#Billy would just know something was up and come and see her anyway. whisking her away to cali with him before Neil could stop them

[cornflower-cowboy]

The first time Neil does anything that makes Max feel unsafe is three months after Billy's moved back to Cali with the Byers-Hoppers.

She'd just come back from skating with Lucas when she bumps into her step father in the kitchen. He's mad about something, shouting into the phone like the person on the other side is Billy.

She knows it's not, Billy wouldn't call. Hasn't called.

She tries to slink past him, avoid his anger, when he turns around. Before she can even get a word out he cussing at her next.

"Did hanging around those boys make you dumb?" He asks, ignoring what the person on the other end of the line is saying. "Don't you know how to fucking greet anymore, Maxine?"

"I'm sorry," Max says, voice meek and apologetic. Just like Billy had taught her. "Hello Neil."

"Good afternoon to you too Maxine," Neil says back. It's sounds like a taunt, like he's wishing her anything but a good afternoon. "Go to your room and start on your homework."

"Yes sir," it's a slip of tongue, catching Max off guard, and Neil too if the way he freezes is anything to go by, but Max can't take it back. All she can do is slink off to her room as Neil turns back to the phone.

Maybe that was the catalyst, maybe that was the push Neil needed, because a few days later he's chewing her out on being late.

"No Susan," Neil says, lifting up a hand to stop Max's mother from interrupting. "Billy isn't here anymore to drive her around or bring her back from where she goes with those boys. She needs to learn how to be responsible for herself."

Responsibility. Max knows a lot about responsibility from Billy. Knows exactly what Neil means when he says those words. Every time they came up, they were always followed by a slap, or a push, sometimes a punch.

Max idly wonders if Neil would reinforce his words with violence. If the anger thrumming beneath his skin will finally find an outlet. The longest time he'd ever gone without hitting Billy had always been a few days. And now he had no punching bag for months.

Following that thinking, in hindsight, Max should have expected the slap. Neil had been growing angrier and angrier by the day and Susan hadn't been doing much to help calm his nerves.

The eggs were burnt, because Billy was the one who usually made them. The house wasn't as tidy, because Billy was the one who usually cleaned. The laundry wasn't perfectly washed because Billy was the one who'd been doing it for years before Max and her mom had shown up. Because Neil said it was part of Billy's Responsibilities, just like everything else in that damn house.

Billy had warned Max about Neil's reaction to Lucas, and Max should have figured that in a small town like Hawkins, Neil would find out eventually. Hindsight was always 20/20, even as Max found herself on the floor, cheek smarting in a way it had never felt before.

She stayed down, listening to him berate Lucas as one of those dirty people. She stayed down even as he spat obscenities at her, going on about how only whores would go for people like that. She stayed down because that was what Billy had taught her.

Make him believe that he hurt you more than he had. If he uses his feet, curl into a ball and protect your head.

After his tirade, he commanded that she pick herself up off the floor and stay away from those boys. Max did so slowly, apologizing the entire time. She didn't raise her head as he left, didn't utter a peep until she heard the tv switch on.

Only then did she move from her spot in the kitchen, tiptoing upstairs before he found another reason to be mad at her. He'd done that with Billy before. Waited until his guard was down before he started beating on him for something else.

Billy always just took it, because that was the only other option. Max had seen, just like she'd seen when Neil punched the boy hard enough that he crumpled to the floor. Just as she'd seen when Billy tucked his head in his arms, protected by his knees. Just as she'd seen when he apologized over and over, always promising to do better.

She'd learnt a lot from Billy, from fighting to protecting yourself to responsibilities to apologizing to making yourself invisible. But she'd never learnt how to ask for help.

Max didn't know how to ask for help. She'd never seen her brother do it before. She'd only ever seen him take it and take it until he could no more.

But even then, she still found herself downstairs the following morning, when her face was too bruised for her to go to school, phone in her hand. Neil and her mom had left for work, her mom's face pinched tight but her lips still shut. She pulled herself out of bed and to the kitchen and dialed the number that she knew off by heart.

A number she memorized when she'd first seen it.

It took two rings for Billy to pick up, his voice a balm that Max never realized she needed. He was right there, on the other side of the phone.

But Max never learnt how to ask for help.

[assortedseaglass]

Come Back To Me - Chapter Five

Billy Washington x OFC

[Masterlist]

Warnings: Language, Trigger Point (TV) Spoilers.

Author’s Note: We’re mostly with Ida for this chapter. A Washington (or three) may appear...

Word Count: 2.6K

Billy and Ida hadn’t spoken since their argument. She ran down the stairs from his flat, hunched over the steering of her car and let her hot tears spill over. Violent, full-body sobs ripped through her body. He’d said she looked nice. That she was perfect. That he didn’t want her anymore. Bitter anger mixed with her heartbreak and she looked up to his flat. There he was, silhouetted against the window, looking down at her. She jerked back and started the engine. Fine. If he wanted to shut her out, she’d make it easier for him. The streets were quiet. Ida pulled away from the curb and sped away.

A little over a week later, she was staring at her desk. Her grandad’s guitar, perfectly wrapped in dark blue paper, leant against the chair. While looking through old photos, months ago in her grandma’s loft one afternoon, she had come across the guitar in a tattered leather case. A few coats of varnish and a set of new strings later, it was as good as new. Better than that battered charity shop one of Billy’s anyway…

“I hope he gets as much enjoyment out of it as my George did,” Gwen had said. “And I hope you enjoy listening to it as much.”

It had been wrapped and ready for weeks. With ten minutes left until she had to leave, Ida was still undecided as to whether she should go. Whether he would want to see her.

“Come on, honey,” It was Sofia, who had offered to drive Ida to Billy’s. “Just pop in and say happy birthday. If he’s still being foul, I’ll be outside waiting to whisk you away! And if he’s realised what a knob he was, even better!”

“And if he needs is head knocking against something, let me know.” Faisal called from the lounge.

Ida looked at Sofia, all bright and sunny in her favourite summer dress. She stood up and put her arm around the taller woman’s shoulders, placing a gentlest kiss to her temple. “Thank you,” she whispered.  

“Come on,” Sofia replied, nodding to the guitar. “Let’s get this over with.”

The late morning sun was heavy and oppressive and, after a week of feeling little other than despair, Ida welcomed it. The girls drove around the outskirts of London with the windows down and their hair flowing. Sofia blasted classics through the radio; Britney, Shania, Aretha, Destiny’s Child. For a brief moment, Ida wondered if Billy had been listening to Oasis, Nirvana or Radiohead. Then she thought, fuck him, and carried on singing at the top of her lungs.

By the time they pulled up outside Billy’s flat, Ida’s hair was wilder than usual, her heart was hammering and she felt like she could conquer the world. Val and Jeff Washington were sat in the car opposite, and Val gave Ida a little wave. Lana pulled in, her black brick of a car blocking the sun from Sofia’s. Sofia patted Ida’s leg. “You’ve got this! I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Ida greeted the Washingtons; Lana with a hug and Val a kiss on the cheek. Jeff pointed to the guitar and said, “Let me guess, bottle of wine?” He chortled to himself and moved to unlock the door. Ida followed them up the carpeted stairs into Billy’s flat, careful to avoid hitting the guitar on the walls of the narrow stairway. She took a shaky breath and stood a little taller. Here goes…

“Billy? Wake up.” Lana shouted into the flat, already assuming he was still be in bed. “What a shit tip,” she added, glancing at the kitchen.

Val, carrying the cake into the lounge, said in a sing-song voice, “Where’s the birthday boy?” Ida followed and set the guitar by the sofa.

“I’ll wake the lazy sod up,” said Lana before calling his name.

“If you can’t lie in on your birthday, when can you?” Ida said, and Val nudged her shoulder with a smile.

“Oh look, he started the party without us,” Jeff kicked a beer bottle with his foot, his voice somewhere between pride and disgust. Ida imagined Jeff at Billy’s age; a boring young man with an old head on his shoulders, trying to woo sweet Val with cheap aftershave and flowers from the garage forecourt.

“Well, that’s typical,” Lana entered the lounge. “He’s not here.”

“I told you we should have called first,” Jeff said to Val, who in turn held out a placating arm to him.

“He’s obviously had people round,”

“Maybe him and Becky have gone out for a birthday surprise!” Val said cheerily.

Ida and Lana’s eyes snapped to each other. As if reading the hatred Ida held for Becky in her eyes, Lana spoke quickly. “I doubt it mum. Think them two have split up for good now,”

“What?” Val seemed genuinely upset; she always saw the best in other people, which Ida admired. “He never said,”

“Well he wouldn’t, would he?” replied Lana. Ida sighed.

“His car’s gone and all-“

“Oh, that’s a shame about Becky.” Val said as Ida bristled. Not noticing, Val continued to Lana. “How did he seem when you last saw him?”

“Er, mardy? Confused?” Lana scoffed. Ida glared at her.

“No change there, then.” Jeff added. Ida caught him under her eyes too, and he turned back to the window. Each of them was silent for a few moments, unsure of what to do. Ida didn’t want to speak. Never before had she felt so uncomfortable in Billy’s flat. Without Billy here, and without the warmth she usually felt at coming to see him, Ida felt she was intruding in someone else’s life. The only thing anchoring her to reality was the other Washingtons and their whinging. She took a deep breath.

“Bloody hell, what’s that!?” Val pointed to the floor. The bandage that Ida had replaced around Billy’s knuckles lay amongst a pile of dirty clothes.

“It’s a bandage,” Lana grabbed it before her mother could reach it. “He cut his hand a couple of days ago.”

“When?”

“A couple of days ago.”

Christ. The only thing worse than listening to your family argue, is listening to other people’s families argue. Ida fiddled with the hem of her skirt, thinking of excuses to leave and get back to Sofia.

“It was after Nut’s funeral,” Lana said, defeated. “He got absolutely battered. He’d had too much to drink, and he ended up smashing a window and he got arrested-”

“Arrested!?” Ida shut her eyes. Imaginary images flashed through her mind. Billy, drunk and angry, slamming his fist through the glass of the butchers’. Slamming his fist into the wall by her head. Leaning his body against hers…

“Yes dad,” said Lana. “But he didn’t want you to worry, so I promised I wouldn’t say.” Ida smiled.

“You promised you wouldn’t say.” Val said. It wasn’t a question.

“Come on, mum,” Ida’s eyes were dashing between the three Washingtons.

“What’s going on?” Val straightened and narrowed her eyes at her daughter.

“Nothing, mum. Please, stop worrying. Billy’s not turned up to his own party, what’s new?” Jeff laughed in response and a pulse of electricity jolted Ida.

“Shut up.”

All three Washingtons stared at her, stunned into silence.

“Ida?” Whichever one of them said it, Ida didn’t know.

“Just shut up!” she hissed from her seat on the sofa.

“Now just a minute, Ida. What’s brought this on?” Jeff took a step forward.

“It’s no wonder Billy’s not here,” she gestured around the flat. “I’d have run a mile too if I knew you lot were coming over. Some fucking birthday party you make.”

“Ida!” That was Lana.

“Lana.” Ida replied sarcastically, standing up to face her. Val laughed in uncomfortable disbelief and looked at her husband. Jeff took an awkward step forwards, hands out, seemingly scared of making any sudden movement in case Ida attacked him.

“It’s not the first time he’s not told us what he’s up t-” Jeff tried, but Ida cut him off.

“Can you blame him?” Ida whirled round. Billy was the tallest of the Washingtons by a long way. Her face was level with Jeff’s as she stared him down. “When was the last time you took the remotest interest in him? And not about whether he has a job or not!” Ida added as Jeff opened his mouth and shut it again like a goldfish. Not one of them answered. “WELL?”

Silence.

“Shall I tell you how he is, seeing as you asked earlier, Val? He’s not feeling ‘mardy’ or ‘confused’, for a start. He’s scared and hurt and angry. If you paid any attention to him, you’d know that bitch and him haven’t been good for a while.” Val gasped at Ida’s language but she carried on. “He’s applied for job after job. No one wants him apparently. Not work, not Becky, not you lot. All he’s ever wanted to do is make you proud! He never wanted to join the army, you know? He only tried because he saw how happy it made you when Lana did!”

“He could have gone his own way,” said Jeff.

“Yeah, he didn’t have to do exactly what I did-” added Lana, but Ida bent double and roared into her fists. They didn’t get it.

“Do you know who could tell you about Billy, Jeff?” Ida was shouting now. “Hm? My grandma could. Do you know how many times he came over after you’d given him a bollocking? Billy knows that Lana is your favourite. We all do. He’s not stupid, and you’re fucking SHIT at hiding it.” She jabbed a finger at him, her hair whipping around her red face. Jeff was too stunned to speak. Clever, quiet little Ida had never risen her voice to anyone. Well, what the fuck did he know?

“Don’t you shout at them,” Lana bellowed. Ida turned on her the second she spoke.

“I know you’re used to bossing people around and getting your voice heard, Lana, but you can’t do that with me.” Lana looked like she’d been slapped. “He idolised you! He thought you’d always have his back, but you’ve been a fucking shit sister these last few years.” Tears were beginning to prick at her eyes. Ida knew she must look mad but my God this family brought it out of her. When she continued, her voice wobbled with years’ worth of hurt and anger.

“Do you know what I’d give to have a family? For gran to have her kids back? To have my parents back, and maybe some siblings too? Some fucking family you lot are. When was the last time you took an interest in him, Lana, and stopped treating him like a child?”

“Well, maybe if he didn’t act like one-” Ida laughed madly at Lana’s reply. “He’s been charged with racially aggravated assault, Ida.”

“I’m not excusing him, Lana!” she shouted over Val’s gasp. “But I’m the only one that’s tried to help him, rather than cast him out further.” Val was crying now and Ida could not bring herself to feel any pity. “CHRIST! THIS FUCKING FAMILY!” She screamed, grabbing her bag and heading to the door. “In the unlikely event that you see Billy before I do, tell him I’m gonna kill him, yeah?”

SLAM

The sound of the door slamming behind her rang around the building as she tore down the stairs and out the front door. Sofia, the legend that she was, already had the engine running.

“Thought I was gonna have to come up,” she said as Ida sat in the passenger seat. “Billy not a fan of the guitar then?” She added as a joke.

“He’s not in,” Ida rubbed her face. “Is it twelve yet?”

“Pub it is.”

*

After a pint or three with Sofia in the pub garden, Ida made her way to the nearest tube station and caught the train to her grandma’s. She let herself in and, a little drowsy from the heat and alcohol, poured herself a glass of water. It was then that Gwen entered the kitchen.

“Hiya, love! This is a nice surprise.” She kissed her granddaughter’s cheek and set about making sandwiches, as though she knew Ida hadn’t eaten yet. Ida watched her move about the kitchen, apron tied around her waist, gardening gloves left on the table.

“Cuppa?”

“I’ll do it, Gran.”

In silence, the two went about their tasks. That was until Gwen spoke again. “Something on your mind, Ida?”

“It’s just the heat,”

Gwen hummed. “Billy popped over this morning.”

Ida placed the mugs on the kitchen table as her grandma did so with the sandwiches and looked at her. How did she know? Ida didn’t speak, only waited for her grandma to continue. The older woman removed her apron and sat down. “I wasn’t expecting to see him on his birthday,” Gwen said.

“We went over this morning but he wasn’t there. Didn’t realise you’d stolen him from us.”

Gwen laughed a little and said, “Well, not to worry, I didn’t tell him about the guitar.”

They cheersed their mugs, and Ida took a bite of her sandwich. “Did he say what he was up to today?” she asked, trying to sound casual though her heart burned to know.

“Don’t talk with your mouthful. Said he’s off to see some mates, maybe catch the footie?” Gwen watched her granddaughter, and when she didn’t say anything, added. “What’s happened with you two, hey?”

Ida coughed and set her sandwich down. “Nothing,”

“Oh, don’t lie to me Ida. I know you better than you do.”

Ida looked at her grandma’s kind, concerned face, and her lips started to tremble. God, she was sick of crying. “He doesn’t want me anymore, Gran.” The heartbreak she had been carrying over the last week burst out of her and she lay her head on the table.

“Oh my darling,” Gwen cooed, standing to rub Ida’s hair. “Come on, come on.” She pulled her hand and led her into the sun of the garden. Change of scenery, change of mood, Gwen told Ida as a child. She dusted off the worn, wooden bench and patted the space next to her for Ida. Not long after they sat down Tiggy, Gwen’s decrepit tabby cat, came to sit on their laps and soak up the July sun. With each stroke of Tiggy’s mottled fur, and her grandma’s through her hair, Ida’s breathing returned to normal.

“I don’t think you’re right about Billy,” Gwen said gently.

“He told me!”

“Don’t interrupt. Shall I tell you why I think he came to have a cup of tea with the old biddy next door for his birthday?” Ida laughed lightly and nodded for her to continue. “I think it reminded him of when you were children. The amount of times you two were sat at that table, covered in mud from running around Cranstead, stuffing sandwiches in your mouth so you could get back to playing. I don’t think he wants rid of you, Ida. I think he needs you more than ever. He needs his best friend.”

Notes: Sofia, Faisal and Gwen are the miracles everyone needs in their life. Really enjoyed writing Ida going off at the Washingtons. That’s where the idea for this whole story started; a little scene of someone bashing their heads together.

Next chapter we’re back with Billy. Strap in because we’re getting to That. Point. very soon. I'm getting to writing it straight away because it's the only thing getting me through this sickness bug.

Tags: @jessssica1234 @anditsmywholeheart @bookwyrmsblog @phantomontheinternet @aemonds-wifey @slytherincursebreaker @valerie977 @i-killed-ramsey

[swan-of-sunrise]

The Winter Soldier (Chapter Four)

Summary: (Y/N) and Sam worry about their new super-soldier friend after it’s revealed that he’s on the run and wanted by S.H.I.E.L.D., the very agency he’d dedicated himself to.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Four (Previous Chapter)

“It’s such bullshit! Captain America’s a criminal now?!”

“I know, Greg.”

“They haven’t even said what he’s done!”

“Yep, it’s ridiculous…”

“How can they organize a manhunt for him but not say what he’s supposedly done?!”

(Y/N) pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a frustrated groan. “Greg, you’re my friend and I love you but I can’t keep having this conversation with you.”

The line was silent for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“We’ve been having the exact same conversation for almost a half an hour! You can’t believe that Cap’s a criminal, I agree, you complain that they haven’t said what he’s wanted for, I agree, then you start going all ‘Law and Order’ on me!” She exclaimed, immediately regretting her outburst; with a sigh, she sat down in her desk chair and rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry, Greg, that was rude. I don’t like what’s going on either; Captain America stands for freedom and honor, he always has, and it just seems…wrong that he’s the subject of a manhunt. I seriously doubt that Captain America of all people did anything to break the law.”

“Wow, when did you become such a big Cap fan?”

“I went to his exhibit when I was at the Air and Space Museum yesterday, and I guess it got me interested.” (Y/N) half-lied, fidgeting with the sleeve of her sweater as she pressed her phone closer to her ear. “Anyway, the reason I called was to tell you that it might take me a little longer to get the draft of my book to you; I still need to look over the last couple of chapters and with everything happening…it might be hard to focus on writing today.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mike’s busy reading through a nine-hundred-page thriller that was sent in this morning so that’ll give you some time. Sorry to cut this short but I’ve gotta go, I have to check on mine and Mara’s dinner reservation for tonight, so I’ll talk to you later, (Y/N)!”

“Talk to you later, Greg!” (Y/N) hung up and set her cell phone down on the desk with a sigh. Ever since she and Sam turned on the television at breakfast and saw the breaking news, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong; Steve Rogers wouldn’t be on the run from S.H.I.E.L.D. unless he had a damn good reason to be. I’m sure he’s fine, he’s probably been through much tougher scrapes than this, she thought to herself with forced optimism as she turned on her laptop and began typing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Humming along to Billy Joel’s ‘Movin’ Out’, (Y/N)’s fingers flew across her keyboard as she typed and she smiled, proud of the fact that her writer’s block from the week before was now officially over and that she was so close to completing her very first novel. Not bad, not bad at all, she thought, hitting the ‘save’ button and stretching her arms over her head to relieve the build-up tension in her shoulders.

“Now this is good music, Booksmart!”

She spun her desk chair around to see Sam standing in the doorway of her bedroom and raised her eyebrow as she turned down her music. “Oh, so Billy Joel’s okay but everything else I listen to is garbage?”

Sam gave her a teasing eye-roll. “I never said that your music was garbage, I just said it was weird. How’s the writing going today?”

“I edited twelve pages and just spent an hour trying to describe a Soviet Cold War-era missile, so it’s been okay. How was work?”

“It was good, I didn’t have any meetings scheduled so I spent most of the day playing chess with the old timers. I swear, I think Gary cheats but I can’t figure out how he does it…”

(Y/N) shrugged. “Or maybe you should just accept the fact that you’re terrible at chess and the old timers take great pleasure in seeing you lose.”

“Ha, ha, very funny. You still cool with driving me to the shop to pick up my car?”

(Y/N) got up, turning off her computer and unplugging her MP3 player from her speaker with a grin. “Of course! Driver picks the music, though!” She laughed and practically skipped out of the room as Sam let out a groan of defeat and followed her. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Birdbrain, it’s not like I’m making you listen to a CD of ambient throat singing!”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if you had some of that…”

Five minutes later, they were on the road and the two of them were singing along to her one of Panic! At The Disco’s newest singles at the top of their lungs; out of the corner of her eye she could see other drivers shooting them odd looks but she couldn’t care less, she was enjoying herself far too much.

Sam chuckled as the song came to a finish. “Damn, their new album is good. You know, I didn’t start listening to alt-rock until I met you.”

“Then you should be thanking me for bringing such good music into your life!” Giggling, (Y/N) turned down the volume and glanced over at the cheerful man sitting beside her, her smile faltering as she asked, “Do you think he’s okay, Sam?”

Her roommate’s expression grew serious and he shook his head. “I really don’t know. I saw on CNN earlier that inside sources claim he’s wanted by S.H.I.E.L.D. in connection to the assassination of their director, but I don’t buy it. The guy we’ve met, who’s so dedicated to his job that he hasn’t bothered getting a life outside of it, wouldn’t be a part of something like that. I think something else’s up and I’ll bet anything he’s out there trying to figure it out.”

(Y/N) bit her bottom lip, nodding after a moment. “Yeah, me too.”

“Just you wait, this whole mess with S.H.I.E.L.D.’ll be cleared up in no time. I’m calling it right now, Steve’s gonna ride up to the VA on his motorcycle and dramatically whisk you off your feet, and the two of you are gonna ride off into the sunset together while one of those sappy love songs you pretend not to like plays in the background.” Sam's teasing smirk widened when her cheeks flushed. “C’mon, Booksmart, you both were mooning over each other like teenagers after the meeting yesterday; I felt like I was in the live studio audience of a soap opera taping.”

“You know, I could always kick you out of the car and make you walk all the way to the shop, if you'd prefer.”

“And I'd still get there before you ‘cause you drive like a grandma...”

Soon after, she pulled into the auto repair shop’s lot, parking under the shade of a tree before turning to Sam with a smile. “Did you want me to stay just in case your car isn’t ready yet?”

“That would be great, actually, thanks!” Sam gave her a grin before getting out of the car and heading into the shop.

