#Benzos

[anaxietyyy]

(not mine, found on pinterest)

[jojolovesxannies]

tb to my first time doing coke…

beginning of love<3

[herokitty1312]

pink xans💗

[selfmedblves]

~ i love my benzos ~

[zebulontheplanet]

I think people don’t realize the fear and anxiety some people face when taking some medications.

I’m on a benzo. Ativan to be specific. I take it twice a day, every other day, and I sometimes take breaks on weekends from it. I think people don’t realize the utter anxiety I had when I first got on it. Especially the anxiety from the only other person who knows I’m on it, my mother. We were scared. Benzos are a commonly demonized medication. If you’re on it, then you’re automatically seen as a drug addict. If you’re taking it responsibly, no you’re not. If you’re taking it unresponsively and get addicted to it, then you’re a horrible person.

I was scared to get on it. I expressed my concern with my psych, and she was glad I brought it up, and soothed my concern by telling me I could get off of it anytime if I felt uncomfortable.

Medications like benzo’s are extremely demonized. They’re extremely anxiety inducing to be on. To take responsibly. To not get addicted. I have so far been ok, and don’t seem to have a dependence on it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes doubt myself. Every time I take it because I need it, there’s a little voice in the back of my head telling me I’m an addict. Telling me that I’m only taking it for my own gain and don’t actually need it. There’s this voice telling me all of this, and that’s scary.

Being an addict isn’t a moral failure. But it isn’t bad to not want a struggle on yourself. To not wish years of struggle and harm on yourself. It isn’t bad to not wish you weren’t an addict. To wish that never happens to you.

I am taking my meds responsibly, but that doesn’t mean that I possibly won’t face hardships in the future. That I won’t face possible addiction. That I won’t face doctors not taking me seriously due to it. That I won’t face hardships. There is no guarantee.

We need to stop demonizing medication that has changed peoples lives. That has possibly saved them. Ativan has changed my life for the better. I’m no longer catatonic all the time, I’m no longer struggling with tasks, and I’m no longer having extreme anxiety attacks. Ativan has changed my life, and although it is a hugely demonized medication, I don’t regret it one bit.

[angelnumber27]

[catylsdiary]

Wygląda jakby brał mocniejszy towar. Klony + Xan.

[benzodolli3]

[1dfanfictionbookcovers]

Run Like the Devil by benzos( @judgmentalharpy )

Harry stops pouting, but his frown is still fixed in place. “Are you sure?” he asks. “You know it’s your soul you’re signing away.” He sounds…sad? No, that’s not right, but there’s something.  Christ. This is the most incompetent demon Louis’ ever met. If he hadn’t seen the red of his eyes he wouldn’t believe he was a demon at all. How’d he get this job if he isn’t trying to convince Louis to deal? Or is it just another trick? A ploy for sympathy? “I’m sure,” Louis says. “Come over here and kiss me.” * Supernatural AU. Louis hunts demons; Harry's the strangest demon he's ever met, and he keeps fucking meeting him.

[hannahch33ks]

Valium come to save me from my seasonal depression

[iambothwoundandknife]

Yep. Benzo angel

[jojolovesxannies]

someone wants to be druggy buddies?:))

[hlficlibrary]

HL Fic Library 🌚 Supernatural Fics

Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

🦇 domestic monsters (series) by @g-uttertrash {E, 234k}

Harry is a witch from a long line of power, an ancient line that’s one of the strongest left alive in their hemisphere. He can cast spells without a word if need be, fly on a broomstick, and has a black cat (a kitten, really) named Felix that is his animal familiar. He can shape galaxies in his cupped hands and can destroy them just as easily. He can choose exactly how to use his power, for encouragement and support, or for more nefarious causes if he wishes to.

And as fate would have it, he’s scared of haunted houses.

(Harry is a witch who carries around a stuffed pumpkin, Louis is a vampire with too much time on his hands, and their best mates Zayn & Niall aren't exactly what they seem...)

🦇 Collision by itjustkindahappened / @tequiladimples {E, 226k}

Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.

(Featuring Liam, the big and not-so-bad wolf who’s got a thing for humans, Zayn, a human with supernaturally good looks, and Niall, the cupid who just wants his job to be easier.)

🦇 Run Like the Devil by benzos / @churchrat {E, 139k}

Harry stops pouting, but his frown is still fixed in place. “Are you sure?” he asks. “You know it’s your soul you’re signing away.” He sounds…sad? No, that’s not right, but there’s something.

Christ. This is the most incompetent demon Louis’ ever met. If he hadn’t seen the red of his eyes he wouldn’t believe he was a demon at all. How’d he get this job if he isn’t trying to convince Louis to deal? Or is it just another trick? A ploy for sympathy?

