#BSF's Raising Day in 2023

[monteage-official]

Celebrating #BSF's Raising Day in 2023, honoring the fearless guardians 🎉🇮🇳🎖️

[decayinghearg]

why do all my friends have so much more fun than me ??? we all do basically the same things since we are together 85% of the time but why are they so relaxed ?? they arent stressed like ever ?? i think we were just raised different. i had to be stressed and anxious abt everything to survive. now i feel like i can only have fun when im high, because when im high im not anxious. my mind finally can take a break and i can pause every racing thought i have. they judge me and the fact that im high all the time but i bet if they were me they would want to be high all the time too. it makes me so mad when my bsf ridicules me for smoking everyday. at least im not cutting myself or in the hospital every other month like i used to be. nothing in my life is super negative unless you wanna count how much i smoke. i just can never relax. its always been like that. to relax (not really relax but cope) when i was 13-14 i would just watch anime and cut myself all up in down my arms until i had no more space. now i do the same thing but im smoking weed and happy. if thats helping me cope why is it so bad? reallt tho. whats the worst outcome for smoking weed. the first time i ever smoked weed was september 2021. i was with my bsf (at the time) and my neighbor let us hit his cart. i didnt smoke many times after that until july 2022. since it was summer, i would go over my friends house and he was dating that same friend from the first time i ever smoked. they are still my best friends. from july thru september i would smoke maybe three times a month. until august i met a friend. i was having issues with my july thru september friends so i would hang out with this new friend, he smoked a lot of weed. we would hang out every weekend and get so high i could not walk. around october-november ish, i bought a cart. idk how many but the first one i bought was in october. i didnt have a battery so i would make a crack wire. the friend from sep 2021 found out abt this and called me a fiend, idk and basically just made me feel like shit. even tho !! she smokes every single day… i felt bad abt that. in january i bought my first eighth for a party i thru at my house. february 1st 2023 i bought a cart and a battery and the cart was finished before march. idk why i am writing all of this for tumblr to see. i guess ive just been upset with people judging me for coping in a way thay helps me. i say that but i see myself being too obsessed with weed. in october 2021 with those two friends, i was sucking on that fucking cart my neighbor gave me all night. im always the friend who is down to smoke no matter what. idk maybe i feel this way ibecause my bsf always judges me w how much i smoke. moral of the story, i smoke too much and i dont plan on stopping. i hope this doesnt bite mw in the ass and my whole life crumbles. i dont think it will. i applied to like 10 jobs, i go to school almost everyday, i havent cut since november, things r looking up.