#Best dog collars of 2017

[cheriladycl01]

Best Secret Santa - The Grid x Driver! Reader

Plot: in which everyone wants to have Y/N as their secret Santa because she is the best gift giver and never fails to make peoples day by going above and beyond for it!

2017

“So Y/N this is the first year of Secret Santa, how excited are you!” The F1 interviewer asks!

“I’m so excited! I love gift gifting it’s one of my love languages to show people that I know them, and I listen to them!”

“Okay are you ready to open your gift then?” She asks pushing forward a small bag that had presents wrapped up very nicely inside. You take the bag and look at the wrapping paper, it was well wrapped and good quality.

You open the first which feels as if it could be a wooden box but doesn’t really indicate what it could be.

You see that you were correct and a wooden box with your favourite paint brand is there on the top. You unclip the clasp that’s holding the lid down seeing the various paints.

“Oh this is a good present, but not many people know that I paint on the grid.

“Who knows you paint in the grid?” She asks you.

“Hmmm Romain Grosjean, K Mag, Kimi”

“So do you think it could be one of them?”

“Maybe… potentially Kimi, he knows me very well and has really helped me as a Red Bull Junior Driver and in my Rookie Year this Year”

“I think if you open the second present you’ll know who your secret Santa is” she explains and you take the second present of the table, it was pretty weighty but not as heavy as the paints.

“This feels like a book, like a hard back” you say as you start to tear into it. And it was, it was the Romain Grosjean book.

“It’s Romain!! He’s my Secret Santa?” You look at the F1 with a massive wide grin making her smile back at her!

“Wait, come with me” she becons the lady and camera crew to follow her. She walks through the building they are all in, in Abu Dhabi until she finds Romain.

“Romain, Romain wait up wait up” you shout running after him making the camera crew follow!

“Ahhh i see you received my gift!” He exclaims and she pulls him into a thankful hug.

“Please can you sigh it Mr Grosjean, I’m a huge fan of your work in Haas!” You exclaim, handing him a pen making him chuckle but still sign the book he gifted to you!

“Thank you for you time” you giggle before the cameras cut, and they decide to do Romains secret Santa while he is there.

*Flip*

“And now we are here with Lewis Hamilton who we’ve interrupted from getting ready for his Mercedes After Party for his 4 time world championship” the F1 lady smiles at Lewis Hamilton and he kindly smiles back.

“So your Secret Santa went all out, we’ve had to set the cameras a little further back and you’ve got some sizeable gifts here but they requested you read the card first”

“Holy shit” Lewis says as they start to bring in a huge box (big enough to fit the likes of Toto Wolff inside) followed by a smaller bag to the left that had three neatly wrapped presents inside.

“Who, what the fuck” Lewis says looking at the camera as if he was on the office. He looks at the F1 presenter who just shrugs her shoulders and waits for him to open the card.

“Dear Lewis, Here are 4 gifts to commemorate your 4 World Championships! Have a great winter season, and here’s to many more championships ahead! Love, Your Secret Santa” he reads seeing the little doodles inside the card.

“Any ideas on who it could be” she asks.

“No clue, everyone on the grid would know how many championships I’ve won, so this doesn’t give away much” he offers with a laugh. He grabs the bag wanting to leave the big present till last.

“Ohhh a Vegan Cook book, so they know I’m Vegan and a Japan Fridge Magnet. Okay so this is either Max or Y/N as they shared a podium with me, I’m sure off it!” He grins before taking the next present out the bag.

“What is this” he says unwrapping a rather small but oddly shaped present.

“Oh that’s so cute it’s a Dog Collar for Roscoe! Wait, holy shit it’s personalised from Dior. Surely this can’t be Max, is it Max?” He asks and the F1 presenter just shrugs.

“Thank you, this honestly is very thoughtful as Roscoe is one of my favourite things and I love the brand and wear it all the time!” He grins.

“Okay, how about we attempt to open this bigger present. I don’t actually know how you’ll get this through customs”

“I’m scared to see what it is” Lewis laughs before tearing the box open. Inside is a surfboard that is hand painted on either side with Lewis car and many other little doddles to cover the board that has something to do with Lewis.

“Oh woah a custom made board, this must have been really expensive to have made” he says observing it before picking out all the different doodles and talking about them.

“It’s not custom made, your Secret Santa actually Hand Painted this themselves” Lewis head snaps away from the board to look at the presenter in shock.

“Oh it’s got to be Y/N”

“That is correct”

“Y/N you are the cutest. I will use this board today here in Abu Dhabi before I make good use of it in the off season! I’ve never actually had anything like this before so thank you so much, you are so very thoughtful and you have the kindest soul! Thank you for everything and I hope to share a podium with you in 2018” he smiles grinning before turning his attention back to the surfboard.

2018

“Hello Y/N it is now November 2018, after the final Grand Prix of the 2018 season. So you know what time that is!” The F1 presenter asks.

“SECRET SANTA!” You scream, pulling forward the presents, there was a medium sized box in front of you.

“Can I start”

“Of course”

You pulled the lid of the box off and immediately gasp at the first thing that isn’t wrapped that you can see what it is!

“Oh my lord, how - I’ve been needing new camera lenses and a case for mine! I take pictures of everyone around the paddock! So it could be anyone, but I was talking to Max, Pierre and Dani about needing new lenses …” you admit looking to see if the F1 presenter would give you a reactionary hint.

“Oh and there’s a small envelope. I hope you enjoy this retreat with your new lenses, maybe gain a new perspective before 2019” you read out before out of the envelope you pull out flight tickets, and a small cabin hotel booking confirmation for Italy.

“No no no stop this is too much” you say tears filling up in your eyes.

“Who do you think it is” the F1 presenter asks.

“It’s Dani Ric” you cry, the words coming out strained as you look around to see if he is watching you.

“How’d you know” she asks.

“Because we had a talk about how I felt shit about this season and that the Torro Rosso wasn’t built well this year. And how him leaving Red Bull wasn’t an easy choice but it was one he had to make” you sob. The presenter comes over and pull you into a comforting hug rubbing your back and you hug into her more.

“Hey Squirt” an Australian accent comes from behind you and you fling yourself off the presenter and turn to look at the reason for your tears.

“You made me cry on camera” you say pointing to the camera and then your gifts.

“Aw I’m glad you like them! I was worried I hadn’t done well enough!” He grins rubbing your head before pulling you into a tight hug.

“I love them! And I’ll do better next year for you! I promise” you smile and he grins back at you!

*Flip*

“Hello Charles, how are you!”

“I am very good thank you. I see that there is a lot of presents here, all varying in size and it worries me. This is my first year and I don’t know many people that well!” He says looking between all the presents.

“Well here’s the card that came with it” she says passing over the red envelope that he opens the second his gets his hands on it.

“Dear Charlie, hmmm there’s not many that call me Charlie. Amazing first year in Alfa Romeo, can’t wait to see what you do in Ferrari” he reads out thinking of who it could be.

“It’s Y/N for sure. Between the amount of presents here and the note saying Charlie it must be her!” He exclaims before tearing into his first present. There were Alfa Romeo socks, with little jelly snake candies.

“Ah to remember my time in Alfa Romeo, these Candies actually look so good! Thank you!” He says observing the candies.

“This box is small, but heavy” he observes before pulling out a watch box.

“Oh my god, it’s a Ferrari watch. Look at this beauty! I will wear this now I think” He offers showing the camera the Ferrari official watch you’d got him. He places it on his wrist, looking at it before grinning and showing the camera.

“Okay this next one looks very very big, and oh it’s super heavy. I don’t even think I can lift that up”

He starts to tear off the paper, showing a cardboard box with a stamp on top, of what Charles assumed to be the place she’d got it from.

“Antiques Auction House? What is that?” He asks not knowing.

“It’s a place you bid to get rare objects” the F1 presenter grins and Charles looks up in shock. He carefully takes the tape off the lid and pulls the heavy hunk of metal out of the box. He pulls down the bubble wrap to reveal a Ferrari paddock sign.

“Is this real?” He gasps looking it over.

“Yes, maybe take a look at the race it’s from and the year” the presenter asks pushing him to look at the front a little closer.

“Monza 1996, that’s the year I was born! This gift, is so thoughtful and I will put it in my apartment where my sim is so everyone is able to see it when they come over! Hopefully this will bring me luck in Ferrari and in Monza next year so thank you Y/N”

He picks up the next gift which is small and flimsy. He immediately thinks it’s clothing.

As he tears open he holds up the t-shirt bursting out laughing looking at both sides.

On the front it was a radio from his that year printed on saying “woHooooo, Oh Yes! That feels good! - France 2018” and on the back there were words that were printed on there saying “Ask me what happened in France 2018” as a funny sexual innuendo from how crude the radio has sounded with no context behind it!

“This is hilarious and Y/N never fails with these joke gifts. That’s something I’ve noticed, I know this has only been done 2 years now but last year she had two jokey gifts for Lewis and 2 really nice thoughtful ones. This year I have similar! She’s a really good gift giver! She goes above and beyond!”

“She really does! I always get excited, just to see what Y/N gets her Secret Santa each year!”

“I think after this, if they didn’t before, everyone wants her as their gift giver!”

“Okay last gift Charles”

He open up to see a plastic CD cover, decorated by Y/N. He opens it up seeing a note inside.

“For when you finally record something on the piano” he looks up at the presenter and he shows her the cute cover the artistic grid member has designed.

“This is beautiful and I will fill it with tracks I will share with you Y/N thank you again and Merry Christmas Cheri!” He grins.

Y/N definitely spend over her own private budget this secret Santa but she couldn’t help having a small crush on the Alfa Romeo, future Ferrari boy.

2019

“Y/N, you know it’s my favourite time of the year just because you are here serving us once again with your amazing and seemingly limitless gift giving skills. I do have to ask how did you get that Monza pit board”

“Well, my dad is good friends with a Motorsport enthusiast, who has an auction house for Motorsports and Cars, and I won it in August, and was going to give it to Charles as an end or year well done/ Christmas present, but when I got him for secret Santa it made sense to put it in his gifts” you explain.

“Amazing okay so here are you presents for the 2019 season!”

“Oh my gosh I know who this is already! It’s K Mag” you exclaims seeing the pottery set! You’d been saying to him how you wanted to start getting into pottery and how you’d just brought one of the proper stoves to bake them in.

“We spoke about this before, and of course this Metallica Funko Pop would have given it away if the pottery didn’t! Omg I can’t wait to make you and your wife a vase! Thank you so much! I will bring it with me at the start of next season!” You exclaim looking in awe at the two presents in front of you!

*Flip*

“Lance Stroll, I think this year might be your lucky year, you’ve got a decent size bag with three presents” the presenter says cheerfully making Lance smile back.

“I’m excited to see what’s been brought for me! Okay first one obviously we have to open the card and see the message.

“Dear Lance, Starting as rookies together was so much fun! Beating you was even better! Oh it’s either Y/N or Gasly, we all had our rookie year together in 2017!” He exclaims before pulling out the first present which was another envelope.

“You know this is gonna be a voucher of some kind or like, a this was supposed to be your present but it’s not here. What could it be!” He asks opening it up.

“Tennis lessons … WITH ANDY MURRAY? It’s gotta be Y/N right? They are both from the UK, and I’m guessing someone she knows him? How the hell does she know him?” He laughs, he was really into tennis, if he ever had to quit motorsport he would got to tennis as his secondary option.

“This is amazing, thank you Y/N” he smiles genuinely.

“I think him and Y/N were invited to meet the Queen. She wanted to meet Y/N for breaking records around women in motorsport. They’ve played tennis together and she’s driven him round Aintree in her Lamborghini”

“Woah that’s crazy, so they are like friends? Well thank you Y/N and Andy watch out coz I’m coming for you!” He says as he reaches for the next present which is very badly wrapped.

“I think this just be the joke present she gets alongside her good ones” he says shaking it nothing giving away what it could be. He rips it open, to find a mug and a bottle of maple syrup!

“Ah yes as a true Canadian, maple is necessary! And oh a mug”

“Turn it round Lance, what does it say?” Laughs the presenter not actually knowing this was one of the presents.

“It says Daddies Little Boy” he laughs, knowing the joke in the paddock that he wouldn’t ever loose his seat in F1 until he no longer wanted to race.

“That’s hilarious, thank you Y/N I’ll be sure to show my dad this one. Okay onto the last”

He opens it up seeing a James Bond Limited Edition, signed Car from the movies in a mini form.

“It’s so funny, me and Y/N have arguments about this all the time. So they basically got her in Casino Royale as a stunt driver for one scene as she looks like Eva Green from the back. So she will always say that Casino Royale is the best Bond film, but I disagree I think it’s Quantum of Solace! Thank you Y/N for all of this! I can’t wait for my Tennis lessons!”

2020

“What a year it’s been with this virus Y/N and what a stressful year it has been for you drivers. However you’ve had some amazing drives, you had your first win this year with the new name for Toro Rosso under AlphaTauri! And we couldn’t be happier for you. But, your moving up the ranks aren’t you!” The presenter grins happily.

“Yes as of 2021 I will stay in the Red Bull family but move alongside Max into the Red Bull Racing Honda team!” You exclaim! You were so happy to have been given the chance and had worked your but of last year in AlphaTauri coming P5 in the drivers championship. Christian Horner came to you and offered you the seat as you’d done better in the Tauri than Alex in the Red Bull.

“This is just amazing news for you Y/N and we are excited to see what you can do alongside Max Verstappen in 2021!”

“Okay here are you presents for this year!” She says, you pull your mask up a little as it had dropped down as you were talking it repositioning it up and in the correct way.

“These feel like drinks?” You question as you shake the box, when you peel it down you burst out laughing at the crate of Red Bulls in front of you. Everyone knew you were moving to Red Bull so this could literally be anyone.

“Oh my gosh, and Lego Star Wars! LOOK ITS THE FALCON” you yell excitedly. During COVID, you’d streamed alongside Alex, Charles, Lando and George as you liked playing games already and it was more fun with your friends. But you also did streams where you’d answer questions while building Lego’s.

“Guys, Christmas Falcon building stream??” You ask wiggling your eyebrows, however you didn’t know if they’d be able to see them with the Santa hat currently on top of your head.

“Who did you think it is?” The presenter asks.

“I feel like this one is so hard this year, everyone knows I’m moving to RedBull and everyone knew I streamed, and my love for Star Wars” you sigh, a hand rising up to your face in a thinking motion.

“It’s gotta be someone kind and funny. Lando? NO? hmmmm …Dani Ric again? No? Pierre Gasly? NO? Oh my lord, erm I’m not sure who is it??” You ask genuinely having no clue!

“It was George Russell!” She exclaims and you grin widely!

“Thank you so much George! I really appreciate this and I hope you drop in the steam where I’m building it!”

*Flip*

“Max, what a year it’s been for you! Between some amazing races and coming P3, what can we expect from you in 2021”

“Becoming a world champion for sure, I think Y/N moving over to redbull at this time in my career is exactly what I need. She was giving me a run for my money in a mid field car this year, pushing it to its limits every race and outperforming the car. I think she’s going to be competitive and push me further as both a teammate and a rival. I’m excited to have her on board” he smiles nodding.

“Okay so here’s your presents, they are numbered in the order you have to open them in!” She says pushing them forward.

“Okay present one, oh what is this OMG tickets to Moto GP. Beside F1 that is my favourite sport! And it’s during the summer break, that’s incredible! Thank you so much! There’s two so that means I can take a friend I presume! Can I take the gifter?” He asks looking at the F1 presenter who nods, knowing you most likely wouldn’t turn that down.