(Y/N) rolled down the windows and sighed when she felt the soft spring breeze against her skin. Taking advantage of the peaceful moment, she let her imagination wander and began brainstorming different stories and characters in her head. You should probably finish the book you’re writing before you start on another one, she thought with a playful eye-roll. Her childhood dream of becoming a published author was in the middle of coming true, and she couldn’t be any happier about it.

Just then, her eyes drifted to a silver truck that was driving past the parking lot. It was going fast so she couldn’t get a very good look at the driver, but for a split second she could have sworn that the man driving the truck had the same blonde hair and chiseled jaw as Steve Rogers. Chalking it up to worry for the runaway super-soldier, she closed her eyes and murmured, “Whatever he’s up to, I hope that he’s staying safe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I’ve created a Spotify playlist inspired by this series, and I’ll be updating it every time I upload a new chapter. Enjoy!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BenknAqQQnOWY8NmSa23V

Tagging: @mrs-obrien​ @lahoete​ @awkward117​ @cminr​ @momc95​ @awkwardnesshabitat​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @khuang3​ @supersouthy​ @benakenalove​ @brooke0297​ @hufflepeople​ @becausewelie​​ @outoftheregular @supreme-tantrum​

Chapter Five

“The Winter Soldier��� Masterlist

[m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s]

IT’S MUSIC TIME MY GOONIES PT. 3

FT. MY YOUTUBE PLAYLIST

hehe, so i have been wanting to do one of these again for a while now, so here we are! but instead, we’re doing my youtube playlist, which has all the slowed, sadder versions of songs that i like. yes, i like sad songs, oops :P. ballads have always been my jam, probably always will be so, here are some songs from my playlist! once again, putting the playlist on shuffle and just going with the flow besides the occasional skip lol :P

people i feel like would like to see this: @loth-wolffe @weirdcharacter @ladykatakuri @ahsokasleftbicep

———

happier by olivia rodrigo but it’s ten times sadder

by wisterxiaa

i love slowed versions of songs, that is like the way to my heart lol 😂 this is really nice, her voice sounds really cool slowed down like this. the electric guitar in like the middle sounds so cool omgg. is it sad? yeah, a little, but it’s really nice slowed down like this. most of the time, the titles say this in my playlist, but i just like the way it’s slowed lol 😂. the thumbnail is so pretty 9/10, love the purple and the monarch butterflies :) overall, recommend this song when your in the mood for some olivia rodrigo, but a tad bit sadder. AND THE OOH’S AT THE END HIT DIFFERENT OMGGGG AND SHE SOUNDS SO BROKEN AND SOFT AT THE END APOBIHJ[OADSIJB

everybody loves somebody - dean martin (slowed n reverb)

by starclouds

pretty sure i got this song from General Angsty (if i didn’t, apologizes), but this slowed down verison HITS THE SPOT. i love his voice in this slowed way, it is so interesting. also, it’s reverb? like? yes, please. the thumbnail is actually a GIF that is a fountain, it’s pretty cool, 7/10, also this makes me wanna sway with like Echo or something (actually now that i think of it, i’m pretty sure i got this from General Angsty’s dancing post with the boys, which made me so SoFt omg :)) overall, recommend listen to this when you wanna sway with your lover in like a dance club, but your nestled into their neck and your pulled so close and it’s warm in their embrace :) the instruments also are really nice in this verison.

Clair De Lune Ethereal Remix

by A.Krishna

IF ALL MUSIC SUDDENLY BECAME ETHEREAL ON YOUTUBE, I WOULD MOST LIKELY CRY. so i love ethereal remixes, there’s just something so… whimsical about ethereal remixes. this song is so pretty and beautiful on ethereal omgggGGGg. the thumbnail is beautiful 10000000/10. I just- this sounds like a song you would use as like a look back through your entire life, like every memory and moment just appearing as this song plays WOW. and when the piano climax’s in the midDLE OMGGGG it is INSANE, LIKE THE EMOTIONS THAT GO THROUGH MY BRAIN AOBIASDNB and then it gets super soft and quiet aaaahhhh CAN YOU TELL I LIKE ETHEREAL?? IDK IF YOU CAN 😂 anyways, overall recommend this song when your just watching the rain fall and reminiscing about good times in your life :)

heather - conan gray ( slowed + reverb)

by Vibey

okay definitely this song is sadder slowed, like THE FEELS OMGG but it’s amazing slowed, like the original is awesome, AND THEN THIS???!! so the thumbnail is a really pretty GIF of this VHS tape just playing, and it’s purple so 10/10. this definitely brings the raspy part of his voice, and i really like it (or that’s just the reverb lol 😂) only thing i do not like about this slowed version is it cuts off the end of the song at the end of the video, and I don’t know why, but it’s still really good, so i don’t mind too much :). it’s very pretty and sad all at the same time. overall, recommend listening to this song when your just chilling, staring up at the ceiling and your like “let’s be a puddle of sad for a sec”

Chiquitita(slowed+reverbed)💜

by Brown Aesthetic Syndrome

LIL’ SOKA, IT’S OUR SONG!! OUR SONG SLOWED AND REVERBED IS SO PRETTY, AND AWESOME!!! MKAY, SO THE THUMBNAIL IS COOL, 8/10, THE FLOWERS ARE PRETTY!! YES, I WILL BE SCREAMING ABOUT THIS SONG LOL 😂 THE PIANO SOUNDS SO PRETTY IN THIS, LIKE IT’S SO MUCH MORE BROUGHT OUT :))), AND THEIR VOICES SOUND SO PRETTY SLOWED!!! OH AND THE CHORUS ITS DIFFERENT OMGGGGG AOPBINAS[FDPOIBJOFIBOAFINBPOJ IT’S SO INSANE OMGGG AOIBAPDOFSKGN!! ANYWAYS RECOMMEND THIS SONG WHEN YOU ARE LIKE “I NEED ABBA VIBES, BUT SLOWED” ALBKNDSPFOBIN

billie eilish - my future - slowed dreamy reverb

by ayabe

so this song is incredible, like it slowed really hits different. billie’s voice has always been so interesting to me because sometimes she sings like very whisper like, and other times she is full on belting like going insane, and i really like that she uses her voice in multiple different ways during her songs. billie is the number one artist i go to when i really wanna be in the feels, and this verison of my future is so amazing. the beat is so interesting, and the thumbnail is really cool 9/10, also i don’t know what the language is nor, do i know what it says, so if you do, let me know lol 😂 but the picture is cool. this song is one i listen to all the time because it’s just- yes. overall recommend this song when your chilling in bed, just in the dark, with the window open on a summer night :)

friends on the other side - s l o w e d

by angelicsounds

THIS IS SO EPIC SLOWED OMGGGGG I CAN’T NOT EVEN EXPLAIN AOBPINADOPBNF I REALLY FEEL LIKE A SPOOKY DUDE WHO KNOWS HOW TO DO SOME SPOOKY STUFF OMGGG i love the original song, and i also really like the cover by annapantsu, definitely recommend her verison too! this has got to be the coolest disney villain song slowed down, hands down. the thumbnail is a GIF of this anime character’s eyes doing weird looking highlight stuff lol idk what to call it, 8/10. overall, recommend when you wanna listen to a song that makes you feel like the main villain in a story :) AND THE ENDING HITS DIFFERENT OMGGGGGGGG

le valse de l’amour - patrick doyle (slowed down)

by mari

okay, so we all know that I love Cinderella. and this song is so incredible, i can’t- okay, but just imagine… the bad batch, undercover at a senate ball, you, trying to make sure the senators are safe. the boys are in their separate locations, you know, watching, making sure everyone is good. some random dude from out of nowhere tries to make you dance with him. you are obviously like “um, what the heck, please no sir.” and suddenly…

“may i have this dance?”

it’s Hunter (or crosshair, but i’ve written a fic about Hunter dancing with the reader, so i feel like he would be a good dancer).

anyways, he whisks you away from random dude, and your like “Hunter there’s no music” because the orchestra just finished their previous song, and he’s like

“just wait.”

bam, this song comes on.

and suddenly, Hunter’s waltzing with you and you didn’t even know he could waltz. and it’s exactly like the scene from Cinderella 2015. So you two are doing your own thing in the middle of the ballroom, and everyone starts moving out of the way because woah these people are really good at dancing

and you are just shocked because HOW??

and he just leads you through the whole thing. he spins you around, and if your wearing a dress and it’s got some tulle on it, it swishes around when he spins you and oh my god the butterflies and smile he gets when you giggle because you love the way it swirls around you. and then people start backing up more, because at this rate, you guys are taking up the whole dance floor.

and you just keep going, and he starts pick you up and spinning you around when the harp comes on. and he grabs you by the waist and starts swinging you around just like Kit & Ella do in the movie. and then the end of the song comes, and he dips you, brings you back up, and that’s it.

and when it’s all said and done, you just look at him, and well, he obviously looks extremely handsome, his suit is all pressed, and his hair is done back in a bun, but he’s got a few wisps coming out from your whole little dancing experience, and all you can say is:

“I-”

“shhh, mesh’la. later. i’ll tell you later.”

anyways, thumbnail is a solid 11/10, and recommend if you wanna daydream about dancing at a senator ball with Hunter.

no i am not planning on writing a fic about this, what you you implying? okay, yes i am, i am. no shame 😂

sleeping beauty - once upon a dream (slowed + reverb)

by Paige Coddington

sleeping beauty is one of my favorite disney princesses besides rapunzel & cinderella, so i love this. The GIF is so pretty, 10/10. Aurora’s voice is pretty, and her vibrato is so much more prominent in this verison, and i am obsessed. this is so pretty, I- speechless, actually. and then philip comes in and it’s just ✨ also, i always like aurora in the pink dress when i was younger, but now i kind of like the blue dress more. they should have just given her a purple dress i guess lol 😂 overall, really pretty, recommend when you are in the mood for some more nostalgic disney vibes :)

D a n c i n g Q u e e n 女王

by v a p o r w a v e

okay so i originally found this on an edit of “the snap from avengers infinity war, but dancing queen” -

and when i tell you that the snap got even sadder, I-

anyways, i also really like vaporwave music, very interesting and very cool. i love the video because i’m pretty sure it’s the original music video, but it looks like your looking through a kaleidoscope, so 100000000/10. this song is so good vaporwave, like, just yes. like when i say this hits different, like for real, this hits different. ABBA is always good, but this by far has to be my favorite thing of ABBA music i have ever found. It’s like…

it’s just incredible.

like i said with the ethereal remix of clair de lune, this is like a song that you put on your life, and just look at all the memories and moments that have happened to you.

overall, recommend when you wanna just sit and think for awhile, or maybe make the snap from avengers infinity war sadder

———

and that’s it! i decided that i would just stick to 10, the other ones i have done are about 12, and i just thought it was a good number lol 😂 i hope you guys enjoy these as much as I do, and check out my pinned post to see them all linked on one post :)

lots of spells (& music listening),

moony

[harringrovetrashrat]

(Oh y’all wanted some more Billy and Barb??)

The mall was overwhelmingly full, groups of teens loitering around the food court, parents pulling screaming children around for Easter clothes, and even more teens just wandering window shopping.  Barb looked uncomfortable with the crowds, and while Billy wasn’t particularly thrilled, he easily made their way through.

“Now,” Billy said as they approached the first store, “I promised myself I’d never be seen inside a GAP, so know what I’m sacrificing for you.”

“Gee thanks,” Barb droned, rolling her eyes.  “I’m not sure your reputation will ever recover.”

“My reputation was shot the minute I started hanging out with you, Harrington, Wheeler, and Byers.  I only have the power I do because of my fighting ability, my drinking ability, and my ass.” Barb let out a giggle and Billy smiled, switching to a grimace as they crossed into the GAP.  “This is about being able to live with myself.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Barb said, rolling her eyes.

“Yes,” Billy replied, giving a light scoff.  “Duh.” He led her to the shirts, flipping through them with a frown.  “Do you want to stay with the same style or go for something totally new?”

“Probably the same for now at least,” she said, feeling the fabric of a yellow t-shirt.  “Maybe something a little more cool?”

“Okay but preppy cool, athletic cool, metal cool--”

“I don’t know!  Maybe preppy cool, I guess?” Billy groaned in response.  “It’s what I know!”

“How about this,” Billy proposed.  “We get some preppy clothes, but you get Nancy to take you to get better underwear, because that’s a bit out of my range.” Barb let out a squeak and Billy raised a brow at her.

“No!  Not-- No!” She was bright red and Billy had a small epiphany.

“Oh no,” he said, face going soft, eyes sad.  “Not Wheeler.” Barb ignored him and focused really hard on the buttons of a blouse.  Billy watched her sadly, not sure what to say.  So he did what he did best, and ignored the problem.  “You wear a lot of blues and pinks, but what would you say to some purples and greens?” Barb visibly relaxed and shrugged.

“I’m open to them, I guess?” Billy ran his hand down his face, realizing today was going to be like pulling teeth.

--

Billy once again swallowed his pride and helped Barb carry the bags.  Even with the GAP logo stark against the side.  They went to the food court, all on Mrs. Holland’s dime (she didn’t need to know it wasn’t a date), and while they ate, Billy spotted someone that made him choke on his hot dog.

“Are you okay?” Barb asked, leaning over with a concerned frown as Billy coughed.  He nodded, trying not to attract attention, but it was too late.

“Billy?” Steve Harrington approached, the curly haired kid following behind him.  “And, uh, Barb?” He sounded surprised, and Billy was turning red, not just from coughing.  Barb’s eyes darted between the two, unsure about the awkward vibe between them.

“Yeah,” Barb replied, smiling at Steve.  “Billy was just helping me pick out some new clothes--” Billy hissed quietly and she gave him a weird look.  Steve, however, seemed to relax.

“Oh, cool!” He smiled a little awkwardly and there was a pointed cough from behind him.  “Oh, yeah!  Sorry, Dustin.” He looked back at Billy, who wiped his hands on his pants and rested his chin on his fist, bicep flexed.  “We’re here to grab some specific nerd stuff, I forget--”

“They have the player’s handbooks here and it’s cheaper than ordering them--” Dustin argued.

“Only because I’m driving!” Steve replied, but it lacked heat.  Billy switched tactics, and leaned back, acting casual.  The only problem was there wasn’t a chair next to him anymore, silently removed by another group, and his elbow went to rest on thin air.  He fell, catching himself on the table at the last moment.  Barb’s eyebrows shot up as he turned red.  Dustin and Steve missed it, having a silent argument with their eyes.  Barb stared at Billy before making a small ‘o’ with her mouth and pointing at Steve incredulously.  Billy looked away, putting his hand over his mouth.

“What?” Dustin asked, zoning back in.  “Why are you pointing at Steve?”

“Making fun of him for babysitting,” Billy replied.  Barb gave him a judgmental stare, but he ignored her.  Dustin scoffed and crossed his arms.

“Whatever,” he said, glaring at Billy.  “C’Mon Steve,” he pulled on the older teens arm, “We gotta be back at my mom’s for dinner.” Steve flushed.

“It’s babysitting payment,” he said to Billy and Barb, like they had asked.  Billy just smiled, lazy and alluring.

“Sure,” he replied, sounding like he didn’t believe that at all.  “Have a good dinner, Stevie.  See you Monday.”

“Yeah, see ya,” Steve replied, a little breathless, eyes never leaving Billy.  He took a few steps then stopped.  “Oh, bye Barb!” And with that, he ushered Dustin away quickly.  Billy watched him go, the way his jeans hugged his ass just right--

“Seriously?” Barb asked once they were out of earshot.  “You’re crushing on Steve?”

“Shut up,” Billy replied with a hiss.

“I mean, he’s definitely less of an ass than before,” she said.  Then she paused, coming to a small realization.  “Though you’re an ass, so you’d have been a pair anyway.” Billy put his face in his hands and groaned.  “And I guess he’s cute if you’re into that sort of thing.”

“I don’t tease you about your straight crush,” he snapped.  He regretted it immediately, and he opened his mouth to apologize.

“He’s definitely not straight,” Barb said, cutting him off gently, instead of chewing him out like he had expected.  When he looked up, her smile was small and genuine, slightly shocked.  “I mean, he was obviously happy we weren’t on a date, and I assure you it wasn’t because he was interested in me.” Billy scoffed and looked away before pursing his lips.  His foot tapped quickly and he shot her a hopeful look.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she replied earnestly.  “He didn’t even say bye to me at first because he was so busy looking at you.  Plus he was into your, frankly, abysmal flirting,” he flushed again, “So I think you’ve got a good shot.”

“Abysmal?” Billy snapped.

“Oh come on,” Barb replied.  “You can flirt till the cows come home if it doesn’t matter, but the minute you saw him you choked on your hot dog.” Her eyes widened and she giggled hysterically.  “Oh my god!  That’s--” Billy cut her off with a groan putting his head in his hands once more.

“Don’t say it.” He kept his head in his hands, his shoulders hunched up to his ears as he sunk lower in the chair.  Barb munched on her fries, feeling kind of bad, but mostly not.  Because it was too funny to see Billy Hargrove failing at flirting.

“You’re so lucky he didn’t see you fumble like that,” she said, nudging his foot when he sunk lower.  “Honestly, he probably would have found it cute.  Steve’s like that.” Billy pulled his face out from behind his hands.  “You know, Nancy told me some of the details of them dating,” she said conversationally, dipping her fries in some mayo.  “Things like how Steve loves being read poetry.” She popped the fries in her mouth and pretended not to be pleased by Billy sitting up straighter.

“Oh yeah?  What kind?” He tried to sound judgmental, but came across more desperate.  Barb ignored it.

“Romantic stuff, usually.  He’s a lover at heart, was always whisking Nancy away for date weekends, leaving notes in her locker, being all lovey dovey--” She stopped when she saw Billy frowning.  “Listen, if you want to read him poetry,” Billy scoffed but blushed and didn’t meet her eye, “Just choose something you like, and he’ll love it.” She popped a few more fries in her mouth.  “Steve would listen to Nancy read textbooks with heart eyes, okay?  Whatever you pick, you’re fine.” Billy bit his bottom lip, bouncing his knee anxiously.

“Cool.  Cool.” Barb rolled her eyes, but nudged his foot with hers again until he looked at her.

“Do you think he has a leather harness under his preppy clothes?” Billy choked on air and went red, while Barb laughed until she cried.

[bird-in-a-cage]

Hey, guess what, its a sequel that absolutely no one asked for but I’m forcing upon you anyway because I got really into this idea and one google search led to another and I needed to get this out of my brain!

Part one is here. Probably best to give it a read first so you know what the hell is going on. But, for everyone who has already done that here’s part two of California Dreamin’. Enjoy some spectrophilia!

Lucid

The adults only section of Family Video was always a hive of sleaze. Most of the time though, thankfully, it was empty. Steve could always tell when someone would first walk through the door if that was their intended destination or not. They would stop, check out other titles, pick up a case of two from the shelves and roll it over in their hands, very visibly debating with themselves, all the while slowly but surely making their way to the back corner where it was all hidden behind a thick beaded curtain to give the illusion of privacy. The reality was it was never private. There was a camera in the top corner, blinking red and bright. A deterrent.

That didn’t stop some people though.

Robin was on Twizzler duty again, now doing it everyday to piss Keith off, seeing how far she could push until he snapped but in her own way. A drop of water slowly breaking through a mountain. It was kind of fun really, to watch her loudly eat the red candy but not give any eye contact to him as he walked around the store every now and then, giving all her attention to a copy of The Turning of the Screw. It did mean Steve was on return box duty again though while they had their little silent war. Robin mouthed thank you as he went off to start, then went back to being as unbothered as ever.

Steve took the two cases that were left after he’d done the rest of the store and dipped through the thick beads. Thankfully today the room just smelt like hot plastic rather than suspect body odour. One side of the small room was horror movies deemed too graphic and violent to be put on public display. Video Nasties. Steve had rented a couple a few times, they weren’t all that scary or good, but then he was probably just biased to that situation, having dealt with real life monsters that wanted to eat him and kill everybody and take over the world. On the other side were pornos. 

Why anyone would publicly rent a porno tape he would never understand. Maybe some people just didn’t have an imagination. Watching one was just fine, no problems with that at all, and it was common practice for a dirty magazine or two to be passed around the locker room as a joke, but actually walking into a store with the intention of just renting a tape to jack off too? No, Steve couldn’t understand that. Probably because the shame of having to do it would burn him alive, but that was another matter. He slotted a case into a mid level shelf, a Terminator parody so wittily titled Penetrator, all these tapes had such awful names, when a case lower down started making its way out from the shelf. Steve rubbed over the pendant under his shirt, it was ice cold.

Of course he’d visit now.

With a grin he couldn’t hide even for a second, Steve nudged it back into place with his foot. Another title further up poked out. Mad Max: Beyond Thunderbone. Steve shoved it back home too.

“Cut it out,” he muttered low only so no one could hear him if anyone was close by. He was still grinning though, so much his cheeks started to burn a little. Another case slowly wiggled free and stuck out at eye level. For Your Ass Only. Steve bit his lip so he wouldn’t giggle and give the specter that followed him the satisfaction, pushing it back in place with two fingers. A final case at shoulder height was brought out into the light of day. Risky Jizzness.

“You wanna tell me why this looks like you pretty boy?” The voice floated around Steve’s head, deep and sultry. Billy was in one of those moods. Steve pushed it back into place and kept his almost whisper tone.

“Because my boyfriend is a ghost and I’ve gone completely insane so staring in a porno was the next logical step, obviously.” Steve felt a warmth envelop his chest, leaving his arms free to rearrange tapes and put the final one from the box back in its place. It was instantly comforting and a little tight. Easy to imagine Billy just stood behind him, holding him for real in the middle of his work day, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder and being a distraction from the monotony of stacking video tapes in alphabetical order.

“You should have mentioned that was your end goal, I’d have been more than happy to hold the camera.”

“Uh huh, sure, cause that’s all you would be holding.” He could feel Billy’s dirty grin burn his cheek, heat pressing and creeping up along his jaw like slow kisses.

“You know it baby.”

Steve still wasn’t sure on a lot of things about this, whatever this was. Whether anyone could hear what Billy was saying was a big point. He tended not to come out if there were other people around so it wasn’t as if Steve could test it. Even if he could he would look totally crazy, which he still wasn’t entirely convinced he wasn’t anymore. His mental state was one of those things he didn’t think about too hard. Like the Cold War, or being sucked back into dark, monster filled tunnels. Their presence was always there but it didn’t affect his day to day life so much. If anything, Billy following him around some days made Steve happier. More at peace. Of course it raised a lot of questions like why and how, and why and how again because there would definitely need to be several rounds of why and how before anything even started to make sense. 

Then there was the where. Billy didn’t think he was in hell, was pretty sure he wasn’t in heaven, and wasn’t entirely sold that he was in the middle place either. They spoke about it sometimes when Steve slept and was whisked away to either the quarry or the beach, wherever Billy wanted to be that night. Steve kind of liked the beach more, it was always bright but not hot, calm and tranquil. It felt almost like a little vacation away from Hawkins. They would always lie next to each other on brightly coloured beach towels. Steve had never seen Billy in the lime green board shorts he liked to wear on beach nights, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. Even if Steve was stuck wearing what he wore to sleep and looked ridiculous by comparison. There was never anyone else there to judge.

That was just another thing they hadn’t quite worked out yet. Turns out no one gives you an instruction manual when you die and become a spirit just floating around, stick in limbo. You kind of just have to figure things out yourself. Billy had worked out how to change his clothes and the landscape of where he pulled Steve too. He hadn’t yet worked out how he did that though.

