#Ben's Watch Club

[khakilike]

This video either just cost me $300 or saved me $8000, depending how you look at it.

[half7one]

is tyler my bad dream, or am i tyler’s?

based off the poster for severance :)

[transxfiles]

i walk into the across the spider verse spider society lobby right as everyone starts trying to kill some teen. i walk past whatever weird chase scene shit is going on. i walk directly into the free gender clinic and talk to the spider physician about starting hrt.

[marshbevvie]

a losers club roundtable

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Part 1: It's Gay

We’ve finally made it to the Love in the Big City TV adaptation. Despite all the drama going on around this show’s release, we got the whole show at once. We won’t get canceled midway through. Though I hoped for a global weekly release schedule, I understand the decisions that led to dropping the whole thing at once. Thankfully, Nam Yoon Su is so charismatic as Go Yeong, and I have much to say about how this show doesn’t hate BL, has great regard for the humanity of its characters, and so far is one of the better adaptations I’ve experienced in my life. 

Nam Yoon Su’s Go Yeong

I just want to state plainly that I love how queer Go Yeong feels in this show. I love his pissy little expressions. I love his frustration and anger at gross straight men. I love his gay little run. I love his dancing in the street to girl pop artists. I love him making out with men in public. 

I loved opening with Yeong in the midst of a new fling and openly having lots of sex before the military boyfriend came back home. I loved Yeong ending things before later going to a club to seek new partners. We haven’t had that in so long, with Queer as Folk being the biggest cultural memory for many. 

More than anything, I love how lonely he felt. Many others have noted it in the tag, and I think that’s the part that resonates when something feels queer for a lot of us. It was notable that they brought Yeong’s friends forward this time, which gives us insight into the shallow nature of most of his relationships. His connection to them is through the club, music, and boys. Go Yeong keeps everyone at a distance. It’s the hardest part about being queer sometimes. You try to connect with others, but something always seems to come up to prevent that closeness. 

Kim Nam-Gyu

I think casting Kwon Hyuk as Kim Nam Gyu was such an excellent decision. He previously played my man Jong Chan in The New Employee, and it feels like a nod from this production that they are not opposed to BL. BL is a drama full of romance tropes and huge optimism about relationships, and they cast the actor who played my favorite version of the ideal man in a way that showed empathy for his lonely, quiet nature. Casting Kwon Hyuk feels like a tactful way for this show to say, “We’re not BL, and we respect the work others are doing.” The New Employee was directed by a Korean gay activist, and I love this show giving K-BL a polite nod.

Nam Gyu is a quiet gay. As one myself, I get a lot of what I saw in Nam Gyu. He takes pictures of hot models because it’s a socially acceptable way for him to be close to hot men. He leaps at the chance to be with Go Yeong, and speed runs the intimacy route. He missed that he was smothering Go Yeong, and I think it’s because it’s clear he lacks friends.

I feel so sad for Nam Gyu, because it’s clear he overinvested in his relationship with Go Yeong. He was so ready to give Go Yeong everything, but it was way too much for a club gay. Despite all the ways he rushed in (like a fool), he was otherwise so safe in his life. He stayed in the lines everywhere, and it’s so tragic that he died while speeding. 

I thought a lot about the lack of Kylie in this section and the health scare, and it adds a layer to the situation with Nam Gyu as @twig-tea pointed out in one of our conversations that Go Yeong asked how he died because he might already know his status. Did Go Yeong wonder if he’d infected Nam Gyu? It also makes me wonder about the sex we didn’t see with Nam Gyu and IG guy. 

Finally, the empty funeral hurts me to my core. This man was so decent, and no one was there to see him off. I am still thinking about how all of the breakups mirrored each other in this section.

Choi Mi Ae

I think @lurkingshan already covered Mi Ae in this adaptation very well. I’ve been thinking about her for a few days, and I’ve decided that I like that we get to see more of her outside of Yeong’s POV in the show. We can see how her circumstances rattled her, and how it was clear that she couldn’t make it on her own long term. 

I get her taking the cushy job. I get her finding a nice enough guy who didn’t want kids. I get her choosing to protect herself when cornered. The most tragic thing about her outing of Yeong is that she told the truth and it only seemed to make things worse. Jonho could never understand the solace she and Go Yeong found in each other, and he was not ready to ever hear the truth of Mi Ae’s life. 