“Next one! Oooo woah, this is nice, look at this. This one here is me in, Malaysia I think. My first ever face win! Austria in 2018 is here, you can see the Bulk from the Red Bull Ring, oh and here is I think this must be my win in Brazil last year I want to say? And then Abu Dhabi from this year? That race was only yesterday, how did they… this has to be Y/N I don’t know any other person who is this good at art” he says pointing the painted canvas.

“Okay, this is the last one, so this has to be her joke one right?” He asks looking towards the people.

“Read the note here first, now that you’ve worked out who it is” she smiles pushing the letter forward.

“Dear Max, I can’t wait to drive alongside you next year. Or maybe in front of you, we’ll just have to wait and see. Y/N

“I am very excited to drive with her next season. It’s going to be a very close season with the changes I’m sure will occur” he says as he starts to pull from the bag.

“A Y/N pillow, this will travel with me as a travel pillow! Oh and a Y/N signed red bull cap. You’ll be signing a lot more of these next year, but I’m honoured to get the first ever one!” He smiles nodding before looking at the camera for them to stop rolling.

2021

“Y/N, what an amazing year you’ve had a RedBull, coming in P3 and winner the constructors championship for Red Bull, how has the year been?”

“Yeah it’s been phenomenal, driving with Max has really made me push myself to the limits. I think I’m still warming up in the Red Bull this seasons and I made some mistakes which I’ve been focusing on improving each race and I think you can see that in my performance in the second half of the season. I’m thankful to max for pushing me to be a better driver and I’m excited for 2022 with Red Bull, and Honda!”

“Obviously it’s our favourite time of the year! And we are going to be opening some presents!” She says pushing forward a small box. You grin looking at the very precise and very neat wrapping.

You open the box to find one of those cute adopt a penguin with the little plushie.

“Awww it’s so cute!” You exclaims holding up the little penguin.

“And I think there’s a note in there about something else” the F1 presenter directs.

“Hello Y/N it’s your fav mentor. Join me to meet this penguin on a Antártica cruise! K.R”

“KIMI, KIMI, KIMI! No this is too much!” You say looking at the presenter in panic.

“Your idol wants to go on holiday with you! How do you feel”

“Blessed! I’m so happy! I can’t wait to go see the penguins with you Kimi!” You smile, hugging the penguin plushie close to your chest.

*Flip*

“Lando, you’ve got some large gifts here”

“Yeah it’s Y/N” Lando immediately says looking at the wide array of gifts.

“You haven’t even opened at them yet” she laughs.

“No I know Y/N and she’s the only one that puts THIS extensive effort into this! I’ve nailed it tho saying it’s Y/N” he smirks.

“Okay what have we got here” he says picking up the first which is a thinly wrapped envelope.

“Spa vouchers …” he says before shaking his head trying not to laugh and look mock angry.

“I crash in spa, and this is what I get… thanks Y/N. Oh there’s three vouchers. You can Max Fewtrell can come with me. Oh and some … Valorant lessons? Are you saying I’m bad at Valorant, just because your a sweat and your like Ascendent or some shit!” He grins out.

He grabs the next box, small yet heavy. He opens it seeing McLaren x Richard Mille.

“A watch! Woah this … I’m so happy to add this to my collection!”

“And it’s the only one ever made!” The presenter adds making him gasp and look underneath the watch at the engraving. A blush comes onto his face thanking the girl for the watch.

“Okay big box next!” He grins tearing into it.

“Oh Y/N! Y/N” he says with a hand slapped to his mouth.

“Wait no stop” he says pulling the personalised helmet she made him with a note explaining it was for a good start to 2022.

“Thank you Y/N and I can’t wait to wear this next year it’s amazing!” He smiles showing it to the camera finding more and more funny things to laugh to himself about that were inside jokes between the pair of you.

2022

“Y/N the fight between you Max and Charles was so close this year, and you only were a few points behind Charles in the end, taking a storm of a constructors win for Red Bull, so do think you and Charles will have a chance in 2023”

“Yea of course! I’ve renewed my contract with Red Bull until 2025, so I’m very excited at what it will bring!”

“As usual it’s time for the best part of the season! Secret Santa, let’s see what you’ve got this year!” She directs pushing forward the presents in front.

“A bottle of Sake! This will be from Mr Yuki Tsunoda, a Japanese delicacy that he introduced me to this year at the Grand Prix! Thank you Yuki! We’ll have to drink this together!” You smile before going to the next present.

“Oh my gosh, a Bonsai and new tools! This is perfect for my garden in London! Look I have to show you!” She smiles showing the F1 presenter pictures of her garden going off on a rant of where she could place the new bonsai.

“Thank you so much Yuki! Can’t wait to race with you in 23” you smile at the camera.

*Flip*

“Alex! Hopefully Williams has been treating you well” the interviewer smiles happily.

“It has, I think I got a lot out of the car this year which they can learn from in the future! It’s been a year of learning for all of us and we’re happy with the improvements we made” he smiles.

“Well it’s Secret Santa time. Here are your gifts”

“This first one feels like a shirt” he admits feeling up the packaging. He opens it and unfolds the top laughing at what was on the front putting it down and laughing into his hands.

“Show us what you got Alex” she asks. He holds up the gifted top that’s a picture of you and Lily holding hands walking through the paddock looking at each other loving. Above the picture in writing says ‘this woman stole my girlfriend’.

“Lily will force me to wear this, I know it and she will agree with it and come running to the menace of a Secret Santa that gifted this to me! Thank you Y/N” he smiles charmingly at the camera.

“Okay, up next oh? Private golf lessons, with Lily at Hotchkin Course. It says here’s the course is ours for the whole day! Woah, not only will I appreciate that but Lily will also enjoy that day out! Thank you so so much Y/N as usual you are the best!”

“Hand painted golf balls, oh look so this one has the Thai flag on it, this one has the Williams logo on it, this one has a Lily flower on it, okay that’s cute! Look at this detail” he says holding the ball up close to the camera!

“This is perfect! Thank you Y/N and have an amazing Christmas”

2023

"Y/N you and Max have had an amazing season this year and have dominated formula one in Red Bull. You came P2 in the championship, not too far behind Max who won his 3rd championship!"

"Yes, its been an amazing year for us and I'm hoping that next year it will be me winning the Championship!" you grin looking at the presenter.

"Okay, so its the 7th year of Secret Santa on the grid! Are you excited! Because i am!" she says shoving the small bag towards you. You grin excited.

"Yes, okay so ooooo, I know who this is straight away and I think the fans are going to be really happy over this" you grin after you'd peeled the bag back seeing the first gift that was unwrapped and open for the eye to see.

You pull the object out showing hair bleach, toner and little tools and foils, and a note saying that you'll both dye it together and be matching blondes.

You show the camera, knowing fans will not only go wild for blonde Alex, but wild for you finally going blonde after saying for months that you would.

"This is a great gift, and we are going to get Lily to do this for us together!" you smile, before dipping into the bag and pulling the next gift out.

"Steal my GF coupons! OMG finally thank you Alex, i can finally get MY girlfriend Lily back. Guy's seriously when you next pan to her when she's in the paddock, please caption her as Lily Professional Golfer and Partner of Red Bull Driver Y/N Y/L/N. Please I'm begging you!" she laughs and the presenter writes something down on her phone.

"Thank you Alex for these amazing gifts and I will be sure to use both the coupons and the hair dye!" you grin, observing the contents of the hair dye.

"This is a good brand no? Lily must do a good job" you nod, hoping that Lily knows how to dye hair considering Alex's looked good the last time he had it done.

"Yes, its what they use for most of the KPOP Idols in Korea, you know how they dye their hair lots? This is what they use in order to keep it really nice and smooth"

*FLIP*

"Okay, here we have our all time favrioute Daniel Ricciardo, so happy to have seen you driving for AlphaTauri this year. Hopefully 2024 will be a good season for you and we can get some podiums back up there!" she smiles at Daniel who has his typical huge smile back.

"Thank you, lets get down to the real reason we are here! I want to see the presents whoever this is"

"Okay, so ooo a bike helmet. Hmmmm I've been saying to a few on the grid that i need a new one, but this is a really good brand. Okay next one" he smiles moving the bike helmet to one side.

"Ohhhh what the hell, someone has got me Talladega Nights, but they've photoshopped me into Ricky Bobby's place. Look at this. Did you guys get Jensen Button to join in this year?" he laughs showing the camera, the photoshopped version of the popular film among the drivers.

"That's really funny so i bet its got to be one of the young one. Maybe Lando? Or Y/N? or even Oscar my Aussie brother?" he says observing the disk before placing it against the bike helmet leaving it on show.

"A honey badger plushie... okay this is Y/N Lando no way would get me a plushie thats this cute" he jokes.

"Okay last one, holy shit. Do you know how the hell she managed to pull some of these gifts off?? I swear she's the actual St Nick sometimes!" he says looking at his final present. It was an envelope explaining something that you would do for him.

"So she's booked a venue, for her and Heidi in Milan to do a fashion show of my new clothes line that I’ve made in-front of anyone who wants to attend… that’s so thoughtful. Thank you Y/N I’m sure you and Heidi will look amazing on the runway! Thank you and see you on the track more next year!” He smiles.

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall@sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @the-fem1n1ne-urge @21stcenturytaegi @dark-night-sky-99 @spideybv28 @i-wish-this-was-me

[robopet-archive]

Little Live Pets My Dream Puppy

Brand: Little Live Pets

Manufacturer: Moose Toys

Release Date: Fall 2016

Retail Price: US $54.99 / UK £54.99

Color Variations: Golden Retriever (Snuggles), White with Pink Ears (Tiarra), Husky (Frosty), Schnauzer (Ruffles)

Description: Hi! I'm Snuggles, your Dream Puppy! I move and feel just like a real puppy. Hold me in your arms and give me a hug. You wont be able to resist my big blue expressive eyes. Feed me with my bottle and I'll fall asleep in your arms and dream about you! I'm looking for someone just like you to be my best friend. I even come with an adoption certificate for you to fill in make me your own! Snuggles is the no mess pup who loves to be loved! Snuggles moves, feels and responds just like a real puppy does. With a pat of the head or a rub of the tummy, Snuggles behaves in different ways. Realistic and fully interactive, all Snuggles needs is a best friend like you! "

Features: Touch Sensitive (cheeks and back), Emits Sound, Movement (eyes, head, tummy, and tail)

Recommended Age: 4 Years+

Power Supply: 4 x AAA batteries

Additional Notes: Comes with collar, adoption certificate, and milk bottle

#robotic pet #robot #dog #puppy #golden retriever #husky #schnauzer #Little Live Pets #Moose Toys #2017 #touch sensitive #emits sound #movement #plush

[whump-ghoul]

Fic: If Found, Return To...

I was thinking about dog!Mountain again and wondered what his first ‘walks’ were like prior to ‘How to Walk a Mountain’.

(Aka: The Ghouls try and put him on a leash. It goes as well as you can imagine)

Wordcount: Approx. 2200

Characters: Zephyr (chAir), Dewdrop (Water), Iftrit (Fire) and of course Mountain (Earth). Terzo is mentioned. 

[My Ghost lore is a little rusty so please bare with me - this is set around 2016/2017. Might edit and post to AO3 at some point, but for now enjoy a ficlet at the expense of my sanity - I wrote this in a rush on the train so sorry about any mistakes lol]

“I really think we should put him on a leash.” Zephyr had said in the early days of their ‘walks’. This was the third one they’d taken across the last five months, and the air ghoul was already getting tired of constantly losing the ghoul to the forest and waiting an age for him to return. It had happened twice now, especially since Essence Mountain had a different perspective and understanding of the world than normal Mountain. Dew and Ifrit only shared a look and shrugged. Sure, it was annoying, but nothing truly harmful to any of them; the earth wasn’t their essence, but it didn't do them any harm to embrace the outdoors - especially after weeks of rehearsals and chores keeping them cooped up in the Abbey. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Omega crossed his arms, he’d just returned from an afternoon of helping in the infirmary, therefore was more than done with people’s bullshit for the day. 

“Could work, but might look a little strange, no?” Dew offered.

“We are ghouls summoned from Hell to help a Satanic Pope spread The Word with world-wide music tours. We have to regularly take the huge, non-verbal earth ghoul out for walks or he starts tearing the place apart. They make me play a fucking keytar. I think stranger things have happened.” Zephyr scoffed. “It’ll just make it easier on us, that's all I'm saying.”

“Alright, man,” Omega said, a headache already forming behind his eyes. “Do whatever, but I don’t want any part of whatever dumb shit you decide on.”

And with that, he retired to his room for the night. Years down the line, Dew would come to regret that the era four ghouls couldn’t get along. Since their summoning, and the frequent shifts in touring ghouls, tensions were high and meaningful connections were at an all time low, therefore the water-turned-fire ghoul had made it his goal to at least connect with one of them. Oddly enough, the silent one was going to be his best bet at levelling his loneliness. 

“We could just stop taking him out for ‘walks’ and instead just let him do whatever.” Ifrit suggested.

“No way.” Dew said, “Once he’s in that headspace, he doesn’t know what to do with himself - it’s like all rationale goes out the window. He needs us to take him out y’know.”

“Then can’t we just play fetch with him until he gets bored?”

It was Zephyr’s time to argue, “No. Tried to do that once but it’s really not enough, the menace wouldn't leave me alone.” 

The air ghoul wasn’t going to admit that they fell hard for the large doe eyes the earth ghoul sported whenever he wanted something. Whether they were purposeful or not, none of the ghouls had the heart to say ‘no’ when Mountain gave them the eyes. 

So that's how they found themselves a few days later: stood awkwardly apart in a pet store as they idly browsed the leash section. 

“We should get the pink one with love hearts.” Dew giggled, holding up the offending collar for the others to see. 

“No way, man,” Ifrit scoffed. “He’s not a handbag dog - this red one with flames is more his style for sure.”

Zephyr, who had been banned from choosing a collar when they suggested a chain one, shook their head at the absurdity. Nothing in their life could be normal, apparently. For ten minutes they argued over colours until a worker finally stepped over to help. 

“No man, the green one is much more his style, he’s an earth-“

“First time dog owners?” The worker asked the glamoured ghouls, who startled at the interruption. 

“Something like that. We’re just looking for a friend.” Ifrit said with a shark-like grin. The worker swallowed, though still determined to continue the customer service spiel. 

“Yeah, we just need something big and comfortable enough to fit his neck. None of this choking stuff, but something to keep him in line.” Dew elaborated. 

“Uh- right.” The worker stammered, “We do have some anti-pull harnesses if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“He wont wear a harness - nor will one fit him.” Zephyr said. “Has to be a collar.”

“Is this for a puppy? We offer training classes for puppies and small dogs, but we also have specialised classes for more mature dogs such as rescues.” The man smiled, reaching for a display that had the pamphlets and handed one to Zephyr. Dew snatched it out of their hand because how on Lucifer's forsaken earth were they to sneak an Essence Mountain in, and he was sure normal Mountain would beg to be sent back to the Pit instead of attending one. As much as the search for a leash was amusing, Dew felt somewhat uncomfortable at the treatment of the earth ghoul. 

“Thank you, but he’s… not… yeah.” The water ghoul mumbled, passing back the now creased pamphlet to the dubious worker. Ifrit took his chance to take control of the situation back by derailing their search completely. 

“What's the longest leash you have? We need one that’ll still have some slack even when he stands up.”

The man tried to smooth his tucked-in polo as he stammered. He tripped on his words until they finally levelled on his tongue in a concerned tone, the pamphlet forgotten and scrunched in tense hands. 

“I- I- have to ask… is this going to be for a child?”

“What?” Ifrit scoffed, “No!”

“Is he a kid?” Dew pointed out, “He’s younger than us, sure but we don’t actually know is inf- his actual human age.”

*** 

In the end, they got kicked out before they could purchase anything, the worker deciding they should take their ‘inappropriate’ business elsewhere. 

