#BUT THE GUYS IM ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN ARE EITHER WAY TOO UNATTAINABLE OR BARELY EVEN KNOW ME

[hannie-dul-set]

also the most unwanted drama esque shit keeps happening to me why can't my love life go the way i want to.

[yackers]

Why Jerome Cheating Wasn't Out of Character and How It Actually Developed Him Further as a Person: an unproofread rant/essay by a bitch with too much time on her hands

okay first I just wanna talk about the circumstances round him cheating. Like he definitely could’ve made better choices and in no way am I saying he’s not to blame but he and Mara were very much broken up when he first started dating willow. Jerome was being a dick in the business competition, but it wasn’t exactly a break up forever kinda mistake. He apologised multiple times in varying degrees of big gestures, to which mara did not respond to or make any move to forgive him. Sure, a lot of this was to do with the sisterhood but it’s not like he knew that.

I think he only went for willow because not only did she help him with his schemes without question, she was also willing to take the punishment all in good fun. In no way were they right for each other but she messed around with him in the costume closet and had fun with her the way he never did too often with mara without being interrupted by mick. Mara then, a while after ignoring his various attempts came up to him and told him she’d forgiven him and they were now back together. He definitely should’ve just told her there and then that he had kissed willow, but he was already starting to question their relationship and honestly I still think it would’ve crushed her.

I think that Jerome only ever wanted to be with mara because he put her on a pedestal as some perfect unattainable girl. He pined over her for years before she showed interest. She was sweet to him and treated him as a human with feelings when the others often wouldn’t but I don’t think they were ever right for each other. They were cute in season 2 but although she helped him with his dad she constantly overstepped with him and poppy and always held a sense of righteousness over him like on donkey day. I think especially once they were in a relationship she expected him to be a different person for her in ways that would change who he was. He looks visibly uncomfortable with the nicknames and is constantly shown to be at her beck and call in a way that is less playful in comparison to season 3 Alfie and amber.

The whole trying to then get away with having two girlfriends whilst he makes up his mind on who he wants to date therefore makes perfect sense for his character as in truth he doesn’t actually wanna date either of them. Willow is fun but not serious and mara is serious but not fun. willow and him was only really ever a fling, as shown by how quickly she moves on. And Jerome is literally an asshole it would be unrealistic at this point in his development for him to handle the situation maturely and lay his feeling out to them because he barely knew what he was feeling and he is self identified sneaky. Are we forgetting that he used to manipulate Alfie for money, literally broke up mick and mara and consistently just makes the worst choices readily available to him. Yes he did gaslight willow and lied to mara but it’s nothing he hasn’t done before and was presently above doing again.

Joy being the one to find out first and see the comparison table is important to her relationship because there is all the worst parts about his character laid out on a platter for her. I think often mara completely avoided seeing how cruel and insensitive he can be at times and thought the others exaggerated it which is why she took the cheating so hard because she didn’t see it coming. But joy knows he’s flawed right from the start of their relationship, including his taunting of her near the beginning of the season. They also have a lot more shared experiences as shown during the ceremony scenes at the gatehouse. They’re both actively mad at each other but yet still come together against Alfie and Patricia and then the teachers. Mara never knew about anything Jerome went through in the first two seasons but joy did.

A really key part of his character development is when mara makes the cruel comment about his dad. I think if anything it shows how wrong they were for each other. Joy’s speech about being the bigger person is a turning point for him. Like mara, she wants him to be better but she says it from the perspective of someone who acknowledges that they too have done shitty things in the past. I think the ‘if you can bare it’ is important too, because she’s acknowledging to him that being a good person isn’t easy especially for people with upbringings and pasts like theirs. I think for the first time he actually feels understood. The ‘my lady’ scene confirms this.

Joy never requires him to be too mushy and vulnerable to her publicly. She’s playful and jokes around and anything sweet he says to her he says because he means it, not because it’s something he thinks she wants to hear. Their letdown washing date it so key to his growth like he’s able to joke around with her in a space where he can also freely talk about his dad and his insecurities about being allowed to scheme and be himself without having to be cold hearted because of it. He tells her she’s a good listener because he’s being heard without anyone looking out for poppy or his dad or the greater good over his own feelings.

One of the biggest signs he’s changed is when he knows that the play is a plot to embarrass him and takes it on the chin, admits he made a mistake and just hopes that it helps mara move on. And he just seems so much more into joy than he ever was anyone else, he even says it!! Unlike mara he isnt following her around like a puppy and doing as he’s told he gets distracted by her as she walks in the room and calls her names and is just!! I think the show is so good at writing couples that don’t have to be mushy and all over each other to show they care and mara is right they are kinda perfect for each other. They both have made mistakes in the past but they’ve grown up and there isn’t an unequal balance of a bad guy and a better girl who wants to fix him. He’s respectful of mara and backs away from joy around her without taunting and fighting back like season 1 or 2 Jerome definitely would’ve. He changed for the better organically on screen and I think his arc was done really well. You can tell by the way he he cries when he overhears about the revenge plot how much he really cared and he broke up with her to protect his own feeling but as soon as he realises that her feelings were genuine he tries to get her back. Not in flashy empty feeling gestures like before but by expressing how he feels.

