annoyingly curious nature and a desire to know how things work. He’s not a book learner, but excels in practical magic and applications. Lawrence has a tendency to be lazy, as he seeks to appease his inner happiness. He can spend a whole day lying around if he thinks that’s what it’ll take to be fulfilled. 

Lawrence Cocci, born Lorenzo Cocci, had always been taught that magic was a responsibility by his mother. It was something that needed to be mastered and always controlled, especially with a power as destructive as his. Gloria Cocci had big expectations for her children, and refused to allow her son to ruin it for her. She had him trained ferociously, hiring all the best elementals to attempt to get through to her son. However, Lawrence was incredibly average with his powers, learning each within the designated age range, but never pushing harder to master any specific part of his training. Lawrence Cocci, had also always been taught by his father that magic was fun. It was experimental and should be an extension of a witch or warlock. This started back in the vineyards of Italy where Lawrence grew up.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Plastic Surgeon

Scars: None

Tattoos: Massive Phoenix on Back

Two Likes: Spicy Foods and 101 Dalmatians Movie 

Two Dislikes: The Man and Working

Two Fears: Cages and Spontaneous Combustion

Two Hobbies: Going Out and Flying as a Phoenix 

Three Positive Traits: Unwavering, Funny, Spontaneous

Three Negative Traits: Irreverent, Lazy, Wild

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Gloria Weyden (Mother): His mother is very much a Weyden and takes her magic very seriously. She was one of the first to introduce the ideas of policing magic with councils, and acted as a diplomat to many major families when introducing the idea around the globe. She always said he had so much potential, but he wasted it with his lack of sincerity.

Giovanni Cocci (Father): Giovanni was a reprieve from Gloria in many ways. He was relaxed, and happy and treated magic as if it was something to be lawless. Nearly all of Lawrence’s happy memories from childhood revolve around him and his father experimenting and being free.

Sibling Names:

Gabriele Cocci (Big Brother): Gabriele is a Weyden wanna-be. He doesn’t have the name, but he has the mark, and well as the massive amount of self-importance. He is following in their mother’s footsteps and is trying to score a council seat. They don’t really get along.

Martina ‘Mattie’ Cocci (Little Sister): Martina moved from Florence to study potions with Judson Cleirigh. She just started living with Lawrence again after nearly a century and it’s taking some time to readjust. She is cramping his style but Lawrence is watching over her and coaching her in his own way.

Children Names:

None.

Romantic Connections:

None.

Platonic Connections:

Emmett Wilhelm (Good Friend): Emmett generally has to answer for most of the nonsense that Lawrence pulls, since he is the most well known older fire starter in Chicago. Luckily he has a good sense of humor about it, and they have a lot in common including their love for flying and spicy food.

Patch Cipriano (Friend): Patch is very entertaining and fun to be around. Lawrence is fascinated by Patch openness about being a human shifter.

Gretchen Sims (Party Friend): Gretchen seems to know everything going on around town, including where to score. She introduced him to Bath Salts and still manages to find some when he needs it.

Luke Bowick (Party Friend): Luke is great. 

Ken McStevens (Friend): Nearly every magic user avoids Ken, due to the lasting stereotype of Benevorous users, but Lawrence thinks he’s fun. 

Jia Cleirigh (Friendly Acquaintance): Jia throws the best parties in Chicago, and Lawrence has tried to stay on his good side to get an invite. 

Tristan Lawton (Work Friend): He’s a good kid, but pretty terrible at his job. Lawrence likes him though, and is happy they’ve been permanently paired together.

Rhiannon Draga (Former Mentor): He wasn’t with Rhiannon long, but she did help him master his Phoenix form. They still keep in touch despite his short term menteeship. 

Lyra Carmichael (Friend): He sees Lyra at the bar sometimes. They’d probably never hangout sober, but she’s interesting conversation over a glass of whiskey.

Hostile Connections:

Russel Jordan (Firefighter): Lawrence doesn’t particularly get along with any hyenas, but especially none of the firefighters. Jordan thinks Lawrence is responsible for a series of arsons, but for once Lawrence is actually not at fault. Not that Jordan would believe him.

