#Because it's not like I knew anything about this before 2020

[rainingmbappe]

I hate then people say "you don't have to be so aggressive or overtly emotional about this" eveytime I start debating zionists. Cause listen, I can have cordial arguments about a lot of things but unfortunately a genocide is not one of them. I will lose my shit and and you can fuck right off

Literally a week ago I had the weirdest conversation of my life where an older man was telling me about how feminism has ruined our world and how women shouldn't be in places of power and should bear children. I made it out that conversation without blood on my hands guys, pls can I get a round of applause. But oh god save me, when I open my mouth against a zionist. I literally see red and tbh, countering the typical zionist talking points can be my professional career atp

[avese23]

I feel like it says something that a famous 19 year old being extremely shitty on the internet is trending more than anything about politicians or effective protests or the actual acts of genocide.

Like yes, people feel betrayed that their parasocial bond with someone not trusted with alchohol or public office has been broken. And yes tumblr would rather focus on fandom than politics and the fact that stranger things is trending but Palestine is not is perhaps evidence of tumblrs (alleged) suppression of what’s actually being posted.

But it still feels gross to see. Telling a Jewish kid to kill himself helps literally no one, and no one cares that this scandal upholds your pre existing dislike of a show and now you feel superior. Yes his actions should upset you, so let yourself feel that anger and disappointment, boycott his stuff, express he’s in the wrong. But then focus on the more dire problems at hand.

In general can we, *for once* make brown people’s suffering about something besides whether you favorite white celebrity is ok with it?

[senseiwu]

Just saw a video where someone mentioned reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, and they thought afterwards they may have autism too. When they brought it up to their mum, she was like "you knew??" cause apparently she'd done that thing people seem to do where they keep an autism diagnosis secret from their kids

It made me remember when my grandma gave me that book to read when we were all at her place for Christmas. She said something like "I think you'll really like it", which confused me cause I was more into fantasy stuff than mystery novels. I mean. I did really like it. But it's one of the things that makes me wonder... did my parents do that thing too...?

[inbabylontheywept]

the fine and subtle art of arguing with old men

it was a good week for testing which meant it was a slow week for me. most of my job is fixing the machine when it goes down. if it doesn't go down, i don't have much to do. 

fortunately neither did marc. in a site full of ornery old bastards, he's the oldest and the orneriest, so it goes without saying that i enjoy spending time with him. he reminds me of my grandpa. hell, he reminds me of a lot of people. i've befriended enough grumpy old men that i've got a sort of momentum to it now - you know how it is, when you meet someone that reminds you of someone else you really like. you get to start that friendship off half built, because you already have an idea of how to like that guy, and some of that old warmth can be brought to the new friendship. a little ember to start the stove up with.

(i think that's one of the really undersold beauties of getting older. you stop viewing people as strangers and more like remixes of friends.)

anyway, i was sitting next to marc and we were talking about the future. i've got my eye on having kids sometime soon (year or two? hopefully?), and he's very happy for me. i've tried asking him for advice, but all he says is that he didn't do a great job with his own kids and they still turned out okay, so i should stress less and trust myself more. i hope he's right. he believes it, at least, and it's a hell of a thing to have the faith of an old man. his faith is hard won.

as for his plans, he's retiring at some point in the next six months, and is hoping to sell his home and buy something in florida. he's republican, so he views the state as paradise, and i'm not inclined to even try talking him out of it. it's his dream, you know? i know for a fact my paradise would be a lot of people's hell. life's funny like that.

still, we kept going on, and it was a good time, and then he reminisced about the last time he got close to quitting - back around 2020. our job required getting vaxxed, and he refused, and there was a big kerfuffle about it before the job actually backed down. i know there's not a lot of sympathy for the unvaxxed out here, but the man's 62. you get the shot when you're under 30 to protect the people around you, but when you're over 60, you're just getting it to protect yourself and it's hard to be mad at someone for kicking their own ass. 

still gave me pause though. i knew he wasn't going to take it well, but half the job of collecting curmudgeons is keeping them around, so i said 

hey. i'm sorry they bent your arm over it, but.

but. 

you should really get that shot. 

and he looked over at me, and i looked at him, and he actually spat. not on me, just the concrete, but it was enough to show that he was mad. then he walked away, as abrupt as anything.

i felt bad about it. i wasn't sure what i'd expected, when he was willing to lose his job over it before, but i'd been so invested in his dream of retirement - the idea of him sipping margaritias on a beach next to his wife, the wife he calls every day during lunch, the wife he says is the one thing in life he ever got right on the first try. the wife that almost divorced him back when he was in the airforce because he just wasn't home enough. 

(but he can be home now.) 

and then he mentioned the vax thing, and it was like seeing a pin hit a balloon. he works out every day and takes all sorts of crazy vitamins and is generally committed to getting the most out of his pension and his life. i didn't want this dumb weak point to be his achilles heel. 

---

i wasn't actually sure how long marc would be mad at me. i've seen him stay mad at some people for weeks. i wasn't sure if being friends would make that time go up or down. 

it went down. i'm glad it went down. 

he stopped being mad about two days later. we were doing front end maintenance one morning, and it was just that simple mechanical rhythm - hex key, replace the anode sheets, punch some off-gassing holes, oil it up, put it back in - that put things at ease. it always does. people working there are too busy to remember grudges, and it has this sort of mandatory practical communication that helps smooth things over. it was going great, and then out of the blue he said babs, you gotta be careful giving advice. those shots come with complications. what would you do if i got that shot, had a stroke, and died? 

and i don't know what answer he was expecting, but i just told him the truth, which is that i would be devastated. i'd feel like i killed him. i thought that was a pretty normal response, but he looked taken aback. he asked why i said it then, and i said i'd have felt the same if he died of covid. that's just life. sometimes, there's no way forward that doesn't risk some kind of regret. 

we finished the tube after that, in a silence that felt heavier than peace but lighter than anger. it felt like the ball was back in marc's court. like it would be rude to take that turn from him. 

we parted ways with a nod and didn't speak until the next day. 

---

i was doing spreadsheet work when he found me again. standard paper engineering - thinking of things we might need and ordering them in batches, months ahead of time. it always feels a little like plugging holes in a dam with my fingers. 

but he popped up, and we didn't even exchange pleasantries. he just said i'm gonna die one day, and you can't blame yourself for that. 

which is a hell of a thing to just tell someone right off the bat. 

so i said what 

and he said babs, i am in my 60s. something is gonna get me eventually, and whether it's covid or heart disease, or a stroke, there will be something you could have said or done before. and that's okay. it's not your job to make me live forever. 

and you know, he actually made a lot of sense. so i said 

okay. 

i'll keep your business yours. i just

you were talking about your retirement before this. and i want that for you very much. you've worked hard for 45 years, and you deserve a break. we're getting to sick season, and it would be the saddest fucking thing in the world if you got this close to winning the race then tripped in the last ten feet. 

and we sat there a few moments longer. i wasn't sure what to say, and i wasn't sure what he'd say, but eventually he just shrugged and said

yeah 

then he left. i figured that would be the end of it. 

---

i did front end maintenance yesterday, after being gone a week. it's one of my favorite things to do. i like working with my hands. i really like working with my hands. i'm glad i went to college, but in a different life, i think i could've made a better electrician than an electrical engineer. 

and at one step, when we were both hoisting the plate back onto the machine, his sleeve rode up, and i saw two bandaids on his arm. 

we finished the install, and i was ready to go back when marc actually stopped me. 

i got the shot, he said, almost embarrassed. like he'd been caught. and i knew he was gonna say something dumb about it, so i just cut him off by giving him a hug. 

i was relieved. hugging old men is kind of like picking up cats. if they like you a lot, they'll tolerate it, but that's about it. we sat there maybe three beats before his hands went up, and then he gave me one overly-hard thump on the back. in my experience, this is how old men tell you that they're done, so i let him go.

carla talked me into it, he said, almost defensive. his wife. his one good decision.

tell her i said thanks, i said back.

trump got the shot too, he said, less defensive, but oddly pleading. like he was consoling himself.

like he was nervous.

then it's gotta be safe, i said, and he looked up at me, strangely searching, strangely vulnerable. i don't know exactly what he was looking for, but i guess he found it because after a few moments his shoulders relaxed.

yeah, he said, one hand on the back of his head.

it's gotta be.

[fairiewonu]

roommate! wonwoo

18+ only!

summary: wonwoo finds your vibrator in the bathroom

warnings: smut, use of a vibrator, reader has a vulva

a/n: my mind has just been wonwoo wonwoo wonwoo wonwoo since maestro released. (it’s been wonwoo wonwoo wonwoo since 2020 honestly)

i've been thinking a lot recently about roommate!wonwoo who you're not super close with. you met him through your mutual friend mingyu, and both of you were looking for a roommate. basically, you’re living together because it's cheap and he seemed nice enough.

you’ve talked with him here and there, and have gotten to know him a little bit. he goes to your college and everyone loves him but he’s sort of quiet and keeps to himself. he likes cats and ordering takeout and if you get home late at night you’ll sometimes find him fucking someone into the couch cushions (he apologized profusely, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be upset. you think about him whenever you’re in your room, your vibrator on the lowest setting so as to not wake him up).

you like to take advantage of the time you have when he’s not around, so whenever he's not home you like to take a bath with good music and your vibrator. although one day you had forgotten your vibrator in the bath and didn't realize until wonwoo had gotten home. you were in your room, still getting dressed when you heard the bathroom door shut across the hall and the shower head turn on.

you weren’t sure whether to run to the bathroom and try and get it before wonwoo saw (you know it's too late) or to act oblivious and pretend everything was normal when he came out. except when you choose the latter, wonwoo left the bathroom with just his towel wrapped loosely around his hips, and headed straight to your room.

"i think you forgot something," he said simply, holding up your vibrator with a smirk. he was leaning against your doorframe as you sat at your vanity, trying to look natural. the mortified expression on your face, however, gave your facade away.

UGHH and i keep thinking about the different ways this could go. wonwoo being smug and holding this slip up against you to tease you whenever he can. whenever he leaves now, he likes to say something like “have a nice bath.” anything to make your eyes widen and your cheeks burn. this goes on for a few weeks until either you or him break and y’all end up in bed together (or better yet in the bath. wonwoo wants to see how you use your little friend on yourself before he takes it and uses it on you).

or, after going into your room initially to taunt you he could just throw you on your bed and use the vibrator on you right then and there. he knows you’re already needy from using the toy earlier. just the click of the button to turn it on has your body arching towards him. he spends the next hour using the vibrator on you, until it dies. then he just replaces the toy with his hands and eventually, his cock.

wonwoo was grateful for your little mistake. he wasn’t sure how much longer he could go on pretending that he couldn’t hear you at night, using your vibrator on the lowest setting as if you thought the walls were soundproof. hearing you moan his name one night, getting whinier and whinier to the point where he was sure you knew he could hear you.

he could definitely hear you now, as he pinned you to the bed and slammed his cock in and out of you. you’re begging to cum for the fourth time and wonwoo is reveling in your sounds. he flips you over and presses your face to your pillows, continuing a brutal pace as his hand reaches around you to rub harsh circles on your swollen clit. you’re cumming again not long after, but he’s nowhere near finished with you.

he makes up for lost time that night, keeping you up for hours after until you’re both passed out in your bed. the next day, you wake up to sound of your vibrator turning on. when your eyes open, wonwoo is next to you in bed, already spreading your legs apart.

“i found batteries.”

living with wonwoo was starting to have many more perks aside from cheapness and convenience.

[thoughtfulfiction]

The P Word

Author’s Note: Two fics in two days?

In 2013, Joe sent a dm to a recruiting analyst for scout.com, asking which camps he should attend because he was flying under the national radar.

Most four star recruits get about 20 college offers. He had 12.

At Ohio State he sat on the bench for three years, only gaining attention as a scout team player who would later have to graduate in three years just so he could transfer and get some playing time elsewhere.

That same scout team player would become the best player in college football and a Heisman trophy winner and the number one pick in the 2020 NFL Draft. A few years after that fateful private message to Dave Burk.

Robin Burrow had been there the entire time. Through every shining moment and the times that seemed rather dark. She drove two hours to do his laundry just to make sure he was physically and mentally healthy when he lived in Columbus, has attended every game since he began playing sports, made him snickers salad when he tore his ACL…and when he tore his scapholunate ligament in his wrist. All in all, she’s been a constant presence in the midst of all of the mayhem. To be frank, there’s nowhere else in the world she’d rather be than between him and anything that could possibly serve to harm him or cause him any pain, no matter how old he is.

That included protecting him from himself.

The last few months had been filled with joy. After the news of his engagement, the wedding planning process had been smooth. You and Robin along with your mom, had gone to several appointments together and Joe had even added his input in most of the details without you feeling like you had to twist his arm and force him to participate.

You were now in the home stretch of the most important day of your lives. Less than two months from now you’d be saying “I do” to the love of your life. And Robin had taken her role as future mother in-law very seriously. You knew that Joe was a mama’s boy, his brothers much older than him with their own mom, and it was clear to anyone with eyes that he was Robin’s pride and joy. But not in a creepy way that would get them to star in a TLC show. It was just very evident that she was proud of him and his achievements and that she didn’t mess around when it came down to business.

After one of your dress fittings, she pulled you aside. “There’s one quick thing I need to mention to you. You’ll be getting a formal document in the mail in the next few days. Nothing huge, just a formality that Peter and the team drafted up for you to sign. I hate the word prenup but that’s essentially what this is.” She said in a matter of fact way. “We just need to make sure to dot our i’s and cross our t’s if that makes sense. Get the boring stuff out of the way so that we can focus on showering you and Joey with our love on your special day.”

“No that makes complete sense, just send it over and I’ll sign whatever you need me to. Thank you Robin seriously, for everything. You’ve made planning this entire thing a breeze.”

She shakes her head with a genuine smile, giving you a warm hug. “This has been an honor, I’m so happy for the both of you sweetie. I’ll see you in a few days for brunch at your house? The kids are so excited they won’t stop talking about it.”

“Yes absolutely, I can’t wait either it’s been so long since we’ve gotten both families together it’ll be really fun.”

There weren’t many opportunities for your family to interact with Joe’s and vice versa, unless everyone met at a football game but that wasn’t exactly quality family bonding. That felt more like a collective screaming match where the adults pregamed with beer and the kids wore his jersey. Most of them didn’t really know what was going on in the actual game. So you and Joe were going to host both sets of parents, all of your siblings and their kids in order for everyone to really spend time together before the wedding.

A few days later, you were finalizing the menu with the catering company when Joe came home.

“It’s gonna be like Cheaper by the Dozen in here tomorrow,” he notes, grabbing a Body Armour from the fridge. “Are we sure we’re ready for this?”

“We kinda have to be. Should we do smoked salmon or shrimp crostinis?” You held up one of each and let him examine them. He snagged the salmon one first and took a bite then did the same with the shrimp.

“Definitely the salmon. What time is everyone getting here?” The catering people jot down their last notes and head out the door after you and Joe thanked them.

You could tell he was going to need time to mentally prepare in case he got overstimulated. “They’ll be here at 1pm, so you can probably get an early workout in and take a nap afterwards,” walking over to him on the other side of the counter, holding his face in your hands. “I know you get cranky when you’re tired and Uncle Joe needs to be at his best tomorrow because the kids will need a QB for their flag football game.”

He wraps his arms around your waist, sticking out his lips that are begging to be kissed. You happily grant his wish, pressing your lips against his, giving him a quick smooch. He asks for a few more, about to get lost in a full make out session when a stack of papers on the counter catch his eye. Joe pulls back so abruptly that your face smacks against his chest.

“Sorry baby,” he cradles your head, reaching around you to grab the piece of paper that’s on top. You take that as your cue to go after his second apology for nearly giving you a concussion. That chest is a brick wall.

The more he skims the words, the tighter his grip gets on the little sheet and the confused look on his face deepens. “Um…what is this?”

“What is what?” You give him a look that matches his energy.

He holds up the paper. “This. What is this? Where did you get it from?”

You look around the room to make sure you aren’t getting Punk’d. “Wait—are you being serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking,” it wasn’t a question. He’s legitimately starting to look upset. “Who gave this to you?”

“Joe,” you let out a dry chuckle, “your mom did. Said it was a formality and that I should sign it and give it to her so she can hand it off to Peter so your lawyers can process it.” When your fiancé continues to stand there motionless in the middle of the room, that’s when it hits you. “Did—did you not know about this?”

He usually has something to say about everything, so watching him silently shake his head is a little scary. Joe places the first page of the prenuptial agreement on the table with a heavy sigh, visibly trying to compose himself. The man had the patience of a saint, known to have blow ups on the field but that was Football Joe. Off the field Joe was calm and rarely ever let things get to him. You’d probably only heard him yell twice in the entire time you’ve been together. And now he was dead quiet. You didn’t know what to do with that.

“Joe, your mom is just trying to protect you. Get this out of the way so that we can—”

“Please don’t try to defend her right now,” his tone was laced with venom, a seething anger you hadn’t seen before and weren’t too keen on getting familiar with. “I don’t like that this was just drafted, printed and handed to you without my permission. She and Peter shouldn’t have done that. And my mom definitely shouldn’t have ambushed you with this.”

Now he was being dramatic. “Robin didn’t ambush me! She told me a couple days ago and I thought you knew so I didn’t mention it.”

“I would never do that to you,” he says with a pain in his voice that makes your chest clench. “WE, you and I should be talking about this. Not my mom and Peter. Jesus.” He rested his arms on the counter, running his hands through his hair.

You hated seeing him get worked up like this, crossing the room again to place a comforting hand on his back. “Why don’t you talk to her tomorrow, I’m sure she didn’t mean to upset you. She most likely just thought she would do this for you so you didn’t need to worry about it.”

“That’s the thing, this isn’t something she should be doing for me. We’re getting married. You’re going to be my wife. There’s no reason she needs to be handing you documents on my behalf like you’re some fucking stranger. I don’t care how ‘busy’ I am. You come first.” You can feel the tension in his muscles even when he stands up to his normal height. He’s really trying to keep it together, giving you an empty kiss on the cheek before heading into his office to cool off. An hour later you head up to check on him, assuming he has his headphones on and can’t hear you, you find that the door is locked.

Tomorrow’s brunch is going to be very interesting to say the least.

Joe surprised you by being in bed by the time you came upstairs to get ready to go to sleep. You thought for sure he’d be on a run to clear his mind. As soon as you climbed in next to him he put his phone away, wrapping his arms around you and giving your body a squeeze.

Whatever private meeting he had with himself must have done the trick because he was actually letting you be the big spoon for once. His touch was soft and intentional, the previously icy aura was liquified and only warm and cuddly Joe remained. “Are you okay?” You asked him and he nodded without looking at you. He just interlocked your fingers in his before sitting up.

“Switch me.” You knew the little spoon wouldn’t last long. “That’s better,” he sighs kissing your head, feeling at home with your arm draped across his waist.

After a few seconds of silence he mutters, “I’m so sorry this is happening. Are you sure you want to sign up for a lifetime of this?”

You look up to meet Joe’s gaze to see if he’s trying to be funny. “A lifetime of you? I can’t think of anything I would want more. The rest of it is just extra, the good and the bad. As long as I have you I don’t care.”

His shoulders sag once again in relief, “good.” Joe peppers a few kisses on your neck, making his way up to your jaw, taking his sweet time until he got to your lips. A joyous hum leaves his mouth as the kiss grows deeper, each swipe of his tongue against yours makes you feel dizzy…love drunk. Nothing compares to the way that Joe kisses you, sensually careful but hungry at the same time, almost as if this is the last thing he’ll ever get to do. This kiss is different, it’s a promise to always protect you, to never let the outside noise sway what his heart knows is true. He’s found the one person in the world that consistently makes his heart sing and no one—not even his mom—will have the final say. And he was going to make that very clear.

When Joe sluggishly came down the stairs the next day rubbing his eyes after his nap wearing a hoodie and cargo pants, you were just thankful he wasn’t in sweats.

“Hi there Sleeping Beauty, I’ve already gotten a few texts that most of them are about five minutes out.”

“Great,” he grunts, parking himself on the couch, “I’m starving,” he scoots around trying to subtly adjust himself.

Joe stares at you , running his hand down your thigh. “Hungry…for food right?” You give him a pointed look.

“Yeah, yeah for food. What did you think I meant?” He laughs as he catches the pillow you launch his way and scoot far enough away that he can’t grab you.

“Don’t. Today really needs to be a stress free day. Can you promise you will be nice and not yell at your mother?” And with that statement he is no longer in the mood.

“I will not yell at my mom,” he crosses his arms over his chest with a scowl only like a youngest child could. “Can’t promise I’ll be nice.”

Before you can negotiate any further the doorbell rings and your first guests arrive. Nieces and nephews come running in, suffocating you with hugs and the youngest one tugging at Joe’s legs demanding to be picked up. Less than 30 minutes later the entire backyard is filled with kids playing tag, drinking juice boxes while the adults enjoyed the appetizer spread.

Joe wasn’t making it blatantly obvious that he was mad but he wasn’t exactly hiding it either. He kept the greeting with his parents short, keeping his distance throughout the afternoon focused on entertaining the kids and playing the perfect host.

“I just realized I never asked,” Codie, one of Joe’s sister in laws speaks up. “Where are you two going for your honeymoon?”

“Bora Bora! I can’t wait,” you respond, topping off her wine glass.

His brother Dan’s ears perk up. “We were thinking about going there for an anniversary trip. Are you guys staying in a resort?”

Joe shakes his head, “I got us an underwater bungalow. The view is supposed to be insane.”

“Yeah I bet,” your dad notes.

“Take lots of pictures,” his dad adds in.

He waits for a second taking a mental note of his mom’s silence throughout the conversation, nudging you to make sure that you’re on the same page. By the time everyone was gone you needed something stronger than wine. Robin and your mom insisted on helping you clean up but you let them know that the caterers were coming back to grab everything. As you bid your family goodbye and thanked them for coming, your mom whispered in your ear, letting you know that the man inside was a keeper. You responded by telling her you intended on keeping him.

Once the door was fully closed you could breathe a sigh of relief…until you heard Robin ask Joe what was going on with him.

Here we go.

Joe didn’t respond. He just went up to his office and came right back down with the prenup in hand. “Care to explain?”

“Oh,” she looked rather unfazed, “Peter and I thought that—”

“And that’s where you went wrong,” Joe interrupts, voice surprisingly even. “You and Peter don’t get to ‘think.’ You don’t get to do whatever you ‘think’ I need. You have to ask me.”

You can tell she’s visibly taken aback at how this has gone. “It was not at all my intention to go behind your back. You’re just very busy and now with wedding planning and everything else, it just made sense to get it put into place so you’d have one less thing to worry about.”

“Mom, I get that. But you crossed the line here. I’m an adult who would’ve liked to have a mature conversation with the person I am going to marry about a topic that is extremely uncomfortable for everyone. It is not your job to play the middle man here. There is no middle man. This is between y/n and I.”

The tension in the air was getting a little too thick for your liking. You stood next to Joe, running your hand down his arm trying to diffuse the situation as much as possible. “Okay I think you’ve made your point. Robin, I am not at all upset with you, this can all be resolved rather—”

“I am upset with you mom. There was no reason to hand over that document without at least giving me a phone call,” Joe counters, starting to stand in front of you a bit like he’s physically shielding you from her.

“Now Joey I don’t think your mom meant any harm,” Joe’s dad speaks up seeing his wife almost in tears. “Why don’t we all just take a breather here.”

You nod in agreement.

“I’m so sorry, to both of you. In hindsight that wasn’t the best way to go about it but like you said this is uncomfortable. I thought keeping it casual would remove some of that awkwardness and I just made it worse. I really am sorry.”

Joe still seemed unmoved but you really didn’t think she needed to apologize this much. He just told her he appreciated the sentiments but that she needs to recognize that’s he’s an adult, telling them goodnight and immediately heading upstairs.

You’re left to walk them out alone, giving them both hugs goodbye. “Honey I’m so sorry,” Robin states again, “I never want you to think that I don’t love you or that I was intentionally going behind Joe’s back. I was just making sure we have all of our bases covered so we aren’t sweating the small stuff on your big day. I hope you can forgive me.”

“You’re totally fine, I understand. And I agree. I think he just got a little freaked out at the reminder that his life is abnormal. He wants things to be simple and sometimes they just aren’t. That probably stressed him out a little. Or a lot.”

It feels good to leave their tense interaction with her smiling. Even though it didn’t reach her eyes like usual, it was still a small step forward.

“How can you not be upset about this?” Joe asks after brushing his teeth.

You focused on what was going on at your sink, taking your time to complete your skincare routine. “Because I see where both of you are coming from. You have every right to be angry at her for doing this behind your back. But at the same time I understand why she feels like she should get a jump on protecting your assets.”

“Protect my assets…” he scoffs, “…from you? What’s mine is going to be yours.” He hands you a towel after you wash your face, having memorized the steps at this point.

“Yeah ok, legally. But your accomplishments and accolades are yours. That’s how you got here and your mom saw all the blood, sweat and tears that went into you being in the position you are today. She may have overstepped a little but you’re still her baby at then end of the day and sometimes it’s hard for them to recognize that they have adult children who are fully capable of making their own decisions.” He grabs the moisturizer off the counter and places it in your hand as you laugh, whispering thank you. “My mom has done the same to me, not to this extent obviously because we’re in completely different tax brackets but—they just want to make sure we’re okay no matter what.”

Joe leans against the counter, deep in thought. Growing up with his dad coaching it was usually just the two of them, she drove him to basketball and football practices and tournaments, took him to school and worked the entire day at school and came home still ready to dedicate all of her time to him if he asked. “I was too harsh wasn’t I?”

“A teeny bit? Maybe? I do thoroughly appreciate you looking out for me though. Going to bat for me against your mom of all people.”

He shrugs, giving you a hug from behind, resting his chin on your head. “She protects me so somebody’s gotta protect you. That’s what I’m signing up for and I promise to always take that job very seriously.” I should put that in my vows, he tells himself. He leans over a little more to press a kiss against your temple.

“Is that a promise?”

“That is a promise,” he holds out a pinky, making you gasp as you turn around.

“Isn’t a pinky shake you and Ja’Marr’s thing?”

Joe looks at you sheepishly, smiling so wide his eyes crinkle. “I won’t tell him if you don’t.”

You lock your pinky in his, kissing the smile off of his face.

That night before he went to sleep, he texted his mom telling her that he loved her. You gave them privacy when she came over the next day, smiling and hugging it out so you assumed everything went well. You hoped to have open communication with your kids even as adults one day, but did not envy the journey that your parents were constantly navigating. This once tiny person you created and had to make sure to teach them everything was now not only getting married and had established their own life but in Joe’s case everything was heightened. She’s been there through her son being the overlooked player who Urban Meyer said threw like a girl to now if he so much as has a paper cut an entire city of people, a whole fanbase is worried and asking for minute by minute updates on his condition. You couldn’t imagine the whirlwind that must be.

So you were going to sign that prenup whether Joe liked it or not.

“We need to decide on bridal party gifts,” Joe suggests a week later. “I was thinking about getting the guys customized golf carts. They could be delivered straight to their houses after the wedding or I could have them dropped off the day we get and they can drive around the property whenever they need to get somewhere? What sounds better?”

“It sounds like you’ve had this very specific plan and just couldn’t wait to make your big announcement. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

Joe laughs, grabbing his water. “You can give them all Cartier bracelets, have the wedding date engraved on the inside. That’d be pretty cool.”

Cool and expensive. “Don’t do that, I can actually hear what you’re thinking.” Curse him for knowing you so well. “We’re only gonna do this once, might as well do it right. Make it a great experience for everyone we love.”

“Fine. You’re right. But we are not doing an ice sculpture then.” He gives you a blank stare but says nothing, both of you know that it’ll be coming back up sooner rather than later. “There is something else we need to talk about though.”

