#BUT I GET ENOUGH POVERTY TRAUMA IN MY WAKING LIFE HELLOOOOOO

[in2orbit]

I want to try and make it regular practice for me to talk to my tarot cards about my nightmares and see if listening to them & trying to find something to take from them vs just crumbling under the horribleness of it all can maybe help me cope & eventually stop having such extreme dreams? Maybe?

I had one a few days ago that had me shaking for a bit when I woke up. I was somebody else, and me & my superpoor family were involved in some kind of game or competition with other poor ppl that this really fucked up not human rich dude was hosting & judging. We were in a grocery store and I think..we’d get to keep all the groceries if he approved of what we chose. As much as we wanted to take, if we chose the right things. And I knew I had a sister who was very sick and the opportunity to get whatever groceries we wanted or needed was so precious to us.

But he was watching us so closely & every choice we made displeased him. He became more & more distorted & angry & inhuman with every move we made. I knew my family didnt understand that we had to pander to him, we had to play his game, that they’d just keep making him angrier & I made myself wake up in the middle of an effort to make him focus just on me bc he was about to snap watching my family have the gall to be human. I knew it wasn’t going to work, that he was about to actually kill my family with his actual hands in the middle of the store and I was like “ok I’ve had enough goodbye”.

My cards seem to think that my family represented my own resources & skills & potential, that the man is the threat of my own mistakes & fears and that I’m going to effectively kill myself if I don’t commit to taking chances & working hard or whatever the fuck. They said it a lot better than I can lol.

The YouTube tarot ladies keep telling me my weird dreams are my guides communicating with me. I just feel like there’s easier ways to say “believe in yourself :) Or Else”. I Disagree with the idea that I have to be thoroughly traumatized every night in order to learn lessons