“I just, think, and here we are.”

He’d worked out how to pick things up and put them down, push and pull and throw. Steve would sometimes leave objects on the kitchen counter for Billy to touch and move, getting such a thrill just seeing an empty Pepsi can be flipped onto its side and rolled away with a hollow clatter into the trash can on the other side of the room. Steve had suggested that maybe Billy was stuck until he found his purpose, but neither of them could think what that would be. Max was fine every time she came into the store to just hang around, get a break from the noise of the arcade next door, and let Robin suggest scary movies she should watch even though she wasn’t old enough to rent them yet. There was never a mark on her, which is what Billy was worried about but would never say out loud. He always pretended to be such an asshole and that he didn’t care, when he was blatantly obvious he did.

“Maybe you have to save a baby or something? You know, push a stroller out of the way of oncoming traffic?” Steve suggested while they were on the beach. Billy pushed himself up off his towel printed with lavender stripes onto his hands to look down. The sun was shimmering off his forever perfect body.

“This isn’t the 30s. And I’m pretty sure that only happened in silent movies,” he smiled like Steve was an idiot. An adorable idiot. His adorable idiot. Steve reached up to cup Billy’s jaw. That golden skin still felt numb under his fingers. They would need to work on that.

“Pretty sure that us being here right now means anything is possible.”

They’d both worked out that the pendant turning icy cold instead of just its regular cold meant Billy was close by instead of just in the general vicinity, still invisible sadly but his presence was there. Small steps. They were slowly piecing it together. It wasn’t as if either of them had any time limit on it all. But really, a manual would have been helpful. Even a small information pamphlet written in Chinese was better than the nothing they had.

---

Billy was still in that mood that night. Even as Steve’s clock ticked around to three am and he still couldn’t sleep. He lay on his stomach, staring at the hands move slow around the face. He wanted to sleep so badly, he could feel the gentle pull around his chest come see me, I miss you but no matter how hard he tried it just wasn’t happening. Maybe it was too warm out, the air too soupy to properly relax into sleep and drift away. The sheets were long kicked to his ankles. He could feel Billy getting restless. The pendant felt like it was frozen, trapped between his chest and the sheets. Steve tried one more time, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping to just be hypnotised by the soft monotonous tick tick tick. But five minutes later he was as awake as ever. He kept his eyes shut though. Wishful.  

The warmth left his chest and became more direct, felt like a hand stroking his back over his t-shirt, drifting up, rubbing the back of his neck and through his hair. Steve couldn’t help the small purr that gathered in his throat. He was a sucker for having his hair played with. By anyone. With permission obviously.

“I’m sorry Bill,” he mumbled into his pillow, head still turned towards the clock. “I’m trying...”

Steve didn’t get a response. He wasn’t really expecting one, sometimes Billy didn’t respond, couldn’t respond. It was just another thing they hadn’t worked out yet. In truth he wasn’t sure if his words were more for his spector boyfriend’s sake or his own. The hand pressed firmer. Steve easily imagined those tan fingers rubbing the little spot behind his ear. It definitely felt real enough to fool his brain that the other side of his bed wasn’t completely cold and empty. A gentle pull on his shoulder had Steve laying flat on his back, eyes still closed towards the ceiling.

“You’re making this harder you know…”

He felt heat on his cheek, across his jaw, over his lips. Kisses he couldn’t reciprocate no matter how much he wanted to. One hand became two, felt over his chest like they had done so many times before. Steve knew their pattern. What those blue eyes once liked to see. He chuckled and peeled his shirt off, tossing it to the floor.

“There. Happy now?”

Steve didn’t get a verbal response. Instead the touches became hotter, drifting over his skin with purpose, invisible fingers raking through his coarse chest hair, pressing and circling slow around his nipples. The heat left his face and worked its way down, across his now exposed collarbones one by one, his skin prickling as they crossed his body in two perfect lines. With his eyes closed it was so easy to imagine Billy was there. He kind of was. Steve moaned softly for him. One hand continued its way down, pressing over the waistband of Steve’s briefs. He chuckled again, putting his hand where he felt the pressure, slipping his fingers under the material, plucking them off his hip and circling towards his middle.

“You want these off too?” 

Steve giggled a little, feeling nibbles on his earlobe, the phantom hand rubbing slow and firm over his lower stomach, through his happy trail. The air felt thicker still as his body got excited from all the direct but indirect attention. Steve definitely felt like he was being watched. He kind of liked being watched like this. He kicked his briefs off into the bundle of sheets at the foot of the bed, already half hard. He pictured Billy’s smirk, his tongue poking out from between his teeth in approval and arousal. It made Steve grin in return to the empty room as he flopped his arms up above his head to touch the underside of the headboard, reminding him that this was real, he hadn’t drifted off to sleep quite yet.

That seemed to get Billy’s blessing. The kisses placed to the side of Steve’s neck were searing. It felt so real, felt like sucking and that wicked tongue lapping over his skin to make bright red marks everyone would see, high under Steve’s jaw. They caused his dick to kick. He groaned feeling a hand suddenly around it. Thick and strong, pumping up and down with little abandon. The friction was delicious. Impossibly so. He was soon completely hard, pointing up towards his stomach, the first few drops of pre hitting his skin. Everything felt so real. The kisses moved back to his lips, desperate and pressing and wanting. Steve opened his mouth and felt a tongue slide along his own, dragging out sounds from his throat that sounded alien even to him, as he kept getting stroked and played with like a toy. Hips bucking up into a memory of Billy’s hand, tight and firm, thumb pressing along an underside vein.

Then there was nothing. Steve panted in the dark, left teetering on the edge of almost there but not enough. But then there was pressure on his shoulders, hands hanging on, thumbs rubbing in circles where his collar bones ended. Steve gripped the headboard tighter before his cock was pressing into an ever familiar tightness he could never forget. Even with his eyes shut they still rolled into the back of his head, a groan escaping his lips before the tongue was back, capturing and swallowing his sounds of pleasure. His cock sunk further and further until there was nothing more to push into.

“Jesus…” Steve managed to get out somehow, voice ripped and cracking deep. “You gonna bounce for me baby?”

He could picture that grin, a deep flush high on those freckle covered cheeks, eyes dark with desire and want before the movement happened. Steve felt his brain just about stop. It had certainly stopped trying to make sense of what was happening to him. Billy bouncing on his lap was one of his most favourite things. The way his chest glistened with sweat, the way his stomach pulled tight, pushing his abs further on display, the way his hair would stick to his forehead, the way his athletic thighs would clamp around Steve’s hips. Even though he was taking Billy was still definitely the one in control.

Steve moved his hands from under the headboard, felt fingers lock between his own almost immediately as the drag on his cock got faster, more desperate, less rhythmic and far less precise. He started muttering things to space that’s it baby, just like that, keep going I’m so close, his head started swimming as the heat low in his gut started to pull tight and impending. Steve wanted to keep going though, keep feeling all of this for as long as possible. The hands heavy on his own. The scorching kisses over his cheek and neck and lips. The impossible warmth and tightness around his cock, dragging and pushing quicker and harder. To just keep picturing Billy’s strong hips working and rolling, his thick cock aching and desperate to be touched but keeping Steve pinned so it couldn’t be, pre pooling into his belly button.

Steve came over his stomach with a cry.

The kisses over his jaw were warm instead of hot as he panted hard, chest heaving and heart rapid, skin shiny with exertion. One hand holding his own was the only feeling that remained as his cock fell lip over his hip. An unmistakable smell of smoke suddenly filled the air after what would most definitely have been two clicks of a zippo with a homemade etching of a skull on the side. Steve couldn’t help but laugh tired and worn out.

“God you’re an asshole.”

Warm arms clamped on around Steve’s chest again, the gentle pull. Come see me, I miss you, I love you. Steve was just about tired enough this time to fall.

[lightsupinthenorth]

Lend me your love

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Billy loves having his hair played with. When he was a child, his mother used to ruffle his hair in passing, or caress it when he was watching TV with his head on her lap. After she leaves, no one but himself or the occasional hairdresser touches his hair for a while. Not until Max comes along and wants to practice her braiding skills on Billy. He protests, at first, telling her to practice on herself instead of pestering him, but he ends up surrendering, as he has wanted to since she first asked.

 He would never admit to her that he likes it when she styles his hair, but he can at least admit it to himself. He’s not in denial. He doesn’t even care when she tries something extravagant that ends up making him looks stupid, because by the time she’s done he’s always relaxed and somewhat absent.

 -

 Once they move to Hawkins, Indiana, their relationship has deteriorated so much that Max never asks him to be her guinea pig anymore. As pathetic as it sounds, Billy’s pretty sad about it.

 In Hawkins, to appease Neil after what happened in California (that is to say, Neil finding Billy making out with a boy), Billy flirts with a lot of girls. He even takes some of them to bed. They don’t do much for him sexually, but sometimes, when he eats a girl out, her fingers grip his hair as she’s looking for something to hold onto. Billy likes that. He likes it so much that it nearly makes him stay afterwards, in the hope she will caress his curls as they lay in bed together. But Billy can’t do that. He doesn’t really want to, anyway: he’s just touch-starved.

 -

 After he finally grows some balls and apologizes to Steve for the fight at the Byers’, they become closer. Billy sometimes wishes he’d never apologized because, with him, Steve brings questions, questions about the bruises and scars adorning Billy’s body, questions that Billy always deflects.

 Steve also makes Billy want him even more than he used to before they started being friends. One day, during the summer, after Billy has had to sleep under the stars because of his father, Steve sees a leaf tangled in Billy’s curls and takes it off himself. For a second, Steve’s long fingers are in his hair and Billy nearly faints. Once they’re gone, far too soon, Billy wants them back more than anything, but it’s not like he can just ask for it. He’ll just have to make do with the reminiscence of that brief touch. It’s all he’ll ever have.

 -

 After Starcourt, Billy’s body is so messed up he can barely wash his hair on his own. Raising his arms hurts like a bitch. He tries to power through it, but he’s fed up after barely a week. He’s got to do something about it. He’s not happy, but he’s got no other choice.

 He goes to Steve, whom he now lives with, and hands a hair clipper.

 Steve takes it and looks back and forth from Billy to the clipper with his big Bambi eyes.

 “What are you giving me that for?”

 “I want you to shave my hair.”

 Billy would do it himself, but he’d better not take that thing anywhere near his head if he doesn’t want it to end in a catastrophe.

 Steve’s speechless for at least ten seconds, mouth agape.

 “What? But, why? I though you loved your dumb mullet.”

 Billy sighs. He doesn’t feel like explaining himself, but Steve probably won’t do what Billy asked if he doesn’t answer.

 “I can’t wash my hair properly ‘cause my arms are fucked up. It would be easier if I just had it shaved.”

 “But… but that’s… are you sure you won’t regret it?”

 Steve is now staring at the clipper as if it had personally offended him.

 “I don’t know… I don’t have much choice, anyway.” Billy shrugs.

 “Well… I could wash your hair for you, if you wanted…”

 Steve looks up at Billy tentatively, and then looks down almost immediately.

 Billy would say yes in a heartbeat if he didn’t already feel like a burden to Steve.

 “Thanks for the offer… but you’ve done enough for me as it is.”

 “I really wouldn’t mind, I swear… I don’t feel comfortable participating in the murder of your hair, to be honest.”

 Billy ponders Steve’s proposition a while longer, biting his lip, before finally accepting. Steve beams at him.

 “Great! Do you want them washed right now?”

 “Ugh… if you’re free. If not, whenever is fine.”

 “Now’s good.”

 Billy understands very quickly that he has not thought this through at all. As soon as they enter the bathroom, and Steve asks: “how do you want to do this?”, Billy knows he’s fucked.

 Filled with dread, he stares at their tiny shower.  

 “Don’t know…”

 “You can just stand in the shower and let me take care of the rest.” Steve said.

  “Should I… uh… take my clothes off or… ?”

 “Whatever you’re more comfortable with.”

 Billy hesitated. He used to show off his body at every occasion and Steve has seen him naked countless times in the locker room after basketball practice when they were in high school. His body doesn’t exactly look the same as it did back then, however.

 Steve knows that, though. He’s seen Billy’s freakish scars already. He probably doesn’t care whether Billy’s body looks good or not. Steve is straight, after all. Plus, Billy doesn’t feel like dealing with his wet clothes after his shower, so he might as well undress. It’s going to be fine. At least, he probably won’t get hard in front of Steve, which might be the only benefit from his meds killing his libido.

 His yearning is still as strong as ever though, so Billy is far from safe.

 Steve turns the shower on and Billy tenses up as the water comes in contact with his skin.

 “Is it too hot?”

 “Yeah, a bit.”

 “I’m sorry… I take my showers really hot, so I couldn’t tell.”

 “’s fine.” Billy mumbles.

 He’s been possessed by a monster who hated warmth. He wishes he could take his showers as hot as Steve’s.

 Steve wets Billy’s hair carefully before turning the shower off and grabbing Billy’s shampoo. Steve’s hands are in his hair before Billy can brace himself. He shudders under their touch and his whole body goes pliant. He can barely stay on his feet and ends up needing to support himself on the tiled wall in front of him.

 “Are you okay, man?” Steve asked, stopping his movements.

 “Yeah… just tired.” He lies.

 “Do you need to sit down or something?”

 “No, no, it’s okay. Keep going.”

 Steve resumes washing Billy’s hair and then rinses. Then, Billy’s left to deal with the rest of his shower on his own. Thankfully.

 Like clockwork, Steve goes with Billy to the bathroom every three days to wash his hair for him. Billy feels gradually better, and his doses of meds get smaller and smaller, until he’s entirely off some of them.  However, Billy doesn’t tell Steve he’s able to raise his arms again. He would answer honestly if Steve asked him. But that’s the thing: Steve doesn’t ask. He keeps helping without complaining, and Billy’s too weak to admit he’s fine when he’s not been prompted to. He wants to wring every last drop of joy out of this situation until Steve catches on and puts his gentle hands away from Billy’s hair forever.

 It could have lasted a lot longer, if Billy had not given himself away like a dumbass. In his defense, it’s too early for reflection when it happens.

 Billy has just woken up and finds Steve rummaging through one of their kitchen drawers.

 “What the hell are you doing, Pretty boy?”

 “I can’t find the whisk.”

 “That’s because it’s not in there.” Billy says, as he reaches for it.

 He could have simply told Steve it was on the top shelf over the stove, but no. He had to get it himself, because he hasn’t had his first cup of coffee yet and is therefore deprived of his ability to think for even a second.

 He notices Steve starting at him and freezes mid-reach, but it serves no purpose except further highlighting he can now raise his arms pretty high. Higher than he would need to wash his hair properly.

 “Here you go!” He all but throws the whisk at Steve before retreating from the kitchen, kissing his coffee and his breakfast goodbye. Escaping is now his priority.

 He avoids Steve all day long, so he’s definitely perplexed when he is waiting for him in front of the bathroom door the next morning.

 “What are you doing here?” He asks before his brain can tell his big fat mouth to stay shut.

 “Well… helping you with your hair, as usual…” Steve replies, staring intently at Billy.

 “But…”

 “I know.” Steve interrupts him before he can say something stupid once more.  

 Billy is at a loss. What is Steve playing at? Why does he want to indulge Billy? Is it pity? Does he… actually like washing Billy’s hair? Why?  

 Whatever the reason is, Billy is not enough of a fool to ask. In fact, he doesn’t say anything, undressing in silence and hopping into the shower cubicle.

 With Steve so close, and his hands touching him, it quickly becomes clear to Billy that his libido has chosen that day to make a comeback. He does everything he can so that it does not become clear to Steve, in addition to himself: he tries to focus on the least sexy images he’s able to conjure, but he can still feel himself getting hard. His dick has refused to get hard for months, and now it won’t stay down no matter how badly Billy needs it to. His own dick is betraying him. How sad is that?

 Steve is now in the cubicle with him, his chest so close to Billy’s back that his now soaked t-shirt brushes against him. There’s no way he hasn’t noticed.

 “Do you…” Steve clears his throat, but his voice still sounds strained, “do you want me to lend you a hand with that too?”

 Billy opens his eyes right in time to see Steve’s slide down his chest and stop right above his crotch. They should talk about it, clear the air before doing anything, but Billy can’t bring himself to turn down Steve’s offer.

 He can only whisper “please” in between two labored breaths. When Steve takes him in hand and starts stroking him, Billy’s knees buckle under the onslaught of pleasure, and he has to lean against Steve’s chest, which makes his hard-on rest against Billy’s ass.

 “Fuck, Steve.”

 Billy grinds against him, pulling a moan from deep inside Steve’s chest. He can feel the vibration of it go through his own body.

 “God, you’re so hot.”

 Billy isn’t sure he agrees, but he’s in no position to protest. He’s on the verge of coming already. He wishes he could hold on a little longer, but he hasn’t been touched in ages and the fact that Steve is the one touching him is not helping him stave off his orgasm.

 “Steve”, he groans, “I… I’m gonna…”

 He can’t even finish his sentence. His voice has failed him.

 “I’ve got you” Steve assures.

 That’s what sends Billy over the edge. He comes hard over Steve’s hand and his own chest. The still running water cleans it off in a heartbeat. As soon as Steve lets go of Billy, he turns around and kisses him.

 He doesn’t know if kisses are on the table of their tacit agreement, but he’s going to find out. It turns out that they are indeed on the table, according to the way Steve kisses back eagerly and winds his hands in Billy’s wet locks.

 They have to separate when Billy peels Steve’s t-shirt off him and passes it over his head. After throwing the piece of clothes carelessly on the bathroom floor, instead of putting his lips back on Steve’s, Billy starts trailing kisses down Steve’s neck and chest. He stops on his way to give some attention to Steve’s nipples, delighted to note that they’re sensitive enough to get Steve panting in no time at all.

 Steve’s hands are already back in Billy’s hair, and Billy’s living for it. He keeps going down, down, down. Slowly. Until he reaches the elastic band of Steve’s old gym shorts which have been converted to pajamas. He pulls them down swiftly and takes Steve is his mouth, reveling in the gasp it gets him to make. He would have loved teasing Steve some more, but he’s been wanting this for too long. Billy looks up as he slides down Steve’s cock. Steve is staring, seemingly in awe, his brown eyes nearly black with arousal and his lips slightly parted. The sight, added to the weight and taste of the dick in his mouth, nearly gets Billy hard again. It would surely have if his cock had not just recovered from all the meds.

 Surprisingly, it does manage to harden again a few minutes later. Billy doesn’t really have the time to analyze the situation, he just feels a spike of arousal when Steve pulls hard on his hair. A choked moan leaves his throat, half from surprise and half from pleasure, as he’s hauled off Steve’s dick. Then, Steve is coming all over him, nearly silent apart from his raspy breathing. Once again, the water, which is now uncomfortably cold, does its job and washes the mess off.

 “Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Steve apologizes, his voice shot to hell as if he were the one who had just had a cock down his throat. “I wanted to warn you I was going to come but I was literally rendered speechless”.

 He’s now gently massaging Billy’s abused scalp and Billy closes his eyes to enjoy the feeling.

 “It’s fine”, he assures after a while, as Steve helps him up.

 In fact, it’s more than fine. The hair pulling really got Billy going. He can’t believe he’s only discovering this. He’s known he likes his hair being played with for as long as he can remember, but he had no idea getting it pulled could feel that good. Well, until now that is.

 He can’t wait to explore that, preferably with Steve.

[highsviolets]

breathless, chapter 3: an obi-wan x 90s!reader au

summary: in which you and Ben discover that nothing is like the first time, but maybe time is a construct anyway

word count: 3.2k+ 

cw: kissing. light references to smoking, a lil angst, some language  

A/N: this could not have happened without @afogocado​. Thank you for encouraging me to continue this lil fic and an endless supply of ewan pics and listening to me ramble and omg ilysm 

 references // previous // next // series masterlist 

“my curfew’s at midnight.”

Ben doesn’t look at you when he speaks. Well, he does. Just not right now. He’s busy at the moment, tinkering with something in the hood of his car. hunter green t-shirt — auburn hair — something out of goddamn salinger novel ((or maybe dos passos))

you look up at him. you’re settled on a skateboard ((he’s far too trusting of your ability to remain upright)). listless currents from a fan — somewhere, in the garage, you think — ripple in that nomadic space between his t-shirt and your skin.

remarks are so curious a thing, and you watch yours descend upon him. not quite a cascade. not quite a pittance of cleansing summer rains. it’s something other — but not ethereal — it’s here, it’s now, it’s taking you, too, holding you in thrall — words bump into skin ((sinew and sin)).

“it’s about doing the right thing.” the grind of one metal locking its relatives, corollaries, corrosions, into place has ceased. or maybe only paused. you’re not sure the car is done. but Ben looks at you, and you know he’s done. done explaining himself.

the skateboard’s wheels squeak and cry out against the pavement when you adjust. legs stretched out — ragged vans pointing above ((wherever that is)) — violet tipped hands clutching the back edges — knees exposed — just kissing the faintness of tangible ((affection or affectations, what’s the difference?))

“i know.” freckles gaze into the sun, his eyes, reflections. he expects your explanation to be plaintive. institutional. it’s not. “i just wanted to know why.”

Ben shakes his head, once, twice, thrice — face still half-soaked in the shadow of the hood — astonishment is plain to see in the flatness of his cheeks — the waltzing of his tongue on his upper lip.

Two seconds later he is right there, crouching ((muscles straining)) next to you, the leather tips of air jordans exotic and smooth against the external lateral bone of your left knee. His eyes, screwed up at the invasion of the sun against their tranquility, stare at the meeting of his shoes and your body and then he is gazing at you.

angels manipulate his mouth into a smile — Ben’s yours, now — hands are clasped — battles halt in the ceasefire. “I should really stop underestimating you.”

Ben reaches out. Two fingers ride the length of your cheekbone. They still as skin morphs into frizzled, sun-bleached hair at the crown of your head, in that space between your ear and eyebrow. your head nudges into his terms of surrender. “That would probably be best,” you say. The pause between conditional tense and adverb is like the space between you and him, an assured hesitancy, caught between becoming and being, trapped in an interstitial existence.

it’s so fucking americana it hurts.

hair , secured by a scrunchie the same shade as your fingertips, is given a light tug. let’s get you home, he says, and your presence wilts in upon itself , he senses the rush of photosynthesis exiting your body and brings your lips to caress his.

it doesn’t feel like the first time — nothing ever does — familiar in semantics — murky in meaning — singeing and sweet — a transfusion of significance between you and him.

the breaking away comes with a solemn sigh. he’s rising and bringing you with him. you resist the urge to stage a coup and use the skateboard to rocket yourself into his arms ((a safehouse you’ve found)).

___

time: a nebulous concept for you. it’s pages dogeared and how many days until the next cd is shipped to the store and how many t-shirts you’ve accosted from oaken drawers.

it’s a far more solid object for him. a tangible weave of textures and patterns that he notices in the scrunchies now in the car’s island of misfits ((he still hasn’t told you the make and model)) and how many times you guide his hand around your waist while you eat ice cream ((vanilla in a cone with sprinkles)) and the pens he’s busted through since you first met ((he knows the number , they’re immortalized in a tin cup on his shelf))

Ben’s holding one that has yet to join its brothers in the tin graveyard. The clicker rests against his teeth. It looks seductive in his mouth. Like he can make you keen with just an imitation of the real thing, with words and ideas. Words twirled around the air have power. You both know this.

