#BUT ANYWAY THATS FINE. ITS A LITERAL PODCAST WHO CARES

[lavellane]

regretfully i didnt care for this one :(

ep 2 of the worst titled podcast to ever exist just droped lets GO

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 15

post directory

em: viola teas i am like. incapable of sleeping in

em: i woke up 10:30 on the dot and i thought. what the fuck

em: 10:30 is especially offensive bc it means the mcdonald’s breakfast is done

obsetress: brain immediately said viola up and about doing all the chores vacuuming with no sympathy for her constantly sleeping in snoring girlfriend dani clayton

obsetress: but nah i'm sorry for you that sucks

em: inspiring deranged viola behaviour is

em: the greatest gift of all

obsetress: god so true when u think about it

obsetress: not that viola vacuums, she def has cleaners but

obsetress: actually no

obsetress: she has cleaners but she's prob not satisfied and gets out her expensive vacuum she has no idea how to use and is clattering n making such a fuss

obsetress: and poor dani

em: she’s up and about rearranging things, she’s causing a ruckus,

obsetress: dani's like "you have just as bad insomnia as me and you're just... getting up? that early?"

obsetress: viola shrugs "i don't need that much sleep"

obsetress: "you do, though"

obsetress: she shrugs and disappears into the kitchen

obsetress: insomniac gf and insomniac gf

em: insomnia gfs

em: viola runs on like

em: supernatural element carrying over: viola is a little too good at running on no sleep and no one knows if she ages

obsetress: YEAH

em: i love a sorta, grounded real life show w like one or two unexplained ambiguously supernatural things that no one blinks at

obsetress: i was gonna be like

obsetress: i wonder what dani and viola do when theyre up not sleeping at night and then i was like

obsetress: Well,

obsetress: no they do that but they also do the most random borderline unhinged shit like

obsetress: dani tries new baking recipes and they sit on the countertop in their pjs or underwear or nothing and eat scones at three am

em: go for night drives

em: night drives aren’t even unhinged but they’re nice

em: but they don’t listen to music they listen to fucken podcasts

obsetress: that fuckin lorde song

[em note: it's supercut]

obsetress: they go to the roof and dani lays her head in viola's lap and stares at the stars while viola reads to her in french

obsetress: ugh i put it on oh god why did i put it on

[em note: it's still supercut]

obsetress: in my head.........

obsetress: i do everything right............

obsetress: when you call............

obsetress: i'll forgive and not fight.............

obsetress: ours are the moments.........i play in the dark OH MY GOD VI'S INSOMNIA AFTER DANI LEAVES AND SHES ALONE

em: ur a MONSTER

obsetress: i need to lay on the floor and put this song on repeat

obsetress: anyway um

obsetress: another thought from when i was thinking about the vacuum like

obsetress: viola has a degree of learned helplessness that all rich people have but she's not an idiot like the rest of them yknow and i think like

obsetress: she had to do a lot when she and perdita were kids!

obsetress: after her mom died

em: hannah......

obsetress: and then after her dad died before she married arthur and like

obsetress: then being a single mom (viola lloyd single mom i'm drooling) even w all the help she can afford

obsetress: she has a chip on her shoulder and Does Things For Herself but also just

obsetress: sometimes it happens! there's never enough time and never enough help!

obsetress: and she loves isabel so much like

obsetress: viola making isabel her lunches

obsetress: oh god

em: making her little lunches at like 2am bc it’s been a busy day and she’s tired and she’s sore and she’s sad but the one thing viola will never skip is like

em: making sure isabel gets her lunches

em: hey what is wrong with us

obsetress: GOD YEAH

obsetress: EXACTLY

obsetress: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER MAKING THEM AT TWO AM UGH

obsetress: anyway um yeah viola making isabel her lunches at two am

obsetress: i know that i wrote jamie leaving flora notes on her napkins but like

[em note: read 'and she taught me a lesson alright']