He rolls his eyes, deciding this is the perfect time to get up and put his plate in the sink, like you can’t just follow him. “We really don’t have to do this.”

“Oh but we do. Joe seriously we’re gonna have to figure this out. It’s important.”

He lets out a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling before putting his eyes back on you. “I’m just uncomfortable with any conversation that plans a breakup. I don’t ever want to breakup.”

“Then let’s not breakup and we won’t even have to worry about any of this. We’ll discuss the details, I’ll sign it and we’ll never talk about it ever again. Deal?”

You place a hand on his cheek and he kisses the inside of your hand before he speaks. “Deal. I can’t wait to marry you. Even got a countdown on my phone.”

“That’s probably the single most adorable thing you’ve ever said.” He pulls his phone out to show you a countdown app with a timer down to the hour the ceremony is supposed to start. A picture from your engagement shoot is set as the background. “I can’t wait either. I love you, so much.”

“I love you more.”

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Fire Drill

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Words: 2020

Requested by Anon: Hi can you do one where the reader is pregnant and she comes to visit Hotch at work and when she’s getting ready to leave she trips on the last step and hotch and the team rush to her side and hotch force her to go to the hospital to get checked out

Notes: Okay, I know I don’t do requests, but this just seemed like such a nice break after finishing part one of The In-Betweens S3. I’m not opening requests, but thank you for sending this in because I had fun writing it. I’ve never written for Hotch before, so it was nice to branch out! I hope you like it. 

More Criminal Minds: HERE

-

He hadn’t been expecting you, otherwise he would have told you not to come. It was chaos in the bullpen, FBI and CIA scrambling about to finish wrapping up the case- a rogue agent on a kidnapping spree to get information on his family’s deaths. 

Aaron couldn’t help but pity him. The man’s wife and two daughters were killed in a car accident, but the nature of his work made him paranoid enough to convince him of foul play. And, while the CIA had been reluctant to cooperate, the working teams were able to reach a peaceful conclusion, the agent facing trial and the victims sent home to their families and lives.

You were surprised to find the BAU so busy. Of course, your husband hadn’t been allowed to disclose anything about the case, but you suspected it must have been big to require all this manpower. 

“Mrs. Hotchner!” A friendly voice called over the commotion. 

Agent Jareau’s smiling face appeared from a sea of serious scowls. 

“JJ,” you smiled, relieved to finally see someone familiar. “What’s going on, Strauss’s retirement party?” 

She laughed and made a face of ‘I wish.’

“Big case. Long story.” She took your hand to lead you through the wall of suits. “Hotch is in his office.”

“I think I see him.” You stood on your tiptoes to get a glimpse into the elevated office but there were just too many people. “Where’s the team?” 

JJ laughed and pointed to the conference room. “Hiding.” 

Sure enough, you could just spot the lanky form of Dr. Reid standing in front of the board, solving some long and complex equation. Agents Morgan and Prentiss were discussing something about the file in front of them and Dave Rossi looked like he just wanted to go home. 

While you watched them, another agent barreled by you, hardly noticing that you were even there, let alone that they’d almost knocked you over. Stumbling back, you reached for something to grab onto. 

A hand took hold of yours. 

“Careful,” Aaron, despite his cautious tone, gave you a small smile. “It’s a circus in here.”

“So I noticed, Mr. Ringleader,” you beamed, kissing his cheek. 

“Is everything okay? You didn’t tell me you were coming.” His eyes flicked down to your middle, worry growing with his words. 

You held up a to-go bag with your free hand. 

“Lunch emergency. Code red, Agent Hotchner.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Alright, come on.” Keeping hold of your hand, he guided you through the mess to the somewhat quiet refuge of his office. He closed the door behind him, sighing with relief. 

“You have no idea how nice it is to see you.”

“I should hope so.” You gave him a mock pout. “You’ve been holed up here for two days. I missed you.”

“I know.” He leaned down, kissing you sweetly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You rustled his hair. “Hence, lunch.” You set the bag of pasta on his desk. “Mariano’s.”

Aaron smiled, leaning his head back with a happy sigh. “You’re a saint.” 

“I know.” You took the containers from the bag and placed them on his desk. “The team looks tired.” You handed him a fork.

“It’s been a long few days.” Aaron took on his serious work-voice. He gazed out over the bullpen. There was a tension you knew all too well built up in his shoulders. Like he held the weight of the world on them. 

“Seems like it.” Tearing off a piece of garlic bread, you watched him watch the world. He stood there for a while before you gently grabbed his hand. “Aaron.” You brought his hand to your lips. “Eat.”

Like snapping out of a trance, your husband returned to himself, his eyes softening and the hard set of his mouth lifting into a smile. 

Aaron moved his chair around his desk to sit beside you rather than across, his leg grazing yours. You passed him the garlic bread. 

“So,” you started, popping a piece into your mouth, “anything not super-secret-classified about your day?” 

He thought for a moment. “Reid recited three pages of Freud from memory, Garcia continues to scare me with her hacking ability and my beautiful wife brought me lunch.” His leg nudged yours again affectionately. “What about you?”

“Nothing special,” you shrugged. “I just got assigned the Brunner case.” 

Aaron coughed, nearly choking on his chicken parm. 

“The ADA’s giving it to you?”

Your face broke into a wide, excited smile. You nodded. “She said, and I quote ��You’re the only one I trust to get that bastard behind bars.’” You beamed. 

Aaron set his food aside and pulled you into his arms. “Sweetheart, that’s amazing.” He kissed your forehead, then your lips. 

Your husband wasn’t one for PDA, so any exception always made you feel like a blushing schoolgirl. 

“I start prep on Monday,” you said as he sat back again. “Then maybe you’ll be the one waiting up for me.” You stole a bite of his meal. “Lot of late nights in my future.”

His excitement slowly morphed into concern. 

“Before you say anything, I already spoke with Dr. Brown, and she said I'll be fine as long as I still get plenty of rest.”

“And do you actually plan on getting plenty of rest?”

You raised a brow, teasing, “Are you the pot or the kettle in this scenario?”

He snorted. “Well, honey, I’m not four months pregnant.” 

“I could still kick your ass in court and you know it, Agent Hotchner,” you smirked.

“I don’t doubt it.” He picked at his food, seemingly lost in pleasant thought. 

You, content that you’d won the potential argument, glanced back out at the office. A harsh tension still hung in the air, the two agencies clearly not thrilled to share their success with the other. Familiar faces emerged from the other room, prompting your question.

“Have you told them yet?” 

“Told who what?” Aaron asked, pretending to be more focused on his food than what was on his mind. 

You rolled your eyes. “The team. About…” You pointed at your almost-showing belly. 

“Oh.” He cleared his throat. “No.”

“You should.” You looked at Reid’s fidgeting hands and Prentiss’s tired frown. “They look like they could use some exciting news.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. You may not have been a profiler, but you knew your husband. 

Telling them made it real. Real meant the real world. The real world meant danger. Danger meant loss. The longer you could both live in the beautiful, safe, fantasy world, the easier it seemed. 

“Aaron-” You started, but were interrupted by an awful shrill mechanical shriek. You grimaced, putting your hands over your ears. “Don’t tell me there’s a fire drill.”

Aaron shook his head, worry settling into his expression. 

“Stay close to me.” 

You made no argument there. Regretfully abandoning your meals, Aaron kept an arm around you as you reentered the chaos. People were cramming around the staircase doors, shouting and grumbling at each other. 

“So much for ‘calm and orderly fashion’,” you muttered. 

Aaron gently tugged on your arm. “This way.” 

One of the doors had a shorter line, but only slightly. By the time you made it through the door, the stairwell was packed with people hurrying down, paying no attention to the people around them. At some point, Aaron lost hold of your hand. 

“Y/N?” He called out.

That’s when he saw you fall. 

You didn't even see who ran into you. They just rammed into you from the side, pushing their way down the stairs. Your foot caught on the wall, your arms reeling for something to grab onto, but unlike last time, you weren’t fast enough. You tumbled forward. The people in front of you kept moving, leaving a set of hard stone stairs to break your fall. 

“Y/N!” Aaron yelled. 

You hit the ground and were pretty sure someone stepped on you. Catching yourself with your left hand, you felt a sudden, painful snap. You bit back the scream of pain, but it escaped nonetheless. 

“Everybody move!” Aaron’s commanding, panicked voice took over the stairwell, joined by other voices. 

“Mrs. Hotchner, are you okay?” Dr. Reid appeared in front of you. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“It’s my wrist,” you winced, trying to move your fingers. “But I think I’m okay.”

Someone lifted you up. 

“We need to get her to the hospital,” Aaron said. His dark eyes were wide and frantic and focused on you. 

Morgan rushed by. “I’ll get the car.”

“Aaron, I’m okay,” you said again, but he ignored you. 

“Prentiss, find out what’s going on,” he ordered. “There shouldn’t be a drill.” He feared the worst. This was planned. Someone was waiting outside to gun everyone down. Someone was after you. 

“On it.” She hurried off as well. 

“I didn’t get a chance to examine it fully, but it looks like it might be broken,” Reid added. 

“Aaron-”

“You’re going to be okay.” He spoke more to himself than to you. “You’ll be okay.” 

-

You were, in fact, fine. A broken wrist, sure, but all together could have been worse. But then came his second concern. One you could clearly see on his face as he spoke to the doctor. 

“You really freaked him out,” Agent Prentiss said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.”

“I told him everything was fine,” you sighed, laying a hand over your middle. You didn’t know how, but you could just tell everything was alright. It had to be. But he needed to be sure. “Thank you, Agent Prentiss. For getting to the bottom of it all.” 

“Please, call me Emily.” She smiled. “He must have thought it was something planned and sinister.” 

Someone had put a fork in the microwave. Apparently, agents are definitely not geniuses. Except for Dr. Reid, of course. 

You laughed. “The dangers of your job, huh?”

She shrugged. 

A moment passed. 

“So are you going to tell everyone?” She blurted. 

Your mouth fell open. 

Emily raised a brow. “It isn’t hard to guess by the way he looked at you. And you haven’t taken your arms off your stomach since you got here.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms fully. “Profilers.”

She laughed and put a hand on yours. “I’m sure everything is fine.”

Aaron walked into the room with the seriousness he usually reserved for cases. But when he looked at you, he let out a sigh of relief. 

“Dr. Brown said everything is fine.”

“I told you.” 

You wouldn’t admit it, but for a second you were terrified. But seeing him happy and relieved made it all go away. 

He was at your side in seconds, kissing the top of your head. 

“You thought Brunner was after me, didn’t you?” You asked, realizing why he’d been so interested in the alarm. 

“It crossed my mind.”

“Yeah, well,” you gripped his tie and pulled his lips to yours. “He’s going to have to try harder than a spoon in the microwave.”

“That’s not funny.”

You kissed him again. “It’s a little funny.”

-

The whole team was waiting, each looking more worried than the last.

“Guys, I didn’t get shot,” you teased. You held up the cast on your arm for emphasis.

“We know.” Reid gulped, fidgeting with his sleeve. “You just seemed to fall pretty hard and-”

“We just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” JJ said.

You peered at each of them and put your good hand on your hip. 

“Alright, how many of you know?”

The pretend confusion on their faces told you all you needed. You cast an exasperated look at your husband. 

“Damn profilers.”

The group laughed. Dave gave you a hug and Morgan shook Aaron’s hand.

“Congratulations, Mrs. Hotchner.” Dr. Reid said, smiling through his usual timidness. He turned to Hotch. “I’m really happy for both of you.”

“Thank you, Reid,” Aaron said. The two embraced, the sight warming your heart. 

You wrapped your arms around your husband. Aaron kissed your temple. 

And you would be okay. 

[inchidentally]

Sorry new landoscar fan here, I kept seeing the notion that Oscar was Lando’s fan for years, but I can’t seem to find any info about that?

ofc babe ! I store a lot of it in this tag but I think a little roundup post is probably due - heads up this is not in chrono order bc a lot of it is referenced from recent content:

2015 and Oscar making the big move to the UK to join Ricky Flynn and his fanboying of Lando begins

tiktok compilation of Oscar revealing his chronic Lando content consumption well before they were teammates

compilation from twitter of Oscar's decided bias toward not only liking Lando content but also searching his tag and finding posts that sometimes had barely a few likes (and this was just going back to 2017)

Oscar knowing when Lando's maiden podium was (and Lando calling him a nerd)

the 2020 hornet tweets because Oscar watched the stream of Lando battling 2 hornets in his house x x

2021 Oscar citing Lando's social media inspiring him to use humor as a way to open up to the public more (added landoscar angst here bc the hate and abuse he received after alpinegate seriously made him clam up and between that and him being fairly in awe of Lando, meant that Lando himself didn't rly get to know Oscar's humor until fairly late 2023 - like, no one should underestimate how Oscar entered F1 properly and got to know one of his favorite drivers all while being universally despised and painted as a villain/cold/evil - how much could have been different if one team had simply kept their mouths shut until verifying that tweet first esp when Oscar was already a shared reserve driver w McLaren anyway !!!!)

the beloved Oscar and Max F at Renault Academy lore

this post I made is a mess but the anecdotes he can only know from Lando's or Max's streams streams or Quadrant videos: Lando making stickers and selling them at school; Lando's snoring lore could be because of the thin shared walls but also Max has def brought it up before; he definitely already knew the story of Lando falling from a window trying to break into his own house; and the fact that we got Max reacting to Oscar referencing Max's outrage at Lando forgetting his birthday

it's a bit too scattered to compile but trust and believe Oscar has been a carlando girlie from day one - def the bromance but idk I feel like he's read a fic or twenty

watching Lando's career when asked about his idols coming up

and backing that up, him in 2019 saying the same thing

EDIT: his mum Nicole saying he would choose Lando as his ideal teammate going into F1 because the expectations of him wouldn't be too high since everyone knows how good Lando is

pulling out the it's Friday theeeen Lando meme

being so addicted to Lando content by 2020 that he actually fanboyed about the LN4 admin interacting w him

EDIT: he then followed it up by creating a sort of ship name for himself and Lando ???

EDIT: Lando's kart and the number 481 !!

and ofc K's beloved Oscar primer has a lot of context about all of this more fleshed out!

I think that's everything but if anyone notices I've forgotten anything lmk !!

[transmechanicus]

this is. probably a very personal question.

Is it worth it? Transitioning? In spite of it all?

Completely, utterly, and absolutely. I’m one of those ppl who knew i was trans since i was like 8. I found out when i was probably 13/14 what transgender meant, but recoiled from it because i could not imagine a world that would accept me or where i would be happy with the result. At 15 i met my first other trans person, and they became my friend and partner and the first person to ever know i was trans. Being around them, known by them, was such a colossal psychological relief and source of joy unlike anything i had known before. It made separating from them after graduation all the more excruciating to lose that one person i had trusted with that truth.

Sometime over the next two years i came out to my Mom, but nothing really changed, and i had more or less resolved to rot and die under the identity i had been born into. I let my undergrad studies chew me up, neglected all but the most necessary body maintenance, and spent every moment outside work or class buried in video games or books. At some point something snapped out of place, or perhaps back into place. I knew i didn’t want to die like this. I wanted something more for my life and my flesh than being a half dead servitor stocking yogurt. I wanted to transition, and however slowly, however long it took, that’s what i resolved to do.

It took a while. I had no real finances, no privacy, and little independence. I was coming from a white low-self-expression, high-control household. I “messed up” while base coating warhammer models one time and gave myself black nails. My dad berated me about it for days before trying to pin my hands down and sand the paint off (didn’t work, thank you automotive primer). When i was ~22 i got my ears pierced, basically the first permanent part of my transition, and i had never known as much joy as i did driving home knowing the pain was a step of permanent progress. Around this time 2019/2020 i started being out online, more vocal about being transgender as opposed to just having a relatively inexpressive fandom blog with no info beyond my name.

When i was 24, two years ago i came out to my dad, and a week later i left for grad school halfway across the country. I had an apartment all to myself, and my own source of income. I spent my spare change building up a wardrobe of new clothes that i actually liked. I got my first year of grad school done mostly without anything remarkable. Went to some queer events at my school. Found a partner. Got loved to bits for a while. Re-came out to my parents over the summer, and this time it stuck. Started HRT that fall, 2023. Came out to my classmates and coworkers and was rewarded with support and acceptance. Lost the partner. Devastated. Resolve to get even hotter and cooler. Smash out 3 piercings and a tattoo inside a week. Develop personal fashion sense. Attend research conference. Get better at makeup. Go to some concerts. Increase HRT. Tiddy Arc. Buy bra with a supportive bestie. Start weekly therapy. Increase HRT. Cosplay at a major convention. Schedule another tattoo. More HRT. Bra no longer optional. Present day. Tattoo on Wednesday. 90% of progress packed into the last year or so. Undeniably hotter, happier, and more self-expressive than anything in the last 24 years prior.

Transitioning is more than worth it, it brings me so much relief and joy every day no matter how shitty my day is otherwise, and while i have known doubt, i have never for an instant known regret.

There is still time🖤🏳️‍⚧️💕

[loverboyfae]

i notice frequently this rhetoric of white people mocking other white people for their political involvement/racial politics/sjw behavior (outdated term i know but i have been seeing this attitude for a long time) that amounts to creating basically an anti-strawman? in essence it’s like. there are these white people getting up in arms about racial issues that no person of color actually cares about. no real person of color cares about racist jokes, that’s just sensitive white people. no real people of color (pre-2020) are advocating THAT strongly against the police, that’s just sensitive white people. as a result, i don’t have to do anything about these issues because they’re all being entirely made up by white savior types who all of us hate. (side note: I also used to see this rhetoric with a LOT of other issues like how sjw girls are campaigning against homophobia towards gay men that gay men don’t care about, or for trans people that trans people don’t care about, or for disabled people etc., but i feel like it only really still survives in racial politics)

i think about this often, but i’m especially thinking about an experience i had recently that made it so actually visible to me how much of a lie it is. my campus had an encampment and there was a lot of social media presence saying how everyone there was just rich and privileged white people who could afford to play pretend at protesting and have never had to be scared of the cops in their lives. and i saw how, while there was still a majority of white people because that’s the make up of my school, there was a HIGH percentage of students of color, of Black students, of Muslim students; way higher than i have seen in just a headcount of my classes. and they were bringing with them writings from authors of color and learnings from histories of other protests which they had also been arrested at. i knew people there personally who i know are not just well off kids who can afford whatever happens to them. people WERE making sacrifices doing stuff that can enact change that helps palestinians. there were palestinians there!!!

idk. it’s just very common and very suspect rhetoric and it boggles me that people still use it. tldr: if someone is taking you that an issue affecting marginalized people is only being advocated about by those who are not, question why they only hear it from the people not being harmed before you dismiss the issue. people may not feel safe around them, or they may be willfully manipulating the facts

[gotta-winwin]

2020 <> can you hear me in the silence?

masterlist

word count: 2.3k TW: downbad!wonwoo, hints at cyana's past, fluff, comfort, one swear word italics are in english, bolded words are in japanese a/n: we love a downbad wonwoo moment and oblivious cyana- this pairing is always so fun to write! threw in a little sneak peak of cyana's past and what's to come...

Wonwoo felt a swirl of guilt and nausea each time he saw Cyana. Ever since that night - where Wonwoo had fainted backstage and Cyana had kindly stayed next to him through it all - he felt he owed the girl immensely. They hadn't talked at all since - Wonwoo knew he was continuing to avoid the girl - not because of his fear this time, but out of guilt. He knew he had been rude and callous to the girl since day one and regretted it deeply.

There was nothing he could say however, each time he tried to speak to her, his tongue refused to cooperate and his throat would close up. He'd end up looking like a fool in front of her, his usually charismatic self reduced into silence.

He figured he had always been better at showing instead of telling.

ONE:

Cyana was woefully overstimulated and it was showing. Her eyes had glazed over, as she sat in between DK and Dino, bearing the front of all the chaos.

Wonwoo knew it had been a long day for the girl. Cyana had been paraded around Tokyo, finishing interviews and photoshoots and still making time to grab dinner with Joshua and Jun. He had seen how eager she had been to crash in her room the moment they had returned back to the hotel. It was purely because she couldn't say no to Dino that she was still awake, joining them all for late night drinks.

"...and then you would've believe what she told me." DK continued on with his story, halfway through his third can of beer. His voice was loud, as the alcohol lowered his inhibitions.

"Dokyeom-ah." Wonwoo cut in before he could continue. His voice was quiet, but firm nonetheless.

The boy in question turned his head to the corner of room where Wonwoo sat. "Oh, hyung."

"Let's lower our voices, okay?" He reminded gently, still eyeing Cyana. "We don't want to get another noise complaint."

DK nodded. "Whoops." He smiled sheepishly. "You're right."

Wonwoo turned to look at Hoshi and Mingyu as well, who had both been cackling over something on Mingyu's phone. "You two as well."

The volume died significantly, and Wonwoo could see Cyana's shoulders relax. He turned back to nursing his own can of beer, watching as she blinked out of her stupor and leaned comfortably against Dino to listen to DK's story.

TWO:

Joshua would've joked that Wonwoo seemed to be stalking Cyana had it not been very true. He could see his eyes following her every move, and wondered whether or not Cyana could feel them too.

"What's going on with you?" He asked Wonwoo as they walked outside for a quick lunch.

Wonwoo frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You've been following Cyana with your eyes like 24/7 ever since our Japan concert."

He could swear he saw Wonwoo blush. "I don't know what you're talking about, man." He denied, moving past him to open the door to the cafe.

Joshua shrugged. It really wasn't any of his business, and Wonwoo always had been a little weird about Cyana since the beginning. His lips quirked up into a tiny smile, enjoying this newfound side of his friend. It was hard to see Wonwoo as anything but calm and collected.

As they sat down to order, he watched from over the menu as Wonwoo scanned the options.

"Have you been here before?" Joshua asked, confused. Wonwoo was looking at the menu like he already knew what he wanted to order.

Wonwoo glanced up before returning his eyes to the menu. "What?" He mumbled. "No."

"How'd you even find this place anyways?" Joshua wondered out loud. "Must be really popular, if you said we needed to come here." Wonwoo had approached him with the idea of going to a cafe 15 minutes away and Joshua had gladly accepted.

Wonwoo shook his head. "It's actually pretty underground." He revealed. "It took me awhile to find."

Joshua frowned. His friend was giving him more questions than answers.

Before he could ask how Wonwoo even knew of the place, the server approached them with a pad of paper, ready to take their order. "Hello, what can I get for you?"

Wonwoo gestured at Joshua to go first. Reaching for his limited knowledge of Japanese, he pointed at the pastry that had caught his eye. "I'll have one of these, please. And a latte."

The waiter nodded, looking over at Wonwoo expectantly.

"I'll have one of these, please." Wonwoo pointed to something on the menu. He paused before speaking again. "And can I take this to go?"

The waiter glanced down at what he was pointing at and nodded. "Yes, I'll have it packed up for you."

"Thank you." Wonwoo nodded in thanks as the waiter left.

--

Joshua kept his questions to himself as they ate, all the while eyeing the takeout container the waiter had placed next to Wonwoo. He finally gave up as they exited the cafe, his curiosity peaking.

"What's in the box?"

Wonwoo looked down at the container he was holding onto, as if he himself hadn't realized he had it. "It's their takoyaki." He explained, shrugging. "Apparently it's the best or whatever."

A lightbulb ignited within Joshua's mind. He recalled a conversation he had overheard two nights ago, as he passed by Dino and Cyana's shared room.

"I think I'd murder someone for takoyaki right now." Cyana had mumbled out, eyes closed as she recalled the flavour. "There was this cafe I went to as a kid that served the best takoyaki. Ever."

Dino had laughed at her want. "Is it far?"

"I don't know." She groaned out, upset. "Don't remember the name. I just know they had like- wooden exterior and bamboo walls." Her nose scrunched as she recalled the memory. "Very traditional Japanese."

"No fucking way." Joshua stared at Wonwoo, his mouth gaped open.

The younger man frowned at him, raising a hand to push his glasses up. "What." He gave him an unamused expression.

"Is that," Joshua pointed at the box in his hands. "For Cyana?"

Wonwoo's cheeks turned red. "Maybe."

"Oh my goodness." Joshua couldn't help but laugh at how adorable the situation was. "You're pathetic, oh my god. Don't tell me you found the cafe just by her description of the exterior."

Wonwoo's face was ablaze as they continued walking. "I google mapped the thing," he mumbled, embarrassed. "clicked on every place that sold takoyaki and checked the exterior for bamboo and wood." He frowned when Joshua only laughed louder. "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not-" Joshua wheezed out, slapping Wonwoo on the back. "Props to you, man. That's some dedication."

"Shut up."

THREE:

"Dino?" Cyana called out from their shared hotel room to the boy who was currently in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, getting ready for bed.

"Hm?"

She was staring at the box filled with takoyaki, still steaming and hot. "Did you go out and get takoyaki today?"

Dino popped his head out from the bathroom, toothbrush still in his mouth. "Nuh uh."

"Hm." Cyana frowned, wondering who had. Shrugging, the scent of the food overtook her curiosity as she sat down and took a bite. "Oh my god." Clasping her hands together as if in prayer, she couldn't help but shiver at the nostalgic taste. "The takoyaki gods have answered my prayers." She muttered through a mouthful.

Dino let out a snort from behind her, having finished getting ready for bed. "More like the takoyaki tooth fairy."

"I am so in love." She mumbled through another mouthful, moving the box away from Dino when he tried sneaking a bite. "You already brushed your teeth, bro."

"This isn't fair." Dino pouted, flopping onto the bed. "Everything you say has been coming true recently."

Cyana frowned, realizing he was right. Just yesterday, she had lingered in front of a store on their way to a interview. A purple and white notebook had caught her attention - perfect for storing her lyrics in. That same notebook had ended up on top of her suitcase later that night - no note, no receipt. Nobody had owned up to the act when she asked during breakfast the next day.

"From how I see it-" Dino was talking, breaking Cyana out of her thoughts. "One of us messed up- bad. And they're trying to get on your good side before you find out."

She gave him a look, taking another bite of her takoyaki. "Or~" She gave him a goofy grin. "It could be my fairy godmother. Finally showing up."

Dino snorted. "Childish."

FOUR:

They were halfway through their North American leg of the tour and Wonwoo could tell returning to LA had done something to the girl. She was no longer participating in their antics and hangouts after concerts - choosing to reside in her room instead. It resulted in Dino having to room with him and Jun, the younger boy moping around like a kicked puppy over losing his roommate.

"Something's very wrong with her." Dino muttered one night, having had enough of everyone pretending Cyana was okay.

"You're just saying that cause she asked to room alone for the rest of tour and you're pissed." Hoshi muttered back.

"No." Dino corrected quickly, getting up from his spot on the couch. "All she does is perform, practice, hide in her room, perform, practice, hide in her room." He listed. "It's like she's in a loop."

"Give her some time." Joshua sighed, and everyone turned to look at him.

"You know something." Dino pointed an accusatory finger at the older boy.

Joshua nodded. "I do. And it's nothing that concerns us. Cyana will share when she wants to share."

Dino huffed, clearly not liking being kept in the dark. "She's my twin, hyung."

Wonwoo could barely pinpoint the sadness in Joshua's eyes, but it was there. "I know. Give her time."

Wonwoo stood up, leaving the room without a word. Knocking quietly on their manager's door, he entered to see him working on his computer. "Can we get a day off?" He asked.

The manager blinked at the sudden request. "What do you want to do?"

"There's a bookstore close by, right?" Wonwoo remembered Vernon saying something about that. "Barnes and Nobles. Can we go?"

He knew it wasn't much, but Cyana had complained a long time ago that she missed having English books to read. He figured he couldn't do much to help the girl through whatever she was going through right now, but this- this he could do.

FIVE:

It was half-past four in the morning and Wonwoo was still awake. It was officially their last day on tour - tomorrow they'd be flying back to Korea. He couldn't tell whether that made him happy or sad. He was relieved though - hoping that maybe being back home would help heal everyone.