You’re the one who’s twirling, though. spinning around his bedroom — boombox emitting a Billy Joel song at least ten years mature — mouth forming words you have yet to possess the courage to blare — so much like your kisses.

((the words come through in the translation , the body moves but he hears the soul))

he watches you and he is transfixed. he knows you do not know how much you are revealing to him. at least not consciously. but you want him to crawl into your soul and never leave. he does not see it or hear it or feel it as much as he experiences truth, the clumsy trio dotting patterns across his extremities and seeping into his essence ((what it means to be human)) like an antibiotic ointment. he is scared you will stick to things for which you are not designed. but it’s too late and he’s covered in the stuff, slick with you. unleashed in a trigonometric function of three sides ((him / you , other)). sins and signs and echoing sunlight.

your smile mimics his as you edge toward the bed where he’s sprawled out. you laugh and he matches you, shaking his head in rare & unguarded ((unabashed , unembarrassed)) regard. you are in harmony.

skin meets skin — heels arched into the carpet — he’s too strong too stubborn — and you fail and fall and spill over him — tumbling over his torso, legs mashed — the heat of his victorious grin burns the atmospheric bubble arching over the two of you.

You’re not sure if the record stops or if you’ve just ceased hearing it. he arranges you ((like a bouquet, like a song)) on the bed. he stares down at you. the eyes are stormy again, like before he kissed you the first time ((but nothing’s ever like the first time)). they say eyes are the window to the soul. Your hands whisk the hair that’s dangling there, like you can quiet him by quelling his independently-minded locks. it seems to work. he blinks and when you see the sun again it’s brighter, bluer, but maybe that’s because he’s so still now.

he does not move. He may not have danced but his soul is pressing into you like a dagger ((did you fall on a sword)). Ben cuts off your impending speech with conciliatory kiss. “i know , darling” , and the words etch themselves into reality against your body.

—-

Ben is distant and he is near to you all at once. There are corners of his being that you want to slide and drag and push to the surface. maybe if you do he will start to make sense. form follows function, he tells you, and the words feel as yellow as the pages on which they’re inked.

it doesn’t make sense to you — “you have too much sense, dear one” — elinor and marianne — but for all his purity he does not dance — no ricochets in his lever and pulley soul.

you are glass and flannel and he is steel and silk. he is not quite your sun, or your moon, or your stars, and not even your world. but you are rapidly terraforming to his sundry heights and arid permafrost and the devil’s sun that makes a home in his fingers, in his mouth ((yet he is not lucifer, nor abdiel perhaps he is raphael)).

Ben watches you soak in him. He takes note, n.b., nota bene, notes well, excellently, the stillness of your hands ((the tremors have lessened, but have they learned?)). your words are teal and vermillion and ecru and weeping with tannins. Ben deduces ease, easel, paint, art as you furrow into his chest. His mind infers souls through their bodies. Form follows function. Function follows form. Maybe it’s all the same, and Maybe It Isn’t.

Through your mirror he sees himself with you but he does not comprehend. He is bewildered.

nails boards cones sheets — teeth fingers knees breath — swerving form yielding function clutching grasping — all so very , sine qua non — aspectu sine logos — why does the latin transform into Greek

Morpheus, he thinks, nods sagely. he hurls ticket stubs and lipstick napkins and sense ((you)) into shoeboxes and mailboxes and shadowboxes. he refuses a photo of you, with you, for you and takes your knotted eyes and throws them, too, into the nearest body of water. you are close but you are not near ((droplets on tanned skin, drowning in the water)) and it is all he can do to obey his life and he does not know that sartre laughs at him and de beauvoir pokes her lover.

you are not at the middle of your life and neither is he. the path is still obscured by the trees. is charon delivering you to this threshold of the styx ((stones, bones, death)) or the tip of the world where the stars scrape into the heavens with a different edge? he is rising: he brings you with him. so it was in the past, but does the past presage the future? if he is raphael then he is virgil ((Maybe it’s all the same, and Maybe It Isn’t))

epic firestorm of righteous creation myths — empirical histories — imperial truths. but no. dante, where is dante, is he off in firenze, dancing in florid colors? no. dante is in exile, civitas ex nihilo : in need of virgil. guide him to transcendence.

____

you do not see him for several days. maybe it is weeks. you aren’t sure. time is not empirical, Ben has told you, it’s something you have to feel through its measuring ((sometimes vibrancy tips out of his ridges)). but you wish he had let you take a picture of the two of you. you are more like him than you realize , the truest truths are the ones you can touch.

it is the longest you have not seen him, and it is very hot. the pool, the lake, they’re not the same when you can’t thread sand through his hair and be abducted by his gaze as you read ((spirited away from his bookshelf)).

you’re running out of books — running out of time? — but time is not statistical — multidimensionality of you and him — there is no space where he does not compress himself to exist with you.

“it’s not a phase, mom,” you say, and take another bite of cereal.

“you need to make up your mind.” the crunch is effective at blocking out the noise, and your mind continues on its path. you wonder if DJ Tanner ever felt like this. hair surfaces in your bowl, and you pluck it out, grimacing. Maybe you should cut your hair. it’s hot out. DJ had short hair.

a rap on the table — spoon? knuckle? you can’t tell — strikes you. the words reality and wake up and decisions and wasteful are abrasions on your knees, still sore from too many tries on Ben’s skateboard ((he had smiled at your earnestness and kissed away the latent tears , let your body do its healing)).

you do not speak words so much as you give birth to emotions, agonizing and cruel and hideous. you do not know what you say or if you even say it ((dissociation)). but it is metallic in your mouth and turncoat shaking fingers and the sinking sound of unharnessed emotion in your ears.

it is hot and stifling and too much when you leave. nothing is feeling right — that stillness has lodged in your diaphragm again — opaque skies mock you — rain comes and you are colliding with nature and you are losing

Ben is standing underneath the overhang at the library ((it always comes back to the library)) and you wonder if you’re finally hallucinating. you voice forms itself to his name and he turns, damp hair following a few seconds later, and he drops his cigarette at the sight of you.

Exhilaration delivers specks of mud on your legs and arms but it is no matter. the time and space continuum has rectified and he is in front of you, giving you a cigarette, gray t-shirt abstracting to his muscles as much as your vans cling languidly to soggy toes.

he exhales smoke the way he says your name. it is precise and pious and it blooms over you like pink and purple hydrangeas.

Ben sees the gouges in your eyes and chastises your traitorous hands and absorbs you. cigarettes slump, abandoned, as he presses your cheek to his heart ((the conjunction of your logic and heat meeting his fervent center)). you cling to him and he does not resist but molds himself to you. time stops ((it’s an illusion)). rain continues. Ben’s kisses glide along your hairline, your forehead. it tickles and you laugh and his smile takes shape against your frontal cortex.

you pull him into the rain even as he protests ((but he’s laughing and the clouds pause, time takes a breath , are you time)) and you kiss him. it is like something breaks in him or perhaps the rain has induced erosion or maybe he is like you and there is a filigree thread connecting his head with his heart and constructing a railway through his body. Ben is all the lightning — the sky has crowned a new Zeus —  you hold him as the thunder in his soul cracks and pulls

((maybe kant was wrong about time and heidegger was right about dwelling and nothing crystallizes in his soul like you do))

the two of you alight to his car ((still unknown yet cordial, native)) and when you reach his building he opens your door and scoops you up in his arms and it is like that first time by the pool ((but nothing is ever like the first time)).

your hand makes a fist in his soggy shirt and his hair is pasted to his forehead and you cannot censor the searing, violent, desideratum swooping over you ((nor can you pause the absurd laugh that gushes out of your heart at his display of exorbitant chivalry)).

“i can walk,” you say as he wades through water that’s now folding over his skin, lapping up his electrolytes.

“yes, dearest, but you can’t swim, can you?” he likes to respond with questions, but this one’s ��an answer. Ben’s clutching you so tightly that you can’t see his face but you feel the contentment in his tone—it dashes into you like the rain currently encompassing the Earth, hesitant with the effort of exertion, with the weight of metal souls. “I’m just preemptively forbidding a disaster, darling.” there’s a tenderness bridging Ben’s raw power and mischievousness —  the network protrudes — extracorporeal ((does he know?))

He cherishes the rain, Ben tells you later, when existence reduces to you and him and incandescent petrichor and the pasticcio of kisses, heartbeats, palms on skin.

___

Ben is not carefree, but he is not serious. it is like he has learned that he can take up space ((empirical)). there is less constriction, tension, stenosis in his body ((the filigree is stretching his limbs)). movements are not languid but nor are they demonstrations of correctness. not slouching — just not strictly upright.

your hair gets tangled, like his sheets, like his legs in yours, and you tell him you want to cut it. An auburn eyebrow lifts archly, and he runs a finger down the length of your arm, tracing the veins ((your life)). “how will I teach you how to swim if you chop off your legs, darling?” Ben’s voice is charcoal. gray, yellow red orange burning, glowing at the edges. He draws up blueprints for cities in your open palm.

You make a quip about the ship of state and he snorts. When he shakes his head, his other hand — the one not serving as an architect on your body — shags through his hair, tanned skin meeting with copper effervescence in a ragged tryst. “i like its hows” he murmurs against your lips and you cannot protest, not when his caustic tongue ices, soothes, pacifies your conflagration.

The two of you are at the pool, again. He’s on his break. The air’s circulation is viscous, shoving over your skins. It straps you in — like the fanny pack around his waist. Ben’s donned his lifeguard pack for work, swapping out his array of gauche accessories for the traditional red and white accoutrement now fastened at his hips.

the most important things in his life, Ben thinks as he inhales the light spice of a Malboro, start with “l”. learning, lady, library, liberty, lake, logos, love. he doesn’t know from where last word originates; he must learn ((connaître ou savoir?)). in his experience, there’s no such thing as luck. He feels like a character in one of those war movies filmed right before he was born, smoking lucky strikes in a foxhole and just trying to stay alive, goddamnit, just trying to get through the war.

The two of you are always watching each each other. The obtuse phenomenology plays out like a courtly masquerade. veritas, quid est veritas, for here both object and deception are degrees of truth. He smirks around the cigarette and you blush but your eyes hold his and you catch his approval and stuff it inside your heart.

Ben takes your hand and places it on his thigh as you speak. the two of you are straddling a lacquered yellow beach chair, offensive in its self-confidence. he leans forward and touches his forehead to yours. he likes to take initiative — he is making use of his knowledge, he told you once, mumbled and sleepy, when you had whispered the question against his shoulder late one night.

Ben brings himself nearer to you. sweat — splashes — dangling exertions — smoke — sunscreen. it all plays about your lips and in your blood and in his hands that keep yours pressed against his flesh. someone yells at him to get his ass back to work and Ben rolls his eyes.

“duty calls.” his actions, the chair: they embolden you to dip your voice, your thoughts, mayhap you actions to a lower register.

He ducks his head to peer at your face, like that first time when you were falling over ((but nothing is like the first time)). as he passes the remainder of the cigarette to you, the words he speak sound like him, carry his weight, refracted starlight from coal. “we all have a duty. even you.” Ben doesn’t need to say his duties; they are his life, his schedule, the notebooks in haphazard stacks under the bed, his tin cups of pens. you wonder if you are part of his list ((if the cables have let you traverse the journey from his heart to his head)).

when you tell him that he is diamond but you a like one of those new gems they make in labs — what are they called — moissanite, he shakes his head. “you are not so scientific, darling.” fingers squeeze yours. “you are burning skies and delimitations and biting stars — the most natural things that exist.”

((you are not sure if you believe him, because nothing is like the first time)).

[breanime]

So Sick

-Requested by @suchatinyinfinity:  A being a drama queen to the point where B basically force feeds A just to get them to shut up about how they’re ‘definitely dying’ with Billy Russo please

*gif not mine*

Billy was pacing. He knew he was pacing. Curtis and Frank—who were watching him pace—knew he was pacing. Which was odd, because Billy Russo wasn’t a pacer.

“You’re gonna burn a hole in the carpet,” Curtis said from his seat at Billy’s desk.

“Kiss my ass, Curtis,” Billy said, pacing away.

“How long he’s been doing this?” Frank asked, leaning against the door frame.

Curtis looked at his watch. “Twelve minutes and counting.”

Billy stopped. Had it really been that long? He took out his cell phone. “I’m gonna call her again.”

You didn’t answer.

“Maybe she’s busy,” Frank said, “I think Karen said something about her working a lot the last couple of days—”

“—Try weeks,” Billy corrected, resuming his pacing, “She got this temporary promotion and she’s been breaking her back bending over backwards for that bastard boss of hers.”

“Lotta b’s in that sentence,” Frank mused.

Billy glared at him. “She didn’t come home last night.”

“Billy,” Curtis sighed, “She’s working, you gotta trust her—”

He rolled his eyes. “I do trust her. I know where she’s at when she’s not at home.” He shook his head. “But she’s working way too much, she’s gonna crash.”

Curtis scoffed. “Pot meet kettle,” he murmured.

Billy pocketed his phone. “I’m going to her job,” he declared, “Something’s wrong, I know it.” He grabbed his jacket and wrestled it on. “Can you handle prepping the recruits today, Frankie?”

Frank nodded, pushing off of the door. “No problem. You want me to be the good cop or the bad cop?”

Billy grinned. “Bad cop.” He turned to Curtis. “You mind dealing with the senator and her husband, Curt?”

“Sure,” he stood up and straightened his tie, “She likes me better, anyway.”

“I’d disagree, but not even I’m that good of a liar,” Billy patted Frank on the shoulder as he passed by, “Don’t burn the place down while I’m gone.”

He heard both of their laughs as he walked out, followed by Curtis’ “no promises!”.

You were beat. Your body ached, your throat was burning, and you were so hungry you were nauseous. You’d been working your ass off and been up all night and now your body was punishing you for it. You hadn’t even slept at home last night—or at all! You wanted to call Billy, just to hear his voice, but you couldn’t even find your phone. It was buried under one of the (many) mountains of paperwork on your desk. Hm… Your desk looked strangely enticing. Kind of comfortable… Your head was killing you, maybe you’d just take a quick power nap—just for a minute.

Billy walked into your job with a frown on his face. He’d been there before, so he didn’t waste time at the check-in desk. He knew how to get to your office. He ignored some of your co-workers’ overzealous “Hi Billy!” greetings and kept it moving. Those pieces of shit should get off their asses and help you out—you were basically keeping the company running on your own.

“Mr. Russo,” your boss stepped in Billy’s path, a smile on his stupid face, “So good to see you. How are you?”

“Fine.” Billy looked past him and saw your office door was closed. “Just came to check in on Y/N.”

“Oh, she’s fantastic, that one,” the boss gushed, “Don’t know what I would do without her. She’s really been impressing us all here with this promotion. I haven’t told her yet,” he leaned closer to Billy, “But she’s got the job.” His smile widened. “You should tell her! Or we could tell her together—”

“—I’ll tell her,” Billy put on a smile, “Might take her out for a celebratory drink if you don’t mind sparing her.”

“No, of course not!” He nodded so hard Billy thought he’d give himself a nosebleed. “She’s earned it! Actually, she’s earned a few days off. Whisk her away if you will!”

Billy forced himself to laugh as he sidestepped the man. “Great. Thanks.” He got to your door and knocked once before opening it.

His heart melted.

Your head was on your desk, and you were surrounded by papers. Billy shut the door and went over to your desk. He put his hand on your head, smiling despite himself. Until he heard the way you were breathing—you sounded congested. He flipped his hand over and pressed it to your forehead. You were warm, too.

You nuzzled against his hand, eyelids fluttering open slowly. “Oh,” you smiled up at him, “Hi, baby.”

“Hey. You sick, sweetheart?” He asked, voice low. You sat up, and Billy wanted nothing more than to pick you up and hold you to him.

“I… May be dying,” you admitted.

Billy chuckled. “Let’s get you home.”

You spent the ride home with your pounding head on Billy’s shoulder as he drove. Every few minutes he would drop a kiss onto your burning forehead. You dozed off but woke up when you felt the car stop. Blinking yourself awake, you caught Billy’s back as he went into… A pharmacy? He was only in for a few minutes, but when he came back—greeting you with a soft smile and a gentles kiss to the temple—you took the bag from him and peered inside.

“Tylenol? Tissues? Cough drops?” You looked up at him as he started the car. “Thanks, Billy.”

“No problem,” he reached for your hand and held it as he drove, “By the way, I talked to your boss.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not—for once. You got the promotion,” he squeezed your hand in his, “He said I can take you out, cause you know, I needed his permission…”

You giggled, closing your eyes. Billy’s general disdain for your boss always made you smile. You were happy about your promotion, but more than that, you were happy to be with Billy.

When you got home, Billy made you take a bath while he made you tea and called your job, telling them you wouldn’t be coming in for the next few days. He’d set your pajamas out for you when you got out, and you heard him on the phone as you got dressed.

“Yeah? That’s great, Curt. Thanks,” he was saying, “Yeah, I’m gonna stay home with Y/N tomorrow. Thanks, brother…”

You laid in bed, shivering under the heavy covers. You had started feeling a little bit better after your bath, but now your body was hurting again. You closed your eyes—even your eyelids hurt—and felt your head start to pound again. You put a hand over your stomach, you were hungry, but you knew there was no way you were getting out of bed anytime soon. “Billy…” You called. He didn’t answer. Groaning, you rolled over so that you were facing the open door to you bedroom. “Billy….Billlllllyyyyyyyy.”

He appeared in the doorway with a tray in his hands. “You rang?”

“What are you doing? I need cuddles,” you whined.

He laughed, coming over and putting the tray on the bedside table. “Got you covered, babe.” He helped you sit up (because you were basically a human noodle at this point) and put the tray on your lap. He sat next to you and put an arm around you. “Start with the medicine,” he instructed.

You made a face. He had put two white pills and one blue one on your tray next to your tea and a bottle of water. “What are these?” You asked, stalling.

“The white ones are for the fever and aches, the blue one’s for the headache. And there’s something in your tea for your sore throat.”

“You drugged my tea?” You fake gasped, ignoring the pain that came with it. The dramatics were worth it. “I can’t drink this.”

Billy rolled his eyes, a small smile still on his face. “You can and you will. Let’s go, Y/N.”

Pouting, you took your medicine. You put your head on Billy’s shoulder, eyes closed. “There’s a tiny little man in my head banging a hammer,” you complained.

“I’m the only man who’s allowed to be inside you,” he said back.

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes, even though they were closed. “I’m dying and you’re making innuendos.”

“I don’t think that was subtle enough to be an innuendo,” he said back, completely unrepentant.

“Billly,” you whined, “I’m dying.”

“You’re not dying. Drink your tea.”

“I am dying. My body is breaking down. I didn’t even get to enjoy my promotion,” you sniffled, “And I’m gonna die ugly.”

Billy scoffed. “You are not ugly,” he argued.

You opened your bleary eyes, glaring at him. “Seriously? You’re going to lie to me—on my death bed?”

“Again,” he said, “you’re not dying, and I’m not lying. You’re always beautiful to me.”

“I’m dying and you won’t even hold me,” you continued as if he hadn’t said anything, raising your knees a bit to displace the tray. He reached over and steadied it. “I don’t want tea, I want cuddleeeeeeees.”

With a sigh, Billy moved the tray and set it aside. He turned back to you, wrapping you in his arms and lying on his back so your head was on his chest. He put a hand under your back, running it up and down in a soothing gesture. “Just give the medicine time to kick in, baby. You’ll start to feel better soon.”

“It’s cute that you’re in denial,” you said, eyes closed as you breathed in Billy’s scent with your one working nostril, “I just want to be clear, if you try to get a new chick after me, I’ll haunt you forever.” You sighed when he kissed the top of your head. “I want Frank to wear white to my funeral, he wears so much black already, it wouldn’t mean anything. And I want Curtis to throw a whole scene.” You snuggled closer to his chest, the rise and fall of it making you drowsy…or maybe that was the meds. “Promise me, Ned.”

“Is that a Game of Thrones reference?”

“Yes,” you said proudly, “Lyanna Stark said it on her death bed, and now I’m saying it on mine.”

“Okay,” Billy sat up, forcing you to sit up with him, “Why don’t we get something in you and maybe you’ll start to feel better?”

You leaned back on the headboard, eyes still closed, “Okay, but you’re gonna have to be on top.”

Billy laughed. “I hate you,” he said, shaking his head, “here, I got you some toast and stuff to settle your stomach.”

“Billy, I’m dying,” you said again, “I’m definitely dying, and this is what you want my last meal to be? I can barely breathe, you’re supposed to be sexing me up, not trying to poison me with—” You were silenced when Billy stuck the toast in your mouth. You opened your eyes, glaring at him as you chewed.

Billy smiled, satisfied. “Good. Finish that and drink your tea,” he stood up, “I’ll be right back.”

You ate the toast—even though you were dying—and drank down the tea. The warm liquid was soothing, you had to admit. But you missed Billy’s warmth, and sat up when he came back with a bowl in his hands.

“Chicken noodle soup for my dramatic girl,” he announced, placing the bowl on your tray. He climbed into bed behind you, wrapping one arm around your waist to pull you closer. He took the spoon and lifted it to your lips. “Open up.”

Smiling despite yourself, you leaned forward and let him feed you. Before you knew it, you were almost done with the soup, your throat was feeling a little better, and you were slowly starting to accept that you weren’t dying. You leaned back into Billy and felt him press another kiss to the top of your head. “Two facts,” you stated, “I love you and I’m sleepy.”

Billy chuckled. “Let’s take a nap then.” He picked up the tray and moved it. Carefully, since he knew that you were achy, he positioned you back on his chest. “I love you,” he said, voice low. “Get some rest, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.”

You closed your eyes, already drifting off. “Thanks for not letting me die, baby.” You said.

His soft laugh sang you to sleep.

*******************************************************************************************

Fun fact: I wrote this while listening to gangsta rap at Starbucks, haha! Also, I named this after the Ne-YO song for no reason except that it had the word “sick” in it. Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @floralpeaceofmind​ @delicatelilyflower​ @dylanobrusso​ @ladyblablabla​ @banditthewriter​ @something-tofightfor​  @starsfragments​ @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @hisgirlwednesdayaddams​@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta​ @sadnessxvodka​ @ymariejp​ @sunnycolors​ @moonlightsay​ @its-all-o-kay @damagelove​ @keyeluh @itsmylife98​ @funerals-with-cake​ @littlemermaidprobz​ @teacuplotus​ @king4thesirens​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​ @thebabblingbook​ @tartelette-aux-fraises​ @madamrogers​  @charlylama​ @iaintnofurry​​ @k-buggz2001​​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix​ @elanor-of-imladris​ @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq​ @holamor​ @ymariejp@shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou​ @anabella-baby @heyitslexy @luminex3 @sithskywalkers @carlaangel86@sssilverssserpent @jupiter-blake @binbons-is-theloml @captainblackeyes @importantkidmakerfire @luminex3 @the-blind-assassin-12 @editboutique @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @whovianayesha saltyshaggymeme @my-little-dumpster-fire @rhabakoli 

[stanbillyhargrove]

Demons Ending B pt 1

Billy Hargrove x Reader (Cat)

T/W: Self Harm (Cat), Abuse, Eating Disorder   Cat has a lot of issues

BIG WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT, DRUGS, SUICIDE

This will be a multi chapter series with fluff, smut, angst, all the things

Billy's POV

Living without Cat was hard. It left an aching hole in my life that I tried desperately to fill. I studied constantly and got a job at a mechanic shop downtown to fill out my days and keep my hands busy. Flopped down onto my bed after scarfing down dinner and passed out before I could start to dwell on the should of's, the could of's. But this weekend was important, it had been cleared in advance and was looming over me now. I started to wish I had filled the time.