“Man this is bullshit!” Zephyr huffed. “Who knew buying a leash for a ghoul would be so hard!” 

“This was your idea in the first place.” Ifrit accused. “We came all the way out here for nothing- I had to take on a Sister’s chores for a month just so she’d drive us here!” 

Ifrit looked apologetically to the Sister of Sin waiting by the car of the parking lot. She didn’t complain, as she was leant happily against the hood speaking animatedly on the phone and touching up her eyeliner in the polished black metal. 

“Yeah yeah.” Zephyr shifted on their feet, stumped. 

“Guys.” Dew suddenly interrupted from where he had been gazing across the rows of department stores. 

“What?” Zephyr asked, following Dew’s grinning stare at a small child who toddled past with his parents. Attached to his backpack/harness was a leash. 

“I think I found a solution to your problem.” He grinned further, dragging Zephyr along with him towards the nearby toy store. 

“We’re not fucking doing this…” Ifrit scoffed, his face in an amazed super in his awe at the antics.

***

Since hidden at the bottom of the basket, the ghouls had settled on the largest, and most appealing child harness they could find: a bumblebee backpack with a fairly long leash. It was only hidden as Ifrit and Dew had tossed some toy guns on top for their own entertainment. They included enough for Terzo and Omega too, after all, it was Terzo’s  card that was paying for all this. The air ghoul pretended he didn't want one… then added his own just a few minutes later. 

“Are we done?” Zephyr asked as Dew finalised their shop by adding a can of tennis balls to their haul. 

“Don’t get pissy with me, Zeph, you’re the one who suggested this.” Dew accused, following Ifrit to the checkout counter as the familiar tug of their glamour pulled at his mind. They were all growing tired of keeping up such an intensive glamour for so long. 

“Whatever.” Zephyr rolled his eyes, and followed the ghouls back to the car once everything was paid for. They ended up making a stop at another pet store to get him an engraved tag and collar that read: 

‘Monty. If found, return to Dave’ with a number on the reverse. 

They decided that using the most human names they could think of would somehow make it easier for him to be returned, and ‘Monty’ was an apt pet name for their floppy-eared mountain ghoul. In this scenario ‘Dave’ was Omega, given that Zephyr never answered his phone, Ifrit would troll the unsuspecting caller, and Dew… was Dew. They thought about adding Terzo's number instead, but it would look bad on them If Mountain got lost on their watch and Terzo found out. 

***

“See? Isn’t this better already?” Zephyr said a few weeks later as they walked the wooded trail. At first, mountain had been pretty against wearing a leash of all things, but after some bribing and positive enforcement, he eventually gave in. He was walking just ahead of them, when he slowed to inspect a small budding plant. The ghouls also stopped, basking in the springtime sun as they continued to talk yet Dew shifted uncomfortably. 

“I don't know man, this seems a bit dehumanising.” He shrugged when Zephyr questioned his hesitance. Sure, Mountain was far more animalistic than the current summoned ghouls, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t be treated without a shred of dignity when his essence clawed at his resolve enough to turn him into an anxious puppy. It happened so infrequently that it was hardly a burden on them in the first place. Still, they were reluctant to share such information with the rest of the clergy, as even Terzo was still unlearning the biases against ghouls that had been ingrained into his mind by his father. 

It was their ‘secret’ of sorts, and Dew could only worry about what was going to happen on tour… A twig snapped, and Mountain's head snapped in the direction of the noise. Dew and Zephyr thought nothing of it. 

“I guess.” The air ghoul amended, though tightened his grip on the leash regardless. “But it’s either this, or we lose him, and I don’t wanna explain that to Papa.” 

“Come on, he can’t exactly help it.” Dew argued, “I’ve had my ass beaten by Imperator too many times for leaving windows open during storms and trailing water through the halls, and Ifrit has burnt too many curtains to count. Hell, you can’t pretend you’re perfect with your constant fucking with the weather whenever your essence is particularly sensitive.”

“So? At least it’s not embarrassing. I don’t get why we needed a new ghoul in the first place - Earth was doing just fine, all we got with this one is trouble. The old man couldn’t even summon a normal one. Instead we’ve got a mute with fickle knees and-”

Dew blinked. 

Mountain was halfway up the trail.

Zephyr was sprawled on the dirt track. 

In the blink of an eye, the air ghoul had been launched across the path - a good few feet by the water ghouls estimate. They were laying face down in the dirt, one arm extended in front of them as though reaching for the quickly retreating leash that tumbled after the earth ghoul as he sprinted after a rabbit. Dew winced, Zephyr wasn’t exactly small, so Mountain was sure to have a few bruises later from the pull. It was almost admirable how it didn’t stop him, though. 

“I don’t think the leash is gonna work out.” Dew said as Zephyr pulled themselves up, their face either red with rage or embarrassment. Dew suspected both.

Without another word, they pushed past the water ghoul and headed back to the Abbey, rubbing their shoulder as they went and cursing profanities that Secondo would be proud of.  

***

Eventually, Mountain returned to the wandering water ghoul, emerging from the shrubs and sheepishly carrying the destroyed leash in one hand, the other holding his filthy backpack that was overflowing with trinkets: animal bones, leaves, twigs, flowers and wild herbs. The telltale rattle of rocks told the water ghoul that there were several stones in there too. 

“All good?” Dew asked, and Mountain nodded, frowning as he looked around for Zephyr. He keened as though worried for the air ghoul. 

“Went back to the Abbey after you destroyed their ego.” Said Dew, laughing when Mountain's large ears drooped in his guilt. 

“Don’t worry about it, big guy. The leash was their dumb idea in the first place. I knew something like this was gonna happen. I mainly came along just to see it blow up in their face.” He said, and reached up to unclip the collar. 

Mountain purred as soon as it was gone, and instinctively scratched the skin where it had been.

“Come on,” Dew gestured towards the path back to the Abbey, “I promise you won’t have to wear it again, but we’ll have to work on your recall.” 

The water ghoul only laughed as Mountain grumbled something akin to: “Fine.”

[bionicdogs]

time for a brief moment of late night vulnerability:

i find it pretty cruel that angel came into our family as a birthday present for me and she died the day after my birthday. now granted, we didn’t actually get her on my birthday. she was born in january and came home in march, the product of an oops litter where my mom’s coworker didn’t realize her male was old enough to breed (yeah…). i was too young for her to really be my dog anyway.

it stings. it feels like my birthday is always going to be overshadowed now by her loss. august 21st is still weird for me, and this year will be three years since biscuit died.

i miss her. so, so much. i haven’t been able to vacuum her hair out of my truck from her vet visit where we learned she was bleeding internally and made the decision to let her go that same day. her nose prints are still on my windows. her soft toys and tennis balls are still safely tucked away where the boys can’t get them (we took them out for her every day when the boys got put up). her hair is still in the vacuum. the day after she died i went and got step stones to put over her grave, and got enough to redo biscuit’s at the same time to match. the stones haven’t started to sink yet, though i know they will and mounded the dirt the stones to account for that. i ordered her actual gravestone today. black granite, it will have her photo engraved in it.

we leave for a beach camping trip at the end of the month, our third time going. they have an excellent dog beach there. angel was supposed to go. she had a brand new harness and collar just to play in the water. she wore the harness once, and only wore the collar the day she died.

booker’s separation anxiety has skyrocketed. he’s destroyed a few household things which is something he’s never done before, even as a puppy. i don’t think he understands why angel isn’t home.

i haven’t been able to sleep. i fall asleep around 2 am because i’m not tired and i wake up again at 6:30, a full 30 minutes before my alarm. i’m not tired throughout the day; i don’t nap. there was a storm a couple days after she died, and i couldn’t sleep then because she hated storms and she was out there all alone.

i’m so glad i made that instagram account for booker. it pushed me take pictures and videos of everything. i have 222 pictures of biscuit on my phone, starting in 2017 to when he died in 2020. from 2017 to 2023 of angel, i have 1,419 pictures and videos. I got into proper photography because i had so few pictures of biscuit, and i wanted more than that for angel. i’m so glad i did. i’ve never been much of a picture taking person. it always felt awkward at best and rude at worst. i don’t care anymore. moments are fleeting but these pictures will last very long time and i intend to treasure them for years to come.

god i miss her. i miss her smell and her oh so soft fur. i wonder if the birds and the squirrels will notice they will no longer have her loose fur from being brushed to build their nests with. no one ever talks about the little things. booker is eating her food because it was dumped into a secondary container and couldn’t be donated. he’s eating out of her elevated feeder because it’s part of our dog feeding and watering setup and can’t just go away. he’s still confused about it. for almost three years he wasn’t allowed to eat out of that bowl, and he doesn’t understand why he can now.

i trim the boys’ nails and i think about how angel would be so happy i’m not doing her next. there’s nearly a full bottle of her ear cleaner in the bathroom. i bought a force dryer to make it easier to dry her after baths and swimming and only got to use it on her once. i have a slicker brush and comb that i used on her that i can’t use on the boys, their fur is too short. what of her boots, her lick sleeve, her leash. what do i do with her xanax. booker can take her other meds, he takes them anyway, but the xanax? do i just let it rot in the dog medicine organizer? take it to a pharmacist? eventually her food container will be empty, what do i do with it then? it has her name written on it.

[otter-th3rian]

I was a cat, I simply was. I walked on all fours, refused to drink anything unless it was in a cat bowl, wore a collar, only communicated through meows, hisses, and body language, and everything and anything else you could think of. I also checked out every single cat fact book I could find in the library and now know,,, possibly too much about cats from it.

For border collie and seagull they were less in your face but still definitely there

I lived for any food in the shape of the cookies we gave the dogs (the classic milk bone shape) no matter how it tasted. If it was so much as edible and in a bone shape it was going in my mouth. I stole the toys we bought for the dogs if the dogs had gotten bored of them and spent hours chewing on them, as well as chewing on my own plushies like they were dog toys, and I would play puppy with my older sister, who would pretend to be my owner and I was a puppy who needed dog cookies and a dog bed and to have headpats. Best game ever. Also when my sister got her dog (in 2017 I think) I would play like how dogs do with her for hours every day, I wasnt a young child (dog) by then but my mom never stopped me since it successfully made me and maple tired so she let it happen and that was great.

And for seagull- I don't really know tbh, I've always been obsessed with the idea of flying, and I've got a really strong connection with water. I also have a seagull-like personality or smth ig?? because every friend group I've been in has unpromtedly told me that if I were a bird I would be a gull (which I am, so not wrong) and also when I was younger and used to go to the beach more I would always lure the seagulls over and sneak them my lunch, then while my family was swimming I would happily lay in a pile of seagulls eating chips with them like they were my family (they are)

Otter and all my fictkin types n stuff didn't really have tell tails, the second I found my fictkins I knew they were me, and I've always loves and related to otters, but they are my soul kintype and ig that just hasn't let them show themselves physically too much? Gull, puppy and kitty are all my psychological theriotypes so that does kind of make sense to me lol

Though I did talk about how I was always swimming 'before I was here' to my mom when I was little, because I remembered my past life even then, so maybe that counts as the otter showing through

Guys we should start calling 'signs you were alterhuman before you knew you were one' tell-tails. Get it? Like tell-tales but tails?? Because alterhuman? Tell-tail sign I was a cat: i used to pray to every god i knew about (in my head, not out loud tho) to turn me into a cat. on a nightly basis -- plot twist I'M AN ATHEIST

Also feel free to talk about your tell-tails in rbs or comments im quite curious

[kaz-foxsen]

I purchased two wooden egg shaped Japanese Chin dog figures from you on Etsy in 2017. One had the name Matty with a blue collar/gold tag and the other was Lucy with a red collar/gold tag. Are you still making these. If so, I cwould like to order one with the name Sadie on the back with a pink collar/gold tag. I would also like a cat with a grey body and white lower half of face and stomach. Blue collar and the name Marvin.

Thanks for your response. I have always treasured these and now have two more pets.

Janet Self

jself1971@gmail.com

I’m glad to hear that you enjoy the ornaments I painted. Since I got a full-time job, my hands have been full, so I shut my Etsy shop down and had to stop taking commissions. I apologize for that. Best of luck with Sadie and Marvin --Kaz

[lostinthewoods-kristoff]

November 11 -- Short and Sweet One-Shot

Nov. 2016 - to do

Check firewood levels

Check food stocks

Insulate room

Get new guitar string

Apr. 2017 - to do

Check firewood levels

Get new knife

Get new pair of boots

Start new food stock

Pick new place for food stock - deer keep finding old spot

Nov. 2017 - to do

Check firewood levels

Check food stocks

Insulate room

Find Flemmingrad present for Sandy

Get new jacket (find something to fix tear with?)

Mar. 2018 - to do

Buy sofa (find sofa?)

Buy table (find table?)

Buy bed (find bed?)

Put up ad for roommate

Sept. 2019 - to do

Pick up new satchel

Get list for forest from witch on Sycamore street

Go back home - take Formation Day gift for Pablo

Jan. 2020 - to do

Learn how to write a resume

Write a resume

Send resume to places that might actually hire me

Jun. 2021 - to do

Rent suit

Actually go to prom

Nov 2021. - to do

Finish Flemmingrad present for Bulder

Finish christmas present for Mitte

Get new boots

Invite Mitte to Flemmingrad celebration

July. 2022 - to do 

Fill out paperwork for Chief Denim

Write and deliver resignation letter to Greg

Mar. 2023 - to do

Buy dog collar

Buy dog bed

Buy dog food (ask about best kind first)

Buy dog toys

Buy dog treats

[ameliajohnson23]

Here is why Cesar Millan's Halo Collar is a game-changing dog safety solution: It teaches dog owners how to bond with their furry friends by trusting, respecting, and loving them. To turn our vision into a reality, we have assembled the most qualified group of professionals conceivable. Comprised of professionals in technology and dog behavior, this group has developed the world's most comprehensive system for the protection and training of canine companions.

Cesar Millan's years of experience as a best dog trainer are combined with the Halo Collar GPS wireless virtual Dog Fences to create an all-in-one dog safety system. The revolutionary GPS technology in the Halo Collar ensures that your dog will always be safeguarded and leads them back to where they belong, giving you peace of mind.

HISTORY After his young niece's dog, Ruby, escaped from the yard and was hit by a car in 2017, inventor Ken Ehrman was inspired to create a dog safety solution. For over 25 years, Ken and his brother, Michael, have pioneered numerous safety and tracking breakthroughs in the industrial Internet of Things (IoT), and those advancements have saved countless lives in the transportation industry. Ken and Michael co-founded Halo to save dogs' lives, leveraging their technological abilities.

Cesar Millan, a world-renowned dog behaviorist, was called in by Ken, who assembled a team that combined Ken and Michael's superior technological expertise with Cesar Millan's proven dog psychology approaches. They collaborated with trusted global app and hardware development leaders to bring dogs the latest smart fence, smart training, and smart collar system. Over 50,000 dogs are now off-leash and safe, thanks to Halo.

[denimbex1986]

'Andrew Scott: do I want to be him, snog him, or just watch everything he ever appears in? I think it’s all three. Either way, from now on I’m going to ask everyone I meet if they agree that he is the greatest actor of our generation. If they don’t, sorry, we cannot be friends.

Not everyone loved the BBC’s lavish adaptation of Nancy Mitford’s The Pursuit of Love (I did), but everyone who watched it agreed on one thing: Scott, who played louche bright young thing Lord Merlin, lit up every second of his screen time. As we watched him dancing to T-Rex in silk pyjama suit with a harem of beautiful people following him around, we wanted to have a pyjama party in his honour.

