#BUT ANYWAYS hoping this works and i'll feel more confident bc my hair will look actually good
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chaosduckies 4 months ago
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The creepy tone comment made me cackle
Here you go, I have created this just to help you with your art doubts! I like your intermittent art!
Technically only took me 1hr 22min but I was busy
This is just a sketch with color so I didn't spend much time on it (which makes me cringe bc it's worse than my last drawing QnQ) but I did use this as a chance to experiment with clothing!
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I'm an author more than an artist, but I don't really write much gt so have some art instead :)
If I ever draw another of your ocs I'll spend more time on it instead of just a sketch
I tried to draw Ryker, but you only had the left side of his head visible so I had to guess with the hair a bit
AJHLHFLSHKFH- HELLO? OH MY GOSH I LOVE IT SO MUCH 馃
Don鈥檛 even worry about how your art looks because it looks better than what ANY of my initial sketches would ever be TwT (Trust me, I spend so much time figuring out how anatomy works, it seems I only know how to draw hands decently-)
But aghhhh I love this so much!!! :D (Everytime one of my followers draws any of my Oc鈥檚 it has me kicking my feet around and giggling like crazy and I think: How dare you make me feel this way TwT) No but actually I love all of the fan art of my Oc鈥檚 so much 鉂わ笍
Thank you! Don鈥檛 worry about my art doubts TwT if I鈥檓 being honest I have doubts about my writing too but I post it anyways in hopes someone likes it (I have GAD so it doesn鈥檛 really help) But I really love your art! You should be confident in it! :D
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aureamors 2 months ago
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Month 1 on T
Or 1 month and 1-2 weeks on T
Prominent changes
The main things that have very obviously changed is bottom growth, skin texture, appetite, libido and hair growth. I'll be discussing bottom growth, libido and all that behind an 18+ break at the bottom of the post (ha)
On skin and complexion
I am a greasy little man to say the least. I've begun to have to have a much more strict skincare and clothes/sheet washing routine because I have been so much more greasy. I also need to wash my hair a lot more bc it will not stop being nasty if i don't. My acne is really bad right now, though that may also be in part because I'm on my period rn (which I will discuss further down)
On hair
Maybe TMI, but in particular, armpit and ass hair is a lot thicker than it was before (馃拃馃拃馃拃), and it also grows back much faster. My ingrown hairs also seem to be way worse when I shave: I shaved the way I always have, but there's so many ingrown hairs then there usually is so I'm thinking it may be related to this? Idk man.
The hair on my head is also thickening, I have a bunch of new baby hairs growing at my hairline.
On appetite changes
My appetite has been a lot more at times then it was before. I don't know if it's fully kicked in but I will just randomly be starving a lot more (I have a bit of a poor connection to my physical needs at times so I sometimes lowkey forget to eat until I really really need to- )
On periods
I mentioned my period up above and I'll elaborate a bit on that. At first I thought I wasn't gonna have it as I was a week late and I thought I was just. Having really bad PMDD, but I ended up getting it anyways. I had normal mood swings on my period before obviously, but this time around it felt like it was a million times worse. I was so anxious and moody that I could barely function at work last week, and I was honestly having pretty bad urges to relapse (I have struggled on and off with SH and addiction over the years).
I'm better now, my period is just being it's annoying period self tho. I'm still bleeding and it hasn't stopped yet, it's a lot lighter then usual tho so hopefully that means next month it will have stopped (for context, I've always had absolutely horrendous periods- heavy asf to the point I need to wear pads designed for post children women, dizziness because of how heavy the blood loss I had was and cramps that make me unable to move because of how painful they are. It's still present, but it's not nearly as bad as it has been for several years now).
On mood
Outside of this though, my mood has been so much better than it was pre-T. I was much more anxious before and it led to me being unable to properly function socially, but now I'm a lot more confident. I'm still a bit insecure because I'm still very much not passing and stuff, but I'm getting better the more I grow into my body how I should have been. I'm already a lot more outgoing, and excited for life and the future than I was.
Less prominent but noticeable changes
My voice. My voice has started to deepen very slightly. I didn't even notice it but my sister pointed it out, and I recently retook a voice comparison video yesterday and it was slightly deeper in my natural range. It's still early days ofc but this made me very happy
This- may be a bit weird, but I think I am already noticing changes in my breast tissue already? They feel a bit more like fat rather than actual solid perky tissue and look less big (then again the latter could be because I'm starting to become a bit less dysphoric tbh). I'm hoping I go down a cupsize and they become easier to bind in future.
Confusion/questioning my sexuality again
Honestly I have no idea what is going on here at all right now. I thought I'd figured out that I was aroace and was formerly hypersexual from trauma, but now I'm thinking I may be allo. Still probably on the aroace spectrum, but idk.
Now men just kinda... 馃拝/hj
I think I might have just been fully apathetic and uninterested in relationships and intimacy with real people because I was super uncomfortable and dysphoric. Now, it's kind of up in the air a bit. I'm just not gonna label all that business for a while probably, I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually and I'll probably discuss this in future posts more
18+ only below - discussing bottom growth and libido n. All that 馃憤
My bottom growth has been pretty noticeable this far. I haven't measured it bc I think that's goofy, but it's prob a cm or 2 atp? Not much yet, but I'm so looking forward to more with it. I want to potentially get metoidio on it to make it more prominent, but I'll ofc see how it goes. Full growth is still farrrr off
I will also say that I have not gotten dry at all down there - the exact opposite actually. I hear a lot about all that business getting drier and stuff, but genuinely I get so much more down there then I ever used to. I think in part it may be because I've gotten more comfortable with my bottom growth?
