#BUT still keep this one since ive still got random muses

[madalice31]

Kind of random but seeing Kristen Stewart at the Met while FKA was there annnd Rob with Suki brought something to mind. I was a big twilight fan but the fandom on tumblr got so crazy at one point. People literally refused to believe Kristen and Rob had broken up. It was literally years of people saying they were married with kids. Literally arguing with you on the subject because people who have never met Rob and Kristen swore they knew more about their lives then anyone. Blatantly lying about seeing a marriage certificate or having some kind of inside scoop.

What the funny thing is tho, they were never true fans. Kristen came out as Bi years ago and has only dated women since breaking up with Rob. But the “fans” would rather ignore her identity and orientation and substitute what they wanted. I mean write a fan fic all day to quell your thirst, but actually trying to convince people that they’re not only still together but married with two children is just blatantly disrespectful to the people involved. Sure they were private back in the day, or at least tried desperately to be, but that doesn’t mean they would hide a marriage and kids and publicly date other people to keep their cover. I honestly would be worried about them as people if they or anyone ever did that. And I was and still am worried about the fans who not only believed that shit, but defended it. Of course the main blog that pushed this idea is nowhere to be found now. Smh. The joys of being anonymous on the internet. You can spread bullshit lies and get away with it.

Anyway. I’m glad Rob seems to be extremely happy in his relationship. And Kristen, well I hope she’s alright. I’m usually always here for her looks but she wasn’t doing it for me at this years Met. If I’m honest, I was disappointed in her. I mean she was literally Karl’s muse and her outfit was nothing like what he would have styled her in. Hair not done. No make up. I mean literally the worst Ive seen her on a red carpet. And even if she wanted to dress more masc, she didn’t even have any of his signatures on like the high collar or fingerless gloves. Not even any shades?! I’m just surprised at her. But who knows. Maybe she going through something.

Anyway, random thought over 😅

Remember, just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. Won’t hurt my feelings.

[cloud-cluster]

[a03bkdk]

no quirks bkdk fic rec list (p 2)

thirsty gay wingman fic by lalazee

((smut-14130-1/1))

Oct 11, 2019 "Thinkin abt besties-since-birth BkDk goin to college together, Dk begrudgingly bein Bkg's wingman w/chicks & lamenting his big gay crush. One nite, Bkg cant get laid, hes drunk in a shitty mood, so Dk propositions him, which turns into the best night ever & the WORST consequences."

My tweet got 366 likes & 66 reblogs, so that was more than enough reason to write about it.

romeo and romeo by supercrunch

((10473-1/1))

There’s a nasally howl from the neighbour’s place. Izuku looks up – it’s the very loud, very blond guy living in the unit opposite. They’re technically in separate blocks but their balconies are close enough they can see into each other’s living rooms. He’s dancing around in his pyjamas. Yodelling at the top of his lungs off-key, swinging his Pomeranian around by the armpits like a furry ragdoll. “You’re a dog! You’re a fluffy little yellow dog and you’re a pain in the ass but you’re still my favourite shit-stain, yeah!”

Izuku bursts out laughing. The neighbour’s head whips around. He yelps when he sees him, tossing the dog on the couch and scrambling out of view to hide in the hall.

Izuku drops the watering can and runs back inside to find his phone.Small Might: Guys. I've decided i have a crush on my neighbour.

(quarantine baking: a balcony romance)

mechanical bull by warschach

((smut-27573-1/1))

Katsuki has a track record of bad choices, it's a condition, but Izuku might be the one choice that's right.

battle of the bands by roadtripwithlucifer

((smut-168158-26/26))

'The rules are simple. Battle of the Bands. Local bands send in a single track to the radio station, and ten tracks are selected. Over the coming month, the songs play on the station and listeners vote on the top five. The top 5 play a live concert as part of a music festival, then the top 3 at a larger, indoor venue. The top two have the honor of opening on the first stop of All Might’s retirement tour – here. In Izuku’s home town. And finally, the winner gets the ultimate prize. Getting to spend the rest of the tour, forty cities, across the country as All Might’s opener. Three months. Same tour bus. Shoulder to shoulder with the greatest musicians the world has ever known.'Izuku Midoriya is a broke college student presented with the opportunity of a lifetime. But winning isn't gonna be easy, especially when one band's aggressive blonde frontman seems to be dead-set on making Izuku's life a living hell.

oh my god! they were roomates! by phatye

((smut-79108-57/57))

“Don’t go through my shit, and if there’s a tie on the door, then fuck off!” Katsuki growled. “...what?” he asked. Katsuki glared at him. “This is fucking college, and I plan on getting laid a lot! I don’t need some nerd cockblocking me! And what is with all the fucking toys here!” Katsuki had moved over to his shelves. “Are you a fucking child or something?!” This was not what he was expecting.

shades of blue by young_crone

((smut-22525-1/1))

Echoes filtered down the white hall as he descended the stairs toward the locker rooms, reverberating from the pool. A whistle, the sound of breaking water. He swiped the towel over his face, paused. The sliver of cerulean catching the sinking sun pouring through the skylights, the red and white lane buoys, the burn of chlorine.Izuku ran a hand through his curls, snagging on a knot. The clock on the wall reminded him how late it was. A minute wouldn't hurt. He worried his lip. Just a glimpse.

k-9 by warschach

((smut- 18304-1/1))

Izuku takes in a stray on one rainy night, except it's not a dog, it's a dog shifter who goes by the name, Katsuki. After the initial wave of panic and embarrassment, Izuku thinks his new pet/roommate is pretty cute.

sucker punch by warschach

((smut-41551-1/1))

But, whatever, Disney Boy over there was—

Prettying up real damn good that Katsuki got kind of distracted—totally understandable, like god those CGI pine eyes—and didn’t see the straight path he made for the metal trash bin in the center of the area until he was tipping forward and waist deep in discarded bottles, plates, balled up tissues sticky with he prayed was chocolate ice cream and nacho cheese.

Mina howled behind the gate. “Look, Katsuki returned to his home.”

(or Katsuki works security at Six Flags and moonlights as a derby dude and continuously looks uncool around Izuku)

may I take your order, dipshit? by supercrunch

((6373-1/1))

So, like, maybe Bakugou wasn’t really the best choice for this whole pizza delivery shindig.

(Midoriya in love, Bakugou in denial, and way, way too much cheese.

A BakuDeku romance in thirty minutes or less. )

raise me so high (your sins become my pedestal) by stardust_painter

((smut-10804-2/2))

After his boyfriend cheats on him, Izuku wants to do something stupid. The question is how stupid does he want to be.

The answer is very stupid apparently.

eye for an eye or whatever by tobiyos

((smut-4049-1/1))

“I’ll make it up to you!” Izuku says brightly, lifting his head from Katsuki’s lap.

Katsuki’s eyes narrow but he isn’t still pushing Izuku away so. Progress. “Fuck are you gonna do to make it up to me?”

“Hmm…” Izuku says quietly, tapping at his chin. “Oh! You’re still a virgin, right?”

Katsuki chokes on his own spit and promptly renews his efforts of pushing Izuku away by the forehead. “Fuck off,” he wheezes, “get out of my room.”

leap of faith by ladyofsnails

((28771-4/4))

Midoriya Izuku is just a random kid who loves art, analyzes everything, and is obsessed with the (in)famous hero Mighty Spider. He's got a loving mother, a great uncle, and maybe not too many friends that aren't those two but he's working on it.

And then a random cute boy shows up at his school, a spider bites him, he meets his hero under the worst possible conditions, and it all goes to hell. Now he's got villains on his tail, a promise to keep to a dead guy, and a washed-up hobo as his mentor.

Here goes nothing.

green is the warmest color by gloriousporpoise

((smut-12287-2/2))

“Woah, someone call the fire department,” Eijirou says, elbowing Katsuki squarely in the ribs. “That guy is smokin.’”

“I literally hate you.”

Here’s the thing, though. Eijirou’s a certified dumbass, but his current observation isn’t even a little bit wrong, much to Katsuki’s displeasure.

“Think you can get his number?”

Or, Bakugou is a painter without a muse.

you and i collide by ethereals

((smut-20442-9/9))

And not that Bakugou’s the type to sexualize a potentially dead body; especially one that he just accidentally murdered, but the man has some pretty solid DSL’s. He would hit it, with more than just his car.

OR

in which rich fratboy! bakugou is a badass who accidentally hits poor med student!izuku with his car and chaos ensues therefore.

97.6 FM by jamjars

((smut-32249-3/3))

Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Or Radio Host! Baugou x Listener! Midoriya

give me that sweet love by xsxuxgxax

((smut-32768-9/9))

Things Katsuki needs to excel at: be hot, be clever and pretend to be nice, let Izuku kiss him publicly, let Izuku fuck him privately…

(sugar baby katsuki and sugar daddy izuku pretty much)

dance with me by astralchaos

((30161-10/10))

Mina pulled up a video of a young man, seemingly teen, dancing to a popular new hit, and Izuku felt his heart drop to his stomach. His skin prickled and felt clammy as he started sweating nervously, not daring to move or make a noise. His eyes were glued to the screen but he didn’t see anything – his brain was too busy going into overdrive and freaking out.

Because Mina was showing him a video of himself. The one he uploaded last night.

How on Earth did she find this? He had barely a few thousand views, he wasn’t popular, and it’s not like he was even any good, especially compared to her or Kacchan–

“That move was sexy as hell,” Kacchan said, and that was when Izuku realized that his childhood friend – his longtime crush – also leaned in to watch the video Mina was showing him.

puppies puppies by Esselle

((15491-2/2))

"So after doing all that," Katsuki says, "you're just going to settle here? Tatting up wannabe bad boys?"

"You think all guys who have a lot of tattoos are wannabes?" Midoriya asks, so smoothly that it throws Katsuki.

"Wh—no, I mean—maybe!" Katsuki says. "You'd know best, wouldn't you? Are you a bad boy?"

The words are out of his mouth before he even realizes it, and he regrets them immediately. There's a figurative list of things that one should never do, and probably high up on it is asking dark-haired sailors with ocean green eyes and black swirls of ink all across their barely concealed muscles if they are bad boys.

--

Katsuki thinks he has everything he needs in life: a successful pet shop, an occasionally reliable assistant, and the unconditional love of the twenty puppies he’s raising for adoption. But when the tattoo parlor next door hires Midoriya Izuku, a hot sailor with an affinity for dogs, it makes Katsuki wonder if he might need something more.

Like… a piece of that ass. Maybe. He’s figuring it the hell out as he goes.

im gonna make a part 3 later ergaegrggjnjuvuh

[phantomtied]

So today officially marks the three year anniversary of forces,a game that has a soft spot in my heart and actually got me back into sonic and loving the series again.November also marks the three year anniversary of this blog!,so as of today it’s officially three years since ive been rping with these doggos and its been a fun time!,I did originally have something else planned for today but my brain miscalculated forces actual release date so I was cut for time but I still do have something in mind for later this month!.

I just wanted to show appreciation for forces today and my boys here cause I love them so much and it makes me happy people here still enjoy them and what I do with them cause just Three years is a bit of a loto t-and I wanna give a bit more appreciation to some here,and wanna thank yall as much as I can people old and new!

And I wanna give y’all some positivity today with all that’s happened and just say y’all are really great you all matter each and every one of you,and you all are great writers and artists don't let anyone ever make you feel and think that you arent,dont let some fool try and bring you down and make you feel like you cant do something you like or feel bad for liking it keep being yourself and do what you love and just be kind and good to yourselves!

And I wanna thank all my friends you know who yall are,for sticking by me helping me through a lot n just listening to my rambles wether it be about these guys,ideas,or just random things when we vibe it means a lot and I couldn’t ask for better people to have met so thank you ,you guys are amazing and im really glad to have gotten to know each of you guys and hope we stay close and make more memories and chaos together and with out muses!

Seriously thank you all of you,im hoping to stick around longer!

[leam1983]

Quarantine Musings, Quatrième Partie: Electric Boogaloo

Danger. Darkness. Dwarves.

I’m in one of the deepest cavern networks I’ve seen in the past week-end. My last flare’s just started to dim out, casting the open mouth of the corridor, ahead, in partial gloom. The smooth dome of stone above me feels like a cathedral’s arch. I’ve found the Sistine Chapel in the depths of a forlorn rock waiting light-years away from my home - and all Management cares about is my quota.

The cavern’s mouth spits me into the largest chamber I’ve seen. My high-intensity flare gun’s payload hits a distant slope several hundred feet above me, turning into a barely-brighter star lost in the sea of bioluminescent fungi that coats what almost feels like the inner curves of a titanic geode. 

“Oh my God,” I say on Skype, cheekily adding a pause, “it’s full of stars...”

I’m joshing with my friends, of course, but that wonderment isn’t entirely fake. I’ve seen plenty of medium-sized chambers before, most of them cut off from one another by walls of packed dirt our Driller technician works through, or connected by long corridors that are just random enough to evoke the snakelike meanders left by streams of water eating away at limestone for thousands of years. Apart from my company’s provided space station, I haven’t seen a single space that carries the comforting lines of man-made design.

Nature carves away at rocks with no regard for Man’s ambitions. The walls close in or pull so far back the brightest of your flares becomes almost indistinguishable from the surrounding pockets of blood-red Nitra or sparkling, star-like Morkite. Nature cozies up in those dark, almost Eldritch spaces that haven’t seen light nor footstep since the planet’s formation, adding pockets of bioluminescence or other bits of chemical trickery that only succeed in piercing the pitch-black recesses with pockets of low, fey light. There aren’t staircases or guide-lights, here. One false step at the favor a dimmed flare could send me tumbling hundreds of feet down. To compensate, I obsessively keep an eye on my Terrain Scanner. The render isn’t especially legible, but it doesn’t take me too long to render those fat polygonal coils as my current prison of stone and crystal.

One of my friends pings a deposit. It’s gold - not mentioned in our quotas for the day, but still nonetheless appreciated. Our ancestors might’ve been the sort to wax on about the curse of gold, but we’ve got microprocessors to trace and solar panels to coat. With the company offering us room and board, filthy lucre matters less than coming back with a satisfactory performance report.

