#BUT none of that MATTERS if i can't get off my ASS and make an info sheet and a paypal and figure out prices and UGH!!! business stuff :(

[attleboy]

Why do u draw?

oooooooo [rubs hands together] a fun one that probably isn't that deep but i'm going to take way too seriously!

so the short answer is fun, but i can never just say one sentence and be done with it soooo i elaborated and wrote a whole essay below. sorry not sorry

anyway if you didn't want my origin story no shame in that, it's not gonna be on the quiz, just keep scrolling :P

to cover all my bases let me start from the beginning and work my way forward...

i think pretty much all kids draw at least a little just because they can, but the thing that really inspired me to take art seriously was the great abundance of cat animations on youtube in the early 2010s... warrior cats amvs mostly, but also artists like bani the kitty and splashkittyartist! you can really see these inspirations in my early digital art hehehe (see below by attle b. age 8)

from then until about age 14 art was just... my thing? i did it pretty much everyday, probably couldn't have imagined life without it... i think back then my motivations were more inline with your typical social media artist motivations... get better, be seen, and maybe make a career out of it? never made it that far though because ehhhh life has different plans i guess

i fell into an art slump in the middle of high school for a variety of personal reasons i won't get into, and as such i had to give up my dreams of creating art as a job

as sad as that was in the moment, it forced me to change my outlook on the whole ordeal in a way that i think was ultimately healthier for me.

that brought me to where i am now! since i have no goals beyond keeping at it as a hobby, i do it simply because i enjoy the process, the product, and i feel like it lets me connect with my interests in a way i otherwise couldn't.

it's a fun way to express love for the things i care about, and while i still enjoy honing my skills i don't feel the same pressure to be perfect that i used to which is really freeing!!

so in that sense it's intrinsic motivation that makes me draw what i draw... however, the amount of art i put out and the polish i give it is definitely motivated by the eyes i have on me... while i'd still be drawing the same things if no one was watching, i would not be putting nearly as much effort into it, nor would i be doing it as regularly, so i do thank you guys for keeping me on track there <3

that's it i think? i could get into the philosophy of it, but i'll spare you that... okay thank you for letting me yap!!! ^-^

[xavieremix]

okay so the tags on that last post got me feeling those melon collies so i'm just gonna. tagdump in here. slightly sensitive topics? so uh. scroll down (or press J to jump to next post). or read my thoughts like the morning paper. sorry. cheers.

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC "Pick Me Up"

The stream goes live on the first day of the school year. It's the usual song and dance - mad laughing, threats, poor jokes, terror, and about thirty kids huddled together in a classroom behind Joker's back. Tim recognizes it as one of the Gotham Academy classrooms. Dick can't imagine the horror those kids' parents must be feeling right now. Jason jokes about middle school traumatic experiences. Damian is feeling very justified for skipping classes today.

Bruce, all suited up in his Batman garb, is making his way to the Academy as fast as he possibly can. Those are kids.

Gotham is once again anxiously kept on the edge of their seats, watching as Joker decides to interview the kids on their learning experience so far. Something about leaving a good first impression on the new generation or some other bullshit. Most kids stutter over their words - it's true that Gothamites are way more composed when facing life-threatening events, but those kids are only fourteen or fifteen for the most part. They are not old enough to keep their cool in the face of a murder clown.

That is, until Joker points his camera at one of the girls. Black hair in a high ponytail, blue eyes without a trace of fear, a slightly displeased, even bored expression on her face. She looks straight into the camera, not even waiting for the laughing madman to finish his question, and deadpans:

"I don't think I like school. Pick me up, please."

Joker sputters.

"Not so scared, I see," he sneers, and, in the next moment, a comically large gun painted in purples and greens is pointed to the girl's forehead, "How about now?"

The girl scrunches her nose and makes a so-so gesture.

"It's kinda meh," she admits, "Like, yeah, points for style, but you know, size doesn't matter. It's all in the technique."

Dick snorts over the comms. It's a bad time for laughing, sure, but the phrase caught him off-guard. This is not what you'd expect to hear from a teen, and definitely not something you'd expect anyone to say to the Joker. Jason's comms are muted, but Barbara knows he also laughed a little.

"Technique, you say?" Joker hisses, pressing the gun closer to the girl's head, and she winces, leaning away from it, almost as if she is disgusted by the touch.

"Yeah, I mean, guns are not that scary anyway. What are you gonna do with them, blast my brains all over the floor? Been there, done that," the girl shrugs, "Kinda nasty, but overall, it's just like slime, only sticky." She pauses and looks to the side, seemingly lost in thought, "Huh, maybe we should have added Borax to it. Or was it baking soda?.."

"Listen here, you little brat," Joker's fingers catch the girl's chin, and his voice becomes sickeningly menacing. Bruce is almost there, just two more minutes. Tim is already grappling onto the wall.

But none of them get to finish.

"Put your dirty fingers away from my sister," a low, cold, and even in a way that speaks of barely contained fury, voice comes from out of the screen.

The camera spins, like whoever is holding it turned really fast, and everyone watching the stream sees a fairly normal guy standing by the window - a turtleneck and ripped jeans, same black hair as the girl, same blue eyes... Wait, they are not blue.

And that's not a guy.

The camera falls down to the floor, and there are a lot of panicked screams coming from the broadcast now, but none of them sound like children's voices. It's the screams of adults, of grown-ass men, and later, someone even claimed they heard Joker's scream among them, too. The picture on camera glitches a few times, and the angle is awkward, but everyone still gets to see how shadows in the room morph into eyes, wide open and green, and how the darkness grows sharp teeth, countless grinning mouths that don't belong to any faces.

Screams turn into gargling and then to quiet whispers, filling the ears of all those listening with countless words in languages they don't know.

Red Robin turns off the recording and looks to that same guy from the levestream, sitting across him on the couch. The guy - Daniel, or Danny, as he introduced himself - looks him in the eyes and raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, and?"

"How did you do it?" Tim asks for the third time this evening. Danny blinks.

"Did what?" He asks, completely incomprehending. Tim groans. He's been trying to get his answers, any answers at this point, from the guy for thirty fucking minutes already. So far, he's got nothing. Danny, whoever the fuck he is, proves to be the most annoying human being on Earth.

"Seven people in a coma, including Joker himself, with no physical injuries and none of the children remember a thing! How?!" He demands, and a girl's face peeks from around the corner:

"I remember!"

Tim snaps his head at her, "What do you remember?"

The girl pauses, blinks, and looks to Danny. Then shrugs, "My brother picked me up from school."

Tim drops his head down and breathes out in frustration. He can't force the information out of civilians, he is a vigilante, not a mafia.

"Would it make you feel better if I promise not to do it again?" Danny asks, and his voice is way too innocent for Tim to believe him. He raises his head to look the guy in his shameless, amused eyes.

"I hate you."

"Thanks," Danny grins.

[xneens]

dildo shopping

aaron catches you dildo shopping.

Telling Emily about your less-than-adequate one-night stand had been a mistake. After being short with everyone for the whole day, she finally confronted you about the change in attitude and you confessed the guy you brought home the night before had gotten off without returning the favor.

She had asked when was your last orgasm and you had to think about it before telling her it had been a while. With that reply, she dragged you to the closest mall. That's how you ended up in front of a Spencer's.

You raised an eyebrow at Emily, sighing loudly as you reluctantly followed her inside. "Seriously, Em? I think I could've just bought a vibrator online or something."

"That could take days to come and you clearly need this now." Emily leads you to the back section, giving you a look. "Don't argue with me, you yelled at Rossi after he got your coffee order wrong today."

"I literally have no memory of that," you replied, trying to think if that situation had happened. "I didn't even drink coffee today."

Emily holds up an "I love Milfs" t-shirt briefly. "Because you threw it in the garbage after cussing him out in Italian. Rossi teaching you Italian really came back to bite his ass today."

"Whatever," you said, a twinge of guilt crawling into your heart. You shrugged it off knowing he'd understand and you made a mental note to get him his favorite bottle of wine to make up for it.

As you entered the back, you looked through all the dildos and vibrators lined up against the wall. Emily held up a purple dildo, reading through the description while you looked at the unimpressive dildo and vibrator wall decor, none really vibing with you.

"This one says it vibrates and is supposed to feel realistic," she mumbles, eyes narrowing as she reads through the instructions. "Six inches though, I think you can take more than that right?"

You giggled, unable to hold in a laugh. "I don't really want to think about Barney's small dick vibrating in my cunt when I want to cum, Em. Or Thanos for that matter."

She makes a face, putting the purple vibrating dildo back. "What a strange image. Thanks for ruining Barney for me."

Chuckling, you check out the lingerie a nearby mannequin is wearing. It's black and lacy, and while it holds up the titties, it's see-through and the panties are crotchless. Taking off its panties, you hold it up to your body. "Hey, this is cute isn't it?"

"Very cute, you should get it," Emily responds, looking through the hundred dildo options.

"Yes, you should."

You freeze, your ears instantly knowing who that voice belonged to. Emily looks behind you without turning her head, holding back a laugh at your clear mortification. A second passes and you turn around to see Aaron fucking Hotchner, your stoic boss and friend standing in front of you, looking at the lingerie you had pressed up against you.

You can't help but laugh awkwardly. "Hotch? What're you doing here?"

He's amused and you can tell because he's eyes are twinkling and the corner of his lips are twitching as if fighting the urge to smile. "I was picking something up for Jessica at Bath and Body Works when I saw you guys and wanted to say ... hi.”

"Wonderful." you deadpanned, placing the crotchless panties back on top of the mannequin's head.

Before either of you could say anything else, Emily joins in, a smile so smug and big it would've been hard to miss from space. "I'm going to look at that section of toys. Maybe you'll like a blue one instead so you can imagine it's Jake Sully instead."

She's too far away when you think about slapping her, already moving towards the side section of even more vibrators and dildos, a few naughty shirts display that separated you and Hotch from her. After glaring a hole into the back of her head, you turned back to Hotch, wanting nothing more than to melt on the floor and die.

"I-" you start, unable to finish; just like the night before.

He begins to look through the wall of sex toys, brows furrowing at the choices. Your cheeks redden when he picks up the infamous rose vibrator momentarily before placing it back down. It looked so tiny in his big hands and you wanted nothing more than to have his big hands in you. "What kind of toys do you like?"

It takes you a second to comprehend his question, still stuck on him seeing you shopping for things a boss should never know about his employees. "Um, whatever, really. I haven't really had one since college."

Hotch nods as if you were talking about a case and not about orgasming on a fucking sex toy. "I see."

You watch in silence as he studies the choices again, fully concentrated. He picks up a packaged dildo, regular colored, and holds it up to inspect it. You watch him eye the silicone dick before placing it back and picking up an identical one, only this one is thicker and wider.

"So ... you ever try one of these before with someone?" you asked, unable to deal with the silence but now wishing you hadn't spoken after that horrible sentence.

Thankfully, he chuckles, eyes not straying from the description on the packaging. "No, I haven't. I never really did have the time or someone who was willing to try something like this out."

"Ahh," you reply like a fucking idiot.

After another few moments of inspecting the dildo, he hands it to you with a smile. You take it instinctively, confused and gobsmacked at the gesture. His eyes are twinkling with amusement and something else you can't place. "That one should be the closest."

It’s about eight inches long, quite thick and has veins decorating the length. The head of it is big and you nearly salivate at the thought of getting off to it tonight.

"The closest to what?"

Hotch just grins in return and starts to turn away and walk out. "I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun.”

[perfctvelvet]

Can u pls do a threesome fic with Sabrina Carpenter? She’s my favourite at the moment

One, Two, Three; Sabrina Carpenter/Fem!Reader/Olivia Rodrigo

Content: 2nd POV. PWP, threesome, strap-on sex, fingering, nipple play.

A/N: I had like two other requests for a Sabrina/Olivia threesome so I'm just combining them into one ask :)

You told them that it wasn't a competition, and they shouldn't treat it as such. Their dislike for each other was still palpable, but if you were to tell them the truth it was that you didn't care for either of the deeper feelings they harbored for each other. Being friends with both of them gave you a unique expressive; you thought they should get over it. Right now none of that mattered, you just wanted to get laid. They happened to be the only people available when you called to alleviate your Saturday night boredom.