This is- alot of personal info but considering this is 18+ section I'll get into it, but honestly everything sexual is *so* much better now. My libido has gotten a fair bit higher, but also I've found that the pleasure I can get from doing stuff has increased tenfold.
I think in part it is because I heavily dissociated away from myself both due to my dysphoria and trauma, but now I feel like I'm realigning with myself and - in a way I feel like I'm also reclaiming my body too. So because of that, I'm much more satisfied with what's going on with that. It's very hard to explain honestly! I would be interested to hear from other trans men with sexual trauma if they had the same or similar experiences.
I remember my psych warning me that it could be potentially jarring to have bottom growth due to my history, but this genuinely is the best thing I think could have happened for me. It's honestly helping me massively with repairing my relationship with sexual stuff, both in regards to my trauma and ofc dysphoria. It's been amazing, honestly.
This is all I can think of for now, but I'll possibly come back and edit stuff if I think of anything else. Working full time has been kicking my ass, so I've kinda just been only working and then using all my free time to recover for the next day 馃拃馃拃
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kkujo 3 years ago
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getting up at 8am to do self care after sleeping for 2 hours is like 馃榿馃槮
#like i'm doing good things getting up MAKING BREAKFAST!!! taking care of my hair and skincare#but also i'm tired asf#but i really need to start trying to be up in the day bc i keep sleeping til 6pm which makes me depressed which makes me sleep more .#it's a big ol vicious circle and i'm tryna break it but it's easier said than done#i think i need to go to bed earlier and sleep for a bit then wake up for a bit and sleep again later#bc i like being up at night around 1am to 3am ish#so i'm thinking i'll start trying to go to bed at 8pm sleep 4 hours be up for 4 hours and then sleep from 4am to 8am#ik that sounds complicated but my neurodivergent dumbass brain needs a different sleep pattern 馃檮#but whatever i've got going on rn isn't healthy *giggles*#but anyways!! i got this new curly hair shampoo conditioner and curl cream from a brand that's supposed to be rlly good#i tried doing curly hair routine stuff and the leave in conditioner just felt so heavy on my hair and made it really greasy 馃槙#it just didn't work out for me and my hair isn't like coily it's like. on the curlier side of wavy#so i found these products specifically for WAVY hair and i#i'm* trying that out now#tried it a few days ago put too much curl cream and it made my hair rlly blegh and greasy#not even greasy like. waxy idk#anyways trying again this morning with much less curl cream and some scrunching jelly stuff to help the frizz#bc ik my hair should look really smooth and healthy but i just dk how to take care of it so i end up just brushing it through#and it ends up just bushy and frizzy 馃挃馃挃馃挃#BUT ANYWAYS hoping this works and i'll feel more confident bc my hair will look actually good#my skin has been good too TOUCH WOOD#every time i'm like omg my skin has been good lately馃グ i break out like a day later omfg#but anyways i'm taking care of myself yay. 馃榿#gonna make a quesadilla for breakfast now i'm crazy#and gonna need a 3rd coffee if i wanna fix my sleep and stop sleeping all day .#wtf do i do though omfg usually i sleep til 6pm fuck around on my phone and watch tv and then sleep#wtf do people who get up in tbe morning actually DO. i'm gonna have to get a hobby ew#well. i've been wanting to do lps customs again but idk where my craft knife and my uv resin is 馃槖#don't ask why i need that for lps customs..#MAYBE I'LL MAKE SOME CLAY STUFF i have some fimo i ordered like a year or 2 ago and completely forgot abt
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purecantarella 3 years ago
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Truth Unspoken
belated happy hwasa day! so i got this idea while drinking with my friends via zoom call (bc social distancing) and maybe sum feelings came back. idek AHAHAHAH but yeah i hope you all enjoy! disclaimer/s : some fluffy angst, more fluff than angst though
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Ahn Hyejin was your best friend. She had been for several years. You'd known her longer than she'd know Wheein, you were there during her awkward pre-teen years and until now, she considered you her closest friend and confidant. It was impossible to separate you. And that was the root of the problem.
You were the one who believed in Hyejin the most, supporting her throughout the hard times and that made you see every aspect of her. And you found those parts endearing and hard not to fall in love with. It didn't help that you'd known her for almost 14 years. It was a slow burn for you, so slow you hadn't even noticed it.
Until you caught yourself glancing her way more, your touches linger longer, and her smile made you smile. It all hit you at once and you wound up avoiding her more than anything. It bothered Hyejin to no end that you up and decided to avoid her, your best friend of over a decade.
You were her only constant and she was beginning to feel a little off on her day-to-day as an idol. And everyone was beginning to notice her mental-absence but no one knew the cause, all except Wheein. She knew both of you like the back of her hand. She'd seen all of the longing stares and the not-so-subtle touches and knew every one of their meanings.
With all this in mind, Wheein was determined to fix the rift between the two of you.
"Are you really going to miss her birthday of all things, Y/n?" The vocalist whisper-yelled into the phone. You felt your face heat up at the idea of seeing Hyejin again but the dread that pooled in your stomach said otherwise. "I'm sure a lot of people will want to be there for her birthday..." You reasoned.
A scoff on the other end of the call made you wince softly. "She doesn't want any of those people." Once again, Wheein paused, making the tension that hung over you both thicken like glue. She took in a frustrated breath. You through your head back and rubbed your eyes for a moment.
"Whatever's going on with you..." Wheein started again, she had your full attention. "Hyejin is still your best friend. And right now, she needs you."
"Did she tell you that?" You asked hastily, your eyes popping open at the statement. You body straightened, pulse hammering quickly against your body. A rush of familiar excitement coursed through you while the woman at the other end of the call smirked to herself. The excitement in your voice completely readable despite how you attempted to mask it with indifference.
