#Black | Chinese | Filipino | Mexican | Italian | Salvadoran | Irish | Indigenous | Arab

[xtruss]

I Lost White Friends When I Finally Spoke Out

— Leron L. Barton | Wednesday July 26, 2023

LeRon L. Barton (Pictured) tells Newsweek about the racist experiences he has had with his white friends over the years. Courtesy: LeRon L. Barton

Having friendships with different types of people is a wonderful concept. To learn, trade ideas, have great experiences, and grow with folks from all kinds of backgrounds is a goal that I have always wanted to achieve.

As someone who loves gaining knowledge and immersing myself in various customs, it's essential for me to expand my social circle. I have friends who are Black like myself, Chinese, Filipino, Mexican, Italian, Salvadoran, Irish, Indigenous, and Arab. We discuss politics, food, sports, music, traveling, film, and life. I love having a wealth of friends that will bring different perspectives in life, and that I can impart wisdom to as well.

However, race and racism have always been difficult to discuss with white people due to the possibility that they may deflect, or be in denial—which is why the subject of race has been the hardest to broach.

Remembering back as a young kid, my family did not have a lot of white friends. It is not because they didn't like them; my cousin married a white woman. It's just that in Kansas City, Missouri, our social circles did not cross.

My grandparents, mother, and father instilled a lot of Black pride in us. We were taught that everyone is the same, but also that Black is beautiful. For me, that was necessary living in a time that told you that you were the opposite.

My brother and I went to a predominately white school and mostly played with Black kids. Still, like many African-Americans, we welcomed white people and held no malice toward them.

I did not make any white friends until my junior year in high school. We all played sports together, listened to hip-hop, and ate the same food. Plenty of friend groups were integrated, including mine. We had Black, white, Asian, Mexican, Puerto Rican, and Indigenous folks in our clique.

It was dope to be able to learn, build, and enjoy other cultures. However, I always noticed there was a difference in how people of color interacted with each other and how my white friends did. There was a warmth in how we hung out. My family welcomed them and vice versa.

But when it came to my white friends, I felt there was a ceiling, a stopping point. A lot of the interactions were surface-level and not deep.

I was always race conscious; being in Kansas City does that to you. It was, and continues to be, a very segregated city. Still, I would try to laugh off racist jokes I heard at work and amongst people in social situations.

I can recall during an offsite lunch event, police entered the restaurant and a coworker joked: "Oh they must be looking for you LeRon." They all laughed, and me being the only Black person at the table, brushed it off and tried to laugh along with it.

My white friends and associates would ask me things like: "Do you play basketball? Do you know anyone that sells drugs? Have you ever been in a gang?"

And they even asked if it was okay for them to say the N-word in a rap song.

These were my day-to-day interactions with white people. I am not trying to paint them all as being harmful and bad, but I have to be honest.

Things began to change for me in 2012. Trayvon Martin was murdered and there was this national conversation about race. Many people had been arguing both sides of the incident.

When I would talk to my white friends about the shooting, the protests, and the uprisings that followed, they would say things like: "What was he doing out there that late? Do we know for sure if he attacked Zimmerman? Why protest and destroy property?"

It was almost as if the rose-colored glasses I had were flung off. When unarmed Black men such as Mike Brown and Alton Sterling were killed by the police, I would see negative comments on social media from friends.

Someone that I had known for years had complained about the protests destroying their quiet neighborhood. Other folks would say "All Lives Matter" or "What about Black-on-Black crime?"

These were the same people that loved Michael Jordan, listened to Snoop Dogg, and cheered Ray Lewis as they watched the Super Bowl. It was as if they only consumed Blackness as entertainment, not as people.

Soon after, I began to write about being Black in America. I would call out racism white explicitly and highlight the inequities of police arrests and shootings, employment, health disparities, and home ownership.

Some white friends noticed my shift in tone and faded away. My televised interviews and podcast appearances became too much for some. I was known as "militant" to a few folks and angry to others.

One friend in particular could not understand why I was so mad. I explained to him it was because as a Black man, if I scare a white woman or make a white law enforcement officer nervous, that could be my life.

He then said: "I don't see you as Black, just as a man." I replied: "That is the problem, you don't want to acknowledge the issue here, racism." He and I stopped talking shortly after.

I was the cool guy when we were going drinking, clubbing, and talking about non-serious things, but when I discuss "The Talk", a conversation that Black parents have with their children on how to survive when they reach a certain age, I am too serious or divisive.

I realized the ceiling I have with many white people and have accepted it.

I've met other Black people that do not have white friends. While I do not subscribe to nor agree with that thought, I do not judge them. Being Black, or being any racialized person in a world that tells you you are less than, is hard. Having to justify your existence every day to people you are close to is even harder.