He became a legend of this nation as Fleabag’s Hot Priest, the gin and tonic-drinking clergyman who ensured that the second series of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s hit show was even better than the first. It was an emotional rollercoaster: we sobbed and got hot under the dog collar. Paloma Faith spoke for us all when she infamously told Scott on the Graham Norton sofa that she’d needed “alone time” after watching the show.

But we bow down to him as the very best actor we have right now because of a long career of stellar performances, elevated by his own personal life philosophy. “Acting without humour is bad manners – it’s not the way human beings work,” he said last year in an interview for Elizabeth Day’s How To Fail podcast. That’s the key to his brilliance: he brings both humanity and levity to all of his characters.

The first time I ever saw him was on stage in Birdland at the Royal Court, back in 2014 as a rock star going off the rails in a metallic jacket. He’d already played Moriarty in Sherlock by then and won a Bafta for being the best thing in the show, but I had no idea who he was (I don’t watch things about men who are really good at doing maths in their heads). I still remember sitting at the back of the circle and thinking: that man is a star. His performance was vintage Scott: manic charisma, sexy but in a way that felt a bit dangerous, all with a vulnerable tenderness at its heart.

He’s an actor who can do the biggies. In 2017 he played Hamlet, making the prince into a sensitive man whose life has become unmoored by grief. I saw the nearly four hour running time of Robert Icke’s production and went to the theatre with a visceral sense of martyrdom, but Scott made it feel like it wasn’t long enough. It was the first time I’d watched Hamlet and not fallen asleep; usually I wake up and everyone on the stage is dead. But Scott made it so that I could understand every word he was saying… suddenly I understood why everyone else liked it so much.

And as Garry Essendine in Noel Coward’s Present Laughter in 2019, he picked up a host of gongs including Best Actor at our Evening Standard Theatre Awards. Not only did his hilarious performance light up our summer, but the production had an important political meaning too, allowing the queer subtext in Coward’s work to be openly expressed. As Scott himself said in his acceptance speech, “I think sometimes [Coward is] accused of being a dusty old playwright but he smuggles through comedy really modern ideas about sexuality and gender. He sort of says it’s okay to live a life that’s less ordinary.”

But whatever he’s in, he always becomes the bit you never forget. Psychotic taxi driver in Black Mirror? Tick. Upper class World War One officer getting through the trauma with gallows humour in 1917? Tick. Welsh bookshop owner disowned by his family for being gay, who made us cry every tear in our body in Pride? Tick. Priest who would make you hotfoot to confession (even though you are an atheist) in Fleabag? As we know, tick, tick, tick.

His next project is playing Tom Ripley in a new mega-series about Patricia Highsmith’s enigmatic con artist, alongside Johnny Flynn and Dakota Fanning, and we already know Scott will make us forget every other Ripley depiction we’ve ever seen – apols Matt Damon.'

Andrew Scott been awesome

[hikari-kaitou]

Capcom’s Official AA Fanclub Surveys - Main Series Edition

Naturally, Capcom’s official AA fanclub site didn't only post surveys about the DGS characters; they published far more of them about the main series characters. It makes sense, as they started the trend before the DGS series had even been conceived.

Back in the old days, they used to hold a survey on Capcom’s official AA fansite every few months where they’d write about the seasonal activities of a handful of characters and ask fans to vote for the funniest/most pleasant/strangest/etc answer.

They stopped doing them in like… 2016? 2017? The original text is lost for good as far as I can tell. Even the wayback machine couldn’t help because the content was password locked and you can’t get past the password wall while remaining in the archived version.

Fortunately, I saved some of my translations of them so I thought I’d share them. Unfortunately, I was doing these translations very casually and only intended to share them with two of my close friends at the time when I did them, so some of them are just summaries rather than proper translations, and I tended to only focus on characters that we personally were interested in or scenarios that we thought were funny or interesting. That means there are parts missing, and because I didn't expect the original text to be wiped off the site I didn't save it so I could go back and fill in the blanks. Sorry about that...

Cut for length!

"Spring is on its way and each of the AA cast members spent their day off in different ways. Who's way of spending their day off sounds the most pleasant?"

Phoenix- he finished unpacking his moving boxes and sorting his seasonal clothing. While he was packing away his ugly pink sweater and such, he happened across the complete works of Shakespeare at the bottom of one of the boxes, got completely absorbed in reading, and ended up abandoning his unpacking.

Mia- She went shopping at a department store for a new summer suit. On her way, she coincidentally ran into Maya, who was on her way to the agency to hang out, but then at some point Maya vanished. Mia tried calling her cell phone but she didn't answer. "Don't tell me she's lost at her age," Mia thought, and began to search for her. She found Maya transfixed by a rooftop Steel Samurai show. It seems that she was both exasperated and relieved.

Maya- she tagged along on Mia's shopping trip, but the second she spied a poster for a rooftop Steel Samurai show, she made a beeline for the roof. She got into a cheering battle with a mean-looking elementary school boy and really enjoyed the show. When the show was over, she reunited with an exasperated looking Mia. She gleefully led Mia to a burger restaurant so they could eat some burgers together.

Edgeworth- he treated himself to a drive along the coast in his red sports car... Well, that was the plan, but then he was pushed by his mentor Von Karma into being the driver for his shopping trip. As a reward for his service, he received a brand new Von Karma style, stylish and flashy summer suit.

Then there's Larry, who dragged Phoenix to a café to hit on its hot owner, and the judge who bought a wig.

"Apollo, Fulbright, Edgeworth, Klavier and Kristoph made visits to a nursery school near the courthouse. Which of them did the most pleasant activity with the children?"

Apollo acted out the story of the “Crying Red Ogre” for the children. Phoenix played the part of the blue ogre, and Apollo was the red ogre, and Apollo’s wailing moved the children to tears too. In a panic over all the crying, they got Trucy to cheer them up with a magic trick in which she made Apollo disappear.

Fulbright: He came dressed in a blinding white costume to teach the children about justice and put on a play. The children gave him thunderous applause... But when Jinxie, who had been forced to play the part of the heroine, saw Fulbright, she thought he was the ghost of an army general, got scared, and slapped a charm on his face.

Edgeworth and Gumshoe: He and Gumshoe were going to reenact the story of Kintarou (an old Japanese fairytale). Franziska handed Edgeworth the Kintarou costume she’d designed (If you've seen Ghibli's Spirited Away, recall what Bou, the giant baby, wears. That's what we're talking about here). Edgeworth fearfully asked “You... expect me to wear this...?” Gumshoe, who had painted his whole body black to play the role of a bear, told him “Of course, sir! It doesn’t fit me!” and shoved Edgeworth out on stage in it. Edgeworth quickly began to reconsider Gumshoe’s salary for next month.

Klavier and Kristoph: Kristoph started giving a boring lecture on the importance of law, and the kids were getting antsy. Seeing this, Klavier came over with his guitar to liven things up, performing a rock style arrangement of the “The Bear Went Over The Mountain". But then he threw in the unnecessary comment of “If any of you scratch the frets of my guitar, I’ll be suing for damage of property, ok?” And they both ended up getting kicked out.

"This survey is about who knows how to enjoy a sunny day at Gourd Lake the best"

Simon: To give Taka some exercise, Blackquill took him and Fulbright (who was on guard duty) out for some falconry. Things were going well until Taka heard something about this mysterious creature “Gourdy,” freaked out, flew into the little shop selling Gourdy merchandise and started making a huge mess. Blackquill and Fulbright gathered Taka up in a panic and hightailed it out of there as fast as they could.

Edgeworth had seen Phoenix home and on his way back passed by Gourd Lake. Just as he was starting to get bad flashbacks... he happened to hear Larry in the middle of a flirting attempt and got dragged in. The woman he was trying to put the moves on was a foreigner, and she and Edgeworth started chatting in her native language. Larry couldn’t understand and was annoyed that Edgeworth was apparently moving in on his target, so he sulked and blew up at Edgeworth.

Athena tried to play matchmaker for Apollo and Juniper, so she told them to meet her in the forest near Gourd Lake so that they would run into each other there and hopefully hit it off. Juniper got there first, expecting to find Athena, but when Apollo showed up, she panicked and hid behind a tree. While she was trying to gather her nerve to go talk to him, he wandered off and she lost sight of him.

Phoenix was at the park and he got caught by Larry who was doing his part time job of selling Samurai Dogs. Larry saw a pretty lady that he wanted to flirt with so he asked Phoenix to mind the shop while he was gone. Business was slow, so he called in all the WAA members to put their full range of skills to use. They seem to have managed to sell them all!

Gumshoe took Missile for a walk in the park. They stopped for a rest and Gumshoe fell asleep, so Missile slipped out of his collar and ran over to where the Samurai Dogs were being sold. He ate them all without Phoenix noticing. Phoenix handed things back over to Larry when he got back and Larry got in huge trouble for losing so much product.

"This survey is talking about how the cast spent their Valentines Day"

Trucy gave Polly chocolate for himself and some for Klavier and asked Apollo to give it to him for her. Klavier wasn’t in court when Apollo went to look for him, though, so he and Phoenix went to the prosecutors’ office together with their chocolate. On their way, though, Apollo found himself getting a lot of strange looks from Themis Legal Academy students.

Ema gave some chocolates to Phoenix to give to Edgeworth because she suddenly got called to a crime scene. Phoenix headed over to the prosecutors’ office but Edgeworth was in court and wasn’t there, so Phoenix waited out in front of the prosecutors’ office with this flashy, girly looking bag of chocolates. Edgeworth’s trial ended up going a long time and Phoenix got a lot of stares as he waited.

Edgeworth was hit by a pollen-filled spring breeze on his way back to the office and suddenly his eyes got all red and itchy and he was left sneezing and sniffling. Phoenix came to talk to him and got quite a surprise when he saw the state Edgeworth’s face was in. The chocolates Ema gave him were in the shape of the Steel Samurai and they made Edgeworth so pleased that it seemed to ease his suffering a little.

Flower Viewing:

Phoenix and Apollo go to the park early to hold flower viewing spots for the WAA members. They see some people from around town that they know who ask them to hold their spots while they go and grab this or that. Phoenix and Apollo do their best to hold those people’s spots and in the process lose their own. They end up begging Edgeworth to let them share his and Klavier’s spot.

White Day:

Because of his painful memories about Valentine’s Day from elementary school, he doesn’t like Valentine’s Day or White Day that much. As a return gift to his beloved daughter, he gave her painstakingly handmade magic panty shaped chocolates. Apparently he forced the ones that didn’t turn out on Edgeworth...

Klavier was holding a ladies only concert, which he invited Trucy to. Phoenix was worried about letting Trucy be out at night by herself, so he sent Apollo along in disguise (as a woman!!). But Klavier saw through Apollo’s disguise easily and to Apollo’s horror, called him up on stage.

Autumn/Moon Viewing:

Phoenix, Edgeworth and Larry went to collect chestnuts together. Larry was too focused on looking for chestnuts and not watching where he was going and fell down the mountain slope. Phoenix had tried to catch Larry but he ended up falling too and spraining his ankle slightly. Edgeworth had to carry Phoenix on his back down the mountain.

Apollo went moon viewing with the rest of the WAA. It turned out into kind of an office party and Apollo had drink after drink while assuring everyone that “I’m fine!” but ended up getting pretty hammered. He proceeded to pass out and Phoenix took care of him.

Obon Festival:

Klavier performed a bonfire festival dance version of the Guitar’s Serenade at the summer festival and Apollo provided the taiko drum backup. He filled the gaps in the taiko drumming with his chords of steel, and it was a very energetic bonfire dance.

Edgeworth noticed the festival going on on his way home from work and decided to have a look. He saw Phoenix selling Samurai Dogs and desperately wanted one, but couldn’t bear the thought of Phoenix finding out that he was a Steel Samurai fan. He hemmed and hawed in front of the festival stall, trying to decide whether to buy one, but they sold out before he could make up his mind.

Phoenix went to the festival with Maya. Larry, who was working the Samurai Dog stand, called them over and forced them to watch the stand while he made a booty call. Phoenix and Maya’s manzai comedy duo style vocal advertising was so successful that they quickly sold out.

Christmas:

Phoenix, Trucy, Athena, Apollo and Pearl all spent the night at the office after their party wrapped up. Phoenix put presents next to the kids' pillows during the night.

Edgeworth grumbled about having to play Santa but dressed up anyway and snuck in at night to bring the younger ones at Phoenix's office some presents. He accidentally ends up sneaking into Phoenix’s room instead.

Apollo wanted to be a good big brother to Trucy and Pearl, so he snuck into their rooms to leave gifts but tripped over something, let out a Chords of Steel volume shout as he fell and ruined the surprise/

Klavier, as a favor to Trucy, snuck in dressed as a Visual Kei style Santa, but he announced his arrival with a rock arrangement of Santa Claus is Coming to Town and got caught and kicked out.

Blackquill had to make a jailbreak in order to play Santa, was chased down and Phoenix woke to find the police surrounding his office.

DGS Edition

[cassanovancats]

felicitate. four.

three < current > five

March 2017

White Day is only a few days away when you begin to notice Rika’s form is absent from your training sessions lately. There shouldn’t be any reason for this, at least not one you’re aware of. Your class celebrated Yuta’s birthday just two days ago, and both the curse and cursed seemed fine, great even. You decide it’s best to bring this up casually - Yuta was still so skittish and Rika would be able to hear whatever you said anyways. So while you lead Yuta through a yoga session, you ask, “How’s Rika?”

He flusters and falls from his side-plank variation pose. The band he was using as an aid tangles around his calf. You debate and decide to leave him. If you touched him now, he might spontaneously combust. That thought makes you giggle a little. You move to change to a position that meant you weren’t looking at him. Hopefully, that’s less pressure.

Yuta speaks up when you’re fully downward dog, leading you to believe your plan worked. “She’s fine, yeah, fine. Just uh - tired?” You nod but inwardly roll your eyes. You shift your hips in to move to upward facing dog and make eye contact again.

“Just checking. I miss her hanging out, you know?” It’s obvious Yuta just lied, curses don’t get tired, but it’s better to not call him out this time. You just have to hope it wasn’t anything you did. “I know you fell but at this point you’re just slacking. Get back on your mat,” you say, changing the topic to something safe.

You’re back in downward facing dog when the door slides open. A familiar voice drawls, “Why are you still working out, dummy? Forgot our plans?” You scramble to your feet.

“Gumi!” You rush to hug him despite his obvious distaste. “What time is it? Do I still have time to shower or will we be late?”

Your little brother snorts and pushes you away, “Please do, you smell. You have,” he checks his watch, “fifteen minutes.”

“Gumi! That’s not enough time!” You yell, already sprinting towards the showers at the back of the gym. Yuta pouts at how quickly you seemed to forget his presence. That face doesn’t escape Megumi.

“So, you like my idiot sister?”

“W-what! No, no no no, it’s not like that! She just helps t-train me and -!” Yuta knows he’s rambling but he can’t seem to stop talking.

“Whatever,” Megumi has better things to worry about than repressed hormones. He's known that Yuta had a crush on you since the first time he came to campus to train with you after Yuta arrived. Your classmate couldn’t stop staring and seemed disheartened by the fact that you called Megumi by a shortened version of his given name. He had pouted until Satoru showed up and made a spectacle of ‘Team Gojo’ being all together again. Like you three didn’t, at minimum, have a weekly dinner together.

“If you ever want to acknowledge them, you’ll have to get approved by Satoru.” Yuta feels like he also needs the approval of this boy, but he leaves that unsaid. Just nods dumbly. Probably a good thing he didn’t respond, because you barrel through the doors you disappeared from.

