#Bill Skarsgard Angst

[imjustagirl247]

Bill P2

Bill responded, his grin never wavering. He leaned over to kiss the tip of your nose, making you giggle. His hand found yours under the blanket, fingers lacing together.The warmth of his touch sent a pleasant shiver down your spine. You felt the weight of the week ahead lift slightly, replaced by the comfort of his presence. "You know, you're pretty good at making Mondays better," you admitted, nuzzling closer to him.Bill's smile grew as he wrapped his arm around you once more. "Is that so?" He whispered, his voice still playful. "What else can I do to sweeten your day?"You thought for a moment, watching the way the light danced in his eyes. "I don't know," you said coyly. "But I'm sure you'll think of something."He leaned in closer, his breath warm against your neck. "How about breakfast in bed?" he suggested, his tone hinting at something more than just pancakes and orange juice.You felt your cheeks flush as you pulled away to look at him. "Breakfast in bed, huh?" You raised an eyebrow. "That sounds… tempting.""Good," Bill said, his eyes gleaming. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Give me twenty minutes," he instructed, planting a quick kiss on your forehead. "I'll whip up something special."

Nothing was going as planned, these days. That was truly dawning on me as the Marquis' guards gripped me harder, forcing me down on my knees in front of him as I glared up at the statuesque man before me. I was well-versed in the rules of the High Table, having grown up in the order. It was only recently that I had taken over the hotel, almost immediately after my father's untimely death. I had suddenly found myself at the center of the operation I had watched from afar my whole life, and had the truth about my father's work unveiled to me during a time when I should've been mourning him. It had been terribly hard, but I had gotten myself together for the sake of the hotel. For the sake of my life, my family, and our legacy.However, nothing had been more important than the debt I owed John Wick. Funnily enough, that was exactly what had gotten me into this situation."You should've known better than to succumb to such foolishness," The Marquis took another step towards me, his eerily green eyes drilling into me with intimidation unlike anything I had ever seen before. "We know your father was weak when it came to Mr. Wick, but you? That you would be helping an excommunicado evade us? That was certainly unexpected from the newly instated owner of The Moscow Continental.

[kingkat12]

the same rain (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, fingering, semi-public sex(??), angst, smoking, foul language, Roman needs to get his act together omg

summary: after your date with Roman, you find yourself in a sea of questions-- will you drown or will you float?

word count: 8,347 (sorry not sorry)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9

Long ago, back in middle school, I picked up a sentence from a book that etched itself into my mind; "It is the same rain that you loved that drowned you,"

Every minute of every day felt like I was drowning. Thoughts of Roman were continuously holding my head underwater, making it hard to breathe or function properly. Flashbacks to how his hands gripped my hips, the way it felt to have his lips move against mine with unmatched hunger, and his dizzyingly beautiful smile threatened to suffocate everything I was— had I been consumed?

Returning to school was hard, following my date with Roman this weekend. I could barely walk beside Letha without feeling like I was about to faint from the guilt, and I had to get away, just for a moment. So, I ended up in the library, bringing the book I had borrowed a few days ago. I closed my eyes as I leaned against a shelf in a desolate area, enjoying the peace and quiet. Here, Letha wasn't suspicious of me. Here, there were no prying eyes around, ready to bust me as the worst friend in the world.

However, Roman was here. I could sense that it was him before I had even opened my eyes because I could smell the specific cinnamon cigarettes he smoked. It didn't take long for my heart to start drumming in my chest, and I eventually dared to pry my eyes open.

Roman was standing a few steps away from me, holding out an open book in front of him as though he wasn't here to see me at all. It gave me the time to scan him once more; the way his hair hung over his eyes in soft waves, the way his hands were practically the same size as the book, and how he chewed on his lower lip as though he was deep in thought. When he realized that he had my attention, he slowly moved his gaze from the book and to me, his pupils immediately dilating no matter whether he wanted them to or not. However, in pure Roman fashion, he couldn't suppress his growing smirk; "Don't mind me," he said. "Just reading."

"I see..." I held back a giggle; "What are you reading?"

Roman turned the book with a swift flick of his wrist, as though I wouldn't be able to see him do it if he was quick enough. "Uh... It looks like I've picked up Pride and Prejudice,"

It was too late to suppress the snort that escaped me-- I immediately covered my mouth with my hand, watching as Roman's eyes widened, holding back a laugh as well. "Definitely the book for you," I said, trying to recover. "Just perfect. Liking it so far?"

The tension between us was palpable, especially since we weren't addressing what had happened this weekend. It was almost as though I could feel it wrap around me, clawing at my heart-- why was I so happy to see him, and why was it so damn hard to breathe?

All the air I was fighting to keep in my lungs seeped out the second I heard Roman's gorgeous laugh again, watching him smile the most genuine smile I had ever seen splayed out across his lips. "Nope," he said, putting the book away. "This looks like complete and utter shit."

I couldn't help but gasp; "You insult me. That book is a classic!"

"Yeah? Classic case of the snores,"

Groaning, I rolled my eyes as I turned away from him, hoping to suppress my smirk. "What are you doing here, Roman? Don't you have class?"

Roman shrugged, moving closer to me. I watched him lean against the shelf next to me through my peripheral view, holding my breath-- why was this such a thrill? "You're right," he said, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth as he scanned me in a rather obnoxious manner. "I just didn't feel like going. And then I saw you coming in here, so I just wanted to say hi."

I swallowed hard; he wanted to say hi? Roman wanted to... talk to me? Something about that concept was mind-boggling. This definitely wouldn't have happened a week ago. "You didn't call, y'know?" I said, daring to face him. 

"Call?" Roman's brows drew together, his green eyes shimmering as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You wanted me to call?"

"Well..." I immediately wanted to take it back-- why had I said that? Stupid! "I don't know, Roman, isn't that what guys usually do after... whatever it was that we did?"

He blinked a few times, biting down on his lips with a puzzled expression on his face. "Did what?"

Something about the way he was batting his lashes at me made me realize he was taking the piss, as always. I groaned, rolling my eyes as I stepped away from the shelf, turning my back to him as I walked to the one opposite us. There was no way in hell I'd adhere to his preferred outcome of this conversation, no way in hell I'd spell it out. "Nothing, Roman. Forget it,"

"Come on!" he said, stepping towards me with a chuckle. "Play along, will you? Just messing around." Roman's arm wrapped around my waist, pulling my back flush against him as he guided my hair to the side, leaning down to press a soft kiss against my neck. 

My brain nearly shut down at the feeling of his lips against my skin, but I knew I had to fight it. How would it look if I closed my eyes and let him do whatever he wanted to me right now? In public, again? I let out a squeak, the physical contact feeling like an active elective shock, and I pushed him away as he laughed. 

"You can't do that!" I huffed, trying to keep my voice low as I scoped out the area around us, making sure no one saw. As discreetly as I could, my eyes darted down for less than a second, checking whether he was hard again-- I couldn't shake the memory of how he'd gotten aroused after seeing me scared out of my mind this weekend. But I could let out a relieved sigh when I saw that he wasn't, and my cheeks flushed red with the realization that he had just kissed me. 

"Fine, alright!" Roman put his hands in the air, taking a step back as he continued to laugh. "So you wanted me to call, is that it?"

Shrugging, I did my best to hide the redness of my face by looking down at the floor. It was rather embarrassing that he knew that I wanted him to contact me-- I hoped he didn't think I was desperate, or something. "I didn't," I mumbled. "I didn't mean it like that."

"You didn't?"

"Nope,"

"Okay... Is this the sort of situation where you wanted me to want to call you?" Roman took a big breath, holding back another laugh. "You girls and your ways... If you wanted to fuck, you could've called me first, y'know?"

That was definitely not what I wanted. Not yet, at least. My eyes rounded out with the realization that Roman's motives were clearly not as gallant and pure as I had made them out to be in my head. "Go away," I mumbled, trying not to look too disappointed. "You know what I feel for you, and I don't need you to rub it in my face. Go to class."

Roman rolled his eyes, taking a step towards me. In my attempt to avoid him, I felt my back hit the shelf behind me, and I looked up at him with big, worried eyes as he cornered me. He pressed himself further up against me as he put his hand next to my head. "I'm not making fun of you. I'm dead serious,"

It felt as though my heart was thudding against his chest, trying to beat him away. "Dead serious about what?"

Roman shrugged, flashing his teeth in a rather sinister-looking smile before leaning down to whisper in my ear; "Call me if you want to,"

"Want to...?"

"To fuck," Roman pressed a kiss right next to my ear, which had my breath hitching. My hand flew up to his chest, ready to push him off of me, but it was as though my body refused to comply with my wishes.

"That's not--" I had to clear my throat before continuing, realizing my brain was threatening to shut down and become another one of his mindless girls. "That's not exactly what I had in mind..."

Roman pulled away from my cheek, nudging his nose against mine. "Tell me, then,"

Why was it so hard to keep a straight thought around this man? "Just... I don't know, is that all you want from me? Sex?" I had to swallow rather hard, letting out a shaky breath against him. Everything about this made my heart drop. 

"Well..." Roman paused, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "What more would you want from me?"

Looking up at him, meeting his green eyes, was too dangerous. I had to look away and try to discard the fluttering of my stomach at every single touch from him. It quickly became obvious that Roman probably didn't know how to handle anything deeper than just casual sex. Everything about it made me sigh; "Roman, I think you know very well what I want from you... And I think it's time for you to find out whether you want the same. Because if not, I need you to leave me alone," 

I put my hand on his chest, making way for me to leave. There wasn't much time to stare at the beautifully stunned expression on his face, wondering what on earth he had done wrong. 

All I knew was that we either did this my way or no way. 

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I had successfully made it to the next day, eyes a little puffier than before. My heart was practically in pieces after yesterday's conversation with Roman, wondering whether or not he would ever be interested in me the same way I was about him. After everything we had done together, I still hadn't gotten any confirmation from him that he reciprocated-- it made my whole body ache with a numbness I hadn't felt before. 

I was getting a little conscious about my puffy eyes, so I decided to put on the pair of sunglasses I had in my bag despite being inside the cafeteria.

Letha watched me, unable to hold back her giggles; "You look ridiculous. Take them off, please?"

"Stop it," I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest as I watched her finish her lunch. "I think I just had an allergic reaction to something." Lying to Letha again, even if it was something as small as this, made me feel more like a piece of shit than before. 

Everything about this situation made me feel horrible. I had put my friendship with Letha on the line, and for what? Some guy that didn't see me as anything more than a sex object? 

It seemed that I wasn't the best liar; Letha moved to the edge of her seat, scanning me with a worried look on her face; "Are you okay?" she tried, reaching out to touch my shoulder. "Maybe you're still sick from the weekend... Should I drive you home?"

This was killing me-- absolutely killing me. How was it possible for someone to be so sweet? "No, I'm fine! I promise," The kind look in Letha's green eyes was starting to feel like a drill into my skull, and I didn't know how long I could last with sneaking behind her back concerning my feelings for Roman. 

Eventually, Letha made peace with my glasses and odd behaviour, but I still couldn't shake the slight tremble in my legs; I was getting close to confessing, my guilt rising to the brink of my capacity. 

Even worse, was that the tremble didn't get any better later that day when I met Roman in an unusually empty stairway. Everything about it made me want to groan and evaporate-- just my luck. 

There were barely any people who used this part of the school, which was why I often took this way up to the second floor. It seemed like I wasn't the only one who had taken use of the desolate space; I watched as Roman sat on the banister further up, handing a guy a few dollars in exchange for some cigarettes. 

When Roman finally spotted me, I was sure I looked like the world's biggest idiot. It dawned on me that I was staring at him, completely frozen at the sight of his beauty, and I cleared my throat when I finally managed to look away. With shaky steps, I began to make my way up the stairs, hoping he'd let me walk by without making any jokes or mocking comments. Ideally, we wouldn't talk at all. But as I tried to pass him, Roman's hand easily reached out for my wrist, his fingers wrapping around my skin with the gentlest touch.

My breath hitched-- I turned to meet his green, green eyes, noticing that the dealer was gone. The only thing left was him, me, and the pack of cigarettes he had just bought. My eyes darted down to my arm, observing how big his hands were against my skin. 

"Did I say something wrong?" Roman eventually asked, an unintelligible emotion swimming in his eyes.

I shrugged, stunned that he was asking that question in the first place. "Why does it matter to you?"

"It doesn't," he said, not missing a beat. Despite his refusal to admit anything, Roman drew his other hand forth to trace circles in the palm of my hand, retracting back into his shell.

My eyes followed his movement, inhaling a shaky breath. What was he doing? Was I really putting my friendship on the line for this? "Roman, I can't be seen with you here--"

"There's no one here," Roman rolled his eyes, clearly not here to fight with me. His grip around my wrist tightened, almost as though he was afraid I'd leave again. "I'm not a fucking idiot, I wouldn't be doing this if I knew someone was watching. What's made you so paranoid?--" His trail of words stopped, eyes rounding out with some sort of realization. " You know what? I have an idea." Roman reached into his pocket, fishing out something silver, something sharp that practically shone beneath the bright lights of the school--

I let out a high-pitched scream, jumping away from him in all-taking panic. "No, no!--"

"Calm down!" Roman barked, holding out the needle over the hollow of the stairwell before dropping it down to the first floor. There wasn't much noise as it hit the ground, other than a high-pitched ringing that lasted for a few seconds.

I realized that I was practically hugging my body, ready to shield myself from any incoming needle attacks, and slowly unwinded my arms from around myself. Letting out the breath I had been holding, I watched Roman's hardening gaze meet mine. "Told you," he said, voice low. "Never wanted to, never planned to."

My eyes dropped to the floor, unable to meet his anymore. "Okay," By instinct, I reached for the sleeve of my sweater, ripping at it with my nails to keep my nerves in check. I hadn't expected to see him today, especially not here and now-- had he noticed my puffy eyes?

Roman sighed, reaching forward to guide me back towards him. "Stop that," he mumbled, grabbing my hands, keeping them separate. "You do that all the time, do you know that?" He nodded towards my sweater, squeezing my hands. 

I wondered if it had dawned on him that we were practically holding hands now. If he realized that he was being sweet with me, that he was acting as though he cared. Would it scare him if he knew? I couldn't be sure. All I could be sure of was that this was hurting me either way. With a sigh, I spoke up; "What are you doing?"

Roman's green eyes darted down to our hands, unable to meet my gaze. "I... don't know," 

"Of course you don't," Slowly, I pried my hands away from his, feeling my heart sink into my shoes. 