Olivia had asked for reassurance that if she went participated she wouldn't have to do anything with Sabrina. You told her that was completely fine but something must've switched in her brain because she lays under Sabrina, her pink nipple in her mouth while you stand behind the blonde and fill her with the inches of your strap-on. Maybe a threesome was a good exercise in getting along. Sabrina was too lost in the feeling of your hips smacking against her ass to care about her issues in the past with Olivia. She was adding to her pleasure, sucking her tits while you pounded her, so the least she could do was show her gratitude. She pries Olivia's legs open with just one hand and finds her pussy. Her slender fingers rub her clit for a few seconds, as a warm up, before sliding into her opening. Sabrina felt a little smug feeling how wet Olivia was. Her pussy was warm and inviting of her fingers.

Seeing the get along and play nice had you feeling a little proud of yourself. If this was a few months or even a year ago this would've never happened. Time heals all wounds they same. Maybe a threesome with your shared fuck buddy does too. You fear there would be some weirdness to this that would ruin the night, but Olivia and Sabrina seemed to be enjoying each other more than you. They were making out, something initiated by Olivia, while you were still inside of Sabrina.

You slowed down your thrusts into Sabrina before completely pulling out. The two were still making out with Sabrina completely unphased by the action. Dare you say you were...jealous? You can't even count on two hands the number of times you've fucked Sabrina all those times you two were single at the same time she was always so needy. She would whine at a simple pause in thrust and the complete absence would make her beg for it. But she was too occupied with her tongue down Olivia's throat to complain. When she moaned it was because Olivia caressed one of her boobs, her thumb brushing against her hard but sore nipple.

To take control again you switched positions. You sat against the couch with the two on either side of her. Sabrina's juices made your strap slick and shine in the light. Olivia grabs it by the base and wraps her lips around the tip before you even have to ask her.

"Good girl," you purr. If Sabrina was usually the needy one, Olivia was the obedient one.

"I bet she never thought she'd lick me off of your cock," that teasing side comes out of Sabrina. It's the side that you sometimes have to fuck out of her.

You give her a look, one that tells her to 'play nice.'

"You better get down there before she takes it all."

Sabrina gives her a small pout, but when she looks down at Olivia with the strap down her throat she feels like she's missing out. Olivia looks up at her and beckons her over. Sabrina joins her with a big smile on her face. She sticks out her tongue and Olivia taps the strap against her tongue. Her favorite thing in the world was tasting herself off of your strap-on, but everything was so much sweeter when it was Olivia who was the one feeding it to her. Olivia grabs the back of Sabrina's head and pushes it down on the strap. It happened so quickly that the air rushed out of her mouth when the tip hit the back of Sabrina's throat. She gagged on it and a felt tears well in her eyes. She was always so good at taking every inch in both her mouth and pussy, but Olivia's action had surprised. It was a little mean, Olivia would admit, but she liked seeing how the tears mixed with Sabrina's eyeliner and ruined her pretty little face.

She does it once more before letting up on the blonde and going back for another taste of the strap. She sucks on the sides and Sabrina does the same. Their tongues occasionally bump together as the dance around the sides of the strap, collecting every job of Sabrina's arousal that is left. Olivia moaned at the taste which delighted Sabrina to her core. She wasn't just enjoying your company, but also Olivia's.

Now it was Olivia's turn. Watching you fuck Sabrina left her feeling insatiable. The blonde was a bit of a cock-hog and Olivia didn't say anything about it, but now she was making sure she was getting some fun too. She straddles you, Sabrina holding the strap still for her and guiding it towards her wet pussy. The tip spreads her open and she eases herself down, inch by inch, until she was fully in your lap. It might've been the biggest thing she's ever taken in her pussy and it was pure heaven. She grabbed onto the edge of the couch behind your head and turned her head and looked down to try to watch herself take your strap.

"Move on her strap Livvy," Sabrina encourages her. Her hand landed on Olivia's ass to guide her up and down. You laid back as Olivia did all of the work. She worked herself up to a steady pace, one that made her a moaning mess. "Ride her dick baby," Sabrina continues. She loved seeing Olivia work hard to make herself cum.

Her tits were right in your face so you took one of her nipples into your mouth. You didn't think Olivia could moan any louder but her voice filled the walls of your bedroom. She fucked herself hard on your strap, but it wasn't until your grabbed her ass with both hands that it was really rough. Each poke at her sweet spot brought her closer to cumming. She could feel Sabrina's hands on her, touching every inch of her exposed skin and occasionally slapping her ass. The force she used told Olivia that even though she was playing "nice", she was still going to find out a way to take out some of her aggression. It's only fair for what Olivia did earlier.

Olivia is going to be a little embarrassed later to admit that the stinging pain from Sabrina's hand caused such a rush in her body that she came right then and there. The last moan to leave her body was weak and pitchy. You know from your times alone before that she was cumming, but Sabrina watched in awe as Olivia came. She felt totally responsible for it and it went straight to her ego

[quantum1mmortality]

Im so glad you're writing for Curly bc I'm so obsessed with him rn!! May I suggest (if you haven't done them already) some soft/fluffy post burn hcs? Like finally seing him again after a long drive to the hospital, mentally preparing yourself for what he might look like. Curly being so afraid about how you'd react, and just breaking down when you let out an "oh, Curly :(" and softly place a hand on his cheek, so worried that you might hurt him by accident that it's hardly even a touch at all. Curly leaning his cheek into your palm, having been so scared to see you and now so desperate for your touch.

Life returning to a new normal after a while, prosthetics and PT, skin grafts, so on. Lying in bed with him and being so relived and happy when he gets a spark of mischief like he used to and tries to tickle or play wrestle with you. Him quietly asking questions when the laughter dies down. if you missed his lips, or the blond hair you loved so much that now hardly grew at all. Reassuring him that it didn't matter what he looked like, or what he could and could not do anymore. He's still your curly.

Sorry this turned out so long 😭 I can't get him out of my head!

I LOVE what you wrote 🙏🙏 I'll be going off of these, taking bits and pieces of your hcs and then putting them in here. Overall just gonna be fluffy post crash Curly hcs :)

Of topic, but the way some people in this fandom treat post crash curly makes me nauseous. Finding out that some of you wouldn't treat him like I would makes me wanna cry. Maybe I'm too empathetic or maybe I'm a baby back bitch, either way, I'd care for this man so much. Y'all don't understand how much I love him.

Tw/cw; none!! One curse word but that's literally it (I think)

Not proofread

Extremely sensitive to touch for the first few weeks. I feel as though curly would be in incredible pain, but would try his best to keep your hands touching his cheeks, face, body in general. He'd even go as far as to whimper at how bad it hurt, yet still enduring it because he needed to know you still loved him.

He'd be so happy to see you anytime you were around. Just like pre crash, but it was more special. It got to the point where you would take off work for weeks at a time just to be with him, just so you could see him happy.

After the first two months of agonizing pain, you'd start touching him more. Not sexual, obviously, but just getting more physically affectionate. You'd be able to hug and kiss him goodbye, and hold on to his arm as you talked with him.

Speaking of talking, he wouldn't be able to, so you would talk for him. Basically telling him something, then answering any questions he may or may not have. You've known him long enough, you know how he'd react and question things, so it was practically a no brainer for you.

Now that he doesn't feel as much pain as he used to from your touches, you'd begin sleeping with him. NOT SEXUAL!!! Just cuddling up next to him in the hospital bed, laying your head on his shoulders and kissing him goodnight. Just like how you used to.

Eventually he'd start getting prosthetics, and aside from the physical therapy he's usually getting, you'd bring board games and playing cards so he could learn to use his new hands while still spending time with you.

Curly used to kick your ass in uno and honestly he still does. The trembling in his hands would slowly go away over time, and you were helping him with that much more than his physical therapist was; because at least he wanted to actually be around you.

After months and months, he'd finally be ready to take home. New prosthetics and a bunch of skin graft surgeries later, he's in good condition again. Not perfect in his eyes, but it is in yours.

He wouldn't be able to work, but Pony Express sends him checks as if he was. He gets enough from them, you could quit your job, but you don't want to be dependent on them. So you keep working.

Getting home from work is your favorite part of the day, having Curly be so happy to see you makes everything so worth it.

Your home life goes back to normal with a few exceptions, but nothing too drastic. Curly being in a wheelchair and still not being able to speak, but it's nothing you can't handle. You love him, you're willing to make sacrifices. He'd do the same for you, and you know that.

Bonus content; if you guys were married before the crash, once he got his prosthetic hands, he'd have you help him make a little beaded necklace for his ring to go on; that way he could still wear it :) he'd never take the necklace off once it's done

A/N; I've been pretty busy recently so sorry for the delay on requests; I have a lot of ideas for them though so hopefully they'll be out soon

[bitchimasnake-sss]

"my girlfriend's a nerd" ft. the monster trio!

self explanatory self-indulgent drabbles to soothe my book!loving ass

ft. luffy, zoro and sanji x fem! reader set-up: you like books, he likes you that's it warnings: none lmao this is very sfw. one might call it wholesome even. m.list

luffy:

thats my baby ^^

— im not even sure if this mf can read 😭😭

— honestly 9/10 chance he can't but when has that ever stopped him from being our most supportive himbo king

— go king give us everything!!

— he doesn't get why you read books when instead you can be like sleeping or eating or looking at the sea but well, he doesn't question it

— he just thinks it's a weird hobby you have (i don't think he's aware of how freakishly illiterate he is)

— but just cause he thinks it's weird that doesn't mean he wouldn't hug you half-asleep when he hears you sobbing into the dead of the night or he wouldn't listen with keen interest when you explain the plot of your favourite book as he wraps his arms around you and hums into your hair

— will 100% offer to fight the author/ tear up the book everytime he sees you having a breakdown over a particular scene/character

"who should I kill?!" the deadpan seriousness in his voice is what terrifies you

"nobody! I'm okay–"

— after you explain to him that hurting somebody is not necessary and you're fine, he will try to coddle you with extended hugs and food (lots and lots and lots of food).

"yn you should eat something! should I get you something to eat??" you can hear the panic in this poor boys voice 😭😭

"no luffy, its okay. im fine!" you say through sniffs and snorts, eyes bloodshot from crying over ink on paper

"brb" and he gets you dinner enough for 5 people because that's how he knows to comfort you (willingly took sanjis kicks and namis punches to accomplish this mission)

— since he's a clingy little child, he will hold onto you some way or the other when you're reading

— you're reading in your room while he's fast asleep? his arm is draped across your waist lazily. you're on the other side of the deck, sunbathing and reading? his hand is stretched out from where he's sitting and on your thigh (ussop tripped thrice over his hand, rip god ussop 🙏) . you're reading during breakfast cause the book just got so good? his toe is rubbing your calf up and down periodically (he won't stop no matter how many weird looks you give him)

— conclusion: he doesn't at all get it what it is, but if it makes you happy he will spend all the berries in the world to buy you those books (plz know if you actually ask him to jokingly off an author for killing your favourite character, he will do it. please don't ask him that.)

— he's just so supportive and nice 😭😭

"my girlfriends a nerd, I love her" (ussop explained to him what a nerd was and now he's introducing you like this to everybody)

zoro:

the shades tho 😎

— I'm convinced this mf can't read either

— even he can there's like literally no evidence to prove it and the entire crew has come to the conclusion that he gets lost even with clear directions because he just can't read please 😌👌

— at the start, he actually thinks it's dead stupid to invest so much time reading books when you can do other stuff like getting stronger, sleeping, literally doing anything else (luffy backs up his opinion with full enthusiasm)

— i mean like he's seen you sob at 7 in the morning over breakfast cause your fav character died and now he's confused as to why are you spending money and buying books if they make you cry so hard (he doesn't understand the concept of angst im afraid)

— but over time he just accepts it as something you enjoy and well, if it makes you happy then who is he to question it?

