#Bonus points if it’s a cute BRITISH trans girl

[thisisahypnokinkblog]

I have a fantasy of having a one-night stand with a cute trans girl and introducing her to hypnokink.

Imagine: you’re at a bar when I sit down beside you and ask if you’ve ever been hypnotized. You answer “no.” I ask if you want to change that, and invite you back to my place with a wry wink. Intrigued in more than one way, you agree.

I take you to my hotel room and dim the lights, inviting you to stare at the tip of my finger and listen to my soft, droning voice. Your conscious mind quickly stops paying attention as your face gets so *adorably* blank and your mouth hangs agape. Then suddenly, I tap you on the forehead, and your body falls limp, bouncing against the bed.

I count you up, and you blink yourself awake. Before you realize what happened to you, you’re sinking down again, dropping as I squeeze you on the wrist. You go up and down, up and down for what feels like hours, until your brain is hazy from fractionation. Once you’re suitably deep, I whisper a suggestion into your ear…

when you next come to, you realize something strange: you’re wearing clothes. Even stranger, you’re standing on two legs like a person. You wonder if the hypnosis caused this strange behavior, as you strip and fall on your hands and knees, waving your naked ass in the air. I gesture for my new pet to lay down on my lap so I can pet you and toy with your nipples. You make such lovely noises as I tease you, sticking my fingers in your mouth and pinching your adorable butt.

after a while, I snap my fingers. You practically fall onto the floor with shock as you awaken, blushing deep red as I laugh at how cute you look when you’re embarrassed. Your head is still heavy from the trance—the warm, wonderful feelings still lingering. So many thoughts and emotions unprocessed. Your body yearns to return to that blissful state. I ask if you want to be hypnotized again—you say yes, and you have to stop yourself from falling to your knees and begging for it. I drop you again, as easily as flicking a light switch.

I coo suggestions into your ears, molding your putty brain into a slutty bimbo with an insatiable thirst for girlcock. I snap you awake and find you staring vacantly between my thick, squishy thighs, a thin trickle of drool falling from your mouth. I wordlessly pull down my panties and slightly lift my skirt. You instantly duck under it, putting your plump lips to my girlcock and sucking, drooling over it, your eyes rolling into the back of your head with pleasure—no, SATISFACTION at fulfilling your purpose. As I climax, I press on your forehead and you crumple to the floor, entranced. Sweaty and breathing heavily, I command you into bed and drop you to sleep before I shower and call it a night.

you wake up in the morning to find me packing—I was just visiting town, and I my flight leaves before noon. We have breakfast together, and I thank you for the great night before I leave, never to see you again.

you can’t stop thinking of the way I hypnotized you—it fascinates you deeply. All your other kinks suddenly seem dull by comparison. That night, you go online and search for erotic hypnosis files, trying to again reach the high I gave you that night….

[emma-what-son]

Eat the Rich: Classism in the UK Entertainment Industry

Ohnotheydidnt Jan. 2020: To take you back a few years ago, right when HP was coming to an end, there was HP Blue-ray bonus documentary where Emma claimed to have come from a poor family. How she got pencils as gifts for her bday and how her dad didn’t afford to send her to the school she went to. This post is a great addition to posts I’ve made a few years ago about how Emma wasn’t actually poor growing up. You can find the posts here.

# TimesYa Grammar Kween Emmione Granger has come a long way since her # HeForShe days, taking the criticisms levelled towards her white feminism to heart and upping her activist game. Since that B.A. in English lit from Brown has gotta go somewhere, one only has to look as far as her Twitter and Instagram feeds (I appreciate that she at least uses her massive platform to lend exposure to women of colour, Ireland’s abortion rights, workplace harassment and from someone who has struggled brutally with gender dysphoria, trans visibility—no sarcasm there). Though once upon a time, Justin Bieber’s Disney Doll was under the impression that she could persuade her legion of fans she enjoyed an ordinary upbringing. Notably, in 2009/10 during a set interview for Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (included in the four-disk Blu-Ray bonus documentary When Harry Left Hogwarts) she presented herself in a vulnerable light, stating that when her parents divorced when she was five years old her financial situation was “tight” (transcribed in the gifs below because the doc is no longer on YouTube, boo!).