Saturday morning came and I groaned in protest of the sunlight suddenly streaming through the window.

Max looked down at me, a tight, tired smile on her face, "today's the day, Billy. Gotta get up."

I stretched across the bed, a knot of anxiousness forming in my gut.

Today's the day.

As I got ready I thought about the day Steve and I had found her, bleeding out alone and I knew Steve would be drowning in the same anxiety I was.

I remembered what happened when we finally got to the hospital.

Steve and I walked into the hospital quickly. We were directed to a room by a nurse, her kind eyes taking in our red, puffy eyes and our stained clothes and gave us a sad smile before stepping out of our way. We walked into the room to see Cat lying in the middle of a stark white bed, a sheet pulled up to her chest. The air in the room was thick with silence, no beeping, no breathing, just, nothing. Steve choked out a curse and leaned against the wall to steady himself. I didn't move, couldn't move, I felt like I was frozen.

"I'm sorry, boys," the nurse soothed, "we tried everything we could."

"No," Steve breathed before walking up to the bed, "no. That...I..she..no."

The nurse laid a gentle hand on my shoulder, "you take all the time you need, okay?"

Steve held himself together until the nurse shut the door and the he exploded.

"Fuck!" He screamed, "we should have fucking been there!"

I wanted to scream, to go into hysterics like Steve was, but I felt too numb and disconnected to do much of anything. Steve started to sob, still cursing loudly as he leaned against a wall and slid down to sit on the floor with his head in his hands. I slowly dragged myself across the room to sit in the chair beside the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest to stare blankly at Cat's body. I didn't realize there were tears pouring down my face until I pushed my face into my knees and felt the wet spots growing in the knees of my jeans.

"I should have protected you better," I mumbled into my knees, "you were...everything and I should've done better."

How did this happen? Just a few hours ago she said she was fine, she was warm and breathing, alive. How is she just gone now? Why? What changed?

We sat there for a while until someone came into the room to ask if we were okay. We weren't. But we nodded anyway and pulled ourselves up to leave shortly after. We drove back to Cat's in stunned silence so Steve could take his car home. He stared at the house like he was afraid of it for a while before getting out of my car.

"Steve," I choked, right before he closed the door.

He looked back at me, eyes shining with more tears.

"Take the dog home with you."

Steve nodded slowly before turning to go into the house.

Now I was quietly bracing myself as I got ready, bracing myself to be crowded into a room of teary eyes and broken hearts. For the sullen quiet and the simmering guilt that hid under Steve and I's skin.

Except Steve wasn't there. Max and I had looked for him at the funeral but hadn't found him. Julie had clutched at me, weeping softly into my chest when I saw her. She wept about not knowing, not being around more. I chewed the inside of my mouth as I held her, trying to maintain my composure. Max offered Julie a watery smile when she finally released me to stand on her own.

"Julie, do you mind if I come get something of Cat's?"

"Oh, Honey, of course. Any friends of Cat's are always welcome in my home, you know where the key is. Would you make sure that Steve knows that too? I haven't seen him. Don't be strangers, okay?"

"Yeah, Julie, I'll make sure he knows," I murmured, "thank you."

She was whisked away by family but the underlying message of her plea rang in my head: please don't leave me alone.

When I dropped Max off at home she turned to look at me, "you coming home?"

Max had been clinging to me since Cat died, afraid that I would leave her too. Everytime I left she would stop and make me promise to come back. It was silly but I always promised, would even pinky swear if she asked for it.

"Yeah, Max, I'll come home. Promise. Just gunna find Steve."

--

It was starting to get dark when I found Steve at the quarry. I had checked his house first, then Cat's and then went back home to get Max to call her friends. Dustin was been the second person we called, he was also the only one who knew that Steve liked to go out there when he was upset. His car was parked haphazardly on the side of the first trail, and I had a moment of dread pass over me. If he came out here to jump...I'd bring him back just to kill him myself.

"Steve?" I called, stepping out of my car to look around.

I huffed out a relieved sigh when I saw him sitting by the edge of the quarry, staring into the distance with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. There were a bunch of empty beer cans littered on the ground around him.

I sat down in the dirt beside him, taking the bottle from his hand to take a large swig, "you okay?"

He scoffed, "no...nothing is okay anymore."

I chewed my lip and looked away from him, followed his gaze out over the quarry.

"Missed you today...at the..." I waved my hand, not wanting to say it.

"Funeral," he spat, "her fucking funeral."

"Yeah," I murmured, "that."

"I tried...was on my way but...I just couldn't do it y'know? It's not...it's not fucking fair, Billy."

"Yeah, I know."

"I mean...how could she fucking do that? We were only gone for a few hours..."

"We did all we could, Steve...we couldn't force her to do anything-"

He whipped his head around to look at me, fire blazing in his eyes, "bullshit! That's fucking bullshit and you know it!"

"Well, what else could we have done, Steve?" I yelled back at him.

"Fucking told someone! I should have said something the first time I found her! We knew she was sick and we just...we fucking let her die! Was keeping a secret worth that?"

"Well it's a little late to dwell on that, don't you think? It's done! She's gone! We can't go back and change what we did or didn't do!"

He threw the bottle off the edge of the quarry, the shattering sound came a moment later, "I killed her...you fucking killed her! She's fucking dead because of us!"

I felt his words twist in my gut like a hot knife and launched forward to knock him sprawling to the ground. We wrestled in the dirt, shoving and screaming at each other until Steve's screams turned into sobs and he pushed me off to the side. Panting, I took a second before sitting up to look at him. He had sat up and curled around his knees, burying his face to cry.

I shuffled over so I was sitting next to Steve, facing him, and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck to pull him to my shoulder and I finally let the tears fall that I'd been holding in for so long.

"I miss her too."

Steve's fists thumped weakly against my chest, "fuck you! I fucking hate you! This is your fault!"

I let him curse and cry, until he crumpled forward, empty of his anger.

"It's not fucking fair," he cried, "I miss her so much...I loved her."

"I know, Steve, I know. I loved her too."

We sat there quietly for a while, stewing in our sadness.

"Hey, you got any more booze in the car?"

Steve nodded and sat up away from me so I could go to the car. Inside were a few more empty cans and another bottle of whiskey.

"Jesus, Harrington, did you empty a fucking liquor store?"

"Fuck you," he grumbled, "it's not that much."

I brought the bottle back and sat next to Steve where we spent the next few hours drinking and telling stories about Cat. We laughed and cried until the bottle was gone and then Steve looked at me with dark, glassy eyes.

"Do you think she regretted it?"

I sputtered, trying to figure out what to say while Steve kept spiraling.

"Do you think she was scared?"

"Steve, I-"

"Do you think it hurt?...Do you think it would hurt more or less to go over the quarry?"

"Steve," I growled, grabbing his arm tightly, "it's time to go. Now."

I half carried Steve to my car so I could drive him home. He passed out on the way, his head lolling to the side as I drove. It all reminded me too much of finding Cat in the forest and left a sharp pang in my chest.

I tried to wake Steve when we got to his house but he was dead to the world and I ended up having to throw him over my shoulder to carry him inside. I set him down on the couch and brought a large glass of water and a bowl from the kitchen to place on the table in front of him. Then I pulled a blanket off the top of the couch and covered him with it before I turned and left.

--

I went to Cat's house the next day and spent a minute just quietly sitting on the edge of her bed. Her bed was unmade, the thick blankets she piled on were still rumpled like she had just got out of bed, a half empty bottle of diet coke that had now gone flat sat on her nightstand, and the faint scent of vanilla still hung in the air. There was a long black sweater thrown over the end of her bed, tossed there while getting dressed and then forgotten as well as clothes thrown on the floor, waiting to be collected and washed.

Nothing had been touched, it was frozen in time as if she were still here.

With a shakey sigh, I ran my hand along the material of the sweater and laid down across her bed, letting myself fall into the emotions. I missed her so much, it felt like my chest was full of glass, cutting and ripping it's way through organs until I couldn't breathe. I grabbed her pillow and pulled it into my chest, soaking it with tears.

When I stopped heaving with sobs and I was able to sit up, I wiped my face and noticed a notebook sticking out from under the other pillow. I sniffed and folded my legs up under me before pulling it into my lap.

"Billy?" Julie appeared at the door, looking tired and on the verge of tears.

"Hey, Julie," I mumbled," did I wake you?"

"Oh, Sweetie, it's okay. I was awake," her mouth tightened into a sad smile as she walked into the room.

"I found something I think you should have," she went into the closet and pulled out a shoebox to hand to me.

"Thanks."

She set a hand on my shoulder as she sat down next to me and I leaned my head into her shoulder with a sigh.

"I don't understand, Julie...why? Why weren't we enough?"

Julie's arm wrapped around me, her hand on the side of my head, "oh, Billy, I don't know. I've been asking myself the same thing. Thinking back and looking for signs that I missed. I've been to some counseling since...they told me you need to let those feelings out. Scream, cry, do something to let all that out. You can't let them sit and fester or they'll consume you. Cat let them consume her...we can't let them consume us too."

--

"Wheeler."

"Billy? What are you doing here?" Nancy crossed her arms in front of her chest, setting her jaw as she looked at me.

I clenched my jaw, annoyed that I had to come here for her help, "it's Steve."

She tensed, like a dog ready to attack, "what did you do to him?"

I huffed, "nevermind, this was fucking stupid."

I made it three steps before Nancy grabbed my by the arm, flinching back a little when I turned around.

"Jesus, Wheeler. I'm not gunna hit you."

She shook her head, "yeah, sorry. What happened to Steve?"

"Nothing...yet. But he's been weird, he didn't even come to the funeral. He spent all day drinking until I took him home from the quarry. I saw his car there and thought he... Nancy, he asked me if it would hurt to go over the edge."

Nancy sighed, rubbed her hand up and down my arm gently, "he loved her, Billy, and she died. He's going crazy, you just need to give him time."

I watched her thin fingers slide up the leather of my jacket, "I loved her too but I'm not about to jump off a goddamn cliff."

Her face tightened into a half smile, "it's different for him. He's all alone again, abandoned by someone else he loves. I know he always thought his parents stayed away cause he wasn't good enough so he's gunna pile this on himself too. Just be there for him until he gets himself together."

I nodded, "can you check on him too?"

"Of course I can...I didn't know you cared about him."

"Yeah, well..he's like my brother..hey, thanks, Wheeler. And don't tell anyone I came here for help, don't need people thinking I'm going soft."

She laughed, "sure thing, Billy."

Steve's POV

I didn't go back to school after Cat's funeral, not that I went much before it either, but after it I could barely function. I would only drag myself out of my bed to go to the bathroom and to restock my alcohol supply. Billy and Max came over sometimes, usually with some sort of greasy food to entice me out of my room with. It worked for a little bit but usually as soon as they left I found myself in that pit of emptiness again. Nancy came over too or sometimes would just call to ask how I was. I don't know why Nancy bothered to check on me, it usually left me feeling even worse when she came.

I knew they were worried about me, knew that I looked like shit, my clothes were starting to hang off me and my eyes looked dark and haunted, and that I was rarely without a drink but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Steve," Billy huffed one night, "you need to snap out of this. It's been a month and you've barely left your house. What are you gunna do once the alcohol doesn't numb you anymore?"

"Fuck off," I grumbled, "I didn't fucking ask you to come check on me."

"No," he snapped, "you didn't. But I'm here anyway cause you're my friend. I don't want you to start hating me again but you've been a fucking asshole since Cat died. You need to wake up!"

"Well then fucking leave me alone! I don't need you here, Billy! I don't need anyone!"

"Fine," he huffed, getting up and leaving without another word.

--

Billy kept his word, not stopping by anymore, and I didn't see him again until the week before Christmas. I wasn't paying attention while driving to town and was going too fast around an icy corner and flew off the road. My car wrapped around a tree and my head smacked into the steering wheel, knocking me out.

--

I woke up, groaning and wincing when I tried to move. Noticed that my hand felt restricted, I couldn't move my fingers. A strong hand held my shoulder down and I opened my eyes to see that I was in a hospital room with Hopper standing over me.

"Take it easy, don't move too fast."

"What the fuck?" I groaned.

"You were drinking and driving, ran your car off the road."

"I'm not drunk."

He huffed, "not anymore. Doctors have a bad habit of sobering people up."

"Well, thanks. I should get home," I mumbled, trying again to sit up.

"Hey, not so fast. You could have seriously hurt someone or yourself. I know you've been going through it but I need to know you're not gunna do that again."

I rolled my eyes, "don't have a car now, do I?"

I saw the muscle jump in Hop's jaw, "Steve. This is serious. You could be in big shit for this but I'm willing to make it go away only because you didn't hurt anyone but you have to promise to get yourself together."

"I don't need your fucking pity, Hop."

He glared at me, pushed a little harder on my bruised chest.

"Ah! Okay, won't do it again! Jesus."

Hop moved his hand to let me sit up, his glare only easing a little, "good. Your parents are on their way home, Hargrove is on his way to pick you up. Doc's gotta go over some stuff with you before you can leave though."

I rolled my eyes but stayed in the bed, waiting to finally get the hell out of here.

--

A row of stitches in my forehead, a concussion, a couple broken fingers and a bunch of scrapes and bruises were what I left with. That and the order to try to stay awake tonight and do some memory testing exercises.

Billy got all the information from the doctor, nodding and listening intently while I scowled at my shoes. The ride home was quiet, the only sound filling the car being Billy's chain smoking. When we finally pulled up to my house, I got out of the car as quickly as I could, hoping to leave Billy behind. He was right behind me though, following me into the house and tucking something in the back of his jeans, hidden under his jacket.

"Jesus, Hargrove, why are you here?"

"Because Hop called me and asked me to bring you home, you fucking asshole! He said you nearly offed yourself driving drunk!"

"I wasn't fucking drunk, Billy, and I don't need you to babysit me!"

He scoffed, "oh, yeah, cause you're just fine, right? Remember who else said that?"

"Oh, go fuck yourself, asshole!" I yelled, shoving his shoulder with my good hand.

He caught my wrist and used it to twist my arm down with a growl to his voice, "look, Steve. I know. Okay? I know it fucking hurts and it's not fair that she's gone but I know you can't just decide to stop living too."

I winced at the pressure on my shoulder and tugged until he let go, "you don't know shit."

"Oh yeah?" His voice mocking, taunting, "why don't you let it out then? Tell me. What don't I know?"

I scowled and looked away, not knowing what to say.

"You can't love her back to life."

"I can try."

He sighed, "no, Stevie, you can't."

"Don't call me that."

"Why not? Does it make you feel it, Stevie? Feel that she's gone? That you'll never hear it from her again?" Billy crowded in close to me, a snarl on his face that didn't match the sadness in his eyes, "well, guess what, that's not fucking going anywhere, that hurt. It'll always be there, Stevie, and you're just letting it fester in your gut. You'll kill yourself running from it, just like Cat did!"

"Fuck off!" I yelled, pushing him forward to throw a punch.

Billy's face whipped to the side when it landed on his jaw, a loud crack filling the air. His hand came up to grab his jaw, eyes wide with shock.

"Feel better now, Stevie?"

I didn't answer, just stood there, panting and shaking the pain from my fingers. Desperately wished for a drink.

He pulled a notebook from under the back of his jacket and dropped it on the couch.

"Didn't think so," he grumbled, turning to leave, "look through that, there's a box too. When you're ready, I have it...you need help, Steve."

@elsie2018 @breadnbutternips @savagesuccubus @speedmetalqueen @florenceivy @charmed-asylum @ilkaeliseb

[theamberwriter]

Judgement Day [Billy Hargrove]

[��PART ONE ]

Paring: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Word Count: 5,483

Warnings: Cursing, smoking

Author Note: So this ends up in an AU, anyone who has watched season 3 should know what I’m talking about. Also ended up with slight Soft!Billy, lol Eyes burned into you, glaring you down as you walked through the mall. Voices whispered in hushed tones. Jealous, seething green-eyed vipers ready to strike. They stared, snootily flipping their hair over their shoulder. They heard it - you were the one to lock down the new reigning king of Hawkins, Billy Hargrove. And they hated you for it.

Lifelong friends glared you down as new enemies. Those you loved shunned you. Everyone around you tuned you out. Ghosted you. You no longer existed in their eyes. You pleaded with your parents. You begged your friends. But no one listened.

"You're an idiot," Steve remarked. He dug in and scooped something out of the freezer. "You want a doofus sundae?"

Robin's head rose out of the freezer in a green glow, eyes white. A semi-circle missing from her brain where her skull was gone and he'd scooped her. She was grinning wickedly.

"You're such a moron," she cackled. "I never liked you anyway."

"[Name], friends don't lie," El said, walking in. Just as ghostly, eyes just as blank. "You lied, [Name]."

"You lied," said Max. Then Mike. Then Lucas. Then Dustin. Then Will. All blank. All glowing. All ghostly and wrong.

you lied

You Lied

You LIED

YOU LIED

YOU LIED

YOU LIED

The chant became louder and louder until it was deafening. You screamed, covering your ears. 

You jolted up out of bed, screaming there too. But only peaceful darkness greeted you. No chants to be heard, just crickets chirping outside the open window. You were soaked from head to toe in sweat. You could barely catch your breath. A hand found its way to your arm.

"Another nightmare?" Billy groaned into the pillow beside yours. You'd snuck him in after your parents went to bed. 

Easing down beside him, you sighed, "Yeah."

"C'mere." You could barely hear him, but he grabbed you and tucked you up next to him. Pressing close to you. You soon heard him lightly snoring. Good to know one of you was getting sleep that night.

Billy crept out of your room when the sun peeked through your window. Like he always did. You were still asleep. He kissed you gently, muttering out, "Sleep well. It'll all be over soon. No more nightmares."

Then he drove swiftly into the dawn. Creeping back through his own window. Dreading this day in his own right. Today was the today that you both had decided to tell all of Hawkins the news. Or at least those in Hawkins that mattered to you. But they would spread it like wildfire.

It'd been about a month since the fateful movie night. Billy had learned to deal with the kids being around all the time. Especially since you'd chewed out a few times for being such a jerk to them. His relationship with Steve was still non-existent. But they coexisted peacefully for you. Even if somewhat awkwardly.

Robin had also become your new best friend. You hung out when you needed a break from the boyfriend drama. She didn't see anything wrong with you dating Billy. But was genuinely surprised that you hadn't gone for Steve. Given his protectiveness over you. But Steve was just a friend. He had been for a long time, and you didn't want to change that.

You had your stent with your crush on him. But that flame was long extinguished now. You supported him through his relationship with Nancy. Nursing him after with lots of corny movies and ice cream. Honestly, Steve was like a single mother. 

Once Billy was back in his own bed with your body heat gone. Your existence missing beside his, he couldn't sleep again. He stared at the ceiling, his stomach heavy. There were very few things in his life that held this kind of weight. 

At first, when he'd teased you about the book - it was only to get in your pants. But when you finally called him, he'd had a rough night. And you, who had no reason at all to deal with him, sat on the phone for hours while his stupidly drunken self blubbered away. Your words cradled him. Quieting him into sleep and sanctuary. When he was sober again, he thought it was a dream until you called to check on him.

Honestly, he'd hated the emotions that one small gesture gave him. At least for the first month or two. But you started calling more, or you'd sit quietly next to him and read during school, or you asked how his day had been when you walked passed him on the way to your car, or you'd do some other small gesture. Things he realized you had no reason to. But he found comfort in them, so you did them. 

He couldn't really remember what he'd told you the night you called, but he was happy that his drunk self had done something right. There were days he was scared it was all a dream. Some sweet hallucination caused by some drug he'd done, and it'd be whisked away with the high. But every day, for the ten months since you called him that first time, you were there. But so was Steve.

Billy was admittedly jealous at first. Worried you were cheating with how much time you spent around Steve. But you quieted him, reassuring over and over that Steve was a friend. And that he and Nancy had recently broken up. He wasn't ready for anyone else yet. And you didn’t want anyone else beside Billy, anyway. Billy wasn't satisfied until he spent a day spying on you guys in the mall and around town. He wondered if you'd secretly known he had.

Billy would take asking you out properly for the first time all over again over this. He needed only your approval the first time. This time, while he didn't need anyone's approval, he knew there were going to be issues. 

You'd been having nightmares for about two weeks. You even joked about going to California to avoid telling anyone. Billy did want to take you, to show you where he grew up and all of his favourite places and the beach and the water. Maybe teach you how to surf. But you both had to do this first. As tempting as it was to get in his car and drive away with you. He knew he couldn't.

You didn't want to get up when the morning birds called outside of your window. Blasted rens had built a nest in the tree just outside your room. And there was no sleeping once they began singing. But you didn't want to face the day. You had a twisting, burning, nauseous feeling in your stomach. 

You knew you had to, and wanted to, break the news to everyone. But were you ready to? Not in the least. Your parents would probably disown you. And all of your friends would give you the cold shoulder. This was going to be a nightmare. At least it couldn't be worse than your actual nightmares. Right?

It was Saturday, so your parents were at home. So were your siblings. You got ready quickly, knowing your parents already would be. They had a thing about being ready before breakfast. It was weird. You didn't want to go down when you heard cartoons come on the TV. But it was now or never.

You crept nervously down into the kitchen. Your mom was humming, mixing up something in a bowl. And your dad had the paper in his hand, a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. You could see the heads of your siblings peeking over the back of the couch in the living room.

You stood awkwardly in the doorway. Heart pounding, you felt like you were going to pass out. But Billy was going to be at your house soon. So you had to say something. You cleared your throat.

"Good morning, sweetie," your mom said, spooning some batter into a pan.

"Someone's ready early, you going somewhere?" your dad asked peeking over the paper.

"I, uh," you stuttered softly. You nearly couldn’t choke it out. "I actually invited someone over for breakfast."

Your mom sighed. "It would've been nice of you to tell us. I'll have to make more."

"And who've you invited? Is it Steve?" Your dad didn't even move the paper. "I always liked him. He's a nice kid. Haven’t seen him around in a while. You two still friends?"

You went rigid. Your mind stumbling through a few lines. What did you tell them? Should you say it’s Billy? Or your boyfriend or? But out came, "Yeah we are. I just invited a different friend from high school."

That was such a big lie.

"That's nice, do we know them?" Your mom's eyes felt like they pierced you. Oh no.

"Maybe." You tried not to fidget. But your nerves were getting the best of you. Your mom could always tell you were lying when you did that.

You raced to the door when there was a knock. Shit, shit, shit, shit, was all you could think. Behind the door was Billy. His shirt buttoned, his cologne less overpowering than usual, and he didn't smell like he'd had a cigarette yet. His face mirrored your panic.

"Did you tell them?" he asked quietly.

You groaned. "No, not yet, I couldn't get it out! I just said I was having a friend over!"

Billy's eyes widened some. You had never seen him like this. His cool act had completely fizzled out. "Should I leave until you tell them I'm a little more than a friend?"

You grabbed his hand. "No, no - we can tell them together and we run for it if they get mad."

Billy kissed your knuckles. "Yeah, okay. Let's get this over with."