Isla Johns (Target): Lawrence thought it would be funny to pick up a nimble, in phoenix form, and drop it in the middle of Hyde Park. He didn’t know it was the 2nd of the Nimbles, but he doesn’t really care. Emmett had the whole clan after him for the whole next month. 

Pets:

Mouse (Dalmatian): Mouse is Lawrence familiar. He was a present to himself after finishing his Master level training. 

→ History (paragraph(s) on background) → The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Milo Ventimiglia [1][2][3]

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/sports/tennis-gave-me-the-ability-to-be-somebody-the-trailblazer-who-defied-depression-bipolar-and-abuse/

'Tennis gave me the ability to be somebody': The trailblazer who defied depression, bipolar and abuse

That she is willing to tell her story on the eve of a first major public appearance in the tennis world in seven years is all the more remarkable, given the emotional strife and mental illness she has both faced and fought.

Heldman enjoyed a hugely successful playing career, winning 22 singles titles in an era awash with some of the women’s game’s most iconic names — she can lay claim to victories over Billie Jean King, Margaret Court, Chris Evert, Martina Navratilova and Virginia Wade.

Indeed, she sits among the most significant figures in the history of women’s tennis. She was one of the Original Nine, the group of female players who would forego the threat of suspension in order to join the Virginia Slims Circuit, which would eventually form the basis of the WTA Tour.

It was a rebellion; a revolt against the United States Lawn Tennis Association (USLTA) overseeing a startling inequality between the prize money paid to male and female players. At the 1970 Italian Open, Ilie Nastase received $3,500 for winning the men’s title, while King took home just $600 for victory in the women’s event.

The women’s game would change further in 1973, with King’s famous Battle of the Sexes victory over Bobby Riggs providing impetus to the burgeoning world of women’s professional tennis. However, it remained a tough school for any female athlete.

“It was very difficult to be taken seriously,” Heldman recalls. “You have to take into account this inherent prejudice — that men should be in charge and that the women should be left to do what they do.

“Each one of us was seen as outcasts. We had muscles at a time when women weren’t meant to have muscles; some of us were gay; some of us were trying to do something that women were supposedly not meant to do.

“We were being attacked so often by the men, so we always had this togetherness — whether we liked each other or not. There was not one other girl in my high school who competed in sport. What happened back then was like another world. We had to be the trailblazers.”

There is, though, a rare complexity to Heldman’s relationship with tennis — a sport in which she was once ranked as the world’s fifth best player, but also one that saw her at her most troubled.

The daughter of Gladys Heldman, an indomitable driving force in the advent of the Virginia Slims tour, hers is a tale of an impossible struggle, centered on the relationship between mother and offspring, emotional abuse and survival amid decades of undiagnosed mental illness.

Since the release of Julie’s memoir last year, Driven — a catalogue of strength in adversity, laying bare the details of a deeply complex life has become easier; the placing of pen to paper serving as a catharsis to a lifetime of bottled-up secrets.

“It is absolutely extraordinary,” Heldman reflects of her upcoming return to the tennis world. From the thrill in her voice, it is clear that she means it.

Given all that she has faced, in many ways, this is a personal triumph that outweighs much of what the former US No.2 achieved with racket in-hand. It says much for the debilitating power of mental illness that someone who thrived in front of a watching audience — both as player and then as broadcaster — has felt so unable to show face.

“It is always more of a struggle for me when there are a lot of people around,” she confesses. “The fact that I can even think about going is pretty thrilling.”

The effects of a childhood of emotional abuse have seen her face a lifetime of difficulty. Long after the end of her playing career, Heldman was diagnosed with bipolar, a disorder that has — at least — given context to some of her difficulties.

While Gladys played an immense role in putting the building blocks in place for the future of the women’s game, her treatment of Julie was cruel. It was motherhood, but without the mothering. Julie would spend the majority of her formative years in isolation, starved of empathy, regularly belittled.

At the same time, however, there is an undying pride in what her mother achieved. Gladys, for her faults, had also suffered from a childhood devoid of maternal compassion. In 2003, she would take her own life.

She was a fearless woman championing the female cause in what was, almost exclusively, a man’s world. Indeed, Gladys would be inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame in 1979 — some feat for a promoter and publisher; she founded the highly influential World Tennis magazine.