“I’m sure,” Louis says. “Come over here and kiss me.”

Supernatural AU. Louis hunts demons; Harry's the strangest demon he's ever met, and he keeps fucking meeting him.

🦇 House of The Rising Sun by @itsmotivatingcara {M, 101k}

“It wasn’t me.” Louis said after they’d walked a block in silence, Harry glanced over in surprise but this time Louis didn’t meet his eyes, instead looking ahead. The moonlight cast shadows under his striking cheekbones, and not for the first time, Harry thought he was eerily beautiful - though immortality would likely have a hand in that. “It was supposed to be, but I got caught up in something else.”

“Something more important than murdering a witch” Harry snarked, “Will wonders never cease.”

He felt Louis’ irritation before he spoke again, “Careful, little lamb.” He murmured.

Little lamb.

Harry despised the nickname Louis had given him when they’d first met nine months prior. Little Lamb to the slaughter, Louis had said mockingly.

Or The Originals AU that no one asked for.

🦇 Black with Autumn Rain by whimsicule {T, 93k}

“Thank you,” Geoff says, taking a sip of his tea. “What did you tell him?”

Louis has a sip as well, lets the tea burn down his throat too quickly, too hot, and he feels it all the way down to his stomach. “The truth. Essentially,” he replies after a moment, licking his lips, relishing the slightly bitter taste of the brew that’s never quite strong enough for Louis’ liking. At least it’s not decaf. “That my dog scented it. That I didn’t touch the body. That I came here first thing.”

Geoff nods pensively. “Did he believe you?”

“Probably not. There’s only so many people who can drown on dry land before it gets fishy.”

or: Harry is a journalist, Louis has lots of secrets and the moors aren't exactly the ideal place to rekindle a lost romance.

🦇 The Devil In My Brain by @princesshalo {E, 74k}

“Jesus Christ!” Louis yells as he jumps back in reaction to Harry once again popping up out of nowhere.

Harry doesn’t even flinch.

“Quite the opposite.” He jokes, holding out one of the drinks for Louis to take. A freshly sizzling vodka Red Bull; his favorite.

Louis’s initial reaction is the thought you remembered.

His rational brain says, “No thanks.”

“Louis.” Harry says it like a concerned parent, the tone of it matching the way his mum used to say Boo Bear, you have to eat your vegetables to grow up big and strong, and that ignites something feral within him.

“Satan.” He counters, same tone coupled with a glare and a pair of arms crossed over his chest.

Louis used to be good friends with Harry, until he woke up alone and immortal with no one to blame but The Devil himself.

🦇 Tied to Fate by @littlelouishiccups {E, 52k}

After his estranged father’s death, Harry inherits a castle in England that has belonged to his family for generations and he knows nothing about. When he breaks up with his boyfriend, Harry decides England is the perfect place for a small vacation. He isn’t prepared to meet Louis Tomlinson, a ghost who once lived in the castle and has haunted it for over five hundred years. He’s even more unprepared to fall in love with him.

🦇 we should open up (before it's all too much) by @disgruntledkittenface {M, 43k}

“I’m not–” Harry breaks off, his voice strangled as he clutches his phone in his hand. He takes a breath and looks up, trying to keep the tears threatening to spill over at bay. “Louis, I’m not very good company these days. I–”

“Harry,” Louis interrupts, his raspy voice soft and soothing. “I get it. Sometimes it’s just easier to be alone, yeah?”

Harry nods, blinking back the last of his tears.

“But it can get lonely,” Louis states. Harry nods again even though it wasn’t a question, finally looking back at him. “So why don’t we try being alone, together?”

Struggling with grieving and depression since his dad died, Harry has never felt so alone. It’s too much to cope with on his own, but he feels like a burden when he tries to open up with people.

Then he meets Louis.

🦇 The Haunting of Louis Tomlinson by @helloamhere {T, 31k}

“I'm not afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

Every single magnet unstuck itself from the fridge and fell to the floor in a clattering cascade.

“I'm only a little afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

OR: Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!

🦇 Where the World has Come Together by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup {M, 26k}

For the crime of elven blood running through his veins, Louis Tomlinson spends his days protecting the human kingdom he’s been cast out of. Forcibly tied by magic to the very walls that encircle the city, he and the other guards do what they can to find some semblance of a life.

Then, against Louis’ wishes, someone new is added to their number. How is he supposed to share living quarters with a monster?

🦇 The Blood of Love by @mugglemirror {E, 25k}

Harry is a nurse and Louis is a painting worth more than a thousand words. As desire and darkness encompasses him, Harry has to learn the secrets of Thorne Hills manor before he succumbs to the mystery that surrounds him.