Watching me retreat, Roman opened his mouth to protest; he was ready to speak, but nothing came out. He stared at me with blank eyes for a few seconds, almost as though he had short-circuited. 

The air around us started to feel thicker, the tension growing without its needed release-- all until he finally said something; "Look, I don't know why, but you being mad at me is just really inconvenient right now, so... How do I make it up to you?"

It felt as if the air had gotten knocked out of me, and I stared at him in disbelief at his words; "... Inconvenient?"

"Yeah," Roman rolled his eyes, cursing under his breath. It was clear that he didn't know how to properly articulate what he was feeling, and that made everything furthermore frustrating. "I know that you said I have to figure out my feelings for you or whatnot, but I don't think I have any. So, for Letha's sake, I think we should make a truce or something."

"For... Letha's sake?" I had to suppress a laugh-- this was insane. "Since when have you cared about Letha's feelings? Was that before or after you blackmailed me into meeting you everywhere, and then kissed me?"

Not a beat passed before Roman raised his voice in protest; "You said I could! You said 'you can kiss me now if you want to', so I did!"

How was it possible for someone to be so confusing? I balled my fists in an attempt to control my exasperation; "Well, why the fuck did you then?! You say you have no feelings for me, and then you kiss me?--"

"Because I wanted to!" Roman yelled back, gripping the banister with a force that turned his knuckles white. "I've wanted to kiss you again ever since that time we played seven minutes in heaven, so excuse me for taking the opportunity!" 

It was immediately clear that he regretted saying that out loud-- his green eyes widened, his plush, pink lips parting in mortification.

However, Roman wasn't the only one that was caught off guard. I was quite sure that my heart had stopped, the ringing in my ears mixing in with the echo of his voice lingering in the empty stairwell. Realizing I had been holding my breath, the rest of it came out in a shaky exhale, my body stiffening with complete and utter shock. "Roman, I--"

"Please don't," His words came out barely more audible than a whisper as he hurried to get off the banister. "Forget I said that. I haven't had my nicotine this morning--"

"Roman!--"

"I don't usually deal with virgins, anyways," Roman mumbled, throwing his bag over his shoulder as he refused to meet my gaze. "Too much work. And you're kind of hard-maintenance." 

I couldn't even hold back my reaction to the further blow, letting my jaw fall. "Sorry, what? What is happening right now?"

He shrugged, a forced nonchalance about him as he dragged his fingers through his gelled hair. "Again, I'm not into you like that. And if I wanted a therapist, I would've hired one, right?" That seemed quite funny to him-- Roman's mouth curved up as he let out a nervous laugh, now watching my eyes hollow. 

This was probably the biggest whiplash of events I had ever experienced. Completely spellbound by his idiocy, I couldn't do anything other than stare at him. Was he really this clueless, and did he really think these things about me? 

I was very abruptly reminded of why I hated him in the first place. I was about to spew verbal acid at him but was interrupted by the door to the second floor swinging open. With quick steps, I moved away from Roman, glaring at him from afar as I hoped to spot a flash of regret.

But hence; nothing.

I realized that the group of boys at the door were Roman's friends, and they quickly spotted him as well. It didn't take long for him to wordlessly join them, bumping fists as they walked past me. Everything about it made me feel like a ghost-- what had just happened?

And why was I so heartbroken over this jerk?

I felt my heart drop, hiding my face in my hands the second I knew they couldn't see me. Everything about this situation was mortifying; Roman didn't have any feelings for me. I hadn't meant anything to him at all, and all of this back-and-forth had been for nothing.

I was ready to run to the bathroom and burst into tears, completely spent and exhausted, until I suddenly heard a conversation coming from beneath;

"Who was that?" 

"Who?" This was definitely Roman.

"That chick you were with?" 

Intrigued, I pulled myself together before carefully leaning over the banister, trying to get a good look at the gang of boys who were yet to make it all the way to the exit. 

"None of your concern," Roman said, giving in to a chuckle.

That wasn't satisfactory enough for the other guy, who proceeded to shrug; "She was cute, though. Do you have her number?"

Roman's eye twitched, his smirk faltering. Without even saying a word, he shoved the other guy rather harshly; "Drop it,"

I immediately stepped away, clasping a hand over my mouth as the rest of the guys laughed, finally leaving the stairwell. Letting out the breath I had been holding, I clutched my heart as my mind raced-- was I imagining things, or were Roman's words betraying his actions?

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"It is the same rain that you loved that drowned you,"

It was haunting me, at this point. Genuinely. 

All the feelings I had for Roman had nowhere to go anymore. For a week now, I had been like a ghost to him. The one thing I had learned about Roman, at the end of the day, was that he was very, very true to his word-- he definitely didn't like me. I could be very sure about this, now that he suddenly had a new cheerleader on his arm again, making it his twelfth. Everything about that made me want to puke; how could I have been so stupid as to believe Roman would feel differently about me? Was he actually the asshole he made himself out to be? Maybe it wasn't a coping mechanism-- maybe it really was just him? 

So, so many questions.

I could only watch him from afar on the bleachers, with Letha sitting next to me and revising her notes for an upcoming test. With a heavy heart, I watched as Roman leaned over to kiss the cheerleader's cheek, and I suddenly recognized the girl from my literature classes; Jessica. Fucking Jessica? Come on!

The sight was enough for me to crumble up my notes, not realizing what I was doing until Letha nudged me; "Uh... What are you doing?" she asked, her green eyes giving me a weird look. 

In an instant, I let go of the paper, accidentally letting it fall to the floor. "Sorry," I mumbled, bending down to pick it up. "I just didn't get much sleep. I'm spasming up." It was hard not to shudder-- lying to my best friend had become a habit, and there was nothing I hated more. 

Letha didn't seem to buy it, but she also didn't comment. Instead, she wrapped an arm around me, soothingly rubbing my back. "What's up with you these days?" she asked, concern coated in her soft voice. "What's bothering you? You can tell me anything, you know that?"

The soft cotton of her sweater, the kindness of her being-- my heart was actively breaking. I didn't deserve any of it. 

Everything felt so worthless at this point; especially while watching Roman's public display of affection to this girl that he barely even knew. Had he actually taken my romance tips and applied them to someone else? Asshole move number one. Eventually, I turned to Letha, a sense of anxiety washing over me as I realized what I was about to do; "Anything?"

My angel of a best friend only held me tighter, shooting me a kind, warm smile as she nodded. "Anything,"

"Okay..." It was getting hard to breathe-- was I really going through with this? My pulse quickened, my words coming out with a sliver of panic; "Please don't kill me, okay?"

Letha tucked a strand of her long, blonde hair behind her ear, worry filling her eyes. "Seriously, you're torturing me at this point, just say it," She squeezed my shoulders as she attempted a smile. Even in the most tense moments, she still tried to put me at ease.

There was no way I could back down now, and I wanted so badly to be done with it. To be done with the guilt, the shame, and the heartbreak. Just as I was about to speak up, it felt as though my mouth had dried up, and I was beyond breathless when I finally blurted it out; "Roman and I kissed at that party where we played seven minutes in heaven. And... another time after that."

Letha might as well have frozen over. There was no single movement whatsoever. Her arm remained wrapped around me as she stared at me with an empty look, eyes wider than I had ever seen them before.

I caught a glimpse of Roman kissing his new girl of the week in my peripheral view, and along with my confession, that was enough for my tears to press their way up in my eyes with a burn unlike anything I had ever felt in my life. 

I could swear that Letha was furious. That she wanted to throw me down the bleachers and stomp my face in. But instead, she slowly retreated her arm around me, holding her breath. Letha's green eyes glossed over, unable to meet my gaze anymore. "You... What?"

With swift movements, I pressed the sleeve of my sweater up against my eyes, not wanting to cry in public. "Could I please explain?" I tried, holding back a sob-- why on earth had I decided to do this now?

"What is there to explain?" Letha wrapped her jacket tightly around her body, almost as though to hug herself, her words coming out in a breathy mumble. "You kissed. Twice. Had it been once, I might've gotten it because it was a party game, but... you went back for more?" The hurt in her voice was thick, and I couldn't help but notice how small she sounded; I had never seen Letha so upset. 

Her question haunted me, and I buried my face in my hands. "I'm so sorry, Letha, I never meant to hurt you or go behind your back--"

"Is it at least something serious between you two?" Something about Letha hardened, and her words were starting to choke me. "Please tell me you pulled this crap for a good reason?"

I sniffled, wiping away any impending tears with my sleeve. The truth made my confession even more mortifying-- saying it out loud only made me feel worse; "He says he has no feelings for me..." 

Letha nodded, crossing her arms over her chest as she slowly started rocking herself. "And you have feelings for him?" When she didn't get an answer, she finally looked at me, meeting my glossy eyes with a glare so harsh that I nearly shuddered. I would've never thought Letha would be capable of pulling such an expression. Enraged, she raised her voice; "You have feelings for him?!"

Panicked, I put my hands over my head, almost as though I was scared she'd hit me. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry, Letha, you have no idea!--" As I heard her shuffle about, I raised my eyes to see her gather her stuff, ready to leave. My tears were burning in my eyes, obscuring my vision as I desperately grabbed her hand. "Letha, please! I made a mistake, I never wanted to do this to you!--"

"But you did!" Letha sneered, throwing her backpack over her shoulder. She turned to me with a look that would etch itself into my mind for days to come, a look so furious that it gave me goosebumps. "You're no different than the rest. Go be one of his whores, for all I care!"

Stunned, I watched as she made her way off the bleachers, not looking back. I didn't know Letha had it in her to call me slurs, but at the same time... I knew I deserved it. However, nothing could prepare me for the avalanche of sadness that would ensue my confession; I was dead sure that I had lost my best friend, and what had I gained in the process? I buried my face in my hands, allowing tears to run down my cheeks, trying to make myself as small as possible. My shoulders slumped, wanting to ball myself up into nothing and disappear. 

I did my best to get myself together, sniffling as I wiped away my tears. Reminding myself that I was in public, and that I definitely didn't want to make a scene, I let out a shaky breath as I gathered my stuff and got ready to leave. But just as I stood up, I couldn't help but look in Roman's direction, wanting to get a quick glance at the root cause of my misery.

However, I hadn't thought that he would be looking back at me as well.

There he was, his arm wrapped around another girl, but he couldn't take his eyes off me. He wouldn't-- Roman's gaze didn't shy away as our eyes met. Instead, they rounded out with the realization that I had been crying. 

Seeing him again, being acknowledged, was enough to drive me over the edge once more. Letting out a quiet sob, I stormed off the bleachers, clasping a hand over my mouth. Who would've thought my ridiculous crush would lead to these gut-wrenching feelings? It felt as though I couldn't breathe, heaving for air as I rushed to get away from everything and everyone.

 "It is the same rain that you loved that drowned you,"

To my surprise, it didn't take long before I heard the familiar sound of long steps following me. My heart beat so hard, I thought it might explode and cover the school grounds in my flesh and blood. The way my pulse quickened made me nauseous-- I needed to get away. "Go away, Roman!" I clutched my heart as I sped up; I didn't need to turn around to know it was him.

His next question could've easily been answered if he'd listened closely to the sob I was suppressing; "Are you crying?" Roman didn't have to do much to catch up to me, but he wasn't lunging at me just yet. "Why are you crying?"

I couldn't believe I had to deal with him on top of everything-- I groaned, turning around to face him despite how bloodshot my eyes looked. "Could you back off? Go back to your braindead cheerleader!" 

It was clear that Roman hadn't expected to be confronted head-on like this. His green eyes widened before they hardened, balling his fists as he spoke; "Why are you so fucking mad? What did I do this time?" 

"Everything!" I inhaled a shaky breath, burying my face in the crook of my arm to hide my tears. There was no way in hell I was about to cry openly in front of this douchebag. "I just-- I just lost Letha because of you! I got so swept up in you, I caused a fucking avalanche!" My lower lip gave in to a quiver, and multiple tears escaped the crease of my arm, now rolling down my chin and landing on the grass beneath us. "And you obviously don't give a damn about me, and I've been throwing my feelings at you like an idiot, and I just... How could I have been so stupid?" 

I swallowed another sob, making an unsuccessful attempt at wiping away my tears. Refusing to meet his eyes, I sniffled as my gaze fell to the ground, shaking my head in denial as Roman stayed silent. "Please, I... need to be alone. I don't want to make myself look even worse in front of you than I already do--"

My ramble escaped me with my next breath; it got caught in my throat as I felt the soft fabric of Roman's sweater against my chin, silently wiping away my tears. It was clear that he figured out I had told Letha. I dared to look up at him, finding an unusually forgiving tenderness about him. 

Speechless, I could only stare right back. Roman was focused on wiping away every hint of a tear, his brows drawing together as he carefully traced the bags under my eyes. The kindness of his gesture, the softness in which he was tending to my sadness, made a familiar warmth spread through my chest all up into the tips of my fingers. It became too much-- I reached for his hand, prying it away from my face. "Why are you doing this?"

Roman shrugged, debating whether to say what was on his mind. It was clear that he was conflicted, and I could see it in the way his shoulders tensed up and the way his jaw clenched. "Doing you a favour. Your mascara is everywhere," Roman grew more and more uncomfortable with my silence. "Just stop crying, okay? Do you want me to talk to Letha?"

"I doubt that will help," I mumbled, sniffling. "Look, Roman, I really can't do this right now... You and your bullshit just lost me my best friend, do you realize that?"

He shrugged; "Letha will come around... I guess we'll have to wait it out,"

"We?" I huffed, wiping away the tears that were threatening to spill once more. "There is no we. Letha is family to you, so of course she'll forgive you! Me, on the other hand!--"

"There could be," Roman mumbled, interrupting me. His gaze darted down to his shoes, now chewing on his lower lip as his next words came out with a low whisper; "A we, I mean."

What? I shook my head, immediately going into denial. "... What are you even saying?" Something about his words sent me over the edge again-- I was so tired of the illusion of everything turning out alright between us. The exhaustion brought more tears to my eyes, and I brought my hands up to my face, hiding from him in plain sight. "Go away," I said, my voice shaky from the sadness consuming me. "Go away, please just go away! I don't need you to change your mind every week whether you have feelings for me or not, just-- Go!"

Roman sighed before stepping forward, completely taking my breath away as he wrapped his arms around me. It felt as though he understood that I wasn't pushing him away with malice, but more so to protect myself-- and right now, he was wrapped around me like a shield. I didn't have any fight left in me to push him away, so I buried my face against his chest, inhaling the smell of cinnamon cigarettes that I had weirdly missed. 

"Let's go somewhere else, okay?" Roman said, sizing up the people passing us by with a scowl. "I have a feeling you don't want everyone to see this. Just follow me."

