#Bastil Ardeen

[birchbow]

Sketchbook scanning time: PoF edition! feat. the page where I hashed out Yozuna's Whole Deal, Halores, and the page with the prompt "Fashion" which I immediately filled with various clown outfits lmao.

Still waiting for a good chance to use y'all, Silly Big Clown Pants With Thong And Underboob, Fat Fabulous Candystripe Dandy, Croptop Clown Monk, and Tits Out Masquerade. I love you. mwah

[justforclowns]

There is not a single brain cell pictured in this image.

Bastil the rooster lady belongs to @birchbow (mind the blog warnings)

I started this back in April and just got around to finishing it just for tumblr to murder the quality (because I don't know how to make an appropriate sized canvas.)

[birchbow]

I think it would have been hilarious for bastil to even ATTEMPT to approach halore for drone season. All bold with big words she doesnt know how to use and "doing our duty" bullshit. And halore is sitting there trying to resist the urge to throw her in an airlock

Oh, she certainly would have tried! There's a reason I specifically shouted out how sulky and irritable she looked in the aftermath lmao. I feel like drone season rejections are extra crushing because it's basically like. A combination of "I know this is life or death but. I can do better" and "not if it was fuck you or die" and "Find somebody else and if you can't then Perish 👁️👁️"

Like she's not stupid, she gets he's playing hard to get because of his whole weird baggage that Feeder What's-His-Nuts pointed out, she got the message, okay, she has to persist and slowly climb this mountain, but. Goddamn. It's like he didn't even see the tumbling routine OR the big red heart full of candied beetles. >:I

[birchbow]

Can we see a drawing of Travye all embarrassed and flustered cuz of bastil. That would be the best thing ever!!!

TBH you really have to picture a huge, solemn, very dignified tiger being bopped repeatedly in the face by a kitten lmao. THE AFFRONT. THE INDIGNITY.

Anonymous asked: Bastille had my whole heart in a purely platonic manner and I wish her so well in her pursuit of Feeder Trayve. She's gotta have the gumption if she's gonna fill that quadrant.

oh anon she would need a whole lot more than gumption lmao

[birchbow]

*approaches like a starving victorian orphan* pls may we have have an excerpt 🥺

I've been working on original novel stuff and Winter Soldier inspired pale Gamkar stuff for a hot second, so there's not a ton of new PoF to excerpt at the moment, but u know I can never say no to interest in my fics haha :D

--

The door opens again, and it’s not a quadrant of yours this time.  A sister with a crest of hair bright mutant red between her horns and more scarves than clothes comes in like she’s got a suspicion she’s being followed, and closes the door sharp again behind her.  Looks real familiar—for a second, you can’t quite place her.

And then you recognize, and are taken immediate by both anger and delight.  Aggravation at the motherfucking presumption, to come to you after you closed court—simultaneous, the anticipating joy of a building joke well set up to add to.  You’ll play to the joke, but not at expense of your authority.  This little motherfucker better learn quicker than you suspect she will, or she’ll have quite the lesson coming.

Karkat turns back to look at her with an expression far from inviting, folds his arms in all his shiny imperial armor and glares at her.  She pays him attention enough to look and then nod, and then crosses the Big Top, bows at you and then bounces up a careless touch sooner than she should.

She says, “I got your message, my lord.”

You consider her, and whether you sent any kind of message, and are quickly and assuredly positive that no such motherfucking thing did you do.  Karkat looks from you to her and back and seems to determine that exact thing, from what tell of yours you don’t know—his eyebrows go up, and then down, and then crease in the middle.

“We’re in the middle of imperial business,” he says, strict and snapping like he must be with his recruits.  “And court’s closed.  Do your auditory sponges not fucking work?  Is your thinkpan damaged?!  Or do you just think you’re too good to listen to a direct order from the Grand Highblood?”

“I was invited,” says Ardeen, and looks, expectant, to you.

--

(And one or two brief snippets of things still dubiously canon and half-written:)

-

It’s pan-rot stupid of you, maybe—you know he won’t go easy on you, tough old hatchet of a motherfucker, with all he knows and feels and has done—but on All Colors Week, the rules lay out that you can get up in a holy champion’s personal business and challenge that motherfucker for a flag.  Not to grief them, you’ve got your ass whipped enough times by now to know you’re not ready for that yet—but if you manage to impress in their chosen challenge, that flag in royal purple is theirs to grant and give over, and you’ll be honored like a motherfucking champion yourself the rest of the holiday.

He won’t go easy on you, because he doesn’t go easy on any motherfucking one, but in scripture—in scripture if nothing else, you think you’ve found ground you can hold.

“Feeder Stædfast,” you say, and he lifts a brow at the manners you’re aiming at him, turning full to face you and snapping shut his book.  “I think you got something there you might hand me over.”

Both brows up this time, double surprised.  “Oh," he says, "Is that so?”

-

“Nitram,” snarls Kurloz, and then he moves like a lightning bolt and tries to take your friend’s head off his shoulders.