“One of the reasons I wanted to write the book was to explain this amazing thing,” Julie explains. “I am completely proud of my mother and all that she did for tennis and all that she achieved.

“Did she love me? I think the answer is yes. But she was, in many ways, incapable of showing empathy. Emotion was very difficult for her to show. Even though some kind of love was lurking underneath, it was very difficult for her to show it in normal ways.”

In her memoir, Julie describes her family as possessing all the characteristics of a cult. She writes of ‘an exceedingly strong leader; isolation from the rest of the world; control, coercion and abuse by the leader.’

It is a cocktail of sentiments that left her with a deep internal conflict. “Differentiating my mother from the woman who did so much for women’s tennis has been, for many years, close to impossible,” she says.

In 1970, Julie would attempt suicide. But, nearly half a century later, it is a time in her life that Heldman, now 73, can look back upon without resentment and with a clarity of what was driving her actions.

“It is important for anyone — those in sport and not — to be able to know that if something is going wrong, that there can be help,” she says, unprompted, with an experienced wisdom and the self-awareness of someone all too aware of the challenges that come with living with mental illness.

“Help can be a friend who listens; help can be someone who’s trained to give guidance. But if you think you’re on your own or if you grow up in an environment where you think that you absolutely have to win, that is going to cause its own damage.

“To find the place to turn to is really important. What I have seen in sport is that, with all the money and with all the people involved, a person might feel like they are getting lost in the cracks. There is always a place somewhere for competitors to turn to.”

Of her own experience, she admits that, at her lowest, she lacked any such safe haven. “After my attempted suicide, I did not know where to go. The only place I knew to go to was back on the tennis court. Yet, nobody had any idea what I was going through. The fact that nobody knew had a massive impact on me.

“In many ways, tennis and winning at tennis and being successful was a saving grace because it gave me the ability to be somebody.

“That’s how I would feel when I won. So, tennis became the one thing that I could turn to; but in itself, tennis was also harmful to me.

“With my mother, if I won she would say that I was the best thing ever, but if I lost I felt terrible. But either way, even if I was the best thing ever, she would often undermine me. It felt like I was living on a razor’s edge — damned if I won and damned if I lost.”

Visit CNN.com/sport for more news, features and videos

The real pull of the career was the traveling, with Heldman’s status among the world’s best seeing her paid to fly to Buenos Aires, South Africa, London and Australia at a time when such a lifestyle was both enviable and uncommon. However, her own personal situation brought with it a pressure that, she says, made life as a professional tennis player difficult to appreciate.

“I enjoyed hitting a hard forehand, I enjoyed constructing a point well. But I didn’t get pure joy out of walking out onto a tennis court,” she admits.

“There was so much wrapped up in tennis, including the fact that my mother dominated the tennis world. She was involved in what I was doing, which felt dangerous to me. People would tell me how wonderful she was, so in some ways, I was stuck in a world where I was almost doubly trapped.

“Nobody [in tennis] knew and nobody in my family spoke about [the abuse],” Heldman recalls. “I did not actually have an understanding myself that what I was going through was significant. That was and has remained one of the most difficult things for me — that feeling that nobody would understand, but then I didn’t either.

“It was, therefore, close to incomprehensible that other people would have considered the way I grew up as being difficult at all. Putting that all together has been the hardest bit.”

Quite simply, having spent much of her childhood alone, hers was the only upbringing she knew. There was no reason to disbelieve it.

The process of beginning to understand, she explains, has been multifaceted. It began with therapy: “I cried for three days,��� she says of being told by her therapist that her childhood experiences had not been normal.

“It was only a few sessions in that she explained that other families would not have treated me this way. She told me that this didn’t have to happen.”

Perhaps, though, what is most significant in explaining Heldman’s lifelong struggle with herself is that she has come to understand her own set of circumstances.

Not only can she now comprehend an often tearful and lonely youth, but she has been able to recognize the root of what she describes as her “volatility” on the court.

Heldman pauses as she recalls an anecdote from the recent past. “One of the old players said to me: ‘I like you more now than I used to’, and I began to understand that I could have been jarring and I could have been difficult.