Wanting you to see her and talk it out with her, Wheein said, "Ask her yourself, Y/n. I'll send you the details in a bit." With that the vocalist dropped the call, leaving you silenced. You contemplated on what your next move should be. A series of pings throwing you out of your daze.
A date, a time, and the location. You read over it once, then twice, then a third time before throwing your head back. A hand running through your hair, your teeth catching your lower lip as the gears in your mind continued to turn.
A few days later, it was Hyejin's birthday and you were still on the fence of going to her celebration. You kept trying to tell yourself that the more time you spent with her the harder you would fall. You had to keep your distance.
You were seated in your living room, the text you sent Wheein glaring you in the face as you re-read it over and over again. Deciding that you should at least get some work done if you were going to mope around anyway. Before you could get up though, a violent knock at the door made you jolt up and clench your chest in fear.
Slowly, you made your way over to the door, opening it slowly only for it to be pushed open further. Revealing an angry looking Wheein with Solar glaring at you from behind her. You chuckled sheepishly, waving at the duo and saying a weak, "Hi..."
The shorter woman immediately pushed past you and made her way to your bedroom as Solar shoved you onto the couch, the stern look on her face not softening. "Did you really think you'd get out of this, Y/n?" The eldest asked, her arms folding. An irritated scowl made it's way to your face.
"Solar-unnie, you don't get it!" You exclaimed trying to get up for her only to push you down once again. "You're right, I don't! Hyejin is your best friend, why would you do that to her?!"
From your already clenched jaw you finally snapped. "Because I can't stand to just be that!" You surprised Solar as the frustration in your eyes softened into a self-loathed rage. "I can't take it that I don't know what to do with myself when she's around, that I can feel my heart speeding a hundred miles an hour every time she holds me or brushes my hand! I can't handle how much I feel for her and I much more can't stand the thought of loosing the only thing that's made me happy almost all my life!" Solar stared at you dumbfounded.
Wheein slowly made her way to the living room, hearing everything you said. A more sympathetic expression on her face as she sat beside your dejected form. She placed a gentle hand on your shoulder as she began to speak. "I know it's hard. But if you do this, you'll loose her regardless." Wheein wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into a hug.
Taking a deep breathe, you got up and walked to your bedroom. Solar and Wheein looked at each other and turned to face the door. Before they could completely leave your apartment, you popped your head from the bedroom door, putting your arm through a sleeve of your jacket. "Give me ten minutes."
When they got to the club for the celebration, everywhere they looked was a mess. Fellow idols and mutual friends were drunkenly walking around the dance floor, passed out on different surfaces, and the birthday girl was no where to be seen. You, Solar, and Wheein walked up to a not-so-sober Byul.
"Y/n! You guys got her!" She slurred out as she fell onto the velvet cushion of the booth. Moonbyul continued giggling as Solar attempted to help her up. You looked around looking for your best friend/crush. "I don't see Hyejin anywhere." Wheein said, standing on the tips of her toes.
Then it all clicked, the location and her current state of mind. "I know where she is. Stay here, I'll go get her." Leaving Wheein confused, you made your way out of the club.
The party was near your old apartment. When Hyejin was still a trainee with Wheein, she would often sneak off to see you while you were studying and force you to take her out to a nearby park with a 24-hour Korean barbecue place right beside it. It was never too congested, it was safe for her to roam there with you, the vocalist used to call it her favorite spot in the city.
You were out of breath by the time you'd gotten to the familiar park. As you tried to readjust yourself, you saw a familiar figure in a dark cocktail dress, short, black hair curled just the way she liked it. You smiled softly as you slowly approached her.
Hyejin was dazed and (confused) drowning in her own thoughts when you said suddenly, "You know, there's this amazing party a few blocks down..." You paused as she stared at you shocked, her eyes growing wide at seeing your face for the first time in weeks, making your insides itch with guilt. You smiled warmly at her, "So why aren't you over there enjoying it, birthday girl?"
Without another thought, she stood up and ran into you. Wrapping her arms tightly around your neck. Your body moved involuntarily, clasping your hands behind her back. Searching for the familiarity, you nuzzled into her neck, missing her flowery scent. Suddenly, you were shoved back and your arms were getting berated with a mix of light and heavy punches.
"Agh! Hyejin! Stop it!" You yelled between laughter. She continued as she called you a series of insults. "You idiot! Do you know how much I've missed you! Little shit!" You took her small hands in yours, as she grit her teeth in your face.
The two of you stayed there, staring at each other. A tension thick between you two. She raised her hand and caressed your cheek gently. "I missed my little shit though." Once again, the familiar heat rushed from where her hand gingerly sat to the deepest depths of your core. You offered a sad smile, placing a hand gently over hers. Pressing your forehead against hers slowly.
"Happy birthday, Ahn Hyejin." You whispered only a breath away as she stared into your eyes with so much adoration and a wide grin making you do just the same.
no it was not cut HAHAHA this is genuinely how i wrote it and wanted it to end, at least for now. if i make a part two, idek what i'd do with it AHAHAHA anyway, i hope you all enjoyed and remember that requests are open and comments and criticism are completely welcomed! i'll see you all very soon 馃挄keep safe my lovelies 馃槉
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atalho-s 3 years ago
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Light Up The Dark
Part 1 | June
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pairing:聽bartender!tom x famous!reader
warnings:聽some smut +18 (in this particular chapter it鈥檚 nothing TOO explicit, but miniors be aware), swear words?, drinking, let me know if anything else!
words:聽4.9 k
summary: y/n is a famous horror writer. Her books are on the lips of the people and her face is on all the magazine covers of promising young people.
She has just moved to Los Angeles, the city of celebrities and luxury, when she starts to get a writer's block as she starts writing her newest book. A way to distract herself and seek inspiration leads her to have her destiny mapped out with a simple waiter named Tom who has a delicious british accent.