obsetress: i just think it's something a mom who really loves her kid and wants them to feel safe and okay would do so i want to say vi does it for isabel too!!! and what of it they're different universes it's fine

em: ur just building the hannah obsetress cinematic universe

em: building up some Themes and Motifs

obsetress: themes motifs and symbols

obsetress: anyway viola packing isabels lunches she writes little notes and puts on lipstick n kisses them

obsetress: so isabel can get a kiss from her mom

em: im going to kill u w my bare hands

obsetress: cut to vi in the bathroom wiping it off later à la jennifer check

em: im GONNA

obsetress: sometimes when vi has to go out of town for business or w/e she leaves a stack of napkins with arthur to put in isabel's lunch so she can still get a kiss from her mom even when she's gone

em: thats so extra??

em: its so viola

obsetress: exactly

obsetress: she definitely has a fear of isabel favoring arthur over her (abandonment issues etc etc)

obsetress: gestures at canon

—-

em: dani 'its casual' taylor

obsetress: leave the typo

obsetress: dont you dare change it

em: i need u to know that i DO fuck but

em: hgfngjkyhGJBJKFHD FUCK

em: ruined my own joke

obsetress: in the most spectacular way

em: dani 'i need you to know i DO fuck but im accepting offers' clayton

obsetress: she takes care to drop that like

obsetress: it's just casual SHE'S not anything serious. i'm not dating HER or anything

obsetress: jamie's like dani i know you're gay you literally stare at my lips every time i talk

em: dani getting off the phone and dramatically rolling her eyes like 'ex girlfriends, am i right? whats up with these women i-' and jamies like love i get it

obsetress: jamie raising her eyebrows "how many ex girlfriends do you have"

obsetress: dani's like "well, just the one, but"

em: but i COULD have more. if i wanted to. bc i am looking to date more women

em: jamies like ok cool

obsetress: jamie, a little too casually: oh? any, uh. prospects?

em: danis like (patented nervous dani lip bite) maybe but

em: jamies like drat

em: jamies like darn

em: and then she gets home and shes like

em: wait

obsetress: jamie calling dani back "when you said maybe"

obsetress: and dani immediately is like yEAH?

em: jamies like do you think you could ever be interested in me and danis like umm. yeah.

em: jamie hangs up like ok cool

em: long beat

obsetress: oh my GOD

em: REDIALS

---

obsetress: ok last thing i was gonna say

obsetress: i meant to say this earlier and got distracted a hundred times over

obsetress: but um imagine dani helping isabel with her english homework

obsetress: vi helping isabel with her math homework

em: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

em: SOFT

obsetress: well,

em: oh no

obsetress: isabel needing help w her english homework post dani and vi's trying to help and vi's smart n all but

em: get HELP

---

em: dani 'hooking up w my ex is actually a v girlboss of me' is SO funny to me

em: when they get together danis like, oh but havent we all- and jamies like nooo i have very good boundaries

em: except for the perdi vi psychosexual power play ig

obsetress: moment of weakness

obsetress: who wouldn't want to hook up w their hot boss

—

obsetress: when dani goes up to london whatever weekend like friday night to get her closure dinner with vi

obsetress: boom haircut and therapy reveal

em: 3 day bender u say

obsetress: all of a sudden it's sunday night and

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: they spend

obsetress: all fucking weekend

obsetress: in vi's bed

em: sighs dreamily

obsetress: dani playing with her hair

obsetress: "this is nice"

obsetress: "i'm gonna miss your bun though"

obsetress: vi's brain is short circuiting at "i'm gonna miss"

em: later danis like look. jamie. what would you have done? and jamie chokes on her beer and splutters 'not fuck my ex for 3 days straight?!'

obsetress: dani "well you've never fucked v–– oh wait"

obsetress: "you really can't blame me, jamie, you KNOW" jamie: (grumbles)its different... dani: well i mean i guess, technically, you didnt,

obsetress: unrelated in some bad fight at the end vi is like "you can't go isabel needs a–– you're like her–––" and dani's like "a what? say it" and viola's too stubborn and proud and hurt to say it

em: just perpetually bouncing back to the worlds angstiest break up

obsetress: i don't know WHY

obsetress: as someone who HATES ANGST

obsetress: i am so DRAWN to these two

em: its ummmm weirdly cathartic??