I think back to this quote I read from Stud Terkel's masterful book Race. Terkel is interviewing a young African-American man who does not have white friends. He asks the guy: "Why do you only hang out with Black people?" The young man laughs and says: "I don't have to worry about them being racist." I think about that sometimes.

Today, I have a few white friends that are "grandfathered" in. Seriously, they are people, such as one of my best friends "Frosty," that I can have serious discussions about racism and how we can change the system. New friends are "vetted."

Writing and discussing race is a very important part of my life. If I have to argue with you about why we are upset when another unarmed Black man is shot by the police, this is not going to work. If I have to explain to you why saying the "N-word" is wrong, cultural appropriation is bad, something innocuous as the slogan "Black Lives Matter" is a positive thing, or why Malcolm X is my personal hero, then this friendship will not work out. I am not teaching "Intro to Blackness 101."

Some reading this may say: "Well LeRon, what if people don't know? We have to teach them."

To that, I say no.

I believe that Black people live in a country that constantly tries to strangle every bit of self-respect, pride, individuality, love, and life out of them. It is an everyday challenge for us to maintain our mental health.

I ask white people who are well-meaning to practice self-reflection. Interrogate your racist blind spots. Educate yourselves. Fight against the system that oppresses us and others.

Black people do not have enough time in the day to survive and help you become not racist. Being a friend is about accountability and work.

— LeRon L. Barton is a Writer, Author, and Speaker.

[rotanawrites]

Curly-Haired FC Masterlist

Under the cut, you’ll find a masterlist of over 150 fcs with curly hair. I’ll likely update this list with more as I find them.

RPHs who helped with names, or whose blogs I found several on: this ask, @gayagendarph's directory, @olivaraofrph, @dear-indies, @contentrpt, @rosalitadiaz

      FEMALE

  Miriam Margoyles (1941)

AliceWalker (1944) - Unspecified black

Cynthia Bond (1961) - Unspecified black

Judy Gold (1962) - Ashkenazi Jewish

Rena Owen (1962) - Maori, white

Kim Coles (1962) - unspecified black - body diverse

Neneh Cherry (1964) - Sierra Leonean, white

Lucia Rijker (1967) - Surnamise

Melina Kanakaredes (1967)

Yvette Nicole Brown (1971) - unspecified black - body diverse

Jill Scott (1972) - unspecified black - body diverse

Justina Machado (1972) - Puerto Rican

Marisa Jaret Winkour (1973) - Ashkenazi Jewish - body diverse

Alycia Eyo (1975)

Keala Settle (1975) - body diverse

Lauren Ridloff (1978) - unspecified black - deaf!

Chenese Lewis (1979) - unspecified black - body diverse

Rachelle Lefevre (1979) - Ashkenazi Jewish

Susie Castillo (1979) Dominican / Puerto Rican

Tiffany Limos (1980) Filipino (including Filipino, Spanish, Hawaiian, French, African, and Chinese

Fortune Feimster (1980)

Jasika Nicole (1980) - unspecified black, and unspecified other [has stated she’s biracial]

Vanesa Tomasino (1981) Salvadoran.

Gaby Moreno (1981) - Guatemalan

Giselle Itié (1982) Mexican / Brazilian.

Évelyne Brochu (1982)

Irina Castillo (1982) Afro Panamanian.

Yaya DaCosta (1982) African-Brazilian, African-American, Cherokee, Irish.

Sheron Menezzes (1983) Afro Brazilian, possibly other.

Rocsi Diaz (1983) Chilean / Honduran.

Lupita Nyong’o (1983) Luo Kenyan - Mexican-Kenyan nationality

Vannessa Vasquez (1983) Mexican.

Edy Ganem (1983) Mexican, Lebanese.

Gabourey Sidibe (1983) - Senegalese - body diverse

Janet Mock (1983) - Native Hawaiian, unspecified black - trans!

Tessa Thompson (1983) Afro Panamanian / Mexican, English, German, Scottish, Irish.

Dolly Castro (1984) Afro Nicaraguan.

Allyson Pratt (1984) Metis of Plains Cree, white

Faustina Agolley (1984) - Ghanian, Chinese, Malaysian

Lidi Lisboa (1984) Afro Brazilian.

Cintia Rosa (1984) Afro Brazilian.

Naima Mora (1984) Mexican, African-American, Unspecified Native American, Irish.

Melonie Gillette (1984) Afro Belizean.

Jade Tailor (1985) - Ashkenazi Jewish, white

Sarah Angius (1985) - Iraqi

Carmen Carrera (1985) Puerto Rican-Peruvian - trans

Giovanna Andrade (1985) Ecuadorian.