Our Gunner yells. He’s spotted Glyphid Swarmers and Grunts and runs back towards us. I turn to face his direction - effectively staring back at the sea of blackness that stretches behind me - when Management decides to warn us of the impending swarm just shy of a second after my colleague’s panicked, if astute observation. As I raise my flare gun again, I briefly catch sight of bobbing, ovoid patches of chemical light tinted a disquieting shade of seafoam. My headlight traces the contour of a leg, the curve of a mandible - and somewhere, the ghost of John Carpenter adds in the best anxiety-inducing Synthwave he can drum up. All that’s missing is jangling chains and the creak of rusting steel, and I’d swear I’m onboard the Nostromo.

My flare sails above the swarm, bringing all the curved carapaces and glowing internal organs into full view. The insects are converging, and they’ve noticed my colleagues taking potshots at their placid larvae.  

“Horde is on me!” I shout. The Gunner’s Gatling gun rattles up ahead, the massive bulk of an Oppressor following in the swarm’s wake. If that beast slaps its forelegs down with enough force, entire blocks of stone and crystal might fall down on us. None of us will survive being crushed under this. Pulling out my grapple hook launcher, I Batman my way out of the encroaching mass and opt to use my newfound perch and my few seconds of earned peace to refocus, as well as lend a hand. Pulling out my assault rifle, I follow the Gunner’s kiting efforts and take shots at any and all exposed organs I can see, pausing only to toss a manual flare. They’ll last for several seconds less than my launcher-delivered, high-intensity variety, but two or three seconds of chemical light is all Gunny needs to zero in on the Oppressor’s rear end and unload. The remaining Swarmers are rendered to mulch by our Driller’s arm-mounted drill-bits, and the errant pickaxe swing or two takes care of the rest.

We’re wounded and tired, and none of us have spotted veins of Red Sugar for almost fifteen minutes. “The Chapel”, as we’ve taken to referring to the now-obvious main chamber of the complex, has a few patches of packed earth that easily fall away to reveal other side-paths, other slithering byways delving towards deeper darkness. Being the Scout, I’m quick to notice that if a swarm cuts me off from my teammates in these twisting paths, I won’t have any decent angles of elevation to escape to. I’ll be able to sail across their numbers, sure - but only insofar as to turn their rear into their front. Their rear usually packs other Oppressors, Praetorians and Wardens - if not worse. 

The short of it is that if worse comes to worst around here, I won’t survive. The Engineer drops a turret at the tunnel’s entrance and decides we’ll try and circle around, see if there’s a point where the Chapel’s walls turn thin  and could be forcefully made to intersect with that corridor at the favor of a few pickaxe strikes.

Darkness has engulfed us again, by the time we’ve come to an agreement. The crystals weakly refract our headlights, looking almost spectral.

Unfortunately, my Gunny’s a Level One greenbeard. He’s spotted a chemical vent next to us, and noticed how the limestone deposits that have formed a chimney of sorts are easy to hack through. One errant swing too many adds a spark to flammable gases - and we all die.

Such is life in the unhallowed bowels of Hoxxes IV, and such is the lot of Deep Rock Galactic’s employees.

This comes highly, highly recommended.

[bigskydreaming]

Thank you again and still for all the help and support! I really truly can not imagine making it through the past couple days without it, considering I spent most of it awake and in the bathroom puking from the constant migraines that come with your head not being happy about its bones not being in the right place. Stress aggravates them, or at least my awareness of them, and because of how little work there is currently and how expensive being broke and disabled in LA is, let’s just say, there’s been stress, lol.

I’m feeling a bit better today, or at least I’m making myself pretend that and act like that since I’ve got another appointment at that clinic where I get my juicy and tasty IV bags of nutrients pumped into me since I barely even CAN eat, physically, which combined with the lack of sleep and the nausea, like, also not a great combination.

So, I mean it when I say your donations and support have absolutely been invaluable, everything from a couple dollars to an anonymous message, like, its all amazing and appreciated and invaluable. Yeah. I already said that, whoops, anyway, BUT I DIGRESS.

That’s about all of an update I have there, lol, so in other news, I should be around more today since like I said, I’m feeling a bit better and have possibly plateau-ed on this latest pain level. (My super-annoying superpower....ever since I was a kid I’ve been able to adapt to increases in pain like a pro. As in, being able to manage/function despite it. Course, I still feel it, but give me a day or two to adjust to a new norm in how much my body hates me currently, and then I can power through).

So, like I said, I should be around more today, and I’ll probably be random as hell. Like I’ve mentioned before, my blog is where I spew literally everything from inane thoughts to fandom feels, since its like.....my only social outlet these past couple years and the only way I get to interact with people who aren’t doctors. Expect no pattern in topics until I find whatever sticks and keeps me focused on it enough to serve as a distraction from, y’know, the broke body and broke bank account.

SO! Absolutely feel free to hit me up about anything and everything. ESPECIALLY if you’ve made a donation or sent me something. Like, I know some people who have sent money don’t even follow me or know me at all and are just generous spirits who saw my post somewhere, but for any of you who have sent any kind of support just cuz you like, like me and my rambles, lol, totally feel free to drop into my messages even on anon and say what kind of posts or content from me you really engage with and would love to see more of. I can’t make any promises or guarantees, unfortunately, given I didn’t expect or plan on crashing so hard these last couple days, bleh, and just....literally, like, writing more of the kind of stuff or posts people who have helped me stay alive is pretty much the only way I have of kinda giving at least something back, so I mean, I am happy to pounce on anything in that direction. 

Again, just can’t make any guarantees given how unpredictable my life is and depending on how many people send requests or prompts or messages, etc, but I don’t delete anything of that nature and I usually get back around to stuff EVENTUALLY. For instance, I’m REALLY hoping to finish up two one-shots today, one that’s focused on Duke, Dick and Cass from that prompt you sent me a couple weeks ago, @zee-gee, and the other uh.....that umm, TW/X-Men fusion you commissioned way longer ago than my pride will allow me to admit in public @camelotpark, lol. And like, those posts you see me making to @russianspacegeckosexparty about the changelings project I talk about a lot, like.....Adam basically just sends me random thoughts and prompts about it all the time, and its like a running thread that’s easy for me to pick back up and sink into whenever I see a new one in my inbox and I’ve got enough spoons at the moment to dig in.

Also have a couple other things I want to respond to today while I have the energy and a destined-to-be-longer-than-it-needs-to-be meta about Dick’s positioning in narratives with various other characters and WHY I think it so usually works out that way, and I’m aiming to keep that more like....musing-esque than rant-errific, but uh, let’s see how that actually goes, lmfao.

Anyway, that’s what I have in mind for today, aside from my going to get my IV buffet at ten and emailing and calling people from listings about rooms to rent, but tbh, I might just end up being even more random and sporadic than usual, if I can’t focus on any of those long enough to stay sufficiently distracted today. (Like, my other annoying superpower as long-time followers have heard before, is my ridiculously fast metabolism. I know, “oh no, I’m so skinny, poor me,” but like....its never been about weight gain or loss for me, its about how fast my body processes various medications, meaning pretty much every painkiller I’ve ever tried is largely useless to me, or at most wears off in a couple hours.....whereas my ADHD meds actually provide me MORE relief from the pain than any of them. Basically, they let me actually focus on something OTHER than pain and not get interrupted/distracted by the occasional pain spike that likes to remind me its there and wants my attention......so I mean, I still feel everything that comes with my head being physically out of whack, but for the hours vyvanse is working for me, coupled with some heavy duty pain meds, I can like.....just sorta....not care about it for awhile. Like, it hasn’t gone away but its more shoved to the back of my mind at least. And all of that, I’m happy to stuff in a closet whenever I can, lol).

And that’s enough rambles for this post, I think. LOLOLOL, as if I have a quota. But yeah. Just wanted to express how much your support has meant and continues to mean, and like.....I’m still here and alive and crossing fingers that I’ll hear about an actual surgery date soon, but in the meanwhile like......I’m kinda stuck in a perpetual Limbo, one that’s largely confined to whatever is in hobbling distance from my bed of the day, and as much as donations help me physically, in remaining able to at least stay that way, just, any and all interactions on here help by keeping me engaged with the world on at least some level, and make it so I have stuff to think or talk about beyond my own situation and how I’m not a super huge fan of that.

(Okay, I shouldn’t say any and ALL interactions are appreciated, since I have my fun little runs of anon hate in my inbox, but I mean, all of the above is why they’re not really a big deal to me and never have been. Its like, dude, my own body has been trying to take me out for the past three years, and you think a few insults from an anonymous stranger are gonna do the trick? LOLOL, please. Tbh, the only real negative effect anon hate has on me is that it makes me a bit more snappish and quick to assume the worst than I’d like, when people @ me in a way that I misread as aggressive or in bad faith. I’m aware that my day-to-day temperment is a lot more irritable and open to fights than I usually like to be, as self-control is kinda a big deal to me, and my situation and stress and other shit kinda keep me constantly operating at a level best described as itchy, and none of that is an excuse for any times I read an interaction wrong and go for the throat. I just mean like.....I’m a very blunt and straight-forward person, and I do appreciate when people take a similar approach to me as it really helps keep those misreads to a minimum. Any time someone wants to engage with me in some way, I promise I am SO much easier to talk to if you just....put it out there, whatever it is. Its the games people play online (and in real life) that just frustrate the hell out of me and...yeah. Again, I’m not saying any of that as an excuse or a request for a free pass any time I fuck up an interaction or cross a line, I’m just saying, if anyone’s held back on interacting with me because they think I might snap at them or mistake it for them trying to start a fight, like......just be direct with me. Honestly, thats just....always gonna be more productive when it comes to me.)

But yeah. So that’s the current state of me and all that jazz. Again, I so appreciate everything everyone’s done to support me, not just these past couple days but over the course of these past three years as well. I notice and remember all of it, and its why even though I rant and complain and am critical about so much in society and fandoms and all that.....I really truly am a believer in the idea that there’s more good in people and the world than bad, and the bad just tends to be louder is all. It was especially loud for me the last couple days, the volume got way jacked up, but the goodwill from you guys has been more than enough to drown it out and give me some reprieve.

Alright, shutting up now. All done. The end.

[dr-gloom]

What You Wanted (Ch 5)

So for those of you who’ve seen teardroppeddew’s Good For You animatic, it’ll be pretty obvious that i sorta deviated from the plot

I had to make the chapter longer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

you ever get the feeling a chapter just writes itself?

anyways ive wanted to write about the split and the creation of the dark sides since remus was introduced so thanks for giving me the excuse 

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairing: none; familial LAMP

Words: 4,276

Tags/Warnings: manipulation, deception, mind control, fighting, insecurities and fears, Virgil becomes a bit of a self affirmation billboard but oh well, I suppose one might consider Janus and Remus morally grey

Please reblog the version with links

Virgil is left on his knees in front of the door, its already dark appearance barely distinguishable in the blackness of the subconscious. He doesn’t know how long he sits there crying and staring at the door disbelievingly, but it could have easily been hours. This couldn’t be real. Why now, of all times? Why wait this long to tell them? And why did they believe him so easily? They hadn’t even wanted to talk to Virgil about it, they’d just taken Janus at his word and kicked Virgil out like he was nothing.

Virgil sniffs, wiping his cheeks on his hoodie sleeve as he gets to his feet. He looks around the darkness and brushes off his pants, picking a random direction and starting to walk. There was very little actually in the subconscious save for the other two sides and some random objects for… reasons no one had really figured out, but they had managed to find enough to create their own living space; couches, chairs, that sort of thing. Virgil thought to himself he might as well look for a couch to bury his face in until he fades away.

He feels like he’s been walking for hours with no luck. Not a single sign of life or stray mystery object in sight, the door long gone. He’d begun to consider just laying down on the ground when a voice behind him nearly scares him out of his skin. 

“Virgil, what a surprise to see you back here.”

Virgil whirls around, coming face-to-face with Janus and Remus. Janus’ face is carefully neutral, his posture elegant and poised as always, but the rage is clear in Remus’ snarl, his hands balled into fists at his side. Virgil swallows. 

“If you’ve come back for another round, don’t worry. I’m letting you go.”

All anger and fear is erased, washed away in place of bone-chilling panic. With what just happened, the way the “light sides” had so casually pushed him aside, Janus and Remus were all Virgil had left. Yes, Virgil had been angry, he’d been ready to beat the shit out of Janus if he saw him, but the realization that he could be well and truly alone had erased all desire to keep the two sides away. If Janus didn’t even care about him anymore... “What?” 

Janus sighs through his nose, inspecting his gloved nails. “You heard me. I’m tired of fighting, I’m much more concerned with surviving this hellscape. So, I’m shutting my mouth and letting go. You can go back to the ‘light sides’. I’m done.”

Virgil shakes his head, eyes wide, heart beating fast. “Wait- wait a minute…”

“I mean, clearly you’ve been working hard! You’ve got those three wrapped around your little finger; they’ve got it bad, worse than I ever did. So I won’t interfere with your little game; go on, the show belongs to you now. I know when I’m beat.”

Tears well in Virgil’s eyes. “No, you’re wrong, I was never manipulating them! They’re my friends! Why did you tell them all of that?!”

Janus blinks innocently. “Well, it’s true isn’t it? Or did you really forget the seven months’ time you put into trying to get them to our side?”

Virgil shakes his head, taking a step back as panic wells in his chest. “N-no, it’s not- you’re wrong, I care about them, it’s not like that.”

Remus and Janus share a smirk as their wires wind their way around Virgil’s wrists, the anxious side too panicked to notice. Virgil was the last piece; he was always more powerful than he’d ever know, and as such he was a vital part of Remus and Janus gaining control of the mindscape. As long as they had control of him, they couldn’t fail. 

Virgil tugs at his hair, his heart racing. “This isn’t good, I need to fix this, I know I can get them to-” He notices the wires wrapped around his wrists and lets out a startled cry, pulling at them to get them off. More wires wrap around his wrists and neck, and Virgil slowly goes lax, the panic melting from his face and hands lowering to his sides. Remus and Janus share a triumphant look, heading towards the door to the mindscape with Virgil. 