It didn't shock me that Roman's first thought was his car-- but I still ended up right there. In the dreaded backseat. Hadn't I promised myself I'd never set foot there? It seemed all my thoughts of reason flew out the window when I was in this state. He was currently tending to my new tears, wiping them away with the pads of his fingers. "Letha will forgive you," he murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Do you maybe want a cigarette? They usually help me take the edge off... I have different flavours, if you want?"

I shook my head, feeling my headache swell from all the crying. "No thanks," I said. "And I think Letha would rather cut her head off than forgive me right now. She even called me a whore."

"... You?" was the first thing that came out of Roman's mouth. "The only virgin left at this school?"

Despite how sad I was, it didn't hold me back from hitting his arm. Roman let out a warm chuckle, grabbing my hands, forcing them away from him. "Just stop crying, alright? Pretty girls aren't allowed to cry in the back of my car,"

"... What?" I turned to him, brows drawing together in confusion. Did he just...? 

Roman broke into a smile, nodding to my cheeks; "See? Not crying anymore. Flattery works every time,"

I held back a rather large groan-- I wasn't up for Roman's party tricks, especially not in this state. Knowing that he knew what I felt for him, knowing he used it to toy with me just for the fucks, made me even more angry. "I think I'm good now," I mumbled, turning away from him. "I don't think I should be seen here with you... Letha might actually think I have no heart."

There was a thick silence that fell over us like fog-- it made me face Roman again just to check what the hold-up was. And there he sat, his face suddenly completely serious, his brows drawing together in... anger? "Well, you chose this for yourself," he said, clenching his jaw as his black pupils shrunk. 

Everything about him right now scared me. Why was he staring at me like that? It was as though he was about to pounce and rip me to shreds. "Roman, what's up with you?--"

"You're not the fucking victim here," Roman's words came out with a sneer, sharp enough to cut through wood. "You asked me to kiss you. You started this. Being seen with me is not what's going to make Letha think you're heartless, so either you own up to your crap or leave me the fuck out of it!"

My lips parted in complete and utter shock. I blinked repeatedly, hoping to blink away the angry expression on his face. "What the fuck?" I sat up, tucking my hair behind my ears as I attempted to size him up. "You're the one who dragged this shit out! You threatened to tell Letha we kissed if I didn't comply to your wishes, and then you damn near dry-humped me in that fucking alleyway!"

"Hey!"

I could barely believe it; in the middle of his outburst, I could see hints of a blush creeping up his cheeks. "You know I'm right!" I barked back, balling my fists. I couldn't believe we were having the same argument over and over. "I wouldn't have been in this mess if you hadn't stirred the fucking pot! You could've said no in that fucking closet!" 

Roman quickly got enough of my retaliation; "You know why I didn't!"

"Yeah, and fuck you for that!" The volume of our altercation was rising-- I hoped people passing by the car couldn't hear this. "You shouldn't have kissed me! You should've just told me no, you owed me that kindness!" 

Roman's eye twitched, and I was sure he hadn't blinked in about a minute. "I didn't owe you any kindness! You've always been horrible to me!--"

"Because you've been horrible back!"

"And why do you think that is? You think it's easy to be treated like shit by the one person you?!--" Roman inhaled sharply, eyes widening as yet another confession slipped past his lips. It was clear that he was mortified, that he had definitely not wanted to let that slip, but his eyes never left mine in shock and horror.

It felt as though I had been electrocuted, completely frozen in my seat. Uttering my next words felt as though I was walking through a minefield; "Person you... What?"

It didn't take long before Roman started squirming, eyes now frantically doing everything not to meet mine. "Shut up," he breathed, reaching over to open the car door on my side. Now that he was leaning across me like this, it was obvious that he was trying to get me to exit the vehicle. However, his face betrayed him-- Roman's hand gripped the door handle, slowly turning his head towards me. Like this, I could feel his breath hot and heavy against my lips, inches away from me. 

I wasn't sure why I was digging my nails into my seat as though I was about to be mauled by a wildcat. The intensity oozing from Roman along with the realization that I had nowhere to run completely engulfed me, and my instincts suddenly pushed all thoughts of reason out of my brain. I had no idea what came over me as I put my hand over his, closing the door to the car before doing what I never thought I would do in this situation; our lips came together in a hot, fiery kiss as Roman leaned forward, laying me flat against the backseat. 

I told myself I would never end up in this situation-- in the back of Roman's car. But here I was, splayed out beneath him like all his cheerleader whores, completely out of breath as I gave in to my deepest, darkest desires. The taste of cinnamon tobacco entered my system, and I couldn't help but moan out against him; I had been dreaming of being reunited with him like this for longer than I could remember. So as Roman's weight on top of me gave me a sense of security, the need for his kisses dulled down all my logical thinking. 

There was nothing more important than this. There never had been.

The next thing that happened snapped me out of the constant static noise buzzing in my brain; "I want you so bad," Roman breathed against me, the whiny tone in his voice making my stomach flutter and flip-- was I maybe dreaming? 

"Fuck Letha," he continued, his kisses now trailing down my jaw and neck, grabbing at me as though he was afraid I'd disappear. "Fuck all of that."

No, no, no. I couldn't. "Don't-- Don't say that," It had never been harder to inhale a simple breath before, and I let my lips part in pleasure as I realized Roman was leaving hickeys in the crook of my neck. Why was he doing that? Did he not know everyone would see them and make conclusions?--

Oh.

Before I could protest, Roman's plush lips were back on mine, melting me against him with the softest kisses known to man. In a flash of passion, my hands went up into his hair in an attempt to bring him closer. I could feel the thud of his heart against mine, realizing his was racing as well-- I wondered whether he reacted like this to all his girls. Warmth blossomed in my chest, sparks igniting as Roman leaned in close, lips brushing together as we tried to catch our breaths. The smell of his cologne and the deep citrus scent of his conditioner made me dizzy to the point where it felt as though butterflies danced in my stomach. But the warmth consumed me, completely in awe of the fact that we were reunited again as I leaned into the next kiss, Roman's lips impossibly sweet against my own.

He didn't have to say anything for me to know he had missed me too. The unspoken words passed between us with each stroke of my fingers against his back, each kiss he placed against the corners of my mouth, and the softness of his thumb caressing my cheek. 

Roman pulled away as his long, slender fingers dug themselves into my waist. "Can I try something?" 

What? I was too dazed, too content to immediately deny him. But had I known what he would do next, I probably wouldn't have agreed so fast. Roman leaned forward to unite our lips in another passionate kiss, but I couldn't feel his hands on me anymore. It took me a few seconds to realize he was unbuttoning my jeans and reaching my zipper.

My eyes widened against the kiss, and the squeak I let out got muffled against his lips. In a flash of panic, my hand reached down to grab his arm with speed I didn't know I had. Roman hummed, detaching our fiery union as his green eyes met mine, trying to find the reason for my panic. "Come on," he purred, the look of mischief spreading across his lips. 

"I'm not doing it in the back of your car!" My fingers were still digging into the skin of his arm, making sure he wouldn't move. 

Roman rolled his eyes; "Not what I was getting at, but whatever," A laugh escaped him, tilting his head to the side as he looked down at me splayed out across the backseat. "I'm not that evil. I wouldn't let you have your first time here."

A sense of comfort washed over me-- since when did he take pity on me? "Then what... What are you doing?"

He shrugged, holding back another laugh; "Giving you a sneak peek,"

I wasn't sure what that entailed, but my grip around his arm loosened. 

Something about me changed whenever Roman was around. A part of me wanted to please him,  appease him, and entice him into staying with me like this forever, no matter what. I wanted nothing more than for us to be together, no matter how hard my conscience was gnawing at me regarding the Letha situation. But thoughts of my best friend quickly evaporated as Roman's finger was suddenly deep in my cunt-- I wasn't quite sure when I had managed to get wet, but here I was. It must've been somewhere in between the fighting and the kissing.

I could only whimper against his kisses, not used to having anything in me at all. There was a certain sting, but it dulled down when Roman was at the hilt of his knuckle. It quickly turned into something I had never felt before-- I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was, but it felt as though all the butterflies in my stomach melted into one, a weirdly pleasurable ache building in my lower abdomen. 

As Roman added a second finger into me, careful to go in with slow strokes, my back arched slightly off the backseat of the car. Suppressing a moan, the hand I had in his hair tightened as a certain desperation ran through my veins. I watched as Roman smirked down at me, a knowing look in his eyes as he spoke; "If this feels good, imagine how it will feel when you get the real deal,"

I nearly shuddered-- that thought alone almost sent me over the edge. I could only writhe, my hips meeting the thrusts of his fingers as Roman ran his tongue along my bottom lip. 

I was aware that all of this was a bad idea. To get more involved with Roman, to let him unravel me further; it was plain stupid. And horrible to Letha. I knew it was awful, that Roman and I shouldn't be together, and that I should be running after my best friend to keep begging for forgiveness. 

Everything was starting to make my head spin.

As I came hard around Roman's digits, letting out a moan against his lips which would later make me blush, I couldn't help but wonder what on earth to do next. Should I let it all spiral? Should I get myself together and fix my friendship?

My thoughts completely shut down as Roman's wet fingers made their way past my lips, making me lap up my own slick. 

Filthy. We were filthy, we were fucking horrible, and his following words didn't make me feel any better.

"Let's give it a try," Roman whispered against my lips, sincerity swimming in his green eyes. "You and I... It just has to happen. This feels too good to be wrong, fuck what Letha says." 

There they were, the words I had wanted to hear from him all along. But now that he was right here, telling me he wanted us to be together, I found myself unsure what to say. When Roman leaned forward to sneak in a soft kiss, muffling the warmth of his chuckle, I realized I had a decision to make-- I knew it would end up being one of the hardest decisions of my life so far.

I held my breath, realizing the quote that had haunted me was correct after all; "It is the same rain that you loved that drowned you,"

(a/n: here are the links to PART 1, PART 2, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9!! thank you for reading!!<33)

[twistedbloodstain]

keith toshko x reader: and you feel like home. | what’s love for us?

plot: the one where keith meets the one.

warnings: grumpy! reader, sensitive language (just cursing yall), pining from keith, himself and there’s no happy ending. (ambiguous)

masterlist

keith watches her.

a sweet melody produced from the violin and the bow echoes from the cavernous hall. she sat on a monoblock chair as she played the tune printed on the sheet paper. fur elise dances through his ears as he stands on the second floor, mesmerized with her movements. her eyes were shut, but her hands were focused on the instrument on her hands, as if she and the object were one.

he watches her in admiration. he always enjoyed watching people play their thing, there was always a certain aura that passionate musicians bring whenever they were in their element. this was no different, he could feel the devotion radiating through the place as you played.

her posture was stiff and composed, like her grip on the musical instrument, her hands gripped the instrument almost too tightly as if it was bound to her like chains. but there was lovely passion it emitted, like the violin was her lifeline. she was focused, extremely focused. right now, no one could deter her from playing.

as the music slowly comes to an end, she flutters her eyes open and her shoulders relax. she gets up on her feet and reaches for her case slinged on the chair to delicately place the violin back to its proper space when unused, keith feels tempted to clap and applaud for her piece because indeed, it was beautiful but he was afraid he might come off as a creep stalking on you.

he was already awkward to talk to, fumbling and rambling his words and often saying the wrong things or being excessively blunt with who he was speaking to, it was all unintentional but if that wasn’t enough it would be really bad if he came across as another dude ogling at a girl from the second floor, primarily as it doesn’t leave a good impression when initiating conversation.

he’s supposed to leave but he can’t. there’s a pull in him that wants to converse with her even if he’s not really good with it, he can at least try. he always welcomed an exchange of a fellow musician’s words and talent. but he contemplated wondering how would he even approach her or what words he’d say to her that wouldn’t lead to an unpleasant strain floating through the air.

silence always meant neutrality. not in his case though, silence often deepened the grave of awkwardness, making him contemplate to himself with the next set of words he would say but only for the person he’s addressing to completely lose interest and cough up an excuse to leave.

keith knows how to converse, there are several people who are proof of that excluding his family. he has spoken comfortably and smoothly with strangers that sometimes lead to intriguing conversations, it’s just that when it comes to speaking with him. you need to be patient, to hear and listen to what he has to say. the people who lost interest when speaking to him were often straightforward people who rolled their eyes at his rambling which only makes him ramble even more, when he visibly sees their annoyance.

nevertheless,he does know his worth as a person. he knows that if they’re not interested with what he has to say then they’re not worth hearing it. but with you he might be willing to make an exception,he really wants to speak with you.

he decides to just wave at her when she turns around. simple. then maybe he can catch up on her at the exit, foolproof.

he feels like a wildlife photographer attempting to take a picture with a deer, except it’s a trap of conversation with little to no chances of failing.

his plan makes him smile, glad that somehow he might not fuck up his first impression with you but fate seems to always have it out for him, whenever he has a chance to do something simple in his life some inevitable force out there comes back to throttle his neck and ruin everything.

because before he can make the friendly gesture you’ve already turned around to face the sea of chairs and him on the terrace of the second floor. your face is slightly astounded from the sight of him, likely confused why he was watching you, staring at him hardly with a firm curiosity in your eyes.

for a moment keith panics and freezes from your stare, you don’t seem pleased to see him. out of dismay, keith suddenly raises his hand and waves, too eagerly.

you blink at him and raise your eyebrows then just gaze at him. like really hard, your frown deepens at his gesture, still frozen on your spot with bow and violin on hand. your frozen state is nothing out of shock though, not like a deer in headlights but something like a lion awakened from slumber in their cave.

as if that wasn’t making him more nervous than he already is, the worst thing is you made no friendly gesture to reciprocate his wave and he realizes that it basically cemented that his presence was unwanted by you.

he flinches on the inside and slowly backs away, he can feel your eyes wander on him as he disappears.

he stumbles through the rows of books in deep thought, searching for the specific textbook his friend asked him to fetch. he was already looking for it for the past thirty minutes, he began to doubt the sharp memory of the librarian since she mentioned that it would be easy to find. she’d told him that he’d find it nearly five rows behind, every row looking more and more ancient than his own grandparents.

as he trudged through, he couldn’t help but reminisce of what happened earlier. annoyance and shame filling his veins as he remembers the details of the short encounter.

idiot, of course she didn’t like that. why the hell would she wave back at a stranger? he muses to himself.

he realizes that maybe that approach didn’t seem as friendly as he'd envisioned in his head. perhaps, he should’ve done that somewhere closer so you wouldn’t immediately shut down his approach. your silence was quiet but it spoke volumes, there were always things that even words cannot do justice.

he checks the titles in the spines of the previous books he saw, maybe he missed it and he was already wasting his time. it’s not like he was in a rush, after all today was some sort of a self imposed day off. right now, he has all the time in the world. however the current shame he possessed right now made the day feel longer than it should be and the desire to hide himself in his room and sleep off the shame was tempting.

he hears the voices of students chatting about certain academic tasks or homeworks a terror professor had assigned and the footfalls of exhausted learners as they searched for a book containing a piece of information that the internet doesn’t offer. looks near impossible, but the chances are low but never zero.

he senses someone enter the aisle between the two rows of books, he doesn’t look back, probably another stressed out and sleep deprived college student that wants to drop out. he feels the individual walk past behind him, he focuses back to the books lined up on the shelf, double checking if he missed the proper textbook he was looking for.

he hears someone clear their throat.

he ignores it and focuses on the books.

dry throat, probably. likely, not trying to get his attention.

someone clears their throat again.

this time, he uninterestedly spares a quick glance to the source of that sound then returns to the textbooks.

wait.

holy shit.

he hastily snaps his gaze back up.

god, it’s you.

no. not like god from heaven.

but you. the one playing the violin earlier.

you stand several paces before him, with a strap across your torso, your violin case strapped behind your back out of his sight. your face is stern and unreadable, your hands clasped together in a composed structure.

his eyes widen and the hold he has with the books slowly weakens, almost dropping one of them on the floor. it’s not until he reminds himself that earlier he’d embarrassed himself to you and that cannot happen again. he won’t afford looking like a fool to you for the second time, once is a coincidence and twice is an insult.

his jaw slightly drops from shock and confusion, he blinks a few times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating you because that would make it even worse and more embarrassing for him.