Their hotel floor was eerily quiet tonight as all the members had gone to sleep. He figured it was the crash that often came with tour ending - as if their bodies knew it was finally over and the adrenaline that kept them going washed away.

"Jun?" A tiny voice sounded from the entrance of his hotel room, making him flinch at the sudden sound.

He turned, spotting a bleary-eyed Cyana padding in, her feet bare.

"Jun's sleeping." He whispered, nodding towards the boy in question, who was sleeping soundly in bed.

He watched as her shoulders fell and she perched upon the table, her legs swinging gently above the floor. He watched her watch Jun sleep in silence.

It seemed like forever until Cyana spoke, finally raising her head to look at Wonwoo.

"Are you my fairy godmother?" She whispered, and Wonwoo felt as if she wasn't really all there. Her eyes seemed to look through him, as if she was trying too hard to look at him and failed.

He knew what she meant. He simply nodded, afraid that if he tried to say something, his words would betray him.

"Did you do something wrong?" She asked next, rubbing her sleepy eyes to look at him better. "Dino said whoever gave me those things probably did something wrong."

Wonwoo thought the question was very subjective. "Do you think I did something wrong?" He asked her instead, curious.

Cyana shook her head. "No."

"I thought I'd be nice for a change." He admitted. "I felt bad. And you were going through so much."

She didn't say anything, so he didn't say anything else either.

"Thank you." She whispered, after much silence.

Wonwoo could only nod. No need, he wanted to say. Or maybe As long as it helped you - through whatever it is that Joshua won't tell us. Whatever secret he's keeping for you. Whatever happened in LA. But he didn't say any of that- Cyana looked fragile enough.

"I like this."

Her voice shook him out of his thoughts as he looked back at her.

"The silence." She clarified. "You give nice silence."

His lips quirked at the creative way she had put it. He found she always had a strange way with words, but beautiful nonetheless. "Thank you." He didn't know what else to say.

Watching wordlessly as she walked over to Jun, sliding into bed next to him and curling herself up, Wonwoo moved to get ready for bed. By the time he returned, Jun had moved, as if his body could sense Cyana's presence and moved to compliment it - even while unconscious.

He pulled out his phone and took a picture, sending it to Jun for when the boy woke up. Settling into bed himself, he mulled over Cyana's words. You give nice silence. It made him happy just thinking about it. Silence was something he excelled at- and he always believed it to be a weakness. But if his silence was nice, and if it was something Cyana needed - perhaps it was a strength instead.

[pedrospatch]

to do the right thing l part ii

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Pregnant! Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: Joel has a hard time dealing with things as the pregnancy progresses; you and Joel ask Bill and Frank for the favor of a lifetime.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. BOSTON QZ ERA. ((TW)) PREGNANCY, mentions and references to adoption, angst, asshole Joel, mentions of Sarah, softer Joel towards the end.

word count: 7.9k

a/n: i actually spent more time writing this second part, so hopefully it is a bit more well written than the first one that i wrote in an hour in the middle of the night. T_T

February, 2020

“Well, can I just say that we are just so incredibly thrilled that you two could finally come and join us for dinner this evening,” Frank beamed, grinning from ear to ear as he burst into the dining room with a bottle of his favorite red wine in one hand and a bottle opener in the other.

Bill snorted, stabbing his fork just a little too aggressively into his cut of chicken breast.

“Speak for yourself,” he grouched under his breath before taking a bite. Although he’d quit bringing his gun to the table, both you and Joel knew he had the pistol tucked somewhere nearby. You were willing to bet it was tucked into the waistband of his khaki trousers, but Joel would probably argue that it was in a less obvious place, like strapped to his ankle.

It really seemed as though Bill would never allow himself to get used to you, Tess, and he especially wouldn’t allow himself to get used to Joel. He knew it was the smart, logical choice, keeping you three around for the sake of trading supplies and resources when needed, but overall, it wasn't all that necessary. He and Frank had been doing just fine for years before you all had come into their lives after Frank had met Tess over the radio one afternoon. Or at least, that’s what he liked to believe despite the fact that during your very first lunch together, Joel had easily pointed out several flaws around the perimeter of their neighborhood—weak spots that could be vulnerable to raiders if they ever came along. You and Tess joked that Bill put Joel at the top of his shit list the moment he pointed out that their fence only had about a year left to hold strong. He’d been on it ever since.

Having you all around at this point was more for Frank’s benefit than anything. Bill would do just about anything to make Frank happy, and much to his chagrin, you, Tess, and even Joel, made him happy—having friends made him happy. Bill could do without socializing for the rest of his natural born life, but Frank, on the other hand, would lose his sanity. 

“Oh, don’t mind him. He’s just been in a bad mood because we had a massive roof leak the other day after that huge thunderstorm," Frank explained, rolling his eyes. Being the attentive, gracious host that he always was, he quickly made his way around the dinner table, pouring everyone a generous glass of wine to enjoy with their meal. “He spent hours up on that roof trying to patch it up and then damn near broke his ankle coming down when he missed the last two steps on the ladder. Can you believe that?”

“Thought I noticed a limp,” Joel remarked with an amused smirk.

Frank nudged Joel in the shoulder as he poured his wine. “I had told him to wait for you, Joel, what with you having been in construction before and all. But Mister ‘I don’t need anyone’s help’ decided to do it himself even though he has never patched a roof before in his life.”

“Tell you what, next time we’re over for lunch, I’ll go up there and check it out. Make sure he did it right ‘cause I highly doubt he did.”

Bill glowered at him.

You roughly smacked the side of his thigh underneath the table.

Joel, please, You thought silently. We need to stay on his good side.

Frank chuckled as he fell into step beside your chair. “That would be very helpful if you did, actually. It would definitely give me a bit more peace of mind, especially since the rainiest season of the year is approaching fast.” He offered Bill an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry sweetheart, but we really should let an expert take a look at it, just to be on the safe side. Joel knows his stuff, after all.”

As he reached for your glass, you quickly placed your hand over the top of it and lightly shook your head. “Oh, none for me tonight, thank you,” You declined politely. The wine was normally your favorite part of any meal they hosted, seeing as Bill and Frank, who were both quite the wine enthusiasts, knew how to make the most heavenly of pairings. It really was a fucking shame that it would be at least a few more months before you could drink again. Lord only knew you could use the alcohol after all of the bullshit that had been going on lately with Joel. “May I have a glass of water instead, please?”

“What? You don’t want any wine?” Frank frowned and reached out with his free hand, pressing the back of it against your forehead. “Are you feeling sick or something? Should we be worried? Bill, where’s the reader—?”

You chuckled at his usual dramatic little antics. “No, I’m fine,” You assured him. “I’d just rather stick to water tonight if that’s okay.”

“That’s really fucking weird of you, but alright,” he sang over his shoulder as he disappeared into the kitchen. He returned a minute later with a tall glass of clean, filtered water in his hand and set it down on the table in front of you before taking his seat next to Bill. He picked up his red cloth napkin and draped it gingerly over his lap. “So, tell us again why Tess couldn’t make it tonight?”

“She, uh, she had a few things she needed to take care of back in the QZ,” Joel explained to him briefly before popping a piece of roasted rosemary potato into his mouth. The truth was that Tess had opted to stay behind and sit this one out, stating that the conversation that would eventually take place tonight would be between the four of you. She didn’t need to be there, nor be a part of it.

“Well that’s such a shame. I really miss her,” Frank lamented between bites of his garden salad. “It’s been a while since we’ve all gotten together for a meal. Hell, this is the first time we’ve seen you in what, a couple of months at least, right Bill?”

“Felt like a lot less than that. But sure, let’s call it a couple of months.” Bill eyed Joel suspiciously. “Sounded a bit urgent when you radioed in and let us know you had to come see us tonight, Joel. More so than usual. I’m guessing that you two must really need something from us.”

You and Joel exchanged a silent glance.

“Jesus Bill, can you please not be so rude to them for once?” Frank scolded, waving a hand dismissively at his partner. He smiled apologetically at you and Joel. “Again, please don’t mind him. It seems to me that we still have some work left to do with his manners.” He paused just long enough to take a delicate sip of his wine. He set his glass down, then picked up his fork and knife. “But, if you do happen to need anything, you know that we are more than happy to help you out as best as we can if we have the supplies and resources to spare.”

“Which we don’t,” Bill chimed in, earning himself a light smack to the shoulder.

Joel ignored him and instead focused his attention on Frank. He was the one to win over out of the two. “That’s awfully kind of you, Frank. You know that we always appreciate your warm hospitality,” he remarked, and although he was laying it on a little thick for the sake of getting into his good graces, there was an underlying sincerity in his tone. He actually happened to like Frank—it was hard for anyone not to like him. Joel lifted his glass of wine to him in a toast. “Of all the people we could’ve come across on the radio that day, we’re grateful that it was you.”

Frank touched a hand lightly to his chest. He then picked up his own glass, clinking the rim against Joel’s. “Well, cheers to that.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Bill grumbled, shaking his head.

Joel nudged your leg under the table as if to let you know it was time.

On the way up to Lincoln, he had suggested Bill and Frank would be a lot more inclined to agree to yours and his pending request if it came from you. Joel could butter Frank up well enough, but Bill hated his fucking guts, and you probably had a better chance of winning the survivalist over than Joel did.

You cleared your throat lightly, garnering everyone’s attention. “I have some news to share. Well, actually, we have some news to share.”

Bill raised a thick, bushy eyebrow. “What kind of news?”

“News? Is everything okay?” Frank asked, suddenly worried. “Wait. Is it Tess? Is she alright? Did something happen?”

“No, it isn’t anything like that at all. Tess is perfectly fine,” You quickly reassured him, causing him to sink back against his chair in relief. You held your breath for a moment before exhaling it softly through your mouth and announcing, “I’m, um—I’m pregnant.”

Bill nearly choked on his chicken and Frank gasped, both hands flying to his mouth in complete shock. The seconds passed in silence, and the room had gone so quiet that one could have heard a fucking pin drop on the floor. You felt the heat flood to your face and nervously shoved a forkful of baked chicken into your mouth, deciding it would be best to just give them a bit of time to process the news before moving onto phase two. However, Joel wasn’t there to waste any time and decided to step in.

“Listen, I know that this is probably a lot to take in, but we didn’t exactly come over here to share that with you just for shits and giggles. As much as it pains me to say it, Bill is right,” he admitted reluctantly. That was one phrase Joel Miller could do without saying ever again. “Truth is, we do need somethin’ from you two. We’ve got a favor to ask you both, a big one at that.”

That had been enough to slap Bill back into reality.

“Oh no, stop right there! I can see where this is going from a fucking mile away!” He jumped up from his chair, furiously shaking his head as he wagged his index finger at you and Joel. “Listen here, we have been as generous as we can possibly be with the two of you, and with Tess—but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere and this is it! There is no fucking way in hell that we’re taking you into our home, into our neighborhood! This place belongs to us, we built it, we secured it! We worked our goddamn asses off for all that we have and just because she’s pregnant does not mean we will allow you to—”

“That’s not it.” Though your voice was smaller, softer, it managed to get through to Bill over his angry ranting. “That’s not it at all, Bill. We’re not trying to move here or invade your space like that, I swear it.”

His hand dropped down to his side. “Really?”

“No. Of course not. We know you have boundaries, and so does Frank. And whether you choose to believe it or not, we do our best to respect them as much as we possibly can.”

“Oh.” Bill slowly sank back down to his chair, looking relieved. “Then what is it that you two want? You need baby clothes or baby blankets from the boutique or something?”

“Not exactly,” You mumbled. You took a quick minute to think it over in your head, wondering if there was any correct or tactful way to ask what you were about to ask of them—there wasn’t. It didn’t matter if you spun it a million different ways, Bill was still going to blow a fuse again no matter what. “We wanted to ask you and Frank if you would be willing to take the baby into your care once it’s born.”

And just like that, Bill’s temporary relief vanished.  “I beg your fucking pardon?”

You turned to Joel, saying tightly through your teeth, “A little fucking help here, please?”

“Look. Boston ain’t no fuckin’ place for a child,” Joel started, lifting his hand in an attempt to keep Bill calm this time. “Too much shit’s been goin’ on there lately. Violence has escalated, supplies are gettin’ harder to get and costin’ us more than ever before. So we want to know if you and Frank are willing to take the baby after it’s born. It would be better off here with you two than with us in the QZ.”

Bill didn’t need to think twice about it. He answered Joel with a stern, “Absolutely not.”

Joel let out an irritated sigh and dropped his fork. The utensil clanked loudly against the white porcelain plate. He dropped his face into his hands, rubbing it harshly. “Fuckin’ knew he wasn’t gonna make this easy for us.”

You chewed anxiously on your bottom lip, an overwhelming feeling suddenly washing over your entire body from head to toe. It was strange to feel this way, considering the fact Bill and Frank’s place had always been something of a temporary escape for you. Their neighborhood, their home, it usually brought you a sense of peace and tranquility—you felt comfortable whenever you were here. But between Bill’s angry outburst, his instant decline to your request, and Frank’s wide, shocked eyes still fixed intently on you, you suddenly found yourself wishing you were anywhere but in Lincoln.

“You’re pregnant?” Frank’s incredulous voice broke the silence that had fallen over the dinner table. Part of you wondered how much of the conversation he had even heard or if it had just gone in through one ear and out the other. “You’re really pregnant?”

“Frank,” Bill said his name warningly. “Don’t even think about it.”

Frank ignored him, his attention still on you. “How far along are you?”

You glanced at Joel before turning back to him. “It’s just an estimate, but we’re thinking at this point that I might be about four and a half months, maybe almost five?” You replied with a small shrug of your shoulders. “We aren’t too sure, though.”

“And it’s yours?” Bill questioned, eyeing Joel in disbelief.

Joel glared at him, his aggravated silence speaking for him.

“Oh, Bill.” Frank suddenly turned to him with a hopeful expression. “A baby!”

There had been a couple of different occasions where, while sitting outside on the front lawn enjoying a glass of iced tea in the sunshine, Frank had confessed to both you and Tess of his desire to have a family one day. He acknowledged the chances of that ever happening were virtually impossible, but he admitted that it was something he had been dreaming of since meeting Bill. He wanted to be a father. He wanted a child, and here you were, with one that you couldn’t keep.

“Frank. No.” Bill stared at him, unable to fathom how he could even think that taking in a child could possibly be a good idea. “I’m sorry. You know I try to give you everything that you ask for, but I have to put my foot down this time. I have enough trouble keeping you safe as it is! We’ve had raiders come and try knocking at our door before—”

“And you’ve fought them off,” Joel reminded him. “Successfully.”

“Not to mention, think of all the things we would have to do in order to raise a kid, all the supplies and resources we would use up in just the first year alone—”

“Bill, we know this is a lot to ask of you, of both of you,” You somehow managed to chime in. “We know that a favor like this is one we would never be able to repay you for, not in this lifetime. But it’s this child’s only shot. What kind of life would it have where we live? What kind of future would it have in the QZ?”

“Hm. Sounds like not our fucking problem,” Bill quipped. “Sorry.”

Frank’s eyes left his partner’s and met yours across the table before they fell down to your midsection. “You said you’re about four and a half months?”

You gave him a small nod.

Bill might not have been on board, but you still had Frank.

He was your only hope. 

“Yes, but again, it’s an guess. We don’t want anyone else in the QZ knowing that I’m pregnant, so I haven’t been to see a doctor. But we think it’s a pretty close guess.” Suddenly, an idea came to mind. You hesitated, at first, but knew it was your best shot at finishing the job and reeling Frank in. You slowly stood up from the table and with trembling fingers, you started to unbutton the flannel jacket you were wearing—Joel’s flannel jacket—and showed him the swollen belly you had been hiding underneath it. It was on the smaller side, but still quite prominent underneath a snug-fitting, cotton blue tank top.

“Oh!” Frank breathed out in surprise. He rose to his feet, rushing over and around to your side of the table. He excitedly lifted his hands, but then stopped himself, glancing at you for permission first. “Would it be alright if—?”

“Of course, go right ahead,” You encouraged with a tiny smile as you continued holding the jacket open for him.

Frank sank to his knees in front of you. He lightly cradled the small bump in between his palms, looking up at you with a look of absolute wonder on his face.

It felt bizarre, not only showing your midsection to someone else, but having another set of hands besides your own on it felt foreign as well.

As soon as you’d started showing, Joel had refused to go near you—the way he tried painfully to ignore it caused you to keep it hidden away underneath oversized clothes, even in the privacy of your own quarters.

During the first few weeks of your pregnancy, he’d been just fine. Well, as fine as he could be. But once your belly had popped, it was as if it had all suddenly sunk in and really clicked for Joel—this was one hundred percent fucking real now and that was his baby growing inside of you. Since that moment, he hadn’t quite been himself, at least not with you.

Joel still looked out for you, of course. He didn’t dote sweetly on you and shower you with affection, but he did take responsibility in the ways that mattered. He made sure that you were taking the prenatal vitamins Tess had found for you, he made sure that you were eating enough, and if he ever noticed that you were still hungry, he would shovel his own portion onto your plate without asking and head off to sleep on an empty stomach. He helped you out whenever you were assigned to the same work detail, taking on an extra load of work on top of his own if it meant sparing you from even the slightest risk of straining yourself or over exerting your body.

Sure, he still cared for you. He wouldn’t do any of that if he didn’t.

But that didn’t mean things between you hadn’t changed.

They had.

Drastically.

Joel kept his distance from you, physically. He hadn’t fucked you, kissed you, or so much as even touched you in the last couple of months. He’d even started sleeping on the couch, leaving you to sleep alone in your once shared bed. Whenever he spoke to you, he stood at least a few feet away, and his eyes always remained trained on your face—he took especially great care to not look at your growing stomach. You could briefly recall one morning when you’d squeezed past him in the kitchen to grab a mug from the sink while he’d been making his morning coffee; when your belly accidentally brushed against his hand, he had cringed, snatching it away from you as if he’d touched something unpleasant. Deep down, you knew this was his own twisted, fucked up way of coping with how he was feeling, but it still didn’t stop you from wishing that he’d quit acting as if you and the baby were the fucking plague.

 As much as you tried to deny it, the way Joel had been treating you lately hurt you. It cut you deep, down to your very core. You put on a good front for him and Tess, though, acting as if none of it bothered you. But the tears that you shed on the nights they left you alone to go out on their runs were endless.

“Oh Bill,” Frank glanced pleadingly over his shoulder at his partner, his hands still on your stomach. “Please.”

“Frank—”

“Please.”

Bill couldn’t refuse Frank a majority of the time. But this was bigger than anything he’d ever asked of him and it was going to take more than his usual amount of convincing to get him to agree.

Bill scoffed, narrowing his eyes at you. “Let me guess. You want us to take this baby in and you want us to clothe it, feed it, and protect it. You want us to do the real work of raising it, using up our supplies and resources. And then what? You two come along to play mommy and daddy whenever you fucking feel like it?”

You shuffled from foot to foot, wincing slightly at his harshness. “No, of course not.”

Joel wasn’t all too fond of Bill’s tone towards you. He leaned forward, throwing him a warning glare across the table. “She’d like to visit,” he informed him, keeping his temper under control. He knew better than to go off on Bill, not when you were still trying to convince him to do you both the favor of a fucking lifetime. “Every now and again, just to see the kid. But we think it’s best if we do a closed adoption, if you wanna call it that. You and Frank are the parents, and we’re just a couple of friends who come by and visit daddy and daddy every now and again for lunch.”

“Right, and you really want me to believe that there’s no chance she’s going to be attached to this baby after carrying it for nine months?” Although Bill was facing and speaking directly to Joel, it was obvious he was indirectly grilling you. And here Joel thought the man might have had something of a soft spot for you. “Think about it, Joel. You don’t think one day she might waltz in here and decide she wants to take it back? Break Frank’s heart when he has to give up a child he’s going to undoubtedly fall in love with?”

Anger simmered underneath your skin, bubbling in your veins at the insinuation that you could ever do something to hurt Frank. “First of all, stop talking about me like I’m not in the fucking room, alright? I’m standing right here, so fucking look me in the face if you’re going to talk about me.” You seethed. Frank stood up and placed his hand on your shoulder in an effort to calm you, but it was too late. “This isn’t a fucking game, Bill. This isn’t a decision that we made on a whim or that we’re taking lightly. Me and Joel are just trying to do right by this child. If you and Frank agree to take it in as your own, it’s all yours. I’m not going to take it back,” You practically spat. “Once it’s done, it’s fucking done.”

“Alright, alright. I’m going to need you to just take a deep breath and relax before you bring on early labor in the middle of my dining room.” Frank gently guided you until you were sitting back in one of the chairs and handed you your untouched glass of water. He waited patiently as you took a few sips and then took the glass from your hand, setting it back down on the table. “Listen, before we decide anything, I just have to ask—is this really what you want to do? This is a decision that you made, right? No one is making you do this?” He noticed Joel raise his eyebrows at what he was suggesting, and before he could chime in, Frank quickly added, “I just need to hear it from her, Joel.”

“This is what’s best,” You answered honestly, feeling a dull ache in your heart that had become all too familiar. “I have spent so many long nights lying in bed just thinking this over. We don’t have any other choice, not if we want it to have a chance at a decent life. That is what I want, Frank. For it to have a chance at a decent life.”

“This child is gonna grow up and want to know who its parents are,” Bill pointed out. “Thought about that at all?”

“Use your imagination,” Joel remarked before taking a quick sip of wine. “Make somethin’ up. Lie. Tell it you found it in a basket floating down the fuckin’ river. Whatever it takes. We don’t ever want the kid to know it’s us.”

“Going to be kind of hard if it comes out looking like your clone.” Bill gestured to you with a nod of his head. “Or hers.”

“It’ll be a long, long time before this child is even old enough to notice things like who he or she looks like,” You released a little scoff, tired of him using any reason he could think of to stand against it. “Bill, please. Can’t you at least think about it for the next few weeks and at least consider it?”

“No.”

Your face fell. 

Motherfucker really wasn’t going to budge.

“Well now, wait just a second.” Frank walked over to him and put his hands on his burly shoulders. “Bill, think about it. This is our chance.” He squeezed his shoulders. “To have a family. A real family.”

“Family? It’s not our fucking kid—it’s not a part of me or you.”

“But we’ll love it like it is! Blood isn’t what makes a family. Love is,” he reminded him softly.

You swallowed back the lump that had risen in your throat.

Bill might have been a stubborn jackass, but you knew that Frank would show him how to be a good father. He had already shown him how to be an amazing, loving partner.

“So?” Joel prompted. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back into his chair.

Bill scowled at him. He said nothing as he reached for his glass of wine, chugging every last drop in one long gulp before he stood up and stalked out of the dining room.

Frank had his answer.

And so did you and Joel.

As the next several weeks turned into months, pregnancy—and your ever ongoing attempts at hiding it from everyone in the Boston QZ—had really started to take its toll on you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Joel had given you all but his entire wardrobe, helping to keep your condition hidden as well as possible, but it was taking a hell of a lot more than just his jackets and shirts to keep it a secret. When you entered your third trimester, you were starting to struggle immensely with work detail, finding it more and more difficult to keep up with what authorities expected of you. Everything ached—your feet, your back, and even the hairs on your fucking head were hurting, and yet you were forced to carry on with your daily duties as best you could to avoid raising any suspicions.

“Frank said it might be best if you gave birth at their place,” Joel commented over dinner one night. Tess was out doing a solo run, and it had just been the two of you for the last couple of days. Lately, you almost wished she would stop leaving you alone with Joel. Ever since that night at Bill and Frank’s, he had been acting a lot colder towards you, more than ever before. He could hardly look at you most days. Before, he could at least stand to look at your face. Now, there wasn’t a single part of you that his eyes could meet. “As soon as you start feelin’ off, we’re gonna need to get you over to them. Frank talked Bill into lettin’ you stay for a few days if it comes down to it and you need some time to heal.”

You simply nodded, your gaze fixed on the torn paper napkin in front of you. “Okay.”

He bit into his piece of jerky, his eyes also glued to the table. Out of his peripheral vision, he could see that you’d finished your portion already. He reached out, dropping his piece in front of you onto your napkin. “Need to eat more,” he grumbled. He picked up his glass of whiskey, polishing it off before pouring himself another. 

You couldn’t stand it.

You couldn’t fucking take it anymore.

“Joel.” You said his name in a smaller voice than what you had been aiming for. “Can we talk?”

He racked his brain for the first bullshit excuse he could think of. “It can wait. S’real late and we need to get to bed soon. We got early work orders tomorrow.”

“No, Joel, actually, it can’t fucking wait.” Your heart was pounding at a rate that felt far too fast for your body and you tried to remind yourself to remain calm. You knew you needed to keep your emotions in check, or else your distress could cause distress to the baby. “We need to talk. Now.”

Joel drew an impatient breath. “Talk ‘bout what, exactly?”

“About how you’ve been acting over the last few months.” Your voice trembled and you almost kicked yourself for it. The last thing that you needed to do was fucking crumble. “And about the way you’ve been treating me, too. You’ve been keeping your distance from me, acting like I’m some kind of—I’ve seen you cringe a lot less when dumping the infected bodies into the fire pits, let’s just put it that way.”

“Those pregnancy hormones,” he released a short, bitter laugh. “Got you bein’ all dramatic.”

“I am not being dramatic.” Your hands curled into tiny fists. “You won’t talk to me. You won’t touch me. You won’t even fucking look at me anymore! I’m sick of it, Joel.”

“It’s nothin’,” he replied dismissively, shrugging his shoulders. He looked down into his whiskey, feigning a sudden interest in the rich amber hues in his glass.

“Nothing?” You repeated, flabbergasted. “Then why haven’t you slept in our bed with me? Hm? Oh that’s right, because you can’t fucking stand to be that close to me! You’d rather break your back on that old fucking couch rather than sleep next to me.” 

Joel’s jaw clenched, his grip around his glass tightening. “Listen, I ain’t doin’ this right now, alright?”

“Joel.” You hesitated. If you crossed this line and pushed one too many of his buttons, there was no fucking going back. “I know that you’re afraid, okay?”

“I ain’t afraid,” he countered through gritted teeth. Finally, he brought himself to look up at you, his eyes meeting yours—that same emotion that he’d just denied was right there behind them as clear as the fucking stars in the sky outside. Joel wasn’t made of stone. He wasn’t any kind of special exception to having normal human feelings. He hid everything pretty well, and because you cared about him, you were willing to put up with his asshole façade because he needed you as much as you needed him. Still, even after years of trying to take the wall he’d built down brick by brick with your bare hands, you hadn’t gotten very far and you wished the man would help you out every now and again and throw you a fucking hammer. “Ain’t no reason for me to be afraid. I ain’t the one who’s fuckin’ pregnant.”

“It’s yours too! This is your baby too, Joel. Your child. It is part of you, just as much as it is a part of me. And ever since day fucking one, you have been scared shitless of it,” You confronted him, another trembling edge coming to your voice. “And I know why, okay? I know that what happened to Sarah—”

Joel froze, going rigid in his seat. His free hand had curled into a fist, his tight knuckles turning ghost white.

It was something of an unspoken rule. 

Nobody talked about Sarah.

Hell, the only reason you even knew about his daughter was because you’d accidentally stumbled upon an old polaroid of her while washing his jeans in the kitchen sink one morning. You had found it in one of the back pockets while cleaning them out, the photograph heavily creased as if he spent ample amounts of time folding it open and then folding it closed again. Sarah’s name had been scribbled on the back of the polaroid. Her smile, her nose, it was all Joel, and it had taken you less than sixty seconds to realize the young teenaged girl posing goofily in the picture had been his daughter.

When you’d handed the picture to him while his jeans dried, it was like a silent bomb had detonated. Although it’d been a mere accident on your part, Joel had been so incredibly angry with you, as if you had gone snooping through his past life on purpose. For weeks, he hadn’t said a single word to you unless it had something to do with work or a run.