Alyssa Diaz (1985) Colombian / Mexican.

Karina Jordán (1985) Peruvian.

Leilah Moreno (1985)  Afro Brazilian.

Débora Nascimento (1985) Brazilian [Italian, Unspecified Indigenous / Unspecified Black]

Aisha Jambo (1985) Afro Brazilian.

Erika Januza (1985)  Afro Brazilian, possibly other.

Oona Chaplin (1986) Chilean [Mapuche, Spanish, possibly Romanian] / English, Irish, 1/16th Scottish.

Nazanin Mandi (1986) Iranian, Mexican, Unspecified Native American, Spanish.

Natalie Nunn (1986) African-American, Brazilian, Mexican.

Tammy Rivera (1986) Nicaraguan / African-American.

Sharon Aguilar (1986) Panamanian / Unspecified.

Mariluz Bermúdez (1986) Costa Rican.

Maria Mena (1986) Afro Nicaraguan / Norwegian.

K-Réena / Katherine Macarena Contreras Contreras (1986) Chilean.

Lua Blanco (1987) Brazilian.

AnnaLynne McCord (1987)

Rebecca Sugar (1987) - Jewish

Stephanie Sigman (1987) Mexican [Unspecified Indigenous, Spanish] / German, possibly other.

Brooke Westbrooks (1987) Mexican, African American, Creole [Unspecified Native American, possibly other], Indian.

Sabi / Jenice Dena Portlock (1987) Salvadoran / African-American.

Tina Desai (1987) - Gujurati and Telugu Indian

Nadia Hilker (1988) - Tunisian, white

Francia Raisa (1988) Honduran / Mexican.

Summer Bishil (1988) Indian / Mexican, Cherokee, German, English, Dutch.

Nalu Santana (1988) Peruvian.

Dandara Mariana (1988)  Afro Brazilian.

Alicia Sixtos (1988) Mexican / Portuguese [including Azorean].

Heather Hemmens (1988) Afro Costa Rican / English.

Daniela Vega (1989) Cuban - trans.

Alia Shawkat (1989) - Iraqi, white - actress

Nathalie Emmanuel (1989) Dominican, St. Lucian, English

Juliana Herz (1989) Costa Rican.

Emily Rios (1989) Mexican

Kate Rodriguez (1989) Afro Panamanian.

Lorenza Izzo (1989) Chilean [Spanish, Italian, English, possibly other]

Lisa Tucker (1989) Afro Belizean.

Paula Deanda (1989) Mexican.

Marcela Amor Barnes (1989) Panamanian, Jamaican, Spanish, possibly other.

Ms Damn (1990) Honduran, Louisiana Creole / Nigerian.

Shakira Barrera (1990) Nicaraguan.

Lais Ribeiro (1990) Brazilian [Unspecified African, Unspecified Indigenous, Portuguese]

Kat Lazo (1990) Peruvian [Quechua] / Colombian [Unspecified White]

Q’orianka Kilcher (1990) Peruvian [Quechua, Huachipaeri] / Swiss, German, Belgian [Walloon], English.

Kristinia DeBarge (1990) ⅜ Mexican [Spanish, smaller amounts Unspecified Indigenous, Unspecified African], ¼ African-American, 1/32 Danish, 1/32 Norwegian, rest mix of English, Irish, French, Welsh, German, Icelandic.

Sophia Abrahao (1991) Brazilian.

Luz Pavon (1991) Afro Mexican.

Jasmine Tookes (1991) African-American, Brazilian, Barbadian, Unspecified European.

Aline Dias (1991) Afro Brazilian

Lex Scott Davis (1991) - unspecified black

Kattya Heredia (1991) Afro Peruvian.

Harmony Santana (1991) - Puerto Rican, Dominican- trans!

Carmyn Xoluv (1991) Ecuadorian, Mexican, Chinese, Filipina, Italian, French.

Kasturi Anderson (1991) Belizean, Japanese, African-American, Unspecified Native American.

Alexis Jordan (1992) African-American / Puerto Rican

Adria Arjona (1992) Guatemalan / Puerto Rican.

Nikki Glamour (1992) Mexican.

Diona Reasonover (1992) - Unspecified Black

Jamily (1992) Afro Brazilian.

Kirstin Maldonado (1992) Mexican / Spanish, Italian.

Jessica Ellen (1992) Afro Brazilian.

Mayra Goñi (1992) Peruvian.

Romina Rocamonje (1992) Bolivian.