“That was because I didn’t understand what was going on and because I wasn’t receiving help a lot of the time. It was hard to be otherwise — I never wanted to be jarring and difficult.”

It is a story that summarizes all that bipolar brings — the episodes of depression that accompany the periods of manic energy.

“Mania, for me, feels like second nature,” Heldman explains. “I have always pushed too hard, so I do not know that things are going wrong if I start functioning at a very high level. It hooks into what I do, which is to be driven and to do as much as possible.

“Depression, on the other hand, is very clear to me. When I start feeling bad, I often stop being able to function — even to get out of bed or to talk to people on the phone. Using a telephone can feel daunting. There were many years when I had no clue as to why it was happening.

“It happened sometimes when I was playing on the tennis tour, which was difficult because I couldn’t function. The upside can be so startling, but the downside can be terrible.

“If I can’t function, I can’t succeed. If I can’t succeed, I can’t feel good. It has always been that way.”

READ: Laslo Djere wins first ATP Tour title, dedicates victory to his late parents

Alongside her childhood trauma and the inherent stresses of tournament tennis, she counts her bipolar — and the harmful effects of her medication — among the four major culprits of her mental struggle.

Yet, Heldman also pinpoints the revelation of her bipolar as another crucial step on her pathway towards comprehending the events of her own existence. “My brain chemistry was going in different directions at the same time,” Heldman explains. “They said I had a dual diagnosis — both the childhood abuse and the bipolar.”

With the help of therapy, it was also a diagnosis that has allowed Heldman to put together the pieces of her lifelong jigsaw.

“I can look back now and see why I went through certain things,” she says. “I thought about why I used to get upset so often and why I used to think that I didn’t have friends. The truth is that I didn’t have friends because I didn’t know people. I grew up without others.

“It’s why I got upset so often — something was deeply churning inside of me and it was something that I did not understand. There are a lot of people out there on the tennis tour who have ‘stuff’ [that drives them]. Mine was my story and what happened to me was severe.”

With the passing of time, Heldman has found a way to add nuance to the win-at-all-costs mantra that was force-fed into her psyche as a child and that heightened the issues she has faced in adulthood.

A cataclysmic breakdown that forced her to retire from the business she co-controlled alongside her husband, Bernie, has also — paradoxically, perhaps — played its part.

“Once that happened, I couldn’t do much,” she explains. “It taught me a lesson in itself — that I could have a life even though I wasn’t achieving, that there was a lot to be joyful for in waking up every day and having a family.

“Before, I felt great if I won, but I immediately felt lousy because I’d feel like something awful was about to happen. Now, I can sit back and understand that I did some good things. I can finally look at that and realize — I’m proud of what I did and I’m able to feel that pride now that I feel more at peace.”

As a captivating chat comes towards its end, Heldman briefly goes silent as she ponders the notion of regret. Could her career and her adult life have followed a different path had she belonged to a different time? Could the modern-day appreciation of mental illness have provided her with a greater and earlier understanding of her own troubles? Could an alternative childhood have led to an even greater tennis career?

Her response — when it comes — is fascinating. It highlights, perhaps better than any other moment in a truly heartening hour, the value of Heldman’s own long-term introspection.

“It was an era when there wasn’t much help,” she acknowledges. “It is hard to undo the daily indignities of a child. Once it happens every single day of your life, it is hard to think that you could have been a different person.

“I was that driven child who had to win and who felt better from winning. Had I had a different life, who knows? I wonder whether I would have won so much had I not been so driven.”

[thisislizheather]

2018 Resolutions Revisited

This is one of my favourite posts to write, but I feel like you know that already. Most people throw away their resolutions after a few months, but I love to keep very specific track of everything I try to do throughout the year, so here we go. Here’s how 2018 went for me.

Read at least one book per season.

For winter, I read Jen Kirkman’s I Can Barely Take Care of Myself and Lindy West’s Shrill. For spring, I read Rachel Dratch’s Girl Walks Into A Bar…, David Sedaris’ Me Talk Pretty One Day and Jim Gaffigan’s Food: A Love Story. For summer, I read The Duplass Brothers’ Like Brothers, Mike Reiss’ Springfield Confidential, Ijeoma Oluo’s So You Want To Talk About Race and Penny Marshall’s My Mother Was Nuts. For autumn, I read Bill Cunningham’s Fashion Climbing. So I guess you can say YEAH, I crushed this resolution.

