#Been fighting with myself to even eat bc im back on my Ed bs everything is so unstable and I want control somehow
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i need to be held
#No house no jacking it no weed job transition#Still have to pay full rent despite being displaced for almost a month#Two people I feel safe letting touch me one is in bad shape from me not reciprocating being in love#The other I keep splitting on against my will bc im so unstable#I'm angry that the one got so intense about me so fast but I'm not allowed to express that#Because it's ridiculous when they're the one in horrid shape#I want someone to plan a day for me. I want someone to just. Want. To take care of me.#I'm so tired of taking care of so many people all day and then having to take care of myself#I want someone to reach out first.#But no one ever will#I want to be held for like. Five minutes if anyone could just say. Hey. I hear you. I see you hurting. You can scream I'll still hold you.#I'm so tired. Been walking 8 miles or so every day the last 5 days bc bus fare is expensive and I can't afford it#Been fighting with myself to even eat bc im back on my Ed bs everything is so unstable and I want control somehow#And I can't cut while I'm not at home I cant#I haven't been held in months I haven't been fucked in months I haven't been worth anything in months
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