Hazar Ergüçlü (1992) - Turkish Cyproit

Tori Kelly (1992) Puerto Rican, Jamaican, white

Raini Rodriguez (1993) Mexican - body diverse

Naressa Valdez (1993) African-American, Mexican, Unspecified Native American, Italian,

Portuguese.

Nizhoni Cooley (1993) Mexican, Navajo, Irish, Czechoslovakian.

Crystal Westbrooks (1993) Mexican, African American, Creole [Unspecified Native American, possibly other], Indian.

Bree Westbrooks (1993) Mexican, African American, Creole [Unspecified Native American, possibly other], Indian.

Mayra Tercero (1993) Honduran.

Megan Nicole (1993) Mexican / English, German, Scottish, Unspecified Native American.

Dayana Saez (1994) Panamanian.

Jana Hisham (1994-95) - 5/8 Saudi Arabian, 1/8 Malaysian, 1/8 Bangladeshi, and 1/8 Turkish

Joyjah Estrada (1994) - Belizean

Tashi Rodriguez (1994) African-American,  Puerto Rican

Jaz Sinclair (1994) - unspecified black, white

Ella Eyre (1994) - Jamaican, Maltese

Indya Marie (1993) Black, Cuban, Cherokee

Indya Moore (1995) - Puerto Rican, Caribbean - trans!

Jadah Doll (1995) - unspecified black, white

Luisana González (1995) Dominican

Raven Lyn Corneil (1995) African-American, Puerto Rican, Irish and Unspecified Native American

Lorde (1996)

Alessia Cara (1996)

Samantha Logan (1996) Trinidadian, white

Poppy Okotcha (1996) - unspecified black, unspecified other (multiracial)

Imaan Hammam (1996) - Moroccan, Egyptian

Brittany O’Grady (1996) - Louisiana Creole (black, French), Irish

Marina Nery (1996) - Indigenous Brazilian, white

Foreign Doll (1997) Lebanese / Persian Iranian, Azerbaijani, Armenian - youtuber

Iréne Ekelund (1997)  Swedish / Angolan.

Naomi Osaka (1997) - Japanese, Haitian

Kiana Brown / Kiana Ledé (1997) Unspecified Black, Mexican (Unconfirmed), Cherokee (Unconfirmed), Swedish.

Hiandra Martinez (1997) Dominican.

Leah Allyannah (1997) Guyanese, Chinese, Indian, Black.

Sahara Lin (1998) Chinese, Welsh, Dominican, Puerto Rican.

Jaylen Barron (1998) African, Mexican, Brazilian, Venezuelan.

Madison Pettis (1998) - unspecified black, white

Yara Shahidi (2000) - unspecified black, Iranian

Taija Kerr (?) Native Hawaiian, unspecified black - body diverse

Christina Moses (?) - Unspecified Black

MALE

Michael Urie (1975)

Javier Munoz (1975) - Puerto Rican

David Bisbal (1979)

Simon Amstell (1979) - Ashkenazi Jewish

Jon Foo (1982) - Chinese, Irish

Ray Santiago (1984) - Puerto Rican

Laith Ashley (1987) - Dominican, unspecified white - trans!

Nick Sagar (1988) Guyanese / Jamaican.

Robert Sheehan (1988)

Jakub Gierszał (1988)

Finn Jones (1988)

Erik Knudsen (1988)

Thakur Anoop Singh (1989) Indian.

Chai Hansen (1989) - Thai, unspecified white

Roshon Fegan (1991) African-American / Fillipino

Eduardo Casanova (1991)

Anthony Ramos (1991) - Puerto Rican

Marlon Teixeira (1991) Brazilian [Portuguese, ¼ Japanese, ¼ Unspecified Indigenous]

Toby Regbo (1991)

Alberto Rosende (1993) - Colombian, Cuban

David Lambert (1993) - half Puerto Rican

Ludovico Tersigni (1995)

Troye Sivan (1995) - half Ashkenazi Jewish

Jordy Baan (1995)

Jack WAy (1999) - trans!

Mars Granito (?) - unspecified black - trans!

Tom Phelan (?) - trans!

Jackson Hale (?) Indian, Trinidadian, White.  

Tommy Martinez (?) - Venezuelan

  NONBINARY

Jill Solloway (1965) - non-binary and gender non-conforming

Olly Alexander (1990) - non-binary - he/him

Nico Tortorella (1988) Genderfluid - they/them

Rain Dove (1989) Genderqueer - they/them.

Chella Man (1998) Chinese, Jewish - Genderqueer - he/him - deaf

Ellie Desautels (?) - trans genderqueer - they/them

Ty Vine (?) - unspecified black - nonbinary

Alok Vaid-Menon (?) unspecified South Asian - non-binary transfeminine