He’d lost her. He hadn’t told you that, but you’d guessed it.

Whether it was to infection or something else, you didn’t know. And you knew better than to ask him. All you knew was that losing her had done something irreparable to Joel Miller. Whoever he’d been before losing his daughter was dead too.

“Don’t,” he warned, his voice strained. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Joel, please,” You whispered. “Whatever happened to her, you can’t possibly keep it to yourself for the rest of your life. You can talk to me about Sarah—”

Joel slammed his curled fist down onto the table, startling you. He then turned in his chair and flung his glass at the wall behind him, the sound of it shattering into hundreds of pieces echoing throughout the small apartment. Jumping to his feet, he pointed a threatening finger in your face. “Don’t you ever utter her fuckin’ name ever again! You understand me?”

“But Joel—”

“Do you fuckin’ understand me?”

“I understand.” You hardly recognized the squeak that left your lips.

“Go to bed. Now,” he ordered, whirling around on his heel. “It’s fuckin’ late.”

Without another word, Joel stalked over towards the couch and dropped onto it, rolling over onto his side so his back was to you.

You pulled the neckline of his shirt that you wore over your mouth and pressed your palm against it in an effort to muffle a sob.

A few hours later into the middle of the night, Joel had awakened and stood up from the couch only to find you sitting there in the exact same spot where he’d left you at the table. Though it was dark in the apartment, the moonlight that shone through the torn curtains over the window illuminated your face and he could see you hadn’t stopped crying since he’d fallen asleep.

“Y’need to go lay down,” he told you quietly.

You knew this tactic all too well.

His way of apologizing for losing his shit on you without actually apologizing.

“I’m fucking fine right where I am,” You snapped stubbornly in response, quickly dabbing at your damp eyes with the back of your hand. That was a downright lie. Your lower back was on fire from having sat in the chair for so long.

Joel sighed, hanging his head. He knew he’d fucked up. He’d been fucking up for the last several months. He pulled a chair around in front of yours and sat down, his knee touching yours lightly. That alone was enough to send a chill throughout your body. “Sittin’ in that chair for too long ain’t good for your back,” he stated. He waited to see if you would speak and when you didn’t reply a couple minutes later, he sighed again. “Look, I’m real sorry about earlier, alright? Hell, I’m sorry for everythin’. You were right, I’ve been treatin’ you like shit and you definitely don’t deserve it.”

Stunned, you looked up at him.

“I was angry, but I shouldn’t have lashed out on you the way that I did. Much less while you’re in this condition.” He paused, reaching up to rub his face tiredly with one of his hands. He then let it fall back down to his thigh with a loud slapping sound. “It’s a sore spot for me, alright? Always has been and always will be. Nothin’ or no one is goin’ to change that, not ever. Not even you,” he admitted, shoulders sagging as if the realization had just come to him. “You know you mean somethin’ special to me. You know I care about you, and you know you’re what has kept me goin’ these last few years. I’d do just about anythin’ for you. But I need you to respect that I don’t wanna talk about her and I don’t want you bringin’ her up. She is from my past and that is where I need to leave her.”

“But why?” You frowned, wiping a stray tear that had fallen away from your cheek. “That’s not fair to you or to her. She doesn’t deserve to be forgotten about.”

“That what you think it is? That I’m tryin’ to forget about her? Impossible. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think of her.”

You placed your hands down onto your lap and started wringing them together anxiously. “It’s not that I think you’re trying to forget about her, Joel. But you refusing to talk about her, it’s erasing her memory, whether you think of it that way or not.” Noticing him wince at your words, you wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him—stroke his cheek, hold his hand. But you were finally getting somewhere and you knew better than to move too fast, so you willed yourself to keep your hands to yourself. “And besides that, you aren’t doing yourself any favors by keeping her story a secret. You’ve been carrying the weight of whatever happened to her on your shoulders for what, almost two decades now?”

“It’s my burden to carry, alright?”

“You shouldn’t have to carry it alone.” Your expression softened. It dawned on you. You’d thought you knew how much pain Joel had been in for all these years, but the honest truth was that you didn’t have the slightest clue. You didn’t know how bad he was actually hurting—and that killed you inside. “You need to talk about it, Joel. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday.”

“No. I can’t—”

“Don’t you trust me?”

Joel almost seemed offended that you’d even ask such a thing. “Of course I fuckin’ trust you.”

“Then why won’t you let me in, Joel?” A fresh batch of tears brimmed your eyes, and you blinked them back furiously before they could fall. “After everything that we’ve been through together. I’m carrying your fucking child for god’s sake.”

He didn’t answer. Tearing his gaze away from you, he looked straight ahead at the wall in front of him.

“Joel.”

Silence.

“Joel. Come on. Can you just fucking look at me, please?”

Nothing.

You let out a long, sad sigh of defeat. So much for getting somewhere. “Alright. Fine.” You placed a hand on your stomach and stood up from your chair. “I’m heading to bed. See you in the morning.”

As you padded over towards your mattress, Joel’s voice stopped you dead in your tracks. “Sarah was my daughter.”

Slowly, you turned around, your lips parted slightly.

“Pretty sure you knew that already though,” he chuckled in spite of himself. “She was fourteen years old. Her mom walked out on us when she was just a baby. I spent her entire life raising her by myself. Tommy, well, he was around too, but he was more of a bad influence than anythin’ and sometimes it felt like I was lookin’ after two kids instead of one.”

You walked back over to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Joel reached up and took your hips in his hands, carefully pulling you down to sit on his lap.

“No Joel, I’m way too heavy.” Embarrassed, you quickly tried standing up.

“You think you’re heavy?” He snorted lightly, holding you firmly in place. “If anythin’, you could stand to have a bit more meat on your bones bein’ almost nine months pregnant and all.”

“Blame my nutritious, nourishing diet of jerky and stale crackers.” The sarcasm dripped from your tone. 

He let out something in between a snort and a laugh.

You couldn’t help but smile a little and draped an arm around his shoulders.

How you’d missed this. Missed him.

You leaned into him, resting your head in the crook of his neck. For the next several minutes, Joel just held you.

Just when you were beginning to wonder how long the silence would last, he broke it.

“I’m not ready to talk ‘bout what happened to her,” he explained, quietly. “Might not be ready for a long, long time. Not sure if I’ll ever be ready, if you want the honest truth. Sarah, she was my sweet little butterfly. The absolute love of my fuckin’ life. Losin’ her was the worst fuckin’ thing that has ever happened to me. It’s a wound that’s still raw as hell, even after all these years. Might even be one of those wounds that just never heals, you know?”

You lifted your head from his shoulder, your hand going to his hair. You ran your fingers through it, amazed how even after going days without a wash, it always stayed so soft. “I know you don’t want me to say that I’m sorry—”

“I really fuckin’ don’t,” Joel confirmed with a shake of his head. “Won’t change shit. Won’t bring her back. Sure as hell won’t make me feel any better.”

“Then I won’t say it.” You brought your hand back down to your lap and leaned forward. You pressed your lips against his forehead, letting them linger. He stiffened, and you could feel him restraining himself from completely melting into your touch. You knew things would take a little time and you were willing to be as patient as you needed to be for him.

“Losin’ another child—” Joel trailed off, voice hoarse. “I just—I can’t.”

“I know,” You soothed him. “Which is why we’re doing the right thing and letting Bill and Frank take him.”

“Him?”

You offered him a small, tired smile. It really was getting late now and the exhaustion was creeping in. “I haven’t had the chance to tell you. But I think it’s a boy.”

“And how the hell could you possibly fuckin’ know that?”

You shrugged. “Just a gut feeling. Tess thinks it’s a boy too. She says with the way I’m carrying, it must be—” You stopped, doubling over in pain. “Fuck. Ouch.”

Alarmed, Joel’s hand found the small of your back, the other was in front of you, making sure you didn’t fall over off of his lap. “What? What is it?”

“The baby just kicked me.” You grimaced, leaning back into a sitting position. “Right in damn the ribs too. And there goes another one.” You exhaled sharply, the discomfort radiating throughout your body. “Jesus. He must take after you with all the violence.”

Joel seemed a bit stunned. “This the first time it’s ever kicked?”

“No. He’s done it a few times before. But never this much in one sitting. Or this hard.” You winced. “He’s really fighting in there.”

Joel just stared at you, something that looked a bit like awe in his eyes.

Through the slight pain, you raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you want to feel him?”

“Oh I don’t think, uh, I don’t think I should—”

“It’s not going to fucking kill you, Joel.”

He hesitantly lifted his hand. “Where—where do I put it?”

“Here.” You took his hand in both of yours and placed it on the side of your round midsection. “Just give it a second. You’ll feel it right here.”

You watched his face carefully. He jumped slightly once he’d felt the fluttering motion against the palm of his hand, his dark eyes going wide.

Even before the outbreak, Joel never thought he’d feel something like that again in his life.

“He’s strong,” he murmured. “Real strong.”

“I know. Wonder where he got that from,” You joked lightly.

Moving his hand away, Joel placed it on your thighs and awkwardly cleared his throat. “It’s, uh, it’s pretty late. You really do need to get some sleep.”

“Okay. But on one condition.”

“What condition?”

“Will you come to bed with me?”

“‘Course.” He stood up, letting out a small, labored grunt as he lifted you up into his arms.

“I told you I’m heavy,” You reminded him with a laugh. “Joel, put me down. This cannot possibly be good for your back.”

“Oh, shut up.” Joel walked over, gingerly placing you down onto the mattress. He waited for you to get comfortable before climbing in behind you, pulling a wool blanket over both of your bodies. He pulled your back against his chest and draped his arm around you, his hand subconsciously—instinctively—resting on your stomach. His lips found the delicate spot behind your ear and he pressed his lips gently against it, sending a small shiver up your spine.

“Joel?”

“Hm?” He mumbled into your ear. He was already falling asleep.

They were right there, right on the tip of your tongue, those three words that you had been aching to say to him for years.

I love you.

“Nevermind.” You sighed softly. “Goodnight.” 

“Mm, g’night,” he murmured, nuzzling his nose into your neck before allowing his sleep to consume him.

[trippinsorrows]

10 things + r. reigns

authors note: so, a lot of this stems from convos with the lovely @fearlesschimera where one tree hill was brought up. and i loved me some nathan and haley. plus, i'm loving everything about this otc era and needed to write something about it now vs having to wait with my other stories cause we ain't there yet lmao

might be a part two. idk if this even makes sense tbh

words: 3.1k

warnings: none, really? some language? kayfabe story.

There are exactly two sides to Roman Reigns.

The good side and the bad side. 

And Nova Reigns has experienced them both with an unfortunate increase in the latter versus the former. 

She can pinpoint exactly when it started, too. 

When things started to get difficult again.

2020. COVID. While the world was an absolute mess, chaos and death occurring globally every day, her husband of over ten years wasn’t much better. He’d decided to stay home, not wanting to risk bringing home anything that could put her pregnancy with their first daughter, Arabella, Bella as they affectionately called her, at risk. 

It was also so he could figure out just what the hell he was doing with his career. Roman was frustrated. Tired of going along with what was always told of him instead of doing it his way. And it’s why when he returned back to work that summer, he came back a completely changed man. Bigger, stronger, meaner.

This was a different Roman Reigns. The likes of which the WWE had never seen.

And it’s been a ride ever since.

Up and downs along the way. 

A lot of ups up until WrestleMania 40 where after 1,316 days as the undisputed universal champion and unable to let go of a betrayal from so many years ago, Roman lost. He lost his title and something so much deeper that night.

His sense of self.

Nova did the best she could in the months he’d been off to keep his spirits lifted, to support him, often encouraging Bella to ask her dad to do stuff with her even when Nova technically could. Asked him to care for their two year old daughter, Camillia, Cami, as she worked from home, something she’s done for almost the entirety of her post college career. 

But most importantly, Nova worked to help Roman repair the relationship with their oldest son, Roman Jr., RJ, as they’ve called him since the day he was born.

To say the relationship is awful would be an exaggeration. No, it’s just…..fragile.

A fragility that Nova has tried so hard over the past couple of years to strengthen to no avail. A large part of the issue being the fact that her twenty year old son is just as stubborn as his father. Twins, she often calls them. Similar heights, build, personalities, etc. 

Great when they want to be. A pain in the ass when they don’t need to be.

A painful situation all around though, especially when she thinks back to how this all started, to how someone like Nova ended up with someone like Roman.

And it’s a simple answer, really.

He was an idiot.

Well, when it came to English, that was.

Once upon a time ago, Roman wasn’t the massive WWE superstar that he is now. He was just Roman Reigns. The typical, popular jock of their high school. A football player with the stereotypical ego to match. And she was just Nova, the geeky underclassmen who always had a secret crush on the boy she never thought in a million years would look her way.

And truth be told, if not for the fact his coach threatened to bench him if he didn’t raise his English grade, he probably never would have. Hell, she’s certain the only reason he knew she existed was because she was the best and smartest kid in class, so of course their teacher would recommend her for a tutor. 

The answer was initially no. Not necessarily because she was opposed, but more because her crush on him was too big to not get distracted. Even though his jerkish tendencies should have done just that. 

But Roman has always been charismatic and persistent, and before she knew it, she’d agreed. And that agreement changed everything because it showed her for the first time the nice side of Roman, the side that secretly loved music and was surprisingly good at math. The side that struggled with feeling like he’d never be good enough or live up to his family’s athletic reputation both in football and wrestling.

It made her realize and see that Roman was just as human as everyone else. 

It made her fall in love with him.

And that was rocky, too. Navigating his constant struggle of wanting to admit his feelings for her while also being embarrassed about her and wanting to hide their relationship. It created a fair set of conflict, and Nova shed her fair share of tears.

Especially as she sat on the floor of her bathroom, plush, purple rug cushioning her bottom but not the blow that was the two lines on the pregnancy test in her hands. But, seven months later, with her mom on one side and Roman on the other, she shed a different set of tears. Different kinds of tears.

Happiness.

Happiness at welcoming her first child into the world, Roman Reigns Jr. 

RJ

Being teen parents, especially at the tender ages of 16 and 18 was most definitely nothing like it was depicted on the reality shows. It was rough, especially as Roman started college, opting to stay local to help her raise their child as she finished her senior year. They fought, they argued, they disagreed, but at the end of the day, they still loved.

And it was that love that carried them through the rocky years of Roman trying to figure out just what he wanted to do with his life as Nova worked a job and raised their son while pursuing her degree in software engineering. She also stayed local to benefit from the help of her family while chasing her dream. It was rough, it was hard, but they did it.

Even with having to be on food stamps and financial assistance at times to take care of their child, Nova struggling to enter the male dominated workforce of tech and Roman not always having consistent income, they did it. 

And they were happy.

They still are. Just….not like it used to be. 

Nova still loves her husband with all of her heart and soul. They’ve been through too much together for her to ever really leave him, but she’d be lying if she said it didn’t cross her mind from time to time. Especially over the past four years, watching him almost revert back to that bully from high school as he manipulated and mentally abused his family, his cousins, his lifetime best friends so much so that the Bloodline he worked so hard to create crumbled right before him.

And it’s only deteriorated since he lost the title to Cody Rhodes. Solo had turned on Roman, brutally kicked Jimmy out of the Bloodline and invited in non-family. Week after week, taking shot after shot at her husband, his cousin, his flesh and blood. 

Going so far as to take the sacred ula fala and declare himself the tribal chief. An honor that was bestowed upon Roman by the elders of his family. It finally reached a point where Roman had enough, making his grand return at SummerSlam and preventing his once enforcer from taking the very title Roman still believes is rightfully is. 

He’s made intermittent returns since then, each one proving just why Roman Reigns is being considered one of the greatest of all time, even while still in the middle of his career. His aura is unmatched. The sales don’t lie. The numbers don’t lie. 

The OTC is WWE. 

But, Roman has been a bit on edge since he was unexpectedly jumped by his other cousin, Jacob, Solo’s latest dangerous addition to the Bloodline.

Nova especially knows he was even more pissed because she’d taken the girls to his show that night, at his request.

He hates looking ‘weak’ in front of him, despite the fact that both were too consumed in kids' devices to pay attention. But, she was. And if anything, it was hard for her to see him be attacked like that, all alone. 

No one in his corner.

Jey’s moved to Raw.

Jimmy is still trying to figure out if he even wants to come back.

Solo has lost his damn mind. 

Sami…..no comment.

And Paul is still recovering from his brutal assault by the new Bloodline. 

The island of relevancy has a population of one. And while that one is formidable as all outdoors, he’s still just a man.

Granted, as much as it pains her to see Roman go at this alone, it’s hard for her to feel all the way bad for him. He did this. His actions drove his family away. 

Well, not all of them.

“Game!” Bella’s soft voice pulls Nova from reflecting on memory lane as she redirects her attention to where her son sits on the sofa in Roman’s locker room, Cami on his lap, grabbing his phone.

RJ chuckles, unlocking the iPhone and asking, “what you wanna play?”

Cami gasps and claps her hands. “Cookie!”

“Cookie Kingdom?” RJ asks, clicking around on his phone and handing it to her. “There ya go, lil’ bit.”

Nova’s smile is warm as she reflects on what feels like so long ago. “I remember when you were that little.”

RJ looks up at her, and it never ceases to amaze her how much he looks like his father. Complexion a little deeper, melanin he inherited from her, but outside of that, Roman could never deny paternity. 

He sucks his teeth. “Mama, don’t start that.”

“What?” Nova pouts, leaning back into the sofa, Bella tuned out of the conversation as she watches Bluey on her tablet. It’s always a bit funny to her how uninterested these kids just are when it comes to seeing Roman at work.

At least, not until he’s actually in their line of vision.

“You’ll always be my baby.” Because he will. Twenty and over 6ft tall or not, he’s her baby boy. “And speaking of baby, what’s going on with you and that girl you been dating?”

RJ rolls his eyes and adjusts Cami on his lap. He’s so good with his little sisters. “Nothing.”

Nova smirks knowingly, picking up on the faint hit of redness on his cheeks. “Sure don’t seem like nothing.”

“Mama, she’s just a friend.”

“So ya’ll aren’t sexually active?”

RJ turns up his nose, clearly disgusted. “Ma, how you just gon’ ask me that?”

“Because I’m your mama and not ready to be a grandma, and your daddy would kill you if you were to get a girl pregnant halfway through college.”

It’s not missed upon Nova how the mention of Roman seems to completely dampen his mood. RJ rolls his eyes. “Like he cares at all.”

His comment hurts her. Deeply. “RJ….”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you.”

She ignores that apology, wanting to focus on the initial comment that has her stomach knotting for all the wrong reasons. “Your dad loves you, Junior. You have to know that.”

There’s a slight delay in his answer, and that alone is enough to make Nova know she needs to talk to Roman again tonight about actually talking with his son. A below the surface level conversation. A heart to heart.

“I know that, mama. I do. It’s just….” RJ blows out a breath and shakes his head. “You know how he is.”

She does. Very well. “You can say it. He’s an ass sometimes.” She’s so grateful for the headphones on Bella’s ears and the deep infatuation Cami has with her brother’s phone.

“You said it. Not me.” Mother and son share a laugh, RJ admitting, “I know he means well.”

“He does,” she agrees. “But, that doesn’t mean he can’t do better. I’ll talk to him again.”

RJ immediately looks like he feels bad, which only makes Nova’s chest ache more. “You don’t have to—”

She lifts her finger to silence him. “You’re my son. He’s my husband. I love you both, and it kills me to see ya’ll like this. I’m gonna do what I can.” And that’s a vow. The three of them have been through too much shit over the years for her to just allow the relationship between the two most important men to fall apart. She won’t let that happen. 

She can’t.

And speaking of, the door to Roman’s locker room opens, her husband walking in looking every bit as strong, powerful, and determined as he looked when he interfered yet again with Solo’s match and especially as he closed the door of that cage and challenged Jacob. 

Nova shifts in her seat, the memory bringing up other kinds of feelings which are entirely inappropriate given the presence of her children.

Cami is the first girl to notice him, lifting up her little arms and reaching for him, nearly dropping RJ’s phone in the process if not for his quick reflexes.

He most definitely got that from Roman as well, because Nova has not an athletic bone in her body.

Roman walks over and takes her from RJ, kissing her cheek, gaze almost reluctantly falling on RJ. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

Nova starts to scold Roman for such a cold introduction to their son they haven’t seen since he left for his sophomore year of college over a month ago. “Mom asked me to.”

She’s good at reading between the lines, picking up on the fact that he’s essentially saying he’s only here because of Nova.

Not Roman.

Roman notices this, she’s sure. He’s a perceptive bastard. But, he says nothing. “How’s school?”

“Fine.” 

“RJ.” And her son can be a petty bastard. Like father, like son. She directs her statement to Roman, “I was thinking we could go to his game tomorrow—”

RJ, however, is quick to dismiss this. “You don’t have to.”

Nova’s gaze on Roman allows her to see the hurt that flashes in his eyes at the rejection. But as has been the case lately, he pushes it aside, replacing it with indifference. “You heard what he said. He doesn’t want us there, so we wo—”

“That’s not what I said.” RJ leans back against the chair and shrugs his shoulders, shaking his head, clearly frustrated. “You always do this. Always hear what you want to hear.” He scoffs, head turned, muttering, “I see why everybody left you.”

Nova gasps. “RJ!” She sees it, the hurt that’s just tripled and is about to be expressed in anger, leading to another big blowout between the two of them. Thankfully, this is the moment Bella finally becomes aware of Roman’s presence.

“Daddy!” She pulls off her headphones, climbs off the sofa and runs over to him, hugging his legs. 

Roman doesn’t hesitate to pick her up, both daughters in his arms as Nova leans over, running her hand through her fresh silk press. This. This is what she wanted to avoid. These are the kinds of situations that leave her in tears as she vents to her therapist about her ever growing stress levels, how torn she feels in what to do in moments like this. 

Roman is her husband, but RJ is her son. Neither is fully right, but neither is fully wrong either. How does one handle that?

Thankfully, it’s not long after that Roman is being called to prepare to get back out in the ring. This means a probably needed separation from the two titans in her life. Nova holds Cami this time, while Bella hangs onto RJ as they’re escorted ringside. 

It takes a bit of persuasion to get RJ to agree to come with her. She can see he’s ready to just leave.

But, reminding him of how big a help he is with the girls seems to win him over because while he’s certainly not in the best of places with his dad, RJ is a mama’s boy through and through. He loves him some Nova and would do anything to help her. 

Even if it means helping her with the two siblings that came as a complete shock to him.

It still makes Nova laugh a little as she recalls the horrified and almost disgusted expression on his face as she and Roman broke the pregnancy news to him.

“I didn’t even know ya’ll still did that.” And if his statement wasn’t bad enough, he just had to add insult to injury as the blunt almost 16 year-old he was at the time. “Ain’t ya’ll kinda old to still be freaking?”

No. 

Never that.

“Daddy!” This time it’s Cami who’s calling out to Roman, recognizing his new music before he even emerges from the back looking as badass as he always does. Nova is temporarily in a state of awe, overhearing Bella asking RJ to hold her so she can see better. 

Roman has come so far, done so well for himself, even with things with his family being a hot ass mess, there’s still no denying he is it. That he has it. It’s undeniable. She almost feels bad for Cody.

He’ll always be stuck in Roman’s shadow. 

The thought makes her suddenly curious about what could be one of the reasons behind the strife between her firstborn and husband. Nova tucks this in the back of her mind, planning to discuss it further in therapy.

As Roman moves into the ring, Nova stands on the sidelines, holding her baby girl on her hip, smiling back and forth between the two. She watches Roman move around the ring on their commercial break

And when his gaze falls on the set of them, her heart swells as he mouths ‘I love you’ before seamlessly transitioning back into that hardened, determined expression.

And this is why there’s two sides to Roman Reigns. The good side being the one that she sees in that brief, vulnerable exchange. The one that used to kiss her pregnant stomach as he confided in her his fears about not being a good dad, about feeling not ready, about worrying about failing in life. 

Failing her. 

Failing himself.

Failing their child.

The man who worked so hard and gave everything his all to prove he was someone, becoming that someone, yet somehow losing something in the process.

Nova knows it’s still in there though, knows that he is still the boy he fell in love with many moons ago. She knows that as frustrated as he makes her, as cold he can be, as disconnected he can seem, that love is still there and just as strong. 

And she’ll fight for it. 

For him. 

For their son.

For their family. 

She has to.

[bbhyeoliskooks]

𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐌𝐞 | badboy!cyj

Yeonjun thinks you’re irresistible, therefore making it hard to stay away

♔ genre: yeonjun x reader (f), bad boy, fake dating, opposites attract, fluff, angst, 20k+ words - loosely based on the timestamps I made in 2020

♔ warnings: bad words, blood, wounds, alcohol, insecurity, mentions of cheating

♔ song: Only Look at Me - Taeyang

When you locked eyes with Choi Yeonjun, the leather jacket wearing troublemaker, you were more than stunned. To see him. At the dog shelter. No, it wasn't how handsome he was that shocked you since you hadn't even dared to look at him before- it was the fact that he was helping at a dog shelter, the complete opposite of what fit his image. And you knew not to stereotype him, but how could you not?

He was the guy at school that everyone feared and knew not to mess with. The guy that would give someone a beating if they just looked at him wrong. Out of every place you would expect him to be working at, it was definitely not a dog shelter.

But here he was, hands gently rubbing the corgi's chin as it licked his wrists enthusiastically. Hands gripping the broom, you felt your feet glue to the floor as you watched him laugh and giggle, playing with the dog as it attacked him with affection. His laugh, filling the large room, reverberated off the walls- something out of him that you've never heard before. The contrast between his fearsome image at school and the careless boy laughing heartily in front of you was the shock of the century and you found yourself gasping, not believing what was playing out in your very eyes.

You hadn't really talked to Yeonjun before, most of it due to the fact that you were extremely scared of him. You had heard so much about how dangerous he was according to other people; each week, there was always a new rumor floating through the school that he single-handedly fought a gang or kissed another college girl. Such things made it harder to get to know him, and you weren't sure if he'd even want to be your friend. You two came from opposite worlds anyway; you weren't the type to find trouble exhilarating and he was always in a new fight. Oftentimes you would see Yeonjun sporting a brand new bruise on his scuffed cheek or fresh crimson cuts on his already wrapped up hand. Other times you would see him dozing away in class from lack of sleep, in front of the poor teacher who just wanted the class to pay attention!

Though you didn't know much, you still stayed far away from Yeonjun. If anything, his physical injuries were proof enough and you bought into the ridiculous rumors of his tales and tea. It's not like they were a lie really. You could just tell how dangerous he was just from the way he acted and his cocky stance that only yelled 'don't come near!'

"You staring, princess?"

Your eyes widened and you started to stutter, putting one hand up nocently while the other gripped the broom. You felt busted, even though looking at him wasn't a crime scene. Sure felt like one. He basically had you shivering in your shoes because of his glare. Besides, how did he know you were there anyway?! His back was towards you, for goodness sake!

"O-oh, I'm sorry! I just didn't know you-"

He smirked at your incredulous expression before turning back to watch the corgi beside him fall and show its belly. Yeonjun couldn't help but chuckle at the playful creature, reaching to scratch the fluffy white tummy. He cut you off from your stuttering with a smooth voice, another part of him that you rarely heard.

"It's okay. Y/N, right? Yeah, I work at a dog shelter. I really like the dogs here, especially this corgi," he giggled, eyes quickly darting between you and the dog.

Left silent and gobsmacked, you gazed at how he was on the floor, being extremely gentle with the creature. There were a million things running through your mind, but the only thing that stood out to you the most was that he knew your name. As far as you were concerned, you hadn't spoken much to Yeonjun before- most of that being due to fear or scarce circumstances. In addition, there was only one class that you shared together, so how could he have known? It didn't help that you barely brought attention to yourself, rarely raising your hand to answer a question.