em: the whole exes au is based on a joke about them being friends and exes. we are v firm in like. viola and dani reconcile!

em: idk i love a catharsis moment! i love it when a character claws their way to happiness. or even begrudgingly goes to therapy

em: viola can go through a little hell as a treat

obsetress: turns out the only one who could fix her in the end

obsetress: was the one who said it's not my job to fix you

em: dani transformative power of (platonic) love

obsetress: "Platonic"

[elftwink]

LUP and if you're cool with doing multiple, magnus, merle, and taako

i’m absolutely good to do multiple i love Having Opinions

LUP:

How I feel about this character: loml like IDEAL character god like not to show emotions i main but i cried when she was introduced and then she showed up and was just undeniably the coolest character on the podcast god BLESS

All the people I ship romantically with this character: lucretia or barry but like honestly to be honest with you. more w/lucretia and how much i even like barry and her relationship w/him is really more due to fan created content vs anything actually in the show, especially because literally we just dont hear anything about her feelings until they’re already together like griffin i get it its a big show theres a lot to cover but like. idk lup could have mentioned once that the feeling was mutual or something. this part should have been under unpopular opinion but whatever

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MAGNUS….. they r good friends

My unpopular opinion about this character: a tame opinion i have thats more just a hc is that i have is that she has a bob because she’s bisexual and also because chin-to-shoulder length hair is “just started transitioning and i need plausible deniability” culture and sometimes after that’s all done you’re like “this length isn’t bad as long as i properly cut and style it” and thats my proof. my other opinion is that i 100% honestly believe if she had switched places w/lucretia she would have done something similar and thats why she forgives lucretia so fast bc she understands the choice lucretia made. she would have executed it differently to be sure but like. same principle

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: interactions…… with lucretia….. more of them i am so starved ever since griffin said he wished we saw more of their friendship i have been in a pit of despair. give it to me

the rest are under a cut bc Long

TAAKO:

How I feel about this character: fucking superb you funky little wizard

All the people I ship romantically with this character: tbh mostly just kravitz. there are other ships im not against but honestly most other ships just sort of feel like….. like ppl just feel the need to ship taako w/every man to walk the earth and im over it, especially w/ppl he barely speaks to or to whom other members of the thb have better relationship dynamics

My non-romantic OTP for this character: ren!!!!!!! also davenport i feel like especially post canon they’re really close friends. also hurley. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: i DONT understand shipping him with sazed and i never have. for a long time i was CONVINCED there was going to be some brief mention of him being an ex or them being involved or even just of the relationship dyanmic being complicated or having a power imbalance favouring sazed or SOMETHING but literally all that happened was sazed got jealous and tried to poison taako. and like. idk was that backstory of watching 40 ppl die not traumatic enough for people? did we also need to add in that sazed was an abusive boyfriend? stop writing gay ppl suffering for entertainment

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i fucking lie awake at night thinking about what would have happened if taako fell under the thrall of the gaia sash and magnus and taako had to help him and hurley and sloane came back right away as dryads and joined the team. it haunts me. he failed that will save and i wanted CONSEQUENCES. also b4 anyone is like “they’re immune” prove it.