— acts like he doesn't care/isn't listening when you're rambling about the plot and how thE MAIN CHARACTER IS IN LOVE WITH HIS ENEMY AND VICE VERSA SKEJFHSJKSN but is actually fully listening

— he's actually invested at one point

"but they are enemies? why does he wanna be with him?"

"you don't get it! thats the appeal!!"

"the appeal is forcing a knife on somebody's throat?" he's laughing, "as if you'd enjoy it if i threatened you with my swords"

"... i would actually enjoy that"

he is now asking nami for loan to send you to a therapist (nami has seen you nosebleed over fictional characters and is considering giving money away to zoro for free. you really do need help.)

— as I said, he's invested now (although he does question your taste every now and then) but he'd force you to either summarize the plot to him as he trains or read out loud so he can hear the story as it goes.

— so naturally you're now sitting on his back, reading out loud as he does push-ups

— this beloved himbo has now formed strong opinions about characters and will battle you with headcanons because "there's no fucking way the hero would ever go back to the villain after that! that's ridiculous! if he does I'll sell my swords off."

— will remember the stuff you told him, no matter how trivial, so if you get off an island and he spots a keychain from your fav book series he's spending whatever money he has left to buy you it

"oh excellent choice! who are you buying it for?" the shopkeeper lady questions aloud

"oh, my girlfriend." he's smiling, "my girlfriends a nerd."

— actually looks forward to you telling him all the plot details and jokes at this point (one might call him a part of the fandom now)

— when you're a crying, sobbing mess because a character died, he's genuinely comforting you (no matter how bad he is at it)

"yn it's okay, you want some sake?" he is hugging you, patting your head like you're a child

"no 😭😭" you sob harder into his chest

"well... that's the best i can offer"

he tried. it's not his fault you don't wanna drink your feelings away.

— conclusion: he started off thinking its stupid and now he's an honorary nerd. would never admit it though. stubborn asshole.

sanji:

he's actually so pretty tho ^^

— he actually liked reading books before you even joined the crew although his tbr consists of cookbooks and auto-biographies about the people he has some interest in

— he started reading so that he could impress zeff with his knowledge on cooking and other miscellaneous stuff (imagine kid!sanji reading a book till late night under a lamp cause he wants to impress his old man that's so cute 😭😭)

— respects your hobbies when he finds out you like reading

— and then he sees your book collection. whY ARE THERE LIKE 5000 BOOKS HERE?! NOW HES SCARED FOR YOUR SANITY CAUSE GIRL WTF

— he hears you recommend a book to robin/nami once and now he's running to the nearest bookstore on the next island you guys land on to buy it

— he obviously did it to impress you and win you over but goddamn that book was actually pretty nice. so, the next time he asks you for recommendations he's actually a bit sincere

— now you're both in a book club of your own (which makes luffy mad cause why are you leaving him out of conversations :/)

— like zoro, he often asks for updates on the book you're currently reading while he cooks everyone food. he loves hearing you talk about the things you like.

— when he sees you crying over books, he is making you sweet stuff to soothe you, holding you and rubbing your back supportingly, peppering kisses to make you feel better

— he's so fine 😫😫

— anyways, also def the kind of person to ask you to roleplay things in real life

"yn-saaaan" his voice is bubbly, "can i ask you something?"

"mhm?"

"the last book you read–" his face is going a little bit red, "you think we can maybe... do that irl?"

now it's your turn to go red

— but no fr, he's so so supportive of your little hobby like yes baby! read those books and have fun imagining people in your head

— 100% matches your vibe when you crush on fictional characters cause "you're right. he is actually very attractive" (a bi king we love)

— once zoro made fun of you for reading and this was his response: "you can't even read, mosshead. the next time you speak shit I'll kick your ass."

"who said I CANT READ? AND AS IF ILL LET YOU KICK MY ASS!"

"I TOTALLY WILL KICK YOUR ASS"

now they are fighting while ussop, luffy and chopper laugh in the background

— but yes he loves staying up late, reading with you before you both cuddle and fall asleep

— you once read about a specific sort of dish in a book and mentioned that it sounds delicious so now obviously he has to go make that dish. it doesn't matter if it's 1 am at night.

— when nami asks him what he's cooking, he just smiles and shrugs, "i dunno either, im just trying to make yn happy. she's such a nerd"

— conclusion: an enabler, an enthusiast. this man is ready to buy you books and then read them if it makes you happy. only the finest for his favourite lady <3

a/n: enjoy my wayward thoughts about these fine men! m.list

[teojira]

TEDDY! I checked ur old blog and saw u have a this one :3, and i saw u write for the KAIJUUUS? bro i love godzilla sosososoosoOSOSOSOSO MUCH, if you're down for it, could you do some headcanons of being Godzilla's favorite human?, ofc platonic, (i dead ass love this gigantic lizard sm i made a wedding pic art as a joke cause someone said marry the damn lizard and i said fine i will, and i wanna clarify twice, it was a joke, i just love large lizards)

[Being Goji's favorite human headcanons] [platonic]

Summary: What being a huge lizard titans human entails!

Warnings: None! Just platonic companionship between you and the Big guy.

Word count: 650+ words

A/N: Omg Tama :(( I'm so happy to see you're here from the call of duty blog!! It's always a joy to see you in my notifs 🫶 ofc I got you, Godzilla headcanons comin right up! I hope these are okay!

- Being Goji's favorite human comes with alot of good, but alot of bad as well.

- It makes you special. There is no documentation in any of Monarchs database of him having any explicit connection to humans, no country, no specific race, and you're seemingly the first person in history. But that also means you're under their control due to your ties to the Kaiju.

- He doesn't visit nearly as much as he wishes he could, despite you both being connected by seemingly fate. He is the king of monsters, bro is busy! He has to keep the balance.

- Monarch learned the hard way that you cannot be housed at a base, it sets Goji off, so they literally have to place you on a private island somewhere for when he does come to see you, he can't destroy anything.

- Contrary to most of the publics opinion, he IS sentient. He knows what he does. Destroying usually comes with the territory when he has to fight a threat, but visiting you isn't so he makes sure not to crush your home, bellowing to let you know he's come to see you.

- He doesn't know why he cares for you, but it feels right, coming to you and curling up on the sand, waiting for you to come closer.

- Goji has ever been touched by one other human without intent of harm, Serizawa. He still remembers how comforting it was, how a small little human seemed to care for him when he was at his lowest.

- He enjoys when you pet him, more often than not being more than okay with the touch. It also helps that you take care of any issues he may have due to him being in the water extremely often, and he gets the occasional barnacle.

- The first time you took one of him, he snarled so loud that it sent you flying onto your back in fear, his large head whipping around to see just what the fuck you were doing.

- You explained to him calmly that you were removing the parasites from his scales. All you got was a huff in return. But he did turn back and rest his head again, so you figure that was him saying it was okay.

- It's hard to spend quality time with the titan due to just how BIG the fucker is, but he allows you to climb up him and make your way to his head, he's eerily still when he feels you on him, he knows his strength and size and one wrong move and you fall, shattering your legs.

- He would definitely bring you back things he's found in the ocean. What do you mean you're not interested in this deep sea squid that's the size of 3 school buses? He got it just for you! (You let Monarch take it to study, but you pretend to Goji that you are taking it for yourself.) (He lets out a pleased rumble at providing for you.)

- He somehow has the uncanny ability to find you no matter where you go, one time Monarch took you to the Japan base for a meeting that they deemed you necessary to attend.

- Imagine everyone's shock and awe when he appeared, roaring in a rage as he slouched down to the ground, not relaxing until you ran out in view, frantically waving your arms.

- He takes all his naps on your private island, curling into a little ball, it's the best rest he has had in years, only thing to make it better is when you join him, bring a blanket or bring a little air mattress and sleep out there with him, it brings him so much joy. If lizards could purr, you're sure he would be.

- Where this Goji, there is Mothra! She wants to see what caught his eye for the first time in centuries, she cares for humans more than he ever has, so she takes a liking to you immediately. So she visits you when she's able to, usually chirping and letting you touch her fuzz.

[just-a-creep-babe]

Are your requests still open? I'm not sure about your time zone so I hope it's ok if I ask how would you think relationships with the creeps would be realistically? Like how would Jeff, Masky, Ej, and Ben act if they were real and actually interested enough to date someone? I was just interested in your interpretation since I really enjoy how you write them! ✨

I feel like I’ve maybe gone over a few of these points before but I can’t remember for certain 😬

Either way, I hope none of these were too repetitive!! And tysm!! 🥰🫶

Requests are closed but commissions are open!

Masterlist: x

Jeff the Killer

It’s no secret this guy’s crazy egotistical

So as soon as he sees someone he’s interested in, it's like he just needs to have them

They’re an ego boost; a prized trophy that further proves he’s better than everyone else

He almost doesn’t see them as a full person, but more of a commodity

Really, it doesn’t matter whether or not they want the relationship—as far as he’s concerned, he knows what’s best for them

And, coincidentally, what's best for them is him

He's a super controlling partner

Literally the embodiment of your body, my choice

Part of him expects his s/o to pliantly conform themselves to his every whim and desire

But the other part secretly thinks it’s super hot when they talk back to him

He's always liked the feisty ones, and it gives him the perfect excuse to put them back in their place~

In terms of emotional intimacy, his partner really shouldn't expect much

Jeff mentally blocks all of that kind of stuff out, and he thinks people who are open about it are weak

At best, he'll ignore his partner's efforts to connect with him on a deeper level

And at worst, he'll belittle them and use their vulnerabilities against them as a manipulation tactic

So it's overall best to keep some amount of emotional distance from him, in all honesty

The plus side to dating Jeff is that he's super protective

To the point of it being suffocating, so it isn't all that much of a positive, but I digress

Since he sees his partner as his possession, and since he's very protective of his things, he'll be damn sure nothing bad happens to them

And everyone better damn well know that they're off-limits or he will remind them by carving it into their skin

At the end of the day, Jeff primarily wants sex, first and foremost

And secondly, he wants someone that'll inflate his ego; either by being a pretty piece of eye candy by his side or by constantly gushing over him and blowing smoke up his ass

Deep down, he does want someone to care for him—someone he could love and trust, and who would protect him as much as he'll protect them—but he's way too emotionally damaged to even admit he wants that

He definitely doesn't make it easy to love him

BEN Drowned

Honestly, a relationship with him would be relatively chill

All he really wants is someone to fuck and hang out and game with

He does have a dark side, which manifests as possessive/obsessive behaviors and manipulative tendencies, and a good dose of neediness to top it all off

But it's to be expected

And, really, if his s/o just behaves and gives him all of their love and attention, then it's not like they have anything to worry about, anyway

As long as they game with him every night for at least 3 hours, have sex with him a minimum of 4 times a week, answer his texts within 10 minutes, and never spend more time with someone else, then everything's fine

He's prone to spying on them through their devices, especially if they don't do the above-mentioned things to his liking

And he'll use anything in his arsenal to ensure that they stay wrapped around his little finger

Like I said, super needy and manipulative

He'll fuck with their self-esteem, their worldview, their perception of the people around them until they can't imagine living without him

He'll become their world; he wants their life to revolve around him and him only

And if things don't go his way, it'll only get worse

Much worse

He's not above eliminating anyone he's jealous of, or even isolating his partner until they don't have a choice but to accept him back into their lives

He will fully turn psycho if he, for whatever reason, thinks that he might be losing his partner

But until that time comes, until the relationship reaches that point, it'll all be smooth sailing

He's smart enough to know just the right amount to push things to keep the relationship afloat for as long as possible

Which, despite being one of the chillest partners on a surface level, quickly makes him one of the most dangerous ones when things go south

He'll stop at nothing to keep the person he likes

And his partner will never be any the wiser of the darkness that lurks behind his easy-going intentions

They better hope they never reach the tipping point that reveals his true nature

Eyeless Jack

He's actually the chillest creep to be in a relationship with

Unlike the others, Jack firmly clings to those remaining scraps of humanity within him

If he hadn't been transformed, he'd be a perfectly fine and well-adjusted member of society