Go to the gym or do some kind of physically strenuous activity at least ten times a month.

January - 8 times

February - 2 times

March - 3 times

April - 9 times

May - 13 times

June - 4 times

July - 0 times

August - 9 times

September - 5 times

October - 3 times

November - 5 times

December - 23 times (hahah, can you tell I was trying to be extra impressive this month?)

So that means that I worked out for 23% of the days of the year, which is better than 2017 (which was 17%) so that makes me feel great. I know it’s just a number and I shouldn’t care about things like that, but I do so what can you do. Going to strive for an even better number next year.

Juice at least five times a month.

January - 24 times

February - 6 times

March - 6 times

April - 1 time

May - 15 times

June - 8 times

July - 3 times

August - 5 times

September - 1 time

October - 1 time

November - 0 times

December - 25 times

Okay so there were five months when this didn’t happen. But I mean… look at January and May and December. I feel like I go nuts with the juices every five months or so. Weird. Still love this resolution.

At least once a month, go to a nice restaurant that you've never been to before.

January - Fuck! Nowhere!

February - The Wilcox (the lobster poutine was nuts) & BlueBlood Steakhouse (good, but definitely overrated)

March - Martina (killer pizza), The Spotted Pig (the gnudi is obviously a dream but with all the terrible things that went on here, it just felt wrong to be any kind of a fan of this place), Butcher Bar (definitely not as great as Astoria blogs tell you it is)

April - Prime by Jean Georges (crazy overrated/overpriced), Emeril’s Delmonico Steakhouse (so, so great - this man can do no wrong)

May - Javelina (so good!), L’Artusi (literally the best pasta I’ve ever had in NYC)

June - Bocca (only okay)

July - Astor Court (lovely as hell)

August - The Russian Tea Room (overrated, average food)

September - Cherry Point (so, so good)

October - Nowhere!

November - Dante (quite good), Del Frisco’s (really good meat), Rainbow Room Pop Up Bar (incredible), Ofrenda (best quesadillas), Pil Pil (really good tapas)

December - The Spaniard (crazy good burger), Le Rivage (average, though the snails were good)

There were only two months when this didn’t happen! That’s pretty sweet.

Take Baby Dog on at least two dog adventures per month (this could include going to Central Park, Astoria Park, dog dates, etc.)

Oh boy, was this an eager resolution. I did take her to Central Park as much as I could when the weather was warm, but of course I could’ve taken her more. She also went to some dog friendly cafes, so that was good too. If I keep this resolution for 2019, I’ll definitely revise it to be a seasonal aspiration instead of a twice-monthly one.

Properly go on a date with Nathan at least once a month.

I kind of can’t even believe we did this every single month except September (which he travelled for most of), sometimes even a few times a month! It was great! I could list everything we did here but that seems… like something a crazy person would do (said the person who counts her juices & workouts on a daily basis).

Learn how to meditate.

I think I did? For a few months I tried to do it and it seems like something I need a lot more practice with. Also, maybe I was doing it wrong, but I didn’t really understand what I was supposed to get out of it. Obviously it’s great for a lot of people, I’m not trying to be a dick, but I think I was just missing something about it in general.

Once a month, write a letter to someone that I haven’t seen for awhile.

Hahahah, awww. Not a chance in hell. I did this once and I’m pretty sure I mailed it to the wrong address.

Once a season, do a week-long juice cleanse or follow a completely raw food diet.

Again, NOPE! Too hard.

By the end of the year, stop waitressing and start editing full time again.

I was reeeeally close to having this done in June, but then backed out of it. Lots of reasons. Some personal ones just for me to know. But I’ll keep working towards this goal. I happen to not completely hate waitressing, so until I do, I think I’ll keep doing it.