The fact that he knew your name had the butterflies in your stomach fluttering; however, you quickly snapped out of it, making it out to be a coincidence.

"Yeah, that corgi is super cute! I, just um.... didn't know that you would be working here, didn't think it was your type," you laughed nervously, reaching for the suddenly itchy part behind your neck.

Yeonjun simply got up, pushing his hands from the floor to help him stand up. The dog trailed behind him, hungry for more attention despite receiving some earlier. Its stubby legs followed Yeonjun as he came near you with a mischievous smile on his face. The proximity between your faces made your face heat up and you gulped. He was already so comfortable, being this close to your ear.

He just whispered, clasping his hands together playfully in a prayer position. "Keep it a secret, alright princess?" He then opened the door, letting the dog shuffle out first into the hallway before turning again towards you with a glint in his eyes, "just between us."

It wasn't until the door creaked, a high-pitched whistle sound that snapped you out from your daze. What just happened? Did the Choi Yeonjun just speak to you? And why was he asking you to keep his volunteer work at the dog shelter a secret?

─── ♔ ───

The next time you saw Yeonjun was when he was dozing off in class. Obviously he didn't seem to care about the lesson as he quietly snored, unaware of the drool and noise he was making. Normally you wouldn't have cared, but your teacher put her students into groups and... surprise surprise, you were paired with none other than Yeonjun. How lucky.

You stared at how peaceful he looked while he slept, his face completely relaxed with his mouth open a tiny bit. His hair gently fanned over his eyes, still looking as perfect as ever even though it was untidy. If he was like this forever, you figured you wouldn't have anything to be scared of. Unfortunately, this project was a massive part of your grade and you wanted to get most of it while you had the chance... which meant waking up Yeonjun.

Gently shaking him, you grabbed onto his leather jacket that was cold to the touch. Tugging onto the ends of the jacket didn't seem to be working as he would slightly open one eye before closing them again. You huffed, bending down to examine his face before he lazily opened both this time, wondering what was disrupting his precious sleep. You jumped back with fear since the proximity of your face and his was too close for comfort and he'd probably think you were weird for being near him.

He just blinked a couple times, unfamiliar with the environment around him before groaning a quiet, "Princess...?" His voice was groggy with sleep which meant that he was very well into the dreaming stage until you so rudely had to disturb him.

Honestly, the use of the nickname for the second time had you taken aback. You tried to remain unfazed, coughing awkwardly. Waking him up was like playing with fire; you weren't sure if he was a nice person when he woke up and considering that he wasn't really nice awake either, well...

You cleared your throat, toying with your fingers that clutched your supplies. "Uh, Yeonjun, um... we have to do a project together. Sorry for waking you up."

Yeonjun rubbed the rest of the fatigue out of his eyes. The nap didn't seem to help even though he already slept through the majority of the class. If anything, his dark circles were more prominent than before and he still felt lethargic. Since he was used to doing anything he wanted with no consequences, he just paid no mind, distracted by sleep taking over him again. He only responded with a grumble, slowly closing his eyes for the nth time while you felt all the more embarrassed.

"Yeonjun, please? Don't you want a good grade as well?" You pleaded, taking the seat next to him while he comfortably lay on his arms. Once again he opened one eye, looking straight at you. You frowned, upset that he wasn't even trying. Granted you knew that he didn't care about school or really anyone for that matter, but at least you were keeping his secret safe! Of course he didn't owe you anything, but pretending to care about the project would still be nice.

Yeonjun gazed at you, glancing at the upset glint in your eye and your frown. Out of everything else, you cared about his grade... knowing that he didn't give one fuck about it? For some reason, his heart skipped a beat while he looked at you, thinking to himself: cute. The way you sat there, clutching your bedazzled and decorated notebook to your chest with the pen slid through the spirals had his insides turning into mush. You were absolutely adorable to him, glaring mindlessly as if to scare him.

Perhaps that was when Yeonjun's soft spot specifically for you started developing. Because of that, he sat up and got to work, no matter how much sleep was pulling him away.

─── ♔ ───

When you arrived at your usual spot for lunch, you were surprised to see the brooding guy, Yeonjun, in the seat opposite to where you usually sat. Your boyfriend wasn't at school today because of sickness so seeing Yeonjun in his seat was a shock. Scared to death, you clutched your lunch box and walked next to him. This couldn't be good. He probably had a problem with you already and you groaned internally, slapping yourself for waking him up a couple days before.

You could tell that he was pissed off by the way he sat. With his jaw clenched and his fingers clasped together on the seat as his legs spread out, it was quite obvious that he was angry.

Nervously you cleared your throat, fiddling with your fingers, "um... is there any particular reason why you're here?" He raised an eyebrow, not responding, so you felt inclined to ramble whatever was on the tip of your tongue. He was so scary that you could literally shit your pants. "Well, I'm just wondering since this is where I usually sit and everything, but you're okay to sit here! I can move, if you want."

Yeonjun couldn't help the grin that spread across his face, only making you more confused. It seems as though his anger dissipated based on his behavior lightening up with a simple smile.

"I'm just here to work on the project for a little bit. It's not a problem, right? I know how much it means to you."

Taken aback by his calm yet sweet answer, your jaw nearly dropped. He knew how much it meant to you? Clearing your throat, you adjusted your skirt and tried to act normal about the situation. No way the scariest guy in school could say something like that.

Yeonjun tilted his head, gesturing to the bench behind him, "come on. Sit down."

Though his words were controlling, his tone was soft, inviting you sweetly. You sat down, finding yourself completely awkward as you pulled out your notebook from your lunch bag. True to his word, he also pulled out a few loose leaf papers from his bag along with a pen. The whole lunch period was spent with silence between the two of you, trying to finish as much of the project as you could even though it was only the first day.

When Yeonjun stopped aggressively writing on his own paper, you looked up just to see him glaring at everyone near you. The people near were either pointing at him and whispering muffled words. Though you couldn't hear specifically what they were saying, you could tell that most were stunned because of their dropped jaws and stares between you and Yeonjun. Honestly, you couldn't blame them. In a million years, you wouldn't have expected to be working with him at lunch for a stupid class project.

With the amount of attention you both were receiving, you spoke without thinking, "why do you act like that? Glaring at everyone?"

It came off more as rude but Yeonjun didn't see it that way, his expression turning to one of guilt and also shock at your curiosity. "I've just had a bad day and everyone is being annoying by staring at us. But I genuinely don't mean any harm."

His words were ironic; the boy had cuts everywhere from the scar on his cheek and the fresh ones on his fingers. He didn't mean any harm, but fought gangs on the daily (as ridiculous as it sounded)? You found it hard to believe as you chuckled to yourself, an entertained laugh that didn't go unnoticed by him.

"But don't you care that you can scare people off?"

He took a second to think about his answer, looking up at the sky with a pout on his face. You watched him intently as he hummed, completely curious to what he would say.

Instead he grinned, flashing you a mischievous smile. You couldn't fight back a smile of your own now. "Meh. It doesn't matter to me, actually. Besides, you're not scared of me, right?"

Your hand flew up to scratch the back of your neck as you smiled back sheepishly. "I would be lying if I said no." His smile made it easier to tell him the truth. Even though you were scared for your life, gripping onto your sandwich and biting your lip, you found it rather easy to be honest from earlier interactions from him.

He laid his pen down, adjusting himself so he could be more comfortable. He sent you a smirk, getting closer to your face.

"Then I'll work on my expressions so you're not scared of me. I'm just Yeonjun."

You rolled your eyes jokingly and laughed, "yeah, Yeonjun, the notorious bad boy that everyone is scared of." Perhaps he didn't know about his own reputation and that was probably true since no one wanted to be too close to piss him off. Before this conversation, you couldn't blame them but now you saw that Yeonjun wasn't as scary as he seemed. He was still frightening of course, but not to the point where it was hard to be frank with him.

Letting himself relax completely, he rested the side of his cheek on his hand, "You're silly, you know that?"

You didn't respond, opening a ziplock bag full of grapes to finish for the rest of your lunch period. Then you quickly got to work, finding a satisfying position for your pencil to write perfectly. Yeonjun didn't mind either, following your lead, and picked up his pen once again. All that could be heard was either of you shuffling in your seat or the scribbling of your utensils.

20 minutes or so passed before the bell rang. You sighed in relief, flipping your wrist in circles as your fingers ached with the amount that you were writing. Yeonjun got up and shoved his papers in his bag, not caring that it would probably get lost in his sea of other school related stuff and definitely not weed.

You stood up as well, gathering your things together. "Thanks for working on this project with me. I know you'd prefer doing something else," you snuck a glance at his bag, "so it really means a lot."

Yeonjun smiled once again, a very contagious grin that had you trying to fight back your own.

"Anything for you, princess," he winked before walking away. You watched his back intently, his hands in his pocket as he lazily wandered through the bodies of students trying to step away. He probably was going to sneak out again. You giggled, rolling your eyes. There wasn't any reason to be scared of him anymore; yes, Choi Yeonjun was a bad boy but he was also somehow comforting and goofy.

─── ♔ ───

To your surprise, Yeonjun was fun to work with- at the dog shelter and on the school project. He would always find a way to make you smile whenever you were feeling down, incredibly considerate and sensitive to your feelings. You were shocked that Yeonjun had a sweet bone behind all that cologne and intimidation, finding time to strike up a conversation whenever you were near. Occasionally he would flirt here and there, making you roll your eyes, but he was absolutely great to be around. Tales of beating bad guys in alleyways was his main way of entertaining you, acting out scenes that seemed to be from fantasy stories while you watched and laughed. You weren't complaining though. Working with him was like a fun little secret- refreshing and hidden away.

While you were doing your daily routine which consisted of sweeping the dust particles on the cages, you noticed Yeonjun hissing in pain as he made work on wiping down the dog bowls. You turned around confused, raising an eyebrow when he quickly retracted his hand from the running water, flinging it around. You watched as small dots of red flew from his hand, quietly dropping onto the slightly yellow floor. The sight of Yeonjun groaning in pain had you extremely worried and you ran up to him, grabbing his hand.

As per usual, there were many cuts all around his right hand, decorating his pale skin in clusters. You examined it carefully, noticing a rather deep one that did not look too hot. It was still oozing blood, which meant that it was fresh. You glared at Yeonjun, who was staring right back at you with a confused expression on his face.

"Oh my gosh, what happened to you? Come on, let me grab the first aid kit."

...

"Sorry for getting blood all over the floor," he smiled weakly, watching you clean up his cuts with the utmost care. Barely acknowledging him, you sent a threatening look to warn him that he shouldn't be getting into fights. Instead you remained focused on the task, sighing as you cleaned up new and dried up blood. As expected, Yeonjun didn't take much care of himself. You were surprised that he was going on this long though, with such bad cuts like these. Some of them were already scarring, but it was still rather worrisome.

"So why do you have all these cuts on your hand?" You questioned, dipping a cotton ball into some gentle saline solution. The silence was rather peaceful and not awkwardly thick as you tried your best to clean up all his wounds, new and old.

Yeonjun, taken aback, wasn't expecting this from anyone- much less you whom he had met a couple weeks ago. He never really had anyone that worried about him or asked extensive questions about his wellbeing. So to see you there, making a fuss about how he should stop fighting, made him smile. He would be lying if he said his heart wasn't pounding in his chest. The way you were bent over, concentrated on every detail as you examined his hand made his ears burn.

"Are you listening, Yeonjun?" You tapped the cotton ball once again, focusing on the outer area. He hissed, the pain bringing him back to reality, "I was just out before coming in for the dog shelter. Really doesn't matter though."

You huffed, bringing the first aid kit closer to access more materials. Then you playfully hit the back of Yeonjun's other hand as a warning. "It does matter! You're here, all hurt with cuts on your hands!" Thank goodness the first aid kit came in clutch at the dog shelter; there was no way that frustrating guy would have taken care of these at home.

Yeonjun couldn't help but think you were cute as you crossed your arms, frustrated with how reckless he was being. He didn't seem to take you seriously, only smirking at your fret.

"You care about me, princess?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. What type of a question was that?

"Of course I do! You shouldn't be getting into these fights!" You yelled, berating him like a kid. Yeonjun only seemed to smile more as you motioned with your hands, trying to explain how dangerous the situations he was putting himself in. He clearly wasn't listening to a word you said, though you didn't pay much attention, yapping on and on about how he should stop being reckless. The whole time while you were speaking, you managed to wrap a gauze around Yeonjun's hand while he was silently admiring you, resting his cheek against his knuckles. Little by little his heart was softening although he wasn't aware of it yet.

"It just doesn't make sense to me," you sighed as your lips formed a disappointed straight line, "I just don't think it's worth it to get into fights with all these bruises and cuts after."

Yeonjun avoided the question, gazing at you instead of the cotton ball that you were dabbing on his gash. "Of course you wouldn't. I wouldn't expect a lady like you to like a fight."

Him calling you a lady had you blushing as you tried to focus on healing him. He would always flirt, but that didn't mean anything. He was the guy that got lots of attention anyway, so you were positive that this was one of his many lines. Not to mention you had a boyfriend as well.

Taking out multiple band-aids, you tried to distract your fast paced beating heart from collapsing. Eventually you gave up on the whole band-aid process, deciding that the gauze should hold up on the awkward spots better.

"Please just don't get into a fight again, Jun. And if you don't want to listen to me, just get into them less, please?" You looked up at him, noticing that he was uninterested, looking at the puppies that were scratching at the window to get out.

Realizing that he wasn't listening, you gasped and put all your strength into glaring at him. Yeonjun shook his head saying, "now don't get your panties in a twist," and you felt your feet failing you as you tried to get closer to chastise him. Your knees cracked in opposition as you felt yourself slowly falling back, tripping on your own feet. Luckily Yeonjun was quick on his own, free hand reaching out to gently grab you by the waist.

You felt his hand against the curve of your back, delicately holding you there as you tried to regain your strength. However since you were so embarrassed and absolutely stunned that he quickly caught you from falling, you stayed there for a moment, feeling your cheeks blaze with fire. It seemed like a scene from a movie, the way he was looking deeply into your eyes after grabbing your waist to keep you from falling. You gulped, averting your eyes from his intense gaze. "Yeonjun, I'm sorr-"

He only smirked, pulling you forward so you could stand on your own two feet, "come on, it's getting late. I'll take you home today in exchange for the care, okay doll?"

Your legs felt like jelly the rest of the night when he took you on his motorcycle, that ride not being the last.

─── ♔ ───

The month seemed to go by quickly, with minor hiccups here and there. Now you would catch Yeonjun at the shelter more often, helping around with filling the food trays or giving attention. There was less small talk and more deep conversations that had you on the edge of your chair. When there'd be a particularly good conversation with both of you laughing at a random story, either one of you would have to leave. It was quite a funny predicament; you never thought you would be talking to Choi Yeonjun face-to-face considering his reputation, more so wanting to get to know him better. So whenever you or he had to leave, you would feel disappointed, hoping there'd be a longer conversation next time.

As you were saying, the month passed normally until your boyfriend of two years broke up with you. It came as such a shock, since he was usually the one fighting and putting more effort into the relationship. You knew there had been more fights lately, but they definitely weren't enough to warrant a messy breakup with you pleading for another chance while he simply gave up. Perhaps the relationship had run its course, but all theories for your breakup went down the drain when you saw him with that same girl. Everything changed from that moment on; you knew that he was in love with her by his stare and the way he kissed her so delicately. It wasn't until a week later that they came out as a couple, compared to you who had a panic attack each day without his presence. There was no way he could have fallen in love with her in the span of 3 days; it just wasn't possible, knowing him. So you came to the conclusion that he cheated, as hard as that was to believe.

The proceeding days after were extremely hard. You couldn't bear going to school and having to see his face, not with the amount of embarrassment and heartbreak that weighed you down. Knowing that you were in 3 classes with him was too much. You knew you couldn't handle it. Volunteering at the dog shelter was hard as well because there was no motivation to get things finished. Everything reminded you of him, his memory weaving into the smallest things that would have you unable to function normally.

Even though he most likely cheated, you still wanted him back. Maybe it was due to dependency from those 2 years you were together, but it ached and rattled your bones each night you were alone.

Today, you were required at the dog shelter. School was different; you could make up work that Taehyun gave whenever he visited, but you couldn't help at the dog shelter from home. This led you to throw on your denim jacket, barely looking put together as you wiped dried mascara marks from under your eyes. You nearly had to hype yourself to show up, letting the visit be a quick thing before suffocating in the bed sheets again.

The bell rang from above you as you slowly turned the door, expecting at least one dog to strangle you with affection. You were rather surprised- and more so embarrassed when you saw Yeonjun instead, staring at you worriedly. Confusion and concern written on his eyebrows, he walked up to you wanting answers. You crumbled against his concerned gaze, suddenly insecure that you looked a mess with the frizzy hair and dark circles.

"Hey doll, is everything alright? What happened?"

"I'm-I'm fine. Nothing happened," you sniffled, trying to flash him a smile so he wouldn't worry. It didn't work by the look on his face. He reached out, grabbing your hand in his. If not for the massive heartbreak and ache in your chest, you probably would have been shy. But his concern only caused you to break into sobs, unable to hide the truth from him any longer.

"He cheated on me! Two years down the drain because he cheated on me!"

Yeonjun gasped, immediately opening his arms as you crashed against his firm chest. Needing the embrace and comfort more than anything, you let it all out, wailing out loud as if no one was near. You grabbed onto his leather jacket, the pain coursing through your Yeonjun wrapped his fingers in your hair, softly combing through the tangled mess as he whispered mindlessly.

"I'm sorry, princess," he hummed while you cried in his chest. His cologne, filling your nose, was actually super comforting at the moment, reminding you of fresh laundry as you tried not to smother his clothes in tears and snot. It was super embarrassing that he had to see you this way, but you knew he didn't mind by the way he was murmuring and holding you close. He was nearly rocking you at this point, hugging you tightly as you created a wet patch on his chest.

It was a while before you could regain your strength, sniffling and hiccupping as you struggled to do so. Yeonjun merely tucked a couple strands of hair behind your ear as you rubbed your puffy eyes. You barely got a sentence out because of the knot in the back of your throat.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know I would break down like that."

Yeonjun just shook his head, softly cupping your irritated cheek. He was so gentle with you, looking deeply in your eyes. You looked at his eyes, surprised to see that he actually cared. His eyes were tender with sympathy and unbeknownst to you- admiration as well. There was a slight smile on his face as he demanded no apologies, telling you that he didn't mind. This was the type of Yeonjun you were getting more used to, rather than the cold one that everyone feared. You were amazed at how different he was, sometimes even wondering if the way he acted with you was just a persona. But you knew him well enough that he wouldn't do that, and it was evident in the way he handled you softly as if you were a fragile little thing.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you as you tried to gather your thoughts. Being with Yeonjun made you feel ten times better, if not for the hole stretching in your chest. For a second there, you had almost forgotten to breathe, taken aback that he embraced you in the first place. Then your thoughts started twisting, being driven by vengeance and hurt. You began speaking without thinking, clenching your fists tightly.

"I want revenge."

Yeonjun bent down to look at you more clearly, seeing the hurt flow throughout your veins. You tensed, looking at the ground with a type of determination that he had never seen before. It would've been cute if it wasn't driven by hurt. Surprisingly, he was against it- after all, you were never the type to partake in such activities; in the strange friendship, you were definitely more rational than him.

"Revenge how? Princess, you can't do anything illegal."

You frowned, snapping out of your vengeful haze, "you're one to talk! You're always getting into fights!"

Yeonjun chuckled, shaking his head. This was no laughing matter for you and you started listing ideas like throwing eggs at his car (a classic), leaving instant mashed potato packs to rise on his front lawn (would it work?), sneaking into his house and putting fart spray on his clothes (super petty and wouldn't last long), or maybe...

The boy in front of you interrupted you once again, an amused smirk on his face. "I know, but we can't risk you going to jail. At least out of both of us, you can be saved."

Not knowing what he meant by that, you just sighed in defeat.

"Fine. But what's something legal that will hurt him just as much?"

Revenge was never good in the long run even if it caused peace for just a little bit. You knew you would still have the same sinking and suffocating feeling every morning you woke up, but you were desperate to have some of that peace for now. Why did he have to be happy while you were out there suffering? It didn't make sense. He was in the relationship too. The only problem was how though...

You looked at Yeonjun once again, noticing the mischievous glint in his eye. You knew him well enough to know that he was going to suggest an idea, but what came out of his lips next was something you never would've expected.

"Hmm... how about fake dating? It's not illegal, but I do know that as a guy, it'll hurt him."

Thank goodness Yeonjun wasn't the rational one in your friendship. Typically all of your friends would advise against revenge, but hearing his words was super refreshing. Plus, fake dating wouldn't hurt any of you, just your ex who used to be possessive of your every move. And deep down in your heart as well, you hoped that him seeing you with another guy would bring him back to his senses, back to you at least.

Yeonjun watched you perk up as you enthusiastically agreed. You clasped your hands together, thanking him for a wonderful idea before it struck you that he probably had an ulterior motive behind it. Either way, you didn't seem to mind because he was doing you a big favor by pretending to be your boyfriend for a little while. Still, you felt obliged to ask.

"But what would this bring you though? I'm really grateful, but I can't help but wonder why you would want this?"

He thought about your question for a moment and gave a shy smile. "Well, I just need a person to introduce to my parents so they'd get off my back. Would that be fine with you?" His tone was off but you still agreed anyway. The task seemed simple enough. Actually, it was a good bargain on your end!

Then he cleared his throat, adjusting his leather jacket awkwardly before saying, "One rule though. No falling in love." Stretching out his hand, he waited for you to shake it.

You raised an eyebrow, surprised that he would suggest that. There's no way that you would fall in love with Yeonjun. Maybe a couple times you caught yourself staring, but it really wasn't that serious. It wasn't romantic love, just admiration for his beauty. What you guys had was a strange friendship to the outsiders; however, you knew you both cared a lot for each other. Happily you shook Yeonjun's wrapped up hand- something you were proud of yourself for doing- and sealed the deal. If all you had to do was not fall in love and meet his parents, you were up for the easy challenge.

Yeonjun grinned, his wide smile causing your heart to flutter. Maybe your body was already betraying you, the way it was reacting to any small action of his. But you coined it as just the fact that he was attractive and nothing more. It wouldn't take a genius to know that the bad boy Choi Yeonjun was incredibly handsome.

"Great! Let's start tomorrow. There's a big party and I can bet you that your dumbass ex will be there," he winked, putting his hands in his pockets. Off the bat you groaned- not because you didn't want to hang out with Yeonjun, but because you didn't want to be there in the first place. Being at home with a tub of ice cream was always going to be better but revenge could never wait. This was the peace you were waiting for, and you were desperate to have it.

─── ♔ ───

Getting ready for the party was strenuous, given that you had no motivation to do anything. You wanted so badly just to stay inside and wallow in your sadness, but the only thing stopping you was a certain black haired boy who somehow wanted you to succeed with your revenge. There's no way you could avoid this party, even if you begged him. Today you would put on your best act, pretending like you were a happy girlfriend instead of a person that constantly thought of your cheater of an ex.

You were going over the details of your makeup, brushing some luminescent highlighter over your cheekbones when you heard the doorbell ring. Sighing, you set down the brush before getting up on your feet. Running down the stairs, you quickly smoothed down your outfit nervously, hoping that you still didn't look like a mess. You didn't dress super fancily, but nice enough that you felt confident and cute. When you hesitantly opened the door, you were more than surprised to see Yeonjun with a genuine smile on his face, holding a daisy expectantly. Your cheeks flared- was bringing a flower really necessary? It's not like you were going on an actual date. Regardless, you appreciated the gesture anyway.

Yeonjun, seeming to sense your confusion, merely reached out his hand to your hair, slipping the flower in the crack of your ear. You felt your stomach flutter at his actions as his hand lingered, moving down to rub your cheek a little bit.

"If we're going to fake date at this party, we might as well start practicing now," he paused for a moment, holding his breath, "but you look beautiful tonight, doll."

"O-oh yeah. Thanks and for the flower too," you said, sending him a shy smile. He always knew the right words to say, but you were confused with your heart picking up the pace. And why were you stuttering? It wasn't like he made you nervous...

You stepped out into the crisp night while Yeonjun closed the door behind you. It was late enough into the evening where you could barely see anything, the fireflies and streetlights being the only light to help your vision. Wondering how he got there, you squinted your eyes at the driveway when lo and behold, you saw his ride.

It hadn't been the first time that you rode his motorcycle. It was probably the third time, actually. But you remembered the first time very clearly, the way he offered to take you home after you wrapped his wounded hand. It wasn't like you were scared to ride on it, rather it was the fact that you would have to hold onto Yeonjun's waist and stay close to him. The thought had your ears burning but when it inevitably came to fruition a mere seconds later, you felt more free as you rode into the night.

...

You were quite nervous when you went into the party, but thank goodness Yeonjun was there to calm your nerves. He was really understanding about your anxiety, soothing you by keeping a hand on the lower part of your back throughout the whole time. You were pleasantly surprised that he didn't leave you to meet up with his friends or other girls, instead introducing you to them and you doing the same with your friends. He seemed to be taking the fake dating very seriously, which was a shock because he was typically mischievous.

When people saw you two at the party together, most jaws had dropped. Yeonjun had never brought a girl anywhere; actually, he left with one most of the time. So to see him holding you close, almost possessively, you became the hottest topic of conversation throughout the whole house. Whenever you passed by, people would gasp or look at you questioningly. Most of the girls seemed to be upset, looking you up and down to soften the blow that Yeonjun didn't want them.

Naturally, you gravitated towards your best friend, Taehyun whose eyes immediately widened once seeing you. You laughed as he lectured you, asking many questions as to how and why this happened. You weren't a fool; you knew that Taehyun didn't approve solely because of Yeonjun's reputation. But that was what best friends did, looking out for the other in the best way possible.

Yeonjun's arm lazily dropped around your shoulder caused you to shuffle awkwardly as you started to introduce the two. Taehyun raised an eyebrow, saying that they have already met thanks to a school project. Yeonjun remained sheepish anyway, insisting that they hadn't even spoken before. The interaction between your best friend and fake boyfriend was hilarious and you had tears in your eyes. Then in a flooding memory, you remembered how Yeonjun knew your name, even though you never spoke before. How did he know?

Yeonjun stepped away for a moment when he saw his friend, Soobin, giving you a moment to talk to Taehyun. Though you weren't scared, you could tell that he was a little upset with the way he crossed his arms expectantly.

"So... why Yeonjun?'

That was such an easy question. Why Yeonjun? Being your fake boyfriend, of course. Because behind that cold exterior, he was super sweet and caring once you got to know him.

"Yeonjun is just really wonderful to me, Tae. He's super sweet once you get to know him," you answered genuinely, glancing at Yeonjun laughing at his friends. It was refreshing how much he smiled there, since in public, he would be cold and keep quiet to himself.

Taehyun considered your answer carefully before letting out a sigh.

"I don't know him that well, honestly, so I'm worried. Also, you might be going too fast because I thought the other day, you were hung over your ex still?"

His words sunk in, and you pursed your lips. If you and Yeonjun were actually dating, then it definitely would be moving too fast. But there were no consequences and no feelings when it came to fake dating, right? It was so hard lying to your best friend that you could trust with anything. You wanted so badly to tell Taehyun that it was all fake but you were pretty sure that was an unspoken rule between you and Yeonjun. He wouldn't tell anyone either but the truth could possibly get around somehow. Instead you just flashed him a tight smile, trying to convince him of a lie.

"I'm not anymore. Yeonjun was just there to comfort me and I fell in love with him." The words seemed to leave your lips more naturally than you thought, even convincing you as you told Taehyun a big fat lie. Part of what you said was the truth anyway, minus falling in love and not being over your ex... which was 75% of the sentence. Soon you felt Yeonjun come near you, his cologne lingering in the air which notified you that he was there. He wrapped his arms around your waist gently, hugging you from the back as he rested his chin on your head.