“hi.” he breaks the silence, slowly waving his hand to you for the second time that day.

you don’t return the gesture or verbalize a reply, for a second keith wonders if he actually conjured you out of thin air because of his shame with how quiet and still you are. which would be even weirder if he saw it as an opportunity to redeem himself, still unsure with the fact if you are standing in front of him right now.

“who are you?” you finally sternly ask, although not a greeting keith is glad that you’re actually speaking to him and he didn’t hallucinate you being here.

“i’m..keith.” he hesitantly replies at the strictness evident in your tone. as a friendly gesture he extends his hand for a polite handshake, you carefully eye his movement and stare at his hand then back at his face.

“..okay.” you mutter slightly in confusion, “you from here?” you question him, the strict tone maintained in your voice.

“um, no actually. i used to go here but..it was years ago.” he meekly replies ending with a chuckle to lighten the mood. your face slightly squints from that piece of information. he deduces that you are not currently studying here as well, maybe a college graduate just like him or a teacher. you didn’t seem too young to be fresh out of school or sleep deprived like most college students are.

in fact, you were confident, in a quiet sense. anyone could read that with the way you carried yourself. the effect that you carry was an accomplished and determined aura that radiated strong enough to momentarily stun everyone in the room and enough to catch someone’s pair of eyes and intimidate if you were to speak to them.

the polished and elegant impact you have oozes through every patch of skin you wield, it numbs him as well. your aura demanded the utmost attention like it was speaking to a god.

“that so? what are you doing here?” you follow up. keith starts to feel he’s being interrogated for information, he doesn’t know what goal you're aiming at but he’s happy to comply.

“just visiting with a friend.” he replies.

“i mean, what were you doing in the theater room?” you clear up, accentuating every word with intimidation as your voice hardens, you raise your eyebrow at him with your arms crossed.

you were definitely not making friendly conversation.

“i was just watching..you play.” he mutters softly, that isn’t something he’s proud of but it’s the truth. there wasn’t wrong with that, he hadn’t done anything wrong. it felt like being stabbed when you already didn’t look pleased to see him watching you play in the theater, any brunt of your irritation would definitely feel like twisting the knife.

“and?” you follow up.

“you played really great, to be honest.” he smiles as he compliments you. a sweet compliment for a pretty girl.

…get it together keith, he reminds himself.

“there.” you harshly point out, your voice slightly rising. keith’s eyes widened once again, with the burst of tone emitting from that single word. this makes him frown as the intended effect for that compliment gave an undesired result.

“what?” he asks out of confusion.

“you were watching me play. you said it yourself.” you assert to him.

“i was…i was watching you play fur elise. something wrong with that?” he repeats once again, still not catching your drift.

“oh? don’t play dumb with me. i know your fucking game, are you one of irene’s new toys for this month? you were spying on me for that good for nothing bitch!” you mercilessly yammer at him, this takes him off guard. shock and confusion envelops his senses as you quickly spit out your bitterness at him.

the deer didn’t fall into the trap and shot him instead.

why in the world were you accusing him of something deplorable? at least to you it seems, he doesn’t even know anyone named irene, much less spying for someone? completely absurd, you were borderline insane.

he always had this inside joke with himself where most violinists are insane overachievers, always seeking to please the almost high to perfect standards of their parents which lead them to seek and mold perfection into everything as they grow into their life. like the instrument, violins require a strict precision of understanding and time to master to achieve perfection, and like their parents they’ll need to hit the right tune to make their parents play the sweet sound of validation.

everything in their life from their image and daily routine must be flawless and according to their will. a single disruption that occurs to them completely throws them off track breaking down their walls revealing their uncontrolled anger.

anger for what he could not tell. but right now he could tell you might fit into that stereotype.

“hey-hey. i don’t know anyone named irene, i have no idea what you’re talking about.” he clears up as he explains to you and raises one of his hands.

“don’t fucking lie to me.” you retort in anger.

“miss. i don’t know what you’re talking about, i watched you because you did great. i did nothing wrong and i’m not lying to you.” he defends himself, at the end he couldn’t help but laugh. clearly, there’s nothing funny about invoking rage from someone but he laughed and honestly he shouldn’t have.

“are you laughing at me?!” your voice slightly raises, full of anger and fury. bad move, christ there’s literally a saying hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

“i’m-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to, but i’m telling you the truth.” he shuts his laugh down and reassures you.

you stare at him and scoff. you eye him from top to bottom, your arms still folded on your chest. you turn away from him and walk away.

that went worse than earlier.

keith’s hand slowly shakes as he raises the glass of water to his lips, he takes a short sip of the water before delicately placing it back down. a friend inquires how he was and his current agendas in life, he politely answers a little more carefully with his words than he usually replies, his friend notices and laughs at this raising his eyebrow in a teasing suspicious manner, his eyes darting then nudging his head to the person to his right.

he hopes you don’t look at his friend. please don’t.

you were currently sitting across from him, knife and fork on hand as you nibbled away on your dinner, momentarily lifting your gaze at him. probably scrutinizing him as he sat across from the dinner table.

this was unexpected.

he couldn’t forget how wide your eyes went when you entered the dining room and saw him sitting beside your brother,

what were the chances of him eating dinner in your brother’s house? the chances of eating the dinner you and your brother made?

little…very little.

yet it’s happened.

fate really has it out for him.

earlier he was merely watching you play from yards and one floor away, you had him mesmerized and amazed with your musical talent, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you even during the talk in the library.

you were even more magnificent to see up close with only a few meters away from him, albeit the exchange ended rather unpleasant but he feels like it’s something to be thankful for, maybe it’s your aura or words that have a magnetic pull on him to keep his attention focused on you and you only.

or maybe because he finds you really intriguing.

or maybe he’s festering a little crush on you.

whatever.

now you are at least half a meter away from him and he can’t bear to look upon you. he wants to look up, so badly. but whenever he sneaked a glance , his sight was greeted with a mouth turned into a frown and eyes full of judgment, it made him hastily drop his gaze back onto the plate of food in front of him.

you, your brother and another friend of his were seated by the table, it had been lively at first. intoxicating stories and diatribes filled the room that made him forget the awkward encounter he had earlier. it felt good to talk and listen with them. he got to know about the current stuff in their life and it was nice to catch up with them. it was nice to air out thoughts he felt during tight situations that he often shoved down into the back of his head.

he began to tell them about his encounter with a girl earlier, when a click of the door creaked through the hall. the voices in the dining room began to stop, the brother called someone into the living room but no reply indicated a presence aside from the sound of entry and the thudding footsteps clicking on the floor.

he knew that his friend had family currently living in the house, he was slightly pleased with the thought of meeting the anonymous member since his friend had spoken highly of them. he often guessed it might be a sibling or cousin but no further detail was given due to how sacred you saw privacy was to you, to recount his friend’s words he said,

“i can’t tell you more than that, we’re related but they’re insanely private. like obsessed with it, they don’t want anyone to know about them unless they had met you firsthand but you’re meeting them tonight. think you’ll like them the most keith.” he says with a smile at the end.

who was to doubt that? he liked that friend very much and if this privacy obsessed mysterious person was someone he would’ve liked then it shouldn’t be a problem.

he had this vision that this stranger might be a welcoming and sweet person that would be easy to get along with, like his friend. he expected someone shy and anxious like most privacy obsessed people are. people, who are frightful of people getting to know them so hopefully it wouldn’t feel forced and still he was eager to meet said person.

but then you went through the door and broke his fantasy.

he feels his heart drop and his throat go dry.

your feet stay stationary by the entrance of the dining room, the voices of his peers slowly tuning out his ears as dread and shame sinks into his gut. your eyes filled with curiosity and sternness. once again his presence was unwelcome to you.

your right hand clasps your left wrist as you redirect your attention to his friend who is making his way to you. the formal stature you’ve reformed yourself to, soon cracked as his friend greets you to a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

oh god. had he been crushing on a friend’s girlfriend? he panics.

of course you had a boyfriend, even he was smitten with you before he even spoke a word to you. he wasn’t the only one attracted to the way you carry yourself, the way you spoke and the way you played. it had left his mind as the unexpected interactions with you jumped into his face.

his friend places his hand on your shoulder, further cementing his assumption that you two were together, until his friend speaks.

“boys, this is my lovely sister.” he cheerily introduces, “that’s james and that’s keith.” he adds, gesturing to the both of them.

his friend that remained sat on the chair, james greeted you and waved as you turned your gaze at him, when it was his turn he couldn’t help but force a tight smile for you, gripping the cutlery from discomfort.

he waits for you to speak as you take them in.

he doesn’t know what to expect from you. he doesn’t know what you were going to say.

he slightly expects you to call him out as the guy earlier in the theater and in the library. he expects you to confront him and maybe…just maybe kick him out of the house.

“i don’t think you’ve ever mentioned them to me.” you utter out.

he exhales.

okay, maybe he can salvage this.

but salvage what exactly?

your brother laughs at this and insists he did. he jokes about you being too immersed in your current engagements while he was talking about them, he motions for you to sit down with them.

now he found himself sitting across from you.

the dinner he previously enjoyed now felt like acid in his mouth as he forced it down his throat. your presence had shocked him to his core, as much as he wants to relish in this get together. the sight of you made his hands shake and his heart beat a little faster than normal.

he feels like a child when he’s around you.

that somehow and somewhat the way he breathes is wrong to you.

you reach out for the pitcher of water near him, he grabs it and you look up on him in surprise. your eyes dilate from his sudden movement and you stare at him for a while. thankfully, james and your brother were busy talking with each other and they didn’t notice the both of you.

you were still hesitant of him. that’s okay, he understands.

right now, you probably saw him as a stalker that creeped on you while playing the violin and you were probably frightened that he was now in your house and your brother’s friend.

you slowly present the intricately designed glass cup in your hand, he smiles to himself at this while he pours the water into your cup. you quietly thank him and resume eating your meal.

maybe he can fix this. maybe the both of you can talk this out.

the next time he sees you is at a christmas party, back in your house.

he knows much more about you during that and he saw you several more times when he visited your place. the interactions were much more polite and courteous compared to the first and second time.

people have always been greedy. greedy for money, power and for love, it turns them into monsters when greed looms behind them, because of that he’s learned to be content with what he hashas and know the differences between greed and ambition.

so why does he want to hear more of you?

yes, the both of you are “talking.” if you count simple pleasantries and courtesies but it feels forced and unpleasant for you. he feels like you’re only speaking but not talking, if that makes sense.

the heavy chatter of conversation is present through the living room, he notices a few friends and some of your family speaking away to their peers.

you aren’t there.

i mean, you were but you left,when people started to surge into the room.

you don’t like crowds.

and loud noises.

a grain of what your brother told you was true, you are privacy obsessed. no wonder you’re absent in the living room.

keith’s not talking to anyone right now,

not when you’re the person he wants to talk to and the only person he knows other than your brother.

he’s also drunk.

he’s been sitting here for several minutes hoping you’d come down to the living roomroom and maybe he could catch up with you.

he contemplates just leaving,seeing that you’re not going to come down.

before he can get up to leave, he hears a soft tune above the room. it’s you.

he knows it is.

he looks around and looks around but nobody except him seems to hear it, too immersed in conversation to hear the sound of the gates of heaven above them.

he slowly gets up with his drink in hand and makes his way to the stairs. he’s getting alcohol induced to function and think properly, he doesn’t get this bold much.

he softly walks up making sure not to step on the creaking wood of the stairs, as the tune sounds more clear to his ears. he doesn’t know where he’s headed but all he knows he needs to hear it.

it’s like a siren’s song to a weak-willed sailor, like a sleeping beauty being lured into her demise as he gets to the second floor and follows the sound of music to one of the rooms. once he realizes that he might be entering your room, he stops his movement and opts to just listen outside. he can learn to be content with the small opening of your door as long as he hears you play.

he leans his back to the wall, relishing in the piece as you come to an end. this forces him back to reality and realizes he needs to go should you come out of the room. he’s had a taste of your anger and rejection, he doesn’t need a spoonful again.

“you can come in.” a voice calls out.

he freezes, you know he’s there. he wonders if he should speak up or keep his mouth shut for a while and leave or come inside to you. he decided the former, so much for wanting to talk to her that he chickens out in the chance she’s given him.

“are you gonna come in or not?” you said getting annoyed with the lack of his reply.

fuck, fuck, fuck. how did you know? he’s sure he was silent when he made his way up here. did you have an extra set of senses he wasn’t aware of? you didn’t notice him the first time, what made you notice it now?

he’s still frozen on his feet, in a deep dilemma with what to do next. he keeps his eyes on the wall in front of him and doesn’t make a single sound.

