#Being abused is not a magic 'get out of introspection free' card

[ericamzdm]

If people are responsible for their choices, then they're responsible for their choices.

If it's you who decides to donate to charity, apply for that promotion, or finally walk away from a toxic relationship - then it was also you who chose to drop $50 on lotto tickets, screamed at your co-worker, and cut off friends because 'how dare you criticize them just because they hit me!'

It can't be Holy and Immuteable Self Determination when people make the 'right' choices, but The Posessing Spectre of Trauma(/abuse/mental illness/cost/concequence) when they don't. Agency is the capacity to make choices - all choices - not just to "chose correctly".

And sure, there are conversations to be had about context and constraints - the things that influence our choices, the practical limits of what we can make choices about - but you can't have those conversations if your first reaction to any choice you don't like is to decree it an unexaminable and unavoidable Act of The Trauma Gods.

[witchmums]

Hi mummas! I've had an issue gnawing at me, impeding my practice (I'm a very baby witch). I want to believe in magic so much, and crystals, and tarot, and I have seen it work sometimes, but I get dragged down with all the pseudoscience and everything, I just am a rational and scientific person and I'm struggling to allow myself to let go of that enough to appreciate, accept, and believe in magic. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this?

Hello hello! What a wonderful question, and I (EstFortis) am going to answer it because it is very much something I have struggled with as well. I am a scientist, myself, and suspended my practice for a long time because I was wrestling with the cognitive dissonance of believing in magic and trusting science. I don’t know if I can completely fix the issue for you, but perhaps I can alleviate a bit of distress. 

I approach my craft as a way of focusing my intent. You will see a lot of that here on the blog, if you take a moment to review our answers to previous asks. I use visualization to create a picture of what I want, and I focus my energy and intent on manifesting that vision. As you may notice, we also place a lot of emphasis on the mundane on this blog - magic as a supplement, not a substitute. I see magic as focused energy, so when I want to manifest something in my life, it is a way for me to keep that goal in the forefront of my consciousness in order to better work towards that outcome. 

Let me give you an example. I have been struggling for the past two years to work through a graduate program with a computer that simply doesn’t work well. It takes minutes - multiple minutes - simply to open Word. It struggles with loading webpages regardless of the quality of my internet connection. It is a very stressful piece of equipment and has caused me considerable distress. I spent a good amount of time just complaining about it and cursing at it and sometimes even crying over it (usually during finals week when I’m trying to write several 10+ page papers), and then I realized that I needed to do something a bit more proactive. I focused my intent on manifesting a solution to my computer problem. I had already lined up some contract work for the summer, revising a course in collaboration with my advisor, but it was going to be for a small amount of pay and would be more for professional development than for a paycheck (I think it was going to be about 1 month of my regular pay for the whole summer’s worth of work). Then, I found out my advisor was teaching a summer session course, and I offered to TA for it. Then, I found out that I was going to get paid for a training I was taking. Then I found out that my pay could be taken out as a regular paycheck or as professional development funds which are tax free and can be used to buy - you guessed it - a computer. So you see, these things can be chalked up to coincidences, or even simply my own hard work. It’s easy to write off any kind of magical component. But I honestly believe that if I had not focused my intent in the same way, by doing a spell to manifest the object of my need and desire, I would not have spent the time and effort doing the things to make it happen. 

Now, again, that’s a fairly mundane example, but an example of wonderful efficacy. There are other examples that are a bit more vague in terms of their efficacy but that I still consider successes. A dear friend of mine had recently left an abusive relationship, taking her young child with her. She was terrified that the ex was going to find her and hurt her and her little one. I did a protection spell, the strongest I’ve ever done. I sent a bubble of light to protect the both of them, and put all my energy and intent into it. Within a year the ex disappeared from town, only occasionally popping back up. Within a few more years, my friend was able to sever all legal ties the ex had to the child, changing names and even social security numbers.They are now living normal lives, in their own home and their own town and without the constant specter of fear hanging over them. Do I take all the credit for that? Of course not. But I can’t help feeling like maybe that spell I did so long ago played a role. 

My approach to divination is equally mundane, I have to admit. I read tarot not to tell my future, but as a tool for introspection and self examination. I read the cards not as a way to know what is going to happen, but as a way to gain insight into my current situation (I rarely read for others, but approach it in a similar way on the occasions that I do so). This summer I was “stalked” by the Tower, which, let me tell you, did not feel good. The Tower signifies huge change, not always welcome; it is often interpreted as straight-up DISASTER. It was not a good feeling to have this card following me around, and I struggled with the interpretation for a good long time. I never quite came to a conclusion until I started taking an antidepressant. I know, what? What does that have to do with anything? In retrospect, though, I realized that my anxiety had come to such a peak that *that was my disaster.* It was awful. I was miserable. My family was miserable. I considered dropping out of school, thinking that was the upheaval the cards were warning me of. But no-- it was simply my own anxiety. And interestingly, I haven’t seen the Tower since starting on the medication, and all the aspects of my life that I had been doing tarot spreads to gain clarity on - they have all resolved, either directly or indirectly as a result of my moods stabilizing. 

I guess my point is this. I think it comes down to how you define magic. If magic is energy, then we all have magic in us. Perhaps it’s how we decide to use it that determines whether it is magic or not. And me, I don’t see that clashing with science at all, for two reasons. One is that science, in a way, IS magic to me. Gravity? What is that but a magic force that keeps us grounded? Birth? The ability to create a WHOLE NEW PERSON INSIDE YOURSELF? Magic. Computers are definitely magic. I really don’t know any other way that they could do the things they do. 

Ok yes I’m being a little facetious, but I’m also trying to say that there is so much we don’t know and understand about how the world works, and I see no reason to think that magic isn’t a part of that.