What happens when her inspiration comes back only after she spends a night with him and she only manages to write after being in the company of that guy she just met? Maybe he'll become her newest addiction.
a/n: english it鈥檚 not my first language, so i鈥檓 sorry for any mistake! this is a series i started writing a while ago, i hope y鈥檃ll enjoy :) the reader it鈥檚 from brazil here, but you can replace from any country you want lol And obv i鈥檓 not from LA and never been there, so if i say something out of reality it鈥檚 bc of that聽馃槀
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"June arrived at the restaurant, sat down near the bar and looked around vaguely. The strange people's faces made her think better and maybe drink a shot of tequila too.
She opened his folder with the horrifying photos of the mysterious case. She felt sick to her stomach.
People said that by then she should have been used to see this kind of thing, but that was repulsive.
She wish the nightmare she had the night before was a way to solve that puzzle, but believing in the afterlife now wouldn't help her... If...If..."
- Damn it... - Y/n slammed her fist on the table. - Writer's block sucks. - She said and took the last sip of her tea.
It s been a week since she couldn't write anything. She would write maybe two paragraphs, maybe even three if she got lucky, but she always ended up erasing it, because she always turned into something meaningless or too cliche.
Damn the time she had promised to deliver something to her editor by the end of the month. But she hadn't counted on the lack of ideas when she agreed to that.
She got up from her chair in frustration and crossed her arms, pacing, as if her creativity had gone out for a walk and she was waiting impatiently for it to come back.
Why had she agreed to write a new book in the first place? She didn't need money. Their previous four books were already making huge profits, and they were going to make a new television series based on one of them.
So why writing another one? Maybe because, she had been having too many nightmares lately. Many family and friends told her to see a psychologist, see if she didn't have some hidden trauma. But looking for a psychologist? Admitting your weaknesses and personal things to a stranger? Never. That would be horrifying.
Writing helped. Transferring his fears to pages was hers gift. When she wrote she didn't have nightmares, didn't see things, wasn't sad. It was like a drug, a calming medicine.
Maybe fame was also making her restless lately. She hated being the spotlight, being the magazine cover of promising young people. She hated to see her name highlighted. But she loved having readers, yes. She loved when someone felt good reading her books or in the good sense of the word: terrified by her stories.
At the height of her 25 years, he never thought her books would become famous at that point. She had always enjoyed writing since she was a child, but working with it was just an unattainable dream. Until, at age 19, she quit her hideous job as a hotel receptionist and decided to publish her first story.
Obviously there were many rejections, until a publisher agreed to publish their work. From then on, her books became more and more known. They called her the new horror genius, the mystery queen, and sometimes even "Stephen King's lost daughter."
She didn't think it was all that. But she accepted the descriptions gladly. No wonder her books didn't come out of the top spot on the best sellers.
Another thing that motivated her to continue with that story, was a phrase from her own idol mentioned, Stephen King: "good stories are those that stay in the head for a long time". And God only knew how that story had been with her for far too long. She always wanted to put it down on paper, so here she was trying to put into words what her head brought up as random thoughts.
But now she was having one of his first creative blocks. Obviously she had already had it with previous books, but nothing as frustrating as this one. She had been trying hard for days, which was exhausting.
She looked at the clock on the wall: 11pm. Who knows if she took another break before starting writing again? Maybe it would help to come up with more ideas.
She thought about watching a show or movie, but he wasn't in the mood. She looked at her long polka dot pajamas under her favorite warm robe and snorted. Go out? On a Thursday night? On a cold night? No way.
But what if it helped her have more writing material? Watching people on the street really helped. If June, the character in her book, was in a bar, maybe if she went to one too it would help to have something to build on.
Writers did it all the time. Describe places that already existed, situations similar to which they lived. So, it wouldn't be new. Maybe she'd even put the location in her tribute if helped she got out of her creative block.
She took a deep breath and went to take a shower. It was decided, she would go out. She put on her best jeans, a Ramones T-shirt with a leather jacket. It wasn't a fancy outfit, but she didn't intend to go somewhere fancy anyway. Her stylist would have been dying to see her now, but she didn't care one bit.
She went out pressing the bottom of the elevator. Y/n had lived on the top floor of a building for 2 months, right in downtown Los Angeles. Sometimes she didn't even know why she chose to live there, she hated the big city and what came with it: paparazzi, celebrities, crazy people who feel superior, wealth and luxury. She came from a humble family, so she always felt like an outsider.
Y/n arrived downstairs and left the condominium calling a taxi that was passing in the street just in time. She walked in and closed the door, crossing her arms, trying to ward off the cold.
- Good night miss, where are you going? - the driver asked looking at her in the rearview mirror.
- Good night... Actually I don't know, do you have any suggestions for a bar around here?- she asked looking out the window. She didn't even bother to look for suggestions for places nearby.
- Well, it depends on what you're looking for... Something luxurious or something fun? - He said and a smiled played on the corer of her mouth. Luxurious was the opposite of fun indeed.
- Something fun, of course.
- So, I suggest the new Seven Devils bar, it's less than 20 minutes from here... - he said.
- Interesting name... Could be. - She said shrugging.
- The name is kinda creepy, but the place is cozy and welcoming, I went once. - the driver said starting and entering the street that was practically empty for being a weekday.
- Cool... - Y/n said looking at the city lights through the window.
After nearly twenty minutes the taxi stopped in front of what appeared to be a small door with a security guard in front of it. The neon sign indicated the name of the place, it seemed a mysterious place for those who passed by without knowing it.
- Thanks. - Y/n said handing the driver the money.