So a relationship with him would be like, well, any other relationship with a normal person

He has his emotional hangups here and there, and he isn't perfect; he struggles with communicating his feelings and intentions, and he can close himself off when he's following down

But that's par for the course as far as relationship difficulties go

The biggest issue that'll come up that probably doesn't have a Buzzfeed article to help you out is dealing with his demonic side

But even then, he's gotten fairly good at controlling himself, so it'll never be too disruptive—as long as his partner keeps an open mind about the whole thing

He'll be more possessive, and he'll get jealous more easily, but he'll never lash out at his partner because of it

If anything, if he smells someone on his partner, he'll just want to scent them—so all he needs is some physical contact to reassure him

He can get insecure about his nature from time to time, but again, a bit of reassurance goes a long way

Honestly, the most dangerous thing about dating Jack is probably his urge to mark his partner

Marking a human has a few... complications, to say the least

He's naturally bound to get more possessive and much more sexually needy, which could lead him to injure his partner

But, you know, that's just part of the risks that come with dating a demon hybrid

A relationship with Jack has its ups and downs, which honestly might get more intense than a regular human relationship, but even then, a lot of humans are far crazier than Jack, even despite his nature

Even though he deals with some pretty powerful entities, he'll make sure his s/o is safe at all times—no one will ever be able to hurt them

And even though he's a cannibal, he'd probably be too protective of them to take a nibble out of them

Like, sure, he'd love to taste them—and he'd be willing to bet they taste divine—but even if they'd be open to trying it, he wouldn't want to risk it

Overall? 10/10, can not recommend dating this man enough

Masky

Masky's very hot and cold in a relationship

The stress of work combined with the physical and mental strain of being in Slender's proximity all the time does not make things easy for him

He's prone to lashing out, closing himself off, abusing whatever substance he can get his hands on, and generally spiraling out of control

Which does not make it easy for his s/o

Since Slender took an interest in him when he was still fairly young, he's almost always had symptoms of the Slender Sickness, so he's not super experienced with long-term relationships

Meaning that alongside dealing with his mood swings, his partner will also have to guide him through the ups and downs of dating

Which is just a whole extra set of difficulties his s/o will have to face

Being in a relationship with Masky really isn't easy

But the thing is, when things are good with him, they're really good

It's like he only knows how to operate on extremes; his lows are incredibly low and his highs are intoxicatingly high

When he's on a high, he'll make his partner feel like they're on top of the world

Nothing can get in the way of pleasing his partner; not time or money or even the boundaries of the law

He'll shower them with attention and affection, he'll take them on once-in-a-lifetime experiences—he'll make them feel truly heard and loved

Their connection will be like none other; he'll make them feel like they've conquered the world together

But when he's on a down, honestly, his partner might just be better off ignoring him until he gets better again

Which could take weeks or even months

But ultimately the distance will likely be better than being around him when he's going through it

Because although he isn't proud of it, he may get violent and even abusive without necessarily meaning to

And once he snaps himself out of it, he'll be upset to the point where it'll make him spiral even lower

And once he's over it, he'll be right back to gift and love-bombing them all over again because it's his way of apologizing and making sure he won't lose them

As great as things could be with him, and as addictive as he might get, his partner should keep some kind of distance from him—for their own sake

[olderthannetfic]

/olderthannetfic/769334704445997057/another-fandometrics-year-in-review-another-bevy

I am - genuinely - very sympathetic to the frustrations of solely f/f shippers and I DO think some people are a little too quick to shrug off the lack of f/f in fandom spaces with “lack of representation in media what can you do” when fandom is all about assigning personalities and backstories to one-line characters. HOWEVER. As someone who likes all kinds of ships, the experiences I have had across many MANY fandoms with solely f/f shippers treating people who also liked the main m/m ship as traitors and bad feminists, not to mention the number of people who have told me, a trans man, that I HAVE to write more f/f and less m/m For The Sisterhood, has made me LESS likely to engage in f/f, not more. Some of y’all are your own worst enemy when it comes to this stuff I swear. (Hashtag not all femslashers, hashtag some of my best friends are femslashers, etc)

--

Demands that people defend and explain perfectly commonplace things always end up generating dumber and dumber explanations.

I agree that that explanation by itself is kind of weak, but "Why are you asking only about AO3?" (as people often are) plus representation problems plus the other commonly cited reasons add up to a perfectly sufficient explanation. People just don't like what they're hearing.

--

The kind of f/f fandom people are often looking for—a by cis wlw, for cis wlw one—is not that different in size from the by cis mlm, for cis mlm one. They are both small.

Yes, I know they pretend that's not what they mean. They are lying. Possibly to themselves. Just look at the bawwwwing over the idea that cis men liking f/f could add to the amount of f/f art or the audience for the same.

Many AO3 slashers are better compared to transbian catgirls making lesbian furry porn or cis dudes horny for Buffy/Faith or something. There are plenty of people who care about f/f. They're just not necessarily the ~right~ people in the right spaces making the right art to count in some wanker's statistics.

Part of the reason our explanations and discussions always sound so bonkers is that we constantly compare apples to oranges.

--

And while we're at it, let's talk about that hoary old ~one-line character~ thing.

The reality is that we like to talk about how we elevate random walk-on characters, but the vast majority of shippy AO3 fanfic is about fairly major characters. Clint/Coulson was bizarrely popular in 2012. It has been twelve years. It is time to get over it.

On top of most things focusing on leads, the focus is often on characters who are given a lot of interiority. The audience is invited to be in their head and care about their feelings. People aren't usually good at analyzing film, so they use more familiar metrics involving text: how many lines do they have in the script? How many minutes does that translate to on screen? They don't know how to quantify a character being treated as an object to be looked at beyond "Booty shorts bad". But it's not general sex appeal or amount of skin on display that matters here.

As audiences, we respond to film grammar and "Just happen to like" or not like some character as a result of it, but we aren't aware of the mechanics, so we can't explain why beyond vague spluttering and "How dare you! Everyone should think this because it's the natural response!"

In general, media with multiple central women who have intense relationships with each other and who are conventionally attractive generate plenty of interest in f/f. Media with one hot girl who has the camera trained on her ass all the time while the men do everything interesting usually don't.

It's a no brainer and the harebrained explanations come from trying to look deeper to find the secret conspiracy where there is none.

--

The biggest mistake of most of this dumb discourse is "But I see all these queer women here. Why isn't there more f/f?"

This presupposes some default "normal" level of f/f without any actual justification for why that would be expected. You see the same nonsense from people going "Why is there so much m/m?"

What's the default? 10% because of the fake statistic that 10% of people are gay? 75% because action movies are sausagefests and all the important relationships are between men? What's the "normal" level of femslash? 25% because f/f, f/m, m/m, and gen are all equally valid? 80% because lots of fanfic writers are women?

Chasing one precise number is a fool's errand, but building a whole theory on the idea that there's an implicit number without even digging into that assumption is more foolish still.

When you look at the fanfic (or art!) spaces that are full of dudes, they often look like a bit of a mirror of AO3. Lots of het still. Lots of f/f. Lots of lady blorbos people are obsessed with. Limited m/m. Depending on the space, there might be a lot more gen. It's not perfectly 1:1, but then AO3 isn't precisely like other chick-heavy fanfic spaces anyway.

--

In my experience, the thing that makes a blorbo take off is that they're fairly major in canon, often driving the narrative even if they aren't the main protagonist, and they show up early.

In the cases where they weren't there at the very beginning, them showing up was the catalyst for fans who like this type of character to get into the canon at all. It's not just Castiel: you see it with Methos from Highlander and plenty of others. It's usually in a context where that fandom didn't have that much established for this type of fan. There wasn't a second dude to pair the lead with or the ship turned some people off or something. Highlander, for example, had fucktons of het shippers, both of canon het and of various OFCs and canon dudes. It was the slashers who stampeded over there when friends told them there was new ship potential for m/m. SPN... Sam/Dean was very popular on LJ, but I think it's obvious why a viable non-brother ship was of interest to people. I watched tons of people get pimped into Teen Wolf for Sterek. Of course they ended up liking it and not really caring about other ships: they were pre-selected to like that specific vibe. (And they are all wrong because Scott is the best and Derek has weird teeth.) The same thing happens with f/f. People get into media all the time because they're promised such-and-such a ship dynamic.

Wynonna Earp had plenty of people who were there for the women because the women are who matter for the most part. People were super into the canon f/f because it's hot and because it didn't seem like they were just going to get hit by a bus and shooed out of the narrative.

How many things that everybody and their sister saw have that many main women who matter? Some, definitely, but they're outnumbered by the sausagefests and by the things with very central het. Not everything with a huge audience gets a big fanfic fandom, but most things with big fanfic fandoms do have a big audience. You need critical mass to make a fandom happen.

Something like MCU has a variety of tasty shipping options, but the characters it spent all its time on first were the small selection of guys fandom cares the most about. When other characters were established very early, they also had an early spurt of fandom. I can't be the only one who remembers Pepperony fandom on LJ. It wasn't just people tagging canon ships in the background: Pepper/Tony shippers were a whole thing.

Yes, there are exceptions, but we make a big deal of them while ignoring the overall pattern.

Again, it is time to get over Clint/Coulson, Arthur/Eames, and people hallucinating that Hux had a personality in that first movie.

These are rare exceptions, and they're all snark-based at that. Darcy Lewis was also obnoxiously popular based solely on a few lines of snark, but that didn't count because she wasn't the correct and virtuous choice of favorite female character.

(Seriously, you should have seen the whining about all the people horny for Darcy who didn't give a fuck about boring Jane. Sorry, but your blorbo is a snooze and mine has amazing tits in addition to being funny.)

--

Let's go look at what's big on AO3 since it's easy and that's what other lazy statistics compilers do and then base their whining on:

Looking at the M/M tag, here's the sidebar:

Castiel/Dean Winchester (111856)

Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter (70823)

Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski (70134)

Sherlock Holmes/John Watson (67796)

James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers (61397)

Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) (56548)

Minor or Background Relationship(s) (55109)

Sirius Black/Remus Lupin (49179)

Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku (46679)

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark (44754)

I'm seeing canons with huge audiences. Teen Wolf and SPN are way more popular in fanfic fandom, relatively speaking, but they're certainly not obscure media.

I'm seeing a lot of leads. Sirius/Remus does stand out a little: they aren't walk-ons, but fanon did elevate them. Same with Draco, but main protagonist/most obvious nemesis is hardly a surprising ship type.

Let's play with exclude filters and see what's next (numbers won't be exact since this is via excluding the previous batches):

Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (43234)

Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji/Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian (40115)

Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V (38398)

Keith/Lance (Voltron) (32757)

Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs) (32744)

Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester (31834)

Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) (31527)

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) (31011)

Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter (30819)

Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood (30133)

Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson (27403)

Original Male Character/Original Male Character (26854)

Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou (26854)

Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin (26454)

Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov (26453)

Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF) (21154)

Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion (20946)

James T. Kirk/Spock (20716)

Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin (20561)

Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet (20113)

Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru (20039)

Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio (18806)

Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel (18013)

Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier (17577)

Dan Howell/Phil Lester (17518)

Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager (17404)

Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know (17390)

Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou (17141)

Tartaglia | Childe/Zhongli (Genshin Impact) (17041)

Harry Potter/Severus Snape (16773)

Oh look: more leads.

Sure, there are some little oddities, like the fact that taekook is obviously the worst BTS ship and it is a personal attack on me that it is that popular. But come the fuck on: this is a parade of some of the most famous musicians and most popular anime, shows that had huge audiences and particularly huge audiences of the type that like fanfic.

Let's have a look at f/m:

Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug (33773)

Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy (33031)

Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s) (29586)

Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren (24192)

Minor or Background Relationship(s) (21606)

James Potter/Lily Evans Potter (21088)

Kylo Ren/Rey (16028)

James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader (15922)

Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley (15635)

Sirius Black/Remus Lupin (15335)

Pepper Potts/Tony Stark (14552)

Fox Mulder/Dana Scully (14214)

Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin (13616)

Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson (11471)

Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak (11383)

Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan (11272)

Castiel/Dean Winchester (11187)

Other Relationship Tags to Be Added (10529)

Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov (9750)

Original Character(s)/Original Character(s) (9736)

Okay, it is AO3 after all, so some m/m ships have snuck in there, but the general trend is still leads, leads, leads, now with some readerfic. (For James/Lily, you can blame the insanity that is Marauders fandom on TikTok, or so I hear.)