YUUUSSS KWEEEN! Hermione is an ONTD member like the rest of us! Or *dot dot dot* is she? While her words sound inspiring and classy at face value and being the cute bae that she is she doesn’t deny she was well-educated, what is missing from her version of the tale and her carefully manufactured image, however, is that both the good sis’ parents are lawyers. From around 1995/96 until 2003, she attended the co-educational pre-prep and prep day and boarding institution, Lynams nursery and the Dragon School in Oxford (Tom Hiddlebum and his one shirt was also a pupil). The fees [applied to 2019/20] eat up as much as £31,686 for boarders and £21,768 for day pupils each schoolyear (there are three academic terms in British schooling). Circa 1999-2000, Emma was also a pupil at the Stagecoach Theatre Arts School Oxford Headington, a franchise part-time theatre school (about ten minutes away from the Dragon). According to their website, “The cost per term for Early Stages is £168 and for Main Stages it is £336.” This is simply a luxury skint kids cannot receive without a grant or hardship fund and based on one version of events Emma has told us, it was while she was in attendance at Stagecoach when she was spotted (along with other potentials) by the Potter casting team for the role of Hermione. (I also discovered through related Google searches that some other minor actors from the Potter series, particularly Daniel Radcliffe’s “son” Albus Potter and “mother” Little Lily Potter went to the Dragon School and Stagecoach in Oxford, respectively. “Lily” was even taught by Emma’s former drama teacher and principal, Maya Sprigg—which tells me this woman’s hustle is not a coincidence.) From there, Emma attended Headington until the age of 18, an independent girls’ day and boarding school. The admission fees for Upper 3-5 and Sixth Form day pupils [applied to 2019/20] is £6,090 per term (£18,270 a year); full boarders pay up to £36,630 a year. Last year, the cost for day pupils was £5,884 per term (£17.5k/yr.). In 2016 before the UK referendum, fees for boarders were roughly £28k a year. As for her parents’ professions, her father Chris Watson is Head of the CMS Technology, Media and Communications Group (he has a M.A. from the New College, Oxford). We also know from a December 2010 British Vogue interview that he owns a vineyard in France where Emma spent the summers as a child. Her mother Jacqueline “Jackie” (nee Luesby) joined the Smith & Williamson financial services firm in 2007 as a senior manager for their tax team in London (she previously worked for Morgan Cole, a commercial law firm in Oxford and from circa 1990-95 the tax team Ernst & Young, an accounting firm in Paris, Emma’s birthplace). In a September 2015 British Vogue interview, Emma confirmed her parents worked full-time: “My parents couldn’t take the time off; they had careers and they weren’t together. They couldn’t swap in and out like Rubert Grint’s [sic] and Dan Radcliff’s [sic] parents.” Emphasis on careers, not occupations. 

My basic bitch research skills are unable to track down the estimated salaries of her parents’ positions, but the Great British Class Survey classifies lawyers (including telecommunication lawyers and solicitors) as “elite” and the average household income is placed at £89,000 a year. Me thinks her parents weren’t blowing through £89k on pasta, toast and beans. Post-Potter, Emma pulled in $3 to $15 million for 2017’s Beauty and the Beast (obviously, this was a decade ago, but in 2010 she was making around $32 million). In 2018, she donated £1 million ($1.4 million) to Justice and Equality, an anti-sexual harassment fund (disappointing however, the superior Emma Thompson only donated £500, GIRL?!). Guess she figured she should finally throw away pennies of that Potter money from her offshore accounts (‘cause you can’t take it with it you)? In 2019, her estimated net worth is $80 million (about £60.9 million). Before Hermione blessed her with bad hair, Emma was already the slaying Speak & Spell singing Disney princess we deserved. Although, it seems she has since educated herself and changed her tune. In 2018, she introduced Reni Eddo-Lodge’s Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race for her Goodreads book club, writing: “When I heard myself being called a ‘white feminist’ I didn’t understand. […] It would have been more useful to spend the time asking myself questions like: What are the ways I have benefited from being white? In what ways do I support and uphold a system that is structurally racist? How do my race, class and gender affect my perspective?” No one needs to award her brownie points and even if I (along with most of ONTD) am not fond of her tightly controlled PR image, it’s one step towards acknowledging she’s part of a structural, systematic problem and it’s more than what most privileged celebs are willing to do when called out. On the other hand, homegirl needs to be educated on tax evasion. In the meantime, the Oatmeal Queen is living her best life with her Pop Rocks.