MAGNUS

How I feel about this character: Projection Central tbh like……. travis and magnus both are like uncanny valley like me. like so much like me that it is sometimes deeply uncomfortable. anyway i love magnus 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: julia obvs and also avi like… me and 4 other ppl for that one

My non-romantic OTP for this character: lucretia like…. team human. also 100% magnus lucretia and lup are the dream team in every single way they are great friends and they compliment each other really well change my mind

My unpopular opinion about this character: honestly. i think he should have taken the chalice like first of all it would have been dope for gameplay second of all i think every day about the way that would have affected his character

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: kravitz sidequest in suffering game like is arms outstretched cool? yes. do you know what would have been cooler? a fucking sidequest through the astral plane. we are denied plot points because magnus refuses to die…. unbelievable. also i wish we got to see more of him post canon like bc his finale was when he died we missed out

MERLE:

How I feel about this character: dilf

All the people I ship romantically with this character: davenport and like. kind of john i guess but not as much

My non-romantic OTP for this character: probably lucretia also…… its important to me that lucretia has friends. also like. i think post canon merle is one of the first people to forgive her and hes most like he was during tsc with obviously more growth and so they get along like old friends the quickest and the most. honestly i really do think merle is charming in a very specific merle way and he gets along with so many people so its like. honestly everyone. the man tried to be friends with the hunger like the compassion……. the care for other ppl… the commitment to joy…… i fucking love merle

My unpopular opinion about this character: DILF. THE TAZ FANDOM IS AFRAID OF THE TRUTH BUT IM NOT

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i always thought it was a weird choice to bring up merle’s arm during the chalice because it was played so much as a joke metatextually that it felt out of place next to the other two. especially knowing merle has backstory fodder too. i dont remember if they’d gotten to it yet. anyway i wish either they’d taken the arm thing more seriously the whole time or his option at the chalice was something else, i think the scene would have been more balanced. maybe it just felt out of place to deal with something we saw in game tho because the other two were backstory hooks. who knows.

then again griffin also brought up phandalin and they NEVER cared about that like it was always a joke so think partially it was griffin being like “CARE THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS THINGS THAT HAPPENED” so i guess thats fine. idk where im going with this. 

[spiftynifty]

TeeVee Podcast’s Voltron s8 review

I’ve been waiting eagerly for TeeVee’s review of s8. If you recall, their s7 review was what gave us the man getting choked up about Shiro’s relationship. 

The link to the podcast is here but if you’d prefer a sort of transcript, here are some of the highlights for me. I didn’t always catch who was speaking but I wrote down initials where I could. S=Shanon, A=Antony, M=Moises, C=Chip D=Dan. The panel is divided on their feelings on the season. 2 of them seem to have hated it, one liked it, one thought it was fine, and one feels mixed about it. Anyway here we go, some great quotes ahead. 

Under the readmore cuz it’s long. 

S: "After 7 seasons of a show that was going to be one of the animated series of the decade, they not only did not stick the landing, they fell on their butts, rolled off the mat, off the lines, into the judge's table and their leotard popped open"

"A lot of the plot was callbacks to things from seasons ago that we really probably didn't need to see again." "I wasn't entirely sure that they weren't gaslighting me."

Man Shannon is calling out some great points. She's calling out the dropped druid plot thread, and wondering what the point was of showing Lotor's past when he's dead, and nothing can change in his present and his redemption can't really happen.

A: "endings are hard. I was disappointed with this season [...] it was let down by poor plotting and that final battle made me throw my hands up in despair most of the time. But I have enormous sympathy for the EPs. Maintaining a longform episodic story is hard. And to pull off an ending that satisfies even MOST of the audience is harder yet. and let's not forget they were always upfront that vt always had 'editorial interference' from up top. Toys, the fact that it's aimed at children, corp resistance to some of the more modern social issues that they've tried to tackle. THAT SAID, we don't know what happened on this production, who had the final say, what they argued over. and I say this cuz a lot of the fandom drama over it assumes a LOT over how media and entertainment like this is made that simple ARE. NOT. TRUE. Some of the stuff I've read has been ABSURDLY offbase, like that there were different writers rather than just 1 the whole way through which ignores how TV is made. And if you think these writers just go off and write a script without talking to anyone first and then they come back with something that must be filmed without any changes, THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. [..]we don't know who made these decisions. The studio isn't always the bad guy. Sometimes they rescue things that would otherwise have been a horrible mess. And unless you were IN THE ROOM, you don't know, and neither do any of us. So let's all bear that in mind. [...]You can't lay the blame OR credit on any one person. For any of this." 