Im not saying he didn’t develop a lot over the course of season one and two and that mara didn’t play a big part in that development but I think to truly be better he had to take a step back from pretending to be perfect to get the girl of his dreams and actually take the time to work on himself.

And in terms of the cheating/revenge plot line itself it had to be something big and time consuming this season that took up all the characters not involved in the mystery’s time whilst also giving them their own arcs and stories within it. sibuna were literally soulless for a portion of the season which could only work if they were distanced from their close friends outside of it like Jerome and joy because they were far too wrapped up in their own shit to notice. And they’re teenagers! Of course trying to date two girls at once and orchestrating the plot of John tucker must die is a dumb bad idea!! But so is literally every other thing they do in the show because they’re naive and half of them were left there by their parents to rot and have been kidnapped in the past of course they’re not rational!! I actually found the whole sideplot an entertaining break from the darker themes of the third season and throughout the whole season you can feel the characters are 17/18 instead of 15/16 like in the first season, there’s gonna be more romantic motivation to their actions.

In conclusion/ TLDR: just because a character makes mistakes doesn’t mean they lost their development or they were out of character. Interesting characters aren’t good people all of the time and thats what makes it entertaining.

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

Yayy! Despite trying to fight off a monster of a cold, I’ve got a new chapter written! :D

As I mentioned yesterday, this one is written from Logan’s POV because I’ve been wanting to create a back story for him in this story :) 

I’ll post the chapter under a line on here, but please check it out on Ao3 too! I love reading comments and stuff to find out what people think :)

Hope you like it!

Taglist: @psychedelicships  @edupunkn00b  @jwillowwolf @kacklingisanart @look-ma-im-on-tv @stardustlv @lost-in-thought-20

Chapter 5. My Heart Was Made Of Stone. And You Broke It Twice.

“But the wind has changed. My walls are weakening. They’re gonna fall soon. And I’m gonna need you.”

Logan was a man who always kept his emotions in check. He never let himself get too consumed by any kind of feeling. Happiness, sadness, love, hate, anger… Ever since he was sixteen, he refused to be vulnerable ever again. If you’re vulnerable, you can be broken. He had been broken far too many times when he was growing up.

His parents were agreeable, he couldn’t deny that… but he was never enough for them. Even as a young child, nothing was quite good enough. He remembered when the class teacher told his parents that he was the first child to learn how to write his name… he stretched up to show them and they let the paper flutter to the floor saying it wasn’t neat enough. He was only four! It got worse as he got older. Every time he was proud of something he had achieved, like getting a high grade, he was always asked why it wasn’t full marks. The unattainable goals were never reached and it took a lot to even vaguely satisfy them. He worked himself into the ground for the entirety of his school life, it affected his health, but they still weren’t happy. He was never strong enough, creative enough, serious enough, smart enough… and it hurt so much to know that. His friends however were amazing, they would always encourage him and make him take breaks when they knew he was working way too hard. They could always cheer him up and he was eternally grateful for that. Logan clenched his fists… he hated how much it knocked him down when he would walk in smiling over something that happened at school, to be told they weren’t interested and to just go and study. He always set himself up for the fall almost every day… no wonder emotions became such a hinderance. Luckily, music was his salvation for about eight years.

Logan took his head out of his hands, readjusted his eyes to the light and felt how raw they were from crying before staring at the dusty piano in the house intently. He used to be pretty good at playing. He loved his classical music, and still does. Just not playing it anymore. When he still had lessons, he was always thrilled with the challenge of increasingly difficult pieces given to him by his teacher. It was funny, his music teacher was the only person who ever truly believed in him. He was also the one person who could convince Logan to perform. The last concert he ever played in was the day before his sixteenth birthday, he played his most difficult piece to date… Chopin’s Fantasie Impromptu Op 66. They decided on that because it was originally a piece that no one was ever supposed to hear, Chopin never wanted it to be released after he died… but they did it anyway. His teacher said that he could then perform it however he wanted to, artistic interpretation and all that. He practiced and practiced at school so his parents wouldn’t hear it before. When it got to the concert, and his parents actually turned up, he was genuinely surprised. He walked out on the stage and sat down looking for his teacher who gave him a smile and a thumbs up, then the music began. He felt almost like he was watching himself play, he had never played with such determination before and as the final note rung out… there was silence. Before the room broke out into applause, his teacher was standing up clapping vigorously, then some of his classmates and other parents stood up too. His parents however were sat down, clapping politely with a neutral expression on their faces and Logan’s smile faltered. He gave a quick bow and walked quickly off the stage. His teacher followed him and gave him a hug while telling him how proud he was. Logan couldn’t stop the tears, he had never cried in front of another person, but no one had ever been proud of him before either. How embarrassing. The first time he had been shown positive interest by someone he respected, and he cried until the top of their shirt was damp with his tears. His teacher just held him and told him everything was okay. After he had calmed down and the tears had stopped, he went to go and join his parents for the second half of the concert, but their seats were empty.