(∩ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━☆ﾟ

Janus sighs contentedly as he lounges on his bed. It’s been twenty years since he’s set foot in his room and it’s hardly changed at all, much to his relief. Yellow walls with black accents and furniture, a snake tank on his dresser - if they’d been real people and her a real snake, Janus has no doubt Calypso would be dead - and a TV mounted to the wall opposite his bed. Remus had been ecstatic to find out he himself had a room, which had manifested when he introduced himself to Thomas. Janus hadn’t been in it yet, but he was sure it reflected the duke’s personality perfectly (part of the reason he hadn’t gone inside yet; he loves Remus, but the man was a bit chaotic). 

There’s a knock at Janus’ door and Morality walks in, his golden eyes crinkled with a smile and the wires around his wrists glinting in the light. “Hiya kiddo! Brought you some lunch!” 

Janus doesn’t even look away from his TV as he grunts and waves a hand towards his desk, his other hand stroking Calypso’s head. Morality happily sets the tray down and walks out of the room without another word, shutting the door behind him.

This is the life. Getting to relax in his own room, lay on his own bed, do as he pleases, only talk if he wants to talk, and use Morality as a glorified servant? He never thought he’d see the day. Janus’ musings are interrupted by Remus ripping his door open. “Come kill villagers in the imagination with me!”

He definitely would never see the day where Remus learned to knock.

“You know I don’t care much for that sort of thing, Remus. Take Virgil with you if you’re in such dire need of companionship.”

Remus shrugs, leaving to do just that. Janus sighs at his still-open door. Seriously, it’s like he was living with a child. He stands up, shutting his door with a soft click and going back to cuddling Calypso. He starts to feel drowsy and closes his eyes.

“Virgil is missing!”

Janus’ eyes fly open, looking at Remus’ haggard form in his doorway. He glances briefly at the clock - it’s been twenty minutes since Remus left him initially, so he’s probably searched the entire mindscape - and sighs, sitting up. “Perfect. Did you check the subconscious?”

Remus gives him a withering stare. Janus is unaffected. “No, you’re right, only an idiot would run there. You’ve covered the whole mindscape? The only other place he could possibly be is the imagination.”

Over the past couple months, the one thing that hasn’t been perfect has been Virgil. For reasons they haven’t figured out yet, he can shake off their influence and sever their wires without them noticing, leading to him “disappearing” as the two sides lose track of him and he takes to hiding. It takes very little to get him back under their thumb, though, so Janus wasn’t especially concerned to find out their old friend had escaped again. 

“Well… I didn’t check his room.”

Now it was Janus’ turn to give Remus a withering look. “That’s the first place you look, Remus.”

“It was locked!”

“I wonder why.” Janus rolls his eyes and heads down the hall, Remus following him like a lost puppy. Janus tries Virgil’s door, huffing softly when he finds it locked, and simply appears on the other side of it. Remus blinks in surprise and does the same, appearing beside Janus as Virgil whirls around to glare at the two sides he once called family. “Virgil, really, what were you hoping to gain by hiding away in your room? Come back with us, don’t make this hard on yourself.”

Virgil bares his teeth, his fists clenched at his sides. “Shut up, Janus, I’m not listening to you anymore. I’m freeing the others and helping them banish you to the subconscious.”

Janus tamps down his anxiety before it can become anything more than a candle’s flame. “You know you can’t free them, Virgil, don’t lie to yourself now. Just give in already, there’s no use fighting us.” Gold and green wires wrapped themselves around Virgil’s wrists. For a brief moment it seems like Virgil will come quickly and easily, but his nails dig into his palms and blood seeps between his fingers, snapping him out of it. 

“Stop it! Stop, let me out,” he cries, his fingers tangling in his hair. He rips at the wires with rage in his eyes, causing them to snap and go limp in his grasp. Janus takes a startled step back. 

“I’m not submitting to you anymore!” 

Virgil disappears, leaving Janus and Remus standing in his empty room. Janus is reminded of the helpless fear that had filled him the day Virgil ducked out and he had been convinced he was dead. Instead of being swallowed by it though, he snaps it in half with a gnashing of his teeth and turns on Remus. “Find him,” he snarls, disappearing to look for Virgil. Remus swallows and does the same. 

(∩ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━☆ﾟ

Freeing the others was a lot easier said than done. It wasn’t like it was hard to find them, but Virgil had no idea if he knew how to snap their wires - he didn’t know if what worked for him would work for them, or if he’d even want it to - and he had no idea if Janus and Remus could see through their eyes or sense what was happening. How much could he do before they found him? Could he fight them off, if they used his friends against him? Could he stand to hurt his family, if that’s what it took? He needed a clearer head. He needed Logan.

Virgil finds the logical side at his desk pouring over papers like nothing’s wrong. If it weren’t for the fact that Virgil could see the wires controlling him - something he had to concentrate on to notice - he’d assume that Logan was free. Virgil walks up behind his friend, looking down at the papers out of curiosity. 

‘FAILURE’ ‘WORTHLESS’ ‘EMOTIONLESS ROBOT’ ‘LEAST FAVORITE’ all glare back at him in large red letters, the papers otherwise blank. Virgil frowns. Why would Logan have these? 

“You are the one who decided the way to win was through fear.”

Virgil’s frown deepens and he takes the papers from Logan with little resistance from the other side. “L? Hey, dude, you there?” He waves a hesitant hand in front of Logan’s face, but the logical side shows no signs of having noticed Virgil or the fact that his papers were even taken from him. Virgil chews on his lip anxiously for a moment before he turns Logan’s chair to face him, taking Logan’s hands in his. “L, you’re the smartest, most loyal, most capable person I know. You are not worthless, and you are definitely not a failure. You work so hard to keep Thomas on track and make sure we’re all happy and working together. You’re just as valuable and just as loved as the rest of us, and I know you’d scream ‘falsehood’ at me if you could, but you are definitely not emotionless.”

Logan had seemed to slowly relax as Virgil kept talking, his eyelids drooping into a more relaxed state and his shoulders slouching. Virgil smiles softly, hesitantly, and tugs on the wires around Logan’s wrists. They tear like spider webs, falling away and disappearing. Virgil severs the ones around Logan’s neck as well and Logan blinks into awareness, glancing around. His eyebrows are pinched, eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. “Where… What happened? Where did Deceit go?”

Virgil’s mouth pulls to the side. “Deceit took control of you and the others. You’ve been… It’s been two months.” 

“I see…” Logan frowns. “And how is Thomas? Is he alright?”

“As far as I can tell he’s totally fine. Seems like you guys have still been doing your jobs, he just lies a little more than he used to. Nothing serious.” Virgil shrugs. Honestly… He didn’t know what he expected. He’d never given it much thought, but now that he was thinking about it he realized it seemed a bit silly to expect Janus to enact some nefarious plan. Even if he didn’t know Janus personally, it would make no logical sense. He lived in Thomas’ head just like the rest of them, and cared for him in his own way. Hurting Thomas would only hurt him.

“And the others?”

“You’re the first one I’ve gotten free. Honestly I had no idea what I was doing.”

“Well whatever you did worked, clearly.”

Virgil glances down at the papers scattered at their feet, waving them away. “Yeah…”

(∩ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━☆ﾟ

“If my hypothesis is correct, then you are the best equipped to handle these precarious situations.”

“No pressure.”

“Well I suppose there is a substantial amount of pressure, but only if you value freeing our friends and fellow- ah. I see. Sarcasm.”

“He learns.”

The two sides stand in front of Patton’s door, neither one particularly eager to be the one to open it. The last time they’d been inside, Virgil had nearly had an anxiety attack and Logan… Felt things. Now, one could say Virgil’s plight was worse, but we aren’t here to judge the trials and pains of others. After another pregnant pause, Virgil huffs a sigh and reaches for the handle, pulling the door open. Might as well get this over with.

Patton sits, much like he had been two months ago, looking through a photo album. The parallel to that day makes a spark of fear shoot through Virgil, but he tamps it down. He can’t be afraid. He has to help Patton. Virgil takes a deep breath through his nose and enters the room, walking over to the paternal side and sitting across from him.”Hey, Pat…”

Patton is looking at pictures that at first glance Virgil recognizes, but when he looks again, really looks, there’s something off. Sunny days are now full of dark clouds and rain, smiling faces are now frowning or scowling, betraying sadness and anger. Laughter is replaced with fighting. Virgil frowns thoughtfully, looking over the pictures then up at Patton’s crying face. He sighs softly. 

“Patton, you should know by now that’s not gonna happen.” Virgil moves to sit next to Patton, wrapping an arm around him. “You know we’ll always be a family.” A brief thought about That Day flits across Virgil’s mind, but he ignores the anxiety it brings with it. 

“Has he apologized?”

Virgil shakes the voice off. “Sure we fight and disagree sometimes, but all families do that. We love each other, and that won’t change. Logan will always groan at your puns but acknowledge how smart you are, begrudgingly of course. Roman will always call you ‘padre’ like the extra dork he is, and treat you like his fairy prince. And I’ll always be here to shoot the shit and pull you out of your own head. Metaphorically speaking. And you’ll always make us sit for a family dinner, call us your kiddos, and make us laugh. Here, let’s fix these pictures, I’m the only one that’s allowed to be this gloomy.” He gently takes Patton’s hand, the wires on his wrist tearing and fading away as Virgil lays their joined hands on the photo album. The pictures slowly change, the clouds and rain disappearing, smiles and laughter back in place. Virgil takes the photo album and sets it aside, sighing softly at Patton and pulling him into a hug. 

“We gotcha, popstar.”

The other wires tear and fade away, and Patton blinks back to awareness. A bright smile slowly builds and he hugs Virgil tightly, tucking his face into Virgil’s hair. “Oh, kiddo.” 

Virgil lets himself enjoy the hug for a moment before he pulls back, Logan finally entering the room and sitting beside the pair. Virgil turns to the logical side, clapping him on the shoulder. “Can you take over from here? I gotta go rescue our fair prince underarm stink.” Logan smiles in amusement. 

“I believe I can handle this, yes.” 

Patton launches himself at Logan with a giggle, tackling him to the ground for cuddles as Virgil leaves the room.

(∩ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━☆ﾟ

Virgil finds himself hesitating once again as he stares at a door. Roman’s door, specifically. Roman isn’t a weak side, physically or otherwise, so whatever was keeping him under the influence had to be some serious shit, and Virgil still had no fucking idea what he was doing. Virgil stares at the bright red wood and takes a deep breath. He had to do this; in Logan’s words, “you are the best equipped”. 

He sighs and pushes the door open.

As he suspected, it’s pretty bad. Someone - Remus, no doubt - has made Roman’s room look like the imagination, and Roman stands in the middle of the room surrounded by monsters. The sight of them has Virgil’s anxiety ratcheting up exponentially, but he can’t focus on that; he has to help Roman. Virgil steps into the room, and as soon as his shoes meet grass he hears the voices.

“You’ll never be good enough.”

“Such a disappointment, really. You’re failing Thomas.”

“They would all be better off with Remus.”

“At least he knows how to speak up for what he wants.”

“What kind of a prince rolls over and gives up on his dreams?”

“You’re pathetic.”

Virgil’s anxiety worsens. With the way he’s feeling, it’s almost like he’s still in Patton’s room. He has no idea how to handle this; Roman’s demons are so big, so strong, and - he cringes as Roman barely lunges out of the way of a beast’s claws - so violent. This isn’t like Logan and Patton, where he can just sit with them and tell them good things until they wake up. This is a real problem that he is nowhere near equipped to handle. 

He knew Logan was full of shit. 

But he has to try. Virgil’s progress is achingly slow, each step feeling like his feet are made of lead. In front of him, Roman dodges and slashes and stabs at the monsters surrounding him on all sides. It’s hard to tell if the voices are coming from them, or the room itself. Virgil hopes it’s the former or he may not be able to do anything at all. As he gets closer, he has to start watching his step, stumbling out of the way of raging monsters and flailing to avoid crashing bodies. One of the monsters takes notice of Virgil and charges at him, roaring angrily. 

“You’ll never win. You’re a disgrace, a coward, and soon the others will realize it too and you’ll be alone.”

It feels like the voice is inside his head. Virgil clamps his hands over his ears in a futile attempt to block it out and screams in fear as the monster descends upon him. The sound of ringing metal disrupts the voice in his head and he hesitantly opens his eyes - when did he close them? - to see Roman standing before him, sword raised to deflect the monster’s claws. Virgil stares up at him with wide eyes as Roman takes a step forward, knocking the beast back only for it to charge again. 

“You already are alone. You’ve always been alone, fighting and losing to yourself. How can you possibly hope to help anyone when you can’t help yourself?”

Virgil slowly stands back up as he watches Roman. That monster hadn’t been whispering to him, it was always talking to Roman. They had the same fears.

He knew what to do.

“You’re wrong!” Virgil cries, running forward. In a brazen act of stupidity and protectiveness, Virgil takes Roman’s sword from him and deflects the monster’s attack. “He isn’t alone, he has me, and I’m not going anywhere.” Virgil begins to advance on the monster, pushing it back blow after blow, managing to slice into its flesh. “People aren’t made to fight themselves, that’s why we have friends and family to help us! It’s living with your own demons that makes you so good at helping us fight ours, Roman!” He stabs the monster in the heart and it dissolves into a cloud of black mist, dissipating. Virgil turns to face Roman, panting for breath and limbs shaky with adrenaline. 

Roman stares at him with wide eyes, looking confused and surprised. The gold and green wires are still wrapped around him, but Virgil knows he’s getting somewhere. He walks up to Roman, still holding his sword. “Princes fight for others, not themselves. That’s what the knight is for. And like I said, I’m not going anywhere.” He holds out his hand, looking at Roman with more determination and confidence than he’s ever felt in his life. After what feels like a hopelessly long moment of silence, Roman slowly raises his arm and grips Virgil’s hand. His eyes clear up and the wires on his arm fade away, Virgil reaching up with a grin to tear the other ones off. 