-

Karkat looks at Sollux, then at you, then opens his mouth, and then clamps it shut again and does what appears to be some kind of painful breathing routine, like he’s physically compressing his rage down into something manageable.  When he opens his eyes, his voice is very nearly calm.

“Okay,” he says.  “Fuck.  This is going to take some cleaning up.  Shit.  We can salvage this.”

[birchbow]

i had a dream last night in which bastil was literally three trolls in a trenchcoat and i don't know what to do with that but i felt like i should tell you

TBH considering her total lack of self-awareness about her own physical and emotional state, she might as well be lmao.

[birchbow]

Pieces move around the board, with varying levels of skill.  Gamzee gets vibe-checked.  Karkat asks questions.  The church elder groupchat pops the fuck off.  Feeder Travye gets conscripted into the most dangerous game.  Uderak undergoes the mortifying ordeal of being known.  The future Grand Highblood and greatest acrobatterer in the universe rises from the masses like a firebird to take her place center stage where she's always deserved to be.

Bonus:

[birchbow]

Oh i LOVE bastil what the fuck. Go girl i believe in u get that bread (can we see a scribble of her please on my hands and knees i love ur clowns)

SHE WILL BE THE GREATEST ACROBATTERER THE UNIVERSE HAS EVER KNOWN! BASTIL ARDEEN!!! REMEMBER THAT NAME!!!

cock-a-doodle-doo bitches lmao

[birchbow]

by 50% of votes majority:

“Keep it to yourself for once, Ianche,” says Untoxxic, and presses play on the recording again.

“What acquaintance would that be?” says Travye.  He’s got his fronds crossed, and looks both a wary and an irritated motherfucker.  Sister who came to you on Turning Day is wearing about the tightest little shorts you ever saw and all her scarves and if there’s a shirt under there it’s small enough the scarves cover it up.  You’re not so good at reading Feeder Travye’s face as you are at Kurloz’s, but you’re aware pretty keen that he’s caught far wrong-footed.

“Oh, I think you might know,” says the sister, and winks at him.  Travye’s mouth opens; it shuts again. 

“…What motherfucking intention did you bring here,” he says.

“A bold and fearful one, brother,” declares your sister, and strikes herself a pose.  Holy shit.  Not even a little bit flinching, for all there’s a feeder staring at her and a whole crowd of kin getting their watch on.  You gotta respect, really.  “Name: Bastil Ardeen!  Aspiration: a lifetime of the holiest motherfucking outrageousness!  And I intend to win your heart!”

Untoxxic laughs so hard they almost drop their palmhusk.  You have to snatch out and grab it as they rock back in their seat and go in dry, shrieking cackles; Travye’s brows have gone right up to his horns, and his mouth has full dropped right the fuck open. 

Travye says “This is a step too daring by far,” warning in his tone, and sister Ardeen laughs and does a real nice front-flip up to right in front of him with all her scarves waving.

“You will well learn,” she says, and snatches up his frond to kiss it.  Travye stares at her in affront so clear-cut he might well not be painted at all.  Sister Ardeen appears to note it not a single fucking glance.  “There is no step too daring for the greatest acrobatterer!  Bastil Ar—”

Travye flicks her frond off his and hauls her up by scruff of her neck like a lusus with its grub.  You’d bet he’d prefer it real well if everybody couldn’t make out the fact that his ears and his fins are going a bright and flustered-up purple—for all his blushing though, he bothers with not a word of argument.  Just gives her a firm shake when she starts to open her mouth, winds back and full-body throws her, bowls her off down the hallway past whoever’s recording in a yelping, thudding mess. 

“Learn yourself respect, pupa,” he says.  “Or you’ll be schoolfed the hard way.”  And then he turns, makes a flicker of flashstep, and is gone.

You’re laughing too, and you can’t help it.  “Fuck,” you say, as the video ends.  “Shit!  Oh, holy shit, he’s gonna beat my ass into the ground.”

[othercat2]

Bastil is so dumb. I love her so much.

I think it would have been hilarious for bastil to even ATTEMPT to approach halore for drone season. All bold with big words she doesnt know how to use and "doing our duty" bullshit. And halore is sitting there trying to resist the urge to throw her in an airlock

Oh, she certainly would have tried! There's a reason I specifically shouted out how sulky and irritable she looked in the aftermath lmao. I feel like drone season rejections are extra crushing because it's basically like. A combination of "I know this is life or death but. I can do better" and "not if it was fuck you or die" and "Find somebody else and if you can't then Perish 👁️👁️"

Like she's not stupid, she gets he's playing hard to get because of his whole weird baggage that Feeder What's-His-Nuts pointed out, she got the message, okay, she has to persist and slowly climb this mountain, but. Goddamn. It's like he didn't even see the tumbling routine OR the big red heart full of candied beetles. >:I

[birchbow]

NO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY CLOWN BUG ALIEN SUPREMACY

There is not a single brain cell pictured in this image.

Bastil the rooster lady belongs to @birchbow (mind the blog warnings)

I started this back in April and just got around to finishing it just for tumblr to murder the quality (because I don't know how to make an appropriate sized canvas.)