In that moment, he didn’t get upset again and stayed unusually calm, and he knew that this was the final straw. He stayed at a hotel for the night at the insistence of his teacher, that way he could sort out his head and start looking up different apartment options. Which he did realise could be tricky as a sixteen-year-old… but he was smart, reliable, didn’t drink or smoke and had a substantial amount of money at his disposal. He waited until the morning and snuck back into his parent’s house to collect all of the things that he deemed necessary. Thankfully, the hotel manager was understanding and let him stay for the bare minimum price until he could find an apartment for himself. It took a few months, and the landlord had to be persuaded by his music teacher, but he found an apartment which was close to everything he needed and was affordable. One day, he would repay that teacher back for everything he had done for him.

He looked at the calendar, the picture of him and Virgil smiling and holding up their wedding ring hands was taunting him on the wall. He noticed the date. Wow, it had been ten years since he left without looking back, and he never heard a single word from them.

That was clearly for the best.

Ever since then, he never let emotions get the better of him ever again. However, as he looked around at the decimated living room, he had clearly broken and let all of those emotions consume him once again. Logan inspected the damage, as he traced the hole in the wall, the shattered photo frames and glass covering the floor, it caused his heart to fill up with regret. His heart was already full of pain, the regret was enough to make his heart quite literally tear in two. Virgil was the first person he felt like he could be vulnerable with again. When they first met, there was something about him, something that reminded him of himself. Maybe this guy was just as broken as he was, as he saw him hiding in the corner of the coffee shop trying to stay away from the world. He told Virgil this many times, but he had encased his heart in stone to keep it safe. As their relationship developed, as stupid as it sounds, he could feel the stone wall cracking and breaking off piece by piece, and he honestly didn’t mind in the slightest.

Now, he didn’t know what was going on with his heart. He was hurt, he was angry. It’s not every day you find out that the man you’ve been married to for the last five years spent most of his life as a well-trained and dangerous assassin. Going by Virgil’s words alone, the body count to his name is staggering and who knows how many people he’s hurt over the years. The argument they had earlier in the evening was playing on repeat in his mind.

“I couldn’t tell you!” Virgil shouted across the room.

“Why the hell not?! I’m your fucking HUSBAND Virgil, you are supposed to trust me. No matter what’s happened in your past!” Logan rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Okay, you want to know why I hid everything from you? I did it to PROTECT you! My past is something that can be used against me, it is still being used against me. If anyone from it came after you… I would never be able to forgive myself!” The tears wouldn’t stop rolling down Virgil’s face as he spluttered out the words while his body shook with sobs.

Despite the hurt of seeing Virgil in so much pain, Logan couldn’t contain his anger. “What makes you decide if I need protecting? I can handle myself, ever since I was sixteen I’ve been on my own… You know that!”

Virgil sighed, like he was debating whether or not to say his next sentence.

“Remember when we met all those years ago? You told me about how you were attacked and how scared you were after it? Well… it was me. I was the guy who saved you. Every day since that moment, I vowed that I would protect you no matter the cost. Then I fell in love with you along the way, and I’ll love you until the end of time. If you want to know the truth about me, I know he gave you something. Look at it, and I won’t blame you if you try to turn me in to the police afterwards. I have to go now though, otherwise you will get hurt… I’m sorry, Lo.” Logan was left dumbfounded, and Virgil ran out of the front door, slipping away into the night.

There had been so many lies and too many secrets. He remembered that USB stick he threw in a drawer months ago. He opened it up and stared at the blue object, the label that read ‘Virgil… ?’ taunted him mercilessly. He looked over at his open laptop that was spared from his destructive anger, should he look at it?

Logan shook that thought away instantly, he needed to clear up first before making any kind of decision. He crouched down on the floor and started to sweep the glass over towards the sofa with his hand, just so he could clean it properly soon. He got to the first photograph, him and Virgil sitting in a restaurant holding hands and smiling at the camera. That picture was taken by Thomas and Nico, their two closest friends… He thought he should text them and see if they could come over. Virgil left half an hour ago, and he already felt too alone.

He’d contact them later, but for now. He wanted to stare at photographs and revel in his memories.