Roman smiles at Virgil for a moment before he blinks, seeming to realize he’s wearing the crown Remus had put on his head still. He takes it off and makes a face, tossing it to the ground, and the two sides watch it dissolve into mist. Roman looks back at Virgil, letting their hands drop. “Thanks, Judy Gloom.”

Virgil shrugs, turning to leave Roman’s room. “That’s what I’m here for. Come on, we gotta get going, we have some-”

Something slams into Virgil’s chest, knocking him back. Roman cries out in shock as he’s pushed from his own room and the door slams shut in his face, trapping Virgil inside. 

Virgil scrambles to his feet and turns to face Janus. The other side’s face is carefully blank, his hands clasped behind his back. Before he can get a word in, Virgil surges forward, fury lighting his blood. “Stop this, Janus! You’ve lost, now leave!” He watches the fear flash across Janus’ face and for a brief moment he feels guilt settle in his stomach. He quickly pushes it away, reminding himself that Janus and Remus controlled and manipulated the others for two whole months and tried to ruin his happiness. “Open the door! Let me out and get the hell out of our house!”

Remus appears suddenly right beside Janus, and Janus grips Remus’ arm. Even he can’t tell if he’s trying to hold Remus back or using him for support. “You belong with us, Virgil, even you must sense that! It’s only a matter of time before they turn on you, before they remember why they tossed you aside with us and do it again! I’m only trying to protect you!”

Virgil grips his hair in frustration, glaring at his former family. Two decades of memories; shared laughs, sorrow, and stories. Two decades of “it’s us or them”. Two decades of “he was wrong”. But people change. Patton changed. Virgil was changing. They can change.

He sighs, venomous words dying on his tongue. He slowly lowers his hands, studying the two sides before him. The hurt, anger and betrayal is clear on their faces, and Virgil wonders why he didn’t see it before. “Look… I’m not leaving them, Jan. But I don’t want to leave you guys, either. You’re still my family, and so are they. It doesn’t have to be us versus them anymore, they’ve changed, and I’ve changed, and you guys can change, too. Just… give it a chance.”

Janus snarls, baring his teeth. “I’ll never forgive Morality for what he did. Never.”

Sadness settles over Virgil like a blanket as he looks at his family. “Okay. Just remember… You two have rooms here. You’re welcome back whenever you want, but… Only if you stop fighting.”

They don’t say a word to that, disappearing and leaving Virgil alone. He sighs shakily, his limbs feeling like jelly and his heart heavy. This was so fucked up in so many ways, it was like he was looking at a huge tangled mess of yarn that he’d made in his sleep and now he had to untangle it. The door opened behind him and suddenly Patton was rushing up to him, nearly bowling him over with a hug.

“Virgil! Lolo told us what you’ve been doing, you’re so amazing!”

Logan walks up beside Virgil with an amused smile. “I merely informed them of the information you relayed to me, as well as what I observed while you were helping Patton.”

“Which is amazing!”

Roman claps Virgil on the back with a grin. “Truly! It was quite an act of bravery and cunning, if I do say so myself!” 

Virgil chuckles, gently brushing them off. “Seriously guys, it was no big deal. Any of you would have done the same.” 

The three other sides share a look before dragging Virgil to the commons to watch a movie. They might not have known Virgil as long as Janus has, but they knew, just like him, that Virgil was far more amazing and capable than he could ever give himself credit for. After all, Fear couldn’t only create people’s greatest fears and insecurities, he could fight them as well.

That’s what knights are for.

[avid-windex-consumer]

Hurricane

Yaz had often been in the eye of the storm growing up. Safer than those in the storm itself, but watching and the winds howled and fought against the rapids.

She'd been in the eye of the storm with Izzy Flint, who'd teased her relentlessly, but not enough to be considered bullying. She'd watched as her shallow friendships were consumed by the storm, raging and snapping.

She'd seen her family argue, words spat out to eachother, scathing and often venomous, tensed to puncture and hurt. Though arguments were frequent, she was considered the "good child" of her family, in comparison to Sonya, who was considered far too involved with boys, and makeup and parties.

So she'd watch, as each storm passed, and they did, they all passed eventually. Watching on the outskirts, just close enough to feel the winds and the splatter of salty water, to hear the howling and the raging.

But this, this was not a storm.

This was a hurricane.

-x-

2 Hours Earlier

"Come on then, fam! Let's get a shift on."

Yaz smiled to herself, heering the cheerful voice coming from the hallway. She turned to greet her friend, and was met with a brilliant smile.

Ryan and Graham were already ready, she noted, setting down her breakfast.

"Where are we going then?" Graham asked.

"Audryvel IV. It's a planet known for it's interesting people, cuisine, art, really, just about anything you could think of." The Doctor smiled, starting to press down button and clutch at the levers.

"Reason for that is, it's really just a blend of all the cultures from the three galaxies located around there, since they're very close."

The Tardis jolted, making her way through space and time, parting through stars. It really was beautiful, Yaz thought. The Tardis in itself was an amazing design, with it's pillars and glowing lights.

The sound of the Tardis breaks were heard, and the Doctor started to the door, pushing it open to reveal a hill with tan-colored grass overlooking the city.

The city in itself, which Yaz distantly heard the Doctor introducing as "Yvmir," was a jaw-dropping sight. The sky was a dusty red, parted in certain spots to show black and stars. Two suns lit the city, which almost seemed like a carnival in Yaz's mind. Yaz tilted her head, noting that it was sundown. She smiled to herself, looking to the doctor who was waiting for them to be ready to go.

"You guys ready?" Yaz asked the boys. They nodded, still looked entranced. The Doctor had a subtle smirk playing at her lips.

The four made their way down the hill to the market, and the humans of the group gaped at the sight before them. The Doctor looked to them, and handed out three pouches, each one filled with coins.

"I don't want to take from-" Yaz started but the Doctor interceded before she got any further, waving her hand in front if her face.

"S'fine Yaz! I rarely come here anyway, and I don't need that much money on me. I want you to take it."

The Doctor seemed dead set on her taking it, so Yaz begrudgingly obliged, taking the pouch wearily, a small smile on her lips.

"Thank you." She said, looking up to meet the Doctor's eyes.

"Don't thank me! I'm happy to do this. Come on, I can show you where the best little trinkets are."

The Doctor started forward, and the three followed suit.

-x-

Eventually, they came upon a small stand, near the back of the town, filled with pretty little sculptures, jewlery, and other random totems. The person manning the station had blue skin and a sleepy, almost unaware disposition.

The alien's eyes were glazed with a foggy look, and though at first Yaz thought it was his species, the Doctor looked overly concerned for that.

"Doctor? What's wrong with him?" Yaz questioned.

The Doctor leaned forward, opening his eyes wide then shining light into them with her sonic screwdriver. The action didn't even garner a response from the blue alien.

She put her hands on his ear in an odd fashion, nose scrunched whils concentrating. Nobody disturbed her until she took her hands off the ear.

Yaz could've sworn she saw her eyes flash for a second; with what she didn't know. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't positive.

"What happened to him, Doc?" Ryan asked wearily.

"He's been drugged. Let me see..." She opened his mouth wide, looking into his thought which she could see had turned an unnatural green color, bright, almost neon in tone.

Her eyes widened, and then flashed again. And Yaz knew what she'd seen in those eyes a second ago, without a doubt. It was anger.

Not just anger, rage, though highly controlled and tampered down. Yaz had never seen that look on the Doctor before, though in all honestly, they didn't know too much about their bubbly friend, and the Doctor seemed to prefer it that way.

"Kal 32. That's the name of the drug, it's deadly for Bemirins. He was drugged with the intent to kill, we have to get him to the hospital!"

The Doctor whirled around, putting the Alien on her back and starting forward, rushing through the square. The three followed, used to running by now. Eventually they made it to a tall building with red glass windows, and rushed inside.

"Emergency! We have an emergency!" The Doctor called as nurses came rushing out, immediately setting him down on a bed. Yaz noticed all three were covered in blood on there medical aprons.

At the quizzical look both the Doctor and Yaz were giving them, the fourth doctor, who was the only one not covered in blood, answered as the other three immediately took the Bemirin to the operating room.

"They've been in surgery," the doctor explained, "He's the fifteenth Bemirin to come here in this state today. They've all been-"

"Drugged with Kal 32." The Doctor finished for him, and he nodded in return.

"But that's illegal, it's not even shipped to this galaxy." The Doctor muttered, obviously angered.

The other doctor nodded mutely. "It's been an issue these last few months. We've been told that a lot of our recent patients who are in for treatment becuase if drug abuse have been smoking Kyr 21-"

"Which can be converted to Kal 32." The Doctor finished for him. "But isn't Kyr 21 illegal too?"

"Yes, but it gets people the rush they need very quickly and with the right people not awfully difficult to smuggle in."

The Doctor nodded, turning to the other three. "I'm going to get you situated in a resutrant. I have a small job to do, yeah?"

The three nodded reluctantly, saying there goodbyes and thanks to the other doctor.

The Doctor led the group towards a small resutrant, quaint and small but bright with decorative lights and smelling of incredibly good food.

She wrote out a few orders that would be more sorted towards human tastes, and then turned to leave, but not before giving them a few rules.

"You shouldn't leave the resutrant unless you need to for safety reasons, and if you do you should get back to the Tardis. I won't be long gone, just need to run a few errands."

"Couldn't we come?" Ryan asked.

She waved the question away. "Nah, it'd be boring. Have fun!" She speedily exited, no chance for disagreement.

-x-

The Doctor was right about one thing, the food was spectacular.

Rich flavors filled her mouths, things she'd never tasted before. The other two seemed to be in agreement.

The meal was quiet, each person savoring their food, until Yaz broke it.

"Do you guys reckon the Doctor was lying to us about running errands?"

Ryan and Graham shared a look.

"I though I was the only one who saw it." Graham spoke, setting down his fork.

Ryan shook his head in agreement. "Something was definitely not right about her. You think it's something to do with the drugging thing?

"I wouldn't be surprised." Yaz commented.

Graham was about to speak again when a figure with a black robe walked over. The three gave eachother uneasy glances.

"You...are companions of the Doctor?" The voice was garbled underneath the mask the figure was wearing.

"So what if we are?" Graham answered.

The figure stared at them, though they were unable to meet the robed person's eyes thoguh the mask.

"CV 31 works well on humans."

The three narrowed their eyes, each one on high alert.

"Was that a threat?" Yaz asked, staring up at the taller being.

The figure ignored her, continuing on a different speel. "It takes exactly fifteen minutes to take effect. That's why it's so vital. It goes off at an exact time."

The group stood up. "Are you gonna keep harassing us mate? Or are we going to have a fight?" Ryan spoke up.

Again, the robed figure ignored him. "At exactly fifteen minutes, it knocks the humans out completely."

Yaz's breath caught in her throat, finally understanding what the robed man was saying. She would've gotten up, if her body wasn't overcome by sleep at that very moment, the other two following suit.

-x-

Yaz awoke in a cage, bars allowing her air. Her head was splitting, and her mind was foggy. Her knees were tucked uncomfortably into her chest and she wasn't able to turn because of the low high of the cage. In short, she was rendered practically immobile.

"Ryan? Graham?" She called out, and was met with silence, the very thing she'd been dreading.

"Come on you guys, answer me!" She panicked.

A groan-Ryan's groan-echoed through the room. She relaxed in relief.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah, m'here."

Where is here? She thought.

"Ryan, can you see Graham?"

Silence. Yaz desperately hoped he hadn't fallen back asleep.

"Yeah, he's out cold though."

"Well, at least he's here." She attempted optimism, though even to her own ears she sounded hollow.

Footsteps rang through the room, and on instinct Yaz tensed up.

"You three, companions to the Doctor. Humans. Human scum, really." It was a different voice, though this time decidedly male. Yaz could make out Reddish skin and long black hair, sharp features, with cold grey eyes.

Yaz was about to say something in retort, but she decided it was safer to stay quiet.

"Mm...you Humans never do fail to confuse me." The main mused.

"And why's that?" Yaz questioned.

"Traveling with the Doctor, knowing what she is." The man chuckled.

"And what is that?" Yaz challenged.

"She didn't tell you, did she? Well, I can't say I'm surprised."

"Tell us what?" Yaz was beginning to get angry.

"Your Doctor, as much as she may pretend, isn't as whimsical as you might think."

"Stop dancing around the question and answer me!" Yaz snapped at him.

He met her eyes. "The Doctor, the Oncoming Storm, Destroyer of Worlds, Doctor of War. All titles that your friend has garnered over the years."

What? What? No. The Doctor is bubbly and adventurous and kind, not a soldier. Not a destroyer. Doctor, what did you do? Is what he's saying the truth? And if it is, why is it the truth?

Yaz was having trouble attaching the names to the Doctor she knew, but then she looked back on that subtle flash of anger-no, not anger, rage, and she started to doubt all she knew about her weird alien friend.

And what did she know? She didn't know the Doctor's species, her histories, her family. Hell, she didn't even know her name, though she suspected that was something very few people were privy to.

"Do you want to know why she left? It wasn't to run errands. In the thirty minute period while the chefs prepared your meals, she took down a base of my men."

"What?!" Yaz squawked. "Why would she do that?"

"We poisoned the Bemirins. Filthy scum, worse then humans. They migrate to our planet in flocks. You know what Audryvel used to be? A power empire. Full of Audrian culture and customers and people. Now look at the place. The mess it's become due to outsiders. And you know who first brought there culture over here? Bemirins."

Yaz opened her mouth, but no words seemed to come out.

"Still not a reason to be killing them." Graham spoke.

When had he woken up?

"Yeah, that's not cool mate." Ryan agreed.

"And you know who helped the Bemirins migrate after they had their war?"

Yaz had a feeling she knew where this was going.

"Your Doctor. So to get back at her, I'm going to kill all of you."

Yaz's blood ran cold.

The Doctor will get you out of this. The Doctor will get you out if this.

She repeated that phrase over and over, like a mantra.