I feel more sympathy for Mi Ae in this version because we can see that their relationship meant so much to her. Learning that he actually went on to become a writer touched her because it feels like he’ll immortalize a time in their lives that was mutually important to them. It also means that one of them may not have to settle for the choices available to them. The singing at the wedding hits so painfully here because it’s the last fun memory these two will ever have. Yeong goes back to the apartment Mi Ae left for him to eat the last of their blueberries, and that’s the last we’ll see of her.

Final Thoughts

I’m so relieved that we have book club discussion again. I’ll be reading and reblogging people’s posts, and I’m looking forward to the next part to see how Hyung fits into the show’s narrative. This adaptation has been so beautiful so far, and it’s been really great to see how the show has softened some of its edges by putting us in third person perspective. We are giving room to understand Mi Ae, Nam Gyu, and the T-aras by not seeing them exclusively through Yeong’s eyes.

[incorrect-losers]

Bev: Look, I can't really chat right now because I've got some holes in my memory to fill

Ben: Well, that's why I'm here. I can totally help fill your holes

Bev: Excuse me?

Ben: Ok. Um. Okay, I obviously did not mean for it to come off that way. In my head it was more like a metaphoric...I can help you figure things out, if you need it

[asexualasshat]

I’d do anything for the people who have made ‘Losers Club as Tiktoks’ and I mean that so literally

[robingoetia12]

I JUST REALISED SOMETHING IN S1 & S2 OF HEARTSTOPPER!!!!

Right so in S1 Episode one the song playing at the beginning is ‘Want Me’ by Baby Queen, which is about a childlike crush and unrequited love and Charlie says in Bens last scene “I went along with it because I had a crush and I didn’t know any better.”

In S2 Episode one the song playing is ‘Shatter’ by Maggie Rogers, which is about the desire to be with someone against all odds!!!

THE WAY THESE SONG CONTRAST REALLY SHOW HOW CHARLIE’S RELATIONSHIP WITH BEN AND WITH NICK COMPLETELY CONTRAST AND WE ALL KNOW WHICH SONG HAS A NICER MEANING AND WHOS THE BETTER BOYFRIEND AND IF YOU LOOK UP THE LYRICS FOR THE SONGS THEY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO EACH OTHER!!!

Want me was all about dreaming about stuff she wanted in a relationship and Shatter is about doing literally doing anything for your partner because they mean EVERYTHING to you!!!! In this essay I will-

[whitehartlane]

one word to describe sonny? 🤍

[theology101]

Tempted to write a Dirty Dancing/High School Musical 2 style fic set at a country club, but I already have too many projects…

[micamicster]

God. Television is back

[stoookes]

LOOK WHO’S BACK 🤩

🥳🥳🥳

[kurthorton-moving]

another week goes by that i just. dont catch up on yj

[marshbevvie]

Eddie took a picture of us watching a movie. He sent it to me, and I debated about posting it here.. the intrusive thoughts won. Have more of my life Tumblr Losers >:D

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Part 2: The Weight of Homophobia

I’ve been struggling to write about this week’s episodes. The way Yeong feels so worn down by the homophobia around him feels suffocating in a way that I haven’t had to deal with in a long time. I remain impressed with the way this adaptation brought this story to the screen, and genuinely like many of its changes.

The Internalized Homophobia Suffocates

The first thing I noticed in this section was how much quieter Yeong felt. He didn’t have the pep in his step that had him and Mi Ae skipping through grocery stores together. He wasn’t dancing in the street. He’s spending a great deal of time with his mom, and now dating a closet case. The weight of all of his pain and suffering has seemingly dimmed his light. 

@impala124 summed up the comparison between the major relationships of Parts 1 and 2 well with “Part 1 was about the loneliness that comes with not conforming to societal expectations for Yeong and Part 2 was about the pitfalls of conforming to societal expectations and how it manifests in their actions towards others.” @shinjiikar1 further detailed how both his mom and Hyung hurt Yeong with their behaviors, particularly how Christianity plays into this. I find myself lingering with the sense of futility that the expectations of heteronormativity inflicts upon us. In Part 1, Yeong found himself unable to connect with Mi Ae and Nam Gyu because of their conformity to heteronormativity, and in this section both Yeong’s mom and Hyung try to enforce that heteronormativity on Yeong. 