They're laughing & making so much fun of the final 3 episodes and how baffling they were. 

"Don't even get me started on Voltron merging with Atlas [and the crew disappearing] that was a bad, bad idea." 

"But that was the ONE time Shiro was back with the team!"

a couple dudes are relatively ok with the Allura death because we've never seen a WOC heroically sacrifice herself for the universe and usually it's the Shiro hero character D: They also point out that technically she wasn't fridged so.. yay?

Antony and Shannon vehemently disagree. 

A: "My problem with that ending was more just that it was... not. good." he makes a comparison to RotJ where Vader still dies and it's his SON, who lives, who 'redeems' him. "This was none of those things. It felt like a terrible lesson. You can be so evil that you kill literally billions of people for 10k yrs but if you say sorry just before you're about to be executed it's alright, dw about it, we'll put the universe back to rights. NO, that's a terrible lesson!!"

S:"They had the LIONS. That's my problem. Throughout this series we've had stakes going up but there has always been a trading of ideas, what can we do, what can we figure out, up to the point where they wind up sacrificing the castle, but they go through steps before that 'is there anything else we can do’. And here, there's not even... she didn't even get to say goodbye to Coran! This is the one character, WOC, and she has sacrificed throughout this entire series. She lost her planet. She lost the last connection she had to her father in the AI. She kept LOSING things over and over to the point where she sacrifices her crown to help Shiro. and the thanks she gets is that she has to turn around and say nope I've got to away and fix all of this and apparently never see you all again. It really, REALLY REALLY bothered me. All of my friends who have CHILDREN who watch this show, universally the kids were upset and angry and tearful and HATED that outcome. This did not feel like a triumph. Having to lose Allura like that robbed any kind of triumph in the success of saving all the universes. And I think that's one of the reasons that this last part of the season sits so poorly with me. I feel like it should have ended in a triumphant way. even if it meant losing a couple of the team members or the lions. Of course that takes away the toy aspect which is why that's not an option. We already had several tragedy arcs in this series. Zarkon, Honerva, and Lotor had tragedy arcs. Why does Allura have to have one too? We've had enough." 

Antony & Shanon KILLIN IT on this podcast y'all.

C: "This series relies so much on 'oh wait, there's a new upgrade', 'oh wait, there's this new thing'" A: "Well that was the entire final battle." C: "So there's this handwavy Allura has to sacrifice herself. The heavy lifting wasn't done to make this an earned moment."

S: "I do think, whether it was at the direction of DW or WEP (Vld IP), without those little epilogue cards, there is the potential opening that Allura might be able to return.[..]It was open to interpretation."

One guy likes the Shiro ending for the surprising progress aspect, even though he's not thrilled about how it was put together. also he isn't convinced the epilogue wasn't planned. He likes a lot of s8 but all the stuff he likes is tied to stuff that he really didn't like.

S:"The shiro card is the other reason that I think those things were shoved in. For me, that turns Shiro's entire character into a token when he wasn't before. When they introduced his sexuality, it was done BEAUTIFULLY. There was this conversation with his significant other a mature relationship that ran into its problems and therefore couldn't happen anymore. Adam could've been Adele, and nothing would have changed about that conversation. It was not the defining characteristic of Shiro. It was just something else about him."

S: "And then s8 happens and Shiro is divided from everybody on the team. There are so few interactions of any kind that aren't just barking orders. or making plans. Keith is the prime example. Their friendship had been a backbone of this series and suddenly they can't even stand more than feet 5ft from each other. 

A: “It’s barely evident, yeah.”

M:”And the same with the rest of the main cast. And if they had set that up at the end of s7, that he’s going to go into the background a bit, it wouldn’t have felt as weird.