But could she really trust the Doctor?

She heard the man's footsteps come closer to her, and she spotted the silvery gleam of a blade.

This is where I die.

Just as she felt the blade touch her neck, she heard the door slam open and all too familiar footsteps pounded in.

"Step away from her." Yaz glanced up to see her friend, and her eyes widened.

She'd been in the storm the entire time here, boxed up and waiting to die. But what she saw in front of her wasn't a storm.

It was a hurricane.

-x-

Present

The Doctor's whole expression was wild, dangerous and dark. She was a flood, the howling of the winds seemed to part for her, no, not part. They were sucked up into her, and ever step she took towards them collected more waters.

Her eyes. Oh god, her eyes. They were full of promises of danger, a wildfire, an inescapable current.

Yaz had never seen anything like it. And she was terrified.

It was so unnatural on the Doctor. The Doctor who was normally so kind and unthreatening.

And Yaz wondered how she could have been so blind to this. How this hurricane was hidden so perfectly under facades of calm and happiness and lightness.

What was perhaps most unsettling was the way it seemed so right at the same time, as if that expression fit her even moreso then her calm and happy one. It melded to her face, as if that was to truth of the Doctor.

And Yaz knew, deep down, that in a lot of ways it was.

"Did you not hear what I said?" The Doctor's voice had dropped dangerously low. "I said step away from her."

"Or what?" The man did withdraw the knife, seemingly interested in the Doctor herself.

"I know about you, Killian Redkalv. I know that you've committed many crimes, hurt many people, killed many people."

"The same could be said for you." Killian smirked at his remark.

The hurricane inside the Doctor's eyes whirled, and the room tempature dropped. Yaz was sweating.

The Doctor ignored him. "In fact, I think it's time to make a bargain. I could send you to prison, and erase all records of your worse crimes, or...I could have you executed."

Killian froze, gritting his teeth. "I'm closer than you are to her. I could slit her throat, and nothing you could do would stop me."

The Doctor gave him a cold look. "I wouldn't be too sure about that."

"Oh?" Killian said. "Then what could you do?"

Again, she ignored the question. "I'll answer that if you give me an answer here. Would you rather die, or go to jail. There are no other options."

"Hypothetically? I think I'd rather die" He raised an eyebrow. "Though it's not like I'll be caught. See, the room is filling with Galyzine, You know that that means, I take it?"

"It's a toxin meant to kill beings with two hearts." The Doctor said offhandedly, seemingly not worried by this new information.

Yaz wondered if it was new information at all.

"Why'd you do it then, anyway?" The Doctor asked.

"Do what?"

"Murder Liryc Horylvnde? Wasn't she a good friend?"

Killian grit his teeth. "She stuck her nose where she shouldn't have. There was no other choice, it was her or me."

"You know," the Doctor started, "they found a ring on her dresser. She was planning on giving you a bond proposal. You might have been lovers."

Killian looked away, and just for a second Yaz could swear she saw a flash of grief. "As I said, there was no other way."

"Hmm, I think that's selfish, but hey, what do I know. Actually, here's something I know. 3...2...1...ah!"

Killian collapsed to the ground groaning, eventually his breathing evened out and he was out cold.

Yaz wanted to make sure he wasn't dead, but in all honesty, she was terrified of the Doctor right now.

"Right, let's get you all out and about. Can't imagine that being very comfy."

After they were all free, Ryan spoke up.

"What did you do to him?"

"Ah, well, I switched the Galyzine for Agnefeine. It kills of Audrians-"

"What?! You killed him?!" Yaz yelped.

The Doctor shook her head.

"Nope. Let me finish. But it's a health drug for Bemirins."

"But he's Audrian." Graham said, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Nah, he's half-Audrian half-Bemirin. I'm sure a lot of his crimes against Bemirins were because of his self-hatred. When you're a cross between the two it knocks you out. We're going to take him to the prison center and let the authorities deal with him, yeah? Let's get a shift on."

The other three warily followed her, and a sense of uneasiness and distrust was formed in them.

-x-

After dropping off Killian at the jail, the group silently made their way to the Tardis.

"Well, that was interesting? Yeah. Never thought any of that would happen coming here. And we didn't get to buy any trinkets or sample the desserts on the other side of town, that's where the best desserts are-"

The Doctor was trying to break the tension by going back to her cheery, happy-go-lucky self, but if anything it just increased the tension.

"No." Ryan said, cutting her off. "You don't get to do that. Not after this."

The Doctor's fake smile dropped, and Yaz was amazed at both how quick the switch was and how good of an actor she was.

Mostly though, Yaz was trying to scan her memories for any indication of the truth. How could she have been so easily fooled?

"I'll explain everything inside." The Doctor said, looking conflicted and saddened.

Yaz had never seen the Doctor said. She'd seen her wistful when talking about how she carries her family with her, but never sad. It seems a lot of things were new.

The Tardis doors opened, and they made their was to the "living room" as Graham liked to call it.

The three sat down opposite to the Doctor, who had an ancient look in her eye, a far cry from the look of childish wonder that had previously seemed to follow her wherever she went.

"First of all, I want to apologize. I didn't mean to scare you, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And for lying to you about where I was going earlier."

The three nodded, taking the information in but remaining silent.

"See, the thing is, doing the right thing means making the hard choices. And a long time ago I had to make a very hard choice."

The Doctor looked haunted, Yaz noted.

"There was a war," she began, "and I was a soldier."

So she was a soldier after all.

"You see, it was the two most advanced races in the universe. The Time Lords and the Daleks. It was a losing battle, people were dying in masses on both sides, no sign of it stopping soon. Eventually, if the war continued, it was clear that it would spill out into the universe."

Yaz's eyes were wide. That sounds awful.

"So I made a decision. I took a bomb, and I blew up my planet. To save the universe."

What.

Wait.

What?

That explained a lot of things, Yaz thought. How desperate the Doctor was to save every single soul. After being put in an impossible position all those years ago.

"Then some timey whiney stuff that would take a few days to explain happened and the planet was brought back, but time locked, out of my reach."

I can't imagine that. Being given back your people but never being able to return.

"And then a friend died. And I spent seven billion years in a trap they made for me, dying over and over again and resisting the trap in order to save her secrets. We were too powerful together, you see. I took her out of the time stream, one heart beat before she died.

And then one of us had to erase our memory of the other. I was the one who got erased. But when regeneration hit...it all lodged back into place. One day she'll be ready to die...but until then she's running on her last heart beat."

"Doctor..." Yaz was already tearing up. That was just...horrible. There was no other word to explain it...just horrible.

"When you try to save as many people as me, you realize that sometimes not everyone can be saved. Not all people who are fighting against you can be saved, and some times they can become your wife."

Yaz paused her thoughts.

Wait, wife?

"Hah. Yeah, she's dead though. Time travels funny, really, I saw her die before I even knew who she was."

This is just messed up. How is she still going on?

Yaz almost felt I'll listening to it.

"And when you're fighting against someone, sometimes the only way for innocent people to survive is death. It's awful, and I always try to avoid it, but death is...inevitable."

The Doctor looked distant saying those words. The grief was clear in her eyes.

"I'm not a good person-" The Doctor started, but Yaz cut her off.

"Yes you are!"

The Doctor smiled sadly. "No, I'm not. But I help people, I fix things, yeah? So as long as I'm doing that, I think I can live with myself."

A heavy silence overtook them.

"One more thing. I'll be blunt. A lot of my companions have met some...tragic ends that's not a lie. Do you want to continue traveling with me? Either way, I'm fine."

The Doctor looked anything but, but Yaz wasn't about to comment.

"I'm staying." Ryan started.

"Me too." Graham agreed.

"We're a fam, right? And fams don't abandon eachother."

The Doctor gave a smile, and it seemed far more genuine then any smile they'd seen before.

"Thank you. Thank you all so much."

[chaosworthyarchive]

muse lists! repost, don’t reblog.

➡ five things you’ll find on his person

i. his scarf. not only is it a pretty treasured item since his (adoptive) mother gave it to him, it helps to cover the scar on his chest that he got from Chaos. otherwise, he’d be super self-conscious. ii. his freedom fighter communicator. worn on his right wrist the device is a simple strap with many a feature, including holographic projections and a direct link to the base servers. as the leader, he pretty much always has it on. iii. the receiver for said communicator. the clip in his right ear isn’t just fashionable, it’s the earpiece for his communicator that he also rarely takes off. iv. his warp ring. tucked away in his quills, he got his ring a very long time ago from an old friend and uses it pretty regularly.  v. emerald shard necklace. hidden under his scarf is a necklace made from a shard of the green chaos emerald, the one that shattered during the fight with Perfect Chaos. while once used to help him hone his abilities, now it’s just a piece of jewelry, and a reminder of past events.

➡ five things you’ll find in his bedroom/his ‘office’

i. his guitars. he has three that he loves dearly. a red one, his oldest that was given to him by Johnny’s father. a green/aqua one that the freedom fighters gave him for his 27th (?) birthday. and a blue electric one he got from his friend cristal.  ii. photos. while he doesn’t have a lot of them he does still have a few pictures of him with his mother, team and friends.  iii. gifts from friends. he’s gotten a lot of gifts over the years and, while he did lose a lot of them thanks to flooding and the fact the place he was staying was pretty much leveled because of Chaos, he did manage to retrieve some of them and he treasures them even more now. iv. a lot of blankets. he doesn't get cold too easily but he prefers to be warm/hot rather than cold at any given moment, especially when he’s at home.  v. headphones. he has a few pairs but his most used ones are a set of cherry-red ones that are a little too good at blocking out the noise around him. 

➡ five things that make him happy

i. music. he loves it, and he will never deny that fact. it’s his biggest pastime and something he’s truly passionate about, even if he’s been avoiding performing as of late you can still find him listening to it at nights.  ii. being outdoors. he loves fresh air, good sights and just nature in general. it calms him and just feels like home no matter where he goes.  iii. food. can’t lie, he loves to eat which is understandable given how much energy he burns and he’ll make a point of trying anything new that he comes across. he’s eaten some pretty weird thing because of that little habit, but he loves it nonetheless. enough that he’s known to mooch every now and again. iv. being with friends/family. it’s something he felt he never did enough while Robotnik was still around so he aims to fix that. he spends a lot of his time in Green Hill now, much to Rosie’s delight, and always keeps in touch with his team and Knuckles.  v. running, duh. it’s who he is, and the very definition of freedom to him. much like with music, you’ll see him at his happiest when he’s just letting loose and running for the heck of it. 

➡ five things he’s currently into

i. tea/teacups. okay so he’s always been into these and that’s never going to change. he has a weird fascination with teacups and loves drinking tea. he had a pretty impressive collection of cups until he lost everything so now he only has a few left, but he sees that as a perfect excuse to collect more.  ii. exploring. now that he doesn’t have to keep looking over his shoulder or worrying about when or where Robtnik might attack he’s been having a blast getting lost in remote places on the planet and revisiting his favorite spots.  iii. relaxing. this bleeds into the previous one but, when he’s not out exploring, this is what he does. he just chills and hangs out with Mina or whoever will have him now that he actually can and isn’t an uptight mess all the time. he can literally just sit around and do nothing and he likes that. iv. honing his aerokinesis. he will occasionally practice with this ability, not because he has to but because he’s curious to know just how much he can do with it. he’s learned that he can greatly improve his jumping distance with it and do some pretty gnarly things by combining it and his archery together. v. ‘helping’ with reconstruction. since he doesn’t dare show his face in Grand Metropolis after everything that happened, he has a slightly different way of helping the restoration in that city and other affected towns and that’s by donating towards the efforts under a pseudonym. he does this pretty regularly and the only person who knows about it is Mina.

➡ five things on his to-do list 

i. training bolt. the hawk was actually pretty crucial to him and the freedom fighters during Robotnik’s last attack but it also made him realize that there’s a lot he could teach the avian, just in case they ever need her again. that, and he wants to train her to not be so aggressive towards strangers, which isn’t going well.  ii. easing back into the public. it has to be done, he knows that, but it is a slow process and he is in no hurry to push it along. a part of him wants to explain to the world what actually happened that day he fought Chaos, but the more logical part of him knows to just let people calm down on their own.  iii. finding a new place to live. again, slow going but (depending on the verse/relationship) it needs to be done since he can’t just live out in the wild or random hotel rooms for the rest of his life. iv. finding Robotnik’s associates. he’s semi-actively doing this by asking the people he knows he can trust and keeping an ear out for anything that might tell him and his team where in the world the people who sided with Robotnik went.  v. finding Dark. self-explanatory, but so far no luck. just a feeling.

tagged by: stole it tagging: you~!

[shattered-catalyst]

So this  isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this  because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it. 

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it. 

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period.  It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

 I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients.  During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.  

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*.  She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything. 

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry,  and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life. 

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning. 

 I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

 I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

 Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are. 

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

[nmbh1-moved]

       okay so---    wow,    first things first i never expected to get so many followers?    i’m really shoken and i’m honestly just super happy i have so many of you out here still following my dumb ass like...    seriously,     thank you all  SO MUCH for putting up with my bs and supporting my portrayal of nigel.    i’ve never actually done a milestone thing on this blog,    but 500 was too big of one to pass up.

       BECAUSE this is such a huge milestone,    i’m gonna be doing a little but of a giveaway.    how to enter?    like and reblog this post!    it’s that simple.  each like / reblog counts for one entry,    doing both is two.    though,    i won’t count multiple reblogs just cuz i dont want people spamming the dash.    what’s the PRIZE you might ask?    well,    five lucky people will get an edit of the muse of their choice.    what’s the edit?    that’s a surprise,    whoopsie!    but it’ll be great,    i promise.    DEADLINE is on march 4th.    okay,    i’m gonna cut the post here and ramble about all my good buddies.