“hey.” the voice calls out again.

he keeps quiet.

until something makes contact on his shoulder. a nudge. someone nudged him.

he looks back and sees you beside the door. in all your glory, your hand on the door knob slightly opening it for enough space for someone to pass through. he didn’t hear you walk up or the door creaking for entry. your eyes were on him, gone was the scrutiny and judgment but the annoyance was still there with a tinge of softness.

you look beautiful.

you look..nice, his breath hitches on his throat as his words are unable to leave. you stare at him in confusion so he walks in, with no words to reply at you.

as he enters he sees your bedroom, some clutter on the floor he notices your violin perched on the chair and some books scattered on the ground. he looks back and sees you standing there, motionless and silent.

he waits for you to say something before he does something. you leisurely make your way towards him and he stands to the side to make way for you. you don’t say anything as you kneel down into the floor and start opening the books with the lamplight on the side table illuminating luminescence for light reading.

“you can sit down.”

keith contemplates where to sit down. on the floor with you? on your bed? or on that loveseat beside the side table. keith decides to sit down next to you, just to be polite.

silence fills the air into your room. none of you speak a word, too nervous or too awkward to converse. keith realizes that this is the third time the both of you were alone and the second time you sought his company.

he assumes that his presence doesn’t agitate you, at least right now. right now, he’s sitting on the floor, his knees pressed up to his chest and his drink abandoned beside him.

you flip through the books,your back in front of him as you knelt. he notices that they were fictional books. mostly filled with fantasy as he observes the whimsical glossy covers full of intricate symbolism of medieval and magical content. bright tabs are trapped between the pages, you’ve read them before, he realizes. he doesn’t see any books that he’s read before, all unfamiliar to him maybe he can introduce you to a few jane eyre books if you haven’t read them yet.

he perceives that you know his eyes are on you. you look back at him and stare at him. devoid of emotion but there was softness seen in it, keith fiddles with the button of his shirt, nervous under your gaze. you observe this and return your attention to the books.

“keith.” you call out to him.

“..yeah?”

“i wanted..i wanted to apologize. for what i said the other day.” you apologize to him.

keith is..a bit stunned. he expected you to just shove and forget it ever happened considering it had happened a few months ago. your apology has taken too long to arrive, making him assume it would never arrive yet it has just appeared, it’s in your lowly illuminated room and won’t face him.

“it’s okay.” he replies, not adding much to it. what was there to say? you were rude to him that day, for someone to randomly accuse you of something you didn’t do.

“no, it’s not.” you retort, suddenly facing him.

“honestly, it’s okay. i don’t mind.” he assures you. it kinda hurts, he has time to thank for that since it doesn’t ache as much.

“well, you should mind.” you whisper to him as you scoot your way towards him. keith moves over to make space for you on the floor.

holy shit. you’re moving close to him. to him.

the both of you stay silent for a while. your backs pressed on the footboard of your bed. your legs crossed and his remaining pressed to his chest. silence is good. right now it is, the silent aftermath of your apology was like serenity after the storm.

“who’s irene?” keith asks out of nowhere.

your head snaps at him and your face turns unpleasant, like he said the spell to break the curse. forcing you to tear apart your walls and reveal yourself, fuck maybe he did that too early. if you didn’t hate him then maybe you surely do right now.

the burst of anger never comes. you shakily take a breath and ask him.

“you..really don’t know her? irene?” you question your voice slowly getting lower. he’s not sure if he’s seeing this correctly but he can see your eyes slowly tearing up. a sheen of glossiness fills your eye. this was much worse.

you were crying. crying, because of him.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

“i don’t.” he responds honestly, he doesn’t know how to comfort you other than offering you the truth. touching you was certainly out of the table, you look at the floor and toy with the edges of the skirt of your dress.

“fuck it. i really hope you’re telling the truth.” you mutter, “irene was…a friend. we used to play in the same orchestra together, until there was this new first chair position for the theater nearby the campus,” you add.

“i was going to audition for it. so i practiced, i put it a lot of blood,sweat and tears for this piece of..fucking wood. only for it to be botched, by her.” you explain anger and annoyance oozing your tone.

“you wanna know the worst part about that? there was this guy i liked and he’d insist on watching me play and i found it so sweet. i told him all about the audition and everything i was going to do…and he fucking told her.” you ramble, “turns out they were fucking each other, before i found out he stalled me on the day of the audition and the moment i arrived, she was playing. same fucking piece, on my fucking time.”

“i’m sorry. you don’t deserve that.”

“it’s not an excuse for my actions that day but it’s a reason why i’m..wary of everyone around me. especially people who loom on the second floor watching me play. it’s..just that..” you exhale, “ever since that happened i feel angry with everyone, that i didn’t see that coming, that i couldn’t prevent it.” you expound to him.

“i get it, but there’s no way you could’ve” he reassures, you frown at him and scoff “i mean, they had it out for you too.” he adds to his defense.

“it doesn’t matter, i shouldve watched out for myself. there were signs and i was too fucking stupid and lovesick to see it.” you retort, “and i feel more fucking dumb because i look insane when i think someone’s after me, and i just can’t help it because i don’t feel..safe.”

“i understand but it’s not your fault. sometimes people want to bring down great people.” keith does. he had invaded your private space and laughed at your reaction in the library, his invasion and amusement was probably like a flash of the past to your eyes.

the most precious thing to you was ruined by jealous assholes, something that should make you feel free and strong has turned you vulnerable.

“i understand the entire thing but..don’t you think it’s unlikely to happen again?” he ponders to you. the next thing almost breaks him apart.

you smile at him for the first time and it’s the saddest thing ever.

your smile doesn’t reach your ears, it’s sad and remorseful before you deliver the blow.

“it happened more than once.” you quietly say to him.

keith can’t believe his eyes sometimes.

you’re in his apartment for a new year’s day party.

the both of you seemed to have found the floor with his arm searching under the couch for his wallet that got kicked in during the party while you were sweeping the diverse color of confetti splayed on the floor.

he can’t believe that you’re here with him. not that the help is unappreciated but he hadn’t expected you to silently volunteer to come and stay over to help clean up.

he’d invited you, your brother and james to his little party. he was quite ecstatic when he saw you come through the door along with some fancy wine that your brother insisted “bought together” which you rolled your eyes at.

you friendship is better than ever. there was a visible development that he expected that might’ve happened in years but occurred in weeks. in the days after your brother’s christmas party, you two have shared your interest for books and he had attended a few of your shows nearby. sometimes when he came over at your brother’s house you two would talk about stuff…mostly about other people with a few sneaks of memories from the past.

although you were still quiet with him, it wasn’t out of disinterest but simply because you’re quiet and you have nothing to say to him. if you did have something to say you never keep it shut. that was nice and keith actually feels like the both of you are getting somewhere ever since you confessed your unpleasant past to him.

after dinner and some words exchanged while hours passed by, everyone found themselves searching for their which keith did not hold up against them. however when he thought everyone had left, he heard a clink of bottles on the floor in the living room and as he went to check it, he saw you quietly cleaning up the mess.

he called out to you saying that you should go home and he’s got the entire mess covered but you simply ignored him as his words fell on deaf ears.

keith finally feels the familiar leather of his wallet then pulls his arm out of the couch and sighs then reaches for the half finished wine on the coffee table. he calls out to you and urges you to come over.

the both of you are exhausted and should probably rest. he can clean all of this up tomorrow.

you look back at him and hesitate, you don’t look at him like before anymore. there was no annoyance and anger, just softness. it was still devoid of emotion, he thinks that you’re not sure how to behave yourself around him with the fact that first, he wasn’t family and second he’s not an opponent of yours.

to you, he’s just keith.

keith, the guy who likes to watch you play and applauds you every time you finish playing. keith who's been to one of your shows and sometimes treats you to an ice cream session after the event then sometimes shares his favorite parts during the event. keith, the dude who lets your borrow his stash of books and lets your share your thoughts on them for hours and hours. you share to him the parts of the story you liked and your criticisms from the plot.

keith, the guy who has a crush on you.

but you don’t know that, at least he hopes you don’t.

you walk over to him and plop yourself on the floor, next to him. he takes a chug of the wine from the bottle before passing it over to you. you reluctantly take it from him and take a drink, he wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt before setting it down on his lap.

“did you like the party?” he inquires.

“yeah, the food was nice. did you make it all by yourself?” you reply full of curiosity.

“i had a few friends help me over.”

“wise.”

silence occupied them again. a comfortable kind of silence though, the type that didn’t make him feel like he’d said or done something wrong. the time both of you spent together had warped the dynamics of your friendship. you weren’t judging him when you were silent just unsure with what to do, something he picked up along the way.

“how did your date go the other day?” you ask.

your talks together began with your simple interests to the current agendas shared from both ends, he can’t remember if he had told you about it or if you overheard from your brother.

“i don’t think i remember telling you about that.” he chuckles at your question.

“you didn’t, i overheard it from him.” you answer with no remorse.

“overheard? eavesdropping on me aren’t you?” he teases, you immediately scoff and retort in your defense,

“he has a big mouth that keeps chattering day and night. i bet our neighbors know about your date too.” you retort with a little joke at the end. he laughs at this and you chuckle with him.

“well shit. i don’t need your entire neighborhood knowing i’m a loser.” he jokes.

“she shouldn’t have done that.” you frown at his jest and comment when your laughter dies down. keith looks at you from that disclosure and disappointment emerges into his head again.

“well..some things just don’t work out and that’s okay.” he shakes off the dismay from his failed date.

“i mean she could’ve at least informed you she wasn’t going to show up.” you reply ignoring his words,

“why do you sound more angry than i am? what in the world did she ever do to you?” he teases again in false wonder. you scoff at this and face him, clasping his arm with a tight grip.

“you’re a good person, keith.” you state.

“sure, i didn’t see it right away but-that doesn’t matter, anyways what i’m trying to say is that, you’re always too eager to see the good in people. too forgiving that you ignore your own grievances. that’s not okay.” you whisper looking into his eyes.

“i think that eagerness led you here.”

“i know and i’m thankful for that. i’m glad that you’re my friend, i’m glad you gave me a second chance but forgiveness is a two way street. i earned your forgiveness because i confessed my mistake and apologized. you don’t even wait for an apology before you hand out forgiveness!” you exclaim. keith tries to speak but you interrupt him.

“i know you probably think it’s naive and stupid.” he jokes and looks away, not wanting to delve into the topic of conversation.

“i never said that.” you gasp slightly in mortification, you grasp his jaw and force his gaze back to you.

“i know that we should be kind and that holding on to anger doesn’t lead anywhere good but you don’t deserve that. you deserve so much better and things sweeter than life.”

he already has something sweeter than life.

you.

you make every pleasure in life look dull the moment he sees you enter his sight.

he knows you’ll never be his, he can never have you because you’ll never have him. it’s okay, he’ll learn to be okay.

“yes ma’am.. i will listen to that.” he smiles,

you smile at him and it’s so sweet, he wants to hold you and twirl your hair. he wants to be with at all times, so he can see you and watch you play. he wants to know every minute detail about you. he’s just filled with this yearning to love you. he hoped that his affection might dwindle down as soon the platonic structure of friendship hit him on the face.

but the deeper your friendship delved into the more he fell for you. he always said to himself and to others that what he felt for you was just a fleeting moment, he knows he shouldn’t feel anything like this because he knows that you won’t reciprocate his feelings. he knows that he’ll just get hurt and he should stop it at once.

but how? how could he have known?

how could he prevent it when stars glimmered in your eyes as if they were jewels glimmering in the sky? how can he call it fleeting when he fell for you the moment he saw you in the theater?

he exhales and smiles at you.

and shoves his feelings back down.

and tried to forget how his heart beats for you.

you scoot closer to him than you already are, his breath hitches in apprehension with how near you are to him. he takes you in all your glory, he can smell the sweet scent that you carry that used to intimidate him but now brought comfort and safety to him.

you smell like home.

he’s afraid you might hear the heartbeat in his chest that is pumping so loud now that it’s source comes closer and closer to him, like a moth to a flame he’ll burn out if you come any closer to the warmth of your body.

he’s afraid that if you see his fidgeting and breathlessness you might catch up on him and realize he’s in love with you.

he can never let you know that.

not when he sees how far your relationship has developed, not when you’ve welcomed him into your world, not when you’ve shared some of your secrets with him.

not when you make feel complete when you’re within his reach.

he can’t afford to lose all of that in a single stroke of words. he can never confess to you because he doesn’t know how you’ll take it, but he can only assume the worst. he can only assume that you’ll refuse him.

a popular and encouraging saying that’s often associated in his situation “the worst thing she could say is no.” is incorrect. the worst thing you could say is to turn him away and break your friendship. you would leave his life and he would have to go back living it without you. how can he do that?

and the worst part? he’s not even sure you’d even bother to say all that. he’s half sure you would abandon him with no message or explanation but your silence would speak enough more than those four words could ever say.

you don’t want him.

he can’t go back to that, your tranquility used to bring him anxiety but as time progressed it brought him solace and he felt like he could be himself with you, his stuttering and apprehensiveness had disappeared and you greeted it with eagerness.

he’ll keep it down for you. he’ll shut his mouth if you ever fall in love with someone and he loses his chance with you, he’ll keep quiet because it means having you. the best thing he ever gave you was making you feel safe around him. he can never afford to let the opposite happen in the future.

because that means staying in your life and yours in his. it means keeping you close and that’ll keep him happy enough.

it has to.

he feels something on his lap, more like someone. a tingling sensation wrangling itself to his hands, he looks down and sees a glint of jewel shining back at him. he realizes it’s your adorned hand, he looks back up at you where you’ve laid your head on his shoulder.

you feel his gaze on you, you always do and look back at him in curiosity expecting him to say something. keith doesn’t know what to say, he’s afraid that he might spill his heart out to you with the recent train of thoughts his mind has occupied, so he smiles at you.

you smile in return and he wishes he could he could see that forever.

his hand is tangled with yours as he lays his head back on you.

a life with you is all he wants.

he wants to stay like this with you forever, just the both of you indulging in each other’s company and living life with no abandon.

keith watches you.

you squeeze his hand three times to make sure he’s alright.

he squeezes it back in return.

“happy new year’s keith.” you mutter to him and pull your head back under him as he looks at you. you bring yourself to him and softly press a kiss on his cheek, with your hand on his jaw.

keith does his best to hide his surprise as he feels happiness burst inside him. you put your head back to its previous stance along with your hands. keith does the same.

this is okay. this is perfect.

love isn’t always butterflies and grand gestures with happy endings but sometimes love can be wine drunk, holding each other’s hands and splayed on the floor next to confetti.

and pain.

there’s still love even if it’s gut wrenching pain.

author’s note: this took so long i’m so sorry. i had a keith brainrot before my exam and it had to go because i need to pass. (which paid off : D ) i couldn’t choose a happy or sad ending because..i want to. jk i can’t envision a smooth sailing path for keith and the reader because it really needs to take some time and CONFESS. they don’t know how to act on that because they’re careful around each other with the rough start they began with. or maybe because i just wanted to write about a pining keith and an oblivious reader that doesn’t know how to manage their feelings. i am a staunch believer of finding ur lover in a friend soo anyways thank you for reading and feel free to like and reblog!