- You're not the Y/n Y/l/n? I didn't want to say anything, but I'm a fan of you, I love your books, they help me pass the time while I wait for passengers. - the driver asked turning a little with one of the Y/n books in his hand. - Could you sign this for me?
- Sure! - Y/n spoke excitedly taking the book from his hand and leaving a message along with her signature. - Thanks for the tip of the place. Have a good night... - She said opening the door.
- No, thank you, have a good night miss. -he said and she smiled closing the door and the taxi left leaving her alone looking at the door in front of her.
She approached the security guard who wished her good night, giving her room to enter, after she showed her ID. Y/n entered a little afraid of what she would find. The door behind her closed and she looked around. It was really cozy as the taxi driver said, it had a part with several tables, which were a little empty and a bar with stools around. The place had a good atmosphere, one of those that people go there to meet and chat with friends, in the background there was a kind of pop song that she wasn't sure if she knew or not.
He slowly approached the bar and sat down on one of the stools. A woman with several tattoos appeared behind the counter and came to serve her.
- Good night! How can I serve you?- she asked with a smile.
- Good night... Hm... Maybe a martini? - Y/n said taking a look at the drinks on the shelf behind the attendant.
- Okay, I'll be back with your order, anything else?
- That's it for now, thanks. - She replied smiling and the attendant walked away.
Y/n kept looking around, watching people, maybe looking for some inspiration. Something that would turn the key in his mind. Many who were there were in groups of friends and were talking animatedly, laughing. Some young and some older, in suits and ties, perhaps coming out of work.
Until one guy in particular caught her attention. He wore the black uniform with the name of the place, with an apron tied around the waist of the same color, and was picking up some glasses from some empty tables. He had dark brown hair slicked back and eyes the same color, very expressive and large. A boy's face from the outside, but on the inside had a mysterious and confident air.
He balanced a tray full of things with an greatest skill in one hand and smiled at some people, he seemed charming because everytime he left a table he left people whispering and giggling embarrassed behind his back.
He walked over and entered the bar placing the tray behind the counter, came close to the other attendant who already had the Y/n martini ready and she could hear him talking, soon realizing he had a perfect accent.
- Sally, you can leave it to me, go take your break. Whose martini is it?- he asked taking a look around.
- Oh thank you, my feet are killing me. It's the girl over there. -she said indicating Y/n with her head and he looked at her, making Y/n realize that she was staring at him for too long, so she looked away embarrassed.
- Okay. - he said looking at where Y/n was sitting and stopped in front of her with the glass. - Good night miss, here is your order. - He spoke with a british accent. Only at that moment did Y/n realize that his accent was well loaded and God only knows how much she loved that accent.
- Oh yes, thank you very much. - She said raising her eyes to look at him and smiled then he blinked with one of his eyes and gave her one more look, before going to deliver another order to a man who was sitting a few benches away.
Y/n felt a shiver all of a sudden, that boy had made her legs a little weak and she didn't really know why. I mean, he was handsome, very handsome and he had a special charm, but it wasn't that much, was it? Maybe it was because it had been a while since she'd dated anyone. When was the last time? Two months ago? Since she had moved in she hadn't gone out with anyone, she had locked herself in her apartment and was writing like crazy. She didn't have time to go out, not even with her friends when she was working on a new book. Which brought them dissatisfaction from time to time, not just because she didn't hang around with them, but because she didn't even go out on one-night stands.
She never been the one that going out with a guy just for sex, she had to have some good first dates and maybe she would take him to see her apartment or go to his apartment. Friends of hers thought she was too old in her spirit, but what can he do? If she couldn't be bad girl once in a while. For a moment she thought, "For this english guy I would be" but shook her head away from the thoughts. She went back to analyzing him, dammit why did he have to be so fit? She could see that the T-shirt he was wearing highlighted his muscles that were only left to her imagination, she found herself biting her lip a bit and snatching her martini off the counter, taking a big sip.
The attendant approached again, drying some glasses with a towel, and took one more look in her direction where she looked away quickly making him smirk. He stopped in front of her again, bracing her arms on the counter, making her swallow hard. He didn't know why she was so nervous, he was just a guy, no biggie.
- I like the shirt. - He pointed with a smile, which made her think he had a beautiful and endearing smile. She looked down and then looked at him smiling too.
- Thank you... Ramones is everything... - she said and drank the last sip of her drink placing the empty glass in front of her right after. - Can you serve one more?
- Sure...- he said, still smiling, took the bottle and filled his glass again. - Trying to distract yourself on a thursday night?
- Yeah... you could say yes... - she said taking another sip. - Have you worked here for a long time?
- In fact, it's been almost six months since I moved to the United States and I've been working here for four months. -he said putting the towel that was in his hand on his shoulder.
- Hm... You're from London?
- I am, wow how did you find out? - he asked raising an eyebrow playfully and she smiled.
- Yeah, your accent really doesn't give out anything ... - she said and he gave a low laugh making her have more goose bumps.
- You also have a different accent, have you lived here for a long time? - he didn't know who she was, which was good. But it also wasn't like she was recognized all the time, despite her face being on magazine covers, she was still a writer, so she was only recognized by those who liked to read or who vaguely remembered her face.
- I was born in Brazil actually, but I've lived here for years, lived in another city for almost five years and now I've decided to come to Los Angeles two months ago...
- I see ... - he said organizing some drinks that were on the counter. - Do you like it here?
- More or less... It's a busy city, isn't it?
- Yeah, it's not for anyone. - He said shrugging. - I like it, I like the rush, but the glamor part really isn't me. - the attendant said and she smiled.
- You're right... I mean, I don't like the glam too much either... - She looked away at her nails.
- What do you work with? - he asked and she looked at him again.
- I'm a writer...