🦇 Campus Creatures by @kingsofeverything , YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf {E, 25k}

It’s senior year for werewolf Louis Tomlinson and vampire Harry Styles, and as presidents of their respective fraternities, they’re determined to do it right.

Though what that means is anybody’s guess.

🦇 In the Strangest of Ways by SunTomato / @sun-tomato {NR, 17k}

Louis Tomlinson is a historian with English Heritage, specialised local history and folklore. When he is hired to research the origins of a mysterious music sheet, he soon finds he’s not the only one at the manor; a dark presence keeps following him around. The more time he spends at the historic site, the clearer it becomes that something tragic happened here. And when the haunting sounds of a melancholy piano piece accompanied by the vague shadow of a beautiful male figure appear, Louis is determined to find out who this beautiful man was and what happened to him…

🦇 it's time to find your wings again by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed {T, 12k}

The first reports are dismissed, as tall tales or folklore. As mental illness, poor Bathilda, she’d gone loopy. As people simply getting scared in the dark woods and seeing things, making things up. Magic isn’t real. Mythological creatures aren't real.

But then the first one is caught. A faun, that little Meg from around the corner swears has attacked her in the woods, and everyone comes to the marketplace to see the faun be hanged for its crimes. Louis doesn’t want to go, but at the same time, he finds himself unable to stay away. Not when this proves what he’s wanted to believe all along, that magic is real.

Louis is twenty when he starts working at the prison. His fascination for supernatural creatures had turned into something most closely resembling loathing over the years, due to the many stories of their evildoing, and although he still doesn’t believe in hanging them for their crimes, he does believe in keeping the town safe. In making sure that his siblings get to grow up without fear of being kidnapped or hurt. As the oldest son, it feels like his duty to make sure that no creature in the wide area will ever pose a threat to anyone.

🦇 Far Afield by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird {T, 11k}

Harry Styles is a witch who owns the best flower shop in Manchester. Lottie Tomlinson is planning her wedding, and brings her brother along to her first appointment. Both men have been having a bad day and sparks fly.

🦇 Just Your Jinx by @larryatendoftheday {T, 10k}

Harry Styles may or may not have accidentally jinxed his extremely fit new neighbor, and it's not so easy to make things right.

🦇 Babe, There's Something Lonesome About You by patdkitten / @babyarcanacasey {M, 8k}

Louis is a hedge witch, who lives a lonely, solitary life. He's quite happy with his shop in Door County, selling New Age magics to the tourists. He also has his cats and his birds to keep him company. But his best friend Liam thinks he needs someone around, and he's got just the person: Liam's friend Harry is coming to the area for the tourist season and since Louis has all this space....

🦇 Somethin' Old and Red by nonsensedarling / @absoloutenonsense {NR, 5k}

There was a ritual with these things. He’d pour a splash into a wine glass —his favourite little joke was telling humans he loved a nice glass of red every now and again— then sat down in his living room and listened to music while he drank. Every time he changed the record —or, what was it they called them nowadays? 8tracks? MP3s? Playlists? It was difficult for Harry to keep up with the technology, especially as much as things had changed over the last few decades— he would change the music before refilling the glass. He liked to savour his meals. He could get at least two evenings out of a bag that way, which worked very well for Harry’s schedule. His wine glass was in front of him on the counter, and he was ready to pour.

🦇 The Hidden Hills Restaurant by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose {E, 4k}

“Are you sure you want to hear about this? Wouldn’t you rather hear about what I’ll do to you? How often? How long? How many fin—“

“I like to get to know my potential clients before agreeing to anything,” Louis says and lays down the menu. He’s thinking of steak. Something meaty, juicy, and hearty.

Harry’s arched eyebrow at the word ‘potential’ doesn’t escape Louis’ notice.

or the one where Louis is a personal feeder and Harry is the vampire to be his next client

🦇 Rapture by @allwaswell16 {E, 3k}

It was New Year's Eve in Victorian London, and a lonely vampire could no longer resist the stunning lamplighter he watched night after night.

Or, a vampire Harry fic because what says the holidays like Victorian vampires?

🦇 Just a little taste by @lunarheslwt {G, 3k}

“Little dove,” Louis crooned, making Harry shiver a little, affected, “you’re shaking. Do you want to bite?” Harry stilled. He knew what Louis was asking. He knew Louis probably could sense how in dire need of comfort he was. He knew Louis was offering. And yet- “No,” he whispered, even as he felt the strong urge to let his lips trace the well-known path to the spot he usually bit into, “I could hurt you.” “Harry, my darling, you haven’t hurt me once in the numerous times you’ve needed to bite. Today will be no different. You know it’ll do you good.” Harry sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, torn. In the end, it was an offer he was too weak to resist. “So…do you want to? Little taste?” “Yeah,” Harry rasped out, “please.”