[humboldtfog]

Years of depression has prepared me very well for the current state of affairs which is weird but whatever here’s a list of my faves on netflix, if I’m missing something let me know cause now’s the time, right?

I'm kinda embarrassed by how long this list is but also kinda like fuck that, there have been very long periods of time where it was either sit and watch shows all day or lie down and stare at the wall in silence all day so I chose the former and it adds up and there's nothing wrong with that.

Glow (Badass ladies learn to wrestle, great 80s aesthetics and grrrrl power.)

Our Planet (Netflix version of Planet Earth, beautiful, cute, terrifying that we aren’t doing more to save us all.)

Bojack Horseman (Hilarious and “deep” critique of LA and celebrity culture for people who don’t care about LA or celebrity culture. Also very funny visual jokes about how if animals were also kinda humans, and lots of great jokes about cliches and tropes, puns, and weirdly rhyming and alliteration? I don’t know how to explain it just watch it.)

Father Brown (BBC, based on mystery novels about a priest who always meddles in police business and solves murders in his small English countryside town.)

Pose (The Ball scene in NY in the 80s, poc queer and trans writers and actors bringing their people’s stories to life. So much joy, so much beauty, but also NYC in the 80s so you will cry.)

Paris is Burning (Documentary made during the Ball scene Pose is based on.)

Sex Education (Such empowering representations of all walks of gender and sexuality, and actually very educational, like I would straight up show this in schools because everyone would be very entertained and would learn a lot more than they teach in a lot of schools.)

What Happened Miss Simone (Documentary about Nina Simone’s life, music and the activism the establishment/ government worked to suppress and used to blacklist her.)

Night on Earth (Low light camera technology has gotten hella good and they’re starting to learn stuff about animals’ behaviors at night that they’ve never been able to study before.)

Call the Midwife (Follows stories from the midwives that worked in the East End of London after the war, based on memoirs. Interesting look at the kind of life of poverty people led before there were many large hospitals or birth control, right as the British were implementing their universal healthcare program.)

The Great British Baking Show (Everyone’s so nice and everything looks so good!)

Atypical (Dramady about a high schooler with autism and his family, very funny and great representations of autism and how to be a good dude.)

Parks and Recreation (Just very funny and everyone knows it. Amazing ensemble cast, and they still keeps in touch through a group chat awww doesn’t that say something!)

Kim’s Convenience (Canadian comedy about family of first and second gen Korean immigrants that’s just a really solid funny modern day sitcom.)

Queer Eye (I feel like if everyone in this world could get a life makeover from these guys we just wouldn’t be here right now.)

Obvious Child (Jenny Slate accidentally gets pregnant and gets an abortion. It’s funny and it’s realistic, we’re not all Juno.)

Maria Bamford: the Special Special Special (Rad lady comedian not afraid to talk about her mental health and lack thereof and very vocal about the stigma surrounding mental health problems and I very much relate to. My favorite standup probably ever. I could make a list just for standup so message me if you’d like more suggestions.)

Monty Python (Flying Circus, movies, doc, ect. “The Beatles of comedy” is the cliche but it's true.)

Easy (Very unconventional non-narrative structure and editing, following random people in Chicago in a very real life feeling way. Different story each episode, but sometimes characters show up briefly in each other’s lives or return for a second episode.)

Everything Sucks! (High school nerds and lesbians and theater geeks in the 90s! I’m so sad this only got one season I rewatched it recently and it’s just so solid.)

She’s Gotta Have It (Revival of Spike Lee’s first movie, black girl magic, art world, gentrified New York, lots of sex.)

The Office (Classic, holds up very well, totally solid throughout, worth a rewatch. Also if you're a fan Jenna Ficher and Angela Davis are doing a rewatch podcast jsyk.)

Billy on the Street (Mindless game show for laughs, amazing gay comedian runs around New York yelling questions at them. I watch this with my dad and he can’t help but snort even when it’s “inappropriate” or “juvenile” so you know it’s good.)