- Nice! What do you write? - He asked curious looking at her with attention.
- I write horror and thriller books.
- Interesting... I would never read, actually I'm not much of a reader anyway, but I wouldn't, because I'm terrified of those things. - He said crossing his arms and she laughed.
- Oh, it's not that terrifying, it's just stories. - She said leaning her elbows on the counter.
- Still, I prefer to have my good night's sleep intact. - He said and she laughed making him smile looking at her.
When she was about to say something, a customer signaled for him and he excused himself going towards the man who was furthest away.
Y/n sighed. She still didn't have any new ideas about her story, but she was entertained by that conversation. She liked not being recognized, she liked him not being interested in her books, for a moment she felt oblivious to anything, liked feeling disconnected from her world.
He returned shortly after and they started talking again. They talked about bands, movies, superficial celebrities and even politics (an important topic in Y/n's vision, who was very firm with her ideas, thankfully he had passed the test). She found out that he was the same age as her and that he moved to the US to look for something that would give him money or a perspective on life, ended up getting that job and intended to stay until he found a different area. The hours passed and they kept finding subjects to give their opinion or questions to ask each other.
- Did you go to college? - she asked after a while.
- No, I don't think I'm smart enough for that, or have the patience. What about you?
- Everyone is smart enough. I started going to business school, but I dropped out when my books started to pay off...
- Wow, your books should give you a good amount of money to be able to drop out of college and dedicate yourself to them...
- Yeah... You could say that. - She shrugged.
- You know looking at you closer like that...- he said getting a little closer and she held her breath for a moment. - I've seen you somewhere...
- Really? - She said raising her eyebrow and drinking from a straw, now with a different drink.
- I don't know, you're not strange to me... - he said putting his hand on his face thoughtfully.
- Well, I hope it's from somewhere nice. - She smiled and he smiled back looking at her. - Do you have a girlfriend or are you married? - Y/n asked and regretted a little, what was she thinking? He wasn't married, as he didn't have a ring on his finger as she'd noticed. But what was her intention by asking that question? She didn't even know, she just knew it had escaped her.
- Neither darling. - He replied smiling a little mischievously and she felt butterflies with the way he called her by that nickname and with that accent. - How about you?
- Neither ... - She replied avoiding looking at him, those eyes hypnotized her and she didn't like to feel at his mercy of a guy she had just met. She took the cell phone disguising but paid attention to the time. - My God, it's already 2:00 in the morning! I completely missed the time.
- I think the company ended up distracting you. - He said still not taking his eyes off her and she felt her cheeks heat up.
- Yeah, the chat was really good... But I have to go... - she said getting up.
- If you wait I can take you home, I'm already leaving, the bar is already closing. - he said and Y/n looked around seeing that some waiters were already collecting some things from the tables.
She thought for a moment, take a ride home with him? It didn't make sense, she had just met him, but at the same time she had enjoyed talking to him so much. He didn't seem like a bad person, but even so you would never know for sure. At the same time she never took any chances, why not let that pretty boy take her home? Finally, she thought: you know what? Screw this.
-Erm, ok...- She shrugged. - I'll go to the cashier to pay and wait for you outside?
- No need to pay darling, it's on me. - He spoke winking and she smiled.
- Oh no, I'll pay no problem...
- Your company has paid off your debt, it's ok. - He replied and she took a deep breath rolling her eyes.
- If you insist...- she said giving up.
He came out from behind the counter and motioned for her to follow him, arriving at the front door where the security was.
- Tuwaine, you can let her pass, it's on me. - He told the big guy and he looked at the english man, sawing his eyes suspiciously and smiling right away. Making Y/n laugh inside.
- Meet you outside? It will only take a few minutes - the attendant said and she nodded, leaving in the cold night.
She leaned against the door with her thoughts. She had come here just to get inspiration and to have her creative back, but she was coming home with an english guy. She didn't even recognize herself anymore, but to say she wasn't anxious (in a good way) was a lie.
She was lost in her thought, until minutes later he came out wearing a denim jacket, which made him look even more handsome.
- Let's go? - He said and she followed him to an old car parked right in front of the bar.
He opened the door for her to get in and she thanked him by sitting in the passenger seat, pulling on her seat belt as he closed the door. He sat down next to her right away, also putting on his belt.
- Hey, before we go: I didn't ask for your name! If you're going to take me home at least I have to know that- she asked realizing that she didn't even know that yet and he looked towards her smiling.
- Tom Holland. - He said stretching his hand. - Nice to meet you.
- Y/n Y/l/n- she said, squeezing his hand. And you can't deny that she felt butterflies in her stomach as she felt her skin on hers.
- Your name is not strange to me, I must have read it in one of your books in some shop window. - He said starting and leaving with the car.
- Yeah, who knows ... - she said and he turned on the radio leaving the volume low.
They were exchanging a few words until she indicated that they had arrived at the building where she lived. Tom parked and looked up in a daze.
- Wow, you really have money... - he said and she took off her belt turning towards him.
- A little bit...- she replied crossing her arms. - Well, thank you so much for the ride...
- You're welcome darling. - He said turning his eyes to her. Again that nickname that sounded perfect on his lips.
She turned around, but when she was about to open the door, she turned back to Tom, who was leaning with one hand on the steering wheel and watching her with attention. The next words escaped her again and she was afraid she'd regret it.
- Tom, do you want to come in? - She spoke still holding the door and the boy smiled.
- Sure ... - he said taking the key from the ignition and she shook her head slightly leaving.
He followed her and they entered the building. Tom looked at everything admired which made Y/n smile a little to herself. They entered the elevator and she pressed the penthouse button causing him to raise an eyebrow.
- You really must be a great writer. - he said and she laughed.