[dazedvivenne]

REQUEST ARE OPEN!!!

WHO DO I WRITE FOR?

I currently write for

Rafe Cameron

Kevin Khatchadourian

Henry Bowers

Patrick Hockstetter

Donnie Darko

Bill skarsgard (characters + him)

Drew Starkey (+ Any other character of his)

Negan Smith

Tate Langdon

Kit Walker

James Patrick March

Kai Anderson

Kyle Spencer

Darry Jenner

IF you have someone specific in your mind, request it and I will try my best to write it!

WHAT DO I WRITE?

Literally everything, I have to no limits so go crazy.

Please go request something about your favourite character <3

[starboye]

movies

(fics ive made)

*updated regularly

smut = ★

angst = 🏹

fluff = 🍥

Rafe Cameron-

First Timer★

Dealer!Rafe Cameron★

The Cameron Boys★

A Night to Remember★

Please be Mine★

Satisfaction★

Sleepy Convos★

Risky Call★

Morning Rafey★

Jj Maybank-

Yard Worker!Jj Maybank★

Double Team★

Nate Jacobs-

jealousy, jealousy★🏹

brat★

A Feeling Unknown🍥

My Cum Toy★

Nick Nelson-

Cheater★🏹

Cheater pt2★🏹

Cheater pt3★🏹

Cheater pt4🏹

Charlie Bushnell-

Fair Date★🍥

Vinnie Hacker-

Streamer Head★

Drunk Fun★

Sly Boy★

Birthday Present★

Bryce McKenzie-

Addicted★

Kj Apa-

Model★

Breed Me★

Free Use★

Baby By Me★

Matt Sturniolo-

Beach Day🍥

Morning Horny★

Quickie★

Movie Night Teaser★

My Nerdy Boy★

First Time★

Harry Collett-

Video game Lover★

Charles Leclerc-

Need Love★

Chris Sturniolo-

Gamer🍥

Movie Night Gone Right★

You're Mine★

Overstimulation★

Stream Tease★

David Corenswet-

Daddy's Boy★

Manu Rios-

Work For It★

Harry Styles-

Make Up or Make Out★🍥

Ross Lynch-

Double Trouble★

Dylan Minnette-

Double Trouble★

Shower Time★

Steve Rogers-

First Date★🍥

The Boys-

Table Talk★

Drew Starkey-

Hot Jealousy★

An Award of my Own★

Your Brothers Best Friend★

Nico Greetham-

Sweaty Love★

Noah Beck-

Rough Love★

Chris Hemsworth-

My Boy★

John B-

Double Team★

Prince Henry-

My Good Side🍥

Ryan Reynolds-

Tease★

Brady Hepner-

Wild Side★

My Use★

Sam Golbach-

Newly Weds★🍥

Colby Brock-

Newly Weds★🍥

Tanner Buchanan-

Edged★

Chris Evans-

Lesson Learned★

Ryan Garcia-

Breakfast in Bed★

Ethan Landry-

Ghost 🏹

Eijiro Kirishima-

Gamer Fuel★

Katsuki Bakugo-

Gamer Fuel★

Jacob Elordi-

Free Use★

Jack Harlow-

A Want★

Scott Summers-

Time Fucked★

Stiles Stilinski-

A Dream Cum True★

Richard Madden-

Work Pet★

Steve Harrington-

Gay For You★

Hughie Campbell-

Shy Boy★

Bellamy Blake-

Supply Collectors★

Jensen Ackles-

Hard Worker★

Prince Ben-

New Kid★🍥

Harry Hook-

New Kid★🍥

Rudy Pankow-

My First Time★🍥

Simon "Ghost" Riley-

Bf Headcanons★🍥

Phone Sex★

A Gift★

Captain Price-

Bratty★

Chace Crawford-

Co-Star Fun★

Bill Skarsgard-

Affair★

Dick Grayson-

Wounds★🏹

Robby Keene-

Winner Winner★

Noah Centineo-

Bed Breaker★

Jake Gyllenhaal-

Spiderman Far From Done★

Tom Holland-

Spider Man Far From Done★

Wolverine-

Fucked Senseless★

Hole Used★

Deadpool-

Hole Used★

Joe Goldberg-

My Husband🏹

Lip Gallagher-

New Feeling🍥

Rome Flynn-

My Bitch★

Joe Burrow-

Letting Off Some Steam★

Charles Melton-

Gym Bros★

[thefallennightmare]

I’m up two hours before my alarm and I’m working by myself today. Sooooo to make my Saturday go by fast, send me your thots! Angst, fluff, smut. 😈

Currently writing for Marvel(Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers), Bad Omens(band and crew), ERRA, Michael Taylor, Landon Tewers, and Bill Skarsgard.

[queenbeerps]

hey, hi, hello! i haven't been on this blog in a century, but the writing bug has bitten me. SO, this is me reaching out for some 1x1 partners. i write on discord or here on tumblr. i greatly prefer doubles and mumus and i write m/f and f/f ships. i prefer one to two solid paragraphs for reply length, as well. right now, i'm craving both original plots and some specific fandoms (mostly oc x cc!) : the walking dead, stardew valley, stranger things, glee, and dead by daylight. but i could be persuaded into some modern disney stuff. anyway, i'm putting a bunch of details for what i'm looking for specifically under the cut! so go ahead and like this and i'll reach out or feel free to message me. thanks! ʚ♡ɞ

below i have listed some specific cravings i'm having at the moment. i am happy to double and give you whoever you'd like in return! i have bolded the role i'd like to play. if there are no bolds, i'll play either.

FANDOM WANTS --

♡ THE WALKING DEAD ;

female oc x negan. (BIG HUGE WANT.) female oc x siddiq. female oc x rick. female oc x shane.

♡ STARDEW VALLEY ;

female farmer oc x sam. female farmer oc x sebastian. female farmer oc x alex. female farmer oc x leah.

♡ STRANGER THINGS ;

female oc x billy. female oc x steve. female oc x hopper. chrissy x eddie.

♡ GLEE ;

female oc x sam. female oc x finn. quinn x puck. quinn x finn. mercedes x sam.

♡ DEAD BY DAYLIGHT ;

meg x nea. kate x dwight. sable x mikaela.

ORIGINAL CHARACTER WANTS --

♡ PLOTS ;

crime plots of all types. a plot based on the movie 'sweet home alabama'. plots based on taylor swift songs. big city mumu. apocalypse mumu. anything with a good mix of fluff and angst! (legal) age gap plots.

♡ WANTED OPPOSITES ;

jeffrey dean morgan, dacre montgomery, joe keery, michael b jordan, george mackay, andrew lincoln, m shadows, john boyega, theo james, jon bernthal, bill skarsgard, zacky vengeance, henry cavill, gregg sulkin, avi nash, jack quaid, adam driver.

[dilfsxysh]

NAVIGATION

me ⇨ im a new-ish writer and go by she/her. i also dont have a laptop at the moment so all of this is written on my phone, thus meaning there will be vigorous spelling mistakes.

my work ⇨ ill write what i want and what people request as long as its not weird. ill write smut, fluff, and angst for anyone. and youre all responsible for what you read, not me.

༻༺

MASTERLIST

jake gyllenhaal (and most of his characters) -

james franco -

josh hutcherson (and most of his characters) -

- envy

rick grimes -

glenn rhee -

daryl dixon -

finnick odair -

simon ‘ghost’ riley -

aaron taylor johnson -

penn badgley / joe goldberg -

evan peters -

idris elba -

tom hardy (and some of his characters) -

ryan reynolds / deadpool -

daniel kaluuya / oj haywood -

bill skarsgard -

aaron hotchner -

matthew gray gubler / spencer reid -

chris / matt sturniolo 😭 -

markiplier -

zach tinker / jacob custos -

[foolishmortalmuses]

I'm Kacy! I'm 30 and use she/her pronouns. My timezone is EST. If you're interested in interacting, please be over the age of 21. This is what I'm comfortable with, so please respect that. All of the muses I write have real life faces to them. I do not write with those who use cartoons or drawings. It's just not something that I'm comfortable with and I'm sorry if this is a dealbreaker for you. I typically write anywhere from 1 paragraph or 2 and up. It all depends on the vibe and what I'm doing in that moment. I work in an office, so most of the time, I can get replies in with at least a paragraph or two. I write in third person, past tense. I will not write with someone who writes in first person, it's just a preference. I only write on discord, so please keep that in mind when reaching out. Some faces I want to write AGAINST: Nick Jonas, Luke Newton, Andy Biersack, Spencer Charnas, Logan Henderson, JDM, Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, RDJ, Harry Styles, Bill Skarsgard, Hayden Christensen, Joe Keery, Jonah Hauer-King, Dacre Montgomery, Demi Lovato, Rhea Ripley, Travis Kelce, Seth Rollins, Jon Moxley, Seth Edeen, Tyler Seguin. Faces I will USE: Alexa Bliss, Caylee Cowan, Demi Lovato, Josephine Langford, Gracie Gillam, Grace Van Dien, Kathryn Newton, Barbie Ferreira, Chris Evans, Logan Henderson, Sydney Sweeney, Joe Jonas. I'm open to others, as long as I am comfortable with using them and know who they are. Fandoms I will write: Glee, One Tree Hill, Degrassi, The Walking Dead, Stranger Things, Reality TV, Fire Country, Grey's Anatomy, but I'm looking for fandomless things right now. Plots/Themes I enjoy writing: Mafia, Angst, Horror. I have very few triggers, so I'm always up for discussing those as well as your own. We can plot some messy things and I would love you forever for it.

RULES. MUSES. WANTED PLOTS.

If you're interested in plotting, feel free to message me and I will get back to you from there. Talk to you soon!!

[kingkat12]

affair (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, piv sex, oral sex (female receiving), dub-con, Roman using his powers for bad shit, angst, cheating, toxic relationship, justice for Peter omg

summary: when your ex-boyfriend shows up at your door, how are you supposed to push him away?

word count: 5,136

"No, please!-- We need to talk!" 

Roman forced a foot in my door to make sure I wouldn't close it on him. He was wet from the rain, his usually styled hair sticking to his forehead as he panted, desperately pleading for me to hear him out. "I made a huge mistake," he breathed, regret glossing over his green eyes. "Could you please just hear me out?"

This was definitely not the most ideal situation to be in-- my boyfriend, Peter, had just left my apartment to go home and get ready for his early shift, so I had gotten ready for bed. And I certainly wouldn't be dressed in my pyjamas and slippers had I known that my ex would show up at my door looking beyond frantic. My mind raced with uncertainty, filled with endless questions and doubt; what was he doing here? Was he drunk? Why was he doing this now, after two months of being broken up? "You-- You need to go," I didn't have the time or energy to deal with the mess Roman always dragged back into my life, especially now that I was finally happy with someone else.

Worst of all, I knew for a fact that Roman had someone else too. I knew he was seeing some woman with long, blonde hair whom I refused to stalk for my own good, so why on earth was he here? The question lingered in my mind, but I had to remind myself about the one thing I had the answer to at the moment; I needed to close the door on him now. 

Upon hearing my words of rejection and feeling the door press up on his foot in an attempt to force him out, Roman wedged his arm between the door. "Let me explain," he pleaded, chest heaving. "I just ran seventeen blocks in the fucking rain to see you, could you at least spare me a minute?"

As if that was enough of a justification to show up out of the blue? "No one asked you to do that. I certainly did not," To say that I was pissed off was an understatement, but Roman's pleading eyes were making me sick with guilt. He looked like a lost puppy of sorts, and it was certainly not helping my restraint. The hand I had on my doorknob felt like it was starting to lose blood because of how hard I was holding on-- I couldn't let him in. I shouldn't let him in. 

"I know," Roman eventually said, moving his wet hair out of his eyes. "I know you don't want to see me, but I just... I needed to see you."

"... I think you should go back to your girlfriend," I started to push at his shoe with my slipper, preparing to slam the door in his face. "You shouldn't be here."

It didn't take long for Roman to figure out what I was doing, and it became apparent that he wasn't going to go down without a fight. It didn't take much strength for him to grab the door, forcing it wide open, staring down at me with a damning look of desperation I hadn't seen in any man before. "Just a minute," he breathed. "Please let me say my piece. If I don't, I swear I'll die."

I didn't enjoy this one bit-- coming to my doorstep, threatening to die if I didn't comply? I had forgotten how manipulative he could be. Being with Peter had shown me that Roman's behavior in our relationship had been beyond toxic, and I could see it clearer than ever as he stood before me now. "You're not going to fucking die," I grumbled, feeling myself grow annoyed with how he was throwing himself back into my life, completely uninvited. "Roman, it's almost midnight, maybe this manic behaviour of yours will go away with a good night of sleep?"

Frustrated, Roman tapped his fingers against the door. "Now you're just making it hard, as always,"

"And you're being crazy, as always," I mumbled, shifting my weight from foot to foot, a sense of restlessness taking over my stance. "Could you please leave? We did this back-and-forth thing months ago, I'm not interested in doing it all over again."

In true Roman fashion, standing face to face with rejection, he didn't know what to say or do. I could recognize his patterns now that we weren't together, and it was so damn typical of him to attempt to distract me from what was making me mad; "I remember those," he said, nodding toward my slippers. "Good to see you've kept them."

I knew he was distracting me, so why did it work? Sighing, I shrugged; "They were expensive... Wasn't going to throw them away just because you picked them out,"

Letting go of the door, knowing he had tranquilized the danger of getting it slammed in his face, Roman leaned against the frame in a James Dean-esque fashion. He let out a dragged-out breath, eyes rounding out; "I've missed you,"

His words snapped me out of my daze, and I immediately pulled away from the door with a groan. "Ugh, Roman, you need to go!" I turned my back to him, walking further into my apartment, my instincts telling me to get as far away as possible. "I'm finally happy with Peter, and you have no right to show up at my door just because you're bored!--" My trail of words came to a halt as I suddenly heard my door close; I knew I was fucked in an instant. My heart trembled at the recognition of the sound of the lock turning, realizing I was in for a long night. Fuck. I turned around, holding my breath, watching as he took wary steps towards me. 

"One minute," Roman said, voice low and unsteady. "That's all I ask." 