When you rush past him, Yuta gets a strong whiff of the floral scent he’s come to associate with you. Megumi laughs under his breath at the blissed out look. Your hair drips water onto your tee shirt and it’s clear you rushed. “Really, really sorry to dip, Yuta. Run through those stretches we did last week to cool down!” Your fingers distractedly pull your wet hair into a braid as you instruct him. “Oh! Tell Maki I won’t be at afternoon training, Satoru already knows and gave permission. Megumi, grab my duffel?” Already carrying it, he rolls his eyes. “I should be back tomorrow morning, but don’t count on it.”

“Wait, but why -?”

“Gotta dash. Bye, Yuta!” You run ahead of your brother, headed to your room to grab Tsumiki’s gifts. Megumi gives a nod and follows after you. Alone and without anyone around to judge, Yuta groans and buries his face into his yoga mat. God, why can’t he just be normal.

When he looks back up, Rika has taken your spot on your mat. You left in such a hurry, you didn’t even clean up. He’ll have to drop it off in your room. “Ya’ know, it’s not that I’m mad about you liking her,” she begins. “It’s just…. I know we can’t be together so I do want you to be happy. I just feel jealous. Especially since you got her that super fancy chocolate for White Day,” Rika finishes with a pout.

Yuta doesn’t really know how to reassure her. So he does what he promised when he was ten, and is just honest. “I’m here to learn how to let you go, Rika. Neither of us know how to do that yet. I can’t be in any kind of relationship until I learn. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you.”

Rika hums and picks at the corner of your mat. “Well. I think it’s more than just us two you’re worried about.”

“What?”

“Inumaki seems pretty interested in the both of you too. You may not see it, but all three of you are pretty smitten. It’s actually kind of gross.”

“That’s - he - no!” Rika just laughs and dissolves her form. Yuta, still flustered, continues to mutter as he collects the things you left and wipes down any used equipment. When he finally leaves, it’s just his luck he runs (literally) into Inumaki who looks unfairly handsome in a fitted tee and sweatpants. Even his markings are uncovered, which makes Yuta groan, tuck tail, and run away. Yuta can hear Rika laughing in his mind.

“Tuna mayo?” Inumaki tilts his head to the side but shrugs off the odd behavior.

-

July 2017

JJH Thots the good gojo: guysss help which tie do i get :( fushiguro: isn’t satoru with you the good gojo: yea but u know he’s shit at gifts maki: Both of those are ugly, (y/n). Do you hate the man? osamu: the cheetah print trophy husband: I like that one too! the good gojo: this is why you two are my favorites

From a few cities over, Yuta flushes at your words. Inumaki notices and kicks his foot. He’s laughing when he says, “Nori,” but Yuta can spot a faint pink over the hem of his collar too.

You turn around in the middle of the street when you hear a loud, “(y/n)-chan!” Satoru is speed-walking towards you, waving an arm that is covered in different shopping bags. His long legs have him beside you in a split second, even without the use of cursed energy. “Are you done yet? Nanami won’t even thank you properly you know. Why don’t you just get gifts for your precious Nii-chan?” He pouts and takes the two bags you’re carrying.

“One, it’s not your birthday. Two, you could buy anything you want already. Three, who's to say I didn’t already get you one?” You pull a box of macaroons out from one of the bags he took. Satoru moves to snatch it immediately but you put it behind your back. Of course, if he wanted, he’d just grab it, but your Nii-chan would never deny playing a game with you. “You can’t get it until we’re back on campus! I’m already tired and this is my bribe to go home early.”

“But (y/n)-chan,” he whines.

“Nu-uh. I promised a movie night with Toge and Yuta and I don’t wanna be late.” You realize too late you revealed too much, because your brother suddenly looks like a very successful cat.

“Why didn’t you just say so? I would never make my little sister late for her first date.”

You blush furiously, “Who says it’s my first?”

“It better be your first.”

“It’s not even a date,” you roll your eyes. “Neither like me like that, and if it was a date, wouldn’t one be a third-wheel?”

“Tricycles are pretty fun.” Your brother says casually. You roll your eyes again and add a gag for good measure. “Seriously, (y/n). You should know you have my full support to love anyone and everyone you want. Not that you need it, though. You’re a Gojo. We do as we please anyways.”

You tear up at his sincerity and throw your arms around your brother, or at least the best you can with his bags in the way. The two of you are frequently physically and verbally affectionate but not often in such a serious manner. You know there’s a deep love between you; for a long time, the two of you only had each other. Eventually, your family expanded to include Megumi and Tsumiki, but neither ever took the Gojo name. You and Satoru had a special bond. “Thank you,” you stutter around tears. You hope he understands it’s not just a thank you for the reassurance but a thank you for giving you such a life.

“Come on, no crying. You can’t go on your date with puffy eyes, you’ll scare both of them away.” He pats your head softly and just laughs when you punch him in the gut.

[beyoncesdragon]

an introduction of VICTON♥︎༄

my favorite emo punk fairies of kpop, @aixy-hpsa bub buckle up.

-`about victon´-

Victon actually means Voice to New World or some, and we, the cult-followers, are to be yelled at by the name of ALICE. They debuted 2016 and have so far produced a bunch of mindblowing, amazing, superior, beautiful, showstopping (...) bops:

-`studio albums´-

Voice : The Future is Now (2021) *scream*

-`mini albums´-

Voice To New World (2016)

Ready (2017)

Identity (2017)

From. VICTON (2017)

Nostalgia (2019)

Continuous (2020)

-`single albums´-

"Time of Sorrow" (2018)

"Mayday" (2020)

they are amaaaaazing oke. look here have my favorite songs of them. (Yes I’m forcing my love for them down your throat now I’m sorry)

♥︎ - KANG SEUNGSIK - ♥︎

♥︎ 16. April 1995 ♥︎ 🐶 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Leader!

He became Victons leader after Seungwoo started participating in Produce X 101 and then officially became Victons leader when Seungwoo came back from X1.

Vocalist! VOCALIST. VOCALIST

This man is blessed with a set of insane vocal chords and we all love him for it.

congratulations to Victon for being the only group with Kang Seungsik

He’s the mom of the group :,)

Supa caring dude, cleans up the mess of OT6

Is “Health” in persona, which kinda fits doesn’t it.

Naturally gets bullied by the younger ones.

EYE SMILE GANG

Also has dimples

Great leader and we should all respect him for it and give him never ending credits, victon wouldn’t be victon without him periodt.

♥︎ - HAN SEUNGWOO - ♥︎

♥︎ December 24, 1994 ♥︎ 🦊 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Lead rapper, lead dancer, lead vocalist lead everything

Except Leader.

He gave that position up after he returned from X1 (where he by the way also was voted leader)

YOOO the members missed him so much they cried when he was gone

Visuals✨

Oh boy that man...dangerous

He has the funniest laugh? Like u would never expect that laugh to be his???

He. Has. His. Own. EP. And I dare everyone to listen to „Sacrifice“. It’s a masterpiece.

Seunggu also has tattoos!! 3 in total.

This dude is ripped yet u will probably catch him imitating goats and pikachu...?

Will roast the maknae but with love

Hes so much more than just his face.

♥︎ - DO HANSE - ♥︎

♥︎ 25. Sept. 1997 ♥︎ 🐱 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Hello you’re looking at the loml

Main rapper.

(Of victon and of Kpop ex.1 and ex.2)

Sese ♥︎

Puts the sweet in sweetheart and really, he only looks like he could kill

TATTOOOOOS. SO. MANY. OF. THEM.

Semicolon on his wrist; cross on his left shoulder and chest (he church boi); roses on his arm: writings on his collar bone; so many more

bestest sense of fashion hands down

Iconic lip ring

His own solo EP is on the way!!!

Somehow this man is also main dancer

MIC FLIPS OWO

Talented boy.

♥︎ - LIM SEJUN - ♥︎

♥︎ May 4, 1996 ♥︎ 🍓 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

You are looking at an icon here

Most coziest-est VLives in history of Vlives

Easily scared (victon does enjoy that, naturally)

Very whiny but it’s oke

Lead Vocalist, Visual, Face of the Group

Insane vocals too, here ex.1

Another member of kpops cucumbers-anti squad

He’s very much BTS fanboy (not as much as Wooyoung but that’s hard anyways)

Competitive eater (listen, the maknae said that and we will believe him)

Will never leave Subin do a Vlive in peace ever

Will Never leave Subin live in peace ever either

Clingy boy

Walking noise-machine, he goes “ouh? Oh? Eh?” Like 372892 times a day

So much love for the dimple-prince

♥︎ - HEO CHAN - ♥︎

♥︎ December 14, 1995 ♥︎ 🦖 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

May I introduce...SUNSHINE OF VICTON ☀️

Mood maker of the group!

Mr Main Dancer and Vocalist also has dimples

And even tho he wanted to be a dance instructor, he somehow ended up becoming an idol

He even trained with TBZ mr leader sir Sangyeon

Mans can drive!!

Like Lee Know, he once was a backup dancer. For A-Pink tho, which is pretty cool

Hes considered the uncle in our lovely family dynamic

Expensive boi be collecting sHOES

And he said he polishes them from time to time and I do think that’s adorable

He’s also allergic to cats (unless it’s Hanse. That’s okay ig)

Cutest sunny boy, will take good care of your heart always☀️💛

♥︎ - CHOI BYUNGCHAN - ♥︎

♥︎ November 12, 1997 ♥︎ 🐥 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Welcome to Victon where everyone has a mandatory crush on Byung

Like he doesn’t even have to enter your biasline

You will still have a crush on him because Byungchan

Softest biaswrecker i have ever had 112/10 would recommend

Tall boi. Like really tall and really broad👀

I keep forgetting he’s maknae line tbh

Prettiest Dimples ever.

Very active on his Instagram and we love him for it

Top tier bf material

Hes the softest boy and yet only one who isn’t scared of fucking bugs (victon scaredy cats)

Try not falling too hard for the mister

He knows so many girlfroup dances

He also shows them off quite always

He’s a bit tinie liddol but clumsy sometimes

Gosh I love him

♥︎ - JUNG SUBIN - ♥︎

♥︎ April 5, 1999 ♥︎ 🐰 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Vocalist, Rapper, Heart-stealer, Actor...

AND MOST LOVED MAKNAE EVER

Like I don’t know if any maknae ever received as many kisses as this one

Gets (rightfully) babied to the Max by every. Single. One. Of. Them.

24/7

He’s also a babie. Like yes he’s a grown man and he looks hella intimidating on stage but-

It’s Subin

He’s also the smolest in Victon (uwu)

At the same time, maknae on top, this man gets everything (except his own room lmao) he wants

Sometimes not so baby (ex.1)

Saiubin-bby was supposed to debut with Pentagon but he yeeted last minute (we thank)

The child himself has children too: dog Toto and 2 cats: Mimi and Jaws.

He’s close friends with my favourite, formerly pink-haired elf-twink Yeonjun of TXT

Chairman of Victon.

he has the BEST insta user: subsubey.

Best boi.

-`very valid victon-moments to begin with´-

- because its pride: 🌈

- general victon-feelsies: 🌸

- for bad mood: ☀️

- moments when you want to question their sanity: 🌻 🌼 🌺 🌹

- victon being talented on studio CHOOM

- victon being talented whilst covering kehlanis "Gangsta"

alright that was long. and yes they are exactly as loud and noisy and annoying and time consuming as they seem but they are also best boys who can bring very much happiness into ones life, so they are very much worth it

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

One Shot: Vanilla

Summary: A year on the run following the events in Siberia has changed Steve…but not too much. He’s still a man of simple tastes… Warning:  Language, SMUT (NSFW, 18+)

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark.

A/N: This sits alongside SSB Ch 35: Not A Perfect Soldier, But A Good Man. I had it in my head for a while and couldn’t quite fit it in. And those of you who read “Leave No One Behind” might recognise a little of the scenery, so to speak.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

August 2017

Another day, another under-the-radar mission. This one breaking up a gang that had been terrorising locals, running guns and arms, raiding local refugee camps and kidnapping children to ship out to god knows where, for god knows what.

Frankly, it had knocked Katie sick, so she had been only too glad to get out of there once they’d ‘dispensed’ the ring leader into the care of Fury’s contacts. Well, by that they mean they’d left him hog tied in the middle of the African desert at the co-ordinates they had been given. What happened to him, well, even the world’s sentinel of justice, honour and truth couldn’t find it within him to give a shit. Not after what they’d just seen anyway.

Katie stole a glance at Steve as they drove the ‘borrowed’ jeep back to where Sam had landed their jet. Their time on the run had hardened him. Over a year now spent in shadows, and it was almost as if those shadows had claimed part of him for themselves. His hair was longer, far longer, usually worn pushed back off his face but the exertion of the fight they’d just had, left the front strands flopping over his sweaty forehead. His beard was dark, and thick, speckled with the odd bit of copper and blonde here and there, hiding his jawline entirely and leaving his face almost completely unrecognisable.

To the average man on the street he looked like just another person, maybe worthy of a second glance for bearing a passing resemblance, maybe, to the fugitive Captain. The one thing that remained unchanged were his eyes. Whilst they were tired, carried a heavier burden than before, they were still the same eyes Katie had noticed and fallen in love with, and they still flashed with warmth and a sparkle whenever he looked at her.

And as long as that was there, she knew he was okay.

They reached the jet, Sam hopped down from the back of the jeep and headed in first over to the coms system, swiping at the screen.

“Hey, Steve?” He turned to his head back over his shoulder. Steve walked up the ramp, looking at Sam expectantly. “Fury’s patched us through the co-ordinates of a place to stay. Looks to be a hundred or so miles North. Might be worth holding up there for the night?”

Steve hesitated for a while, they’d been running missions back to back now for almost three weeks. He was desperate to get back…well, home he supposed. To their cottage in Scotland where they’d holed up for the past twelve months, where Wanda was currently waiting. But, as he glanced around, Sam’s face was sporting a nasty gash above his eyebrows, Natasha had taken a few hard digs too and was clutching her side and Katie had taken a heavy blow to the face, the bruise already forming on her cheek.

They were tired, whacked, maybe it was best they got their heads down and headed back in the morning.

“Alright.” Steve nodded. “Bring it up on the map.” Sam pressed a few buttons and then the holo-display sprang to life. Steve and Natasha observed the image, Natasha pointing to something, Steve agreeing before he straightened up and looked at Katie and Sam who were waiting patiently. “We were just staying it looks like a good spot we can land the jet. There’s nothing for miles, and it’s coastal.” “Coastal?” Katie frowned, before her eyes lit up “Like, there’s a beach?”

“Yeah.” Steve smiled, not bothering to point out that their cottage in Scotland basically had its own private one. “There’s a beach, Sweetheart.”

“It looks to be an old Diving Resort on the Red Sea.” Natasha mused, swiping at the screen. “According to Fury, one of his contacts in Mossad said they used it as a front for smuggling Jewish Refugees out of Ethiopia. Operation Brothers. You heard of it?”

Katie, Sam and Steve both exchanged glances before they shrugged.

“Not surprising, I think the information surrounding it was only declassified recently.” Natasha scratched her neck as she straightened up. “Long story short they saved thousands of lives. Smuggled refugees out of camps, and then shipped them out by boat back to Israel.”

“And they used a hotel as a front?” Katie arched an eyebrow.

“Diving resort.” Natasha nodded “Was fully functional too. Pretty damned clever if you ask me.”

“Is it safe?” Steve asked.

“Fury wouldn’t tell us to head there if it wasn’t” Katie replied simply, “We can go, check it out. If we don’t like it we can head home.”

***** Sam landed the jet expertly on the beach which was hidden in a large cove. They stepped off the ramp onto the sugar white sand and Katie looked around at the various huts scattered along the shore. The main body of the hotel itself seemed to be boarded up. The four of them split up into two groups of two under Steve’s instructions, and made their way around, carefully, making sure there was no one else there, checking each out building thoroughly. Eventually they met one another at the front of the sandstone building, all nodding to signal that there was no sign of anyone else.