"Talking about me, princess?" He murmured, pressing a lazy kiss against your head, "let's go over there near the drinks."

You whipped your head around to what he was talking about, your eyes soon being pulled to your ex. You grimaced, internally dying as you saw him tug his girl closer by the waist. How could they be doing that in public, right in front of you? Did they have no remorse? You felt your throat become parched at the scene, begging for some drinks as you died watching.

Yeonjun, noticing the tension in your body, just held you close before covering your eyes with his wrapped up hand. You squealed, asking Yeonjun what he was doing as he watched them carefully and calculatingly. Soon enough, he was dragging you near the drinks where your ex and his new girl were. Your bones cracked in protest as you tried to stay where you were, the spot that kept you safe to watch them. Unfortunately you were now close, probably only 10 feet away from the foul scene.

"Follow my lead," Yeonjun whispered in your ear, his head dropping to meet your level. You felt your eyes falling into his as he leaned in closer, pressing a chaste kiss beside your lips. His lips were soft against your cheek as he stayed put, counting in his head for a couple seconds as you blushed furiously. You hoped he wouldn't feel the heat from your face as you tried to concentrate on the two silhouettes behind him. To anyone near, it looked like he was kissing you blatantly.

It seemed that his plan worked because you soon heard your ex grumbling to go somewhere else. You internally rejoiced as they walked away and you knew by the looks of his face that he was bothered by your fake kiss with Yeonjun. You smiled all the more when you saw Yeonjun, also grinning from ear to ear.

Excitement rushed through your body as you hopped up in glee, squealing that the plan had worked! Tonight was a success! And although there would always be the familiar ache in your stomach from witnessing your ex being affectionate with another girl, you still won- of course, thanks to Yeonjun. He chuckled as you, without thinking, grabbed his hands and started to sway both of your arms together.

"Jjunie, we did it! I think we made him jealous!"

He couldn't stop laughing now, giggling at how cute you were. You thought that his laughter was due to your ex's silly reaction, not knowing that he found you to be completely endearing. The rest of the night you were jumping up and down, ecstatic whilst Yeonjun accompanied your side. He never went wandering off even if his friends were there, keeping a close eye on you as you talked to Taehyun or wanted another drink. This was entirely out of character for him, and it was all because of you. Somehow, his iceberg heart had melted, becoming warm with love.

─── ♔ ───

It was 3pm, marking the ending of the school day where everyone would be rushing to get home or continue with extracurricular activities. In just 2 hours, the school would become completely silent as no student used the building at the time. You had just finished a second make up test, thanks to your absence in the last week. You hadn't known everything, causing you to turn in the test with some blank answers and definitely some incorrect ones.

It didn't matter though. One bad grade didn't mean you messed up the whole semester, as you were in a good place from before your ex broke up with you. You took your bag, darting out of the room, before you could see your teacher's reaction at your disappointing scores. As you walked tiredly throughout the hall, you noticed that one of the doors was slightly opened. This was strange since locking the doors was mandatory for teachers when they were closing up their part of the building. You quietly walked up to the door, wanting to be a great help and close it, but stopped in your tracks when you noticed quiet sniffles coming from inside.

You raised an eyebrow, confused. The sniffles sounded like a kitten whining for its mother, but that would be impossible. An animal couldn't get into the school easily, marking off that theory and meaning that there was a person in there. But why would anyone be here at the end of the day at 5pm when everyone was already home? And a better question, was someone crying there? You made sure to open the door as quietly as you could, and what was in front of you caused you to freeze in place.

Sitting in the seat near the corner of the room was Yeonjun, a few tears running down his cheeks as he tried to muffle his cries with his bandaged hand. His eyes were puffy and his lips were swollen and red, which meant that he had been crying for a while before you came in. Now you had seen all sides of Yeonjun, from his icy exterior to his smile and now, his tears. Seeing how weak and vulnerable he was made your heart shatter in your chest; wasn't he invincible? Clearly not, and you knocked on the door softly, hoping that it wouldn't scare him away.

He noticed your presence immediately, seeing you linger at the door with hesitation. He wiped his tears away quickly, pressing on a fake smile as you walked to his seat.

"Oh, it's just you, princess" he sniffled, rubbing his eyes with his non-dominant hand, "what are you doing here? It's already 5pm and you should be home." Despite his usual unmoving appearance, he worried about you and it was clear that there was concern cut in his words. Normally he wasn't the type to worry about others before himself, much less not become angry when they witnessed him become vulnerable, but here you were, breaking all of his walls.

You took a seat next to him, pursing your lips. Of course he wouldn't acknowledge his tears in front of you. But you just sighed, sending him a look that you knew that he was crying.

"What?" He groaned, deciding to look out the window instead of you. No one had witnessed him this way before, so he wasn't going to completely cry in front of you.

"Yeonjun, what's wrong?"

He remained silent, ignoring you. If you kept this up, then-

You grabbed his hand, trying to coax it out of him. "Yeonjun, I'm worried, so please tell me what's wrong."

As if the swipe of your thumb over the back of his hand had finally broken down the dam, Yeonjun started crying again, letting his bottled emotions out. You sat there quietly, looking at your hands clasped together while he cried it out. You were very concerned as to why he was crying and he tried to explain, but the bulge in the back of his throat made it difficult. Finally when he had calmed down, you passed him a tissue from the teacher's table in the back, letting him blow his nose as his voice wobbled.

"I don't know, princess, I... I just feel lonely. It seems as though I have friends like you know, Soobin, but I don't have a person who's my true best friend. Anyone I've met is either scared of me or wants to fight me. Seeing everyone have their own person while I have no one really hurts," he croaked, trying not to let the knot in the back of his throat disrupt his words. You watched him carefully, too scared that doing anything would break his fragile manner even more. His words sunk in and you felt your eyes also pooling with tears. The infamous Choi Yeonjun was in front of you, breaking down, and you never would have guessed the reason why.

The only thing that felt right was opening your arms and beckoning Yeonjun to come to you. He hesitated for a second before crashing into your embrace, his face pressed up against your chest as you rubbed circles on his back. He gripped the back of your shirt tightly, teeth clenching as he let out the remaining emotions. Hearing and feeling him cry broke your heart a thousand times more than whatever hurt you felt before.

If people knew what Yeonjun was like- playful and sweet, then they would have loved him. He wasn't just the scary guy that glared at others who looked at him weird. He also wasn't a person to be scared of, despite the amount of fights he got in. Behind his built walls and cold exterior- that was only for show anyway- was a vulnerable guy who needed love just as every other person needed. It was true for you. You... loved Yeonjun? It was a strange sentence. You never would have thought you would say something like that because the two of you came from different worlds. But here you were, comforting the sweetest guy who needed companionship. You loved Yeonjun and after all that he did for you, you wanted to cheer him up.

"Yeonjun," you made him look at you, bravely cupping his cheeks with all your courage, "I'm your friend. I will always be here, no matter what happens."

His lips, naturally pouty, were still quite red and puffy but he managed to grin at you. His smile was a true one; you could tell that he was genuinely grateful for you. Kisses must have been his way of affection because he pressed one against your cheek softly before looking at you again. You hoped he wouldn't see the red spread across your cheeks like jam.

"Thank you, doll. Thank you for being my friend."

He wrapped his arms around you this time, content with you against his chest. His words repeated like a mantra in your head and your eyes widened at how fast your heart was beating. Maybe you had been in denial before, or maybe you just realized now.

As you felt Yeonjun's comforting cologne fill your nose in the silent classroom, you realized you wanted to stay there forever, in his arms. Friends wouldn't say that, not even if they were a physically affectionate person, much less you.

Were you possibly falling in love with Yeonjun?

Fuck.

─── ♔ ───

This was the first time that you were staying over at Yeonjun's, needing to complete the project for the final grade on Friday. This was the only weekend where both of you were free at the same time, so you decided that it was time to finish the assignment once and for all. Unfortunately, the library was closed, so that meant you had to work somewhere else. Your house wasn't open, mostly because you didn't want to feel embarrassed for bringing a boy home even though it was just a project, which led you to choose Yeonjun's house. Plus, sooner or later he would have to introduce you to his parents, completing the other part of the deal.

That being said, being with Yeonjun was becoming increasingly harder. Trying not to let your gaze linger, trying to think of something else when he was near so you wouldn't become hot and bothered, trying not to freak out, all of that stuff, was so hard- just so he wouldn't be able to tell that you probably had a crush on him. You were doing your best to push it down because you couldn't break one of the only rules: don't fall in love with him. You were just friends and he made that rule in the first place, which meant that he didn't see you romantically at all. But being near him at school and the dog shelter brought you back to your newfound realization every time.

It was the small little things that inevitably made you fall harder each day. His fox-like smile, extremely mischievous and charming whenever he teased you sunk your heart to death even more. The deep timbre of his voice which used to be comforting was now heart attack inducing. It didn't help that you were fake dating as well, and sometimes the sweet things he said in front of other people would have you believing that it was real. You were wrapped around Yeonjun's finger of cuts, and you couldn't do anything to escape.

You stood nervously in front of his house, holding a box of apples that you bought an hour prior. You weren't sure if apples were the right fruit since there were better options like watermelon or oranges, but they were Yeonjun's favorite fruit. Honestly, you weren't sure if the fruit was for Yeonjun or his parents. However, you would still look pretty good in front of his parents even though the whole relationship was orchestrated. Besides that, the perfectionist in you wanted things to go absolutely flawless today.

Before even ringing the bell, the door opened and there stood Yeonjun rubbing the sleepiness in his eyes. He stumbled at the door, clearly tired, in only a black tank and plaid pajamas. His hair was messy thanks to moving between the pillows and comforter, giving him a big case of bed head. Despite how unprepared he was, he was breathtaking, standing in front of you and gazing at you with hooded eyes. It was 11am, but he was never a morning person, always sleeping in whenever he got the chance.

You felt embarrassed holding the apples that he never asked you to bring, and you cleared your throat.

"Were you sleeping? Sorry for waking you, we can arrange another time-"

He giggled, hands moving to grab onto the box to steady your shaking hands. You ignored the way his warm fingers splayed over yours for just a second before snatching his favorite fruit away. You noticed that he wasn't wearing the gauze anymore which meant that it had healed, despite previous scars being there.

"Don't be nervous, princess. My parents will love you just like me," he winked and your heart involuntarily flipped at both his words and wink. Why did he have to say things like that? He knew girls were weak for him, and now you weren't even an exception with the way he was treating you. But you pushed it away again as many times as you had done before, stepping into his house and quietly closing the door.

As soon as you walked in, Yeonjun's parents came running to the door with such excitement that you almost toppled over. They started shaking your hand, clearly very happy that Yeonjun brought a girl home. You laughed at their enthusiasm, trying to get a word in to their questions while Yeonjun watched silently, a proud smile on his face.

"Thank you for the apples! Gosh, can't believe our Yeonjun got such a pretty and sweet girl," his mom cried, pure shock on her face. She cupped your cheeks tightly, examining your face thoroughly and happily. She smelled faintly of oranges and laundry detergent. On the other hand, Mr. Choi was quiet, humming contently. It made you wonder how well they worked together, despite being polar opposites.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes jokingly, too happy with their satisfaction to take offense at her words, "of course, mom, but we really have to-"

"Oh! You guys are doing a project, right?" She squealed, taking away the apples and interrupting him, "Yeonjun, you should show her your room, but please leave the door open. I don't want any grand kids now." She winked and Yeonjun groaned. You felt your cheeks heat up at her words wanting to prove her worries wrong before you felt Yeonjun's hand grip yours. He quickly led you to his room, trying to hide his dusted red cheeks and embarrassment.

...

"Y/NNNN, we've been at this forever. How much research are we going to do?" Yeonjun whined, rubbing his hands down his face. Legs draping over the edge of the bed and his stomach on the mattress, his body splayed lazily against the fluffy pillows. You snuck a glance at him from beside the laptop that you had been furiously typing away at. It had only been an hour since you got to work, a comfortable silence enveloping between the two of you as you tried to finish the project. Despite multiple meet ups, the progress wasn't substantial. Perhaps that was because you and Yeonjun got carried away most of the time, deciding to procrastinate and talk instead of completing boring work.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose hopelessly. It was only a matter of time before he started whining, and you guessed the time was now, an hour in. "Jun, we've barely gotten anything done! This project will be due soon, so we have to finish it today," you scolded, trying to finish the last note on the document.

Yeonjun's desk was really comfortable and you wondered why he wouldn't do his schoolwork with a nice table and chair like this. It felt like your bottom was on clouds as you immediately got comfortable, gathering some motivation to finally get to work. Well, it was schoolwork after all and Yeonjun thought there were better things to do. But with such a comfy desk and great atmosphere in the room, you supposed you could do lots of your work without interruption.

Surprisingly, Yeonjun was actually cleaner than most guys. His room smelled of his cologne of course, but still pretty clean. You weren't even sure how to put it, but you loved it because it smelled like him. Very comforting and musky.

Yeonjun just groaned, interrupting you from your thoughts that incessantly kept rambling about him. "Please, princess? Let's take a break for 5 minutes."

You were sure you wouldn't hear the end of it if you decided to ignore him, so you closed your laptop begrudgingly. You were just starting to get into the groove of things and hopefully could pick it back up later. 5 minutes definitely wouldn't be just 5 minutes since Yeonjun would indefinitely find a way to distract you.

You stood up, expecting to roam the hallways with him but he simply patted the spot beside him on the bed. Inviting you to sit next to him, he shimmied over and you sat down a couple inches away. You avoided eye contact so that he wouldn't see your embarrassment and of course not hear your heart hammering aggressively in your chest. That would be too embarrassing.

You cleared your throat, saying the first thing in mind without thinking. "So... how many girls have you brought in here?" When the words flew out of your lips, you covered your mouth, shocked that you had actually said it. It's not like you were dying to know, but when you first entered his super clean room, it was one of the first thoughts you had. Typically a teenage boy's room would be a little messy, but it seems like Yeonjun had taken care of things despite his nature.

He laughed and you felt relief spread through your chest. Thank goodness he found it funny and not offensive.

"Do you really think that of me? Y/N, you're the first girl that's ever been to my room."

That statement made you feel special more than anything. Before you and Yeonjun had officially met in the dog shelter, you saw him with a bunch of girls. Whenever you went to a party with your ex, you would often see his arm wrapped around a random girl. The girl changed every time you saw him, so you were extremely surprised to know that you were probably the first girl from school in his house. And though your appearance in his room was only for a dumb school project, you pretended that you were special.

"I don't know," you smiled, trying to stifle a giddy giggle, "I used to see you with girls a lot, so I just assumed that, you know..."

He finished your sentence before you could, "No, doll. We're dating now, remember? I'm not going to be with any other girl but you."

But you.

You gulped, trying not to let it affect you. He was naturally flirty, so his words didn't mean anything. You were trying to not fall for him even more, but he knew the exact words to your heart. Gosh, why did he have to be so perfect?

You didn't know what to say to that, repeating his statement in your head over and over again. Yeonjun didn't seem to notice your dilemma, instead curiosity egging him on to ask, "why do you still love him?"

Your eyebrows raised and you looked at him, not expecting a question like that from out of the blue. He had always been really interested in your personal life, sometimes asking questions like what's your favorite childhood memory or place to visit, but they were never really deep like that question.

You cleared your throat, putting your clasped hands on your lap. "I don't know why I still do. We've been dating so long that it feels like I can't live without him."

"But do you love him?" He asked, eyebrows knit together in confusion. He accentuated the word love, a desperate tone in his voice that you couldn't quite put a finger on but knew was there. Even you didn't know the answer yourself, fumbling over your words as you tried to reason with the voice in your head that wanted to say no. It was too soon to say anything or make a standpoint but you knew Yeonjun knew what you were thinking by his intense, driven expression.

"He doesn't deserve you, Y/N," he whispered, his face suspiciously inching closer to yours, "I hope you know that." You remained shocked at the dwindling proximity between the two of you, too stunned to do anything. He seemed to be getting closer by the second, watching you carefully for any sudden move. Then, his lips ghosted near yours, held back by hesitation and indecision. He was close enough where you could feel his breath fan against your cheeks, his nose barely touching yours as he gazed deeply into your eyes.

You instinctively jumped away, instantly on your feet as you laughed nervously.

"I'll, uh, get some apples!"

...

You rushed downstairs in a trance, too shaken up to realize what you had done in the first place. There was no way he was about to kiss you, right? But why was he hovering so close to you, giving you those eyes?! Your heart somehow beat faster. He was this close to kissing you. It made you all the more confused about his feelings and you stood in the stairway like a statue, pressing your trembling hand against your lips.

You finally came back to the current world when you saw Yeonjun's parents staring at you, confused. They were sitting at the dinner table, slicing some apples which you assumed to be for you and Yeonjun as snacks after studying for an hour. Yeonjun's mom raised her elbow, gesturing you to come over.

You inhaled deeply to get some air in, smoothing out your bottoms as you walked up to them.

"Are you feeling hungry? We cut up some apples for you and Jun, if you'd like."

You smiled at her then admired the delicate cuts of the apples. The fruit was nicely cut, spread out in a platter with some peanut butter in the middle. They even cut the skin off too, although it wasn't necessary.

The apples looked so wonderful that you kept admiring them, unable to find the right words to express your gratitude.

"Oh goodness, thank you so much! They look great! I'll bring it up to Yeonjun," you gawked, grabbing the plate and examining it.

His mom smiled warmly, setting the knife down onto the lacy tablecloth. "He really likes you, Y/N. We've never seen him this way before- all warm and sweet- so thank you."

Feeling shaky while holding the plate, you did your best to steady your trembling legs up the stairs. Her words repeated in your head like a broken record as you brought the apples up to Yeonjun who was eagerly waiting for your arrival, despite the haunting project.

─── ♔ ───

Tonight was the second night that you were going to make your ex jealous. You weren't really looking forward to it; after a while, you realized that you didn't feel anything for him and it was becoming exhausting having to hold a front. The guy was in the back of your head and barely there in the first place unless someone asked about your heart. Instead, all you could think about was Yeonjun. Almost everyday the two of you were together, making up new inside jokes and going to restaurants. It seemed so natural being with him that you forgot that the relationship was merely an agreement.

Though you knew he cared for you, you were pretty sure that he didn't have any feelings whatsoever. Sure he was flirty here and there but that was just who he was. But you knew he still cared. It was evident in the way he treated you, making sure you were always comfortable at parties or at his place. One time when you lost your favorite bracelet at the dog shelter, he took his motorcycle late at night and looked everywhere even though one of the dogs had it in its mouth and ran away with it. That was one of the sweetest things he had done for you, besides countless others. But that didn't mean he loved you, not romantically at least. You were just his friend anyway.

That being said, behind closed doors where you were just friends was unbearable. You weren't sure how much longer you could hide it; he was always in your thoughts like a ghost and the building chemistry between the two of you would soon give away your feelings. In public he was always holding your hand or even kissing your forehead depending on who was watching and each time you would fall a little more.

Today wasn't an exception, thankfully. As per usual, Yeonjun picked you up to go to Jackson Wang's party (sorry yall, I just had to), the reason partly being that you were going to make your ex jealous again. The other reason was that you two wanted to hang out, something that you did nearly everyday. It may have been hard to believe since it seemed that Yeonjun and you came from opposite worlds, but being him with him was like breathing; it was so habitual and natural that it felt wrong if he was away.

Yeonjun led you towards the drinks after you asked for a beer, hand holding yours tightly as if you would easily get lost. You noted how well his hand fit in yours, memorizing every finger that wound through the gaps of your hand. His hand was so warm, causing your body temperature to heat up as you tried to get a hold of yourself and not give away your feelings.

"Don't drink too much now, okay, princess? I don't want you throwing up on the way home," he handed you a red cup before gently patting the top of your head. You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes to which he chuckled at. Unbeknownst to you, he kept thinking of how endearing you were.

"I won't," you giggled naughtily, knowing that you would most likely go against his words, "Aren't you going to drink as well?"

Even though he was your "boyfriend," you wouldn't let him dictate how much fun you were going to have. After all, it was a party and with him by your side the entire night, you knew were going to have the time of your life.

Yeonjun shook his head, scrunching his nose in disgust. "No. I'm taking you home, so I'm not going to get drunk and possibly have you hurt." He said those words as if it were fact, upset that you would even ask that in the first place. He truly, really cared about your well-being; didn't you see that? Anything that would put you in danger was an immediate no, despite how much trouble he got into.

You felt your heart pick up pace and you shook your head at how your body reacted. It was so hard to hide how fluttery you felt and drinking definitely wouldn't help. You decided to ignore it instead, drawing circles around the rim of the cup.

"What time do you think we'll be home? I have to get up early to help the dog shelter tomorrow," you continued to carry on the conversation, leaning against the wall as you took a sip from the cup. It burned your throat and you gagged, feeling the contents spill down and leave a trail of flames.

The colorful neon lights flashed against Yeonjun's face as he laughed at your reaction, grabbing your cup as you coughed aggressively to get the burning sensation out as best you could. He steadied himself against the wall too, one shoulder against it as he shifted his body weight to his right.

"Don't worry, princess. We'll be home at a reasonable time. I need to help my little corgis tomorrow too."

You watched him expectantly while he eyed your drink. With no hesitation, he took a swig himself, not taking a sip like you. You flushed at how willingly he drank from your cup, seemingly not caring that it was an indirect kiss. When he came up for air, letting the drink drip against his throat as he finished it all, you were not super shocked that he remained unfazed. He just wiped his lips with his thumb, proudly slamming the cup against the table as if it was a competition.

Rolling your eyes, you looked at the cup that was completely empty. "Hey! That was supposed to be mine! And you're not supposed to be drinking."

He giggled, one hand covering his mouth and the other thrown up in guilt. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you laughed with him, genuinely not upset that he drank all of the alcohol as long as he made it up to you.

"I'll get you another one right now, I promise. And you of all people should know that I don't get drunk; I'm a heavyweight!" What he said was true. Considering the amount of alcohol that he drank, you were actually surprised that he didn't just drop down and throw up after 3 cups. That was Yeonjun though, your boy full of surprises each incoming day.

He grabbed your hand with the vacant one, bringing you closer to press a tender kiss against your forehead. You smiled brightly, feeling his presence envelop you completely with him so near. You swore you could stay like this forever and it seemed as if the world slipped away as he held you close. A few seconds later he reluctantly pulled away, winking with a cup in hand. You waved him a shy goodbye, smiley and smitten as you tried to bite back an excited grin.

You felt someone tap on your shoulder and you turned around, not expecting who it was. There you stood face to face with Taehyun who seemed to be watching the two of you a while ago. The look on his face told you everything- he approved of Yeonjun which was a sweet relief because he was your best friend. You squealed as you hugged him excitedly, euphoria coursing through your veins as you pushed back the thought that the whole relationship was fake.

...

It had been about 30 minutes since Yeonjun was away. At first you weren't concerned, but started to worry down the line. He never took that long from you when you went somewhere together, especially not at a party. At max it would be 10 minutes, so you couldn't help but wonder where he was, wandering hopelessly through the bodies of people swaying to the beat. You huffed, not finding him anywhere until you went upstairs with her.

"Yeonjun?" You called him, your voice too soft for him to hear. You were a bit far and it didn't help that there was blasting music and deafening shouts from time to time.

Blinking your eyes a couple times to make sure that what you were seeing was right, you looked at the scene in front of you, jaw dropped. Not only were you astounded that he had been away for so long with her, but also at how beautiful she was. Her hair, glowing against the dim light of the hallway, was absolutely mesmerizing and perfectly voluminous. Her silhouette, curving in such a way that made you cover your stomach ashamedly, was near impossible and you wondered how someone could be as thin as that. Ah yes, the girl that Yeonjun was talking to was one of his older exes, confident and pretty as could be.

Involuntarily you felt tears prickling at your eyes as you couldn't take your eyes off of them. If they were a couple again, they would be unstoppable. Yeonjun was incredibly handsome and she was incredibly gorgeous. She was exactly his type: mature, older, probably funny and of course, beautiful. You knew how much he loved her in the past before they labeled themselves as "incompatible," calling it off because of how much they were arguing.

Unfortunately and against your wishes, you were particularly upset, watching your "boyfriend" talk to one of his exes in the past. It's no surprise that Yeonjun has a line of girls that he has linked up with, but it still got to you. There was no reason to, but because of your feelings, you felt a massive hole in your heart. Lying and saying you were merely upset because his conversation with his ex would ruin your image wouldn't be the truth. You were upset because you wanted him to be with you, talking to you with that mischievous fox-like smile of his.

You took a swig of the alcohol bottle on the floor, not caring that it could potentially be drugged or dangerous. The alcohol burned your throat as you drizzled it down, but that didn't matter. It didn't compare to the amount of hurt you felt wholly in your chest, lingering without shame. The way he was blatantly gazing at her like he was in love had your grip tightening around the red cup. As selfish as it was, it was supposed to be you. He was supposed to look at you like that, not her! You were sure she probably saw you staring at this point, but again, you didn't care. Insecurities flowing through your whole body, you looked them up and down no matter how much it hurt to do so. Besides you weren't even with him, there was no reason to be upset.

It wasn't until you felt two fingers tapping on your shoulder that you turned around quickly, anger in your steps. You squinted your eyes, thinking the drink was blurring your vision and causing you to have illusions. However, the person who tapped on your shoulder was indeed your ex, a grimace on his face as he looked between you and Yeonjun who was speaking to his ex.

"What do you want?!" You spat out venomously, trying not to let the animosity slip out of you. You couldn't handle another burden at this point- let there be too much and you would explode.

He sighed, putting his hands up cautiously. There was something off about him, but you couldn't put a finger on it. You were more surprised that he came to talk to you, given that he was ignoring you for the past couple of the month that he was with that girl.

"Nothing," he gulped nervously, "I just.. wanted to know. Are you happy with Yeonjun?"

You raised an eyebrow at his question, not expecting anything like that. It took a moment for his words to sink in and you furrowed your eyebrows this time, taking a step back.

"Of course I am," the words rolled off your tongue immediately although you weren't particularly happy with him at that instant, "why are you asking?"

He nervously rocked back and forth, finding it hard to look in your eyes. There was a moment of awkward silence between the two of you and he cleared his throat, speaking up.

"Y/N, I miss you. I just can't get you out of my head, and I don't know why. I want you back and I shouldn't have ever left you in the first place," he admitted quietly, finding it hard to say. He scratched the back of his neck as your throat went dry, jaw dropping at his words. This had to be a prank; considering how happy he looked with that girl a week earlier, there was no way he'd be saying something like that now.

Your breath hitched in your throat and you started to back away, wanting to get away from him. "No fucking way. You're not allowed to say that and you have no right. You're horrible."

When you took a step back, he started going towards you, trying to calm you down. He was foolish; of course that action didn't help and you felt your steps quicken before you were backed up against a wall.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? It was really wrong and I know that now. I shouldn't have done it, but now I know I want you."

Your insides twisted in protest, the bile on the tip of your tongue as you yelled, "you cheated on me! We have nothing now, and I'm with Yeonjun!"

He didn't seem to take the hint but stepped backwards enough to give you space. You felt confined; he was the only one that you could see in your blurred line of vision. His presence was suffocating, but he failed to realize that.

"We will always have something, Y/N. We dated for such a long time that feelings can't go away so easily."

You scoffed, crossing your arms. He was such a hypocrite.

"Everything died when you got with her. I don't want to be with you anymore, so please just leave me alone."

As hurt as he was by your words, he wasn't going to give up so easily- which wasn't surprising given how stubborn he was. He roughly grabbed your arms, puckering his lips as if a kiss would fix your hurt, insecurities, guilt- everything. You gagged, holding your breath and shaking your head as his grip tightened against your wrists. He was a mere inch away when you felt the air pull from in front of you, and you stood face to face with Yeonjun whose chest was heaving as your ex fell to the floor.