S: “And they didn’t! S7 was miraculous in the fact that even though he’s no longer in a lion, he’s still got a vital part to play in the series. And s8 erased that. It pretty much neutered him! And the kind of message is once you've revealed this character to be gay, we've gotta keep him out of the way. And if they had not put those end cards in, again the fact that he's a gay man is just the fact that he's a gay man and it's not any bigger or smaller aspect of his character, but they did not EARN him marrying random bridge crew member #3."

A: "and RETIRING! A man who LEFT adam because he felt he had to go and fight."

A: "He left the guy he loved before because of his devotion to"

S:"To fighting to making things right"

A:”To being a soldier and doing the right thing.”

C:”Isn’t the whole point then that he achieves that?”

M:”The fighting’s over and he can leave that behind and he can actually be happy.”

S: “He wouldn’t’ve. I don’t see it.”

M: “I violently disagree.”

C: “I think it was a nice endcap for his character."

Moises also likes this because it’s not a BYG scenario and he gets retired. Shannon is extremely exasperated by these takes. 

S:”For me, it’s like Tangled. You go through Rapunzel and Flynn, going through their adventures, getting closer, getting to know each other, they save each other, things like that. And then she’s reunited with her parents and then we get and endcap that says ‘for political reasons her parents decided they needed to marry her off to the prince in the next county, sorry’. That would’ve had people RIOTING. Thats not how you do a story with characters that people care about. And to shove shiro off onto this random character that we--his name is never spoken!”

A:”No he had like 3 lines in the entire season.”

S:”He had 3 line sin the season, you don’t know his name unless you watched the subtitles, and in the audio narration for the visually impaired, they called him Adam in the endcap. They called him Adam! They fixed that now. It feels like a hugely clumsy attempt to grab the woke points for a character that didn’t need them.”

Moises then talks a little about Shiro and Keith and how he and Shannon both thought there was something there, and still do, but they can’t know what happened behind the scenes and to theorize on the intent of that relationship is “conspiracy theory land” and trying to decide what the writers were prevented from doing is like “reading tea leaves and chicken bones”. He references people extracting things from his own writing. 

M: “As much as I wanted to see that relationship flower and flourish, the fact that it didn’t, look, it’s one of a million times that’s happened for me, with fiction, where things didnt turn out the way I wanted to see them.”

S:”I’m talking about 2 different things, as far as Shiro’s character, vs shipping  issues. I feel Shiro’s character was done a disservice that if they were going to end him in a relationship with another man, they didn’t earn it by throwing that little endcap on.”

M:”Yeah, they could have brought back one less robeast or something.”

S:”The other thing is, I think there is enough out there as far as interviews with JDS and LM to show that at the very least I think they meant to leave it openended. Again  if you take out that endcap, the last shot includes a shot of just Shiro and Keith, together, same screen, looking up as the lions go away, without saying anything further. I know I pie in the sky hoped that they were gonna kiss this season when we did our s7 recap and yes that was the shipper in me talking. I truly did not expect that they would be able to go that far. What I did not expect was for them to tear it down. And I feel like that’s what they did. Between the complete absence of interactions in s8, and then throwing that epilogue in there.”

Dan doesn’t understand how that could be because he sees no reason for them to do that. Shannon patiently explains about DW’s history with LGBT characters but Dan insists that the creators told the story the way they wanted to and he’s fine with Shiro getting a marriage even if it’s a character they don’t know. 

Overall the panelists love the show still, and in most cases prefer to consider it in the realm of s1-6 with a weak final double season (7&8) or that the show ends after s7. They would all love to know how long the NDAs last, a making of perhaps, to know what the heck happened and what changed along the way. Big mood my dudes. Big mood.