And f/f:

Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor (21520)

Original Female Character(s)/Original Female Character(s) (17873)

Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan (16168)

Minor or Background Relationship(s) (13681)

Clarke Griffin/Lexa (12876)

Adora/Catra (She-Ra) (11532)

Amity Blight/Luz Noceda (10880)

Sirius Black/Remus Lupin (10532)

Caitlyn/Vi (League of Legends) (8925)

Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long (7766)

Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler (7369)

Korra/Asami Sato (7146)

Wednesday Addams/Enid Sinclair (6720)

Other Relationship Tags to Be Added (6684)

Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught (5764)

Original Character(s)/Original Character(s) (5529)

Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell (5347)

Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein (4895)

Jirou Kyouka/Yaoyorozu Momo (4662)

Charlie Magne | Morningstar/Vaggie (4402)

Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan (4284)

Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer (4223)

Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam (3936)

Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova (3876)

Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca (3700)

Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva (3689)

Castiel/Dean Winchester (3664)

Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price (3471)

Miranda Priestly/Andrea Sachs (3394)

Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee (3324)

Carmilla might be a little obscure compared to some media, and some other ships have snuck in here, but again, we're seeing some fairly prominent canons and the leads or at least main cast who have intense relationships in those canons. If most fantasy tv shows were Once Upon a Time, all of AO3 might be awash in nothing but swanqueen and captainswan.

The big thing that one sees is simply that f/f fandom often revolves around different media, while m/m and f/m are more likely to be into the same stuff that's full, full, full of main dudes getting to do things with one woman who matters.

We do not, in general, elevate anybody.

Not unless some very talented writer leads the way first with a juicy longfic that establishes all the fanon.

We repeat the myth that we do because it suits a certain narrative about how creative and transformative fandom is—and another equally popular narrative about how the lack of ship A/B is a ~conspiracy~ to rob one of one's rightful overflowing feed trough of fic.

It's bullshit.

We write about leads.

[honeybeedewdrops]

Cookie Monster | L.Norris

Summary: Lando just can't get enough of the cookies you are baking.

Warnings: None

______________________________________________________________

You were on the couch currently doing some work while Lando was gaming. You closed your laptop having finished your work. You had been craving a sweet treat recently. That is how you decided you would bake some cookies.

As you prepared everything you could hear the shouts of Lando coming from his gaming room making you shake your head letting out a chuckle.

Lando raged once again as he had died in Tarkov. The smell of your oh so famous cookies had hit his nose making him groan. "What's up mate" Max had asked. "Hang on I'll be back" Lando said leaving to the kitchen. He smiled as he watched you pull out a fresh baking sheet full of cookies.

You looked up feeling eyes on you "Oh hey Lan done gaming?" "No but I can never resist your cookies" he said reaching out taking one. "I know they are the best aren't they" Lando comes around the table and wraps his arms around you kissing your cheek. "I can never resist them no matter how bad Jon is going to kick my ass" Lando says grabbing another cookie. You chuckle scooping more cookie dough onto the tray. "Go back to your game when you're done we'll get some dinner sound good?" Lando nods grabbing another 3 cookies "Lando" you scold. He winks at you returning to his friends.

"Ok i'm back" Lando spoke "Mate what took so long" Max asks "Y/n made her famous cookies--" "The world famous Y/n cookies?" Max asks knowing the exact cookies he was talking about "yeah those" Lando said shoving another cooking his mouth. "Oh mate you'll have to save me some" Max says "No way they are all mine" Lando says "Oh come on they can't be that good" Matt says "Matt you're wrong they are like floating on a cloud." Max says "yeah i've had 4" Max laughed "4? Jon must hate when Y/n bakes" "Oh he does and I think so does my body because I aways have to work extra hard the next day to work it off" Lando says as they load into another game. Once again Lando left to get more cookies.

He walked into the kitchen and reached for another cookie before you slapped his hand away. "no more Lando you've already had 4" Lando pouts "that's not going to work on me" you say. "Oh come on Y/n please" "no" you say walking over to him. "Now go back to your game" you say kissing him and pushing him out of the kitchen. He pouts once more before going back into his gaming room.

"mate why do you keep disappearing" Matt asks "those cookies man i'm hooked, but i'm cut off " Lando says. "Why are you cut off?" Matt asks "Y/n she cut me off from her cookies" "Probably smart" Max says "I know but those cookies are so good besides I can just work it off tomorrow" Lando says. "But do you really want to do that?" Max asks "for those cookies yes" the three men laughed.

Lando had got up to go to the bathroom and had walked past the kitchen and you were no where to be found. He slowly walked into the kitchen and grabbed one more cookies before heading back to his game.

Lando had heard the shower turned on and so he got up out of his chair and made his way into the kitchen and saw the tub of cookies. He ran away a smile on his face like a kid on Christmas morning. He ate 4 more cookies before putting the tin down.

Lando had just loaded into a game when you yelled his name. He froze "ohhh sounds like you're in trouble" Max teases. "Shut up" Lando said. "Lando" you call again "Yes y/n" "Where are the cookies" "What do you mean" he said trying to hide the tin. "My cookies where are they?" You ask opening his gaming room door. "I don't know" he said as he had this guilty look on his face. "Lando..." "what" he says as his eyes drift under his desk where he hid the cookies. You follow his eyes and slide to the floor under his desk. "Y/n no" and you grabbed the tin. Lando fake gasps "how'd those get there" you sighed shaking your head "what are we going to do with you" You said teasing him. "Give me more cookies" "geez at this point I might as well call you the cookie monster" Lando laughed. "I'm sorry Y/n" "it's ok Lan don't worry but uhhh let's not tell Jon about this" Lando agreed. "You ready for dinner" You ask "yeah let just say bye to the boys and then we can leave.

"sorry boys i have to go dinner plans" Lando said "are you sure it was dinner plans or are you in trouble" "Nope not in trouble" and he disconnected from the call.

______________________________________________________________

I'm not quite sure if i like this. I hope you did. I feel like it's very poorly written but hey at least I tried it was just a random thought I had in class so I put it to the test.

-Star

[listofwhyyouloveher]

This is kind of silly but can I request headcanons for the gang getting their ass smacked by their friend or soon to be s/o please 😋 like let’s say their walking and reader is just staring and then is like ‘yolo’ and just smacks it

Summary: (PLATONICLY) smacking the gang's ass.

Warnings: none (i think?)

Author's Note: this is so very me with my friends

PONYBOY CURTIS

Pony is such a little baby about getting teased by his friends. He's whining "stooopp, stoppp" with the biggest pout, the gang makes fun of him soooo hard for this.

I don't see it happening unless you're soo drunk that consequences don't matter to you anymore so you just walk by him and smack his ass SO HARD that he screams.

He gets so shocked, asking if anyone saw that, if anyone would back him up on that but all the gang does is tease him saying like "saw you what? scream like a girl?"

This for sure starts a war, whenever you're at the Curtis's house just doing whatever Pony will try to smack your ass and you literally have to block yourself from him.

The gang is so tired of you acting like little kids but they laugh whenever you get Pony because he's such a sore loser about it.

JOHNNY CADE

Honestly, don't see anyone teasing him a lot. They probably think he's a little sensitive about it and forget that he's a greaser too. He likes you because you're not walking on eggshells around him.

Like Pony though, he SCREAMS when you slap his ass. No one's ever done that to him before and he's jaw dropped. He literally runs circles around Darry trying to chase you.

He will literally never forget and always turn to face you whenever you're around him. It's started a friendly rivalry like Pony but Johnny is significantly better.

He often sneaks up on you and catches you off guard but you return it by sneaking up on him. The gang has bets on who's gonna win once you guys get tired of your game.

SODAPOP CURTIS

Sodapop and Steve are literally sooo zesty with eachother. It's just their friendship and stuff but smacking ass is not new to them. Soda just doesn't expect it to be from you.

He turns around jaw dropped like you just stole his lunch money. Dramatically scoffs and just stares at you. When you turn to walk away he's for sure trying to get you back.

He doesn't expect you to be on guard though so he almost trips when you run away before he could get you. He's such a sore loser like his brother so he's always trying to one up you.

While Soda has the strength, you have the agility so it's literally such an entertaining battle to watch. Two Bit laughs at you two sooo hard he thinks its so funny.

STEVE RANDLE

Steve is actually a menace to society. He literally attacks Sodapop and Two-Bit, sometimes even Darry and Dallas. He'll run by and smack Soda's ass soo hard and runs so fast no one can catch him.

Until you did by catching him off-guard. He does the slow turn with his mouth open to dramatically signify his shock. He stares at you for a few seconds to try and catch you off guard and get you back.

He's a force to be reckoned with because he gets you back every single time. You're both crying-laughing by the time your worn out, lying on the couch trying to catch your breath because you'd been running around the house with Steve.

He's a formidable opponent but his weakness is that he forgets that you can and will smack his ass so he'll just be walking around and you'll slap him and lock yourself in a room.

TWO BIT MATHEWS

As much as he hates to admit it, Two-Bit sucks at hand-eye coordination. So he's not very good at the little game Soda and Steve started where they'll just come by, smack his ass and run so he can't catch them.

Of course he has his fair share of wins but he's more of a victim, but he takes it lightly because it's funny to him. He's soo shocked that you got involved though.

He was leaning over the kitchen counter talking to Soda when you walked by, turned to Soda and put a finger to your lips to let him know to not say anything.

You literally comically winded up and smacked his ass so hard Two Bit nearly screamed cause he was so scared. You were holding in your laugh and just ran to the other side of the counter for help from Sodapop.

DARRY CURTIS

Darry is such a sweetheart bro, he's literally such a cutie and he gets bullied for it. Soda and Steve literally violently attack him by smacking his ass and running (they call it drive bys).

He doesn't do much but yell at them, telling them that they better wish that he didn't hit them back. Of course when you do it, its different.

For instance you don't hit as hard and you did it so politely too that Two Bit was on the ground laughing. Darry just kind of stood there, an eyebrow raised.

He gave you a light noogie before sending you on your way only for it to happen AGAIN and he just turns around and crosses his arms and tells you that he won't ever trust you again.

DALLAS WINSTON

Dallas is a VICTIM of Soda, Steve and Two. That's the only thing he's unhappy to admit. He's not thinking about how to get them back, he's thinking about girls and parties and all of a sudden HE'S GETTING ATTACKED!!!

He's never going to take it lightly, always smacking them over the head for it. One day he just finished chewing out Steve for doing it when he gets hit AGAIN and its YOU.

He's all like, "c'mon, man, another one?" and his new york accent is soo heavy because he's getting frustrated that hes losing. He tells you that if you do that to him he's gonna do that to you.

Now, if you're ever in the street and Dallas comes up behind you he'll smack your ass and you'll smack his as he walks by. This rivalry is much darker than with Pony or Johnny, Dally is always on guard now and so are you. Two jokes that they should put you two in a ring.

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: Make-Up Sex w/ Dean Winchester

a/n: now that i feel better, though still albeit exhausted, i'm now literally running, jumping, fucking skipping to get caught up because somehow october decided to actually speed run its own month like the hell???

masterlist | kinktober masterlist | AO3

Being with Dean Winchester was challenging at times, because no matter how much he trusts you or how good things really are, he's always expecting the rug to be pulled out from under him. Even if sometimes he is the metaphorical rug.

You've had many arguments before, but none of them have hurt like this. You often found yourself in bed alone, usually because the boys were out hunting or catching up on lore, and you were honestly okay with that because duh— they were saving the world! But, sometimes you missed having some cuddle time with your boyfriend, but apparently he did not feel the same.

When you came to peel him away from whatever article he was reading on the computer, he snapped at you, saying some things that were very unnecessary. It had sent you back to bed angrier and more hurt than you had ever been before.