He leaned his back against the elevator wall, putting his hands in his pocket and looking her up and down, making her shy. He kept looking at her and it was making her nervous.
They were silent until the elevator opened after a while and they got out. Y/n put a password on the door and it swung open with a small click, she took held the latch and motioned for Tom to enter.
After the two of them entered she closed the door again behind her and watched Tom standing further on, looking around.
- Nice apartment...- he finally said.
- Thank you... - She leaned against the table at the entrance. She didn't know what to do next, maybe it had been a bad idea to bring him here. Why was she so impulsive that night? -Tom, I don't know why I invite you in, sorry...-she said a little nervous looking at her feet. He turned towards her, approaching and stopping in front of her.
- Are you sure you don't know? - He asked and she raised her head, seeing those brown eyes. She bit her bottom lip watching him closely. Damn he knew how to hypnotize her. He took another step and placed a hand on either side of her on the table, cornering her - Your body says otherwise, love... - he said softly feeling her breath hitch slowly and approaching his face to hers, alternating the look of your eyes to her lips. Y/n found another nickname that was perfect when he say.
He finally closed the distance by pressing his lips to hers. His lips were soft and warm, as if they were meant to be kissed. She returned the kiss willingly and when she laced her fingers in his neck, he licked her lower lip slowly asking for passage in which she opened them letting his tongue explore her mouth.
His hands gripped her waist and roamed her body greedily. As he kissed her, he caught her from behind her legs and sat her down on the entrance table, biting her bottom lip shortly after, provoking a low moan from her. He smiled against her lips and trailed kisses to her neck, attacking her skin with desire, making her throw her head back a little.
She grabbed his hair and pulled him back so she could kiss him. Which he gladly reciprocate. His kiss was urgent, but without being rude, he tasted like mint, making her want him even more.
His fingers found the button of her pants and he undid them quickly pulling them out, tossing them aside. When he came back he took her calf and kissed her leg up to her thighs, making her sigh. He moved up the kisses until he caught the hem of her shirt and pulled it up a little, kissing her stomach as well. Y/n didn't know what to do but feel goose bumps with every touch he gave. He then hiked up her shirt and she lifted her arms where he pulled her off, tossing along with her pants that were also on the floor.
She was just wearing her underwear in front of him, it made her a little excited and embarrassed at the same time, but the way he looked at her made her feel confident. He went back to kissing her body, this time kissing each covered breast in turn and reaching for the back of her bra and opening it. She helped him out tosiing to the side and he stood between her legs just watching her for a second, making her feel her cheeks heat up.
- Perfect... - he said with a low voice, as it was for himself and bent down to her breasts kissing each one of her nipples and then sucking them deliciously. Y/n moaned and bit her lip to keep her moans from getting louder, tangling her fingers in his hair again. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds and smiled slightly lowering his kisses to where she wanted him most.
He reached the hem of her panties and pulled them out slowly, kneeling between her legs and she looked at him with expectation. He returned the look and gave that smirk again.
- Look at you darling.... - That damn nickname. - Extremely wet and I haven't even touched you yet... - he said approaching and devouring her right away making her throw her head back with pleasure, biting her lips again to not sound so pathetic with her moans that insisted in wanting get out. - Oh, please don't drown out those wonderful sounds you make, I want to hear how good I'm making you feel. - He said in a husky tone, returning to his task after and she parted her lips letting her moans spread through the apartment.
****************************************************************************************
Y/n woke up the other day in her bed. She didn't even know how she got there, she just had flashes of the night before and how good she felt in each moment. She stretched and looked to the side seeing she was alone. She got up and put on a robe who was on the side of the bed.
After going to the bathroom and doing her morning hygiene routine she walked around the apartment looking around to see if Tom was somewhere else in the house, but found nothing. Which was understandable, it wasn't like she expected him to stay there and have breakfast with her and all.
She arrived in the kitchen and made black coffee and lean against the countertop. What that simple waiter had done to her was ridiculous, in a good sense, she felt great and kept remembering that accent that was stuck in her mind. He had consumed her in a way she had never imagined it she could be.
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Taking a deep breath she set down turning her notebook on. Then opened her book and started writing.
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luminisvii 4 years ago
Text
RATING! ALL! THE CHAR CLONES!
i love char and gundam loves him too so because i am BORED i'm gonna rate all characters that the wiki tells me qualifies as a char clone!
many of these men will be rated on aesthetics and their wiki blurb alone since i have not watched all gundams
i tried to include pics but it SAID i can only use ten. WHAT? how am i supposed to rate how sexy they are?