Or, Harry is a vampire that comes home one night, grappling with the darkness that comes with being one. Louis offers him unwavering love, acceptance and the one thing he needs but is reluctant to ask for; permission to bite for the sake of comfort and safety seeking.

[selfmedblves]

babe are you okay? you haven't even touched your x3 lines yeat

[odile-odile]

Let the good times roll x

I always find myself so much more productive when on benzos and mild opiates. It's a strange thing.

[my-blank-stare]

There’s a lot of shitty drugs to get physically dependent to but I’d honestly say benzos are most definitely in the top two because due to the fact you can legit die from their WD’s in the form of severe seizures or autonomic instability.

However good they are at managing anxiety I would never, NEVER, and I emphasize NEVER recommend someone getting on them or using them as a coping mechanism for anxiety- despite their major effectiveness.

I’ve only once been this low on bars before. I have five days left(with the amount of bars I have left- as seen in image) before I will need to admit myself to the ER so I don’t seize (again). My last one was a grand mal(tonic- clonic)- due to accidentally going cold turkey off of them when I was like 17-18 y/o.

But what led me to going cold turkey off of them like a dumbass was me pulling myself off of them wayyyy too fast(with a very severe physical year+ long dependence at very high doses), and having a full blown psychotic episode- that led me to think I didn’t need to be taking them at all when I was in reality super physically dependent. Getting off benzos will do that to you.

So of course, I end up getting hospitalized due to the seizure, but I’m too mentally out of it(unable to distinguish between reality and what’s not) so they send me to a psych ward against my will- because again- I was way too out of it to even know what was going on.

—————

Okay so here’s where I’m currently at now.. I have 5 days worth left of a mix of Bromazolam and Clonazolam..

If I run out.. I’ll need to admit myself to the closest ER before I go completely and utterly off my rocker. It’s as if there’s a timer above my head ticking down to an inevitable major psychotic episode and possible seizure. The psych episode is 100% if I have to go cold turkey(I trust the hospital will figure my situation out though.. if it comes to that). And my tolerance is wayyyy too high to taper myself off safely with the limited amount I have now. So I’m kinda fucked. I have quite a lot of Bromazolam bars that will soon be in my possession. And all I can do is wait.

I’m going as absolutely low as possible with my dosing. Am also going through minor psychosis due to the low ass amount of benzos I’ve been reduced to taking(like a 1/10- but still on the psychosis scale unfortunately). My brain is freaking out. This shit sucks. Really bad. All I can do is wait for my bars then I’ll be set for a while. I’m going to actually try to taper myself off of this horrid class of medications.

Don’t know how I’ll function with my social anxiety as severe as it is, but I know damn well benzos are not the answer. It’s like putting a temporary bandaid over a gaping wound that keeps getting more infected as the days go by unaddressed.

I’ve been advised by my PCP *not* to go to detox(or I would right now) because I am a severe case and I need longer than 8 days to taper safely. My full clinical team is guessing it’s going to take at least a couple months to fully taper me off them safely. So I’ve been recommended/ referred to a couple addiction specialists who can help me out taper off of them without literally going like.. actually psychotic. And the psychosis’s are full blown as well. Like to the point I’ll think I’m living in a different land, or dead and in the afterlife, etc. (crazy shit like that)

I’ve been on them far too long. If I don’t get my benzos on time I’ll literally have to hospitalize myself :( I need to get off of these meds once and for all and learn to deal with my anxiety. This includes detox, then likely a 90+ day rehab immediately afterwards(where I can learn some life skills(and how to deal with my severe ass social anxiety without the use of benzos)).

If anyone’s considering these meds as a long-term solution, I’d strongly suggest weighing out the major risks and sticking closely to your professional’s guidance. Please think twice before getting on benzodiazepines if you haven’t already.

AND- if you’re already dependent to these kinds of drugs.. DO NOT PULL YOURSELF OFF WITHOUT MEDICAL SUPERVISION!! YOUR LIFE OR SANITY COULD VERY WELL BE ON THE LINE! (You don’t want to end up in a psych ward as I have on multiple occasions.. those places are just as bad as seen on TV. But, not gonna lie.. they are sometimes actually needed.. despite their… unpleasantness…)

Please keep me in your thoughts(pray for me if you’re into that). I’m working through this, and I know there’s light at the end of this long, long tunnel.

2024.11.10