@guiltycharge / @gcninja / @pnkfghter :    oh boy oh boy, alice i’ve known you for a good while and i have a secret to tell you. remember when you first had your yin blog and you were like “oh dang where my yang blog at?” and i was like “bitch i’ll be your yang oh boy”?? well, uh, i had NEVER watched yin yang yo at that point and i really just wanted to be friends with you so that day i binged the entire fucking series, and actually got genuine yang muse, and i’ve kept this from you for 84 years im sorry. nOW THAT THAT’S OFF MY CHEST--- you’re such a good friend and a talented person? i’m super happy to have known you for as long as i have. you write all your muses so beautifully and i absolutely lOVE talking with you and plotting shit. all those gknd angst threads we have? those are my lifeforce. ily so much never change <3 <3 <3

@theirsun / @failedwish / @mewnicrown :    maple, where do i begin? we’ve been friends for so long and knowing you has made me so so happy? you’ve helped me through a lot of rough times and i want you to know that you mean a lot to me. i love how you portray your muses, not just canon characters but your ocs as well. you’re so talented and creative and i’m so blessed to have gotten to know you. i’m being really cheesy right now, but i want you to know i love you and i can’t wait to go to spooky places with you in the future.

@theirtraitor / @voidfcllen :    zak zak zak--- remember when we first met on your dipper blog and you were like “uwu i have chad muse” and i was like “o shit” well: confession time--- i literally forgot chad was a character bc i was just watching random episodes and i had to sit my ass down and figure out who that boy was and my portrayal of nigel has never been the same since. it’s kinda funny thinking back on it, because your chad muse and our interactions have changed the way i write nigel so much and i’m super happy about it? because if you hadn’t come around i don’t know if i’d still?? be so passionate about nigel as a character. you’re super rad and i know we haven’t talked all too much lately, but i want you to know that i love and appreciate you and i!! really want to write with you more <3

@briilliance :    alex. you mean a lot to me. and i’m so glad i know you because i’m honestly not sure i’d still be alive without you? you are such a good and caring person, and i appreciate you way more than you know. i’m getting kinda teary-eyed writing this haha... we dont talk that much ooc anymore, and that’s okay, but i miss just chatting and fuckin’ around with you. whenever you reply to one of our threads i get super excited? like. today i was working and you responded to like. 3 whole threads and i got so fuckin happy bc! heck yes i love writing with you. pls keep being you because you’re the best <3

@coronabane / @ateloist :    zk. you are so fuckin great. you’re such a talented writer, your graphics are amazing, the way you portray your muses is amazing, and YOU are amazing. i love talking with you?? and plotting out all our angst shit. i never thought i’d be so invested in a ship with YANG of all people like--- i never thought i’d ever ship yang with anyone but here i am crying over yang and louie 24/7 bc fuck our bOYS,,,,,,, i’m also super excited to write more with your varian bc?? heck. ive been really really tempted to continue watching the tangled series bc of you. but UH!! just know i love you and always wanna write/talk with you more.

@wigglestein / @vsqez / @gcdgetguy :    elmo elmo elmo..... we don’t talk much, you’re not active much, but that’s okay. you’re such a kind and genuine person. i love it whenever you message me, i always get super happy. i see a notif from you on discord and im just!!!!!!!!OWO every time. i really hope you get more confident in your writing and such in the future, because you’re honestly super talented in more ways than i think you know. i love you, ‘mo. 

[wctkins]

ok yall ive never made a sideblog before so this may go rough but ! u kno what 2019 is about us facing our fears ok. in other news this is my new Child callia ( um hi i’m cali ty’s mun if u didnt know ) . i was gonna write out a whole gr8 intro but honestly got lazy lmfao whats new ?? under the cut is the usual, wanted plots and stats and whateva ok xoxo

BASICS !

name:  callia ( beautiful voice ) bianca ( after her mother ) donatella ( after donatella versace ) watkins ( welsh surname ) nicknames: calli, cal age: twenty three birthday: november 3 1995  zodiac: scorpio hometown: melbourne, australia occupation:  head engineer at a green tech company  hobbies: working out, partying, watching jeopardy, drawing, reading, trying new foods, going for walks in central park family: emil watkins ( iron ore mining magnate ) , bianca watkins ( socialite )  style inspo: kendall jenner, elsa hosk, rachel green, 90′s drew barrymore, bella hadid muse inspo: donna pinciotti, monica geller, tai frasier, mylene cruz, fallon carrington ( career wise )

HISTORY !

ok so if yall haven’t seen the show yummy mummies on netflix gd thats my new addiction / guilty pleasure o shit that show’s hilarious. callia’s family is fully based on carlos and maria ( maria’s this random selfish bitch who’s obsESSED w versace and herself like go watch fr ) so callia grew up wearing only designer, mostly versace and burberry clothing. she didnt rly care when she was a small child but as she started growing up she started like ?? getting shit on by her other for being a regular child & wanting to play when her mom just wanted her to be decor essentially

had a pretty lonely childhood tbh spent most her time with her terror of a mother bc she wasn’t rly allowed to go hang out w other kids & was never involved in school activities. like essentially she only went to whatever prissy academy so her mom could show off her new car or her daughter’s outfits & brag to other moms lmfao

tbh didn’t give a shit about the brands and labels despite their house being covered in head to toe versace everythING she was more interested in sports and actuaL hobbies ?? so she wanted to play sports but wasn’t allowed bc goD FORBID she get a bruise or smth on her perfect skin. so she just started working out on her own in their home gym and found it was a rly good escape from her fam

another method of escape her mother’s grip was by delving into her studies. she was always top of her class and worked so dang hard ( but like also could afford the best tutors and education lmfao) so sis basically could get accepted wherever she wanted to go for post secondary

eventually she was able to convince her parents to let her study abroad for a year in nyc going to stay w her cousin #jessegrove where she was ! finally ! able to escape the clutches of her awful mother and her pushover disconnected father. she told her mother she was going to use the year as research for a career in modeling or fashion or smth bc she knew it’d cater to her moms interests but rly she just needed to get tf out of melbourne and live a normal life

she’s lived in nyc ever since ( since she was 18 - she’s 23 now ) and wanted nothing to do with the expensive brand names she’d grown to despise. so she found herself a condo ( def spent millions on it bc god forbid bianca watkins’ daughter living in anything under 5mil) but didn’t want it to be anything crazy bc she was so over that lifestyle so its def luxurious but very basic and minimal compared to what she grew up with

got into columbia’s earth and environmental engineering program bc she figured she ought to do something good with her smarts and her parent’s money so she went to school to get a degree & got a sweet job at a green tech company where she basically gets to do whatever tf she wants bc she’s the head engineer & makes fat stacks 

PERSONALITY !

during the week goOD luck convincing cal to leave the office like she basically lives there but she loves it ??? or shes at home doing facemasks and binging on reality tv like weekday vs weekend shes a completely diff person

weekends like......u better watch out. having grown up so isolated and sheltered callia has come to LOVE the nyc nightlife scene like she will get blackout one night and be ready to get drunk at brunch the next. shes not usually the life of the party moreso bc she enjoys just being a shit disturber and finds it fun lmfao

experiences maJOR fomo

she rly tries to be nice to everyone stemming from a deep need to have friends and be liked lmfao and is overall v approachable and friendly

can come across as fake tho bc she tries to be so nice she won’t disagree w people unelss they’re waY off from her own ideas

is v politically engaged & cares alot abt the environment so she’s vegan, walks most places, will 10/10 give a ted talk if anyone asks more deeply abt her job

honestly she wears mostly like simple clothing. like she just buys what she likes, whether its at h&m or at prada she has a distaste for exclusively brand wardrobes. def mostly walks around in high top converse and levi’s jeans 

WANTED PLOTS !

roommates ! the apartment linked above has 4 bedrooms so i’d loVE for 3 lil old roomates :’) 

hook ups / fwbs ! all that pent up stress has to come out somewhere lmfao shes tryna get laid at every turn so imma need a bunch of hook up plots ok no specific gender ( unlimited )

best friend ! the mary kate to her ashley, this person understands her inside and out & tbh knows her better than she knows herself. def knows about her crazy mother & can put up w the rants ( open )

friends from college ! they prob have wild stories abt college parties & have seen one anohter at their worst. preferably someone who went to columbia also ( open )

mutual dislike ! they think callia’s annoying and preachy, she thinks they’re rude and devil’s spawn bc they’re not as passionate abt environmental issues ( open )

exes ( she ghosted on them ) ! pls ok pls i need many !!!! cal’s so willing to adapt her personality to fit w whoever she’s with so she prob would be rly lovey dovey and make it seem like they were perfect for each other and meant to be but she low key lied abt everything, her family, her background, her feelings for them, etc. she prob thought they were ok but wasn’t rly into them besides for sex. so eventually she just got so invested in her work she ghosted on them ! i imagine them dating for a while too like maybe a year & they never met her family or rly got to know her bc she was hella guarded ( open ! )

exes ( on good terms ) ! they dated when she was new to nyc - she was like oooh an american they were like ooh an australian & tbh their sex life was gr8 but they didn’t rly have much going except for that so they called it off. they’re still friends & sometimes laugh abt the relationship ( open ! )

current fling ! they’re hanging out , might be moving towards exclusivity but aren’t there yet, its casual ( open ! ) 

sibling like relationship ! she never had siblings so she always felt like that aspect was missing from her life. she prob treats them like a sibling, asking if they’ve eaten and keeping up to date on their life. she cares alot & has good intentions but can sometimes be seen as over protective and pushy ( open ! )

ok yall im tired of writing this shit props to yall who do like literal essays, bullet points are even too much for me. LIKE THIS n ill slide into yo dms ok thanks for coming to my ted talk

[avenger-hawk]

(hello again! ive been busy, hopefully you dont mind me still replying to you) oh yeah, ive read a lot about sasuke and itachi, so i know like kinda how the war ends, i know what madara does, and i know that resurrected itachi broke my heart. i did skip ahead and watch, i think, 450-456 but had to stop cuz of irl. i just wanted to see every ep with itachi in it, which is a lot easier than watching every ep with sasuke in it haha. i think their tragedy is what makes me want to write about (tbc)

them. i am the kind of person who loves to make my muses suffer, but i also love happy endings (sometimes). its been such a nice time reading your fics, tho i havent read them all yet and im wary about the victims of peace one. im pretty sure i will like it, but since its not focused on sasuke and itachi, i am less driven to dive into it. but i finally got to finish in power we entrust the love advocated, which is WONDERFUL and so fun! it gave me goosebumps, and i think you did a great job (tbc)of portraying itachi with amnesia. i also got to read black roses! i was pleasantly surprised to find some bloodplay in there, i love bloodplay but havent even gotten to think of it lately let alone indulge in it in any way. so thanks for that unintentional gift. while im a bit nervous to finish my writing, im also excited. i know i cant ever write exactly like you and thats fine, but every time i start thinking you might not entirely dislike my portrayals, i worry im being cocky haha. (tbc) however i feel it would be an insult of some kind to try to write itachi exactly as you do. sometimes writing about canon characters is a bit annoying that way, i enjoy taking inspiration from others and things but i dont like to steal ideas or take credit i dont deserve. so while i would really enjoy your approval, i also would really enjoy presenting my own brain baby proudly (okay that sounds a bit weirder than intended but im keeping it). also, happy spooky month! do you celebrate halloween? 

Watching/reading NAruto takes time, I know. I started (binge) watching the anime only when the war had started, while I was reading the manga already. And for an Itachi fan it’s easier to watch or rewatch his episodes, Sasuke ones are more, but I’m into Naruto for Sasuke and his episodes, with or without Itachi, also because I love everything Team Taka. Actually my interest in characters is connected to whether they interacted with Sasuke or not, and I was sometimes surprised to find interesting certain episodes/chapters/moments where Sasuke wasn’t there.

Anyway, thanks for the compliments on my Itasasu fics. I love bloodplay too as well as power dynamics so I loved writing it especially for Itasasu which is too often portrayed as too cute and fluffy for my taste, and again, Itachi is written too nicely and Sasuke too bratty while I can’t see them that way.

Of course I don’t expect you to write what I write lol, everyone is entitled to their opinion and portrayal, just like, by consequence, the reader may or may not agree with it or like it. Imo the most important thing when writing, especially canon divergent stuff, is writing a good context and solid reasons for the characters to do what they do and think what they think. This way their personalities and dynamics will feel natural and IC even tho the context is different from canon.

As for Victims of Peace (and every other non Itasasu fic I’ve written), I write Sasuke-centric stuff and I even though I think Itasasu is Sasuke’s strongest bond (also it’s my OTP) I am very interested in other pairings. And I am very proud of my rarepairs fics and AUs cause Itasasu is so strong in canon that it’s easier to write, while making Sasuke get close to someone who’s not Itachi is hard but very satisfying for an author. So, since I received too many complaints about VOP already and not because it’s badly written or characterized but plain spoiled bitching because too much angst, or because Itasasu isn’t the main pairing, I gotta say that if you think you’re gonna have a problem with it don’t read it and if you do don’t complain about it to me pls.

Uh, rant ahead because I don’t celebrate halloween as I’m not American or British or from any other anglo-saxon culture based country that celebrates it, and tbh while I may find certain things about it cute, I mostly dislike it, along with valentine’s day and other consumeristic holidays that force people to buy sweets and stuff. I have met amazing American people on tumblr and some are my best friends now, but still, even on tumblr where it’s the main culture, I don’t want to be swallowed by habits that don’t belong to my culture, where it doesn’t exist, we have a whole week when we dress up as whatever we want not just spooky things (kinda like mardi gras maybe) and we have a day of the dead ones, where people go to cemeteries and that’s all. So even though I first liked the novelty of seeing Halloween stuff here as well, now it feels like my country is submitting to American culture and consumerism over and over as if it didn’t happen all the time already. 

btw you’re the same person who made a tumblr to rp? sorry if it’s not you lol

(btw 2: I didn’t paste the last one cause you didn’t want to? anyway I’m ok about my personal blog, I mean the link is there is my description so I’m not hiding anything lol, more like it’s a personal non naruto blog so it’s quite random, mbti stuff aside that seem to be in your taste. ahah I’m glad you found those anime celebrities funny tho. those are so old I almost forgot about them)

[backseatofimpala-blog]

I'll be there for you

No warnings. SamxJess pairing, i do not own the charachters or the episode this is copied after (season 1, home) Over the next several months of traveling with Jess and his brother, Sam noticed how different Dean was, mostly how Dean seamed to shy away from women desperate for a quick lay, instead of seducing them. Dean stuck more to hustling pool and winning poker.