Char Aznable
the man. the myth. the legend. i love him so much. hes super fucking hot bc of how bad he is. like an absolute madlad he goes around destroying the zabis and giving amuro hell. hes so good that despite being on team evil he regularly tops popularity polls and is widely regarded as being super attractive. im asexual but i agree. char is supreme. he and his red mobile suits cannot be topped. 20/10
Quattro Bajeena
now, char might be evil, but this guy is totally a stand up dude who is definitely not char. and the hyaku shiki? top tier. also very sexy. maybe char should take a lesson or two from this lovely man. 18/10 could not possibly be char himself
Glemy Toto
i have not watched ZZ. this dude upholds the tradition of stupid ass names in gundam. he just kinda look like hes a good person, though, which would be nice, but i prefer the evil men here. 6/10 love the idiotic name
Afranche Char
apparently a literal char clone. don't give a fuck. 1/10
Carozzo Ronah/Iron Mask
this guy really takes the mask thing seriously. i have also not watched F91. i love the just robot lookin mask and the purple color scheme. 8/10
Anavel Gato
this guy is kind of a chump. i get the feeling i'm supposed to find gato very cool, but all i could see was a total loser pushover as long as it was in the name of zeon. although to be fair, he was basically one of the most enjoyable characters in the mess that is stardust memory. 7/10 too much of a zeon apologist
Chronicle Asher
i called gato a chump but this guy looks like a tool. hes got the mask! i know nothing about victory gundam but this guy looks like, okay. 5/10
Schwarz Bruder
im ignoring the other guy listed with him on the wiki bc Herr Bruder is in fact, awesome. he isn't on team evil like some others, but he doesn't need to be. hes a JESTER NINJA. what's not to love? somehow, despite me thinking i knew the twist that was coming, he was still full of surprises. you cannot possibly predict the actual twist here. he really teaches domon how to get shit done. 15/10 absolutely sublime take on the trope
Zechs Marquise
not only is he voiced by takehito koyasu, but he chars so hard he chars three times as fast! we LOVE his dedication to being a char clone. i will never forget how treize challenged him to a fair fight and he was just like nah lmao. you go you stinky man! 10/10 for char-ing hard
Lancerow Dawell and Jamil Neate
i am fascinated by after war X and i'll watch it one day. it seems like the wiki is confused about these two and is going with very surface level details for these two being char clones. however i'll rate them both higher bc i think mr. neate's sideburns and glasses are just top tier character design. 9/10
Harry Ord
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10/10
Rau le Creuset
i think i saw him in the like three episodes of SEED i watched. he definitely looks the part. seems kinda lame though. 6/10
Athrun Zala
this kid is hilarious, and also the most likable character i met in SEED, and he even has a quattro phase as he goes by alex dino! we'll give him points for effort. 9/10 you tried
Neo Roanoke
definitely not mu la flaga. hes also voiced by takehito koyasu. his mask looks kinda dumb, but i think the long hair look upgrades my man mu. takehito koyasu makes everything sexier. 8/10 bc i also simp for dio brando
Rey Za Burrel
how many char clones does the SEEDverse have? i do appreciate rey's early 2000s brooding anime boy look, though. 5/10
Gilbert Durandal
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SEED CHARS!!! this guy doesn't even look like a char clone, but he has the same voice actor and also apparently tries to drop shit on earth. we stan a king, honestly. 6/10 being in SEED deducts points
Hal Vizardt and Vladi Zarth
the wiki wont even give me a picture of these guys. 2/10 they get a point each
Ali Al-Saachez
i hate this guy. he sucks. normally i would find such endless villainy entertaining, but ali simply cannot work it in a way that's fun to watch or even in a way where you're like 'he's got a point.' he just sucks and i wish he could have been funny. we already have a char clone in graham anyway, so why are you here? bitch. 0/10 i was waiting for him to die
Graham Aker
he has all the tropes of being a char clone, and i loved him at first bc of his flair for drama and poetry, but alas! he got more and more sidelined for a different motherfucker. it's okay graham, i still love you! your mr. bushido phase was hilarious! 9/10 you deserved so much more
Full Frontal
hes getting points for the hilarious name but thats it. he is otherwise very boring. you cannot make me love a man just bc he is a literal char clone. 3/10
Zeheart Galette
AGE is also on my "deeply fascinated" list. eventually, eventually. i kinda dig this one's look. 7/10
Tatsuya Yuuki
initially, i hated yuuki bc i thought he was beating on middle schoolers for fun, but then i learned the dude is so goddamn passionate about gundam that he HAS to share it with others and honestly? king shit. while he's technically a char clone, i think he's actually a graham aker clone. the dude stans 00. an admirable position to be in. i love yuuki so much and hes my favorite build fighters character. 15/10 i will always respect the meijin
Captain Mask
the name is hilarious. hes got a cool mask too. i'll maybe watch recon one day bc of how ridiculous the reputation is. 8/10
Lady Kawaguchi
the rare female one, and proves that the kawaguchi name requires you to be extra as fuck. compared to yuuki's raw passion, she's cool and knows it, and doesn't need to flex. sadly doesn't get to do a lot. 10/10
McGillis Fareed
MCGILLIS MY BELOVED!!!! perhaps the only char clone that matters. this dude brings back the classic level of backstabbing, the supreme attractiveness, and in general, being an awful person. but i can't help but feel for the guy. he was trying his goddamn hardest to overturn a fucked up system. he also simply could not fathom having friends. mcgillis might only do the mask thing for a little and also wears a wig (McWiggis) but i forgive him, because the moves he does in bael are truly sexy. i adore mcgillis i have to rate him high but he cannot overtake the classic. 19/10 would let him betray me
Kyoya Kujo
even the wiki doesn't seem confident in this one. i like his look though. hes kinda got some gentle eyes, so i will assume he's the more quattro flavor of things. 6/10
Masaki Shido
BRUHHHH HE LOOKS LIKE A KNIGHT. 10/10
Honorable Mentions:
Master Asia
i didn't think he truly qualified as a char clone. he hits the villain thing and technically has some ideals aligned with char ? but he's a little too different. lacks majority of the archetype tropes. i still love him though 9/10
Vidar
hes got a mask and wants revenge. definitely not gaelio. the problem is, we already have mcgillis in IBO. i just don't register gaelio as being a char clone, because mcgillis is out here being the worst. gaelio is a wonderful character in his own right for all the opposite reasons that mcgillis is fantastic for being the worst. 10/10 i want nothing but the best for him
Ulube Ishikawa
just bc he has a mask covering half his face and is evil doesn't mean he's a char clone, wiki! and how dare you take away from schwarz just to be like "well ulube has a mask" WE HAVE ONE ALREADY!!! i also hate ulube. he is not a particularly charismatic character, but he isn't supposed to be. 2/10
and thus is my arbitrary ranking of the char clones. some people think char clones are bad. i for one, love them! i hope future entries have more masked men.
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