Some other notable things that happened: I was on Nathan’s podcast Positive Anger twice, which was really, really fun. I started doing my monthly roundup posts (May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December) that I think I’ll continue to do. So many great photos were taken (which reminds me that I need to make the 2018 photo book sometime soon). My attempt at Halloween domination continued. Went on some memorable vacations to Las Vegas and Vermont. We celebrated my dad’s 95th birthday. My grandmother turned 100.

2018 was kind of a good year, I think. It’s so hard to tell when you’re looking back at it. It wasn’t the best or worst, but it’s over now so we can only look forward. Definitely going to try and make this one a wicked one. Thank you so much for continuing to read and encourage all of the nonsense that I post on here, it means more to me than anyone will ever know.

[asianadjacent]

What’s the worst that could happen?

At the age of 14, I was told by a lovely lady named Maggie that “if you don’t ask, you don’t receive.” That line stuck with me throughout my teens, where I selfishly pushed boundaries further and further (and further) with my parents. 

I’m not sure how they put up with me but I’m glad they did. (Shout out to my moms and dad!)

Somewhere along the way, I grew up a wee bit, became more considerate of others and tried to help people out whenever I was able to. This doesn’t mean that I couldn’t be an asshole, which I definitely still was am at times.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped asking the questions that I was afraid of being rejected from. This definitely includes asking members of the opposite gender out.

As I attempt to learn how to be single again after continuously swapping significant others since 2009, recent events have made me realise that I need to just nut up and ask because what’s the worst that could happen?

This is a retelling of three random encounters that led me to this realisation. 

Encounter 1 - The Shop Assistant

It was a sunny Saturday. My flatmate Pearl and I decided to head out, walk around and soak in the sun - even though I was slightly hungover. Despite my state, I was in one of those really ridiculously confident good moods. We ended up walking into Fenwick, a uber fancy department store for the really rich. 

I was generally being an annoying goofball, trying on big hats and head scarves in the women’s section. There was a particular head dress type item which confused me. I didn’t know what it was, or why it costs £275. 

In comes The Shop Assistant.

She had flowing blonde hair with semi-curls at the bottom and a really pretty smile. There I was, having a conversation with her about how to wear this thing, who typically buys this thing and whether if she thought I could pull this thing off. 

Somehow, she’s buying into the drivel I’m spouting and was actually laughing. She also had a really pretty laugh.

I didn’t think much of the conversation at the time so we left. Half an hour later, I thought to myself, “Fuck, I should’ve asked her out, why didn’t I ask her out? FUCK.” 

At this point, I’m frantically trying to justify to myself why I didn’t just ask her out. So I brought The Shop Assistant up to Pearl, asking about her opinion on how to tell whether a person in a service role (e.g., bartender, server or The Shop Assistant) is being nice because it’s their job, or if they actually find you to be funny, witty and charming.

My lovely flatmate said that she agreed that it is their job to be nice to people so I exclaimed with relief, “Yes! I can now not regret not asking her out.”

Pearl then turns to me and said, “…But you were definitely vibing with her and I thought you should’ve just asked her out.”

Oh fuck. I really do have great timing in life.

Encounter 2 - The Girl From The Underground

The time is 7pm on a working day and I’m on my way home from Paddington on the Bakerloo Underground line. I’ve got my headphones in and my book out - the two most common social barriers Londoners use to prevent any type of interaction with anyone on public transport because god forbid actually having to talk to another human being.

I was reading The Sellout by Paul Beatty, a satire about race relations in America. It’s a pretty difficult read because it contains a lot of cultural references innate to Americans. However, it's still a pretty funny book nonetheless. As I was reading, there was a particular line that ticked my funny bone enough for me to laugh out loud.

Opposite me sat a woman, who heard my obnoxious laugh through her headphones and gave me a WTF look. She was wearing #activewear on the tube so I was completely defensive and absolutely judging her for judging me. In typicaly wit, I gave her this gorgeous dreamboat look back in riposte.

Somehow, we ended up taking out our headphones and had an actual conversation about the book, the plot and what I found funny about it. This then led to a chat about where she was headed.

She revealed that she was headed to the gym, so I immediately rescind my previous judgement. Instead, I found that I no longer hated her and realised that she had a very disarming smile and really pretty brown eyes.