“The Red Sea Diving Resort.” Sam read the faded red lettering over the top of the boarded up entrance “Imaginative.”

Katie gave a scoff as she shook her head “Well I don’t know about any of you lot but I need to wash up and get changed. I’m disgustingly hot in this.” She pulled at the collar of her combat-top and turned to head back towards the jet. Steve caught her up, sliding an arm round her waist and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

“We haven’t forgotten.” Sam called from behind them. They both stopped and Katie glanced at Steve who met her puzzled look with one of his own.

“Forgotten what?” He asked as they turned to look at Sam.

Sam blinked, then turned to Natasha who gave a snort “Clearly they have.”

“Have what?” Steve pressed again, his tone slightly less patient than it had been.

“It’s your wedding anniversary you pair of dumbasses.” Sam snorted “God you two are…”

Clearly he couldn’t decide what it was that Katie and Steve were, instead he trailed off and headed up the ramp into the jet. Natasha followed him as Katie and Steve remained on the sand, simply looking at one another, before they both burst out into laughter.

“Oh my God.” Katie stuttered “We forgot!”

“Well, we have kinda been busy, Doll.” Steve teased, before he shook his head and smiled “I haven’t forgotten that day though. Happiest day of my life.”

Katie smiled, “Mine too.”

He gently raised her hand to his mouth, brushing her knuckles with his mouth before they too headed onto the ramp and grabbed their kit bags.

The four ex-agents walked down the sand, towards the huts they had checked earlier. They selected one each, the fact that Natasha and Sam headed a little further down the beach away from the one Steve had picked for him and Katie didn’t go unnoticed by the super soldier. Something Steve had noticed when he had looked around was how reasonably clean it was. He’d expected things to be covered in a layer of dust but it was fairly habitable. As Katie set about searching the drawers for something to make the bed with, he headed into the small bathroom at the back, turning the taps on. After an initial cough and a splutter, the system kicked in and the water began to run. Orange from sand and rust at first as it splattered the white porcelain bowl. Steve left it going whilst he moved back into the main room and saw Katie was holding what looked like an old polaroid photo.

“Look at this.” She smiled gently. “I found it when I was looking for some bed sheets.”

Steve glanced down at the photo which showed a tall dark haired, bearded man stood with his arm round a shorter, dark haired slim woman, both looking at the camera, smiling . At their feet sat, quite frankly, the ugliest dog Steve had ever seen. It was hairless, but he still couldn’t help but admit it was cute in a strange way.

“They must have been part of the team that ran the Mossad Op.” Katie shrugged. “He kinda looks a bit like you actually.”

“I don’t see it.” Steve wrinkled his face and she shrugged, moving to put the photo back in the drawer. “I found the bathroom, water is still running but not sure if it’s gonna be heated or…”

“I don’t need it heated.” Katie shook her head. “Frankly the colder the better. Now, help me get this bed sorted and then we can wash up and maybe we can spend what’s left of the Anniversary we forgot sat out on the sand?”

Steve chuckled, pulling her closer to him, both hands on her hips. He dropped his face to hers, catching her lips in a soft kiss. “Sounds good to me.”

After a quick shower each they headed back outside, where Sam and Natasha were already sat. And it turns out their friends were indeed far better at remembering their anniversary than they were. Along with their normal supplies, Sam had stashed a crate of beer on the jet, hidden in the cooler and Natasha had also managed a bottle of the same champagne they had served at the wedding, although instead of drinking it out of crystal flutes, it was sipped from mugs Natasha had dug out of the jet, which bore the Avengers symbol, a harsh reminder of the life they had all run from little over twelve months previously.

The four of them sat on the up turned logs, dotted around what, Steve correctly guessed, had been some sort of fire pit, talking quietly, watching the sun set over the ocean. It was peaceful and Steve felt like they could almost have been on vacation.

Almost.

Steve felt Katie sagging next to him and turned to see that she had her eyes closed, head resting on his shoulder. He placed a soft kiss to her head and then looked at the rest of his team. Sam’s head was drooping a little and Natasha’s eyes were heavy. He issued a soft instruction to go to bed and they both looked at him, giving him a nod and Katie stirred a little. In a graceful movement, Steve had swept her into his arms and he carried her, not unlike the way he had done two years ago that very night, to their accommodation for the evening. She sat on the edge of the bed, removing her shorts leaving her in her panties and tank top as she climbed under the scratchy sheets, Steve settling down besides her.

“Night sweetheart.” He muttered, kissing her neck as he pulled her to him, her back pressing into his chest.

“Night Soldier.” She whispered back, closing her eyes.

**** Steve turned over for what felt like the tenth time in as many minutes. He couldn’t get comfortable, and then there was the simple, yet slight complication to the situation that he’d woken from a particularly graphic dream about their honeymoon, and now he was fucking horny as hell.

He rolled onto his back, his head turning towards Katie and his eyes scanned over her face as she slept. He took in the shape of her nose, soft curve of her lips and his eye-line flickered down to the swell of her breasts which were visible under the cami she was wearing.

Okay, so that wasn’t helping. At all.

She gave a soft sigh, moving a little, her legs kicking down the sheets slightly so they fell around her hips and that was the point Steve’s already fraying self-control snapped. Shuffling closer, he pressed his lips to hers, before he moved his mouth to her jawline, down her neck, leaving soft, hot kisses on her skin as he went. His hand gently curled around her hip, fingers digging into the flesh ever so slightly and she gave a little murmur, her eye lids fluttering as his lips moved back to hers. And this time, she reciprocated slightly. His lips dropped downwards, his tongue dipping into the hollow of her throat before his affections turned to her delicate collar bone. With a gentle shift of his body, he went even lower still, his calloused hands sliding along her ribcage as he slid her cami top upwards, exposing her breasts. His large hands cupped them, thumbs brushing over her nipples and at that he felt her really respond with a soft whimper, her back arching slightly into his touch.

With one hand he traced the curve of her hip down the outside of her thigh, before he trailed his fingers across her belly, and then her soft whimpers became a harsh gasp as his fingers entered her, curling softly against her insides, coaxing more and more wetness from her as he moved, his mouth continuing to lick and sucking at her breasts. She arched her back, writhing, desperately moving her hips as she sought out the friction she needed between her legs and Steve obliged, moving his hand so the heel of his palm brushed against her clit. With a strangled moan, which she stifled slightly by turning her head into his arm, she came, her body shaking on the mattress, sheets now pushed well out of the way.

Steve’s mouth claimed hers once more, in a searing kiss as he let out a groan of his own when he felt Katie dip her hand into his boxers, wrapping her hand around his achingly hard cock.  Every inch of him was on fire and he wanted her.

“Need you.” His voice was low with desire as he pressed his lips back to her neck, nipping at the spot beneath her ear. “Want you.”

“You got me.” She whispered. “I’m yours, Stevie.”

At her words he gave a low groan, sitting up slightly so that he could pull her underwear down. He wriggled out of his own, before he settled over her, his mouth finding hers again the pair of them letting out a shaky sigh and a moan each as he entered her.

Her hands gently slid down over his back, feeling the expanse of muscle which twitched under her finger tips as he moved, slowly, deeply. Every roll of his hips sent his pelvis rocking up against her spot. Katie glanced up at him, his lips kiss swollen, eyes blown with desire, hair falling forward over his forehead. She reached up to brush it back, her hands tangling in the long strands and she pulled his face down to hers, locking their lips in a sloppy, filthy kiss.

Fuck, Steve Rogers loved sex with his wife anyway he could get it, but this, well, he was a sucker for simple vanilla and Katie was too. There was something about this position, the boring missionary one that drove both of them wild. The way Steve could cage her in his arms, fuck her into the mattress one day or make love to her the next. The way his large frame engulfed hers completely surrounding her, filling each one of her senses.  The way he controlled the pace completely, driving into her again and again until she could no longer think straight. The way he controlled the depth, sometimes using his arms under her knees to hold her open, or slinging her legs over her shoulders.  

It was a plain, vanilla flavoured heaven. One that they could visit time and time again, and would never get bored of tasting.

Steve drove as deep into his wife as he could get, rotating his hips slightly whilst he was fully seated, causing her to gasp and emit a frankly sinful moan which he swallowed with his mouth. Her hands dug into the skin of his shoulder blades and he moved, grabbing her wrists and pulling them round so he could lace his fingers between hers. Pinning her hands either side of her head he picked up his pace slightly, carefully watching her face as he felt her tightening around him slightly, a tell-tale sign she was close.

“Come on, pretty girl.” Steve panted, his lips by her ear as he gave a soft nip to her neck. “Give it to me, baby.”

The sensation and heat which was building in her core was impossible to ignore. Her breathy pants of his name became faster, as did Steve’s movements, and with a last, broken cry of his name the fire exploded in her belly and she came, hard, her orgasm rolling over her in wave after wave of white hot pleasure, which left her boneless underneath Steve, her nails digging into the backs of his hands. The sensation of feeling her around him was enough, and Steve gave a single, strangled cry of her name as he too reached his peak, his hips faltering as the ribbons in his belly untangled, the pleasure spreading from the toes to the very hair on his head.

He pressed his face into Katie’s neck, placing another soft kiss to her pulse point which left his lips salty from the slight gleen of sweat which coated them both. He pulled back slightly, releasing Katie’s hands as she flexed her fingers, knowing full well what she wanted. And, sure enough, her fingers threaded through his long hair, scratching softly at the nape of his neck. His eyes closed, and the pair of them lay in silence, completely blissed out and relaxed, hearing only each other’s gradually steadying breaths which mingled with the sounds of the waves lapping against the shore outside.

Katie felt Steve’s lips press to her forehead and she smiled softly, opening her eyes to look straight into his, those baby blues spattered with green.

“Happy Anniversary, Gorgeous.” He muttered, his lips catching hers.

“Its past midnight.” She replied gently

“Not at home.” He replied softly, before he swallowed and hung his head. “I’m sorry it has to be like this.”

“Steve, I am home.” Katie looked at him, her hands moving to cup his face “My home is with you.” She guided his head down so that his lips met hers again, her hands gently tangling in his beard “It always will be, you know this.” She whispered against his mouth before she kissed him, deeply, wriggling a little. Steve gave a short grunt and she felt him starting to twitch inside her again. With an arch of her eyebrow she tipped her pelvis up and in a flash Steve had reached up, pinning her wrists down by her head.

“Keep going and imma be hard again in about five seconds flat.” He whispered, and Katie grinned.

“I’m counting on it, Soldier.” She smirked “Because I’ve got a hankering for some more plain old vanilla.”

**** Chapter 36 Part 1

**Original Posting**

[dansnaturepictures]

Christmas Day 2021 at Acres Down in the New Forest and home

In 2017 on Christmas Day I inadvertently wrote a short poem on Twitter when describing a walk at Denny Wood in the New Forest, when saying “and I saw one of my favourite birds on Christmas Day, and it was the Jay”. Today multiple times on Christmas morning/early afternoon I was thrilled to spot the Jay that has regularly flown past my window and likely the same I’ve seen at local Lakeside a lot flying past from my room. I used Collared Dove, House Sparrow, Goldfinch (with an interesting moment to view as I watched a House Sparrow come down to the feeder the Goldfinches frequent and displace one) and Feral Pigeon as well as distant trees visible from home as target practice for my main present which I am so thankful to my family for, a new 100-400 Sigma lens and I look forward to using it more. This included the first four pictures I took in this photoset today. I took the fifth picture in this photoset of a lovely purple flower that has sprung up in the flower pots in the back garden on the way out today I noticed flowers in the hanging basket and the fuchsia looking nice as I took the photos of the birds through the window.

2017 I might not have taken a picture on the lovely walk at Denny Wood but it was the beginning of a Christmas shift for our family, instead of our main family meal being on Christmas Day we began to do it in the days before or after so that my sister and her partner could come and there be a few more of us and there was no pressure for us all to be together (or together for long periods) on the big day. With me always seeing my Dad before Christmas to exchange presents and more as he joins some family members for a meal out on Christmas Day, what we began doing was going out for a further afield dog/bird/wildlife watching walk with our cameras on the day as we would do on any weekend as we had the time. And every time we’ve done it it’s been a place in the New Forest, Lymington-Keyhaven, Bolderwood and Denny Wood twice before today, so I think it’s become a very pleasing tradition. We did quite often do a Lakeside or other local walk on the day in the past. These walks especially 2019 and 2020 proved amazing ones for my wildlife year.

Today we went to one of the New Forest locations, a very much loved and long known to us one, that I think we’ve had one of the best years for with some brilliant bird sightings and more on a few walks there in 2021, Acres Down. Especially before the rain came on really hard it was a bird fest, perfect to start #12DaysWild the Wildlife Trust’s festive edition of the brilliant #30Days wild where I contribute by sharing a key wild moment and/or photo particularly on a day and really celebrate being outside.

Song Thrush and Blackbird were top sightings soon into the walk. There was a smashing view we got of a Goldcrest too a standout species today. I was also thrilled to see a large group of Chaffinches a frequent sighting on walks in the woods here. Alongside them were I think some of the most Blue Tits and Great Tits I’ve ever seen together with loads flying through the trees a nice sight.

I was then delighted to spot in my binoculars the similar looking stunner of a species to the Chaffinch, a bright Brambling. My Mum spotted another which I saw fly off as well and it was a smashing time seeing them. One of my birds of the year seen at Cadman’s Pool in the New Forest in November as I revisited in my highlights of the year blogs recently, and it was brilliant to see another in the year as we seem to be onto a bit of bumper winter for them which is great. Before this year the only place I had seen Brambling other than Blashford Lakes where we first ever saw them and they are a key species was Milkham in the New Forest so it’s great to add another couple of spots we know we can see them at for this precious key New Forest species. A Brambling is a bird I associate with time off over Christmas in my student days too seeing them in the Christmas break a lot and around that time of year in years I wasn’t a student so it was an ideal bird of my Christmas Day.

It was nice to see a New Forest pony scratching too and the woods looked beautiful with nice open scenery too, nice brown leaves possibly beech and raindrops hanging from bare branches which looked nice. I enjoyed seeing lichen too. I took the sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth pictures in this photoset on the walk at Acres Down today. 

When home this evening I liked seeing raindrops on the window lit up from behind by the flashing Christmas lights on the balcony which have been an lovely sight a lot lately with lots of others having lights on too around the area and the Christmas Tree in the living room looked great lit up as well. A really strong memory from my Christmas Day. I took the tenth picture in this photoset of the raindrops with lights behind with my macro lens. I hope you are all having a great Christmas Day.

Wildlife Sightings Summary for Acres Down: Brambling, Chaffinch, Great Tit, Blue Tit, Goldcrest, Robin fittingly for Christmas Day, Blackbird and Song Thrush.

At home a fly, great view of a Pied Wagtail and Starlings were nice to see too. It was nice to get a top view of two Grey Silverfish in the en suite tonight too I don’t think I’ve ever seen more than one of these insects which I have noticed a lot the last couple of years so that was nice. 

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Kinks: Vanilla

Summary: A year on the run following the events in Siberia has changed Steve…but not too much. He’s still a man of simple tastes… Takes Place within the timeframe of SSB Ch 35:- Not A Perfect Soldier, But A Good Man. Warning: SMUT SMUT SMUT- This entire series is SMUT so NSFW and NO UNDER 18s!!

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark.

A/N: So in honour of their Wedding Anniversary (5 years today!) I came up with this. It’s total nonsense, and just a load of badly written smut but, whatever.

SSK Masterlist // WIYPT Masterlist

August 2017

Another day, another under-the-radar mission. This one breaking up a gang that had been terrorising locals, running guns and arms, raiding local refugee camps and kidnapping the children to ship out to god knows where, for god knows what.