Good Girls (Some lower middle class family ladies that are all about to be broke decide to rob the grocery store one of them works at, but they accidentally cross a gang that stored their cash there, so they gotta pay it back, and of course can’t help but get deeper and deeper into it. Very suspenseful like your heart rate will go up and stay up. )

Arrested Development (It’s just funny, as you've probably heard, but I'm telling you it just really is.)

The Laundromat (Tells the stories of a few of the people involved in the panama papers in different ways, explains in an entertaining way how money laundering works in a way that made it mostly make sense even to me. The rich get richer, and Meryl Streep is here to tell them to fuck off and pay their taxes.)

Russian Doll (She keeps dying and coming back to the same moment over and over and can’t figure out how to stop the cycle or why so kinda sci fi, very suspenseful, big cliff hanger ending, or rather no ending, and just found out season two filming is delayed because virus which is very annoying!!)

Dear White People (Show picking up where the movie left off, after a frat hosts a black face party and the ivy league college is forced to deal with racism.)

Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings (Stories based on Dolly songs. Very Hallmark channel, you will cry.)

Episodes (Show about two British writers making a version of their BBC show for American tv. Kind of meta, very funny, Matt LaBlanc plays himself and it's great.)

Dumplin’ (Fat girl grows up with a beauty pageant winning mom and enters one herself with the help of her late aunt’s Dolly Parton drag queen friends.)

Lunatics (Chris Lilley is the best character actor ever, all his shows are just him playing different parts and you seriously forget it’s all one actor, even when he’s playing teenage girls.)

Jane the Virgin (Prime time soap opera about a girl who is engaged and waiting until marrige and is accidentally inseminated with the only sperm sample of a man who’s had cancer so decides to keep the baby, very heavy on the soap opera cliches in a meta way but also that’s what it is. So good at first but after the first three or so seasons it gets too much tbh though.)

Zumbo’s Just Desserts (Australian Bake show but with just sweet stuff and pressure to be avant garde.)

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (Jerry Sienfeld goes out with funny people to coffee and lunch in fancy cars and they have funny conversations.)

One Day at a Time (Very very cheesy laugh track sitcom, like the kind of thing my grandma would watch, but it makes me so happy it’s doing a great job eplaining really woke concepts like queer pronouns and ptsd and addiction and white privilege to people like my grandma!)

Orange is the New Black (Good stories about very diverse characters, I’d say by starting it off about a upper middle class white girl it tricks privileged white people into watching and then encountering the more realistic stories of women who go to prison and how the system treats prisoners. Ending of season two is super solid and you can stop it there, season three is a really great critique of the privatization of prisons. I admit it goes on and on to the point that it’s stressful and after watching it spread out over years I can’t remember/ keep up with all the different story lines, though they’re all good stories to tell.)

Space Jam (Just saw while scrolling for more ideas this was added! One of the greatest sports movies of all time obviously.)

Bonus amazon prime shows, I try to avoid Amazon in general but these are just too good if you know a prime member who you can't convince not to give their money to amazon so they might as well give you their login (like yer dad).

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (A 1950s New York upper class Jewish house wife gets dumped and starts doing stand up, so funny, great actors, and they seriously transform NY back into another era.)

Good Omens (Mini series based off Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s satirical novel about the biblical apocalypse, very funny, very smart, very British, does the book pretty solid justice.)

There are other decent things that aren’t included, I’d say these are solid recs for a general list of genres all over the map without letting it get to a ridiculously unhelpful length. I feel like I’d be good at the “if you like this then you’ll also like…” so let me know if some of these are your favorites too and want personal recs for what to watch next based on a brain instead of an algorithm.

If you want to have a remote date and watch things together on video chat or one of those watch party sites or just tell me what to watch next here’s some stuff on my list I’ve been curious about or not sure about or don’t want to watch alone or have been putting off, and now’s the time right?: Strangers Things, I Am Not Okay With This, Black Panther, The Betty White doc, John Mulaney Snack Lunch Bunch, Dead to Me, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, A Wrinkle in Time, The Little Prince, Maniac, Wet Hot American Summer reboots, and a bunch of different standup specials from comedians I like.