It all happened in a millisecond: your ex holding his cheek with hurt written all over his face as he looked between the two of you. You ran to Yeonjun's side, holding his arm as he examined the hand that threw a punch. There was a slight frown on his face but more than anything you could tell that he was angry, judging by how his shoulders tensed in the dim light.

Lots of people started chanting for a fight, pulling up their phones and flashlights as your ex scrambled to get on his feet. Yeonjun got into position, ready to throw another one until he felt you weakly pull at his arm with tears in your eyes. His muscles relaxed immediately and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. All he wanted was for you to be safe and even though he never forfeited from a fight, you were his top priority.

Your mind was cloudy as he led you out of the party, pushing people away so that you could make it through without getting lost. He made sure that you were okay, looking at you every second as he took you to the door and into the chilly, crisp night.

...

Yeonjun remained silent, jaw clenching as he took you to his motorcycle. You didn't bother saying anything, trying to focus on your breath that was creating a white cloud in the night sky. You glanced at the busy house, seeing drunk people wander through the driveway as well as the backyard before snapping back to the angered figure in front of you. Your thoughts were all over the place and it's a miracle that you weren't throwing up at this point. It'd probably be 5 minutes before you got to the motorbike, since there were too many cars parallel parked for him to find a good spot.

All of a sudden he stopped in front of you, bringing you to a cautious halt. Your heels stopped clicking against the gray sidewalk and you felt his hand tighten on yours. He turned around, clearly frustrated as he aggressively ran a finger through his hair.

"What the hell was that?! Why were you talking to him?!" He demanded, not loosening your hands woven together. You looked down, not wanting to let go either.

"Why are you asking? You were talking to her while you left me by myself for- for however long that was! You left me alone which is why he came up to me in the first place!"

Yeonjun's jaw clenched, becoming more frustrated with no answer. Seeing you talk to your ex for a while was eating away at him, wearing him down and all he wanted was to know why. For both the way his heart squeezed and why you were talking to your ex in the first place.

His tone became more gentle, knowing that yelling was not the way to go. "You know that it's not like that! I just got carried away in conversation with her, and I'm sorry. But I still don't understand why you were engaging with your ex if you don't like him anymore."

You scoffed, choosing to ignore the last part, "just say that you still love her, Yeonjun." He was right. You were guilty and he knew exactly why. You didn't love your ex anymore, so there was no reason to be giving him the time of day.

Saying that only seemed to make him more agitated and he looked deep in your eyes, a tactic that would make you listen to him. You gazed into his as well, getting lost in them and feeling your anger wash away. He held your shoulders tightly, shaking his head.

"I don't love her anymore, Y/N. I don't love her."

You didn't say anything, upset enough with recent events and the fact that you were arguing. What could you say to that? You couldn't keep arguing here forever; your fingers were going numb.

"Then why were you talking? If you don't love her, how come you looked at her like that? You look at me like that..." You felt tears well up in the corner of your eyes, hearing his complicated silence as a rejection.

The wind only became more violent against your frame and you shivered, feeling the chill against your arms prickling at the freezing temperature. Yeonjun sighed, giving up on being mad, and wrapped his leather jacket around the upper part of your body. He immediately softened, noticing how cold you were even though you tried to hide it by crossing your arms. Once he laid his jacket on your shoulders, you tried to protest, trying to shimmy it off. However, he tsked, bending down to your level, face-to face. You felt yourself freeze up, not because of the temperature, but because of how close he was.

"I promise I don't love her," he sighed, cupping your cheek. "Can't you see?"

You were only more confused, your expression twisting painfully as it was getting harder to breathe with how close he was. "Then-"

He groaned, looping his fingers in your hair before bringing your face forward, "shut up, I just want you."

His lips crashed against yours roughly, pressing tenderly despite how badly he needed you. At first he was hesitant, waiting for your reaction, but when you returned the affection, he let it all go. You melted into the kiss and him as well, his hand rummaging against the lower part of your body to bring you closer. The way he kissed you was ravenous; it was as though he was starving and you were the only thing that could satiate his hunger. You closed your eyes, trying to treasure this moment as much as possible and memorizing how desperately he kissed you. Yeonjun's tongue swiped against the top part of your lip and you granted him permission for a more passionate kiss. The moment lasted forever; there were no words to say except that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

Eventually the two of you had to pull away for air, panting to get some oxygen in. No longer did the cold night bother you due to Yeonjun's jacket and how hot you felt. You hoped that Yeonjun wouldn't see how flustered you were, but it was no use. He knew you inside and out and by the way he looked at you with so much intensity, you knew that he knew.

He broke the silence, catching his breath.

"I can't do this anymore, doll. I only want you. And I want you to only look at me," He wiped the shiny gleam of your kiss on your lips with his thumb, rubbing circles as your mouth was still parted for air.

You gulped, feeling your breath hitch in your throat, "but I thought we weren't supposed to fall in love."

He smiled at how you didn't know anything before pulling your face towards his again and admitting: "I already broke that rule before we made it."

─── ♔ ───

When you awoke the next morning with a pounding headache and a hazy vision, you were extremely confused. The light poured through the window but the difference was that you weren't in your house. You blinked a few times, rubbing your eyes as you tried to remember what happened last night. You had gotten terribly drunk which made it harder to recall the events that happened.

Once your eyes adjusted to the harsh, warm light, you realized that you were laying in none other than Yeonjun's bed. Clutching the blanket against your chest, you sat up and looked beside you but there was no said boy which confused you. Your mind, shooting at a million miles a second started wondering if you had actually slept with Yeonjun. Quickly looking down at your body, you sighed in relief when you realized that your clothes were still on. The only thing that changed was that you were wearing one of Yeonjun's hoodies.

As if on cue, the door opened, revealing a sleepy Yeonjun. His black hair was tousled everywhere due to bed head. He looked comfortable in a black tank and plaid pajamas but even so, you found him irresistible in this light- not caring about his looks and completely snuggly. As soon as you looked at him, the memories came flooding back: his jealousy, your fake dating plan succeeding, and yes, the kiss.

Your fingers grazed your lips, nothing being said as Yeonjun curled up next to you. Normally, he wouldn't be this silent; usually he would be cracking jokes and trying to put a smile on your face. This time though he seemed off, as if he didn't know how to act around you even though that kiss strengthened a potential relationship. You stared at him, noticing the way his lips pursed and his inability to find the right words to say. His behavior was super strange and out of the blue.

Placing one of his blue linen pillows on your lap, you whispered, "Yeonjun? Are we going to talk about last night?"

He wasn't saying anything, and your heart sunk with each moment that passed. You took his silence as rejection, thinking that he regretted it- the kiss, that is.

Sighing, Yeonjun laid his head against the board of the bed, "Y/N.... look, I'm really sorry for kissing you. It won't happen again."

You raised an eyebrow, trying to understand what he meant. Momentarily you were confused and when your brain finally comprehended his words, your fragile heart that was already sinking fell to the floor. He only confirmed your doubt: that he never wanted anything to happen between the two of you and it shouldn't have happened.

You nodded your head with tears in your eyes, careful not to accidentally let them fall out. If he looked now instead of his scarred fingers, then he would see how weak you were.

"Oh." It was harder to speak with the lump in the back of your throat. "I guess."

Yeonjun still refused to meet your eyes, looking at the wall from his right side. The only thing you could see was his messy black hair, hiding his true expression and cowardice. What he said next shattered your heart, leaving you incredulous after all that he said and acted like last night.

"Let's call this fake dating thing off, "his voice wobbled, betraying what he truly thought, "you got what you wanted; he wants you again. You can go back."

His falter went unnoticed by you and you too looked at the wall on your left this time, praying that he wouldn't notice the warm water dripping down your cheeks. Your vulnerability was uncontrollable, tears spilling in a flow that couldn't be stopped even if you rubbed your eyes multiple times. Of course he wouldn't be able to commit to you. He's had so many girls wrapped around his fingers and there's no way he could give that up now. It was typical of Yeonjun, so why did you expecting something more from fake dating?

You couldn't bring yourself to answer both the internal question and him. Yeonjun slowly got up, finding it hard to leave before muttering, "I'll take you home."

"Okay," you said, not caring that he could probably hear the cry behind it. Even though you didn't want to accept that what you had between the two of you was truly over, all you wanted was to go home instead of staying in the sheets where he almost kissed you in.

─── ♔ ───

Despite you and Yeonjun being good friends before you decided to fake date, you barely heard from him which meant that he was intentionally ignoring you. Every text you sent him would be unanswered, calls wouldn't be returned, and even physical appearances would be one to nothing. You knew which days he went to the dog shelter as well, but you guessed he was smart enough to know that you would look for him there- which led him to come on unpredictable days. It seemed to be a coincidence at first, but even missing the classes you shared together? Come on.

One kiss ruined everything. You didn't regret it, but he did and now he was avoiding you like you were the plague. It hurt so much. You felt as though you had lost him completely, both him as a best friend and potential lover. If your previous interactions hadn't existed, anyone would've thought that you were never friends in the first place just because of his behavior. Obviously he didn't want to be near you so you just gave up in the next weeks that passed.

On the other hand, your ex wanted you back, so why weren't you happy? It wasn't even worth it, conjuring up a plan to make your ex jealous which yes, did work, but now you didn't have Yeonjun.

On one of the days where you had to stay longer after school because of club affairs, you saw Yeonjun walking side by side with Soobin and laughing. Though you didn't want to admit it, you felt jealous. Their friendship was like what you had, minus the affection. But you shoved that feeling away, more determined to get a conversation out of Yeonjun and why he was ignoring you.

You ran up to them, tugging the back of Yeonjun's shirt. He was smiling as he turned back, but as soon as he saw you, his face dropped. Soobin turned around as well, frowning when he saw you.

"Why are you ignoring me?" You demanded in a quiet voice, so soft that he could barely hear it.

Yeonjun glanced at Soobin cautiously and rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Because I don't want to be friends with you."

Before you could say anything, both of them turned around and continued as if everything were normal. You, on the other hand, remained like a statue in the hallway, looking down at the floor and trying to convince yourself that what he said was a lie. What could you possibly say to that? Try and beg him that you could fix what he didn't want to repair? You were his person that he was always hoping for, like when he was crying in that classroom one day. You were his best friend, belonging only to him and he knew that. He always wanted that and you were right there but now you were nothing.

How could he be so cold just because of one kiss?

...

It seemed as though the situation got worse. Even though you were also ignoring Yeonjun, there'd be rare times you had to interact. For example, the fact that you sat together in one of your classes. Yeonjun who had been skipping to get high outside of the school, couldn't have one more absence or else he would fail the class. And considering that his parents would be enormously upset with him skipping, he was forced to show up against his will and see you.

It was as though his heart broke when he saw you with your head down. Of course you knew he was there, but now you didn't even wave a greeting or acknowledge him like before. However, he reminded himself that he couldn't be upset about that. You keeping your distance like him was what he wanted, so why did it hurt so much?

He got annoyed with himself for feeling this way and when you looked up and saw him sitting beside you, you automatically assumed that he was mad you were there. Moving your chair away to the opposite side of the black table, you took each school supply and tried not to pay attention to him. Yeonjun was quite scary when he was mad. Not wanting to contribute to anymore distance between the two of you, you made sure not to even look at him, not even a small peak no matter how much you were dying to see if he was affected.

He adjusted his leather jacket accordingly before looking at you, interpreting that you didn't want to be near him. With no shame he kept his eyes fixed on you, burning a hole through your figure as you pretended to scribble something on your bejeweled notebook with a ballpoint pen. He watched you intently before tapping your shoulder gently.

"Hey, do you have the notes from the past lessons?"

You perked up feeling his warm fingers dance on your shoulder. Surprised that he was actually talking to you, your eyes widened instantly and it was hard to get a word out. It had been so long since you heard his voice filling your ear with his low register. How could he be so casual asking a simple question like that after he made it seem like you were nothing?

You slid the notebook towards him without a word, hiding your mouth with the palm of your hand. Two can play at this game.

He pretended to examine the notes, not really caring about getting them down. All he wanted was to hear your voice which was pretty selfish considering the way he treated you the past week, so it was deserving when you remained silent. He flipped through the pages quickly, trying to distract himself by skimming through your handwriting. He wasn't the type of student that genuinely cared about his grades, as evident as him skipping this particular class.

He ran his fingers through his hair due to his bangs falling in front of his eyes. You stole a glance as discreetly as you could, biting your bottom lip nervously. The teacher would start her lesson soon and you would need that notebook back. Yet, Yeonjun clung to it, seemingly trying to remember every page that he turned. It was rather unexpected- the way he was inspecting the papers as if he cared- but he was also unexpectedly not your friend anymore.

In 20 minutes, Yeonjun finished shuffling through the notebook. He held it for a second, hesitant to give it back. Ungratefully you had already begun making new notes on some scratch paper, trying not to be occupied with the fact that the guy you wanted so badly was sitting beside you.

Likewise he slid the notebook towards you, a gentle tone in his voice. "Thank you, doll."

The use of the nickname had your heart fluttering and shattering simultaneously. For a second it seemed as though everything was back to normal, and you almost cracked. Being called doll was so special; sometimes it'd make you giggle because of how cheesy it was. But you stayed quiet, grabbing it with crumpled hands to finish up the lesson. He didn't deserve any words from you, not after the way he treated you like you were nothing. He didn't even want to be your friend anyway. Most likely he used the pet name because he wanted you to hang around, still pining for a love that will never come.

In reality, he just wanted to hear your soothing laugh again.

─── ♔ ───

You walked into the lunch room reluctantly, going to your usual spot where no one bothered you. Thank goodness that your ex got the memo and screwed off, though that very well may have been because he could be hit again. Memories of you and Yeonjun at the table made your muscles feel weak; you couldn't bear sitting there but still wanted to because it was one of the first places that you and him had laughed together. This table was the one where you sat that one particular day, realizing that Yeonjun wasn't scary at all. Now where has he gone? His absence didn't make anything feel right nowadays.

You pulled out the sandwich you packed this morning in a hurry, biting down though you were at a loss of appetite. Despite how much you didn't find pleasure in eating when your heart was broken, you forced yourself to take bites regardless of how you were feeling. That was when your stomach growled, much to your embarrassment. You hoped that no one heard that, and you scanned the room only to find Yeonjun sitting on one of the tables in front of you.

Him being there wasn't out of the ordinary, really since it was lunch after all, until you realized that he was talking to that same ex he said he didn't love. Your insides began turning in your stomach as you couldn't pull your eyes away, the feelings of hurt intensifying throughout your whole body as you watched from the sidelines.

Yeonjun reached out to tuck a stray hair behind her hair, smiling softly as he did so. She laughed, completely flustered with how sweet the action was- and you couldn't blame her. Every time Yeonjun did that, you felt your legs turn into jelly. And now, the two of them looked like an actual couple, their chemistry making everyone around them smile. They were meant to be, and you couldn't dream of coming in between that. The news probably spread that you and Yeonjun broke up, even though it was never real.

You failed to notice Yeonjun's bandaged up hand, too hurt to see that he was acting recklessly without you by his side.

At this point, everything started to make sense. He was still in love with her, even if he denied it while looking in your eyes. He wasn't a liar, but now you were fighting back those thoughts of his relentless honesty because of how he was acting with her: sweet and gentle. He always acted that way with you and if he was telling the truth, then that meant that his actions with her now signified his genuine feelings. You felt your eyes water as you began to realize what was happening. He was just playing with your heart and maybe... just maybe, using you to make his ex jealous as well.

You cursed yourself for being stupid, for not being able to see it sooner and actually thinking you had a chance. At least you had a reason to hate him now instead of crying in your pillows every night due to missing him with your whole heart and soul. Not being able to stand the scene in front of you any longer, you shakily grabbed the sandwich in front of you which now looked completely unappetizing. With clenched and trembling hands, you ran to the bin near the door. It didn't help that the trash was beside Yeonjun, but at this point you didn't care. You needed to get out of that stuffy room before everyone saw you cry.

The sound the door made as you ripped it open had Yeonjun whipping his head in your direction. You darted out of the room before he could stare any longer with his heart on his sleeve. He felt his ex tugging at the ends of his shirt for attention, but he just gazed at the closed door with glossy eyes.

He wished that she was you.

─── ♔ ───

You hadn't bothered to throw on a jacket, wearing Yeonjun's shirt you still had to return, as you walked to the dog shelter with tears in your eyes. The icy rain from the winter weather and violent chill of the loud winds didn't compare to the coldness you were feeling on the inside. It didn't matter if you got wet; to be honest, you didn't really care. You had to force yourself to show up at the place where good memories were made with Yeonjun, the one who betrayed you with his silence and lies. It was too painful and not even the cute dogs could lure you out of hiding. Perhaps it had been a month since you volunteered which was also when he started giving you the silent treatment, but who was counting?

Opening the door with freezing hands, you were welcomed with a warm guest of air as well as excited barks from the caged dogs. They all pawed at the steel in front of them, enthusiastic at your sudden appearance at 5pm when it was already dark outside. For the first time in a while you giggled, finding them extremely adorable as their tails wiggled aggressively.

You walked to Yeonjun's favorite corgi, crouching down to tickle his chin. Several raindrops from your clothes fell onto the yellowed floor and you made a mental note to mop it up later. Right now you would be giving attention to the cute doggies that you missed. In return, the corgi leaned into your touch, closing his eyes and licking your wet hands from the rain.

"You're so cute!" You cooed, speaking in a baby voice as you opened his cage. The dog barked in return, spinning around in circles with excitement after not seeing you for so long.

That's when the door leading to the supplies and kibble for the dog opened, making you turn your neck. The creak of the door disrupted your moment with the corgi and lo and behold, you looked directly in the eyes of no one else but Yeonjun.

Your heart dropped, and the only thing you could hear was the barks of all the dogs in the room. Both of you froze in place, clearly not expecting to see each other. Yeonjun dropped the broom, a loud thud clanking on the floor as it rolled in your direction. As for you, you felt like you couldn't breathe the more you looked at him, only being reminded of the pain that was the result of being his friend and agreeing to his idea of fake dating. It was too much at once, the pain of seeing him not wanting you to be there as well as the already present pain from the past month.

All of it had combined- the hurt and distress getting to you before any competent thoughts, and you turned on your feet, running to the door. Hurriedly grabbing the handle, you forced the entrance open and ran into the dark night, not hearing the fast footsteps following you from not too far behind.

...

You were a complete mess, running in any direction you could just to avoid the boy you wanted to hate so much. The rain splashed beneath your feet as you tried to get in some air, panting heavily in order to calm yourself down. The wind was picking up more violently this time and it definitely wasn't a friendly condition to be sprinting in. The only place you found solace in was in an alleyway, where the winds bothered the place less.

"Y/N! Wait!" A voice called from behind you, clearly distressed and hurt. You shook your head, finding it harder to breathe as you pushed against the icy ground with all your might. Soon your hair and clothes became soaking wet as the rain became heavier, pouring out generously. Strands of wet hair fell in front of your eyes, making it hard to see. You pushed them all to the side, knowing that it wouldn't be long till they popped up again. You didn't care. You just needed to keep running.

Unfortunately, you felt the ground below betraying you as you made the wrong step. Flying back, you felt your legs lift into the air, flinging you towards the puddle underneath your body. With a big thud and a new ache on your bum, you finally let your feelings out, spilling your tears and sobs that had been bottled up for so long. It was pathetic- you were crying on the ground without a care in the world, no longer trying to lie yourself and say that you were fine.

It wasn't long when you felt someone panting beside you, exhausted with the amount of running and trying to catch up. You rubbed your eyes, instantly knowing who it was but refusing to believe it. Not daring to look at the boy in front of you, you shut your eyes, letting the last of your tears fall out without a sob.

When you felt something warm drape on your shoulders, you opened your eyes just to see Yeonjun's leather jacket on your body. Warm and comforting, a stark contrast to the unforgiving weather, you gave up fighting and let it cover you. You were too cold and tired to shimmy it off. Your butt also hurt because of the fall from earlier, so that was another thing.

Yeonjun took a moment to catch his breath before asking between pants, "are you okay?"

Hearing him say that only made you irate. For the past month you were drowning in sadness and blame, never being able to get angry for how he treated you after that one kiss. This time you allowed yourself to feel all the types of pain, anger washing over your body easily as you stood up from the hard and drenched ground.

Each muscle within your body ached as you forced yourself up, pointing a finger in Yeonjun's face. He backed away with his hands up in an attempt to calm you down which was of course, to no avail. You stood your ground, planting your feet onto the slippery, dangerous concrete.

"Don't you dare say that, Yeonjun. You can't just pretend like you care about me after the way you treated me."

He gulped, blinking remorsefully as he bit the inside of his lip, "I know, and I'm sorry. I just..."

"You just what?," you cried, shooting him an incredulous look, "you have no idea how it feels, being left by someone who promised they would always stay! You're a liar!"

Yeonjun shook his head frantically in response, taking a step towards you, "hey, I'm not a liar! I know I hurt you, but I know I'm not a liar."

Anger had too much control over you, spilling in your words that used to be sadness and probably still was. Your eyes had begun glossing as well, catching you by surprise as you choked over the questions you were dying to ask.

"Then why were you acting that way towards her? You told me you weren't in love with her and there you were, acting the same way you did with me!"

"I don't love her, when will you get it through your thick skull? There was just something in her hair," Yeonjun sighed, his tone becoming soft at the end of the sentence. He knew how it looked, but there really was just something in her hair.

If anything, you felt like you were punched in the chest. His voice getting quieter made it seem like he was hiding something, hiding his true feelings due to embarrassment. You misunderstood, interpreting his falter as a bad attempt at covering up deceit.

"Yeonjun, stop lying," you sobbed, your voice becoming high pitched and wobbly, "please just stop lying. You've been avoiding me and now you're acting like you care, so which one is it?"

He didn't say anything, watching the wet on your cheeks come from both the rain and your eyes. Too shocked at your outburst, Yeonjun stayed noiseless, the lump in the back of his throat prohibiting him from saying any more stupid things. You, on the other hand, tried to get yourself together, trying to let everything you had been thinking about for so long to come out.

"You just used me, didn't you? To make her jealous? And I know that I did the same, but at least I was honest instead of using my parents as a dumb excuse."

You sniffled and your voice became heavy, resonating in your chest. "You can't just act like you care about me when you said you didn't want to be my friend." Even saying those words out loud was like a knife to the chest because it made it all the more true.

With each word you were rambling on, Yeonjun took a step closer to you in the already tight alleyway. You failed to notice, too caught up in your words until it was too late. With one hand, Yeonjun positioned himself between you and the wall, his palm against the red bricks. You felt utterly trapped, only being able to look at either him or the ground. You chose the latter, too emotional to look him in the eyes.

His face became close to yours, bending down as his other hand cupped your cheek. "Because it's true, Y/N. I don't want to be just your friend."

Fingers moving down to grab your chin, he gently forced you to look up at him where there was so much regret and sadness behind his eyes.

"I love you so much that I can't stay away from you even though I think my absence is for your well-being."

"What makes you say that?" You gasped, searching his eyes just to find that same depression.

He laughed incredulously, letting go of your face for a second.

"Y/N, who are we kidding?" He motioned to himself with a quick gesture, flashing you with his white, bandaged hand, "I'm Yeonjun. Choi Yeonjun. I'm not good for you." There was emphasis through his words, strength behind each one.

"I get into lots of fights and I scare everyone away. I'm not good at school and I'm not even sure I have a future," he paused, fumbling over his words, "you, however; you're just this little perfect thing. You're sweet, funny, smart, and so incredibly beautiful- that I'm scared I'll ruin you if I get any closer. I tried to distance myself, but I failed."

He paused for a second, now finding it hard to look at you face to face. His head hung low in embarrassment before his eyes snapped back to yours, hopelessly truthful and desperate.

"I have always loved you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you to the first time I heard your voice, I fell so hard. I never used you to make anyone jealous and yes, using my parents was just a dumb excuse. I wanted to have you in any way that I could, so I suggested fake dating," he admitted.

You were at a loss of words, tripping over your tongue but coming out with nothing. Yeonjun sighed, continuing his long and overdue monologue.

"As I've said, I already broke that stupid rule of not falling in love. Even before you knew, I was head over heels for you because of how much you cared about me and listened to my stories. I'm sorry for hurting you and not being honest. If I could take it back, I would. I made a promise not to hurt you, but look at where we're at. See? You're better off without me," he chuckled pessimistically, quickly turning to go.

"Yeonjun!" You grasped his hand, forcing him to turn around towards you. Without thinking, you planted a kiss on his lips, grabbing his cheeks as you stood on your tippy toes.

Yeonjun melted into the kiss, feeling his cheeks become warm as he combed his fingers through your soaked hair. The rain fell around the two of you as you kissed Yeonjun's wet lips, desperate to have him in any way you could. He was the same as well, smiling in between each one and trying to pull you closer even though it was impossible. He tasted so sweet, forever engraving his name on your lips that was always going to be his.

When you had to pull away for air, thunder struck. Both of you laughed and Yeonjun simply pulled you in for a hug, resting his chin on the top of yours. You clung onto his shirt, praying that he would never go away again.

"You can't just do that. You know how weak I am for you already."

You giggled, finding the most comfortable position in his chest, "I don't care. I love you, Yeonjun." His chest was made for you and no one else. It would be your spot to stay in from now on and even before all your platonic and romantic feelings mixed up, he was yours.

"Does this mean we're friends now?" You joked, looking up at him.

He smirked, shaking his head. He looped one of his hands in yours, bringing your face to his again that cold night, "no, it means that you're mine forever, princess. I better not hear any complaints as your boyfriend, okay?"

"I'll only look at you," you sighed against his lips, feeling heaven on earth, "I'm only yours."

The stormy night continued like that, with you and Yeonjun exchanging kisses and laughs back and forth. Thunder clapped above you, deafening and dreary, but it didn't matter at the moment. What was the worst thing that could happen? Getting sick? Perhaps yeah, but at least you had the boy of your dreams willingly getting sick with you. It was funnily simple enough: you finally had Yeonjun, and Yeonjun could finally have you after pining for so long. Nothing else mattered, and the world slowly slipped away as you held him close to mark the start of your forever.

—-

Released: July 3, 2024 (12am CT)

Thoughts: FREAKING OUT. I've always wanted to do something like this in forever and now i'm finally getting around to do it after 4 years which is pretty insane?! I absolutely love bad boy yeonjun concept and I hope this was a good read! seeing how much people enjoyed it back in 2020 only encouraged me to write this long ass story. hopefully y'all enjoyed <3 I sure did while writing hehe (I was actually dying at all the scenes where they almost and then actually did kiss.) As always, thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more goodies in the future :)

Tags:

[wosoamazing]

Against All Odds

Summary: You find yourself with a career ending injury, but Beth and Viv, your guardians and Leah are there for you. Based on this request.

Warnings: Death (mentions of fact Rs parents are dead), allusions to cancer, very bad knee injury, hospitals, paramedics, passing out, one section contains talks of Leah’s endometriosis, a bit sad -> Let me know if there is anything else.

A/N: I really liked this when I first wrote it, but I don't know anymore, maybe just because I hate editing so I was projecting my feelings about editing onto my fic. But anyway I hope you like it.

You were part of the AWFC and the Lionesses, however football wasn’t the only sport you played in at a professional level, you were also a Track and Field athlete, you were a youth world champion, but not many people knew, the Soccer seemed to outshine the Athletics, so no one found out. It was getting close to the stage of having a discussion with the British Olympic Association about whether you were going to do both Football and Athletics at the olympics or whether you could only do one, and if you could only do one whether you got to make the choice or if they did. But that conversation was no longer needed. Team GB wasn’t going to be at the Olympics for Women’s Football so you only had one choice, and that was Athletics, however there wasn't really the question of whether you would qualify or not. It was a certainty now that you were going to the Olympics, considering the fact you were running sub 10.6 for 100 metres. You actually qualified for the 2020 Olympics but you were only 13, so it was decided you weren't going, even though you were faster than some of the athletes you were just too young.