Frankly, it had knocked Katie sick, so she had been only too glad to get out of there once they’d ‘dispensed’ the ring leader into the care of Fury’s contacts. Well, by that they mean they’d left him hog tied in the middle of the African desert at the co-ordinates they had been given. What happened to him, well, even the world’s sentinel of justice, honour and truth couldn’t find it within him to give a shit. Not after what they’d just seen anyway.

Katie stole a glance at Steve as they drove the ‘borrowed’ jeep back to where Sam had landed their jet. Their time on the run had hardened him. Over a year now spent in shadows, and it was almost as if those shadows had claimed part of him for themselves. His hair was longer, far longer, usually worn pushed back off his face but the exertion of the fight they’d just had, had left the front strands flopping over his sweaty forehead. His beard was dark, and thick, speckled with the odd bit of copper and blonde here and there, hiding his jawline entirely leaving his face almost completely unrecognisable. To the average man on the street he looked like just another person, maybe worthy of a second glance for bearing a passing resemblance maybe to the fugitive Captain. The one thing that remained unchanged were his eyes. Whilst they were tired, carried a heavier burden than before, they were still the same eyes Katie had noticed and fallen in love with, and they still flashed with warmth and a sparkle whenever he looked at her.

And as long as that was there, she knew he was ok.

They reached the jet, Sam hopped down from the back of the jeep and headed in first over to the comms system, swiping at the screen.

“Hey, Steve…” he said gently, turning to his head back over his shoulder. Steve walked up the ramp, looking at Sam expectantly. “Fury’s patched us through the co-ordinates of a place to stay. Looks to be 100 miles North. Might be worth holding up there for the night?”

Steve hesitated for a while, they’d been running missions back to back now for almost 3 weeks. He was desperate to get back…well, home he supposed. To their cottage in Scotland that they’d holed up in for 12 months, where Wanda was currently waiting. But as he glanced around, Sam’s face was sporting a nasty gash above his eyebrows, Natasha had taken a few hard digs too and was clutching her side and Katie had taken a heavy blow to the face, the bruise already forming on her cheek. They were tired, whacked…maybe it was best they got their heads down and headed back in the morning.

“Alright.” He nodded. “Bring it up on the map.” Sam pressed a few buttons and then the holo-display sprang to life. Steve and Natasha observed the image, Natasha pointing to something, Steve agreeing before he straightened up and looked at Katie and Sam who were waiting patiently. “We were just staying it looks like a good spot we can land the jet. There’s nothing for miles, and it’s coastal.” “Coastal?” Katie frowned, before he eyes lit up “Like, there’s a beach?”

“Yeah” Steve said, not bothering to point out that their cottage in Scotland basically had its own private one. “There’s a beach.”

“It looks to be an old Diving Resort on the Red Sea.” Natasha said, “According to Fury, one of his contacts in Mossad used it as a front for smuggling Jewish Refugees out of Ethiopia. Operation Brothers, you heard of it?”

Katie, Sam and Steve both exchanged glances before they shrugged.

“Not surprising, I think the information surrounding it was only declassified recently.” Natasha scratched her neck “Long story short they saved thousands of lives. Smuggled refugees out of camps, and then shipped them out by boat back to Israel.”

“And they used a hotel as a front?” Katie arched an eyebrow.

“Diving resort.” Natasha nodded “Was fully functional too. Pretty damned clever if you ask me.”

“Is it safe?” Steve asked.

“Fury wouldn’t tell us to head there if it wasn’t” Katie replied simply, “We can go, check it out. If we don’t like it we can head home.”

***** Sam landed the jet expertly on the beach which was hidden in a large cove. They stepped off the ramp onto the sugar white sand and Katie looked around at the various huts scattered along the shore. The main body of the hotel itself seemed to be boarded up. The 4 of them split up into 2 groups of 2 under Steve’s instructions, and made their way around, carefully, making sure there was no one else there, checking each out building thoroughly. Eventually they met one another at the front of the sandstone building, all nodding to signal that there was no sign of anyone else.

“The Red Sea Diving Resort.” Sam read the faded red lettering over the top of the boarded up entrance “Imaginative.”

Katie gave a scoff as she shook her head “Well I don’t know about any of you lot but I need to wash up and get changed…I’m disgustingly hot in this.” She pulled at the collar of her combat-top and turned to head back towards the jet. Steve caught her up, sliding an arm round her waist and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

“We haven’t forgotten.” Sam called from behind them. They both stopped and Katie glanced at Steve who met her puzzled look with one of his own.

“Forgotten what?” he asked as he turned to look at Sam.

Sam blinked, then turned to Natasha who gave a snort “Clearly they have…”

“Have what?” Steve pressed again, his tone slightly less patient than it had been.

“It’s your wedding anniversary you pair of dumbasses.” Sam snorted “God you two are…”

Clearly he couldn’t decide what it was that Katie and Steve were, instead he trailed off and headed up the ramp into the jet. Natasha followed him as Katie and Steve remained on the sand, simply looking at one another, before they both burst out into laughter.

“Oh my god…” Katie stuttered “We forgot…”

“Well, we have kinda been busy Doll.” Steve teased, before he shook his head and smiled “I haven’t forgotten that day though. Happiest day of my life.”

Katie smiled, “Mine too.”

He gently raised her hand to his mouth, brushing her knuckles with his mouth before they too headed onto the ramp and grabbed their kit bags.

The 4 agents walked down the sand, towards the huts they had checked earlier. They selected one each (the fact that Natasha and Sam headed a little further down to the one Steve had picked for him and Katie didn’t go unnoticed by the super soldier) and headed inside. Something Steve had noticed when he had looked around was how reasonably clean it was. He’d expected things to be covered in a layer of dust but it was fairly habitable. As Katie set about searching the drawers for something to make the bed with, he headed into the small bathroom at the back, turning the taps on. After an initial cough and a splutter, the system kicked in and the water began to run. Orange from sand and rust at first as it splattered the white porcelain bowl. Steve left it going whilst he moved back into the main room and saw Katie was holding what looked like an old polaroid photo.

“Look at this…” she said gently. “I found it when I was looking for some bed sheets.”

Steve glanced down at the photo which showed a tall dark haired, bearded man stood with his arm round a shorter, dark haired slim woman, who was looking at something to her left and laughing. At their feet sat, quite frankly the ugliest dog Steve had ever seen. It was hairless, but he still couldn’t help but admit it was cute in a strange way.

“They must have been part of the team that ran the Mossad Op.” Katie shrugged, “He kinda looks a bit like you actually.”

“I don’t see it.” Steve looked at her and she shrugged, moving to put the photo back in the drawer. “I found the bathroom, water is still running but not sure if it’s gonna be heated or…”

“I don’t need it heated.” Katie said, shaking her head. “Frankly the colder the better. Now, help me get this bed sorted and then we can wash up and maybe we can spend what’s left of the Anniversary we forgot sat out on the sand?”

Steve chuckled, pulling her closer to him, both hands on her hips. He dropped his face to hers, catching her lips in a soft kiss. “Sounds good to me.”

After a quick shower each they headed back outside, where Sam and Natasha were already sat. And it turns out their friends were indeed far better at remembering their anniversary than they were. Along with their normal supplies, Sam had stashed a crate of beer on the jet, hidden in the cooler and Natasha had also managed a bottle of the same champagne they had served at the wedding, although instead of drinking it out of crystal flutes, it was sipped from mugs which bore the Avengers symbol, a harsh reminder of the life they had all run from little over 12 months previously.

The 4 of them sat on the up turned logs, dotted around what Steve correctly guessed had been some sort of fire pit, talking quietly, watching the sun set over the ocean. It was peaceful and Steve felt like they could almost have been on vacation.

Almost.

He felt Katie sagging next to him and turned to see that she had her eyes closed, head resting on his shoulder. He placed a soft kiss to her head and then looked at the rest of his team. Sam’s head was drooping a little and Natasha’s eyes were heavy. With a soft instruction to go to bed they both looked at him, giving him a nod and Katie stirred a little. In a graceful movement Steve had swept her into his arms and he carried her, not unlike the way he had done 2 years ago that very night to their accommodation for the evening. She sat on the edge of the bed, removing her shorts and climbed under the scratchy sheets, Steve settling down besides her.

“Night sweetheart.” He muttered, kissing her neck as he pulled her to him, her back pressing into his chest.

“Night Soldier.” She whispered back, closing her eyes.

**** Steve turned over for what felt like the 10th time in as many minutes. He couldn’t get comfortable, and then there was the simple, yet slight complication to the situation that he’d woken from a particularly graphic dream about their honeymoon, and now he was fucking horny as hell.

He rolled onto his back, his head turning towards Katie and his eyes scanned over her face as she slept. He took in the shape of her nose, soft curve of her lips and his eye-line flickered down to the swell of her breasts which were visible under the cami she was wearing.

Ok, so that wasn’t helping. At all.

She gave a soft sigh, moving a little, her legs kicking down the sheets slightly so they fell around her hips and that was the point Steve’s already fraying self-control snapped. Shuffling closer a little he pressed his lips to hers, before he moved his mouth to her jawline, down her neck, leaving soft, hot kisses on her skin as he went. His hand gently curled around her hip, fingers digging into the flesh ever so slightly and she gave a little murmur, her eye lids fluttering as his lips moved back to hers. And this time, she reciprocated slightly. His lips dropped further downwards, his tongue dipping into the hollow of her throat before his affections turned to her delicate collar bone. With a gentle shift of his body, he went even lower still, his calloused hands sliding along her ribcage as he slid her cami top upwards, exposing her breasts. His large hands cupped them, thumbs brushing over her nipples and at that he felt her really respond with a soft whimper, her back arching slightly into his touch.

With one hand he traced the curve of her hip down the outside of her thigh, before he trailed across her belly, and then her soft whimpers became a harsh gasp as his fingers entered her, curling softly against her insides, coaxing more and more wetness from her as he moved, his mouth continuing to lick and sucking at her breasts. She arched her back, writhing, desperately moving her hips as she sought out the friction she needed between her legs and Steve obliged, moving his hand so the heel of his palm brushed against her clit. With a strangled moan, which she stifled slightly by turning her head into his arm, she came, her body shaking on the mattress, sheets now pushed well out of the way, leaving her bare bar her summer yellow panties underneath him.

Steve’s mouth claimed hers once more, in a searing kiss as he let out a groan of his own when he felt Katie dip her hand into his boxers, wrapping her hand around his achingly hard cock.  Every inch of him was on fire and he wanted her.

“Need you…” he said, his own voice low with desire as he pressed his lips back to her neck, nipping at the spot beneath her ear. “Want you…”

“You got me.” She whispered “I’m yours, always.”

At her words he gave a low groan, sitting up slightly so that he could pull the rest of her underwear down. He wriggled out of his own, before he settled over her, his mouth finding hers again the pair of them letting out a shaky sigh and a moan each as he entered her.

Her hands gently slid down over his back, feeling the expanse of muscle which twitched under her finger tips as he moved, slowly, deeply. Every roll of his hips sent his pelvis rocking up against her spot. Katie glanced up at him, his lips kiss swollen, eyes blown with desire, hair falling forward over his forehead. She reached up to brush it back, her hands tangling in the long strands and she pulled his face down to hers, locking their lips in a sloppy, filthy kiss.

Fuck, Steve Rogers loved sex with his wife anyway he could get it, but this…well, he was a sucker for simple vanilla and Katie was too. There was something about this position, the boring missionary one that drove both of them wild. The way Steve could cage her in his arms, fuck her into the mattress one day or make love to her the next. The way his large frame engulfed hers completely surrounding her, filling each one of her senses.  The way he controlled the pace completely, driving into her again and again until she could no longer think straight. The way he controlled the depth, sometimes using his arms under her knees to hold her open, or slinging her legs over her shoulders.  

It was a plain, vanilla flavoured heaven. One that they could visit time and time again, and would never get bored of tasting.

Steve drove as deep into his wife as he could get, rotating his hips slightly whilst he was fully seated, causing her to gasp and emit a frankly sinful moan which he swallowed with his mouth. Her hands dug into the skin of his shoulder blades and he moved, grabbing her wrists and pulling them round so he could lace his fingers between hers. Pinning her hands either side of her head he picked up his pace slightly, carefully watching her face as he felt her tightening around him slightly, a tell-tale sign she was close.

“Come on sweetheart…” Steve panted, his lips by her ear as he gave a soft nip to her neck. “Come on baby…”

The sensation and heat which was building in her core was impossible to ignore. Her breathy pants of his name became faster, as did Steve’s movements and with a last, broken cry of his name the fire exploded in her belly and she came, hard, her orgasm rolling over her in wave after wave of white hot pleasure, which left her boneless underneath Steve, her nails digging into the backs of his hands. The sensation of feeling her around him was enough, and Steve gave a single, strangled cry of her name as he too reached his peak, his hips faltering as the ribbons in his belly untangled, the pleasure spreading from the toes to the very hair on his head.

He pressed his face into Katie’s neck, pressing another soft kiss to her pulse point which left his lips salty from the slight gleen of sweat which coated them both. He pulled back slightly, releasing Katie’s hands as she flexed her fingers, knowing full well what she wanted. And, sure enough, her fingers threaded through his long hair, scratching softly at the nape of his neck. His eyes closed, and the pair of them lay in silence, completely blissed out and relaxed, hearing only each other’s gradually steadying breaths which mingled with the sounds of the waves lapping against the shore outside.

Katie felt Steve’s lips press to her forehead and she smiled softly, opening her eyes to look straight into his, those baby blues spattered with green.

“Happy Anniversary gorgeous.” He muttered, his lips catching hers.

“Its past midnight.” She replied gently

“Not at home.” He replied softly, before he swallowed and hung his head “I’m sorry it has to be like this.”

“Hey, Steve…I am home.” Katie looked at him, her hands moving to cup his face “My home is with you.” She moved his face so that his lips met hers again, her hands gently tangling in his beard “It always will be, you know this.” She whispered against his mouth before she kissed him, deeply, wriggling a little. Steve gave a short grunt and she felt him starting to twitch inside her again. With an arch of her eyebrow she tipped her pelvis again and in a flash Steve had reached up, pinning her wrists down by her head.

“Keep going and Imma be hard again in about 5 seconds flat.” He whispered, and Katie grinned.

“I’m counting on it soldier…” she smirked “Because I’ve got a hankering for some more plain old vanilla.”

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Blake Shelton has 28 career No. 1 songs on the Billboard Country Airplay chart, and another seven that have reached the Top 10. It'd be easy just to stick with the singles in making a list of his best songs, but who likes easy?

Find plenty of deep cuts on this list of Shelton's 50 best songs, including his spiritual songs. Those are sprinkled all over the playlist — The Voice coach is a rare singer who can sing about drinking and heartache with as much conviction as his relationship with God. Fans will find a new one called "Bible Verses" on his Body Language album. It does well on this staff and reader partnership.

Songs with ex-wife Miranda Lambert and fiancee Gwen Stefani make the list as well, but the Top 10 Blake Shelton songs are all solo efforts ... with one exception. Is it strange that his most convincing bedroom ballad was a collaboration with a different "Gwen"? Cover songs by George Jones and Conway Twitty, collaborations with RaeLynn and Trace Adkins, and a co-write with Earl Thomas Conley all make this list of Shelton's top songs. Which is your No. 1?

Top Blake Songs: His Greatest Hits + Best Deep Cuts

Taste of Country staff opinion, and the commercial success of tracks from Shelton's 12 studio albums were certainly considered in making this list of the top songs. More than anything, we sought fan input, via sales and direct input. What's your favorite Blake Shelton song, and does it agree with our No. 1?

Below are the The Voice coach's 50 best songs. Lyrical integrity and production were also considered in this ranking. Really it's hard to argue against any of the Top 5, but we understand if there's a debate about placement. Heck, we encourage it!