Before I knew it and recognised that it was a golden opportunity to ask her out, we arrived at her destination and she reached out her hand, introduced herself as Sara (Pronounced SAR-AH not SIAR-UH) and we bid each other farewell.

There are three reasons why I didn't take my chance while the iron was red hot. Firstly, I was stunned that I had an engaging discussion with a stranger on the tube. Secondly, it just didn't occur to me to ask for her number. Thirdly, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I ASK FOR HER NUMBER?! There goes another missed opportunity to ask. Fuck my life.

This happened about two weeks ago so whenever I take that route now at a similar time, I still keep an eye out for Sara - with my headphones in and book out of course. (THIS IS NOT AT ALL CREEPY.)

Encounter 3 - The One At The Bar

This was the most recent of encounters. It was a casual Friday out with Aaron and after a few beers, we ended up at Northcote Records, a bar near me that was playing live music.

The band, Superspokes, were throwing out some great covers and the place was packed but not too packed. I mean, they had the crowd eating out of their palm with bangers like Teenage Dirtbag, sprinkled in with some Oasis hits, some Tay-Tay (my fave), Blink 182 and others.

There we were, standing in the middle of the dance floor near the stage just enjoying the music. We started talking to these two girls who were standing next to us, Martina and Erin.

Martina was nice, seemed fun and kept laughing at things I was saying so I must’ve been funny apparently.

On the other hand, there’s no delicate way to put how terrible her friend was. Erin was just a straight up bitch. I’m not saying this to be mean but she was literally the worst. 

As an example of how resolutely awful she was as a person, when we were introducing ourselves, her immediate reaction to my name was, “Did you just say JY? I’m not calling you that, it’s just confusing. Why can’t you have a normal name like James or something?”

Casual racism and white entitlement aside, I grinned it off and took it in stride to see where the vibes will take me with Martina. We talked for a bit more and I wasn’t pushy because Aaron and I were genuinely appreciating the music. Plus at this point, Aaron had given up on trying to talk to the worst person ever Erin because she had a stick up there somewhere.

Midnight came and we were calling it a night so before I headed off, I decided to ask her out. The following conversation ensued.

Me: Hey we’re heading off but do you wanna grab dinner some time? Martina: Ummm, like in a group? Me: No. Like a dinner, date, me, you. You know, that kinda thing.

In hindsight, maybe dinner was a bit strong. *shrugs*

Martina: *Looks at Erin* *Looks at me* *Looks at the worst Erin* *Looks at me* Me: You do know that you CAN say no and I won’t be horrifically offended right? Martina: OHH. No thanks then! Me: Alright then. Have a good night! 

With my drunken heart in tatters, I kissed her cheek, turned around and walked away with tears streaming down my face as I walk to McDonald's for a six pack McNuggets box and a double cheeseburger.

After going through all three experiences, I’ve come to the conclusion to never ever ask for anything because you might get crushed, chewed up and spat out into the icy frozen depths of rejection.

That being said, if you’re reading this Sara, my number is 07492 616 621 and let's do drinks sometime? (AGAIN, THIS IS NOT CREEPY AT ALL.)

[solo1y]

Made-Up Gaeltacht

This was originally published (in modified form) in 2007 in an Irish tourist magazine aimed at young people. I was just told to do something about the Irish language. I have added some links to explain things for non-Irish people. I’ve never been to a Gaeltacht so this was 100% made-up. 