"Are you gay now?" Sam asked his brother after the case of the hookman, and he didn't even flirt with the collage girls. Dean gaped at his little brother.

"...the hell..." Dean mused slowly.

"Do you have a girl friend?" Sam probed on. Dean bitch faced his brother and heades for the bathroom door.

"Ok we're done talking... Jess control your man." Dean remarked.

"Give me a pair of hand cuffs and i will." Jess smirked. Dean smirked at his brother, giving him a hidden thumbs up and left the room.

"Be done by the time I get out this time." Dean smirked, and Sam scowled as Dean shutthe door. "Dont for get to suit up first, Sammy." Dean called through the door turning the shower on.

"I'm sorry, Jess." Sam groaned.

"Why is Dean so closed off." Jess asked.

"Life of a hunter, babe." Sam explained simply. Jess frowned.

"You aren't like that." She proclaimed.

"I was... two years ago, when we first met." Sam answered.

"Dean isnt nearly as stubborn as you, he'll be an easy nut to crack." Jess pulled Sam on to the bed and straddled his lap. Sam stares up at her his hazle eyes going soft.

"I dont know what I'd do with out you." Sam whispered to her. She smiled sand held his face tenderly in her hands.

"Mmmm, crash and burn." She replied over his. Sam held her close and kissed her letting her know just where he wanted this to go.

"Easy there, Sam." Jess smiled pulling away, Sam groaned loudly, "You need to sleep before I pull out the handcuffs."

"What makes you think after all this time I'll be the one in cuffs?" Sam smirked.

"Maybe living a hunters life has brought out the beast in me." She giggled stripping to her underwear and diving under the covers.

"Damn woman you cant keep teasing me like this." Sam chuckled hugging her closely.

"Go to sleep Sam, you get a good night's sleep and we'll dicuss the cuffing arrangements." Jess sighed getting comfortable in Sam's arms.

Jess awoke in ths middle of the night to Sam having a nightmare. She sat up and saw Dean watching, worry etched into his forehead.

"Should i wake him?" Jess whispered. Dean shrugged helplessly.

"Shhh, its ok Sam." Jess soothed a hand down Sam's arm, the young man calmed slightly and fell back in to a restful sleep. Jess looked up at Dean and shrugged with worry.

"He's a tough kid." Dean nodded settling back down into his bed.

The next morning Sam sat quietly on his and Jess's bed sketching something, while Dean rattled off cases they could work.

"Sacramento man shoots himself in the head three times..." Dean said enthusiastically, only to have Sam remain silent, "any of these things blowing up your skirt pal?"

"Maybe we should take a break for awhile.

"Wait I've seen this." Sam mutteres bolting out of bed and rummaged around for thier dads journal.

"Seen what?" Dean questioned. "What are you doing?"

"Dean, I know where we have to go next." Sam answered.

"Where?"

"Back home... back to Kansas." Sam explained. Dean glanced to Jess awkwardly.

"Ok random... where did that come?" Dean muttered.

"Ok this photo was take in front of the old house, the house mom died in?" Sam asked.

"Yeah..." Dean answered tightly.

"It didnt burn down right? I mean not completely? They rebuilt it, right."

"Yeah i guess so. Why? What the ya talkin bout?" Dean answered getting really lost.

Ok tjis is gonna sound crazy, but i think the people who live in our old house... i think they might be in danger." Sam stated.

"What makes you think that, babe?" Jess questioned.

"Uhh... i just... uhh... look just trust me on this ok."

"Ok... woah woah... trust you?" Dean questioned following Sam as he started packing.

"Yeah."

"Come on man thats weak. You gotta give me more than that." Deans voice raised slightly, getting frustrated with his brother.

"I can't really explain..." Sam mumbled.

"Well tough!" Dean proclaimed. Jess scowled at the older Winchester.

"Watch it Dean." She snapped. Dean glanced at her but ultimately ignored her.

"We arent going any where until you have a better explination than 'trust me." Dean stated firmly. Sam sighed and looked to Jess who still was glaring at Dean.

"I have these nightmares..." Sam started.

"We've noticed..." Dean crossed his arms nodding to Jess.

"...And sometimes... not always... they come true." Sam explained, pocketing his hands, head and shoulders slumping.

"Come again?" Dean almost laughed.

"I believe him." Jess cut in, "we should go to Kansas." She stated.

"Come on, people have wierd ass dreams all thw time. I have a friend who dreamed she worked at KFC with Todd the wraith from Stargate Atlantis." Dean exclaimed.

"Five months ago i didn't believe in monsters. But since you interupte our lives I've questioned everything ive ever believed in! We were attacked by a windingo, ghost water child, plane demons, thee bloody mary, a shapeshifter, and a swarm of fucking nasty killer bugs!" Jess ranted, "dont you think its probable that maybe Sam could be having dream visions." Jess snapped.

"Sam i can't go backthere

"We are going to check on this family in Kansas, Dean." Jess stated firmly. Dean swallowed hard and nodded.

"Ok, I'll go get the car ready." Dean nodded walking out.

"Thank you, Jess." Sam sighes. She smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Tell me about what happened to your mom as we get ready to go. "

Dean leaned heavily on the impala, trying to catch his breath. He pulled out his phone. He psusef over dads name in his contacts then scrold back up to the C's. He dialed the number and waited.

"Ello beastie!" The chippet voice brought a smile to Dean's worried face.

"Hey Cali. It's always good to hear from ya." Dean smiled.

"You sound a bit worried... what's up." She questioned.

"Sam wants to go home..."

"To Stanford? I dont think that's such a good idea. Everyone there thinks they died when the house burnt down." Cali explained urgently.

"No... not stanford... home... Kansas... where mom..."

"Oh...." she interuptsd with comprehension. "I thought you swore you were never going back there."

"I did, but Sam had a nightmere someone dies in the house... so he and Jess out voted me... son of a bitch, i feel like a third wheel with these two..."

"I know what you mean... anyway back to Kansas, huh? When are you guys leaving..."

"As soon as they pack up..." Dean answered, sighing heavily.

"Ok Dean take a deep breath and relax. Everything is gonna be ok." She assured. Dean took a deep breath and nodded.

"Ok, i gotta go." Dean hung up as Sam and Jess walked out of the room.

When they got to Lawrence they found Missouri. Before they knocked the door opened.

"Don't just stand there gaping get on in here." Missouri ordered turning away from them. "close the door Dean, and quit your cussin'." Missouri ordered.

"I didn't say anything." Dean argued, following Missouri into the living room.

"Missouri is a very inept type of psychic from Africa."

"Cali?" Dean questioned. "Wh... what are you doing here? in Kansas?" He asked.

"You called... and you sounded really upset. So I'm here." Jess cooed loudly earning a glare from both Dean and Cali. "...and made apple pie." Cali finished with a smile setting a plate of the warm food in frontof him. Dean eagerly took a bite groaned in apprciation.

"Ok let's talk about the case." Cali smiled. "I'll keep it distracted while you four get the purification bags in the walls..."

"How are you going to keep it distracted." Jess asked.

"Well I..." Cali started glancing at Dean who was sti stuffing his face.

"Leave that part of the plan up to ms. Cali." Missouri stated. "Now when it realizes whats going on things will get ugly."

Cali fought the seemingly invisible foe easily. She shook her head following its movement's.

"I can see you stupid." She smirked.

"What are you." It hissed.

"Im the nightmere to nightmares like you." She replied.

"Your eyes are black as a demons." It hissed circling her.

"A, they arent actually demons per se... and B, I'm WAY worse for you than a demon." She smiled. It remained silent a long moment.

"GRIMM!" It snarled.

"Bingo bitch!" She laughed then grunted as it used its telekinesis to push her back. "Are you guys done yet!" Cali bellowed.

"Just finished." Dean reported.

"It didn't work."Cali grunted.

"It had to of worked!" Missouri proclaimed.

"NO!" Cali exclaimed as Sam and Dean slamed up to the wall. "Leave them alone!" She shouted pushing against the poltrigists telekinesis. Next thing Dean knew thw force on his chest was gone ad Cali chopped the things head off with a long silver triangular shaped blade. She huffed and looked at her companions.

"Damn!" The brothers said at the same time.

"Fat lotta good you twits did." She snorted.

"That it? Its over?" Jess panted. @strangeangel99 @clockworkmorningglory

[syxsol-blog]

hey guys. not so happy annoucement this time, but bear with me

I have health issues that i need to focus on for now, so ive decided to leave the directory (a wandering ghost of a character around the ship doesn’t really help development of the directory you know??). i know it seems really sudden, but i wouldn’t leave like this if it wasnt really important for me to. I love everyone here, i love the story line, and i love watching everyone create these super detailed characters to drive along the plot.

however, im a pretty sappy person, so ive decided to write some personal goodbyes. some of you i didnt get to speak with on as regular of a basis, but i still read your stuff on dash and appreciated you creating a story and experiecing that passion second hand. without further hesitation...

@sysidereus​ you’re married to multiple people but i GUESS that’s fine. as long as im the number one wife, it’s okay. ;) I love talking to you, even if it’s unrelated to the directory or just random shit about tv shows like jane the virgin (i still wanna make that meme board including the entire crew of serenity). we vibe well, and you’re an incredible writer. sid has always been one of my favorite muses here, and the one thing i regret-- TWO things i regret are not being able to talk you as much, and not being able to see sol and sid become best friends but sorta gay. like naruto and sasuke. honestly i adore you, and i hope i see you around again.

@syxephraim​ babe babe babe Bae. I know you’ve been worrying about my disappearance acts for a while, but ill say it a hundred times over. you’re one of the best rp partners ive ever had. no contest, really. you’re incredibly sweet and wonderful, too. the plot between eph and sol is one of my favorite plots ive ever had, and I’ve had a LOT of plots, trust me. there’s nothing quite like finding a writer like you who i can trade headcanons back and forth so seamlessly until it becomes this story that’s bigger than i ever imagined. there is not one moment i regret logging in to send you a message, even just a quick one before i fell off the earth. i wish i had more time to develop the relationship between sol and ephraim. spoiler for you: Sol is in love with ephraim, and he has been since he left persephone. He loves that boy down to his core, and there’s no changng that. I hope to return one day so I can write with you again. You’re loved, angel. Don’t doubt that.  

@kamorasy​ what’s funny is our characters always end up in brother/sister roles together. you have me on twitter, too, so we won’t lose contact, but you still get a sweet message from me because *clenches fists meme* I just love you that much. we knew each other from vanta black, too. and girl... your characters are like discovering treasure. so complex, well thought out, and experately played. we’re always able to headcanon w each other (altho for some reason we can never quite actually rp). but i never have a problem writing with you. it runs like clockwork. take care of yourself, okay? & if you ever need someone to drive away a strange man that hits on you, call me up

@syjaewon​ Queen Bee. you’ve been really understanding with everything and i can’t even say how much i appreciate that. like... wow. two directories we’ve known each other, and in each one, im awed by you. jaewon is an unforgettable muse, he really is, and you’re unforgettable mun, you really are. you’ve built an amazing place for people to come to and feel safe to express and write stories together. in all my rp years, ive only seen that a few times. thank you for letting me be a part of serenity, and you know where to find me if you ever need me. <3

@syxhenry​ Hi, doll. sorry that goodbyes have come down to this long ass message full of sap. i still think it’s hilarious that you were in kingsman & i didnt realize that till much later. there’s something very special about your characters. they’re all so well done, and the way you write them makes you want to keep reading everything about them. i’m lucky that i did get to write with you in not one, but two different places. henry and sol’s relationship didn’t develop quite as far as i would have loved to see them go, but there’s always more opportnities. i loved talking to you about characters, and plotting out the bizarre admiration sol has for henry. and i will always probably ship henry/noi. can you blame me?

@syaudrey​ im crying in the club right now because i have to say goodbye to one of the muns of a kickass engineering lady. you make me happy bc of how you are as a person, and the fact you’re writing about characters people don’t normally write about. can i just say how much i love the fact that audrey is asexual and amazing and complex and hilariously prickly all in one? sol and audrey are so funny bc all sol wants is to be friends with her, and she finds his bubbly attitude suspicious. i wish we’d gotten to rp that relationship to completion. we only started talking more frequently for a little bit, but omg i wish id had more time to chat with you. you’re so great and so is your muse. i only wish you the best, babe.