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No. 50: "She's Got a Way With Words"

Songwriters Andy Albert, Marc Beeson and Wyatt Earp wrote a clever country lyric, but the problem is, it felt too personal from Blake Shelton in 2016. This is the song that stopped Shelton's impressive streak of No. 1 singles. Sonically, very few songs from this era stand apart from one another.

No. 49: "Gonna"

" isn't a bad song — a strong case could be made that it's better than some of the singles ranked ahead of it on this list of the top 50 Blake Shelton songs, actually — the love story from 2014 just isn't memorable in any way. Think about it: At best you said, "I remember that song" but more likely thought, "which one is that?"

No. 48: "The Wave"

" is a unique metaphor for how a good love can wash away all of your troubles. Blake Shelton's song from Texoma Shore is another fan favorite. The mid-tempo track displays his voice nicely.

No. 47: "When the Wine Wears Off"

," an album track from Texoma Shore that could have been a single. The song's structure and flow is very similar to so many hits from this era of Blake Shelton.

No. 46: "Anyone Else"

When asked which deep cut they like most, Blake Shelton fans chose "

," an album cut from Bringing Back the Sunshine. This ballad shows a bitterness that's rare across the singer's discography, and certainly this list of 50 songs. It's packaged in a fairly unoffensive arrangement, but his lyrics really sting.

No. 45: "Over"

Blake Shelton gives a great vocal performance of a fairly ordinary song during "

," his fourth straight No. 1 single from the Red River Blue album.

No. 44: "I'll Just Hold On"

Shelton relied on a sitar to make this song stand out. It only worked to get him a Top 10 hit. The remainder of "

" is arranged more conventionally, making the outsider instrument something of a gimmick.

No. 43: "All Over Me"

" will always hold a special place for Shelton, as he co-wrote it with an idol, Earl Thomas Conley. The piano-led ballad finds the singer doing something truly unique: Showcasing a timid falsetto during the chorus of this poignant, pure country single. Lyrically it's difficult to keep up with, but sonically it's bold, like so many of his early hits.

No. 42: "Every Time I Hear That Song"

In retrospect, very few songs from Shelton's post-divorce album stack up against his earliest and most recent singles and deep cuts. "

" relies on a vocal hook, but the performance lacks urgency. Still, it hit No. 1 easily.

No. 41: "Sure Be Cool If You Did"

Shelton's Based on a True Story ... album started with "

," but every single that followed is far better and more engaging. This love ballad doesn't hurt for warmth, but the arrangement is milquetoast at best.

Rick Diamond, Getty Images

No. 40: "Drink on It"

Real life couple Jessi Alexander and Jon Randall joined Rodney Clawson for this track from Shelton's Red River Blue album. While still a No. 1 hit, "

" gets a little lost among other more dynamic performances and arrangements on this list of his 50 best songs.

No. 39: "I'll Name the Dogs"

" cast Blake Shelton as a husband in waiting, something his fans and the world in general were hoping for in his real life. The No. 1 hit from 2017 went Platinum on the strength of a pop-rock chorus and a charming lyrical hook.

No. 38: "Happy Anywhere"

" — the second of two straight single collaborations with Gwen Stefani — hit No. 1 and is a total earworm. It's hard to criticize the feel-good jam, but we'll say "Nobody But You" is a superior duet for the country couple.

No. 37: "Neon Light"

In a vacuum, "Neon Light" — a No. 1 hit, released in 2014 — is a funky, country and hip fusion that works. Across Blake Shelton's full catalog of hits and album cuts, however, it tries to do too many things that this singer does better elsewhere. For that reason, this track rates a bit low on this list of Shelton's best songs.

No. 36: "Granddaddy's Gun"

Aaron Lewis' version of this same song was more convincing, but Blake Shelton's "

" wasn't trying to act tough. The more sensitive singer's rendition was more sensitive and polished. The two men were targeting different country audiences.

No. 35: "A Guy With a Girl"

Blake Shelton celebrates his woman during "

" a No. 1 hit from If I'm Honest. The song is a sweet gesture, made atop a radio-ready arrangement.

No. 34: "Nobody But You"

The first of two straight, Gwen Stefani duets to country radio finds the couple trading lines as they tell a love story that can only be described as genuine. The No. 1 hit reached a very pleasing one million downloads quickly. "

" should not be confused with another song on this list. It's a progressive, pop-friendly ballad that truly simmers.

No. 33: "When Somebody Knows You That Well"

Of all of Blake Shelton's official singles, "

" faired the worst. It barely cracked the Top 40, possibly due to an outdated, string heavy arrangement. But it's not a bad little song. Harley Allen co-wrote this ballad and Shelton does OK in finding the right perspective. 'A' for effort, big fella.

No. 32: "Doin' What She Likes"

This charming No. 1 hit is best remembered for a music video in which a bumbling Blake Shelton burns the house down trying to cook a romantic dinner for Miranda Lambert, who makes a vocal cameo early. Sans video, "

" is a warm love song that's fit for a squeeze.

No. 31: "Just South of Heaven"

Another fan favorite from deep in Shelton's catalog, "

" finds the singer relying on a familiar mood over a welcome acoustic guitar and fiddle combination.

No. 30: "Came Here to Forget"

If you expected Blake Shelton's post-divorce album to include some heartache, you were right. "

is a dark country lyric atop an R&B-infused guitar line. His twang keeps it country, but the song is among his most progressive No. 1 hits. Often when he stretches the genre, it's done with a wink — not this time.

No. 29: "Sangria"

Few songs on this list of Blake Shelton's best smolder like "

." The love song rides a warm melody that covers for a barely-there hook. This 2015 hit was one in a string of No. 1 hits for Shelton, most of which went Gold or Platinum.

No. 28: "Jesus Got a Tight Grip"

When Blake Shelton does sit down to write, what comes out is often spiritual. Deep love songs and reflections on a higher power make up his short songwriting catalog. Jessi Alexander helped him with "

," a plucky country-rocker from 2019.

No. 27 Draggin' the River

" tells a dark story of two lovers escaping together, and in that way, it's very Miranda. Shelton's polished vocals and a sweetened production make this track from the All About Tonight EP very Blake, however. While not a single, it was a fan favorite back when they were a couple. We still dig it.

No. 26: "Minimum Wage"

Blake Shelton's blue-collar love song is no "Friends in Low Places" but the spirit of this song still hits today. There's not a lot of love-conquers-all messaging across his catalog, at least not as much as that of storytellers like

" is a mainstream effort that did its job of introducing a new album, but it's hard to put it high on this list of Shelton's 50 best at this point.

No. 25: "Footloose"

Blake Shelton didn't deviate much from Kenny Loggins' original version. The country "

" wasn't a radio hit, but it went Gold and introduced the country singer to an all-genre audience that was just beginning to learn of him via The Voice.

No. 24: "Some Beach"

One could make a case for "

" as Shelton's most important song, as it saved a career that was spiraling after a trio of Top 40 country airplay hits. This is the first time fans got to witness his sense of humor and sarcasm — remember, there was no Twitter in 2004. A pre

Rory Feek co-wrote "Some Beach," showing how wide the singer reached for great songs early in his career.

No. 23: "Bible Verses"

" is the faith song on Blake Shelton's 2021 album Body Language, and it's truly a highlight on the project. The singer approaches the topic with genuine humility that feels as honest as any love or drinking song he has recorded. A great play on a phrase pushes the song higher up on this Top 50 list.

No. 22: "Hillbilly Bone" with Trace Adkins

Blake Shelton proved he's a dynamic duet partner with this partnership with Trace

" is among his most well-known songs, even if it's not a Top 10 song on our list. Amid a catalog of songs with sexy, delicate women, this rocker with tough guy Adkins stands up and demands you pay attention. Even the haters have to smile!

No. 21: "Nobody But Me"

Did you even know that Shelton has a hit song called "Nobody But You" and "

"? The former is his most recent hit with Gwen Stefani, but the 2005 love ballad is the one that deserves a celebration. A jazzy piano carries the country singer atop this pleading love song. It's both memorable and effective.

No. 20: "Savior's Shadow"

Jessi Alexander returns to this list of the best Blake Shelton songs to offer a gentle message about faith and peace. "

" is Shelton's only Hot Christian Songs hit, reaching No. 14 in 2016. He's rarely, if ever, performs the song live.

No. 19: "The More I Drink"

," a Top 10 hit for Blake Shelton in 2007. The singer's early rompers are unmistakably genuine. In his later years, a certain polish would change the raw messaging, but that doesn't exist in this Brent Rowan production.

No. 18: "Playboys of the Southwestern World"

This is a song about best friends. "

" is a critic's pick for this list because we can recall him playing it live. The song is largely shelved now, but it still cooks. As a storyteller, few artists do better than Shelton, as some of the highest ranked songs on this list will prove. Playboys (No. 24 in 2003) is a different kind of story.

No. 17: "Lonely Tonight"

Give Shelton credit: At a time when few solo females could break in country music, he was doing what he could to celebrate talent.

is just one example of the hitmaker looking past stars who would have furthered his career to support Nashville's best. This dark ballad about a one night stand is a provocative conversation that just burned in 2014, a time where Blake Shelton was king. During "

No. 16: "Turnin' Me On"

Blake Shelton hasn't written very many of the songs found on this list of his 50 best. "

" is a rare case where he set out to write a song that became a hit, albeit a minor one. The simmering love song only reached the Top 10 after its 2018 release, but charts aren't everything. Years later it really stands apart from the rest of the songs he released to radio. You can feel his passion as he sings a song that he clearly had girlfriend Gwen Stefani in mind for.

No. 15: "I Lived It"

This Top 5 hit for Blake Shelton seemed to come and go, but we wish it would have stuck around as a catalog cut for the singer. "

" is among his best late model songs as it treads into new, nostalgic territory for a singer who is so often singing of love and love lost.

No. 14: "The Baby"

Blake Shelton cemented himself as one of country music's most promising young storytellers with three of his first four singles, including "

." The heartbreaking mother-son story is a gut punch for older country music fans. Melodically, the chorus gives it wings. This song from The Dreamer would become his second No. 1 hit.

No. 13: "All About Tonight"

" for Blake Shelton, and it's a song that will forever hold a place in his live show. It's kind of the theme song for any country concert, isn't it? In truth, Shelton hasn't released too many all-out jams like this one in the last decade, so it stands out a decade later.

No. 12: "Boys 'Round Here" With Pistol Annies and RaeLynn

Every once in awhile Blake Shelton drops a song that reminds you he doesn't take himself too seriously. It's critical to his artistry and an integral part of his longevity. "

" was his early 2010s version of that song. It's a sort of hip-hop-inspired redneck stomp with callback lyrics and his then-wife's supergroup supporting him. The song is just so much fun to bop along with, even a decade later.

No. 11: "God Gave Me You"

Blake Shelton took Dave Barnes' "

God Gave Me You

" and turned it into a Grammy-nominated, chart-topping country song. But that's just part of the story. The emotive love ballad is also what gave the singer the kick in the pants he needed to propose marriage to then-girlfriend Miranda Lambert. This is a tremendous vocal performance and certainly worthy of a high placement on the singer's best songs list.

No. 10: "My Eyes"

Blake Shelton and

Gwen Sebastian

kept a brother-sister kind of relationship after her time on The Voice. She even joined his band. That changed with "

," a true bed burner that beckons, "Come a little closer, come a little closer / Come a little closer, love the way you look tonight / My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you."

"My Eyes" was the last of a trio of great male/female collaborations that truly put new female artists on a pedestal. RaeLynn and Pistol Annies joined him for "Boys 'Round Here," Ashley Monroe jumped in for "Lonely Tonight" and Sebastian for "My Eyes." This was a time when women struggled mightily at country radio, but the singer did what he could to help introduce new talent.

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No. 9: "Home"

You see a real change in Blake Shelton's commercial success beginning with his cover of "

" in 2008. One could argue this is his most important radio release, and his vocals stand up to anything else he's put out. Prior to his version of the Michel Bublé song, Top 20 was where he lived. After that, he rattled off a string of No. 1 hits as long as anyone ever: Nineteen of Shelton's next 20 singles hit No. 1.

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No. 8: "Goodbye Time"

There is more than one famous cover among Blake Shelton's 50 best songs. "

" was a

Conway Twitty

hit in 1988, and the younger singer did it justice with a piano-led arrangement that showcased him as a premier vocalist. This song also exemplifies why he was hit-and-miss at radio in the mid 2000s. It followed the chart-topping "Some Beach," which followed a Top 40 song called "When Somebody Knows You That Well." It's good to go back and forth between good times and heartache, but with Shelton, the pendulum swung too far every time. It was hard to figure out who he was for most of a decade.

No. 7: "Ol' Red"

" is not Blake Shelton's best song, but it's his signature song. He can't play a live show without telling this story of a prisoner, a dog and a warden who gets fooled. Early in his career, Shelton wasn't shy about covering other artists, including Conway Twitty and (in this case) George Jones. His tie to the past has loosened in recent years, which is a bummer because songs like this are far more interesting than anything on the radio today.

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No. 6: "Honey Bee"

There's not an easier song in Blake Shelton's catalog to enjoy than "

," his slightly saccharine, but still grinning love song from 2011. The track went triple-Platinum and is perhaps his most recognizable song worldwide today.

No. 5: "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking"

Joe Nichols

cut this song several years before Shelton would make it his best love song. Both versions are exemplary. It starts with the songwriting. Lyrically, "

" is more sensitive and poetic than anything else on this list. Each line is phrased as a question, and each question is one any woman can relate to. The magic is in this hitmaker's personal delivery. His range isn't needed for a subtle romancer that the greats would be proud of. Few country women will resist a warm smile when this No. 1 hit begins.

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No. 4: "God's Country"

God's Country

" rejuvenated Blake Shelton's career. The country-rock song paints a vivid picture but it works so well because everyone who touched the song went for it 100 percent. The chart-topping hit is arguably his best of the last half-decade and an easy pick for Top 10 on this list of his greatest songs.

No. 3: "She Wouldn't Be Gone"

There's no song in Blake Shelton's catalog that paints a breathtaking picture with the same ease of "

She Wouldn't Be Gone

," his No. 1 song from 2008. He begins with, "Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you / Took you home set you on the counter" before his second metered stanza that goes, "Yellow sunset slowly dipping down in the rear view / Oh, how she'd love to sit and watch you / I could have done that a whole lot more."

The chorus of this song is where the tension lies, however. Shelton has told great stories before and delivered strong vocal performances plenty of times, but few songs find him so recklessly emotional as this ballad. It's almost unnerving to listen to.

No. 2: "Mine Would Be You"

" is a Top 5 Blake Shelton song because of the twist at the end that just crushes your heart. It's a love song, until suddenly it isn't. Jessi Alexander and company wrote it, but it's the singer's energy that makes the song special. As with "She Wouldn't Be Gone," there's a sense of panic so rare on the radio today. Shelton seems like such a cool character most of the time, but moments like this remind us of his gifts.

No. 1: "Austin"

Fans have, and will continue to, make a case for "

" as Blake Shelton's best song. It's certainly an all-time great debut single — one that would work in any era of country music. Early in his career, the Oklahoma native relied on veteran songwriters and producers like Bobby Braddock to shape his sound. These days everything comes with a little more polish, which is fine and probably even necessary.

You can't compare 20-year-old tracks like "Austin" with modern songs like "I'll Name the Dogs." Lyrically, his newest material lacks depth when held up against the rich tapestry of these early hits. So many songs from Shelton's first two albums make the Top 10 or even Top 20 of this list for this reason. "Austin" at No. 1? It's tempting to select another for the sake of being bold, but doing so would just be dishonest.