You gripped each other's hand tightly. Your heart racing, aching against your ribcage. This wasn't going to end well. You knew it already. You were already counting the steps to the front door.

"Uuhhh," was all you could get out as you stood in the kitchen passthrough. There was a clatter as your mom dropped her spatula. Her eyes shot between your intertwined hands, Billy, and your father. She gave you an are you serious?? look. You smiled warily and shrugged.

"[Name] aren't you going to -" your father started, tipping down the paper. He stopped when he saw Billy close behind you. He stood. "What is he doing here? What have I told you about the Hargroves? They're trouble!"

"Dad, listen -" you begged.

Your father slammed a hand on the table, sending coffee sloshing all over. "No - you listen to me, he is not welcome here -"

"We're dating," you yelled. Your parents went very still. "For nearly a year now, and I - Billy, let's go."

"It was very nice you meet you!" Billy called as you pushed him down the hall. 

 A fork and plate were thrown out of the kitchen doorway as you looked over your shoulder. Your father yelling, "I don't want either of you back here!"

"Now, dear…" you heard your mother mutter calmly as you shoved Billy out the front door.

"Charming folks," Billy noted as you both got in his car.

"Hurry up and drive," you rushed, watching the door. Your dad came storming out, yelling words you couldn't hear as you and Billy sped off. "I'm so sorry. I thought he'd take it better -"

"It's fine," Billy assured, reaching over to take one of your hands. But his face didn't read reassurance. Or any of the emotions that would've made you feel better. 

You groaned, sinking down in the seat. "It's going to be a disaster today, isn't it?"

Billy's thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand. "Neil and Susan won’t be much easier to tell. But Max said she was going to stick around until we came over. We can go blow off some steam in the mall after if you want to. We can go see...Steve."

You chuckled some at the way Billy said his name. Like it was physically painful. You could see the displeasure in his eyes. But maybe a chat with Steve and Robin was what you needed. "Yeah, that'd be nice. Thank you."

The rest of the ride to Billy's was quiet. Just gripping each other's hand in a vice. He smoked two whole cigarettes. You knew this was stressful for him. But you were thankful to Max for sticking around. Finally, you rolled into the drive.

"You ready?" you asked softly. Billy was staring straight at the house. His face creased in worry. "Hey, hey - look at me."

Hesitantly, Billy turned to you. You placed a hand on his cheek. Putting your forehead to his, he closed his eyes and you felt breathing calm. But he didn’t relax any.

"It'll be fine," you cooed, "I will be fine. I promise."

You flinched when there was a knock on your window. You turned to find Max, who had a smile. You rolled down the window.

"[Name]!" she said, "I was wondering when guys were coming. I've been stalling. But Neil seems to be in a good mood. - C'mon. He's been talking about taking my mom somewhere."

"Let's go," you uttered, giving Billy's hand a squeeze. Then you both got out of the car. 

Max lead you up to the door, going in first. Billy followed, then you. You were pretty sure you'd never actually seen the rest of the Hargrove house. It was smaller than you'd thought. A large weight set, that must've belonged to Billy, tucked in the corner. A small smile touched your lips.

"Where the hell have you been?" the man you assumed was Neil snapped as his eyes landed on Billy. You took a step closer, your free hand pulling Billy's arm to your chest. Your own form of protection and comfort over him. It seemed to give him a boost.

"I was at breakfast," Billy said, his voice was strained. "This is [Name], we've been dating under the table for a while. I thought you'd like to them."

Neil glanced between you two before his whole demeanor changed. He put on a friendly front. Introducing himself as he reached to shake your hand. "Nice to meet you. Didn't know my son could hold down anyone."

You laughed awkwardly. You hated this man, you’d cleaned up Billy’s wounds one too many times. Max came in then, a tall red-haired woman in tow. You could see the resemblance. This must've been Susan.

"Mom, this is [Name]," Max said, "them and Billy have been dating for a few months. They're really cool."

The tense energy in the room was totally different than how you'd thought it'd be. It was worse. You could nearly cut it with a knife. But Susan still smiled, shaking your hand. "It's nice to meet you. How long have you two been together?"

You and Billy glanced at each other. You smiled at him, nodding. Then you said, "We've been together about eight or nine months…We wanted to make sure we'd work out before, you know, announcing it to everyone. Cause that'd be awkward…"

That was total waffle, but Susan seemed to buy it. Billy gave you a look that read, what the fuck was that excuse? You shrugged. You panicked, it was all you could think of. Couldn't tell an abusive father that his son was scared he'd knock you around too!

"Anyway, we better go," Billy said, "We have a whole day planned."

You nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, it was so nice to finally meet you. Neil, Susan - I'll see you around Max."

"Bye guys!" Max called cautiously as you and Billy slipped out the door.

"That was…" you trailed off, sinking back into the leather.

"Tense," Billy finished, turning on the car. He backed out and headed for the mall. "I might almost be glad to see Harrington after that."

You chuckled, but you could see how dealing with Steve would be easier for him. That house was...well, you could see how Billy turned out the way he did. You could see why he was such a jerk, and why Max was how she was. It was super unhealthy.

Billy relaxed when you got to the mall. The hustle and bustle would make him forget about Neil's uncertain reaction for a little while. He just wanted to stroll around with you, hand in hand, finally showing off his significant other. That's all he'd wanted, to proudly parade you around. Despite what you feared. Let them hate you, he thought, who cared? You two were happy.

You pulled Billy to a group of your friends once you got in the mall. There were four of them. You’d met them your freshman year. The one you were closest to was tall and blonde. A total cheerleader in high school, even now after you graduated. She'd had a thing for Billy for a while. It was so awkward that last semester to hear her gush about him. And what she’d like to do to him. You and Billy had decided by then to keep everything a total secret.

"Hey guys," you greeted. The four of them looked at you. Then Billy. Then your intertwined hands.

"Was is this?" the blonde asked, standing. Oh if looks could kill. Her were eyes sharp, her lips wrenched down into a pout.

"Billy and I are dating," you said warily. "I thought you'd like to kn -"

"Consider yourself blacklisted, [L/Name]," she stated, the other three stood as well. Each looking just as displeased as the next. They were like an unofficial Billy fangroup.

"What?" you breathed, Billy yanked you back. He wrapped himself around you protectively. You looked up to see the warning in his face. "Why? I thought we were friends!"

"I was friends with you because you were friends with Steve. And I stayed friends with you because you became close to Billy. But this is crossing the line. - You should've gone to college. You should've left Hawkins like you were planning before you met him." The blonde flipped her hair, just like in your dream. You watched as the group walked away without a second look.

"That could've gone better," you groaned. Honestly, what she said explained a lot. She always did ask if either of the two were going to be at whatever you invited her to. "Let's go see St -"

"You were gonna go to college?" Billy asked, his voice held a strange mixture of emotions. "You were gonna go, but you stayed here? Why? Is it cause of me?"

Oh dear, this was not what you wanted. "No, I applied before we even started hanging out and -"

"How many colleges?" He was hurt, you could see it in his eyes behind the fury.

You turned away from him. "That's not important -"

"How many colleges did you get into?" Billy said sharply, pulling you back to him.

You swallowed thickly, then looked back at him. "Ten. But it's really no big deal!"

Billy's face contorted into a strange expression you'd never seen him make before. He let you go, backing away to pace in a small circle. "Not a big deal? You could've left, but you stayed. - I never should have borrow that stupid book."

"No, Billy -" you pleaded, reaching for him. He backed away from your touch.

"You were better off without me. I knew it, but - college." Billy ran a hand through his hair. He how concerned your family was about you going. “I should’ve - you should’ve - just hung up when you called. Waited until I was sober to talk...you wouldn’t be in this mess...”

You caught his arm. "I decided to take a gap year when we started dating. I was going to tell you soon -" 

"Tell me what?" Billy snapped loudly, throwing his hands to the side. "That you're leaving?"

"That we are leaving, Billy!" you exclaimed, a little too loudly. He seemed taken aback. "I applied to schools in California. And I got into a few. I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to take you back."

Billy's heart was pounding. "Why? Why even bother?"

"Because that first night when I called. I was going to hang up. But then - you started to cry. About your mom, about how much you missed California, and all the terrible things your dad had done to you. And about how much you wanted Max to forgive you. About how no one would listen or take you seriously." You put a hand to his cheek. "I couldn’t leave you like that. I wanted to help. So I gave you what you needed, and I haven’t regretted that decision. I want to take you back. So you don't have to miss it anymore. So you and I can just - get away from here."

"Don't lie to me," Billy's voice shook, a wary edge to it.

You shook your head, "I'm not. I can show you the acceptance letters if you want."

"But your family? Harrington?" Billy was softer now, his brows scrunched in slight confusion.

"I can come back and visit. I want to be with you, and I want you to be happy. Hawkins doesn't make you happy, Billy," you stated. "I do, but Hawkins doesn't and I know that. So I want to run away with you."

Billy grinned, though he tried to hide it. He looked down at his shoes, which you noticed were his nice ones. You could still tell he was smiling like a little kid. He didn’t do that too often, much less with this many people around. He pulled you to him, hugging you tightly.

“Does Harrington know?” Billy asked in your ear.

You nodded. “I promised him no more secrets. I told him last week when I got the final letter.”

You pulled away to look at him. There was a spark in Billy’s eyes you hadn’t seen before. Happiness and mischief, a childish heart. He kissed you hard.

“I have all of the acceptance letters in my room, we can sneak in and get them. Then we can decide where to go from there. How’s that?” You played mindlessly with the front of his shirt. Not at all used to being like this is in public.

Billy kissed your forehead, sending a wave of warm tingles through your chest and stomach. “Perfect.” 

“Now can we please go to Scoops Ahoy before anyone else decides to tell me they used me?” you asked. Billy grabbed your hand and you headed towards the ice cream parlor. You relayed nearly everything you could bring yourself to tell Billy about your friends and their crushes on him.

“She actually said that?” Billy chuckled, taking a scoop of the sundae you were splitting. “I didn’t really think her the type.”

“That’s what happens when people spew about their crush to people who are close to them. Very rated R stuff tends to come out.” You rolled your eyes, taking a spoonful.

Billy smirked, leaning in. “And what kind of stuff comes out of you -” 

“And you didn’t even tell her you guys were dating?” Steve interrupted loudly, “those are some guts.”

“She would’ve spread it to everyone, so yes, I kept my mouth shut.” You paused thoughtfully. “I was honestly a little jealous. She did seem more his type than me.”

“I’d never leave you,” Billy muttered affectionately.

There was silence for a moment. Just the hum of the mall. You heard a few people laugh remarks as they passed the shop. Your stomach sank, but you knew it was just something you were going to have to get used to. 

“How many people do you think know by now?” Steve asked, staring out the entrance.

You shrugged. “It’s hard to tell. Our entire graduating class could know by now. Or they could have not said anything at all.”

“Well, if nothing else - you’ll always have us.” Steve gestured to the whole four of you in the creamery. 

“Yeah, I will,” you laughed. 

“What’re you gonna do when you go to California?” Robin asked you’d told her too.

You shrugged. “It depends on where we decide to go. But getting a job and an apartment is on top of the list, of course. But after that - it depends. If I can get my dad to talk to me, I want to come back for holidays, if you’re alright with that, Billy.” He nodded solemnly.

“Didn’t take it well?” Steve guessed, leaning on the counter.

You shook your head. “Said he didn’t want us back in the house. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Neil didn’t seem...exactly thrilled this morning, either.”

“I’ll deal with him,” Billy scoffed, waving it off.

“Billy…” You reached across the table and took his hand. “This is why I want to take you back to California. Get you away from him.”

Billy avoided your eyes, muttering out, “yeah.”

When you finished up your sundae, you waved goodbye to Steve and Robin. Then you and Billy wandered the mall. A few people you’d known in school caught your eye, and then swiftly gave you the cold shoulder. Billy got a few good on you mans out of passing guys. They seemed to take it a lot better than a lot of the girls. But what were you going to do? You knew these people, and passions could run deep.

You did have a few people you were friends with congratulate you. They grinned, actually greeting Billy for the first time in their lives. They hugged you and assured you that you could always go to them. But, even though they seemed all for it, you didn’t trust them. You even asked Billy if there was a kick me sign on your back, just in case. He assured you there wasn’t.

“So...what now?” Billy asked as you walked out of the mall. The sky was dark, just glowing neon signs lighting up the sky. It was getting cooler at night now, a shiver rolling down your spine.

“I,” you paused, looking out into the quiet parking lot. “I don’t know. All of Hawkins probably knows by now. It was kind of how I thought it was going to go. Too many people want you for you to be locked down.”

“Well, it’s their loss,” Billy sighed, a small smile on his face. “You’re stuck with me now. - Should I take you home?”

You shook your head. “I don’t know. - I don’t really want you to go.”

“I can sneak back in later,” he promised, leading you to where his car was parked. You slid into the cool leather seats, staring absently ahead of you. “If you can’t go home, but you can’t stay here. What are you going to do?”

“I could always sneak in, I guess and leave before my dad gets up. Or go to Steve's, or Robin's, or even sneak into your place." You chuckled a bit at the last option, you'd done it so many times.

Silence filled the cab for a few minutes following. Billy lit up a cigarette, you rolled the down window. You hated the smell. Finally, Billy sighed, “When do you want to leave?”

“What?” you questioned, turning to him. He wasn’t looking at you.

“California,” he restated, “when do you want to go?”

You shrugged. “After today - whenever.”

“Don’t...Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, [Name].” Billy took a deep drag.

You tapped your fingers against the door panel. “I won’t start until next fall. So we still have time to save up money and all. There’s probably no way my parents will pay tuition now, though.”

Billy was silent a moment. “Well...there’s only one way to find out. - [Name] I gotta take you home.”

You shifted in your seat to look at him. “What? No! I -”

“I already had a shit relationship with my parents. But you didn’t. You gotta fix, at least, that before we go,” Billy said in a serious, even voice. He wasn’t serious often, not like this. The look on his face, guilty and painful, twisted up your stomach. You couldn’t say no.

“Fine,” you sighed, “But if they don’t let me in, we leave tonight. I’ll sneak in, pack, and leave.”

“That’s a bit rash, for you anyway,” Billy noted.

You shook your head. “If they’re going to be petty about this - I’m going to be petty too. I’m eighteen, I can make that decision now.”

Billy nodded, taking another long drag. “Fine, if that’s what you want.”

The ride was silent. No talking, laughter, or music. Just the rush of air through the open windows. And the ride was over all too soon. You were suddenly sat in front of your house. The one you’d grown up in, the one that cradled you through broken bones and aching hearts. The one that saw your first steps, and your first loose tooth, and your first kiss on the front stoop in eighth grade on Halloween. Now it’d seen your first fight with your parents.

You couldn’t bring yourself to get out and knock on the door. But you didn’t have to. The front door opened, and your mom waved to you. You waved back. Then your dad appeared behind her. He beckoned you in. You stiffened, gripping Billy’s hand tighter.

“I’ll still be here, I’ll park down the block if you’re not out in ten. I’ll go through in your window,” Billy muttered, brushing his lips against your knuckles. You smiled, kissing him properly before getting out. You’d just gotten around the front of Billy’s car when you heard him too grumbled into the night. You rapped on the hood and nodded at the front door. Billy was quick to get out and join you at the front.

You father disappeared back into the house. But your mother let you in. You followed her, Billy in tow by his hand, down the hall to the kitchen. Your father was sat at the head of the table. Where he always was. You felt queasy, you couldn’t enough comfort from just holding Billy’s hand. Not this time.

Your father gestured to the table chairs. You two sat, your mother across from you. You and Billy held hands under the table. Everything was quiet for longer than you’d have liked. Finally, your dad let out a long, loud sigh. 

“ I cannot voice how disappointed I am, [Name],” he groaned, rubbing one temple.

“Dad -” you started, your mom reached a hand towards you.

“Of all the people in town...but,” he continued, he sounded more pained with every word. “I don’t want to lose you. So...I suppose, if he proves his reputation differently, then I won’t have an issue.”

“Re-Really?” Your chest squeezed. You hadn’t expected that.

“But he has to prove himself to me first. Also, no one said I had to like him. And there’s going to be some ground rules. First, no sex -”

“Oh, geezus, dad!” you whined, you didn’t have the guts to tell him it was too late for that. Billy squeezed your thigh, you tried to inconspicuously swat at him. But he just smirked at you.

“I’m just saying. And you have to be back before nine.”

You met his eyes. “Eleven.”

“Nine thirty.” Your dad caught sight of the look your mom gave him. “Fine, ten.”

You nodded. “And - what about college?”

“I...suppose...we’ll fund it. But you have to go this coming fall -”

“Already on it,” you gloated, “but we, as in Billy and I, not me, Billy, and dad, are going to make the best decision for us.”

“Fine, but you both have to keep jobs,” your dad bartered. You nodded, Steve could probably get you something. And Billy could charm his way into anything. “And you have to take your siblings to school.”

“Seriously?” you groaned. Your dad narrowed his eyes at you. “Fine. But I have a few rules of my own...”

The next hour was sat awkwardly bartering rules. Your parents didn't take the California news well. But they'd already agreed to let you guys determine what you wanted. So you were free to make your decision as you saw fit. And you knew what you wanted, a future happily with Billy. The man who was hard to love and who hardly loved.

Overall, judgment day went better than expected. People showed their true colors. But Billy had been right, you were better off without them. You now knew who your real friends were. You two were the talk of Hawkins for a few weeks following. But you didn't care. You finally had a future worth looking forward to. 

Watch out, California. Here you come.

[duchessfics]

A Lasting Mark

Audrey x Fem!Reader x Billie

Warning(s): None

Summary: The reader is a Audrey’s stunt double and both Audrey and Billie find themselves attracted to her.

Word Count: 2884

A/n: First of all, that was a terrible summary and title, but I didn’t want to reveal too much and my mind is blanking right now. I know I said this would be up last night. Let’s just say this turned out a lot longer than I thought it would be. Also this switches from the reader’s POV to Audrey’s and back to the reader’s and I set it up that Audrey and Billie are already in a relationship. I felt like it made sense in this context, but hopefully it isn’t too confusing. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and ~maybe~ there could be a part two? 

Y/n’s POV:

I drive onto the studio lot, finding a parking spot in the last row before walking to the actual set. I’m not sure about the specifics of the job except that my manager had to pull a lot of strings for me to get this and the first thing he told me to do was thank Billie Dean Howard. I believe this is a retelling of some of her paranormal experiences. So, I pass by different set pieces and people rushing to different places, looking for her. As I get to the camera crew, one person stands out. Even from the back I recognized her perfectly curled, honey blonde hair and satin pink blouse with a floral pencil skirt. Currently she wears headphones as she watches something, so I wait to walk up until she takes off the headphones. After she finishes speaking, I step up towards her and say, “Miss Howard?”

She turns to face me, her eyebrow raised as her brown eyes look me over before she says, “I’m flattered you think so, but I’m actually Audrey Tindall.” My face flushes as I recognize the English accent and I say, “I apologize, Miss Tindall. Would you happen to know where Miss Howard is?” Audrey smiles up at me and replies, “I’m not certain, but she is most likely in her trailer.” My cheeks still feel warm with embarrassment, but I thank her and begin to head out to find her. However, Audrey calls out, “Wait!”

I turn back to look at her and see her eyes wider than before. “What’s that thing on your shoulder?” she asks. I run my fingers over my tank top, but don’t feel anything except the small indents on my skin. “I’m not sure what you mean.” I reply, my brows furrowed. Audrey comes up to me and says, “The marks on your shoulder.” I let out a small breath of relief that it isn’t something on my clothes and smile before replying, “I was jumping off of a motorcycle and got a little scraped up on the gravel. But don’t worry, it won’t show up on camera.” As I look down to her, her brown eyes twinkle up at me in awe. “So, you’re an actor?” She asks. I scratch the back of my neck and answer, “I mean—kind of. I do stunts for movies and tv.” She smiles up at me and murmurs, “Wow.”

“You must be y/n.” I hear the voice I anticipated earlier say from behind me. I turn back to see Billie Dean Howard strutting up to us, looking immaculate as usual. “Yes, Miss Howard. I wanted to thank you for this opportunity.” I reply. Her glossy lips form into a smirk and she says, “Your manager and I go way back.” Then her brown eyes slowly graze over my body and it almost feels like her hands are on me. “He told me you do good work.” She murmurs, her eyes flicking back up to meet mine. My mouth feels dry as I swallow and reply, “I do the best I can.” Following up with a reassuring smile.

Both Audrey and Billie smile at me and Billie murmurs, “That’s what I like to hear. We like when people do their best, right Audrey?” I glance to Audrey to see her face turning red. “Yes, we do.” She replies in an unusually demure tone. Then I look back to see Billie smirking and she says, “I’ll show you to makeup and hair and we can get started.”

A couple hours later, my hair, makeup, and clothes are identical to Audrey’s attire and we almost look like twins. I step onto set, still adjusting to the height of these heels. Meanwhile, Audrey sees me and easily runs up with her heels on, letting out a gasp. “Y/n, you look like a completely different person!” I smile down at her and reply, “I think that’s kind of the point.” Letting out a small laugh. Her eyes narrow and she makes a playful pout. However, before she can say anything back, I’m called over by the stunt director and Billie. So, I walk as fast as I am able onto the set of what I believe is the murder house.

Audrey’s POV

I watch y/n get positioned and attached to cables while Billie speaks to her. As everyone prepares for the shot, I can’t help but feel my stomach knotting up in nerves. Billie comes up to my side and wraps one arm around my waist while I whisper, “You’re absolutely sure this is safe?” Billie smiles down at me replies, “Yes. And y/n seems very experienced, my darling.” The crew calls for quiet on the set and I find myself nibbling on my acrylic nails as the camera lines up. Then she is yanked back flying through the air, landing on a blown-up square. I hide my face in Billie’s shoulder as it happens and begin to freak out when she doesn’t come up. However, after they yell cut, y/n emerges from the landing pad, giggling as the crew members help her up. “See?” Billie soothes, tucking a stray piece of my wig behind my ear.

I let out a breath I had been holding and relax into Billie’s touch again. Then I watch the crew replace y/n in the same spot. “Wait, she’s doing it again?!” I rasp. Billie chuckles and replies, “We have to get the shot from every angle, sweetheart.” Then y/n looks towards us and makes a wave, a smile on her face. “Do you know if y/n is single?” Billie murmurs, trying to sound nonchalant, but I know better. “I don’t know. Why?” I ask, looking up to Billie. Her gaze makes my insides melt and she murmurs, “She just seems like a nice girl, that’s all.”For the second take, I force myself to quit biting my nails and my hands fidget as y/n is yanked back again. But y/n doesn’t seem bothered at all.

We keep shooting different stunts as I deliver the lines directly before or after the actual stunt. Y/n does most of the work and I watch as she gets dragged up a wall, shoved down a set of stairs, and blown back by “Invisible” forces. And she does all of this more than once. While I’ve never been so stressed out, there is something exhilarating about the whole thing. Well...also having Billie right beside me helps. At one point, Billie leans down to murmur, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a little crush on Miss y/n.” My face feels as if it’s on fire and I look up at her, stuttering, “W-what?! No! I’m just impressed with her…work ethic.” Billie’s eyebrow raises and she replies, “Work ethic, hmm?” before chuckling. Then she says in her sultry tone that makes me melt in her arms, “That’s too bad. I was thinking we could ask her out. But if you’re not interested—”

“Wait!” I hiss as they get ready to resume filming. “Ok, I do find y/n attractive. I just didn’t want to upset you.” We both watch y/n step to the top of the stairs for the third time and Billie chuckles into my ear and murmurs, “I don’t mind sharing if you don’t, darling.” My whole-body warms, and I would like nothing more than to have Billie fuck me right now. Meanwhile, Billie smirks, knowing her effect on me and says, “Ask her out.” Just before they call for quiet.