"No!" I took a few steps back, not daring to get too close. "You can't be here! This is completely inappropriate, Roman, I have a boyfriend! And I know you have a girlfriend too, along with a huge fucking drinking problem!" 

Roman sighed, a silent declaration of his frustration. "I'm not drunk," he said, gaze falling to the floor. "I just... I've come to realize that I can't live like this anymore. I want to be with you."

I clenched my fists tightly in a futile attempt to quell my agitation, but my hands continued to shake. "That's too bad," I said, a sinking feeling taking hold and clinging to me. "I'm not doing this with you again. I'm not getting up in the middle of the night to look for you, wondering whether you're either dead or drunk in some alley. Not when I have Peter."

Exhaustion drugged Roman's movements, every movement slow, every breath. It was clear that the mention of Peter was an unpleasant reminder that we were over; his shoulders slumped, the weight of guilt settling upon them. "I haven't had a drink since the day you left me," he said, his sincere eyes finding mine. "I want to be good for you... I want you. Every second of every day." 

At this point, I had taken so many steps back that I had hit the wall. It was getting a little harder to breathe, and I ended up hyperventilating-- I couldn't do this. I could still feel Peter on my shirt. Everything about this was wrong. "You need to stop," I breathed, stepping away from the wall and wandering further into my living room as I grew restless. "Please stop. Don't do this to me."

To my dismay, Roman only followed; "I'll leave her," he pleaded. "I'll leave her if you tell me to, I'll do whatever you want! I should've fought for us, I should've done so many things that I didn't do... It keeps me up at night that I let you go. I can't sleep, I can't function, I need you to know how this pains me!"

"No, I don't need to know that!" My steps came to a halt, and I pivoted on the heel of my slipper to face him. "You put me through hell, and now think you can just show up like this! Don't you think I have enough emotional baggage from you? You think I don't have enough or something, so you come here to unload some more? What the fuck am I to you, a loading dock?!"

Roman let out a harsh sigh; "Is that a serious question?" he asked, brows weaving together in frustration. "You are everything. I see that now!"

I was already exhausted from the day I had just had, and I barely had any energy left to fight with Roman. This was what we did-- we fought, we fucked, then we made up. However, this time was completely different, and it was throwing me off my course; we couldn't fuck and make up this time. But it was clear that he hadn't shown up to fight, so what on earth was this?

"Well, it's too damn late!" I groaned loudly, hiding my face in the palm of my hands. This was way too overwhelming. When the love of your life shows up at your door telling you everything you've ever wanted to hear, you want to rejoice-- not cry? My eyes burned with the tears that begged to be set free, distorting my vision as I lifted my face from my hands, unveiling that I was swimming in tears. "Do you not see what you do to me?" I breathed, sniffling. "Did you come here to drive me to tears? Do you have no remorse, Roman?"

Roman's lips parted, the worried look on his face revealing everything, his concern written all over. In the quiet moments that followed, the only sound was the echoing resonance of regret filling the space between us with its haunting presence. Our unsaid words were scattered in the air, and it felt like I was suffocating from every apology he could muster up. 

"Let me be happy," I begged, swallowing hard. "Leave now and let me forget. I'm happy with Peter... Please."

It was clear that Roman was debating whether or not to comply. His conscience was gnawing at him-- I knew him well enough to be able to spot the signs. I hated how familiar he was, how it felt like we hadn't been apart at all, like it was yesterday that he had made me feel things I never knew I could feel. The feeling of pure bliss had been like a drug that Roman constantly pumped into me, making me a complete and utter junkie. It had resulted in me falling for him despite how beyond bad he was for me. 

I remembered it all too well. The binge drinking that would go on for days, which often had him disappearing off of the face of the earth. His wandering green eyes used to leave me with such crippling anxiety, I would spend hours crying with a lingering feeling of nausea in my throat. He used to make me so, so sick in every possible way, and my body remembered it better than I did. 

However, I could also sense that something had changed. Here he was; standing in my living room, drenched in rain, clinging onto his last slivers of hope, and I knew I was in for a good run of Roman-mania. 

Of course he would come back to claim what he thought was his. Of course he'd be arrogant enough to believe it would be okay, that I would take him back, and that it would be completely alright for him to come towards me with rushed steps, kissing me with desperation that I had never felt from him before.

Our bodies were pressed together heatedly, Roman's hands on my waist keeping me in place. I could taste our shared nervous breaths, feel the thud of my heart against his, and it was all too much-- I pushed him off of me, tears pooling in my eyes as they streaked down my cheeks. "No!" I cried, my words getting choked. I couldn't believe what he had just done; my heart was actively breaking at the thought of Peter, the loveliest boyfriend I had ever had. I couldn't do this to him. "Roman, you can't just!--"

I hated the warmth that spread in my chest as Roman pulled me back in, sparks igniting in the pool of my stomach as his impossibly perfect lips moved against mine once more. I balled my fist, landing a firm hit against his chest, fighting the ecstasy that always followed any kiss from Roman. But his grip around me was impossibly tight, not letting me budge. You'd think he'd been starved for months with the way he was kissing me with hunger unmatched any other moment I'd ever shared with him, completely taking my breath away. Like this, I could almost believe that I had been on his mind in every waking moment, ravaging through his veins like a burning ache-- I couldn't lie and say that he hadn't been on my mind either.

No one could match Roman; not even my sweet, sweet Peter. I hated it with every fiber of my being. 

The only thing I hated more, was that I never wanted him to stop. 

"No," I cried against his lips, my fingers gripping his wet shirt, bunching it up, unsure whether to pull him closer or push him away once more. Was it maybe that he sensed how much I wanted this too that made him allow himself to continue?

Lightning struck in the distance, illuminating my apartment with a flash as my tears rolled down, mixing in with our kiss. No matter how wrong I knew this was, it felt like my soul was slowly leaving my body and giving itself to him once more; I knew I was dealing with a force outside of anything I could ever control. The love I had for Roman was all-consuming, crushing, devastating-- I could barely bring myself to fight him. "Stop," I breathed in between kisses. "Don't, Roman--"

My breath hitched as I realized my back was now pressed against the wall, and Roman pulled away barely an inch; I could feel the soft tickle of his breath beneath my nose, his fingers now moving through my hair as we breathed each other in. "Leave him," he whispered against my lips. "Let's try again."

My heart had become like melted wax in my chest, making it painful to breathe. "We'll crash and burn all over again," I breathed, feeling the salty traces of my tears on my lips. "We'll kill each other, you know this."

"Let me die by your hand, then," Roman connected our foreheads, closing his eyes. Like this, I could almost believe him, I really could-- he had actually missed me, hadn't he? "A death by you would be a death worth dying."

I felt my lower lip quiver in a sob; I wanted him more than anything in the world, and I had an inkling that he knew it better than I did. I couldn't allow myself to feel all the feelings I had bottled up in our time apart, knowing it would break me and lead me right back into his arms. 

But Roman was insistent-- "I love you," He whispered it as though it was a secret he had been keeping for a thousand years. I could barely accept that this was real; the words I had wanted from him our whole relationship were being spilled out like a consolation for my pain. 

I knew there was no reason for me to fight anymore; Roman knew me too well. He knew that this was all I had ever dreamed to hear, and he knew exactly how to use it against me. Unsure whether he was telling the truth or not, the emotions I had let fester deep within came rushing through the floodgates, making it impossible to do anything but feel; the love I had for him, the feelings that had never left me, the burning sensation of need and hope coursing through my veins. 

So, I didn't fight him when he kissed me once more. I didn't fight the arm he snaked around my waist, pulling me flush against him, and I didn't fight the rush I got from finally being reunited with him in this way; I had wanted his back mouth against mine since the second we were over. 

My conscience gnawed at me as Roman pressed himself up against me, but my guilt didn't hinder me from letting my fingers run through his wet hair, giving in to the engulfing infatuation I had with him. As his hungry kisses moved down my jawline and to my neck, I dared to inhale a shaky breath; I was getting dizzy from the rush of feeling him close to me like this, grabbing my waist, running his hands up my body as though he had no self-control at all. 

The inner corners of my brows turned up, giving in to the crushing feeling of relief and sadness, closing my eyes as I held him tightly against me. There was so much I wanted to say, to do, but I couldn't bring myself to push him away-- not when it felt this good. Not when his hands dipped beneath my shirt, grazing at my bare skin, drinking me in as though I was water. It didn't take long for Roman to get my shirt off of me, and I could taste our shared breath along with the thud of our combined heartbeat as it got tossed to the floor.

Roman's fingers pressed themselves into my skin, getting reacquainted after our time apart. I hadn't realized that I was tracing my hands up and down his arms, mindlessly relishing in the familiarity; I had missed him dearly, and I couldn't bring myself to lie about it any longer. My hands went back up into his hair as he kissed down my chest, my breaths getting short and choppy as I allowed myself to bask in the feeling of his lips against my body. 

"We shouldn't," I tried, the memory of my boyfriend lingering in the back of my mind.

Roman hummed against my skin, now kneeling before me. He grasped at my hips as he pressed a wet kiss against my lower abdomen, making my breath hitch. "Push me away, then," he murmured, his wet tongue tracing where he had just kissed me; it was impossible not to shiver. 

He knew he had control. He knew, that bastard knew so well-- I couldn't push him away. I was never able to do it before, so how was I supposed to do it now? I felt my tears dry up, the familiar ache between my legs pooling, threatening to run over. As if by instinct, my hips rose from the walls, begging for him to finally do something. 

Roman's grip on my hips tightened, pushing me back in place. Something about the growing smirk on his face had me questioning everything; what was I doing? Was this just a ploy for him to get laid? A big, dark part of me didn't care at this point. The fingers I had in his hair loosened as he hooked his fingers in my pyjama pants, dragging them down with a satisfied look on his face. Roman wasted no time, humming as he leaned forward to press a keening kiss against my dampening underwear.

My breath hitched, my back arching off the wall in a knee-jerk reaction-- I had missed this more than I should've. There was no passion like this with Peter, although he was sweet and considerate. But Roman was so all-taking, so consuming, I couldn't do anything other than let him do whatever he wanted to do to me. He pulled my underwear to the side, laving his tongue against me as I whimpered, tasting me. Roman's big hands grabbed my leg, forcing it over his shoulder, pushing himself closer to my sex with an aching need. 

"Roman," I tried, my guilt mixing in with the pleasure. "Don't--" All other words suddenly fled my mind as his lips sealed around my clit, sucking at me in a way that had me crying out in shock, my vision nearly turning black.

Just as I thought I would faint from the flood of emotions, Roman came back up after taking his time, breath heavy against my lips. "Still want me to go?"

My eyes glossed over, meeting his. Thunder and lightning struck outside again, lighting up my living room, and allowing me to see the traces of my slick around his mouth. Something about it was just too scandalous-- I couldn't believe any of this was happening. But we'd gone too far to go back now; "No," I breathed, slinging my arms around his neck, pulling him into a heated kiss. 

As I tasted myself on his lips, Roman picked me up, and my legs automatically wrapped around him as they always had. He didn't need to watch where he was going as he knew my apartment almost as well as I did, walking away from the wall and laying me down on the couch with ease. 

It was hard to focus on the true nature of what was going on when it felt so damn good. Everything happened in a blur; I couldn't recall how or when Roman had lost his shirt, when my underwear got pulled off and discarded, or how I had allowed this to happen. Roman's cock pressed into me slowly, still trying to be sincere despite the complexion of our encounter. With every thrust, my chest arched up against his, back curving as I whimpered at the stretch. 

My hands rested on Roman's neck as he kissed me once more, stealing my breath with every roll of his hips. The part of me that was outraged with the both of us withered away as I continued to moan beneath him, coming out in broken cries. I couldn't focus on the infidelity I was committing when he was inside of me like this, his hands wrapped around me, moving me against him. 

"Fuck, I've missed this," Roman breathed against my neck, letting out a laboured sigh of satisfaction. "All of you... All of this..."

Everything about this was dizzying; maybe this was my mind playing tricks on me, maybe this was all some dirty dream? But I could feel myself clinging to him, wet and dripping-- there was no way this wasn't real. "Rome," I cried, the old nickname slipping past my lips. 

I could feel him give in to a shiver, ears perking up. "That's sweet," Roman kissed my cheek, driving his cock further into me as I whimpered, no longer used to his length like before. Even as he whispered my name, needing me, I briefly thought of how less intimidating he was at this moment-- this was the part of Roman that would show up in my dreams, caress my cheeks as I cried, and fall asleep on top of my chest after a long day, clinging to me. I had spent so much time resenting him, that it was weird to see him so... human. Desperate.

I let out a short gasp as I suddenly realized I was almost folded in half, my legs creasing at his arms. One thing hadn't changed; Roman would always take his liberties with me, no matter the circumstances. It somehow bothered me that I was being fucked with the same amount of love as before; did he have no guilt? No thoughts of his girlfriend at home?

Fuck-- Peter!

As I remembered my boyfriend, I felt my anxiety rise. My hand shot up to Roman's chest, lips parted, ready to protest and push him away-- but as I met his eyes, the green of his irises practically engulfed my being, and not a sound would come out of my mouth. "Shh, it's okay," Roman said, voice calm, reading my panic. "It's just me... It's okay."

Something about his voice was so calming, soothing, that a certain sense of relief washed over me-- I could recall several similar instances. This had happened before; it was almost as though a greater power controlled me every time I looked into his eyes for too long. 

The hand I had on his chest went up into his hair, pulling him forward to capture his lips in a kiss. I was caught off guard as Roman pulled out only till the tip of him remained, letting out a soft gasp against him as he pushed back into me to the hilt. I felt him hum against the kiss, sighing in satisfaction. "There you go," he said, words softer than ever. "Just relax, enjoy... Let me take care of you, just like I used to."

Despite how hard my guilt was eating at me, I still felt ridiculously calm, unable to do anything else than comply. I could only moan, shivering with pleasure at the feeling of being driven forward against the couch with every thrust. 

I wrapped my arms around Roman, kissing his broad shoulders, giving in to the pleasure. I had missed this, I had missed him... All my feelings started to ball up, crying out against his shoulder at the realization of what was about to happen. "Rome, I- I can't--"

"Gonna?" His question came out along with a grunt and another snap of his hips, repeatedly pushing himself into me. 

I couldn't hold it-- I really, really couldn't. Something about the nature of our get-together mixed in with my climax, and I let my head fall back down against the couch as I cried out. It was so hard, so intense, that I had forgotten to breathe; I hadn't had an orgasm like that since the day we broke up. 