Her name was Janice McDonagh. For seven years afterwards, I had resolved to call all my female children "Janice", possibly differentiating them by number, or by the colour of their hair, in the style of the old kings of Ulster. I was sixteen and she was fourteen, and in a scandal that would rock both our respective small towns, we kissed. Properly, too, on the lips, like you're supposed to. And it didn't completely suck. Of more interest to you, however, is the much more salient fact that my first kiss was through the medium of the Irish language. Yes, we were in a Gaeltacht, one of the ever-shrinking goldfish bowls of Irish language and culture, whatever "culture" means in Ireland. Specifically, we were in "An Rinn", just down the road (and to the left, towards the coast) from Dungarvan in Co. Waterford. From my point of view it might as well have been in fucking China. Firstly, this was the first time for most of us bags of hormones to be released from captivity into the wild, presumably to see whether or not we would strive, perish or be eaten by wolves. It went straight to some of their heads. I saw optimistically-placed apples in naively-packed lunch boxes traded for Mars bars, and on one memorable occasion, funny-looking cigarettes. None of this mattered to me - I was free of oppression at last! Finally, I could do whatever the hell I wanted, as long as it was through Irish. As it turned out, what I wanted, chiefly, was to be left alone to tackle the oddly-pitched crossword (it included the solutions "go" and "aimpleasach", which is like putting "cat" and "cthonic" in the one English crossword) that appeared at the back of the newsletter for Colaiste na Rinne. Nevertheless, house rules eventually prevailed that to dances (or ceilidh) I must go, and so on the last night, to a dance I went. Secondly, the Colaiste na Rinne golden rule was that everything - no exceptions - happened solely through Irish, such that overheard snatches of English, or even Spanish (Julio, you loco!), were met with expulsion. While this posed a challenge to all students equally, I took it personally. For one thing, I was not inclined to pay attention in the compulsory Irish classes in my secondary school. For another, even if I did listen carefully to everything I was told; if I did all the homework I was supposed to do; if I read all the novels and poems and short stories they kept hinting I should read; if I did all that, I would still only be in a position to describe and communicate matters of interest to nineteenth-century Irish people. I could accurately debate the merits and demerits of the Act of Union (1801), but be confounded by having to order a pizza. They didn't have pizzas in Ireland back then. Or, as they keep reminding us, potatoes. The towering insult to teenagers across the land would come the term immediately after Janice kissed me, in the form of "Peig": one woman's fight against anything that could possibly be uplifting, or interesting, or happy, or engaging in print form. These were battles that Peig won time and time again, as any reader of the book will tell you. The terrible tragedy of "Peig" is not the grinding poverty; the shocking access barnyard animals had in her house; the suspicious death of her children, the rain-lashed landscape; the emigration of everyone she knew or ever heard of - no! The tragedy is that Peig took these situations that would normally cause sympathy in the hardest heart and made us not care. She turned us into a nation of apathetics. "Youngsters," clamour middle-aged professional liars, "don't care about politics!" At the hustings, I calmly suggest: "Stop throwing 'Peig' at them, then!" My logic being that if students are being trained with ruthless efficiency to be apathetic about dead children, then your chances of getting them to care about administrative reform legislation are very, very slim. In fairness, the government, strangely reluctant to ban the evil volume, seems to be working on an antidote. Relatively recently (about ten years ago), an all-Irish television station called TG4 was established to promote the interests of the Irish language. In a cunning manouevre representing a revolutionary break with tradition, the planners hired young, attractive presenters and showed genuinely interesting programmes and documentaries, all dubbed into Irish (although everything had English subtitles too, because they still wanted people to tune in). Their most famous export is probably Grainne Seoige, who has become a fixture on RTE, after a brief stint on Sky News. I always preferred her sister, Sile Seoige, with whom I had a brief fling in 1999, in my mind. But even the lusty charms of Sile could not ignite my sudden and urgent desire to learn Irish like Janice did. Janice had bright, long red hair, and a pale complexion almost completely obscured by a mass of freckles. I sat counting them with love, and and had to stop because neither of us could remember the Irish for "sixty" (the Irish for sixty is "seasca"). She very much had the traditional "Irish" look that so few actual Irish people have. We began communicating because we were the only two in the whole building who were interested enough in the crossword to bring it to the dance with us. We pointed at clues, giggled, wrote suggestions, not saying much of anything, and then we had to leave. Our houses lay in separate directions. As I was walking back to my house, I heard her running behind me. I turned around, she grabbed my shoulders and kissed me on the lips in front of everyone. I saw that she had tears in her eyes, and then she ran off. Rosebud. If you want a pretty girl to kiss you and then run away, leaving you bitter about relationships in general and redheads in particular, you could do worse than contact http://www.forasnagaeilge.ie/ for information on the Irish language, http://www.anrinn.com/ for information on releasing your bag of hormones into the wild and http://www.tg4.ie/ for information on Irish language programmes.

Thanks to Martina Leahy, who commissioned the piece.