By the time we finish for the day, it’s almost 11:00 pm. Y/n’s shoulders sag, and she looks less stable on her heels than earlier, but she still smiles at me, looking adorable. Before she is whisked away, I walk up to her and say, “I was wondering if you would like to come to my trailer. It’s a bit quieter and you can have your makeup removed there.” Then I put on my best smile as I stare up to her eyes. She looks to me then looks around before returning to me. “If I’m allowed to, then yes.” She replies. I grin and chirp, “Of course!” knowing the woman in charge of this whole production told me to do this. I hold out my hand for her and she takes it, blushing as she transfers her bag into the other hand. Then I practically drag her to my trailer.

Y/n’s POV

By the time we make it to Audrey’s trailer, I’m struggling to catch my breath. Audrey seems breathless too, but for a different reason. We step in and Audrey greets her personal hair and makeup attendants as they stare at me. “Could we find someone to take care of y/n please?” she asks with no room for dispute. So, the hairstylist replies, “Of course, Miss Tindall.” Before running out. “You’re sure this is ok?” I ask, looking to her. She smiles, giving my hand a squeeze, and replies, “Of course, darling.” I blush at the nickname and she lets go of my hand, heading towards her vanity. Then she begins to unbutton her silk blouse and I look down after getting a glimpse of her lace bra. “It’s ok. You don’t have to look away.” Audrey says, giggling at my reaction. Then I look up in time to see her shrugging off her shirt and placing it on a hanger. My whole body feels warm as I stand still, unsure if I should look away. Then she says with a twinkle in her dark eyes, “Y/n could you help me with this zipper? I can’t quite reach it.” Then she bites her bottom lip. I glance at the makeup artist, my face burning and nod before stepping up to her back.

She turns so I can get the zipper on the back of her skirt. My hands pause as I give myself a silent pep talk, “This is fine. She just needs help. You’re being a nice co-worker and helping out—right?” Then I slide the zipper down over her rear, revealing lace panties that match her bra. I hold my breath, calming myself before stepping back and squeaking, “There you go.” She gives me a wicked grin and says, “Thank you.” Before slipping off the skirt. Then I look to the floor, reining myself in until I see a robe covering her calves. My eyes come back up in time to see her smile at me as she sits at her vanity and the makeup artist begins their work. I finally take off the heels that have made my feet throb and sit on the couch just as the hairstylist re-enters with another person. “Thank you.” Audrey murmurs as her natural face is beginning to emerge. Then her reflection watches the new person set their things out beside me before beginning to remove my makeup.

As the makeup artist runs damp cotton pads over my face, I begin to realize how exhausted and sore I really am. By the time my makeup is off, Audrey’s assistants are nearly finished, her short, blonde hair getting brushed out. I continue to watch her light-blonde hair get brushed and styled and her warm, brown eyes meet mine in her mirror. She smiles at me and I give a half smile back as my wig is getting removed. “Worn out?” she asks. I look down, knowing everyone is and reply, “A little bit.” Truthfully, I’m completely exhausted and sore, but I don’t want to bother her with that. As my natural hair is brushed out, I begin to feel like myself again. Now all I have to remove are these clothes.

The three people leave for the night, and Audrey turns her chair to face me, her doe-like eyes watching me. From this vantage point she looks down towards me and I find myself blushing once again. Before I start thinking too much about how attractive I find her, I scratch the back of my neck and say, “Well, I guess I should change. Do you…have a bathroom or something?” Audrey lets out a light laugh and replies, “There is one, but it’s horribly small. I don’t mind you changing out here. I mean, we’re both girls.” I look up to her reassuring smile and decide, “What the hell. Those bathrooms are small anyways and she undressed in front of me with no problem.” So, I take a deep breath and say, “You’re right.” Then I stand up and turn to face my bag as I unbutton the silk blouse.

As I shrug off the shirt, Audrey gasps and I twist to look at her, asks, “What? What wrong?” Then she stands up and cautiously walks over to me, her eyes on my body. She gets close enough to run her fingers over my textured side. “What’s this?” she asks. I let out another sigh of relief that it wasn’t something more serious and I turn to partially face her. “I was just starting with doing stunts and the people in charge put me in an exploding car without the proper precautions.” I look at the scarred skin that runs from my ribs down past my hips and look away saying, “I know, it looks disgusting.” Then Audrey reaches up and cups my face before saying, “No it doesn’t, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to make you self-conscious.” Then she looks back to the scar and says, “That must have been excruciating.” I look at the scar again and reply, “It was. But I made it through.” Then I look down to Audrey’s endearing face and don’t feel so bothered at being exposed.

The moment gets interrupted by the trailer door opening. I turn away to cover myself as I see Billie Dean Howard walk in. Audrey rushes up to Billie and takes her hand while exclaiming, “Bill, you have to see this!” then she yanks Billie over as she chuckles. By now I have my shirt clutched to my front, my cheeks burning. Audrey points to my side and says, “Do you see this?! Y/n was in an explosion!” then she points to my shoulder and says, “And this, y/n jumped off of a motorcycle!” Audrey grins as she looks between us and beams, “Isn’t she so brave, Billie?” I venture to look at Billie and blush as she smiles at me.

Then Billie looks back to a glowing Audrey and murmurs, “She is very brave, darling.” Then she leans down and says, “But I think we should let y/n put on her shirt now. Yes?” Audrey’s cheeks redden and she says, “Yes, of course. I apologize, y/n.” I giggle at her dynamic responses and put on my sweatshirt. “It’s fine.” Billie’s teddy bear colored eyes meet mine and she says, “I wouldn’t let her off the hook so easily. Sometimes Audrey needs to be kept in check.” She smirks, her eyebrow raising as she looks to a pouting Audrey.

As they both sit at the dining table bench, I pull out a pair of shorts from my bag. Billie asks Audrey for a lighter as she pulls out a cigarette, so I take the opportunity to slip off my skirt and slide up my exercise shorts before sitting on the couch. After she lights her cigarette, Billie opens her arms for Audrey to curl into her embrace. “So,” Billie says after letting out a puff of smoke, “What made you interested in doing stunts?” I look down at my hands and reply, “I was the youngest of four in my family and the only girl. So, I spent a lot of time doing smaller stunts with them.” Then I look up and continue, “After I turned eighteen, one of my older brothers contacted me about doing some simple stunts in a movie. He had been in the business for over five years at the point and after that job, I fell in love with the career.”

Both Billie and Audrey smile at me, their warm eyes inviting. But I keep cautious, not wanting to force myself into something. “Well, I should probably head out.” I say, standing up. Audrey untangles from Billie and says, “Wait!” Her eyes wide. I stop, my brows furrowed, and she says, “Before you leave, I wanted to, well—we wanted to ask if you would be interested in going out with us sometime?” My eyes widen and I feel my cheeks heating up. “Um, yes. I would like that very much.” I say, but bite my lip and ask, “But, aren’t you two…together?” Billie chuckles and places one of her arms around Audrey before saying, “We are together, but Audrey and I are also interested in getting to know you better, if you’re open to that.”

Audrey then bites her lip and gives me a wink making me blush and smile. Then I nod and reply, “I’m definitely open to it.” Audrey makes a cheer and I laugh before I get both of their phone numbers.

“We’ll see you tomorrow?” Audrey asks, looking up to me. I smile at them both and nod, biting my lip. Billie takes my hand and murmurs, “Have a goodnight, sweetheart.” I blush and reply, “You too.” Then I head out of the trailer with the biggest grin on my face.

[okaybutlikeimagine]

What if Joyce and her kids and Hop and his (including Max if you want cus I can’t get enough how you write her and Billy’s relationship) all went on a road trip together?!

(okay i know i have other asks before this that i need to respond to but) I LOVE THIS SO MUCH AND I’M!!!! CRYIN!! (also thanks so much for the lovely compliment ohmydear♥i love writing them too it’s so fun)

Okay so i read this and i was like: ohman they’d have to take 2 cars or something bc there’s Joyce + Will and Jonathan and then Hop + El and Billy and then Max?? That’s 7 of them! But tHEN

IMAGINE THEM ALL IN A VW BUS!!!

Joyce is a hippie in my headcanon bc I love that shit and she could show the boys hippie music and help them through life w/ it and so anyway I’d like to think she’s aLWAYS wanted a VW bus. they’re just… cute as hell and so damn cool and she could decorate the inside w/ cute curtains and i just love that so much. so now imagine Billy and Jonathan knowing she’s always wanted one and Jonathan never having seen one but Billy having seen them everywhere in Cali and knowing exactly what Joyce is talking about and they both save up a SHIT. TON. of money (bc i dunno how expensive they were back then but they’re pretty cool cars that a lot of people wanted and they’re big, so) and Will and El even help out by mowing lawns for people or picking up a paper route (Jonathan doesn’t like the idea of them working but they insist) and they buy a used 1968 Kombi VW bus and Billy fixes it up a bit and it’s a faded light blue color and it’s definitely not pristine, it definitely looks a little loved, but it’s perfect and they all help fix up the interior and it’s??? The most beautiful thing. And they give it to her for her birthday or Christmas or something and Joyce cries an absolute RIVER and would hug them all for hours if Hop hadn’t torn her away to let them breathe

So anyway, when Billy and Jonathan graduate from high school in 1986 (i don’t wanna do all the math on when Billy’s birthday would have to be and when school cut offs are but Jonathan and Billy were both born in ‘67 sooooo) Joyce wants to go on a road trip w/ everyone!!!!! Bc how exciting!! and really it’s Joyce’s idea bc Jim doesn’t really like dealing w/ lots of people in one place but Joyce knows all the kids love Disney movies and she’s also always wanted to go to Disney World so they go! And they bring Max along bc El begs and pleads and Billy thinks it’d be good for her to get out of the house and Joyce 100% agrees bc even though Neil hasn’t done anything, the energy is negative and that shit affects a kid, y’know?? Plus they all love Max and would so adopt her if they could so she’s able to convince her mom and she goes w/ them and! just!

Imagine them all packed into a big VW bus w/ little floral curtains and funky retro seat covers, on the road at 7:30am and Joyce agreeing to drive the first few hours bc Hop is useless in the morning and conks out immediately once they get in. El and Will do too, El on Max’s shoulder and Will on Jonathan’s as Jonathan and Billy and Max start arguing for like, a good half hour about what music they should listen to on the trip down until there’s a lull in the fight and Joyce says she only brought her tapes of 60s and 70s music. so they all get educated on good hippie music.

and Billy and Max love each other, they do. they had a bumpy relationship when Billy was living at home before but they’re a lot closer now and they’ve been siblings for years now. but they’re just both such fiery personalities that they bicker more than half the time down. It’s a 16 hour drive (maybe even more??? If there are more roads now than in 1986) so it takes them 2 days and they’re so bratty towards each other.

So  they’re all trying to explain what Disney World is to El who is still rather confused.

“We’re going to…. Another world?”

“What’s a… roller… coaster?”

“You mean Mickey Mouse is real??”

And that one makes Max giggle and shake her head. 

“It’s like… Santa. People dress up as him and other characters and you can take pictures and stuff.” she gives a dangerous smirk then, turning around to look at Billy. “Billy’s afraid of them.”

“I am not.” He growls, kicking at her seat but trying not to kick too hard bc they worked too hard to get this van looking nice.

“You totally used to cry at anyone in a costume. We barely got to go trick or treating that one year because you were so freaked out.”

“Because our asshole neighbor was dressed as Jason and chased me down the fucking street!”

“Language!” Hop yells at the same time as Jonathan snorts. Billy reaches over Will to pinch Jonathan hard.

“Is that why you were shaking when we saw Mickey Mouse that one time?”

“That was on the Walk of Fame. Everyone is afraid of those guys because they’re all a bunch of coke addicts!”

“Coke… addicts?” El asks and everyone pauses, Jonathan letting out another snort.

“Like Coke and Pepsi?” El asks, and everyone immediately agrees while Jonathan laughs a bit.

“Yeah! Coke and Pepsi!” Joyce agrees, while Hop turns and gives them a harsh look to stop this conversation.

Joyce asks what character El is most excited to see. Joyce says that she herself hopes that they have Winnie the Pooh bc he’s her absolute favorite.

“I like Alice.” she says with a smile. It had kind of scared El when she first saw it, but she thought the colors were cool and Alice is just as curious as El is.

“I hope they have Peter Pan.” Max says a little dreamily.

“You just like him because he’s a ginger like you.” Billy snarks, to which Max sends him a harsh look.

“You like him too! We used to watch that movie all the time when we were little.”

And she’s right, they did. It makes him smile. Maybe there’s some psychological reason- the idea of a cute boy coming by to take him away from his terrible life and whisk him away to a magical world is pretty fucking nice -but he’s not about to overanalyze himself. And if anyone were to ask what he’s most excited for, he definitely wouldn’t admit that it’s Peter Pan.

“I like Peter Pan too.” Will admits, to which Max turns to look at him.

“Isn’t he cute?”

Will nods with a slight blush.

“Who’s Peter Pan?”

Max is distraught at El’s question.

“You haven’t seen Peter Pan???” She turns to Jonathan. “What are you guys doing depriving her of Peter Pan?”

“She’s with you more often than us!” Billy is indignant. “What have you been doing, not showing her Peter Pan?”

Max sticks her tongue out. Jonathan says he’s looking forward to Tomorrow Land and all of the parade floats. When Billy is asked, he mumbles something about wanting to ride all the big rides like Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain.

“What about you, Dad?” El asks happily.

“I’m just excited for the food.” Hopper grunts.

So yes, lots of bickering with the occasional break to listen to whatever song is playing. And you fuckin bet they bicker over where to stop to eat, too, until Hop decides for them all. 

And i was trying to look up different, more obscure theme parks or attractions for them to go to but I just… couldn’t get over the idea of all of them getting matching Mickey Mouse ears. bc just… think about it. Think about a picture of all of them gathered in front of the castle wearing their Mickey Mouse hats, Hop and Joyce w/ an arm around the other, Joyce leaning up against Hop, El and Will smiling the biggest and cheesiest smiles with El’s arm around Will’s shoulder, Jonathan giving a little shy smile bc he feels pretty dumb, Max getting the biggest kick out of Billy freaking out over ruining his hair but giving him an expectant look until he puts the hat on, Billy yanking a strand of her hair out right before the photo is taken and Max shrieking so they have to take another one and when they do Billy rests his arm on Max’s head and max is stepping on Billy’s foot but they chuckle about it afterwards, giving irritated looks that break into smiles.

And i just?????? Jonathan buys Nancy a little bracelet with a Minnie Mouse charm on it and a stuffed version of Piglet from Winnie the Pooh and Billy gets Steve a little stuffed Bambi and a shirt that says “Princess” in big letters and gets himself a matching one that says “Prince Charming”. Steve pretends to be less than impressed but he blushes when Billy mumbles something about how he couldn’t stop looking at the castle and thinking of his princess back home and i just??? I have so many ideas about this Hopper Family Vacation to Disney World AUGH i love this.

(and if you want their Road Trip Playlist just ask me bc i just?? imagine their little van driving back up to Indiana on a calm road through a little patch of tall trees while Harvest Moon plays and its golden hour and Jim is driving and Joyce has her head leaning back against the seat, humming along and the sun is making it look like she’s glowing and Jim is a little worried about swerving bc he just wants to look at her. And Billy is leaning back in his seat all the way in the back, arm out the open window next to him as he waves it around in the soft air. Will and Jonathan are asleep on each other next to him and Max turns around from where she’s sitting in front of Billy to ask him something and sees her brother looking so damn calm. Just so serene and happy, a content smile on his face and golden sun hitting his blond hair gracefully as he blinks slowly. And she can’t think of what she was going to say bc it feels surreal to have this kind of moment w/ a family that feels so oddly whole. And Billy notices her staring and turns to her and she just sticks her tongue out and makes a funny face. Billy swipes gently at the air in front of her a few times w/ his left hand, chuckling a bit. She tries to kick him but she can’t reach and he just huffs a big, sharp breath in her face and she reaches to smack him as they both start giggling. then a soft click comes from their left and they see El has taken a picture of them on her little disposable camera she got on the way there and Max turns back around to talk to El and ask about how many pictures she thinks she’s taken and Billy turns back to look out the window, watching farms pass by in a haze, colored by the soft orange light of the sun, as he hugs the little Bambi plushie he bought for Steve and thinks about how comfortable happiness feels.)

[stusbunker]

Weddings and Other Holy Deals

For Better or Worst: Chapter One

Featuring: Sam Winchester x Emery Simmons-Winchester (OFC)

Setting: Mid Season 14 AU

Word Count: 1675

Summary: Sam finds an unlikely solution to the Michael problem in Dean’s head. His soon-to-be wife has her own side of the deal with the powers that be.

^*^*^

Jan. 20, 2019

Somewhere beyond the neatly trimmed lawns and the perfectly timed sprinkler systems, over a wide porch with a loveseat swing and past a storm door with etched glass, slept a Winchester. It was not a normal place for this Winchester, Sam for clarity’s sake, to be upon waking. But this wasn’t a usual day, for the hunter or anyone honestly. Though he had lived another day like this one, the excitement and anticipation he felt as he rolled over and saw his clock face shining back at him was unmatched. Today, Sam Winchester was getting married, and if he knew anything it was the best decision he had ever made. That things would only get better after today. Rare is certainty in life, which was why Sam held fast to his and began the life-changing day.

Across town, Bandit woke his bride. Bandit is her dog, soon to be their dog, a Setter mix that loved to herd. Emery Simmons had always been an animal person, but Bandit was a surprise blessing from her former life.  She hadn’t asked to bring him along, though as there wasn’t much she had left, she supposed it was a perk to balance her expectations. She roamed through the short-term rental, contemplating the dress that had been left for her as she made herself a cup of tea. Bandit demanded a walk and a bout of catch in the park, which Emery accommodated, unhurried by the little preparations for the small ceremony. They weren’t going to start without her, after all.

Sam had exercised, showered and shaved by ten o’clock. He had another three hours before the service was scheduled, idle hands met a replaced contact list in his phone. He didn’t know any of these people yet, well he knew one. With little else to bide his time, Sam hit the old rotary phone icon below the smirking face.

“Whoa, when did they futz with our phones?” Emery asked, spinning around with Bandit’s leash before tucking her phone beneath her ear.

“Dunno, it’s weird right?” Sam stared at the tux bag hanging in the bedroom. Their bedroom.

“Creeptastic, actually. What’s up?” She sounded worried, maybe she was distracted. Sam was overthinking her tone and almost forgot to answer her.

“I didn’t have anyone else to call?” Sam offered, sitting at the end of the bed, huffing at himself with a sad smile. “Forget it, I’ll let you get back to your, stuff.”

“Hey, I’m just out for a walk, you’re not bothering me. Sam?” His name came out heavy, like she was reminding herself who she was marrying. He didn’t blame her. There was a scuffle on her end of the line before she groaned. “No, Bandit, no!”

Sam’s forehead shot to its full height. “Is that— are you walking a dog?”

“Uh, yesssssss? Is that going to be a problem?” Her sudden defensiveness made him grin, the image of her struggling with a leash warmed Sam from head to toe.

“Not at all, the opposite really. I love dogs.” He understood why she was anxious; they barely knew each other, it was a bit soon for a potential first fight.

“Well, good, shit, had me panicking there for a minute.” The conversation lulled as she reached the porch, each stumbling over small talk before she looked at the clock on the microwave. Sam was starting to pace, but the relief that there would be someone else in the house with them made it seem less scary somehow. They said their goodbyes and Sam decided he better eat before the nerves resurfaced. He quickly fried some bacon, out of habit, and tossed together a smoothie. Everything he could possibly want stocked in the fridge and cupboards; they had done their due diligence, apparently.

Two and a half hours later, Emery was hiking up the church steps, dress bent over her elbow and simple veil trailing behind her loose curls on a winter breeze. She had never had a lot of friends, but today was a day when a female entourage would have come in handy. She thought about her mother and how she would have worried over her hair until it needed to be reset. She sent up a silent prayer to her, telling her that she was finally making an honest woman of herself. Adding a few choice words that would have had them both pursing and posturing before breaking down into fits of giggles. God, did she miss her. She smiled quietly, opening her eyes and the heavy glass door.

The church was cavernous and quiet and after countless trips inside hallowed walls, Sam was able to appreciate the architecture and the scale of the ancient organ pipes. The minister seemed confused, but accommodating, given the last-minute organization. Sam stood at the end of the aisle, hands in his pockets, the ring box lightly brushing against his thigh. A blast of sound curled throughout the space, nimble fingers flying over aged keys as the timeless march stopped Sam’s heart. This was it, a pact fulfilled. He inhaled, swallowed, and turned to face his future.

Emery hated heels, but given the size of her husband, she may have to learn to live with them. The dress was forgiving at least, the gentle satin flowing as she glided down. Tried to glide. There was no one to give her away, no one at her elbow to keep time with, no onlookers to slow down for, no photographer to capture their faces as they saw each other for the first time. This moment was theirs alone, shy and appreciatively sacred. He smiled at her without teeth, dimples mesmerizing as she lost her rhythm, strolling to him out of the step-halt-step that was expected of her. None of that mattered anyway.

She shook her head and smiled back, licking her lips as she remembered the minister was waiting for her. Carefully she stood in front of Sam, toes of her white slippers lining up with his reflective black shoes. A small bouquet of orchids clutched in her right hand, her left petting her skirts as she tried to rub off the sweat.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here-,” the ceremony began. They echoed the scripted vows, eyes locked on each other in hopeful promise. Cautiously optimistic was too naïve for these two, humble veneration too romantic. They stood as strangers, forging a partnership to save those dearest to them. It was a contract that required both of their souls, willfully shared and bonded before Heaven and Earth. Samuel Winchester took this woman, Emery Simmons as his lawfully wedded wife. And she him. For better or worse.

Two days prior

Two days and a series of choices prior, stood the other Winchester in an underground fortress, three hundred fifty miles due East. Dean was in his bedroom, staring at Death, or Billie, if we’re being technical. Which we should, being the time jumps and all. Billie handed him the last remaining outcome of his life on Earth. The book, once one of countless possibilities, remained his sole option from world ending calamity. That was until Sam burst in, with a very stern angel on his heels.

               “Dean! Listen, so—Naomi thinks she can help us. Help you, with Michael.” Dean looked from Death to his brother to the psychotic bureaucrat, the exhaustion heavy in his eyes and on his heart. Puppy dog’s hopeful eyes barraging him with an innocence he hadn’t had to let down gently in ages. Dean felt, unabashedly, like the oldest soul in the room. The women regarded each other, silent conversation earning only an audible hum from the former Reaper.

               “Interesting. Dean? I think you need to hear them out. I’ll be in touch.” Billie nodded to Naomi and vanished before Sam could get a word in. No one mentioned how these beings, especially the angel, entered the Bunker. A place lauded as being the securest on the planet, had conveniently become a haven for all sorts of unmentionables.