It only took a few minutes of harsh silence before he came stomping down the hallway and into your shared room. You didn't dare move a muscle, remaining on your side with your arms crossed and glare settled on the wall in front of you.

He took a moment to kick off his shoes and shuck off his flannel before shuffling into bed behind you, a heavy hand resting on your plush hip that was covered by the duvet.

"Sweetheart…" He began. "Go away, Dean." You said coldly, unravelling your arms to shove his hand off of you. 

"Look— I'm sorry." He rasped quietly. "Could've fooled me." He sighed. "I— didn't mean what I said, I'm just… tired. This case has been whoppin' me and Sammy's ass." He explained. "I just wanna catch this thing before it kills anyone else, and I ended up taking my anger out on you and you didn't deserve it," Dean took your body relaxing as a sign to be able to spoon you. "Fuck, honey. I'm sorry."

You chewed on your bottom lip thoughtfully. A part of you didn't want to give in, but the other part acknowledges that Dean never apologises unless he really means it.

"You really hurt my feelings, you know?" You whispered meekly. "I know baby, I know." He murmured into your neck.

You basked in his closeness, in the strength of his arm wrapped around your softened midsection. You shivered when you felt him place gentle kisses onto the exposed skin of your neck, the arm holding you pressed your back harder onto his chest.

"Let me take care'a you." He said seductively, his palm slipping up to cup your braless breast. You whimpered at the feeling, but nonetheless grinded back on his growing bulge as he stimulated your nipples.

"Please." You breathlessly begged. 

He was quick to turn you on your back, lips slamming down on yours. He devoured your mouth, his tongue demanding entrance as his fingers slipped beneath the hem of your pajama shorts. He groaned lowly at the fact that you had no panties on.

"Was this what you were gonna give me to make me feel better?" He asked with an amused smirk painted on his lips. Your skin flushed but you nodded shyly. "If it would have helped you, yeah." You confessed sheepishly. "Can't believe I was such an asshole to my sweet girl." 

His fingers teased your damp folds, sliding a finger between them to collect your slick before prodding at your entrance. Your breath caught in your throat, a small whine leaving you as he joined your lips together once more.

It was as though he was trying to destroy you from the inside-out. His strong fingers worked your entrance open, the man slipping in a second finger. Your legs twitched around his arm, loud mewls passing between the both of you whenever he'd hit your g-spot. 

You pulled away from your spit soaked kiss to cry out. "Dean, baby, 'm gonna cum!" 

He slipped in a third and final finger. He twisted his wrist torturously, his thumb reaching up to rub furiously at your clit. Your hand gripped desperately at his wrist, holding it to your body as you desperately rode his hand. 

"There you go, sweetheart. There ya go." He talked you through your orgasm. "Dean… Dean…" All you could whimper was his name.

"Fuck." You heaved after taking a few moments to catch your breath. "You okay?" He asked gruffly. You nodded your head, your own fingers tangling themselves up in his spiky hair. 

"I need you in me." You said as you cradled the back of his head. "Don't know if I deserve it." It sounded as if the big bad Dean Winchester was actually pouting! 

"Ugh, just c'mere." You said with a grin, tugging your boyfriend over your body. "If you don't fuck me, then I'll be sad again. How does that sound?" You asked playfully. "Not good." He murmured with a matching grin.

He was quick to take off his jeans, practically falling over himself to get naked as you finally stripped yourself of your own as well. Both of you were as naked as the day you were born by the time he had his cock lined up to your entrance.

His tip teased your clit, which caused you to whine in displeasure. "Dean…" He chuckled lightly. "Sorry, honey." 

With his hands on either side of your head, he entered you, your head falling back in pleasure at the feeling.

"Jesus." He groaned. "Feels so good, baby." He praised. Tiny whimpers left you as he bottomed out, sheathed all the way to the hilt as your velvety walls fluttered around him selfishly.

"Shit! Please move." You begged. 

Dean would be damned if you had to beg for fucking anything tonight. Pulling out slowly, he slammed his hips into yours. A loud smack! Resounded throughout the room, a choked moan slipping out of you.

"Ah!" His tip brushed against your g-spot pleasurably. Your nails dug into his back as he pounded into you, holding onto the older man for dear life as he continually stretched you out.

Your velvety walls sucked him in greedily, like they were practically trying to keep him inside of you. You could feel that familiar coil in your stomach tighten continuously, a feeling that Dean had made sure you were familiar with for the past years that you've been with him.

Your pussy burned with overstimulation as you neared your end, and it made it harder for Dean to move in and out of you.

"You gonna cum, baby?" He asked through gritted teeth. "Y— yes!" You stuttered. "Cum for me then, sweetheart." Your hand slipped down to rub at your clit hurriedly, your back arching at the overwhelming feeling.

"Fuck!" You swore as you came, your chest pressed against Dean's. One of his arms held himself up as the other stretched over your back to keep your plush upper body anchored to him as you rode out your high.

"Holy shit." You gasped, your chest heaved with each quick breath you attempted to take. 

"Best apology ever." You said with a hazy laugh.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @murdadixon @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @alixwriter @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus

[maibeenot]

Last one about TUA season 4, for now.

(I talked about this in the tags of one of my RBs before but I wanted to elaborate)

I don't like how they keep trying to make Five a badass.

I find it especially frustrating as doing this constantly, bogs down any form of character development we could've had from Five.

For whatever reason, the writers seem to be allergic to acknowledging Five's biggest character flaw, his arrogance. Five always has to be right. He always has to be capable of everything and never needs any help. Despite the fact that Diego also has a very similar flaw (and is punished for it consistently), Five's seems to go completely untouched.

(A part of me thinks that the reason why they punish Diego so much more is because he comes off as the hot-headed impulsive one. While that's true, it certainly doesn't negate Five's ability to make mistakes or be incompetent)

Instead, they keep trying to invent a new flaw for Five in that; he is obsessed with the apocalypse. In reality, he's not obsessed with the apocalypse. He's obsessed with keeping his family safe. It just so happens that their most immediate threat (in his eyes) tends to be the apocalypse. (I really don't understand what they're trying to get at with this, especially considering the fact that he already has an extremely apparent flaw)

While this isn't an issue I take with season 4 specifically, it has definitely amplified this issue like crazy. Five's arrogance is vaguely addressed by his siblings in season 1, but it never seems to get him in trouble? Or at least he doesn't seem to have learned from it (except for the time-travelling thing from when he was 13, and when he bled out also in season 1)

Season 1 (and 2) handled it the best out of the four. Five never seems to ask for or accept help unless backed into a corner (telling Viktor about the apocalypse, asking Klaus to help him get the prosthetic eye). Or if he is literally incoherent or unconscious (him passing out from blood loss, him being drunk and telling Diego and Luther about what's happening).

And outside of that, Five's arrogance still had brutal consequences within this season (him not noticing Viktor's declining mental state because he was so sure about the apocalypse (but this was partially because this man tunnel-visions like crazy)).

(there are probably more instances of this with s1 & 2, i just can't think of them off the top of my head so tag them if you'd like)

Season 4 is extra mean with this. From the 'Five getting to work for the CIA at 19' to 'Five randomly figuring out what's causing the end of the world with a bunch of other Five's' while he was off moping.

And when he does make mistakes, it's not because he's actually not capable of everything and anything.

Noooo, Ben really really sneakily stole the marigold and spiked the sake. Five couldn't have possibly noticed. (and none of the other siblings for that matter)

Noooo, it's because Luther is actually super smart in figuring out that Five's boss is a Keeper (no shade to Luther btw, I like him. They just don't treat this moment as Five being a complete dumbass).

Oh no! Five (and Lila) can't figure out a way back from the metro! Never mind, another Five managed it.

Five being a homewrecker? That's him being an asshole, not incompetent so it doesn't count (lighthearted).

Five's arrogance one of his defining flaws, yet it's not really challenged. The fact that he gets away with a lot of bullshit is simply because he can! When he doesn't face failure, he doesn't find growth. He doesn't learn to stop being self-destructive just because he thinks he can do anything. He doesn't learn to reach out.

This stunt in growth is obviously not only present in Five but also everyone else. I just find his to be particularly grating since he's my favorite.

Feel free to add your thoughts to this, not just about Five's fucked up character growth but everyone else's too!

(I'll make long a ass post/video essay going into detail about all of them one of these days)

I'd love to read them :)

[zushikiss]

jealous skater bf!scara w/ ballet s/o! reader

summary ; there's a fellow student in your ballet class who just can't seem to leave you alone, so your boyfriend (tries to) intimidate him.

warnings ; like one profanity (hell), none other than that

pairings : skater bf!scara x ballerina!reader (gender neutral)

notes ; IT'S FINALLY HERE !!! i'm sososososo sorry this took so long i've been so busy recently and tbh i haven't been able to even open my phone a lot of times 😭 soooo i hope this makes up for how late it is :,) also scara has a car here ermmm, green quotation marks for the guy!

written part below !

you see your boyfriend's familiar black car pull up near your ballet studio, as expected the guy still hasn't left you alone.

he's been bugging you for the past few weeks asking for your number and even for the both of you to go out to dinner sometimes, you've repeated to him that you had a boyfriend several times already but it seems as though he doesn't believe you.

and it's understandable, neither you or scaramouche we're completely showy, you never denied your relationship but you never made a big deal about it either, confirm it to those who asks but don't say anything to the ones that aren't curious.

simple as that.

so the fact that this heathen from your ballet class wasn't believing you wasn't exactly new to you, both you and scara has had your own experiences with people doubting your relationship.

exhibit a, childe who is your boyfriend's self proclaimed best friend, exhibit b, your literature teacher who was worried for you since scaramouche started waiting for you after their classes, you and scaramouche were nothing alike which is why people found it hard to believe.

and yet, here's your boyfriend. walking to your studio angrily while muttering things beneath his breath, what do you mean he doesn't believe you?? was he not picking you up enough? was the matching hoodies not a dead giveaway? was he not as boyfriend-y as he needed to be? whatever the hell that is??

so here he is, storming nearer and nearer with his matching black hoodie, the same one you wore when he dropped you off earlier that day, once he arrived he saw your ballet buddy close to you, not enough for it to be extremely alarming, but close enough to cause you discomfort.

"babe? hey, c'mon let's go."

you let out a nod, relieved more than anything since he was getting a little too close for your liking.

"little demanding there, don't you think?"

"no actually, i don't think it's demanding."

"y/n do you really wanna go with this ass? i mean look at how he's treating me! not that i believe he's your boyfriend.."

"i do wanna come with him, actually. and it doesn't matter to me if you believe that he's my boyfriend or not, cause i know he is and that's all that matters. also please stop asking me out, the answer will always stay the same, it'll always be no."

scaramouche smiled at the guy before dragging you away to his car, he starts taking a familliar route to the ice cream place you guys visit often, he breaks the comfortable silence by speaking.

"so, i think he was pretty intimidated."

"yeah, by me!"

[dreamingofaizawa]

You Promise?

Jushiro Ukitake x Fem!Reader

***18+ fic ahead, if you are not 18 or older please make your way to the nearest exit and detour around the page***

Warnings: Penetrative sex, fingering, lots of kissing and h*nd h*lding (gasp), Jushiro is a gentle lover (I'm in love with him methinks), lots of groping (mans is handsy okay? he just wants to feel you ;-;)

Word Count: 5.3k

Author's Note: I'M ALIVE BITCHES AHAHAHAHAHAHA But on a more serious note it's been like...over a year since I've actually posted anything for real o.O My sincerest apologies for vanishing off the map with no warning ;-; On a brighter note, my writer's block has decided to *poof* into thin air apparently, and obviously this is a fic tailored to Bleach!! I've been watching it recetly and holy SHIT why are there SO MANY HOT CHARACTERS? MY BISEXUAL ASS CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT. Anyways, I'm alive, and I'm back, and hopefully I can toss aside this writer's block for good until the next one comes along.