I knew I was screwed. I knew it.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

As everything started to dawn on me, my breathing got heavier-- what had we done? I pulled myself closer to Roman on the bed, completely spent, seeking comfort from the person who had dragged me into this mess in the first place. 

Eventually, Roman broke the silence; "We should do porn," he mumbled, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

What? I looked up to glare at him; "Fuck you,"

"You just did," Roman smirked, glancing back at me with a rather proud expression on his face. "But I'm serious. We're damn hot."

I groaned; this was not what I needed to hear right now-- not after we had just finished round three. Roman reached out for me with his free hand, pulling me even closer, lazily running his fingers through my hair. I embraced him as I sniffled, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I was so tired, feeling my sore legs ache as I realized that up close, Roman's hair smelled like cigarettes as well. He might've quit drinking, but quitting cigarettes was a no-go in his book.

"We're horrible people," I mumbled, my words muffled up against his skin, taking in his presence. There were many times I had dreamed about us being reunited, but never that it would end up with me cheating on Peter.

Roman shrugged, turning to press a kiss against my temple. "I told you, I'm leaving her. We're fine," 

Nothing about this felt fine. I propped myself up on my elbow, watching him as he laid comfortably in my bed, almost done with his cigarette. Even after convincing me to commit such a heinous act against my boyfriend, he looked like an angel. Fucking Lucifer. "... Don't do it. Don't leave her."

"What?" Confused, Roman's green eyes rounded out. "Why not?"

I sighed, shaking my head. The decision I had made for myself was hard to air out, and I knew that protests would ensue; "I'm not leaving Peter,"

But despite my predictions, Roman got quiet. His wide, empty eyes stared right back at me, lips parted as though he was ready to speak. "... You're kidding me?" he finally said, the hurt in his face mixing in with a smidge of anger. "After this, you're going to stay with him?"

"He's good for me!" I tried, sitting up properly. "Roman, please, just-- I don't know what came over me, but this was a mistake... We're not good for each other, you know this!--"

"You're kidding me?" Roman repeated, clearly in a state of shock. 

This whole ordeal was making me feel like the second worst person in the world, with the first place going to Roman. I buried my face in my hands, realizing that I was trembling. "Please don't make this harder than it already is," I pleaded, inhaling a shaky breath. "You had no right to show up here... I was fine just the way I was, and I'm going to go back to that."

I heard Roman shift, sitting up as well. His long, slender fingers wrapped around my wrists, prying my hands away from my face. His green eyes burned into me, the fire intent on destroying whatever it could catch, and I knew I had to look away before it was too late. "I'm leaving her," he said, intertwining his fingers with mine. "I love you. I'm leaving her."

It took a lot of willpower to shake my head, rejecting his words. "Don't," 

"I will,"

"No, Roman, I don't want you to!--"

My words came to a halt as Roman leaned forward, capturing my lips in a rushed, desperate kiss. I did my best not to cry again, having previously burst into tears in the middle of round two-- I couldn't do this. This wasn't good for me. Peter was good for me.

I felt Roman's hands leave mine, and before I knew it, his fingers twisted into the hair at the nape of my neck, forcing me to look at him. His eyes searched mine, looking to find some shred of doubt to hang onto. "Do you love him?" I barely had time to open my mouth to speak before he cut me off; "You wouldn't have done this if you did."

My tears came back, pressing up on my eyes with a burning fire, begging to be set free. "Please, just... Please just go,"

Roman let out a sigh, leaning forward to press his lips against my forehead. "Call me when you change your mind,"

"I won't,"

"You will," Roman's hand slid out of my hair, caressing my cheek with his thumb, his green eyes finding mine once more. And just as I was about to look away, I felt that familiar calm wash over me as the colour green took over my vision, the numbing of my thoughts ensuing; there was no way I could fight it. I didn't stand a chance. 

Roman's lips quirked into a shameless smirk; "You will,"

a/n: (should I do a pt.2? hihi)

[winfleure]

i feel like no face w/ the way i'm hungry for more threads 😭 sm*utfishin' & face/shipchasin' here! u know da drill folks! also as a general psa, i'm not dropping any rps i've got so far, i just want more rps 😭

i’m a 25+F tumblr/discord rper currently interested in mxm, fxf & mxf (but it's muse dependent) potentially dark, mature rps on D*SCORD only!

formatting is v familiar to my last post but the content changed a bit so do take a look!!

please message me on d*scord (eboyzoro) if you're interested in the plots/faces/pairings!

ABT ME !

i’m VI ! twenty5+ & s/her ! i’m looking for twenty1+ (prefer twenty3+) rpers on D*SCORD (eboyzoro) ! i prefer chatting / being friends ooc as i’m a yapper (obvs we don’t need to talk 24/7 but my muse / interest dies down if there’s dry/short responses sawry yall TT) ! headcanons, character development and worldbuilding is also highly encouraged! activity is relaxed / low activity (hours to weeks) so it's usually snail mail on my end bc life responsibilities & general neurodivergency! my writing style is rapidfire/lazy lit to adv lit (novella is energy dependent), present/past tense & 3rd person, i can volley back & forth but it’s energy dependent, my wc range is 50-300+ words. i rp original characters & i'm open to canons & crossovers. also open to animanga faces as long as they have a real face counterpart! check my pinned for no-gos! as for ns//fw, it's not required but encouraged to double up! sawry fren but i don't want to be used for only my dom and/or top characters 😭

PLOT IDEAS I WANT TO DO RN:

* if applicable, age gaps should be legal and ages should be at least 22/23+!!

tutor/babysitter x tutee/babysat child all grown up!

best friend’s relative x sibling’s best friend (ex. best friend’s brother x younger/older sibling, father's best friend x son, etc.)

stalker/killer x celebrity (or! yandere trope x classmates/friends to lovers)

uni teacher x uni teacher / rivals ! (or! uni professor x student)

toxic dynamic!! like on & off, flirting w/ others, hatesex, cheating?? but we can see!! obviously not all bad, like there's good moments too but i want angst hehe

anything band/musician/celeb based

anything supernatural/fantasy based

also i'm fine of any dynamic (strangers to lovers, friends to lovers, etc. but i'm always down for any plot (dark or light themed) that features a enemies/rivals to lovers dynamic)

FACES I WANT TO RP AS/AGAINST:

bts jungkook (open to rping as / against this face — mxm, bottom position)

mackenyu (open to rping as / against this face — mxm, bottom position)

txt hueningkai (open to rping as / against this face — mxm, bottom position)

svt seokmin (open to rping as / against this face — mxm, bottom position)

PAIRINGS I'D LIKE TO SEE HAPPEN: the ships and faces listed below are all pairings i'd like to see happen! italics + bold is who i’m rly interested to play !! face 1 / face 2 / etc. = face alts. for the ship. open to suggestions too but i do have a preference for said pairings!

xolo mariduena / colin ford / jacob elordi x bts jungkook

olliemuhl x bts jungkook

alex fitzalan x bts jungkook

archie madekwe / michael cimeno x bts jungkook

bill skarsgard x bts jungkook

andy biersack x bts jungkook

olliemuhl x mackenyu

alex fitzalan / drew starkey x mackenyu

taz skylar x mackenyu

tbz kevin / tbz chanhee x mackenyu

andy biersack x mackenyu

drew starkey x txt hueningkai

nct jisung / nct haechan x txt hueningkai

aron piper x txt hueningkai

tbz sunwoo / xdh jooyeon x txt hueningkai

andy biersack x txt hueningkai

svt jeonghan x svt seokmin

nct jaehyun / astro eunwoo x svt seokmin

josha stradowski x svt seokmin

wolfgang novogratz / rudy pankow x svt seokmin

+ any 30s/40s males for any age gap plots x jungkook/mackenyu/hueningkai/seokmin (see bullet point for suggestions)

manny jacinto, lee pace, sen mitsuji, hayden christiansen, freddy stroma, theo james, manish dayal, shah rukh khan, ok taecyeon, gong yoo, eric dane, idris elba, dwayne johnson, shahid kapoor, colin firth, joe manganiello, oscar isaac, chase crawford, cody fern, winston duke, michael trevino, alexander skarsgard, zane holtz, michael b. jordan, akshay kumar, jeremy strong, glen powell

[lemon-criminal]

john wick franchise (affectionate)

I thought John Wick 4 was amazing. Say what you want but I fuckin love that movie. The plot, cinematography, actors (bill skarsgard!) and actresses (rina sawayama!), the locations, the accents, everything. Not a single thing I disliked about that movie (spoiler: except for the fact they killed the Marquis- like I understand he’s a bad guy but he’s bill skarsgard. Its okay I can fix him). I am a big JW and Keanu fan and this new movie did not disappoint and I hold it in high regard.

If nobody writes anything about a female mob assassin who works under the table in an enemies to lovers forbidden romance mobboss smut angst kinda shit with Marquis Vincent de Gramont I’ll shit my pants ☺️🙏

[pcrvcrse]

hi, im looking to pick up some discord threads.

i have a couple of ideas i like to write, but if none of these interest you, i'm down to brainstorm something. like this or message me for discord!

boss/employee - jamie (bill skarsgard) just bought the company your muse works at, and your muse is a big wig who is fucking him to keep their job.

hateship  (both 30+) - your muse and mine work together. mine has been there been there years longer than your, but your muse gets promoted to be his boss. thinking a dubcon (or non tbh)  "you're not better than me" situation

toxic arranged marriage/relationship - pretty much our muses both grew up in rich families, and never got along. something happened with her family's company and in return for her marrying my muses (to save his image and theirs) his parents will bail them out. thinking dubcon in the sense that she has more to lose than he does, and he would hold that over her head.

codependent besties to lovers: they are v in love with each other, but can't admit it. give me angst and drunken hooks up!! (bonus points for a childhood friend who is helping jason (john krasinski) get his life together after his divorce)

vampire things: your muse comes from a family of hunters and has been after nico (jdm) for a long time. recently he turned your muse during an ambush attempt that went wrong. (more bonus points for older muses here)

[bostcn]

okay i’m going to try this again ! i’m looking for some 1x1 partners to write on discord with ! i’m such a headcanon whore BUT also love doing replies of course. i have a tiny lil brain so my replies won’t be too long , but trust i am here for the long run ! i’m honestly just looking for someone who will have me refusing to close my laptop every other night because the hcs/muse/replies/all of the above is just flowing !

to make things a little easy i have a few wanted plots, a few wanted opposites, and a few fcs i want to play myself ! i’m gonna drop them all below the read more ! if anything about this post interests you please smack that like button or message me directly and i swear i’ll come bother you so quick !

+ please take a look at my rules before reading to see if we’re a good match !

WANTED PLOTS

daisy jones x billy dune situation pleaseee

childhood friends turned lovers with a lil angst in b/n

if we’re both single by a certain age pact

this lil plot about two people in witness protection having to act like a happy suburban couple

two folks who unintentionally had a baby and are figuring things out together

a lil con-artist falling for a victim moment

used to date , one of them went to jail , and now that they’re out the other muse is completely diff than what they were like before

a plot that would have so many deuxmoi blind items

flirting fluff kinda ! they’re plotting murder

WILD CARD ! we just come up with smth together

WANTED FC OPPOSITES

oliver jackson-cohen

oscar isaac

harry styles

aron piper

florence pugh

theo james

michael b jordan

paul mescal

daniel sharman

bruna marquezine

phoebe tonkin

bill skarsgard

adam dimarco

matthew daddario

anya taylor joy

jeremy allen white

tbh i’m down for anyone!

WANTED FCS

dakota johnson

camille rowe

francisco lachowski

alex fitzalan

zoe kravitz

barbara palvin

tamino amir

rosie huntington whiteley

blanca padilla

adriana lima

jasmine tookes

zoe kravtiz

also down to play your opposites!

[absolutelyrecklcss]

Back in Black....and White

Now that things IRL have calmed down a bit, I'm opening up for more threads.

Please be 25+. (If you age is nowhere on your page, I will not respond. Safe over sorry.)

Due to some bot!blogs liking my post, if your page is empty, I probably won’t respond either unless you message first. I’m sorry :(

Smut is welcome, but not mandatory.

I’m looking to double or do a 2x2 plot! I like to keep things fair! (But I am open to doing more if we get a good rapport going!)

Discord only please.

I will give you a wanted face claim of yours to keep things fun and fair! (Having the favor returned is neato.)

M/F only please!

I have muses already made, but I am also willing to make a muse that is specific to the thread, no problem.

I use Tupperbox upon request. (It’s not mandatory for me but if you prefer to use it, we can.)

I do have some faces and topics that I won’t use, but we can discuss those.

I’m pretty flexible with reply lengths, depending on the storyline I can go from a couple paragraphs to more. I just ask that you give me something to go off of, preferably a few sentences at least!

Some plots that I’m interested in trying (but aren’t mandatory) are:

WEREWOLVES! Give me bonding and imprinting and all that angst and shit.

Vampires too. Don’t judge. Gimme human donors and all that!

Crimey stuff. I have a few ideas, but we can discuss more.

Smutty things too.

Pretty much everything on my wishlist? I’m open to ideas!

Some faces I’d LOVE to play against!

Sebastian Stan

Adam Driver

Landon Liboiron

Bill Skarsgard

Jeremy Sisto

Like this post if you’re interested or send me a message and we can exchange usernames and plot! I may be selective on this, but I’m fairly open!

[findroleplay]

hello! i am 25+ looking for 21+ to do a fandomless indie rp over discord! i would like to use my female oc (juno temple) and i am happy to double, just let me know! i can definitely change up these plots to fit more characters. nsfw will be present, please let me know your triggers. I am literate and don't really do one liners other than texting threads. i am looking for one of the following plots:

🔺royal au - your muse is a cold hearted king-to-be who is more worried about causing and fighting wars than having a wife but lucky him...he is betrothed to a woman who is used to being outspoken and is looking to change the stoic court up. they clash heads immediately and must learn to live together.

🔺mafia au - your muse is a prominent member of the biggest mafia in the city and my oc is deemed their favorite. lots of drama, arguing, tears, and angst.

🔺dysfunctional relationship au - my oc is a junkie who isn't afraid to use others to get her fix. yours is hooked on her, the high, and the drama that comes with their relationship and breakups. again, angst heavy but slightly slice of life.

wanted opposite fcs: robert sheehan, bill skarsgard, jungkook (bts), san (ateez), alex saxon, daniel sharman, do hanse (victon), cillian murphy open to others, this is just a wishlist! please let me know who you're interested in using and if we're doubling let me know who you'd like me to use.

i'm a friendly mun who likes to chat ooc, looking for someone who is the same!

like this and i'll hit you up over IM 💖

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