[spacedykez]

in other news:

i have two tests tommorrow neither of which i have studied for

theres no way im getting more than six hours of sleep tonight (and ive only gotten 5 and 6 hrs respectively the last few nights) which is sadly a Lot compared to some ppl i know

i spent like 90% of my day trying not to cry it was bad folks ive never been so close to crying in public ever

had one crying session today nearly had a second one spiralling into 'it would be better if they'd never met me'

yk that post about 'its worse if you dont ask for help because then things build up and its more burden on the ppl who care abt you' well yes i know the idea but it only makes things worse when im spiralling because then i feel guilty for having no self-worth and then i feel like im making it all about me and looking for attention despite making a POINT to tell absolutely NO ONE

i really want to write a fic where i make My Problems into Jon Jarchivists's Problems but i am far too insecure in my characterization of literally Anyone because ive seen so many posts complaining abt bad characterization and accidentally internalized them which is my own fault and oh fucking shit now it sounds like im blaming tumblr for this its not its fine i swear please-

i also can't fucking FOCUS on the podcast :( i have 2 read the transcripts and i WISH i could stay focused on the podcast but i can't-

i dont think i have anxiety. but i dont think its normal for your stomach to feel cold and twisting and almost painful, like when you're scared yk? like i can't exactly Fake that. but its fine thats fine. anyways i never want to claim i have Anything because ppl have it way worse

sighs MIST THATS THE LACK OF SELF CARE TALKING AGAIN yes i KNOW im allowed to have problems but like its fine its not NORMALLY this bad

we ignore my absolute incompetence at socializing in any way

where was i going with this oh yes

in summary. crow did not have a great day today. also i saw the term 'emotional self harm' and oh boy. that's a thing? cuz well shit-

[youngsprite]

You mentioned ocd in an answer ages ago; can you talk about it for you what is it like?

(edit: i just read over this and re watched the video at the bottom its a lot better explained in the video he explained it as 'trying not to be strangled by a certain thought.' i was trying my best to not make this novel length LOL so scroll down to the bottom for that.)

yeah its actually something i dont talk abt/ think abt much cos usually giving it attention is what makes it wayy worse for me. i got diagnosed w it when i had to go to a psych in 2015 & 2016.

so theres like loads of types of ocd its an anxiety related disorder the most common type people know about is contamination related that is NOT what i have at all im actually a pretty messy person i think i care a normalamount about germs and hygiene def not obsessive compulsive level.

so what it actually is is having obsessive/ intrusive thoughts and compulsively having to do actions in response. of course most people get intrusive crazy bad thoughts, but the part that makes it a disorder is that it is CONSTANT (i think the usual criteria is like more than 2 hours per day). the same way i can be depressed sometimes, but i do NOT have depression. for me i literally cannot sit in silence without having intrusive thoughts. i am 99.9% fine if im with friends, having conversations, listening to podcasts or in any way distracted. if not it is pretty much constant. i actually have trouble watchin movies a lot of times though unless im suuuuper engaged usually intrusive thoughts still are there.

the types of ocd i have are checking/ repeating (having to repeat an action multiple times for no reason, checking that an action has been done. this one doesnt bother me that much because it doesnt affect me that badly, some people have to check things 10+ times. usually people who have this there is a kind of logic behind it, even though it’s an obsessive logic eg having to check you locked the door ten times to make sure nobody breaks in. for me it makes nooo sense like shit like “if this paper doesnt land in the bin im gonna get cancer.” and i repeat the action til i get it in DONT ASK ME IT MAKES NO SENSE and fucking drives me crazy)

and then the one that affects me rly badly is intrusive thoughts (obsessive thoughts you cant control; for me its usually the constant fear that people around me are going to die, kill themselves or get really sick for NO REASON. not only does it make me have constant anxiety but it also makes me do things i dont wanna do like if someone treats me badly or is a shitty person i’ll still be overly nice and attentive out of fear they’ll kill themselves n it will be my fault. constantly. i also have a certain voice that when i get anxiety repeats every thought i have in super slow motion or in super fast motion as if its mocking me over and over ive had that since i was a really small kid, its not like a thought its weird idk how to explain it cos i can actually hear it.)

ANYWAY that was super long but thats pretty much what my brain is like its really annoying

here is a good link explaining types of ocd https://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd

and here is a video explaining what ocd is like for him i relate a lot to his type of ocd https://youtu.be/jNEUz9v5RYo