ENJOY LOVELIES <3

It’s a warm day in the Soul Society, a cool breeze flitting through the Seireitei being the only reprieve from the blaring heat. And it’s calm, you decided. Calmer than it’s been in a long while, even with the stress of the former Squad 5 captain Sosuke Aizen’s plans looming on the far horizon. When he defected along with the other two former captains, Gin Ichimaru and Tosen Kaname it sent shockwaves through the Soul Society like none other. The events leading up to the moment of betrayal nearly tore the Seireitei and the 13 Court Guard Squads completely apart, trust between even the closest of friends fraying dangerously. 

“What’s wrong love, you seem distracted today.” You blink, your focus returning to here and now. That voice was none other than your captain, Jushiro Ukitake, as he sat in his bed. The thin blanket that usually draped over his legs was tossed aside in the heat, his usual captain’s uniform switched out for a lighter garment. Despite all that has happened, this is the man you’d always stand beside no matter what. Even if you didn’t love him the way you did, even if you weren’t constantly suffering through a surely unrequited love. A forbidden one, surely. Not that there were any real rules regarding captain-subordinate relationships that you knew of. You’d stand beside him even in the face of certain death, that’s just the kind of man he is. 

“My apologies captain, I didn’t mean to daydream.” His smile is gentle, sweet, kind as he regards you perched on the edge of his bed. Surely that smile could cure all your heart’s quarrels. If only.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure it gets boring watching over me day and night.” That’s right, you thought, it’s been just you for the past few months while Sentaro and Kiyone are out on a mission. You hadn't even noticed the passage of time. It’s already been three months?

“Not at all, Sir. I enjoy your company. I’ve just been thinking that it’s been quiet lately, that’s all. Not that I’m complaining.” He chuckles, the baritone reverberating through your chest. You’ll never tire of that beautiful sound.

“It’s good to know this old man isn’t a burden to you. You must have many more important things to do besides looking after me.” What nonsense.

“You could never be a burden to me, Captain Ukitake. I may have been assigned to you for the time being, but I volunteered my time to you long before that. The only menial task I have is some easy paperwork every week or so, so don’t worry about my mundane paper pushing.” You smile at him, really smile. You want him to feel your dedication to him, your willingness to be here. You want to be here. A breeze drifts through the window and out the door of the room, sending his long white hair floating in the wind. It’s a majestic sight, truly. He’s so handsome, so gentle, so strong even in his sickness. You commit every waking moment in his presence to memory. 

“Such a kind girl you are,” he reaches a hand out, grasping yours gently and staring deep into your eyes, “What would I do without you?” For a moment you’re stunned, those eyes of his piercing you in the heart, the heat from his hand on your skin almost burning you. It’s not unusual for him to hold your hand, especially in moments like this where he wants to express his gratitude to you. But no matter how many times he reaches out to you, you’ll never get over the fluttering of your heart and the warmth it brings you. You laugh then, easily coming up with an answer to his rhetorical question.

“Probably have Sentaro and Kiyone fighting over who gets to give you your medicine tonight.” He chuckles at your quip, the corners of his eyes crinkling ever so slightly. He’s been looking healthier lately, happier, in the calm of late. He turns suddenly, smoothly standing from the bed with your hand still in his.

“It’s a nice evening. I’ve been meaning to go see the koi pond. Would you join me for a walk?” His smile is infectious as he asks, and how could you possibly say no? Who are you to deny him such a simple pleasure? If he feels well enough to go for an evening stroll, you’ll happily indulge him. You allow him to pull you with that unnatural strength that captains have, easily standing you up beside him. He’s clearly been wanting to go outside, he’s already out the door by the time you grab his white haori and slide the paper door shut behind you. He may not have chosen to wear it, but you’re taking it just in case it gets a little too cool. 

As you fall in step beside him, you take a deep breath and soak in all the scenery. The sun is slowly setting over the Soul Society, casting the sky in hues of yellow and gold. Not a cloud lingers in the sky. A constant light breeze flows through the barracks, and the combined warmth from the setting sun’s rays and the cooling wind settles into your bones, your body feeling light and refreshed. It’s a perfect evening for a stroll. It doesn’t take long for your eyes to settle on your captain. Gold is cast over his form, his hair and skin glowing in the light, breeze gently tousling the white strands around his face. It’s a sight reserved for your eyes, and you can’t help but want to stare at him forever. It takes you a moment to realize you’ve stopped walking altogether, and it takes far too long for you to realize the captain is staring at you as you stare at him. Heat crawls up your chest into your face, and you avert your eyes.

“I apologize, Captain.” You can’t think of anything else to say. You’ve been caught staring at your captain, surely with a doe-eyed expression of admiration and longing. He probably read you like a book. You’re stunned again when he grabs your hand, resuming his relaxed stroll along the gravel path to the koi pond behind the barracks for the 13th squad. It’s all you can do to keep up, even in his slow pace his individual strides are incredibly large.

“I don’t mind at all, love. I’d be nervous having such attention on me, but I’m used to a pretty girl always looking at me these days.” Your eyes blow wide open and your jaw slacks as you stare up at him again, only to see a sideways glance and a sly mischievous smirk gracing his features. Is he…flirting?

Before you get the chance to think about what just transpired, you’re being tugged to sit next to the captain. You were so focused on Captain Ukitake you hadn’t realized you’d reached the koi pond. It’s a beautiful spot, you can’t deny that. The pink sky reflects off the surface of the water, the sound of a small fountain trickles into your ears. It smells of fresh water and wet stones, and the evening air tastes crisp and clear. It’s almost hypnotizing, mother nature’s own perfume.

Your attention shifts back to the captain beside you, as he once again grasps your hand firmly in his. It’s so much bigger than your own, and slender and strong. The callouses from hundreds of years of wielding a zanpakuto rough against your skin. His thumb traces shapes into the back of your hand, and as you look up at him you find his eyes already locked on you. There’s something hidden there, something dark and deep and gravitating.

“I want to thank you for being here with me for these past months. You know you don’t have to.” Again, nonsense.

“Captain Ukitake, I already-“

“Jushiro.” He interrupts. You nearly let out a gasp.

“What? Captain…”

“Call me Jushiro. We’ve known each other long enough, I’d much prefer you use my given name.” It’s all you can do to blink in the shock. Sure, you’ve known each other for a few centuries, but you’re still his subordinate. He’s still your captain. And saying his name so casually may just feel like a stab in the heart.

“It would make me happy if you did.” Of course he’d pull that card. If he insists.

“Well… okay, Jushiro.” Goodness, it feels strange. Knowing his name and saying it are two very different things.

“Good, thank you. Now what was it you were saying?” Oh… you almost completely forgot.

“Right. I may not have to, but…I want to. Like I said earlier, I enjoy your company. That wasn’t just me being nice. I really do enjoy being around you, Capt- ah, Jushiro.” That’s definitely going to take some getting used to.

“I’m glad to hear that, love.” He’s been calling you that for a while now. Love. Every time he says the little nickname it feels so soft, so sweet. At least, to you it does. His smile is brighter than the sun, it’s been so long since you’ve seen a smile like that you can’t help but smile too. The silence that falls is comfortable and light, the two of you enjoying the sunset over the pond. Dusk comes and goes, stars soar in the sky, a few lanterns cast a warm glow over the garden and over your faces. With your hand still in Jushiro’s, you can feel when he gives a small shiver at the breeze flowing over you.

“Here, I brought this just in case.” You pull your hand away to unfold the captain’s haori and drape it over his shoulders, right where it should be. 

“Thank you, love. But what about you?” You have to admit, it is a bit chilly. But you’ll be okay, with your shihakusho.

“I’ll be alright, don’t worry about me.” He chuckles as you get comfortable next to him again.

“Well that’s like asking me not to breathe. Here, come closer.” That’s definitely not a good idea. Your heart will surely burst from your chest. You’re already struggling as is, what with the hand holding and names. He doesn’t give you much choice though, hooking an arm around your waist and tugging you fully into his lap. With your legs draped over one side and your head cradled against his chest, he wraps the haori fully around the both of you and rests his chin atop your head. Even through your layers of shihakusho, all you can feel is the heat of one hand on your hip and the other resting on your mid thigh.

This is how you’ll die, surely, but you’ll never be happier.

“I can feel your heart racing. Are you alright?” You hold your breath at his observation, your face warming under his gaze. But holding your breath doesn’t change the fact that he’s absolutely right. Your heart feels like it might just burst. In all the years you’ve known the man, Captain Jushiro Ukitake has never once made such a move for bodily contact unless a life was in danger or unconscious. And you have never even once been anywhere near this close to him, not even when you were wiping the sweat from his brow in his especially pained moments. It feels like the breath you’re holding is punched from you, coming out quick and shuddering, when his hand cups your jaw and tilts your head up to look him in the eyes. His face is so close, his lips are right there…all you’d need to do is lean.

“You’re turning a concerning shade of crimson, my dear. Are you alright?” Shit. You need to answer, don’t you? But he’s still smiling…oh he’s teasing you!

“I’m fine! Just fine, thank you.” It’s a squeak, really. If you’re being honest it probably sounded to him like you were trying incredibly hard to keep from moving, and that included breathing. That hand slips from your cheek down to your chin, tilting your head even further back.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help the teasing. You’re just so cute, so pretty. I’m so glad I’ve been able to keep you around.” There’s no way this is real. It’s a dream, surely. You’re deep in sleep and your brain has gifted your heart a beautiful show. His hands release you, dropping far too quickly for your liking. He’s concerned now, it seems.

“Are you sure you’re alright? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He sounds so dejected, that gorgeous smile fading into a disappointed frown. You can’t control your own limbs as they react to what your heart wants, reaching for his haori and tugging hard so he’s no longer leaning away from you.

“No! I promise I’m not uncomfortable, I promise! I was just shocked, that’s all.” Mentally, you slap yourself for nearly begging the captain to stay wrapped around you. But you’ll be damned if you let this moment slip through your fingers. That smile returns, although slowly and reluctantly.

“You promise?” Nodding fervently, you lean into him and bury your head into his chest once more. Screw everything, whatever reservations you had about keeping your feelings hidden are being tossed out the window. When his arms wrap around you once more it’s all you can do to refrain from turning and kissing at what little is exposed of his chest.

“Good. Then, since we’re comfortable and alone, I have a bit of a confession to make.” A confession? What kind of confession could only be spoken while alone?

“When you were assigned to me it wasn’t random. I requested you specifically, not only because of your capabilities as a shinigami in my division, and not solely because of your short stint training under Captain Unohana. Not that your healing capabilities are anything to sniff at, of course,  you’re a wonderful healer! And you’re an amazing fighter, no doubt about that, and of course you-” he cuts himself off, his breath catching in his chest where your hand lay splayed in the center of it.

“Captain… Jushiro…I understand what you’re trying to say. You chose me for many reasons. Which of those reasons require a confession? And why are you suddenly so nervous?” You can see his adam's apple bob in his throat when he swallows down whatever words caught in his throat. His brows pinch together ever so slightly, he nibbles at his bottom lip for a moment. He really is nervous, you can see it clear as day. It’s not often he gets nervous, even in the face of opponents stronger than any he’s seen he’s a stone pillar.

“Yes, well. I requested you to be at my side because I’ve held very real and very strong feelings toward you, for a very long time now. You’re a beautiful woman, a strong fighter, a wonderful person. Having you so close these few months have only solidified these feelings. I just don’t see any point in hiding them any longer.” At that, you lean back and stare up at him, into those deep, dark eyes of his. He can’t seem to return the gaze, his eyes flitting around to avoid eye contact.

“Am I dreaming? Is this a dream?” He laughs at that, a hearty laugh that makes his chest bounce. His eyes finally fall on yours.

“No, love. This is definitely not a dream.” It doesn’t feel real. You reach over and pinch your arm as hard as you can, jumping and wincing the tiniest bit from the small shock of pain.

“I told you.” His nervous smile is infectious, you’re only able to return it as he leans close to you and rests his forehead against your own.

“Please tell me you feel the same. I don’t think I can take any more of this.” A giggle slips past your lips and you reach up to loop your arms around his neck.