@sysullivan​ i only hope you can forgive me... maybe if i get on my knees. we had a lot of plans, and im sad we didnt get to write them out together. maybe some day, right? you’re one of the first people i talked to a LOT here, and i just want to thank you for humoring me, especially when i would send you the most ridiculous ideas or thoughts about things. also, i was the one that sent that secret admirer message that one time. ;))))) sol’s little crush on sullivan was really fun for me to write out, even if i only got to for a short time. what i like about you the most as a writer is how much thought and detail you put into your characters. absolutely blows my mind, honestly it does. i hope you never stop writing that way. you’re brilliant. thank you for sticking with me

@syxyihan​ you NEVER fail to make me smile, it’s incredible. plus writing with you is always really fun-- i had the most fun writing with you because you’re not afraid to be silly or a little ridiculous. i love both versions of your muse with all my heart, and i enjoyed every second i did get to speak with you. you’re in the wind now, like i am, but i still hope you see this. your creations are some of my favorite to see, and i really hope you keep writing. there’s a particular quality about your writing that makes you want to keep reading and reading and reading, and you’re sad when you reach the end of it because you want to see more. i loved the relationships between our characters even if they were short lived... and for the love of god i need real closure with yihan and henry. im crying. BUT. ill just write fanfic for them instead. LMAOO. your writing is gorgeous, it really is. best of luck to you <3 thank you

@syxmina​ mina is my kick ass cool aunt :( you’re one of the first people i interacted with... and their dynamic is sol being the annoying little kid who almost gets killed by mina all the time. yet, i love that. she never really killed him and deep down i like to think she still sort of... tolerates him in a positive way. i love mina will all of my sol (LMAO LET ME BE LAME). the way you play her is great to see. i hope you keep writing, and continue to spread your creativity. it’s worth wtinessing every time

@syxsonmi​ WE NEVER GOT tooooo WRITE. i’ll always remember you becuase you plotted that super cool, super dark plot with me right from the start. it takes a certain person to go crazy with that subject material right along with me, BUT YOU STILL DID AND I ADORE YOU FOR IT. you’re also a dreamcatcher fan and i gotta protect my fellow dreamcatcher friends. siyeon is my wife and ill worship her until i die but i digress. i love sonmi, and im sad we never got to write out that super cool plot. i only hope you can forgive me for disappearing on you. i loved watching sonmi develop beyond her trauma. you write her well, and this rp wouldnt be the same without you

@sybyul​ you thought i wouldn’t mention you, didn’t you? Well, think again. we didn’t get to writing that super awesome dynamic between our characters, but it’ll live on in my head and ill always remember you fondly. 1) you’re a really talented writer. 2) you’re really funny lmao afFALSKJKl. i wish i had more time with you, but maybe ill come back, or maybe we’ll run into each other again in a different directory. your writing is gorgeous, i never get tired of reading your application ( i think ive read it at least five times ). no lie. sorry that we have to part ways like this, but i really did enjoy being around you. remember to watch ice spiders or dragon wars & hate me for bringing that into your life. <3

at @ everyone else.

you make this place unforgettable, you really do. ive been here for a while, although i have been a ghost, i still logged in to keep up with the activity and the development of everyone’s characters. i don’t regret one moment or one second i spent here. one reason i didn’t write a solo of sol leaving is because i hope to return, i really do. but for now

you’re all talented, and I enjoyed watching all of you be so creative and passionate about this place. i love all of you. and since ive already been sappy, ill be a little even more sappy. remember to be kind to people, take care of yourselves, and keep writing.

see you, space cowboy

<3

[forever-rogue]

Words and Paper - Part III

Summary: Y/N is a brilliant young lawyer who was hired by Tony Stark himself. She didn’t expect half of the things that would happened, but she was sure glad Bucky happened.

A/N: Here is part 3, finally! I know this is a fluff fest, but plot will come in the next part. Thank you guys for all the support as usual! If you would like to be added to the taglist, just let me know! :)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: just lots of fluff!

MASTERLIST

PART I | PART II | PART IV | PART V | PART VI | PART VII | PART VIII | PART IX | PART X | PART XI | PART XII | PART XIII

It had been a few hectic weeks since Y/N’s big move to New York, and she couldn’t have been more happy with her decision - or her new friends. Tony had been nice enough to give a month off, paid of course, to get adjusted and settle down. She found that life in New York suited her: it was fast paced and crazy, much like California, but in a different way, which she enjoyed tremendously. Plus, the chillier weather and more diverse seasons was something she had been looking forward.

Tony had introduced her to the various members of the Avengers team, she had liked them all. She could already tell Natasha was going to be a good friend, and everyone else was extremely helpful as will, offering help however they could. Although she wouldn’t be directly working with them or probably even seeing them on a daily basis, she liked her new circle of friends. But much to no one’s surprise, Bucky had become her closest companion.

Y/N was putting away one of the final boxes of knick knacks that she had brought with her from San Francisco, when she heard a soft knock on her door. She cast a look over at Pickles, who was curled up busy napping on window sill bench, trying to get any sunlight she could during the overcast late afternoon. She hadn’t expected anyone to come over today, so she debated even answering the door. She decided it was probably nothing to worry about, so she padded over to the big wooden door and looked through the peephole, and to her surprise it was Bucky.

“Hello there,” she grinned as she swung open the door in excitement, “I wasn’t expecting you.” She gave him a quick once over and felt a slight blush creep up in her cheeks when she realized how good he looked, although he always looked good, he never really had to try. He was dressed simply today, a button down and some jeans, but damn, he made it look good. In his hands he clutched small bouquet of flowers.

“Hey, Y/N,” he beamed at her and held the flowers out to her, “these are for you. A sort of little housewarming present.”

“They’re beautiful,” she stepped aside and let him in. Pickles, suddenly wide awake, hopped off of the bench and ran over to greet him.Y/N smiled at the two of them, Pickles wasn’t usually so friendly with people she was still getting to know, “she approves too. And they’re my favorite. You remembered.”

“Yes, daisies,” he bent down to pick up the small cat and started giving her cuddles, “You told me 2 weeks ago. But you prefer lighter pastel colors over the super bright ones.”

“Alright,” she grinned as she headed to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase, “I’m extremely impressed you remembered all of that.”

“I don’t forget things about people I like,” he admitted somewhat sheepishly. He sat down at the island counter and watched her work, “what’s today’s thing you have decided to share?” The two of them had kept true to their word and were telling each other new things about themselves on the daily.

“Hmmm, what indeed,” she mused as she set the finished flowers on the counter. She tried to give him a variety of different facts to keep it interesting, alternating from telling him random things about her family, her high school years, or random things she liked. She loved getting to know little bits and pieces of Bucky, just as he loved learning about her, “my favorite type of people are ones who remember little details about me.”

“Oh come on, that’s a given and doesn’t count,” he laughed at her.

“Fineeee,” she sighed and leaned against the counter as she racked her brain, “Quentin Tarantino is my favorite director.”

“What?!” He was now full on laughing, barely keeping it together. It amused him to no end how someone so gentle and soft loved the exact opposite. She ran into the adjacent living room and  grabbed one of the pillows off of the couch and hit him with it, “oh, you’re serious?”

“Yes, you jerk,” she stuck her tongue out at him, “I think he’s great. Just because it’s violent, doesn’t mean I can’t like it. He has a vision, you know. Story telling is his forte!”

“Alright, alright, Princess,” he appeased her and played along and got on his knees, clasping his hands in front of him, “please forgive this poor peasant for ever doubting you.”

“I mean...I suppose. This Princess likes her Buckaroo,” she extended her hand out to him to pull him up. He bowed his head and reached for her hand. He stood up more abruptly than she was expecting and they slammed into each other. Bucky wrapped his arms around her to keep from falling as he balanced them out, “ohh hello.”

“Hi there,” he smiled down at her as he inhaled her soft vanilla scent,, “are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m good,” she nodded lightly. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute, as they both stood unmoving. She could feel the heat radiating from his strong body on her smaller frame. They had never been this close and entangled before.

She was pretty sure her growing feelings for him were undoubtedly not so secret anymore. What she didn’t know was that Bucky felt the same about her. It had been so long, decades really, since he had had feelings for anyone. Especially nowadays, when people still feared him and he didn’t make many close connections. Neither of them wanted to move; everything in this moment felt right..until she heard a loud meow behind her, “oh!”

Pickles sat on the floor in the kitchen next to her water bowl, signaling it was time for her dinner. What great timing she had, indeed  Bucky and Y/N slowly let go of one another as she walked over to feed the cat. Bucky was sad to have to let go of her but didn’t want to make things awkward. He stood there and scratched the back of his neck.

Y/N quickly fed Pickles before turning back to him, “I-uh, sorry. She’s so needy.”

“It’s okay,” he responded, thinking of how to make his next move, “it is dinner time after all. Have you eaten?”

“No, actually, I was just putting away the last of my stuff, eating hadn’t even crossed my mind,” she admitted as she glanced over at the small and still half packed box.

“I don’t know if you had plans or anything,” he chuckled nervously, “but would you want to get dinner or something?”

“I do not have plans,” an idea crossed her mind, “but how about we order in and watch a movie? Maybe a Tarantino one? I have all of his films.”

“That sounds great,” his heart did did somersaults at her plan. He couldn’t think of anything he’d rather be doing right now, “what sounds good for dinner?”

“Chinese, for sure,” she was never one of those girls who couldn’t make up her mind, “unless you’d prefer something else?”

“No, Chinese is always good,” he agreed as he walked into the kitchen and opened the drawer where he had started a collection of menus for local restaurants. You never know what you could be in the mood for or when, he had told when he first started the growing collection.

He already knew what she liked, but he didn’t want to give away how much he actually remembered about her. Stalker vibes was not something he was wanting to give off. He knew she loved her egg rolls and fried rice, “do you want anything in particular?”

“The usual! I think that sounds perfect right now,” she gave him a big smile as she went to grab some blankets from the small hall linen closet. She sneaked peeks at him as he pulled out his phone and called their favorite spot. She listened to his smooth and voice him, watched as he nodded his head as ordered, the way his smile reached his blue eyes, making them seem bluer and brighter than ever. She wondered what it’d be like to kiss his soft looking lips.

“Y/N?” Bucky caught her off guard, as she had zoned out as she was watching him. He waved his hand in front of her face.

“Huh? Oh sorry,” her cheeks deepened to a bright crimson as she realized she had been caught staring at him, “I got so caught up thinking about which movie to watch.”

“Sure, Princess,” he gave her a wink that made her want to melt as he sat down on the couch and put his feet on the table, “the food should be here in about half an hour. What film were you thinking about?”

“How about Reservoir Dogs?” she held up the box in front of her face as she walked over to the TV, “underrated if you ask me, but one of his best.”

“I agree, his earlier works might be slightly better than his old ones,” he watched her eagerly put into the move into her Playstation. He loved how easy, and yet wonderful everything felt with her. He patted the couch next to him and she sucked in her breath a little bit. As often as they spent time together being so close to him still gave her butterflies. She sat down a bit tensely as she too put her feet on the coffee table. She left just a little bit of distance between.

They started watching the movie, although neither of them were completely focused on it. Both of them were hyper aware of the heat flowing between them and the closeness of their bodies. Bucky was trying to push himself to make a move. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her chest rise and fall lightly, her eyes trained on the TV. Just as he was ready to finally put his arm around her, a knock came at the door. He groaned inwardly, but stood up to answer it.

He opened the door and quickly grabbed the food and put it on the table, ready to turn around and get some plates. Y/N scoffed a little bit, which caused him to turn around, “what?”

“It’s Chinese, we’re supposed to eat it out of the container,” she said dramatically. The corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile, “unless you’re afraid of my germs, Buckaroo.”

“Not a bit,” he rejoined her on the couch and grabbed the chopsticks she was holding out to him, “you just can’t go hogging everything, like last time.”

“Oh come on! It was one time and I was really hungry,” she protested as she started shoving an egg roll into her mouth. She immediately regretted her decision as the bite was too big to shove. She gave a muffled grunt, “oops.”

“My point exactly,” she narrowed her eyes as at him as she tried to swallow the last of the bite. She struggled breaking down the big bit as she continued to chew and chew.

“I got it all down,” she said triumphantly a few moments later and stuck her tongue out at him, “and there’s more for you. See I can play nice!”

“We’ll see about,” he countered as he started getting the chow mein they had gotten, earning himself a jab in the side from Y/N with one of her chopsticks.

They finished their food in relative, comfortable, silence as they turned their attentions back to the movie. About halfway through, Y/N felt her eyelids start to droop and a few shivers ran down her body as she was getting cold. Bucky noticed and grabbed one of the big fluffy blankets and draped it over them. He finally got enough courage as he put his arm around her and pulled her close to his chest. When she didn’t argue but burrowed even closer into his side he couldn’t contain the goofy grin on his face.

It wasn’t long before Y/N was asleep and snoring softly on his chest. He watched the rest of the movie in happy silence, moving as little as he could as to not disturb her. Pickles even got up on couch on his other side and rubbed against his hand. He gave her a few scratches and she contently curled up into his side.

As the end credits started rolling, Y/N started to slowly wake up. She blinked a few times before she realized what position she was in. She was pulled away to the side and looked over at Bucky, hoping she hadn’t done anything too awkward or embarrassing, like confusing her feelings in her sleep. He smiled over at her as he kept his arm draped over her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered in small voice.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he stated as he pulled his arm from around her shoulders and sat himself so they were facing one another.

“Did I snore?”

“Like you were sawing logs,” he joked and she groaned and hid her face her hands. He gently pulled her hands away and rand thumb over cheek, “I’m just kidding, it was so soft I almost didn’t even notice.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah,” he nodded before getting a wicked idea, “the drooling though...that’s where I draw the line.”

“You’re such a liar,” she challenged him and he burst out in laughter.

“You got me there,” he admitted. He studied her face, trying to read what she was thinking. He figured things had gone well enough so far, he might as well try his luck, “Y/N?”

“Hmm,” she made a content sound and pulled the warm blanket closer to her body and away from him with a wicked smile.

“I never told you anything about me today,”

“Oh, that’s right you didn’t,” she realized they been too caught up in eating and movie watching, or in her case, snoring, “go on then.”

“My fact for today is that I’ve been wanting to kiss you since the day we met,” he admitted as he waited with bated breath for her response. He tried to read her facial expressions, which he mostly read as surprise.

“Really?” She asked as her face broke out in a big smile, making her eyes crinkle at the corners, something he had noticed early on.

“Yes,” he admitted as he was the one who now had a faint blush starting on his cheeks.

“Are you gonna actually go ahead and do it?” She asked as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms his neck and pulled him closer, “because I’ve been waiting for you to make a move for a while now.”

That was all Bucky needed to hear as he closed the distance between them and put his lips on her soft ones. They both felt the instant spark between them and felt as though time was standing still. Only when they needed some air did they finally pull apart.

She rested her hands on his shoulders as he cupped her cheeks. He leaned his forehead against hers in a small but intimate gesture. He kissed her lips once more and they grinned at each other like lovesick teenagers. Y/N sighed contently and closed her eyes.

“That was worth the wait,” he admitted.

“It was about time,” she joked as he nodded in agreement. She reached up and invited him back under she stolen, “now that that’s settled, what movie is up next?”

Bucky pulled Y/N back against his chest and decided in that moment that it really didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was them and their happiness.

Taglist: @sebstanwassup @ladyabby-1996 @bookaddic @jems8241