You were one stride away from the finish line, you had done it, shown that even despite your age you deserved to be at the olympics, that last stride would cause you to have run sub 10.7 at the qualifiers, which was a good time, since you hadn’t trained in 6 months, due to the World Cup and England Olympic qualifiers. However that last stride went wrong, you still made it across the finish line, but something went badly wrong, a shooting tearing splitting pain went through your knee as your body collapsed onto the ground, tears were streaming out of your eyes, your surrounds were a haze, heaps and heaps of bright yellow people surround you, they were paramedics you think, they were asking you questions, but it hurt too much to process anything. Your brain was also preoccupied with the fact that you would most likely not be going to the Olympics this year, or maybe even never. You weren't dumb, you couldn't actually process what the paramedics were saying, nor had you seen your knee, but there was no way this was a simple injury, your knee felt like it had exploded, a bomb had gone off, this was a big injury, if the pain causing you to be on the verge of passing out wasn't enough to tell you this, the immediate arrival of like 10 paramedics was definitely enough to tell you something really bad had happened. Your world was literally crumbling around you, you needed football and track, you didn’t want to face the fact that you might never get to be a pro again. You thought you heard someone say something about moving you onto a stretcher and to the ambulance before you passed out.

_____

“Viv, has she sent you a message? She isn’t replying to any of mine, she should be here by now.”

“Maybe it's just run over time and so she is still racing.” Viv replied, trying to comfort Beth.

Beth and Viv were two of the three teammates who knew about your athletics. You couldn't really keep it from them, considering you did live with them, the trophies, the photos, the ‘shrines’ you had. Leah also knew, as you went to the same school and due to the schools sport buddy system she was your sport buddy, you messaged her almost daily since you were 10 and looked up to her so much, she was an inspiration to you. However, Leah never realised how much you actually did idolise her until she saw said ‘shrines’ when she came into your room the day you were setting it up, to give you a present. She looked around the room, above your desk she saw your Mum’s last olympic Jersey framed, with photos of you and her at the track surrounding it in a heart shape. There was also a single photo in the middle of the heart of you and her, you were holding a massive trophy and a huge grin was plastered on your face, but she couldn't help but notice how weak your Mum looked she was in a wheelchair, then it clicked that was the last time your Mum saw you run. You had just won your first junior athletics championships, in that photo, it was a week before your Mum died. Leah knew that because you told her one day, when she asked you which sport you would choose, you said you would forever do both. She then saw the photo from your Dad’s military honour funeral, along with his cap hung next to it, above your dresser which was placed just next to your desk, another heart surrounded it, but this time it was photos of him and his platoon wearing their Y/L/N bibs watching your races at the championships while they were deployed, a photo of him in rehab, kicking a ball to you after he lost his leg and was learning how to use to prosthetic one so he could go back to duty, the photo of your Dad’s platoon surprising you at on of your competitions just after you Dad had died on duty was also there. Between the two hearts was a family of the three of you, you were only small, it hurt her to think that was most likely one of the last family photos you had, you were just so young. She then turned to see what the third ‘shrine’ you were in the middle of making was. She saw you placing framed letters, certificates, medals, and photos in a heart shape around yet another item and photo of someone who helped you massively and inspired you, expect this time she felt her heart grow warm, it was her england debut shirt, she had signed and gifted to you, along with a photo of you mid jump into her arms, after the 2020 Euros Final, celebrating her win with her. You saw your so called shrines your three lifes, your Athletics life which was inspired by your Mum, your everyday life which you attributed to your Dad, and your Football life which was inspired by Leah.

There was also another reason Beth and Viv knew about the athletics and that was because you had no other family, and someone had to sign permission slips, and when you moved in with Beth and Viv and they become your legal guardians according to the state, meaning that they were the ones now required to sign permission slips, so they knew everything.

—

“Viv, I’m going to go call her,” “Okay,” Viv said as she saw Leah walking towards her.

“How did she go?” Leah asked Viv, “We don’t know she hasn't replied to us.” Viv said as Beth started walking back over.

“She wont answer,” “Shit” the next three minutes Beth and Viv continuously called you.

“Beth we need to go now,” “What why,” “She got hurt badly, she is in surgery currently,” “Why didn’t they call us, to get consent for surgery. Shit, it's bad, let's go.”

They rushed off from training, and drove as fast as possible to the hospital. Leah stayed to inform Jonas and finish training before she quickly found herself, driving to the hospital, knee bouncing, hoping you were semi okay.

_____

When you woke up from surgery Beth and Viv were either side of you, holding your hands in theirs. A doctor walked in shortly after you woke up, to update you on your condition.

“Split Patella. Torn MCL and meniscus, partially torn LCL. Patella ligament was torn slightly in half vertically due to the separation of the Patella. Pins in the patella, sutures in the LCL and Patella ligament, meniscus was cleaned and sutured. In the end we went with a graft to fix the MCL in hopes to have a better recovery. No one actually can figure out how it happened, but it’s lucky your didn't tear your ACL or PCL.”

“Yeah but everything else is torn or split, would prefer just an ACL”

“Sorry about that, she comes with a bit of an attitude,” Beth said, as Viv glared at you, you just glared back, you were right after all, he was making it seem like nothing, when literally everything was stuffed.

He just dismissed it and continued “You’ll be lucky to walk normally again, let alone run or play football again. And even if you do somehow ever get back to running or playing football it will never be anywhere near the professional level.”

“I want a new doctor please,” You said to him blankly

“Hey, that's not very nice” “Yeah well I’ve seen what happens when doctors don’t have hope. I don’t want this halfwit in charge of my recovery, if it was up to him he would probably just put me in a wheelchair and be done with it. People come back from injuries that seem impossible to come back from. People lose limbs and still go back to war, it’s not impossible, as long as you’re not lazy. Just someone get me a new doctor. And you can go, I can’t believe you even got to operate on me.” He scoffed and walked out. You were fuming, your breath increased, your face turned into game mode and your nostrils started to flare, Beth and Viv knew that had to do something, so they tried to comfort you.

“Hey it's okay” Beth said as she rubbed her thumb on the back of the hand she was holding. You turned to her and glared at her before yelling at her. “No its fucking not, this isn’t okay, nothing about this is okay or fair or fine. Just leave, I want to be alone.” They both slightly jumped before quickly getting up and leaving. You felt your response was a bit harsh, but it was nothing compared to how you were actually feeling in this moment.

After 5 minutes the door slid open and a body slinked into the room, and sat on a chair near the end of your bed. It was Leah. She just smiled at you before she looked down at her phone. You felt a small tear roll down your cheek, the first one since your surgery, you quickly wiped it away and sniffled, however that caught the attention of Leah, and soon your single tear turned into more tears. She didn’t say anything, you didn't know if that was because she didn't know what to say, or if it was because she knew nothing she said would help. She did however get up out of her seat and walk towards your bed. You tried to shuffle over but your leg was holding you in place, you looked at her longingly. She looked at your knee and back to you, checking if thats what was the problem, you nodded. So she ever so carefully shifted your leg as you moved and then climbed onto the bed. You immediately moved closer to her, so that you were almost on top of her, and just melted into her comfort, as she held you tight.

After a while Beth and Viv walked in. “I’m sorry” you mumbled, feeling bad for pushing them away.

“It’s okay, you’re in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally, but we want you to know we are going to be here for you every step of the way. Okay.” you nodded, Viv sat down in the chair and beth sat down in her lap.

_____

When the fourth new doctor of the day entered the room, you jumped the gun, speaking before he could speak. “If you’re going to tell me I’m never going to play again or if you are a phycologist or some shit you can go, I don't want to hear it. Untill this hospital can find me someone who isnt a fucking sissy I won’t talk to any of you, and if they cant I’ll go somewhere else, another country if I have to.”

He sat down on the ‘doctor’ stool before wheeling himself on the chair closer to your bed, he leant forward slightly, and looked you directly in the eyes before he started speaking. “Well, I’m here to tell you that my team and I can get you back to playing pro. I’m not going to lie, its not going to be easy, its going to be fucking hard, harder than anything that has ever happened to you, everything combined. But we have done some research on you and had some conversations to people and we believe you can do this, we believe you are the right type of person, that you have the right support system and most of all have the determination, to not only now prove that dumb doctor wrong, but to show the universe that you won't break, nothing they throw at you, will cause you to break. So what do you say?”

You nodded slowly, looking at him before looking at Beth and Viv, almost seeking permission or maybe just reassurance, they both smiled and nodded at you, Leah squeezed your upper arm with the hand she had wrapped around your shoulders. You turn back to the doctor.

“I think like you,” “so is that a yes” “yes”

_____

He wasnt wrong, this was fucking hard, you were in agony, your face was scrunched up as tears streamed down from the first minute of rehab. You were told that you could stop if you needed to, but you weren't going to, you wanted to keep going, you needed to keep going, you needed to get back to playing.

Beth had been watching your first intensive rehab session from the window along with Viv and Leah. 10 minutes into the session she couldn't bear to watch, she walked away from the window before she broke down, she couldn't bear to see you in such agony. She was second guessing her choices, maybe you were pushing yourself too far, maybe they shouldn’t have signed the consent forms, after all you were only 15. Viv and Leah followed her, Viv wrapped her arms around her and tried to comfort her. 

“Maybe we take away the consent forms, she shouldn't be doing this.” Beth said, as she started to calm down slightly.

“No you fucking wont. She needs this, you may not entirely understand but she does, this is her absolute world. You don't get it.” Leah snapped back at her.

“Oh. So I don't understand what it's like to have a serious injury that takes you away from the thing you like doing, and I don't understand what it's like to lose a parent.”

“That's not what I mean Beth, and you know that.”

“Oh so what do you mean then.” Beth replied snarkily.

“You don’t understand the uncertainty of whether you will get to play or not, you knew you were going to come back, she doesn’t, she won't ever know until she gets there. You don't get what it means to know you are going to miss out on something that is 100% a given, well something that was 100% a given. She said to me when she was 10, that she was going to win an olympic record for her Mum, and that is something that was almost guaranteed to happen this year, she was going to become the youngest person to hold an 100 metre olympic record for her Mum and now she might never win an olympic record let alone go to an olympics. I was going to captain my country in a world cup that we had a very good chance at winning and that was taken away from me, that certainty, the thing that shows who we are and what we have strove for just gets taken away from us. And yes you did miss out on the world cup too beth, but this is different. Your injury meant something different with your Mum too. Your injury gave you time with your Mum. Her injury is taking her away from her Mum.”

Beth just nodded at Leah, not knowing what to reply, Leah was right, but it didn't make seeing you like that any better. Leah walked away and opened the door, joining you in rehab, she sat on the side of your good leg, speaking encouraging words to you the whole. Which admittedly did help.

_____

Beth and Viv came to some of your rehab sessions, but they struggled watching, they couldn't deal with they were the reason you were in pain, it's what you wanted to do, but if they didn't sign the consent forms you wouldn't be in this much pain, but they knew deep down this is what was best.

Leah was there for you every rehab session she could be, she was in a different position, she understood how Beth and Viv felt and would feel the same if she was in that position, but she wasn’t. She felt differently about this because she was in that position and so she was determined to be your constant through this. She was so insistent on that, that when she had an endo flare-up really bad you had to instruct her to stay home, she tried using the excuse that because you were in pain and still doing rehab she should too, you told her that was dumb, and you had to be in pain to get better, she needed to rest to get better. The main reason was that the past few days you had started working on walking without assistance, and if you passed the tests today you would be able to, well more like strongly encouraged too, walk without assistance in small intervals, it would only be max 30 mins a day in total currently but it was something. But you didn't want Leah to know this. You wanted to surprise everyone.

You did exactly that in their next training session.

“Are you sure about this?” Viv asked you concerned

“Yes, are they all in there?” you replied.

“Yeah Jonas said we had a meeting to be there by 8:10, we messaged and said sorry we will be 5 minutes late.” Beth replied and you nodded

You crutched your way into the centre and gave Viv your crutches just as you neared the dining room entrance, Beth went ahead of you as you walked, albeit very slowly, behind her into the dining room. All heads turned to you, no one expected you to be there, you hadn’t had a day off from rehab since you started, and as you were doing external rehab you hadn’t seen much of the girls.

“Oh we thought you were Jonas, do you know where he is?” Kim asked.

“Yeah he is just behind u-” “Wait Viv, why are you holding crutches that are definitely not your size” Steph asked.

“Holy fuck kid, you’re walking,” Katie said when she finally realised that you were walking, once everyone realised that you got your crutches back from Viv, standing without your crutches was painful, everyone came up and hugged you and congratulated you, except for one person, the one person that you really wanted to surprise. You continued looking around the room thinking you just missed her or something but your search was interrupted by a hand on your shoulder, “She isn't in here kid, she is with the medics. I can take you to visit her if you want.” Lia whispered in your ear, you nodded your head.

“Beth, Viv, I’m just going to take Y/N/N to see Leah,” Lia told them, they nodded their heads.

“Leah, I have someone who would like to see you,” Leah chimed through the door, 

“What Lia, you can't say that about yourself,” “No, it's not me who would like to see you, it’s someone else” and with that Lia opened the door for you and you walked into the room cautiously, Lia followed behind you holding your crutches.

“OMG Y/N/N you're walking” you just grinned and nodded at her, she went to reach out to you for a hug but before she could she winced in pain and retracted into a ball. 

“Le, I think you need to go home, I told you, you shouldn’t have come today,” Lia said as she walked to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“Can Y/N come?” Leah asked timidly, “I’ll check with Beth and Viv first but yes.” Both you and Leah perked up at that

–

You entered the house a while after Lia and Leah, considering you had to get up the stairs which wasn’t the easiest task to do with crutches, but you managed it. You walked into the living room, and saw a photo, a photo you had hanging on your wall, it was bigger on this wall though, and sat next to what you could only assume was Leah’s Euro Final Jersey framed and her medal. You thought that it was sweet she had hung that photo of you up. You decided to sit on the couch and wait for Lia or Leah to come back out and talk to you, however you quickly fell asleep. You had basically been sleeping, eating or rehabbing since your injury so it wasnt out of the ordinary. Lia came out to check on you but found you asleep, so she decided to leave you asleep.

_____

You were lying in your bed, when Beth and Viv returned from their game, you were now getting a day off rehab every week, to slightly allow your body to rest. You had begged your rehab team to let you go to the game, but they said no, but they did mention maybe next week, so you were determined for that to happen. But currently you were in your bed tearing up at the thought of playing football, you were so determined to just get back you had forgotten about why you wanted to get back to it so much, the family feeling, the feeling once you scored a goal, the feeling of winning with some of the closest people in your life, the feeling of being free, having nothing else on your mind other than the game. You were in sobs by the time Beth and Viv had opened your door.

“Oh Baby, what’s wrong?” Beth asked as she went to sit beside you on the bed. 

“I-I’m s-so-sorry,” you cried out, Beth pulled you into her side, wrapping her arms around you, you buried your head in her chest. Viv walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to you, before she started to rub your back.

“There is nothing to be sorry about, it's okay to cry, what you’re going through isn’t something small, and isn’t something easy.” Beth reassured you.

“No. I’m sorry for yelling at you the first day in the hospital, and for being mean to you both when you’re just trying to help me, and that you have to look after me.”

“It’s okay, we’re here for you Kleintje, this injury hasn’t been easy and won’t be, so if you need to get mad at us sometimes that is okay. And we will always look after you, we love you, we wouldn’t want to do anything else than help you when you’re sick or injured.” Viv replied.

“But you shouldn’t have to look after me, it's not your fault I dont have parents.” Beth was surprised it took this long for the emotions of your parents not being able to look after you to hit, she felt it while she was recovering from her ACL and she didn’t have her Mum. The date also hadn’t slipped her mind for the entire day. She felt as though this conversation, this set of emotions, would be something you would prefer to have with just Beth, someone who understood in what you felt, she was older so it was easier on her in some way, but it doesn't make it hurt any less, it just meant she understood what was happening to her Mum where you didn’t. She looked up to Viv, and gave her a soft, sad, warm smile. Viv picked up on what Beth was silently communicating. Beth had a small tear roll down her face before she looked up at the roof, Viv wiped the tear away and kissed her quickly before she got up and headed to the door.

“I’m just going to have a shower, let me know if you need anything.” Viv said, she really didn;t want to leave you two but knew she needed to.

“Thank you,” you mumbled before she shut the door, she knew that it wasn't just for helping you, but for leaving, even though it went against everything in her being.

“I-I’m sorry,” “It’s okay Vivy understands. Can you sit up for me quickly?” You did as Beth said, she sat more upright resting her back against the pillows on the headboard, before pulling you onto her lap, you sat parallel to the headboard leaning your side into her, resting your head against her shoulder. You pulled your good leg into a ball, trying to feel safe. Beth wrapped her arms around you tightly, and started slightly rocking side to side. She kissed your forehead before she started talking again. 

“Y/N, it's okay to be upset, every date is just as important as the other. Today means something, every date means something. Today marks the start, and that’s just as important as the end.”

“It’s hard Beth.”

“I know it is, but you’ve got this, I’m here with you, I’m here for you, I understand, you never have to explain anything to me, I get it, but just know that she loves you, and she would be incredibly proud of you.” You felt a drop of water hit your shoulder, Beth was crying now too.

“I-I love y-you, th-thank you.” She nodded, you knew she wouldn’t be able to talk, you were struggling to talk, your tears choking back your words. She unwrapped the arm that was in front of you and you saw her moving her hand towards yours, you quickly grabbed it and held onto it tightly. You sat there soaking up Beth’s comfort, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

_____

Commonwealth Games 2026

“We’re here trackside with Y/F/N Y/L/N who at just 17 years old has broken 4 records today, 3 officially and one unofficially. She has just finished her first competitive 100m back since her career ending injury, with an absolutely insane time of 10.45. Giving her a second gold medal of the day.”

“An absolute masterclass out there Y/N/N, how do you feel?”

“Honestly amazing. On a high. I-I can’t believe it. Let alone find the words to express it” you said puffing.

“How’s the knee feeling? Recovery mustn’t have been easy.”

“Yeah no, the knee is feeling great, recovery was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I had some fantastic people surrounding me and helping me and guiding me through it all. And I just wanted to give a massive thank you to Tim and his team. Without their belief, fantastic skill set and unbelievable knowledge I probably wouldn't even be here competing today, let alone standing here with a gold medal. But also to all my teammates, and to my parents who made me who I am, I love you both.”

[cffeelia]

divine, divine | k. namjoon

“you are my pain divine, divine.”

summary: your long time boyfriend is the leader of the biggest band in the world. you’d imagine he would have some more time for you now that the group was temporarily disbanded, but he’s still busy with an album, leaving you to feel unwanted and lonely. it’s only a matter of time before he leaves for the military and all you want is to see him do anything but fall asleep in his studio.

kind of angsty but pinky promise it ends on a good note 🙏🙏

2022

bts has become apart of your life as much as it’s apart of your boyfriend’s, seeing as he’s the leader of the group. for the past 4 years, youve grown closer to the boys, growing a special relationship with each of them. from sitting backstage on tour, to placing blankets over them as they slept in their studio. you’ve seen all of their highs and lows, seeing as their moods basically determined your boyfriends.

namjoon lives vicariously through his band mates, if they were upset, so was he. 2020 was a rough patch for everyone, but namjoon took it so harshly. that was the first time you’d ever seen him sob, hands running through his bleached hair as he fell to his knees in your shared apartment.

“what am i even good for if it’s not music? and i can’t even get anything out in this time where everyone needs me. ____, why am i even here?”

all you could do was tuck his head into your chest, your mouth lightly parted as tears fell silently while he cried into your shirt. he’s never crashed this hard before, you needed to say something, anything.

you managed to calm him down after about ten minutes, the night ended with him wrapped in your arms, eyes puffed from his sobs.

thankfully, that year never repeated. you learned a lot about namjoon, his moods, how to comfort him. he wasn’t always a touchy guy, opting for words of affirmation both to you and to receive, but this year taught him how much he loved to be held by you. he would never take that for granted.

things went back to normal after about two years, and bangtan was excited to perform again for their permission to dance tour, though it wasn’t to the scale of the one they originally planned. however, the tour was successful, and definitely memorable for not just you, but your boyfriend and his band mates as well. you can still recall the night they closed off the tour, ‘mikrokosmos’ always would hold a special place in your heart, this group really loved their fans, it’s so admirable to see an artist hold that much love for people simply because they enjoy their music.

nothing good lasted forever, though.

june 14, 2022, during 2022 festa, bangtan officially announced their hiatus. you knew this news was coming since january of that year, but this wasn’t the bad part. if anything, you were excited to spend more 1-on-1 time with the love of your life, and for his close friends to get a break from the spotlight, but it wasn’t what you thought it was.

immediately after this announcement, namjoon was working like crazy on more music. their repackaged album was already out, and the busan concert went well, so why was he still calling you from his studio to tell you he wouldn’t make it for dinner again? that’s how you ended up in your car, trying not to violate traffic laws as you angrily drove to the hybe building.

“mr namjoon, someones here for you.”

the studio door opened to reveal a staff member, namjoon got up groggily from his seat, a little pissed of that his flow was interrupted.

taking the elevator to the first floor, he imagined it was probably some producer offering their beats again. why wasn’t security listening when he said he knew what he was doing for this album?

he wasn’t expecting you, hair braided out of your bare face. you wore his white tshirt and loose fitting jeans, clearly you rushed out of the house.

“hey baby. what’s up?” he slowly made his way to you.

“don’t ‘hey baby’ me, are you seriously doing this again?” you took his hand, dragging him back to his studio.

“what do you mean?” he struggled to keep up as you paced into the elevator, jamming the floor seven button

“____, hey, what’s going on? are you ok?” he cupped your face, dark circles hung along your eyes, your eyelashes poking straight out instead of their usual curled position. were you crying?

“no namjoon, im not! i thought you were done working on music, i want you to come home!” dramatically flinging your hands around, you looked longingly up to your boyfriends eyes, his hand still caressing your cheek.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t tell you. i’m preparing another album before i have to go to the military this december.” he smiled softly to you, but you didn’t return it. your face lost all emotion, turning back to the buttons on the elevator.

“i’m going home then, goodnight.”

“what? hun, what’s wrong? i’ll come home this wholeeee week. i promise, i just got a late start today babe.”

he grabbed your hand to stop your from pressing the lobby button.

“baby, look at me.” turning your head towards his smiling face, you knew you were in for it now. you planned to tell him off, and get him to come home. now you felt bad for interrupting his music process, and couldn’t keep up your angry girlfriend act any longer.

“just let me wrap up, ok? you can come with, there’s still some takeout in my office. give me thirty minutes i promise.” your eyes fell to his pinky, sticking out for you to interlock yours with and seal his promise.

you pecked his lips, looking away embarassed that he sweet talked the anger out of you.

“i love you, you’re real cute.” he whispered as he lead you into his studio.

2023

so much for the stupid fucking pinky promise, once again you were left alone in your bed. namjoon was surprisingly here tonight, but he had barely said a word, his exhaustion took him over, and he almost fell asleep in the shower if it weren’t for you coming in to brush your teeth.

now he was sleeping at your side, head skimming your shoulder as you sat, propped up on your pillows, scrolling mindlessly on your phone. it was supposed to distract you, but your for you page wanted you to remember everything that you were missing out on. you know this is a hard time for bangtan, but what about you? namjoon was overworking himself as if he didn’t have ten whole months before he would have to enlist.

you wanted to feel bad for him, it’s so selfish to tell him to abandon his work to come spend time with you. but seriously, what the fuck? you didn’t even get to kiss him on new years, he spent it with jhope, in their stupid fucking studio.

your phone flashed all colors of purple and white, the tiktok video was from an army recounting their concert memories from 2019 during the lysy tour. you remember that night, hearing thousands of english speaking armys defy the boundaries of language to sing in korean for bts. it made you cry too, but this video inflicted both frustration and sadness in you now.

you turned your phone off, tossing it to the side and climbing into your sheets, head facing namjoons as he slept. you let a tear roll silently down your cheek, you wish he could care as much as he used to. he unconsciously grabbed your arm, barely awake as he interlocked arms with you, and shuffled higher on the pillows. he basically was inviting you into his arms. hesitantly, you scooted until you were in his chest, you arms naturally reaching up to his neck.

that one tear became two, then three, then you lost count. hopefully he wouldn’t notice how soaked his shirt was, you sniffled lightly, careful not to wake him. you had almost drifted to sleep, exhausted from your heavy breathing while you let your emotions fall from your heavy lids. namjoon pulled you into his chest tighter, feeling the wet stain of your tears startled him awake.

he gasped lightly and groggily sprung up from bed

“what? what’s wrong?” you asked, flipping a lamp on, your voice hoarse as you tried to wipe your tears discreetly.

“what, what, is this you?” he pointed to the dark circle staining his loose shirt.

this only earned a sniffle from you, everything fell out all at once, snapping joon out of his sleepy trance, he listened as close as he could, extremely sleep deprived and barely even awake.

“i miss you so much joonie, it’s- it’s- like, not the same anymore!” you sniffled “all i want is to just enjoy waking up with you and going out to cute cafes again without music being behind it! please,” your hands slapped into your eyes, “please joonie can you just, just come back to me once in a while? why am i competing with your music? shouldn’t you prioritize me? i feel so unimportant.” your voice died down, namjoon wasted no time in tucking you back into bed, he let you roll onto his chest.

“hun, you should’ve spoke up. i broke our promise, i know i did, i should’ve apologized princess.” he kissed your temple. “i’m so sorry, ____, i’ll spend more time with you baby. it’s been so hard huh?” he tilted his head back to see your relaxed face, still leaking tears onto his shirt.

“yes, i just wanted you to come home, i feel like i’m loosing it, i haven’t even showered for the past three days, i didn’t wash my face joonie everything’s just a fucking task right now.” you let out another sniffle before looking back into his eyes. “when will you just be how you used to again?”

he felt himself recharge as he looks into your beautiful eyes, though half lidded. he felt like he could sleep in your eyes, they were truly heaven. so much so he forgot to reply, “i know baby. it’s ok, you’re ok, i’ll find a way to stay home more often, that sound good?”

you nodded, puckering your lips lightly, he kissed you once, then again, and again, then your cheek, ear, neck, then back to your lips.

it pained him so much to see you hurt over him, especially when he knows you’ve been innocently waiting like the perfect girl you are for him to say something to you.

after a while, the two of you fell asleep, arms crossed around each other as he caught up on some much needed rest. neither of you woke up until 2pm, joon replaced himself with a pillow, letting you sleep some more while he walked to the living room. his guitar sat in the corner of the room, where it had been collecting dust for two years now.

he rushed back into the room to quietly grab his laptop, also stealing a soft kiss on your lips, before he sat down on your shared couch. he knew what he wanted this song to sound like, he just needed lyrics and now, he finally found them.

copying your words, he began to play quietly. it took a while, but he got the premise of the song eventually, deciding to put the guitar down to cook the two of you some breakfast. he turned the stove on, getting to work making pancakes.

the smell woke you up, even though the food had been made, your boyfriend knew it could be reheated. if you weren’t ready to wake up, he wouldn’t come get you. so, he settled back down with his guitar, playing his untitled song.

it was the sound that lulled you out of bed. despite what you’d said last night, you loved to hear namjoon singing. you stumbled into the living room, sitting down beside namjoon as he continued his song, eyes skimming over you. the smile in his voice was audible. you layed your head on his shoulder, letting the vibrations of his voice relax you.

this was exactly what you missed, just quality time with the light of your life. you had never felt better than at that exact moment, it was the peak of your relationship.

just like his lyrics, it was divine, divine.

i have ideas for a part two if anyone’s interested 😽😽 lmk!!