“I’ve had a massive crush on you for decades.” That seems to click his resolve into place, and the next thing you know you’re being kissed silly by Jushiro Ukitake. The breath is stolen from your lungs, his fingers dig deep into your hip and thigh if only to get you closer. You hate that you need to breathe, need to part from the kiss far too soon for your liking. There’s a tension between you now, a string pulled taut waiting to be cut loose as your breaths mingle. He looks frustrated now, taking a moment to consider things you were not privy to.

“It’s late, we should be getting back now.” Of course, he was right. Which meant this was where you parted ways. You may be overseeing his health and spending days tending to his needs when he can’t do something himself, but he has ways of summoning you to him should an emergency arise, so you remain in your own quarters in the barracks at night. You’re shifting to stand, but he holds you tight to his chest and instead stands with you held in his arms.

“Jushiro! Please, don’t strain yourself! I’m perfectly capable of walking.” He only smiles that lopsided smile and in an instant you’re standing at the door to his quarters. A flash step at a time like this is insanity!

“Jushiro!” You gasp up at him as the door is opened, then closed as you’re carried beyond the threshold.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, love, but I just couldn’t wait. Now I want you to tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable, I will stop what I’m doing.” What? What in the world is he talking about? You gasp when you feel his lips peppering gentle kisses along your exposed neck, grabbing his haori for any kind of stability as you’re thrown mentally sideways. His lips carve a path down your jugular to your collarbone and along what little is bare of your shoulder. They almost burn, those heated kisses of his, and you can’t help but tremble at the euphoric feeling of his lips on your skin. You’re laid gently on his bed, still being lavished with kisses turning deeper and sharper, you’re sure there will be marks on your skin by morning. His fingers are hot where they brush against the fold of your shihakusho, gently tugging the fabric to reveal more of you to his hungry gaze. Your sash is untied and dropped to the floor, followed by a piece of his clothing and then a piece of yours. Disrobing was second priority, your chest heaving as he never left your skin cold for longer than necessary to remove a barrier of cloth.

When he finally feels he’s smothered you in enough kisses, you’re both completely bare before each other. He’s hovering over you, one knee beside your hip and both hands on either side of your head, his other leg extended to keep his foot planted firmly on the ground. Those eyes, half-lidded and pupils blown with lust, roam over your body like he’s committing every inch of your skin to memory. You do the same, taking in the hard planes of his chest and abdomen, the muscles in his arms and legs flexed as he holds himself above you. You can feel an impossible heat rise in your body when your eyes land on his already fully hard erection. You can’t help but gasp and avert your eyes. A tiny voice in your head reminds you that this is your captain, for crying out loud!

“The things you do to me, woman.” He holds your jaw in his palm and a searing kiss is shared between you, your lips melding perfectly together. His tongue licks at your bottom lip, and you let it tangle with your own. There’s no fight for dominance, just the push and pull of your bodies as your entire being tries to join with him. He’s almost lying on top of you, and in a moment of opportunity you hook a leg over his hip and twist your bodies, rolling over until he’s on his back beneath you and you’re straddling his stomach. He only looks shocked for a moment, and you don’t give him much more time to right himself before attacking him with another breath-stealing kiss. His hands, large and strong and insistent, can’t keep still on your body. They’re everywhere, your hips, breasts, thighs, squeezing and feeling everything he’s been wanting to feel. He’s gentle with his hands, softly holding a breast while his thumb brushes over your nipple, making you jolt and moan from the unexpected sensation. Happily, he swallows the sound only to make you produce it again and again, toying and tugging at every piece of you that he can reach.

“Jushiro, please.” You beg, feeling heat pool in your belly. You’re sure he can feel you leaking all over his stomach, your hips unable to keep still the longer he spends teasing your body. Gripping your hips, he begins to sit up and you can’t stop yourself from placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back down, almost warning him.

“Don’t overexert yourself for my sake.” Good gods that smile was going to kill you. In your moment of concern he pulls the same move you had, a hand gently cradling your neck and flipping the two of you over so he’s hovering over you once again. It’s all you can do to gasp as your balance is thrown. When you’re refocused, you’re peering up at a halo of white as his hair curtains over your shared space. Nothing else in this world matters, only the two of you exist right here, right now. Your breathing picks up as the hand bracing your neck travels down your chest, trailing your skin in a scorching path to your lower belly and even further to the mound of your sex. His eyes pierce yours, silently pleading for permission, and your nod of approval is met with his lithe fingers slipping between your legs and gathering all the slickness produced from your pussy. He can’t help himself, teasing his fingers along your entrance and brushing up against your clit to make your body jolt. The gasp you let out is music to his ears. But his pace is torturous for you, impatience getting the better of you when you reach down to grip his wrist. The unoccupied hand comes and gathers both your wrists, pinning them above your head.

“Oh, no, I'm not done yet. Be good for me and keep your hands to yourself, won't you?” The sentence is punctuated with a sweet kiss to the corner of your mouth, before his fingers continue their leisurely pace. He studies your face as one finger slips into you easily, a second soon following and your breaths are coming hard and fast. He curls and pumps his fingers, searching for all the angles that have your back arching beautifully and your voice calling his name like a siren. Anything that makes your eyes flutter he tries to emulate once again. His third finger only fuels the fire in your blood, the stretch making your head spin from the sheer pleasure. It’s impossible to tell how long it’s been since you’d landed on the bed, being at the mercy of Jushiro’s lips and hands alone have left you breathless and aching. You’re left utterly empty when he removes his fingers from your heat, gazing in wonder at just how sloppy and wet you’d left them. Gossamer strings stretch and snap when he spreads his fingers apart, and in your embarrassment you shut your eyes and turn your head, unable to cover your face with your hands still pinned. A throaty moan snaps your eyes open, only to witness the most glorious sight you’ve ever witnessed. The hand covered in your wetness was now wrapped around his aching cock, Jushiro’s head hung low as he stroked himself slowly to relieve some of the ache. It doesn’t last long, the sight makes you moan and his attention is back on you.

“Still think this is a dream?” You shake your head no, unsure if you’re able to form a coherent sentence after the sight you’ve just had the privilege of viewing. 

“Good.” Your hands are released as he grabs your hips, twisting again so he’s leaning up against the headboard and a mountain of pillows, with you straddling his waist again. He’s holding you close, fingertips tracing nonsensical shapes into your hips.

“Are you ready for me? I’ll let you set the pace so I don’t hurt you.” You lean in close and kiss him breathless, before lining him up and sinking down onto him. The both of you moan into each other’s mouth, breathing heavily as you lower yourself slowly onto his cock, feeling every twitch as your pussy grips him tight. Finally fully seated, you’re both panting hard, a sheen of sweat decorating your bodies. His arms wrap around your waist, tugging you so your chest is against his and your arms wind around his shoulders, your hands burying themselves in his hair. A groan is muffled in your neck from the shift, your responding gasp quiet as a prayer in his ear. 

“I need to move, love. Are you ready?” 

“Yes, I’m ready Jushiro. Don't hold back.” With a loud moan his hips buck up, his feet plated on the bed to leverage against you. Your vision nearly whites out at the movement, breath stopping for an instant, his tip hitting a spot deep inside you too perfectly. He doesn’t stop but for a moment, tightening his grip on your waist and lifting you up off his hips only to drop you back down as he thrusts up, his pace steady and deep. Starbursts dot your vision with every thrust, every stroke of his dick inside you makes you shake and the pleasure is too much and not enough all at once. You’re hiccuping between guttural moans, his own groans matching yours beat for beat, your voices creating a sinful melody neither of you want to stop listening to.

Your equilibrium is thrown again when Jushiro lifts you higher, keeping himself seated deep in your pussy and maneuvering up onto his knees, gently laying you down on your back once more. The angle shift makes your body tremble and your cunt squeeze down on him, his groan deep and long as he adjusts. You’re given no more time to think before one of your legs is thrown over his shoulder and his full weight is being used to fuck into you relentlessly. Moans are punched from your lungs, fingers bruising your thigh in his steel grip and the other hand coming down to rub tight circles onto your puffy clit. You scream then, your back arching almost painfully as your orgasm hits you full force without warning or preamble. You hadn’t felt just how heavily it was building, pleasure distracting from pleasure, and your vision whites out while your legs shake and squeeze around Jushiro’s waist, pussy clenching down on his cock tight enough to slow his punishing pace.

“That’s it love -shit- such a good girl for me.” He continues dragging in and out of you, pushing through the tight grip of your walls and shoving you into overstimulation, your legs trying fruitlessly to close around his hips.

“J-jushiro please I- ah!” He stills deep inside you, the curve of his cock pushing up against a spot inside you that makes your eyes roll back and you see stars. Tears begin to fall from the sheer white-hot pleasure, you barely feel it as liquid splashes over Jushiro’s thighs and stomach, and his own orgasm is yanked out of him at the sight. His body curls over you, cock twitching as he cums deep inside you with a deep, throaty moan, every muscle in his body tensed from the strength of his release. When you’ve both ridden out your glorious highs, he drops your leg in favor of pulling your limp body close, lying back with you on top of his chest. He doesn’t remove his softening cock from you, it would be far too sensitive for either of you if he didn’t allow it to slip out on its own. You’re both panting heavily, sweat coating your bodies, sweltering heat being cooled by the night breeze as it filters through the window. His hands are gently soothing you, one on your head and the other caressing down your spine to ground you from your earth-shattering release. When you finally come to, filtering out of your daze, you turn your head and place a chaste kiss on Jushiro’s warm cheek.

“Is it too soon to say I love you?” Your body jolts when you feel his cock twitch hard, still buried deep inside you. His groan is low and almost pained, surely he’s just as sensitive as you are.

“I’ll take that as a no, then.” He doesn’t have the energy to laugh, so he settles for kissing you silly again.

“Just give it a few minutes.” It takes more than a few, and by the time you’re both cleaned up and comfortable under the sheets your bodies ache from the strenuous activities. His arms have found a home on your body, your head buried in the crook of his neck, peppering tiny kisses on his skin as he slowly massages your shoulders and neck. 

“Are you okay, Jushiro?” He hums in response, he’s never felt better in his life, he’s sure.

“I mean physically. Your health is my top priority, I’d hate to have strained your body tonight.” He chuckles then, energy beginning to return in a sleepy haze.

“I’m fine, my love. I’ve done much more, physically, while I was feeling a lot worse. This won’t put me out of commission. I promise.” You lift your head, leave a peck on his lips.

“You promise?” He nods, brushing a few strands of your hair out of your face. His returning kiss is deep, long and knocks the wind out of you. There’s no doubt in your mind you are in love with this man.

“I promise.” With that, you relax in his hold once more and allow your mind to fall into the throes of sleep. You think you hear a soft snore as your consciousness slips away, but that’s not something you need to think about.

BONUS:

You’re slowly pulled from your sleep by a steady, rhythmic thump. You know the sound, but your subconscious can’t quite place it. You’re only half awake when a voice filters through our brain, and it’s far too late when it finally dawns on you that it’s the voice of another captain, their footsteps approaching far too quickly for comfort.

“...missed you at the meeting so I’m just coming to check-” the door is only halfway open, and even by then Jushiro’s quick reflexes have a sheet covering both your naked bodies as you lay there stunned, your wide eyes meeting the slowly widening eyes of Captain Kyoraku of the 8th division. He blinks, eyes flitting between you and Jushiro, a knowing look crawling itself onto his face.

“Well well well, would you take a look at that. Congrats Jushiro, you’ve finally told her.” The other captain peers at you, and you bow your head in shy greeting.

“Good morning, Captain Kyoraku.” His smile is wide and joyful.

“Mornin’ sweetheart,” his eyes transfer over to Jushiro, “The meeting wasn’t anything important, you’ve already been excused from it.” Jushiro sighs, both from relief and irritation.

“Thank you, Shunsui, but we are both very naked and I’d appreciate it if you closed the door.” The pink-clad captain chuckles and tips his hat down to cover his eyes.

“Of course. Have a good day, lovebirds.” The door shuts and his footsteps recede into the distance. You suppose those surprise visits from the Captain of squad 8 will be approached a little more cautiously from now on.