With his mom, she had him committed to a mental institution when she caught him with a boy. However she may feel about that now, it’s clear that she will not engage directly with his queer reality. She expressed relief when she didn’t get to meet Yeong Soo, and she will not read his books. She toes a line for herself by taking clipping of articles about her son, and letting him find that she saved a picture of him with his then boyfriend, but she will never say anything else aloud. Their relationship is difficult, and I found myself returning to the final scene with Chiron’s mom in Moonlight (2016) when we left them in the park. 

With Hyung, I find myself thinking about @lurkingshan’s observations about the way episode 3 used familiar romance tropes to build up the relationship with hyung before crushing it in episode 4. It’s easy to see how the beginning of that romance with Hyung was so intriguing. Yeong was tired, lonely, and dealing with the slow death of his mother. He had removed the couch and TV from the apartment, making it clear he’s not doing any group fun in there anymore. It was inevitable that a closet case like Yeong Soo would let Yeong down, and I’m impressed that the show gained the same mortification in Yeong Soo writing that horrible article that I still feel about him sending Yeong an edit of his own goddamned diary. 

I can’t find the comment now, but I think @wen-kexing-apologist commented about how both Umma and Hyung are obsessed with appearances. Despite her declining health, Umma tries to maintain her physical appearance, and performs Christian sacrifice by writing lines from the bible. Yeong Soo wearing ragged clothes, carries a back, speaks on philosophy, plays sports, and more to maintain his masculine appearance, and only wants to be with Yeong where others cannot see him. It’s so exhausting to be inside of the closet, and the paranoia it inflicts on you is mind numbing. I’m so glad that Yeong wasn’t actually alone with this man in this version. Finally, I keep thinking about the way @solitaryandwandering noted that the ideas of ownership play heavily with everyone’s actions in this section. So much of compulsory heteronormativity is about what others think we should be doing for them, and how they wield shame as a weapon. 

Lastly, I want to comment that I appreciated the tasteful way the director chose to show Yeong’s darkest moment. I liked that we didn’t get close-ups or see his face, and I like that we cut away from the moment in his apartment to when he wakes up in the hospital. 

The T-aras Remain The Best Change

I was surprised when the show introduced them so early in Part 1, but I’ve grown to love the T-aras so much in this show. They embody perfectly the kinds of gay friends I had in my 20s. We couldn’t step into each other’s lives to meddle and fix everything, but they’re always there for you. They also have great instincts. 

It’s notable for me that they seemed iffy about Nam Gyu in Part 1. While much of that was likely them being catty about him being older, old-fashioned, and kind of a dork, they recognized that Yeong wasn’t actually into him that much. Nam Gyu was outside of the culture with them, and that builds in distance. In this part, they noticed immediately that they couldn’t tell if Yeong Soo was actually queer. That is a huge sign that Yeong Soo wasn’t going to be good for Yeong, because Yeong lives his life publicly. Yeong Soo doesn’t want people to know, and as such he would never vibe with the T-aras. It’s also notable for me that Yeong Soo never got to meet the T-aras, which at least Nam Gyu did. 

Finally, this show made me sob openly when they rushed to the hospital and fought with staff to get to their friend. Only family is allowed to be in the room, but they would not let their friend go without him knowing that they were there. It’s so scary when you’re in the community because of how death stalks us, and I love this change to the story. The version of Young we get in the book is so unwell that he doesn’t think about all of these people around him, and I love this version of the story showing that he was loved. That his friends cared about him. When he flashed that heart sign to them and they answered back, I cried. I’m crying now even as I think about that moment. Queer friendship is so important to me, and I really love the way the adaptation expanded the role of the T-aras.

Anticipating Gyu-ho

I find myself feeling a small sense of dread about Gyu-ho’s entry into the story. We’ve seen two pairs of relationships in Yeong’s life fail because of compulsory heteronormativity, and I just know that seeing Yeong be unable to build something long-term with Gyu-ho on screen will devastate me. The losses and wounds Yeong has taken from all of the previous history will seep into his relationship with Gyu-ho, and it’s not going to be pretty. 

[derrydeer]

all of the losers would tune into Cunk on Earth and every Cunk programme and stanley would slowly rot into his recliner