               “Okay, let’s hear it,” Dean sighed, perching on his bed as he listened to the latest hair-brained scheme. That night, after hours of arguing, endless curt responses from Naomi and rebuttals from Castiel, Dean agreed to leave with her. Before Naomi whisked him away, she shared a pregnant glance with Sam.

               “We’ll be in touch,” the platinum blonde angel replied curtly. The air was suffocating with tension, Dean tried to get Sam’s attention and Cas glared at his former puppet master.

“Wait, what am I supposed to leave like there isn’t something else going on here?!” Dean bellowed at Naomi, who looked like the cat that got the cream, rolled her eyes.

               “Boys, one thing at a time, please?” She gestured to a corner of the library, where a glowing pattern had appeared on the old tiles.

               “How’d you—” Cas stared in awe as a portal to Heaven opened before their eyes.

               “This is a one-way, temporary portal, Castiel. Don’t try to stowaway or the deal, all of the deals are off. Do I make myself clear?” Naomi glared at each man like a field trip chaperone. The men nodded, but Dean’s jaw worked over all of his unanswered questions. The pounding in his head intensified the moment Naomi arrived, which almost, was a relief. It meant Mikey knew something was happening and his suspicion was enough to swing Dean’s vote.

               “Alright boys,” Dean sniffed. “See you on the other side?” He shook Cas’s hand before pulling him into a brief hug. Sam stood waiting, an arm up and one underneath, they embraced as equals. Another risk, another potential goodbye.

               “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, bitch.” Dean chided, giving Sam a knowing smirk.

               “Too short a list, jerk,” Sam tossed back, as Dean took Naomi’s hand like the kid forced to partner with the teacher in dance class. The portal swayed and flickered, the angel and the hunter pulled skyward, though Heaven was much farther away than the instant transport suggested.

               “Sam?”

               “Not now, Cas.” Sam stormed off, thumbing through his phone, needing to make some calls.

^*^*^

Read On: A New Normal

[exsanguisdraconis]

i don’t have a blog for this so even tho i’m supposed to be fixing this blog up and getting active i’m going to use this blog to viciously complain about HBO’s His Dark Materials. the below opinions are overwhelmingly negative so if you aren’t interested in that, don’t read it.

I just... don’t understand these writers. I feel like over the course of the five episodes we’ve had that I’ve been very laid back. My expectations were high, I’ll admit that, because I needed SOMETHING to save me from the absolute shit tornado that was The Secret Commonwealth. I needed some good HDM to lift me up from that low and I was counting on the show. Maybe that was unfair. 

To start off with some good things the show, for the most part, looks really nice. Most of the actors are really good. I was pleasantly surprised about the number of POC in the cast. The daemons, though not focused on nearly enough, still look really nice. Ruth Wilson is phenomenal in her role as Mrs. Coulter and even in the couple of scenes where I was like “why did they add this to her character” Ruth acts it out so well I’m happy to just accept it. I think this show is adding in a lot of the complexity to her character that Pullman always wanted, and given she was one of my first “older villain woman I definitely shouldn’t be in love with but am” crushes in media I’m thrilled about that.

My main problem with the show is that it’s---boring. And it’s ridiculously frustrating because it feels like you have to put effort into making it so bland and dry.

The newest episode is an absolute train wreck that lumps together all the minor issues I’ve had with the show into one big pile of shit.

First off I’ve never seen Dafne Keen in anything else. I don’t know if she’s a good actress. I know that in this, she’s really really bad. Even when they put her in emotional scenes, her inability to act like she has real human emotions sucks the life out of them. When Coram was recounting the story of his lost son in the last episode I went from being a little choked up to almost laughing with how much it just didn’t seem like Lyra gave a fuck. Her delivery is so monotone that it just zaps the feeling out of everything she touches.

Secondly what the fuck happened with Billy Costa. Or more specifically what the fuck happened with how they chose to handle the scenes with Billy. The death of Billy, the reactions of people toward him, the dialogue from Iorek, these are some of the most interesting parts of the book. But rather than having Lyra ask, get denied, and then ask Iorek to take her anyway, whisking her off into the night and encountering the witches and creeping into the fishing village where they’re met with terrified villagers... they spend several scenes with Lyra just asking people if she can go. And it’s not even heated argument or charming wit. It’s just “I want to go” and “No it’s out of the way and too dangerous.” Over and over again. 

This really hits on a big problem I have with a lot of media right now where they want to tell me something rather than show it. Usually because that’s the cheaper route of doing things. I get it. The bear is probably difficult and costly to animate... however, why have him IN the show at all if he doesn’t get to be a proper character with proper emotional building scenes. I would have much rather them cut that scene where he’s just giving exposition on bears to Lyra in favor of him telling Lyra about the witches going to war and shaming the people for not having Lyra’s bravery in dealing with Billy Costa. Because those are scenes that tell us something about Iorek the character, and that’s always going to mean more than general lore about Svalbard’s bears.

You see it doesn’t mean anything to me to hear the words “it’s dangerous” or “something is really wrong here” and then not.... see it. The scene with Billy is meant to turn your stomach. You’re supposed to think “who the fuck are these people mutilating children in this way” as Billy repeatedly clings to a dead, dried fish and vacantly asks “where’s Ratta” over and over. And something that adds to that revulsion is seeing how other people treat this small, innocent, injured child. It’s not with compassion and sadness. People are AFRAID of Billy. They don’t want to look at him or touch him. The fishermen beg for Iorek and Lyra to come and relieve them of this evil being. They have no compassion for this child, no outrage for what has been done to him. All they have is fear. 

And maybe I missed Iorek’s iconic “when I’m afraid I will master my fear” but I’ve watched the episode through twice and haven’t found HIM saying it first. So Lyra not wanting to look like a coward in front of him, and Lyra mastering her fear in favor of compassion for Billy means NOTHING. Because it wasn’t in the show. There was no scene where Lyra sees that Billy’s daemon substitute has been ripped from his dead hands and she flies into a rage at the utter disrespect of the people around her. There’s no scene where she gives him the coin with Ratta’s name scratched out in an attempt to give him that dignity and respect that was ripped from him before he died. So what did we get to replace these deeply emotional and telling scenes? Two sing-a-longs from people that can’t goddamn sing.

The thing about these scenes is they’re very straight forward, and we don’t care enough about Ma Costa or John Fa to care that they’re sad. At most they tell us “the Gyptian people are united” but we’ve already seen that. It was the FIRST thing they showed us about them. What we haven’t seen yet in this show is Lyra’s character development. Where Lyra starts to go from a pigheaded, selfish child into a more mature and compassionate person. These scenes rob the situation of deeper meaning. Because we KNOW Billy’s mom is sad, we don’t necessarily need to see it. The story isn’t about her or John Fa. The story is about Lyra, and by cutting more meaningful scenes where she deals with Billy and shows him compassion, and instead just showing her be a little sad at his grave side... it feels flat and emotionless. I didn’t feel sickened or sad for Billy.

I’ve read the books over a dozen times, and out of the series I feel like The Golden Compass/Northern Lights is the most special. It is paced well and filled to the brim with interesting characters and when things happen they happen for a reason. The show is making cheap shots at my emotions by showing a crying mother and honestly it’s bouncing off the rim.

To be clear I WANT this show to work. I felt like episode 4 was perfect. I had absolutely no complaints aside from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s painful attempt at a southern accent. I LIKE that they’re showing a bit of Will’s backstory rather than try and juggle flashbacks or exposition in season 2 (if they get a s2 and I don’t think they will unfortunately). In fact, it seems like most of the scenes they add in for themselves, most of the details they insert, actually have a lot of depth and feeling. Mrs. Coulter’s relationship with her daemon and her scenes of dialogue that hint at her self loathing is brilliant. The scene where Tony and his friend break into her home in defiance of Ma Costa and the others is exciting and emotional. 

Third and finally I just feel like this show is trying too hard to say “I’m not the movie.” First off, I don’t think The Golden Compass was a terrible movie. There are a lot of things I don’t like, but when I think of a terrible remake I think of Gerard Butler playing the Phantom of the Opera and the train wreck into a flaming pile of dumpsters that entire movie was. And I think this show is trying so hard to avoid certain lines and scenes that were in the movie that it’s killing some of the best content from the book that they could pull from. The big problems with the movie didn’t have anything to do with the dialogue or source material, but rather pacing, acting, and set design choices that were made. 

Idk. I hope we get a season 2 and I also kinda don’t care. Because if this is what they’re going to do with The Golden Compass I’m a little worried about what they’ll wind up doing with the other books in the series. And I feel bad because I genuinely like His Dark Materials, I even really enjoyed La Belle Savage. Sure the newest book was.... bad. Really bad, but at the very least the first three books of His Dark Materials deserve a really good show or movie and I feel like between some of the direction choices and Dafne’s acting (which I’m not entirely certain isn’t due to choices from the directors) in some ways this show is way, way worse than the movie ever was.

[septicbadger]

The beginnings of a story I started to write a long time ago (probably sometime 2015) that I never got that far into but decided to share today as it’s Sean’s 30th birthday...

"Uh... This is fun," muttered Sean, it was a history lesson. His class had been learning all about Greece's philosophers and to be honest he was bored, he didn't care. He would rather be at home just playing Pokémon on his gameboy, his first console. Looking down at his right arm, he saw his fourteen year old hands, they were rough and his finger nails were dirty from playing outside in the woods by his house. Then he gazed at his sleeve, it was ruffled at the end and was green, the colour of Ireland, his home land.

Then the bell rang and Sean was smacked back to reality, finally the lesson had ended, it was breaktime! He rushed outside into the playground to play football with a few of his secondary school 'friends'.

Billy, Steve, Suzy and Betty were waiting and wanted to play while some of his other classmates mingled, among them, Larry, Bobby, Mike, Mary and Harry.

There were two teams but they were unfair. It was Billy Betty and Suzy vs. Sean and Steve and Sean was in goal. The game started well, Betty in her baggy school uniform had the ball first and was quite slow because of her weight but then Billy, the smaller of the group took the ball from her then turned to attack Sean and Steve. Steve whizzed past Sean, he was always been the best at this game, it was like he had a segway in defence. Suzy was minding her own business, her mind floating off into the air when she was running to attack with Billy. She, not concentrating and looking at Billy through her glasses, slammed into Sean whilst he was in the air and they banged heads and Sean got a gash above his left eye. Then Billy scored.

"Billy! I was on the floor you can't score a goal when I'm down!" complained Sean he was tearing up and his left eye stung like hell.

"Oh, ha sorry. Not! I bet you were glad to bump into Suzy anyway," Billy teased.

"Shut your mouth Billy or I'll close it for you!" shouted Sean through the pain.

"Is that a threat?" asked Billy, " how sweet, and while you're still on the floor."

"Billy just be quiet!" commanded Sean.

"No!" then Billy ran on ashamed but not regretting what he did, a smirk on his face.

"Screw...You....Billy!!"screamed Sean whilst his eye bled.

 This grabbed the attention of Steve and Betty who were watching the spectacle while Suzy had gone to tell the teacher.

"Are you okay Buddy?" asked Steve, Sean's video gaming friend.

"Of course I'm... ," said Sean but he couldn't hide the pain.

"Oh My God! Sean. Oh no, oh no!" Betty panicked.

Sean had to say something to shut her up. "Calm your tits Betty. I'll be alright but Billy won't."

Sean was between emotions.

* * *

It had been two and a half weeks and Sean's eye had become infected. He had been acting normally, trying not to hit Billy, playing video games with Steve, playing at break and climbing and swinging from his favourite tree outside his house but today things would change.

He arrived at school, his normal cheerful self but with his mum. "Goodbye Jack," she called. Sean knew why he was called Jack because of Sean being like Irish John, "and remember honey the doctor said, don't touch your eye even if you think it looks cool and 'badass'."

"Goodbye," Sean cried when he saw Billy sniggering in the corner.

"Hey, look it's jacksepticeye!" Billy loudly mocked, "How are you Jacky?"

Sean bit his lip. Hopefully ma didn't hear, he thought, and hopefully she won't hear this. Sean deeply exhaled.

"Billy. You will get a beating you little ginger tw-"

Sean's mum ran to the scene, she had heard and Billy ran to class. "Sean William McLaughlin come here now!"

"But... Ma I was being a Boss," She looked directly at him. "Yes Ma," he unwillingly obeyed.

"Straight home with you!"

When they arrived back Sean ran away to hang in the forest. He hastily made his way to his favourite place but he tripped.

"Ouch!" He had tripped on a piece of jutting metal. He looked down at the design. It looked alien. He, being an adventurous young boy, dug out the top part of this. He saw what looked to be a pod. Sean with his +1 biceps pulled it out from the ground. It was so easy, it was like it had been buried and lightly covered over.

 He gazed at the 90 centimetre tall pod. It was a dark metal oval with light gray fins and highlights, there was a deep ocean green button at its base. Sean felt the urge to push it, like he knew what to do and he had to do it. A pod door opened up to reveal the capsule inside. Sean was amazed at all the flashing lights, levers and buttons of all varying sizes and colours. He saw the leather backing of the pod, it was about the size to fit a baby.

Sean ran back to tell his mum about it.

"Ma...Ma, 's awesome!"

"Honey what's awesome?"

"I found an alien pod with all these amazing lights and controls, it could have been an escape pod or something! Come I'll show you!" Sean was so excited he could barely speak.

"No," his mother said," I have something to tell you, you might want to sit down. We're moving soon in two weeks exactly in fact to live closer to grandma in a huge forest, you'll have all the trees in the world to play in but you won't see your friends again."

"What? Ma you didn't tell me!" This had put a downer on things and Sean felt betrayed. "But..."

"I'm sorry honey but things have already been arranged. You can forget about that pod as well, you're not allowed in the forest again with that eye of yours."

  But Sean would never forget, never tell anyone about it again. He would always remember, the pod and its existence. He even came up with some theories why his mother wouldn't acknowledge it existed and occasionally in the future he would joke about them like in his childhood:

 That he was a Boss of the Bossatronios, an alien race that once ruled the Planet Bossatron.

He thought that he had come in that pod. That his parents and siblings took him in as Sean, a normal Irish lad.

 He wasn't far off.

   Chapter 1: The Message

"Well I'm going to leave this episode here! If you liked it, punch that like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS! Aaand, high fives all around!" Sean said with energy as he high fived his YouTube audience. "But thank you guys so much for watching and I'll see all of you... IN THE NEXT VIDEOOO!" He shouted as loud and almost as high as his voice could go, it had been a good episode of Reading Your Comments and was a long time in the making, episode one hundred.

Sean ended the recording at precisely 9:42, took off his headphones and stood up in his home. His green brown and slightly grey (never to be talked about) hair was ruffled as he stood. His manly short beard was the way it always was, just an extended stubble leading around his mouth. It was time for a snack.

When he got back he decided to open up a game a fan of his had said she had made when he had attended the recent PAX. It was a convention where he had his own panel and met so many of his fans. It all meant so much to Sean but he wondered whether the USB contained a virus.

He download the game called. S.E.A.N and a loading screen appeared once he ran it. There was no menu, just a pixelated green field, Sean wondered what the game could really be about. He used his mouse to look around at the game's surroundings. Then a message popped up.

Hello S.E.A.N, or maybe Sean or Jack. You probably remember meeting me don't you, a human meeting a human. Well neither of us were human. Press enter to continue...

Then the game crashed and his computer buzzed."What the hell?" asked Sean, "This shouldn't happen!"

A new window appeared. Sean sat back down trying to get his computer to respond. But it didn't. He couldn't close the window or minimize it. All that there was was a blank screen and he stared at it through beautiful blue eyes.

Then the screen of his computer went to a blue screen. Sean didn't know what to think. Should he press enter or not? Was his name just an acronym? He remembered that pod in the forest.

He hadn't seen it ever again. He had never spoken seriously of it since when he was a child.

He remembered the people from his secondary school. He had even named some of the characters after them in games that he had played.

He had become a big success since his teenage years. He had played many great games on his channel named jacksepticeye. He had become a popular YouTuber, 15 million strong and always growing.

You know what? thought Sean.

YOLO BITCHES!!!

He clicked enter and his world was turned upside down.

* * *

The first thing he saw was a blinding flash of sea foam green. His eyes squinted into his new surroundings. He felt different, inside and out. He wasn't quite himself anymore, he was just a character in a video game. But this video game felt and looked as real as life.

Sean touched his nose, it felt like plasticene. He checked for his hat, but all he touched was his green hair. He was still Sean but also not him. His mind, his looks belonged to his human body but his body felt looser. And through his pixel eyeballs was a new world.

Chapter 2: The Party

He was in a stone hall. He recognised the walls, the stairs, the floors, the arches and the pedestal where a body lay: he was in his favourite game, Shadow of the Colossus. He stepped towards the body, like Wander in the game. But from under the cloths came a skeleton.

"Hello, human! I m the great Papyrus! And you shall place me in the royal guard!"

This skeleton Jack knew from Undertale in his red, white and gold outfit and spoke in jack's voice for him. He was basically the best and deserved more recognition. Sean remembered having to kill him in the genocide run and he remembered their date. It all filled him with determination.

"I'm taking you to Undyne!" said Papyrus and suddenly an orange portal appeared which Jack knew was from the game Portal and he was whisked away. Papyrus didn't mind so much, he was thinking about spaghetti.

They arrived through the portal. Jack was stuck between two green blocks and in front of him were six people, an elf, a little girl, a baby boy, two men and a chubby woman, standing still on floating green platforms. Jack recognised these characters from Happy Wheels. He didn't recognise the level when in fact it was the first level he played that someone had made for him in the game.

"Wowie! I'm on a horse! There is a pile of swords in front of me!"

Jack turned his head and behind him surely enough was a pile of swords. This was a sword throw level. Papyrus was sure enough sitting on a horse, Agro, the black horse from Shadow of the Colossus. The question was- through his own eyes could Jack kill the people?

That question didn't need to be answered as from out of Sean's vision came a kid in an orange top, just like Billy's from school. He had remembered the kid when naming the character for Happy Wheels as they wore the same clothes and were both ginger and "Screw you Billy" became a known saying.

Billy leaped onto Papyrus, Agro spooked and fell forward. Jack pulled the swords away and they all fell on him, as they fell through another portal: this one was blue.

They were all falling through the clouds. Sean, Papyrus, Agro and Billy together. Suddenly, a god like figure appeared in the clouds. She was just a head and shoulders appearing to them as they fell. This figure had brown hair and greenish hazel eyes."Evie!" said Sean.

Immediately, CleverBot Evie that Jack had done many videos on, turned into a hologram and came up on Sean's face like Cortana from Halo. He remembered when she guessed his name.

"Oh God!" he said to both that video and the fact that she was on his HUD, ready to be talked to.

One last portal appeared, orange and they all ended up in a blank void. There was a lamppost in the centre. Sean remembered The Beginner's Guide. Suddenly, before he could react, Jack's character from Skate 3, Betty, came through the portal on Pink Lighting, a trike from Turbo Dismount.

Sean stood up. He couldn't help thinking, "OOOOOWWWWW PINK LIGHTING!" Papyrus and Billy sat on Agro.

"Now I have three humans in my custody!" exclaimed the skeleton.

"Help me! Where am I? There's a skeleton!" moaned Billy in his high pitched bitch voice. Jack didn't care, he was enjoying this.

Agro neighed, majestic and not bothered by the stupid people on him.

Betty stood up in her black t-shirt and jeans. "This isn't my skateboard!" she said as she jumped off Pink Lighting and towards Jack.

"Hi, Betty," began Sean.

"How do you know my name? Who are you? Where am I? Did you bring me here?" She was full of questions!

"Um... well." Sean didn't know what to say. He didn't want to say that she was from a game he had played and this was another game made for him.

"Hi, I'm Sean. I know your name from er... well, I've heard of your great skating. We have been sent here, I don't know where, to together take down a common enemy, the Yllib, threatening our lives. And... no I didn't bring you here."

Betty stepped closer, looking beyond Sean at a skeleton and a little kid, on top of a horse. "So, obviously I'm the leader of whatever you guys are."

"Um... ok. This is Billy, Papyrus and Agro," explained jacksepticeye, pointing at the three characters bickering. Papyrus grabbed Billy and took them both off the horse, walking towards them.

"Have you told them what we're here for?" Betty asked.

"No."

"Well maybe you could be my second in command, tell them the boring stuff and get them together."

Papyrus and Billy arrived next to videogame Sean. "You two humans come here. You are now my prisoners. This child knows nothing. Tell me how we get out of here, one with green hair,  this is not the underground." And with his skeletal fingers Papyrus pointed at Sean.

"Help me you two. Uhhhng I want my daddy!"

"Shut up Billy!"shouted Sean and Billy went quiet. "Well, we are here to take down a common enemy, the Yllib who are threatening Snowdin, Skate Parks and Hap- BMX tracks. We have been sent here to find a way to stop them."

"But tell them how we get out, second in command," said Betty.

"How do we get out?" Sean muttered to Evie. He had been feeling quite cool debriefing people.

"By understanding everything is connected," Evie droned out in Jack's mind. Papyrus was getting impatient and was tapping his foot whilst Betty looked concerned. Billy was just a little bitch.

"No, we need a portal."

"Yes, you need a point," said Evie. Oh my god, how dumb can a CleverBot get? thought Sean, I need a portal!

Sure enough a portal opened far away in the distance behind Agro who was now smelling Pink Lighting. "Through that portal over there."

"Through that human tamed beast over there? Is that a portal?" Papyrus questioned.

"No not Agro! That blue portal in the distance. But we will need transportation. Papyrus, your greatness, and you, Commander Betty, will ride with me on Agro the horse. Billy you can have Pink Lighting and do try to keep up you little bitch," finished Jack.

The team galloped off towards the portal in the black void. And behind them Billy pedalled with his small legs. He hated Sean. To him, he was a big bitch. And this trike was Billy's least favourite shade of pink.

* * *

Sean, Betty, Papyrus and Agro arrived at the portal, looking amazing atop their steed. Jack wanted to leave Billy behind but Pink Lightning was too precious and Billy was put in the game for a reason. As they waited time ticked on...

TWO GAME HOURS LATER

"Go Billy, go, go, go!" screamed Sean at Billy, trying to motivate him. He was five metres away from arriving next to them.

"Next time, that skeleton can have this," panted Billy.

"Fine," agreed Betty.

"I agree, it is fair that I, the great Papyrus, get the best vehicle!"

"Right, everyone let's go!" said Betty. "Can you take the horse?" She beckoned at Sean and he followed, just having fun, playing the game.

They stepped towards the portal, Billy following Betty, Papyrus being a 'cool dude' on Pink Lightning and Sean guiding Agro's nose at the back. "Now the real game begins," said Evie in Jack's mind. She winked.

* * *

They all arrived on a realistic looking game graphic platform. It looked like it was from the Borderlands games and was all grey metal. Jack wished for Loader Bot to come out and say "Hi." in his robotic voice and do his thumb up pose. But nobody came...

"Where are we now, human?" asked Papyrus to Betty, getting off Pink Lightning.

"Sean!" she cried as him and Agro entered the conversation, "explain where we are!"

"Um..." Jack didn't know what to say. It didn't help that Billy was calling for his dad behind Betty and Papyrus. "I don't kno-"

Sean was cut short as suddenly something appeared, a  big portal. From the huge purple rift in space came...

...that’s as far as younger me got, thanks for reading if you made it down here!